00:00:05
tonight on america's dumbest criminals
00:00:08
does consumption of alcohol make a
00:00:09
person seem more mature and
00:00:11
sophisticated
00:00:12
how far will a k-9 officer go to collar
00:00:15
a suspect running wild
00:00:17
and does this look like your tax dollars
00:00:19
at work
00:00:20
join our posse as we set out in hot
00:00:22
pursuit of america's dumbest criminals
00:00:34
[Music]
00:00:42
[Applause]
00:00:43
[Music]
00:00:44
[Applause]
00:00:46
wow
00:00:54
[Music]
00:01:00
now welcome your host for adc daniel
00:01:03
butler and debbie
00:01:11
hi howard got a little statistical
00:01:13
trivia for you oh wait is it that 90
00:01:15
acres of pizza are consumed every day no
00:01:18
well
00:01:18
is it that 2.4 million americans play
00:01:21
the accordion no but i used to oh really
00:01:24
well that explains a lot right there
00:01:25
yeah i didn't intend for you to do no no
00:01:27
no wait
00:01:28
is it eight out of ten winners in
00:01:30
presidential races have been taller than
00:01:32
their opponents would you just let me
00:01:33
finish well but no but because that sort
00:01:35
of kind of cuts down on the chances that
00:01:37
i'll ever have to call you president
00:01:38
debbie
00:01:41
you gotta just stop because the trivia
00:01:42
isn't about any of those things all
00:01:44
right well then i guess you stumped me
00:01:46
okay is that another short joke no
00:01:48
according to a recent report cameras are
00:01:51
among the five most attractive items to
00:01:53
thieves i knew that i knew that i also
00:01:56
knew that frozen foods are rarely ever
00:01:59
taken that's why you should do as i do
00:02:01
and keep your cameras and video
00:02:02
equipment in the freezer
00:02:04
no
00:02:05
they'll never work again but at least
00:02:07
he'll be safe
00:02:08
this public service reminder brought to
00:02:10
you by someone more honest but not much
00:02:12
brighter than the camcorder thieves
00:02:13
you're about to see you're talking about
00:02:15
me no look they have no one but
00:02:17
themselves to blame that they were
00:02:19
caught on camera
00:02:25
i was assigned a burglary case
00:02:28
where a house was cleaned out it was
00:02:30
basically like movers had gone into the
00:02:33
house wasn't anything left the victim in
00:02:36
this particular burglary had a family
00:02:39
member that went to a pawn shop
00:02:41
and noticed a
00:02:43
camcorder and she called me and said
00:02:45
that she had located her camcorder in a
00:02:47
pawn shop
00:02:48
and i asked her how she knew it was her
00:02:49
camcorder
00:02:50
and she told me because the eldridge
00:02:52
family reunion tape was still in the
00:02:54
camcorder and of course her name was
00:02:56
eldridge and so it's pretty sure thing
00:02:58
that it was her camcorder and when she
00:03:01
got home she was watching her family
00:03:04
reunion tape and it had the suspects on
00:03:07
the tape where they'd recorded over her
00:03:09
family reunion tape
00:03:12
they were talking about all the good
00:03:14
stuff that they've got out of the house
00:03:17
gold and other ridings they were walking
00:03:19
around filming the other family members
00:03:21
that were sleeping
00:03:23
[Music]
00:03:25
and
00:03:26
i'm not real sure if they even knew the
00:03:28
camera was running or not
00:03:30
because at one point they set it down
00:03:32
and the camera continued to run and and
00:03:34
pan over the floor and everything but
00:03:36
you could still get the audio of um
00:03:39
you know them talking about the burglary
00:03:40
that they've just done i just found out
00:03:42
where the lady lived and the same people
00:03:45
that were on
00:03:46
the tape came out of the house they deny
00:03:48
that they had any involvement so i
00:03:52
brought them in and showed them the tape
00:03:54
and there really wasn't a whole lot they
00:03:55
could say after that we were all
00:03:57
laughing about it and couldn't believe
00:03:58
that they were dumb enough to record
00:04:01
themselves talking about stealing the
00:04:02
property and then leave that same tape
00:04:04
in the camcorder and
00:04:06
pawned it it was a
00:04:09
real easy case to work
00:04:11
[Music]
00:04:14
you've heard the clothes make the man
00:04:16
well in this place they made him as in
00:04:18
they made a positive identification
00:04:20
here's how a limited wardrobe can
00:04:22
severely limit your future it's a
00:04:25
fashion tip from the closet of something
00:04:27
to remember me by
00:04:31
about six years ago
00:04:34
one of my patrolmen had made a motor
00:04:36
vehicle stop and the driver ended up
00:04:38
being a
00:04:40
suspended driver now part of the
00:04:42
processing
00:04:43
for suspended drivers
00:04:45
we take a polaroid picture of the driver
00:04:48
when it came time for this suspect to
00:04:50
come to court and answer the charge he
00:04:53
never showed up so the court had issued
00:04:56
a warrant for his arrest about uh
00:04:58
about a year ago
00:05:00
another town had picked up this suspect
00:05:02
on our warrant
00:05:04
and called us we arrested him
00:05:07
brought him back we're processing him he
00:05:09
denied ever being in mountainside denied
00:05:11
ever being stopped
00:05:13
that was not him who was arrested it was
00:05:15
not him driving the car
00:05:18
and what happened was he ends up going
00:05:20
before the judge
00:05:21
and he's still denying that it was him
00:05:24
well sure enough we pull the folder out
00:05:26
and we take out the polaroid
00:05:29
and not only do we show him
00:05:32
yeah here's your picture of the day of
00:05:33
the stop buddy this guy ends up wearing
00:05:35
the same shirt
00:05:39
this is the gentleman we had that day
00:05:44
even his friend sat in the back of the
00:05:45
court and said
00:05:47
you're a dummy for two of us not only do
00:05:50
we have them back then with the same
00:05:53
the golf shirt on he comes back to court
00:05:57
the second time years later with the
00:05:59
same shirt looks the same exactly the
00:06:01
same
00:06:06
throughout the ages we have been
00:06:08
entertained by great comedy teams like
00:06:10
burns and allen rowan and martin
00:06:12
siegfried and roy they're not in the
00:06:14
same category well yeah okay maybe not
00:06:16
to you but well our next video finds a
00:06:18
police officer playing straight man to a
00:06:20
guy so full of himself and booze that
00:06:23
we'll be checking in with him twice
00:06:25
during the show oh at least ladies and
00:06:27
gentlemen we hope you enjoy these comic
00:06:29
stylings caught on camera coming to you
00:06:31
from an emergency lane in pinellas park
00:06:34
florida catfish is one of those kind of
00:06:36
video tapes that you just gotta see i
00:06:38
mean there's not a whole lot explanation
00:06:40
even the deputy that did the interview
00:06:42
on the roadside
00:06:43
the number of times i've talked to him
00:06:45
will tell you it's something he really
00:06:47
can't hardly explain you just have to
00:06:49
see the video the video takes place off
00:06:51
a dash cam where he brings the subject
00:06:54
in front of the cruiser and he begins a
00:06:56
very professional interview with this
00:06:57
guy but he is so blatantly drunk
00:07:00
all right i'm asked to take a couple
00:07:02
tests for me
00:07:03
you're going to try those tests
00:07:06
walk that line
00:07:07
always why don't you give it a try i'll
00:07:09
stand back here i can't
00:07:11
you can't
00:07:13
why not
00:07:13
[Music]
00:07:15
well
00:07:16
one reason
00:07:18
and
00:07:19
i
00:07:20
drunk man
00:07:22
if you're drunk what are you out here
00:07:24
driving that truck around here in this
00:07:25
field what what is that other truck
00:07:29
uh catfish
00:07:32
what about that truck
00:07:34
man i didn't do nothing wrong
00:07:36
get your truck stuck out here in the
00:07:38
field you're out here driving a truck
00:07:39
and you're drunk
00:07:41
you could have run you could have run in
00:07:42
somebody's house
00:07:44
yeah
00:07:45
no
00:07:47
look at you
00:07:49
look at you
00:07:50
yeah look at me what are you doing
00:07:52
driving a truck in that condition
00:07:56
trying to do what he did what who did
00:07:59
catfish your buddy yeah i'll tell you
00:08:02
what we're gonna go we're gonna do two
00:08:04
separate tests
00:08:05
you know what's your level of education
00:08:08
i got 20 years of education i graduated
00:08:14
10th grade twice
00:08:20
okay
00:08:23
you graduated 10th grade twice yeah and
00:08:25
so you've got 20 years of education yeah
00:08:28
[Applause]
00:08:29
[Music]
00:08:31
in illinois it's a class 4 felony to
00:08:33
eavesdrop on your own conversation
00:08:37
how would that work anyway
00:08:39
in the training academy police officers
00:08:41
are taught to never take anything at
00:08:43
face value and that's particularly good
00:08:45
advice when officers come knocking in
00:08:47
pursuit of a suspect behind the door
00:08:49
you'll find one of america's dumbest
00:08:51
excuses
00:08:54
[Applause]
00:08:57
we went to go serve a warrant on an
00:08:58
older lady and
00:09:00
my partner and i found out where she
00:09:02
might be staying at so we walked up this
00:09:04
house where she was supposedly at we
00:09:06
walk up to the door this guy comes
00:09:08
walking up and he just sticks his nose
00:09:10
out and he goes what do you want and
00:09:12
i said well i need to talk to susan
00:09:15
and he says well susan's not here and i
00:09:17
said well her car's here and he says
00:09:19
well
00:09:20
i don't yeah she's not here then i hear
00:09:22
a female in the background going who is
00:09:24
it like this so i i said who's that in
00:09:27
the background he goes well that's her
00:09:28
daughter amy she's in there go get her
00:09:32
we're standing there waiting for and she
00:09:33
keeps saying just a minute i'm not
00:09:34
decent and pretty soon here she comes
00:09:36
walking out and
00:09:38
she's got shaving cream over her entire
00:09:40
face
00:09:42
i'm her daughter
00:09:45
the girl we're looking for is in her 40s
00:09:47
you know she's kind of an older lady and
00:09:49
i walk up to her i said all right what's
00:09:51
your name again and she says well i'm
00:09:53
amy
00:09:54
i said well what's your relationship to
00:09:56
susan and she goes well i'm her daughter
00:10:00
but i told you i'm not her i'm really
00:10:01
not
00:10:02
i said really i said how old are you she
00:10:04
gave me a date of birth that made her
00:10:05
18. what's your date of birth um
00:10:08
july 3rd
00:10:09
what year is that
00:10:11
um we started asking her questions and
00:10:14
my partner already was just shaking his
00:10:15
head you know he knew well i'm not her
00:10:18
really i'm not so we just start playing
00:10:20
the game look we know it's you but i'm
00:10:22
not her really i'm not sure we know what
00:10:25
you
00:10:26
i'm not her what is this
00:10:28
it's my beauty ache well at the same
00:10:31
time she was baking cookies as we were
00:10:33
asking questions to her i'm not her
00:10:34
really i'm her daughter she's standing
00:10:36
over the oven you ever seen that movie
00:10:38
mrs doubtfire that's exactly what it was
00:10:39
like and then as she's standing over the
00:10:41
heat of the oven her face which is like
00:10:43
a menthol shaving cream is starting to
00:10:45
melt you could smell it and it was
00:10:46
dripping on the cookies
00:10:48
and pretty soon we just had enough of it
00:10:50
we just said uh susan we know it's you
00:10:52
just knock it off and finally she just
00:10:54
says but no she goes i'm amy she just
00:10:56
kept doing that
00:10:58
after her face was almost all the way
00:11:00
melted off we're just like now turn
00:11:01
around put your hands behind your back
00:11:03
and she just said i'm sorry i lied i
00:11:05
didn't want to go to jail
00:11:14
have you ever groused the government is
00:11:16
robbing me blind well the hand in the
00:11:19
cookie jar may not be uncle sam's it may
00:11:21
be one of his scheming nephews we found
00:11:24
an underhanded government servant who
00:11:26
was appointing himself to be custodian
00:11:28
over a lot of funds here's our blue
00:11:31
light special
00:11:36
watch closely and you'll see a court
00:11:38
clerk who is confident he knows the best
00:11:40
thing to do with the money received from
00:11:42
court fines that's right fold it up and
00:11:45
put it in his pocket
00:11:47
after all why should serving the public
00:11:49
ventures take a back seat to personal
00:11:51
gain
00:11:52
and he only took a few seconds off from
00:11:54
his appointed duty to stuff his own
00:11:55
coffers but government bigwigs don't
00:11:58
like it for the little guys to pocket
00:12:00
the docket money our seizures indicate a
00:12:03
net net worth
00:12:04
of about 350 000 dollars which if those
00:12:07
assets are liquidated available for
00:12:09
restitution
00:12:10
his misdeeds earned him a return to
00:12:12
familiar surroundings but instead of
00:12:14
being a bit player he was the center of
00:12:17
attention
00:12:21
it's time once again to return to
00:12:23
pinellas park now as you'll see our
00:12:25
roadside comedian isn't running out of
00:12:27
material let's check in with the man who
00:12:29
proudly calls himself catfish's best
00:12:31
friend
00:12:33
your head's going to be tilted back
00:12:34
slightly and your eyes are going to be
00:12:35
closed and keep your eyes closed the
00:12:36
whole time you can recite it just like
00:12:37
this a b
00:12:40
d e and so on okay can you do that
00:12:43
sure
00:12:45
b close your eyes c
00:12:47
d
00:12:48
e
00:12:48
f g
00:12:50
h i j k
00:12:52
l m o p
00:12:57
i just in case you fall down i don't
00:12:58
want you i'm gonna catch you oh thanks
00:13:00
man
00:13:01
that's more than catfish would do
00:13:04
i need to
00:13:05
i need you to face towards my car
00:13:07
okay that's your car yeah all right
00:13:10
i want you i want you no i just stand
00:13:11
there face towards my car
00:13:13
there you go
00:13:15
you can have your feet tied together i'm
00:13:16
drunker than the skunk i ain't hurt
00:13:19
nobody
00:13:20
[Music]
00:13:21
hang on to that
00:13:23
we'll sit down on the ground here
00:13:25
no set that on the ground sit down like
00:13:27
this man no no but then hold on to it
00:13:29
then turn around backwards that's a good
00:13:31
hat man all right didn't say it wasn't
00:13:33
do you feel the effects the alcohol you
00:13:35
drank tonight
00:13:37
no no no
00:13:39
no
00:13:41
in your opinion are you under the
00:13:42
influence now clock badge right now
00:13:44
oh you could fool
00:13:46
me i'll take that as a sarcastic yes
00:13:54
and now with news just shoveled from the
00:13:56
stalls of the prison farm here's daniel
00:13:59
with adc headlines
00:14:02
[Music]
00:14:04
a man in texas was given the option of
00:14:07
paying 9 600 in damages to avoid being
00:14:10
put behind bars on robbery charges and
00:14:13
he went with option a but he paid up
00:14:16
using a forged check oops
00:14:19
okay now because he signed his life away
00:14:21
he's now serving 10 years instead of six
00:14:24
months
00:14:25
fourteen hundred people in boston
00:14:27
thought they were being invited to a job
00:14:28
fair but it was actually an equal
00:14:31
opportunity shakedown by the police
00:14:33
department to round up suspects on the
00:14:35
lam
00:14:36
102 people responded to the letter they
00:14:39
received in the mail for high-paying
00:14:40
construction jobs but soon they
00:14:42
discovered they had only dug themselves
00:14:45
in a hole
00:14:47
picture this you and a friend decide to
00:14:49
take a drive on a tennessee back road
00:14:51
late at night you drop the top on your
00:14:53
bmw convertible and then because you're
00:14:56
both drinking you decide to let your
00:14:58
buddy drive and oddly the fact that your
00:15:00
friend is blind doesn't bother you yet
00:15:04
they crashed and both were charged with
00:15:05
dui and the moral of the story as given
00:15:08
by the fellow behind the wheel
00:15:10
never let a blind man drive truly
00:15:13
towards the lookout
00:15:14
and that closes the file on abc
00:15:16
headlines news rips from somewhere near
00:15:19
the back of your local newspaper
00:15:21
jeb meister
00:15:26
how far would you go to avoid getting a
00:15:28
ticket well there's a lady in carlsbad
00:15:30
new mexico who's willing to beg plead
00:15:33
and even crawl in hopes of getting off
00:15:35
without a citation will she find mercy
00:15:37
or just a run in her hose let's find out
00:15:40
in our special delivery
00:15:44
i was doing a traffic stop i stopped a
00:15:46
woman she was in her mid-50s
00:15:49
i stopped her near a rural road there
00:15:51
was rocks and
00:15:52
stones near the road and i advised her
00:15:54
that her tail lights were out she came
00:15:56
out and she came out the class of jeff
00:15:58
jeff foxworthy type person who came out
00:16:00
smoking a marble cigarette and she goes
00:16:02
they're out
00:16:03
ah square
00:16:05
wow
00:16:07
so she gets down she has a red dress
00:16:09
crawling on the rocks and dirt
00:16:11
her running running and everything she
00:16:13
was leaning over she was fixing her
00:16:14
lights with a cigarette in her mouth
00:16:16
flashlight on her shoulder
00:16:18
she's like that she's fixing it and
00:16:19
stuff and i go man you know might
00:16:21
want to wait or something put out the
00:16:23
cigarette because she's there under her
00:16:24
tank
00:16:25
you know trying to fix her her tail
00:16:27
lights and stuff
00:16:28
and she fixed them finally and she left
00:16:30
you can do this kind of thing there's
00:16:31
not much to it she picture lights like
00:16:34
in that those conditions i let her go
00:16:40
k-9 units are often sent in when it's
00:16:43
not safe for officers to roust a suspect
00:16:46
usually the four-legged comrades are
00:16:48
sent running through the woods or into
00:16:50
large buildings to sniff out their prey
00:16:52
but this time it's likely the pooch felt
00:16:55
right at home it's time for
00:16:57
doggie cat
00:16:59
a guy was doing some residential
00:17:00
robberies in a neighboring city we went
00:17:03
up to assist on a search after he
00:17:05
crashed his truck and ran out on foot
00:17:07
into a wooded section the
00:17:09
dogs searched for three hours looking
00:17:12
for this guy in the woods couldn't find
00:17:14
him we went down on the beach and
00:17:16
started looking up the cliffs the dog
00:17:18
was alerting way up high on the cliffs
00:17:20
finally he found a set of stairs wooden
00:17:22
stairs that one of the residents had
00:17:24
built so that they could get down onto
00:17:26
the beach so we went up met with him
00:17:29
finally we got into the backyard
00:17:31
and he went into the backyard
00:17:33
immediately
00:17:34
found a dog house and started to bark at
00:17:36
the dog house
00:17:38
i thought he found another dog looked
00:17:40
inside and there was the bad guy hiding
00:17:42
inside the doghouse with a cushion held
00:17:44
up against the opening so the dog
00:17:46
couldn't get in i told him he was really
00:17:48
in the dog house now
00:17:53
in oneida tennessee an ordinance
00:17:55
prohibits anyone from singing the song
00:17:57
it ain't going to rain
00:18:03
no matter how many times we explain this
00:18:05
the point doesn't seem to sink in the
00:18:08
purpose of a getaway vehicle is to get
00:18:10
away
00:18:11
but it's a nuance that seemed to be lost
00:18:13
on the confederacy of dunces in our
00:18:15
final story see how a stick up gets
00:18:17
messed up as we go to ocean city
00:18:19
maryland for we're not making this up
00:18:25
got a call for a bank alarm at the
00:18:27
exchange and savings bank got to the
00:18:29
bank saw a couple guys in orange
00:18:31
jumpsuits leaving
00:18:33
figure people aren't leaving a bank
00:18:35
where there's been a robbery
00:18:36
but he watched him cross the street and
00:18:38
get into a u-haul truck when they tried
00:18:40
to take off a truck just jumped
00:18:43
it's not a smooth escape and he figured
00:18:46
well this is another false alarm these
00:18:48
guys didn't look like bank robbers
00:18:49
apparently he went up to the bank got
00:18:52
inside
00:18:53
found people handcuffed the people the
00:18:55
banks of the guys in the orange jumpsuit
00:18:57
just robbed us he went out chased them
00:19:00
saw the truck still bucking north across
00:19:02
the highway
00:19:05
got into an alley which it was too big
00:19:07
for the men abandoned the truck he
00:19:10
checked the cab found a woman who didn't
00:19:12
know how to drive the truck still in
00:19:13
there he chased one of the men
00:19:16
caught him handcuffed him we recovered
00:19:18
the money and
00:19:19
these guys went to jail
00:19:22
well it's about time for our getaway but
00:19:24
remember if you've got a lead on a story
00:19:26
or you just can't wait till next week
00:19:28
for more state of the art stupidity
00:19:30
visit our website www.dumbcrimes.com
00:19:34
we want to thank you for joining us and
00:19:36
extend our gratitude to the law
00:19:37
enforcement officers who make the show
00:19:39
possible every day they lay their lives
00:19:41
on the line to keep us safe from the
00:19:43
stupidity of would-be criminals as
00:19:45
always we hope that we've all learned
00:19:46
from others mistakes but if you haven't
00:19:49
we just might see you next week on
00:19:51
america's dumbest criminals goodbye
00:19:56
[Applause]
00:20:01
[Music]
00:20:13
you
