00:00:00
[Music] I have a question for you too oh boy I
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saw this video this girl and she she goes I'm a furry and then she goes here's how I talk to my friend so if I'm
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happy I'm like no if I'm angry I go do you think that that uh human
00:00:20
beings that identify as cats are actually cats I don't but do you
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[Music] John give us your best face go toward the camp no you're a
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handsome man oh handsome man that's pretty good it's like Master
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thesbian with the one eye I just realized that doesn't he kind of see eye and one eyes kind of open Master
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thesbian hello very handsome man now the world's
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ugliest man [Laughter] the happiest
00:01:02
man the saddest man oh this has been Superfly and this has been John L
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quizzical man okay you're passed curious why is he
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doing what we're telling him I don't know I like it though someone who has to
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poo oh that's your regular face I'm just trying to make John happy someone who
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bought the worst covering of a couch in history oh that's your regular face
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because it's right behind you that belongs in a Native American Casino where do you live in a
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TP welcome to Superfly welcome to Superfly I want to hear about Dana's gig this weekend and then we'll get to you
00:01:49
in about 40 minutes go ahead Dan well first of all I just want to tell about my adventure at
00:01:55
McDonald's okay driving today I go in the bathroom the urinal is running uh
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just all over the floor and it won't stop running then I go through the
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driveth through and there's a guy where you pay and he doesn't move there's cars
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two cars and a guy where you pay doesn't move for 25 minutes and it's behind us no one's
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honking so I go finally I get to go up there and the woman says we don't have
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receipts we we have no receipts so that guy was fighting for up set he couldn't
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get a receipt for his Big Mac what kind of accountant at the end of the year says I've got this bill from McDonald's
00:02:38
and Gilroy and I've got no goddamn receipt you want to get audited [ __ ] and that's your that's your best friend
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is your account you red flag [ __ ] I yes I have a McDonald's
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story when you said the guy didn't move there was a guy I was late I was getting breakfast and the guy in front of me
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would was for 10 minutes he's ordering I got so frustrated I yelled I yell I go I
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go pick a number for God's sake it's McDonald's and the guy spazzes out
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andu and I'm like he has Tourette's so now we get he goes to pay
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and I now I just want to see him do it again so I scream I go hurry up and he
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goes [ __ ] just goes nuts I'm laughing my head off I drive up I said to the guy I go what's wrong with that
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guy what do you have special needs and yeah oh how rude did you hold him like a
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baby after that give him a kiss on the cheek and say dadd the guy nursed him
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you know what the guy said in the car behind you does that guy have special
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needs I he had Tourette's it was very funny I have a McDonald's story everyone
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has one great okay go David so I'm in line of McDonald's driving through and
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there's a kind of a not a hobo but whatever is John looking at himself
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John's admiring himself in the zoom what a loser Focus
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he turned his chin and he smiled focus on my fake story so let's
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hear your fake McDonald's story I'm just trying to get in the game with you guys so I wait and there's a guy
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sleeping under the where you order fine you know so I say uh I go quarter pound
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with cheese I go uh hot apple pie Diet Coke and then I hear he stands up and
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leans in and goes and some fries and he jumps back and I go no that wasn't me
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that wasn't me that that and then I how many times does that work in a day where
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then I go up to get my food and I'm going to be like that was you that was you had a fillet of oh wait hey who are
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you what wait a sec but it worked I got his fries they put them in and then when he came to window I gave him his
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fries but what a good scam does that all day and that guy was Dana no was Rob Schneider what that's
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not true Dana what you like eat like a health nut what were you doing eating at McDonald's I'm just shocked you were
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there well because I was on the road and I was in a hurry and my my car kept saying pull over you're driving erratic
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so I just needed some quick carbohydrates I got an Egg McMuffin your
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car said that well yeah hey what you think about pulling over the funny thing
00:05:33
about I played a casino this past weekend and I went to get room service before the show I was doing two shows
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and they go oh I'm who I I'm gonna have to call the front desk and so they
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called the front desk then two people called back on the phone and said I'm sorry you can't order room service and I
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go I didn't want to say well I'm headlining the casino you know [ __ ] Dan Garney you give so I was the only
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person in the hotel was a thousand people that could not order room service but I'm not bitter they say
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why I think it's because when I got there I I pulled out I said card for incidentals I had two friends with me
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and she waved me off no no no everything's on the house that's why you're Tak care of they said we have
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food vouchers and they would find my friend in the casino they chased him down in the casino you're with Dana
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Carvey have you picked up your vouch where's your voucher you got have your
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voucher go Dana um if they stand up at the end is
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that a good thing or I want to hear more about the vouchers oh here's your vouchers no I
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mean I I think it's great to have vouchers I mean but anyway I know I eat
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John luckily you don't have your earplugs into show John two John I can
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hear you both I know we can't hear you is the problem
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yeah you can why doesn't he have the earphones in that's what normal people have because I can
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hear sound like you're an aquarium why do I need him I can hear him without him it'll make the sound better for us all
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right are you gonna admire John is admiring him I like when
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he pin and primps and for the people who are listening to this podcast John cannnot stop admiring himself actually
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do you have ring lights you do look pretty good do you have some better light no I just I lost some weight so
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I'm very I think I look better you look nice uh you do you look
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good I have I'm GNA go back to McDonald's I have one more thing while John is printing okay wait David just
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quickly so John so you don't you don't have headphones that's the answer or earbuds or earbuds no I can hear I can
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hear you it's not that it's we we're we're getting an echo from we have to
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keep all this because people need to know what we deal with people had to know John does not want to put in his
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earbuds cuz he's admiring himself he's lost a few pounds he looks great yeah and I can't I don't like the new John
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yeah it's like guys that have a white a bright window behind them they go I can see you fine you go we can't see you if
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you put it in John then we'll your sound won't drop out when we talk put it in
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quit acting so put out by this he's like oh this is a great episode I like this episode because this is the
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real this they're right there this [ __ ] this little [ __ ] was playing [ __ ]
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games with us look at those look at the if it's Joe Rogan he's like I have
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five headphones I'll wear I'm a human headphone Mr Rogan I'll do whatever I'm
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told you don't like this couch I'll cut it up with a knife joh can you can you
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hear me Princess Leah look at face Princess Leah can you hear me oh my God
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turn this is Harrison Ford now I look like Princess Leia from
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Star Wars that's what I just said please let's keep all this it just
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shows what I have to deal with first comes headphones You Remind Me comes of
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that other character chw Kaka David's having
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period mood who me what let the blood
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[Music]
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flow John you don't have to be quiet I you can hear through the headphones and
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you're doing fine right I just I'm worried about yes okay just the fact that you were not talking for three
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seconds I thought something was wrong okay so I don't like when I well when I
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go to McDonald's I say uh do you have the f I say wait hang on I when I go to
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McDonald's I go what's the fet of fish of the day I go yesterday I think it was a
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Branzino oh it's oh it's a big laugh yeah and then other thing is which
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remind me at a restaurant last night I like fish and guys tell me if I'm way
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off I like fish but like like big fish and I canot lie I smell my glass and if
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anything smells fishy it makes me sick so I do like fish in quotes but
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even can you wait for the end or anything let me get get the punch line
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out I took a joke ruining class like when do I call but the punch line yeah oh that's
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perfect so this is a real story so if I eat fish and it's fishy I don't
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like that you know what I'm saying like if it smells you go this smells fishy even though it's fish you [ __ ]
00:11:05
[ __ ] Ain you both David don't order Branzino it's
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made in a lab it's like an artificial smelly [ __ ] freak of a fish never
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order bran Zeno why are we focusing on this part of the joke this everything's
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gone sideways I didn't want to interrupt you but I kept thinking for the last minute while you're going for your punch
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line breno don't ever order brino it's made in a lab Lauren told me that it's it's made in a lab it's for it's for
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rookies uh okay so that's that bit and uh maybe we some headlines and
00:11:44
we let's talk about some headlines because then we'll have something to talk about this is I have one question
00:11:50
okay I think you guys said this is a they can hear it but they can't see it
00:11:55
this podcast no no they can they see it on YouTube that's that's why your bits are playing
00:12:02
so that's why yeah you look great John this this did you get a little little little help did you get a little help
00:12:09
okay we're gonna just show things that are happening in the news John feel free to cough or tell a joke so this is okay
00:12:16
for people driving this is a picture of Justin Timberlake sorry David go my only
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comment he did get an inordinate amount of uh press for this um I will say
00:12:30
he looks great and he almost looks too good and now I'm getting mad about it because every blurry head shot I see in
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the paper it looks like it was taken through a shower curtain he has a [ __ ] ring light this is like if Kim K
00:12:43
got pulled over remember when she went to the DMV she took 27 practice pictures
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with a ring light to get her licensed this has Vib that which I'm not hating I
00:12:53
would do it he looks good it was P they were piling on too much too much he was going five miles hour no one got hurt I
00:13:02
I it feels like I I read cuz I'm all up on the tabloids that they told him beforeand don't drive the police said
00:13:09
hey maybe you should but that's rumors and then he gets this cover of Rolling Stone head shot taken by Mark
00:13:16
seliger and and his tour went up his sales went up so it's always he he looks
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great he doesn't look like a some kind of homeless alcohol looks great John
00:13:26
whenever you're ready jump in well I ready said he had W martini and that was
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it and so my question is if that's true then why did he refuse the breathalyzer
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test but that being said I've met him many times he's a very nice guy I knew someone would throw that in I knew
00:13:48
someone say he's a great guy he's ex of course we all like him he's super
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nice guy I take him I take him at his word yeah I remember at the 40th and the 30th that's a lot him at the 20th the
00:14:04
guy can sing and dance and he's very funny on SNL too I met him in the 90s when he was spear I came off an elevator
00:14:12
at a hotel and and he and Britney Spear were standing in the hallway talking spear
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Spears I went that's a that's a great story that's a that's a terrific story
00:14:24
John they were in the hallway talking David what about I got off the elevator and there they were know that's an
00:14:31
that's an incredible story save it for Ellen now listen what about oh let's
00:14:36
show that next one that's the party Greg do you have that one that's the party I want to show this thing look at
00:14:43
Jerry Jerry are you guys on your way to the dentist I don't want to keep you look at Jerry's too John takes good
00:14:50
care oh love it from [ __ ] we start with this
00:14:55
one okay now this is Debbie Gib 's 18th birthday was a rager okay go
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back oh I think it was an ed de bevic okay that's wait is that will will
00:15:10
weaton oh maybe Milano okay next one not we
00:15:18
shouldn't have started with that's bayat yeah her name is Bay Watch and
00:15:24
they hired her on the show uh is that Nicole Egert yes okay yes okay keep on next
00:15:32
one um that's uh that's williiam ZKA
00:15:38
no that's um no that that is um that is that's Joe Biden Brian
00:15:50
Robbins right okay who's okay uh that's
00:15:56
the girl from Camp find me love I think no way remember that show that movie
00:16:01
with Patrick whatever 1988 get ready for this mic dropper
00:16:09
coming up are you ready for this
00:16:14
okay wow yeah by the way look at your lovely wife Paulie you don't have to
00:16:20
show this one if you don't want but lovely Paula and J she's adorable but
00:16:26
it's a bit of an odd picture of her but yeah look at look at the comments on the side someone goes when I
00:16:33
saw the caption I said no way love it got the
00:16:38
invite the other one says the most unexpected love yeah because this website it shows
00:16:45
all these events from the 90s and I'm like at all of them and it's the big joke that's why by the way In fairness I
00:16:53
was a I used to go out a lot they were fun it was really fun back then look at
00:16:58
this it's says I miss celebrities with normal teeth cuz everyone has veneers now I know funny all right go to the
00:17:05
next one let's see who else there oh that's Tammy Tammy noler Shannon dhy who
00:17:11
the [ __ ] is Tammy I made it up it's Tammy F Baker it's it's Tammy noler not
00:17:18
F Baker so that's who that's go ahead John who is oh
00:17:24
shanor okay y our boy our boy
00:17:32
um Anthony Michael Hall John you on the show with him is that Anthony Michal John I no it doesn't look like him maybe
00:17:40
it is he looks different I'm not sure I think it is it is yeah oh it is okay now
00:17:47
that's debie Gibson she had the hoop earrings and the the kind of Boy George
00:17:52
hat on by the way there's no one could have stopped me from wearing that
00:17:59
yeah generous that's no from brate kid yeah
00:18:05
yeah yeah oh no just kidding look it on the right and the guy says the most
00:18:12
unexpected love its appearance I apologize for underestimating his attendance rate that's pretty
00:18:18
[Laughter] funny can be found anywhere anytime six
00:18:24
FL I said this website they show every event from and I apparently I was it like almost every single one listen I
00:18:32
was a premier too I went to premieres more than I went to parties but I'd go to like True Lies
00:18:38
i' go to freaking Matrix whatever it was fun
00:18:44
right well if you're on SNL how many shows did you do on SNL 130 or something
00:18:50
David oh me probably six years 120 yeah so every show as people know has an all
00:18:58
night party with giant celebrities dropping in really well I remember sting
00:19:04
sting just watch oh yeah yeah joh remember you on
00:19:10
the show was from 85 to 90 you had yes you had hit characters
00:19:17
remember the master thesbian yes but also sometimes the host would say hey
00:19:22
come to my Premiere if you guys are in La next week and so they did the show so you go okay we'll go to your premiere
00:19:28
right well Willie Nelson invited us to Texas this was my first season to play
00:19:36
golf that was really nice John I didn't get that
00:19:43
in he was very nice he's got a memory I saw him at this event he goes John last
00:19:50
time I saw you was at Saturday Night Live I was about to say it I go oh yeah you remember then I saw him 20 years
00:19:55
later he goes last time I saw you was at that event 20 years ago he remember
00:20:00
thaty that shows you that cannabis does not affect your memory there it's it's he remembers everything yeah all right
00:20:08
show another one this might be the coach one you have that
00:20:14
one oh this is funny oh we go back to the original girl do you know who the
00:20:19
hawk twoy girl is Dana no okay it's a girl that's kind of
00:20:25
blowing up right now because they interview these people when they're drunk outside of a bar and all people
00:20:31
always say dumb things it's the oldest trick in the book smart and then the YouTuber gets all the views and all the
00:20:36
attention but this and the question was Heather is popping up the question was
00:20:41
which they'll do this is the original well how do you do what do you do to keep your man no something what do you
00:20:47
do to satisfy him in bed satisfy your man in bed the first girl says oh I'm enough for and then the other girl just
00:20:53
jumps in and says this one move in bed that makes a man go crazy every time you
00:20:58
got to give him that hu too and spit on that thing you get me okay so she's purp by the way look at
00:21:07
Dana is horrified uh what' you say she is surfaced with merch are you sure
00:21:13
she's surfaced with merch I saw a picture of her signing a merch hat oh her yeah oh you should have sent it in
00:21:20
um yeah well she uh so she's on every most famous person in the world right now of course we want her to come on
00:21:27
here and talk about her I think she's a teacher because look at there's there's probably
00:21:33
one million follow-up memes this here's just one of them is that my daughter in
00:21:39
there is that my daughter in [Music]
00:21:44
there cuz everyone keeps playing that video okay
00:21:52
okay uh anything could seem funny out of context that sea Penn name of the movie
00:21:58
oh my god with the Clint Eastwood movie I think called it was called is my daughter in there that was the title of
00:22:04
the movie no wasn't that the one where his Tim Robbins it's a little
00:22:10
slow sleepers or yeah that one where he won an Oscar what was that one called oh
00:22:16
A River Runs Through It river runs through it no that's Robert Redford up
00:22:21
in Montana something with rer mystic river mytic river mytic river Mr Rogers
00:22:28
oh oh I got it wrong no the working title was is that my daughter in there
00:22:33
the working title was two part three I made Sean laugh I ran into him I go Sean
00:22:40
what you know you're such a nice guy then I'm watching this movie all of a sudden you're like stabbing Tim Robbins
00:22:45
I go what is wrong with you spoiler he was
00:22:52
laughing I like when people go don't tell now I can't watch if I couldn't differentiate between them movie in real
00:22:59
life this might be her this might be her she's young but she's a teacher on the
00:23:05
right or the left she immediately got fired because of that Hawk Tu e thing
00:23:11
yeah here she is at a Berke Chrysler show now uh yeah because that's Jack
00:23:16
Black oh that does look like Jack Black Jack has a nice big beard right now oh yeah we got to get Jack Black on yeah I
00:23:25
like can you talk about the Bruce Lee on your wall on the is that on a
00:23:32
skateboard you know funny story you know not really funny story um that was a
00:23:37
present and the one over there is my brother has a company called Jack Spade
00:23:43
obviously they used to have Kate Spade so Jack Spade was the men's line and he made just a handful of Jack Spade
00:23:50
skateboard sent me one and then some a [ __ ] skater Skater Boy and then um I
00:23:57
got that Bruce Lee one from uh one of our friends and it's great so I put it up it's kind of cool but I don't use
00:24:03
them it's more artsy look at John just staring he asks
00:24:09
a question then he falls asleep I'm no I'm listening I'm listening and not
00:24:15
interrupting how was joh love he was a great
00:24:22
listener here I'll wake John up with here's a Japanese man in an earthquake what's
00:24:37
I guess it's
00:24:53
okay I like John's not interrupting I don't know what to do I can't win
00:25:00
all right here's another one so look it in this universe Kevin and home alone
00:25:06
remember Trump was in it as a cameo here's the Cameo if Biden was in
00:25:11
it excuse me where's the
00:25:19
lobby no Heather's going no no that's
00:25:24
too that's not right I think it was too loud it was [ __ ] grosser than I remember well there's rumors that he
00:25:31
does have a flatulence problem that macron's wife had to literally back off she almost passed out he
00:25:39
was he was given a speech yeah because I they said he crapped his pants
00:25:46
yeah I know he went to Europe to make peace instead he [ __ ] his pants and passed out
00:25:53
poops no come on PO the the
00:26:00
Bush threw up on the uh Japanese oh the guy in Japanese guy could I could I tell
00:26:06
a short thing about that oh yeah yeah tell a short thing there was an article
00:26:12
in the New York Times Marine Dow said they're running Joe too hard so part of Joe being tired just to offend him a
00:26:18
little bit he's 82 they fly him to Europe then they fly him back to do an
00:26:24
event in New York then they fly him to Italy then they these are all just in a few
00:26:30
day period Then they fly me gases up in Newark gases up then he flies to an event that's where Obama pulled him off
00:26:36
the stage so you got to slow down Ronald Reagan a summit in Japan took a week to
00:26:42
go there Nancy insisted so he'd be rested they flew to California they went to the ranch they rode horses Hawaii
00:26:49
Guam they surfed they relaxed he showed up rested George Bush Senior went over
00:26:54
there flying too hard so then he threw up so they got to Slow Joe down don't whip a guy like that around the globe
00:27:01
jet Le is a mofo can sleep on the plane they have a bed you could sleep on the
00:27:07
plane I'm sleep during the story it was more informational Slow Joe
00:27:15
down I agree they packed him they packed him in ice and gave him two B12 shots this week to rest for the debates which
00:27:22
was last night they pack him an ice in the back like of a ship like of a tuna
00:27:27
booat they put show in the back of a plane let me ask you guys think that the
00:27:33
candidates will have earpieces in their ears telling them what to say you mean from the sh the debate that
00:27:41
happened last night yeah the the big debate last night do you think they had you're last night well this comes out
00:27:49
Friday we can edit this last night oh you know John let's start again you mean
00:27:56
the debate from last night yeah that one you know I have to say though that's the
00:28:02
ticket this reminds me of when they say that
00:28:07
special goe byebye byebye byebye byebye you I'll
00:28:14
always stay quiet for a catchphrase okay so the Biden gets to pick is it true
00:28:20
that he gets to pick it's it reminds me of a Jake Paul fight where you go okay so you know Jake Paul fight Tyson he
00:28:27
gets to pick the judges makes the rules all it's always harder but listen I just
00:28:33
want to see a fair fight I just want to see an actual fight yeah I see I just want to see an actual
00:28:39
Fair fist fight from from last night's debate yeah
00:28:46
oh yeah from the debate I already saw I saw a great the most generic way
00:28:53
we could say this like it was it was something else trump it real that was a sh went down B was okay and they lot of
00:29:00
surprises pretty interesting They Came Out Swinging they both a lot they both said
00:29:08
a lot of things they've said a very little with a lot of
00:29:13
words they both um had some misses had some hits
00:29:20
jealous jealous what what if like it turned out that they both just like took
00:29:26
lost battle control but we haven't seen it so we don't know and they're like why aren they we're doing everything we can
00:29:33
and we're working we're doing everything we know it we're doing it and we're going to do
00:29:39
more of it I'm sorry did both candidates have the Branzino from
00:29:45
McDonalds yeah because of come on you got to do I can go to
00:29:53
B I told you I'm Punchy I'm so I apologize John Dana drove six hours okay
00:29:59
show One More Story then we'll do advice and get John out of here this counts as a show oh this I don't want to
00:30:05
[Music]
00:30:14
leave uh show let's do advice I guess is this an advice okay here's a love advice
00:30:19
Sean you can start well we've never seen okay hey Dan and David Brooks Lawrence
00:30:26
here from Washington DC big fan uh been a huge fan for a long
00:30:31
time now since the SNL days um I'm 37 years old and I still haven't found love
00:30:39
and I was hoping to maybe get some advice from both of you but specifically
00:30:44
David oh and I made a little video For You video on top of the
00:30:51
video oh that's me so a montage of Davis see it's been hard for me to find love
00:30:57
and 37 years old I didn't think it would be possible but looking at David throughout his career of having hot
00:31:06
chicks on his arm I think maybe it's possible that a schmuck like me can find
00:31:13
love and I'd really love to hear from David to see if that might be
00:31:20
possible thank you for your consideration and please for the love of
00:31:25
God help me find love Montage of David's love
00:31:32
interest this is my favorite part oh there's David with the gold gang Chris
00:31:37
Rock and Dana yeah there we are um well you help me find love why am
00:31:45
I his favorite he's got a Sandler shirt on for starters but that's fine was it uh was cleverly done I assumed it was a
00:31:52
joke that because I first thing I would say is don't have a t-shirt that says Adam Sandler if you want to be cool
00:31:58
if if you're over 11 um no that's fine no um let's hear from John on this you
00:32:04
John you're the well he wants to hear from David I know but you're our guest so we have to struggle through your
00:32:10
answer yeah you have any thoughts well my advice would be as Spade he's he's
00:32:15
you're right he gets lots lots of beautiful women in his
00:32:22
life now this guy seems like a good dude uh it is hard out there
00:32:28
I don't have any great advice I would say the more normal you are it helps I'm
00:32:34
not that normal but for a comedian I'm not that crazy for a comedian for a
00:32:40
normal person I'm crazy but for this world you guys are pretty level-headed
00:32:46
that's why I like to hang out with you but if if you're pretty normal with someone over time no one like likes me
00:32:52
right away it takes a long time so if you are nice these girls it's a tough world where Instagram and everyone's
00:32:59
bragging and you got to be 65 in finance and make 500k a year it's so tough out
00:33:05
there so it's an uphill battle I will say that um if you can be famous Do It um if you can't
00:33:12
um then it's going to be tough I remember until I was known it was pure
00:33:18
crickets nothing no one nobody cared so I guess that's it John anything you want
00:33:24
to add to that yeah I would go to uh I don't know what city he's in but I would go to um like
00:33:32
Nashville a South and you'll you'll meet someone there nice southern girls
00:33:38
because they're not all narcissistic nearest no they're about what can I do for you not what can you do for me they're
00:33:45
not looking in the mirror and taking photos of themselves that's a narcissist you get to forget those girls oh the
00:33:52
South Chicago the Midwest are the nicest people ever head south mhm I have one
00:33:58
word for him Thailand Thailand that's the best advice
00:34:04
go to shortest and best okay Spud meister and the carve
00:34:11
Meister who is a hawk tuy sexy fitness instructor I've been married to for 30
00:34:18
fantastic years does he underline that uh but she keeps playing if you like P
00:34:24
colot song over and over sh I be worried just kidding kid what's your dating advice to spice up our relationship how
00:34:31
long we been together 30 years Rel 30 years and to spice it up love your Super Fan Rockstar brusi um Dana you take this
00:34:40
one uh spice up your relation 30 years I'm thinking what I'd like to share or
00:34:48
not share some paprika that's a spice
00:34:54
L meet at a bar and pretend they're different people is saying meet at a bar
00:34:59
and pretend you're different people and then try to hit on her and act like you're someone else not bad
00:35:05
that's pretty good yeah that's something right I like that pretend you're different people even though you've been
00:35:11
married for 30 years John it's pretend I would say
00:35:17
pretend like you're still single in the sense of how you take care of yourself
00:35:22
pretend that you're single no not well not that part but try to you know take
00:35:30
take care of yourself and you know just as if you're if you're still try to be dating basically he says keep the
00:35:37
marketing campaign up because you can't just let yourself fall apart is that what you're saying yeah just uh do the
00:35:43
best you can I don't know no you don't
00:35:50
don't finally John John what's yours get rich
00:35:57
I don't even understand the question Jesus gotta walk this guy through the one on the bottom here is that another
00:36:05
one okay let's hello I'm a huge fan I'm a fan of David since I was young and my
00:36:10
dad forced my brother and I to watch Tommy Boy basically once a week but I'm 26 and have been single for three years
00:36:16
now I've tried every dating app possible and zero luck should I start dating losers comedians or both canand har the
00:36:24
same is that the question it's all dating um should I try dating loser
00:36:32
comedians is that you you one of you two didn't know I was gonna be on the show
00:36:39
I'll say this I'll change it John is it harder to date
00:36:45
comedians well most of the comedians I know are um they're very smart they're
00:36:51
very funny and they all have problems with their father and they're angry so it's
00:36:57
are you and they're angry a lot of them when they're
00:37:05
younger I'll agree but uh well I but um I don't know I think it's tough meeting
00:37:11
somebody on an app because you're not meeting them you're just looking at a photo and then you're reading what they
00:37:16
say and you're interpreting what they wrote in your own way so none of it's uh
00:37:21
none of it's accurate so I think it's better to meet people in person go to places that you figure out what you like
00:37:28
to do in your spare time and go to those places and you'll meet other people that are there because they enjoy it and
00:37:35
they'll be there right that's AET them in person meeting in a club is hard you
00:37:40
can't really talk I see you like going to clubs you you know you then go there I but online I think
00:37:47
it's I don't I think the people online they're not looking for relationships they're looking to have sex right and if
00:37:54
you can meet in person it's a a lot different just you're on those apps am I
00:37:59
[Music] right no I say if you meet people in
00:38:04
person it's it's very different than just photos and talking online so if meet people in person a lot of people
00:38:10
want to meet people in real life that's very hard to do these days uh oh here's one here's an app
00:38:16
called fly me out it's a dating app where you can apply for trips and
00:38:23
then and they'll take dudes will say hey I'm going to my Miami for a week we need
00:38:28
we want four girls to come and they say we want to go it's an app do you understand this John this is what's happened to the world I par at the
00:38:37
seams so my advice for anyway girls looking for free trips and they have
00:38:43
nothing to do with the guy yeah it's a great app it's great
00:38:50
appk movie thanks for the trip in the hotel bye suck Felicia or they might say this
00:39:00
bye-bye oh or they might say everybody everybody goodbye everyone has a
00:39:07
goodbye catch race goodbye everybody goodbye here's John everywhere hey fly
00:39:13
me out here I have a I have a friend you know V anyway friend dates a lot of
00:39:19
girls and then and they'll go can you take me to the mall and then they'll want him to buy him he doesn't even know
00:39:25
him buy a $5,000 first to me that's as they say in yah balls plus nerve and
00:39:32
they expect it you don't even know prostitution yeah I know it's hard
00:39:38
because it feels like there's a new world where people are like if it's not
00:39:44
a serious relationship they're like okay what what sort of business deal is going on I've had that happen to me once and
00:39:50
it was but it was when I was on S live and I met Dana Carvey for the first time and he goes do you want to write a
00:39:56
sketch joh or I said to him do you want to write a sketch he goes yeah but buy you need to buy me a purse and then I'll
00:40:04
write a sketch with you and we had to go to she said let me buy fth Avenue and I
00:40:10
had to buy him like this $5,000 purse and then we wrote the sketch I thought the joke was over i s I didn't
00:40:17
it was the joke over was I done talking I think David I think it's David
00:40:24
who talks over people now I agree I've been doing a lot on this one and David's phoning it in I said to you do you want
00:40:31
to write a sketch and you said well can you buy me some diapers okay so I went to write Aid and
00:40:38
got some depends and you said let's write all right here we go that's all true John do you have any final thoughts
00:40:45
like a summary of your time here
00:40:51
well I just appreciate you having me on your show I as a usual everyone says
00:40:58
they're always people come up if you listen to Dana and David's podcast right they're always talking about you and I
00:41:05
said well we're friends yeah but uh I'm glad that I can
00:41:11
contribute do you have any standup dates in July yeah where you any standup dates
00:41:17
John coming up no not for a while not till like October and November and I got
00:41:23
to get some more I want going on August August 1 excuse me David I August 1 I'll
00:41:33
be doing my musical comedy show at the Jazz Club VI yes and where that's La I saw this
00:41:42
show it's great you have a full a five four five pie Beverly Glenn in Los Angeles yeah I
00:41:49
have a four piece band and the the the piano the Rangers Randy Waldman it who uh he's
00:41:58
worked with Frank Sinatra Michael Jackson he produces George Benson anyway it's a great band shut up D John LoveIt
00:42:06
has probably the I sing and tell jokes can you give
00:42:11
us just sing Fly Me to the Moon just one line so people know Fly Me to the
00:42:20
Moon oh so John is quite quite a singer what was I singing during
00:42:28
ragster for some reason was stuck on my head well there's Johnny yeah vi from the Tiana breast he
00:42:37
and his daughter even own the club it's a great Club Great Dann should take Paula it's good it's fun
00:42:43
time no comps oh no comps you like Madonna John Love itz August 1st at
00:42:50
vibratos in it only holds 138 people you better get your tickets it will sell out
00:42:55
it sold out last time yeah and it sold out the time before that they keep bringing me back they like the show what
00:43:02
does that you get it oh yeah I think it'd be a good show it is a good show no I think it
00:43:10
could be a really good show it does could be it is uh all right thanks for coming on
00:43:22
John I'm like a cat when they have the camera
00:43:28
wa I have I have a question for you too oh boy I saw this video of this girl and she she goes I'm a furry and then she
00:43:35
goes here's how I talk to my friend so if I'm happy I'm like if I'm angry I
00:43:42
go if I'm anyway do you think it do you think that that uh human beings that
00:43:48
identify as cats are actually cats I don't but do you no I ran into someone
00:43:55
who said my pronouns are they them and I said my pronouns are what's up
00:44:05
[ __ ] well those are my pronouns what's up [ __ ] John's are poo poo
00:44:11
peeee no John's pronouns are sir and Lord sir Lord mine are F
00:44:21
and hey sound Effy I just know going what are your pronouns I'd be huh huh what are your I
00:44:31
go what a I don't know what you're talking about what do you call
00:44:37
yourself John listen our transphobic much our
00:44:44
viewers no I just don't I don't it's like what thought about
00:44:50
it zero uhuh all right well I'd love to hear the
00:44:55
end of that story you apparently mock people who think they're a dog or a
00:45:02
cat I met a woman I had a date with a woman once and
00:45:08
she and she she said she was a cat and she opened her shirt and she had six
00:45:16
nipples and I said do you want to get
00:45:22
spited piure one John love it on a date where
00:45:27
the woman he finds very attractive he will soon find out that she's a [ __ ]
00:45:35
cat this is an imitation my friend would always do this is a cat's
00:45:44
butthole was he a ComEd how old are you how old was he
00:45:50
two we've got to have a raspberry count anyone making this sound
00:45:57
we're probably double ditches ditches oh and [ __ ] okay well John lovit has
00:46:02
been our guest today um the debate was great last night we'll say it again
00:46:08
debate was great doesn't identify as a cat he identifies as a
00:46:15
[ __ ] for those listening John is beside himself with joy he's going for the
00:46:20
close up with the big eyes and a huge grin huge I'm doing my cat in the camera
00:46:28
again the ring camera David Spade has a disease it's
00:46:33
called small [ __ ] let's end on that one that's not bad that's a pretty good one John I
00:46:40
don't know how you think of this stuff um all right thanks
00:46:45
buddy this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produc By
00:46:51
Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
00:47:00
[Music]