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tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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is this the mark of a fender bender or a
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new kind of hit-and-run
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shouldn't they have expected a half ton
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of trouble when they took their tailgate
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party on the road
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and in a pickup of another kind do you
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notice anything unusual in this
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surveillance video
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watch closely tonight as we huff and we
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puff and we blow the cover off of
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america's dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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wow
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[Music]
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now welcome your host for america's
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dumbest criminals daniel butler and
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debbie hour
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hi there hi welcome again to america's
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dumbest criminals yep we've got a great
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show so drop whatever you're doing and
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um just i'm really sorry excuse me i'm
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sorry yeah you know we're right in the
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middle of a tv show yeah go ahead go
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ahead hi
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yeah
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no yeah we just started okay once again
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we have scoured the country in search of
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profoundly foolish criminal acts sure to
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bring a smile to your face yeah kid two
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percent or skim
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damn
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daniel come on yeah uh love you too okay
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i'm sorry it was a very important call
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bruce my agent some people want me to do
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a thing all right either you do that
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thing or you
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be on america's dumbest excuses no no
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that's okay i'm sorry where were you go
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perennial all right i was about to
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introduce the first story all right go
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ahead that's good okay remember the aw
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you felt as you watched the first walk
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on the moon there were no words to
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describe what you felt well there are no
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words to describe the picture you're
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about to see so fortunately for us it
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was caught on camera
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well one mid morning in late october we
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received a report from a major um
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computer component manufacturing plant
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their security called us and said there
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was a suspicious person in their parking
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lot so of course we sent units out to
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the scene to check it out
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to our surprise once the officers got on
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the scene we found a man dressed in
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black bra black panties and a pink tutor
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not to mention high heels it was inside
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the parking lot they were checking out
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cars once our officers approached us man
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security and the police had to take foot
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pursuit to this man had to chase him
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through the parking lot uh outside the
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plant and they went to a residential
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neighborhood once the officers just
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about got up to the suspect
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he climbed over a wall and in doing so
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he broke the heel well of course our
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officers went around went through the
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house went to the yard and we arrested
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the man
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i guess the moral of the story as far as
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the way the guy was dressed was you must
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wear flats or tennis shoes don't wear
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heels but everyone's asked me why is he
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dressed like this i guess sometimes a
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guy just likes to feel pretty
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usually you go to a car lot and kick the
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tires when you're checking out a new
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vehicle well we found a situation
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involving a minivan that got out of hand
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and out of foot and it's indelibly
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marked as something to remember me by
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myself and another officer we responded
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to a local restaurant uh for a criminal
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damage to property report someone had
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kicked a van that belonged to the
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restaurant and left a rather large dent
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on the side of the band door
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we spoke to the owner of the restaurant
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the owner of the van and he advised us
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that just minutes prior he had engaged
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in an argument with a subject who had
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come into the restaurant they had his
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argument there was some swearing and
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hollering back and forth we went to the
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suspect's house spoke with him
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the suspect came to the door first thing
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i did was
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look at his shoes to see what kind of
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shoe he might be wearing unfortunately
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he wasn't wearing any shoes so he
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invited us into his house to talk about
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the matter he admitted being
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at the restaurant he admitted being
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engaged in his argument however he
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denied any involvement as a last resort
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i asked him what kind of shoes he was
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wearing when he went to the restaurant
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he brought me some work boots out of
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another room
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i took a look at the work boots and
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again with nothing else going for us
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i
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kind of paused for a second and told him
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that maybe a good idea if he
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put some clothes on come down to the
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station and talk to us because the shoe
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print on the van looks similar to the uh
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the boot that he gave me at which time
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he replied
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aha
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he said that's bull because i wasn't
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wearing these boots when i kicked the
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van but i was wearing these and he
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walked into the kitchen and brought me a
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new pair of sneakers which
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matched the shoe print on the van
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perfectly and he was subsequently
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arrested for picking the van and now
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he's kicking himself
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[Music]
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once upon a time americans look to radio
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to entertain them yeah yep and then we
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came along now i'm not much to look at
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but unlike radio at least i can move
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radio delivered great shows like the
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lone ranger fiber mcgee and molly and
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the shadow who knows what evil lurks in
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the heart of men well for the answer to
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that question we look to a surveillance
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camera hidden in an antique radio take a
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look
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instead operation we had a storefront a
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business where we put the word out on
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the street that we'll buy stereos and
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tvs and car stereo stuff like that
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and anybody can come in and just sell it
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to us and we had put cameras various
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cameras in the storefront
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and one of them which was in a uh
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a radio
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and this guy was one of the first
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customers we had in there
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he came right in there and i'm standing
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behind the counter
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he looks
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past me at the at the radio
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and points at it and says
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i know what that is
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which scared everybody
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i said what do you mean you know what
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that is i know exactly what that is and
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i said
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that's an antique
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whoa we looked at the radio he didn't
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know the camera we were happy after that
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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in prescott arizona it's illegal to ride
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your horse up the stairs of a county
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courthouse
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[Laughter]
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i suppose if you were in a real hurry
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you'd try riding your horse almost
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anywhere well our next offender was
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certainly in a hurry but you may find
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that you sympathize with this fellow
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more than most people caught breaking
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the law here's a heartfelt example of
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america's dumbest excuses
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one afternoon i was
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working traffic between oregograndi new
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mexico and el paso texas i pulled over a
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vehicle
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who was running extremely fast and the
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guy jumped out of the car he ran back to
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mine which startled me
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and he was just kind of like this and
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said officer
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please
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i've got to use a bathroom so bad
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if you will
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follow me into our granny to that
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standard gas station i'll take any
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tickets you give me please
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let me go to that gas station i said
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sure i'll follow you in
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so i followed him about 25 30 miles into
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our granny at speeds too fast to mention
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as soon as he jumped out of his vehicle
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he made a mad dash for the men's room
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with the
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standards he uh
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ran in shut the door and i walked up
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relatively close to the bathroom and i
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could
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hear and understand his problem
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about five minutes later he came back
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out with a very satisfied look on his
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face said officer i'm ready for those
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tickets now
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and i said partner been there done that
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this one's on me i fully understand your
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problem have a good day
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now
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i would like to recite a porn that i
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wrote at camp when i was but a boy
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goes something like this
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beans beans good for your heart
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gives police in pursuit a logical start
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i i may have messed up a few words but i
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think that was pretty close and it's
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pretty close to what happens in this
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blue light special
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[Music]
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five guys hungry guys decided to break
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into the deli here fifth street deli
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and steal about 35 pounds of food that
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was in separate containers they they
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went back out the same way they came in
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and had to duck under the broken glass
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door and in doing so they dumped the
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food trays across the street all the way
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to the
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steps of their house
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i came down to the deli met with the
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officers the witnesses
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they showed me the damage to the store
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and then they gave me the tour
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of the various food items that led from
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the deli
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across the street to the suspect's house
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the trail consisted of paper bags and
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pop cans of pop
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the main thing that we fought was this
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trail of beans all the way back to their
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house
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i then went back to the police
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department and prepared a search warrant
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for the residents since that's obviously
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where the suspects were and probably
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most of course some part of the food
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items themselves we went inside the
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house and asked them if they
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had seen or heard anything that went
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across the street last night of course
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they denied it when you're interviewing
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one of them had spilled
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the potato salad down in front of him
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and the other one had some amount of
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coleslaw or something in his hair
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you know it's quite obvious in the
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refrigerator was one of the large steel
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containers that contained
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the remnants of potato salad
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they had no explanation
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i mean they tried to point fingers at
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that point of time
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but
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based on what we found in the house
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which was the different food items it
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was a little bit difficult for us to
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believe that none of them were involved
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next time ishmael they call dominos they
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deliver
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okay maybe you've heard this joke before
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what do you call a bus full of lawyers
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going off a cliff that has just one
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empty seat
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a shame
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sorry to all my lawyer friends well our
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next story has all those elements except
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for the lawyers the bus and the cliff
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but there may have been room for one
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more person in the back of this truck
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bound for destiny take it away river
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oaks texas i get the call that we have
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an injury accident on the south side of
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town and i was closest motorcycle
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officer to it so i take the call and
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i get out of the fast lane five lanes
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each direction
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i got 100 miles an hour lights on siren
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going i looked in my rear-view mirror
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and here's his truck coming up behind me
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i looked on it i'm doing 100 miles an
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hour i looked mirrors again yep that
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truck is gaining on me and not only
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gaining was gaining quickly i looked
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down my strobe lights around i got a
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million candle power strobes facing each
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direction this guy's got to see me and i
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said he's coming up fast enough i'm
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worried that he's even going to run into
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me at this point in time
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so i look and i look and they get up
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behind me they're honking the horn
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honking horn they're waving their hands
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out the window and stuff like this they
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come around me on the right hand side
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and they're drinking beer and throwing
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cans out the window they wave and smile
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it's just unbelievable how this
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scenario went down i just couldn't
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believe it
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i called on the radio tell my supervisor
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on this patrol shift i said this is
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what's happening explaining the story
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and he said stay with us these folks
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here i'll get patrol officers take care
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of the accident for you
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it takes about five miles to get these
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guys off the side a little bit i thought
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it took a really dumb criminal to catch
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up with a police motorcycle hit a
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hundred miles an hour when that police
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motorcycle had his lights and siren on
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it was really unusual situation
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[Music]
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and now with news is a man who is to
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journalism what austin powers is the
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dentistry here's dan with adc headlines
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it took almost no work to flush out a
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man who repeatedly called 9-1-1 to
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complain that his toilet was overflowing
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and flooding his home he called seven
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times demanding that a deputy be
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dispatched to his house well he got his
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wish and a citation for abusing the
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response system
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nine minutes after being freed for
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serving a five to fifteen year sentence
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an ohio man was bounced back behind bars
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the reason his irritable buddy who
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picked him up
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his chum threatened to guard then drove
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off with mr newly paroled in a stolen
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vehicle then when police stopped the car
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they discovered the driver was an ex-con
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with a suspended license
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all right well because the paroled man
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wasn't supposed to associate with anyone
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who had a criminal background both
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landed in jail after nine minutes
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when a columbia tennessee woman returned
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to her home late one night she found a
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window broken out of her door and a
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stranger sleeping on her floor
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according to reports he was so
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intoxicated that he didn't even wake up
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when an officer arrived the responding
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officer was quoted as saying we like to
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catch him this way passed out really
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makes our job a lot easier
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and that closes the file on abc
00:13:01
headlines news rips from somewhere near
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the back of your local newspaper debbie
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[Music]
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she said that she knew everybody in the
00:13:12
police department in bristol township
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pennsylvania but if that were true
00:13:16
why did this lady of the evening do what
00:13:18
she did it provides a perplexing chapter
00:13:21
in the feature we call special delivery
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this case involves
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the apprehension of a prostitute our
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undercover officers had been monitoring
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an area where prostitutes frequently
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loitered and engaged in conversation
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with motorists three undercover officers
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actually pulled up next to a woman who
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was walking down the street they
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suspected that she was a prostitute and
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they engaged in conversation they asked
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her if she wanted to party she said
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certainly and she entered a vehicle with
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three undercover police officers
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okay
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yeah we're going to have a good time and
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they start negotiating in the price for
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their prostitution related activities
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one of the three officers who was inside
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the vehicle was actually wearing a
00:14:02
police badge and when the suspected
00:14:05
prostitute entered the vehicle he
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actually had to conceal it
00:14:08
she doesn't realize it but they are
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driving right to the bristol township
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police station they continue to talk as
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they travel as they are pulling into the
00:14:16
police station she is actually laughing
00:14:18
with the undercover officers and she
00:14:19
remarks that i know a lot of people who
00:14:21
work undercover here well she is in the
00:14:23
car with three undercover officers they
00:14:25
pull right up to the back door of our
00:14:27
police station the gig is up or she is
00:14:30
placed under arrest
00:14:32
but she laughed enjoyed the trip
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negotiated a price with three officers
00:14:37
who actually drove her right to the
00:14:38
bristol township police department
00:14:43
as i vividly demonstrated earlier the
00:14:45
great thing about cell phones is that
00:14:47
people can always get you and as you're
00:14:49
about to see the bad thing about cell
00:14:51
phones is that people can always get you
00:14:54
see what i mean
00:14:56
we had two of our deputies were chasing
00:14:59
a bad guy through the woods they
00:15:01
momentarily lost sight of him he had
00:15:03
laid down in the brush and they couldn't
00:15:04
find him and they were sitting there
00:15:06
trying to figure out which way to go and
00:15:07
how to how to find him when the bad
00:15:09
guy's cell phone rang so they were able
00:15:11
to find him in the woods they even heard
00:15:13
him saying hello on the phone talking on
00:15:15
the phone so they were able to find him
00:15:17
and arrest him
00:15:22
now let's look back at one of abc's
00:15:24
greatest hits from the year 1997
00:15:28
now actual hidden surveillance cam
00:15:30
footage of an above average crime
00:15:33
here we see our dumb criminal he's doing
00:15:35
a drug deal there the hat is off the
00:15:37
drug deal is done the officers are
00:15:39
closing in now the dump criminal flicks
00:15:41
the drugs right at the arresting officer
00:15:44
now he flashes his innocent smile who me
00:15:47
now he appears to make himself look
00:15:48
larger to scare away the four men with
00:15:50
loaded weapons let's see that again on
00:15:53
instant slow-mo replay
00:15:55
there he flicks the drug almost hitting
00:15:57
the officer the officer has him out of
00:15:59
the car there's the innocent smile and
00:16:01
now he's going to appear to become
00:16:03
larger is he five feet tall is he six
00:16:06
feet tall no he's seven and a half feet
00:16:10
tall
00:16:11
but i think he can kiss that basketball
00:16:12
scholarship goodbye unless of course
00:16:14
he's going to the sec
00:16:18
in this surveillance cam footage an
00:16:20
officer proves you can't count on the
00:16:22
dumb criminal who can't count
00:16:25
this is a hidden camera of a drug deal
00:16:27
going down the man on the left is an
00:16:29
undercover narcotics officer the man on
00:16:31
the right is a dumb criminal
00:16:32
unfortunately the dumb criminal is the
00:16:34
one counting the money
00:16:36
outside eight swat team members are
00:16:38
ready to make the arrest as soon as this
00:16:41
dumb criminal finishes counting his
00:16:43
money
00:16:44
okay he lost his place again now as soon
00:16:48
as this man finishes counting the money
00:16:51
the swat team will move in okay okay now
00:16:54
i think he's finished counting the money
00:16:56
yes okay he appears to be leaving
00:16:59
now the swat team comes in
00:17:01
forcing him to use a calculator
00:17:09
in hood river oregon juggling is
00:17:12
strictly prohibited without a license
00:17:14
we had a call one night we got there and
00:17:16
it was involving two shims and shims are
00:17:18
two guys that dress and act like girls
00:17:21
and we get there the one she's
00:17:22
complaining that she wants him out
00:17:24
because he was using drugs and
00:17:26
everything so we asked him where the
00:17:27
drugs were
00:17:28
her drugs
00:17:32
right around that corner right there so
00:17:34
we go out there and we look can't find
00:17:35
it come back and we say are you sure he
00:17:38
goes officer i swear her drugs are over
00:17:39
there because mine are inside
00:17:41
you're drugs we go in there sure enough
00:17:43
we lift up the bay and there it is
00:17:45
there's drugs we got pop we got his
00:17:47
crack cocaine everything right there
00:17:48
underneath we didn't get the other guy
00:17:50
because the other guy threw all his out
00:17:51
we couldn't find it over there but she
00:17:52
sure enough gave us hers
00:17:57
we don't usually do sweet stories on
00:18:01
this show personally i like them but you
00:18:03
know old blood and guts debbie
00:18:06
now she's always clamoring for bigger
00:18:08
crashes more shootouts sleazier by squad
00:18:10
sting she's a dictator like a little
00:18:12
napoleon only shorter i mean i don't
00:18:14
think you're buying this are you well
00:18:16
okay all right being an old softie i
00:18:18
lobbied for this story instead of taking
00:18:21
you to the mean streets tonight we're
00:18:22
taking a stroll down sesame street it's
00:18:25
a cute little addition to we're not
00:18:27
making this up
00:18:27
[Music]
00:18:31
i was dispatching one day and 9-1-1 rang
00:18:34
i answered 9-1-1 emergency a little boy
00:18:37
was on the other end crying and he was
00:18:38
frantic saying the garbage cans on fire
00:18:40
the garbage cans on fire and he hung up
00:18:42
on me
00:18:44
so i called back and his mom answered
00:18:46
and i explained what had happened asked
00:18:48
if everything was okay
00:18:50
and she said i'm so sorry he's watching
00:18:52
sesame street and oscar's garbage can is
00:18:55
on fire so there's not a problem in the
00:18:57
house it was on sesame street
00:18:59
[Music]
00:19:03
i love a happy ending oh me too and we
00:19:06
have an opportunity to give our viewers
00:19:08
one now if we say our goodbyes right now
00:19:10
well thanks so much for joining us
00:19:11
tonight if you've got a lead on a story
00:19:13
or you just can't wait till next week
00:19:15
for more state-of-the-art stupidity
00:19:17
visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com
00:19:21
we want to thank you for joining us and
00:19:23
extend our gratitude to the law
00:19:24
enforcement officers who make the show
00:19:26
possible every day they lay their lives
00:19:28
on the line to keep us safe from the
00:19:30
stupidity of would-be criminal as always
00:19:32
we hope that we've all learned from
00:19:34
others mistakes but if you haven't we
00:19:36
just might see you next week on
00:19:38
america's dumbest criminals
00:19:40
[Applause]
00:19:44
[Music]
00:19:51
[Applause]
00:19:54
[Music]
00:19:56
wow
00:20:00
[Music]
00:20:03
[Applause]
00:20:03
[Music]
00:20:14
you
