00:00:06
this is an adc warning the crimes you're
00:00:08
about to see are true only the names
00:00:11
were changed to protect the ignorant
00:00:19
[Music]
00:00:36
tonight on america's dumbest criminals a
00:00:39
guy who graduated from the school of
00:00:41
hard knocks a chef with a recipe for
00:00:43
arrest and a drug bust with a twist
00:00:46
these are just a few of america's
00:00:49
dumbest criminals
00:00:52
[Music]
00:01:00
hi and welcome i'm daniel butler you
00:01:02
know there's a reason that we changed
00:01:04
the names of the criminals that you see
00:01:06
on this show it is our sincere belief
00:01:08
and hope that many of them have realized
00:01:10
their mistakes and discovered that being
00:01:12
a criminal just doesn't pay they deserve
00:01:14
a second chance but there are some
00:01:16
people who need protection from
00:01:18
themselves they need to be members of
00:01:20
the witless protection program which we
00:01:22
offer here on america's dumbest
00:01:25
criminals
00:01:26
our first story comes to us from captain
00:01:28
mike cottage an explosive situation
00:01:30
where a man had doused himself in
00:01:32
everything in his house with gasoline
00:01:35
the swat team was several blocks away
00:01:37
waiting to deploy and our initial
00:01:38
response team which was our negotiators
00:01:40
they had gone up and surrounded the
00:01:42
house and
00:01:43
had started trying some kind of dialogue
00:01:44
you know gathering information and
00:01:46
everything
00:01:48
come on out ronnie we can work this out
00:01:51
it'll be all right
00:01:54
no man
00:01:56
forget it
00:01:57
i drenched this house with gas and
00:02:00
this whole place is gonna blow
00:02:02
ronnie wait wait ryan now just slow down
00:02:05
ronnie there is always hope
00:02:08
let's talk oh shut up that talk dog i'm
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gonna talk
00:02:13
i'm into this down
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ready ready wait ronnie
00:02:18
there was a tense silence the captain
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was ready to give the swat team the
00:02:21
signal to go in
00:02:23
then
00:02:27
hey
00:02:28
hey cop
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what is it ronnie
00:02:33
you got a match
00:02:37
i see a match
00:02:41
what'd you say ronnie
00:02:43
matches man
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uh
00:02:46
eleven matches in the pickup truck
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we go
00:02:52
come on again uh sure ronnie
00:02:55
look at your matches
00:03:05
he was not prepared i guess preparedness
00:03:07
would be the key on that one
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[Music]
00:03:22
watch now as officer chip simmons of the
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pensacola police department reduces a
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dumb criminal's rock solid story to
00:03:28
rubble a couple years ago i was working
00:03:30
in the narcotics unit as a narcotic
00:03:32
investigator
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and what we would do on occasion was
00:03:35
we'd go through these hot spots to where
00:03:36
they would have
00:03:37
you know we have a lot of drug activity
00:03:39
a lot of complaints about drug activity
00:03:41
a lot of these places were behind local
00:03:43
nightclubs
00:03:44
well um on this date we hit some of
00:03:47
these locations and
00:03:49
as we hit one of them the entire unit
00:03:51
jumped out of the van we ran stop some
00:03:53
people
00:03:59
do not resist come on i didn't do
00:04:01
anything i didn't do anything man i
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didn't do it oh yeah what's this huh we
00:04:06
found some cocaine on this one
00:04:07
individual um but he didn't have any
00:04:09
identification on him and we were trying
00:04:12
we tried for 20 minutes trying to figure
00:04:14
out who this guy is he kept giving us
00:04:15
one name and then he'd change it a
00:04:17
little bit and he'd give us an address
00:04:18
and he changed a little bit but he
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always had a story you know or a reason
00:04:22
for why he changed it and what you know
00:04:23
some kind of excuse for what the name
00:04:25
problem that we would confront him with
00:04:28
so i figured i would test him so i asked
00:04:30
him again where he lived
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he said something like 100 johnson
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avenue i again thought that he was being
00:04:36
so smug about having this address
00:04:38
already in his mind that i would test
00:04:40
him with that and i asked him you know i
00:04:41
was at that blue house on johnson he
00:04:43
said yeah that's the blue house the big
00:04:44
blue one i said the one with the the
00:04:46
white car i was parked there yeah yeah
00:04:48
that's it yes thinking that he's you
00:04:50
know he's got me
00:04:51
so i figured i'd further test him
00:04:53
because
00:04:54
you know i still didn't believe him and
00:04:56
i finally confirmed him i said no that
00:04:58
can't be your house i know who lives in
00:04:59
that house i said that's the rubble's
00:05:01
residence i said it can't be yours and
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he looked at me strange
00:05:05
and um so i realized he didn't get it so
00:05:07
i said yeah barney and betty rubble live
00:05:09
there you can't live there and he
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thought for a second he looked kind of
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confused
00:05:13
i bought that house from them
00:05:17
eventually i we found out who he's what
00:05:19
his real name was
00:05:21
it wasn't fred flintstone he didn't buy
00:05:23
the house from the rebels and he was
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arrested
00:05:28
the yamadava dude was sentenced to hard
00:05:30
labor on the bedrock pile
00:05:34
in decatur illinois it's against the law
00:05:36
to drive without a steering wheel so if
00:05:38
you don't have a steering wheel you can
00:05:40
just slide right on by decatur
00:05:43
and now actual surveillance cam footage
00:05:45
of a crooked cook giving gourmet lessons
00:05:47
to two undercover officers
00:05:50
now it's time once again for cooking
00:05:52
with chef crack
00:05:54
today chef crack has been invited by
00:05:56
these two undercover narcotics officers
00:05:58
to cook up some crack cocaine in their
00:06:00
basement on video
00:06:02
jeff crack doesn't know he's being
00:06:04
videotaped as he gathers together the
00:06:06
fine ingredients
00:06:08
first of all you need a ziploc baggie of
00:06:11
a controlled substance
00:06:13
water
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oregano
00:06:16
thyme
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and an
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ashtray
00:06:20
now chef crack will lightly simmer the
00:06:23
whole concoction
00:06:26
then he checks it to see if it's done
00:06:31
nope you'll need to simmer just a few
00:06:33
moments more now you can do this in an
00:06:36
electric range or gas stove or just use
00:06:39
the cigarette lighter in your pocket
00:06:41
now be sure to add more water because
00:06:43
there's nothing worse than burnt crack
00:06:47
well that's all the time we have for
00:06:48
this week on cooking with chef craig
00:06:50
unfortunately chef crack will not be
00:06:53
seen next week because the first show
00:06:55
played in court
00:06:56
if you'd like to write to chef crack
00:06:58
just contact him at
00:07:01
state pen in care of the kitchen
00:07:04
where he'll be serving up goulash for
00:07:07
the next 15 years
00:07:10
coming up next on america's dumbest
00:07:12
criminals a story of homegrown stupidity
00:07:16
[Music]
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[Music]
00:07:29
in our next story officer scott mcdonald
00:07:32
weeds out a dumb criminal
00:07:35
i had information this guy was growing
00:07:36
marijuana in his house
00:07:38
we couldn't get any probable cause to
00:07:39
obtain a search warrant so we went just
00:07:41
was going to try to knock on his door
00:07:43
and see if we could consent to search
00:07:51
how you doing all right we received
00:07:53
information you're a cultivator of
00:07:54
marijuana we'd like to come in and take
00:07:56
a look i ain't no cultivator okay i said
00:07:58
well do you mind if we come in and
00:07:59
search he said no i don't mind so he's
00:08:01
signed a consent to search
00:08:17
as quickly as the intensive search began
00:08:20
it ended hey what's this in here
00:08:23
a workout room
00:08:26
we just walked through i went to the
00:08:27
first bedroom open the closet and he had
00:08:29
marijuana growing in there
00:08:31
and a
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incubator with the lights on it and
00:08:35
everything what's this
00:08:37
marijuana i said i thought you said you
00:08:39
weren't cultivating marijuana and we
00:08:41
were videotaping the whole time
00:08:43
he's standing in front of video camera
00:08:44
and he's later i ain't no cultivator i'm
00:08:47
a presbyterian
00:08:50
the officers explained that cultivator
00:08:52
was not a religious term but the man was
00:08:54
indignant and he still insisted he says
00:08:57
oh i'm not a cultivator i'm just some
00:08:59
guy that got some marijuana growing in
00:09:00
his house
00:09:05
abc quiz number
00:09:07
the people in concepcion peru were
00:09:09
shocked when a man stole two chickens
00:09:11
why was it because a it was the first
00:09:14
crime since 1762
00:09:16
b chicken stealing was a capital offense
00:09:19
or c there was only one chicken living
00:09:22
in concepcion at the time
00:09:24
the correct answer was a it was the
00:09:26
first crime since 1762
00:09:29
probably because the punishment for
00:09:30
chicken stealing was a peruvian torture
00:09:32
treatment we now call
00:09:34
a perm
00:09:38
and now
00:09:39
actual surveillance cam footage of a man
00:09:41
who breaks into a retail shopping center
00:09:43
and overlooks some important details of
00:09:45
his disguise
00:09:48
maul in a day's work
00:09:52
okay this burglar uses a bag for a
00:09:54
disguise not bad but the eye holes are
00:09:57
way too small so he crashes into the
00:09:59
first thing he comes to
00:10:01
a burglar alarm on display
00:10:03
now he peers around the store but he
00:10:05
realizes the eye holes just aren't
00:10:07
working so he retreats
00:10:09
only to come back moments later with
00:10:13
bigger eye holes and a flashlight now
00:10:15
he's getting around great but he forgot
00:10:18
one thing
00:10:19
he's wearing his maul guard security
00:10:22
pants he was identified later as the
00:10:25
mall guard on duty at the time
00:10:29
and now inside the courtroom for trial
00:10:32
and error
00:10:34
a woman had her purse snatched but her
00:10:36
assailants were apprehended now it was
00:10:38
time to identify them
00:10:39
and she was scared
00:10:42
of the two men who committed this
00:10:44
horrible crime present in the courtroom
00:10:49
here present
00:10:51
[Music]
00:10:54
and now the funny story of a smash and
00:10:57
grab artist who keeps himself in
00:10:59
stitches sergeant jim claiborne told us
00:11:01
about the blockhead who came face to
00:11:03
face with crushing justice
00:11:06
okay we were working with an informant
00:11:10
on a burglary stakeout convenience store
00:11:12
that been hit quite a number of times in
00:11:14
the
00:11:15
in the city uh smash and grab operations
00:11:18
where they'd take a a block and throw it
00:11:20
through the window and go in and steal
00:11:22
all the cigarettes
00:11:23
the gentleman came up to the front of
00:11:25
the store with a cinder block and since
00:11:29
the store had been broken into a number
00:11:30
of times they'd replaced a lot of the
00:11:32
large windows in front other than with
00:11:34
glass with plexiglass
00:11:37
he flung a cinder block against what he
00:11:39
thought was one of the glass windows
00:11:40
which turned out to be one of the
00:11:41
plexiglas windows
00:11:43
this criminal gives new meaning to the
00:11:45
term blockhead
00:11:47
[Music]
00:11:48
he had to have a few stitches he went to
00:11:50
the hospital before he went to jail
00:11:53
okay four of the windows were glass so
00:11:55
he had a chance which is more than we
00:11:57
can say for this guy coming up on
00:12:00
america's dumbest criminals
00:12:07
[Music]
00:12:19
next we go to officer gordon martinez in
00:12:21
las vegas who met a dumb criminal he
00:12:23
just had to agree with i used to be a
00:12:25
motorcycle police officer
00:12:27
and
00:12:29
i pulled over this individual who was
00:12:31
speeding
00:12:33
southbound on jones from charleston
00:12:36
he was uh
00:12:37
doing i believe about 50 miles an hour
00:12:39
in a 35 mile per hour zone i got him on
00:12:41
radar pulled him over
00:12:44
uh he immediately exited his vehicle and
00:12:46
i was in full uniform on my police
00:12:48
motorcycle
00:12:49
and he immediately just came out of the
00:12:51
car and says well
00:12:53
my life is over
00:12:58
i said well basically i think you're
00:12:59
kind of just pushing this thing all out
00:13:01
of proportion all you're doing is
00:13:02
speeding
00:13:03
he goes no you don't seem to understand
00:13:06
and i go well try me i'm i'm open
00:13:09
it says i'm finished
00:13:11
my life is over you might as well shoot
00:13:13
me right now
00:13:15
i go whoa
00:13:16
i said well just tell me what's happened
00:13:19
let's start out with the basics let me
00:13:21
see your driver's license registration
00:13:23
and insurance form
00:13:25
i don't have a driver's license
00:13:28
well you just forgot it or he goes no
00:13:30
it's revoked
00:13:32
oh that's bad
00:13:34
all right how about the registration
00:13:37
don't have that either we just don't
00:13:38
have the certificate or what he goes
00:13:42
no the vehicle is unregistered
00:13:45
i go
00:13:46
it is
00:13:47
it looks like you have valid plates on
00:13:49
the car
00:13:51
the plates don't belong on the car
00:13:55
looks like you got a valid sticker
00:13:58
a sticker's not mine either
00:14:01
i suppose insurance is out of the
00:14:02
question
00:14:04
right
00:14:06
i said okay
00:14:09
the car is stolen
00:14:11
the plates are stolen
00:14:13
he's driving on a revoked driver's
00:14:14
license for dui
00:14:17
no insurance
00:14:19
and obviously the no registration
00:14:22
i confirmed with him his life was over
00:14:25
as he knew it
00:14:28
you know it's true people will do some
00:14:31
pretty dumb things when they know
00:14:33
they're in front of a camera
00:14:34
but they do even dumber things when they
00:14:37
don't know especially when it's a
00:14:39
surveillance camera so let's watch the
00:14:41
actual surveillance camera tape a case
00:14:43
we call the night crawler
00:14:46
this crawling lady hid in a back room
00:14:48
until the store closed to do her
00:14:50
shopping at a five finger discount now
00:14:52
she's smart enough to stay down and not
00:14:54
be seen through the windows but too dumb
00:14:55
to look up at the camera in plain sight
00:14:58
the lady was apprehended the next
00:14:59
morning when the owners came in they
00:15:01
called the exterminator who sprayed for
00:15:03
night crawlers and then installed a nice
00:15:05
one bedroom nightcrawler motel
00:15:10
in south carolina it used to be against
00:15:12
the law to sell whiskey at night or on a
00:15:15
cloudy day
00:15:16
when the law was repealed they made up
00:15:19
for all those cloudy days this next
00:15:21
story came to us from detective chris
00:15:23
stewart we put it in our book we put it
00:15:25
in our home video and we liked it so
00:15:27
much we're bringing it back because
00:15:29
folks
00:15:30
it just doesn't get much dumber than
00:15:32
this well we had a um what we call here
00:15:35
a 1017 armed robbery report that went
00:15:37
out and the uh the center part of town
00:15:40
of course i would make reference that
00:15:42
there was a girl working at a
00:15:44
convenience store pretty girl working at
00:15:45
a convenience store on one side and
00:15:46
there was a restaurant that gives half
00:15:48
price to the police on the other side so
00:15:49
this guy didn't have a prayer i mean
00:15:50
there were cops everywhere so
00:15:59
we had a reported armed robbery that
00:16:00
took place the officers responded to the
00:16:03
to the scene the dispatcher took the
00:16:05
information over the telephone of a
00:16:08
description of the suspect
00:16:10
searching
00:16:11
a wide area
00:16:13
one of the march units
00:16:15
found what they both found a suspect
00:16:17
that they believe for the description
00:16:19
so i went to the
00:16:21
location myself and another detective
00:16:24
and we
00:16:26
felt also that the guy
00:16:28
fit the description of the on driver's
00:16:30
suspect so i told the officers that we
00:16:33
need to take him back for id purposes
00:16:35
for identification purposes called over
00:16:37
the radio to have the unit that was at
00:16:39
the scene have her stand by have the
00:16:42
victim stand by because we needed to
00:16:43
bring somebody back for identification
00:16:46
now what happens is if you catch someone
00:16:48
within a reasonable time after they
00:16:49
commit a crime you take them back for
00:16:51
what they call one-on-one show up
00:16:54
so that the victim can actually look at
00:16:56
someone and say that is him or is not
00:16:58
him
00:16:59
okay carmen now the suspect's about to
00:17:01
step out of the car and i want you to
00:17:02
tell me if this is the man that robbed
00:17:04
you
00:17:05
we got back to the scene and had him
00:17:07
step out of the car the suspect did just
00:17:09
exactly as he was told he stepped from
00:17:10
the vehicle he faced the victim and he
00:17:13
said
00:17:14
yes sir
00:17:15
that's her that's the woman i robbed i
00:17:18
don't believe that i haven't said it
00:17:21
so we
00:17:23
went from there
00:17:24
she didn't get a chance to say a word
00:17:25
she identified him later but his initial
00:17:28
statement kind of threw everybody off
00:17:31
[Music]
00:17:41
welcome back to america's dumbest
00:17:43
criminals pay close attention as officer
00:17:45
glenn biggs has a brief encounter with a
00:17:48
dumb criminal a guy in custody for
00:17:50
narcotics violations took him in started
00:17:53
to do the arrest report and got his name
00:17:55
address and asked us what's your dob
00:17:58
he said what's that i said when's your
00:18:00
birthday he said may 5th i said what
00:18:02
year he said every year man
00:18:05
[Laughter]
00:18:07
all right you've seen what happens when
00:18:09
you make the wrong choice you will screw
00:18:11
up you will get caught and you will feel
00:18:13
really dumb so be smart make the right
00:18:16
choice don't break the law and we won't
00:18:19
see you on america's dumbest criminals
00:18:22
you know we couldn't have done this show
00:18:23
without the cooperation of the men and
00:18:25
women of law enforcement across america
00:18:28
we'd like to thank them for their time
00:18:29
their dedication and for making our
00:18:31
lives a lot safer and we learned that
00:18:34
cops are just people too
00:18:36
with one exception
00:18:37
they're willing to lay down their lives
00:18:39
for us
00:18:41
[Music]
00:19:10
um
00:19:18
[Music]
00:19:37
here
00:19:38
[Music]
00:20:10
[Music]
00:20:10
[Applause]
00:20:12
[Music]
00:20:18
you
