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tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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sure it looks like a parrot but is it
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really a stool pigeon it's the middle of
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the night and do you know where your kid
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is we do and can you really call it a
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chase if the pace is this slow stick
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around because things are bound to pick
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up for a panty wagon full of
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perpetrators here on america's dumbest
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criminals
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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wow
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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now welcome your host for america's
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dumbest criminals daniel butler and
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debbie allen
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[Music]
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hi there hey hey thank you debbie now
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may i ask you a personal question uh-oh
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i don't know anybody else i trust you
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make me nervous okay great i'll ask you
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here's the question what size shoe do
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you wear why in the world do you need to
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know my shoes i was just gonna get you a
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little gift oh okay in that case five
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and a half medium in a combat boot
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no no no
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but i figured you had tiny little feet
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because you have that tiny little body
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so it all
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goes going somewhere with the spider as
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a matter of fact i am our first story
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concerns a shoe imprint that led a crook
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to being tripped up now if you'd been
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the perpetrator of course they would
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have had to get out the microscopes can
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we just get to the story yeah here's the
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evidence that's as plain as the foot on
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this lady's face
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i'm detective robert stevens of the
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derral beach police department crimes
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against persons unit one of the most
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bizarre cases i've seen in 20 years here
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at the police department involved this
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sneaker we had a lady that was a victim
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of violent crime where the
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suspect stomped on her head with a
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sneaker the word brooks came up on her
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on her head and we did some research and
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found out that it was a 1989 high top
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basketball sneaker
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we
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were investigating the crime when the
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suspect came in on an unrelated crime to
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give another statement and lo and behold
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he had on the sneakers they took the
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sneakers off the suspect sent that off
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to the to the lab with the pictures of
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the injury on the lady's head and the
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lab was able to positively match the
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sneaker to her face as a result of his
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stupidity
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he's doing 50 years in prison
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yeah oh yeah i'm sure it hurt
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but
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she is fine now and i think she's
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getting an endorsement deal from the
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sneaker company stop well she coulda
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all right now here's a trail that was a
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little tougher to follow than a set of
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shoe prints it starts off as a simple
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robbery but ends in a photo finish see
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what we mean as we open the scrapbook on
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something to remember me by
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[Music]
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i was investigating a forgery case where
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a person had stolen approximately two
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boxes of chicks and in these two boxes i
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had learned that two of them were
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written by a female well this got me a
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little excited
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and these were different because all the
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others were written with a male
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signature
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and one of these was written to a
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department store which is local in our
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city and i went to that department store
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but we started looking into this check
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and on the back of the check has numbers
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which indicates what the person had
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purchased
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and we found that this person had
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purchased a whole bunch of film
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me and the
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security officer went to the film
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department in order to check this out
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and when we started looking
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we both looked over at the self-portrait
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studio of the
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department oh that's nice
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and we both looked at each other and
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says no way we can't believe this nobody
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can be this stupid
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we went to the department and asked the
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girl who worked behind behind the
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counter
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and she was able to pull up the person's
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name their address and phone number all
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within right there and sure enough this
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person had
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purchased all these photos of themselves
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and a friend with a forged check
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and we looked at each other and we just
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couldn't believe that it would be this
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easy
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[Music]
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those glamour shots you gotta watch out
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you've heard of acting like a kid in a
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candy store but how does a kid act in a
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convenience store especially a kid in a
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convenience store long after closing
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time well we've got the answer on this
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surveillance footage
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[Music]
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you're watching a 14 year old boy
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stocking up on all the things that santa
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didn't bring him like cigarettes and
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lighters
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when he trips an alarm he heads for some
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place kinda like the north pole the
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dairy case hoping to hide there he
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removes cottons of milk but an officer
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finds him in under two minutes
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remember son santa finds out who's
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naughty or nice
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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hey here's another dumb law in kentucky
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a person is considered sober until he or
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she cannot hold on to the ground
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well you can't hold on to the ground now
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that is drunk which reminds me of a
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story about two guys who were three
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sheets to the wind when they decided
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just to sail on home but with the help
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of a police officer in pensacon new
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jersey their plans ran aground
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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several years ago we did a sobriety
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checkpoint on the wednesday night prior
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to thanksgiving which is a notoriously
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um busy drunk driving night probably the
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busiest of the year one of the people
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that sticks in my mind was a car that
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was pulled in on suspicion of
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the operator driving while intoxicated
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the driver informed us that they were
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coming back from a party and that he was
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not the designated driver for the drunk
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passenger he was the devastated driver
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for the joint passenger so of course he
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was arrested and uh
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neither one of them fared that well that
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evening
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and you never want to get into a car
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with a devastated driver well you want
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proof that it's a small world get the
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details on how a thief is clearly beaten
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by the odds when he tries to use a
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stolen credit card it's this week's blue
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light special
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of all the people shopping at this mall
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a crook picked this woman a guy pulled
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up in his car and i i thought he was
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gonna ask me directions because he just
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kind of pulled up and like hesitated a
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minute and then he just reached hand out
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grabbed my pocketbook and took off he
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hurried to this office supply store
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where he bought an 800 printer
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then decided to continue his shopping
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spree at this electronics store
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meanwhile the victim notified police
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then she called her husband who just
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happens to work at the very store that
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the purse snatcher and his accomplice
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had selected at the same time that he's
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talking to his wife on the telephone
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an employee at the store is explaining
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to him that somebody's trying to use a
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stolen credit card when they came in
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they were kind of nervous and then
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when i started showing them the
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camcorders they
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uh immediately said we'll take this one
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and i thought it was too quick smelling
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a rat he alerted the husband you know it
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was just too unbelievable to even
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to you know to think that these guys
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that had just stolen my wife's
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pocketbook were here in the store using
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my credit card
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the woman and her husband were amazed at
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their good fortune while the crook felt
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beaten to a pulp by lady luck
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what are the eyes that lady was robbed
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26 miles from her husband's store go
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figure
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they say that the dog is man's best
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friend but it's apparent that the parrot
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in our next story makes an excellent
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partner for the police except for trying
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to make those little bitty bulletproof
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vests
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now see how polly and the police work
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together and getting this crook to talk
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my name is michael doherty i'm in
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stillwater oklahoma police department i
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was assigned to work property crimes
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here at the police department
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had a report that a burglary had
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occurred at a pet store
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[Music]
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and there you are
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there you are
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no suspects and no evidence i overheard
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a suspect at the police department being
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interviewed about a separate case and he
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indicated that a reggie had a new parent
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i went out and found reggie and i
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brought him in for an interview
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in the interview i continually accused
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reggie of uh the burglary and he sit and
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denied it
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and running out of everything else i
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could think of to say i finally told
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reggie i've got a witness that i gave a
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polygraph to
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he passed it
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and told me that you did this burglary
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and he demanded to know who this was and
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i said the parrot told me you did this
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reggie's eyes dropped to the floor and
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he thought he thought just a couple of
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moments he raised back up and said that
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little son of a
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driver
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met him and took care of him he ratted
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me out
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he was convicted of that crime we spent
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10 years in prison and now we call him
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the stool parrot
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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up in just a minute a car chase only
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speeds up when it becomes a foot race
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but first with news cobbled together
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with rumor in hearsay here's daniel with
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adc headlines
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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now how much influence does media have
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on behavior well apparently a lot at
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least for one 68-year-old woman in
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seattle she was busted for shoplifting
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four packs of cigarettes motivated by
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hearing judge wapner of the people's
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court say
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quote
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everybody steals at least once in their
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lives
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who would have thought judge wapner
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could exert that kind of influence on
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our culture i mean besides the rain man
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an accused bigamist came up with a novel
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defense to explain why he agreed to
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marry a second woman before divorcing
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his first wife
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he claimed his overwhelming sexual
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desire diminished his mental capacity
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insert your own clinton joke here
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as
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but we wish him well as he shares a cell
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with guys whose nicknames are definitely
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not einstein or edison if you get my
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drift
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now for a crime that you'd expect only
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in atlantis a woman in trenton new
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jersey was robbed of 91 dollars in food
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stamps by a tall man wearing a black
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rubber suit and flippers who threatened
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to shoot her she offered no resistance
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because the man was carrying a long case
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that she believed might have contained a
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spear gun
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well there you have your lloyd bridges
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sea hunt memorial moment for tonight and
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with that we close the file on adc
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headline news
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ripped from somewhere near the back of
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your local newspaper gabby
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[Music]
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thank you daniel you've seen the sign
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that says slow men working or slow men
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working this next story could have used
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a sign that said slow men escaping and
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if you think crooks live life in the
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fast lane this footage from los angeles
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might change your mind
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by the time we've picked up the action
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if you could call it action one man has
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jumped out of the vehicle and made a
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break for it on foot
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it probably made for a faster getaway
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than what you see here
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slowing things down even more is the
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fact that police officers have flattened
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this hit-and-run suspect's car
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leaving him to roll on down the highway
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on his rims
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maybe we should pick up the case on our
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end
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that's a little more like a chase but
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finally the man decides to try something
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else or maybe he just got bored he runs
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across the train tracks and even takes
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time for a little backyard conversation
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as he goes along his not so merry way
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but all bad things have to come to an
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end so he is finally brought to a halt
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at a stop sign
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so much for living life in the fast lane
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okay
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you know there's a reason the police
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officers wear uniforms so they won't be
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naked no it's so that everyone in the
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world will know who they are it makes
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perfect sense well except to this one
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dope dealer who apparently didn't get
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the memo on this universal truth here's
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a perfect example of why we have a
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feature called i'm where you're who
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all right i'm steve aldrich i'm a
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sergeant with the holly hill police
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department
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we were working on a narcotics bus one
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night and after we made our original
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bust i was driving the
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car that we'd confiscated back to the
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police department i needed a phone
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number off the telephone booth so i
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pulled into one and this guy approached
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me he asked me if he could buy a 20
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which was 20 worth of rock cocaine but
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not here there's cops everywhere i said
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really i said well come on get in
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so he goes around the side of the car
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starts to get in sitting on my evidence
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so i picked it up i put it beside me he
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sits down
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starts back up he goes just go around
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the block
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and i'm still wearing all my police gear
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so we started around the block
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didn't you turn i said how much was that
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you needed again
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it said a 20. so he gives me two tens i
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said okay start driving back to the
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police department he looks at my shirt
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and says are you in the sheriff's
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department i said no drive a little
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further he looks over again he goes
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police department i said yes let me just
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go back to the first part and put him in
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the deal
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we love it when the bad guys make it
00:14:12
easy for the good guys now some things
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like that pretty well defy explanation
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and this next story is a case in point
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but let me warn you he is not
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overdressed for this occasion
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after a call for a domestic disturbance
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we arrived at a residence
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and we noticed some windows were broken
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one of the deputies went up and spoke to
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the residents of the
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the home and found out there had been a
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domestic disturbance that had occurred
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the male subject had left was someplace
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in the general area after that we
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attempted to locate the suspect checking
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the outbuildings and
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all the ground around there and saw some
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feet under a vehicle the gentleman
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wasn't really
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interested in coming out too quickly
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which sometimes criminals aren't
00:15:02
interested in coming out right away as i
00:15:04
recall we
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actually pulled him out
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and found that the man was
00:15:09
naked he was new
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back naked
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of course we handcuffed him as a
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precautionary measure
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he seemed to be pretty well intoxicated
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and we were able to secure him enough to
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place him in my patrol vehicle
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and i escorted him to the saline county
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jail
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in the nude but we were kind enough when
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we got him here
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to put a blanket around him
00:15:36
i've seen some interesting things but
00:15:39
nothing quite as funny as a naked guy
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under a vehicle that i've had to drive
00:15:44
to jail
00:15:45
that's about as funny as it can get in
00:15:48
20 years
00:15:50
[Music]
00:15:51
[Applause]
00:15:51
[Music]
00:15:53
[Applause]
00:15:56
[Music]
00:15:59
[Applause]
00:16:01
[Music]
00:16:04
all right almost everyone gets a ticket
00:16:06
once or twice in a lifetime not me
00:16:09
yeah yeah but you make florence
00:16:11
nightingale look like mayweather
00:16:13
come on i just try to live right yeah
00:16:15
well maybe you should set up a big
00:16:17
sister relationship with this next crook
00:16:20
he stacked up a whopping 405
00:16:23
thousand dollars in fines okay they
00:16:26
don't take mastercard for that
00:16:28
you probably won't believe the reason
00:16:30
unless you hear it directly from a
00:16:32
police officer involved in bringing the
00:16:33
man to justice check it out
00:16:37
[Music]
00:16:40
i'm captain jeff cameron and we're here
00:16:42
at the redona beach police department in
00:16:44
california well the story that we've got
00:16:47
here is
00:16:48
one about a suspect who walked into
00:16:50
trouble with the police actually we had
00:16:53
an officer respond in the early morning
00:16:55
hours to a suspicious subject
00:16:57
and as part of his investigation he ran
00:16:59
a warrant check on this suspect
00:17:02
as it turned out he had 405 000 with
00:17:04
warrants sounds like a lot of money but
00:17:07
what's even more impressive is those
00:17:08
warrants were for jaywalking
00:17:11
four of the ranks were for crossing the
00:17:13
street outside the crosswalk standing on
00:17:15
the center divider ninety thousand
00:17:19
crossing against a red light
00:17:21
ninety thousand
00:17:23
standing on the center divider another
00:17:25
ninety thousand
00:17:27
crossing against a red light another
00:17:29
ninety
00:17:31
roughly rounded off
00:17:33
it totaled to be about 405 thousand
00:17:36
dollars at once and the only car that he
00:17:38
got into was a police car
00:17:40
so you might say that this suspect
00:17:42
walked into trouble with the police
00:17:45
trouble that warranted his arrest
00:17:49
somebody needs to teach him the rules
00:17:51
hey 405 000 that'll take your house and
00:17:55
your bass boats
00:17:57
yeah you better watch your step
00:17:58
especially if you're in redondo beach
00:18:00
california no kidding well we're out of
00:18:03
time for this edition but there's more
00:18:04
dumb to come next week i like that dumb
00:18:07
to come here if you've got a lead on the
00:18:09
story or you just can't wait till next
00:18:11
week for more state of the art stupidity
00:18:13
visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com
00:18:18
we want to thank you for joining us and
00:18:19
extend our gratitude to the law
00:18:21
enforcement officers who make this show
00:18:23
possible every day they lay their lives
00:18:25
on the line to keep us safe from the
00:18:27
stupidity of would-be criminals
00:18:29
as always we hope that we've all learned
00:18:31
from others mistakes but if you still
00:18:34
haven't you just might be on america's
00:18:37
dumbest criminals next week
00:18:41
[Applause]
00:18:47
[Music]
00:18:47
[Applause]
00:18:49
[Music]
00:18:57
[Applause]
00:19:09
[Music]
00:19:13
uh
00:19:23
[Music]
00:19:31
[Applause]
00:19:32
[Music]
00:19:34
[Applause]
00:19:35
wow
00:19:43
[Music]
00:19:47
uh
00:19:54
you
