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tonight at america's dumbest criminals a
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look at a peeping tom who doesn't like
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anyone invading his private territory a
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drunk driver leaves a lasting impression
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that leaves him high and dry and what's
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got this man wired could it really be
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the nicotine when the smoke clears see
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who's left standing and sitting in jail
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right here right now on america's
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dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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wow
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[Music]
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now welcome your host for america's
00:01:02
dumbest criminals daniel butler and
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debbie allen
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hi there
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welcome to the show okay debbie i'm
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going to put you on the spot oh great
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that's nothing new though is it no but
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how good a citizen are you
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i think i'm pretty good okay are you a
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member of your neighborhood watch well
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my neighborhood doesn't exactly have a
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formal one but i watch for my neighbors
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no i don't watch your neighbors it's a
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neighborhood watch okay i'm not a nosy
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neighbor i just watch out for the
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neighbors
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okay what about you
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yeah well you don't know my neighborhood
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it's not no but it's time to move on to
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our first segment that's not fair you
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squirrel out of everything yeah weasel
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it's got a weasel and what happens in
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this story is not
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fair either and oddly enough it involves
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a neighborhood watch yeah well sort of
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all right let's take a look
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detective robert stevens of the dairy
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beach police department crimes against
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persons unit
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one of the most funniest cases we've had
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in a while was a gentleman that broke
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into his
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neighbor's business
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when he lived directly behind the
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neighbor knew who he was
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came into the store
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after the guy closed on videotape stole
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a gun
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he was a convicted felon and
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on videotapes took the gun from the
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store
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[Music]
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afterwards the store owner called the
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guy at home
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told him to bring the gun back or he was
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gonna have him arrested the guy pleaded
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with him several times if you don't turn
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me in i'll bring the gun back he showed
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back up with the gun and we were waiting
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there for him when he came
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[Music]
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they made it easy i like that when they
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make it easy for them
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what do you think is this a good look
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for me or what sure night vision goggles
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make you look very distinguished dan
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the guys in our next story actually
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could have used a few pairs to
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distinguish who was who when they went
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to prowl in one very dark night
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take a look debbie if you can back this
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way look look here
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i was investigating a suspicious vehicle
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that was parked behind the rear of the
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business
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and the wooded area and it was late at
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night and there was one occupant in the
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vehicle
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and when i was talking to him i asked
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him if he'd come around to the front of
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the business and have a seat in my
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police car and he did i went around to
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the car that he was in and i was
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searching the car and then i heard a
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noise at the rear of the car saying hey
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bill pop the truck i got some stuff
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so i popped the truck and he's man i got
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some cool stuff here i hit three more
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places he says you gotta look at this
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lamp i said show me that lamp so it's
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dark as could be and he starts showing
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me the lamp i said what is that made out
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of and he starts telling me how it's
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carved wood i said how many places did
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you hit he says i hit three places take
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a look at this one as he's showing it to
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me that's when he realizes i was a
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police officer
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so he starts fleeing but as he was
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running someone in the subdivision
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nearby apparently lit a firecracker and
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he thought i was shooting at him so he
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surrendered to me put his hands up as
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long as i wouldn't shoot him
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that was a firecracker that was a
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firecracker you you silly thing
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when a case like that stumbles right
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into you it's a pretty easy catch that
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way
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[Music]
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bang you know
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okay
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there's bad luck there's will bedlock
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and then there's this guy in greenville
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alabama he did a very bad thing but he
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left an awfully good impression here's
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this week's something to remember me by
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[Music]
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it's a call of an accident a traffic
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accident when i arrived on the scene a
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lady was extremely hysterical
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i asked her
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what had happened she started trying to
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explain to me that she'd gotten hit in
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the rear end and i looked for the other
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vehicle there's no vehicle around she
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said
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he left and i asked her what what kind
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of vehicle was it she said i think it
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was a pickup truck
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so i began my investigation trying to
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determine what kind of uh what color the
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vehicle might have been looking at the
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rear of the vehicle
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and
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at that point we noticed that the
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vehicle had left the perfect imprint of
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the tag number
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in the rear end of the vehicle that they
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had hit
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and the fact that with the extensive
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damage on the front of the suspect
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vehicle
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it busted his radiator we were able to
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follow his trail
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through
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town and about 10 miles out of town when
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we found him at the end of the trail of
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antifreeze and
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made an arrest for
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charleston with dui and leaving the
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scene of an accident in my 17 years of
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experience i don't think i've ever seen
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anything like it
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[Music]
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hey here's another dumb law it is
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illegal for an unmarried woman in
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florida to parachute on sunday
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[Music]
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that's an odd little law i think i'd
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obey that one every day of the week okay
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when pulled over by police for speeding
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probably almost every woman has thought
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about using her feminine wiles to try to
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get out of a ticket but now you're going
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to hear about a lady who tried to invent
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a brand new disability
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[Music]
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probably the best one i heard for
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speeding is
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i stopped a white female with blonde
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hair
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as i went up and asked her was it any
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emergency reason why she was speeding
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she looked up at me and smiled and
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stated i'm just being blonde today
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oh man it won't work for me three nets
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never catch a break you know what i mean
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daniel oh sure yeah that's that's why
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you got those highlights in here come on
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i'm trying it's a curse being a brunette
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it's just a curse and i'm sure our next
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culprits felt cursed as well we have two
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stories for you presenting a pair of
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shoplifters who think they're fast on
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their feet in a shoe store but her
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surveillance camera proves them wrong
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these stories make bookends for our blue
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light special
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now this young man wants you to believe
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that he's just trying on a pair of shoes
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like everybody else except
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everyone else hasn't hid their old shoes
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in the box that the new ones came in
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now he seems to forget he was just
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trying them on suddenly there he is
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to cover his tracks he asked for a job
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application but that happy spring in the
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step is quickly sprung by a watchful
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security guard
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busted
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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and i don't think he got the job either
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now for part two of our blue light
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special do you know what big feet mean
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small brand take a look
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look at the size of the shoe this guy's
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inspected but he's not checking it for
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arch support or soul construction he's
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sizing it up to steal it watch closely
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as he makes an awkward attempt at making
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it disappear
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he's on the verge of indecent exposure
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as he struggles to make sure that no one
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sees that size 12 high top he's putting
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in his pants and yes i said high top as
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in singular he's only stealing one shoe
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or to be more correct he's not stealing
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anything because security nabbed the man
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in the parking lot
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now we're about to meet an undercover
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police officer who outwitted a
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slow-minded crook by thinking fast on
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her feet even when the wire she's
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wearing is seen by the criminal she
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makes the most of a bad situation a
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couple years ago when i was
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assigned to the narcotics unit
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myself and another officer sergeant
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clark
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we were working a
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drug investigation
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and we had an informant wired with the
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body wire and
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had sent that informant into a local bar
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to get some drugs and possibly some more
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drug information
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once the informant was talking to the
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suspect who was the bartender at the
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time
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the informant leaned over the counter to
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talk to the bartender and the bartender
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noticed the body wire taped to the
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informant's chest and
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the bartender said what is that
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and
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our informant thinking very quickly
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leaned over and pulled her shirt down
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and said it's my smoking pet see
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and the bartender said okay fine and
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gave the informant what she needed
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[Music]
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coming up in a minute we'll witness a
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couple fighting like cats and dogs until
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she rats on him about what he has
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squirreled away
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cats and dogs residence girls
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and now with news about people you won't
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want joining you for the holidays here's
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daniel with adc headlines
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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donald talmud from milwaukee was charged
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with criminal damage to property after
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he plowed into 10 trees and three street
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signs during a lunar eclipse
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he reportedly told police officers that
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this bad driving phenomenon only occurs
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during this astronomical phenomenon
00:10:21
all right now if donald's telling the
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truth be especially careful if you plan
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to be out on the road on january 21st of
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the year 2000
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because donald might be driving that
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night okay
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a robber walked boldly into a bank in
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columbia tennessee and announced give me
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your money
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just one minor oversight though the bank
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had moved down the street months before
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so the crook was caught in mid robbery
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of an insurance agency
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one employee quoted the behind the times
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crook as saying with astonishment
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this ain't a bank anymore
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nope sorry mac yeah but would you like a
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calendar for your cell wall
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it's what my insurance man gave me
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now here's a bird brain scheme for you a
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man in la jolla california is now
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serving a five-year prison sentence
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after being convicted of smuggling 800
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cockatoo eggs from australia
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he and his cronies would slip the eggs
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into specially designed pouches hidden
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in vests worn next to the smuggler's
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bodies that's a little warm
00:11:30
they would sometimes hatch in mid-flight
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don't you hate when that happens you
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know
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but their efforts had resulted in a 1.8
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million dollar nest egg before the
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crackdown occurred
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all right well that ruffles the feathers
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and closes the files on adc headline
00:11:51
news ripped from somewhere near the back
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of your local newspaper gabby
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[Music]
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they're good oh goody goody we're going
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shopping again this time for shoplifters
00:12:05
and we've bagged a dandy pair who just
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don't know when to quit check this out
00:12:10
this couple is out for a full day of
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pickpocketing notice how they hold up
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shirts in an attempt to block the view
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from other people as the woman gingerly
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dips her hand into the purse of her prey
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she quickly feels around but no luck
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so they take a break from pickpocketing
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to do a little shoplifting watch the
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shorts now you see them now you don't
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back on the job they put forth a valiant
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second effort to get this woman's wallet
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she reaches in but comes out empty again
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one more time digging digging don't you
00:12:44
just hate it when you can't find
00:12:46
something
00:12:47
well it doesn't matter you won't be
00:12:49
needing it where the two of you are
00:12:50
going
00:12:54
you know
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many police departments have mottos with
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words to the effect to protect and to
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serve
00:13:02
well the following story you'll see
00:13:04
someone who after consuming ample
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amounts of alcohol took that concept of
00:13:09
service much too far
00:13:11
when he realized the sobering truth it
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was much too late
00:13:15
here's tonight's dizzying episode of i'm
00:13:18
where you're who i was working the night
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shift at one of our local troops troupe
00:13:22
in baton rouge louisiana and i said the
00:13:24
gas pump was about about midnight or so
00:13:26
somewhere around there and i look down
00:13:28
the street i'm gassing up i see a car
00:13:30
coming down the road and it's swerving
00:13:31
all over the place and i see it slowing
00:13:33
down and it starts heading towards me
00:13:36
and i'm saying oh my god the guy's not
00:13:37
going to stop he's you know he's drunk i
00:13:39
don't know what what to think i was
00:13:41
saying just kind of pulls in gradually
00:13:42
next to the gas pump across from me
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the gentleman kind of gets out he opens
00:13:48
the car door two or three beer cans fall
00:13:50
out all over the place and he kind of
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looks at me kind of does his eyes he
00:13:53
takes his keys out and he throws them
00:13:54
and says hey son gass it up for him and
00:13:56
get me a room for the night and uh
00:13:59
i'll be back here a little bit to get
00:14:00
the car he starts wandering at this
00:14:02
point over towards the the front door of
00:14:04
the troop to where the death sergeant
00:14:06
i'm saying where the death sergeant said
00:14:07
kevin
00:14:09
i've been on the texas through
00:14:10
everything
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i need to get a room for the night
00:14:20
[Music]
00:14:26
yes sir what can we do for you
00:14:28
i need to get a room for the night what
00:14:30
kind of room
00:14:32
a hotel room did you drive here
00:14:35
no sir
00:14:36
you didn't how did you get here
00:14:41
and we certainly did take care we gave
00:14:42
her room for the night and put him in
00:14:44
the local jail
00:14:47
[Applause]
00:14:49
[Music]
00:14:52
he took real good care of him
00:14:54
well she wanted to break out of jail but
00:14:57
what she nearly did was break her neck
00:14:59
she was close to freedom but gravity
00:15:01
grabbed when she wasn't looking for the
00:15:03
story we go to woodland park colorado
00:15:07
i had this couple that i arrested for
00:15:09
counterfeiting and brought him into the
00:15:11
station put the mail in the lockdown and
00:15:13
the female i put an interview room
00:15:14
because we were going to go back in and
00:15:15
talk to her
00:15:21
[Music]
00:15:27
a few minutes later i'm typing on my
00:15:29
computer and and some ceiling particles
00:15:31
uh are falling into my keyboard
00:15:33
and i stop and i look up
00:15:35
and i stop and i look up
00:15:37
uh i thought wonder what that's from and
00:15:39
i heard this thump sound right above my
00:15:41
head and i look up there and the
00:15:42
ceilings bowing at the fault ceiling
00:15:46
so i got up to to check it out and went
00:15:48
to the room next door which is the
00:15:50
interview room and i noticed there was a
00:15:52
chair on top of the table and the
00:15:53
ceiling tile's missing
00:15:55
so i walked back towards my office and
00:15:57
in the hallway there's another ceiling
00:15:58
tile missing looked up
00:16:02
and i'm looking eye to eye with this
00:16:03
girl who was trying to escape from the
00:16:05
police department i don't know what she
00:16:06
was thinking she was pretty done to
00:16:08
think she could have got out of a police
00:16:09
department because there was just no way
00:16:10
out
00:16:10
[Music]
00:16:11
[Applause]
00:16:18
i'm lieutenant barry schrum of the ocala
00:16:19
florida police department and i catch
00:16:22
america's dumbest criminals
00:16:24
still to come a peeping tom with a bad
00:16:26
case of peepers envy
00:16:29
[Applause]
00:16:31
[Music]
00:16:37
[Applause]
00:16:38
turning green with envy helped police in
00:16:40
stillwater oklahoma catch two
00:16:42
peepingtons
00:16:44
one was caught red-handed and the other
00:16:46
guy blew the whistle on him here's this
00:16:48
week's eye-opening installment of we're
00:16:50
not making this up
00:16:51
[Music]
00:16:55
we had a jogger in a neighborhood that
00:16:57
reported seeing a peeping tom in a
00:16:59
lady's window
00:17:01
our patrol officers responded out there
00:17:03
found a guy in the area he was leaving
00:17:05
the area they stopped him detaining he
00:17:07
gave a pretty viable story so they cut
00:17:09
him loose and i called the witness back
00:17:11
in talked to him for a little bit he
00:17:13
said a couple things that kind of
00:17:14
bothered me but then i went ahead and
00:17:16
interviewed the suspect he came across
00:17:17
with a confession
00:17:19
we went ahead and filed charges on him
00:17:21
and looking at the case
00:17:22
i went back to our witness there was a
00:17:24
couple things that really bothered me he
00:17:27
first of all didn't look like a guy that
00:17:28
would typically be a
00:17:31
jogger and he was in full jogging attire
00:17:33
and said that was his purpose for being
00:17:34
in this neighborhood secondly why did he
00:17:36
drive all the way across town
00:17:38
to jog in this area so i
00:17:41
ended up re-interviewing him he ended up
00:17:43
confessing that he had been peeping tom
00:17:46
on this lady's window for several months
00:17:48
well he got mad when he jogged up to her
00:17:51
window there was already someone there
00:17:53
so that he got mad at that point
00:17:55
utilized his jogging suit jogged to a
00:17:57
pay phone three blocks away and called
00:17:58
the police so
00:18:00
result for his confession we ended up
00:18:02
presenting charges on both of them
00:18:03
[Applause]
00:18:06
there's a little line out there you know
00:18:08
you gotta take a number we're now
00:18:10
serving peeping town number four you
00:18:11
know
00:18:12
well that's probably enough absurdity
00:18:14
for one night but we'll head back to the
00:18:16
streets to seek out stupidity wherever
00:18:18
it may occur and deliver it right to
00:18:20
your tv next week if you've got a lead
00:18:22
on a story or you just can't wait till
00:18:24
next week for more state-of-the-art
00:18:26
stupidity visit our website at
00:18:28
www.dumbcrimes.com
00:18:32
we want to thank you for joining us and
00:18:33
extend our gratitude to the law
00:18:35
enforcement officers who make this show
00:18:37
possible every day they lay their lives
00:18:39
on the line to keep us safe from the
00:18:41
stupidity of would-be criminals as
00:18:43
always we hope that we've all learned
00:18:45
from others mistakes but if you haven't
00:18:48
we just might see you next week on
00:18:50
america's dumbest criminals
00:18:53
[Music]
00:18:58
wow
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wow
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