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hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another
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edition of america's dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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do
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[Music]
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on this episode of america's dumbest
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criminal
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tigers get lights camera busted
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give me the money a gutsy gal tries
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applying herself
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this is really stupid a crook gets all
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dressed up
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[Music]
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and you want butter on your fingers
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hey man you wanna buy some crack the
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laughs just keep coming on this week's
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episode of america's dumbest criminals
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here's your host daniel butler
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usually graffiti taggers work under the
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cover of night defacing public property
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as discreetly as possible however some
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clever cops in san jose california
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figured out a way to lure these taggers
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into the light in the spotlight actually
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police set up a fake film production
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company and sent out flyers which
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invited the taggers to appear in a
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documentary on their illegal art form
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a trip to hollywood was even offered as
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a bonus
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avoiding entrapment by asking their
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subjects not to paint and just show them
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their previous works the officers slash
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cameramen were quite surprised when many
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of their stars began spraying the wall
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anyway the on-camera ad-libbing resulted
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in 31 arrests as the documentary turned
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into a giant game of kick the can
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perhaps dizzy from the fumes one
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disappointed youngster asked a pressing
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question in the police station so does
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this mean i'm not going to la
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[Music]
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our next story comes to us from the
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kerry north carolina police department a
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woman had come into the shop earlier and
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filled out a job application she
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returned a short while later but not to
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see if the job had been filled but
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rather to empty the till
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as soon as the woman left with her
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unearned wages the counterman called the
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cops i'm calling from the coffee shop
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down at the mall here listen we just got
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robbed some gal came in she filled out
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an application here she's uh she
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actually left her dress on it with all
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the vital information in the hands of
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the police the woman was soon
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apprehended and charged with attempted
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robbery
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as it turned out the woman needed the
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money to bail her husband out of jail
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for violating parole but now they're
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together again in prison
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ain't love grand
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[Music]
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officer carl traber recounts how he was
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able to get two dumb criminals to call
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the kettle black
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my partner and i we work in wheelchair
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division traffic and of course
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friday night you look for drunk drivers
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we got out there about 11 o'clock that's
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when we started our shift and we were
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going northbound on pico and we spotted
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a car pulled him over said my goodness
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we got hardly out of the station already
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got a drunk driver and he was pretty
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pretty breeze house put the cops on put
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him in the back seat and while we were
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checking out the car and everything
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another car came by almost hit us so we
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chased after him
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not a drunk driver so we put him in the
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back seat
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while we were in route to the station is
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one drunk looked at the other and said
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you mean to tell me you were driving as
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drunk as you are
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so the other guy said you you have to
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talk i mean i wouldn't be driving it
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might be as drunk as you are and the one
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guy said if i would be as strong as you
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i would have to drive i couldn't even
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walk and we actually used them on the
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police report
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as witnesses
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against each other
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this dumb criminal decided to pick up a
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few things at a local hardware store
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after it closed unfortunately he forgot
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to grab one last item before he left the
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building you can see our sneaky snatcher
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as he casually carries items in and out
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of the back door of the business they
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probably would have made a clean getaway
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except for one little hitch
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when police arrived on the scene they
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immediately noticed a piece of paper
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that had been used to jam the door open
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during the robbery ah look at this
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can you believe that let me let me call
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it in
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it turned out to be a traffic ticket
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issued to the american bungalow earlier
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that day complete with his name address
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and car tag
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[Music]
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what will you do if your new vcr breaks
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down after a year or so well it's no
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problem if you have the good sense to
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get an extended warranty
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however in this case good sense turned
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out to be just plain nonsense it all
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started in a pittsburgh electronics
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store after two men presented credit
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cards to buy over two thousand dollars
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worth of high-grade goods well why not
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enjoy the comfort of extended warranty
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coverage you only have to fill out a
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simple form
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and our two clever consumers proceeded
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to do just that however there were only
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a couple of glitches in the transaction
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number one the credit card they had just
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used to make their purchase was hot uh
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can i get you to fill out a couple of
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warranties for the uh
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yeah yeah number two they filled in
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their real names and addresses on the
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warranty forms the credit card had been
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reported stolen just that morning to
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quote a police officer on the scene
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somewhere in this world two villages are
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missing their idiots
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i'm daniel butler and this is the lovely
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the luminous beaumont bacon thank you
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daniel you're welcome in new hampshire
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two guys stole the safe from a friend's
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house and made off with it in a
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wheelbarrow for safekeeping not very
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their little plan hit a bump tipping it
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over and sending the safe crashing to
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the ground
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yeah they panicked when they were
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spotted by a woman across the street so
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they quickly picked the safe up carried
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it behind the wall and buried it how far
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six feet under how far close
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under a pile of leaves actually
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it must have taken the police hours to
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really dig and blow away all those leaks
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oh i'm sure it did with the woman's help
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though the police caught them quickly
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and piled the rakish rogues into a cell
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for questioning well why didn't they
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just hide the safe in a fog bank
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speaking of banks this crafty criminal
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in fort lauderdale decided to take a
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taxi to rob a bank however the bank was
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closed so he told the driver to take him
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to another one and wait for him to cash
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a check and come back out
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the driver figured that this was the
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goons way of sneaking out on paying his
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fare so he called into the bank on his
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cell phone and told him to let him know
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if the guy tried to slip out yeah bank
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robbers have been known to be slippery
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in the past this robber though he
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returned to the cabin instructed him to
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drive quickly to his next destination as
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they were pulling away the bank called
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the cab driver on his cell phone and let
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him know about the robbery and that the
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police would be stopping by to pay his
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fare a little visit which they did a few
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minutes later wait so the cabbie ended
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up not getting paid anyway well i'm sure
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that he was able to do a little shopping
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with the reward money that he got oh
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good for him which brings us to our
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favorite part of this segment
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of the week from all of the stories we
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received this one is our favorite an
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officer made a routine traffic stop and
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noticed a strong smell of wacky tobaccy
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as the driver rolled down his window a
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quick search of the car produced a bag
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of marijuana and the goof was put in the
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back of the cruiser for the long ride
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downtown well crook kept himself busy
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during the trip when the officer took
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the guy out of the cruiser he noticed a
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wadded up piece of paper left behind on
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the back seat where the guy had been
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sitting when they also removed the
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little bundle of joy there was white
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powder on the seat and powder spilling
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out of the wadded up paper i bet it
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wasn't baby powder well it was just big
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baby powder the crook tried to deny that
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it was his until the officer pointed out
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that the powder was wrapped in a traffic
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citation that the goon had gotten a week
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earlier why pay those citations when you
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can carry them around to wrap your drugs
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at them yeah really probably even keep
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my vitamins fresh you know
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i have to get a lot of parking tickets
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though
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[Music]
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there are certain things that you don't
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want to wake up from a nap a bear an
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ex-girlfriend or a cop
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two burglars were busy as bees filling
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the back of their car and didn't seem to
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notice the police cruiser parked right
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across the street
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our napping night shift officer heard
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the commotion looked out of his window
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and witnessed the stupidity going on
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right in front of him
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so he did the neighborly thing he got
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himself all gussied up and gave his new
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neighbors a little housewarming present
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right there huh you guys do them
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neighbors house give me that camera
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a free ride down to the station
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dumb criminals know a lot about putting
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their foot in their mouths but this next
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buffoon topped them all by putting his
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foot in his mouth and then practically
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swallowing it in a court of law no less
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in oklahoma city a man on trial for
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armed robbery had fired his lawyer and
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was doing a pretty decent job of
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defending himself until he came up
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against a hostile witness can you tell
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me exactly where you were on the night
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of july 17th you know where i was and
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you know and i know that you did that's
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a lie that's a lot i should have shot
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you that night when i was there
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if your honor i was there of course if
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he didn't win the case
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a man walked into this palm beach
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restaurant one afternoon and ordered a
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vodka a plate of lemon slices and sugar
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this sounded strange but not as unusual
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as his next request do you mind if i cut
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my money yeah i guess okay thanks man
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[Music]
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the counting crow then pulled out about
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ten thousand dollars and began arranging
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it neatly on the table in front of him
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the waiter got the drink in lemons and
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then made a quick call to the local
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police yeah yeah that'll be amazing
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officers arrived and arrested the sour
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purse who it turned out had just
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finished robbing two small banks a few
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blocks away
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needless to say the waiter didn't get a
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tip
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[Music]
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people go to the movies to be
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entertained even dumb criminals but
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sometimes you'll find a really dim bulb
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who wants to light up the marquee and
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get into the action himself give me the
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money in lebanon indiana an ex-con went
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to the local theater and perhaps
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depressed by the coming attractions
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demanded a jumbo bucket of hot money
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from employees
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police think he asked for extra butter
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because the sap tried to give them the
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slip before he even left the building
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cursing a blue streak out the door it
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didn't take long for the authorities to
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track down colonel slanders and arrest
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him
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is this the guy that you uh call about
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with the money in the popcorn bag yes
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yeah is this uh does that look like the
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amount of money exactly like yes all
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right great anyway let me take him
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outside i'll put him in the car i'll be
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right thank you
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some of you may have heard of the
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five-fingered discount or in layman's
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terms shoplifting
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well let's take a look at this
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gift-giving grifter who decided to try
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her luck and go for 10.
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a victorville woman had stolen a part
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for her husband's car to give to him as
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a birthday present
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unfortunately she stole the wrong model
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but told him that she'd exchange it the
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next day for the correct one
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opting to bypass customer service she
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sneaked gift number one back to its
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shelf
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snatched its replacement and that's when
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she was snagged by store security missed
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you see that camera right there we
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watched everything you've done
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that should teach your husband to always
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look a gift horse in the mouth
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there's an old adage that a criminal
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always returns to the scene of the crime
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but usually not the way these two did
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it happened in meridian mississippi late
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one sunday night two yen broke into a
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restaurant made off with all the cash
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and books of gift certificates the
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ambience at the restaurant must have
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been quite compelling because two days
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later the same two knuckleheads came
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back for dinner
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and to add insult to injury they tried
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to pay for the meal with some of the
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stolen gift certificates
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they were easily recognized and arrested
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now like their crustacean counterparts
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the guys are in a tank of their own
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downtown
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some people just won't take no for an
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answer
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like this dumb driver in los angeles
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officers pulled over a guy after he ran
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a red light and found out that he was
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driving without a valid license after
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his arrest he and his car were picked up
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down at the station by a relative
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less than half an hour later the same
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officers were out on patrol and noticed
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a car pull up beside them at the light i
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can't believe this guy
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the same guy who they had just arrested
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was driving the same car he was just as
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surprised as the officers beside him and
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was arrested again
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this time he was in double trouble his
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car was impounded and he was
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incarcerated
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[Music]
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sometimes in life when you do a good
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deed you're rewarded in some positive
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way in the future
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this officer must have been in the
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karmic express lane an officer from
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portsmouth virginia decided to be a good
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samaritan when he encountered a drunk
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and opted to give the guy a lift home
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rather than a trip down to the station
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however as he was about to pull away
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another man jumped into the passenger
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seat hey man come on buy some crack yeah
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get in although the officer was in plain
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clothes his badge was clearly in sight
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and his gun was on his belt even his
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radio was broadcasting police call and
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there you are oh come on man
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come on the officer then took the
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confused crackhead for a little wheeling
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and dealing down at the station
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the footage we are about to see is from
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an in-store closed-circuit security
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camera now what makes this footage stand
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out from the average caught on tape fare
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well it's not just that we see our
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stupid suspects in plain sight no it's
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not even the fact that they thought
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destroying the camera would also destroy
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the tape machine located in another room
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it's the fact that the very next day one
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of these morons showed up at the police
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station for an unrelated charge wearing
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the same chicago bulls jacket and cap he
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wore in the robbery
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the officer who had taken the initial
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police report and watched the
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surveillance tape was working that day
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and instantly recognized the perp
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arresting him on the spot and that's no
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bull
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[Music]
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we hope you've learned one thing this
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week for every dumb crime there's an
00:15:26
even dumber criminal just waiting to
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bungle right here on america's dumbest
00:15:31
criminals
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[Music]
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huh wake up
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oh man on the next episode of america's
00:15:37
dumbest criminal open
00:15:41
the video debut of roller bullies a
00:15:44
motorhome mad man takes a short trip
00:15:48
a drunk driver tries breaking a habit
00:15:52
a dumb doper in monkey nazi monkey doom
00:15:55
all this and more on the next episode of
00:15:58
america's dumbest criminal hey give me
00:15:59
your money
00:16:03
we have a lot of traffic warrants in los
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angeles uh
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thousands and thousands of traffic wars
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and of course the suspects the violators
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they realize that
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if you come to the house and you say are
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you mr wilson all they have to say is no
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and unless the police officer has
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independent knowledge that this is mr
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wilson we can't arrest him and when we
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ask him for id he says i don't have any
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so what are you gonna do so i devised
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something with my partner what we did is
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i said that we had a warrant for example
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for roy wilson
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went to the address knocked on the door
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and said police officer mr uh are you mr
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bill johnson he says no oh wait a minute
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now it says here 52 fourth avenue
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uh he says no i'm not bill johnson i
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said the physical description you fit
00:16:48
the description he says no i'm not bill
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johnson
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so i said can you prove that you're not
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bill josh i said of course i have a
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driver's license let's see of course the
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driver license said roy wilson i said oh
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roy wilson you know we happen to have a
00:17:02
warrant for roy wilson also and so
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it worked pretty good uh we got him on
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that one so it was it was kind of fun
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you didn't have to fight the guy you
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know and he did go to jail and obviously
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that's our job to
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arrest the violators
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as i told you i retired from the los
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angeles police department in 84 and i
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joined the los angeles community college
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district
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as a police officer
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and
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we had kind of a interesting experience
00:17:31
there unfortunately we had a lot of
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break-ins in the men's locker room
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and the victims were mostly the football
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players who when they go practice which
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they did every day they put their stuff
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in their their wallets and their stuff
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in the lockers lock them up and then
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went out to practice field so we did we
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had a little stakeout and one of our
00:17:50
cadets uh
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observed a big
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tall six foot three
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uh
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size african-american
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about at least 200 pounds or heavier
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break into one of the lockers so he
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called us so we came running out and of
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course the guy spotted us and took off
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unfortunately he went the wrong
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direction he went right across the
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football practice field and we couldn't
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catch him because we had all our gear on
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and of course he was free
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and so i call it out to the football
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players there's the guy who is breaking
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into your lockers and the whole 30 40
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men team were after him
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and they have some good runners
00:18:28
especially the wide receiver
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and to make a long story short they
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caught up with him on coldwater uh
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coldwater canyon
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and my job basically was to keep the
00:18:38
football players from
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killing him
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they really got a hold of that guy
00:18:46
[Music]
00:18:57
you
