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hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another
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edition of america's dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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on this episode of america's dumbest
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criminals they took my marijuana plants
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and marijuana plants yes
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a goofy guard caught off guard a silly
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squirrel nut speeder you sped up to
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avoid hitting a confused crook in not
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out of the woods a running robber in one
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moment please
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i suppose you're going to make some kind
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of case out of it
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all this and more coming up on america's
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dumbest criminals here's your host
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daniel butler
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this next surveillance tape shows us a
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dumb criminal who couldn't have picked a
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worse time or place to display his lack
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of common sense
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the last place you would expect crime
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would be at a convention for security
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companies this particular booth was
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boldly advertising its variety of
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surveillance cameras and equipment
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available to catch criminals in the act
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everyone who walked by could plainly see
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that
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well our insecurity guard for the
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convention decided to overlook the
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obvious and steal a tool right off one
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of the most watched booths in the
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building
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of course he was caught on tape from a
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variety of angles and arrested within a
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matter of minutes probably still
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wondering how in the world they were
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able to catch him
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we weren't sure what category to put
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this next story in dumbest defenses
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without question wild kingdom probably
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call it a hybrid if you want but one
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thing we can definitely call it is
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dumb
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this traffic officer pulled the driver
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over for doing 42 in the 25 mile per
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hour zone but the lead-footed woman had
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a bushy-tailed excuse okay what's the
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problem well i stopped you for speeding
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you're speeding all the way down from uh
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way up there over here oh yeah you're
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doing about 45 and a 25. oh yeah well
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you know why
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no i don't know there was a um squirrel
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and i had to
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hurry up i thought i was going to hit it
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squirrel
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the officer thought the squirrel story
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was just nuts and wrote the woman to
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take
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too bad
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officer elizabeth mann tells us the case
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of a dumb criminal who only got dumber
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we had a another burglary in progress
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where a
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municipal worker had passed by and seen
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this guy breaking into a house
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so the police officer gets there the
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crook's gone but he left a vehicle
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in the driveway which was stolen
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and when officers looked in the vehicle
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they found his driver's license
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a year and a half two years later
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pretty recently
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[Music]
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we one of our officers is driving around
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spot suspicious vehicle and uh tries to
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stop the vehicle vehicle evades them uh
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four guys get out and start running well
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after they wreck the car four guys get
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out and start running stolen car
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all four men in the car disperse and
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everyone but the driver is caught so far
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well lo and behold
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he left his driver's license behind same
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guy
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same guy
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when the winter weather nips at their
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noses dumb criminals will do their
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darndest to come in from the cold even
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if it means warming up to the heat i
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believe this story will keep you frozen
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to your set
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it was 10 degrees below zero in
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cincinnati when this detective and his
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partner answered a call about two guys
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sticking up a gas station they quickly
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nabbed one of the crooks but the other
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one escaped into the woods
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while his partner drove the prisoner
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back to the station the detective
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followed in the bad guy's car a few
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minutes into the trip he pulled a u-turn
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and went back to the woods by the gas
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station playing a wild hunch he blew his
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horn
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sure enough out of the frosty knight ran
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the other club back up a little
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all right hold it right there
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you know to this day the officer's
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partner doesn't believe that's how he
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caught the criminal who will never be
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known as
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mr freeze
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officers in dallas texas had set up a
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checkpoint to try and catch people who
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were driving without an operator's
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license that wasn't unusual for cars to
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suddenly try to stop and turn around to
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avoid the check officers knew that meant
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there was a problem and then sent a car
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after them on this particular day they
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noticed a car see the checkpoint then
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pull suddenly off the road however the
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car didn't turn around but the officers
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could see that the driver and passenger
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were frantically switching seats inside
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the car then the car proceeded to the
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checkpoint
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at the checkpoint the officers were
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surprised to find out that the new
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driver had no operator's license and was
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too drunk to walk
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they immediately checked the original
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driver and found that he was in exactly
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the same condition
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the officers had them into one more
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switcheroo from their vehicle to the
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back of one of the waiting police
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cruisers nearby sort of a chinese fire
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drill
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hi i'm daniel butler here with the
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bodacious bicarbonate bone month bacon
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thank you sharing with you the foils
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failures fiasco's faux pas and flops of
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the dumb crime world it's not often you
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know that the target of a robbery aids
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in capturing the culprit it doesn't
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happen very often rare a patrol officer
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in concord new hampshire was making his
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usual evening rounds when some pooper
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sleuthers alerted him to a disturbance
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at the back entrance of a local store a
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lot of stuff to come out
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the officer was there to greet the pet
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shop pillagers as they came out of the
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broken back door stockpiled with pet
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supplies and flea collars well how much
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did those doggies in the window cost
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those little puppy poachers they're
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about five to ten years
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yeah which is what this bundling bank
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robber got when he went in to hold up a
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new york city bank on a payday friday
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what he didn't realize was that
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government employees don't work for free
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and it just happened to be payday for
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the fbi whose headquarters were located
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in the same building what are the odds
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when he asked the teller to hand over
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the money he heard several guns start
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kind of cocking and clicking behind his
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head yeah and a very large light bulb
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went off over his head dumb dumb dumb
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very large indeed tgi the fbi
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a spelling miner escaped from the
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maryland house of correction and went
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straight to his mother's house when
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police arrived and asked for bow weevil
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he replied my name's not beau weevil
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it's bo smith the cops asked him to
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spell his last name he couldn't
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well can you spell adc a very good d d
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d excellent thank you
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you win and now let's take a look at our
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video of the week you've heard the old
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saying hold on to your wallet well this
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guy held on to everyone's a couple came
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downstairs late one night and surprised
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a prowler he grabbed a purse off the
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kitchen table and ran out the door the
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husband chased after him and reappeared
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a few minutes later with his wife's
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purse and hand the thief had dropped the
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person his escape over the back fence
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he had gotten the wallet out of the
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purse with all the woman's charge cards
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and driver's license and about 20
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dollars in cash but what he failed to
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get was the three thousand dollars the
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woman had in cash in a secret zippered
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pocket
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if this man had been your average
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ordinary thief he might have gotten away
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with it but he was one of america's
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dumbest criminals
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you see most per snatchers will jettison
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the person the nearest trash can as soon
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as they snatch it but this guy had kept
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every purse every wallet every piece of
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id and every credit card he had ever
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stolen no i'm not kidding each wallet
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represented 18 months in jail and we
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understand that the police are still
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counting
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[Music]
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a teenager still in the pre-graduate
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stage of his criminal career stole a car
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with a few buddies and took it for a
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joyride they left it in a field and made
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a clean getaway or so they thought one
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of these bozos had left his homework in
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the car
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indeed the freshman must have been very
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surprised when the officer knocked on
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his door hi there you michael yeah mike
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we got kind of some bad news for you
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here i'm here to arrest you for not
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doing your homework
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but you may not do my homework well you
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know the homework that you left in the
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backseat of the car that you just stole
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and i bet he got more than just a little
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after-school detention but don't worry
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we'll give him an a-plus for ignorance
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if you're a dumb criminal you should
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really consider taking your brain with
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you everywhere you go seriously
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especially at the police station it was
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a quiet day at the station when our
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light-headed losers stopped by to report
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an unusual theft i'd like to report that
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my roommate he took my
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marijuana plants
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he took what he took my marijuana plants
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your marijuana plants yes you understand
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if you're important
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the officer tried his best to keep a
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straight face and let the kid know that
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if they did arrest his friend
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that they would have to arrest him as
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well
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for these marijuana plants
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it is i wasn't aware of that are you
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sure you want to do that um
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maybe i'd better reconsider it
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not surprisingly the tattletailing toker
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decided to keep a lid on it and charges
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were never filed
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like whoa
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if the police department had a detector
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for criminals like the national weather
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service has for its storm watches
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there would be a dumb criminal alert
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going off 24 hours a day and always when
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you'd least expect it
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while stopped at an intersection one
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afternoon an officer's car was hit from
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behind by another car he called in and
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reported the incident to a state trooper
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and then prepared to go look at the
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damage
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as he was about to get out of his car a
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drunken man from the other car
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approached him and said anybody who's
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not damaged such case
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way
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he was so tanked that he didn't even
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notice that he had hit a police car
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until the uniformed officer got out of
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the car to which our pickled pepper
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replied i suppose
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make some kind of photo case
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the officer corrected him and said that
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it would only be a state case and booked
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him for dui while this guy's wife
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shouted sternly i told you you were too
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drunk to drive
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well i'm sure she won't let him forget
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that for a good long time
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in the movie clueless alicia
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silverstone's driving lessons don't
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include parking because as she points
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out everywhere you go has ballet
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well of course that's not true but there
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are four clueless bank robbers from
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richmond county south carolina who
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probably wish it was
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it seems that a quartet of criminals
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rolled into a small town to pull a bank
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job hoping not to draw attention to
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their car they parked a few blocks away
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in the residential neighborhood and
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planned to steal a getaway car to get
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back
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the heist went smoothly and the robbers
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were ready to make a break for it only
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they couldn't remember where they parked
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their own car
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but this plan was a bigger clunker than
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the last paulie shore vehicle and at
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least paulie could find his vehicle the
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criminals were arrested and convicted
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for bank robbery
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next time maybe they'll stick up a bank
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that has valet how clueless can you get
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come on
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if you're a drunk criminal lost on the
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road who are you going to call how about
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drunk busters
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one afternoon the state police issued an
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all-points bulletin for a drunk driver
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that they had lost track of on the
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interstate
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a local police officer was parked on a
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side street when all of a sudden a car
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pulled out hey you
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hey can you help me
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can you tell me we're possible
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excuse me
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one street
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huh
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possum road
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give me a second shut your engine off
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and i'll give you directions
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he got directions all right and all
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night logic to boot
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what a deal
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an officer attended a police auction of
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cars seized in drug bust one afternoon
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however he soon found himself involved
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in a rather unusual bidding war with a
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very stubborn man
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bidding for the car appeared to be going
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well for the officer except for one
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thing the man next to him who refused to
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be outbid
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eventually he outbid everyone and rushed
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to fill out the paperwork the officer
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thought something was up and watched as
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the crook wrote a check and that's when
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it all came together the name on the
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check matched the name of the previous
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owner of the car a known criminal wanted
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for several arrests
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he was buying back his own impounded car
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the officer quickly impounded the crook
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and drove him down to the station in the
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officer's shiny new car
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fingerprints thumb prints
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lip prints
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yep you heard right this dumb criminal
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learned that puckering up can put you in
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the slammer
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this is a story of a bungling bank
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bandit who gave the police department a
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big fat lip which is exactly what they
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needed the suspect in question had just
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held up a local bank in las vegas nevada
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then he turned to flee but when the dork
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rushed out he headed straight for the in
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door and smacked right into the glass
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leaving a big lip print behind it was
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those luscious lip prints that
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prosecutors later used along with the
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bank surveillance tape as evidence to
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convict the puckered up perp
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d is for distraction that's what this
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pensacola robber hoped to create in a
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daring bank heist d is for detail and he
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thought he'd covered them all but as you
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can see through surveillance cameras
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this dandy dude was just plain dumb
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he managed to rob the bank and flee
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without incident part one seemed to work
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out as planned
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he quickly ducked into the restroom of a
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nearby restaurant where he had earlier
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hidden a change of clothes and presto
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chango a new look and a new identity he
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was meticulous in order not to be
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connected to any incriminating hair
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survivors he set the old shirt ablaze
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delighted with his deception our dandy
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failed to consider the consequences of
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his bathroom bonfire dewater from the
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sprinkler system he panicked and slipped
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on the wet tile broke his leg
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when firefighters arrived at the scene
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this is what they found
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all there was left to do was deliver the
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dummy directly to the jail
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the end
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[Music]
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a well-dressed man went into a fort
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lauderdale bank with one transaction in
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mind to rob it before doing so he
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a
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gave the clerk his note
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b
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waited patiently for over 20 minutes
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while she called the police
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c politely took the money then ran
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outside to the waiting arms of the law
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or
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d all of the above
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we have a winner
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folks a dumb criminal is just like you
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or me with one exception we have a brain
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and aren't afraid to use it we'll see
00:16:09
you next week on america's dumbest
00:16:11
criminals
00:16:13
the laughs just keep coming on the next
00:16:15
episode of america's dumbest criminal
00:16:18
golly dude who's that frankly blue shirt
00:16:24
[Music]
00:16:34
a dance is door jam
00:16:38
all this and more on the next episode of
00:16:40
america's dumbest criminals
00:16:43
the first one that came to mind was um
00:16:46
we had a residential burglar that
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was well known around this area
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one day uh because we were trained as
00:16:53
firefighters and police
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i had a reporter with the houston
00:16:57
chronicle
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writing with me to
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you know do a story on the pso program
00:17:03
well i got a call about um three
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juveniles sitting on a corner of a
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street
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so i drive over there and one is the
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burglar and two other juveniles an adult
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17 at the time and i spoke to this
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burglar
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and i found out that he had
00:17:21
tube socks in his pants
00:17:24
which or what he puts on to hide his
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fingerprints so i knew what he was going
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to do it was obvious that they were
00:17:29
sitting watching people leave their
00:17:31
houses to find out who they were going
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to burglarize
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and i told them i said you know
00:17:36
john doe i know what you're wearing
00:17:39
don't do a burglary today okay because
00:17:41
you go to jail
00:17:42
oh man i'm not going to do a burger
00:17:45
an hour later we get a call of burger in
00:17:47
progress same area
00:17:50
so here i am i've got a reporter with me
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and i'm driving down the street
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and
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had a description it was a description
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of the clothes he was wearing
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and i was looking down these streets as
00:18:02
i was driving to where the burglar was
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and i see him just
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walking along so i pull in he doesn't
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try to run for me or anything
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and you know i said so and so put your
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hands on the car
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i just put him in the back of my car i
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drove him around to where my complainant
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was and i had her look out her window
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and she said you know that was him
00:18:23
so i got him out of a patrol car but
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then another officer was over there
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and we started to pat him down and he
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had a watch in his pocket that he did
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not have earlier you know as a woman's
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watch
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and
00:18:36
some other stuff so i pulled out the
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back seat of my car and there was a pile
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of jewelry where he had taken it out and
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dumped it so i got a burglary conviction
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on him and he went to the penitentiary
00:18:46
so that was a good case
