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this is an adc warning the crimes you're
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about to see are true only the names
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were changed to protect the ignorant
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[Music]
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tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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you'll see a bank robber who didn't have
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a car or brave a dumb criminal who gets
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a special delivery
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and a dumb criminal who learns about
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gravity
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these are just a few of america's
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dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler
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we've gone from police station to police
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station investigating case after case
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and our research of the criminal mind
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has revealed that it is completely empty
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and you're about to meet them the sour
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cream of the crop as we open the files
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on america's dumbest criminals
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and now daryl price tells us about a
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bank robber who only lacked two things
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a car and a brain let's watch as the
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charlotte mecklenburg police department
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sacks the bag man
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we got a call
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at around noon that day that there was a
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bank robbery in process
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and when we arrived
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we had had about seven calls on the same
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bank robbery from
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numerous people cellular phones
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pay phones
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we got there we found out why we had a
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subject that had put a brown paper bag
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on his head
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a grocery store bag
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he had cut two very small eye holes in
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it
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and
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put it on his head about
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i guess
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about a two-tenths of a mile away from
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the bank and walked all the way to the
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bank with a bag on his head
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he entered the bank and uh he started
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shouting demands that this was a robbery
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and that he had a weapon and he never
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never displayed a weapon excuse me
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i'm sorry sir i have no idea what you're
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saying basically the robbery took
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probably about seven or eight minutes
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because everyone was having a hard time
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understanding him because he didn't cut
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a mouth hole in his back and it was real
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muffled
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and every time that he would turn the
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bag would stay in one place and he would
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lose his eye holes so he he leaves the
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bank and takes off running back in the
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direction he came for almost this
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quarter of a mile still with the bag on
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his head
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as he runs across the traffic six lanes
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it's rush hour i mean not not rush hour
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but rush hour for lunch
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traffic was real heavy and as he got in
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the middle of traffic the bag turned and
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he started going through traffic because
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he couldn't see
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and so all these cars were about to run
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over
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well he finally
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got the bag twisted back around his head
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we could see where he was going and got
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through the traffic
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went into some woods so my sergeant and
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i rode down we caught him probably a
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quarter of a mile from there
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and we caught him and got him downtown
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and got a subsequent confession out of
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him that he had committed a robbery but
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his story was that
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i heard there was a bank robbery so i
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went into the woods and i caught the
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bank robber and robbed him and took the
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money from him
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you know once that guy decided to rob
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the bank the toughest question facing
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him was paper or plastic
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[Music]
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in omaha it is against the law to double
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park
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it is however legal to give a pedestrian
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a flaming hood ride
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thank you mr motorist
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and now actual footage of a low-speed
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chase
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in many cities across the u.s especially
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los angeles high-speed chases are being
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broadcast live on television like this
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one but we thought we'd like to show you
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one that's a little different a lot of
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these chases end up with innocent
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civilians in car crashes or dumb
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criminals and shootouts with the police
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or the dumb criminal in a bad traffic
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accident but this one ends a little
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differently with the dumb criminal
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running out of gas
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we just thought you'd like to see a
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different
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high-speed chase
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[Music]
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abc quiz number 637 in thailand eight
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white-collar criminals were found guilty
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of defrauding investors and together
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their sentences equal
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a 300 hours community service teaching
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english to elephants
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b
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30 years
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or c 1.5 million years
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the correct answer is c 1.5 million
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years of course the same crime in the
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u.s would get you about all 36 holes at
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a federal pen without beer
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[Music]
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coming up on america's dumbest criminals
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a dumb criminal who finds the promised
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land
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[Music]
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welcome back next you'll meet the
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burglar who made one too many house
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calls and his number came up
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police officers responded to a
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residential burglary call the owner of
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the house reported that a burglar had
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broken in and stolen quite a few items
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including his son's beeper while the
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officers took down the list of stolen
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items the father jokingly suggested that
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he should call the thief on his son's
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beeper and see if he calls back
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you know it can't hurt
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sure
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the homeowner had nothing left to lose
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by paging the robber to just give you a
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fair shake you know and not ask any
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favors of anybody but i certainly don't
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expect to walk home come home and find
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everything stolen out of my house
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we went to dinner we went to a movie i
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don't know what time we got
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hello
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yeah somebody paid me to this number
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um
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somebody pays you from this number uh
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my son must have called and uh and he's
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in the shower right now could you call
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back in just a few minutes
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thank you
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that's him
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you wouldn't happen to have a caller id
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by any chance would you
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yes
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the police looked at the caller id got
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the name and number and relayed the
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information to the dispatcher can i have
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a correct address on a stephen laser
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[Music]
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the dispatcher got the address on the
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phone number and sent a marked unit to
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the robber's address
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yeah somebody paid me
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hold on a second
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hello whoa hey what's up hey what are
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you doing yeah yeah we got him you got
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me for what
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hey man what'd you call that beeper
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number back for
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he beat me
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i'm supposed to come back it's only
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polite that's right it was a dumb thing
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for a criminal to do
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but at least he had proper phone
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etiquette
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in california it used to be against the
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law to swim on land but to show you how
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far california has come today a woman
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can receive a grant to pursue a career
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in log rolling strip teas and they start
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at 35 000 a year
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now captain don parker tells us about a
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dumb criminal whose mother should have
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taught him you never talk to strangers
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we have one of our local dopers here who
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was in uh rather dire straits she had
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just gotten out of jail
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his car had been repossessed he didn't
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have any money he had about a half a
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dozen baggies of really poor quality
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marijuana decided he would hitchhike to
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the beach and sell the dope to try to
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get some money up
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[Applause]
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gets to the beach comes up over the top
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of a sand dune
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guy's not feeling really well i got to
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tell you boy opens his eyes and looks
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and it looks like a family reunion to
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him as far as the eye can see there's
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long hair and beards and this pasty
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white skin he can't believe it man it's
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like a dream come true he runs down the
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beach grabs the first guy sees in a
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blanket and says hey man you you want to
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buy some dope guy says yeah i'd be
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interested sure what you got
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hauls out as half a dozen baggies of
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marijuana lays them out on the on the
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beach blanket the guy said well this
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looks like pretty good let me tell you
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what let me get a few of my friends over
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here they might want to buy some too
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call they come over there guys in heaven
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he can't believe it so how much you want
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well he quotes him a price of like three
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times the going street rate and a guy
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says yeah that's fine problem is we
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don't have that much money
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we'll need to pull our resources that'd
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be okay sure go for it they start
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shelling out dollars a big old pile it
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must be a closer you know a couple
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hundred bucks on it hands on the pile of
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money the guy shows the dope over to me
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said pleasure doing business with you
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and about that time 50 badges come out
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our dumb criminal just sold dope to
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every undercover narcotics agent in the
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southeast who were just attending a
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seminar
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life's a beach ain't it
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[Music]
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now we go inside the courtroom for trial
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and error
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from the witness stand a bank teller
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describes in detail how she received the
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endorsement of a dumb criminal mrs flick
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would you please read the note the
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defendant gave you
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this is a stick up
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give me all the money or you'll get hurt
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you must have been frightened
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no
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there's bulletproof glass in the
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drive-through
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so what did you do then
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well i called the police and then i told
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him that even though this was a robbery
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he would still have to sign a withdrawal
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slip
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so i slipped one through to him he
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signed it returned it and then the
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police came
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[Music]
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in hartford connecticut it's against the
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law to cross the street while walking on
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your hands
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it is however legal to fly using pizza
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boxes
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ken mcginnis birmingham tells us about a
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dumb criminal who fell from grace and
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landed in the halls of justice it was
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about uh three or four years ago i went
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to serve a uh robbery i mean a
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robbery arrest warrant with a robbery
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detective went up to the house knocked
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on the door no one answered
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we could hear people scuffling around on
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the inside
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finally at some point the mother came to
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the door opened it up
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she was screaming yelling at us asking
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us while we were there the detective
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told her that he had a robbery warrant
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for her son
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so she said he wasn't there we could
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come in and look around so
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my partner and i went in the front door
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and we were using our way down the
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hallway
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he's a good boy he's a very good boy you
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can look in any room and uh we got about
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halfway down the hallway and uh out of
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nowhere
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the ceiling above me gave way
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[Music]
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the guy fell right in front of me was
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covered in drywall
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and knocked the breath out of him he
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couldn't breathe and
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i told my partner i said man it's a
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message from god
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so we rolled him over and handcuffed him
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and we took him on out to the car and
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took him to jail for robbery
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so chicken little was right this guy is
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falling
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now actual footage of a male sorter
00:12:06
receiving his own special delivery the
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man in the postal uniform is actually a
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postal inspector the man without the
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shirt is actually an off-duty mail
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sorter
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they're carrying two parcels into the
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mail sorter's house now these parcels
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were sorted by this mail sorter they
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appeared to be a television in a
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computer so he sorted them to go to his
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house he simply put his own label over
00:12:30
the actual label
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it was such a professional labeling job
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i'm amazed he was caught but this dumb
00:12:36
criminal went to jail for his own
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special delivery
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[Music]
00:12:43
when we come back the adventures of the
00:12:45
naughty nocturnal animal we call a dumb
00:12:47
criminal
00:12:48
on america's dumbest criminals
00:12:54
[Music]
00:13:05
welcome back we take you now to
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brunswick georgia where we follow the
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story of a man who forged a stolen check
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and temporarily forgot who he wasn't
00:13:15
detective ted mcdonald served the
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warrant on the man
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are you robert norton
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[Music]
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yeah i'm robert norton mr norton we have
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a warrant for your arrest for receiving
00:13:28
and cashing a stolen check
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what makes you guys think that i did
00:13:33
something like that
00:13:35
well when you forged the check you wrote
00:13:38
the name printed on the front of it on
00:13:39
the back when you endorsed it you used
00:13:41
your real name and you provided the
00:13:43
teller with your driver's license with
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this address
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well i guess
00:13:51
when she uh asked me for my id uh
00:13:55
i guess i went into check writing mode
00:13:58
pretty dumb huh
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[Applause]
00:14:06
[Music]
00:14:08
in north carolina it used to be against
00:14:10
the law to sing badly until over 5 000
00:14:13
bad shower singers protested and the law
00:14:15
was repealed
00:14:16
[Music]
00:14:18
we've heard it all the time trust your
00:14:20
instincts if something you're about to
00:14:22
do doesn't look right or feel right
00:14:24
don't do it but especially if it looks
00:14:26
really wrong i was involved in a
00:14:28
narcotics transaction i was working
00:14:31
undercover and my partner and i
00:14:33
made a deal earlier that day to purchase
00:14:36
a hundred pounds of marijuana and in our
00:14:38
conversation with the individuals they
00:14:40
said well it's still on the stalk we
00:14:42
hadn't had a chance to cut it yet
00:14:44
but we can give it to you on the stall
00:14:46
can give you a discount with it instead
00:14:48
of paying full price because of the
00:14:50
weight of the stalk and all
00:14:52
so we negotiated the deal and they were
00:14:54
supposed to meet us later that evening
00:14:56
so my partner and i arrived at the
00:14:58
location at the said time and sure
00:15:00
enough here they come loaded down with
00:15:02
stalks of marijuana it's not even
00:15:04
bundled up or anything just right on the
00:15:06
stalk like they'd pulled it from the
00:15:07
ground
00:15:09
and we were in a little compact car
00:15:11
you know just big enough for two people
00:15:14
much less a briefcase or anything like
00:15:16
that
00:15:17
my partner came out with the shotgun to
00:15:20
make the arrest because there's no way
00:15:22
in the world we could have gotten it in
00:15:23
that small
00:15:24
car agreed got the best of them i think
00:15:28
[Music]
00:15:33
and now actual footage of a case we call
00:15:35
one of the odds
00:15:37
a woman was shopping in a mall when she
00:15:39
had her purse snatched her purse
00:15:40
contained all of her husband's credit
00:15:42
cards
00:15:43
the two thieves took the credit cards
00:15:45
from her stolen purse and went on a
00:15:47
shopping spree at this store where they
00:15:50
immediately purchased a camcorder from
00:15:52
this man who happened to be the lady's
00:15:54
husband whose purse they had just stolen
00:15:57
in a city of over a million what are the
00:16:00
odds they're always bad when you're a
00:16:03
dumb criminal using careful deductive
00:16:06
reasoning and crafty logic the criminal
00:16:08
often arrives
00:16:10
in jail
00:16:11
you know when you have a day when
00:16:12
everything goes wrong well this guy is
00:16:14
about to have one of those days
00:16:16
condensed into five minutes
00:16:18
near cleveland ohio a robber entered a
00:16:20
cafe with a knife wait this is a robbery
00:16:25
the cashier filled a paper bag with
00:16:27
money and the gunman escaped with the
00:16:29
cash think about it yeah get the 20s get
00:16:31
the 20s
00:16:34
but as the man exited the restaurant the
00:16:37
sac tour opened on the door spilling the
00:16:39
money as he ran across the parking lot
00:16:41
then he made it to his truck but
00:16:43
realized he had locked the door he
00:16:45
forced the key back and forth and it
00:16:47
broke off in the lock
00:16:53
which he used to shoot himself in the
00:16:55
foot
00:16:56
he was later arrested at the emergency
00:16:58
room where he arrived with a gunshot
00:17:00
wound in his foot
00:17:03
in ohio it used to be against the law to
00:17:05
drool in the salad bar here a known
00:17:08
drooler is caught trying to pass in
00:17:10
disguise
00:17:12
up next an inebriated house burglar
00:17:14
comes face to foot with the homeowner
00:17:18
the nervous crook sat in his car
00:17:19
knocking back beers to get his nerve up
00:17:22
the beer only managed to shut down his
00:17:23
brain
00:17:25
while the crook's body went out to rob a
00:17:27
nice home
00:17:32
totally anesthetized our crook pried
00:17:34
open the door
00:17:35
after he realized it was closed
00:17:42
he gained entry to the house
00:17:44
and began stumbling through the dimly
00:17:46
lit hallways
00:17:50
in moments he was bruised bleeding and
00:17:52
still very drunk but he still wanted to
00:17:54
rob the house he just felt like he
00:17:56
needed a few minutes to rest
00:17:58
so he laid down on the floor right where
00:18:00
he was which just happened to be right
00:18:02
beside the bed of the sleeping homeowner
00:18:04
who had slept through the entire
00:18:05
burglary but now needed to heed the call
00:18:07
of nature she was looking for her
00:18:09
slippers when
00:18:14
she almost put her foot in his mouth
00:18:17
he got five years for his nap time with
00:18:19
bozo
00:18:26
[Music]
00:18:31
well that's our show for this week we
00:18:33
hope you'll agree that it was time well
00:18:35
served our appreciation to the men and
00:18:37
women of law enforcement across the
00:18:38
country i'm daniel butler saying don't
00:18:41
be dumb don't break the law or we'll
00:18:43
catch you next time on america's dumbest
00:18:45
criminals
00:18:49
[Music]
00:19:19
[Music]
00:19:47
[Applause]
00:19:48
[Music]
00:20:04
[Applause]
00:20:06
[Music]
00:20:22
[Applause]
00:20:24
[Music]
00:20:30
you
