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tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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what happens when a guy has a half-baked
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idea about stealing a bread truck a
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major mistake without major appliance
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gets this crook stopped cold sit back
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and relax your life is gonna look much
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better when you compare it to america's
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dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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oh
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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wow
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[Music]
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[Music]
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now welcome your host for america's
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dumbest criminals daniel butler and
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debbie allen
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hi there hey debbie david debbie yes sir
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what is your dream car
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oh dream car i rode in a limo once that
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was fun oh you want dream car and driver
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of course i shouldn't know
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oh i'd want a hummer you know like
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schwarzenegger something scary yeah
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don't you think most people would choose
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something like sporty like a porsche or
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classic like a 57 chevy maybe yeah most
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people yeah but the guy we're going to
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meet a little later knew
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he thought it'd be great to ride around
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town in a bread truck but first up is a
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story that involves bootlegged compact
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discs you're about to meet a man who
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multiplied his miseries by duplicating
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record albums let's join him for his
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swine song
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[Music]
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we entered into a transaction with a guy
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that was selling counterfeit microsoft
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windows 98
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cds
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i bought sperm several times made an
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arrangement to buy another 850. when he
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arrived he was 45 minutes late
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always happens that way he parks in the
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wrong place he's completely out of view
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from my her my surveillance team my
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cameras and everything so i have to ask
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him to come over
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just like an idiot or a dummy that he
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was he just pulls it over there right
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next to my car work where it's in view
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of everything
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during the purchase itself basically i
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gave him eight thousand five hundred
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dollars he had it in his hand for about
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five seconds
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until my takedown team took him off
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it's really funny
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because he
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questioned me so many times about being
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a policeman and i reassured him the
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whole time that i wasn't a policeman
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and he was just so dumb that he believed
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me the whole time i wasn't the cop
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and
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i was at the end
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he was scared to death at that time
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he basically didn't know what to do
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and uh
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after knowing or asking i was thinking i
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was a policeman the whole time he
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basically
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just sat there and
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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didn't believe he was good
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after all that
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debbie you remember those old episodes
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of lassie you know when lastly would get
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separated from her family and then she
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she seemed lost and then finally she
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came home you know oh sure i remember
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him i can tear up just thinking about
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him you know me too but our next dork is
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almost exactly like that except the part
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of lassie is played by a sport utility
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vehicle
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here's this week's heart-rending
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installment of something to remember me
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by here's for you
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all right well one of the hardest cases
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we've had to work here is a guy stole
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the mayor's suburban
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he brought it back and parked it in his
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driveway pretty convenient he called us
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said somebody's been gone in my suburban
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went out there had been driven several
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hundred miles it's pretty obvious that
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whoever had it had partied hardy beer
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cans everywhere in it trashed out pretty
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bad a guy thrown up in the in the front
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seat
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he said well i don't guess there's
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anything much we can do about this i
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told him i said i think i can solve this
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for you pretty quick and he said no
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there's no way you'll ever figure it out
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i've looked in the back seat and found
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the uh guys texas department corrections
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inmate card his name picture
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where he lives and all the information
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that we need to to find him
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laying in the back seat along with
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the contents of his stomach
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[Music]
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well he looked like a dentist he acted
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like a dentist he caused untold misery
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like a dentist but when authorities took
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a closer look they found a whole set of
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false teeth claims yep for the
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nitty-gritty let's conduct a little
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cavity search in the mouth
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even his name is a mouthful
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italia a treadway hathorne
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everyone here knew him as a decent
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dentist who treated prisoners in marion
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county florida he prescribed a
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antibiotic which was
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okay
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and
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he did a pretty good job
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but when he was arrested at this
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department store for shoplifting a jaw
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jaw-dropping truth came to light
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he wasn't a dentist at all not only had
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he pulled teeth he'd pulled the wool
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over authorities eyes i don't care if
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he's licensed or not he was better
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dentist than anybody else i've had he
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seemed legit even had a private practice
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but his license was bogus and instead of
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this being a place of business
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it became a place of residence
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as you might expect having an imposter
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tooling around in their mouths has
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become a sore spot that the inmates
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don't want brush to sign it's the
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sheriff's fault it's their negligence
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because they didn't run a criminal check
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on this man to who like you said seen
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one thousand people we have are in a
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process now conducting an internal
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investigation into the hiring process of
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this individual to find out what
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happened where he fell through the
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cracks
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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in seattle it is illegal to carry a
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concealed weapon that is over six feet
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in length
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for the doper you're about to meet the
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problem wasn't concealing drugs it was
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getting rid of this stuff if possession
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is nine tenths of the law this guy was
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trying hard to be in that one tenth
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minority nice try no sale he weaseled
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his way into the feature we call
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america's dumbest excuses
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we were working an area high crime area
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for narcotics trafficking
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and i was driving back to the station
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and i saw a guy standing on the street
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corner obviously selling some narcotics
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he looked at me and i could tell he knew
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i was a cop and i could tell he was a
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bad guy
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so i pulled into the convenience store
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parking lot and as i did he had a
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small bag in his hand
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like it would hold a bottle
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he ran back towards the store and threw
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the bag
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inside a garbage can
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and then took off running down the
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street caught him about half a block
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away
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handcuffed and brought him back to the
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store
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and of course he's denying that he did
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anything wrong he was just jogging when
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i brought him back to the store i
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reached into the garbage can and removed
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the bag that he had thrown away
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when i looked inside it i could see it
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was full of rock cocaine
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i didn't say anything to him but the
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second i looked inside the bag he yelled
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at me that's not my dope
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i threw that away i just looked at the
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backup officer and said did you hear him
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say that
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he said yes and obviously we had a
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conviction
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well why do you think we call them dopes
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debbie what do you have to follow that
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oh a good one here's what we were
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talking about earlier the saga of the
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bread truck bandit and as we follow this
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trail of crumbs a much bigger story
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rises here's tonight's blue light
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special
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it's not your typical crime scene but
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this is not your typical crime it is
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unusual we don't haven't had too many
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thefts of
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items like this such as bread trucks
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while making a delivery to a store the
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driver came out to find his bread truck
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and rolled on without him that was a
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joke but it was no joke a thief had
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gotten his buns out of there in a hurry
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leading police on a chase that ended
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with the truck became mired in the mud
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there investigators learned the bad guy
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with the baked goods may have been
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involved in another illegal activity
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dog fights
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police found these cages in the backyard
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of the home where he had dropped off 500
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worth of bread possibly to feed dogs
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used in fights
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with evidence mounting the police had
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plenty of information to move on while
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the delivery man moved out after all
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fresh bread is fresh bread for only so
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long
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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coming up later a perpetrator nearly
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becomes a popsicle but first with news
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confirmed by low-ranking white house
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officials here's daniel with adc
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headlines
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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when an intoxicated patron was ignored
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by the clerk at an anchorage adult
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bookstore the customer picked up the
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cash register and ran out of the door ah
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but this sudden soul left a paper trail
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literally the cash register tape
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unfurled as he ran
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leading police directly to the man
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okay
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get the tape obviously this next crook
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failed to read the book the seven habits
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of highly effective pilferers he broke
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into a bank after hours but found the
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vault just too hard to crack hating to
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leave empty-handed he climbed onto a
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chair and yanked the surveillance video
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camera from the wall
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slight oversight okay the video recorder
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in the back of the bank captured a great
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close-up of this highly recognizable
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fellow indian thievery
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should have gone for the camera and
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finally an escapee from fairbanks
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correctional center made a choice that
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made it hard for him to blend into the
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general populace some years ago it seems
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he had had an expletive tattooed in inch
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high letters on his left cheek
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all right
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because he was unable to turn the other
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cheek to everyone he met he was soon
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located and recaptured no doubt he's
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muttering a word that's right on the tip
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of his tongue and the side of his face
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well on that low note we'll close the
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file on abc headlines news ripped from
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somewhere near the back of your local
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newspaper debbie
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now we're going to look at a duo of
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criminals in florida who were anything
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but dynamic in pulling off two separate
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capers both bad guys used cabs to pull
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off bank jobs but each adds his own
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unique touch of stupidity
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no question about it this guy was gutsy
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or very very dumb he holds up a bank
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wearing no disguise using a taxi as his
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getaway car
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he was practically begging to get caught
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comes back out gets in the cab right
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from everybody
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half the cab take him over to fort myers
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and drops him off the burger king on
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college parkway he took the stolen money
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right out of the bag and he gave it to
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the uh
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cab driver gave her a 20 bill and said
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keep the change ah but the meter was up
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on you buddy
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[Music]
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another day another robber another taxi
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another bank another dumb criminal
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[Applause]
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this robber followed the same dumb modus
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operandi but added his own special twist
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note the note on the counter he used his
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own uh check his paycheck stub that had
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his name what boat he was on the whole
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work so screw the number he left it all
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on there he just turned it over and used
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that i guess he didn't have anything
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perhaps he can use the back of his
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conviction papers to write himself a
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pardon
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[Music]
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you know it's a nice gesture to give a
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friend a ride when he needs one but when
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you pick him up in a stolen car and you
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both get arrested the gesture you give
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him might not be so nice you know
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meet a good samaritan who really wasn't
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all that good
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i was working investigations when we're
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investigating this guy that was
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committing a series of robberies
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[Music]
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he committed 20 and later admitted to
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doing about 50
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and after we arrested him
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he was in jail in our jail
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and we had put out a flyer to all the
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local departments describing the car
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that was used
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and
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his friend drives into the parking lot
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he matched the description of the other
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suspect and he was arrested
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[Applause]
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what are you doing
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what are you doing driving the truck
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here
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it's a lot easier on us when they drive
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themselves in
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ex-friends helping friends get arrested
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here's the scenario you're a crook and
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you know that police are looking for you
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you have to hide someplace pronto where
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do you hmm needs to be bigger than a
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bread box but small enough that no one
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would think of looking for you there so
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here's how the first of two fugitives
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solved his problem
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i'm chief dan pukach with the cuyahoga
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county sheriff's office
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in cleveland ohio
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one day we were going to serve a warrant
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on an individual
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and two detectives went to his house
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[Music]
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sheriff's office open up
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get out of here
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the man came to the front door seeing
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that they were detectives and ran back
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into the house
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the detectives called for backup and
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when backup units arrived and we've got
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a guy in the house on a warrant mike's
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been watching the back paul you go to
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the back with mike tom you come with me
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to the front
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entry was gained into the house
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sheriff's office come on out
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they searched in the closets they
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searched under the sink they looked in
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the beds
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they looked in the attic and they looked
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in the basement
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they looked everywhere where a person
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could normally hide and they couldn't
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find them
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they proceeded to search the house for
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the second time checking behind the
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couches underneath the couches and
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chairs
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they still couldn't find the subject
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there was no way the man could have got
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out of the house without the officers
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saying he had to be in the house
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on the third search of the house one of
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the officers discovered that there was
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food in the sink frozen turkey hamburger
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patties stuff that normally belonged in
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the freezer when they opened the freezer
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there was the suspect turning blue from
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the cold in the freezer about 40 minutes
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by this time
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he gave a whole new meaning to a police
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officer telling a suspect to freeze he
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was one of the dumbest criminals of all
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time
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okay so the freezer hideout wasn't such
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a good idea but now here's the crook who
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tries a different spin on things
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several years ago when i was a warrant
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officer uniform i was serving criminal
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warrants
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we had a subject that we'd been trying
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to locate on several felony warrants he
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had a history of running from officers
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[Music]
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there was an occasion where i received a
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telephone call from an informant one
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morning telling me that this
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subject was at a house
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i talked to the
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person that answered the door for about
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45 minutes before he allowed us to
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search the house
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during the time i was talking to this
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guy we kept hearing a door slam inside
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the residence
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every time the door would slam we would
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all get kind of nervous if the guy was
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trying to run out of the house
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we kept looking and looking and never
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did see him come out or movement
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so finally the guy that i was talking to
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at the front door decided
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i could come in and look
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we searched the house we searched the
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attic we looked in every closet under
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beds
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and didn't locate him but we kept
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hearing the door slam
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we had all the doors
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watched by an officer and still couldn't
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find the guy
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finally i was looking around in the
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laundry type room
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and there was a dryer sitting there and
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this guy was curled up inside this
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household dryer
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what the door sound was we kept trying
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to hear was him
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slamming the door trying to get it shut
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with his weight in the dryer it wouldn't
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close up
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the only regret i have about this arrest
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is we didn't turn the dryer on first
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[Music]
00:17:31
the guy that uh i was looking for had a
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history of every time he got arrested we
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had about seven pictures of him wearing
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the same t-shirt
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and he had it on when we arrested him
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that day i told him he should throw that
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shirt away
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bad luck
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[Music]
00:17:47
[Applause]
00:17:49
[Music]
00:17:59
[Applause]
00:17:59
[Music]
00:18:02
you know some people say that the secret
00:18:04
to success in life is to say hungry now
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that's just what brought down our final
00:18:09
criminal of the night we found the idea
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of a little late night snack
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irresistible and that's what made this
00:18:15
guy so arrestable we serve up his story
00:18:18
for tonight's entry and we're not making
00:18:20
this up
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[Music]
00:18:24
the story that comes to mind was of a
00:18:26
criminal case that we had was uh was
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this guy who broke into a uh
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local deli store here in cernak lake and
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that was done we got a call of an alarm
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going off was asylum alarm
00:18:37
once we got this door we looked through
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the front window we noticed there was an
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individual behind the counter making
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what appeared to be a sandwich and that
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was done
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and at the time we thought it was just
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an employee so our quantum investigating
00:18:47
a little bit further we found that there
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was forced entry to one of the back
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doors of the building and that was dumb
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we went in and uh apprehended the person
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who was hiding underneath the deli
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counter
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at the time and that was dumb if uh he
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would have just taken the cash and left
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the store
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he would probably gotten away with it
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however he decided he was a little
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hungry he stopped to make himself a
00:19:09
sandwich before he left but that was
00:19:10
done
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well we've run out of time and stories
00:19:18
for tonight so i think i'll go home and
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make a sandwich i'm hungry
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good idea i think i'll check references
00:19:24
on my dentist after this show too maybe
00:19:27
make sure there's nobody in my freezer
00:19:28
or my dryer yeah you're paranoid now man
00:19:31
but you folks at home do whatever seems
00:19:32
prudent okay but just make sure you're
00:19:34
back here next week because we'll have
00:19:36
another great lineup of america's
00:19:38
dumbest criminals and if you've got a
00:19:39
lead on the story or you just can't wait
00:19:41
till next week for more state-of-the-art
00:19:43
stupidity visit our website at
00:19:46
www.dumbcrimes.com
00:19:49
we want to thank you for joining us and
00:19:50
extend our gratitude to the law
00:19:52
enforcement officers who make the show
00:19:53
possible every day they lay their lives
00:19:56
on the line to keep us safe from the
00:19:57
stupidity of would-be criminals as
00:20:00
always we hope that we've all learned
00:20:01
from others mistakes but if you haven't
00:20:04
we just might see you next week on
00:20:05
america's dumbest criminals
00:20:08
[Music]
