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this is an adc warning the crimes you're
00:00:09
about to see are true only the names
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were changed to protect the ignorant
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[Music]
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tonight you'll see a drunk driver with a
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lame excuse
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surveillance camera footage of a wheel
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breaking and entering
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and aloha to a crap shooter
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these and more tonight on america's
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dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler you know every culture
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has its own system of rules called laws
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and its own means of enforcement the
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police and unfortunately its own supply
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of citizens ready to break the law
00:01:15
called idiots you're about to meet them
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the elite of the criminally inept as we
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open the files on america's dumbest
00:01:23
criminals
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our first bottle is a nut case with a
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transparent problem in it's a stick up
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see
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i got a call from a detective and i
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believe it was from york county and he
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said i understand you had a robbery with
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a bag the guy wore a bag and i said yes
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i did he said well we had one
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down here at a convenience store and i
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said what was so peculiar about it he
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said well it was a clear plastic bag the
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guy went in and robbed this store with a
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clear plastic bag
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open come on hurry up
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okay
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hurry up
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well no we haven't had any of those here
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that's probably somebody from south
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carolina
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see i can get away with that because i'm
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from south carolina
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i guess the guy had heard you put a bag
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over your head and it never crossed his
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mind the reason is so people can't
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identify you
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abc quiz number 412
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a thief in florida became stuck as he
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attempted to enter a convenience store
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where did he try to squeeze through was
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it a
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the back door
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b
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the front door or c the chimney the
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correct answer is c
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here he trains in prison with his fellow
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convicts for his next big crime
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patrick adams recalls a dumb criminal
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with a distinctive style in aloha sucker
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i used to work west side of town i had a
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lot of gambling cases
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and one of the remarkable ones that i
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had
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this one gentleman had this big hawaiian
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shirt on and it was it had every color
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in the world in it you know just was
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green with red and had coconuts and palm
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trees and
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and when i hit the gambling game
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everybody scattered
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this guy ran around the block and turned
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around came right back at me
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like you know nothing had happened and i
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ran slap into him hey hey man what are
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you doing what do you want what do you
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mean where are you going down the street
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oh i caught you
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grabbed him
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no no i'm not the guy and all the rest
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of the guys were across the street
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looking at it i turned to him and said
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really here man hey you guys seen a
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hawaiian shirt running around pinch of
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color like this
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i couldn't believe the guy was trying to
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you know convince me that uh he wasn't
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involved in the
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thing
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now for the adc security cam vaults a
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do-it-yourself car wash
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two teenagers stole a car the police
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spotted them and gave chase in the
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high-speed chase that ensued the two
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teenagers lost control and ran their car
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into a motel laundry
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the kids were not seriously injured
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but they were obviously confused about
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how you launder stolen goods and the
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police immediately hung them out to dry
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for creating the drive-through laundry
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next up james claiborne tells us about a
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loudmouth dumb criminal
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we had an occasion where we did a
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search warrant
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on an apartment
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and as we
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broke in the front door
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one of the subjects ran out the back
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door
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had a pistol in his waistband and he
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threw the pistol down well our intent
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was to try to make a case against him
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for the drugs and the gun on a federal
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level and of course you have to link the
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gun
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to the drug crime
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and we were trying to determine the
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caliber of the gun it appeared to us it
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was either a
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40
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caliber or a
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10 millimeter we didn't know which
00:05:09
and there was
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some comments being made about it being
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a 10 millimeter
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uh the subject's been brought back to
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the apartment
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and uh
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he uh
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overheard the conversation and he said
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hey hey that's not a 10 millimeter i
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wouldn't own a 10 millimeter that's a 9
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millimeter fools
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[Laughter]
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so he confessed to the fact that it was
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his gun
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[Music]
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later see real simpletons in action in
00:05:44
the compellingly dumb trip the lights
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[Music]
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put an otherwise normal person behind a
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steering wheel and they can become very
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quickly not only criminal but stupidly
00:06:02
so for example david green needs a less
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than rocket scientist traffic violator
00:06:07
who should have kept his eye on the road
00:06:09
first situation was a car that was
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speeding and uh i pulled the vehicle
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over
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walked up to the driver's side and at 30
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mile an hour zone i see your life this
00:06:20
place 15 to 35 miles yeah that's not
00:06:22
real that can't be right well you know
00:06:24
actually
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i have a hard time seeing the the
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speedometer and the road at the same
00:06:29
time
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with this eye right here this just
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scoopy i did write him the citation and
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at that point i told him i said you be
00:06:35
sure to keep your eye on the road now
00:06:39
funny like i haven't heard that before
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huh
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[Music]
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in california it used to be against the
00:06:51
law to harass butterflies in protest a
00:06:54
group from carmel molest a huge iron
00:06:56
butterfly
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[Music]
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now brainiac versus the air conditioner
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in charge
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it was a quiet sunday afternoon in
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atlanta to one man it was a perfect time
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to steal a commercial air conditioning
00:07:09
unit from a federal building no one
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would hear no one would see just unbolt
00:07:14
it cut the wires and haul it off it
00:07:17
seemed our industrious dumb criminal had
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all the right tools for the wrong crime
00:07:23
of course he was apprehended and is
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currently serving time in county jail
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for this shocking crime
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and now barry knowles of pensacola tells
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us about a half-baked dumb criminal
00:07:35
a few years back we were having a
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problem with burglaries of bakeries
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and the suspect would go inside the
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bakery after he kicked the back door in
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and take bites out of all the pastry
00:07:47
that was in the display case
00:07:49
well we had an individual that was quite
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large framed
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that we knew was probably responsible
00:07:56
for a lot of them because of information
00:07:58
we picked up on the streets well this
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one particular night the burglary
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occurred again and we get there and sure
00:08:04
enough there's bites out of all the
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pastry there
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they spent more time on the white
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powdered sugar type pastry though than
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they did anything else in the jelly
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donut
00:08:14
well the individual that we had been
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looking at he was found in the area a
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couple of blocks away
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and we questioned him about it and he
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said no i don't know what you're talking
00:08:25
about but the white sugar that was still
00:08:27
all over powdered sugar that was all
00:08:29
over the front of his thing and the
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jelly on his chin kind of give him away
00:08:33
we had to wait for prince but we knew we
00:08:35
had to write one
00:08:36
he was later charged with that burden
00:08:40
now we take you inside the courtroom for
00:08:42
trial and error
00:08:44
from actual courtroom transcripts an
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officer puts the heat on the soup heads
00:08:50
officer what happened after the suspect
00:08:52
stole the armored car
00:08:53
they took it into the woods then it
00:08:55
burned through the back door with these
00:08:57
high-powered torches
00:08:58
and then they fled the scene when
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captured why didn't they have any of the
00:09:02
money on them
00:09:04
they burned it up with their own torches
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[Music]
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next up j.r johnson relives the bacon
00:09:15
brain that one size fits all i had a
00:09:18
subject and we found a pistol on him
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this your weapon
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no i've saw it before it's in your pants
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well it's not mine
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this weapon is not yours no
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these are your pants are these your
00:09:30
pants no they're not
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these are not your pants not my pants
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who these pants belong to
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they're hers and he said that they were
00:09:40
his girlfriend's pants that he had his
00:09:42
girlfriend's pants on and these pants
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you're telling me all right
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yeah and why are you wearing her pants
00:09:52
i'm a cross dresser
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i've heard everything now he was quite a
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bit larger than she was i don't think he
00:09:58
could have gotten one leg in her pants
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she used to be bigger
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and you know the convicts are really
00:10:06
looking forward to him wearing her pants
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in jail
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later on tonight's show two dumpsters
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get bagged in trashed
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on america's dumbest criminals
00:10:20
[Music]
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you know even the loveliest of cities
00:10:30
with universities churches and fine
00:10:32
upstanding citizens has its fair share
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of bone-headed criminals lovely
00:10:37
birmingham alabama was no different
00:10:40
for example johnny cooley pulls over a
00:10:42
half-baked potato head in blow drive i
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was sitting there and it was uh it was
00:10:47
light to moderate traffic and uh
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what nothing particularly going on well
00:10:51
i was just kind of watching the traffic
00:10:53
remember radar unit went off you know
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i looked up and it's 102.
00:11:00
miles an hour and he was man he was
00:11:03
moving he you know time he got by me i
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jerked it down and drive and spun out of
00:11:09
media well i chased him about two miles
00:11:12
before i caught up with him and got him
00:11:14
pulled over i said well i got you on
00:11:16
radar at 102 miles an hour
00:11:18
do you why why in the world are you
00:11:21
driving that fast on friday afternoon
00:11:23
you feel like you needed to be going
00:11:24
well awesome
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you saved my car yeah i see it it's a
00:11:29
nice looking car
00:11:30
he said see how clean it is
00:11:33
he said well i just had it washed i was
00:11:35
trying to blow dry it
00:11:39
you know i said well that's that's real
00:11:41
nice
00:11:42
you might have said this car
00:11:44
paid over a hundred dollars and had his
00:11:46
car washed blow-dried
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[Music]
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and now from the adc security cam vaults
00:11:56
crime time live
00:12:00
this dumb criminal is breaking down the
00:12:01
glass door of an electronic store so
00:12:03
that he and his accomplice can get in
00:12:06
and loot the store
00:12:07
quickly they're into the store and out
00:12:10
again but these guys are such
00:12:13
professionals they've done the police
00:12:15
one more favor
00:12:16
as quickly as they got in they snapped
00:12:19
their own photos on the floor display
00:12:21
video camera with not one view but two
00:12:24
views
00:12:25
normally these photos are taken after
00:12:27
you're arrested down at the police
00:12:29
station
00:12:33
now an officer encounters natural-born
00:12:35
stupidity in dui
00:12:39
officer frank walmer stopped a man for
00:12:41
drunk driving the man tearfully
00:12:43
explained his excuse what are you doing
00:12:45
i was
00:12:46
where are you going it's my mom
00:12:48
oh she's
00:12:49
she's in the hospital they called me
00:12:51
from there
00:12:52
i gotta go see my mom it's just in
00:12:55
the hospital
00:12:57
okay
00:12:58
i tell you what you had too much to
00:12:59
drink to drive the hospital yourself how
00:13:01
about i give you a ride to the hospital
00:13:04
i'll take you to the hospital myself
00:13:05
i'll take you down there so you can
00:13:07
check it out what about my car don't
00:13:08
worry about your car you thought you
00:13:09
were worried about your mother okay
00:13:12
um okay all right
00:13:15
after taking the unfortunate man to the
00:13:16
hospital the officer returned to watch
00:13:18
over the man's vehicle until the tow
00:13:20
truck arrived but before the tow truck
00:13:23
got there a taxi pulled up
00:13:27
[Music]
00:13:29
oh you again
00:13:31
um
00:13:32
obama's okay
00:13:35
thank you
00:13:36
it's a
00:13:41
[Applause]
00:13:46
miracle kansas it used to be against the
00:13:49
law for the father of a teenage girl to
00:13:51
frighten her boyfriends but he could
00:13:53
chill a hot date on ice
00:13:55
[Music]
00:13:58
now eric griffin revisits two airheads
00:14:01
tripped the lights
00:14:03
we saw the guy that was the worker for
00:14:05
the railroad company there's two guys
00:14:06
and we saw them park their truck and
00:14:08
they walked about middle ways down the
00:14:09
railroad track to do whatever they do to
00:14:11
the railroad tracks so by time we went
00:14:13
up the street and came back they was
00:14:14
flagging us down
00:14:18
what's the problem two guys just stole
00:14:20
our truck we worked for the railroad
00:14:21
they stole our truck we're working over
00:14:22
here on the
00:14:23
over here they went down that way about
00:14:25
two blocks and turned right it's got it
00:14:27
no lights flashing on the top of it so
00:14:30
he said they hadn't been you know two or
00:14:32
three minutes ago before they left so we
00:14:34
turned around and rolled around and we
00:14:35
went through the projects which is about
00:14:37
two blocks from the railroad tracks and
00:14:39
we came through the projects the big
00:14:40
yellow light is just flashing and the
00:14:42
two guys are looking down you know
00:14:43
trying to figure out how to cut it off
00:14:45
they couldn't cut off the yellow
00:14:46
flashing light
00:14:55
it was just funny they couldn't cut them
00:14:56
lights off so
00:14:58
[Music]
00:15:10
next up corey mcclellan meets a dumb
00:15:12
criminal who would go anywhere he just
00:15:14
had to go
00:15:15
i was on the interstate and i got behind
00:15:17
him because he was doing about 70 and a
00:15:20
55. well i get behind him he speeds up
00:15:23
75 80
00:15:25
85 90.
00:15:27
finally i throw the blue lights on and
00:15:29
pull him over well he jumps out of the
00:15:31
car starts running back to me and he's
00:15:33
got his hand out like this well he hands
00:15:35
me his license
00:15:36
i said wait a second he runs off into
00:15:38
the weeds well
00:15:40
he's out there using the bathroom
00:15:45
and he runs back he says i'm sorry
00:15:47
officer i was trying to make it home but
00:15:48
when you when you do blue lights i saw
00:15:50
you behind me but i just couldn't wait i
00:15:52
had to do my duty so actually i felt
00:15:55
sorry for the guy so i let him go
00:15:57
[Music]
00:16:01
in oklahoma it used to be against the
00:16:03
law for a man to talk to an unresponsive
00:16:05
woman it was also against the law for
00:16:07
women to discuss their underwear
00:16:09
[Music]
00:16:11
now leon martin reveals how to soak for
00:16:13
brains get trashed
00:16:16
we received a call at a local
00:16:18
convenience store
00:16:20
about uh a gentleman had dropped a
00:16:23
suspicious looking bag in the parking
00:16:25
lot of the convenience store and the
00:16:27
clerk was telling me that he was had
00:16:29
just waited on these two gentlemen that
00:16:30
came in the store i pulled the
00:16:32
drawstring open on the bag and looked
00:16:34
inside and there was about about 11 12
00:16:37
baggies of marijuana that were
00:16:38
individually packaged for sale
00:16:41
i got the bag and i was getting ready to
00:16:42
turn it in i'm hearing voices from the
00:16:44
dumpster on the side of the building
00:16:46
and i hear
00:16:48
i hear voices going back and forth you
00:16:50
idiot i can't believe you dropped that
00:16:52
in the parking lot
00:16:53
and and the other one's yelling back and
00:16:55
it wasn't my fault
00:17:02
hey
00:17:04
hey what are you guys doing in there
00:17:09
oh uh
00:17:10
hi we just you know lost something in
00:17:12
the parking lot today and we're just
00:17:14
trying to find it
00:17:16
yeah can i help you look i said no
00:17:18
you'll get your clothes all dirty we
00:17:19
don't need any help but thank you we
00:17:21
appreciate it you know and uh and i just
00:17:23
you know just see i can just see the
00:17:24
tops of their heads poking up out of the
00:17:26
dumpster and then they just go back to
00:17:28
cursing at each other again uh uh one
00:17:30
yelling at the other and stuff is still
00:17:32
flying out
00:17:47
this wouldn't be what you're looking for
00:17:48
is it boys
00:17:50
yeah
00:17:52
thanks officer that's it
00:17:54
and i said oh really so this is your bag
00:17:56
and they said oh yeah that's ours and i
00:17:57
said well you're under arrest then
00:18:00
so
00:18:01
that they they did claim that it was
00:18:03
their bag
00:18:03
[Music]
00:18:07
[Applause]
00:18:08
[Music]
00:18:09
we deeply hope that the criminals you've
00:18:11
seen on our show will turn away from
00:18:12
crime unfortunately there are others
00:18:15
waiting to take their turn at stupidity
00:18:18
that's all the time we have for this
00:18:19
show we'd like to thank the men and
00:18:21
women of law enforcement throughout the
00:18:22
country for their dedication and their
00:18:24
stories i'm daniel butler saying don't
00:18:27
be dumb don't break the law or we'll
00:18:29
catch you next time on america's dumbest
00:18:32
criminals
00:18:34
[Music]
00:18:53
[Music]
00:19:01
so
00:19:04
[Music]
00:19:10
[Music]
00:19:39
[Applause]
00:19:40
[Music]
00:20:03
[Music]
00:20:06
[Applause]
00:20:08
[Music]
00:20:15
you
