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[Music] would you host it I would co-host it
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with you let's put our hat in the ring we work cheap you can tell by the set I think you do don't get paid much to no
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you don't get paid to host Saturday Night Live you actually have to write Laur a check uh that'll be $1,300 I take
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Bitcoin thank you thank you Jennifer Lopez you have to say my
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[Music] name I'm gonna start with a joke just
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for F this just this kills really hard and it's a little Politically Incorrect in my act this Barack Obama giving a
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little talk to Fourth Graders teach them lessons he uses nursy Rhymes Jack and
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Jill went up the hill to fetch a pil of water Jack looked at Jill and Jill
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looked at Jack Jill said I'd like to be a jack
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too so Jack and Jack came down the hill it's a teachable moment
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Michelle there we go it's a pretty good joke it's a little edgy these two progressives loved it two
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prog oh yeah we have everyone represented we're not Republicans Or democrats we're regressives that's our new name regres
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yeah we can't understand the news we don't know what's going on this is David reading like w Wall Street Journal
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Online what is it what's going on I don't understand too many big words put it in real that's my best impression
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yeah I know I was like is that me I guess the idea was right that is what I do I'm notat a genius uh but tell them
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about the new studio secret genius he says well we should say that we're in a
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different location yeah and um normally we're spread around North America
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sometimes I'm in Winnipeg you never know but today we're at a literal bunker
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somewhere undisclosed in Southern California yeah and um um spent a couple
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shekels deeped into the coin first and the company that does the podcast is
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technically bankrupt they're in chapter 11,000 they're bankrupt but they're generous and they passed the hat around
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the office and so we got these for
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$39 at the dollar store so let's let me see so Dana we're
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in the studio where's our camera I don't even know 17 I think this one's mine what one should we look at just me and
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David talking to our audience that one in the middle below the frame all right no is that is that the wide shot and
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that's me folks folks come on I like this one better come on we could look over here look over there there lot of
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cameras all right before I get into uh my bre oh I'll tell you about my breakfast first all right here we are
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we're starting take five hey David um how was your breakfast over the weekend
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that's a great question I so I got ambushed to breakfast and this happens
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sometimes to everybody I sit in the back of the restaurant facing the wall and
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I'm reading the paper and physically eating so a guy comes around he goes hey
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um I don't want to bug you fine bugging me but that that that's what everyone starts with they don't really mean to
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but that's just I hate I hate to bother you it kills me nothing I hate worse and
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bothering you I go it seems like it's going easily for you so far the thing I hate most is bothering you it seems like
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you're doing than you hate and I know you're eating and I'm literally eating like fourk up not like I'm sitting I'm
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literally eating and I go H and he goes if I could give you a pitch for is there any way I can pitch you a movie for 30
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seconds it's about a guy now that was sort of rhetorical he kind of ran over my right yes or no yeah he's he's ahead
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of you you know what I mean he goes yeah he's all he's all he's one step ahead of you so I so I sit there with my fork and
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uh and then he this is how he starts it thing listen by the way I'm a good guy I'm also a Leo
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I happen to know you're a Leo we're both Leos so we're on pretty solid ground right now and you still have your fork
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up here with on I'm like this going it's getting weaker you're Frozen you got your arm CU I have weak traps and clavicles and I'm like this yeah so
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you're you're literally in pain going like this listening to this egg heavy has chopped pepper on it heavier egg
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heavy cannot listen to idiot anymore can't figure out how long this will be
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going it won't be 30 seconds for sure so go ahead so then he goes so we're both Leos I know that cuz I I know they're
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the Lions I'm a great guy and then he starts now as he's as he's blistering you know he's like
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BL um pontificating to this stupid [ __ ] bloviating is the word I'm looking for all I can think of is This
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is how you start your foundation on a professional career with someone in acting yeah not I'm a great producer not
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I've done this in this movie not I'm a great writer it's we're both Leos that's your foundation and by the way all I
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could think of was I'm not a Leo and so I go we're already [ __ ] everything
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else doesn't matter now I'm not and I'm a Cancer and I'm getting crabby because you're cancer what are we doing now I'm
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this was your main credit is that you're a Leo no other credits were mentioned and then at the end I'm thinking what if
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I on a set do I want a good script writer or do I want a guy shutting down the set because Jupiter's in Purple
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Haze astrology you an astrologist on the set or do I want someone that's good at their job what what what happens you
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beat them up well the thing is you know this data that when we're ever since SNL
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days you can't read an idea for a script you can't hear an idea for a movie
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because if you ever down the line do something like that you will you could be sued because they go oh that was mine
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yeah you take it six years later I had a rra it in my script and then you're your handcuffed and taken away what I we're
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getting fix on Dana what's going on not don't go too tight yeah let's pull back how about Cleveland this Evan the tight
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shot guy he likes to crank down on guys who remember Kennedy versus Nixon all
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right this thing is going to look like the zuder film is so blurry but you know the the low social IQ of that guy
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because I was once in the early days I saw Bob Dylan on the streets of
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Manhattan and uh I'm thinking I should go over there and you know talk Dylan you and then I thought don't know he's
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just Bob Dylan you know he doesn't look like he wants to be bothered so I just went up there excuse me m Mr Dylan I'm
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your biggest fan go are you I don't think you're really my biggest fan I go why do you sound like Norm
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McDonald and that was the weirdest thing years later I met Norm he's like talking like that I go you sound like Bob
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Dylan I guess we can cut that no we okay no I like that one no I can't I was I
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actually did run into Springsteen at one point jogging in the park boom watch out where you're going I got my good cowboy
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boot on I'm going to run around the reservoir he's running in his Cowboy Bo yeah get cuz I'm Bruce pron I grew up in
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New Jersey but I know a cow when I see one can you do anything about that under bite why would I it's my signature do
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your jaw hurt all the [ __ ] time wearing a bite plate 24/7 not doing [ __ ]
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why are we [ __ ] on I know I like let's get to these Oscars what are we do let's get to these self congratulatory
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dandies who cares about the next movie I'm shooting with Leo guy uh wait a minute you're shooting a movie with
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theovon no the guy at the [ __ ] Leo that said he's a Leo oh the Leo the Theo
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the the wheel I can't keep track of their stories Leo Von so Oscars were
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last night highlights for me Oscars were not last night Oscars were the other
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night Oscars were six months ago but we we needed to contemplate yeah I we need
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to contemplate so I liked um Ryan Gosling Ken song I thought he was funny yes I thought that was good I like there
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was a go ahead Spielberg getting laughs with cutaways that was funny right yeah
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that was good yep that's it there's a there's a meme out now that apparently
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Putin watched the some of the Oscars and he he went nuts for I am Ken no he did
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he's literally kind of giggling in the it's on it's an Instagram or [Music]
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something I really was laughing at Ryan Gosling
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he keeps singing I am Ken what does it mean we know his name is Ken it's so
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funny it went on for a long time but it was pretty
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funny this message was brought to you by Vladimir Putin I love fly on the wall
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blue ending he brought Barbie into to it when
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he went in the crowd Barbie Barbie you know they always say who wore it best you know the women come out and God
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bless them all I don't judge look at me who wore it best last night it should have said who wore it least these are
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the skimpiest outfits I've ever seen BR the put on bra panty sheer thing over
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and walk around I mean what the what's going on women in the audience hey peanut gallery Chris we've run out of
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ideas on what to wear did you think it was especially sort of Less cloes on the
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red carpet or no well it's in it's a trending thing right now where you were see-through like lace number with
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underwear underneath it yeah and so why do you think it is trending I like the
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trends uh that I don't know maybe well it's young people another thing too have you
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noticed yeah I walked up behind one of those young ladies Anita and she had a
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I'm 100% see- through with uh basically just
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thunderpants and um I didn't know that was her I didn't know she was but the front was fully see-through so I didn't
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even look but I saw a picture today and I thought but you know I did see I went
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out after and I went by a party and I saw I would say the girls the women all
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look gorgeous I noticed that and I wouldn't say there's plastic surgery I
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would say that with makeup and slick back hair and things there was a lot I
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didn't know who they were at first gland I'd have to someone said that's blah blah and I go oh I even saw Kim K when I
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was going to get my drink and I said hi and I was like oh okay that's her because I couldn't right off the bat
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tell everybody who they were not that they're I'm saying again not that they're like plastic it just they look
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different they make their makeup different and it takes you a second everyone looked great though there's
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everyone looked great I think having Alpac know you have an 83-year-old man who's going to announce the last award
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and there's an open bar uh it's a shark going in the water cage going in
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the no I love alcino he just should have done the whole thing if he had just said
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if he had just picked up the envelope and screamed say to my little friend he
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would have brought down the house oh my God why if I was there I would said Al just say did you know that he's dating a
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very young woman I guess they had a baby and they courtship was him showing her
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his movie so he showed her Scarface and that's when she fell in love with him [ __ ] I would too that's a good I would
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say that I wouldn't open with that one oh he's got Godfather too that's pretty good yeah you can follow it uh what else
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did I like what alcino comes out he goes and Now's the Time Oppenheimer everyone goes what's what's
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going on he jumped the gun of hair did you see that I I know he said he says I'm seen
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Oppenheimer like it was a crystal ball I'm seeing Oppenheimer so we were like was it is this a joke what's going on uh
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Paul McCartney did a little Instagram congratulate Oppenheimer what did it go like what was
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it like what do you mean you expect me what are you expect if you hadine up in Homer
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you know it's a great film it's SP a big bomb you know and they're up in the desert they're like how do we make it
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maybe put here put there we don't know pretty soon they thought it could be a bigan it could be a bigon so they put it
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on a big wooden thing and they're like 10 ft away they said we better get back could be even bigger and they went dinga
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and this big old mushroom clown but it's not full of mushrooms like the told your mom used to make you it's an atomic bom
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if I'm boming in this room I'm bing up there that was all on one instagram meme
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it was one instagram well Putin Putin and he were you know they were FaceTiming during the Oscars but anyway
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well I will say that I didn't catch why is Evan on my shot for 20 minutes cuz
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he's he's baffled what are you trying to do take me back to 60 what where should I look at he put you he's like 55 you
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want me here you want me there am okay all right on a serious note what did you
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like about the Oscars well I didn't know all of it I didn't see all of it uh I just this isar um I did run into Jason
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no Justin uh I saw Jason baitman but JJ Abrams uh says say hi to you and uh
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we're very good friends yes he was very I have celebrity friends very nice you know without it sounds like name
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dropping but honestly you go to those parties and there's literally almost no plus one so when you go in every person
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you turn to you would know from something so it's just a matter of I only stayed an hour at one and an hour
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at the other because it was too much overload it's like de d d so uh some of
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the fun ones I'm trying to think of what would be fun to tell it was there's not that many exciting things that happened
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other than uh you know you have to walk in as a solo this is really the point when you don't have a plus one yeah you
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have to latch are you talking about Vanity Fair Fair is the first one the big one and then there was an after uh
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party gu Who series so I an Afterparty for me God that [ __ ] time change
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helped me because that was you got a free hour it was a little earlier than
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it was in a real you know I'm saying that's funny yeah do you write that down on a notepad you know good time to go to parties oh my God it just fell into
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place it's like New Year's Eve I'm when am I going to stay up till that late so the first one I stayed in only an hour
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but I ran to Jason baitman as the first person I saw now that's just a crap shoot who are you going to see right when you walk in um and then there was a
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little gaggle of dudes that came and just talked and then uh and then I saw oh they said Sharon Stone was there I
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went looking for her because she just did fly in the wall yo no SNS when is Sharon Stone on SNS is
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on it'll be already on oh it's week after okay she's coming up and I wanted
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to say hi to her uh but mostly I saw some of the skimpy outfits like they
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were saying and uh and people would explain who that person was and goddamn
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anybody oh I saw Robert Craft and I asked him about the big trade with ma
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Jones right that's a sports story yeah uh he runs the Patriots so that was sort
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of off the beaten path off the normal people see oh uh the second party you
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know what's funny is being at a party where everyone's um pretty well known and you walk by uh Travis and Taylor and
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how it's it's really there's an aura like there's a literal sound it's the only place where people weren't flipping
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the [ __ ] out did that happen that did happen they were at gu Ser look at oh yeah here's me and Taylor Swift when
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this is last night I tell you this no this is weeks ago um now you look
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different one time you look great I went to this uh Grammy party and they seat
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you wherever and then they and then she was sat next to me and then she was more
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newer on the scene and she had done Ellen and Ellen said go take pictures are the sunglasses throwing you off
00:16:20
because I have other glasses okay he's quitting camera work he's just quitting and he's packing up well the camera is
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rebelling against my face the camera is just shutting itself off will not camera
00:16:33
I will not too old too much stuff to think about I am cutting myself off you literally took off your whole closeup
00:16:39
and started over yeah he's starting over with a special lens smeared in
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mayonnaise we G to shoot it through a shower curtain do you know that I was invite invited to the Vanity Fair party
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oh there's another one oh there they are first ever to do duck Clips I'm saying it I used to always do duck Clips in SNL
00:16:58
old days days I didn't I did awkward didn't know what to say this is just your hand on back I didn't mean to I was
00:17:03
just trying to take a the picture but she was going around taking pictures and I would say like oh that's like Dave Gro
00:17:10
go take a picture with her because she was newer and she was very nice and she that was like there was a whole table
00:17:16
there but you can only see us but I was uh remembered oh yeah I did meet Taylor Swift in the old days at that point I
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remember you you told me you met her and she only knew one chord in the guitar that's how young she was but she got
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really good uh that was a joke you know what I was invited to the VY Fair party 20 years in
00:17:34
a row with the white envelope everything and I never answered and I never went and then I was down here once I go well
00:17:40
maybe I'll go this year no invite oh the one time I swear to God 20 years in a
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row would you have gone when the Oscars were last week when I went when I went to the
00:17:51
Oscars Mike Myers invited me we did Wayne's World yeah
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um we're there with all the really cool people Mike stuff you go you go to the VY Fair party and my wife and I had to
00:18:03
go we we don't have a invite and they go you don't no and so I was going to go
00:18:10
there and go I don't really have an invite have some guy like uh sorry you gotta move move along no you should go I
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mean I think you could have gone last night but uh they also people say like oh I'm no you could have gotten in if
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you would have just asked um they say oh I I remember someone complaining I was in this
00:18:26
movie and I did even get invited to the Oscars and and the movie was nominated but I have to say it's so tight in that
00:18:33
room they they have to have really just the stars and the producers and the director
00:18:39
right right there's too many people and too many movies now the the parties would probably be a safer bet to get
00:18:44
into you know um it just turned into a blast I mean last night was fun um I
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didn't see I didn't talk to Kelsey even though we did have Jason on I could not walk up to them even though they're just
00:18:56
hanging out because it felt toir could have the only way you could have is that you just interviewed Jason yeah and she
00:19:03
could have go uh you had some kind of weird things to say about you we trimmed him just want to let you know he's got a
00:19:09
couple brother guys why do you hate each other and maybe I'm speaking I mean you know my nightmare is your dream like for
00:19:16
me to go and have 3,000 Small Talk conversations if it's an intimate party
00:19:23
with like six people but when it's just what's up how you doing working good good good good were you there that's
00:19:31
what I said yeah David Spade you still doing that podcast with the church sty guy hey good job no kind of funny I most
00:19:40
of it's that but if you find someone you know then it's funnier the the second party I was in the kitchen eating
00:19:46
shockingly with four people so that was just fun us four laughing and that's
00:19:51
perfect and you know the thing about like these two like Travis and whoever everybody anybody there is always hard
00:19:58
to walk up to people that are already talking because people do it to me you're in something and people just grab
00:20:03
you and I feel it's rude so unless someone's just floating by it's hard to walk up and interrupt unless it's
00:20:09
someone I really really know well you know what I mean well I yes of course I would your social iq's you got it you
00:20:17
can feel the radar you can feel the radar you're a stand up you can feel when the crowd is turning on you which
00:20:23
no offense but happens on a regular basis and you know how to that was a joke I know I looked right at the camera
00:20:29
he kills I just feel like what if I went there I would fake I was in a lot of movies oh yeah I was in Oppenheimer
00:20:36
right before I was the guy with the binoculars mhm anatomy of fall you got it I was the carpenter near the dumpster
00:20:43
so you just say you're movies and no one can really know Barbie I was driver number three in the yellow car you know
00:20:51
um you saw me right behind Margo Robbie right when she was going into the bank you can just say I was like Barbie's
00:20:57
first one night nightst I my whole thing got cut uh but I shot for seven weeks M
00:21:03
um didn't test well my sister had a Barbie doll and that got pass passed around by about Jimmy says by the
00:21:09
brothers Jimmy said oh Barbie um no one wants a Barbie doll anymore remember he
00:21:15
said in his monologue I was like Jimmy was Jimmy was he had a couple cutting jokes he was he was kind of edging out
00:21:22
there yeah I kind of I like some of that think hopefully he's got at least 150 tucked and maybe he's two years out the
00:21:28
door he always says he's he's doing just fine because I get it yeah I always follow the money Ryan Jing Gosling was
00:21:34
so relaxed he has 300 million net and he's a movie star for 20 years yeah I'd be laying down it felt like it was nothing to him you
00:21:41
[Music]
00:21:48
know would you host it I would co-host it with you let's put our hat in the
00:21:53
ring we work cheap you can tell by the set I think you do don't get paid much do it anyway no you don't get paid to
00:21:59
host Saturday Night Live you actually have to write Lauren a check oh that'll be $1,300 I take Bitcoin thank you thank
00:22:07
you Jennifer Lopez do you have to say my name where you putting the
00:22:12
check uh okay let's move on to and that is our Oscar J well I want to thank
00:22:18
people for on YouTube I read all the comments and oh very positive about about Superfly so far and if they're
00:22:25
negative easily blocked but it's so so far it's been very positive yeah I don't I've never read a comment about anything
00:22:32
I get information from you because I'm too sensitive and if I saw a negative comment I would crawl up in a ball and
00:22:38
start solving so I avoid I comments get angry about I I and people say it doesn't affect you but it does uh and so
00:22:45
oh I did want to talk we're going to do some headlines but without being political that State of the Union was
00:22:51
last week okay no I'm just I'm saying we're not going to be political yes State of
00:22:56
the Union Yes I did think it was funny that Joe Biden the president is
00:23:03
that his Joe Biden he um he just came out of that Cannon I mean he popped out
00:23:08
of the toaster he was I I just want whatever he was having because I get
00:23:13
tired in the afternoon and Jack me up jacked and Juiced and ready to go I
00:23:18
thought he'd be running around that chamber going parkour parkour just like bouncing off the wall well you know what
00:23:24
I I don't know what they gave him or whether it was just a lot of rest and some prote but maybe backstage isn't
00:23:30
going uh Mr President uh this is uh this is for you oh what is it uh we call it a
00:23:36
state of the union oh sure take a state of the union before I do the State of Union oh sir they put it in a Biscuit
00:23:43
like a dog and three minutes later and I getting my [ __ ] because normally [ __ ]
00:23:50
you all cut they actually cut the State of the Union cuz he's like the old man on the lawn he's still
00:23:56
there yeah cut it then they then I guess uh what's her name Mary Taylor green
00:24:02
what's the good one was Indie 500 with the yeah she looked like NASCAR she was
00:24:07
my favorite it's a freak Show the Republic's ending soon so anyway save your money or Bitcoin I guess at the
00:24:14
beginning on on his regular speeches they usually have come a guy walk out and go let's get ready to mumble and
00:24:20
then he comes out but on this one he's like he was all jacked up he's like and
00:24:26
I'm also hornier than a three pecker billy goat my dick's harder than Chinese arithmetic and everyone's like okay well
00:24:32
let's just stick to the cards where and he goes I just got to stick I haven't felt like this in a while and I'm like
00:24:38
give me some no no Bust It Out break FL can I get another state of the union here you go he's micro joking was he
00:24:44
what do you think he's sming what do we really think it was I heard riddlin is a alleged possibility I don't know if it's
00:24:50
rlin please send your letters elsewhere but Ridin would give someone a little pop a little pop room you have a little
00:24:56
Ridin with a a silver back monkey up with a Twist and
00:25:02
uh little dackery no no but the problem was the next day he was yelling and it
00:25:09
was very awkward still going yeah he was at he was at of basket Robin ice cream
00:25:14
store I have a jok on fudge excuse me sir you don't have to yell I yell the
00:25:20
State of the Union hasn't worn off and he Shadow Boxing he spits it come on Jake Paul I'm next I'll beat the
00:25:28
hell out of you come on Jack I'll beat you and your whole family I'll beat the sh I don't know look it's a freak Show
00:25:35
let's just say it we have an election coming up he breaks a stir stick you like that [ __ ] it's more where that came
00:25:42
from hustle I'll cut a [ __ ] and that was to Jill he takes Jill's like Jo slow
00:25:48
down takes the broken uh little wooden stick and he said he'll cut a [ __ ] with that the S yeah I I'll c a [ __ ] you
00:25:56
like that [ __ ] but let's get in backstage get in backstage did I do this before because it makes me it made me
00:26:02
happy when I found out you saw Nicholas Cage of the Oscars hey that they lease Nicholas Cage they pay him to come
00:26:08
backstage when Biden gives a speech and he sort of like calms down he's like an anxiety person because when bid's out
00:26:15
there and the people are backstage they go he's going off script he's going off the prompter he's going off the prompter and then Nicholas Cage knows at that
00:26:22
moment to calm the staff down and goes why God why and that has lowered the
00:26:28
anxiety of the staff it feels like it's working someone said did you hear this I like he looks over there what
00:26:35
talk about well was back on the Oscars but weren't you stuck between Bradley Cooper and Lady
00:26:41
Gaga you told me there was a little like hand stuff going back and forth with them oh yeah well I had a view when they
00:26:48
were doing them in this Sky when they're singing the song shallows shallows in the
00:26:55
shallows because of exactly where I was sitting I could see right under the
00:27:01
piano and there was just just a little some PL some loose hands under there
00:27:07
some in the shallow shallow in the shallow are this a few
00:27:13
Oscars ago this is this is 20 this is pre pandemic 2018 if if you must know it
00:27:19
was during the movie um shallow no the movie they star a star yeah there's no
00:27:26
uh no what was the movie he just did Bradley Cooper he didn't win [ __ ] I didn't say
00:27:32
it because I say it wrong I thought he was amazing in Maestro but you know what are you gonna do uh Paul gedy was
00:27:39
extraordinary he's a friend of the podcast we interviewed him okay here's what I heard and this is was on
00:27:45
something that Gatti who we had on here
00:27:50
is wore you would know this the holdovers wore contacts to give him a
00:27:56
lazy eye and then Nicholas Gage goes I would have done that yes is that something real yes
00:28:03
yeah you can wear a contact that just looks like a lazy eye just put your eyeball down here it's like a just like
00:28:09
wearing a wow I don't know if I could do that that would weird me out too much look you know it's for their art I go
00:28:15
that would we me out meanwhile I'll be getting full plastic surgery in a week that doesn't scare me I had a little eye tuck over the weekend hence the shades I
00:28:22
had a little eye tuck so I just wear these for a couple days you know I like is when you go up to people the vity
00:28:27
fair party and they go and the first compliment is do you sleep on your face and I go why they you look like a pound
00:28:34
puppy I go what's that and they go don't Google it anyway how's tricks that was
00:28:40
Lady Co puppies are how's tricks so Chris why don't you tell us what's going on oh yeah is there everybody's face is
00:28:46
different give us some Trends there's a lot of fillers I think going on and fat injections like Ryan Gosling handsome
00:28:54
but there's something or he's gained weight I don't I don't think he gain weight but there's a lot of he goes I
00:28:59
gain a lot of my weight in my cheek face exactly yeah I just I got a six-pack but up around these cheeks I got a cheek if
00:29:07
he's trying to be better looking I give up so they're either filling or they're taking fat out like um it's called Bal
00:29:13
fat removal you heard about that wait on the inside of your cheek they go in into your mouth and remove so that's you get
00:29:19
Hollow so you want a lot of women are doing that well men are doing it too so you get the like the that look I went
00:29:26
from horrified to booking appointment uh yeah I would I I would never do that do
00:29:32
you think we get like a double discount if we go together why don't we go on and try to literally look exactly like the
00:29:39
same person there you go I oh did I tell you I told you Dana I went to the airport in Santa Rosa and I and I was
00:29:46
where you did your special and it a great gig and did I already tell you this and when I walked through the guy
00:29:51
was like staring off into space and I didn't take my shoes off this remind you of a text really okay oh no I was just
00:29:59
hold on I just going to okay yeah no David it's fine I'll tell him his mom called all right okay that was my mom
00:30:06
that was my Mom calling to say you've told the story so I go through and the deputy dog
00:30:11
guys like this he's not even looking at me and he goes all right next and and it was the tiniest airport he goes take
00:30:17
your shoes off and I go oh I I think I'm in TSA I don't know and he goes well uh
00:30:24
are you over the years and I go am I what and he goes are you over the
00:30:31
age of 75 and I said are you out of your [ __ ] mind
00:30:38
you didn't just say that and then everyone else say because everyone else is nice to me they get it and this guy I
00:30:45
go no I'm not he goes then you got to take them
00:30:52
off are you [ __ ] take what off my shoes just just shoes I take your own
00:30:57
Underpants off no he said then take he said then take off that old mask and I go no no this is my face but I'm not he
00:31:05
literally said are you oh not under are you over 75 I got carded [ __ ] I got
00:31:11
carded last week at R A buying a beer I can't believe I told the story because it's sickening uh I guess we'll show a
00:31:18
few um it's funny do you want to look what are we going to look at some stories headlines that we better get to something yeah we're [ __ ] we got I'd
00:31:25
call him two days ago okay we'll do a couple then w'll do it cuz we don't we already have a lot of [ __ ] M and I do
00:31:31
mean [ __ ] what is this oh this is so dumb I thought this was cute it's a it's a witch be Dana and it has it carries
00:31:39
sticks around it looks like a they call a witch it looks like a broomstick is that cool well I he flies
00:31:45
around I think my pretty yeah and then he goes I'm kidding it's just a stick I
00:31:51
just little pretty and you little David Spade too I have a lot of B the Beek I
00:31:57
have a lot of B bits Jason's Trad them to the be beekeeper just a quick one oh
00:32:02
you are you a witch bee first all he has a lot on his mind have the set up we've
00:32:08
got a lot of witch bees but I'll be keeping them all I don't
00:32:14
discriminate it goes nowhere all right next oh Jason stra I do like that I
00:32:20
think it's kind of cute Co in [ __ ] cute news all right no no rush as the [ __ ]
00:32:28
bit is bombing miserable death jesz we're bombing in our own room what are we doing out what is this trend I this
00:32:33
my D magic toothbrush okay oh girls and I saw this last night I I complimented
00:32:39
someone on their freckles and they go oh it's makeup I didn't even know people are putting fake freckles on his makeup well they're tattooing freckles on their
00:32:46
face too they're doing that oh like full tattoos where they stay yeah yeah Lord love a duck God I am over we
00:32:53
could be doing so much more you're 72 don't I just don't know if freckles are
00:33:00
that [ __ ] great I mean I like them but not like we go back to me and Taylor Swift that's the only thing do you have
00:33:05
any freckles anywhere I have freckles yeah you have a lot of tattoos hether how many
00:33:12
roughly 53 okay that was higher than I thought
00:33:17
50 53 tatto you heard her right revealed um okay let me see this one I
00:33:25
thought was interesting what is a girl mooch oblig is a funny headline she
00:33:31
started by holding a cardboard sign that says I need a husband and of course she's she's attractive so guys would
00:33:39
like apply didn't work but she got some money out of it so now she just does stuff flying me to Miami buy me a purse
00:33:45
she hangs out in front of Tiffany's as an experiment he says Hey buy me a purse are you rich and the guy immediately
00:33:51
puffs up and goes I do pretty good buy me a Chow bag and they [ __ ] do and so
00:33:56
she's gotten videos of her guys just buy her hotel rooms chel I mean this is sort of an
00:34:02
underground hybrid hooker uh thing that's going on in La anyway but and it's really rampant it's not talked
00:34:08
about but we talk heart is it's something it's not really but it's why didn't she just go on only fans and make
00:34:15
a billion in her bedroom this is probably easier because she says she says she doesn't hook up with anyone
00:34:20
okay but um I feel like she's just Clowning dudes
00:34:26
and they go along with it so there's really it's a victimless crime it's just embarrassing across the [Music]
00:34:39
board this is Larry Bubbles Brown famous comedian he's gonna call you and you're going to go over a red red that he wrote
00:34:46
okay yeah we go live rmany everybody everybody's listening to this Larry
00:34:53
Bubbles Brown everybody yay how are you good good so you're on the
00:35:01
air crimey uh what is your question her crimey is from Dennis Miller crimey car
00:35:08
yes we either every time I talk with you we either wind up talking like Dennis Miller or John
00:35:14
Wayne Christ sakes okay coming in cell phone heavy this is John
00:35:21
Dennis well we love John Wayne because he's never afraid and we're so afraid of life right
00:35:27
yeah so he's the opposite of us yeah because there's a movie where he goes take down the submarine papy no duok I
00:35:34
can't take it down we're all gonna die I said take her down I like I missed those kind no fear
00:35:41
no fear all right here's here's a few he sounds better on the phone than we do in the real podcast by the way well thank
00:35:47
you Tim Cook go ahead this is red red neckies as written by and also Chris who
00:35:53
our friend Chris re has one too red R NE as written by Larry bus Brown I'll do the best I can Larry I'll do the one at
00:35:59
a time I'm red rednecky the redneck comedian my therapist said I was passive aggressive so on the way out I kid a car
00:36:06
come and get some on the way out he laughs at
00:36:11
it he's like not bad writing here's a good one I'm red rednecky the redneck
00:36:17
comedian took up golf shot 67 did much better on a second hole come and get
00:36:22
some David like the golf red red necki is all over the place he's playing golf
00:36:28
um a red red neck he's a from the red neck redneck comedian Mama gave me a
00:36:33
book on ADD couldn't finish it come and get some I only got to the first D I had
00:36:39
a addendum on that this red rednecky redneck comedian Mama me Mama gave me a book on add only read
00:36:47
one page couldn't stop thinking about cwad stew come on get some okay all right I like that punch up much
00:36:55
better I'm red red necki the redneck comedian told Mama I was going to donate my car to Charity she said rednecky
00:37:01
where you going to sleep come and get some it should be red oh he sleeps in the car it shouldn't be red NE I'm
00:37:08
breaking down each joke and clarifying okay how about this one I'm red rednecky
00:37:13
the redneck comedian met a reuse woman on Tinder she gave me hermit crabs come and get
00:37:19
some okay that's a little that's a no it's a thinker and you're not used to thinking during red rednecky okay here's
00:37:26
a thinker I'm red red necki the redneck comedian told Mama one day I have a
00:37:31
trophy wife she'll look like a moose come and get [Music]
00:37:37
some yeah okay all right these are a little more these are a little more thought out so we're not ready exactly
00:37:42
I'm red redneck redneck comedian my last girlfriend was a treasure so I B her come and get some okay good job are we
00:37:51
still going oh no now let's go here's Chris's joke Chris re wrote a red anyone
00:37:56
anyone they're not reading them you're reading you want to read it okay you read it then okay I'm red rednecky the
00:38:02
redneck comedian I took my mama to the grocery store she picked up two Russ of potatoes and said these remind me of
00:38:07
your daddy's balls I said they're that big she said no just that dirty come and
00:38:13
get some Chris and they cost 99 Cents I
00:38:19
know uh okay wellis oh Chris is the best yeah good
00:38:26
job bubbles good job bubes you have any joke that you're doing you want to do for us
00:38:32
you don't have to put you on the spot one of your favorites to one of your best jokes one of my latest newer jokes
00:38:38
is uh I had to close out my account at the sperm bank it was getting zero
00:38:44
[Laughter] interest I like it was getting zero
00:38:49
interest zero interest and then your catch thing
00:38:55
is that's it that's f after every Jo does that and when Larry opens for you the
00:39:01
whole audience starts doing that yeah phelipe does it I I did when I
00:39:06
was going to eighth grade I used to walk to school and there's like a um this bird and every time I'd walk by the tree
00:39:12
just go me like that he sound it like Edward G Robinson so I just started
00:39:17
doing that forever now I don't know why but it seems to get laughs oh he gets laughs all right I have to I have to
00:39:24
tell the sound man cut the mic get them off get them off cut the light yeah if he kills get rid of him if Bobby Lee's
00:39:30
killing you get them off all right Larry well we're gonna go look at some Impressions Impressions so we're closing
00:39:37
out with Impressions we're already lar Bubbles Brown everybody all right J talk soon thanks e Greg easy easy let him
00:39:44
hang up the phone and then the guy comes on okay this the part we do Impressions we should ask for something next week
00:39:51
something else but we we'll do them for now okay so let's see here's one we don't know what the impression is but
00:39:57
we're going to watch it and analy we like Impressions superfly.com send an
00:40:02
Impressions at Superfly ay.com AUD
00:40:09
okay what's up spoodle Dana um here's a
00:40:16
character he's called a bitter blind guy and he's mad at everything bit blind
00:40:24
guys walking down the street Neighbors coming beautiful day isn't it how the
00:40:29
[ __ ] would I [Applause]
00:40:34
know he folds up try if you want I'm actually blind so that helps a little
00:40:40
bit oh I like it better leaving a burning building so there's a fire you
00:40:48
know alarm Sirens going off people are leaving and Helen's
00:40:55
just [Music]
00:41:04
hell leave I thought he's blind I thought he was gonna yell guys it smells like a fire is he really blind before
00:41:12
you annihilate him go ahead what I think uh I think so because he
00:41:19
tried to disarm us by pretending he was blind he goes but oh I'm really blind yeah I really am the way he folded that
00:41:25
stick was pretty smooth too so must have done it obviously okay so we love him that's awesome I didn't get it so he
00:41:31
says I'm here's a blind guy walking by fire I thought the joke would be it's clearly a fire then he smells and goes
00:41:37
that's smoke you guys there's a fire but everyone knows because it's they see it he just put them blind that they would
00:41:44
just walk into the fire was that the it's they're just like ah I like the
00:41:49
first one when he got mad yeah I understood it yeah okay what's next even
00:41:55
though we're going along hey guys uh thank you so much for
00:42:01
everything you've done I I love you both immensely
00:42:06
uh thank you for the podcast and join me for a little theater of the Mind as we
00:42:13
head to the 17th floor of 30 Rockefeller Plaza in the early 1990s on a Wednesday morning for a conversation with Adam
00:42:20
Sandler and Norma McDonald okay hey Norma Lauren said he wanted me
00:42:25
to come up with something for update and the uh table reads in like an hour but I got one idea all right all right buddy
00:42:32
yeah show show me what you got there okay I think I'm going to come in there an old lady and I'm going to be wearing
00:42:37
a long wig and glasses and I'm going to talk to the children like this and then I'm going to start getting real crazy
00:42:44
and I'm going to lose my mind all children and everybody what do you think
00:42:49
I don't know what you think that yeah I see I see what you're doing there with the with the Yellen and the wagon the
00:42:56
old lady and stuff uh I just don't think it's funny thank you that's just a shtick I
00:43:02
know they loved each other I know they were both hilarious thank you for clarifying
00:43:08
um that's just a stick uh yeah go ahead he was good I mean it was fine I mean Norm is
00:43:16
sort of an easier one it's Canadian but I do like his ending where he didn't like that's kind of I didn't see that
00:43:22
coming where he didn't like Adams right or his sketch Oh I thought I thought everyone does that character he kind of
00:43:30
went High which is good where yeah it's when he does those time sometimes he goes high that was a good ending I think
00:43:36
that's itday and any final thoughts are we okay 19 minutes of extra work that's not like us but thanks for watching we
00:43:43
won't make it any worse okay bye guys bye-bye this has been a presentation of
00:43:49
Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Charlie
00:43:54
finan of Brill ENT Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked
00:44:02
[Music]
00:44:08
it
