00:00:00
[Music] and who's wacking Phoenix who the hell
00:00:06
is he who's wacking Phoenix and his lady goooo W wack and Phoenix would have got a big laugh yeah what happened what's
00:00:14
this guy with wack and Phoenix no I'm not joking around here so anyway that was a fun little uh bidy thing you know
00:00:19
that's his name folks that's his name that's his name first name wackin second name Phoenix come on I mean serious
00:00:28
[Music] we're already going I think this is it
00:00:34
well this is this is um we're just here to lighten the load you know yeah for
00:00:39
people in these troubled times and with all the contentiousness over the
00:00:46
election and all that stuff we're just trying to lighten the load a little bit dude the election in the air is
00:00:53
palpable it's palpable how do you spell that you were a spelling Champion that's
00:00:58
right that's a tough one palp D spade for the win my Vietnamese buddy
00:01:04
uh Shin was his name he and I when we were in uh fourth grade we walked down
00:01:10
to sixth grade for reading and math I don't like to talk about it um but uh he
00:01:18
was in the spelling B too we all got smoked my word my word if it's palpable
00:01:23
I'd be like okay Heather uh I'd like here's my word palpable that's what you
00:01:28
say Danny you have to say it know about this when you're in The Bigs oh I I had my my day
00:01:34
in trust me okay okay ready I walk up there in my op shorts my op shirt from
00:01:41
Miller's Outpost mhm my budget for the year was $100 I know that my mom goes you have $100 to get your school clothes
00:01:46
for the year MH could you do that Kim K so huh
00:01:53
palpable p a p a l p l no no no it's p a
00:01:59
l I knew that just testing okay good p a
00:02:05
l p a b l a pal probably pretty easy right uh I'm not sure it's correct but
00:02:12
here's the here's the thing I want to ask you yes it was I'm doing I'm doing what drove Jerry crazy I want to ask you
00:02:19
a question I want to ask you can I ask you a question before I ask you the question um the big word when I was in
00:02:25
fourth grade if you could spell this you are badass and it was from Mary Poppins
00:02:30
movie you're a little younger than me but it was super calic ESP Alid docious xous yeah super
00:02:40
even though it's hard to what's the next line um I know the song yeah I don't I
00:02:48
don't know got to YouTube shuts us down you were singing Mary poppin our robots
00:02:55
picked it up shut down take away money you've got a robot with Tourette's or
00:03:01
some kind of speech Ed I couldn't think what I was trying to say can't mhm it picked up a song pattern algo Rhythm you
00:03:08
are shut down until further notice if you try to monetize Dick Van djk he's 102 we will come to your house and beat
00:03:14
the hell out of you with our AI arms a spoonful of sugar don't finish that
00:03:20
sentence Jo the worst cooch necs in the history of film I mean I love dick van
00:03:25
djk but it was Jo spon
00:03:32
he couldn't go to you he couldn't go to London he'd be mobbed um they're like oh
00:03:38
is they go oh my God is that guy really American because I saw the movies yeah look at it a to I won't do my British
00:03:46
accents yet but I would like to be British if I could be any British it wouldn't be con because just someone who subtly talks like an intellectual you
00:03:53
know the property owners always shut down on the non-property owners in the 17th century blow it out your ass
00:04:01
[ __ ] look I got a haircut I don't want to over talk about it but check this [ __ ] out I don't know all we
00:04:07
do is obsessed about hair people say on the comments but I don't give a care uh also they
00:04:14
said well I read the comments no I do boy they don't like you dude anyway um
00:04:21
all I can say is I don't want to know because I'm too self-critical and I would I would curl up into a ball if
00:04:27
someone said kind of anything that wasn't perfect perfect and I would start crying so if they said your performance
00:04:33
was a nine out of 10 you'd start crying yeah I go what what what what do I got to what wrong yeah what do I got to do
00:04:40
to get to 10 you know better thumbnails I happened to get the best review of my
00:04:47
life you can look it up and I just thought it was funny it was in the New York Times you've heard of them haven't
00:04:53
you metaphor Comm rag yep so about my Biden so that was uh
00:04:59
your kids check it out online it was the best usually I'm just annihilated as
00:05:04
most comedians are hack over you know mugging pushing why did they give you a
00:05:11
break I don't know because Biden we were getting a lot
00:05:16
of flack for for the last year on a they talked about the breakdown of the
00:05:22
impression and they put me in the context of the nine other cast members you know cuz Jason sedus was at the
00:05:29
party and is had with his sweet little daughter and ties me and so I lean down
00:05:35
I'm dressed as Biden I go you can touch it you can feel it she's very adorable kind of touch it and I go your daddy
00:05:43
used good night uh Jason if you're listening ah this is a g dress as Biden
00:05:49
at the cast party you crazy person but the word daddy is intense because boys don't call their
00:05:57
dads I know our dads were a little extra a little special but don't boys don't call their dad's
00:06:02
daddy too much do they at 5 no I think when they're little I think
00:06:09
girls mostly say daddy so I said your daddy used to play this character
00:06:14
President Joe Biden he was vice president 10 years ago but he played him as kind of a she goes huh she goes my
00:06:22
daddy was in motion PES well why do you have a Southern accent no she was she
00:06:27
goes she was she goes my Daddy was in soccer show what have you done and you
00:06:33
go okay relax I know that was a big hit yeah she was six years old and she said you ever heard of a show called Ted
00:06:41
lyso yeah well if you have starting to get it yeah are you starting to get it
00:06:47
starting to get it this is nothing like Jason seda's daughter I just want to do an exclaimer
00:06:54
fun but it was fun to see him I ran into my buddy Mikey uh Mikey uh Keaton who
00:07:01
was on our podcast Miguel Keaton yes Mickey ke always a fun time yeah yeah I
00:07:07
ran into my buddy uh Alec Baldwin who's been on the show twice who was playing
00:07:13
Brett Bear and he is a funny character he just
00:07:18
leans into your dressing room out of the balloon and goes you know had the best hair in Hollywood long wait you obrian then he
00:07:26
just walks away this is Alec this is Alec Alec is a movie he was funny on the
00:07:31
podcast yeah yeah yeah he gets going with Bill hater apparently and they get down into the some scor Cy film and some
00:07:39
guy with brown shoes in the corner of the frame and I'm telling you that overhead shot was magnificent I'm doing
00:07:45
Al ball kind as a a British Lord but he's he's a
00:07:51
a great guy to conversationalist he can just go I'm going to interject your SNL
00:07:57
party story because I want to hear more about SNL uh especially at the top of the show that I was at this just hit me
00:08:04
tease that's good tease I was I was out Heather chime in there's a guy waiting
00:08:12
for the host is set a restaurant he's with wife two kids the
00:08:18
son mhm I remember he had glasses on suned glasses he's behind the sun they're waiting for the hostess to give
00:08:25
them some more information so they're just bored he's behind the sun the sun is 5 S so he could be 13 if he's my size
00:08:34
he's probably 13 yeah so he's got both arms around him like this and he's
00:08:40
kissing his cheek like this I'm like this so his dad is facing
00:08:45
forward the 5' s kicks behind him front of the dad no in front of the dad and so
00:08:50
the dad is grabbing the kid and kissing like it's a date I'm like oh that's not his wife and I thought is it peculiar is
00:08:59
it palpable is it any of these words 24 my friend y welcome that's it I just
00:09:06
explained it our dads never gave us a hug and so we're going to make up so I'm
00:09:12
going to hug every kid I see if I'm a Daddy I'm going to make up for all that pain and then the pendulum you've heard
00:09:20
of those if you can spell it I'll give you a dollar go ahead swings back and it's
00:09:26
it's it's it's very maybe it's more Italian really it's over dading because
00:09:31
I said word I felt it was my duty to walk up and interrupt this and just put
00:09:38
like this between [Music]
00:09:48
the well well well Dana well you're back I like that the audience stuck with
00:09:55
us to that roller coaster of emotions it it's nice that they do
00:10:00
through the technical things someone reaches if two people are driving let's go to smartless another person grabs
00:10:07
their arm and says wait a minute give a chance yeah and that was Will Arnett is
00:10:14
the guy in the car oh you wanted to hear us thanks will no we have technical
00:10:21
difficulties but you know what stars they're just like us are you sorry that scenario he's
00:10:29
giving me a little closeup for you Audio Only listeners but I have cards made
00:10:34
based on that um it's it's just that excuse me you're over dadding and so when I see over dadding I just hand the
00:10:42
guy the card excuse me you're over dadding to the guy that was leaning on the kid and like Frenching him
00:10:48
basically I have a restaurant bathroom story that's kind of interesting you know when you're driving on the five
00:10:55
please I'm you go to a bathroom room and it's only one bathroom you're like okay
00:11:02
hopefully this is just a 30- seconder it's 20 minutes with multiple multiple
00:11:08
flushes and you're thinking what kind of creature is going to walk out of this place I'm talking flush Oh you mean when
00:11:15
you are going to waiting at a gas station for the bathroom and it's
00:11:21
multiple flush again again the sink runs back to Flushing who what kind of human
00:11:28
being or creature is going to emerge because I I have no options you know
00:11:36
when people go in there like when you're in the airplane and you hear a flush that's the sign like when I flush which
00:11:42
might be one of the three loudest noises in America yeah yeah the flush it's so loud I go well you just
00:11:50
you feel you could lose a hand if it yeah you don't want to go I think in joder too my nuts got sucked down but I
00:11:58
don't want to give the whole move I think thaten but it's so loud and then I go I have X amount of time to get out of
00:12:04
here because everyone's like waiting like okay what are you doing now I'm like now I'm just like now it's the
00:12:11
weird time where you did flush what are you doing get out well
00:12:18
well scary are you then pivoting to the mirror going do I really look this
00:12:25
[ __ ] bad you're putting water on your face you're trying to act like you're sobered up and you freshen up and then
00:12:32
you come out like what's up gang how's it going yeah I come out and
00:12:37
I go like I always go like this that's an old Farley bit you walk out go like this okay airplan did your
00:12:45
hair well I do I do a full shaving cream shave in there when I go in there and I
00:12:51
come out with half of it on me like some cool hand Loop movie or something how could you look at yourself in that gross
00:12:57
mirror for that long no I I everything I do compared to other people is fast I
00:13:02
walk fast I use the bathroom fast everything is expedient and fast you're a you're a lolly gagger I heard no no no
00:13:09
when I go in there if I take too long I usually in there stretching I just stretch out I go I look at my phone
00:13:15
sometimes I don't even pee I just want to get up you know and if you stand there by the door they go uhuh not by
00:13:21
the door someone told me that once step away from the door I go you don't work here no there's someone coming out of
00:13:27
that door you think I'm the guy that's going to take us down he was like this sir sir sir I love it when they put the
00:13:34
beverage cart across the way so the pilot can use the restroom and they have like a 40 lb flight attendant or or like
00:13:40
just this woman and is making this little crossarm thing like it's a Burstein Bear's mom like don't even try
00:13:47
it they're like don't Yeah because sometimes the pilots
00:13:53
take too long and they're taking a deuce and then the people get a little sleepy on the cart then they make a
00:13:59
katonic and then and then the pilot comes out I'm like dude you did you fall
00:14:05
asleep are you okay sorry you you reminding me of the previous week's episode where John litz
00:14:11
was hanging out and during the practice show he's right next to the camera was making little fists to me like go go
00:14:19
go and he gave me a line that I just tried for the crew which is Biden saying come on I just dropped a deuce this was
00:14:27
during the it didn't play too well so it got I thought it was funny anyway they
00:14:33
take out all the funny ones you know why they don't like it because it's it's
00:14:38
funny yeah um okay so finish SNL let's hear more um I realiz well one is they
00:14:47
have a pre-tape thing across town they have a giant for you've got ADH Studio
00:14:52
over on 66 Street is like a 10f floor pre-tape for you know no all the
00:14:59
different video films they're doing please don't destroy guys your mouth everything so I go over there go will
00:15:06
you come over as Biden and be in this thing then I find out every everybody's in it and it's a tick tock thing and I'm
00:15:12
just bouncing around as Biden now that morning I didn't think I'd be going in so I did the stairs at my hotel 420
00:15:20
stairs all out you heard me cuz I like to feel that and then so they put me on
00:15:25
this vibrating platform and I didn't have to ask I my legs were Shak oh your legs get shaky as B I'm dressed as Biden
00:15:32
so I'm shaking I saw that I like that they just have a a note on the refrigerator in the break room going Biden is Tech Avail for all sketches you
00:15:40
just throw them in there just walks around I go can you be an ours you just go yep what do you want me to do well I
00:15:46
kind of want to do a show where he I stay in the I stay in the get up and then he just appears in the background
00:15:52
in sketches or just walks across at the very end like where's Waldo the Biden is
00:15:57
somewhere in every the sketch but maybe in the sketch for the first half and then someone says hey you're not in this
00:16:04
sketch everyone's waiting for you to talk because you're in it for some reason and then you go oh you just get up and walk out but I might do this on
00:16:12
the live show is is sneak up behind Colin Jo and Michael Chay like literally
00:16:17
on on like a combat Mission and then just come up into the frame look at them
00:16:22
like that and then just kind of go back down and they don't even know it they they get a big laugh they don't know it
00:16:27
and then I crawl back out go hey Chevy that was and then you just go back
00:16:32
down who's the guy was that is that Biden yeah yeah hey hey come on guys hey
00:16:38
Chevy hey Eddie Murphy then you leave okay I got you it's Chevy Chas
00:16:44
Eddie Murphy know him better give him Applause give him Applause so so that
00:16:51
Billy Irish is uh amazing I just want to
00:16:56
live in her vibe that first song she did it's just so whispery and so her I'm
00:17:02
becoming a mirors or something there was some yeah they were looking at they're floating the sky her in Phineas looking
00:17:08
down the mirror and they just get into these mellow grooves and her singing is
00:17:14
so intimate and it's catchy it's cool so I'm a fan what can I say I mean she's
00:17:20
been around a long time and when she turns 19 I think that she's going to
00:17:25
when you come out hot and heavy in the world at 14 or 13 it seems like she's been here forever she's 22 but I think
00:17:33
Bieber he's he's you know 26 right now like he's been this business 200 years I
00:17:38
I know I got in I got on SNL at 51 my ladies and
00:17:44
gentlemen so here's an example of things you so I do the little Biden piece as
00:17:49
part of the Brett Bear interrogating um Maya kamla and I he's
00:17:57
kind of confused he starts talking talking about the Joker movie but they don't know it and so so I thought of
00:18:03
later I went who's who's who's Lady you know whatever I did that didn't land I thought later I should have said and
00:18:09
who's wacking Phoenix who the hell is he who's wacking Phoenix and who lady goooo
00:18:15
W whack and Phoenix would have got a big laugh yeah what happened what's this guy with wack and Phoenix no I'm not joking
00:18:21
around here so anyway that was a fun little uh bidy thing you know that's his name folks that's his name that's his
00:18:26
name his first name wacking name Phoenix come on I'm me serious here you could
00:18:33
have put corn poop in there I could have pop no his name is popcorn now Corn Pop
00:18:39
is popcorn yeah I reversed it he's the popcorn he goes you could have put
00:18:44
popcorn in there and still would have ate it you didn't need to pay that much money my current catchphrases are guess
00:18:51
what and by the way the fact of the matter is let me be real here I'm being
00:18:57
serious not kidding around this isn't rocket science folks get
00:19:04
real that's a good that's a good run I want to put a run in like that I really
00:19:09
that's all you need just come in they ask a question you say that and that's your answer yes but a lot of Biden is
00:19:15
like when he stops talking he goes I'm being serious I you know it needs a beat before the auns knows that he's stopped
00:19:23
yeah he has something to say never says it and then he just stares stops with
00:19:28
big um so Billy ish was amazing um Michael
00:19:34
Keaton was always you know Michael Keaton has a lot of just personal energy
00:19:39
he's like after the dress show he's like I don't know I don't do this this often I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm doing out there you know and I said nobody does
00:19:46
this is really hard so all you got to do is say what the [ __ ] and have fun and then he Nails it on air hysterical so
00:19:54
there you go he's a pro what was his monologue oh was it Beetlejuice Beetle Juice which Mikey day's favorite film is
00:20:00
Beetlejuice he's been obsessed with doing Beetle juu on the show never had a chance so that was his idea of the
00:20:07
monologue and it was a dream come true because I guess he was like eight or something when Beetlejuice came out he
00:20:13
got possessed by it and now you know the rest of the story I'm Paul Harvey that
00:20:19
goes back to the 60s well he's like waiting his whole life then here here Waltz is in Michael Keaton right into
00:20:26
ADH mhm you get your Beetle Juice bits I know yeah if someone does he not want to
00:20:32
do Beetlejuice or do he say uh does some you know some hosts as we know when they come in they go I don't want to do
00:20:38
anything about this about this and you're like oh well no I think that he
00:20:43
kind of uh I mean when you do a movie it hasn't happened to me but you do I this
00:20:49
the 80s and then you go all the way to 2024 and it's it's it's it's a big hit movie
00:20:57
you know hundreds of Millions worldwide that you just got to feel good about that and he didn't he hasn't lost his
00:21:03
step he was Beetle Juice it wasn't like here comes old guy Beetle Juice he's just like on fire and um Alec Baldwin
00:21:10
funny story from him you know well I walked in the studio and saw three of his little boys that were so cute you
00:21:17
know I don't know four six and eight hey Dad hey Dad was adorable and then he said that he he showed them uh Beetle
00:21:24
Juice and he showed him it was a picture he showed him cuz ball was in Beetle Juice in the 80s and goes oh that's
00:21:30
right and he says that's Daddy and they said that's not daddy cuz he was so he looks exact same
00:21:38
pretty much well he's got the hair is crazy yeah he looks the same but you know how little kids are that's not
00:21:44
Daddy then they put it to Beetle Juice said that's Daddy I don't know maybe they're getting with him funny funny
00:21:50
funny stuff funny sh yeah I forgot Al Alec was in Beetle Juice the second
00:21:57
one uh I don't think so he was in it as sort of the straight man you know that's
00:22:03
not why he came to the show was it he was doing breett it was right after when I first saw him I think it was after one
00:22:08
of those submarine movies or something oh yeah when he came to SNL to host the first time that was my third show or
00:22:16
second show and he goes I go what do you want to doob and he goes I want to do this I want to do I want I want to do
00:22:23
Broadway I want to do comedy you think I want to be stuck on a submarine 14 hours a day going hi I sir he said
00:22:30
that that was a hit huge hit movie also it was a franchise he could he turned he
00:22:36
dropped out of it to do street car name desire that's it and
00:22:41
wanted to be a New York and loved SNL could believe he a great sketch player I mean he nailed it as Brett Bear you know
00:22:49
I take my pills on there I don't care okay I'll take a vitamin C both
00:22:56
who oh Gina Davis yeah they played a couple in Beetlejuice they both are not in the
00:23:02
second one Dana just you know oh should I tell okay um I'll tell you quickly about the banana I was on the road but
00:23:10
uh if we can get it we've never I love a banana story so on the road because I always have to
00:23:16
eat because I get like dizzy so I'm like anyway what can you really carry on the road protein bars is that so sometimes
00:23:24
out of the hotel I bring a banana because I'm like that's the quickest thing if you're in a pinch carry it
00:23:30
whatever like a football uh good potassium fiber go ahead right so I threw I have an old SNL bag my my bag
00:23:38
says s live really 25 on it so that was a merch gift from the last reunion we
00:23:46
did 2000 did you know you didn't know where I got that
00:23:51
yeah so it's all faded so it doesn't look like I'm trying to like ask me about SNL no one knows I was ever on SNL
00:23:58
anyway so I got that but it's a cool leather bag looks like a doctor bag so anyway some I carry of course T way too
00:24:05
much when I'm on the road but I throw bananas in there for the road anyway so I finished the
00:24:11
road and I picked up my SNL bag
00:24:16
leather it was two weeks later yeah when I'm done on the road so it's obviously
00:24:22
I'm oh it burned a hole through something burned a hole through my and I
00:24:27
picked it was sticking to the table so I'm looking at the wood going what did I spill here we find
00:24:33
out it's the banana there was a banana in there and it been there for at least
00:24:39
two weeks and uh they get black and then other things happen well wait a minute I do you know how do they get corrosive I
00:24:46
mean what is the bi I know it ate through the bottom of my SNL bag that ain't no banana that's just Play that
00:24:52
video right should we play that video let's just see what it is there's Heather are we seeing happening fuzzy is
00:24:59
f what is this what is this what is that what is that what is that what is oh my God oh my
00:25:09
God oh that's the banana whoa okay so it that's it's fine give me are
00:25:17
you [ __ ] kidding me I need a race I need a
00:25:22
race that's green and white cut from [ __ ] thing let me take a picture all
00:25:29
right too much house in that okay there you go see there's the photo so that is a banana and it's going like this
00:25:36
hey so it corroded itself but did it actually get through the leather bag did
00:25:41
it go through the leather or just be it corroded and then it corroded so it
00:25:46
stuck to the wood and then I couldn't I was so look
00:25:52
at the wood then I look at the back I go oh my God it's from the back what got on the bottom nope somehow through
00:26:00
sickening I was famous for throwing banana peels over my shoulder when I
00:26:05
would drive my old swinging bug and people would laugh I just do it I would throw everything over my shoulder you
00:26:11
could find anything back into the back seat I'd throw clothes coins extra cash
00:26:16
bananas fruit shoes everything so when anyone was in my car and needed something I go it's probably back there
00:26:22
yeah when the banana people come in the car and say why do you have so much [ __ ] in your car that's what people do to me and I go you don't you don't need to
00:26:28
worry about what's in my car I this is I didn't know I was having company and if
00:26:34
anyone comes to get a ride forget it because my passenger seat is my garage basically so I'm like I know i' you've
00:26:42
given me a ride and it takes about five minutes to clear the front seat I go geez bro I'm just I'm not that far away
00:26:49
but it's like all this stuff's on there trans radio from koyi I'm like this here why do you have a machete don't worry
00:26:55
about it this goes here why is there blood I had hitchhiker don't worry about it I pick up Flack Jack
00:27:03
really Cracker Jacks also Cracker Jackson a FL Jack yeah come on by the
00:27:10
way so let's show some stories let's show some stories what's going on people
00:27:15
can be [Music]
00:27:25
entertained number one asona shows how to eat ketchup at zero gravity okay
00:27:32
let's do it like brenon this is sort of this is how you eat ketchup you're shaking a bottle of ketchup we're going
00:27:39
to eat ketchup and zero cheese okay this is risky we got to squirt it
00:27:44
out oh my god it works look at how sick it
00:27:50
is gross what are you doing it might be sicker than he eats ketchup I don't care
00:27:57
where you are to self cancel space station trip thank you yeah hey the first thing we do when we get into space
00:28:04
by the way that doesn't remind me they should do a porn in space it doesn't remind me for no reason there's no
00:28:10
nothing that would remind me of that no that wouldn't mean anything but isn't Tom Cruz GNA do a movie in the space
00:28:17
station and it's gonna be a hard r i mean hard R I don't know Dana but he is going to
00:28:24
do one the space station would you go do uh bus Boys in at space station if that
00:28:33
if I was in if bus boys sequel is in the space station and the the the uh trailer
00:28:39
was just me squirting Theo with ketchup like that that would be that's the only trailer you know anything else i' just
00:28:45
I'd go people bus Boys in space and just that in slow motion and then just you
00:28:51
thought they didn't know what they were doing on Earth that's not bad
00:28:58
yeah there you go dude I got some bus boy updates for you next show next show okay I want to hear it's real it's real
00:29:03
Hush Hush right everything's really everything's like that's always a good
00:29:11
sign you know what the good sign is is when your agent manager publicist all call you together you're like they go we
00:29:18
have Jimmy Stevie little Bob and gert's on the phone for you and you're like
00:29:24
okay git's like let me set the table let me set theable table Spade I don't know
00:29:30
if you'll say yes this because I know you don't like Money Dana likes money not like you like money I'm the worst
00:29:37
I'm the worst Klein ever I mean they used to call Kevin Klein Kevin decin that's
00:29:43
funny Kevin decine no no no yeah um so yeah I have um I tend to want to stay at
00:29:50
home and watch movies and Dan you want to do you want to do a casino gig on a Wednesday in shoan it's three flights in
00:29:57
a two-hour time differ it's not that far from the AR Circle you could see a polar bear run up there you
00:30:04
don't like fun or money okay I'm sure I can find some client likes it somebody likes money on my
00:30:12
roster get SP Fai circling the airport right now ready to go
00:30:18
yeah I know well we would be like around the world like a flight that never you
00:30:24
know we refuel in space if you didn't turn it down [ __ ] they go every time you
00:30:29
turn around how about this I'm like H I don't know why don't I just pitch a tent near the airport or something so I can
00:30:36
just be ready to get airborne did you get into this because when I was watching comedians on TV in the 1960s I
00:30:44
didn't think wellow I'd like to do this I'll probably be fly I'll been Airborne
00:30:49
for most of my life and then playing playing corporate parties to a board Ballroom that's drunk and tired as the
00:30:56
CEO gets me a headlock and go what's up church
00:31:02
lady yeah no [ __ ] I thought I'd be one of our pvps is gonna come up and kick
00:31:08
you in the nuts is that cool or should we call your agent I go no you can do
00:31:13
it disclaimer usually they're very nice with what we're paying you come on come
00:31:20
on but um yeah you could live you could live on we we're lucky enough first
00:31:26
world problem to live on the road if you take all the casinos in North America
00:31:31
comedy clubs small Theaters Big theaters whatever we could live in the sky plop
00:31:39
it down do our shtick and get back in the sky yeah yeah we have never- ending
00:31:44
jetti we don't know where we are I I'm born in Michigan so I'm still feeling that two-hour time difference it's never
00:31:50
gone away so now when I fly that's all okay that's a good joke I process that
00:31:55
it's not B never quite got adjusted it's just a thing it's a biological thing I have a heart 2 p.m. for me right
00:32:02
now it's 2 p.m. for me well I don't know I I don't I'm in New York half the times I don't know what time oh yeah by the
00:32:08
way you're living in New York it's crazy I am all right next story we we
00:32:13
don't want to we don't want to get into Dan and get him into a spin into a spin okay this is I thought this interesting
00:32:20
read a by I'll read out loud for the people at home that listening driving a photo of cellmates there's two guys in
00:32:28
jail playing NBA 2K on a flat screen it's like a 70inch flat screen which is
00:32:34
4 Ines from their face is going viral and wearing brand new convert or uh
00:32:40
Nikes or something what is that X shoe maybe is there a squish above it
00:32:47
yeah the Nike squish oh maybe that's socks okay well what this says is that
00:32:53
uh this particular group of gentlemen that are in a prison or jail of some
00:32:58
kind are having a very good time in jail right I remember when I was younger jail
00:33:05
was no fun that's what I was told I don't know for sure but they're like you shouldn't go to jail it's no fun but you
00:33:11
get three Hots in a cot remember that term mhm three hot meals three hot meals and a c and now
00:33:19
you get three Hots a cot and an 80 inch flat screen where you can play
00:33:25
NBA video games maybe they're just in there maybe it's one of those Smash and grab things where they're just in there
00:33:32
for like 45 minutes till they get a r just getting a TV who gets a a TV that
00:33:37
big in your cell I mean I guess it's I I didn't picture a cell with TVs but and I
00:33:43
I figure like in the yard or they have like a cafeteria with a TV and then they all fight over the channel but that's
00:33:49
how it is in movies but um this is this this isn't great they're too tall I
00:33:55
would have no problem sitting on that bottom bunk sitting up straight and watching Dr you could stand on that
00:34:01
bottom bunk Dana Dana no I could too we're in the same we're in the same
00:34:08
tribe but anyway okay next one but that was interesting that jails come a long
00:34:13
way mhm yeah okay what's um next one this is when you don't want
00:34:20
to get a get out of jail card there you go there you go there's the mic
00:34:26
drop okay this is okay don't play yet don't play Don't okay this is
00:34:33
a prank show which I [ __ ] hate by the way if anyone I see a prank on Instagram
00:34:38
and I don't like it I block them sorry that's how tough I am I'm [ __ ] tough I run a tight
00:34:45
Instagram no no I'm here to have fun you're you yeah exactly you be mean to
00:34:50
me gone that's not why I'm here I'm not here to no I don't I don't like practical jokes I don't like surpris practical jokes when they look good like
00:34:57
they're in a Bush and they scare people and people wipe out into a pole and hit their head and you're like he's dressed
00:35:02
like a bush I go all it does is help the practical joker and get him views and he's totally relaxed having fun the
00:35:09
other person looks like a [ __ ] [ __ ] and it ruins their day in the end of the day it's SC humiliating or
00:35:15
frightening people it's a terrific thing but this one's funny this one's can you start it over or no let's
00:35:23
get ready to rumble it's a Japanese one I think laugh it up okay okay so volume let's go let's see have to be among the
00:35:30
most popular so she says a little loud maybe a little less
00:35:36
loud so she falls a little less loud and then when
00:35:41
the poor victim is given some water to recover she falls
00:35:48
[Applause] again it's loud um wa and so they dug up
00:35:55
it's a trap it's the grass is a p covered by fake by the way you're for
00:36:00
sure getting hurt victim finally gets to go
00:36:07
home one final track awaits him everyone loves it so much they're
00:36:14
like w the I mean the sound of it and everything it's violent it's violent
00:36:20
dude you get hurt you you're falling backwards you're hitting your head on the who knows if that's perfectly
00:36:26
Breakaway you know I've hit people with boards and like movies and stuff and they score it so it breaks but you're
00:36:32
still like sometimes it doesn't break it it's something about that culture like
00:36:39
would we you and I go in we pitch it and we make an Americanized version called
00:36:45
track door yeah it's so funny but God dang everyone would sue because America
00:36:50
everyone sues over anything but also it would be you could hurt your neck you're falling backwards through the floor
00:36:56
three times I know unbeknownst to her she thinks she's free and good and then bada bing
00:37:02
bada boom very clever they put it in a van and they put it in and then one more there and one more there one more we
00:37:09
should do a show called America's Got lawyers where it's just about pranks and would you like to meet my
00:37:15
attorney that's good America's Got L I like that all right show something else well I'm
00:37:21
pring young woman details how much she spends for one night out at Miami how in
00:37:27
Miami at live this is a nightclub so she's just reading her bill I thought this is interesting we got a bill reader here I
00:37:35
spent in one night out in Miami at Liv so starting off strong we got four bottles of Asus beige Rosé for $1,000
00:37:42
she's in a rollsroyce I think and then we got one big ass bottle of Ace like huge bottle like that [ __ ] came out on
00:37:47
a boat like that was $3,000 three bottles of Dom for
00:37:54
$3,600 two bottles of Kaza aul repo $3,600 as well two bottles of SRO for
00:38:02
$1,100 one bottle of melen rare I don't know what that is
00:38:07
,450 we got five packs of water for $257 45 we got three pack of Ripple for
00:38:14
um of tax was $3,645 56 we tipped
00:38:23
8,244 355 on a tip and I bought our total to4 $
00:38:29
6,241 36 for one night out in Miami how much is she drinking she weighs 88
00:38:35
pounds I'm kind of processing what I'm seeing so what how many I love when Dana
00:38:41
sees this how many people go to this place and were they surprised when the
00:38:46
bill came to $360,000 was it like whoa or like you know not bad and I think people puff up
00:38:54
when they're really rich I've seen it in clubs where God it's been a while but they bring out like sparklers and it
00:39:00
shows cuz there's rich and there's famous and there's you definitely want people to know you're rich if you're in
00:39:05
there these guys that are so rich but no one knows who they are so they get a booth obviously that costs a lot then
00:39:11
they get the sparklers and all the pretty girls come over and they give them a big bottle of Dom or acce of spade it's huge they have like
00:39:17
abnormally big ones and then I think a Big Show and everyone sees the guy and he goes like come on not this again and
00:39:25
then the Fanfare goes down so he orders another they'll order a case of Dom mhm
00:39:30
I don't even know if they drink it or if they just resell it or what but and then girls come over and sit chug bail chug
00:39:37
bail sit sit chug bail in that order mix it up and then I don't know it's just
00:39:43
the way it is so these nightclubs there's a handful that have it made where they're just raking it in and then
00:39:50
they go here's the Bill here's the tip if you want an extra tip and then if you're super cool ball here's a third
00:39:56
tip you can tip me and then you can also just hand me some cash well by the way 8,000 on what was it 360,000 is a
00:40:03
lowball tip at least 10% would have been 36,000 number one they didn't really
00:40:09
take very well I thought it was going to be about I think it was less than that I think it was under 100 you oh well it's
00:40:17
fake alcohol but it's for virtual signaling if I may pivot to fake art um
00:40:23
you know I once saw I was in a museum there was just a giant white it was 50 ft across just blank canvas and one red
00:40:32
dot in the middle that was it $6 million two red dots $12 million oh I
00:40:41
don't know don't even go to three red dots I could never it happens to us in corporate dates if you name your price a
00:40:46
certain price let's just let's just blow it out like it's not not us but well that guy that guy's a million dollar
00:40:52
comedian you want that guy you got to have a million dollar oh is cuz it sounds like
00:40:57
a huge amount well then you're a million dollar comedian that painting is a million dollar painting then you're a million brag and also people that want
00:41:04
to be able to hire people that are rich or buy something like a painting or go to that nightclub get to say dude we
00:41:11
blew 300 Grand or I was with this guy spent 300 Grand and the guy's like it's literally pennies it's literally nothing
00:41:17
it's nothing to me man it's gum on my shoe well by the way you got come an issue so it's virtual signaling letting
00:41:23
people know you're wealthy but you kind of wish like if you if gave you 365,000
00:41:28
and you had Saturday you had to spend it on a Saturday in say Southern California
00:41:35
what would you buy you have 10 seconds it turns into Brewsters Millions
00:41:40
remember that movie all right we can make it three and a half million and you have one day to spend it in LA you have
00:41:47
five seconds go I'd buy half a house in Newport half and then too expensive all
00:41:55
right You' Buy probably get a I'd probably get a cool car I like cars I
00:42:01
don't know which one I get what can you get for three and a half million oh three and a half million I
00:42:06
think yeah I just St you have three seconds huh the Tesla bus was that a new one
00:42:15
yeah they got Tesla busy that I think they'll be sort of
00:42:20
sequestered to like airport runs to the Sea lot have you heard that they came
00:42:25
out with this new perfume at same kind of thing with perfumes oh that's a and it's a million-dollar perfume you know
00:42:31
what the name of it is Elon Musk don't ever go like that I'm
00:42:38
pointing a lot now you have you have three seconds my giant hands my giant hands say you got three seconds I
00:42:47
could no I there was a movie called Brewsters Millions was it Richard prior yes it was Dick prior he's a
00:42:55
friend of mine was days to spend 30 million or he doesn't get any of his inheritance and he can't everything buys
00:43:02
something he buys a shitty team but then it's worth more and then he does this and he's he can't spend his money fast
00:43:08
enough you how about you do a remake spad a good idea Spades Millions you have 10 seconds to answer more like car
00:43:16
apparently don't like money all right apparently go ahead now we have to do
00:43:23
Senator John Kennedy at some point okay hang on okay oh this is a girl okay you're not
00:43:30
going to like this I like the comment is this rock bottom for this is an influencer Dana
00:43:36
and the tough life of an influencers you just need to get click seen and get clicks what is she GNA do she's going to
00:43:43
pet some cows she's going to feed them yeah let's see puts glasses
00:43:51
on okay that's the whole thing that's all she needed 38,000 like she squeezed the
00:43:59
cow's te t a t and pointed it at her
00:44:04
face but she had like goggles her glasses on so she got splattered in the face porn mother's milk baby intended
00:44:12
for a baby cow not a woman with blonde hair in a jumpsuit I should answer and
00:44:17
put Sandler on this FaceTime I'm not gonna I can't do that to that
00:44:22
guy why is he FaceTiming wait is he off is Dana
00:44:28
gone I can't see Dane anymore you can't see me Greg come over here we'll keep
00:44:34
going I can see you I didn't click anything I know but I just got a
00:44:39
FaceTime and I hung up on it but it oh oh here we are we're back okay oh God we
00:44:47
have a real roller coaster of things happening today this this you can't predict this show lot going on okay what
00:44:54
is this let me see okay this is um let's just play this I don't know what it
00:45:00
is random Instagram car guys out nighttime on the street pickup truck
00:45:07
walk this is one of those iy stole a whole cigarette thing at 7-Eleven this is when they go in La
00:45:15
is like a fun thing for bunch of kids I think so we got into the 711 and grabbed a
00:45:23
whole like 50 packs of cigarettes they take over 7-Eleven and Rob everything in
00:45:28
it look at this oh oh they're ransacking they're ransacking 7-Eleven I think they get on a chat and
00:45:35
say let's go here and just but not a cop
00:45:40
in sight I think they there's too many they don't want to start trouble and look right because then with that many
00:45:46
it could get ugly so they just someone gets shot someone gets this and then everyone goes oh my God they're just
00:45:51
kids what are you doing but it looks like probably high school college age I just feel for for the owner has to call
00:45:58
the insurance company you know um I this is Dave over 7-Eleven over this
00:46:04
neighborhood I'm getting ransacked a lot you know uh I've got to get full coverage get nailed again yeah how much
00:46:11
do they take uh they take every single item it's about $2 million all the s every single item is I think that's the
00:46:18
thing they clean me out and I need insurance uh sorry sir we can't help you
00:46:23
out this time yeah I mean give them a freebie but you can't keep hitting the
00:46:29
goddamn 7-Eleven and keep stealing it it's just like crazy I what am I doing
00:46:34
oh there you go trying to they should open it for seven minutes in the morning and 11 minutes at night that might T by
00:46:41
the way if they start closing all the 71s like they're closing Walgreens and all CVS like if there's too many of
00:46:47
these then they close them down that means the insurance excuse of like oh
00:46:52
they got insurance they can find that they close because insurance doesn't cover you they don't even
00:46:58
to be like fires and no you can't get insurance for a home in California you
00:47:04
really can't you really can't certainly not fire Insurance certainly not good luck with that 10 out of the 12 I tried
00:47:10
to get for this dump uh said no not even we won't even charge you too much just not we're not
00:47:17
even trying we're not in the game anymore yeah they said they'd give me fire insurance but it was more than the cost of the house that was the insurance
00:47:24
that's not a good deal yeah don't close my seven Lem is the
00:47:30
point I don't want this to happen enough to where they close them down I'm like now we don't have SEL um okay quick
00:47:36
impression of a an Japanese American in an earthquake after just hearing this
00:47:50
information there's [Music] R I think it's getting worse
00:48:00
give me a headache by the way that one you didn't go as crazy you didn't yell I
00:48:05
like after what's wrong he's happy he got a buzz he's happy happy because it a
00:48:12
little little quake baby Quake no oh there's a big one I gave you one
00:48:20
it's what I want give the fans by the way just we're not political on this show but is out
00:48:27
there doing her thing and Trump they put him at a window in in McDonald's so
00:48:33
people are just driving let's go get a burger and he did seem incredibly happy handing out those burgers do some trumps
00:48:41
let's hear it you got a beautiful family here you go doll face listen darling we put an extra cheeseburger in there you
00:48:47
like your ketchup we put the ketchup beautiful baby boy beautiful family next you're tremendous I mean look at the
00:48:54
thousands he's always noticing the people the thousands of people here I could do this job he said I could do the
00:48:59
job I could do the job I do why are you growling so much Mr ex president because
00:49:05
I like to growl and I can growl a lot and I growl every time I cuz he's up 22
00:49:11
hours a day I I don't know how he does it it's just they do say he's old and scile now I'm like I don't know because
00:49:18
he can stand and talk for two hours I can't my ACT I do an hour I'm like hello darkness my old like it's too much and
00:49:25
then he runs to McDonald's any campaign I mean when you're on the campaign Trail that's a got to be a beating they don't
00:49:31
include Jet Jet uh lag not factoring that in yeah I guess like when I'm
00:49:37
driving on a long-distance trip that's the one time I do go to McDonald's I get
00:49:42
a cheeseburger small fries and like guess smaller medium Coke and that carb
00:49:49
sugar salt boost yeah really helps me Focus the steering wheel so I guess
00:49:54
Trump has the metabolism that he can penally chase energy just give me a
00:49:59
cheeseburger when when we get to too okay we're in Florida I want two poo fish before I go on and a large Coke and
00:50:07
so us we'd get low blood sugar but he can keep chasing it with fast food I want to fish underneath the podium I
00:50:15
want extra fries dud they gave me a double everyone
00:50:21
is sickened by the fact they get a fla fish but I love them and they gave me a double one accidentally it was too much
00:50:27
of a good thing I was like I go this a double sick it's something about with sick plus there's a couple bones it's
00:50:34
the tarder sauce I saw how they catch them off Alaska and there's millions of these little fish really happen is it a
00:50:40
real fish yeah the real fish and then they sweep them up onto the deck of the thing and they flash freeze them like
00:50:47
this kid this fish was just in the water look happy all of a sudden like it's
00:50:54
like and then it's in her mouth with tarar sauce on it an hour later an hour
00:50:59
L They smash all these minnows into little squares smashing together yeah
00:51:05
freeze there's a guy with a big tartar sauce sounds like Donald
00:51:11
Duck the window yeah love it can't be happier I've never had seen
00:51:19
you do the effect denoting enjoying it but I do
00:51:24
think Trump chase chase that carb High that's his secret energy he can keep loading it mhm I'm packing on the pounds
00:51:33
yeah he he he somehow can eat still to this day McDonald's which everyone says you got to give it up at some point no
00:51:39
KFC McDonald's all that stuff yeah three milkshakes four fla fishes and then I'm
00:51:45
GNA have my dinner that's an appetizer I had a sort of heaviest driver the other day uh one
00:51:52
of the gigs and we walk down you know some of these small towns it's like one strip of like 18 fast food places you
00:51:59
know on the way out of town and I go dude so I know he's he's he's sort of portly is and fat you know so uh I go
00:52:09
okay what would you rather have I don't even know if he's listening to me sometimes they think I'm on the phone I go would you rather have
00:52:17
Wendy's Carl's Jr or Burger King and then he doesn't answer so I
00:52:22
forget and we get to the next light and he goes he's been thinking M
00:52:28
McDonald's I I go are we still talk oh yeah one and a half minutes later of
00:52:33
dead silence he's like this he really gave it some thought then
00:52:40
he goes I'm gonna go off the board Alex I'm gonna take McDonald's wasn't even a
00:52:46
choice how about this what would you pick we're driving hey David Dairy Queen
00:52:53
A&W or Jack in the
00:52:59
Box Jack in the Box would be third I hate to say it such a we don't we don't
00:53:05
want to lose our sponsors I don't think do we have any Dairy Queen AMW or Foster Freeze Dairy
00:53:13
Queen aw of Foster Freeze both I think Dairy Queen because I like I used to like a dil bar and I like when they take
00:53:21
the cone and go like this bloop into chocolate and it crunches up oh my wife and I are in Montana and uh
00:53:28
this sandwich store was closed Subway sandwich so we went into a Dairy Queen
00:53:34
and we looked up and they go there's the hamburger and the fries and the thing and then now they go oh it's
00:53:40
3200 calories oh they put that they put it next to it 9500 calories for this
00:53:48
Dandy burger fries Cheesecake Factory same thing I'm on page 88 toward the end
00:53:55
and I'm like hm well this is healthy Sam and they're like that's only 22,000 calories I go how yeah the things you
00:54:03
don't think are a lot sometimes how much is a a tarter sauce Burger well let me do a
00:54:11
little John Kennedy interrogating somebody go now you when you walked into
00:54:18
the Dairy Queen restaurant were you expecting a low calorie meal your words
00:54:25
not mine you I didn't really think about it when you got a mcir whirl three double cheeseburgers were
00:54:33
you expecting not too many calories is that your point is that what you want to do I'm sorry I'm looking at this now
00:54:39
this is I'm just reading this out loud there's nothing now just hold on let me talk there's a you ordered a mick heart
00:54:47
attack what did you think was in that you got a Sunday stroke and then
00:54:55
proceeded your work not mine anyway I just wanted to do a little
00:55:00
John Kennedy I know I miss it I can't even think of anything to do with him because he's so [ __ ] funny he's so [ __ ] great but it is all about the um
00:55:07
you we would like to read some tweets you tweeted on octob it's funny you deny
00:55:15
that because let's pull up a chart of your tweets they always give them a chance to
00:55:21
lie I'm going to give you a chance here your words not mine that's his catch ear
00:55:26
words not M mine mhm I oh he goes this
00:55:32
is uh it's right there big as Dallas yeah Dallas he is a lot of that
00:55:38
stuff did I look like I fell off a craw dead truck that was full of CW Dads
00:55:43
going to a Tomato Festival is that what I look like us to be a turnup truck but
00:55:49
then they sold it but now they pack it with croads but then I fell off yeah did I do I look like a swamp creature to you
00:55:57
do I look like someone that came out of a swamp just answer the question please
00:56:02
answer the me did you see the movie Swamp Thing did you think that was
00:56:08
me that I wouldn't know anything I'd just be carrying a pretty girl and have you ever been
00:56:15
fares that was your your word good your word not
00:56:21
mine yeah all right should we end on that one we did good yeah
00:56:26
what else what did you not get to Magic oh here's some bloop for some Tommy Boy I like people keep sending me this I
00:56:33
like this one because actually I think this was the take we used in the movie uhhuh but it's
00:56:40
funny to hear Chris La this is just one of them Tommy Boy bloopers dang this is
00:56:47
the guy trying to buy the company not to mention put you out in the street and all you can say is a ni night
00:56:56
I can't Richard what's happening to look
00:57:04
at that coat doesn't rip Kim that's way too
00:57:10
tight they put little lines down the back they scored this was so
00:57:18
big I'm sorry Dad was the best at telling people
00:57:24
what they wanted to hear telling people what they needed to hear he was good at a lot
00:57:35
of sorry the door is a jar please how could a door be a
00:57:43
jar ma'am I'm thinking about blowing up the bar
00:57:50
building extras laugh the only thing I can figure out is whether to get Chicago style or thin crust
00:57:57
the salesman has left the building see you
00:58:04
the the crew put that out there oh
00:58:10
my what you saying got it the the bull scared him is that yeah they crew just
00:58:16
put it up there for yeah yeah just to ruin a take basically damn looks like a blast and that was not even digital then
00:58:22
you had to really be precious about you know the film oh yeah run out stuff and
00:58:27
you you seemed I guess like 21 or something I KN you weren yeah fny
00:58:34
because that first one where I go he seems like a nice guy I don't know why maybe I just said it like that on that one and uh when he laughs at the end he
00:58:40
goes what a dick yeah I know it's so funny but he has the best laugh also
00:58:47
well that really captured his bursting laugh you can't describe it to someone just I mean it's just like insane always
00:58:56
it's so fun it's so [ __ ] fun it's nice when you can make another comedian laugh oh yeah we laugh so hard in that
00:59:02
movie and sometimes people go because I didn't an interview the other day and they go so you and Farley had a fight
00:59:08
over a sandwich on the I go don't even start don't put it as negative there's so many fun things of course when you're
00:59:16
doing movies and a TV show together at the same time you argue about stuff but that was more like it that those
00:59:21
bloopers cuz we were just loopy and laughing and the movie still came out funny but those things are so such a
00:59:28
crack up you know yeah I mean in Wayne's World one um I guess the first time I said
00:59:36
yeah she's a babe if she was a president she'd be babraham Lincoln I think that's
00:59:41
the line I said it was the middle of the night and Mike got the giggle so he was laughing so hard and then we just were
00:59:49
able to keep it in the movie like he was is that when you're laying on a on the laying on the the AMC Pacer there's
00:59:55
something said oh no I know I said to him you do
01:00:00
you you ever see Bugs Bunny dress as a girl do do you like that or something about bugs bu dressing but he lost but
01:00:07
did you not did you not say that before you guys are just making up [ __ ] just trying to something triggered it and it
01:00:13
was him basically breaking he's not in the movie anymore but we put it in as Wayne laughing and it comes off great
01:00:19
it's funny as [ __ ] the magic of editing David that's the fun though yeah yeah yeah uh okay well I that was a good one
01:00:26
and on okay uh thanks Dana it was nice meeting you I have a quick idea just to put this in the in our listeners we take
01:00:34
over like Quinton Tarantino's indie film and we we have a we show um Wayne's
01:00:41
World and Tommy Boy backtack and we have a little chat about the movies oh we talk about it while we play
01:00:48
it or something or what or show them and then do a Q&A may maybe just do Tommy Boy Oh out in the real world yeah
01:00:56
oh we go somewhere well yeah we'll take this podcast on the road and basically we'll show movies and we'll do Q we'll
01:01:01
show a movie and then we'll do Q&A thanks for the ideas mhm all right tell
01:01:07
us what you want on the YouTube thanks guys this has been a presentation of
01:01:13
Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna we sperman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and
01:01:19
Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
01:01:25
[Music]
