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tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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is this any way to tell your girlfriend
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that you really want to work things out
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have you ever underestimated the crime
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fighting force of meter maids as this
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bank robber did
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sit stay and watch america's dumbest
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criminals
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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wow
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[Music]
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now welcome your host for america's
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dumbest criminals daniel butler and
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debbie allen
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everywhere i go people ask me one
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question they do yes they do is it why
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do you always torment your sweet little
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co-host no i've never been asked that
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well what's your question everybody
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asked me wow they what's a wild night
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for debbie allen you've got to be
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kidding me no they do
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but come on give us an answer come on
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you remember okay
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it would be three hours alone in a
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bookstore whoa
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okay
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i've been telling them nude shuffleboard
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i'm sorry
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that's it please really
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or triple coupon night at the grocery
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store
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wow
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i assume you're asking this because of a
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story coming up a little bit later about
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a group of women who threw a very wild
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party no it just seemed like a good way
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to embarrass you
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that worked
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yeah but speaking of embarrassing you've
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got every reason to roll your eyes at
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the guys in our first story they thought
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they'd erased every trace of their trail
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but their attempt left an indelible
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image here's this week's unforgettable
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chapter of caught on camera
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[Music]
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what happened was on november 24th 1997
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we had a bank robbery at the orange
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county federal credit union
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it was late in the afternoon business
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was about ready to close when
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four armed subjects came into the bank
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and basically terrorized everybody they
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got a substantial amount of currency
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they escaped from the location and got
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into a waiting ford explorer
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this vehicle was tracked by our
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helicopter approximately 25 miles away
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into an uh suburban area of los angeles
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in the city of paramount
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officers closed in on the area while the
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vehicle was followed into the garage
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area of this rather large apartment
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complex
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and
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it appears that they were in the middle
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of what is called a vehicle switch where
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they'll switch the money and suspects
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from one car to another when the
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officers got on scene they found both
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vehicles but none of the suspects
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we found a large a waste basket full of
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water where the money had been dunked
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apparently in an attempt to try to avoid
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any type of dye bombs or other devices
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that might be in there we immediately
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surrounded the place with a number of
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armed officers with shotguns and dogs
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and went on to do a basically an
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apartment to apartment search
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and lo and behold one of our officers
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notices a couple coming out of the
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complex
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and what attracted his attention to him
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was the gentleman who was with them was
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a rather large guy wearing a too small
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coat jacket a red football type jersey
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some baggy pants and some pink fuzzy
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woman's bedroom slippers even for
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california this is kind of a real
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fashion risk that he's taking he
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basically questioned him and uh stories
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didn't match they were detained and it
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was when we switched him from one car to
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another that we knew we had our people
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when the officers found approximately
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twenty thousand dollars in cash stuffed
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under the back seat of the car they of
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course said we had the wrong suspects
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and the young lady who was with them uh
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accused us of planting twenty thousand
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dollars in the back seat which is
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something the typical officer carries
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around with him every day just to throw
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down and incriminate innocent people
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and luckily
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our officers are really in tune with the
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styles and we're able to pick the up on
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this rather quickly they're going to get
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a lot of time for this
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i like that a real fashion risk
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when our next story the crime's the same
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bank robbery but what happens is a whole
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nother matter
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this guy doesn't just encounter a
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department of detectives new
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this man comes under the scrupulous
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scrutiny of someone who is easily and
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wrongly underestimated
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the meter maid
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[Music]
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back about a year ago we had a bank
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robbery that
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caught our attention because it was kind
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of unusual i'm a member of the johnson
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county sheriff's office and sometime
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last year i assisted the cleveland
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police department in an investigation of
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a bank robbery they had there in a city
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i was making my rounds and i came upon
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this expired meter and i thought
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something was strange about this because
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the truck sitting beside it
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was running not only did he leave his
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truck running he forgot to feed the
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meter so while he's inside robbing the
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bank the meter maid comes along and i
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thought to myself before issuing the
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ticket that someone could possibly steal
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this truck because it's abandoned and
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running at the time
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so after 12 minutes of waiting i went
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ahead and issued it the citation then
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proceeded to go inside the bank and when
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i went inside the back door waiting on
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the elevator several ladies walked
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outside the bank that was employees
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there saying that the bank had just been
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robbed
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i put two and two together
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and realized that the ticket that i had
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wrote to the truck in the front that was
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running could have been the robbers i
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waited for the first officer on the
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scene to present the ticket to him with
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the license plate number so he was able
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to check the license plate on there and
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then we ran it down was able to find his
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residence and go out there and when he
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come home he was waiting on it i went to
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the suspect's house and i waited to see
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if he would return
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and several hours later he did
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could happen
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when i apprehended him he had money
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voting out of
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all his pockets i think robert i know
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what you're talking about what are you
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talking about man and i advised him of
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his rights and that he was under arrest
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for bank robbery
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he said what bank what robbery quit
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harassing me man what's this right here
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that's my welfare money man what about
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this that's a dang ticket that
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mentormate gave me at that time he was
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placed into custody and thanks to the
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good works of the media made the subject
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was apprehended
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even though he was arrested for robbing
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the bank he still had to pay my parking
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fine what a dumb criminal
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she said personally
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don't mess with that woman hey maybe in
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school you read the victor hugo novel
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les miserables
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french whoa we're getting a little
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eyebrow here aren't you well our next
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story updates that plot with a piece of
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pizza a two-time offender makes the huge
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mistake of pilfering some pepperoni and
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is about to pay dearly for it see how a
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petty theft can add up to huge
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consequences
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[Music]
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what this man did had everyone talking
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normal people
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of
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good will
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don't pick on kids i mean he's a 27 year
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old six foot five man and he's picking
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on a seven-year-old child
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my book that's a mean-spirited boy he
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was a repeat offender who grabbed a
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slice of pizza from a little girl even
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though he had 30 bucks in his pocket
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under california's tough three strikes
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law that slice of pizza could cost him
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25 years to life behind bars
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it just seems to me that for what would
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be a misdemeanor
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if a person with no record did it that
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uh to send somebody to 25 years to life
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because of his record
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under any circumstances is excessive
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maybe so but to take that kind of risk
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that must have been some kind of pizza
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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in norman oklahoma it is illegal to read
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comic books while driving an automobile
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[Music]
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the lady in our next story didn't think
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there was anything comical when an
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officer in chesapeake virginia pulled
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her over after all she was just
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following a law that she knew by heart
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see what we mean in tonight's
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installment of america's dumbest excuses
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one day i'm monitoring uh
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traffic watching a stop sign
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and uh i see this lady she just blows
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the stop sign goes right through the
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stop sign right around the corner
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so i pull in after activate the lights
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pull her over and everything and i go up
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and i asked her i said man you know the
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reason why i stopped and she was like
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nah and i have no idea
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that's what you
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you ran right through that stop sign
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blew that stop time she said it's right
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on red
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i said right on red i said man first of
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all that only applies to traffic lights
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and second of all you still have to come
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to complete stop so i'm sitting there
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arguing with her and i find it's just
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yeah i see it's pointless but she keeps
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she keeps arguing a point she's like
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it's right on red i can she's like i've
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been doing this for 20 years i said man
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you've been driving through stop signs
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for 20 years and she's like yeah i gave
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her a ticket but i have a feeling she's
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still turning right on red
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you follow that turn right on red rule
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don't you daniel
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yeah no if i see a police car around i
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usually just sit petrified assuming i
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look guilty even though i haven't done
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anything but our next crook did
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something all right it brings together
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some of the most obtuse elements i could
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imagine a jilted lover a house on fire
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and professional wrestling
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follow closely
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yo fellas up here
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if burning passion causes you to set
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your lover's house aflame
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get off the roof first
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when a former wrestler exploded a few
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molotov cocktails to set fire to his
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ex-girlfriend's house she almost became
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a hunka hunk of burn in love
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luckily she was smart enough to be out
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of the house but he may have been in one
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too many headlocks
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in the end he saw the error of his ways
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okay
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sometimes it doesn't take much to
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outsmart a criminal other times however
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we have to take our hats off to the law
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enforcement officers who come up with
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the amazing stories to get suspects to
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come clean here's one that would even
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pass a white glove test
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we had received a call to a uh
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a burglary at a
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gas station located at 6th and main when
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we arrived at the
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gas station it was quite obvious that
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whoever committed the offense was
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a former employee because they had
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shimmied in got inside and found the
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money where it had been hidden
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underneath some
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shop towels in the back of the gas
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station so only somebody with intimate
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knowledge of the premises would have
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been able to find that
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we also found a pair of cotton work
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gloves laying on the floor that hadn't
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been there the night before
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when we picked up the gloves and looked
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at them they they just literally wreaked
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just like a
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garbage container or a trash dumpster
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when we were talking to the manager of
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the
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the service station we asked him if
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there had been any disgruntled employees
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or customers or what have you
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he told us that he had just let a guy go
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that had left his gas station gotten a
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job working on the sanitation trucks
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here in stillwater well putting two and
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two together we got the former employee
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to drop by after his tour of duty with
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the sanitation department
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we laid the gloves out in front of him
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in a
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plastic bag he continually denied the
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allegations that we were making at him
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for burglary and
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running out of every idea that i could
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think of to try to get this guy to crack
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i finally said i've got fingerprints
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and the individual said
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well that's impossible i was wearing
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gloves at the time
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and i said that's okay i got
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fingerprints on the inside of your cloth
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gloves that you dropped at the scene
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bruce looked him right square in the eye
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and with the most sincere expression
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he'd ever given anybody he said
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we're going to take those gloves
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we're going to send them to the fbi and
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they could turn them inside out and
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remove fingerprints off the glove
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they're going to put fingerprint dust on
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them
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raise your fingerprints
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turn the gloves inside out and
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photograph those fingerprints
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my new uh spectro gas chromatograph
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method he believed it
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which has nothing to do with
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fingerprinting by the way
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and the guy literally rolled over and
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started telling us the the whole story
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about how he broke in how he took the
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money
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and had all of the cash in his apartment
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still
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all in all
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pretty dumb
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[Music]
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here's daniel with adc headlines
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[Applause]
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a man attempted to steal a 600 pound
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safe from an insurance office he
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discovered much too late that it's
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unwise to stand on a staircase below
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such a large unwieldy object
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and i'm gonna spare you the wily
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coyote-like details but suffice it to
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say that the man understood the gravity
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of the situation much too late
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[Applause]
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now something for people who believe
00:14:06
that star trek is based on a real
00:14:08
captain's log
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burglars in larch barons maryland tried
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to cut their way into a safe using a
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laser tag gun
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okay truth is stranger than science
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fiction folks
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a man stole a car but being in an
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unfamiliar neighborhood he lost his
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bearings and stopped someone to ask
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directions ah but the odds were against
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him the person he happened to select was
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the car's owner
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oh yeah the police who responded were
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very helpful in getting the thief where
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he needed to go
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and that closes the file on adc
00:14:45
headlines news rips from somewhere near
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the back of your local newspaper debbie
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we're off to ogden utah to hear about a
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guy who is so desperate to make a drug
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deal that he's willing to ignore blatant
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warning signs that he's dealing with
00:15:03
police once again why do you think we
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call him dopes
00:15:08
i was working undercover me and my
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partner were out doing undercover
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narcotics buys
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i made a transaction over the cb radio
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with a truck driver
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i walked over to his truck and climbed
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in i was wearing a body wire
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transmitting device on the dashboard of
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his truck is sitting a real fancy radar
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detector the kind that has the lights
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that go up and down to measure
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for the meter
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and as we're sat there making this
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negotiation
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i'm watching the meter and it is just
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bouncing up and down to my voice
00:15:39
so i'm kind of panicking the guy who
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looks around he says there must be some
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cops around here
00:15:44
so i tell him yeah the cops are always
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driving through here
00:15:47
but as the deal progressed he was really
00:15:49
worried about that watching that and so
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was i
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and he kept looking around for the cops
00:15:54
the cops have got to be around here
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somewhere close i told him yeah the plot
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cops are around here closer than you
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think
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and then we completed the transaction i
00:16:02
arrested him hey you're under arrest
00:16:04
police officers
00:16:08
see i told you they were closer than you
00:16:10
thought
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hey in the segment we call i'm where
00:16:16
you're who
00:16:17
we like to honor those criminals who've
00:16:20
distinguished themselves in forms of
00:16:22
self-capture
00:16:23
that go beyond the call of duty now this
00:16:25
man in orem utah learns the hard way
00:16:28
that when you blurt out the truth you
00:16:30
hurt your alibi
00:16:32
[Music]
00:16:38
i'd got a call of a
00:16:39
guy trying to pass a fraudulent
00:16:41
prescription so i went up to arrest him
00:16:43
and
00:16:44
he ran from us so after a short chase we
00:16:46
caught him and took him to jail
00:16:48
the case went to court and
00:16:51
he decided that he was going to act as
00:16:52
his own attorney
00:16:53
and i was up on the stand testifying he
00:16:56
was cross-examining me
00:16:57
and as i was
00:16:59
telling my story as to what had happened
00:17:01
all this time he'd been saying that we
00:17:02
had the wrong guy he wasn't involved or
00:17:04
anything like this he wasn't even there
00:17:06
as i was telling the story as to what
00:17:08
had happened he suddenly blurted out
00:17:12
well that's not the way i remember it
00:17:14
i remember looking over the judge and he
00:17:15
was sniffering the county attorney was
00:17:17
laughing
00:17:18
and it pretty much made our case for us
00:17:20
because he had just admitted that he was
00:17:21
there
00:17:23
that was a real dumb thing to do he not
00:17:25
only made a dumb criminal but he made a
00:17:26
dumb attorney too
00:17:29
[Applause]
00:17:33
[Music]
00:17:37
well
00:17:38
as promised we've come to the wild women
00:17:42
portion of our show and i can't think of
00:17:44
anyone more appropriate to introduce it
00:17:45
than you do oh yeah right me a wild
00:17:48
woman child
00:17:50
i don't compare with the naked truth
00:17:52
hiding behind a badge in this story and
00:17:55
as the title says we're not making this
00:17:57
one up
00:18:00
[Music]
00:18:03
oftentimes officers get called on loud
00:18:05
party calls another officer and i
00:18:07
responded to a home one night that was
00:18:09
quite unusual
00:18:10
and we walked up to the door knocked as
00:18:12
we normally do we were greeted by a
00:18:14
young lady
00:18:15
invited us into the house and we
00:18:17
then faced about a half a dozen
00:18:19
middle-aged women sitting around
00:18:21
listening to music
00:18:22
one of the women asked first of all
00:18:25
why we were there and why there were two
00:18:27
of us and we responded that we always
00:18:29
have two officers on the lab party call
00:18:32
and one lady spoke up and said well
00:18:34
officer we we don't bite and then
00:18:37
another woman spoke up real quick and
00:18:38
said speak for yourself susan
00:18:40
and uh we started looking at each other
00:18:42
thinking something's not right here
00:18:44
uh then one of the ladies asked what
00:18:46
kind of music we wanted to dance to we
00:18:48
noticed a
00:18:49
little old boat so i can pull up outside
00:18:50
and this
00:18:51
very well-built
00:18:53
tight uniform cop got out of the car and
00:18:55
seen us and dove underneath the car and
00:18:56
started climbing away and they looked
00:18:58
out and they seen the cops are out there
00:19:00
and then they looked at us they said
00:19:01
well
00:19:01
aren't you the stripper and we said uh
00:19:04
no you guys aren't the real strippers
00:19:08
[Laughter]
00:19:10
we said it was okay you know but ask
00:19:13
them how much they're charging the
00:19:14
stripper
00:19:17
but we don't know the end of the story
00:19:18
did they dance for him or not
00:19:22
you know you know what happened to those
00:19:23
officers happens to me all the time you
00:19:25
know dozens yeah you're right
00:19:28
and if you folks at home were thinking
00:19:30
we were about out of time you're right
00:19:31
too if you think we'll be back with more
00:19:33
stories next week get right again we've
00:19:36
got a smart audience if you've got a
00:19:37
lead on a story or you just can't wait
00:19:39
till next week for more state-of-the-art
00:19:41
stupidity visit our website at
00:19:43
www.dumbcrimes.com
00:19:46
we want to thank you for joining us
00:19:48
tonight and offer our special thanks to
00:19:49
the police officers who helped make the
00:19:51
show possible they're doing more than
00:19:53
just doing a job when they go to work
00:19:55
each day and we appreciate them for it
00:19:58
you're absolutely right and now as
00:19:59
always we hope that we've all learned
00:20:01
from others mistakes but if you haven't
00:20:03
we just might see you next week on
00:20:05
america's dumbest criminal goodbye
00:20:10
[Applause]
00:20:13
[Music]
00:20:24
you
