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this is an adc warning the crimes you're
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about to see are true only the names
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were changed to protect the ignorant
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[Music]
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tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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you'll see the crook caught by the cop
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without a kickstand surveillance cam
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footage we call stuff yourself and a
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blackjack player who really takes a hit
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these are just a few of them america's
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dumbest criminals
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[Applause]
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welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler
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we're going to show you real crimes told
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by real cops true stories but with a
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twist
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see we've gone around the country from
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police station to police station asking
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the men and women of law enforcement to
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tell us about the crooks who didn't get
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away you're about to meet the elite of
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the criminally inept
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the sour cream of the crop as we open
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the files on america's dumbest criminals
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our first story comes to us from foster
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arnett about a painful robbery we call
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die back we had a situation probably
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about 10 years ago where
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a would-be robber went into a bank
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held up the bank at gunpoint and
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he went up to one teller and he said
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give me all the money but i don't want
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any dye packs so she gave him a bundle
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of money and he assumed he was home free
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because he said i don't want any dye
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packs a dye pack is a small explosive
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device filled with colored dye when it
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explodes
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everything in the area gets stained
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[Music]
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he was emitting all kinds of smoke and
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orange fumes were coming out of his
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his pants and he was taken into custody
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shortly thereafter
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kids do not try this at home
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especially south of the border
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[Music]
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and now actual security cam footage of
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the man we dubbed the electronic store
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idiot
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this guy was a pro he knew what he was
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there for and he went for them video
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camcorders he's got one he's got two
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he's got three he's got four hmm are
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there any camcorders over here
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no
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no wait there's some more over here oh
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and there's one left in the window there
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got it yes he got every camcorder in the
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store well except for one the one which
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was later used to convict him which he's
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staring at right now
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next up a cooperative crack smoker leads
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himself to a rest in a story we call
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pipe dream
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i was out with broward sheriff's office
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one time working a monthly operation we
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did called crackdown where we went out
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and did street level narcotics
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enforcement and we were up in pompano on
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a
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road up there it's real bad for drug
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sales one of our guys done an undercover
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drug buy so we were trying to locate the
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bad guy in this bar so when we all
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jumped out of the van we detained five
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or six people there
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and in the state of florida if you have
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a crack pipe or something like that that
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has a little bit of cocaine residue on
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it if it fuel tests positive you can be
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charged with possession of cocaine
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because of zero tolerance
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most of the people out there know that
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and uh so we had these guys detained and
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one of the deputies looked over at him
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said look we got a drug dog on the way
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if any of you guys have any crack pipes
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or anything like that you might want to
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get rid of them now just throw them on
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top of this building we got drugs
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slipping dogs on their way right now if
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any one of y'all carrying or holding any
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dope whatsoever you best to get rid of
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it now this guy reaches in his pocket
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pulls out a crack pipe
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of course he went to jail for possession
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of cocaine
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there was nothing you didn't know
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nothing at all
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[Music]
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abc quiz number 862.
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in alexandria virginia a robber pointed
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what appeared to be a nine-millimeter
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semi-automatic handgun at three
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well-dressed men and demanded their
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money were the men a too frightened to
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move
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b sympathetic to the criminal social
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plight or c off-duty federal agents who
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drew their guns and fired on the
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would-be assailant
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the correct answer was c they were
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off-duty federal agents this was not
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mullerian currently
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[Music]
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sergeant doug baldwin tells us about an
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interesting drunk driver we call the
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back seat driver one of the best excuses
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i've heard one hour
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concerning a traffic stop one of our
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officers was on patrol and observed this
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van weaving
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across the center line
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obviously this guy was either sick
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he was
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intoxicated so the officer pulled the
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van over
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uh the guy that was driving the van slid
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over in the other seat the passenger
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seat of
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the van
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and when the officer got up to the
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window
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he shined this light and says sir can i
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see your driver's license registration
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uh
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i i wasn't driving
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he was
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and this
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big teddy bear back there stuffed animal
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sitting on the back seat and the officer
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says get out of the dead
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and the guy get out of the van he's
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obviously dui
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and now actual surveillance cam footage
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of stocking stuffers stuffing themselves
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the shoplifter family is doing their
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christmas shopping on surveillance video
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fish line this would be great for uncle
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louie and let's see what about cousin
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bob hmm well
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he'd like some fish line too
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well and then there's sis i wonder what
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i should get cis for christmas how about
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fish line
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well and then there's there's mom too
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hey i know fish line well but now i
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gotta get six rods and reels down my
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pants
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coming up on america's dumbest criminals
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surveillance of a guy we call the duane
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with no brain
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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we're all familiar with the old adage
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people don't plan to fail they failed to
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plan
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we would guess that for a lot of our
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dumb criminals that old saying holds
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true but some of them do have a plan yet
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inevitably somehow something gets lost
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between scheme and execution some small
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detail gets overlooked and the next
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thing you know
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they're on this show
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like this next guy let's meet the dwayne
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with no brain
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now if you were dumb enough to rob a
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convenience store as dwayne did you
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might drive a rental car as dwayne did
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and you'd probably wear a ski mask as
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dwayne did but you probably wouldn't
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wear your work uniform yes as dwayne did
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at the cedarwood apartments the police
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found dwayne with the ski mask the gun
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and the money he's definitely a
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candidate for the witness protection
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program
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[Music]
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in boston it used to be against the law
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for nightclubs to have frog jumping
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contest however frog like line dancing
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is allowed our next story comes to us
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from the city that never sleeps las
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vegas nevada it involves a dysfunctional
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family a car dealer a grandmother a card
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dealer kidnapping bank robbery and
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gambling
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it was back in about 1989 and they had a
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bank robbery down to henderson
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where two brothers and their 70 year old
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mother went into a car dealership and
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they
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took one of the test drives with the car
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dealer and they kidnapped him put him in
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the trunk
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then they went to one of the local banks
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there and robbed the bank
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well one of the citizens inside followed
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them and somehow they followed him to
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railroad pass was a casino in between
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boulder city and henderson
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and so they staked out around it to keep
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them inside and they staked out on the
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car so they called us i was in swat at
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the time
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and they wanted us to to make entry and
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you know take the people out
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so what we did is we went into the
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security office and we looked in the
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monitors and we could see
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where they were inside the casino from
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the description but they were talking to
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other people so we didn't know exactly
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who all was involved so we decided to
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dress up like cooks and
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dishwashers and put on the garb and hide
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our guns under trays and things like
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that go inside
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we went inside we found one of them
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sitting at a 21 table and he was getting
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dealt cards and as the dealer was
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dealing you know she had her head down
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dealing to him we decided to take him
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off right on the table as the dealer is
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dealing she just bypassed him for that
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time went on to the next deal and all
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these people that were playing 21
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watched the whole time they never looked
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down at us taking this guy in custody
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they're more interested in their cards
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so as we're going through we find the
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other brother but we can't find mom
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so we looked around in quite a long time
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and she was apparently somewhere
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gambling so we just paged her and had
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her come to the cage so she came walking
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up the cage so we took her into custody
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so they all went to custody for uh for
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bank robbery
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ironically the number of years that the
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three of a kind will spend in prison
00:10:04
is 21.
00:10:07
and now actual surveillance cam footage
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we call the gangs all here
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one little two little three little four
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little dumb criminals five little six
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little well there were 15 dumb criminals
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in all who entered this department store
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at night it was well planned and well
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choreographed they went right for what
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they wanted to steal but watch what
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happens when the spotter car pulls up to
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say the police are on their way watch
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closely the dumb criminal cars crash
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into each other
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there's only one way for a cop to get
00:10:39
the kickstand blues dennis larson
00:10:42
explains what happens when a motorcycle
00:10:44
cop loses his kickstand
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he can't stop
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but i was kind of in a dilemma at that
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point is that i had to get the bike to
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where i the shop because i couldn't get
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off of it
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there was no kickstand so i was headed
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for
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the barns to get the bike repaired
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to the government and the enduro dirt
00:11:03
bike he's up in traffic and he's riding
00:11:05
on the left and on the right of cars and
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he's speeding he's cutting everybody off
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and i can't tell anybody hey i can't
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stop him i don't have a kickstand to put
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down on this bike
00:11:13
well his driving got so out of hand and
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everybody kept looking like why is this
00:11:17
motor cop not doing anything well his
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driving got so out of hand that i
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figured i've got to do something so i
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eventually went
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got it behind him and
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pulled him over
00:11:26
but once i got him stopped
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i was on the bike and i couldn't get off
00:11:30
and he had no idea so i told him to get
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off his motorcycle and put the kickstand
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down there and and come back and i had
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him stand straddle the front wheel of my
00:11:38
bike and grab a handle bar on each side
00:11:40
i told him to stand there and i let go
00:11:41
of the handlebars and go off and he was
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standing there holding the bike and i
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checked out on the radio told him i was
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going out on a traffic stop here and
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he's standing there holding i said
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where's your driver's license at he said
00:11:50
it's in my wallet so i pulled his wallet
00:11:52
out and i had him show me where it was
00:11:53
at and pull and i got the registration
00:11:55
from the bike out there i get my ticket
00:11:57
book out and i write him a ticket and
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and then i said okay i set the ticket
00:12:00
book down on the fairing of the bike and
00:12:02
i said uh let me have the bike and i
00:12:03
hold it and he takes the ticket book up
00:12:05
and signs it and then we swapped again
00:12:06
and i tear the ticket out and i stuffed
00:12:08
it in his pocket and uh i told him thank
00:12:11
you and and he kind of went back and got
00:12:13
his bike but he had this real puzzled
00:12:14
look and he comes back to me and i'm
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sitting on the bike now and he says
00:12:17
why was i holding your bike up
00:12:19
i said well i don't have a kickstand on
00:12:20
this thing and it's like i couldn't get
00:12:22
off it if you hadn't held the bike up
00:12:23
you know and the guy turned around and
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he said if i hadn't wanted to stop what
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would you have done i said well i'd
00:12:28
followed you but i could have never
00:12:29
gotten off the bike you know i was stuck
00:12:31
on this thing because there was no
00:12:32
kickstand and he walked off of this
00:12:34
bewildered look on his face like you
00:12:36
know if i'd just kept going i'd never
00:12:38
gotten the ticket you know
00:12:40
coming up on america's dumbest criminals
00:12:43
see an undercover narcotics cop who has
00:12:46
to get wily with his wire in a tight
00:12:49
situation
00:12:51
[Music]
00:13:00
[Music]
00:13:06
bank robbers are a breed of their own
00:13:09
especially the dumb ones and we'll be
00:13:10
bringing you a lot of dumb bank robbers
00:13:13
as the season goes on but right now we
00:13:15
found a bank robber in louisiana who
00:13:17
wore what has to be
00:13:19
america's dumbest disguise
00:13:23
do not adjust your television set the
00:13:25
man you're looking at is covering his
00:13:28
head with whipped cream from a can
00:13:30
as a disguise this was his first mistake
00:13:33
now let's watch his second mistake
00:13:35
there's a long line at the teller's
00:13:36
window so he waits in it
00:13:39
[Music]
00:13:42
notice how inconspicuous he is
00:13:47
by the time our human marshmallow sunday
00:13:49
gets up to the window his mask has
00:13:50
started to melt and ooze no one in the
00:13:53
bank could keep a straight face the
00:13:54
teller had long since pushed the silent
00:13:56
alarm the police arrived and the man was
00:13:59
arrested
00:14:01
our creamy crook was taken to the cooler
00:14:04
and received his just desserts in a
00:14:06
court of law
00:14:12
and now actual surveillance camera
00:14:13
footage of a postal worker becoming
00:14:15
disgruntled
00:14:17
folks there are surveillance cameras
00:14:19
everywhere
00:14:20
even in the post office hmm look this
00:14:23
one's for me it says i may already be a
00:14:25
winner i'll just put in my windbreaker
00:14:28
until the federal marshals come to take
00:14:30
me away
00:14:33
now into the courtroom for trial
00:14:36
and error
00:14:37
a bank robber was immediately recognized
00:14:39
by the teller he robbed how did she
00:14:41
recognize
00:14:42
him mrs payne how can you say that my
00:14:46
client is the man who robbed the bank
00:14:48
you work at
00:14:50
well he's banked there for most of his
00:14:52
life and he didn't wear any kind of
00:14:54
disguise
00:14:55
well mrs payne isn't there the slightest
00:14:58
chance that you can i could have
00:14:59
mistaken someone from my client's
00:15:01
familiar face
00:15:03
i don't think so
00:15:05
why is that
00:15:07
because after he robbed the bank on
00:15:09
friday he came back on monday
00:15:12
and tried to make a deposit with the
00:15:14
bills still in the wrappers
00:15:23
in nebraska it used to be against the
00:15:25
law to drive on a dark road without
00:15:26
shooting fireworks
00:15:28
the law was changed when one farmer got
00:15:30
carried away late one night
00:15:32
undercover narcotics work is
00:15:34
unpredictably dangerous if you're not
00:15:36
quick on your feet you could be dead on
00:15:38
your feet i was working undercover
00:15:41
narcotics and i had made a drug buy from
00:15:43
a man in a restaurant he told me if i
00:15:45
needed anything else to call his beeper
00:15:47
number and he or one of his men would
00:15:48
get back in touch with me and bring me
00:15:50
what i needed
00:15:51
so we were trying to accumulate as much
00:15:53
evidence as possible on this suspect so
00:15:55
we plan to make a second buy
00:15:58
when you make these undercover narcotic
00:15:59
buys the supervisors want you to wear
00:16:01
lots of electronic equipment to document
00:16:03
the evidence and to record the event
00:16:06
so i was equipped with several wires if
00:16:09
you will and
00:16:11
went to make the second buy and i
00:16:12
arrived at the restaurant and i saw who
00:16:14
i thought was the man that was going to
00:16:15
deliver the drugs to me and i was
00:16:18
supposed to meet him inside the restroom
00:16:29
so i went into the restroom and he came
00:16:30
in behind me and i was kind of surprised
00:16:32
that the restroom was a lot smaller than
00:16:35
i thought it was going to be we were
00:16:36
chest to chest there well when the man
00:16:38
came in i looked at him and he stuck out
00:16:40
his hands as if to shake my hand
00:16:42
instead he began to frisk me and he
00:16:44
pulled open my coat and began to feel
00:16:46
around and hey man how you doing
00:16:48
hey i'm dude what are you doing what the
00:16:50
hell is this man this is a wire you're a
00:16:52
cop no no uh you're a cop
00:16:54
bang right there he found one of the
00:16:56
devices that i was wearing
00:16:59
and he began to scream and he went off
00:17:01
and he said you're vice you're the man
00:17:03
and i
00:17:04
said no i have a medical problem and
00:17:06
that's a pacemaker
00:17:08
so he thought about that for a minute
00:17:09
and he bought it no pacemaker pacemaker
00:17:12
got problems
00:17:15
and he continued to frisk me and he
00:17:17
found yet another device and he said
00:17:19
that's it you're a cop what's this
00:17:22
no i have a medical problem that's
00:17:23
that's an insulin pump that's an insulin
00:17:26
pump man i got problems
00:17:28
you got money yeah yeah i got the mostly
00:17:30
the money
00:17:35
you shouldn't be doing drugs man you're
00:17:37
unhealthy
00:17:40
he bought that too and continued to
00:17:42
think about it and he did the deal and
00:17:43
then we took him down
00:17:46
he's i guess one of the dumbest
00:17:48
criminals i've seen i'm glad he was
00:17:55
[Music]
00:18:00
welcome back to america's dumbest
00:18:02
criminals you know speeders always have
00:18:04
an excuse for why they're driving so
00:18:06
fast and the cops have heard them all
00:18:08
but let's listen now as las vegas
00:18:10
detective gordon martinez tells us about
00:18:12
a speeder he once stopped with an excuse
00:18:14
that he'd never heard before
00:18:17
or since
00:18:18
and it was just at the crack of dawn
00:18:21
and this guy was really cooking he was
00:18:23
doing about 65 in a 35 zone again it was
00:18:26
on jones as a matter of fact he got out
00:18:28
and he says you're not going to believe
00:18:29
this
00:18:30
i'm a vampire and i need to hurry up and
00:18:32
get back in my coffin before the sun
00:18:34
comes out
00:18:37
i said we'll write this really quick so
00:18:40
you can get going
00:18:43
see you later
00:18:45
well that's our show for tonight we
00:18:47
thank all of you for watching and as
00:18:48
always our thanks to the men and women
00:18:51
in police departments around the country
00:18:53
for their help their humor and their
00:18:54
generosity in making this show possible
00:18:57
until next time break a leg but don't
00:19:00
break the law
00:19:01
i'm daniel butler god bless
00:19:08
[Music]
00:19:14
[Applause]
00:19:22
[Music]
00:19:40
[Music]
00:20:08
[Music]
00:20:16
[Applause]
00:20:21
you
