00:00:05
tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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it's not just what this guy's doing
00:00:10
that's crazy it's where he's doing it
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get the cold hard facts on the nutty
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buddy behind the wheel of this ice cream
00:00:17
truck
00:00:18
and get the buzz from a stoner whose
00:00:20
credibility goes up in smoke
00:00:23
don't move don't inhale and don't touch
00:00:26
that dial we've got the dope on the
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dopes who make up america's dumbest
00:00:31
criminals
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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wow
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[Music]
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now welcome your host for adc daniel
00:01:10
butler and debbie hour
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hey hey
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great to have you ride along with us
00:01:19
today well i see you brought along a
00:01:20
treat for the road yeah the ice cream
00:01:22
man was just here you want a bike no
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thanks no thanks and you better be
00:01:26
careful because i hope that suit's made
00:01:27
of teflon i've seen you eat
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or cold well ice cream generally is
00:01:33
daniel
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oh brain fruit oh you ate it too fast
00:01:40
i think i'll just enjoy this peaceful
00:01:41
moment and while i am here's the story
00:01:44
of a thief who steals an ice cream truck
00:01:46
which leads to a sticky situation caught
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on camera
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[Music]
00:01:53
the ice cream truck driver claims he was
00:01:55
a victim i think he pulled up thinking
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it was going to be like a regular deal
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like i'm going to sell this guy a snow
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cone and the next thing he knows he's
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being ice cream jacked so to speak the
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long and short of it is somehow he says
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he was taken hostage by a man who had a
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gun though i don't believe he ever saw
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the gun and made him drive all around
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the neighborhood with the bells ringing
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giving out free ice cream to people even
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he says allegedly was made to smoke
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crack he said he was in fear of his life
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you know he says i'm gonna kill you if
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you don't smoke it you know even when
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the perpetrator the bad guy left the ice
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cream truck and went up to talk with
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friends about crack deals and everything
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else where it seems like to most of us
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he'd have a clear way to get away he
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said he was here for his life and he
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couldn't go i guess the other guy claims
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that they were in cahoots with humanity
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it's his word versus the other guy's
00:02:41
word and i think where police are
00:02:42
skeptical is when the guy claims the ice
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cream truck driver claims that the
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alleged bad guy made him smoke crack
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because police say hey
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no crack dealer in the world is going to
00:02:52
share their crack with anybody not even
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an ice cream truck so that story is not
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flying
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[Applause]
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now we turn to a man who is on the run
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with a k-9 unit on his trail yep he
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thought he could outsmart the dog but
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mentally speaking the pooch clearly had
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the upper paw we take you to ocala
00:03:13
florida to find something to remember me
00:03:15
by
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the bike guys tried to stop a vehicle
00:03:20
for a traffic infraction and when they
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did the person that was driving let him
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on a little chase and he finally stopped
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and he got out and ran on foot and they
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called me to try to do a track with the
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dog
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we finally found him in between two
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houses i checked with my flashlight and
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found the person that we were looking
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for huddled up in a little ball and he
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didn't have any clothes on
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he said afterwards that he thought if he
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took all of his clothes off that the dog
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wouldn't be able to smell him
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[Music]
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drugs do strange things to the mind oh
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yeah yeah i knew a guy in college he
00:03:59
stared at a lava lamp for two hours and
00:04:01
swore he'd watch the movie the blob
00:04:05
well we've got the story of a freaked
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out teenager who adds a smashing new
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twist to the concept of home theater
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take a look
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got dispatched to an accident where a
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car had run through a chain-link fence
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across the lawn and crashed into a house
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and i pulled up on the scene and sure
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enough the car's still sitting there you
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know and i walk up to it and the kid is
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still sitting behind the wheel and he's
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just frozen and he's staring at the side
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of this house and he's laughing and
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giggling into himself i take him out of
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the car and i handcuff him and he's high
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he's drunk
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i put him in the front seat of my car
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and i'm talking to him and i explained
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to him that he's under arrest and he
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won't believe me he's so high you know i
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show him my badge and say you know me
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i've arrested you before and he laughs
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and giggles and he thinks we're the
00:04:47
drive-in movie he's taking some
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hallucinogenics and he just keeps
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laughing and giggling they have another
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cop show up to check on me because they
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haven't heard from me and when his red
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lights come through the window this kid
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says oh my gosh because the cops are
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here and he starts to get nervous he
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finally something registers that he's in
00:05:05
trouble even though he's handcuffed and
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he realizes there's a cop outside the
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car so he tells me get my drugs out of
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my sock get my drugs out of my sock so i
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reach down and inside his sock there's a
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big wad of dope and i pull it out you
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know and i go back and say you know hey
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i'm a cop too and he laughs and says no
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just be cool so the other cop comes up
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and taps on the window to check on me
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and i roll down the window and ask me if
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everything's okay and i said yeah
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everything's fine and he takes off and
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this kid still doesn't hit me oh you did
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that good man you really threw that cop
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off he didn't know he had drugs or
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anything and he never did get the fact
00:05:39
that i was a cop he was so high until
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later on he just thought he couldn't
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move his hands because he was so stoned
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and that we were sitting at a drive-in
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movie but the movie had a bad end for
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him needless to say
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in california animals are banned from
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mating publicly within 1500 feet of a
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tavern school and place of worship
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i don't know about you but i always feel
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just a little bit queasy when i place my
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car keys in the hand of a parking ballet
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especially when i hear squealing tires
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just after my car is driven out of sight
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well tonight we found a story of
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something that's a lot worse and a
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little better than that scenario it's a
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new twist on america's dumbest excuses
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[Applause]
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we had a gentleman that had just been
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released from the county jail paced back
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and forth in front of a guard that was
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there and then kept naming people and
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talking about how he needed a ride to
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get to work and just by luck some guy
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runs in to do some business and leaves
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his car unattended running he jumps in
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and takes off
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so the next thing we know the guy's
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reporting his car stolen we had a pretty
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good idea who might be responsible
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because he's the only person hanging
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around the jail everybody else that had
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been released left
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well i did a few phone calls and finally
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got a hold of him at work
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and
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told him he needed to come in for an
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interview well i get the individual in
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and he sits down and the first thing he
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says is that he didn't do it he took a
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bus home and i farmed him at 3 30 we
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don't have buses running in clayton and
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with that he basically admitted to
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taking the car and he then stated that
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he was upset that he had done it he was
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remorseful he decided to park the car at
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a gas station where it was well lit and
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it would be protected so nobody else
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stole the car
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and he also filled it with a tank of gas
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for the people and then went into the
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store and called them to make sure they
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could come get their car
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and at the end of the interview he
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reiterated and again wrote in his
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confession that he had filled it with a
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tank of gas and left it in a lit area so
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it wouldn't get stolen again
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and also made mention of the fact that
00:07:46
he should have stuck with his bus story
00:07:49
mark twain once said man is the only
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animal that blushes nor needs to there's
00:07:55
an avalanche of embarrassment about to
00:07:57
descend upon a poor guy captured on
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camera one wintry day in bellwood
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illinois see for yourself
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[Music]
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this swat team came up empty-handed when
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they searched a neighborhood for a
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suspect but they can't say that they
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wasted a drive because they got to see
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this
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ouch
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[Music]
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well since 10 officers of the law
00:08:26
witnessed his little oopsie the driver
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of the snowplow figured he'd better pile
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out and see if he could set things
00:08:32
straight
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so that's just what he does sheepishly
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returns to the scene of the crime okay
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here he goes straighten straighten
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that's close enough for governor
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you ever watch a press conference for a
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politician or a big company they usually
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choose a spokesperson who's articulate
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poised and well groomed while judging
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from the teenager who spoke on behalf of
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his partying buds standards are a little
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more shall we say relaxed
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my partner i got a call to a loud party
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disturbance call and this is a house
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that we're very familiar with we go to
00:09:09
it several times a week the drug usage
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is high the minor consumption of alcohol
00:09:13
is high so anyway my partner got up
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there and he said he had some kids
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scattering and running and called for
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more officers to show up as we show up
00:09:20
they send their party spokesman out to
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talk to his name's leon he comes over to
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us and he wants to know while we're
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there harassing the party and i said
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well you know we're here for the drug
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use and i asked him i said you have any
00:09:30
drugs on you absolutely not officer i
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don't use any drugs and he asked me the
00:09:33
questions if you intend to imply that i
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use marijuana sir you're wrong
00:09:38
well i kind of looked at my partner and
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he looked back at me and we smiled and
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drained a little bit because the whole
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time
00:09:42
leon had been taking hits off his
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marijuana cigarette
00:09:51
recently one of the local convenience
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stores was robbed
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well the individual had had his
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girlfriend stop at a side street right
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next to the convenience store drop him
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off
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he proceeded to go into the convenience
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store and had to pass
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the pay phones which are located outside
00:10:09
this convenience store and a friend of
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his was on the telephone as he's coming
00:10:13
after the convenience store he stopped
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to talk to this friend that was talking
00:10:16
on the telephone
00:10:20
all right have a good one
00:10:22
the individual went inside the
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convenience store
00:10:25
robbed the convenience store
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come back out of the store stopped and
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talked to his friend again
00:10:31
and then went around the corner and got
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back in the vehicle with the girlfriend
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to drop him off
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we got the call that we had it was an
00:10:37
armed robbery
00:10:38
very very easy to find this individual
00:10:40
all we had to do was just ask the
00:10:42
gentleman's on the telephone he said yes
00:10:43
i know that's the individual that robbed
00:10:45
the place i just saw him he's a friend
00:10:46
of mine he lives at this address
00:10:49
and we went directly to the address and
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located this individual
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and now for a man who almost does as
00:11:01
much for news as marv albert did for
00:11:03
lingerie here's daniel with abc
00:11:05
headlines
00:11:06
[Applause]
00:11:11
a research laboratory in pennsylvania
00:11:12
found a great way to cut cost in
00:11:15
conducting environmental studies for its
00:11:18
415 former clients
00:11:20
they made up all the test results
00:11:23
in fact the company didn't even own all
00:11:25
the equipment required to conduct the
00:11:27
studies when the bilked clients and the
00:11:30
epa discovered that reports were
00:11:31
routinely falsified and hazardous
00:11:34
materials were disposed of improperly
00:11:36
they grew dangerously testy
00:11:39
marriages you know are supposed to be
00:11:41
for better or for worse but one in
00:11:43
illinois got off to a rock bottom start
00:11:46
upon entering the courthouse to get
00:11:48
married the groom was discovered to be
00:11:49
carrying marijuana
00:11:51
but
00:11:52
the judge not wanting to stand in the
00:11:54
way of true love presided over the
00:11:56
marriage ceremony then he sentenced the
00:11:59
groom on drug charges
00:12:02
no word on how the happy honeymoon's
00:12:04
going now
00:12:06
three men were arrested in san francisco
00:12:08
after they pelted the city's mayor in
00:12:10
the face with pies as he delivered a
00:12:12
speech although these three stooges
00:12:14
claimed they were merely protesting the
00:12:16
mayor's policy on homelessness the
00:12:18
prosecuting attorney is pursuing charges
00:12:20
of misdemeanor assault and battery in
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hopes that they will get their just
00:12:25
deserved and that closes the file on abc
00:12:27
headlines news rips from somewhere near
00:12:31
the back of your local newspaper debbie
00:12:34
billy crystal once explained the
00:12:36
difference between a class clown and a
00:12:38
class comedian he said that a class
00:12:39
clown was the guy who would race across
00:12:41
the school building naked the class
00:12:43
comedian was the one who convinced him
00:12:45
that it was a great idea
00:12:47
we'll send in the clown for this week's
00:12:49
special delivery
00:12:54
naked guy comes into the police
00:12:56
department he's been partying with his
00:12:57
buddies all day naked buck naked
00:13:01
walks up to the front desk flashes
00:13:03
everybody yeah he shook just like that
00:13:06
and runs out the front door
00:13:08
he gets into a car and we have cameras
00:13:10
around the police department the
00:13:12
dispatcher as vigilant as she was
00:13:14
zoomed in on it the license plate no not
00:13:17
that the license plate
00:13:19
his friends ben would come in and shake
00:13:20
his things and he did all that
00:13:22
it was a bear he did it on a bet and
00:13:24
they had been drinking that night they
00:13:26
didn't believe he'd go in and do it well
00:13:27
he did they go over to the house they
00:13:29
summons the guy we didn't actually
00:13:31
physically arrest him we gave him a 68
00:13:32
dollar ticket if he had the box to do
00:13:34
that
00:13:36
run into a police department naked we
00:13:38
cut him a little break no pun intended
00:13:39
little break
00:13:40
[Laughter]
00:13:44
while we're exposing the naked truth we
00:13:46
streak from manchester connecticut to
00:13:48
jacksonville florida where we find an
00:13:50
officer who concentrates on the little
00:13:52
details to make sure he gets his man
00:13:54
take a peek toward the end of december
00:13:57
1st of january at the beaches it was
00:13:59
extremely cold it was wind blowing off
00:14:02
the ocean there was hardly anyone on the
00:14:04
streets because it was so cold and
00:14:06
somewhere around 1 30 2 o'clock the
00:14:08
dispatcher gives us a call of a streaker
00:14:14
it's a white male and he's wearing a
00:14:16
stalking mask well another police
00:14:18
officer who i work with always has to
00:14:20
question for a little bit more
00:14:22
information whenever he gets sent on a
00:14:24
call and this particular incident after
00:14:26
hq told us that we would look for a
00:14:28
naked white male wearing a stocking mask
00:14:30
the officer came up on the air and says
00:14:32
what color is that mask
00:14:38
now let's look back at one of adc's
00:14:40
greatest hits
00:14:42
and now actual surveillance cam footage
00:14:44
from the dashboard of a trooper's car
00:14:46
it's a brush with death we call citizens
00:14:48
arrest
00:14:50
this trooper just pulled over a car for
00:14:51
a minor traffic violation on an
00:14:53
interstate highway as he's ticketing the
00:14:56
vehicle a pickup truck loses control
00:14:59
the pickup truck brushed the trooper's
00:15:01
left hip
00:15:02
the rear view mirror slapped the trooper
00:15:04
in the left shoulder but the trooper is
00:15:05
not seriously hurt the pickup truck did
00:15:08
not slow down or stop he fled the scene
00:15:11
of the accident
00:15:12
the people who had been stopped for the
00:15:14
traffic violation were concerned about
00:15:15
the trooper's safety but he was fine and
00:15:17
back in his car within moments in
00:15:19
pursuit of the dummy in the pickup
00:15:22
fortunately a citizen driving on the
00:15:24
interstate who saw the whole thing
00:15:27
also gave pursuit
00:15:30
moments later
00:15:31
he had made a citizen's arrest
00:15:35
this driver was dangerously dumb
00:15:38
[Applause]
00:15:40
[Music]
00:15:41
[Applause]
00:15:45
in jonesboro arkansas it's illegal to
00:15:47
say oh boy
00:15:49
overheard radio traffic the gentleman
00:15:51
had been electrocuted this gentleman
00:15:53
used an incredible poor judgment in what
00:15:57
he attempted to do drank about five or
00:15:59
six beers and then decided that he was
00:16:02
going to cook his power back up to his
00:16:04
residence had taken an aluminum ladder
00:16:06
leaned it up on an energized pole
00:16:09
once he got to the top of the aluminum
00:16:11
ladder he still couldn't reach the
00:16:13
transformer so he shimmied his way on up
00:16:15
the power pole and sat on top of the
00:16:18
disconnected transformer i took her
00:16:21
piece of thin copper wire and attempted
00:16:24
to
00:16:25
use a jumper wire from transformer to
00:16:27
the hotline and when he did he got the
00:16:29
shock of his life
00:16:31
he received about 7 620 volts of
00:16:34
electricity hitting the ground possibly
00:16:38
restarted his heart
00:16:40
i can just see a warning on the side of
00:16:43
beer cans from now on
00:16:45
playing with power lines and drinking is
00:16:46
not real good to your health
00:16:49
it's not only
00:16:50
an amazingly dumb thing for him to do
00:16:52
he's also an amazingly fortunate person
00:16:55
to still be alive
00:16:59
farmers put grinders on their mules to
00:17:01
keep them from getting distracted from
00:17:03
the single purpose of moving straight
00:17:05
ahead well tonight we find a man who
00:17:07
plows into problems because his single
00:17:09
vision is a bit too literal yeah strange
00:17:12
but true it's tonight's cycloptic
00:17:15
scenario for
00:17:16
we're not making this up
00:17:21
we had a juvenile
00:17:23
he was working at a gas station and had
00:17:26
been terminated for one reason or
00:17:28
another that's a small community
00:17:30
everybody in town knew him knew the
00:17:32
people that worked there
00:17:34
this individual was clinically blind in
00:17:37
in one of his eyes about three months
00:17:39
after his
00:17:40
determination the place was robbed
00:17:43
surveillance tape was taken from the
00:17:46
scene we put the videotape in
00:17:48
our machine
00:17:49
we noticed that
00:17:51
the individual that was committing the
00:17:52
armed robbery
00:17:54
had taken a knit cap and cut out one eye
00:17:57
it wasn't too hard
00:17:59
to narrow it down to a past employee
00:18:01
with
00:18:02
limited sight in one eye
00:18:03
he was so concentrated on the fact that
00:18:05
he was going to rob the place and needed
00:18:07
to see that one eye he didn't take the
00:18:08
time to think it might look good if he
00:18:10
cut out the other item and we might not
00:18:12
have caught him quite so fast
00:18:14
he thought he was actually being smarter
00:18:17
than your average robber and and hiding
00:18:20
more of his face by only cutting out one
00:18:22
eye
00:18:23
well i hope we've all learned something
00:18:25
tonight well yeah sure we learned two
00:18:28
eye holes are better than one oh i hope
00:18:30
we learned more than that well we also
00:18:32
learned if you run around naked you end
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up on our show yeah the crooks on our
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show the cops on nypd blue yeah i think
00:18:38
you're right about both there and you
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know what else i think what's that i
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think i'll come back next week for more
00:18:44
dimwits on the loose well if you come
00:18:45
back there's guaranteed to be one did we
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don't know
00:18:49
he's doing the caffeine out there
00:18:51
will join us too well and if you've got
00:18:53
a lead on a story or you just can't wait
00:18:55
till next week for more state-of-the-art
00:18:57
stupidity visit our website at
00:18:58
www.dumbcrimes.com
00:19:01
thanks again for tuning in and if you've
00:19:03
had fun why not tell a friend friends
00:19:05
don't let friends watch infomercials
00:19:08
and we also want to express our special
00:19:10
thanks for the officers who helped us
00:19:12
out tonight they're representative of
00:19:13
thousands of people in law enforcement
00:19:15
who keep the bad guys at bay we
00:19:16
appreciate everything you do as always
00:19:19
we hope that we've all learned from
00:19:20
others mistakes but if you haven't we
00:19:22
just might see you next week on
00:19:24
america's dumbest criminal goodbye
00:19:31
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wow
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wow
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you
