00:00:00
it's called a rabbit hole David We went down it We went down it but it did remind me of I've not been to the
00:00:06
uh Funny Bone in Yugoslavia but I did do the Brea improv last week to get ready
00:00:14
for the tour davidpay.com And um Yes Yeah So I do the
00:00:19
tour So I have to warm up You've done this Danny You go to clubs and but you have to mix in some new stuff So it's a
00:00:25
little tricky Well especially when the special comes out Well when the special comes out I have to integrate a mix for
00:00:32
a while So what do you what's your how many how many minutes do you have right now that are not part of the special
00:00:38
three four no I got like six five six minutes So
00:00:45
hardearned money Get your David Spade tickets Well it's the special and then
00:00:53
there will be some Yeah of course I mean it will just always be evolving I mean when I started my last tour to do the
00:00:59
special it was just different by the end you know because I'm adding and subtracting And so it's always in in a
00:01:05
flux of being mixed around Sometimes I'll pull old bits from the first special or I'll do this and that But
00:01:12
Brea here's my hot opener You want to hear it okay Brea is a 400 seat improv
00:01:18
theater in the town of Brea Brea California It's inland about an hour and
00:01:23
a half Considered an improv was part of the improv ecosystem I think it was 600 seater It's pretty big It's like 600 cha
00:01:31
All right let me introduce you ladies and gentlemen from you know him from shoot just shoot
00:01:36
me and rules of engagement Please welcome Dana Spoodley So Spudley comes
00:01:45
out You come out um and then I say "Oh my god it's great to be here in Braa Did
00:01:50
you know what your city's motto is?" Uh no one knows And I say "It's it's Brea almost
00:01:58
bread." Does that get us nothing And then I go "You'll get the D when you get
00:02:05
here." I go "How would the How would city council think of that?" So you're either on a roll or you've just dug a
00:02:12
hole They laugh anyway because they don't know It's even if they don't get it they go "Oh Brea is spelled like almost bread I got it." Well you're like
00:02:19
you're famous man Hanging out with you is like hanging out with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland
00:02:24
I mean I just fade into the background which I I do love But yeah you are famous
00:02:31
Riddle me this Like you're special's coming out and the name of it is which I love Uh I got a feel for this Got a feel
00:02:38
for this That is so perfect for you And of course you did that in the 50th And oh no wait wait Dana I just got a
00:02:44
correction Uh the tour is I got a feel for this The special is Dandelion We
00:02:50
just announced the special finally on Amazon Now we can talk about it Oh okay Got it Uh can I hear the backstory of
00:02:58
Dandelion just for a second yeah I'm just There's a bit in there where I talk about when I almost got in a fight at
00:03:04
McDonald's and I say I'm a bit of a dandelion but you wouldn't believe it from seeing how tough I am on TV and in
00:03:10
the movies but Okay Yeah And so I go I cannot And because the guy I'm fighting
00:03:15
has a cinder block and I'm like I cannot get hit by a cinder block Not with these brittle bones folks Like it's just like
00:03:21
I'm always getting pushed around and I'm such a [ __ ] puss You're like sort of one of those things when you're a kid
00:03:26
and you blow on them and they're willow They kind of float fly away That's a dandelion Oh that is a dandelion Bing
00:03:33
bing bing Got it Okay that is good That's how fragile I am I I do like that
00:03:38
Now I got I I've had bad names Like my first one Critics's Choice really worked
00:03:43
It was kind of pre Web soap My sister would call me and say "You got critic's choice." Again every time it was on
00:03:50
Comedy Central thought it was a new new thing right perennial So the second one
00:03:55
I did a bit about what kind of religion would blow away a Scientologist and it
00:04:02
was this long bizarre religion where Scientologists go "Wow that that religion is crazy." And the end of the
00:04:09
ceremony in the church of this religion they would say "Squatting monkeys tell no lies." So I I remember calling our
00:04:16
manager Mark Irv and said "Yeah what are you gonna call it what's that what are you gonna call it best of coffee?" No I'm Get a funny Get a funny title Go
00:04:23
ahead Give it to me Call it Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies Must have been a 10-second pause at least Okay Uh are you
00:04:32
joking or is that the one you're going to go with all right That's the real one Okay That's That's the real one That's
00:04:38
it Squad And then And then people are going to They'll think that's funny They like that
00:04:47
They never know because they handle so many comedians They don't know when everyone's being serious or not No they don't know They thought it was a fake
00:04:52
funny title Like it's a funny one Good Okay Lion's good I mean an alt to that
00:04:57
would be lighter than air Um Mr Mr Brittle Bones Light the loafer Mr
00:05:04
Brittle Bones And you got a little top hat in the poster Mr Well the the
00:05:10
tagline when I just sent it out was "Hey dandelion you don't want to blow this
00:05:15
guy." Okay that's pretty funny All right I like a good I like a good pun You
00:05:21
don't want to blow these bones Yeah And then [ __ ] Amazon was like this Yeah What do you want to say and I go it's
00:05:28
funny We're more for We sell stereos over here We don't you know it's Amazon
00:05:34
is does everything So this is Amazon Prime Amazon I love Amazon because their whole
00:05:40
movie stu studio is just kind of a throwaway If it makes a profit fine Same with Apple Yeah Yeah Yeah We're selling
00:05:47
Transistor radios like a million a second Transistor We We focus on the doomsday prepper Yeah We sell going out
00:05:57
5 million a minute So you know but Amazon's good because they have a built-in crowd of about a trillion that
00:06:03
just everyone's on Amazon So it's great because they're like "While you're here
00:06:09
do you want to watch this goofballs special?" And everyone's like "All right." No I think it's good I mean we
00:06:14
love Ted Sarandos in the Netflix It just it's such a giant ecosystem And when you
00:06:19
see an Amazon standup special it pops a little bit because there's not like 9 million of them If Ted's listening right
00:06:25
now I'd feel bad he's going to have to pull over and just go I have I have I have something to say I
00:06:32
have something to say about TED and Netflix and it's and it's a good thing
00:06:37
Okay go ahead Because I've been trying to figure out this whole trade wars and tariffs you know tariffs I I I you know
00:06:43
what is it what are we doing you know so I ran into a guy uh who's from from Brooklyn right and he
00:06:51
kind of says you know you got to understand you know first of all you know in China they got like cheap labor
00:06:58
right china they got cheap labor pay people 2 cents a month to assemble iPhones Okay two cents a month The boss
00:07:05
gets a nickel a month So out here we pay ourselves you know we pay our workers a lot a living wage you know 510 8,000 a
00:07:12
month So if we made the iPhones in America if we assembled them here
00:07:17
instead of China we pay $67,000 for an iPhone 6 Oh is that what is that the
00:07:24
problem yeah Well the thing is is we don't make a lot of stuff so we import stuff You know this was this guy talking
00:07:31
to me I go "Yeah I like it I'm learning from this guy."
00:07:37
By the way Trump said they're they're terrific He did He really The tariffs are
00:07:42
terrific That sounds like he might have said that Terrific Terrific Be But this
00:07:50
guy goes you know here's the thing America we don't got a lot of stuff So we got to get from other countries We
00:07:55
get our bananas from South America We got our avocados from Mexico We get transistors China makes us solo panels
00:08:03
What do we got we got what they call services So what we're going to do is
00:08:08
give everybody in the world a free 5year subscription to Hulu Hulu That's giving
00:08:16
away You give us our bananas You give us our solar panels We use Netflix in Europe Free subscriptions And I'm
00:08:23
calling out Ted Sandos today via this guy I talked to the other day Okay And remember free subscription That's our
00:08:30
big thing Netflix and Hulu This is what we make now Yeah We don't make tires We
00:08:36
don't make steel I know it's true But I you know I think Ted might help you out on that one If this if you could connect
00:08:43
him with that guy Yeah I could connect with that guy He just said at the end of the day he goes you make what you make
00:08:49
we what we we make rub a chicken capich I like the end of the day that's what Gervid says listen the landscape has
00:08:56
changed at the end of the day here's here's at the end of the day you
00:09:04
know I think it's better to dance with the devil you know than try to go out and get a new devil yeah dance dance
00:09:12
with the one who br you there's no shortage of devils so if you see one just Cozy up to that devil You don't
00:09:17
want to get a dandy Yeah The devil you know is better than devil you don't know Mhm Uh how about this one david Spade
00:09:25
afraid to fight back Yeah Just David Spade constantly
00:09:31
angry cuz his dad left him David Spade a hot oven David Spade road rage
00:09:38
extraordinaire Now I was going to ask you Dana if you've seen um if you saw the big finale
00:09:45
of White Lotus This is a really hot topic Not anymore but I did not see it but let tell us about
00:09:53
it Quickly I did see the porn version of course It's already out White blow your load down my throatus But also um this
00:10:01
one is uh the You can't get that X-rated right
00:10:07
that's like That's two [ __ ] jokes in the first I know I'm sorry I'm sorry This is a That was a good one That was a
00:10:14
good one You got a haha It's got Patrick Schwarzenegger who's friend of the show
00:10:19
Uh he uh he uh Let's get Patrick on the show I You know what I did i talked to him last week cuz I was I just text him
00:10:27
I just put filth in all caps because the show is like getting really dirty at the end Mhm And uh he winds up I could these
00:10:36
are spoilers So if you haven't seen I don't know why you'd still be not watching it yet But he and his family
00:10:41
are one of the like nine story lines It's a little hard to follow if you're simpleton like me But he is part of a
00:10:48
family where he get does drugs out there There's these two pretty girls one has
00:10:53
buck teeth and they they all he tries to do a threesome or foresome but his brother
00:10:59
is part of it and it gets a little itchy because in the truth or dare they make
00:11:04
him kiss his brother and uh it even gets a little more than that but um so that's
00:11:11
pure filth Yeah I know you're like baba Why are they trying to White Lotus is a
00:11:16
big franch i mean why are they intentionally trying to destroy White Lotus well it's it's where do you go
00:11:23
from there so this one has a little incest and uh so that's that's my theory
00:11:28
but it's still it is a good show You're right I don't know if they need to go that It's a great show Everyone wants to
00:11:33
push it The girl we just mentioned there's a cute girl Amy Lou Wood Yeah
00:11:40
everyone loves her And she has what's known on the streets as buck teeth But I
00:11:46
think everyone thinks they're super cute And even dentists have chimed in going "We should wrangle those in." But she
00:11:52
refuses to do it because it works for her So well you know she she has a cute
00:11:58
kind of a cute bear or puppy dog face and sort of full cheeks Yeah And thick
00:12:04
hair So they don't feaver They're not If she lost a lot of weight it'd be like "What what are those teeth attached to a
00:12:11
human?" Salt teeth Most of her weight is in her teeth People are saying now the
00:12:16
guy on the left needs to button one more button on Nope He needs to button one more down
00:12:23
Wow Really you want to see a naval why not no that's that's Walt Walt Gogggins
00:12:30
But he looks cool He's older than her What is she Heather how old do you think
00:12:36
she is 24 25 something like that IRL Yeah 30 Uh he is supposed to be the
00:12:44
older guy right that because Parker Posie you know Parker she's like Papa no
00:12:50
right she's 31 Oh okay Parker Posie is great She's in it And of course we
00:12:56
should we should drag her on here just because I knew her in the old days We did cone heads together Meep me And uh
00:13:03
Oh yeah Patrick Schwarzenegger We've got Parker
00:13:08
Posey We've got your new special called Hot White Hot Dandelion Yeah And we've
00:13:16
got this girl who at the end Leslie Bib is in it Yeah That's I mean there's a ton of people in White Lotus but uh this
00:13:23
girl with that guy that guy has got an anger issue from growing up about his
00:13:28
dad and in the finale Turn your headphones down Do you not know
00:13:35
do you not know i can't even tell Heather I haven't watched one episode but now I'm I'm It's ruined for me
00:13:42
You're going to close your ears Are you going to watch it Okay I can't tell then But I will say Oh
00:13:49
she uh unfortunately someone shoots at
00:13:54
him and and Bucky bites a bullet I'll just say that
00:14:00
Sadly she gets arrested No you don't No you don't take out a cute young woman I
00:14:06
know Everyone got mad everyone likes her That didn't happen Now tell us what really happened because Patrick
00:14:11
Schwarzenegger has a crush on her in the uh show and his brother right and he has
00:14:16
a real thing for his brother I can't keep track dude I I can't even tell you what happens You're not ready But it's
00:14:23
not that bad but it's bad You know what's huge right now globally gunm smoke The western gunm smoke No Is
00:14:30
it it's huge Billions of minutes I mean I'm watching westerns I'm watching housing shows I'm not watching this
00:14:37
filth on this is pure trash I don't like
00:14:42
wait lotus A drug Hang on Heather's yelling What is it they all taken a drug and were drinking all night They were
00:14:48
all really [ __ ] up No they're really [ __ ] up But I will say she's saying
00:14:54
when the guy gave Patrick a hand job his brother he was on drugs That didn't happen It didn't
00:15:01
He said it did The guy says The girls tell him Why
00:15:07
did they No but the girl said he did it and he goes "No no no." And then the guy said
00:15:14
"I just did it because I knew it makes you happy." What dana just turned off the podcast
00:15:20
Dana no I'm just checking it up All right Nope Okay All right I don't And
00:15:28
then and then Emmy Lou Wood almost uh gave him a BJ because she thought it was
00:15:34
a log of wood so she wouldn't chew on it cuz she's a beaver What cuz she's got
00:15:42
her teeth Listen Dennis has said she looks I Everyone thinks she's hot so we
00:15:48
can make fun of her Most teeth you know Dana are vertical like this So hers are more horizontal But she didn't fix them
00:15:55
And everyone's saying good because finally one person looks like a real person you'd see at the mall because their teeth are like that but everyone's
00:16:02
still in love with them Well here's the thing Let me break this down for you Yeah break it down for me What what's
00:16:07
going on it looks cute now Later on your jaw alignment you're going to get TMJ and lots of pain in your neck And they
00:16:14
they're cute but it's not the way it was meant to be [Music]
00:16:26
Dana I'm a little bit of a a spendy Suzie if you know what I mean A a boo boozy Suzie and a spendy Suzie I'm more
00:16:33
of a boozy Susie but yeah Yeah you are You are a spendy spender Yeah And a lot of our uh listeners are nice enough to
00:16:39
write in and say "You look like you drank a lot and slept on your face." But that's just constructive criticism Well
00:16:45
it's very concise And uh you don't really drink very much I'll tell the fans But just puffy Uh this is where CLA
00:16:54
comes in CLA is your everyday smarter spending partner which is what a lot of
00:16:59
people need A lot of my friends definitely need it It allows you to make smarter decisions with your money And
00:17:05
it's sometimes good to have a partner like that And I'll say it again Clara which I I assume is Swedish Clara is
00:17:12
your smarter everyday spending partner Shoppers can use CLA's paying for product to split their purchase into
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four interest free payments That's right Here's some key takeaways Listen up brother Clara offers a paying for
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00:18:05
terms and conditions apply I'm just going to do I'm just going to say it
00:18:10
It's a CLA summer Here's the deal Here's the deal We have We interviewed Jack
00:18:17
Black this week after the big movie Minecraft So that'll be on Flying the Wall in a week or two It'll be on in a
00:18:25
little bit A little bit Uh but uh it was and he hosted SNL and he did a great job We talked about that We got to talk to
00:18:34
our friend Jack at you know you don't know show business is is like the stock
00:18:39
market right now I mean you have there's you know winter and summer But anyway he he did an incredible job on SNL It was
00:18:46
like one of the best episodes and a lot of lot of fun and he kicked it in every single sketch And then his movie comes
00:18:53
out to like 15 or 300 million globally and then he comes on our podcast So
00:18:58
that's a fun one talking to that guy He's great Well he'll be on soon Right now we have Felipe I think we had Andrew
00:19:04
Schultz last week We're just doing crossover for our sister show Plugs for
00:19:10
Fly on the Wall right we have I still today run into people What but we we have two They don't know We have two
00:19:17
podcasts Fly on the Who super What i mean they don't Maybe it wasn't the best names we ever came up with They're good
00:19:24
Why cuz they're too similar It's supposed to be sort of They're both at Fly I was super super on the wall fly on
00:19:30
the who knows dand plus dandelion daffodil what is
00:19:37
by the way it's not even on Amazon till May I don't even know why I'm supposed to plug it yet but I don't coming is Dan
00:19:43
Soder who yeah one of the most talented people we've had on the podcast actually
00:19:49
he's another one bubbling funny and talented and uh he's in that world that world of Shane Gillis and just that eco
00:19:58
ecosystem of uh comedians in their early 40s who are playing stadiums He's
00:20:03
playing theaters Yeah Uh he's playing chess You're playing checkers Okay Um
00:20:09
what else happened to you Dana before we get to the stories because nothing happened to me Nothing fun
00:20:15
Let's see Uh last night we were going to get uh at Billiards we were going to get
00:20:21
sort of this uh lean chicken with rice and stuff but it was closed So we got
00:20:26
small pizzas from this other restaurant So pizza is kind of a treat for me So I had margarita pizza I know that on the
00:20:34
news Um okay What do you want i mean I'm just Let me check the market I I won't
00:20:41
tell you what I'm seeing right now but just go by my face Here's my neutral face Okay Ready good I've got this Now
00:20:46
look at the market Ready
00:20:55
is it I don't want to talk too u inside baseball for the market But is
00:21:02
it this way or is it that way well you know give it a minute First it went
00:21:09
Yep Then we're doing we're taking a pause We're going to take a buzz for 90
00:21:14
days Then it went up like the fastest it's ever gone up in like 14 years Yeah I've never seen it go that much up 3,000
00:21:21
years 1936 Have we seen a SGE so then this
00:21:26
morning you're like looking at stuff Hey we're rocking it I didn't panic And now it's going Now this airs in two hours So
00:21:35
maybe it'll go They call me Santa Claus
00:21:40
It's not bad I like that I don't know what it means but because he paused the Martin because
00:21:46
he paused the ter Okay I got it He's Santa Claus They're
00:21:51
terrific I'm trying to help your Trump stuff I know you got a lot of good ones today I like I like I like a good pun
00:21:57
Yeah Oh it's great And I have nothing great I just uh I'm going to go visit my
00:22:04
mama soon and she had a knee operation So we got to get her on her feet I got to get her up doing laps I got to get
00:22:10
her to the combine Let's get her on the show Oh maybe she
00:22:15
can do a live mode of how she's doing Well that would be kind of fun It would be cute She's very sweet I know She has
00:22:22
her lipstick Get her Get just You're a nice son I'm just going to say it She
00:22:27
loves Dana Oh my god She does Yeah We took a photo for her magazine Tempp
00:22:33
Magazine you when I was kind of newer on SNL and I got I had to ask Dana Heather It was I know Yeah You were not David
00:22:40
Spade yet and this guy came up to me I didn't wasn't even sure who you were but anyway you said you go this intern asked
00:22:48
me can we get a picture literally asked him go can we get just a quick picture for the cover of my mom's magazine You
00:22:54
were like okay and me you barley maybe Oh I got to get this
00:22:59
picture and Victoria Jackson No it was just us four I think Four Okay Whoever I
00:23:05
can wrangle and we took a picture and she put it on We didn't have a ring light We didn't have ring lights back
00:23:10
then Uh and I'll try to get it so we can pop it up here for when it airs I got a
00:23:16
magazine um cover this weekend I was doing a gig up in Oh that's right You did interviews too Well just you're at a
00:23:23
meet and greet and someone came up and just said uh had a big camera You're on the cover of Monterey Weekly
00:23:30
Oh I get on Okay By the way I did once in a while your mom and I text Just
00:23:36
don't be alarmed We check in How's Dave how's my sweet Davey when you're coming to visit her and she knows you're coming
00:23:43
down the block she says every time she puts on George Harrison's Here Comes the
00:23:48
Sun and she sings along with it A that's here comes one of my Here comes the sun
00:23:55
You know it's funny I'm playing a celebrity theater in Arizona where I'm from playing Tucson and Phoenix I never
00:24:02
I've never played Don't play your hometown fool I It's saying is it last
00:24:07
time I went the green room had more people than the audience It was like my mom's going I just have plus 300 Is that
00:24:14
a problem oh but Sheila wants to go And it's this thing My dad used to say this
00:24:21
thing Their relatives were coming over Oh the Holmans are coming over This was when I'm in my 20s And I'd say the
00:24:27
Holmans And he would say "Oh Jesus Christ You know the homeman's I know
00:24:33
it's this has happened throughout the So you'll be there your mom will be these these are the pnicities family who you
00:24:40
know you don't know the pnicities oh don't be like this don't be ridiculous This is Bill Wilson Sorry they're not
00:24:48
insane You took wood shop from him in fourth grade He doesn't have a thumb You remember i do have a guy now One of my
00:24:55
buddies and Heather will laugh at this and he's going to hear this He does the classic "Hey how do I get tickets to the
00:25:02
Spades show?" She goes "You mean online?" He goes "Yeah I mean I could go online and just buy them because I
00:25:08
definitely I want to buy them but can I give you my credit card and then you can
00:25:13
buy them i don't Heather will press the buttons
00:25:18
or so just it would be like I think the answer is supposed to be we'll just leave you to." But it's this whole
00:25:24
rigomeroll of like okay here's the threedigit security code but if this one
00:25:30
doesn't work call me I've got an AMX and then just go let's go back and forth until we figure out And I want them
00:25:37
close I want to sit close right and um I don't want to ask but um I've got 67
00:25:45
guests with me Could we come backstage before the show just for like 20 minutes and then 10 minutes after and 10 minutes
00:25:52
just to tell you it was funny It's so funny All right God bless you No it's fine I give everyone tickets
00:25:59
I don't give a [ __ ] Tickets Okay let's get to the hot stories Dana we got some hot takes Let's see What are our take i
00:26:07
can't see Oh there it is Okay Oh okay This is more your world This is uh
00:26:13
basketball John Morant great basketball player
00:26:18
Brilliant basketball player has a habit when he does something good on the court
00:26:23
He'll he was starting to make his fingers go like a gun and he had been
00:26:28
busted a couple times last year with possession of guns or taking pictures with with with guns Snapchat with guns
00:26:35
Yeah Taking pictures The NBA wants its you know image to be a certain way So he
00:26:41
got in trouble He got suspended I believe And now he's back He was doing this again And I guess they said "Okay
00:26:47
they don't want to do that." So I guess now he's pretending to throw a grenade I guess Well I think what he did is he got
00:26:53
the he did the finger guns after he made something like two and then I think Oh here's Okay let's see the grenade See
00:26:58
what it looks like Oh this is the grenade one He takes it a step further Three-pointer Boom
00:27:05
And he throws it and then he does goggleize [Music] That wasn't that bad Throw the grenade
00:27:11
and then goize What's the goggleize doing goggle eyes is just supervision Curry will do it sometimes There's a lot
00:27:17
of What does that mean i have night vision I got super vision I'm 40t away you know Oh Oh Oh Oh God they love
00:27:24
themselves No not goggle eyes What is it covering his ears Oh I couldn't see He
00:27:30
was covering his ears for Oh okay Oh for the boom from behind It looked like he was doing the goggle eyes Oh it could be
00:27:37
the boom of the grenade blowing everyone up in the audience Right Well the problem is you say that again I want to
00:27:42
see if it's actually covering his ears Well it's microscopic on our I don't believe dog [ __ ] thing here It's so tiny
00:27:50
He's a quarter inch high in this Okay Okay You can't you can't tell but I he
00:27:56
is covering your ears but it was So the So for Heather and for everyone who doesn't know caught with a gun on like a
00:28:02
Snapchat like a real gun and they go "Hey whoa whoa whoa Not cool." You got a lot of fans look up to you Does it again
00:28:08
trouble maybe 25 games I don't know Something pretty stiff right then this year makes a shot guns everyone down or
00:28:16
he has a rifle and and they're like "Hey TNT remember we had this last year." I
00:28:22
think they gave him one warning right a game or two later guns again They go "Yeah we have to do something cuz now we
00:28:28
look stupid It's not that bad but listen come on guy." So maybe they suspend him
00:28:34
Then he comes back and does a [ __ ] or they find him Maybe a goddamn grenade So
00:28:40
here's the question Did the grenade get it do they want him to stop doing the grenade now we have a
00:28:46
thing The Yah package guns machine guns rifles
00:28:53
knives Depending on what he does If he gets a dunk he does an AK-4 Yeah I mean
00:28:59
it's it's probably not a great idea Did the grenade get him in trouble that's my question That is the question And I'm
00:29:05
sure there's an answer out there Maybe not yet But there now he just looks like
00:29:10
he's shoving it in their face And so now Adam Silver has to go What do we do here what would you do Dana
00:29:18
um I think it's a little bit like it's it reminds me of Elmer Fud or something or the Roadrunner cartoon you know i
00:29:25
think it's a little more cartoony Hey you know so this one is more a little more assaulting No pun
00:29:34
intended So I think the funny maybe the grenade's okay I know that our They
00:29:39
didn't say don't do a grenade They didn't say don't do a grenade That's why it's funny cuz he's like I'm thinking of new things to do that kill people That
00:29:47
it's Well here's I don't know if I could do it This would be me if I score a basket Arrow Yeah Boom Yeah Yeah Cuz
00:29:56
I've been watching Lord of the Rings again because it's such a brilliant film in that Yeah Those are nothing cooler
00:30:02
than that They do it way faster than you can do it real life There's no way Even Hunger Games I was like "No way Jennifer Lawrence is right The Arrows never run
00:30:10
out." Yeah Too Quill That's Katie Perry's husband I can't believe I don't
00:30:15
remember his name Orlando Bloom Scorlando Yeah Scor which who was uh
00:30:21
incredible in uh Good-look dude Yeah Good looking guy What was he incredible in lord of the Rings Yeah he was Yeah
00:30:28
Lord of the Rings I think that's I'll try not to step on that He's a good good dude Okay So that that that Okay And
00:30:35
then the uh Yeah we'll go to the next one I don't know what happened to uh We'll find out Yeah we we'll get back to
00:30:41
you Okay What's the human body oh this is what's in a cup of coffee at
00:30:47
Okay I don't know This is Let's say your average coffee iced coffee at a restaurant What do they put here we go
00:30:53
Here we go Oh that's sugar That's too much sugar Sugar Sugar again More sugar Look at
00:30:59
that sugar dude I haven't had that much sugar in my life Sugar caramel Like a you put it a hot fudge sundae Look at
00:31:06
squirt Sugar Caramel Are they faking how much they're putting in there well that
00:31:12
has so much sugar in it too Caramel Caramel Yeah No that's massive That was Dunkin' Donuts You're joking This what
00:31:18
people are ordering It's It's like 8 o of sugar and caramel Then ice Five cubes
00:31:24
of ice Almond milk Okay Splash A splash of almond milk
00:31:30
Uh-huh Where amsr There's There's more ice And
00:31:35
now more syrup on top That looks like a little bit of coffee I think that's that Is that coffee it's Yeah it's 50% sugar
00:31:43
and caramel Oh my god Just go to Dairy Queen and get a freaking
00:31:51
milkshake What do you I mean that's exactly And people think I just have my coffee Yeah That has to be 40 grams of
00:31:58
sugar in that thing right that's the problem You know what happens is little okay wisdom or knowledge alert When you
00:32:06
wake up in the morning your blood sugar is essentially flat because you haven't eaten anything for eight or nine hours
00:32:13
Now if you light it up with one of those milkshake coffees you're going to spike
00:32:18
way up then go way down then you're gonna have to eat some more sugar and that's how you're going to be on this
00:32:24
roller coaster all day long So do a tiny piece of sourdough toast with almond
00:32:30
butter on it Protein Thank you You've changed Danny
00:32:36
Lion Heather you might want to tilt this up I'm going to go up Spades going up on the knees Here we go Watch this Uh and
00:32:43
then we'll do the next one Okay These golf shirts are always too long but you know we're not going to fix that It's a
00:32:48
problem that I have with shirts as well They get a little too long And I don't know how long it's supposed to be Past your wan I don't know No you there's a
00:32:55
sweet spot where it's just long enough so it doesn't ride up but it's not so long you look like you're wearing your
00:33:00
older brother's shirt My wiener is my sweet spot All right here we go This is What's going on let's let that for a
00:33:08
little minute Okay what is the story exactly Do those $70 go oh the $7 for a
00:33:14
ticket Andrew McMahon agreed to share usually secret details for a show Here's
00:33:19
an example of like a deal memo His team just blacked out exactly what show it was What do we have here to start the
00:33:25
band set a ticket price of $56 There's a gross potential of a couple hundred,000
00:33:31
being made But out of that 200 grand in ticket sales half is deducted for venue
00:33:37
related show costs 37 grand on stage hands leaving the band with a $100,000
00:33:43
payday But most of that goes to the band's own expenses commissions and fees
00:33:48
and payroll management takes a quarter Travel and crew costs take another
00:33:54
quarter Meanwhile that $56 ticket has had fees added though artists don't get
00:34:00
that money So once you take away the venue show costs and the band's touring expenses something corporate's actual
00:34:07
profit from that $70 ticket is about 10 bucks And then we split that five ways
00:34:12
Yeah McMahon isn't completely $2 That's still seven grand each for a night's worth Thank you Los Angeles Thank you
00:34:20
for What fan is this but the point here is each dollar fans pay to enjoy the
00:34:26
show is fought over by artists venues ticket companies and scalpers And time
00:34:32
and again the industry's solution to these fights has been to just charge fans a bit more Yeah Just keep jacking
00:34:39
it up What band is it that's us That's us on the road That's everybody That's the Rolling Stones Well it's a little
00:34:45
different if you did the metrics and the one person who just needs a microphone and walks out I mean we don't really
00:34:51
have like a wrecking crew you know what I mean yeah Roies Unless you get bigger I think you know a lot of tour buses out
00:34:57
there start comics are getting bigger Sandler brought two well Sandler two semis for but he's you know if you got a
00:35:04
band and you got you want to put a stage up there totally different You got a band It's a bigger show Yeah You know um
00:35:10
if you're Shane you just need a old t-shirt It's actually great You know for guys we just get up there and set list
00:35:18
water microphone with you maybe a guitar but you could do without it It's like that's
00:35:24
barely anything And usually have a guitar in the city Yeah So someone just brings one and and uh do you do a sound
00:35:32
check but I don't know if they're talking about taxes because those guys got their seven grand but then they got seven grand but then they get hit Yeah
00:35:39
At least 50% probably on that So they're 3500 basically They just go to Arby's
00:35:44
afterwards and get a free meal It's a push to 20,000 people It's because
00:35:50
California's raised their sales tax 925 to 975 and then in the outskirts to
00:35:57
11.25% That's the sale I mean that's every day people getting ram income tax at a certain point kicks into I think
00:36:03
14.4 I think it's one of the highest well state and then you got a sales tax
00:36:09
So right California they really have to get it together because it's just going to be too hard living here Forget about
00:36:14
me I'm just saying normal people bust their ass every day It's like what do you how do they pay it does feel weird I
00:36:20
remember I was doing a show years ago and I remember it was like a 300 seat theater and I found out everyone was
00:36:26
paying $100 and I thought you know it's just And if if you're a band and someone's paying $600 and they're not
00:36:33
even in the front row you better play your ass off You play your [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:36:38
do the hits Look at this I got a parking ticket 93 bucks just for parking It's so
00:36:43
crazy I got a that What was that ticket i ran a red light What was that where I crashed in all those people and drove
00:36:49
away what was how much was No I got I got I I did something
00:36:55
wrong like ran red light and it was they go "You can just pay the 650 right now." I'm like $ 650 $650
00:37:04
yeah I said can you write on there in the in the memo of the check get
00:37:09
[ __ ] Do you ever Let me just ask I don't even think the a should hear this Do you ever you know it's sort of a
00:37:16
thing My friends used to like put me up front We're trying to get into a concert once I got on TV a little bit They call
00:37:21
put face ticket up front They call me face ticket Put face ticket up front And I wasn't ever that famous But one time I
00:37:28
got pulled over for speeding or something and I was lucky The cop just came up looked at me and said "Get out
00:37:34
of here." Cuz he recognized me I like "Get out of here I know you." And I go
00:37:40
"I was a danger to society You should give me a ticket." And yeah they let you in right
00:37:47
I've tried that weasel I've tried the Wheez move where I when I was like going to concerts more like 10 years
00:37:54
ago I think it was a cockiness something It was a drunkiness combined with what
00:38:00
can I get away with and I go try to go backstage and I did it at heart and I
00:38:05
did it the pretenders and they take you all the guys like oh this guy's here and they just don't even ask hey they just take you right in their dressing room
00:38:11
they're like hello and I'm like so well I think the Tommy boy t-shirt you used to wear was very
00:38:17
helpful and my benchwarmer's hat benchwarmer's hat Tommy and then an Adam Sandler tattoo on your shoulder my SNL
00:38:25
shorts Adam on FaceTime in case it doesn't
00:38:33
Yeah it sometimes backfires I wanted to see the go- go last I saw the Go-Os I
00:38:38
drove by the Roxy on Sunset and the Go-Os were there last night I should have gone You didn't go to the Go-Os I
00:38:45
went with The whole team instructs you what to do No actually I went with Theo to uh Dele We got a We got dialed in Oh
00:38:54
did you say hello to our friend no it was before that but I think I said I saw him there because we just my buddy said
00:39:01
"Hey you want to go see De Leopard?" Uh my friend Ross at Sirius and he said
00:39:06
they're at the Roxy I'm like a mile from my house and just sit wherever you want Yeah So he dialed me in and de leop just
00:39:13
came out blasted some hits There's probably what 200 people in there 300 And then uh Go-Os I did the same thing
00:39:19
with but I saw them last night on the marquee and I I'm not gonna go in there
00:39:24
alone but I would try to warm in I like the go- go sound you know i like something just sort of cool about that
00:39:31
Upbeat nostalgic fun Belinda's I had to correct a great front woman Yeah Okay next story
00:39:40
Here we go Next story We're killing it We're killing it today We really are It's amazing Go ahead read that Loom
00:39:46
Loom LOM founder feels lost in life after selling his startup for
00:39:53
$975 million So after selling his company the Loom
00:39:59
founder I'm rich and I have no idea what to do with my life Life has been a haze
00:40:05
this last year After selling my company I find myself totally unrelatable position of never having to work again
00:40:11
Everything feels like a side quest but not in an inspiring way I don't have the same base desires driving me to make
00:40:18
money or gain status I have infinite freedom yet I don't know what to do with it And honestly I'm not the most
00:40:24
optimistic about life Wow What a wish Don't wish too hard for every because it
00:40:30
might come true So he made the ultimate goal in life which is to start a company
00:40:36
and sell it And after tax he still has probably a half billion Yeah Put that in
00:40:41
a 5% account you know Anyway so he's making like 20 million a year Buy a couple of fat burger franchises I mean
00:40:48
it's funny cuz just out of habit the guy's totally set but he's probably going to go invest and just for
00:40:55
something to do Well but most people who are driven they don't it's not about the
00:41:00
money They they just want they like the game or being involved What about if Warren Buffett had just made 500 million
00:41:06
just said "Well I'm I'm going to quit I don't there's nothing I got to do anything." I've had it I just go to Waterburger And I'll tell you what I
00:41:13
should be taxed more He always says that I wish the government would tax me more Well you know you can voluntarily give
00:41:18
money Yeah go ahead Well I that doesn't sound like so much to me I'll give it that doesn't sound like so much fun I'd
00:41:25
rather be at gunpoint all pay tax And I'd like to have a gun put in my head and I will pay tax This was a bad idea I
00:41:32
had at Dairy Queen last night He always eats at like the simplest places Well he's got he's got
00:41:37
CocaCola seized candies and Dairy Queen He's a He's worth a 10020 billion and he
00:41:43
doesn't have diabetes The guy's a freak And he and he lives in like Omaha or something right
00:41:49
Maybe he'll come to my Omaha show I'll leave two at the door Here's what I got for the
00:41:56
975 million guy Yeah Go on Go on only fans and make a lot of young women real
00:42:03
happy and within three to six weeks you'll be broke and then you'll have problems and you'll be happy
00:42:10
[Music]
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bt.com Investing involves a risk Performance not guaranteed Oh this is so
00:43:10
interesting Now this this one might be fake but you've heard of these things that are very real Heather have you
00:43:15
heard of these they're called a monolith and they show up places They just show up So that's kind of an homage to 2001
00:43:24
space odyssey A monolith Someone brings these overnight and they
00:43:30
don't know if it's spacecraft or if it's fake but seems very fake But how big are
00:43:35
these well it looks like it's 20 30 feet tall The monolith in 2001 for the human
00:43:42
being that doesn't know is it just it's they discovered on the moon and they
00:43:47
don't know how it got there and it's just this It's clearly not made of moon material right it's someone made it
00:43:53
man-made or alienated Alien made So this looks alien So once again
00:43:59
Dr Steven Greer if we could just get him on Oh yeah We should have asked him about that But I would love that it was
00:44:05
aliens because they say there's these I mean it was a few years ago but there's about five of those popped up and no one
00:44:12
knew how they got there No one Well here's how what we'll we'll do experiment because in those days the chimpanzees would go up and touch it and
00:44:20
then the next day they could they picked up a bone and knew it could be beat the hell out of another chimp So
00:44:27
we we take rednecks from rural Mississippi and put them next to that monolith and then come back and give
00:44:33
them a calculus test I don't know Okay that sounds like a good touch the monolith and then you give me that
00:44:39
calculus test tomorrow By the way I wouldn't touch it because what if it was like radioactive or something you never
00:44:45
know with monolith I'd let Mikey try it Hey Mikey let Mike
00:44:52
touch the monolith Uh okay Next one Uh sure
00:44:58
[Music]
00:45:05
You're like they're Yellowstoneing it Hey I'm Kevin Cosner in Yellowstone
00:45:11
Cut All right What do you think we should do next are we rolling listen
00:45:17
listen We're not I love that show It was so It's so off a male It was just you know you want to make some of this I
00:45:25
just love you know they're cross the fence You want a piece of me right now you can have it Then the other guy talks
00:45:31
exactly the same I'd like a piece of you but would you like a piece of me i'm asking six piece meal of you Would you
00:45:39
like a piece of me well I'm asking you at the same time Would you like a piece of me huh huh and they both pull out
00:45:46
guns and everyone goes "Hey whoa whoa Guys guys guys guys guys don't take it too far Guys guys guys guys guys guys
00:45:52
guys Hey this is our land You can't put bob wire up above our land Well how
00:45:57
about I wrap this bob wire around your [ __ ] neck that going to make you happy you want to take this to the
00:46:03
parking lot of a Raiders game let's fight You want to tailgate next Sunday
00:46:09
with Raiders versus Chargers and wrap bobwire around my dingy lingy Wong Wong
00:46:16
well I don't think so Parker And film it for White Lotus I think we you and I
00:46:21
need to get more alpha in our lives Yeah You know we got to just walk up to
00:46:26
people you know with Ralph for dinner Hey what are you looking at huh well I
00:46:32
wasn't looking anything I beg to differ You call me nothing You call You call me
00:46:40
Really you got that you call me I got What are you looking at i go nothing They go you're saying I'm nothing I'm like let's just just beat me up Like I'm
00:46:47
not I don't want to Let's skip this part Wait I have to laugh for a little bit That's so [ __ ] funny Are you Are you
00:46:54
saying I'm nothing it's really a trap Well there's nothing I've always told people there's nothing
00:47:01
more dangerous on planet Earth than an insecure man after midnight with alcohol in his belly Hey what are you looking at
00:47:08
nothing You're saying I'm nothing yeah I go well no I'm saying you're something
00:47:14
You're saying I'm nothing now I'm something I'm like I No I'm serious now
00:47:19
What were you looking at you your wiener wait a second Are you saying I'm a
00:47:26
wiener yeah You got to give it right back to him and scare him
00:47:31
What what what are you looking at i was looking at the dessert menu You were
00:47:36
just in the way What were you going to order mudpie Are you saying I'm a mudpie
00:47:42
no No Yeah that's what they say That's how That's how thin it is You think I'm
00:47:47
a mudpie well no But if you just want to fight let's just say that You know I was going to lemon mering pie but you were
00:47:54
in the background You saying I'm lemon mering what well yeah kind of But not
00:48:00
the pie part We We have to save this energy for ads for an hour and a half after this Well I think that's funny
00:48:07
You're the thing I go back to That should be a t-shirt What are you looking at nothing Are you staying on nothing
00:48:14
it's such a good answer to start a fight You're like "Oh god I really stepped in that one." I was on a beach once and I
00:48:21
thought there was dudes over there I thought one over someone I knew in high school and the guy did go "What are you
00:48:26
looking at?" And you said I thought I knew you No I was laying down on a towel and I looked
00:48:33
at what are you looking at and the guy was way bigger than me So then I just looked away and pretended sunscreen more
00:48:39
I didn't want to get into an argument like you should don't say nothing
00:48:45
because if I said you remind me of someone I knew in high school that might not have gone over just your
00:48:52
curves Yeah You take sunscreen in that situation go the guy
00:48:59
goes well I was I was walking down the street and I had uh the earplugs in I was listening to you know my iPhone
00:49:06
music and a guy stopped me and go "What are you listening to?" And you said "Nothing." He said "Are you saying I'm
00:49:13
nothing?" Well why doesn't it make sense you're not even in my ear It was actually You're saying what you're
00:49:18
listening to is nothing No it was the Rolling Stones You're saying I'm like some kind of stone that rolls No it's a
00:49:27
band A band from the Oh Then I said I I
00:49:33
know a guy whose nickname is Dandelion I wouldn't mess with me Yeah Don't mess with Dan Line at the McDonald's
00:49:39
Dandelion That's where I got in the fight Up Yeah Um okay Let's do one more
00:49:45
One more I guess we'll say one more I got punch in at that point where you said nothing I'll never get over I won't
00:49:52
get over that What are we even watching uh a rock and a cave Oh is this a bee
00:49:58
wait hang on The bees sense fear This is a guy Oh this is a guy bringing bees
00:50:04
down And because he's not afraid they won't sting him out of out of a bee Is that honey yeah Honey That's like as big
00:50:11
as Oh Oh my god He's eating them No Well don't do that to them
00:50:19
By the way if you they start singing you now there's no going back You might as well finish the bit because No they're saying if you're not fearful they won't
00:50:25
sting you And they can sense fear I don't know if they like being bullied like this though Why are they going in his shirt he's down his shirt He's
00:50:32
eating them He's bathing in them Bees are like "We'll go along with this
00:50:38
but don't stuff us in your pockets." I'm just What is Is this real
00:50:45
well I don't think it's smart because when I get stung by a bee I usually don't know it I just see it lands on me
00:50:52
and stings me and I have not even chance to be scared So right So that defeats the premise of he's got a couple for the
00:50:58
road with him Those are big Maybe he's built up to some kind of
00:51:04
immunity that even they're stinging him like crazy but he just Maybe they're filming jackass
00:51:11
Yeah I mean I I sometimes out in the garden here I'll just get turtles or or
00:51:17
snails and I'll just kind of put them all over me in your pockets and they don't bite
00:51:23
No you don't have to yawn on my story No I'm going Are you saying my story is
00:51:29
nothing yeah exactly About snails You're saying my turtle story is [ __ ]
00:51:35
i'm saying your special is not called Dandelion I I say that that's a that's not going to work Dandelion Yes
00:51:44
I love it Go to Coachella You gonna wait out for Fry Fest too oh Coachella
00:51:49
Coachella is this weekend and next weekend And Firefest they're saying it might be another scream
00:51:56
Firefest is actually coming out and that's the one that was completely uh made up And and the guy's doing all this
00:52:03
location they're going to put it Mexico and then when people try to log on or someone asked Mexico and they're like
00:52:08
"We know nothing about this We have no permits." And everyone goes and they've already and they moved it again And this
00:52:14
guy in the news yesterday was trying to get tickets online and he's like "What is a million dollar ticket?" And you get
00:52:20
really everything All the cheese sandwiches you want No artist line up yet And there's no lineup You cannot do
00:52:26
this twice You cannot The same guy's doing it Same guy And you can't fool me
00:52:32
twice Shame on me Fool me twice gun you down That's what it should be Yeah I
00:52:37
just made a deal with Bernie Maidoff Jr Yeah
00:52:43
This guy I hope it's real I'm not saying it's fake yet I'm just saying it's starting to have an aroma and he better
00:52:50
fix it You can't say it's at like punta and then it's like oh I just got an
00:52:56
alert Okay What what's that guy's name billy something Billy something says can
00:53:03
you and David come down to Firefest in Mexico it's in a few weeks I'd love to
00:53:09
have you guys Um you can be every act
00:53:15
I hear you play the guitar and David can dance Would you be mind also performing
00:53:23
as a form of the Everly Brothers and can you guys do eight and a half
00:53:28
hours i texted David's mom and she said "I'll
00:53:34
get the son in dutu." I'm fine I'm just getting punchy now We're
00:53:41
getting punchy That's all right Stay tuned for ads No Um we'll uh Okay we'll end it there We did a great We'll see
00:53:46
what happens We'll see what happens We'll give you more on that story next week And remember um stay safe out there
00:53:55
and uh try to ride the wave and make sure have fun every day Something like that Thanks for watching and we'll see
00:54:01
you next time See you next time folks This has been a presentation of Odyssey
00:54:07
Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and
00:54:13
Greg Holtzman Hope you liked it
00:54:19
[Music]
