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hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another
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edition of america's dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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do
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on this episode of america's dumbest
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criminal a drunk does some local
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landscaping no i'm just doing a liquor
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store i was just gonna get a beer
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a crook takes an unusual pit stop
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a burglar dresses for success
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a suspect has the last word down at the
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station
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[Music]
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all this and more on this week's episode
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of america's dumbest criminals here's
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your host daniel babum with the help of
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infrared technology police were able to
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capture a couple of car thieves who were
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on a long road to nowhere
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an armed couple had stolen a car and led
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the police on the long chase through the
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dark countryside you can see them toss a
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bag out of the window and continue on
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down the road where they soon stopped
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and decided to make a run for it the
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girlfriend had worn high heels a big
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fashion faux pas if one is planning to
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run through a cow pasture and proceeded
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to bite the dust every few feet until
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they made it into the woods where the
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police and canine units caught up with
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him a few minutes later
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when police picked up the tossed bag
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they found the nine millimeter pistol
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drugs the title to the stolen car signed
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over by the crooks to themselves and one
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of the suspects driver's license that he
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had accidentally dropped in there during
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all the excitement
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they're leading a much quieter life now
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behind bars
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[Music]
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let me paint the scene for you it's a
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quiet sunday morning in an average
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indiana residential suburb the peace and
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tranquility are broken only by the
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familiar buzz of a lawnmower somewhere
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in the distance
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at least that was how it had been until
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our intoxicated outlaw cut a new path of
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destruction across the neighborhood
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the 57-year-old boozer had a record of
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drunken conviction as long as the garden
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path
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when he was finally apprehended he
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allegedly told the police he was on his
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way to buy a six-pack of beer but was
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too drunk to walk
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with a bit of luck a little time and
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detention will trim his need to drink
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and garden and remember
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friends don't let friends mulch drunk
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some dumb criminals don't feel like one
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or two clues or enough to leave behind
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so they spell it out for the cops like
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this next genius we call robert bob
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bobby
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as we
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drove along we'd been notified earlier
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that evening in briefing
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that there was a
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a rash of coin operating machines being
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burglarized in the area
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a particular car wash on the corner
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that we were watching out for
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and uh during the night we had been
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checking on it periodically
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and the weather got a little worse so we
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went off and
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checked some other stuff
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went back and noticed some footprints in
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the snow and the footprints went up to
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every
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paper machine and
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door in the shopping center
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kept foam around they went behind the
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business follow them around the business
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follow them across the street again and
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into a neighborhood
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[Music]
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where we found a screwdriver with a name
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on it
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named bob so we kept walking and uh in
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the middle of one of the streets
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we saw the name robert in big letters
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robert bob you know maybe they're
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related something
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in the snow
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so we kept walking and
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finally got to a house footprints right
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up to the house into the backyard where
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we found two pairs of shoes with snow on
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went around in the front knocked on the
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door asked if we could speak to robert
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it was it was the right one it was
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robert
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we took care of it
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[Music]
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this next segment follows the trail of
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two drunk burglars who robbed a gas
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station then after getting lost had to
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stop and ask for directions
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what they didn't realize was that this
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was the same gas station that they had
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just robbed a short time before
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the attendant was on the phone to the
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police when he noticed the thieves
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making their way over to him
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they didn't seem to recognize him and
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immediately asked for directions to a
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hotel in the area
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he helped them let's go hurry come on
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then he got back on the phone with the
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police
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he had no sooner put the phone down when
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the two men once again returned and
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asked if he could give them a boost
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because their pickup won't start
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he offered to call a tow truck and
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immediately got back on the phone to the
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police
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five minutes later the men were picked
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up by the police and towed off to prison
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free of charge
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[Music]
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we get many stories from officers who
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come across dumb criminals while off
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duty
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the next crook was especially unlucky
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he made the mistake of attempting to rob
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a police officer and a friend of his who
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was a bouncer the goon ran up with a gun
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and told the men to give him their money
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the bouncer nonchalantly leaned forward
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and took the gun from the thief throwing
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him to the floor you see he recognized
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the weapon it was the same toy that he
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had just picked up for his kid a couple
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of days earlier
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not only did this idiot try to hold up
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two trained professionals but he tried
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to do it with a cheap water pistol
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i guess when it comes to crime he's
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still a bit wet behind the ears
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and now crimes of the week with daniel
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butler and beaumont bacon i'm daniel
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butler and this is beaumont bacon the
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leopard queen hello daniel hi beaumont
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i'm starting the show with an officer
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who had one of his fantasies come true
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daniel this is a family show no no not
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that kind of fantasy see this particular
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officer was investigating a rash of
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bicycle thefts in the area a prime
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suspect was eventually discovered and
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had agreed to come down to the station
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voluntarily for questioning volunteer
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yeah
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yeah it only happened in a small town
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well about an hour before the interview
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our officer got another report of a
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stolen bicycle he went over and got all
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the information then quickly headed back
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to the station to meet up with his
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suspect you mean he actually showed up
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well as the officer drove into the
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station parking lot his suspect rode in
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on a bike exactly like the one that had
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just been stolen you are kidding me nope
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upon closer inspection the officer
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discovered that it was indeed the
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bicycle and quickly arrested him
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what a story
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that was interesting well this next
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officer had similar luck he was in plain
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clothes on his way to work one night
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when a car pulled up right beside him
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right there the driver asked if the
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officer wanted to buy a solid gold bar
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for one hundred dollars hey jump on it
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yeah that's quite a deal
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i know that's what the officer thought
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and offered to take a look at the
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merchandise which he quickly discovered
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was fake of course the crafty crook then
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opened the trunk of his car and revealed
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all kinds of stolen goodies on special
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that day a lot of two for sales an
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officer had a coupon
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and he told the guy that he had some
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gold of his own he wanted to show him
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and quickly showed him his little gold
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patch there said you're under arrest can
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you imagine the going out of business
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sale he could have had
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been fighting over those gold mars and
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everything in the trunk isn't let's go
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must go which brings us to the video
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of the week an officer arrived on the
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scene of a call and was told by the
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caller that the people down the street
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had stripped his car many of its parts
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and that he wanted them arrested
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the officer took down the information
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including the vehicle registration
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number from the dashboard of the
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stripped car the dispatcher ran the
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number and radioed the officer that the
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car had been stolen by the same man who
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had registered the complaint
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hmm
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the law can be so confusing can't it i'm
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sure he thought he was making a good
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point yeah to match the one on his ear
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no pointy head
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[Music]
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police often find very bizarre clues at
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crime scenes
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but there are few to match this one
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it's the case of a brainless burglar who
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got caught not only with his pants down
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but off
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police in klamath falls oregon responded
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to a burglary call they missed the
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burglar but not what he left behind his
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pants and his wallet which was laying on
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the ground beside them kidding me look
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at here
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oh this guy made it easy for us
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apparently he had burgled the home in
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his unmentionables and left his trousers
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before fleeing the scene of the crime
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our bare-bottomed burglar was quickly
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arrested and fitted with a pair of
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prison issued pants complete with a
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complimentary set of silver bracelets
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this next surveillance tape shows a dumb
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burglar in michigan who thought that
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breaking into this little summer house
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would be a cake till it kicked back
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the owners had installed a security
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system that caught this guy as he made
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preparations to break into their house
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he casually surveys the area and picks
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up a long pole thinking he can use it to
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pry open the door
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when that doesn't work he decides to try
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using his brute strength gives the door
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a little kick and then another and then
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a big kick that knocks him to the ground
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and forces him to ponder the thong
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if a dumb criminal falls down in the
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forest
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would anyone still arrest him
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as a matter of fact they did
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called in on a robbery of a photo
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developing shop this daily city
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detective was questioning the shop's
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owner when he was presented with a
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proposition
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we had a
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robbery of a photo mat one of those
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drive up photomat stores
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and
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we were investigating as you know as to
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who the possible suspect was and getting
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all the you know information and
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description of the person
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as we were walking away the
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clerk says well do you want his name
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and we turned and we said
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yeah do you know who he is
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and the clerk says well yeah i think so
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because he's got some film here
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and we said what are you talking about
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she said well what happened was this guy
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that robbed me just now he's the one
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that came in a week ago and dropped some
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film off so he filled out you know
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return address and she said i recognized
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him i thought he was coming back today
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to get his film except
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he robbed me today
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once taken down to the station our photo
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finished felon was presented with a
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different set of free prints
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fingerprints
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sometimes during a hard day's work we
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all just want to crawl under our desk
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and take a quick nap who would know
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probably no one unless you're this dumb
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criminal
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seems that this rem rod decided to break
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into an apartment one afternoon to pick
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up a few things instead of going to one
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of those stores that actually makes you
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pay for them
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he came in through a window made his way
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around the room he heard someone come in
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and immediately hid under the bed
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the tenants found nothing unusual when
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they got home and went about their day
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a couple of hours later as they were
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watching tv the tenants heard some
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horrible noises coming from their
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bedroom but couldn't find the source
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they called the police who came over and
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discovered our sleeping baby under the
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bed snoring like a chainsaw
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they found only two items on him a hair
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barrette and wig both valued at about a
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dollar
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should make for an interesting mug shot
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down at the station
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after a car chase in texas that ended in
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the arrest of two men the driver was
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being held for outstanding warrants and
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theft the military officer on the arrest
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was told they could not hold the
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passenger so after taking his home
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number he let him go
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later further investigation uncovered
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that the passenger was a wanted murderer
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out of belmead county
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having his home number the officer
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decided to take a chance
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he called the passenger and told him
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that he could come and pick up his
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friend
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sure enough our criminal mastermind
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entered the lobby of the police station
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who
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you call him so come pick him up
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hey wait a minute
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okay what's the song yeah
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hey you said i could just come down and
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pick him up and that was all
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saved man
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the officers arrested him and he was
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promptly reunited with his fast driving
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bump buddy
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and now a story about a burglary suspect
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who shows the cops just how dumb he can
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be after a rash of burglaries in the
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area the police arrested a suspect and
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were questioning him about those
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anything about either crimes on this
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list and you flat because they got
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nothing on me
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i think he's telling the truth this guy
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is strictly small potatoes he's too
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stupid to be pulling off these jobs this
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is the work of a pro insulted by what
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the detective had just said the man
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grabbed the list and started pointing to
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every job he'd pulled he also went on to
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name his partner now he's stupid
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gee that's a tough one
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officer bennis tells us about a security
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guard who started the new year off with
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more of a whimper than a bang
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this was a new year's eve dwi road block
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they had about seven officers out
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working a dwi road block set up they had
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over 100 feet of flares set up and as
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the officers are standing there
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working their site they noticed this car
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slowly driving through all the flares
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well the car gets up there and they stop
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well they notice the guy driving's in
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uniform
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so they get a little closer and they see
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that he's a security guard a security
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guard uniform and they ask him you know
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why are you running through the flares
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he said well i really didn't notice the
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flares i'm really sorry i was on my way
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to work and i wasn't paying attention
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and suddenly i was just sitting here and
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all these burning flares are around him
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and the officer said well okay once you
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step out of the car and could you hand
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me your baggie of marijuana
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and he had a big baggie of marijuana
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laying next to him on the seat
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it turned out the reason he didn't see
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the flares is he was rolling a joint as
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he was driving down the street then
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suddenly he looked up and he's in all
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the flares so he stuck the joint in his
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pocket but forgot he left the baggie
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laying in the seat next to him
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[Music]
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a truant officer in nashville tennessee
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sent us this story about a hold up
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suspect who didn't hold back
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the officer had been advised by dispatch
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to be on the lookout for a vehicle
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believed to have been used in an armed
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robbery moments later the suspect
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vehicle was spotted and immediately
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pulled over
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stop get out of the ground get on the
00:16:12
ground
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haven't i seen you somewhere before you
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look awfully familiar yeah i'm the kind
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of one
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but you want we have so many of them but
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stand up
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what do you supposedly wanted for
00:16:28
uh
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lots of things lots of things
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sure enough it was him our wanted poster
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boy was number two on the top 10 most
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wanted list down at the station
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gosh if only the rest of the criminal
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world would be so cooperative
00:16:45
[Music]
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this next real surveillance tape shows a
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dumb criminal who made a rather unusual
00:16:53
pit stop during a high-speed chase
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a man in a stolen passenger van led
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police on a wild pursuit through the
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streets of los angeles
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he managed to stay ahead of them for
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quite a while until he noticed a camera
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crew standing off to the side and
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decided to stop by for a quick chat
00:17:13
[Music]
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officers were more than a little
00:17:17
surprised by the camera hog's move and
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were able to catch him a few blocks
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later
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they fulfilled his desire to be on film
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by taking a full set of mug shots down
00:17:28
at the station smile
00:17:37
we'll see you next week on america's
00:17:39
dumbest criminals
00:17:41
on the next america's dumbest criminals
00:17:43
yeah most of you guys are right lousy
00:17:46
actors a man adds more than sugar to his
00:17:49
coffee a yuletide burglar gets caught
00:17:52
with his pants down
00:17:54
here a loser picks the wrong place to
00:17:57
light
00:17:58
up stoner makes an indecent proposal to
00:18:02
a cop hey what's going on guys
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hey what's up
00:18:06
wow
00:18:07
all this and more on the next america's
00:18:09
dumbest criminals
00:18:11
just last year
00:18:13
we had a dui checkpoint that's a drunk
00:18:16
driving checkpoint we had a long line of
00:18:18
cars that obviously were waiting to pass
00:18:21
through this checkpoint and
00:18:23
finally when this one particular vehicle
00:18:26
came through the officers did what they
00:18:28
normally do they run the license plate
00:18:29
make sure that the person has you know
00:18:31
california driver's license it's valid
00:18:34
and as they ran the license plate found
00:18:36
out the vehicle had been reported stolen
00:18:38
what happened was
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i guess this subject had stolen the
00:18:42
vehicle 15 minutes earlier was driving
00:18:45
through daly city uh saw the checkpoint
00:18:48
you know he was motioned to to pull over
00:18:51
so he sat for 30 minutes
00:18:53
in this long line instead of abandoning
00:18:55
the vehicle and taking off or whatever
00:18:57
he just sat there and i guess he assumed
00:18:59
he was going to get through the
00:19:00
checkpoint because he wasn't drunk
00:19:05
[Music]
00:19:16
you
