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tonight on america's dumbest criminals a
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small town terrorized by a big pig a
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hard-hitting reminder about why you
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should always wear a helmet and a
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flare-up at a funeral home for
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high-octane entertainment don't move a
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muscle you're about to witness america's
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dumbest criminals
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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wow
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[Music]
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now welcome your host for america's
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dumbest criminals daniel butler and
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debbie
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yeah sure confessions time what you have
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something you want to share no it's your
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turn no oh no yes okay think back when
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you were in college did you ever engage
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in a panty raid
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oh no not in college a couple of weeks
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ago but no no no i never i know i'm not
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really a stand outside a dorm and yell
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for someone's underwear kind of guy no
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i probably would have stood outside and
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yelled for someone to do my laundry you
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know but no no not that but did did you
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ever get panty rated did you ever drop
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underwear down you've got to understand
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i went to a very conservative school i
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think i would have gotten kicked out of
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my college for even saying the word
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underwear oh okay but you could say
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under and where but not together not
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together okay okay our idea of
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rebelliousness i think was loud
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whispering in the library too that was
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conservative so obviously we are not
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people who live on the edge but there
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are those who grab for the gusto and for
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other things as well if you need
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evidence check this out
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the man you're watching is under
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surveillance by undercover officers in
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the underwear division of the new
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sewickley pennsylvania police department
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and yes he is conducting a panty raid he
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even confronted our victim the very
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first time they looked each other in the
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face and had this amazing shock upon his
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face but he still came back the trap was
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set after the owner filed a complaint
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that this guy returned on a weekly basis
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you can see him grabbing the panties
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and that's when you seen two men of
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course i dressed in plain clothes we
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dodged out the door yo please free stop
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the police clotheslined him and hauled
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him in at first he claimed that the
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lingerie made good slingshots but
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eventually confessed to the theft and
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was placed in the beaver county jail
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daniel that's true that is true
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continuing our revealing look at the
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relationship between the underworld and
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under garments we moved to delray beach
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florida where law enforcement officers
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have an unfortunately close encounter
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with an ex-con they call
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the perpetrator
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hi i'm jeff messer with the dory beach
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florida police department and i've got a
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dumb criminal story for you guys
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several years ago we had a gentleman
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do a burglary and while in the home
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doing his burglary he was confronted by
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the homeowner
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when confronted he kind of uh
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lost control of himself i guess we could
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say
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and had to leave the home in a hurry he
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ran from the home
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[Music]
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he
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unloaded his pants and his underwear
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left the underwear put his pants back on
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and fled the area
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we found his underwear
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and the evidence we thought we needed in
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the underwear along with the underwear
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we found that they were his prison
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underwear with his name and prison id
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number etched in them
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and we eventually caught up with him and
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he was given the nickname the pooper
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trader from there on
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[Applause]
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the first rule of getaways is this never
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leave a man behind so if indeed there is
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honor among thieves you should be able
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to count on the driver of the getaway
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car to come back for you even if it
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takes a while
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it's that by-the-book thinking that
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resulted in these guys getting booked
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when they had every opportunity to flee
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the scene
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several years ago when i was assigned a
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patrol division as a lieutenant we had
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an occasion of a break-in call at a
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business local business one night
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officers responded over there pretty
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quick and were able to catch one suspect
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still at the scene
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two others at least had run from the
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scene we
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felt certain
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but the one suspect was apprehended
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there and we got his car the same
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so we
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left the scene transport our prisoner in
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and we assigned officer hayley smith the
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police department to drive the suspect
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vehicle in as evidence of the crime the
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vehicle was going to be impounded and
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used later on in court
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officer smith was driving the car in two
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to three blocks from the location of the
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break-in on fisher street here in
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burlington we got a radio call from him
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on his walkie-talkie
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indicating there was some problem people
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being stopped by some individuals out
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there on the street
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it turned out the two suspects that fled
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from that occasion had been hiding in
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the bushes in the area saw the car
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coming they apparently thought if we
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seize the car we'd be towing it in by
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wreckers and driving it in they thought
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their getaway man had somehow gotten
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away from us and were driving down
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fisher street and flagging down in order
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to get away from the theft scene we of
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course arrested those two along with the
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initial person had all three of our
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people rounded up very successful case
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the great thing about cell phones is
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that they allow your friends and
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business associates to catch up with you
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anywhere well the bad thing about cell
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phones if you're a criminal is that they
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allow your pursuers to catch up with you
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anywhere see what we mean
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several months back we had a rookie
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riding with me training and we were
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going out one of the small streets out
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west
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and uh
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watched a guy
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take off my resume popped in a couple of
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ways on a motorcycle just driving over
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echoes through he went through a red
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light
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so i decided to stop and go probably
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just he's gonna just wind up getting a
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warning or you know for the way he was
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driving
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i turned my lights on he turned around
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looked at me and he just took off
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he ended up chasing probably 20 25 30
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miles
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uh
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he wrecks out in a little country area
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north of our jurisdiction
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and
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he wrecked in the curb before we get to
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the curve he just slid off the road and
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we never saw him we went right on by
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and someone another officer come up and
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found the motorcycle so we all fanned
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out and
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the county agencies were out there and
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we surrounded the little wooded area he
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was in
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and
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went through the woods and couldn't ever
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find it
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i stand on the perimeter of the woods
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and we heard a cell phone ring
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so we was all looking in this area
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and
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heard it ring again and i heard somebody
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say hello
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hey he's up here
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and sure enough he gets up in the tree
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and uh
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we told him we said you need to come
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down on a tree i'm not coming down to
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the news crews leaving you're up for
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free you don't really have much of a
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choice you know you can either come down
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here and check the treatment at that
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time we
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cordially coached him down the tree and
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took him into custody and brought him
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back in and booked him into jail
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[Music]
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while we're looking at the greatest
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dummies on two wheels let's stick off in
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another direction we're going to la to
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pick up on a reckless chase with an
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ending that is anything but reckless
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a reckless guy on a motorcycle breaks
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every rule in the driver's manual
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including zooming along at up to 130
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miles an hour in a futile attempt to
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escape from police
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realizing that speed alone was getting
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him nowhere fast he opted for an
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off-ramp and then he caught a bus
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you'd have thought he'd throw in the
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towel but he still resisted a rest
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eventually he was cuffed and taken away
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suffering only a contusion to his
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forehead even though his speedometer
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froze at 55 miles an hour upon impact
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amazingly dumb huh
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next thing you know i'm looking at the
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rear view and i see them collide with
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the bus
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that's what it hits just bounced so it's
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just
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not that hard i've been hit harder
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we doubt the guy on the cycle could say
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the same
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if you think he's got headaches check
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out this next couple
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well on routine patrol on 5 15 98
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it was given a call of a domestic
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dispute on 479 metcalf street
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upon arrival found a female
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standing in the yard being rather
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belligerent he's not going nowhere yes
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he is
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he can leave we cannot make him stay and
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neither can you i can press charges
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you're not listening to me ma'am you
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cannot make him stay here no but i need
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him to go to jail for domestic battery
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if both of us have to drink
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both of us
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she said she wanted him to go to jail
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and i said i didn't have
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grounds to take him to jail again when i
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finally got
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the husband over and talked to him
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i noticed his shirt was somewhat in
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disarray and torn just chill out now
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there and everything's gonna be cool
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okay when i asked him what had happened
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and he stated that she had ripped it off
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of him and i come up here to get the
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rest of my clothes she hit me in my face
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five times and i'm a man they don't
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nobody hit me in my face she said well
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what about all the drugs he's got in the
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house
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okay what about him
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do you want to see him
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yes
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we confiscated drug paraphernalia seeds
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three-potted plants with marijuana
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and a white substance we
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didn't have enough evidence to ascertain
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whether it was cocaine or not we'll have
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a seat in my car
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yeah you are
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possessing the drugs both of y'all are
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listening run out there and hit his
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drugs he says he goes to errands and
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smokes with him and his daddy aaron said
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that's all the lies all he's doing is
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lying listen
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listen your daddy don't want you son
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she just wanted him to go to jail
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she was telling us about this was funny
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in a way she kept telling us about
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all the uh
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charges he had against him
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in florida for child abuse etc and we
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kept telling her that has nothing to do
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with what's going on here you know
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she wanted us to find some reason to
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take him to jail so eventually she gave
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us the reason
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[Applause]
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and now with news that dan rather had
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rather not report here's daniel with adc
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headlines
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[Music]
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the debate continues over the value of
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private citizens owning firearms but
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what about your right to own
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vegetables a man in new york drew 18
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years to life in prison for robbing his
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victim with a concealed vegetable
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yes the robber brandished a zucchini
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under his coat
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leading his victim to believe he was
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being held at gunpoint at the sentencing
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justice justice randall ing scolded the
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accused saying quote you added to the
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climate of fear we have to live in now
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so and also some innocent bystanders
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scream look out he's got a zucchini and
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he knows how to use it
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a bank robber in virginia beach virginia
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forced a tiller to fill a plastic
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grocery sack with money unaware that a
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dye bomb was placed in his hall as well
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the crook then shoved you guessed it the
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bag into his pants and fled
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moments later the dye pack activated a
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chemical reaction which according to
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police creates about 400 degrees of heat
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witnesses to the robbers getaway told
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investigators they saw the explosion
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taking place inside the man's pants and
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the crook immediately shed his trousers
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which were confiscated with a hole
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seared through the i guess you could
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call it the crotch
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as of this report the criminal has not
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been apprehended but is most certainly a
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marked man
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if it's a problem to get to the criminal
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ask the criminal to come to you that was
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the thinking of police in keene new
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hampshire when they were alerted that a
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parole violator in their midst was
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considered armed and dangerous upon
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discovery that the man had taken a job
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delivering pizza
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the officers simply placed an order and
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waited for him to arrive at a specified
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address
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he was easily taken into custody and
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according to published reports
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miraculously the small cheese pizza was
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returned to the pizza parlor unharmed
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that's a wrap for abc headlines what do
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you got david daniel how many times have
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you seen that tense scene in a cops and
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robber movie where a police officer says
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to the criminal put your weapon on the
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counter and move away
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well we've got some surveillance camera
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footage that's like that only there's no
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police officer just a crook who
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seriously underestimates his victim
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this robber thinks he's big stuff with
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his rifle in his hand
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but what happens when he and the clerk
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engage in a little role reversal
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suddenly the robber is even more
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motivated to leave the store than he was
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to come in
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and that's in spite of the fact that the
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clerk offers to return the criminal's
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weapon
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one bullet at a time
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in the old tv show the dukes of hazzard
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the good old boys were always on the
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lookout for boss hogg well citizens in
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anniston alabama had their own boss hog
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to contend with except this troublemaker
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was a real pig
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we got a
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call several calls about some animal
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unknown creature going through gardens
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tearing up the gardens
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they thought it was dogs going through
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and tearing up their garden we
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got calls of garbage being turned over
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of course she assumed dogs
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and
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we searched and searched could never
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find any loose dogs never saw any loose
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animals of any kind that we could find
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but it was all in the same neighborhood
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the people that were calling and
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complaining
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only lived about a block from this
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ravine where the where the
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actual perpetrator was residing
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and for probably a couple of weeks
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we were on the hot trail of an animal
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that was unknown to us at the time it
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was coming up in a residential area that
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was
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getting in the garbage cans
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eating items out of people's gardens
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tearing up trash and things like that it
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turned out to be a
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individual's
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pet which was a pot belly pig early in
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the in a very heavy travel
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residential area he was stopping traffic
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we jumped him several times
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uh
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actually could not catch him yeah around
00:15:08
by this time the pig had gained some
00:15:10
notoriety uh
00:15:12
one of our local radio stations k-98 had
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put a bounty on the pig's head
00:15:17
said uh he'd get paid anybody 98 dollars
00:15:20
that could bring the pig up there and
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let him pet it
00:15:23
and people were calling every day asking
00:15:24
you know have you caught the pig have
00:15:26
you caught the pig everybody that saw me
00:15:27
in town have you caught the pig have you
00:15:28
caught the pig we had some people that
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were real concerned for the pig you know
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it's going to get hurt and some other
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people just having fun with it so we
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took out the k98 prize van we took out
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the pa system we had hog calling
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contests everybody trying to call the
00:15:41
hog in suey pig you know and with the
00:15:44
help of the citizen
00:15:45
after the end of about two weeks
00:15:48
it was caught by the citizen his wife
00:15:50
who later adopted the pig after we got
00:15:52
her you know she
00:15:54
i she's such a nice pet you know we just
00:15:57
kept her you know she's
00:15:59
unbelievable
00:16:00
[Music]
00:16:05
[Applause]
00:16:09
you know some things seemed like bad
00:16:11
ideas from the start like playing in
00:16:13
traffic or swimming during a
00:16:15
thunderstorm yeah you in the wnba
00:16:18
or place
00:16:20
blessing that's a bad idea it would be i
00:16:22
mean come on but placing complicated
00:16:24
food orders at the drive-thru window
00:16:27
true why is that so hard oh you don't do
00:16:30
that do you well no but i do like
00:16:32
certain things i like my condiments
00:16:34
stacked in order
00:16:35
lettuce pickle onion tomato martha
00:16:38
stewart okay you're asking for trouble
00:16:40
well if that's asking for trouble then
00:16:42
our next crooks ordered a double helping
00:16:44
of danger watch as tonight's edition of
00:16:47
we're not making this up provides strong
00:16:49
evidence that man has not evolved well
00:16:51
through the centuries we're on location
00:16:54
at gobert funeral chapel last fall we
00:16:56
had two individuals decided they needed
00:16:57
some gas
00:16:59
they decided to stop by here
00:17:01
siphon some gas out of the van they
00:17:03
didn't have any luck cycling so they
00:17:04
took a gas can stuck it up under the van
00:17:07
took a big buck knife poked a hole the
00:17:09
gas tank
00:17:10
about that time a lady that works here
00:17:12
drove up
00:17:13
they ran around here to the side of the
00:17:15
building
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and hid in the bushes
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stayed in the bushes until the lady left
00:17:23
which was about 10 minutes at that time
00:17:27
they came back around to the van
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one of them had a zippo lighter and they
00:17:31
couldn't see how much gas it had and can
00:17:33
so he couldn't dip a lighter out of his
00:17:35
pocket ignited the gas both fans caught
00:17:38
on fire
00:17:39
they tried to stomp it out
00:17:41
and at that time he got away from them
00:17:44
they decided they ran got in the car and
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left both vans bearing up funeral home
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burnt
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they're done seeking thousand dollars
00:17:52
worth of damage to the funeral home a
00:17:55
lot of dumb things happen in the line of
00:17:57
police work
00:17:58
so far this one takes the cake
00:18:00
it's
00:18:01
last one flashlight comes in heaven we
00:18:04
don't always go out in a blaze of glory
00:18:06
but it looks like we will this time join
00:18:08
us next time when we'll find a burglar
00:18:10
who hopes to get rich but ends up
00:18:12
getting the shaft and if you've got a
00:18:13
lead on the story or you just can't wait
00:18:15
till next week for more state-of-the-art
00:18:17
stupidity visit our website at
00:18:19
www.dumbcrimes.com
00:18:23
we want to thank you for joining us and
00:18:24
extend our gratitude to the law
00:18:25
enforcement officers who make this show
00:18:27
possible every day they lay their lives
00:18:29
on the line to keep us safe from the
00:18:31
stupidity of would-be criminals as
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always we hope everybody has learned
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from others mistakes but if you haven't
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we just might see you next week on
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america's dumbest criminals bye-bye good
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night
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[Music]
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closed captioning provided by
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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wow
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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you
