00:00:01
h happy conclave Dana hey man right as we're coming on to air
00:00:08
so-called So what at this moment they've selected a pope and he's
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going to come out on the on the thing and the guy is making the audience wait so first of all we know he's a
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procrastinator second of all total rumor total rumor that he wanted a bigger hat
00:00:26
is there No yeah he had a bat and he goes "Is there a bigger hat?" And um
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bigger hat wow i heard I heard he was coming out because I heard y'all ready for this y'all ready for this hey by the
00:00:40
way there is there's different types of people from all over the world African
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Philippines that are in the running so you know I put your name in just as kind
00:00:52
of a joke but I I think you made it in the final 10 no listen i just heard them
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saying is it going to be progressive conservative or they said he they're
00:01:03
also looking for a bit of charisma i was like are they though i've never really seen a pope that really jumps off the
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page i mean what are they looking for it's a subtle definition i think charisma is the bar uh But it's great as
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a as a as a mature adult I as a kid I would judge pomp and circumstance look
00:01:25
at this [ __ ] joke whether it's a country or flags or everything and now I kind of go "Yeah it's necessary it is
00:01:32
what it is everyone dresses up it's like the inaugural thing." And you know it really is it looked like Lady Gaga in
00:01:39
Brazil she got 1.8 million people i know wasn't that Was that incred half the
00:01:44
crowd hated her which is weird that's a lot of hate i could tell you that a lot of them were there for me for God's sake
00:01:50
did you ever see the comedy team Pomp and Circumstance in Vegas no it's not a real one is it yeah yeah pomp and
00:01:56
Circumstance they played the Frontier Hotel I think in the in the I think they opened for Shields and Jarnell shields
00:02:04
and Jarnell uhoh name drop alert
00:02:09
[Laughter] that doesn't count sorry judges name drop no it doesn't count no not enough
00:02:16
people knew who they were and Arnold did a robot i know they were back with Donnie
00:02:23
Marie go ahead donnie and Marie yeah Donnie i noticed I was in Las Vegas City
00:02:28
drop uh I was in Vegas and Donnie is
00:02:33
going out without Marie thoughts donnie and Friends yeah that's a tough one
00:02:39
because Donnie Marie was there that was a staple forever 20 20 years four shows a day i don't
00:02:46
know how anyone does it i mean Carrot Top every time he's at he's at the He goes to the Stratosphere every day and
00:02:52
just thinks of jumping up i just hangs out up there and just kidding i know Carrot Top no you know about Donnie
00:02:59
Marie i don't know if you know this because a lot of people don't but she's a little bit country and he's a little
00:03:05
bit rock and roll that's I'm a little bit country i'm a little bit rock and
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roll that's That's their hit i didn't even know they have another one rocking rock and country okay here's a name drop
00:03:18
mhm and now we're just mentioning this every second supposed to be a surprise sorry supposed to be a funny bit editing
00:03:25
capability it'll be funny i got a little excited so um I got signed to an NBC
00:03:30
holding deal in 1980 i'll make this quick and one of the first jobs I got was to be a reoccurring regular on the
00:03:36
Marie Osman variety show so I that was my thing before SNL actually Gavin Mloud
00:03:43
was the guest host but anyway Marie's on stage and I come out like I'm the
00:03:49
janitor and I interrupt her this is a big TV studio the audience what they brainstorm for you after seeing your act
00:03:55
this would be funny i interrupt her i had a whole new deal with NBC ridiculous but anyway I said "Hi we're friends we'd
00:04:02
like to get a cup of coffee." And Mormons don't drink coffee so the shut tape start again don't ever mention
00:04:08
folders in this place oh my god you were you ad living i was ad living but I will
00:04:14
say this she was absolutely adorable delightful the only thing that happened
00:04:19
that a little weird she did a duet with Jeff Conway from Taxi God rest his soul
00:04:25
but they stopped singing and then they kissed and kept holding the kiss so all
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the Osmans came from I didn't know there was 45 Osman coming out maria Maria
00:04:39
Maria so that's my story about Marie Osman but if I remember that I was
00:04:44
watching and I was with my mom and I was a little kid and I'm like "They're kissing." And then I go "Now they're soaking it was in tape and burping it's
00:04:52
probably on six months later." I called [ __ ] on that you did no we were in the audience and I go "Why are they
00:04:59
soaking?" You know what that is Dana it's a I It's a thing it's a thing we're going to look
00:05:06
up later and you're not going to like it i know it's not good i know it's I know it's naughty and it's not nice no Dana
00:05:12
stay innocent that's why I like you because you're innocent and sweet and you don't know about soaking i hate all these new things we had stuff like that
00:05:19
the guy's a spaz or this and that or they're get they're getting down you know now it's like they're doing a
00:05:26
spoozle i don't The worst thing we had was finger blast by the way this Don't
00:05:33
don't buy the way me on that one i throw that I throw that in by the way the noise you hear out front is someone
00:05:40
obviously no one cares about construction i'm building a third pantry
00:05:45
it's also going to be a safe house i'm going to go in there i'll eat crackers i'll
00:05:50
hold on i know you're joking cuz that's your stock and trade but I love safe
00:05:56
houses jerry Brookheimr once I went to a beach his beach house once he goes "You want to see it see what the safe house."
00:06:03
And it was awesome it was in the bathroom but it's just [ __ ] sand castle so I think you should his sand
00:06:10
castle but no starfish ever penetrated the exterior he had it in Malibu on the
00:06:17
beach in his house it was just like "So there's alarms what do you do stand your ground get a gun you go in the safe
00:06:23
house it's impenetrable you call you have orurves you put a pizza in the oven." So the the one thing I did see
00:06:31
because Brad Pitt had a I pause for the name drop but had a uh had a party once
00:06:38
and his door this is where I get this idea to his bedroom this is personal I guess but this is so smart instead of a
00:06:45
safe house he had the doors were sort of made of steel like very heavy doors and
00:06:51
then a bar across them when you go to sleep at night and so that's what I do no joke because no joke now if someone
00:06:58
comes in I don't get as scared cuz I go they still have to get in here and they can't and so I get I've got a couple you
00:07:04
know sh next to the bed so it will be they will be uh hit up if they come in
00:07:10
but it's ah the price of fame i know i think you think you're famous if you start thinking about safe houses yeah um
00:07:18
I won't say a location but where I am um is this your safe house well we don't
00:07:24
lock the doors at night oh where you live yes we don't lock the doors although I
00:07:31
insisted on having a lock on that door because it still goes through your head
00:07:37
the last thing I There's a lot of things you don't want in life you don't want to be audited you don't want to get a
00:07:43
whatever but you never want to wake up and see someone you don't recognize
00:07:48
standing at the foot of your bed looking at you the most I had before this was those circle uh doorork knobs with a
00:07:55
little push button in it like and then that means it's locked right but I guess those are easy to penetrate so uh anyway
00:08:02
I'll get back first of all this conclave traffic around my house is crazy today and you know what i hope it starts
00:08:08
because you were you were in the top 10 yeah because I was Yeah just in general
00:08:13
that sounds like a Kevin Ean joke guys this conclave traffic but they're they're building next to me they've
00:08:19
built on I've got a little skinny street in this crummy ass neighborhood and they they start putting a green fence on
00:08:25
every house and I go oh no no no that means green fence equals two years of building trucks beep beep this hidden
00:08:33
you know truck they have a big drill bit today they're putting casings in anyway poor me poor me um other than that I
00:08:41
have to go over a few things with you I I have I have a few things too we have a lot of stuff let's start with you but
00:08:46
I've got we'll go back and forth if the pope Uh Paula is gonna my wife Paula is going to text me if the Pope comes out so
00:08:52
we'll be able to at least uh what if we went live that would be fun we watch it yeah we could at least you could text it
00:08:59
live or Heather could Superfly uh congratulates the new pope Triny Lopez
00:09:06
Jr right may you know what we should ask every pope that's in the running to be
00:09:11
on right now on Superfly and they'll be you know flattered and then if the one that wins I go "You already said yes you're
00:09:18
coming." Uh-uh that's a good strategy isn't it right we'll be the very first to invite
00:09:25
him to our podcast okay let's do that when I get the message we'll get the name have Heather blast it out since
00:09:31
we're we're working yeah i'll DM him and we'll say I'll say "Hey man don't try to
00:09:37
big time us now that you're pope when you were bishop you were like dealable but now I don't can I say this for reals
00:09:42
without any background on it cardinal Shaun Ali is a personal friend of mine
00:09:47
and he's there he's on TV he's a Cardinal um right and he's And what does
00:09:54
that mean what ranking is that there's about 135 cardinals and they're kind of like usually that's where they they pick
00:10:01
a pope from the cardinals usually you're a cardinal next up is the pope what's a
00:10:06
bishop a bishop uh well king the knights one what are we playing chess jesus
00:10:12
Christ what's a rook um I'm not sure the whole thing i mean there's Franciscans
00:10:17
there's bishops it's a It's a global ecosystem of provinces and things you
00:10:24
being a lapsed Presbyterian wouldn't know what's with the raspberry i just
00:10:31
think it's funny that that was a description of me uh okay in movie news two things first one I did go see The
00:10:39
Accountant with Ben Affleck okay i I can tell you it's The Count two yes
00:10:47
uh Twice the Guns Twice the Autism i don't know if you know the uh the uh
00:10:52
theme of the account he's He's kind of on the spectrum yeah and he's uh he's not on it he's he's in
00:10:59
the middle of it now spectrum yeah because I think he upped it a bit in this one cuz the first one it took me about 20 minutes to go he's
00:11:06
moving a little stiff like I whatever choices were like this is what this means took it a little Rainmany yeah
00:11:13
yeah like hey you want my lunch bag and he pulls it away and you're like okay something's moving but then now he's
00:11:18
real he's barely functioning but it's it's actually a good movie i'll say that he's a nice He's a nice guy i'll just
00:11:25
say real quickly i've met I do like Ben Affleck i've met Ben Affleck
00:11:30
i don't you're waiting we got to put these sound effects in we drop a name
00:11:35
that's what we're doing this is funny okay you'll see it later and you you'll be like "Oh my god that's truth i did
00:11:41
meet him he's a hell of a nice guy." Go ahead i do not know him well but I do like him okay so the other thing was we
00:11:48
have Jack Black on our sister podcast right now i loved hanging out with Jack
00:11:54
Black on and Jack Black you talked to him about his movie you talked to him and you were predicting numbers and I
00:12:00
have some numbers for you oh good good because I think I blew his m blew his mind and then he predicted several
00:12:07
hundred million below me or that was his hope so what are the current numbers it's still creeping up i think you
00:12:14
said locally domestically maybe 300 and then international total
00:12:20
would be a billion that's what you were hoping that's what I said international I said he said impossible i guaranteed
00:12:26
him that he was hoping for 700 international which is a phenomenally
00:12:33
huge number US the whole world 700 I told him by any way shape or form yeah great he is at 400 locally domestically
00:12:41
he's at 480 international for a total of 880 so he's already past his he's
00:12:48
getting very close to Dana's prediction and I can't see him not getting there I
00:12:54
think it's going to have after it jack Black is a winner he uh he
00:13:00
doesn't go down for nobody man so that guy's going to cuz that's a billion dollar talent right there jack Black
00:13:07
listen this uh he's been on the map and these are little game changers i mean they're very few in the movie biz i
00:13:14
think uh Nikki Glazer had a good one you know you've been in the business for a long time she goes out and does the
00:13:20
roast jacks her through the roof and then she does the Golden Globes crushes it even even more uh I see I see the
00:13:28
theater she's playing and then instead of one night she doing three nights it's like filling them all up it's great uh
00:13:34
it's it's it's fun we're mature adults and we we love our younger friends and
00:13:39
when they go on that journey you know you see it happening with Nikki it's it's it's delightful but what Nikki's
00:13:45
like my granddaughter well I that's a cute little girl I'll tell you no but
00:13:52
what can we go on and crush so we can play stadiums no you never know i think just longevity is a very tough thing to
00:14:00
do and it doesn't mess with your head as much you just scratching and scraping to stay somewhat in show business chris
00:14:08
Rock always says there's another one wisdom alert wisdom alert cuz when Chris
00:14:13
Rock says Spade the Wrong Missy is one of the biggest hits ever on Netflix and
00:14:20
I said I can't believe it he goes "It will buy you 6 months in show business." That's it then they go "Where's the next
00:14:28
one?" So that's the that's the world everyone's facing so it's very tough but
00:14:33
we have some friends they're doing great and uh it is hard to keep keep clinging on nate Burggatsi was on our podcast on
00:14:40
the role Nikki Glazer uh Bert Chrysner we had Thompson i will tell you I did
00:14:46
see Nate on my trip i just took a trip to do uh some talk shows
00:14:51
you can't hear this beeping behind me I hope um and do you really hear it yeah
00:14:57
why because it's in my living room these people heather go out there and throw rocks at him again it's every hour on
00:15:04
the hour wind up this time go ahead m80s half sticks so oh oh I'm on my I'm on my
00:15:12
plane and I'm talking to Heather and then when I finish talking politely I get a little tug it's Halleberry halle
00:15:18
Berry who we all love of course everyone universally loves Halle B and she always
00:15:25
throws me crumb and talks to me if I run into her she was on her way to the Met and then the Can Film Festival where she
00:15:31
was going to be a jurer or it's a tough word jurer a jurer yeah she's going to
00:15:37
be a juror oh not not in Los Angeles County at at con yeah yeah con she's
00:15:43
going to be a juror no she's not she's not on the Menendez case she's in France three times in a row fast go jer got it
00:15:52
how about Jur is it the O jor uh Jurer i think it's Jor jer jurer
00:16:02
jurer i like just Jer it's like Benhur your honor this Jurer here
00:16:10
can Jurer number one stand up this truck i don't even know if this
00:16:16
truck can go forward you hear the beeps listen all I'm saying is you wear are you wearing protective gear cuz I'm
00:16:21
seeing a Mac just coming into the frame coming through this green wall they're coming through that wall okay in other
00:16:27
news I will tell you uh I was on Theo's podcast and I wanted to apologize cuz he
00:16:33
said a funny joke we were promoting the Amazon special that's on right now theo
00:16:39
does a lot of funny but they're not really jokes they're like Theo no he does funny statements yes
00:16:45
uh I think we were just discussing that his uh third grade teacher was an ocelot
00:16:51
that had no ribs and uh but anyway he did a joke and in the YouTube comments
00:16:56
they go "Hey you missed Theo's joke and now I heard it i don't you know we talk
00:17:02
sometimes we talk over each other right i did hear and tell me if you don't think this is a good one." Okay colin
00:17:08
Kaepernick came up and he goes "Uh more like Throws of Parks."
00:17:16
Throws a parks is 10 out of 10 in my estimation and I didn't even hear it no that's a great pun people don't
00:17:24
Kaepernick was a great quarterback and Rosa Parks rode on a bus Rosa Parks in
00:17:31
the 1950s to just to play segregation both with the African-American movement
00:17:37
and both pushing that's a brilliant punt isn't that just out of the blue I was like "Oh my god." And I missed it anyway
00:17:44
apologies to Theo uh that and that's it i did Kelly and uh Regis and uh Kathy
00:17:52
Lee and um I want to I want to go is where's Regis
00:17:58
would they get mad if I wanted to go where's Reges anyway you ready for this this is This is Regis Filman as an
00:18:05
astronaut houston can you believe it i'm out of control
00:18:11
i love Regis i miss Regis i'm talking to ground control i walked out of that show
00:18:17
and went out to in New York City and all the construction guys going "Hey yo Regis just me and Regis sunny beautiful
00:18:24
New York day hey Regis." He goes "Can you believe it they love me kid i can't believe it everybody here loves the
00:18:30
Regis i'm telling you they really do trump so people know it is a little
00:18:36
Trumpy but I like it i like I Yes it's a little Trumpy." That's the
00:18:41
problem is that when I first learned Trump I went from Brando to Regis that's how I got it
00:18:48
but if you're picturing each one it all works totally and it's fine yeah you You're brilliant i honestly No joke okay
00:18:55
so that and uh No those are alert oh y'all y'all you got a lot of compliments
00:19:01
on the Larry David on Fly on the Wall where you were doing a lot of impressions and and just saying funny
00:19:06
things and Larry was having crack up literally did this is the way and I said another thing bill her and Conan told
00:19:14
were on their podcast Conan's podcast talking about how they do some of my off label bits for for uh which I thought
00:19:20
was flattering i didn't mind at all thought it was great so I said I'll do it for him and then I met a human being cuz Larry David you know I didn't know
00:19:28
him really i met him once at a club but you see him on Curb and he's actually
00:19:34
he's not that guy exactly that is sort of maybe who he wants to be but I never
00:19:39
met anyone with that kind of sense of humor we I mean I wish we had video on it or Heather took a little video so
00:19:45
that's why I said "Oh he cuz his whole thing is never say yes when you're going
00:19:50
to go on talk shows why am I here never say yes." And it's kind of a joke but sort real so that was fun making them
00:19:57
yeah i think when he sat down and I said "Larry I know you don't want to be here we don't want you here but let's just do
00:20:02
this." And we don't want to be here yeah we all don't want to be here let's just do and he was uh quite funny quite loose
00:20:10
for being a big star with a lot of money he was really giving up laughs and that's all I mean has no ego the only
00:20:16
two things I want says funny things when was the first time you knew this is how you were going to make a living cuz I
00:20:22
don't think he started standup till he was 30 we missed that and all the frivolity and then I was just curious
00:20:27
like what does he consume like movies books television you know cuz Jerry you
00:20:32
did you watch movies no no he laughed so hard he liked your Jerry yeah yeah yeah
00:20:38
well because there's just one word but anyway but anyway okay well anything else and then we'll get to some stupid
00:20:45
clips that we show [Music]
00:20:54
dane I'm a little bit of a a spendy Suzie if you know what I mean a a boozy Suzie and a spendy Suzie i'm more of a
00:21:02
boozy Susie but yeah yeah you are you are a spendy spender yeah and a lot of our uh listeners are nice enough to
00:21:07
write in and say you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face but that's just constructive criticism well it's
00:21:14
very concise and uh you don't really drink very much i'll tell the fans but
00:21:20
just puffy uh this is where Clara comes in cla is your everyday smarter spending
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decisions with your money mhm and it's sometimes good to have a partner like that and I'll say it again clara which I
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terms and conditions apply i'm just going to do I'm just going to say it
00:22:39
it's a CLA summer um let's see i have Well this I just have to do because it's
00:22:46
I think it's Trump outdid himself with his funniness this week he's at a
00:22:51
because you know I don't always report on him because it's not you know how do you top how does Trump top Trump so then
00:22:57
he goes off on Alcatraz because he wants to it's a tourist attraction in 1963
00:23:03
and he's just going on and on you know they can't escape and everybody loves Alcatraz it's a tough place I'll tell
00:23:09
you that Alapo there he is Clint Eastwood was the only one to escape many
00:23:15
people don't know this but you know Paul Newman escaped Koulan Luke remember that they had it But we're going to bring it
00:23:21
back we're going to bring back Alcatraz it's And then he said something like "It's scary it's a scary place law and
00:23:27
order it's also sort of a weird place it's a It's a weak place in many ways." I I didn't even know what he was talking
00:23:34
about what is he talking about it's a weak place it's a strong place we're going to make it bigger and more
00:23:39
beautiful than ever and he started just talking about the only guy trying to escape they This is the exact quote they
00:23:45
found his clothes and they were all torn up and there were a lot of shark bites there were shark bites oh they bite you
00:23:51
with the I didn't know what that meant the guy tried to escape they found his tattered clothes and they found shark
00:23:56
bites on the clothes yeah he got eaten and the shark shark clothes floated to
00:24:02
the shore actually show that picture again because when you look at the people that
00:24:08
were in there or tried to escape one of them is Machine Gun Kelly and everyone thinks it's the rapper and they're like
00:24:14
"No that's that name was taken from uh someone else named M there was a real machine gun Kelly right right a real
00:24:20
machine gun Kelly Al Capone they all went in there they all tried to escape but there were a lot it was in the
00:24:26
comments on the side but you know it's okay i get it i had a flight to fancy after I because I was thinking Biden to
00:24:33
to Trump forget politics just stylistically it's been a a little exciting for everybody so the way
00:24:39
America goes it goes like this that's why Jimmy Carter followed Nixon so the next president is going to be the most
00:24:46
benign and this is what I've called him this is my impression of our next president i'm Brian i'm President Brian
00:24:56
listen to the calm of my voice feels good doesn't it i shall never mumble or
00:25:02
scream i shall just be Brian nice president Brian now David breathe in the
00:25:10
Brian hold the Brian release the Brian this message pay for
00:25:16
for AI Brian for president that is a little how yeah I'm President Brian i like it
00:25:23
because I think that might I don't think that'll happen i think that's there's some truthiness to that but it will he
00:25:29
met with the Canada guy did that go well i didn't even see it they said Canada guy it wasn't as bad as Zalinski he did
00:25:36
kept saying we're going to take it you know it'd be a great little state and the Canadian guy was very serious going
00:25:41
uh Canada's not for uh not for sale okay well never say never never say never you
00:25:48
know they it's like that with the ruler they put a big thing these are direct quotes across the border and it's a
00:25:53
beautiful shape and we could do it we're still going to do it and the guy's sitting there redfaced he's honoring
00:25:59
Canada he's representing Canada and Trump's just going "No we'll get you." It's like It's like uh that Robert
00:26:06
Redford movie where he where he tries to buy Woody Harelson's wife he's so rich and he's like "We're going to take your
00:26:12
wife." What was it called a decent proposal and he goes "What?" He goes "Oh she's not for sale." He goes "Yeah well
00:26:18
anyway I'm going to take her i'm going to give her a million dollars." And he's like "No no we have a great marriage."
00:26:23
And then she starts going "Well maybe for a million." And it's it gets all messy i'll tell you that i saw that movie it was depressing cuz Woody
00:26:30
Harelson's character was crying and sobbing all right here news flash in the
00:26:35
middle of our podcast and I have one more thing no it's not it's not Conclave related is it oh it is new Pope Robert
00:26:42
Francis Pos p R E V O i just won
00:26:47
American trump's going to be happy we got Pope what are they usually American
00:26:52
oh well you know they're Italian or they're Polish it'll be Pope Leo the 14th
00:27:00
trump's going to love we got an American pope we're going to take over the Vatican we're going to remodel it we're
00:27:05
going to do a beautiful job we're going to make it US territory
00:27:10
okay here's my final my final thing go ahead
00:27:16
bill Gates announced that this is the quote he or from Daily Mail he's
00:27:21
snubbing his kids he's giving away 99% of his money he's snubbing the kids
00:27:30
but what's left in the 1% is 1.6 billion he has three kids they'll get 550
00:27:38
million each and that's and his oldest son said "Bunch of [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:27:43
man." Yeah why you trying to rap [ __ ] me bunch of [ __ ] 500 500 million dude i
00:27:49
can go to Coachella maybe once yes I can go to Airwan twice
00:27:56
he has six private jets two Gulf Streams two Bombader challenges but he's
00:28:01
terrified of climate change so what he does is he he has a company called Direct Air Capture so they suck this
00:28:08
they suck the CO2 out of the sky first so I can fly jets anywhere I want my
00:28:14
company sucks the C2O out of the sky it's they're investing in chemtrails
00:28:21
let's be honest i mean Oh yeah well listen bless his heart six jets i wish I
00:28:28
wish well it's kind of like Al Gore is the original cuz he is like the pope of of climate change yeah and he you know
00:28:34
and he buys offsets i buy offsets on my private jet so they plant a tree and
00:28:40
that sucks the the reporter said "Well can't you just fly Southwest and still pay to plant the
00:28:47
tree?" Yeah and he said quote "Well that doesn't sound like so much fun." Yeah it
00:28:54
does not i'm on Southwest it's not that fun i flew Southwest i kind of liked it i bring a tree to the private jet
00:29:00
airport and I go "Can I jump on if I hold this tree and it'll cancel each other out?" I carry a flower on the
00:29:06
private jet and swish it around anyway that's all I got for you today this has been Dana Talk this is with my guest
00:29:13
David Spade um myself i just muted myself you muted
00:29:18
yourself i have been muted the whole time i hope okay more stories we got time we did good that's good we're doing
00:29:24
great um I'm having fun and that's all I go by you're doing great sweetie okay do you remember the Carol Bernett show
00:29:32
that's what I think uh Chris Jenner says you're doing great sweetie that's funny
00:29:37
uh this is Carol Bernett show which I grew up watching sitting in front of the TV as a little tikeke but this should be
00:29:45
what uh do you have a question Heather oh oh it's okay well I just want to let
00:29:50
them know that you at some point oh what you should tell the your torn
00:29:57
story oh what is Tell your story oh yeah that's right i sent Greg the video oh
00:30:04
we'll send show the video oh I I I'll tell the I'll do Kernette first talked about that yeah you're right i'll tell
00:30:09
Yeah you're right let's do that is funny so we'll quickly K Bernett's show was interesting because I don't think they
00:30:16
do it anymore they take questions so she took questions at the beginning you remember this and this lady has a great
00:30:21
delivery but you never know what you're getting i feel like this is all real back then like no one was a plant no and
00:30:29
they used to make her scream this Tarzan scream but other than that the question this is an interesting question I saw i
00:30:35
thought it was funny i thought you'd like it here we go soap do they use to clean the floor
00:30:42
[Applause] what kind of soap do they use to clean the floor the floor
00:30:50
okay so Carol Bernett is So that's actually a good interesting question yeah very specific i think that's a
00:30:57
little personal good answer it's cute housewife they have vinyl cleaner vinyl cleaner do you
00:31:03
want to tell the lady what it is do you have a vinyl for at home you want to clean is that it yeah where is it in the
00:31:10
bathroom or the kitchen all over you have vinyl all over your
00:31:17
house on the floor it's a great answer all right that was a
00:31:24
good That's cute right that's it that was cute yeah go ahead i've I've uh met
00:31:30
Carol Bernett and I was doing the Larry Sanders
00:31:36
show and she was on Next and I was leaving and she came through the door we're in the side of the studio and it
00:31:42
was so flattering for me at that time it was a thrill she just put her arms out and said "Dana." It's always amazing
00:31:49
when your idols one of your idols knows your name weird i know i ran into her at
00:31:55
the Beverly Center and she said "Dana." That was what I was going to say oh yeah
00:32:01
well I jumped you sorry no it's funny she goes "Dana." And then she went up to the uh guy that runs the elevator and
00:32:07
goes "Dana." No she is a legend and uh that that term
00:32:13
is thrown around and I I'll just say this for 30 seconds because we don't talk about her we'd love to have her on the podcast she still attack uh somebody
00:32:23
who gets Harvey Corman and Tim Conway as your sidekicks is very secure she was
00:32:30
the reason the show was great is because she could share the stage and then be brilliant herself that's all and even
00:32:36
that her her doing this crowd work and laughing and someone says it like three
00:32:41
jokes in a row and she just laughs at him well Tim Conway would just destroy them he'd have secret things planted for
00:32:47
the real kind of their in in the real Hollywood she would have him fired immediately
00:32:53
yeah anyone get the lens they they wouldn't come back after summer if they were getting you kill like that in front
00:32:58
of the star bye-bye yeah but she we can say you know Dick Van Djk I'd like to talk to on here too
00:33:05
sometime just to hear the whole history of his life he's he's sort of a um I
00:33:11
watched uh uh what's it the Night at the Museum with Ben Ben yeah and Dick Van
00:33:18
Djk was in there with Mickey Rooney and they were hysterical especially Mickey Rooney and the movie is just holds up it's just a great fun idea ben Stiller
00:33:26
is so good at playing the reactive straight man that that then turns and gets kind of snarky that's a fun part if
00:33:32
you can do it right the straight man is very important and then he's really funny what are you gonna do you know he's got they they create a such an
00:33:40
underdog and then so it's a great And he does severance which is a whole different Well now he's turning into
00:33:45
Stanley Kubri or something you know he's directing so people [ __ ] Jesus we should have Ben back on and talk about
00:33:51
severance oh yeah we should talk about that you're right uh Ben okay so he's we got This is how we get guests mostly
00:33:56
it's just Yeah they go I just heard on the podcast so do you want me to come on we're like "Yeah." Uh all right what's
00:34:02
the next stupid story that's never cute and then I want to hear your road story
00:34:08
oh yeah this is um Palm go ahead read it so this guy's a
00:34:13
Palm Springs career panhandler oh and he's good-looking so someone filmed him and
00:34:20
said "This guy should model." So someone contacted him and he said "I don't want to model leave me alone i want to do
00:34:27
this." So here's his story professional pan handler patrols the streets of Palm
00:34:33
Springs he's going viral now for two reasons one for his chiseled good looks they say another for his bold and
00:34:39
shameless stance on the way he makes his money yeah that's Brad Love he describes himself as a career panandler he was
00:34:46
recently spotted by LA based photographer uh who suggested Brad go into modeling well Brad says he's not
00:34:53
homeless and he has no interest in modeling or any other kind of job he says he's had jobs he's even been a
00:35:00
nurse but asking for cash on the side of the road is just easier he also has a
00:35:05
cash app account he advertises to his 20,000 Tik Tok followers it's not clear
00:35:11
how much Love makes on his street hustle but he did post a clip claiming he made about $260 in just a couple hours last
00:35:18
month well that's not going to set you up in Palm Springs i'm kind of calling that a little bit fuzzy like does he do
00:35:25
it eight hours a day does he live on the street i mean how does he afford his apartment and everything he must be
00:35:30
getting more than that well just in a couple hours what pan handler has a a Tik Tok what is it tik Tok what does he
00:35:36
have 20,000 followers and a cash app so what happens is sometimes people will put in their
00:35:43
Instagram bio cash app in case you want to give me money to help me pursue my dreams of
00:35:50
being a he seems like a nice young man let me get my phone here all right all
00:35:55
right what's his name again no one stops me from modeling what are you going to give him how much
00:36:02
oh [ __ ] i slipped with the zeros 100,000 just went No Mana i know look at me you
00:36:09
don't say "Oh Dana I'm the one who lost the money." No well what about He did He did look like sort of Johnny Depp first
00:36:15
year jump street well he's got a $700 haircut that swoops down on his you know
00:36:21
so I don't know he is dreamy smells like poop but dreamy all right so okay here's
00:36:26
the story of my uh my new tour manager so uh when I'm in New York I say "Hey
00:36:32
I'm promoting the uh Dandelion onion Amazon my my special." Yeah mhm so it
00:36:38
was coming out that day so I said "Hey guys," we'll show the video but I go "Here's my new Do you have the video?"
00:36:45
If you have it hey guys David Spade i'm uh got a new special on Amazon starts tonight i got a new tour david Spade.com
00:36:52
here's my new tour manager Billy we worked really hard on the special i can't leave New York therefore
00:36:59
I am the best person ever to lead an international tour that's right mexico here we come don't kill me we can't go
00:37:05
there stop free cheese sandwiches [Applause] okay so this is good we put that on
00:37:12
because this is the guy from the fire festival that we've talked about he did the one fire festival years ago i didn't
00:37:19
re I knew he was look familiar right so he does it years ago obviously it's a
00:37:24
catastrophe they gave away cheese sandwiches there was not what everyone advertised they paid all these models a
00:37:30
million dollar you know millions everyone got a lot of money a great documentary because it's such a [ __ ] show right so he comes out of jail he
00:37:37
does it again fire festival 2 i think we talked about it hyped it up hype it up i think packages are up to a million they
00:37:44
had no lineup at this point you know it's just like I think it's like the cart before the horse they get the money
00:37:51
then they can pay the Yeah whatever right right that's sort of like a reverse Ponzi scheme or something like
00:37:57
that right little maid off whatever anyway he's trying to do it he's working with some people put it together again
00:38:03
they check with Mexico mexico cities are like "We have no idea what's going This is there's no permits." So it starts to
00:38:10
fall apart again so I thought "Oh it'd be funny if I got that guy as my tour manager because obviously he's not maybe
00:38:17
the best for the job." Right right so we shake him out of the brush and he comes
00:38:22
out as a joke to be funny and says he'll do this so then I think everyone will think it's a
00:38:30
joke and then nobody did they go "Oh this guy's your why would you pick this guy he doesn't He's collapsed too." Let
00:38:37
me ask you a question did I see it correctly i mean does everyone who see that guy is he that recognizable that
00:38:43
they knew it was the fire well that's true i put at the bottom Firefest 3 and
00:38:48
then I put Okay uh I put his tag and then I put cheese sandwich and Mexico is
00:38:54
where we see like you almost should have introduced him and said that he you know just did the but honestly it slipped
00:39:02
through the cracks because TMZ hit my PR and said hey Spade hired
00:39:08
this guy you know he's not great at this but we're going to run this story i'm like no I didn't I know I should have
00:39:15
said anything but you thought it was real yeah I should have said I'm not at liberty to say I really don't want to
00:39:22
discuss it right now right i thought they would put it up and just say it was a joke because the guy keeps asked
00:39:29
getting asked to be on talk shows he won't talk to anyone but then he's like "Yeah I'll come do it." So he was very
00:39:34
funny to do that even though obviously people some were mad that I did it with him of course let me talk to the fans
00:39:39
for just a second because I'm looking at you now you know he should have mentioned the guy was from the fire
00:39:44
festival would have gone viral but he he didn't so back to the podcast i know i
00:39:51
have to say hey I recognized him he was about two feet taller than I thought he'd be but uh I recognized him and I
00:39:58
put Firefest three on there but all right let me talk to the fans for a second okay real quick i won't listen so
00:40:04
anyway I I take it back it was a good video he's touring SP specialist Danny Lime but still it should have said Fry
00:40:11
Festival guy or whatever but David didn't do that let me I'll be back to you let me go back to the podcast so
00:40:18
Dana listen you win is enough no it's good i like that when you talk to the crowd you can talk to the crowd you're
00:40:24
No your camera's too far away can you look at the in the lens oh there you go
00:40:30
maybe maybe don't get that close i know it's a little rough i don't think I even need this light Heather but next time
00:40:36
we'll talk about it makes my forehead too bright 1% oh [ __ ] god someone step on your tail
00:40:45
frustrated assistant for 900 Bob yeah I just heard get [ __ ]
00:40:51
well 1% is 1% how how low could she go she's like by the way David
00:40:58
when we do these long super you can put on sunglasses you can you know Bill
00:41:03
Maher when Billy Maher my buddy William Maher he'll wear these indoor outdoor
00:41:08
sunglasses on his you know club random thing so you can wear those and then they could put the lights a little
00:41:14
brighter i do but you know sometimes the the brighter light isn't the better because it makes my forehead bright
00:41:20
because I'm going to paint this blue behind me and put a shelf and so we're going to see some real [ __ ] upgrades people are going to be like "Holy shit."
00:41:26
No I have a curtain kind of mostly closed too much light's not good either anyway well it's all going to be in my
00:41:34
special light light lights on how about Mine's going to be called lights camera
00:41:40
not that much action about my sex life uh okay let's
00:41:46
show one more no a couple more stories we got [Music]
00:41:55
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t.com investing involves a risk performance not guaranteed so stabbing
00:42:49
cabin came from the 1940s is that seems like something Spencer Tracy and and
00:42:54
Kate I'll meet you at the Stabin Cabin i don't think she would say it was more of
00:43:00
an agent uh at William Morris about 15 years ago said I live I'm married i live
00:43:07
in Malibu but I also have a stabbing cabin in town well did you ever see the movie The Apartment with Jack Lemon and
00:43:13
Shirley Mlan no I'm young okay it's exactly about that it's so out for its
00:43:20
time could never work in 2025 but they have this apartment and they rotate all
00:43:25
the guys that work rotate and then that's their sort of rendevous point with someone not rendevous i like how
00:43:30
you water it down good job yeah I like that rendevous by the way my mom saw my special i I was
00:43:38
not warned she goes "Oh I woke up i watch Jimmy Fallon they bleeped something." First of all I don't know
00:43:43
that was either on Kelly Ripper or Jimmy they bleeped something heather do you even know what that would have been and then maybe when I was talking about Bill
00:43:49
Bich but then uh and then we uh then she goes "I watched a special." I go "Mom relax pace it out." And she said "Okay
00:43:56
oh it's so fun." She's laughing she of course in full disclosure she's a great audience i can do no wrong oh I love
00:44:04
just that phrase it's so fun oh it's fun you're doing fun stuff about fun things
00:44:10
so I said "Great." And then she goes "Oh I just got to the part you knew I wouldn't like this you knew I didn't
00:44:16
like it." A little naughty below the waist toward the end i go "Oh yeah that's I didn't Was it a self-pleasuring
00:44:23
joke or a um It was I think it's just basically the setup is something like
00:44:30
it's getting hard do you find it's getting hard to watch porn on an airplane oh right yeah it's not
00:44:36
impossible it's just It's just a little trickier yeah it's a funny setup right i mean I guess uh but
00:44:45
I mean I guess crushing laughs and applause but Well no it's a the premise is very funny i'm sure you worked really
00:44:52
hard to follow it up with actual jokes yeah I did the jokes are about porn
00:44:59
which is where I lost her but oh Dave you don't need that oh but my takeaway
00:45:05
from this entire podcast knowing you and your mom's relationship and everything and how sweet she is her going "It's so
00:45:12
fun." Oh I mean that is so sweet i mean when I come to town I go she goes "What
00:45:17
happened?" I go "I land at the airport." She goes "Oh fun." Oh fun right then I go "I rented a car i was on the I got on
00:45:24
the 10." And she goes "Oh fun." I go "What what's fun?" The the
00:45:29
freeway it just sounds like a fun thing because you're on a journey and you're going to do something fun fun is her
00:45:35
word it is it is it's great and then anybody she meets oh she's fun oh you'd like her oh it's very fun oh she's a fun
00:45:42
cookie she's a smart cookie she lives in the greater Phoenix metro area david
00:45:47
Spades a child and she's got a lot of fun to say no I mean um your next is
00:45:54
called fun exclamation point fun exclamation point fun exclamation point yes I will talk about my mom i will tell
00:46:01
things about how she gets on Facebook so much that when there's an ad for 3day
00:46:07
blinds and it says like 30% off this weekend she comments "Ooh that sounds
00:46:12
good." I go "Mom are you commenting on a commercial on an ad i don't even know if you can do that." Yeah it sounds like a
00:46:18
good deal just getting the word out it's everything in life like they just the the restaurant decided to comp you this
00:46:25
elaborate dessert ooh that looks fun that looks so good she's the most
00:46:31
positive person in the world so how how do we explain you she takes pictures she
00:46:37
takes pictures at dinner we sit down she goes "Oh it's the whole family take a picture go." And it's like "We're sitting down and she's like," and then
00:46:44
I'm like "Mom let's just get settled we'll get a waiter over here." I go I get a notice oh my god you already
00:46:49
posted this on Facebook yeah it's a good one i go "Mom we're not even in focus
00:46:55
it's all blurs and shapes." She goes "I know." I go "You have to run it by us before you post it." She goes "No."
00:47:01
She's like a human Labrador retriever she just "No she won't." She goes "No I'm not." Will she come on this podcast
00:47:08
just for minutes she's super sweet she loves you she'll do it for you have her just come on well I'll she she looks
00:47:16
incredible i can send her some of my fancy pants lights she always goes "Oh I'm laughing at the podcast." And Dana
00:47:22
oh the dogs are laughing everyone loves it that's funny how the parents are like
00:47:28
very sweet yeah they always oh that David Spade let me tell you they don't say whether it's good or bad but they go
00:47:35
"Oh that David Spade now." They go they go "He's a real piece of work." What does that mean
00:47:41
he's a real character oh yeah i mean sounds negative you know David Spade his
00:47:47
special just came out he could be a dandy he's a real dandy i'm going out filming dandelions
00:47:54
you know I realize you say sorry is it right now okay i'll watch it as soon as
00:47:59
you think well I'm going to watch it as No you saw basically this podcast the
00:48:06
last corporate we did that was a lot of it well minus the dirty yeah but I don't go
00:48:13
out in the audience so I'm kind of in the where it's all I hear you hear me act like this no but what I hear is and
00:48:20
then I hear big laugh then I hear then I hear kind of a little laugh
00:48:26
and then I hear I hear you go and then a brief laugh then I hear
00:48:33
this beep beep beep you're like "No he's doing a sound effects joke." Then I hear this very clearly at the end sorry
00:48:40
that's all I got good night i'm sorry and now the guy you came to see Dana no
00:48:47
I opened for you in Indianapolis and then No you opened for me in Indianapolis and that wasn't easy and
00:48:53
then I opened for you in India it was great both great shows i had a
00:48:59
blast we got to do more of those they're fun it's fun to have your friend do it that
00:49:04
would be you and then you don't have to do 75 i did a um a
00:49:10
casino whoops sold out how'd that get out but uh they said they wanted I know
00:49:16
which one you're talking about they wanted 75 and so when you go in the when you go in the Hinderland it's like 20
00:49:22
miles west of Salem Oregon you very appreciative yeah you've been there you
00:49:29
get a very appreciative incredible crowd because you're the only show in town so
00:49:35
yes you and some hieroglyphics but I've been to that one it's very good audience it's just a little bit of a hike but you
00:49:41
get out there and it's once you're out there it's fun spirit Spirit Mountain Casino i thought it was Table Mountain
00:49:46
was it well there's there's a lot of Native American casinos that want to hire us yes and they're great uh great i
00:49:54
think Do you But do you ever bring an opener um sometimes this time I didn't because
00:50:01
I So you have to fill the whole time well on the sheet it said show length 60
00:50:06
minutes you get a little rundown for when you do these gigs folks white sheet says set length 60 show length 75 so I
00:50:16
go wait a minute so they're bring they're providing a local opener from Salem but no actually set length 75 so I
00:50:25
did 7430 i just lucked out i did everything I had 7430 did you really i
00:50:31
looked down and I go "Ah timed it out." Well when you know you have 75 you kind of embellish you don't rush you just
00:50:38
take your time usually show lengths on the road for theater stuff are an hour and a half so you have people do time i
00:50:45
have one or two openers i do time but I usually do an hour but when I do corporates 45 is plenty 45 is good i
00:50:54
actually did a private party and I did 50 i played in front of a waterfall and no one in the audience was within 100
00:51:01
feet of me it was It's so funny i know and they
00:51:06
were really nice but it's like they don't really This is not like ideal but this happened to me just because I I'm
00:51:13
uh I'm I'm a child of the 50s so I'm just doing my set i'm kind of being animated because they're really I'm just
00:51:20
tagging stuff because they're such a hot audience and then I got a stabbing pain in my inner thigh and I like I couldn't
00:51:26
really walk for a bit and I had to kind of fake it and kind of work it out do you ever just Yeah it's really weird
00:51:33
when you're about to go on one time I was choking on some celery backstage right before I went on literally stuck
00:51:39
stuck in my throat not choking but like I can't swallow i've had stuff drives you nuts i had an eyelash in my eye
00:51:44
right before I go on and you're like "These are the little things in life you just take care of it." But you can't do anything you can't pee you have to be
00:51:50
funny if you [ __ ] stop for five seconds I'm like "What's wrong what is he doing?" Yeah i was right in the wings
00:51:58
at Cobb's Comedy Pub in um Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco 450 seater waiting
00:52:05
to go on i talking to someone and I bit my tongue and I and I'm bleeding
00:52:11
profusely as I hear ladies and gentlemen you know him from Saturday Night Live live Glenn Fararfo you know and I'm
00:52:18
coming out i'm just swallowing blood for about 20 minutes till it coagulated yeah coag you know him from his podcast
00:52:25
whatever it's called his mouth is bleeding he has a temperature of 104 and he can't feel his feet let's bring him
00:52:33
out you know him and you love him and does anyone have a tourniquet he just
00:52:38
had a knee replaced and his shoulder is is made of silicone david Spade david
00:52:43
Spade he's high as a kite on Viking and here he comes david Spade he can only see out of one eye and his hearing ain't
00:52:51
very good either let's check him out some lucky front row customer is gonna get a coughed up piece of celery in
00:52:57
about 10 minutes david Spade he's under underprepared he doesn't have an axe and
00:53:03
he has no short-term memory let's bring him out he's bleeding from the back of his neck
00:53:10
get ready to hear every joke three times he just got stabbed let's bring him out david
00:53:17
Spade you know him you don't know why you love him and here he actually Katherine introduces me she goes "You
00:53:25
know him from the wrong Missy and Joe Dirt and Grown-Ups." And if you don't
00:53:30
you're in the wrong place that's not bad that's not bad right they had me they
00:53:35
call it the voice of God so you have a mic on stage they go "Do you want to do it?" So I had to do it for myself god
00:53:41
you're a one-man band so it was all Yeah no one ladies and gentlemen yeah i just
00:53:46
said "He's not very good keep your expectations low this next guy yeah just
00:53:54
had a Well I have to ask because it's when you first said it really a celery
00:54:00
stick right i have celery backstage with like a veggie tray it kind of can get in
00:54:05
your And I chew it up and it gets a little stringy whatever it gets stuck that's twice that's happened and I'm
00:54:11
like "No celery before I go on." Nothing you shouldn't eat one thing you shouldn't eat anything i mean one thing I've done lately is I'll just have a
00:54:17
little bite of Hershey's chocolate just because the energy but I used to do this thing i'd get a craving for corn on the
00:54:25
cob with a lot of butter and I'd be eating that in the wings corn and the cob and I would come out with cob and
00:54:31
corn just like all over my teeth and finally one of the club owners said "Dude you shouldn't have the corn and
00:54:37
the cob before you go out." I mean David Spade was in here last week just chewing on celery and two people vomited in the
00:54:43
front row no one could understand him how many times have you pooped your pants on stage roughly mean recently
00:54:52
poop my pants on you made me actually consider I have one
00:54:57
time because you get one time in Dallas i got sort of a panic attack well I did
00:55:03
no I didn't do number two on stage i have had uh some warnings but I didn't Nothing
00:55:09
ever happened but when I was in Dallas about 2 years ago I was on and I was I started to get a panic attack weird
00:55:16
right at the beginning of the tour I'm looking out or anything beforehand i think I did yeah and I was like going
00:55:22
and I start looking around going and you and anytime you're thinking of anything other than your act like I don't want to
00:55:27
connect eyes with the audience i kind of because you're thinking of so many things and you're evaluating how it's
00:55:33
going and then you're like I want to jump to that joke on my set list i shouldn't do that one they won't buy that you got to jump so there's a lot going on but when you stop I stop and I
00:55:40
go "Oh my god what if I freak out?" I start to get like panicky and I look over to see if Bobby's there and I'm
00:55:45
like "What would I do walk off and try to calm down?" It's terrifying that's the weird part and of course we're very
00:55:52
blessed and lucky to do this for a living but there are tales about it because the the show must go on and I
00:55:59
always say "Well maybe the show doesn't have to go on maybe the show sucks." But
00:56:04
the other night one of my gigs yeah i don't drink Coca-Cola in life but I do
00:56:10
drink a little bit of Coca-Cola before I go out same thing with chocolate just to get up to wake up yeah but the show's delayed so I'm drinking Coke and I'm
00:56:17
drinking more Coke i'm a little amped up and then suddenly I start to feel hypoglycemic and a little lightaded and
00:56:23
I thought you're thinking where is this going like is if this keeps extenduating
00:56:30
and you scare yourself yeah and then I may not be able to go on you know so but then I I just shook it off like a man
00:56:37
you took a poop in your pants and you got up there like a good performer well did you ever poop your pants in grade
00:56:43
school i'm sure you did many times i listen to this i told an legitimate friend of mine Mhm
00:56:50
who said driving my house after lunch he goes "Oh my god I didn't like that place." I go "You didn't i thought it
00:56:55
was pretty good." "No." He goes "I [ __ ] my pants on the way home." I go "I'm sorry aren't you 44 years old?" And he
00:57:01
go was not surprised and I go "Have you ever done that before?" And he goes "Probably about once a month." I go "I'm
00:57:07
sorry what?" I think you should get some medical attention i'm sorry what like you said did you ever in
00:57:14
fourth grade i'm like racking my brain maybe I sort of have a handle on it since then i don't love it sometimes
00:57:22
it's a close call when you turn nine you were Yeah I go I got it yeah I got it i don't pee my Say this on the podcast
00:57:28
before uh car trips with my dad the whole family seven of us in the station wagon christ Dana oh Jesus Christ and he
00:57:36
was going to Zephr he'd call it Zephyr we tried to get to Wintermuck Nevada from San Francisco Bay Area oh we're
00:57:43
going to Zephr so if we'd stop at like you know Sambo's pancakes or something he'd finish and just leave so he didn't
00:57:50
have time to go to the bathroom and then he wouldn't stop oh I kind of could go to the bathroom we're going to Pocutello
00:57:55
or something oh Jesus Christ what's Zephr mean zephr means just go fast don't no lolly gang and by the way is
00:58:03
that a monster or still construction i think we're going to wrap up because they're breaking into my house hey
00:58:09
that's a cliffhanger i'll tell you about the poop pants thing next week on next week on Superfly you know I have a Zlex
00:58:16
skateboard on my wall an old one from the 70s Jay Adams and it's also called a Zephyr and I never even knew that word i
00:58:23
think it's speed or or so it makes sense for a skateboard yeah but uh
00:58:30
Well I'm President Brian relax enjoy the podcast
00:58:37
i'm Brian president Brian breathe in the Don't be mad at me
00:58:42
i like I like it i like it and um the audience can't get mad at you because you're very calm and cool you don't flip
00:58:48
out well we tend to go like this and that with presidents and it was maybe a
00:58:54
flimsy premise but I'll be curious no I like it because Biden was underground not coming out a lot trump is out there
00:59:00
all the time i was wondering when you were just talking about this uh Canada guy coming out I think is that's what
00:59:06
they call him he's his name is Canada guy is it is it Carson what is it yeah
00:59:12
something like it's Carson no I don't know it's a prime minister of Canada is a prime minister okay so he I think no
00:59:18
or something else are there any meetings behind closed doors anymore i mean what happened to the decorum of just meet the
00:59:24
guy hash it out then you walk out hey it went good he literally meets him and goes sit down and and they're like wait
00:59:31
right here like everyone's here and he's like you're [ __ ] up everything they start going at it yeah I know so
00:59:38
crazy trump i unless unless someone writes a book about it because I read Bob Woodward's book like oh boy we're
00:59:44
gonna get the back we're gonna get the real story about Trump and all it was was exactly the way Trump's in front of
00:59:50
the camera so I don't think there's another Trump back there but there is no filter he just says um he says to the
00:59:58
guy we're going to we're going to be a beautiful 50oot state he knows it got the guy elected because it turned on a
01:00:04
massive patriotic swelling in Canada when Trump I know it really did it flipped to everybody they had like two
01:00:10
weeks and then I really don't know how it works up there cuz someone else told me yesterday Canada might vote again in
01:00:15
a a year well if it's parliamentary then it is that they go you can go in and out like
01:00:21
if we had that Obama could come back you know um you don't you don't have the terms that we have but Canada Trump's
01:00:29
like Joel you're going to get a big beautiful tax break you get free military ticket carrier you got it all
01:00:36
we get a free pass to Disneyland throws in a lot of perks i know we'll see
01:00:41
hopefully everything will calm down we'll give you when we open Alcatraz like it's the new Disneyland we're going to let all the kids in it's going to be
01:00:47
a lot of fun this is where we suffocate everyone this is where the gangs jump
01:00:54
other guys in all right I got to go i think I'm in danger with this noise
01:00:59
solitary confinement that's what they call it that meant you were alone for a long time
01:01:06
kids you want to get in and try it one at a time get in let me close you in you can see what Alapone did because he ate
01:01:12
one extra biscuit they threw him in solitary [ __ ] all right good one thanks
01:01:20
buddy that's it that's good we'll talk later we'll see you next time
01:01:27
bye this has been a presentation of Odyssey superfly is executive produced
01:01:32
by Dana Carvey and David Spade jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
01:01:41
[Music]
