00:00:06
tonight on america's dumbest criminals
00:00:09
joyriding teenagers desperately in need
00:00:11
of driver's education
00:00:14
a look at what this season's best
00:00:15
dressed burglars are wearing and
00:00:17
if you think getting your hands stuck in
00:00:19
a toilet is bad
00:00:21
stick around
00:00:22
it's only the beginning of trouble for
00:00:24
america's dumbest criminals
00:00:36
[Music]
00:00:43
[Applause]
00:00:44
[Music]
00:00:47
wow
00:00:52
[Music]
00:01:01
and now welcome your host for america's
00:01:03
dumbest criminals daniel butler and
00:01:05
debbie allen
00:01:16
tonight we're going to take you from
00:01:18
arab alabama to los angeles california
00:01:21
from low-tech schemes to high-speed
00:01:23
chases well in fact we've patrolled the
00:01:26
whole nation looking for textbook
00:01:28
examples of criminal dumbness and we've
00:01:30
booked some prime suspects demian oh
00:01:32
great does that mean you're including
00:01:34
the footage of me no well not the show
00:01:36
later later thank you it sounds like the
00:01:39
pace will be breathtaking but as you're
00:01:41
about to see life in the fast lane isn't
00:01:43
always what it's cracked up to be now
00:01:46
that's what our first criminal
00:01:47
discovered as his high-speed run from
00:01:50
police coasted to a stop when he flat
00:01:53
ran out of gas
00:01:54
failing to check the fuel gauge is only
00:01:56
the first in a series of troubles for
00:01:59
this short-sighted suspect let's watch
00:02:02
as our perpetrator stumbles fumbles and
00:02:04
just falls right into justice
00:02:07
[Music]
00:02:20
unable to escape from the four patrol
00:02:22
cars and police helicopter that are in
00:02:24
hot pursuit the suspect's car starts to
00:02:26
slow down was he up to something
00:02:29
no he was down to e as in empty out of
00:02:33
gas
00:02:34
with cars whizzing by he starts to feel
00:02:36
like he's about to be road kill in
00:02:38
sand's belt slacks
00:02:39
then he sees his opening makes his move
00:02:42
and dashes gracefully across the highway
00:02:45
before falling head first over a short
00:02:47
fence spilling his loot now he may have
00:02:50
been a robber but he was no litter bug
00:02:52
he hurriedly picks up after himself and
00:02:54
scurries into the woods unfortunately
00:02:57
for him those stylish white slacks made
00:02:59
it hard to blend in with nature before
00:03:01
long he's face down in the dirt who
00:03:03
knows if those slacks will ever come
00:03:05
clean
00:03:07
he's going to jail who cares about the
00:03:09
slack i'm a mom i do a lot of laundry
00:03:12
ok some criminals are just plain klutzes
00:03:15
and others demonstrate poor judgment and
00:03:18
shallow thinking well sometimes they
00:03:20
find out the hard way that more than
00:03:22
their thinking is shallow see what
00:03:24
happens to our next suspect who is about
00:03:26
to take a leap of faith to elude police
00:03:30
my name is don perriman i'm the chief of
00:03:32
police for the saranac lake police
00:03:33
department
00:03:35
one of the arrests that sticks out in
00:03:36
our mind that we're on a foot pursuit
00:03:38
for an individual
00:03:40
a river runs right through our town this
00:03:42
person wasn't from saranac lake
00:03:44
he
00:03:45
ran around a local business fell off a
00:03:47
wall into the river
00:03:49
we were standing on the bank and started
00:03:50
to swim across the river until
00:03:53
he found that there was a business on
00:03:54
the other side it was dark he couldn't
00:03:56
see that well
00:03:57
so he swam back and says okay you got me
00:03:59
he said he needed some help
00:04:01
so we told him to just come back up and
00:04:03
uh told him to stand up
00:04:05
he stood up and he was quite deep
00:04:10
[Music]
00:04:12
okay see daddy you could have walked
00:04:15
right across there you know i'm never
00:04:16
going
00:04:17
around
00:04:18
all right i guess there was a reason for
00:04:19
that no jumping from bridge sign huh
00:04:22
well
00:04:23
let me give you fair warning now about
00:04:25
the photo you're about to see it was
00:04:27
taken by a surveillance camera it shows
00:04:29
a robber demanding money from a store
00:04:31
clerk now while it's neither graphic nor
00:04:34
violent we think you'll agree with us
00:04:36
that this picture is deeply disturbing
00:04:38
take a look at this story
00:04:42
in the store he was strutting his stuff
00:04:43
with the brashness of madonna but when
00:04:46
apprehended he turned suddenly shot
00:04:49
why i have no idea
00:04:51
did the rock close in front or in back i
00:04:54
have no idea
00:04:55
did the bride gently lift and separate i
00:04:58
have no idea
00:05:04
okay yeah more criminals out for a night
00:05:07
on the town when we retire after this
00:05:10
[Music]
00:05:12
[Applause]
00:05:17
[Music]
00:05:21
welcome back to america's dumbest
00:05:23
criminals now you probably don't think
00:05:25
of yourself as being as bad as say a
00:05:27
burglar or a murderer right but have you
00:05:30
ever broken the law be honest now how
00:05:32
about speeding okay ever been pulled
00:05:34
over uh-huh your heart is pounding you
00:05:37
try to act calm and innocent do you
00:05:39
remember what excuse you gave for your
00:05:41
lead-footedness well according to police
00:05:43
the number one excuse that they hear is
00:05:46
people saying that they have to go to
00:05:48
the bathroom
00:05:49
they don't say however whether they felt
00:05:50
the urge before or after they saw blue
00:05:53
lights in their rearview mirror
00:05:55
well here are two of america's dumbest
00:05:58
excuses that really exceed the limits
00:06:06
uh chief sam mccown at the cottonwood
00:06:08
alabama police department
00:06:10
uh
00:06:10
i was on routine patrol
00:06:12
and
00:06:14
had this vehicle come by me and i
00:06:15
couldn't believe it doing a 101 mile an
00:06:18
hour i didn't even see him he blew by me
00:06:20
so fast asked him why are you doing 101
00:06:23
mile out well i just washed my car i'm
00:06:26
air drying it off it'd been a lot
00:06:28
cheaper to buy a towel
00:06:34
you know modern technology affords us
00:06:37
almost miraculous possibilities when
00:06:39
placed in the right hands
00:06:41
but when placed in the wrong hands it
00:06:43
can lead to a stupendously easy arrest
00:06:47
as two pot heads with the cell phone
00:06:49
found out when they unwittingly helped
00:06:51
officers place them in a cell
00:06:53
with no phone
00:06:56
we received a 9-1-1 phone call from
00:06:58
himself
00:07:00
there was a gentleman talking to someone
00:07:03
and you can hear music inside his
00:07:04
vehicle
00:07:05
and every time there's a quiet spot in
00:07:07
his music we start screaming and
00:07:09
whistling and blowing whistles and just
00:07:11
hollering it just does no good they're
00:07:12
not hearing anything we're saying but we
00:07:14
hear everything they're saying he uh had
00:07:16
stopped a couple of different places and
00:07:19
uh i was in the drug unit undercover for
00:07:20
five and a half years and i just knew
00:07:22
some of the things the lingo that he was
00:07:24
saying
00:07:27
[Music]
00:07:32
then jody uh called millersville and
00:07:34
talked to them then patched them through
00:07:36
where they could even hear the
00:07:37
conversation on the phone after i
00:07:39
realized who they were they explained
00:07:41
everything they had an open line 9-1-1
00:07:43
call
00:07:44
two guys talking about how good this
00:07:46
dope was
00:07:47
and they said you want to listen and i
00:07:49
said sure so they're talking about how
00:07:51
good this doobie is that they've got you
00:07:53
know how smooth it is and how good it is
00:07:56
so
00:07:57
i alert my officer to stand by 31w they
00:08:00
were talking about getting munchies
00:08:08
the next thing we hear on the 9-1-1 is i
00:08:10
think i'm gonna buy this moon pie the
00:08:11
moon's high what they wanted was a moon
00:08:13
pie
00:08:17
you are high aren't you my wife and i
00:08:19
pulled up along beside them about the
00:08:21
same time
00:08:22
and had
00:08:24
the fortune i suppose of listening to a
00:08:26
unique situation occur in the fact that
00:08:29
all of their drug dealings all of their
00:08:31
talking all of their evidence was on a
00:08:34
tape recording that they had no
00:08:35
knowledge of they're definitely part of
00:08:36
america's dumbest criminals
00:08:41
yeah
00:08:43
unbelievable
00:08:45
thanks to the people who make mobile
00:08:47
phones it's easier than ever to reach
00:08:49
out and nab someone right dad
00:08:52
that's a good one i think you'll
00:08:53
definitely agree that the criminals
00:08:55
you're about to meet should have called
00:08:57
9-1-1 for assistance because they
00:08:59
desperately needed help in pulling off
00:09:01
their caper their scheme break a toll
00:09:04
booth gate so that it's locked shut then
00:09:07
rob motorists who were unable to pass
00:09:09
through but things didn't work out as
00:09:11
they planned watch as the not ready for
00:09:14
crime time players present for whom the
00:09:17
dumbbell tolls
00:09:20
[Music]
00:09:52
thanks fellas now a bow but watch your
00:09:55
head
00:09:59
and now with news doug from the dumpster
00:10:01
behind cnn here's daniel with adc
00:10:03
headlines
00:10:07
sure sure some kids today seem to have a
00:10:09
lot of money at their disposal but the
00:10:12
workers at mcdonald's thought it was
00:10:14
just a wee bit odd when two teenage boys
00:10:17
in lapori indiana paid for their food
00:10:20
with a 500 bill now even if you
00:10:23
supersize your order that makes for a
00:10:25
lot of change
00:10:27
did somebody say suspicious
00:10:29
the manager tipped off the police who
00:10:31
were able to link the juveniles to the
00:10:33
robbery of a home in the area apparently
00:10:36
they thought they deserved a break-in
00:10:38
today
00:10:39
faced with charges of felony burglary it
00:10:42
may be a long time before these boys
00:10:44
have another happy meal
00:10:46
[Music]
00:10:48
you know you've heard the old adage
00:10:50
crime doesn't pay well sometime it can
00:10:52
actually cost
00:10:54
a man in louisiana entered a convenience
00:10:56
store and plopped a 20 bill on the
00:10:58
counter and asked for change when the
00:11:00
clerk opened the cash register the
00:11:02
customer pulled a gun and demanded all
00:11:04
his money the unlucky robber must have
00:11:06
caught the store on a slow day because
00:11:08
his stick up scored him a grand total of
00:11:12
15 dollars but in his haste to flee the
00:11:14
scene he forgot to pick up his 20.
00:11:17
so his net earnings for the crime were
00:11:20
negative five dollars
00:11:24
all right now if this jail house is
00:11:26
rocking don't be knocking that's what
00:11:29
the shine could have read outside a
00:11:31
nashville cell block eight male inmates
00:11:34
attempting to break on through to the
00:11:36
other side took a wrong turn and instead
00:11:39
of finding freedom they found free love
00:11:42
as they were warmly welcomed by the
00:11:43
ladies in the women's lockup
00:11:46
overcome by hormones they threw caution
00:11:48
to the wind and they're close to the
00:11:50
floor but romance was nipped in the bud
00:11:53
when guards discovered the coupling
00:11:55
couples and broke up their little love
00:11:57
nest apparently there's just something
00:12:00
irresistible about a woman in a
00:12:01
stenciled orange jumpsuit
00:12:05
that closes the file for this week on
00:12:07
adc headlines ripped from somewhere near
00:12:10
the back of your local newspaper debbie
00:12:12
thank you dan well it was almost a scene
00:12:14
from ferris bueller's day off four
00:12:17
teenagers decided to skip school a bad
00:12:19
idea but if you're gonna skip school you
00:12:22
should at least have done your homework
00:12:23
in truancy 101 rule number one is
00:12:26
maintain a low profile but not these
00:12:29
four in the course of a 30 minute chase
00:12:31
they passed almost everybody in town
00:12:36
instead they led officers on a 30-minute
00:12:39
high-speed chase through heavy traffic
00:12:41
with patrol cars in hot pursuit
00:12:43
what drove them to drive so crazy well
00:12:46
they got nervous going through a school
00:12:47
zone because they feared the policeman
00:12:49
on duty suspected the car was stolen i
00:12:52
pushed his vehicle he accelerated and i
00:12:56
had to jump out of the way and in the
00:12:57
process of jumping that's when i got
00:12:59
struck in the lake he was unaware that
00:13:00
the car was stolen but now by taking a
00:13:03
glancing blow at a charge of vehicular
00:13:05
homicide the race was on
00:13:08
when they should have been at school
00:13:09
passing tests they were passing cars
00:13:12
left and right driver was going to
00:13:14
attempt to get off 14 the opposite
00:13:15
direction
00:13:17
he was trying to make this opposite
00:13:18
direction we could have several
00:13:19
accidents eventually they were stopped
00:13:21
by a light
00:13:22
literally
00:13:23
[Music]
00:13:26
their day of skipping school had come to
00:13:28
an abrupt end but their days in
00:13:30
detention were just beginning and the
00:13:33
officer might want to think about
00:13:34
another assignment considering he had
00:13:36
just returned to the job after being run
00:13:39
over by another driver
00:13:41
[Laughter]
00:13:44
just what does one wear to a crime polo
00:13:47
sam's club it's hard to know
00:13:49
unlike the gentleman in the bra we've
00:13:51
witnessed earlier we learned of a
00:13:53
burglar and a robber who went to great
00:13:55
lengths for looks that would be simple
00:13:58
yet surprising
00:13:59
first let's take a peek at an outfit
00:14:01
selected for a little late night
00:14:03
prowling
00:14:03
[Music]
00:14:04
here we see our criminal entering an
00:14:06
electronic store with a plastic bag over
00:14:09
his head we see him but he can't see
00:14:12
anything
00:14:14
he bangs his head loses his bride and
00:14:16
manages to set off an alarm
00:14:20
moments later he returns with a new and
00:14:22
improved disguise outfitted with eye
00:14:25
holes and a flashlight he manages to get
00:14:27
away with sixteen hundred dollars worth
00:14:29
of electronics
00:14:32
but officers recognized him as a man in
00:14:35
uniform
00:14:36
a mall security guard uniform once
00:14:38
identification was made they picked him
00:14:40
up interviewed him and recovered the
00:14:42
property he's a long way from being a
00:14:44
mastermind at doing criminal acts
00:14:48
if they were all
00:14:49
[Music]
00:14:51
with this type of criminal mind we could
00:14:52
catch everybody that does crime
00:14:57
you've heard that you can fix anything
00:14:59
with enough duct tape well try salvaging
00:15:02
this man's ego huh
00:15:05
probably one of the dumbest is one that
00:15:07
i've met recently wanted to be an armed
00:15:09
robber walked into the place and cased
00:15:11
it decided it was right for the robbery
00:15:14
and uh
00:15:16
went outside to his truck to find some
00:15:19
something to hide his face
00:15:21
it was his work truck and he had no mask
00:15:23
or anything in there anything that would
00:15:24
hide his face and he found a roll of
00:15:26
duct tape and he proceeded to wrap his
00:15:29
face in the cape
00:15:30
to hide his identity
00:15:33
it seemed like a good plan until he went
00:15:35
back inside and announced that it was a
00:15:37
robbery
00:15:40
nobody can understand him because he
00:15:42
forgot wrapped his mouth the frustration
00:15:46
immediately became panicked when he
00:15:47
realized he'd also forgotten to leave a
00:15:49
place to breathe
00:15:55
he began began to lose consciousness and
00:15:57
as he did and started toward the floor
00:16:00
two customers helped him to the floor
00:16:02
and held him to the police department he
00:16:04
seemed to be
00:16:06
really upset with the fact that the
00:16:07
policeman had uh
00:16:09
been less than gentlemen when he removed
00:16:11
the tape
00:16:13
that's the one that kind of wins my
00:16:15
award for meredith
00:16:17
[Music]
00:16:22
yeah yeah
00:16:24
but hey you know i mean that guy never
00:16:25
had to shave again
00:16:27
but now okay now what fashion tips can
00:16:29
we pick up from these stories all right
00:16:31
well one your choice of headgear must be
00:16:34
functional
00:16:35
two
00:16:36
for greater comfort always choose
00:16:38
materials that breathe and allow you to
00:16:40
do the same okay
00:16:43
all right don't move a muscle america's
00:16:45
dumbest criminals will be right back
00:16:51
[Music]
00:16:56
here on america's dumbest criminals we
00:16:58
make a real effort to stay away from
00:17:00
bathroom humor we do
00:17:02
okay i make a real effort to stay away
00:17:04
from bathroom humor but sometimes a
00:17:06
story comes along that just gets down on
00:17:08
its knees and begs to be told yeah well
00:17:11
such is the case of a marijuana toting
00:17:14
criminal who got down on all fours in an
00:17:17
attempt to rescue his pot from the potty
00:17:19
of the local jail see how things go down
00:17:21
the pipes from there
00:17:30
one of the dumbest
00:17:31
incidents that i've ever had in my
00:17:33
career as a correctional officer was one
00:17:35
night about 12 years ago we had two
00:17:37
inmates that were housed
00:17:39
in a slammer we were fixing to do a
00:17:41
shakedown of their slammer to make sure
00:17:43
they didn't have any
00:17:44
contraband and
00:17:47
this one man decided he would hide his
00:17:49
baggie of marijuana inside the toilet
00:17:51
the other inmate that was his roommate
00:17:53
went to knocking on the door yelling for
00:17:55
us to come back
00:17:57
so we went over there and said what's
00:17:58
wrong with you and he says my
00:18:00
roommate here's got his arm caught in
00:18:02
the toilet i said you're kidding you're
00:18:04
kidding he's no sarge he says i'm not
00:18:07
kidding i'm not kidding
00:18:09
he said
00:18:10
he's caught in the toilet and he looked
00:18:12
and there was this man he had his whole
00:18:14
arm all the way up to here
00:18:16
and we pulled and pulled and we couldn't
00:18:18
get this man out his roommate when he
00:18:20
was digging for the contraband can flush
00:18:22
the toilet at the same time
00:18:25
the truck in here
00:18:27
and just pulled his arm
00:18:30
and hand on down in there and he was
00:18:32
caught
00:18:33
so then i called the maintenance man
00:18:35
they freed the toilet in the sink
00:18:37
and
00:18:39
he didn't get loose and so i called the
00:18:41
fire department they determined that
00:18:43
they wanted to pick the inmate up
00:18:45
sink toilet and all
00:18:47
load him on a truck and take him to
00:18:49
their fire station
00:18:51
where they would have to
00:18:53
use a
00:18:54
torch of some kind to cut him free
00:18:57
they got him free but it was one of the
00:19:00
dumbest things i've ever seen
00:19:02
i'll give perhaps it's enough for now i
00:19:04
think so join us next week on america's
00:19:07
dumbest criminals win surveillance
00:19:09
camera footage will reveal a woman
00:19:11
caught red-handed stealing gallstones
00:19:15
yes i said gallstone
00:19:17
and if you've got a lead on the story or
00:19:19
just can't wait till next week for more
00:19:21
state-of-the-art stupidity visit our
00:19:23
website at www.dumbcrimes.com
00:19:28
we want to thank you for joining us
00:19:29
tonight and extend our gratitude to the
00:19:31
law enforcement officers who make this
00:19:33
show possible every day they lay their
00:19:35
lives on the line to keep us safe from
00:19:37
the stupidity of would-be criminals as
00:19:40
always we hope we've learned from the
00:19:42
mistakes of others
00:19:43
and if you haven't we might just see you
00:19:46
next week on america's dumbest criminals
00:19:49
bye-bye
00:19:50
closed captioning not available
00:19:57
[Music]
00:20:31
you
