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wow you locked in and we are recording welcome to another edition of scooper
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Fleek of stupid fly Dana
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Dana we should have a segment called f fly swatter where we just criticize
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movies and people welcome to fly swatter welcome
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we'll take you down and we're not afraid to take you down we'll spray Patrick
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I just gave him a little a face he goes does this count as something good you want a
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clip the only thing happened to me funny today was I was at Crunch Gym in New
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York City and it was 18 degrees out so it was the walk was real interesting my head was swollen up and stuff but um
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they go hey Hey listen up listen up crunchers there's a voice of God over
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the whole gym and he calls us crunchers he calls us crunchers listen up you crunchers please please
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put your weights back in a quiet manner enjoy it all right crunchers keep crunching keep
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crunching crunchers I go who thought of this but it was awesome were you doing
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crunches at the time yes oh I I know how to Crunch my abs people like they like
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to people like to work out their it's it's nonsensical when people work out they work out their strong muscles and
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work around their weak muscle so if their back is weak they're doing the L they just whip it back with their arms
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if they're trying to do a stomach crunch they just sit on the thing and they just make their neck go like this and I'm not
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talking about when I saw you at crunchers but you are a cruncher Nestle is crunches you would
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come in back in the day when we were on on SNL and prescriptive Fitness yes and it's the same gym everything's the same
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it's been expanded but it's the same gym from uh oh that's where you go Gary
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Prince yeah now it's crunch bod it from Gary Prince my friend God Rest For Real that same spot the the stairs as he
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built it out went up but I remember you would come in and you would work your biceps pretty
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good which is kind of the show muscles we don't even need our biceps that much in life no compared to our back and
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shoulders but lats quads bleeps squeeps but you know that Nick City dancers
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worked out there too they get he let them work out there for free oh yeah so I'd always see them and I'd go like this
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you using these can I work in want to do some dips
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yeah Gravitron I ran into Tony Danza in New York coming out of a hotel
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hey with some place like a workout so I said prescriptive Fitness tell him I sent you and he worked out during his
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Broadway run I'm sitting down so let's talk talk about the show was fun last
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week let's unpack it but for the people who don't
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know next time we'll make that really cut it close oh there you people yell at me on the comments you look you look
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amazing [ __ ] comments Dana you got your jacket your warmest is that your warmest coat in New
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York no this is my indoor cool guy jacket because I stole it from the the
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the New York Magazine thing oh that's where you got it I just walked out with
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it because I've been in stores where I tried a jean jacket and it can go south
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so fast real fast it can ride up it can be too short too big weird collar jean
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jackets are not so I this works so I stole it the tag was for $98 I do not
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shop I shop Amazon essentials I don't care if that's a conflict of interest um
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with our sponsors we have to take that all out yep yep $59 is my winter C but
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you know try something on on a movie or on a TV show and it fits you get something that works you got to take
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it yeah yeah like hope to find yeah I mean so so basically for people who
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didn't know I've been doing some things on SNL like Biden and stuff and then I
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always thought it'd be funny if David uh played Hunter Biden I don't know why
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this is some reason and so that's what happened last Saturday night on Friday
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at noon I was in the cook you know Kitchen in my house and la like cooking away cooking
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stew for dinner and then you gave me a heads up said hey I think they're going to call you I think you're in this cold
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opening if you want to roll out I think they're going to say come out and then and then I went to eat at McDonald's and
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then ger called put the quarter pound down you like money yeah want to go out
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to SNL hey handsome landscape has changed all the H catch
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landscape has changed no one's getting any money out there by the way no there's no money left not a oh no they
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don't get those deals don't even that's all smoking mirrors no those deal that's the old Deals they don't get those anymore they don't those you want me to
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call back see if there's another drop try to get another drop out of them squeeze them I said yeah so I said I
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should have just said what's the least amount of money I can get for SNL because I saw my contract but anyway I I
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went out so I go home they go he goes can you get on a 3:30 flight I go well it's one and I'm at McDonald I don't
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think so so I had to scramble to uh and Heather rallied and we went out there
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got in at 1:00 a.m. and then I call you my liais on and said um because all I
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know is really Dan boula I don't even have higgins's number so I said hey uh
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Donna and you're said I just rehearsed it we're working on it and then tomorrow
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we'll do it tomorrow in the evening so okay my my little those 36 hours for me
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was because normally I come in I do Biden and then I rehearse it Friday but so I was flying in Thursday
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and then found out when I got off the plane or something church lady I was like holy church lady of all things yeah
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holy lady so then um it's time I put I
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okay who's gonna be in in it you know as marello as Juan sto the baseball player
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and it was um uh Sarah Sherman as Matt Gates of course and US Hunter Biden so
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then working backwards trying to figure out what to do but then um Friday night at midnight we just ran a really rough
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draft just sitting with the writers a little bit on Friday and then it was it
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was a little needed some needed some work yeah and I've never been that
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behind the eightball when I would do a church chat I would I would start on Tuesday and then work with Bonnie and
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Terry Turner you know others and then we go to read through get a do another
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rewrite another rewrite so I was glad it turned out as well as it did you were great just had a funny take on Hunter so
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anyway so then it it's Saturday I get up early and I'm writing any joke I can
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think of to try to insert you're just trying to recover tell us from your
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point of view now what happened so I'm just rotting at the hotel and then uh I just say they'll let me know so I walked
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down 57th and see the big Louis Vuitton building that I thought was a uh
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CGI and then filmed something from my Instagram and then uh they said oh we'll
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send a car I still haven't read it they go we got to get you a hunter Biden wig and get you down here and get you a suit
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so I went down around 3:30 or 4 and um saw the old
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SNL I remember this did just some of the cast was saying where was your dressing
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room where was Adams where was everybody's compared to what they had that's always fun it's all exactly the
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same and I had a Jess room next to Dana and that that Maya Rudolph had had occupied
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when she was doing yeah kamla so then comma and you had a couch in yours I did
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not I had a couch who cares I don't want to it didn't matter I wasn't paying for it but I had a snack um box what you
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want to call it and you would walk in about every 45 minutes and grab little
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chips they weren't big chips or whatever you were grabbing you'd look around you Grace without talking and then walk out
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no you wouldn't say anything you were rehearsing I'm like yeah I'm just looking at my script you know here's
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something interesting inside baseball so I want to get there they said come in at 4:30 it's basically dark Time Square is
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lit up I get in the car I got very very nice drivers we're gonna have to go around Mr cavi so as he's telling me as
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we're going down toward Time Square we got to make a left because it's thousands and thousands of people in the
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street nice weather Saturday he goes look I'll be honest with you if we can't
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go left here we got to go all the way around it's going to add one more hour
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one more hour of travel [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah we got to go around Manhattan and Staten Island we got to go around so
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what I did and I never do it and I can hide in plain sight with this mug in this face I put jump out shut the [ __ ] I
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didn't I put the window down there was like hundreds of people and I was just hanging out out the window looking kind
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of like this just going isn't that special I want to pump you up and all that stuff so they started taking
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pictures and the policewoman noticed and I said can we go I got to get to Satur Night Live so we we're able to go down
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my a great idea good Lord ticket works sometimes
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doesn't always work face card to the rescue yeah uh I
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did the same thing I rolled it down I said isn't that special H fro I said yes Mr Cary you're back I said I had to run
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out I'm coming right back well that helps me a lot if I was dressed as gar I would they would have sent a helicopter for me hey I'd like
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I'd like to get by now I down 51st Street what was funny is
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they they had to put you said that uh wigs are easy they put you know Jody's
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very sweet she puts the Saran Wrap over my head then they go it's like they're
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wrapping a present it's just tape tape tape pushing me down making me shorter
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you know what I should have had you say you should have said when I came out oh Hunter you look a little shorter than I remember like I got the weight of the
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world on you didn't look short what I mean I'm
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shorter than Hunter probably I'm still 512 but so anyway tape tape tape in my
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head maybe 30 straps of tape and how many pins go right in oh and then it was
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[ __ ] P the pin store went out of business it was like oh yeah then they draw lines on your head you know they
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draw your shape then they go make the wig in seconds I don't know how they do it mhm and it's really my hair but it's
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blacker which makes me want to do my hair darker for the movie he I kind of like it black and um and then I go and
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and then they have to pin my little mullet back here up and then they go shave your beard and I go I don't think
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I can cuz we're starting but you trimmed it and they said can you trim it I think
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it was Lauren and uh I said you tell Lauren I don't [ __ ] work here anymore I that that little fit you thre
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just just spread all across 88 crew guys who would spay it upstairs what the [ __ ]
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you know I saw Marcelo what the [ __ ] by the way is it Marcelo marchello or
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marshmallow uh that's funny he's so sweet he's a marshmallow marshmallow but
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he is marshmallow marello he is uh oh yeah he's got he's he's uh he he's got
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uh a great attitude about this show great ass what did you say attitude oh
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he's got good fluffy your not mine now when I said attitude your ears hurt assd
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to you have any comment on that let me read this back you tweeted this this is a tweet from you can we pull it up this
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is a tweet that's a tweet a tweet from you your personal verified Instagram
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yeah um so it was fun and see what do you mean it so I got my wig I got my
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then we did a re got the suit then we do a little tighten and
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brighten and then uh marchello made fun of me because when I walked off I pulled out my cigarettes and he goes don't add
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stuff that wasn't in the script so funny such a bust and he goes
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and when he said you said the laptop ads takes away two Ines you said bye-bye and
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I and I get up and I go maybe three and uh he goes added a line pulled out cigarettes that wasn't the
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script was that the dress show that was dress yeah that was dress okay so that's
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funny see that but he can he can do that he noticed that which was funny yeah
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he's good he's he's uh he's just fun man we got to get him on subba whatever our show was called one of our shows that
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orientate around an insect what what about Sarah Sherman looking like Matt Gates and terrifying everyone well
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that's why the look I don't forget it's Matt Gates or anything just her in that suit whatever it is it's funny whatever
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it is it's just and then she puts her chin down and does the smile with the big forehead such a [ __ ] twig too and
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then she comes out later and she plays like every girl in every sketch she goes I'm barely in the show at all I go
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you're in 5,000 things what are you talking about I'm very in the show everyone's got I'm not in the show itis
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it's true we all had it everybody I'm hardly in the show no there is something about a a slight woman and she's very
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cute and um in a suit playing a man because I've never felt more manly
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you're playing a girl well that was The Meta thing I didn't want to point out I'm a man playing a woman she's a woman
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playing a man that never happened before in history is even even the great Milton
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Burl never had a meta man woman woman man talking going Toe to Toe in that
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ComEd comedy atmosphere your words not mine take another look so Mr mayoras so
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that we do the dress show so people don't know so the dress show um is
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pretty loud I mean it's a pretty fun this is the 8:00 2hour dress show so you do that how
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what's your comfort level coming off the dress show that's that's why you brought Comfort level was I got it [ __ ] I'm GNA
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Crush I said I don't I go to you and also the the writer people I don't remember their names they're very cool
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and I said said uh it's a young lady and there's a young man and I said thanks for putting me in this I said I don't
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want to be the sketch hog this is Dana's sketch but I said I actually never do this but I I would like to be in it less
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I said you were very nice you gave me a lot but if it's just talking there's not much of a good impression there I would
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rather just just hit the jokes and not have a big diet tribe about Trump or
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this I go let's just Biden back and forth I said let's just get Dana a laugh
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me a laugh a couple laughs and you've got the cold open shouldn't be too long so funny Dana funny uh Sarah as Matt me
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and then Marcello and then get out do a little dance and and and it and it turned out it got a little tighter I I
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don't know if your stuff got tighter but you might have said the same thing oh no I mean basically as far as the show
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inside baseball alert inside
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baseball so it's a running timeline of the show and what Lauren thinks he can
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keep in the show based on sketches going long or short so probably Friday night
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that thing was 13 minutes all bet or 14 which is an eternity for show for TV
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yeah and then it gets down to 945 for that dress show but it needs to be under
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eight yeah chubby little little chubby so there was a lot of trims and I look
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back at later you know I always have sketch regret like some of those rhythms I would have got into it differently as
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the church lady I was a little bit Rusty um but well isn't that special well
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isn't that well I wanted to do that I wanted to do like a uh a monster voice
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hello I'm the church lady and welcome to church chat and then go and then go whoops I sorry had a little Satan get
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out of here Satan usually I have a fist fight or I play the drums or some kind
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of weird thing we did have the song at the end which I heard you were harmonizing s Satan had a good year
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Satan had a good year Satan so that was twice as long at the dress and they
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asked for trims oh Heather was trying to record me
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and then she got bored of me and she started she just drifted over that one foot Gap and went into your dress room
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and you guys were like Satan had a good year I know I wish she' done more of it I would have posted yeah here we go oh
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there it is look at that good year the election sure oh I wish You' gone
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longer Mike Mike tyon son I know I was a little bit but I think they made all the
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great choices and Great Cuts no they did a good job and and you know that's what the Dr it's not we're not saying it was
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too long on their fault it's just you put everything in and you usually have read through to figure stuff out and you
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tighten we didn't see it till that night and so you go okay now Spade's in now he's here now so let's see how it all
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goes now we got the costumes on and uh we got wardrobe and then it's like okay Titan and Brighton as I said
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the cold opening is so important I would say vote to put it in read through because I know they don't they try to
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keep it very topical for Friday but yeah but I I do think the song I was
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happy with the button of the song the time all nine of us were going say you
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know it's very good for the cold opening the one thing that you and I tried and it it was just too long or didn't quite
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work was you know your pardon goes retroactive to 2014 so church lady starts to quiz you over what you
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remember do you remember 2014 no 2015 h
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no really and then finally little blurry yeah I see colors what about 2019 I see
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some colors and shapes you little Aqua I see some shapes yeah some aqua some purple so that was I remember pops and
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noises I don't buzz and beeps so we that we like if we' had that we could have
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honed it and worked on it but it didn't quite land so it was one of the first things we
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lost so you're hearing the inside baseball the song was cut shorter and
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because it needed and one less church lady dance across and back I wanted to do two you know the superior I wanted to
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go bump bump bump bump live from New York instead I went bump bump live from
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New York and with the Satan had a good year and I would do
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Satan had a good year then another and then I do this little song
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so I missed that Rhythm but I feel like they made uh Great Cuts and they wrote some great jokes so I thank you to uh it
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was fun to see uh and Heather like this thank you to those guys sorry to cut that off um no not at all and uh Heather
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was excited to see like update rehearsing in the hallway by the dressing room and just see how the whole inner workings even I was forgetting how
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Chao it is uh behind did did Heather see the Saturday Night Live
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movie I have to finish it oh okay so you saw some of it and how would you compare
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she has to finish it she also has to start it I love the movie and I want to see it
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again because I told Heather go watch it because the Jason wman meticulously made
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that exact studio right and he he tried to get a vibe of the whole it was history of SNL
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because it it's a there's a lot of just hanging out you know in the end of the day there's just a lot of rooms it's
00:20:38
kind of quiet there's wig people coming in knocking a lot and there's riders coming in so we're going to cut this and
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cut that and so people know with live TV you do the dress show you have a lot of
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things are cut and pasted which is normal so it'll just be on the cards you don't ever get to really rehearse it not
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in specific it's you know right so it's that's why the live show is exciting
00:21:02
Jason rman is on I think flying the wall next week to talk about it yes yeah he
00:21:08
in 90 minutes was trying to really capture the zy and the vibe I think it worked because I thought it was
00:21:15
extremely fun and interesting yes the chaos that you know yeah Christmas day
00:21:22
he comes out I want to watch Theo movie so badly now that I've already been oh
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yeah Heather wants to see the movie now that she's seen the behind the scenes page desk she really likes and soing up
00:21:33
every minute was thrilling and Lauren coming down the notes I had to see so many oh yeah she sat in with notes with
00:21:39
Lauren remember I made him say it twice he goes and uh you know he sits there and everyone Waits and he goes little
00:21:45
too much blue in this don't put up the lights here what are we waiting Sarah look to the camera G on this you know
00:21:51
just like barking it out while everyone's going and then he goes David I believe I believe you I believe you
00:21:56
were yeah you got the biggest uh compliment I believe you were h b and
00:22:02
then I go huh and he goes I said I believe you're Hunter B and
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I but um I actually didn't hear him because Sarah was yapping about something but anyway I I thought uh
00:22:15
shozi was good jacuzzi um the musical guest his name was Scooby Dooby doozy no
00:22:23
that song is a catchy song He's Sweet that's a real toet Tapper that guy was cool looks like Derek Henry big huge
00:22:30
tough guy super nice but super sweet and Paul mcal if I do it rightow was uh Y
00:22:38
super uh enthusiastic incredibly nice and he I saw him at the Afterparty I was
00:22:45
chatting for a while met his parents um because you left early of course before the cool stuff
00:22:53
happened no I know and he Chris Rock was going to come and then he had that corporate gig and then I think it it
00:23:00
went a little sideways so he didn't come and I was I was wiped out because Dana
00:23:05
had a couch I didn't so I couldn't lay down and rest my beautiful head and my hair yeah but my
00:23:11
couch it's not that comfortable it's Goodwill I may throw together another church chat this week so I can
00:23:18
interviewr another one just a quick one like a quick one where I interview Chris Rock about that corporate date where he
00:23:24
stormed off wow wow wow we're getting paid to do a professional performance but we storm off the stage what if what
00:23:31
if in his monologue he sees the cameras and goes I didn't know there's going to be cameras here and then he leaves the monologue he leaves and then Paul mcal
00:23:38
is gonna be there this week by the way oh he is yes he's gonna just hang out this week so then he go and he could go
00:23:45
back and and host if Chris storms off it's a double win if Chris does storm off then Paul will be there it's even
00:23:52
better uh ratings uh use a Calamity it's called trending
00:23:59
yeah I might go to watch Chris remember I said I was gonna I told him come out and then I didn't and now I'm thinking
00:24:06
of going because a it was fun and B I said I was coming that weekend he goes
00:24:12
so now you're not coming I go well it's not I'm not I'm just a fragile little
00:24:19
dandelion and so well my throat is still dry but it'd be fun it's always fun even
00:24:24
though you're just walking around and well one thing I can tell you I don't think you do this and I won't say who
00:24:30
they are but sometimes I've had friends come uh this fall to SNL and they're
00:24:36
sitting they're standing right in my line of sight like right over my Q cards is their face you don't want that right
00:24:44
Chris Rock doesn't want to see you with a big smile I would right next to the camera you would you're too smart for
00:24:49
that David no I wouldn't want I just sit in this dress room or something but uh I
00:24:54
remember the 40th I went out and watched and it was fun cuz that was just packed with everybody um we we should get to I
00:25:01
think we've patted ourselves in the back and enough for my 2 minutes scen St the people that are interested in in
00:25:07
Saturday Night Live I agree if you fast forwarded through this segment we don't
00:25:12
have any issue with [Music]
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00:27:05
Crossing Casino and Hotel I will tell you one cool thing
00:27:10
Dana did you want to hear it of course you do I don't think I did anything cool so we're we you know the page desk as
00:27:17
you see on TV our dressing rooms if you're coming out of ADH to the right is
00:27:23
music and the host to the left is where they make the Q cards and update hangs out and then it's me and you right with
00:27:29
those two dressing rooms so we're not too far from the stage and they're like 20 minutes till uh dress or air whatever
00:27:37
yeah and then I got my wig on and we're just bullshitting and talking and I'm stealing stuff here and then they go uh
00:27:43
and I hear go four minutes to co no they go five minutes to Cod open and and I
00:27:48
start to get up and you go you going already and I go how close do you want to cut it full five minutes yeah we got
00:27:56
full five minutes to go and hang out so I was like well I feel we should probably be around it was maybe 4 minutes we get hang for two and so we
00:28:05
went out there and then I was like nervous and um but it worked out well that's Jenna by the way Jenna who does
00:28:12
all those cast cast to the hallway in 90 seconds everything has time and it even
00:28:18
if you're not really nervous it it's just a sense memory of feeling nervous about 10 minutes till you're going to go
00:28:24
online 30 seconds go go go and then they're finally just
00:28:31
pushing you to go Shake Lauren's hand Lauren Michaels hand oh yeah you walk in and it's like a basketball game you say
00:28:38
hi to the coach number 32 plane Hunter Biden Don speo David SPO yeah yeah I
00:28:45
didn't want to give it away that I was in there because people figure it out usually when you're in the sketch they go oh I see the crowd go like this oh
00:28:52
it's this [ __ ] guy I thought he was he wasn't on the show anymore guess what here's my last comment about that night
00:28:57
so even with me when you came out you had the beard kind of dark whatever you did with the beard you had the hair and
00:29:03
you had the suit on I I thought to myself yeah it looks really good and then Paula my wife unsolicited said
00:29:09
David looked very handsome on that sketch so I'm sure you saw the
00:29:14
comments you mean I went on and liked them all no I did I did like it while you
00:29:21
were taking a bath yeah I said I joined YouTube just so I can give it a thumbs
00:29:26
up but it is always a cool look the suit fit perfect the hair's back listen and I was looking serious I wasn't acting too
00:29:33
goofy I could have gone a little bigger with it but no one even knows what he sounds like he never talks he's always
00:29:38
right to remain silent guy I just saying it was it was fine we got we got laughs
00:29:43
we got out oh was super fun people enjoyed it all right let's go to the the
00:29:50
anything this week uh oh there's a funny one I was going to show you oh yeah this girl now let's hear what she says first
00:29:57
this is a new here's a woman let's just hear it y'all I just farted for the first time ever
00:30:02
and sold it for all I had to do was toot into a bottle it was so stinky I know he's gonna love it follow for more this
00:30:08
isn't a joke Dana I like the first comment I don't belong on Earth anymore bro I don't belong on this
00:30:16
podcast anymore look at sad part is this isn't fake anymore why would someone buy a
00:30:23
fart in jar asking for a friend that's all funny fart farts in jars I guess Big
00:30:29
B humans have way too much free time the robots are doing all the work and money
00:30:35
my God the monetization you know what guess what robots can't fart that's the
00:30:42
big hook I guess that's the last thing they'll take from us Elon like went like
00:30:47
this right now oh wa that's a challenge uh you're I'm doc Mega you can love my
00:30:53
My Farting robots farting robots Tesla goes up another billion when they
00:31:00
introduce farting by the way he touched 400 billion he went over 400 billion
00:31:05
Nick it look at the top and maybe he up to 450 billion so uh I'm doc me I'm
00:31:11
basically a half trillion so good gonna land on his feet good for him so I think
00:31:17
these girls are farting a jar what a good part-time job if you work at like Lady Foot Locker and you want to make
00:31:22
some extra cash all you need is a can who's buying
00:31:27
the the jar D eyes I don't know they don't find the people is it one particular person
00:31:35
who's buying these jars remember that room you wouldn't show me in your
00:31:40
house they yeah no I'm the one that does the farting in them it's like Cameo it's
00:31:45
the new thing you know she farts in the jar first of all way too upbeat about it
00:31:52
what happened to being embarrassed people be embarrassed a little bit shame if I was shame
00:31:58
can I can I say something and you try to top me what is the most sort of kid-like
00:32:04
but fun way to talk about that activity I'm going to nominate a windy pop they
00:32:12
windy pop into the jar I see windy pop is kind of but I don't like the other
00:32:17
word I like windy pop Heather come with me as I windy pop into this jar and sell
00:32:22
to some pervert and Wiis people go what the hell is a windy pop
00:32:28
I like the wife going babe why you have what's a windy pop and why did you order 200 of
00:32:35
them does Heather know what a windy pop is no she's figuring it out I think well
00:32:42
anyway this lady is skipping along and the and the music is funny she's skipping into like you know
00:32:50
mailboxes Etc and she's tapes up her windy pop she puts an address on it's
00:32:57
like a whole Shenanigans it's it's so weird and then she's like that's a wrap today I worked now I'm going to take
00:33:04
five and relax yeah how do you know when you're working when I hear this
00:33:09
[Music] sound I it's a car I don't know NASCAR
00:33:18
windy poop the guy goes she goes this guy requested a bubbler
00:33:25
[Laughter] that's a little more H has any podcast
00:33:31
ever literally can we get cancelled on I mean can they get canceled stupid let's
00:33:37
go on to our second one yeah let's go sorry we didn't enough no that was a good one okay here we are oh here we're
00:33:43
in the same this is what it says should I say it yeah you read it only fans model Sophie rain says she's a Christian
00:33:50
and a virgin don't have to give yourself up to everyone okay here we how about
00:33:56
anyone yeah but she's one that's 20 that she said I like they always reveal to
00:34:01
puff up but she made 40 million last year so wow my shock to this reading it
00:34:09
is I feel like it's one or the other are you an only fans model or are you a virgin maybe it's true but I thought
00:34:17
they do p o RN I thought so I thought they did corn well but I don't know if they do
00:34:26
corn right only fans is not I guess she's flirtatious and friendly maybe it's just
00:34:34
Instagram in my head what is different what's if you're not doing well well I know that it's more
00:34:41
built economically for venmo or subscription based like if you can get F
00:34:47
say you get a million horny men globally the digital digital audience is five billion in aggregate potential for her
00:34:54
you get a million horny men that just like want you to be their surrogate girlfriend and they pay you a million a
00:35:00
month now what is that per year David that's uh two million 12 12
00:35:08
million here's the other thing in olden days the tribal Elder the grandpa of the
00:35:15
tribe was 28 people were having kids at8 nine and 10 so nobody was a virgin at 20
00:35:22
that'd be grandma grandma you know already had two batches of kids so but in today
00:35:28
sexed up crazy world sexed up crazyy Old Nation Steve Carell is half has to
00:35:36
remake The 40-Year-Old Virgin into how funny it is that he's a 20-year-old virgin that's howy old virgin is funny
00:35:43
that is funny and you think in this Biz like uh catch me outside girl who of
00:35:48
course I'm business acquaintances with I did a video with catch me outside uh I I
00:35:54
was have to say not to be rude I was shocked it wasn't either full nudity or full corn because what is everyone
00:36:01
paying for it just hey here's me I'm going to the Grove and hang out of the mall she's just sort of friendly and
00:36:07
stuff yeah I mean she's perfectly cute this girl is perfectly attractive but 43
00:36:13
[ __ ] 43 million on her first year that that blows my 12 million definitely in
00:36:19
the wrong business 100% the wrong business okay moving on seems like a lovely lady it's a good wrap up she
00:36:25
seems great yeah good for her schol um good for word it takes it's
00:36:31
hard for me to make half that much oh this is a big story your girl
00:36:37
huille yeah I call her HW tuille I guess it's HW Tua because church lady said instead of
00:36:45
instead of worshiping hak Tua you should go go to a CH go to a church go to a
00:36:53
church it was a tough line you should go to a church that was good I like that phrasing MH she did I didn't even know
00:36:59
you could do this she launched a Bitcoin about herself I don't know I know you could do this why aren't we doing this
00:37:05
Dana and then rugged it it doesn't mean rigged it I think rugged it is when you pull the rug out so she did a see that
00:37:15
little chart she does a hawk toy some sort of crypto Al hor [ __ ] and then she
00:37:22
puts it out to her fans it starts to go up God Knows Why save us and then someone buys it it MH why on God screen
00:37:29
Earth and then they pull they sell and so it's just a
00:37:37
typical oh you get stuck with your dick in your hand now yeah there might be some
00:37:42
where I don't know did she does she HW to on each coin that would make it worth
00:37:50
more she was like this it's a genuine there you go there's one package
00:37:55
it up I won't be gross but I don't know how this works she seems like a lovely
00:38:01
lady and Bitcoins are like fake Air so there's not really physical ones to do that to but I do and they say she ripped
00:38:09
everyone off I feel like she gets I I heard a phone call between all these people
00:38:15
online and they were all talking with real Bitcoin sharks and the guys that
00:38:20
rep her that are part of it I think they probably just said hey do this with us you'll make money and meanwhile they
00:38:26
don't know what she doesn't know what they're going to do and they just do it because they're talking about all this lingo back and forth and arguing one guy
00:38:33
saying oh you ripped everyone off shei and they're like no this is blah blah and they I was like oh these guys know
00:38:38
what they're doing I love this new world I I can't rep mind around it it's just you know remember when was ETS didn't
00:38:46
Justin Bieber buy like a smiley face for like nft for 3 million me well
00:38:54
ladies and gentlemen what happened to eat TFS know they say now who would ever
00:39:03
believe that a monkey wearing sunlasses and a photograph wasn't going to be worth $80
00:39:10
million a digital picture of a monkey a picture it's a giraffe on a
00:39:17
skateboard and I and he snapped it up I paid $1 million and somehow it went down to $880
00:39:24
and then the giraffe on roller blades went for a150 and it was cooler than what I paid 11 so I don't know what to
00:39:32
say we have a theme on the show we have SNL behind the scenes and now we have digitization of monetization of
00:39:39
sexuality and absurdity yeah is be millionaire yeah that was a good way to
00:39:45
put it you know what we should tell Chris to be Chris Rock toy all right what about Chris Ro we should that's his
00:39:51
real name is a great name Chris Rock Chris Rock is he said it once it s he
00:39:57
goes Rock and Spade people think we made them both up
00:40:03
for Showbiz I go why would I make it up I would never think I'd be in showas I got I just got lucky my dad gave me a
00:40:09
name and took off but he did do gave me a good name okay Absolut so we should talk about the uh the killer
00:40:18
Luigi the the guy with the CEO it's such a huge story this week I think you guys will probably do something you know Emil
00:40:25
Emil he should play that kid hey he could he should play him or one of the Menendez brothers just without going too
00:40:32
dark just it occur to me occurred to me so he maybe makes a a
00:40:40
a play gun he 3D models a gun he's always so [ __ ] he knows that
00:40:45
he's he's a Yale grat or he's a brilliant guy and he he knows he has
00:40:50
probably I'm going to say top five globally of intensity of eyebrows so he
00:40:57
know cameras are in the Starbucks so there's a picture of those eyebrows and he's a man on the Run yeah usually when
00:41:05
people when people are on the Run they get into a cheap motel and they shave
00:41:11
what look so you shave the eyebrows off yeah the giveaway you're right put glasses on dye your hair red or
00:41:17
something but he's hanging out there so my question is did the young man want to get caught right he should have called
00:41:24
you because you he could have shaved his eyebrows off and then drawn on little skinny ones like yeah and then wore
00:41:30
glasses po Loco and also wore a fake beard fake beard
00:41:36
beforehand he could have put on my hunter Biden wig he also you know he looks a little like I can't say um but I
00:41:44
think uh he but by the way every girl's in love with this killer and because he's good-look goodlooking always wins
00:41:50
it just gets you out to be a killer and he's getting more clicks on Tinder well it was weird there was a Strath of
00:41:57
humanity that did a Robin Hood deal on him like he's Justified it's it's a
00:42:04
Robin Hood move that's a little little bit too far for me it's a bit of a
00:42:09
stretch because if you're allowed to kill people you don't like of course I mean you are judge jury and executioner
00:42:15
just you decided you I mean if it works both ways if you can just always just go around and kill people that are yes is
00:42:22
he trying to get oh that's feather's theous he's try
00:42:27
it's not my theory Heather's asking if he's trying to get Healthcare in prison I'll see if Dana knows this answer is he
00:42:33
trying to get Healthcare in prison like he couldn't get they said he hurt his back uhhuh uh and he couldn't get health
00:42:43
care and so he's trying to get in prison there's a news story just out that his
00:42:49
family owns nursing homes and they're under the gun for ripping people off I'm
00:42:55
like wait a second that doesn't make any sense right there's a whole lot of RI
00:43:02
going on Robin Hood yeah but the other thing is was it too easy to catch him
00:43:08
that is a good question you we got caterpillar or double triple caterpillar eyebrows and you're just going
00:43:15
around with the eyebrows you know how many times Eugene Levy got called in
00:43:20
they spotted him around they spotted him around town Eugene Levy had to go into hiding but I would say could have an
00:43:27
eyebrow off for charity before they put him in prison an eyebrow off they could sell his eyebrow hairs and to women and
00:43:34
make they released the call of the elderly lady at McDonald's hi I think I
00:43:39
know who the Killer is he's sitting right over there with triple caterpillar eyes I swear to Jesus that's your man
00:43:46
and the cops came in that's that's right and he had one picture like the best picture he's taking his life he's got
00:43:52
the hood on he's smiling crooked and every girl's like [ __ ] you know
00:43:58
Splash Mountain you know what I'm saying there wasn't a dry seat in the house yeah you know what I mean it was
00:44:04
like Katrina down there you know what I mean that's not true women don't like every girl on Tik Tok is like how can I
00:44:11
date this guy it was the please [ __ ] me killer and all they cared about is how good-looking he was and I'm like this is
00:44:18
you shot someone they always skipped that I know they I gu well he let it the gentleman I don't want to say his name
00:44:25
but he um he also had like Superman ABS so it's C caterpillar triple
00:44:31
caterpillars and then um you know basically Superman ABS that he
00:44:37
conveniently takes a picture of was for yeah and then he was um and he was like
00:44:44
super smart so that's a that's a sex trap for women yeah but he also on his
00:44:51
Manifesto I like the girls are like getting a little less horny when he's too similar to the unibomber
00:44:57
they're like oh and he has a Manifesto that always looks good on the re um I have a Manifesto and one of them was he
00:45:04
said should I just bomb this whole Convention of these Bean counters at the where the CEO was going so if he did
00:45:11
that I think they'd be like n that's a little well what's how do you when does just a public note become a Manifesto
00:45:19
what are the rules I mean you went to State School what's the definition Webster definition of a Manifesto sir I
00:45:26
give it to you right now you have 10 seconds it's a big word and
00:45:32
uh you know I'm going to tell you tell me what it means I'll tell you if you're right
00:45:37
yeah that's better I guess uh just in the modern times modern parl it's it's
00:45:45
someone who wants to reorientate society with a public statement and the
00:45:51
manifesto will include what is wrong with the current society and what should be changed right here's how we could a
00:45:58
couple easy fixes I think you're right I think you're right usually they try to keep it to under 600 Pages you can't
00:46:04
make it too long cu no one's going to read it you know what I mean if I send Sandler a text that's over a paragraph
00:46:10
he's not reading it you know what I mean you got to be kind of so Manifesto feels like it's got to be long it doesn't have
00:46:16
to be um not in the YouTube or uh Instagram age just one paragraph can be
00:46:22
a Manifesto [Music]
00:46:32
which reminds me Tik toks are getting long oh let's talk about also the space orbs over New Jersey have you seen them
00:46:39
I have I mean not I've not seen them I haven't gone on the roof of the hotel and looked out toward New Jersey I mean
00:46:47
it's too cold it's too damn cold I should have done it during the heat wve in late September I guess aliens aren't
00:46:54
that cold well what is the theory what are they what the [ __ ] what do we pay taxes for orbs of from
00:47:01
where orbs no they are just you know it's just orbs I like how everyone say orbs like
00:47:09
anyone knows what that is but there's a congressman that thinks it's from the the Iranian mothership is releasing them
00:47:15
but not explaining you know you know has mother ships UFOs not freaking Iran not I yeah
00:47:22
not a small mid Mid Eastern country does not have a Mothership that's that's
00:47:28
station my real one is there's a mother ship alien ship under the ocean and they
00:47:34
shoot out cuz there's so many out of the ocean and it's so much closer than Mars who wants to fly that whole way it's like pop out of the ocean beep B Boop
00:47:41
you're right here you're in New York if it's something to do with the mothership comedy club in Austin I'm not
00:47:47
the first to say that's a great ad if it is Joe Rogan might be doing this as sort
00:47:53
of a a comedy meta sort of public you know like a David Blaine thing you know
00:47:59
right like a kill Tony promotion kill Tony David BL I do think it's real um I
00:48:05
do think it's spacious because even the Mayors even the governor like we we're trying to find we don't know what is we
00:48:11
fly planes up there we can't catch them they fly away so do we have high tech
00:48:16
video of the pl the jet chasing them do we have that on to look and they got a
00:48:21
closeup of the pilot going this slow down because every time I mean we have these threedimensional and incredible
00:48:27
cameras we can see the moon and and 3D color and every time it's UFO it's like
00:48:32
a grainy black and white and the cameras going like this it's like a camcorder from the 80s I call [ __ ] we got to
00:48:38
get Dr Steven Greer calling a challenge to him let's get him on next week come
00:48:44
back on Superfly and tell us what the hell is going on over the Skies of New Jersey I think he's going to say their
00:48:49
hours or or summer hours but I think we do not want to keep shooting him down do you really want to trifle with these
00:48:55
mother well I don't know I mean I see things
00:49:00
that other people don't see so I looked at the picture and I sort of just with my finger just sort of spelled you know
00:49:07
connected the the spaceship dots right and it said Dr Greer phone home and I
00:49:14
don't know if I that's real but that's what the words that I saw spilled in the in the New Jersey
00:49:22
sky can you sing a song called the New Jersey sky I talk about ET in my new special I
00:49:28
talk about all the hot subjects going back to 82 what the [ __ ] yeah I don't
00:49:34
know it doesn't matter Louis CK had an incredible bit about Goodwill Hunting last year and I thought wow that's cool
00:49:42
oh he's fun yeah I'm G to do more movie reviews on my special okay what about
00:49:47
the oh I won't talk about Jamie Fox Okay do the next one let's see what the next one is
00:49:53
Jim okay Brooklyn's first Lux building for dinks starts leasing childless
00:50:01
renters have mixed feelings okay a dink is what it must be couples without
00:50:08
kids what what is it spelled did did I not
00:50:14
kids oh dual income no kids oh dual income no kids okay so there's a 13 St
00:50:21
highrise on 655 Union Street that's by you and
00:50:27
and they don't so are you allowed to say no kids when you sell something that's a
00:50:32
really good question legally I wonder if you can do it you know a wink and a nod maybe you could do it like this is kind
00:50:39
of for you know people with two incomes no children and not even a dog are just
00:50:44
called happy people with a lot of freedom they're just called people with no problems people just like trying to
00:50:52
think of what's fun thing to do right now uh but love kids and love dogs I
00:50:57
don't know I want to I want you to follow up on this story no what if you get knocked up while you're in there
00:51:03
dinking it up and then what do you do you get kicked out of the club well this was made famous by Jimmy
00:51:10
durany in 1951 he would he would say dink look at a clip a dink dink
00:51:18
dink dink a he did you can find it a
00:51:24
Jimmy dur Panther was I know the melody was off but he was a rough voice kuner a
00:51:29
funny comedian named Jimmy durandy look it up Dink I Dink and that's how he would sing and he would say dink so did
00:51:37
he say dink I'm my memory my old memory
00:51:42
says he said I dink I Dink and then he went on to I thinkink um okay keep going
00:51:49
let's just want no pen this dumpy dog [ __ ] all right president Trump man
00:51:55
handles Trump manhandles French president Emmanuel macron with one of the most
00:52:02
dominating handshakes I've ever seen that's the fun this the funniest thing it's it's look at him take that you
00:52:09
[ __ ] oh his elbows up and everything oh wait up like this hysterical
00:52:15
shoulder Don Trump he just threw his clavicle Donald Trump look at my shoulders I can pull on your dinky
00:52:22
shoulders any day you're a dink a dink you're totally a dink Dinky
00:52:28
Dinky dude he got he has he pulls his shoulders then he has an extra padded
00:52:33
shoulder pad he's like this well he's got he's a Batman villain in like a long Penguin coat that's hilarious he's going
00:52:40
around Gotham City with a big orange chair you know he presents with the lifts and the thing he's like six5 with
00:52:46
this giant head he pul MC's about our size and he just pulls 53 weigh with his
00:52:52
shoulder that's like a hard move for his age I hate to it's kind of a dick move
00:52:58
it just makes everyone look like a [ __ ] and it's so and you see it coming it's usually the cork screw he goes
00:53:04
in and then gives him the saw yeah that's tough
00:53:10
because the guy's like
00:53:22
oh dude the rest of the meeting the guys like this what yeah yeah go ahead he's the leader of one of the greatest
00:53:28
countries in the world France Paris he's like I am feeling so little right now I
00:53:34
can't believe those giant and they say Trump has little hands but not to M Crone he's got French hands that's like
00:53:41
a the Theon Theo Von kind of observation you know I figure like French uh people
00:53:46
have like little hands just Mak sense like a little raccoon like a little raccoon little French raccoons are
00:53:53
French you know I say that the way they speak MH all right next one I want a new I
00:54:00
want another handshake one okay here we go that was funny though okay oh this is a slap off this is this is Dana White's
00:54:06
I think it's Dana White's who else is slapping each other slapped his oh this
00:54:11
show I know
00:54:17
what you see that what happened that's not real is it
00:54:23
if your ear comes off he's got a fake ear I saw fake yeah he's got a fake ear
00:54:29
but it's a prosthetic but why are you getting hit on the side with the
00:54:34
ear well to get this fly off thing this is a uh that tattoo is pretty
00:54:42
cool I have to say his face everything's cool about it and what the per the theme of our little show today he's gonna
00:54:49
monetize us we got ha tuille girl he Canna be ear ear gone guy and he's gonna
00:54:55
have a million digital followers and just talk about dude I have to say if
00:55:00
your ear I would want it to stick on at all times like don't hit it as hard as you can you're in the wrong Biz dude go
00:55:06
into farts in a jar actually there's another story I didn't tell you about because it's all little little you know
00:55:13
Bas for you as my dad would say I I'll go there I'll but there's an only fans girl that I saw today in the paper she's
00:55:21
feeling slight regret after breaking the record of sleeping with a 100 guys in one day
00:55:27
um 100 folks and she goes I cried after obviously I cried I would cry during and
00:55:34
then she said but I am going to try to go for a thousand I'm sorry so I don't even know
00:55:40
how it works mental health is an issue today in America is it an alltime low we
00:55:46
uh we've got issues as a society um way too much free time but um yeah I don't
00:55:53
know I just think it's I saw that story too and it's another attention getting like it's a great way to get you got to
00:56:01
get people to your only fans like I was saying the other day and this is a bad example but I saw this thing on the dodo
00:56:06
this Instagram where it's like a dog is out like at a carnival or something or it's out you know and then someone sees
00:56:14
it at a ski resort and goes oh my God is this dog alone and then they take it and give and you know the dogs in the shelter are going just do it the right
00:56:20
way I'm doing it the right way I'm in a shelter this dog goes out in some weird spot and then gets all the attention of
00:56:26
course gets adopted right away I'm trying to do it by the book I go to the shelter I wait I sit in a little square
00:56:33
MH I cute no so that's the only fans girl they're just there's just a diamond
00:56:38
there's a lot of them not under I'm going to make an announce there's a lot of them and then they go I'm going to be
00:56:43
different I'm GNA F I'm do whatever she's different she's 100 guys different I caught my attention I'm going to say
00:56:52
this phrase for 24 hours with maybe just
00:56:57
two bathroom breaks horn dog how about a hot dog and I'm I'm gonna say horn dog
00:57:04
how about a hot dog over and over again for a record for 24 hours and see if I can monetize that well if you would go
00:57:10
on Twitch or some sort of live stream and say just send me money and I'll keep saying it and then people would we got
00:57:17
to do something like this well Cameo Cameo but they only give you 150 bucks if you do a you know an advertisement
00:57:23
for you know Leo's uh use card dealership in De Moine you know hey this
00:57:29
is David Spade hey buddy I know we would never do that meanwhile in about five seconds we're
00:57:35
going to read an ad we would never sell out never we
00:57:43
anyway here's a word from our sponsor here we go sponsors are our friends
00:57:48
that's okay what's next we're almost done but what's next Let's see we really covered a lot Dana I know really excited
00:57:56
oh this young lady does a bunch of trick shots and I think they're all pretty good I think we saw her before right
00:58:03
okay moreck shot for World trick shot day number 10 that's hard to
00:58:10
do to hit it with baseball bat I how how many put the number of Misses
00:58:19
I know look at that trick number seven I could couldn't do
00:58:26
literally one of these is there one you could maybe do not that one too hard I maybe maybe a thousand tries I don't
00:58:33
know maybe maybe this one I could do but even one is kick it I could maybe do that I
00:58:41
made a drop kick half court shot no joke oh it's like a bunt she is strong
00:58:48
she barely she she's got a lot of
00:58:54
coordination she same I think we should mix up the reactions for her golf with a
00:59:01
golf okay go number two we're going she keep saying let's go
00:59:08
we're going great and that I couldn't even the first I can do the first one
00:59:13
number one I'm blindfolded in this
00:59:20
shot it looked like she more had a mask on her mou what they don't tell you is she started that segment in 2017 and she
00:59:27
finally hit him through the power of editing no she's got an actual
00:59:32
coordination she does look good when she does it if you're a trickshotter and that's your
00:59:38
Biz you get used to and now there's AI yeah now there's AI so people just go
00:59:44
yawn no one knows if it's no one knows what if anything's original all we can say is are you not entertained and I was
00:59:52
entertained because of her celebration that may fishes in the ocean I was actually going to show you some
00:59:58
today these fishes that when they're like we went to the Bottom of the Sea where the fish have no light it's like
01:00:05
prehistoric and of course they're shining a light on them the fish is like and then they go never seen light they're in light as we speak and then
01:00:13
they're the most scariest looking fish largemouth lunker bass and then some
01:00:18
have teeth and then someone in the comments on one I keep liking these and I keep seeing more and then someone goes
01:00:25
oh I think these on this one are Ai and I [Music] go I remember as a kid watching shc you
01:00:33
remember Sho the fish in the sea and it' be at the bottom of the sea and there'd be this thing like it's a half inch long
01:00:40
and it's got antenna and a big bug eye and all it's a whole existence just at the bottom it lives in a little area
01:00:46
it's like and even as a kid I would think to myself what is the
01:00:53
point why are you living you look ug no fun you're
01:00:58
like and then he goes I think I'll have kids sometimes he
01:01:04
go you want another one of these then it looks over at a little shell for an hour
01:01:09
and then goes back looks at a rock so boring in the bot what is the point of
01:01:15
that existence no I would not do that you could monetize that [ __ ] today though W if you just showed me the
01:01:22
bottom of the ocean and the fishes that float by go and I would just be
01:01:27
mesmerized the big the ones that are like three inches long seem like Behemoth oh did I send some all right
01:01:33
you go off and I'll hit you later uh thank you audience thank you for uh oh
01:01:39
yeah come see me and Dan at Fantasy Springs and Palm Springs we're going to do a gig in let's pump that thing man I
01:01:44
want that thing I want that thing clean I I go clean yeah we're that we're going
01:01:51
to bring it we're going to do Q&A we're going to do standup yeah M all right bye
01:01:57
guys mhm this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced
01:02:04
by Dana Carvey and David Spade jenno sperman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
01:02:14
[Music]
