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hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another
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edition of america's dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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oh
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[Music]
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on this episode of america's dumbest
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criminals
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the video debut of roller bullies
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a motorhome madman takes a short trip
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a drunk driver tries breaking a
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stupid habit dumb doper in monkey nazi
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monkey
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all this and more on this week's episode
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of america's dumbest criminals give me
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your money
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here's your host daniel butler
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three kids in redondo beach were out
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skateboarding one night when a car
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suddenly pulled up beside them two no
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neck minis got out and scared the kids
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into giving them their skateboards keys
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and a video camera that one of them had
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been using to record their stunts
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hey would you say fool no
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no man never what what what what's going
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on what are you doing
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[Music]
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what the goons didn't realize was that
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the camera was still on and recorded the
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whole event in living color for the
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police to view when they caught them
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about 10 minutes later
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[Music]
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the boys got their property back and the
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greedy geeks got to watch their home
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video debut with a judge and a court
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full of their peers
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the jury gave the thugs two thumbs down
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and made sure that they were unavailable
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to film any kind of sequel
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[Music]
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there are all sorts of excuses that
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people give for breaking the law some
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are funny some are not but most of them
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are pathetically stupid like this one
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a state trooper was clipped by a car
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while speaking to a motorist that just
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pulled over the driver didn't even slow
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down however he was pulled over for dui
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a couple of hours later at his trial the
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lawyer argued that her client was not
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drunk but had in fact taken a home
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remedy for diabetes that had caused her
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clients erratic behavior however the
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driver's doctor thought otherwise
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testifying to his patient's daily scotch
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habit of over 15 years to say that he
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has a drinking problem would be an
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understatement needless to say our
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pickled pepper was promptly picked
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packed and parked at the penitentiary
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[Music]
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officer mark miller tells the story of a
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drunk driver who had a little run in
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with the law and a car and a yard and a
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house
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paul i remember some years ago
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we responded to a traffic accident it
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was a hit and run
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we arrived at the scene a house had been
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run into
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the suspect vehicle was gone
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but the damage it included hitting the
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house hitting a parked car hitting the
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lawn sprinklers to where the pipes were
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broken and there was water spewing
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everywhere
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one of the witnesses handed us a garage
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door opener and advised us that the guy
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driving the suspect vehicle
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had dropped that when he was getting out
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and back into his car
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so we drove up the hill
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click every five or six houses click
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click
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about three miles up the hill and how
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many houses later click
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the garage door opens
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and there inside the garage
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is the suspect vehicle it's wet it's
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dripping with water from the lawn
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sprinkler the windshield wipers are on
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the headlights are on the engine's still
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running
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and our guy is still sitting behind the
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wheel
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also inside the car was his dog i went
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in the garage asked him
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what was going on he says he's just
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taking his dog for a walk
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but it was raining so he's going to wait
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we arrested him for drunk driving
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[Music]
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it's one thing to try to make a clean
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getaway but it's another thing entirely
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to put too much emphasis on the clean
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part in fair oaks california a woman
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came home to her house and discovered
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items piled on the floor and her stereo
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missing she quickly called 911 and
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waited for the police to arrive when
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they did the standard search for clues
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became a wash in good luck oh my god the
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water turned into the bathroom i didn't
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leave it on don't put it on okay
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the burglar was still in the house of
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taking a bubble bath sound asleep
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believe it or not the officers actually
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had to shake the bathing burglar to make
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the arrest oh man
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another dumb criminal down the drain
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and now crimes of the week with daniel
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butler and beaumont bacon i'm daniel
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butler and with me is the bold and
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beautiful beaumont bacon but no longer
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young and restless thank goodness unlike
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this guy who took a long jump off of a
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second-story dorm balcony to escape a
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pursuing university police officer the
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campus cop spotted him running into a
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mouth of an underground drain pipe and
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the chase was on and the chase was on
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well not exactly they let the thief cool
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his jets for a while before they sent a
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k-9 unit in and not a moment too soon
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the pruned prep had wedged himself into
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a small pipe and was stuffed in so
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tightly that he was blocking the flow of
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water oh and probably the flow of blood
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to his brain i bet much like this
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wisconsin snow job who was on the run
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from the law and mistook himself for an
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ostrich the police were responding to a
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silent burglar alarm at an auto body
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shop and arrived on the scene in minutes
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the police figured the guy was still
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nearby and searched the premises they
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noticed their quarry within seconds or
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should i say a part of them he had
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stuffed his head into a snow bank
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figuring if he couldn't see the cops
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that they couldn't see him well actually
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i've done that what no yeah well if i if
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i pretend it's not there you know i
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think maybe it'll go away
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you know well actually i i've done that
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well almost sometimes when i'm out of
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gas
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and i've often made it to the gas
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station on the smell of an oil rag alone
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and then i realize i have no cash so
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what did you do i left my id with
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security the same thing that our idiot
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of the week from santa ana california
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did a week later he goes to collect his
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id and pay for the gas well that's nice
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not really while the clerk goes back to
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get the man's id he eyes a gold chain on
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another customer grabs it and runs
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leaving behind his id
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exactly the police promptly nailed the
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necklace never at the address on his id
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card in addition the arrest was in
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violation of his parole the confiscated
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chain was exchanged for some nicer
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little
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platinum cufflinks there
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[Music]
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we've highlighted crooks who've left
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identification at the scene of the crime
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a driver's license or perhaps a credit
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card something that might have fallen
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out of a pocket and could at least be
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attributed to carelessness
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this texas turkey had no excuse but
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sheer stupidity
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the man at the front desk is about to
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empty the till at this downtown hotel
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but he's waiting for the lobby to clear
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out before he makes his move so he fills
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out a registration card
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once alone with the reception clerk he
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shows his weapon and demands the day's
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take
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but with a limited amount of common
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sense he forgets to grab the
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registration card he so patiently filled
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out with his real name address and phone
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number
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it didn't take long for the local
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sheriff to track down the robber and
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check him into a lovely room with a view
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at the texas state prison
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[Music]
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an off-duty officer was on her way home
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wearing a police-related t-shirt when
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she stopped in at a convenience store to
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buy a drink
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she noticed a security guard buying
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cigarette rolling papers and on a hunch
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approached the guard outside and ask him
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if he had a bud
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another term for a marijuana flower
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the guard stated that he didn't but
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would sell her a joint after the
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transaction she immediately arrested him
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she couldn't believe how stupid this guy
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had been and actually had to point out
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her prominently displayed badge and gun
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to our clever con
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he must have been blitzed during the
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attention to detail seminar at his
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security guard training sessions
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studies have shown that parents don't
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spend enough quality time with their
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kids like they used to
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well this family spent a little time
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together and learned a little something
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about one another in the process
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it was an average day at this
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convenience store in northport alabama a
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kid comes into the store and immediately
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rushes to the counter threatens the
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clerk and quickly grabs some cash and
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runs out the kid might have gotten away
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except for one little oversight
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what he didn't notice was this man
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carrying the slurpees well he just
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happened to be the kid's father who was
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on his way out to the car where his wife
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the kid's mother was waiting you can see
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them staring in disbelief as they watch
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their offspring in action to make
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matters worse the kid called the parents
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a little later to ask for a ride because
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his car had broken down during his
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getaway
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the less than proud parents convinced
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him to turn himself in and send him
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directly to the police station without
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any supper
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following a tip on a dealer working from
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home two policemen in full uniform
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decided to pay the house a visit
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well the two officers knocked on the
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door and were invited in that's when
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they discovered a man holding a plastic
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sheet with cocaine piled in the center
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of it hey what do you got there
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coke
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you're under arrest
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yeah no this is not my house man let's
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go i'll be hurt this is not my house
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not to worry they quickly found a new
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home for our misplaced misfit
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[Music]
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women always give us guys a hard time
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about asking someone for directions when
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we need them
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for some reason women just don't seem to
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have a problem with it as this will show
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an officer was busy on a traffic stop
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when a car pulled up in front of the
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vehicle he was dealing with a woman got
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out of the car staggered up to him and
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asked if he could give her directions to
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a specific bar
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it was clear to the officer that she had
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already had a few for the road and he
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asked her to wait until he was finished
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with what he was doing then he would be
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more than glad to help her which he did
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as soon as he was done he gave her all
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the directions that she needed like how
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to touch her finger to her nose walk a
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straight line and how to enter the back
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of his cruiser for a ride down to the
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station
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a destination that he was certain she
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could find without anyone's help
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[Music]
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when a criminal goes to court the kind
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of judge he gets at his hearing can make
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a big impact on what kind of sentence he
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will receive
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this particular bank robber in
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massachusetts might have had a better
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chance if he had put a little more
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thought into his famous last words to
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the judge
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the judge in this particular case seemed
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to feel a bit sorry for the crook and
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after the guy apologized over and over
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for his crime and practically threw
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himself on the mercy of the court she
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decided to ask him one final question
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if you were out this very moment
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would you do this again to which the
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pleading perp replied i'm gonna have to
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take the fifth on that your owner
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that wasn't quite what the judge wanted
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to hear so she gave the guy five to ten
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more years to think about his answer
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before his next trial
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[Music]
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every gardener has had to learn to deal
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with pests white flies potato bugs
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inchworms the list goes on and on
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however this man dealt with a new breed
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the dreaded
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criminal stupidus
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a 74 year old man was spending a quiet
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afternoon gardening when he was
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approached by a goon with a gun who
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wanted more than pruning tips hey give
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me your money at which point the man
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grabbed his weed whacker and took a
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stand
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out of here
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the startled suspect tried to run but
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fell and was unable to escape the
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whirling weapon that he had come into
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him he was charged with armed robbery
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and assault and spent most of his cell
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time standing
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an officer in fresno california got more
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than he bargained for on this routine
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stop
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our officer noticed a car driving very
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slowly and erratically on an open road
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figuring that the driver was probably
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intoxicated he flashed his lights and
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motioned for them to pull over suddenly
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the driver's side door opened and the
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driver stepped out of the car which
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continued on its merry way
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the officer ordered the driver to stay
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put which he seemed to be doing anyway
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and took off on foot to stop the moving
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vehicle he caught up with it and reached
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in the driver's side window and threw
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the car in the park that's when he
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discovered the driver's snackered
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girlfriend she was slouched down and
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clutching the steering wheel determined
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to keep the car on the road and within
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the lines the officer arrested her and
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escorted the girl back to her catatonic
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counterpart who was standing in the
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exact place the officer had ordered him
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to a few minutes earlier
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[Music]
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it's not often that citizens set up an
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appointment for their mug shots
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but this woman in coleman alabama is a
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special case
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a suspect wanted in some atm thefts saw
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her picture in the common times and
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marched right into the police station to
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complain
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that's my picture in the paper that is
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not me
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well looks like you but after answering
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a few pointed questions and looking at
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all the evidence against her the woman
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finally confessed
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if there are any criminals out there
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watching now
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it really does save the cops a lot of
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time and trouble if you just come on
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down and turn yourselves in we'd all
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really appreciate it
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[Music]
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the man got ticked off at his friend
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while they were fishing so he just
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decided to take off in his buddy's rv
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you can imagine the tense drama inside
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the rv it's speed three
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bagel from heck
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dad's pushing 57 miles per hour and it's
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frantic dash from the law so he's really
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working up a hunger honey make me a ham
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sandwich
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junior's about to get his high score on
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nintendo 64 and sisters doing her
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homework at the dinette and talking on
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the cell phone honey pull over we need
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some more mayo i can't hear you with all
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those dawn sirens and that damn pain
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blaring in my ear dad make him turn that
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off i can't study shut up stupid you
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shut up don't make me stop this avi dad
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she kicked me that's it they finally
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pulled over and the officer gave the
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fished off dad a stern talking to and
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sent him down to the station without any
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dinner well our bungling buffet is now
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closing but please join us next week as
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we serve up another heap and helping of
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hapless hoodlums here on america's
00:16:08
dumbest criminals
00:16:10
after being on the police department for
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maybe six
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six years
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i made a normal traffic traffic stop of
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a vehicle
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and it was a young driver in his 20s
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i walked up to the window
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asked him for his identification and his
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driver's license and he did the typical
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thing as he opened his wallet and took
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out his driver's license there was a
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daily city police card sitting there
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and um
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so i noticed it and i go i just happened
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to notice it and i said oh do you know
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this officer you know an officer he goes
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yes he's a very good friend of mine i've
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known him for a long long time he's a
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very very good friend of mine i go
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really i said do you mind if i take a
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look he goes sure and he takes it out
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and he proudly hands me this business
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card for one of my fellow officers and
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there is my name eric wallman police
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officer daley city police sitting on
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this card i go really i said how long
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have you known this guy oh we're very
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good friends
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we're very good friends oh okay well
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that's really interesting to know thank
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you so i walked back to my car
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and and the thing about me is i'm the
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easiest one you could talk out of a
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ticket i'm pretty if the person knows
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what they did wrong there's a good
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chance they may get a warning but i walk
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but this one was too too good to pass up
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so i walked back to my car
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and i fill out the ticket and for
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whatever the violation was
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you know stop sign or something i fill
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out the violation
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obviously sign the ticket and i come
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back to the car now obviously he's
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disappointed and i give him the ticket
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to sign
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and then um i said by the way i said
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you may uh i said do you know who i am
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he goes uh no no i don't know you are i
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said well check the name on that
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citation that you just signed and have a
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nice day
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i'll see you later
00:17:52
as far as patrol was
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one of our officers who unfortunately
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isn't here today was on patrol and
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there was a
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there was a car driving up the street
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and
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behind it attached to the
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to the bumper of this car was another
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bumper of another car
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and obviously that's a little unusual so
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this officer pulls in behind it pulls
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the guy over walks up to the car
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obviously it seems like the guy's
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probably a little intoxicated and the
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officer says he goes hey excuse me he
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goes but do you know that
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there's a there's a bumper on the back
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of your car he goes yeah i noticed that
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and the guy's been tailgating me all the
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way up the freeway
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[Music]
00:18:49
you
