00:00:00
Guys, here we are. Yeah.
00:00:02
>> Fly on the wall.
00:00:04
>> Dana and Spade. And we are about to tell
00:00:07
you, well, Dana is gonna tell you the
00:00:09
one thing that will get you through this
00:00:11
Christmas holiday.
00:00:12
>> One thing. There's just only one thing.
00:00:15
And in a few minutes, I'm going to tell
00:00:16
you what it is. And if I can't remember,
00:00:18
David's going to tell you.
00:00:19
>> Yeah, that's right. I mean, oh, look.
00:00:20
You've got a new um
00:00:22
>> what?
00:00:22
>> Elf Santa in the background.
00:00:23
>> What do you mean?
00:00:25
>> Oh my god. Look at that.
00:00:27
>> Can you sing a little bit? Like say sing
00:00:29
jingle bell. See if we can get him
00:00:30
moving.
00:00:33
>> Jingle bell, jingle. Don't just move
00:00:35
him.
00:00:35
>> Keep going. Keep going.
00:00:36
>> Jingle bell rock. Jingle bell this and
00:00:40
jingle bell that.
00:00:41
>> There you go.
00:00:42
>> Oh, look at that.
00:00:49
>> Wow. Wow.
00:00:52
>> Is that AI? That's too good.
00:00:54
>> I know. You might be able to hear this a
00:00:56
little bit.
00:00:58
Oh, we're not allowed to play music
00:01:00
probably.
00:01:01
>> Oh,
00:01:02
>> this whole this whole show is scrapped.
00:01:04
Thrown in the garbage.
00:01:05
>> Oh, this is um
00:01:08
>> he's just going to put the mic over
00:01:09
there and there will be no music when we
00:01:11
do this.
00:01:11
>> You barely hear it if we're sued. I
00:01:13
mean, this thing has been around with
00:01:15
like for 25 years. Never broke. Put it
00:01:18
in a box, throw it up in the attic, and
00:01:20
everyone who I send them to people and
00:01:22
they flip for them because they really
00:01:24
are cheerful.
00:01:25
>> He looks like he's flexing. Is he on
00:01:27
NAD?
00:01:28
>> Yeah, he is a little He's built. Put it
00:01:31
that way. He's got quads.
00:01:33
>> Do they want Santa to be ripped now?
00:01:36
>> Yeah, it looks like he We should put
00:01:37
little barbells in his thing.
00:01:39
>> Yeah. Little
00:01:41
>> green ones.
00:01:42
>> Yeah.
00:01:42
>> Oh, he's moving again. He's
00:01:44
>> This is how he feels. It's almost like a
00:01:46
dog. This is how he's celebrating our
00:01:48
Christmas podcast,
00:01:50
>> dude.
00:01:52
I have shades on, Dana, because I feel
00:01:53
like I got sick and I'm trying not to
00:01:55
get Heather sick because
00:01:57
>> Oh, you know what? It could have been
00:01:58
those goddamn gooners that came over the
00:02:00
other day. Heather,
00:02:03
>> that all young people sometimes get in
00:02:07
asymptomatic
00:02:09
>> so they can be carriers. They don't feel
00:02:11
anything.
00:02:12
>> I had Aiden Ross who's a streamer,
00:02:15
kickstream. I literally I sound old. I'm
00:02:19
not old. I'm young. But stream and
00:02:22
twitching and those things, I don't
00:02:24
know.
00:02:24
>> It's the only thing like lazier than
00:02:26
doing a podcast if that's possible. They
00:02:29
just walk around and talk. So there's no
00:02:31
real
00:02:33
point. There's no real like let's get to
00:02:35
this. You know, if you go on Ellen, I
00:02:37
think I did it because I met this kid
00:02:39
Aiden. He was very nice to me at the UFC
00:02:40
fight and then he said, "Can you come
00:02:42
on?" I'm like, "I should do something
00:02:44
for the younger people just to say when
00:02:47
they say, "Who's that?" Mhm.
00:02:49
>> Then they go, "Oh, he was on that guy's
00:02:51
stream."
00:02:52
>> Well,
00:02:53
>> right.
00:02:54
>> Yeah. Here's here's the thing.
00:02:58
>> So, I saw a YouTube clip of Quinton
00:03:00
Tarantino talking about Rio Bravo,
00:03:04
which is a movie with John Wayne.
00:03:06
>> Oh, that looked like a real person right
00:03:07
there. Heather missed it. That looked
00:03:08
like a real person.
00:03:09
>> Well, have a good Christmas, you sons of
00:03:12
[ __ ] you know. But anyway,
00:03:14
>> he he talked about movies being good
00:03:16
hangs. And so a good hang is like they
00:03:18
become your surrogate friends. The only
00:03:21
thing I can think about streaming 12
00:03:23
hours a day, which is a workload, is
00:03:26
that you people have you on the
00:03:27
background and you're like their
00:03:28
surrogate friends or they're kind of
00:03:30
their friends and they don't have to be
00:03:31
entertaining. They just have to be real.
00:03:34
>> I think it's the realness of just saying
00:03:37
this kid's good. I he might have some
00:03:39
he's talented guy. He knows how to do
00:03:42
this situation. So he
00:03:45
>> There we go.
00:03:46
Is this Santa again?
00:03:47
>> I was just trying to get him started. I
00:03:49
hope that was worth my riveting story.
00:03:52
>> No, Aiden is uh he's
00:03:54
>> just jumping.
00:03:55
>> Aiden's clever. He bought a Didn't he
00:03:58
buy a $30 million home?
00:04:00
>> No, he's a rich dude. I saw him walking
00:04:02
on Jake Paul's house. They just go They
00:04:04
know every babe. They know every
00:04:06
streamer hottie. It's like this world of
00:04:08
these people come on their show and they
00:04:10
have like fights and they get angry and
00:04:12
they clip it out. They clipped that
00:04:14
thing out that night, Heather. Right.
00:04:17
>> It was just clippity doodah.
00:04:20
>> Uhhuh. Whoever's house they shot it in.
00:04:22
It was really, really a cool house.
00:04:24
>> They this [ __ ] hole because I go, I
00:04:27
don't know where to go. He want to walk
00:04:28
around the grove. And I'm like just like
00:04:30
a bunch of us. We're just going to just
00:04:31
stop and talk to people and go into the
00:04:33
gap. I couldn't see where it would go or
00:04:35
be funny
00:04:37
>> unless I jumped in the fountain. But
00:04:39
>> uh
00:04:39
>> I came here and I showed him around
00:04:41
stuff. I said, "Oh,
00:04:42
>> I thought it was funny the way you were
00:04:43
busting them in a very kind of gentle
00:04:45
way."
00:04:45
>> Yeah.
00:04:46
>> Like you did the s you did the
00:04:49
tall door stick, which I've heard and
00:04:52
they didn't quite Well, what do you what
00:04:53
do you mean?
00:04:54
>> Yeah. I did about seven of those and
00:04:56
they all were like,
00:04:59
>> but I took them down in here to see fly
00:05:01
on the wall.
00:05:03
>> Oh, they're all impressed. We're, you
00:05:05
know, I don't know. Well, there's
00:05:06
regular television, there's podcasting.
00:05:08
Hey, that's easy. You turn on a mic and
00:05:10
go for it. And then there's live
00:05:11
streaming where you literally hang out.
00:05:14
You just hang out with your friends,
00:05:16
>> you know, Puka Nua. So he did Puka right
00:05:18
after me.
00:05:20
>> And Puka didn't really get it either
00:05:21
because he was saying they go, "What
00:05:22
about the refs?" He's like, "They all
00:05:24
cheat." He was just talking like he's
00:05:26
talking the guy behind him with a
00:05:28
camera's like, "This is gold." So he got
00:05:31
puke and kind of
00:05:33
accidentally just bullshitting and
00:05:35
saying stuff about refs. And uh I saw a
00:05:38
clip where they're like, I don't know if
00:05:40
we're going to find him, but we'll see.
00:05:42
So that's the danger of live,
00:05:45
>> right? So
00:05:47
>> are they sneaking up on people and sort
00:05:50
of seritiously recording them or are
00:05:52
they asking permission?
00:05:54
>> I think they have like a main person.
00:05:57
>> So they my house,
00:05:58
>> the next thing we've got Puka. They're
00:06:00
in town.
00:06:02
>> They do me. They do Puka.
00:06:04
>> And so I didn't even know that. He
00:06:05
didn't name drop that one on me. I would
00:06:07
have liked that one.
00:06:08
>> I would just say that Puka is a shell of
00:06:12
his former self.
00:06:14
>> Not bad, right?
00:06:16
>> I remember that movie Puka Pete. I was a
00:06:18
guy that got lost in that.
00:06:19
>> That's right. That's why I made Master
00:06:21
Disguise cuz Puka Pete wet the bed.
00:06:25
>> Yeah. I I pulled out of Puka Pete two
00:06:27
weeks before we shot. That's unheard of.
00:06:29
We already built all the sets.
00:06:32
>> I think they knew it was just not going
00:06:34
the right way and they were changing it.
00:06:35
And I'm like, I don't it's getting
00:06:37
overwhelming. I don't think it's that
00:06:38
funny anymore. It's turning into like a
00:06:40
movie they pitched me and then suddenly
00:06:42
my movie is turning into that movie and
00:06:44
it's not the same. I was like, and they
00:06:47
>> I knew there was something up because
00:06:49
the ease
00:06:51
of how they let me out of it instead of
00:06:54
going, you're going to you got to pay
00:06:56
us.
00:06:57
>> Well, then I had a read through. They
00:06:58
go, "Oh, Fred and David's movie
00:07:03
isn't isn't going, but there's a 100
00:07:05
person crew and all this stuff." So,
00:07:08
they go, "Well, we'll give this dog a
00:07:10
chance." So, you know, one of the
00:07:12
executives, I heard him lean in and go,
00:07:14
"This is not going to work." You know,
00:07:16
but I had an 8-year-old boy sitting
00:07:17
across from me. I go, "You like Oh, yes,
00:07:19
you like." And it just crushed. And then
00:07:22
we had to make the movie. We had to
00:07:23
start making the movie in like a week,
00:07:25
but the script needed a lot of work. So,
00:07:27
we had to rewrite it in the trailer the
00:07:28
entire time.
00:07:30
>> I mean, I kind of still like that way.
00:07:33
Sometimes we are prepping these movies
00:07:35
for a year or two. It's just so much
00:07:38
overthinking.
00:07:39
>> Even Bus Boys, we're looking at it.
00:07:40
We're cutting jokes. We're like, h, that
00:07:42
one's stupid now. We're like, well, no
00:07:44
one's seen it yet, so maybe it's not
00:07:45
stupid.
00:07:46
>> Uh, that is a problem because you can
00:07:48
just edit it to to a to a slow death.
00:07:51
>> Yeah.
00:07:52
>> You know, oh, cut that. Go over there.
00:07:54
Yeah. We haven't showed it to a crowd.
00:07:56
So if you show it to a crowd, you start
00:07:57
to go, "Oh, the jokes I love bomb." And
00:08:00
then this other weird cutaway got the
00:08:02
biggest laugh. So you learn a lot from
00:08:04
showing it,
00:08:05
>> but we don't.
00:08:06
>> All right. So I calm this guy down or
00:08:08
keep him moving.
00:08:09
>> No, calm him down because
00:08:10
>> people are more into that than the show.
00:08:14
I know I am.
00:08:18
>> Well, I don't know if I like the
00:08:19
snapping. That's like
00:08:20
>> me snapping.
00:08:22
>> It's a little creepy. Yeah, because it
00:08:24
works.
00:08:26
>> Oh, wait. We had the UFO guy on last
00:08:28
week. Do you Do you have this picture?
00:08:30
Can we show it?
00:08:31
>> Um, I sent it to you. Did you send it to
00:08:33
Heather or Greg?
00:08:35
>> Oh, we got to send it to you to send to
00:08:36
me to send to Heather.
00:08:37
>> Yeah, that's all right. This is what
00:08:39
This is real, man. Right now. So,
00:08:41
basically up where I am is sorting the
00:08:43
boondocks. not saying exactly where it
00:08:45
is, but um it's in California and it um
00:08:51
the night sky had some weird anomalous
00:08:54
things. And so we we took pictures and
00:08:58
there was no nothing on the news, no
00:09:00
explanation
00:09:01
and they're just these these
00:09:04
synchronistic lights just sitting there
00:09:08
and it was too well you'll if you can
00:09:10
get it on the
00:09:12
>> saw and have you ever Heather downloaded
00:09:14
a picture but it comes in your camera
00:09:17
roll when Dana took the picture.
00:09:19
>> It's terrible.
00:09:19
>> So it's like a week ago. So you got to I
00:09:21
always think it didn't work. I go, "Oh,
00:09:23
it worked." But I got to go scrge for
00:09:25
it.
00:09:26
>> Oh. Oh. When I took it is what the way
00:09:28
it does it. Well, you got the new phone.
00:09:29
That's [ __ ] up.
00:09:32
>> They That doesn't make any sense.
00:09:35
>> Heather.
00:09:37
Heather. Dana. When did you take it?
00:09:38
Like a week ago.
00:09:39
>> Yeah.
00:09:39
>> Oh, I got it.
00:09:40
>> Yeah. Okay.
00:09:41
>> I'll send it to Greg.
00:09:43
>> And then if anyone on this podcast can
00:09:46
explain it, I'll I'll buy him one of
00:09:49
these Santaas. Everyone thinks we're UFO
00:09:51
crazy people, but we only did one
00:09:53
before. That was his career. And we got
00:09:55
this new guy. His show's number one. I
00:09:58
love that stuff. There's some weird
00:10:00
weird stuff going on out there.
00:10:02
>> Is that weird?
00:10:03
>> Weird wild stuff. Well, you know the I
00:10:07
mean, yeah, it's we all want I mean,
00:10:10
Spielberg's now making a movie about it,
00:10:12
which is which is great. Yeah. Okay,
00:10:15
here it is. So, I guess you could people
00:10:16
can see it. Put the light up on there.
00:10:19
So, what the [ __ ] is that? It's not and
00:10:21
it's it's fixed for a while. I don't
00:10:23
even know what happened to it, but
00:10:26
>> it it's sort of, you know, what is it?
00:10:29
Does Can someone tell us
00:10:31
>> right right above our property? And, you
00:10:33
know, it's not balloons.
00:10:35
>> He lives out where it's very clear,
00:10:37
>> super dark.
00:10:38
>> It doesn't have the poison fog like we
00:10:40
have in LA right now.
00:10:41
>> No, we don't believe in fog up here. We
00:10:43
believe in dogs.
00:10:45
Uh, but this one, Dane, it reminds me of
00:10:47
the lights over Phoenix because
00:10:50
>> everyone thought they were in a row and
00:10:52
then they saw a light way over here and
00:10:54
they go, "Oh, it's a triangle. That that
00:10:56
whole thing is the edge of a ship,
00:10:58
right? Either that's some government
00:11:00
project, you know, or something like
00:11:02
that. Or
00:11:04
>> it's not just random stars in the sky.
00:11:07
So, it either has to be an organized
00:11:09
kind of thing or not." But I didn't have
00:11:11
any explanation for it in my
00:11:12
>> Were you scared?
00:11:14
I was intrigued.
00:11:17
>> What?
00:11:17
>> Does he have video?
00:11:18
>> Do you have video?
00:11:19
>> Do you want me to send it to
00:11:20
>> No.
00:11:21
>> Should we send it to Dr. Greer and have
00:11:23
him analyze it?
00:11:24
>> Yeah, send it to Dr. Greer.
00:11:27
>> Okay. Uh, Heather,
00:11:30
>> I don't know if we'll get it back by
00:11:31
press time.
00:11:33
>> Yeah.
00:11:35
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00:12:06
All right, we better before we go too
00:12:07
much further tell the people the one
00:12:09
thing you need to know to survive
00:12:11
Christmas.
00:12:13
>> Yeah.
00:12:13
>> Oh, yeah. Let me say something before
00:12:15
this.
00:12:16
>> Please do
00:12:17
>> because
00:12:19
Christmas is um a lot of uh emotions
00:12:23
come to a head. Uh big holiday events.
00:12:26
Someone the other day, uh, have you ever
00:12:28
had someone recommend you a therapist?
00:12:30
And my first thought is,
00:12:32
>> wait, do they do you? Um, well, that's a
00:12:37
hard pass. Uh, you are the most [ __ ]
00:12:40
up individual.
00:12:41
>> Yes,
00:12:42
>> I know. Your life is a disaster and
00:12:44
you're on 19 medications and you've been
00:12:47
seeing this guy for
00:12:48
>> and they really want you in there.
00:12:50
>> Like, you got to do it.
00:12:50
>> You got to do it.
00:12:52
>> Oh my god.
00:12:52
>> How do they How do they say it to you?
00:12:54
How do they say it kind of casually? we
00:12:55
might think about this or I have a good
00:12:57
therapist.
00:12:58
>> Yeah. You know, uh I actually been going
00:13:00
to a therapist. It's great. Do you have
00:13:01
you ever been to a therapist? I go, I
00:13:02
have.
00:13:03
>> You know what? You should use my guy.
00:13:04
They're great. And I'm like, I'm going
00:13:07
to stop you.
00:13:09
I'm going stop you right there.
00:13:10
>> I'm going stop you right there. You It
00:13:14
takes 18 pills just to get you to leave
00:13:16
the house. Is this the best possible you
00:13:19
right now? I don't know. The best
00:13:21
possible you. That's a great figure of
00:13:24
speech. Be the best possible you. I
00:13:27
would say that therapy, I don't know if
00:13:30
people are, you know, super nutball, but
00:13:32
in in the narrow frame of it, what are
00:13:35
your patterns of behavior that are a
00:13:39
little self-destruct like for me being
00:13:42
you could say he's a people pleaser,
00:13:45
he's codependent, or you can say he's a
00:13:48
nice generous person. So you could go
00:13:51
with either way, but yeah.
00:13:53
>> Um, so there's things like that where
00:13:56
you could like you specifically would
00:13:59
have to work on
00:14:02
>> Will you tell me later? Yeah.
00:14:04
>> Dane is like, "Oh, do you want to know?
00:14:05
There's a list in my car. I scribbled
00:14:07
some things."
00:14:07
>> I'm ask you one question and I want a
00:14:09
one second answer. Are you
00:14:10
selfactualized?
00:14:13
>> Oh, do I have a good
00:14:15
idea of how people see me? I don't think
00:14:18
so.
00:14:20
Well,
00:14:21
>> is that what that
00:14:23
>> uh Yeah, I guess. Um, have you splurged
00:14:26
on the urge to emerge?
00:14:29
>> Oh, boy. I've splutied on my laptop.
00:14:33
>> The uh therapist I went to for 5 years.
00:14:36
>> Yeah. They just went Jesus.
00:14:38
>> She just basically what was great about
00:14:40
her is she just says life is a [ __ ]
00:14:42
show. You know, lower your expectations.
00:14:46
I'm really scared to tell some one
00:14:48
person all my secrets because I heard
00:14:51
that happens in Scientology. You clear
00:14:53
your head of all your secrets.
00:14:54
>> Mhm.
00:14:55
>> And then there's a rumor that they can
00:14:58
use that against you if you leave
00:15:00
because they film it and they're like,
00:15:02
"Okay, I guess everybody wants to know
00:15:04
how you had a threesome with two other
00:15:06
dudes."
00:15:08
>> Yeah. I because I I like Tom Cruz so
00:15:11
much. But here's an interesting in
00:15:14
Hollywood. There's a place called the
00:15:15
Celebrity Center. It's one of their
00:15:17
campuses.
00:15:18
>> Oh, yeah.
00:15:19
>> You know, I've been there. I've been
00:15:20
there.
00:15:21
>> So, I had an Irish cousin from Dublin,
00:15:23
just a very honest, innocent man, you
00:15:26
know, and he was walking around LA. So,
00:15:28
he went up there. Oh, what is this
00:15:30
called? The celebrity center. So, he was
00:15:33
in there for about the 45 minutes in
00:15:35
there talking to him, and he said, "I've
00:15:37
got to tell you something right now. If
00:15:39
I go in a Catholic church, I know
00:15:41
immediately what it what they believe
00:15:42
in. The same with a Jewish temple. But
00:15:45
I've been here nearly an hour and I
00:15:46
don't know what you what you are all
00:15:48
about. And that's the definition of a
00:15:50
cult. And then they escorted him out.
00:15:54
>> Yeah. You can't throw a cult around
00:15:55
there. I don't think they like it. But
00:15:57
probably I mean I had a chiropractor who
00:16:00
was working on me, very nice guy, and
00:16:02
all these dietic books on the table. I
00:16:05
read
00:16:06
>> I was just a young
00:16:09
um mold of clay just an innocent sweet
00:16:13
boy for
00:16:14
>> so you're ripe for the pick and to
00:16:16
indoctrinate manipulate
00:16:17
>> and so he goes hey I want to take you
00:16:19
lunch so I keep blowing it off anyway
00:16:22
takes me to lunch at the CC celeb center
00:16:25
>> perfectly fine lunch then some people
00:16:28
come over and talk to you
00:16:30
>> and then I finally get a little weird
00:16:31
vibe so I go okay thanks I go back and
00:16:35
he goes, "You got to join." And I go, "I
00:16:39
don't think I want to." He goes, "You
00:16:41
want that back to clear up? You want
00:16:43
your neck to feel better?" I go, "So I
00:16:46
it's not going to get better until I do
00:16:48
that." He goes, "Yep, because you got to
00:16:50
clear everything out." And I go, "There
00:16:52
might be something to that, but I was
00:16:54
always under the assumption you were
00:16:55
actually just trying to fix me without
00:16:58
these caveats." So that was the last
00:17:00
time I went. Hm. Well, I read I read
00:17:04
Dionetics and um it's got a lot of end
00:17:07
run sentences and redundancy, but
00:17:09
basically it's psychology 101 in the
00:17:13
core of it like you have all these
00:17:14
things that happen to you and then they
00:17:16
inform your behavior whether you're
00:17:18
bitter or angry or PTSD or scared and so
00:17:22
you
00:17:23
>> Yeah, I know. It was based on you. They
00:17:25
had a room called the David Spade room
00:17:26
there at the C. I go he didn't even
00:17:28
join. They go trust me. He said so you
00:17:30
hang on to these thing called E-meters
00:17:32
and I guess there's a slight electric
00:17:35
vibration that goes through those and
00:17:37
then they talk about things and you sort
00:17:38
of release the idea of this overreactive
00:17:42
mind, you know.
00:17:44
>> So, so you know I remember during SNL I
00:17:47
went to my deadbeat dad who wasn't
00:17:48
around much. He goes, "How's it going
00:17:51
out there?" And I go, "It's [ __ ]
00:17:52
rough, dude." I go, I did this, but got
00:17:54
to laugh and read through. I was just
00:17:56
telling him the textbook [ __ ] that
00:17:58
they're saying right now somewhere from
00:17:59
this season,
00:18:00
>> right? Yeah.
00:18:01
>> But I don't think it was fair because it
00:18:04
did this. And he stops me. He goes, "Let
00:18:06
me stop you."
00:18:07
>> Let me stop.
00:18:08
>> Whoever told you life was fair.
00:18:11
And it kind of stumped me. I go, "I
00:18:13
guess nobody. I just assumed." He's
00:18:16
like, I go, "I try to be fair with
00:18:18
people." He's like, "Who gives a [ __ ]
00:18:19
You're out in the real world now. It's
00:18:21
such a brutal wakeup call." and you go,
00:18:23
"Yeah, I guess."
00:18:24
>> So, he leaves for 15 years, comes back,
00:18:27
drops a wisdom bomb on you, and then you
00:18:29
cry and hug him and it's all forgiven.
00:18:32
>> One time we were he I would see him
00:18:34
about after four when he left. We had
00:18:36
three boys. We would hang out about once
00:18:38
a year. He goes, "I'm going to pick you
00:18:41
up in a silver porch." He had all this
00:18:42
[ __ ] But we were still like so
00:18:44
stoked to see him. He's our dad. Oh,
00:18:46
>> okay.
00:18:46
>> But he was so But I wound up buying him
00:18:49
a condo. It was all this guilt stuff to
00:18:51
keep him around.
00:18:51
>> Yeah. Yeah. But then one time I was like
00:18:53
14
00:18:55
and he was pissed at me. He goes,
00:18:57
"You're not wearing socks with your
00:18:59
shoes." I go, "No, man. It's cool." He
00:19:00
goes, "I told you last time, wear socks
00:19:02
when we go to dinner." And he pulled
00:19:04
over and tried to spank me. I'm like,
00:19:06
"I'm sorry, sir. Who are you?
00:19:08
>> I'm 14."
00:19:09
>> Well, when we pulled over, how would he
00:19:11
spank you? How does he get access to
00:19:14
Spanky? Like
00:19:15
>> pulled over at a rest stop. We rented a
00:19:17
room. No, he just pulled over, tried to
00:19:19
spank my I go, "Dad, I think the
00:19:22
spanking part of me growing up is over.
00:19:25
I think you missed out." He did spank
00:19:26
when I was really little. But I said,
00:19:28
"You don't get this isn't this doesn't
00:19:30
go forever." And then the funniest thing
00:19:32
he said to me was, "I was on Letterman
00:19:35
once and the one funny thing is he goes,
00:19:38
Davey," he was kind of a little bit of a
00:19:39
grubworm, you know, he always wanted a
00:19:40
little bit of money and [ __ ] and he
00:19:42
goes, "Davey, um, I've talked
00:19:47
uh about I I've been thinking about a
00:19:49
good investment for you. You've probably
00:19:50
heard this.
00:19:51
>> It's always an investment
00:19:52
>> million million times." Yeah.
00:19:53
>> And I And he go, "Yeah." And he goes,
00:19:55
"I'm I want you to buy buy a condo and
00:19:59
then I'll manage it for you." Basically
00:20:02
live there. And I go, "I don't know."
00:20:04
And he goes, "Come on, Davey. They're
00:20:07
not making any more condos." I go,
00:20:10
>> I think that's Yeah.
00:20:12
>> And he goes, "Nope, it's condos."
00:20:15
>> I go, "I think they are making they're
00:20:18
[ __ ] out about three million a day."
00:20:20
>> But anyway, I did buy it for him, but I
00:20:22
did a letterman with him once and I took
00:20:23
him.
00:20:24
>> Mhm.
00:20:25
>> And he we took a jet and then we uh
00:20:29
stayed at the Four Seasons. Right.
00:20:31
>> Nice.
00:20:31
>> So, he goes, "Let's do that again
00:20:32
sometime." About a year later, I go to
00:20:34
Letterman.
00:20:36
They they switch it to first class. I
00:20:38
just paid for a jet myself. But he goes,
00:20:40
"We'll go first class." And I go, "If I
00:20:42
get my dad, I'm going to split first
00:20:43
class into two coach." And he goes,
00:20:46
"What are we doing in coach? What the
00:20:48
[ __ ] happened to you?" I go, "I don't
00:20:50
know. We're just Who cares? We're just
00:20:51
going there." And he goes, "Look at this
00:20:54
hotel. I'm staying at the park park of
00:20:56
Meridian. What the [ __ ] is that?" I go,
00:20:58
"It's nice. I've been there." He goes,
00:21:00
>> "Not
00:21:00
>> mad at all."
00:21:01
>> Yeah. He goes, "Two
00:21:03
years ago it was private jets in the
00:21:05
Four Seasons."
00:21:07
kind of slide down the old fame ladder,
00:21:09
aren't you? What a [ __ ]
00:21:11
>> Are these quotes?
00:21:13
>> That's a quote.
00:21:15
>> Oh,
00:21:15
>> my friends would always say that to me
00:21:17
if we went to a shitty restaurant.
00:21:19
They'd be like, "This is what we're
00:21:20
going to eat tonight." Kind of sliding
00:21:22
down the old letter. You Davey.
00:21:25
>> Yeah. My dad actually uh a lot of stuff
00:21:28
around finances. Oh. Oh, your mother was
00:21:31
crying the other day. I wish I had money
00:21:33
to take her somewhere.
00:21:34
>> Oh, Jesus Christ. And uh one time though
00:21:37
he did have something that would there's
00:21:39
not a lot of lakefront property in the
00:21:42
western US. You know
00:21:44
>> Minnesota there's 10,000 legs. So up in
00:21:46
Montana late Lindberg it was like oh the
00:21:50
Crockers their house is coming for sale.
00:21:52
It's like
00:21:53
>> Crockers
00:21:54
>> and they were he was an orphan and they
00:21:56
were kind of his parents when he was
00:21:58
high school. But that would have been a
00:22:00
good move actually to buy a house on a
00:22:02
lake in uh in Montana.
00:22:04
>> What is it called? Silverfish.
00:22:09
>> Well, Whitefish is above Flathead Lake
00:22:12
and that's a stunning lake and we were
00:22:14
we rented there once and it was
00:22:17
stunning.
00:22:19
>> But we were going there to buy it but
00:22:20
then we got we got lost or something.
00:22:22
We're going to
00:22:23
>> Oh, you told me the story. You pulled
00:22:24
over to eat and you didn't know about
00:22:25
it.
00:22:25
>> Yeah. You know, everyone's got a would a
00:22:27
could have, should have, would a would a
00:22:29
life but you know. Well, do you want to
00:22:31
drop this Christmas bomb on us or should
00:22:33
we go to stories, news stories?
00:22:36
>> Well, we we the we promised the audience
00:22:39
some wisdom about how to survive.
00:22:41
>> We sort of did tell them, but
00:22:43
>> Well, I would just say the really the
00:22:45
way to survive is to drink heavily. Um,
00:22:50
give yourself a treat. Uh,
00:22:52
>> try not to fight.
00:22:55
>> Uh, well, Christmas, I don't know. It's
00:22:59
really for little kids, you know, with
00:23:00
10,000 gifts and stuff,
00:23:03
>> but basically to get along with
00:23:06
relatives that hate you and you hate
00:23:08
them
00:23:10
>> is just to kind of give it up to them.
00:23:12
Oh, you're right. I I got you. Yeah.
00:23:15
>> Yeah. You just got to roll back
00:23:16
>> couple days. Yeah. Is anyone staying
00:23:19
with you?
00:23:21
>> No, we're pretty quiet. We've got a We
00:23:23
got a Santa's village thing going on.
00:23:25
Looks like exact replica of a gas
00:23:27
station with the car moving inside and
00:23:29
snow all around it and stuff.
00:23:31
>> That's cool.
00:23:31
>> Yeah. No, I'm not finished. We got a
00:23:34
Christmas tree.
00:23:37
>> Well, let's talk also quickly about uh
00:23:39
Rob Reiner because this we're getting
00:23:41
into the news now and um the news was
00:23:45
about as sad as it could be for that
00:23:46
situation. Uh Rob on my end, Rob I just
00:23:51
knew he did Dicky Roberts. It was a big
00:23:53
favor.
00:23:55
Did play to himself. My character was an
00:23:58
actor. Wanted to read for him. We did a
00:24:01
scene. He was so lovely and so funny and
00:24:03
he was such a big part of that movie and
00:24:06
that excitement of being with him. So,
00:24:09
always have good feelings. Also, his
00:24:11
movies, I was looking at them and I'm
00:24:13
like, I couldn't put his top five in any
00:24:16
order. There's such bangers. It's unreal
00:24:19
how much he did. Princess Bride and
00:24:22
Spinal Tap, A Few Good Men. Um,
00:24:25
>> Stand by Me.
00:24:27
>> Yeah, two Stephen King movies. He was
00:24:30
Eclectic and Misery. He did all
00:24:32
different kinds of films.
00:24:33
>> Harry, those are all [ __ ] home runs,
00:24:36
like big movies.
00:24:38
>> Yeah. I I don't know if you were with me
00:24:40
then. I was walking around New York. I
00:24:42
think we probably would love it. And we
00:24:44
go, "Oh, what's this?" And it was Billy
00:24:45
Crystal and Meg Ryan who played my
00:24:47
girlfriend on One of the Boys in 1980.
00:24:50
>> All right.
00:24:51
>> And Rob Reiner. And they were doing When
00:24:52
Harry Met Sally, she goes, "I think this
00:24:54
was working out pretty good." Um,
00:24:58
>> Rob Reiner was what I'd call a
00:25:00
gentleman. Um, very sweet. I when I went
00:25:04
into they said, "Go meet with those
00:25:06
guys." I was barely in show business.
00:25:10
Um, that'd be Christopher Guess and
00:25:12
Michael McKeen and Harry Shear and Rob
00:25:14
Reiner. So, I walked in and they were
00:25:15
thinking of me as the drummer who blows
00:25:17
up or whatever. And then I said, "I feel
00:25:20
like um you guys all know each other and
00:25:23
all relaxed and I'm kind of nervous."
00:25:24
And Rob Reiner went, "All right, let's
00:25:26
go. Let's leave." So, they just left the
00:25:29
room. They said, "We're going to leave
00:25:30
the room and then we'll come in." So,
00:25:32
they all left and I'm sitting in the
00:25:33
room by myself like five minutes. Then
00:25:36
they all come back in and he was
00:25:39
directing me uh you know very casually
00:25:41
when I did a scene as a mime waiter with
00:25:43
Billy Crystal. So it's an absolute
00:25:46
tragedy. It's sickening and bizarre and
00:25:48
just just life is
00:25:50
>> you know I just found out this opera
00:25:53
singer if you heard about this about a
00:25:56
week ago
00:25:58
someone
00:26:00
was uh merked somehow and I they didn't
00:26:03
talk much about it after but they just
00:26:05
found out it was the son also.
00:26:09
So, what a crazy thing that happened
00:26:12
twice. And uh
00:26:14
uh not his son, but the the guy's son.
00:26:17
And what that's so tough. The thing I I
00:26:20
was wondering about is this Bill Hater
00:26:22
part where it sounds like it was much to
00:26:24
do about nothing. I don't think it's
00:26:26
anything. It just sounds like clickbait.
00:26:28
I heard Bill Hater got a huge argument
00:26:30
with him. Then I heard Bill her at
00:26:32
Conan's party. I heard Bill told him to
00:26:36
leave. And then yesterday I read they
00:26:39
had no interaction,
00:26:41
>> but the kid gave Bill hat her a dirty
00:26:44
look when he left.
00:26:46
>> I don't this stuff. I always say I've
00:26:50
been in the tabloids a little bit. You
00:26:51
have? You're like, nah, that's not true.
00:26:53
I I just take it all I take it all with
00:26:55
a grain of salt. You know, I would just
00:26:57
say this. Unfortunately,
00:26:59
episodes like this happen all the time
00:27:02
all over the country. Um,
00:27:03
>> sure.
00:27:04
>> And I don't mean like 10 a day, but it
00:27:07
happens. You know, domestic incidences,
00:27:10
you know, all and so this is just
00:27:13
something that for people who knew Rob
00:27:16
Reiner and his work is just very
00:27:18
personal and his lovely wife who also
00:27:20
was a producer. And um, it's too tragic.
00:27:23
It's too sad. I don't know how to talk
00:27:25
about it really.
00:27:26
>> Yeah. It's very heightened when it's
00:27:28
someone people have a affinity for or a
00:27:31
celebrity type. and um people feel they
00:27:34
know him. And you're right, it happens
00:27:36
all day every day. It's just such it's a
00:27:38
tough rough world out there.
00:27:40
>> And he was in all in the family, you
00:27:42
know, in the 70s, you know, so it is a
00:27:44
long long time of
00:27:46
>> Robin being in our world as an artist
00:27:49
and filmmaker and just overall nice guy.
00:27:51
He was
00:27:52
>> he was a he was a patriot. He was out
00:27:54
there, you know, politically active. Uh
00:27:58
whether anyone agrees with anybody, it
00:28:00
doesn't matter. He was just a good
00:28:02
citizen that way. Um, so anyway,
00:28:05
>> yeah. All right, let's get to some other
00:28:07
more cheerful stories and less cheer.
00:28:09
>> Let's bring it home. It is.
00:28:10
>> Oh, this is funny. Someone sent me this.
00:28:13
>> So Ethan Hawk is David Spade all of a
00:28:15
sudden.
00:28:16
>> They put variety. They go, "Spade, did
00:28:19
you do some facial work?" I said, "I
00:28:22
[ __ ] wish. Give me that. I wouldn't
00:28:24
look like that."
00:28:26
>> Yeah. What a stud, huh?
00:28:28
Um,
00:28:30
>> yeah, he's he's just always kind of uh
00:28:34
he's cool. Like he he's not he's not a
00:28:37
celebrity. He does indie stuff. He does
00:28:39
weird stuff, but you always whenever you
00:28:42
watch him act, he's like an artist. It's
00:28:44
like he's one of those
00:28:47
>> goes back to Training Day. He's got a
00:28:48
lot of great great things he's done. And
00:28:50
he's got uh Uma Thurman who's married to
00:28:52
I think he's got a daughter that's
00:28:54
>> doing well in the business. Uh, okay.
00:28:57
That's enough of that. That was
00:28:58
exciting.
00:28:59
>> That was you, though. Where it was not
00:29:01
Ethan Hawk.
00:29:03
>> That was Ethan Hawk.
00:29:04
>> I know.
00:29:05
>> All right. What's this one?
00:29:08
>> To call themselves doctors anymore if
00:29:10
they do not have an MD. So, you know,
00:29:12
some attorneys call themselves doctor,
00:29:14
dentists call themselves doctor,
00:29:16
chiropractors call themselves doctors,
00:29:18
aiologists call themselves doctors. That
00:29:21
will no longer be permitted in
00:29:23
California. California, if you are not
00:29:25
an MD, do not call yourself a doctor
00:29:28
because you are confusing society.
00:29:31
>> You are confusing everyone.
00:29:32
>> Wow. They went after someone dropped
00:29:34
down,
00:29:36
you know, doctor would not be the one
00:29:38
pulling up one and empty. So, they are
00:29:40
trying to get some clarification on who
00:29:43
can identify themselves as a doctor in
00:29:45
California.
00:29:46
>> Oh.
00:29:47
Oh,
00:29:49
she's not a real doctor. I'm going to
00:29:52
have to talk to the doctor about the
00:29:56
person who's not a real doctor. If I say
00:29:59
doctor three times, I get a prize.
00:30:02
>> I get a raise. You should
00:30:05
>> doctors. They say the doctors. They say
00:30:07
the doctors like nobody's business. They
00:30:10
say
00:30:12
>> I like these new things.
00:30:15
>> You really upped this podcast a little
00:30:17
bit.
00:30:19
>> Don't proceed. Don't proceed. The
00:30:22
millionaires
00:30:23
and the billionaires.
00:30:27
You're a millionaire. WE GOT TO GET THE
00:30:30
BILLIONAIRES. That's what we GOT TO GET
00:30:33
THE BILLIONAIRES.
00:30:35
>> YEAH, millionaires are fine.
00:30:37
>> Oh, I got to bring it closer. I was
00:30:39
stumb.
00:30:39
>> Yeah. Let me tell you something. This is
00:30:42
a Merry Christmas.
00:30:46
>> Oh, I was in Santa Monica and I missed
00:30:49
him. Arnold came in in a Christmas
00:30:51
sweater with Santa with a big American
00:30:53
flag and I would have 100%
00:30:57
>> gone up to him.
00:30:58
>> Absolutely.
00:30:58
>> We got going here. Yeah.
00:31:00
>> We got to go to his his superstar kind
00:31:02
of office studio.
00:31:04
>> Yeah.
00:31:05
>> Yeah. He's the most positive human on
00:31:07
earth basically.
00:31:08
>> I would have gone and started [ __ ] with
00:31:10
him. It' be funny.
00:31:11
>> Oh yeah.
00:31:12
>> Oh, I would have killed
00:31:13
>> I'd call him a girly man, you know,
00:31:14
because that's He loves that.
00:31:16
>> Don't be such a girly man.
00:31:18
>> Yeah.
00:31:20
Yeah.
00:31:22
>> Okay, next one.
00:31:24
>> We're killing it. This is the Christmas
00:31:25
show.
00:31:26
>> I know. This is a special Christmas
00:31:28
show. Look.
00:31:29
>> Okay. Dakota Johnson says, "America
00:31:31
feels grim, but Oh, she went to Saudi
00:31:34
Arabia." I heard a few people went to
00:31:35
Saudi Arabia after the comedy.
00:31:37
>> In the States, it feels
00:31:39
really
00:31:41
uh grim. And even in the less than 24
00:31:45
hours that I've been here, I have a
00:31:48
renewed faith in cinema. That's amazing.
00:31:53
>> Well, what she saw a Saudi Arabian
00:31:58
movie.
00:31:58
>> She was flown to the Saudi Arabia film
00:32:00
festival.
00:32:01
>> Oh, I see.
00:32:01
>> So, they a few few um but I think they
00:32:04
do give talking points. So, I don't
00:32:07
think it's in her best interest to say
00:32:10
>> anything.
00:32:12
Yeah. The biggest movie is is animated.
00:32:15
It's called Leo the Camel made by Saudi
00:32:20
Arabia.
00:32:22
>> Leo the Camel. Leo Sandler movie, right?
00:32:25
>> Is it? Oh, that's a But it's a rat or a
00:32:27
lizard? Sorry.
00:32:28
>> A lizard.
00:32:30
>> Lizard.
00:32:32
>> I just thought of a Nikki Glazer joke
00:32:34
for the Golden Globes, but she hasn't
00:32:36
done it yet. But I saw
00:32:37
>> it's already coming up pretty soon,
00:32:39
right? February. Yeah, because she's
00:32:41
doing sets and um
00:32:43
>> she works hard.
00:32:44
>> So when I do a set I try to go, Nikki,
00:32:48
you should do this. You should do that.
00:32:50
>> Can you share one joke with us?
00:32:52
>> I don't think so because it's probably
00:32:54
going to make it the one I heard was
00:32:55
good that she did.
00:33:00
>> And
00:33:00
>> yeah.
00:33:01
>> Oh, but yeah, but we're doing the Las
00:33:02
Vegas shows. People come see us January
00:33:06
>> Coliseum. probably one of the one of the
00:33:09
biggest whoop-dedoo theaters in there.
00:33:11
>> Oh, Caesar Palace Coliseum.
00:33:13
>> Yeah, the stage is slightly slanted. So,
00:33:17
>> Oh, I didn't know that.
00:33:18
>> Slightly. Yeah,
00:33:20
>> I'm such a mumbler.
00:33:21
>> Handle that hill.
00:33:22
>> I don't know why I handle that hill and
00:33:25
talk to Kevin Nean.
00:33:26
>> By the way, the Academy Awards are going
00:33:28
to YouTube.
00:33:30
>> Oh, I heard this [ __ ] I don't know
00:33:32
if I have an opinion about it. Do you?
00:33:34
I'll take whatever yours is. Oh, well, I
00:33:36
would just say,
00:33:38
you know,
00:33:40
things things always change and we can't
00:33:43
go back in the past. In the
00:33:44
1970s,60s,7s,
00:33:46
you would never see movie stars. They
00:33:47
wouldn't be anywhere. And then you'd see
00:33:49
them at the Oscars. The movies that came
00:33:51
out that were big movies, Ten
00:33:53
Commandments or One Flew of the Cuckoo's
00:33:55
Niss, everybody saw. So, it was this
00:33:58
whole community. And then, of course,
00:34:00
what we're we're at now, a billion shows
00:34:01
and a billion things. it already. It
00:34:04
just would didn't have the same pop. I I
00:34:07
love movies, but most of the time I'd
00:34:10
seen maybe one of the ones nominated for
00:34:13
best picture. So, it should evolve to
00:34:15
YouTube. They'll get a bigger audience
00:34:16
globally. And if they're lucky,
00:34:20
>> they get a huge audience in Saudi Arabia
00:34:25
>> with Leo the camel.
00:34:28
>> All right, let me run to the restroom
00:34:29
real quick. We never do this. I'm run
00:34:30
the restroom. Hold on. Oh my goodness.
00:34:33
Is Is this a production?
00:34:35
>> Just vamp.
00:34:38
>> Does Greg want to be my guest?
00:34:42
>> It's Christmas time, which means food is
00:34:44
everywhere and none of it has your best
00:34:46
interest at heart.
00:34:48
>> Yeah. Uh December is basically a
00:34:50
month-long cheat day. I look at a
00:34:52
vegetable, I go, I will see you in
00:34:54
January.
00:34:56
>> And eating healthy always sounds good in
00:34:58
theory. You tell yourself, "This is the
00:35:00
year I'm going to be disciplined."
00:35:02
>> Yep. Said every person before ordering
00:35:05
something terrible.
00:35:06
>> Exactly. But that's why we actually like
00:35:08
Forkful.
00:35:09
>> Forkful.
00:35:11
>> That is a chef prepared meal delivery
00:35:14
service made with clean, whole
00:35:15
ingredients. No prep, no cooking, no
00:35:17
junk. They really simplify it. It's good
00:35:20
because the hardest part of cooking is
00:35:21
the cooking. Right.
00:35:22
>> That's right. And the meals show up
00:35:24
fresh every week. Not frozen. Nope.
00:35:26
>> Not mystery food that's been in your
00:35:28
freezer since the Bush administration.
00:35:30
>> Not going to do it.
00:35:32
>> Not gonna do it.
00:35:33
>> Not going to eat it.
00:35:36
>> And he hated broccoli, by the way. Not
00:35:38
going to eat broccoli.
00:35:40
>> Go ahead.
00:35:41
>> Portion controlled, ready to eat. So you
00:35:43
don't have to ask yourself, is this too
00:35:45
much food? Because the answer is usually
00:35:47
yes. Mhm. Christmas Day rolls around,
00:35:50
you're busy, family's over, you're
00:35:52
tired, and Forkful is just there quietly
00:35:57
helping you make a better decision.
00:36:00
>> It's also a womanowned small business,
00:36:02
which I like. Uh, real ingredients,
00:36:03
affordable meals, no guilt trip
00:36:05
attached,
00:36:06
>> just good food without the work, which
00:36:08
frankly is the dream, right?
00:36:10
>> Oh, I I got a deal for you. Go to
00:36:12
forkfulmeals.com
00:36:13
and use code POD50
00:36:16
for 50% off your first order.
00:36:19
>> That's forkfulmeals.com
00:36:22
code pod50
00:36:24
to get started today with half off your
00:36:28
first order. Forkful
00:36:31
cuz you're a handful. All right. Most
00:36:34
wicked illusion. What the hell is this?
00:36:37
An illusion. Okay.
00:36:39
>> This is amazing.
00:36:42
of course is a guy
00:36:43
>> illusion I've ever seen
00:36:45
>> said about just watching
00:36:47
>> pretty good right
00:36:50
actually see two people
00:36:52
>> it's hilarious
00:36:55
>> well what is only one person I think
00:36:58
it's two people but it always looks
00:36:59
weird because they have
00:37:02
>> well it looks like
00:37:06
>> like is tall.
00:37:11
>> Yeah, that's the kind of thing that you
00:37:13
really need to see over and over again.
00:37:16
It's
00:37:16
>> kind of fun to see this stuff.
00:37:17
>> Well, it looks like
00:37:18
>> before AI
00:37:19
>> crazy.
00:37:20
>> They're exchanging clothes or something.
00:37:23
I mean, who has the gray pants? Okay.
00:37:25
>> I think one has gray, one has I thought
00:37:28
it was green, but one is red.
00:37:30
>> Mhm.
00:37:31
>> And I think one has a red top and the
00:37:33
other colored pants, so it throws you
00:37:35
even more.
00:37:37
Um
00:37:38
>> I think
00:37:40
>> I ain't got much learning to
00:37:42
>> Well either anyone could be taught to do
00:37:44
it and they have special clothes or is
00:37:46
it some kind of gymnastics thing or who
00:37:50
thought of it and why did they think of
00:37:52
it
00:37:52
>> and why are they still doing it?
00:37:54
>> What does it mean and why should I be
00:37:55
interested?
00:37:57
>> It was like AGT. I know. I love I love
00:38:01
magic and illusions. Honestly,
00:38:02
>> I do like magic and I like not
00:38:04
>> I like it, too.
00:38:06
>> Oh, boy.
00:38:07
>> Come on. You don't know one guy turning
00:38:09
the other with the purple pants with
00:38:11
gray pants. Come on.
00:38:13
>> Spades color blind. Someone asked if I
00:38:15
was color blind because they saw the
00:38:16
show.
00:38:17
>> Color blind.
00:38:18
>> I go, don't listen to whatever Dana
00:38:20
says.
00:38:20
>> Could I be more cheerful? This is I'm
00:38:22
I'm going to switch out after January
00:38:24
1st into some other type of shirt.
00:38:26
>> I like your lumberjack. All this red and
00:38:29
you're killing it.
00:38:30
>> And then look at you, James Bond.
00:38:32
>> I have a blue sweater. You're going to
00:38:35
say it's black. It's a blue sweater, but
00:38:38
it's my warmest one. But I might fall
00:38:40
asleep in the day today because I'm
00:38:43
barely holding on. So, I have to be
00:38:45
really warm,
00:38:47
>> cozy.
00:38:48
>> Mhm.
00:38:49
>> Can you tell my voice is different?
00:38:51
Well, when we first came on, it was a
00:38:54
little froggier.
00:38:56
>> As you've spoken, it's a little more
00:38:59
normal, but
00:39:01
>> I I'm going to just say this. I don't
00:39:05
think you're faking that you you're
00:39:07
under the weather a little bit. I don't
00:39:08
think you made it up. Um, you know, so
00:39:14
>> I have so much to do. I have to drive
00:39:15
out to the valley and I'm like talking
00:39:16
to Heather going, I don't think I can
00:39:17
pull it off. I don't think I can do it
00:39:19
after this too weak.
00:39:21
>> Um, there are moments in life where you
00:39:24
just have to make that call sometimes.
00:39:26
I've had gigs back in the day. Uh, no. I
00:39:30
I can't make that. You know, so
00:39:32
>> my mom would go, "It's too much. Oh,
00:39:35
don't stay home. It's too much."
00:39:37
>> Here's the thing. You're either in
00:39:39
something like a mini sickness. You're
00:39:42
just run down and you'll be fine by
00:39:44
tomorrow. Or it's the beginning of
00:39:46
something. But when something's coming
00:39:48
on, to push it too hard is when you do
00:39:53
not want to push it too hard. I hope you
00:39:55
you want to write this down or just hope
00:39:57
>> Yeah, I mean, I kind of got it, but
00:39:58
yeah,
00:39:58
>> you could listen back to the podcast and
00:40:00
get these nougat.
00:40:03
>> What you
00:40:08
um Okay, what's next? Let's try another
00:40:10
one.
00:40:14
Um,
00:40:15
okay. Here's another illusion. Wear
00:40:17
extra fingers.
00:40:18
>> Kind of Dana, before I preface this,
00:40:20
this is kind of what I was talking about
00:40:22
when I'm saying they're going to start
00:40:24
throwing out crime videos.
00:40:28
>> Yes.
00:40:30
>> Because people claim AI. Oh, that's not
00:40:32
me. That's AI.
00:40:34
>> Oh. Oh, okay. So, they've committed a
00:40:36
crime and they go, "Oh, no. It's AI."
00:40:37
Right. Got it. Okay.
00:40:38
>> Now, this one is a life hack. If you're
00:40:40
a criminal, you wear an extra finger.
00:40:43
So your photos, cuz AI, I guess, doesn't
00:40:47
know how to do fingers for some reason.
00:40:48
They're so [ __ ] stupid.
00:40:50
>> Aliens.
00:40:51
>> Aliens are so dumb. AI is dumb. There's
00:40:54
a lot of people. No one makes fun of AI
00:40:55
for not knowing how to do fingers. I do.
00:40:58
>> I have hot takes.
00:41:00
>> I'd like to an explanation, but so this
00:41:03
is so you can commit a crime. You have
00:41:04
an extra weird finger. Oh, when you take
00:41:06
a picture and you go, "Oh, AI has can't
00:41:09
do fingers, so it made six."
00:41:11
>> Oh, and so that's not me in the picture.
00:41:13
>> Yep.
00:41:14
>> Okay. And so I'm innocent.
00:41:15
>> Yep. See, I'm
00:41:18
>> I'm playing Strateggo over here.
00:41:21
>> I like everything I'm hearing.
00:41:23
Strateggo. I thought you were playing
00:41:24
battleship.
00:41:28
>> What do you like this? Okay, here.
00:41:30
Pretend we're playing battleship. And I
00:41:31
got to think and say like G5.
00:41:34
>> G5.
00:41:37
Nope.
00:41:40
Then I just move the ship to a little
00:41:42
farther away.
00:41:43
>> You just cheat because you've got a
00:41:45
little barrier.
00:41:46
>> Yeah, that's no fun.
00:41:47
>> Cuz you nailed it.
00:41:48
>> Your new nickname is Milton Bradley.
00:41:53
>> Got it. Okay. I thought I had a joke
00:41:54
about that. Uh, okay. No, I thought you
00:41:57
said my newick nickname was Cheater.
00:42:01
I don't know why Milton Bradley just hit
00:42:03
me about all those toys.
00:42:05
>> Oh, you know, I was at the improv last
00:42:06
night and it was kind of fun because it
00:42:09
was JJ Walker. It was like a legend.
00:42:11
>> Oh, yeah.
00:42:13
>> JJ, Arseno, and Leno.
00:42:17
>> Wow.
00:42:18
>> And
00:42:19
>> comedy legends.
00:42:20
>> That's pretty good, dude. That's pretty
00:42:22
fun to see. And they were all sitting on
00:42:25
the couch bullshitting during my set,
00:42:27
and I came back thirstly.
00:42:30
Did you see every nook and cranny of my
00:42:31
act?
00:42:34
>> Oh, so they just do their set and they
00:42:35
don't honor you by going out. Nobody
00:42:38
watches anyone else.
00:42:39
>> No, no one watches anyone else's set.
00:42:41
>> Sometimes I've gone around and looked
00:42:43
out a couple times
00:42:44
>> just the vibe of the room.
00:42:47
>> Rage, jealous.
00:42:49
>> Yeah.
00:42:49
>> But the rudest thing was the guy before
00:42:52
me, his name is Greg Baldwin. He's a
00:42:53
very funny comic, but he's not really a
00:42:54
household name. And he goes, "Tonight, I
00:42:58
just have to say before I get off, I
00:42:59
started this 18 years ago.
00:43:03
It just hit me tonight. Here I am. I'm
00:43:05
doing it full-time. I quit my job. Now
00:43:08
I'm on a show with David Spade and Jay
00:43:10
Leno Hall and JJ Walker." I just want to
00:43:13
say dreams do come true. And he got off
00:43:16
and they got a big applause. So when I
00:43:17
went up I go, you guys, I just have to
00:43:19
say I can't believe I'm on a show with
00:43:21
JJ Walker, Jay Leno, that guy Arcio
00:43:26
Hall.
00:43:28
I just say that guy.
00:43:31
>> That's funny.
00:43:31
>> I don't know who he is. Oh. And then I
00:43:34
went and apologized to him after even
00:43:35
though I saw him laugh. He was sitting
00:43:37
there and then I go,
00:43:38
>> "Oh, he if he's a comedian, he knows
00:43:40
that's funny."
00:43:40
>> Yeah, it's a [ __ ] layup. You got to
00:43:42
[ __ ] do it. Uh, okay. Let's do
00:43:45
another story. And then Dana, someone
00:43:47
has to lay me down and feed me food,
00:43:50
>> right? You've got to get some chicken
00:43:51
noodle soup and rest. You're You're
00:43:53
making me I'm feeling like I'm getting a
00:43:55
sore throat just by being on this thing.
00:43:57
>> I work so hard. D
00:43:59
>> I I know at not working hard.
00:44:02
>> Yeah.
00:44:04
>> Okay. Why I never fly without wearing a
00:44:06
hat? Oh boy. This is going to gross me
00:44:07
out.
00:44:08
>> Ask me what's the number one health hack
00:44:09
I'm working on that no one else has
00:44:11
thought of yet. And I told them it has
00:44:12
to do with wearing a hat, but
00:44:14
specifically when flying on a plane.
00:44:16
What people haven't realized is all the
00:44:18
modern conveniences of a brand new
00:44:19
flight. They make it so easy to fly and
00:44:21
enjoy. It also means that the TV screen
00:44:24
of the person behind you is in your
00:44:26
headrest. That means as you lie down and
00:44:28
take your nap, you're sleeping on a EMF.
00:44:32
This is why so many people will complain
00:44:33
that they have fatigue or even brain fog
00:44:35
after getting off a flight thinking that
00:44:37
it's just normal jet leg when in fact it
00:44:39
was because you slap their feet up.
00:44:42
>> We all know you wouldn't use a
00:44:43
television on a plane. Now the challenge
00:44:47
is the way the flight
00:44:48
>> I I like his point. He goes, "We all
00:44:50
know you don't use a TV as a pillow when
00:44:52
you're home." I don't
00:44:55
>> Well, some people just I'm tired. But
00:44:57
I'm going to take a flight to Chicago
00:44:58
cuz I never sleep better than on a in
00:45:00
coach
00:45:01
>> on an airplane. So an EMT bomb
00:45:04
electromagnetic
00:45:09
>> effect.
00:45:09
>> Have you ever been on a regular plane or
00:45:11
you just fly G6s
00:45:14
on a G6?
00:45:16
>> I fortunately unfortunately have have
00:45:18
gone on private jets and I've also gone
00:45:22
on coach in a a regular plane too. So,
00:45:25
you do get a little spoiled. You're
00:45:27
like, you know,
00:45:28
>> appreciate the patience, sir. Everybody,
00:45:30
we're gonna hold here at the gate. When
00:45:32
I went to Phoenix last week, okay, we
00:45:34
just locked up the cabin. You're [ __ ]
00:45:36
stuck here on the runway and appreciate
00:45:38
your patience. It's a little rainy in
00:45:40
Arizona, so we're going to just not go
00:45:42
for an hour. I'm like, who cares about
00:45:44
rain, dude?
00:45:46
>> Everybody has kind of a comic, uh, you
00:45:48
know, the pilot. We're going to ask you
00:45:50
to
00:45:50
>> Yeah. Funny.
00:45:51
>> Buckle up the seat belt. How low can you
00:45:53
go before? appreciate your patience. I
00:45:55
like my Kevin Kevin Pollock, your buddy.
00:45:57
I'm my buddy, too. He goes,
00:45:59
>> he goes, "Well, my wife left me and uh
00:46:02
things haven't gone well lately." But
00:46:04
we're going to get there, or maybe we
00:46:06
won't. Anyway, let's try something. Here
00:46:08
we go. Loop to loop. Everyone hold on.
00:46:11
Pilot go. I've said this before, but I
00:46:14
was in a small private jet going to a
00:46:15
corporate date, sitting in the back, and
00:46:18
we're full throttle down the runway, and
00:46:20
then they pull it back. Nope. And they
00:46:22
peel off into the
00:46:24
>> And then they proceed to have a really
00:46:27
ug ugly fight. I thought they were
00:46:29
actually going to come to blows. The
00:46:31
people, the pilots,
00:46:32
>> two, there was two pilots and me alone.
00:46:34
And no, they pull off. They abort the
00:46:36
takeoff and then they're fighting. What
00:46:38
the [ __ ] man? You said rotate. you got
00:46:41
[ __ ] you know. So, I'm thinking,
00:46:44
well, I want off the plane. The guy, no,
00:46:46
it's good, man. We're good. We got it.
00:46:48
You know, so
00:46:49
>> Dana, you're on a plane, right?
00:46:51
>> Mhm.
00:46:52
>> Was this the one I was going to ask you?
00:46:53
Maybe a guy gets up and he starts acting
00:46:56
erratic.
00:46:57
>> Yeah.
00:46:58
>> And he says,
00:47:00
>> "I'm gonna kill us all. I'm gonna open
00:47:02
that door and we're gonna all go down."
00:47:03
>> Do you step up and be a hero?
00:47:06
>> Yes.
00:47:07
>> I think I do, too. I think if I hit
00:47:09
someone and he brushed it off like a
00:47:12
fly, but it would start everyone jumping
00:47:15
in because I'd get beat up, but there's
00:47:17
no way I'm going down without a fight.
00:47:20
>> Yeah. And I think that just generally
00:47:22
speaking with the people up there if in
00:47:26
a plane if they see that it's an actual
00:47:28
threat then I think everybody just
00:47:31
pretty much everyone gets adrenalized.
00:47:33
>> Yeah. And I think the first impulse,
00:47:36
especially if one or two start to go is
00:47:39
all you need is someone to break the
00:47:41
dam. You know, if you have Mark Wahlberg
00:47:43
there, he's already on top of him, but
00:47:45
Bobby right behind there. Yeah. So I go
00:47:49
and I get him and I go sleeper. And then
00:47:53
I go pile driver. I got douche. Got
00:47:55
douche. And he's like this. But if
00:47:58
they're saying things like they're going
00:48:00
to take the plane down, even if they
00:48:01
don't have a bomb or something, you
00:48:02
can't say that. Everyone's on high
00:48:04
alert, you will be jumped and beaten up.
00:48:07
That's for sure. Right.
00:48:08
>> Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I maybe it's
00:48:10
my own ego, but I would hope I could
00:48:13
talk them down very quickly. Hey, hey,
00:48:17
hey, you know, you don't want to do
00:48:19
this, right? I mean, what? You had a you
00:48:21
had a fight with your wife. What's
00:48:22
wrong, man? Hey, I'll give up my seat in
00:48:24
first class.
00:48:26
>> He's like this. church lady.
00:48:29
>> You know, you know the Joe Dirt guy.
00:48:32
>> I heard you had a podcast with the Joe
00:48:35
Dirt guy.
00:48:36
>> Will you do Joe Dirt movie? Beginning to
00:48:39
end, please.
00:48:40
>> Yeah. Will you do Fred Wolf's part as in
00:48:43
as a DJ?
00:48:44
>> Fred Wolf part. The DJ's friend.
00:48:46
>> The DJ's friend.
00:48:47
>> No, he was a tech guy or something.
00:48:49
>> Would you put on the church lady dress,
00:48:51
the wig, and the glasses and dance for
00:48:53
me? Then I won't make the plane go down.
00:48:56
>> Would you tell me about when you spent
00:48:58
the night at the at the White House and
00:49:00
you saw Barbara Bush and her Spanx
00:49:02
walking around?
00:49:04
>> I love when Dana I say something insane
00:49:07
and Dana goes, "What the fuck?"
00:49:10
>> Hold on a sec. I mean, I am the trouble.
00:49:12
>> Who has not seen Barbara Bush in her
00:49:16
span? Oh, who has not seen Barbara Bush
00:49:21
in her Spanx walk around the White
00:49:23
House? This was a common thing that we
00:49:25
all knew. We all saw it. And I of course
00:49:28
would walk around naked and go bowling
00:49:30
in the Nixon bowling alley. I'm Bill
00:49:32
Clinton.
00:49:33
>> And everything you think I did, I didn't
00:49:35
do any of it. [ __ ] you all.
00:49:37
>> I'll bet you five pubes I get a spare.
00:49:42
>> Hey, little Casey Casem. Well, geez,
00:49:45
Scoop. David Spay said he would take
00:49:48
care of anyone on an airplane, right,
00:49:50
Scoo?
00:49:52
I'm sick.
00:49:53
>> It works with a sickness. It's
00:49:57
>> Oh, I got a horse voice.
00:49:59
>> Oh.
00:49:59
>> All right, we should wrap it up because
00:50:01
people got too much for their money
00:50:02
today.
00:50:03
>> All we can say is have a good Christmas.
00:50:06
I'm sure you are listening and watching
00:50:09
this on Monday the 20ish.
00:50:18
the 20
00:50:21
>> D whatever Monday is Dana's
00:50:24
>> Santa is killing
00:50:26
>> the
00:50:26
>> 22nd it's right there. Yeah,
00:50:29
>> UFC Santa Claus. Um Dana, I should get
00:50:32
you a present. So afterwards, we'll see
00:50:34
if I got you something on the next show.
00:50:36
>> Well, I'll just be honest. For my
00:50:38
Christmas shopping, this what it looks
00:50:39
like.
00:50:42
>> I'm on Amazon. $9.95. Okay. All right.
00:50:46
uh humming hummingbird thing. Okay.
00:50:50
Washcloths. And I just blast out I
00:50:52
Everyone gets like 10 gifts. I only
00:50:55
spend $100, but they're Christmas
00:50:57
wrapped. So, it's all that,
00:50:58
>> right? Amazon.
00:51:00
>> In what year did you think you could
00:51:02
order and it comes the same day
00:51:04
sometimes? Crazy.
00:51:06
>> Uh one of the biggest revolutions in the
00:51:08
history of man. You could buy so much
00:51:10
stuff on Amazon. Uh full disclosure, I
00:51:13
own Amazon as a stock. Full disclosure,
00:51:16
I don't own any stock. That's crazy,
00:51:18
huh?
00:51:18
>> What are you [ __ ] nuts?
00:51:20
>> I know. I I have your same guy. I don't
00:51:22
know why he's driving me into the poor
00:51:24
house, but it's fine. I don't care.
00:51:28
That's Here's someone who really cares.
00:51:30
I don't care about money.
00:51:32
>> Yeah. And I don't encourage you to think
00:51:34
about me and I totally don't care about
00:51:37
your money. Like, that's going to make
00:51:39
you happy.
00:51:41
Why do so many women go up like that,
00:51:43
Heather, and just go, "I don't believe
00:51:45
it." I mean, like, she was so cute and
00:51:47
she knew it and I was like, "What are
00:51:50
you doing?" And she was like, "I don't
00:51:52
know." I mean, it's in every movie. I
00:51:54
have relatives that did not grow up in
00:51:56
Southern California and go like like I
00:51:58
was so scared and I was really looking
00:52:01
good that day. My boots were fitting
00:52:02
kind of tight and I don't know why. I
00:52:05
just had them a half size down.
00:52:08
>> That sounds Canadian. Nobody can be
00:52:10
their own.
00:52:10
>> Sorry.
00:52:11
>> It's all false.
00:52:12
>> I've lost lost control.
00:52:14
>> They're not being their real selves
00:52:15
lately. We're all a little fake at the
00:52:17
beginning. All right, Dana, you stay on.
00:52:19
I'm gonna say goodbye and
00:52:20
>> I'll do the ads. So, you just relax.
00:52:23
>> Okay, you guys. I'm walking out.
00:52:24
Everyone give me a couple minutes to get
00:52:26
to my car.
00:52:27
>> Mhm.
00:52:28
>> Take the shades off.
00:52:29
>> Goodbye. in the public.
00:52:35
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:52:37
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00:52:47
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00:52:52
>> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:52:53
an executive produced by Danny Carvey
00:52:55
and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and
00:52:57
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00:53:00
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00:53:03
producer is Greg Holtzman and the show
00:53:05
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00:53:10
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00:53:25
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