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this is an adc warning the crimes you're
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about to see are true
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only the names were changed to protect
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the ignorant
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[Music]
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tonight you'll see some dopers who are a
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little too hospitable
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a jewelry store full of dumb criminals
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and a dumb criminal who is disarmed and
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dangerous
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these are just a few of america's
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damaged criminals
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[Music]
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welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler you know we thought
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we'd get numb to the sort of crime we
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see in our research for this show
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however most of the numbness remains in
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the heads of our subjects
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come with us now and plumb the depths of
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human stupidity as we open the files on
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america's dumbest criminals
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first up retired officer david hunter
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tells the story of an armed robber who
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goes over the edge it was one about an
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out of state armed robber
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as he was attempt as an officer
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attempted to pull him over one night he
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panicked
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and
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his car
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burned out flamed out on him as he was
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crossing an interstate bridge
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and he assumed that he was still at
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ground level where he had been when the
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pursuit started so he was a little
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surprised when he bailed out over the
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side of the railing and dropped 45 feet
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to the
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to the rock quarry below
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they survivor
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[Music]
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you have to run before you can fall
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[Music]
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in montana it used to be against the law
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for a wife to read her husband's mail
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but it was legal to bake using his
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letters
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not everyone knows the proper etiquette
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for late night visits for starters you
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should always ask who is it i was
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working uniform patrol
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many years ago
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and the proverbial midnight it's boring
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and nothing's going on
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we get the loud music call
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it's two o'clock in the morning no big
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deal as always we just go knock on the
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door tell the people
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turn the music down this particular time
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we end we're knocking on the door we're
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not really getting an answer so we knock
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a little louder
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people inside said come in
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so we opened the door
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all these people are sitting around the
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round table snort and cocaine
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everybody know what you're doing now put
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your hands behind your head
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hands behind your head now
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you got a little cardi going on here
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there had to be about an ounce of
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cocaine on this table and they're just
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uh oh
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so eight people went to jail just by
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saying come in
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and on the way out you just tell the guy
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did your mother ever tell you you know
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ask who it is first
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adc quiz number 731
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tunneling underground three men came up
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through the floor of what was supposed
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to be the bank it wasn't
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was it a the parking lot of the police
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station b an empty warehouse or c a
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midnight madness sale at an appliance
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store
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the correct answer is see a midnight
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madness sale at an appliance store a
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great place to launder money
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but now they're doing laundry at the
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state pen
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come out from the adc security cam
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vaults no cops here
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this is actual hidden surveillance
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footage of an undercover officer buying
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cocaine in a motel room
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the man you'll see in the ball cap is a
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dealer and what did they watch on tv
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while doing a dope deal man mtv
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now every dope deal begins with small
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talk and shooting the breeze
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and in no time at all the dealer is
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ready to risk 20 years in prison for
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bucks going out to the car to pick it up
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all 1600
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and bring it back in
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now the one thing that always takes the
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most time in every dope deal is counting
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the money
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finally the deal is done but the
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undercover officer decides to get the
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dealer one last tip
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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now an undercover officer tells us about
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an early training mission
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[Applause]
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i work
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as an undercover officer for narcotics
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for the sheriff's department
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and my first or second day there
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one of the other officers asked me to go
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and
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buy some prescription
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drugs from this woman
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hello
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hi um yeah yourself guilts here
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i was not familiar with any of them i
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had to take a piece of paper with me
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that had the names of the pills on it
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yes
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yes i meant
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um
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the
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minis you have
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good
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yeah
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and in front of this woman that i was
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buying the pills from repeatedly had to
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go back to the piece of paper right in
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front of her and say uh why not client
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final
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two and all two and all yes i'm in
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so um
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[Music]
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she sold me a quantity of prescription
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drugs for a price of 250 dollars
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i'm a police officer and you're under
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arrest oh
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you're a knockout yes i am i need to get
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in my house
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there was a house full of evidence
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but nobody home
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later on america's dumbest criminals a
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joyride to the county jail that turns
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[Music]
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ugly undercover police work can be
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pretty dangerous you've got no cruiser
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or uniform and very often find yourself
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outnumbered it's worth it though when
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your hard work pays off and you
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infiltrate a criminal organization all
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the way to the top and meet the brains
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or half brains of the operation
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now let's cruise for drugs undercover on
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a college campus and taken for a ride
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hey man i'll give you a ride come on
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two undercover officers were cruising
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the campus to make dope contacts with
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their own jerry rigged camo capped cam
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they stopped to give hitchhiking dopers
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a ride
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almost immediately their hitchhiker lit
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a big joint
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the officers told them that they were
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looking to cop some dope no problem this
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doper knew plenty of people with pot
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you seen yourself before
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you see it
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you have you tried this absolutely good
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stuff for the rest of the night the
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narcs were taken from house to house by
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the helpful doper
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try these for great they made deal after
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deal on videotape
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they had enough evidence and enough
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faces on video to make a major bust
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based on one hitchhiking ride
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having a great day the doper told the
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undercover officers of a friend in the
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next town who supplied half the campus
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so they all drove over to meet the big
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man on campus himself
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[Music]
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after scoring big the agents told their
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happy passenger that they wanted to take
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him someplace for a big surprise
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you guys been to cops all day
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[Music]
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what a bomber
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he's dumber
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in new jersey it's against the law to
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detain a homing pigeon but you can like
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castro shown here in hackensack legally
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sing like a stool pigeon
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next up another nun tells a story of
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mass stupidity in i was only trying to
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help myself
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officers received a call at a jewelry
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store in downtown
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they went in they saw one you behind the
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counter stand up
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i didn't do nothing i was just trying to
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stop him stealing
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you step over to the counter i got two
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over here not three more get up stand up
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is anybody else in here
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is there anybody else in here they got
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nine out of there later on after
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investigating they found out that one of
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them i think it was the youngest one
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that he was supposed to be the lookout
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but
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he went inside also you know where they
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got cold or he was just greedy but he
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didn't see the police driving up so all
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of them were caught inside of the
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building
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it's always the little guy who's that
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sweet brain of the outfit
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now we'll take you inside the courtroom
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for trial
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and error
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listen from actual courtroom transcripts
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as a dope dealer tells about his twisted
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social conscience mr scott you went into
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the police station to demand the arrest
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of a drug dealer in your neighborhood is
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that correct i was so afraid that kids
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was gonna get hurt by the cheap drugs he
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was selling and that's when you threw
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down the cheap drugs that he had sold to
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you that's exactly right the man's a
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crook
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[Music]
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coming up jerry ponce tells us about a
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real blockhead who suffers from a mental
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roadblock
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on america's dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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next up dan newman of las vegas recalls
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serving a warrant that placed him in
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arm's way
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we did a drug bust once up in when i was
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in narcotics we didn't know that he only
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had one arm
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so we went into the house and he was
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running around with
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no arm and in the bedroom uh there's
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this prosthesis
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hey hey hey
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one guy yells out hey i've got the
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suspect he's unarmed you know so
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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two would-be carjackers were shocked
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when they tried to pull a driver out of
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his car at a red light he sped away
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leaving one of them holding his
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artificial leg
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the dumb criminals later tried to plea
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bargain for just pulling his leg
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now paul heaton of charlotte takes us
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back to his encounter with stupidity in
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occupational hazard
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while driving home one night after work
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i was in plain clothes driving my own
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personal vehicle
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and
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driving down the road all of a sudden i
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was rear-ended
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by another car
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well we pulled over to the side of the
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road and the guy got out he was covered
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in beer
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you ain't right here i forgot to go make
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me call
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seems the reason he had hit me was
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because he just turned up a can of beer
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and looking down when he looked down
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bam
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what are you doing
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here the beer can't pull the cops here
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i said
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yeah they probably wouldn't understand
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that so uh
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so we're standing there waiting on the
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officers to arrive to take the report
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and uh
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just as the police cars pull up
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he says so uh he had been talking the
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whole time running his mouth he says hey
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what do you do for a living hey paul you
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have an accident
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i'm a cop
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his knees started to sag at that point
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[Music]
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and he just
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of all the cars in town he had to pick a
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cops
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now from the adc security cam vault guy
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talk
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undercover narcotics work requires an
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officer to blend in bond with and earn
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the respect of dumb criminals now if you
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watch enough movies you'd think every
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drug deal is a tense dramatic scene
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fraught with intrigue but here's a real
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major cocaine deal going down on video
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and audio
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the dealers have just stepped out of
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their car and are entering the
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undercover officer's car yeah
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i know that's
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[Music]
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right man thank you
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[Applause]
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all right
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so far these evil villains have
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discussed clothes food and the kids
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staying home from school
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i still i'm still a little boy with two
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hundred dollars i owe him another
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hundred percent
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the officers have seen the dope and the
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dealers aren't armed so he signals with
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his headlights
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of course wherever men do deals women
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will be discussed
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[Applause]
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um
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oh
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[Applause]
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food is also a major problem
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[Applause]
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[Applause]
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[Laughter]
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and finally they compared the best route
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[Applause]
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after a lovely conversation it's time to
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arrest our new friends for felony
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possession and distribution
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[Applause]
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and don't forget to have a nice day
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[Music]
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next up a blockhead who suffers from a
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real mental roadblock
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we had a concert about 10 000 people
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as they let out they were coming out of
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the parking lot and the people were
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coming out also with the cars so it was
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very difficult to control the traffic so
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at one end of the street it was short
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block
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i placed my car broadside blocking the
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northbound traffic turned on my blue
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lights and flashers went back to direct
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traffic and i see a car just pulling
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past the curb and my cruiser car easing
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up there where all the people were two
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wheels up on the sidewalk
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i couldn't believe it i walked over to
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the car and i said sir before i could
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get my words out of my mouth he said
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officer you realized i could barely get
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beyond your car
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i don't believe you that's the whole
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point
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i couldn't believe it i said that's the
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object
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it was pretty clear this guy was pretty
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dumb
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and now pete beagleson meets an
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optimistic dumb driver with an early
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alibi
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i stopped the guy one
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one night it was probably a friday or
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saturday night nine ten o'clock at night
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he's speeding he's probably doing 16 or
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30 just really flying down the road
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i grew up and i blew light him and
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pulled him over and woke up and he says
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office officer he said i know i was
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speeding he said but this is my
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girlfriend she's pregnant my girl she's
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pregnant and he's all dressed up looking
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good like he just come from a club
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so i go up and say well i'll have her
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step out of the car and i put on the
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spotlights for to get my car and she
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opens up the door and outsteps this
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long-legged big busted flat stomach
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well-built good-looking
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lady and i looked at her and i said
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ma'am you don't look pregnant to me
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and the guy looked at me he said well
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we're not there yet he says by the end
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of tonight he said she's going to be
00:18:36
[Laughter]
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well as always we're out of time before
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we're out of crime our thanks to the men
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and women of law enforcement i'm daniel
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butler saying don't be dumb don't break
00:18:47
the law or we'll catch you on america's
00:18:49
dumbest criminals
00:18:52
[Music]
00:18:58
[Applause]
00:19:05
[Music]
00:19:52
[Applause]
00:19:54
[Music]
00:20:13
[Music]
00:20:17
[Applause]
00:20:18
[Music]
00:20:25
you
