00:00:00
You can't step on anything on a podcast.
00:00:03
We have
00:00:04
>> the goiter. I like the goiter. The
00:00:06
goiter. The black guy will not eat the
00:00:10
and then go.
00:00:10
>> The white guy will. No, the white guy.
00:00:13
He will.
00:00:14
>> I know everyone here is praising you.
00:00:16
They like Wayne's World, but I ain't
00:00:17
tapping your tummy.
00:00:18
>> I'm not going to spank your spanker.
00:00:21
>> I knew that's was coming.
00:00:22
>> What do you got going on down there? We
00:00:24
want you to trim the hedges a bit.
00:00:27
And then she says, "Do you know Joe
00:00:29
Durk?"
00:00:31
>> Um,
00:00:31
>> this one has a sty, whatever that means.
00:00:34
>> Oh, your call.
00:00:38
>> No, I'll explain to the viewers. I'm
00:00:39
very authentic.
00:00:41
>> Yeah, you got a sty, which is another
00:00:44
word for pink eye, I believe.
00:00:46
>> No, it's not, Dana. You [ __ ]
00:00:49
>> It is. You got pink eye.
00:00:50
>> No, it's not.
00:00:51
>> You got pink, [ __ ]
00:00:55
>> No.
00:00:56
What is his style?
00:00:57
>> I haven't been around that many
00:00:59
buttholes.
00:01:01
>> Um, remember Dana, last week I was
00:01:02
saying it looks like I have that Tom
00:01:04
Cruz eye down there. I think it's part
00:01:05
of it still cuz it looks like a little
00:01:07
swollen. Do I put these on? Do I dare be
00:01:10
[ __ ] cool?
00:01:12
>> Why not? But where's my sunglasses?
00:01:14
Maybe I should get
00:01:15
>> No, but will I? You can keep that
00:01:17
beginning where I say about my sty.
00:01:19
Here's the grossest thing, Dana. No one
00:01:22
wants to be near you because
00:01:24
>> it's contagious. Well, it's not, but
00:01:27
they think it is. And then they're also
00:01:29
sickened by me and disgusted. And here's
00:01:32
the four grossest words you can say
00:01:34
about yourself to chase the female
00:01:37
population.
00:01:38
>> Four. Okay. One
00:01:39
>> sty is four. That's not the worst one,
00:01:41
but it's disgusting.
00:01:43
>> Right.
00:01:44
>> Then Oh, I have a boil.
00:01:48
>> A boil. Yeah,
00:01:50
>> that's a bad word because it needs to be
00:01:52
drained.
00:01:52
>> I've got one. I have a goer.
00:01:56
>> Goer is maybe number one.
00:01:58
>> And the goer has a human face on the end
00:02:01
of it. That's a turnoff.
00:02:04
>> What do you think is grosser? Goer or
00:02:06
postule?
00:02:08
>> I think goer. It feels like a monster.
00:02:11
I, you know, feels like a sci-fi movie.
00:02:13
Pastule. You put a band-aid on it. What
00:02:16
do you put on a goer? A goer should be a
00:02:20
poster of a bad movie. Right. A scary
00:02:21
movie. Goiter.
00:02:24
>> Yeah. Timothy Shalomé is hunting down
00:02:27
the Goer.
00:02:29
>> Bonichio Del Toro is the goiter.
00:02:33
Bradley Cooper
00:02:35
as the
00:02:37
>> Goiter's friend.
00:02:38
>> He played the elephant man on Broadway.
00:02:41
Now he's on film playing.
00:02:43
>> Did he really?
00:02:44
>> Goer. I thought he did.
00:02:46
>> No. No. The go. You don't. You can't
00:02:49
step on anything on a podcast. We are We
00:02:52
have
00:02:52
>> The goiter. I like the goiter.
00:02:54
>> The goiter.
00:02:56
>> They make the goiter lovable.
00:02:58
>> Let me set you up. Let me set you up for
00:03:00
one of your top fives.
00:03:02
Jason Stratham is hunting the goiter in
00:03:06
the motion picture called the goer.
00:03:10
Om the goer keeper.
00:03:13
Destroyer. Is he going to take it as a
00:03:15
pet? No, he's the Oh. Oh, well, he was
00:03:19
the beekeeper and he keeps bees. Maybe
00:03:21
he keeps goiters.
00:03:23
>> Oh, I'm coming after you, goiter.
00:03:27
You You got pus on my family.
00:03:31
>> Do we know what a goiter is?
00:03:33
>> I don't know. I think it gets a I think
00:03:34
it squirts out like like a zit.
00:03:36
>> It feels a chart.
00:03:38
>> Oh, Heather gave me a chart and it has
00:03:39
fisher on it.
00:03:40
>> Yeah, but with those cool sunglasses,
00:03:42
you can't read it. I feel like a goiter
00:03:45
has a human head on it. You can look
00:03:47
cool or you can really participate in
00:03:49
the podcast. You can't do both. You
00:03:51
can't see dick. Oh, that's a fish.
00:03:54
>> That's not a goer. That's a fish.
00:03:56
>> That's a fish. But what?
00:03:58
>> It's G O I
00:04:00
>> G O I T E R
00:04:02
>> T E R. Yeah.
00:04:03
>> Yeah.
00:04:05
>> Jeez.
00:04:06
>> Jeez Louise. That's
00:04:08
>> [ __ ] I didn't know I was at Corey.
00:04:10
>> Here we are. Be prepared to be
00:04:14
Yeah.
00:04:15
>> Oh my god. Look at that. Look at the on
00:04:17
the neck.
00:04:18
>> The neck. Oh, you need a turtleneck for
00:04:22
that. Oh yeah. It's a swollen neck. Or
00:04:25
it can be the side or I think it can be
00:04:27
anywhere in your body.
00:04:28
>> Oh my god.
00:04:30
>> And guess what happens if you puncture
00:04:32
it?
00:04:35
>> Dr. Pimple Popper comes with that
00:04:37
Wendy's salad sneeze guard stuff around
00:04:40
her.
00:04:42
Does Wendy's have a salad bar? I haven't
00:04:44
been there in a decade.
00:04:46
I used to go. It has a sneeze guard on
00:04:49
it.
00:04:51
>> I'm kind of amazed at the burger
00:04:53
franchises that don't do advertising and
00:04:55
still exist.
00:04:56
>> They crush it.
00:04:58
>> I know. I don't understand.
00:05:00
>> I'm their number one guy. I'm still so
00:05:01
Joe Dirt. I I go to drive-throughs. I go
00:05:04
in a lot.
00:05:06
>> You go in a lot.
00:05:08
>> I go in there
00:05:09
>> dressed as Joe Dirt. I'm just
00:05:11
>> No, just that I'm a dirt ball. I go in.
00:05:14
>> I like the drivethru,
00:05:16
you know,
00:05:18
>> and that you do little characters to it.
00:05:20
>> Yeah, I do little impressions and
00:05:22
characters. I want them to recognize me.
00:05:24
>> No, I get I get this when I'm tired and
00:05:26
I'm driving. It's the only time I go to
00:05:28
McDonald's. Regular cheeseburger, small
00:05:31
fries, small Coke,
00:05:32
>> and that carb, salty, sugary bomb gets
00:05:36
me 200 miles safely.
00:05:38
>> Great. Yeah. They think it's for a baby.
00:05:40
They go, "Oh, okay. Is there an adult in
00:05:42
the car that wants anything?"
00:05:44
>> Well, it's just it's just me. And if
00:05:47
they don't have what I want, I just I
00:05:49
kind of go,
00:05:54
"Oh, Heather." And I know what that is.
00:05:57
That's hysterical.
00:06:00
>> Okay.
00:06:01
>> Oh, I should have went like this.
00:06:04
>> Yeah, that's better.
00:06:05
>> Yeah.
00:06:07
>> All right. Well, before I tell you what
00:06:08
that is, which we know what that is, but
00:06:10
I was at McDonald's and you know Dana,
00:06:11
when you go and they know you, it they
00:06:14
get distracted from your order. So, I go
00:06:15
quarter pounder with cheese fried and
00:06:17
they go, "Oh, were you in badge
00:06:18
warmers?" And I go,
00:06:19
>> "Yeah." And we'll talk about that. Let's
00:06:22
just get this order in. And then at the
00:06:23
end, I get the order and it's wrong. I
00:06:26
go, "I I didn't order spaghetti, you
00:06:28
know, but I don't say anything."
00:06:34
I go in and they go, "Hey, were you were
00:06:36
you on television? Are are you
00:06:38
somebody?" And then and then I go,
00:06:40
"Yeah." And they go, "Do you know David
00:06:42
Spade?" I get that a lot. Do you know
00:06:44
him?
00:06:46
>> You do a podcast with them, but do you
00:06:47
know him?
00:06:48
>> I was in once in a movie theater and
00:06:50
they kind of tagged me and then they
00:06:52
came and got me and brought me out into
00:06:54
the foyer and they said, "Hey, do you
00:06:57
know Adam Sandler?"
00:07:00
That's a big one. That's a big one. This
00:07:02
was a while back, but he still had he
00:07:04
still had, you know, hit hit after hit.
00:07:09
I had a fun dinner with Chris Rock and
00:07:11
Adam was not Adam was coming. And then
00:07:14
he goes, "Oh, wait. I thought it was
00:07:16
Friday. It's tomorrow." I go, "No, we're
00:07:19
already here." And he's like, "Oh, no."
00:07:21
So Chris was like, "Spate, it's just me
00:07:24
and you."
00:07:26
>> And did it get awkward? Did it get quiet
00:07:28
or can you guys confess? had nothing to
00:07:30
say to each other. No, Chris is one of
00:07:33
he is pretty funny as we know.
00:07:36
>> I think that's an understatement. Yeah.
00:07:38
>> Well, he's got that he's got that thing
00:07:41
of like he likes to take a big subject
00:07:43
and he's brilliant at it, a big giant
00:07:46
thing, and then he'll just drop in like
00:07:48
this simplification that sums the whole
00:07:51
big giant thing up. You got to have
00:07:54
material or whatever it is on stage, you
00:07:57
know? That's his uh his cool move.
00:07:59
>> I almost said a joke, but it's too
00:08:01
dirty. I'm trying to
00:08:03
>> We can cut it.
00:08:06
>> When he says everything twice, the black
00:08:08
guy don't eat the [ __ ] The black guy
00:08:13
will not eat the [ __ ]
00:08:15
>> And then goes,
00:08:15
>> the white guy will. No, the white guy,
00:08:18
he will. Everything's twice.
00:08:20
>> I know.
00:08:23
>> He funny. Well, he says before he starts
00:08:26
a special, he takes time off from
00:08:28
standup. He watches evangelical
00:08:30
preachers
00:08:32
>> and they go, "AND THE LORD CARES ABOUT
00:08:34
YOU." THE STAGE IS 300 feet wide. Walk
00:08:37
to the other side. I say, "AND THE LORD
00:08:40
CARES ABOUT YOU."
00:08:41
>> YEAH, THEY DO repeat also, but he's
00:08:43
good. He's got a good style and uh super
00:08:45
funny in real life, which is really the
00:08:47
hard part. And he is Oh, this brings us
00:08:49
to Jim Carrey. The big debate.
00:08:53
Jim Carrey at the Caesar Awards in
00:08:56
Paris. It's like the Oscars for them.
00:08:58
>> And he got a muchdeserved,
00:09:02
>> was a lifetime achievement award.
00:09:03
>> Didn't Jerry Lewis get that? I mean, the
00:09:05
French love physical comedy. I'm not
00:09:07
sure what he got, but it was big. I did
00:09:09
see a clip of it.
00:09:10
>> Yeah.
00:09:11
>> Mhm.
00:09:12
>> But the problem is they say his face
00:09:14
looked a little more circular. It's It's
00:09:16
sort of is it him or is it not? That's
00:09:19
how they don't just say,
00:09:20
>> "Well, that's ridiculous." Apparently,
00:09:22
his publicist has confirmed it was
00:09:24
indeed him who attended that event.
00:09:26
>> Oh, okay. So, his publicist has to go
00:09:28
out on a limb and say, "Yes, it was."
00:09:31
>> Of course, it's Jim Carrey.
00:09:33
>> Yes. But
00:09:34
>> you know how the internet gets. So, they
00:09:36
say there's definitely some lighting,
00:09:39
some things. Maybe he had a few squirts,
00:09:42
a few pulls and pinches like uh
00:09:45
everybody because that's just the way it
00:09:47
is here. We're in Hollywood.
00:09:48
>> But no one's shocked by that. But he
00:09:50
looked a little more full than he does
00:09:53
when he, you know, people haven't seen
00:09:54
him in 10 years.
00:09:56
>> I don't know if it's been that long, but
00:09:58
I thought he looked healthy. That's the
00:09:59
main thing. He looked good. I don't know
00:10:01
anything about that. He he probably, you
00:10:03
know, they say you go away, you're
00:10:05
rested, you come back, but he Yeah, he
00:10:08
looks good.
00:10:09
>> Well, he's got money for food. I mean,
00:10:11
if he if he put on a few He was always
00:10:12
skinny. Who cares? But anyway, I was out
00:10:15
the other night and they were like,
00:10:16
"David, David,
00:10:18
is it a clone?
00:10:21
Because there's a theory that there's a
00:10:23
guy that impersonates people and he
00:10:24
wears a mask, which is a whole another
00:10:26
thing. They said Joe Biden was a guy
00:10:29
with a mask sometimes. I mean, these
00:10:30
masks are so good. So, it could be
00:10:33
>> almost anyone. But that one was almost
00:10:35
not good enough to be Jim Carrey. It was
00:10:37
too full. It was, you know what I mean?
00:10:39
>> Right. You had apple dumpling cheeks
00:10:41
and, you know, he had, you know, nice
00:10:42
head of hair. I'll just say one thing to
00:10:45
that that people think it's the mass.
00:10:47
>> Don't don't don't know. Don't don't
00:10:50
don't know. Don't don't don't know.
00:10:52
Can't tell. Can't tell. Not sure. Not
00:10:56
sure. It's a mask. Don't don't can't
00:10:59
tell. Can't can't tell. Don't know.
00:11:02
Can't tell.
00:11:04
Is not for sure.
00:11:06
>> Not a mask.
00:11:09
Not a mask. Not a mask.
00:11:17
By the way, I didn't I'm never going to
00:11:19
be on this podcast again without
00:11:21
sunglasses.
00:11:23
>> I look cool. Are these the new ones,
00:11:24
Heather? Cuz they look they look bigger.
00:11:28
>> I don't know if these are the new ones.
00:11:29
I got new ones cuz I scr I lost the I
00:11:32
lost the other ones. You know, Heather,
00:11:33
when I walked in last night, they were
00:11:34
sitting right there.
00:11:35
>> Did you find them?
00:11:37
>> No.
00:11:37
>> Fudge something.
00:11:39
>> My cool ones. Maybe when we take a
00:11:41
break, I'll go back. I I found my cool
00:11:43
ones. I lost. Do you ever lose something
00:11:45
for like 3 years and then you go, "Fuck,
00:11:48
that's where they were."
00:11:49
>> Or it's in a coat.
00:11:51
>> I wear this black coat and these shades
00:11:53
and I sit in the back of McDonald's like
00:11:55
this. I go, "Whoa." I sit like Bonsi.
00:11:57
What?
00:11:59
>> Do you?
00:11:59
>> They go, "Were you the guy in
00:12:00
benchwmer?" I go, "Hey, not now, man."
00:12:02
Hey, man.
00:12:03
>> And then with me, hey, do you do you
00:12:05
know the guy that's in benchwmers?
00:12:07
Not now. Not now. Not now. What about
00:12:10
let's
00:12:10
>> not not now. It's not a good time to ask
00:12:15
him.
00:12:17
>> Happy mad.
00:12:19
>> Well, you got to do the falsetto for the
00:12:21
second time.
00:12:22
>> I know. I like that.
00:12:23
>> Happy Madison. That's like the flute,
00:12:26
you know.
00:12:28
>> You know, David, um, you know, sometimes
00:12:30
you want a little pickme up, right? Oh,
00:12:32
yeah. You know, especially, right?
00:12:34
>> But you also want something that
00:12:36
actually tastes good. Do you know where
00:12:38
I'm going?
00:12:39
>> Yeah.
00:12:40
>> Comment.
00:12:41
>> You're going to talk about the new
00:12:42
Fruity Rainbow Shop.
00:12:44
>> That's exactly where I was going.
00:12:45
>> That's right.
00:12:46
>> Fruity Rainbow. What a great name and a
00:12:48
great taste. It's a great name. Great
00:12:50
taste.
00:12:51
>> That was your nickname in high school.
00:12:54
>> Yeah, that that's why I was captain of
00:12:56
the football team. These things are
00:12:58
straight up fruity candy vibes. They are
00:13:01
bright, bold, and honestly kind of
00:13:04
nostalgic, you know, but with a tasty
00:13:07
caffeine kick that gets you moving.
00:13:10
>> Oh, yeah, it does. Caffeine got a
00:13:12
serious flavor upgrade. Fiber Energies
00:13:15
shots now come in 17 flavors. Did you
00:13:18
hear me? 17.
00:13:19
>> Mhm.
00:13:20
>> Which is kind of wild when you think
00:13:21
about it, but the Fruity Rainbow Launch
00:13:22
really leans into that sweet candy
00:13:24
flavored chaos in the best way possible.
00:13:27
>> I love that. Uh, it's all packed into
00:13:29
that classic tiny 2 oz bottle.
00:13:31
>> Mhm.
00:13:31
>> Big seasonal flavor. Uh, super portable,
00:13:34
easy to throw in your bag, car, sock,
00:13:37
gym pocket, whatever.
00:13:39
>> No giant cans, no sugar overload. It's
00:13:41
zero sugar.
00:13:43
>> Zero.
00:13:43
>> It's a treat that's totally sweet tooth
00:13:45
approved. You get the fun. You don't get
00:13:47
the crash. If you're like me and love
00:13:49
the idea of your caffeine tasting as
00:13:51
good as it works, Yeah.
00:13:52
>> this is your sign.
00:13:53
>> That's right. Get candy flavored chaos
00:13:56
with Fruity Rainbow. 5Hour Energy Shots
00:13:58
available online at 5our energy.com or
00:14:02
Amazon.
00:14:02
>> But anyway, do you ever lose something
00:14:05
and you're so frustrated like your
00:14:07
wallet or your car and you're like and
00:14:08
you're looking in the freezer and you
00:14:10
go,
00:14:11
>> "Okay, what if I actively tried to hide
00:14:15
it from myself?"
00:14:17
>> Oh, forget that. They used to do that
00:14:19
with drugs. Yeah.
00:14:20
>> Yeah. I must have hid it from myself cuz
00:14:22
it's nowhere in my in my purview.
00:14:26
Anyway, um
00:14:27
>> and where'd you find it?
00:14:29
>> At your house.
00:14:31
>> You know what's funny?
00:14:32
>> I've seen a lot of cash.
00:14:34
>> I used to have a lot of drugs and then
00:14:36
of course I sneeze and they pop out of
00:14:38
my butt and I go, that's always the last
00:14:40
place you look.
00:14:41
>> Why don't you say butthole? You want to
00:14:43
say butthole?
00:14:44
>> I do.
00:14:44
>> You do.
00:14:45
>> I'm cleaning it up for you. Well,
00:14:47
butthole is more like third grade and
00:14:49
wiener is like fourth grade. So, keep it
00:14:51
in that primary school area.
00:14:54
>> Butthole. See, now you got I like it.
00:14:58
It's
00:15:00
where where is it? Where where is it?
00:15:04
Butthole.
00:15:06
>> Where is my one perk said I can't find?
00:15:09
Is it in my bung hole?
00:15:13
>> Bung hole. What do we even gross? Beas
00:15:15
and Buttthead join the podcast.
00:15:18
>> Bangolio.
00:15:19
>> They said Bangal.
00:15:23
>> I predict that in the comments it will
00:15:26
be at least 40% of the people will be
00:15:28
doing the uh you know kind of Tom Cruz
00:15:32
Mission Impossible thing.
00:15:33
>> It's hard to do the joke without saying
00:15:35
it because you have to hear it on the
00:15:37
inflection.
00:15:38
>> Exactly.
00:15:40
>> Well, let me see. To wrap up Jim Carrey,
00:15:42
I will say
00:15:43
>> let's wrap him up. Oh, I checked in on
00:15:45
him. I checked in on him just to say
00:15:48
congratulations. Much deserved. Mhm.
00:15:52
Because we're friendly at least and I
00:15:53
don't seem a lot. I said I might. Are
00:15:56
you in Maui? He lives in Maui. I thought
00:15:58
I said if we go out and do a movie there
00:16:00
later this year. Are you there? And I he
00:16:02
said I think I'll be back there by then.
00:16:04
So I think Jim Carrey was just Jim. I
00:16:08
didn't ask but I think he won the award
00:16:10
and I think everything's normal.
00:16:12
>> I think he looks great. It's obviously
00:16:14
Jim Carrey and we should say because we
00:16:16
can be sincere, you know, he is
00:16:18
brilliant. I mean, his
00:16:20
>> of course
00:16:20
>> physical comedy
00:16:23
uh starting with Ace Ventura, which I
00:16:25
turned down.
00:16:27
>> No, you did not.
00:16:28
>> I did, but they didn't know it.
00:16:29
>> Oh my god.
00:16:30
>> But Jim Carrey was was way better than
00:16:33
anyone else could have been in that role
00:16:35
because I was watching with Nicholas
00:16:37
Cage. They're good buddies in Toronto in
00:16:40
a movie theater and he he created this
00:16:44
new idea of being a comedian on screen
00:16:47
like hyper reality like what are you
00:16:49
doing? I mean just no sense of anything
00:16:51
being real and yet he was so committed
00:16:54
>> because the guy guys used to raise him
00:16:56
in the police station raz him hey what
00:16:58
are you doing ace and go oh I wonder
00:17:01
it's like William makes that so
00:17:04
>> times 100
00:17:05
>> right and I think I think what they were
00:17:08
saying about that back then was it was
00:17:11
just a goofy movie
00:17:12
>> maybe being passed around he says he'll
00:17:14
do it he didn't make that much but he's
00:17:16
like let's just do take a huge huge
00:17:19
swing and it'll miss or it'll hit and
00:17:22
chances where it would miss. But he's
00:17:25
he's actually kind of a good-looking
00:17:26
guy. He has a rubbery face and it's and
00:17:30
he's got a good voice and he's very it's
00:17:32
somewhat something about it is so
00:17:34
hilarious. He does it really well.
00:17:36
Whatever he's doing on so
00:17:38
>> fast he beat himself up in a bathroom in
00:17:41
one of his movies. I mean he was rubbery
00:17:43
bodied. I mean he actually when he
00:17:45
auditioned for SNL he could put his foot
00:17:47
over his head so
00:17:50
>> um yeah so he's one of a kind welld
00:17:52
deserved and the French went
00:17:57
this is what they're saying you
00:17:58
interpret
00:18:02
>> is it you or a clone
00:18:05
>> well that's what they're saying
00:18:07
>> is it really him is it mission
00:18:11
Impossible mass could could be a mask.
00:18:15
Could be a mask.
00:18:22
>> It's hard to do. Dana,
00:18:23
>> I know it is.
00:18:25
I do a lot of fake languages.
00:18:27
>> You do a lot of fake languages and they
00:18:29
all sound real
00:18:29
>> because I like said Caesar
00:18:32
pizza. Pizza.
00:18:39
What did that What did I just say?
00:18:41
That's not the real David Spade. Can't
00:18:44
you tell? Look at his sunglasses.
00:18:46
>> He's got the eye that's having trouble.
00:18:48
What about um SNL did the thing that we
00:18:53
were doing last night. We did Deepo,
00:18:55
>> right? And I didn't I wasn't really
00:18:57
because I saw a comment said I owe owe
00:18:59
Earth an apology, but I didn't.
00:19:01
>> Oh, really? I think
00:19:03
>> Yeah, but that's all right. I wasn't
00:19:05
Yeah, it's the one comment. But what I
00:19:08
was really trying to say was that would
00:19:11
subconsciously
00:19:13
what they're thinking kind would they
00:19:14
blurt it out kind of like Tourette's but
00:19:17
not literally and that was Deepac Chopra
00:19:21
with the Epstein file saying bring you a
00:19:23
girlfriend. I mean his was pretty
00:19:25
frisky. I don't judge it. I don't know
00:19:27
it. I don't think so. Got a frisky kind
00:19:30
of thing. So that was just Deepo Chopra
00:19:33
with sort of involuntarily spasming into
00:19:37
his true self,
00:19:38
>> right?
00:19:39
>> Like love and consciousness and this and
00:19:42
spank me with a spoon, you [ __ ]
00:19:45
>> And then he's he he's convulsing. So
00:19:48
that's what that we've explained that
00:19:50
one. Now, how do we explain what you did
00:19:51
last week? No, I'm saying
00:19:54
I'm saying SNL did Tourette's
00:19:57
>> and it got cut. And it also was just
00:19:59
celebrities blurting out subconscious.
00:20:02
>> It was celebrity impressions.
00:20:05
Good SNL staple.
00:20:06
>> Yeah. Mhm.
00:20:07
>> That have had their problems in the past
00:20:10
and blaming them on Tourette's. Correct.
00:20:12
>> Yeah, exactly. So, it was kind of like
00:20:13
mine. They're blurting out what what
00:20:15
they really want to say.
00:20:17
>> Yes. I thought Sarah Sherman was funny
00:20:19
as Jill Xarin
00:20:21
>> and Keenan uh was he Cosby. I just don't
00:20:25
Cosby is such a funny voice
00:20:28
>> and just said what cuz the man said with
00:20:32
the pudding in the dough and it's just
00:20:34
such a funny rhythm, you know. But yeah,
00:20:36
so that's
00:20:37
>> Did they cut it because it was
00:20:38
offensive? But those things on the
00:20:40
surface are funny, but if you look too
00:20:42
deep about Tourette's, yes, it's a
00:20:44
little offensive. But
00:20:45
>> that's kind of what they do. I don't,
00:20:47
you know, I don't think the intent is,
00:20:50
you know, it's also because Tourette's
00:20:51
was in the ether because of the n-word
00:20:54
debacle like 10 days ago, right?
00:20:57
>> So, it was just in the ether.
00:20:59
>> Now, here's something for the audience,
00:21:00
for you.
00:21:01
>> All right.
00:21:02
>> I'm here to educate you.
00:21:04
>> Now, I actually have a question for you.
00:21:08
>> Um, hang on. Hit the button.
00:21:13
>> We still don't know what it means.
00:21:15
Uh, we will. This is going to be
00:21:17
explained.
00:21:18
>> We're going to pay it off. Uh, when I
00:21:23
>> When they say cut for time,
00:21:25
>> yes.
00:21:25
>> Are they literally pulling that from
00:21:27
dress and airing it?
00:21:31
>> Well, it was
00:21:31
>> because nothing gets cut on the air.
00:21:34
>> No, it must have been No, it can get cut
00:21:36
on the air for time,
00:21:37
>> but it's not shot and cut,
00:21:39
>> right?
00:21:39
>> If you do it on the air, it's on the
00:21:41
air. Well, they they might put it on
00:21:45
YouTube if they run out of time. Well,
00:21:47
no, I see what you're saying. They would
00:21:49
cut it. Yeah, they would cut it on air.
00:21:51
So, if they did it, it meant they had
00:21:53
time to do it.
00:21:54
>> They would use it from dress, but on air
00:21:56
it got cut while they're doing it. They
00:21:58
go, "Let's just do the dress version."
00:21:59
>> And then the dress one got leaked or put
00:22:02
out or they just put it out online.
00:22:04
>> They do it. I think it's smart because
00:22:06
when I saw that, I thought it was funny
00:22:07
and I thought it was on the show.
00:22:09
>> Yeah. We used to have sketches cut back
00:22:11
in 1885.
00:22:13
>> We're in a covered wagon.
00:22:15
>> We didn't have YouTube.
00:22:18
We had lube.
00:22:21
When there were sketches, it was
00:22:23
literally us sketching out a scene.
00:22:28
Lauren Michaels was 17 years old and we
00:22:32
had to put ointment on his pimples
00:22:34
before the show started.
00:22:37
>> Before the show started. Why is he old
00:22:39
so old? Who is he? But uh yeah, that's
00:22:42
uh that's cool that things can live on
00:22:44
YouTube. You know,
00:22:46
>> if we had that, I'm so jealous of that.
00:22:49
>> Well, we got a lot of stuff on YouTube.
00:22:50
You got a lot of Everyone's got a lot of
00:22:52
stuff on YouTube now.
00:22:53
>> Yeah. Now. Way too late. By the way, the
00:22:57
uh airport security thing with Sharon
00:22:59
Stone where I do an Indian guy couldn't
00:23:01
do it today. Whoops. uh and Rob
00:23:03
Schneider and Kevin Neland. That was 16
00:23:07
million last year. Now it's like 22
00:23:09
million.
00:23:10
I think it's from that era of a
00:23:13
different kind of era where there was a
00:23:15
lot more, you know, kind of
00:23:17
>> nonPC stuff.
00:23:19
>> Yes. Because that's what Marcelo said to
00:23:21
us when he was doing an Italian waiter
00:23:23
sketch. He looked at the Italian waiter
00:23:25
sketch from the '9s and he goes, "That
00:23:28
was so much funnier." But we explained,
00:23:29
well, we got to do a lot of different
00:23:31
edgy stuff then. So,
00:23:34
>> yeah, you could have full frontal nudity
00:23:36
back then.
00:23:39
>> Also, oh, we did a we did a gig. Um,
00:23:43
>> and while we were gone, we did a gig and
00:23:45
it was hysterical.
00:23:47
>> Dana Carvey, I hate to admit, really
00:23:49
crushed.
00:23:50
>> Well, I have.
00:23:50
>> And, uh, it's great.
00:23:53
>> You set him up for me. Spade came out
00:23:55
with total destruction.
00:23:57
Spade came out, but Larry Bubbles Brown,
00:23:59
your friend, came out, and we can
00:24:00
explain the bubble now.
00:24:02
>> He's our he's our opener. Uh he's a
00:24:05
brilliant comedian. He's hysterical. And
00:24:07
kind of the motif of his act is that
00:24:10
it's self-deprecating like life didn't
00:24:12
work out for him. Someone stole my
00:24:14
identity, now they can't get laid. And
00:24:17
then he says this,
00:24:21
>> sort of like it's a someone stole my
00:24:24
identity, now they can't get laid. And
00:24:25
that's like as an emphasis and the
00:24:28
audience always loves it becomes a
00:24:30
catchphrase. So he's selling these and
00:24:32
we'll we'll next week we'll tell you
00:24:34
where you can buy one if you want to buy
00:24:35
one. It's fun to have it around if like
00:24:37
is dinner ready, you know. No.
00:24:41
>> So it's any kind of
00:24:42
>> and Larry Larry Bubbles Brown he's based
00:24:45
out of San Francisco. He's um he's a San
00:24:48
Francisco treat, you know.
00:24:50
>> I remember his name from the old What
00:24:54
was that? Just for Laughs newspaper and
00:24:56
talk about the San Francisco comedy
00:24:58
competition, all the clubs, who's
00:25:00
playing where. I love that.
00:25:02
>> Yeah. And Paula Poundstone, the great
00:25:04
Paula Poundstone,
00:25:06
>> uh, one night was introducing him and
00:25:08
just said, "Oh, here is Larry Bubbles
00:25:12
Brown because then he comes out sort of
00:25:14
as like, you know,
00:25:16
>> oh, he's he's kind of a downer." And is
00:25:18
that where Bubbles came from?
00:25:19
>> Yeah. And that's where and then it just
00:25:21
stuck. Larry Bubbles Brown. Oh, you know
00:25:23
what's funny is that when I was in one
00:25:25
of these gigs in Oklahoma, this maid
00:25:28
gets on the elevator with me
00:25:30
housekeeping and she goes, "Uh," she's
00:25:32
an old black lady and I said, "Uh, oh,
00:25:34
hey, can I said how you doing today?"
00:25:37
And she goes, "Oh, David Spade, they
00:25:39
said you were in the hotel." And I said,
00:25:42
she goes, "Oh, I'm not going to bubble
00:25:44
you up like they are.
00:25:46
>> I won't bubble you up. I don't I know
00:25:48
you don't want to get bubbled up right
00:25:49
now." And I said, "No, I do like to get
00:25:51
bubbled up. Never heard that term in my
00:25:54
life.
00:25:55
>> It's loved it. Instead of butter you up
00:25:58
sort of or
00:25:58
>> I guess Oh, getting all bubbled up.
00:26:01
>> Your head all big.
00:26:02
>> Yeah. I don't want to It's like I don't
00:26:03
want to fluff your feathers.
00:26:05
>> Yeah. I had one. I I'm not going to tap
00:26:08
your tummy.
00:26:10
>> Is that what they say?
00:26:11
>> Yeah. I ain't going to tap your tummy. I
00:26:12
know everyone here is praising you. They
00:26:14
like Wayne's World, but I ain't tapping
00:26:16
your tummy.
00:26:17
>> I'm not going to spank your spinter.
00:26:19
>> I knew that's was coming.
00:26:23
I will not photograph your private pot.
00:26:28
>> Wait, fluff your feathers. A good one.
00:26:30
And a good ego boost. That's it. It's an
00:26:32
ego boost.
00:26:33
>> Butter your buns.
00:26:34
>> Oh, yeah. Butter your biscuits. Yeah.
00:26:38
>> They're usually I had like 17 I was
00:26:40
there a day early, so I had like 17 room
00:26:43
service orders, you know, because you
00:26:45
can't get a snack. You're in the tower
00:26:47
and you're like, "Uh,
00:26:49
>> oh, we were in the tower of a casino
00:26:50
hotel and it was it's so busy. There's
00:26:52
so many people there." You know, it's
00:26:54
the casino itself is very nice. Thunder
00:26:56
Valley and and for them to pack in 4,000
00:26:59
people. I'm always like, "Where are they
00:27:00
coming from?" It's in the middle of
00:27:02
almost nowhere. This is always the case.
00:27:05
>> I was shocked that thing. I went out
00:27:07
there and looked I go, "Uh, we're in
00:27:09
trouble." You know, it's actually 4500.
00:27:12
Where are they gonna come from? It's a
00:27:14
little bit off the beaten path,
00:27:15
>> but Well,
00:27:16
>> I loved it. They all show because we
00:27:18
went to dinner and everyone was there
00:27:19
going, "Hey, we're all coming to show
00:27:21
because it's your the only once they're
00:27:22
all there, there's like three
00:27:24
restaurants." So,
00:27:26
>> right. I asked the guy, "Why are you
00:27:27
coming to the show?" He goes, "Uh, it's
00:27:30
the only show."
00:27:31
>> Yeah. The only game in town. I'll take
00:27:33
it.
00:27:33
>> In Vegas, there's like 1,900 shows. But
00:27:36
it was an incredible audience. Had a
00:27:38
great time. We should go back and some
00:27:41
point. Isn't it kind? Go ahead. Go
00:27:45
ahead.
00:27:45
>> No, I thought you were going to talk
00:27:46
about the war, but I think you got
00:27:47
something for
00:27:48
>> Oh, no. The war. Well, wars aren't
00:27:50
funny, but Trump is still amusing like
00:27:53
peak. I guess there was a submarine and
00:27:56
we
00:27:58
uh sunk an Iranian ship and it hadn't
00:28:00
been done since World War II. So, Trump
00:28:03
was really nuts since World War II. If
00:28:05
you can think about it, look at that.
00:28:06
nuts since World War II. Beat Hexith.
00:28:09
He's a smart cookie. He's a tough
00:28:11
cookie. He's a cookie monster. But this
00:28:14
this time he went further. I mean, he's
00:28:16
a he's a vicious Ding-Dong. You remember
00:28:19
Ding-Dongs? These Ding-Dongs Hostess,
00:28:22
you know, a little bit of frosting.
00:28:24
They're good. You know, he's a vicious
00:28:25
Ding-Dong. Pig Headworth is a tough He's
00:28:28
a moist cookie. He's a honey bun. He's
00:28:31
moist and soft with cinnamon. That guy,
00:28:34
he's ahead.
00:28:36
He's a He's a Hostess cupcake with a
00:28:39
squiggly frosted. You remember the
00:28:40
squiggly? The icing. The icing. There
00:28:44
was a squiggle on top of the cupcake.
00:28:46
It's icing. And the press goes, "What
00:28:48
are we talking about again?"
00:28:49
>> He's a tough Twinkie.
00:28:51
>> He's a tough He's a hoy ho ho. He's a
00:28:55
tough ho ho. You remember Ho Hos?
00:28:58
>> Very similar to Ding-Dongs.
00:28:59
>> Fencing Ding-Dongs. He's a maple bar.
00:29:02
He's a maple bar. He's a sweet. Remember
00:29:04
the maple bars? You got to remember the
00:29:06
bear claws. The claws could bite you
00:29:09
like Pete.
00:29:11
>> Pete Pizooki.
00:29:13
>> He needs oxygen.
00:29:15
>> Pete, by the way, he is a tough word to
00:29:18
work into the whole
00:29:19
>> I know. Heath. I had some idea of it. I
00:29:23
just went from cookie monster. He's a
00:29:25
vicious ding-dong. I thought that was
00:29:27
funny. I
00:29:28
>> like remember the squiggles.
00:29:30
>> I did this two minutes ago. Remember the
00:29:33
ding-dong? He take a little bit of
00:29:35
little bit of uh frosting and chocolate
00:29:37
cup cookies. He's a tough ho ho here.
00:29:40
Remember the ho ho? He's a jumbo honey
00:29:43
bun soft moist with honey glaze.
00:29:46
>> He's a sneaky hostess cupcake. You
00:29:48
remember the squiggles? So that's what I
00:29:50
wanted to do, but I just didn't get to.
00:29:52
>> It's funny.
00:29:53
>> That was exciting. Then I went to the
00:29:54
pharmacy
00:29:56
and I wanted to get a beard trimmer. So
00:30:00
I But they're all locked. It's funny.
00:30:02
Shampoo's locked. Everything's locked.
00:30:04
>> Even where you are is locked. This is
00:30:05
horrible.
00:30:06
>> I know. You got to press a button and
00:30:08
then you want to just kind of get
00:30:09
something and get out and there's like
00:30:12
customer help for everyone's looking.
00:30:14
Who what does he want? So she comes
00:30:17
over. Hi. And so there's regular shavers
00:30:20
in one side and then there's the
00:30:21
manscape side and she's like which one?
00:30:23
Which one do you want me to open? Do you
00:30:24
want me to open this? Let's open this.
00:30:26
So you want and she holds it up. Do you
00:30:28
want this one? The manscape
00:30:29
>> a nut sack. And it on the on the front
00:30:32
of it, it says for down there. Oh, no. I
00:30:35
just want the Nurokco. You sure? You
00:30:38
sure you don't want
00:30:39
>> What do you got going on down there? We
00:30:40
want you want to trim the hedges a bit.
00:30:44
>> And then she says, "Do you know Joe
00:30:46
Dirt?" But
00:30:47
>> dude, I do that. I about to buzz the
00:30:49
buzzer. And the guy with the keys comes
00:30:51
out, takes it, and they go like this. We
00:30:53
got aisle four. Uh yeah, it's like
00:30:55
preparation, all that stuff. So, they
00:30:57
come in and I'm like, I don't know if
00:31:00
you need to if you have to lock up the
00:31:01
toothpicks, folks. I think we're losing
00:31:03
the battle against crime.
00:31:05
>> Yeah, we we've got uh Paul Mitchell
00:31:07
shampoo for everyday use, everybody.
00:31:10
Let's tighten it up in here. I'm going
00:31:13
to open this up. I want everyone to be
00:31:15
on alert. All right, you two.
00:31:17
>> When we open it, if we get rushed,
00:31:20
>> we're going to have to use a drill.
00:31:22
>> Yeah. I'm not even interested in
00:31:25
anything that's not locked up because
00:31:26
I'm like, what are this? Just shows me
00:31:28
what's valuable. I'm like, oh, so the
00:31:30
Q-tips are what everybody wants.
00:31:33
>> It was weird. They had Joe Dirt signed
00:31:35
autograph posters
00:31:37
aisle four, the Joe Dirt poster, and
00:31:39
they were locked up. Let's
00:31:40
>> They were locked up. I did a signing. I
00:31:43
just sat there with a card table and
00:31:44
signed them.
00:31:45
>> Yeah. You did your pharmacy tour last
00:31:47
summer and you signed.
00:31:48
>> I do all the CVS's, all the big ones.
00:31:51
Haha. You No, I got to tell you that
00:31:54
it's it the crime in LA. I don't know if
00:31:57
people think we're joking. They lock up
00:31:59
almost everything in in the pharmacy.
00:32:02
And so you go in and you go, I got to
00:32:03
get this. Then they got to unlock it.
00:32:05
I'm like, and then the and then the
00:32:07
people, you know, the mayor like, you
00:32:09
know, you should really work on making
00:32:11
your store safer and locking more things
00:32:13
up. I'm like, how about we just don't
00:32:16
let people steal it, you know, like
00:32:17
let's make more laws about that. They're
00:32:19
like, no.
00:32:19
>> That's crazy. That is crazy.
00:32:21
>> The whole What am I saying?
00:32:22
>> In New York City on the corner when I
00:32:24
was back there doing Biden last summer,
00:32:25
living on 57th Street in this hotel,
00:32:28
>> the pharmacy on the corner had like an
00:32:31
army man, a flack jacket and I guess an
00:32:33
AK-47 with combat boots just standing to
00:32:37
the opening the whole time. You know,
00:32:39
it's kind of intimidating. And you know,
00:32:41
I'm just I'd like to get a Cadberry bar
00:32:43
and sudden I've got a Glock 45 in my
00:32:47
face. Quickly, just this is an abba zaba
00:32:50
if you want to pat me down.
00:32:51
>> Yeah, you know, I hope you keep your
00:32:54
grenades holstered because I'm just
00:32:56
looking for bazooka Joe. You know, I
00:32:57
just
00:33:04
pardon me for having an extra peppermint
00:33:05
patty.
00:33:08
If you keep, you know, your beating
00:33:11
baton, you know, kind of holstered. I I
00:33:13
just want to maybe get a a diet Pepsi if
00:33:16
I could. He was like,
00:33:18
>> "No, you're a wonderful SWAT team. It's
00:33:22
great if a criminal gang comes in here.
00:33:24
I'm sure you would be terrific to have,
00:33:26
but I just want sort of a smaller
00:33:29
>> Cadberry.
00:33:33
I love it so much. So funny.
00:33:36
>> Just trying to get a couple lifesavers."
00:33:39
I know. So, in our comedian brains,
00:33:41
we're trying to go the weaponization of
00:33:43
the guy, the baton, the grenades, versus
00:33:46
the the more meek and friendly and
00:33:50
the normal people that are terrified to
00:33:52
go in
00:33:53
>> because the worst is when you're
00:33:55
standing there waiting for the 4-hour
00:33:57
line and then someone just rips
00:33:59
something out, walks out, and they're
00:34:00
like, "We're not allowed to follow and
00:34:02
we get fired." I'm like, "Something's
00:34:04
wrong with that system."
00:34:06
Do you ever turn around at a pharmacy,
00:34:08
especially a crowded one, and you just
00:34:09
grab something, you turn back and 19
00:34:12
people have gotten in line, while you
00:34:14
turned away for a second? I just
00:34:17
>> I bought myself a half hour.
00:34:20
>> Have you ever gotten your pills and
00:34:22
they're like putting all your pills out?
00:34:24
Everyone looks and then they go, "Do you
00:34:26
need a pharmacist to tell you how to uh
00:34:29
uh put these uh how to how to do these?"
00:34:32
And I go, "I I know how suppositories
00:34:34
work. I just stick them up my butt.
00:34:35
Yeah. But hole. Yeah.
00:34:38
>> You just stick them up your bung hole.
00:34:40
>> I think it's sweet, you know, when a
00:34:42
senior and I really very elderly
00:34:46
gentleman kind of trundles up and and he
00:34:49
goes, "Hey, I" and he's got his joke
00:34:52
that you can tell he's used a thousand
00:34:54
times. It's something sweet about it.
00:34:56
Hey, uh, there's a rumor that there's
00:34:58
some medications waiting for me, you
00:35:01
know, and you can tell it's his go-to do
00:35:04
thing.
00:35:04
>> That's funny.
00:35:05
>> I know. And the people are so friendly.
00:35:07
They're like, "Yes, Mr. Wilkins. Just
00:35:09
like last week." Anyway,ies are weird.
00:35:13
You know, my whole deal with
00:35:15
Mhm.
00:35:16
>> I know. Let's not get you going.
00:35:18
>> Don't get me going on that. Save it for
00:35:20
next week.
00:35:21
>> All right. Let's do Let's do our fiveh
00:35:23
hour thing.
00:35:24
>> Yes. Yes. you guys.
00:35:26
>> Mhm. This is your
00:35:28
>> We're going to do Buzzing Around
00:35:30
Applause.
00:35:32
>> 5hour energy. Look, I'm not This is what
00:35:35
we're talking about.
00:35:37
>> Buzzing Around. They're fruity rainbow
00:35:40
flavor. Treat your taste buds to an
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explosion of fruit candy flavor with a
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shots. You can get them at fiveourgy.com
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or Amazon.
00:35:56
>> And this this one today
00:36:00
>> is going to be
00:36:02
if you get a scenario, I'll bark out a
00:36:04
few celebrities.
00:36:06
>> Okay. I haven't seen John Kennedy in a
00:36:08
while.
00:36:09
>> I'm going to put him on a um a life raft
00:36:12
after the cruise ship sank. So, they're
00:36:15
on a life raft in the ocean. Let's I'm
00:36:17
thinking of maybe um
00:36:20
>> Travolta. I think Travolta uh because I
00:36:23
did him at that casino and I kind of
00:36:24
like visiting 1972 John who's the nicest
00:36:28
celebrity I've ever met if it's
00:36:30
possible.
00:36:31
>> Uh and then I guess Senator John Kennedy
00:36:33
is always fun in the life raft and you
00:36:36
can always chime in. Um and then I just
00:36:40
maybe
00:36:42
>> I think it'd be funny if Dylan's in the
00:36:44
life raft too. I'm trying to think of
00:36:46
the most. And uh maybe Michael Kaine and
00:36:51
and uh u one
00:36:54
>> Timothy Shalomé and then maybe Burgess
00:36:56
Meredith.
00:36:57
>> Okay, I'll cover that.
00:37:01
>> Okay, I'll throw to you as
00:37:03
>> Okay. Yeah, you know what I mean.
00:37:04
>> Okay. All right. Here we go. So, they're
00:37:06
in the life.
00:37:08
This is so ridiculous.
00:37:10
>> So dumb.
00:37:10
>> You know, I'm kind of suddenly I'm being
00:37:14
punchy. Yeah. You know, this is like so
00:37:16
weird. I'm in the middle of nowhere in a
00:37:19
life raft. You know, there's no paddles
00:37:21
or anything. I say we just paddle with
00:37:24
our hands and try to get the Fiji or
00:37:27
something like that.
00:37:28
>> Fiji.
00:37:29
>> What do you think, Senator John Kennedy?
00:37:32
>> Says their phone name.
00:37:33
>> Did Did I
00:37:36
Did I Did I just wake up in stupid town?
00:37:40
You're suggesting
00:37:43
that we will paddle with our hands 5,000
00:37:48
miles to the island of Fiji. Your words,
00:37:51
not mine.
00:37:52
>> What do you say, Bob? Bob Dylan. Hey,
00:37:57
there's no rules when it comes to
00:37:59
paddling. We can go any way we want. We
00:38:02
can paddle with the left hand, paddle
00:38:04
with the right hand, as long as we're
00:38:05
going in the right direction. Right.
00:38:08
Michael Keane.
00:38:10
Uh, I think it's obvious that we should
00:38:14
light a flare. There's no reason there's
00:38:18
no reason to bloody paddle across the
00:38:21
Atlantic Ocean or Pacific, wherever the
00:38:23
[ __ ] we are.
00:38:25
>> If it could light a flare, right,
00:38:28
Timothy? Hey. Hey, come on, man. No,
00:38:30
seriously. We should let a flare, man.
00:38:33
Hey, this is Timothy Shadow. We should I
00:38:36
I play Marty Supreme. We should
00:38:38
definitely light a flare, MAN. OH, WE
00:38:40
COULD light a flare. I'm telling you,
00:38:41
man. Ryan, Burgess, Meredith
00:38:45
Paddling. This paddling's going to ho
00:38:47
your appointment, Rock. You can't paddle
00:38:50
any
00:38:52
paddle for 20 years.
00:38:54
I got appointment. We got to have
00:38:57
Stallone in the life raft then. Hey.
00:39:00
Hey. Hey. What? What do you mean? How we
00:39:03
going to battle? We don't have a paddle.
00:39:04
You know what I'm saying?
00:39:06
>> This paddling's going to ho your rock.
00:39:08
It's going to po it. Point a minute.
00:39:14
And
00:39:18
>> no, I need I need a defibrill.
00:39:22
Hey, I think it's a great idea. Just
00:39:24
pedal everyone. Right, Senator John K.
00:39:26
Now, did I wake up one morning? You're
00:39:31
This is what you call a mad house. Your
00:39:34
words, not mine. Your words, not mine.
00:39:37
>> I'm not known for my physicality.
00:39:41
I I'm not I am 75 years old and you want
00:39:47
me to paddle 3,000 miles?
00:39:51
>> I'll be doing the navigational uh
00:39:54
participation.
00:39:57
And you know, by the way, uh, the cruise
00:40:00
ship is about 50 ft from us, so this
00:40:04
fantasy is just all over. Let's get
00:40:06
Let's get back on board. Get back on
00:40:09
board. All right,
00:40:10
>> that was buzzing around.
00:40:12
>> Starring Dana Carvey, sponsored by Five
00:40:14
Energy's fruity rainbow flavor. Treat
00:40:17
yourself to a candyike flavor explosion.
00:40:20
Explosion. Satisfy your sweet tooth with
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00:40:26
can get in on this candy flavored chaos
00:40:28
online at www.5ourgy.com
00:40:31
or Amazon today. Applause. Applause.
00:40:34
>> That's right. You know, busting around.
00:40:37
>> Still going around.
00:40:39
>> By the way,
00:40:40
>> get warmed up then we stop. Go ahead.
00:40:42
>> Oh, there's the there's the ship that
00:40:44
got blowed up.
00:40:46
>> Who's that?
00:40:47
>> That's that's Travolta seeing the
00:40:49
Iranian ship.
00:40:50
>> You know, this is like weird. is a ship
00:40:53
that got blowed up by the peak ha sky.
00:40:56
You know, he's Trump says he's tough
00:40:58
like a ding dong. You know,
00:41:01
>> by the way, do you think this war, how
00:41:03
is it going to affect the Riad Comedy
00:41:05
Festival? I think that's what everyone's
00:41:07
asking.
00:41:07
>> Is there another one?
00:41:09
>> I'm sure next year. Yeah.
00:41:12
>> Oh,
00:41:13
>> it might they might have to put a pause
00:41:15
in it. They might have to put a a pin in
00:41:17
it.
00:41:18
>> Yeah. just uh you know like don't want
00:41:19
to have to do comedy with a flat jacket
00:41:22
on. You know what I'm saying?
00:41:23
>> Yeah,
00:41:24
>> that's already scary over there.
00:41:27
>> All right, so this podcast uh Dane is
00:41:30
brought to you by Squarespace.
00:41:32
Squarespace is the all-in-one platform
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that helps you build a professional
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>> It's what you need. Showcase what you
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You know, uh, the built-in appointment
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10% off your first purchase of a website
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or domain. All right, let's go to a few
00:43:06
stories. Even though we're running late,
00:43:08
let's see what a couple stories so
00:43:10
people want them. Okay.
00:43:12
>> A woman sent her ex-boyfriend over 1,000
00:43:15
pounds of onions so that she could make
00:43:18
him cry the same way he made her cry.
00:43:21
>> I like they have this AI photo of this
00:43:23
guy scratching his head. This is
00:43:25
probably
00:43:27
>> This is a fake story. It's like a joke.
00:43:30
>> Well, it's it's it's not real. Nobody
00:43:32
sends a,000
00:43:34
>> pounds. You know how much money you
00:43:36
would have to spend?
00:43:37
>> Well, the energy and the
00:43:38
>> one onion.
00:43:40
>> Yeah. Uh I think that this is made up.
00:43:43
I'm going out on a limb. It's a hot
00:43:45
take. But
00:43:46
>> how about just put a fart in a jar? It's
00:43:48
a lot cheaper.
00:43:50
>> That's what I do. And when I'm in a
00:43:52
pinch for a present,
00:43:55
>> fart in a jar.
00:43:56
>> There's girls that sell those and you
00:43:58
would be shocked, Dana.
00:44:00
I I I have to cover your ears and
00:44:02
protect you from what's going on out
00:44:04
there.
00:44:04
>> I don't want to think about it. There
00:44:06
was a Christmas tradition at the Carvey
00:44:08
House. We're in our 20s where
00:44:10
>> we fart in a jar.
00:44:11
>> You would do a diversionary gift and see
00:44:13
if someone was sad, you know, like you
00:44:15
don't a gift would be a bottle of Hines
00:44:17
ketchup and go, "You like it, don't you?
00:44:19
It's bottle of hind ketchup." And they
00:44:20
look disappointed. And then my brother
00:44:23
had a little keyboard and we'd sing a
00:44:24
song. You can take it. You could take
00:44:26
it. Take it. Take it back. You know,
00:44:28
return it. So,
00:44:29
>> okay.
00:44:30
>> Well, those sound like fun Christmases,
00:44:31
right? This sounds really good.
00:44:33
>> That sounds like a blast.
00:44:35
>> All right, next story.
00:44:40
>> By the way, we didn't tell the audience.
00:44:41
You did Chopping Broccoli and you did an
00:44:43
acoustic version.
00:44:45
>> That was
00:44:46
>> Remember that, Heather?
00:44:47
>> I started on piano.
00:44:49
>> Heather filmed it.
00:44:50
>> Oh, yeah. I started on piano and then
00:44:52
some some clubs didn't have pianos back.
00:44:54
This was preNL and then I sort of
00:44:56
adapted a a D little to C to little E
00:45:00
little run.
00:45:01
>> Yeah, I know the language.
00:45:04
>> Um, this is that this is that
00:45:06
masterclass thing. Okay, here's our next
00:45:08
story. Lamar Odum claims he'd be in the
00:45:11
Hall of Fame if not for his quote great
00:45:13
cocaine summers.
00:45:17
>> Yeah, I'm happy for him. He's joyous. He
00:45:20
he made a choice. Uh, he won a title,
00:45:24
didn't he? Yeah. With the Lakers. Yeah,
00:45:26
I think so.
00:45:27
>> I mean, also, people are mad that he
00:45:29
didn't he break up with Khloe twice.
00:45:32
I don't know. That probably stung him a
00:45:34
little bit in the votes.
00:45:35
>> Never break up. Now, here's one rule of
00:45:38
life. If you've landed a Kardashian with
00:45:42
a 7 billion dollar empire, never break
00:45:45
up with a Kardashian.
00:45:47
>> My words, not yours.
00:45:50
>> My theory. Mhm.
00:45:51
>> already single.
00:45:54
>> Um I
00:45:56
>> Okay. Okay.
00:45:57
>> Next story.
00:45:58
>> I was trying to think of something to
00:46:00
Okay.
00:46:01
>> There wasn't much there. Don't worry.
00:46:03
>> Yeah. I'll tell you in a second. Mhm.
00:46:05
Okay. I don't know what this is. Let's
00:46:06
see it.
00:46:07
>> Me that most of the customers in Los
00:46:10
Angeles are paid actors.
00:46:12
>> Yeah. How do you know that? Because I am
00:46:14
one. It's the best acting job in
00:46:16
Hollywood. Or at least the one that's
00:46:17
the most
00:46:17
>> This would be shocking. How did you get
00:46:18
started in this? It was during Rick
00:46:20
Caruso's campaign to show that he was
00:46:24
successful, which I go to without being
00:46:26
paid.
00:46:28
>> Yeah, it's quite a place. This guy is
00:46:30
saying thriving. He's an actor and to
00:46:34
make money, they go to the Grove and
00:46:35
walk around. Look at the beginning of
00:46:38
every shift, you get your loop.
00:46:41
>> And he he's paid to hang out at the
00:46:42
Grove.
00:46:43
>> Yeah. Why? His loop was parking lot to
00:46:47
the theaters and back.
00:46:48
>> He's not a security guard. It's just so
00:46:50
>> Look at he was an escalator guy for the
00:46:52
first 6 months. He used to go up and
00:46:53
down the
00:46:54
>> down to the people that ride on the
00:46:55
trolley. Those are all extras. You don't
00:46:57
need as many cuz that's obviously the
00:46:59
trolley people are getting.
00:47:00
>> So what? He just walks around. That's
00:47:02
his job.
00:47:02
>> Live extras on. What are the
00:47:04
conversations having improv or what?
00:47:07
What are you saying? Yeah, mine's
00:47:08
non-speaking.
00:47:08
>> Oh, he's a non-speaking interaction or
00:47:11
anything like that. There's a few
00:47:12
speaking. So he just walks.
00:47:13
>> But does he have a little sign? Does he
00:47:15
wear a little hat that says the grove?
00:47:16
How do you know he's not just a dude
00:47:18
walking around?
00:47:19
>> No, he just they
00:47:21
>> I don't understand.
00:47:22
>> They want that they want the grove to
00:47:24
look packed is what he's saying. So they
00:47:26
pay them to come.
00:47:27
>> Okay, there I go. So there is a reason
00:47:29
they just pay people to look like the
00:47:31
Grove is Yeah.
00:47:32
>> look like it's bustling.
00:47:34
>> And right after CO he's saying they had
00:47:36
to do that and he got paid and his loop
00:47:38
was escalators, movie theater, and back.
00:47:41
And someone else is like, I go to the
00:47:43
fountain and to Zara.
00:47:45
>> What a job. I mean, it's got to be at
00:47:47
least 15 bucks an hour. It's It's LA,
00:47:50
right?
00:47:51
>> I could get my steps. My maximum steps
00:47:53
in one day is still 13,000, which is
00:47:56
considered nothing.
00:47:58
>> Well, where are you strolling or are you
00:48:00
actually working?
00:48:03
>> You know what you could do is walk down
00:48:05
the hill where you live.
00:48:06
>> Wrong.
00:48:07
>> Walk down the hill to the bottom.
00:48:09
>> Not back up. and then grind back up.
00:48:11
>> No, Dana. Yeah. Dana, no.
00:48:14
>> Heather could film me doing it. Sorry.
00:48:16
>> Oh, you could do it
00:48:18
>> easy.
00:48:19
>> You're the people I almost hit coming up
00:48:20
my hill because there's no sidewalk.
00:48:23
>> Here's an impression of me going up your
00:48:26
hill when I drive up it. Okay.
00:48:28
>> On the way to your place.
00:48:31
>> Oh, drive. Here's my impression of you.
00:48:34
Here's you walking up my hill.
00:48:38
No stress.
00:48:42
>> Here's me trying to reach for the
00:48:43
intercom to get to the gate.
00:48:47
>> Separated shoulder.
00:48:49
Then you look at the gate and it's like,
00:48:51
uh-uh. Uh-uh. Hey, Heather.
00:48:54
>> Here's Bobby Lee pulling in my gate.
00:48:57
Scrape. He wasn't even looking.
00:49:00
>> He wanted to scrape.
00:49:02
>> I know. It's really a badge of honor
00:49:04
>> because instead of wiping his butt, he
00:49:06
scraped it along the pipes. Now,
00:49:08
>> it's a good It's a good story.
00:49:09
>> Sorry.
00:49:11
>> All right, one more punchy story.
00:49:14
>> I know what I was going to say.
00:49:16
>> You would have been the greatest uh cast
00:49:18
member in the history of SNL if you
00:49:21
hadn't insisting
00:49:23
uh when you were off camera wearing the
00:49:25
Gap Girl outfit.
00:49:28
That was so was that back
00:49:30
>> to Lamar or I would have been in the SNL
00:49:33
Hall of Fame if not for that.
00:49:35
>> Yeah, but you were always dressed in the
00:49:36
Gap, you know. David, do you have any
00:49:38
sketches? And I'd look over and you'd be
00:49:40
in the Gap girl outfit and I'm like,
00:49:41
this is not
00:49:42
>> what is at the time it seemed like it
00:49:45
made sense cuz I'd wear it to the cast
00:49:46
party afterwards and everything, but it
00:49:48
was stupid and it kept me out of the
00:49:51
first ballot hall of fame.
00:49:53
>> I went to the Emmys dressed as the
00:49:55
church lady once. Yeah, that was fun.
00:49:57
>> Jesus.
00:49:58
Oh boy.
00:50:00
>> Oh boy, that was not good.
00:50:04
>> Well, well.
00:50:05
>> All right, we're going to end with a
00:50:06
banger. This story is
00:50:08
>> All right, this is it. Pressure's on.
00:50:09
Drum roll.
00:50:09
>> Amanda say fried wore a prosthetic
00:50:12
butthole for her new movie Testament of
00:50:16
Ann Lee.
00:50:16
>> Why?
00:50:18
>> I think I need more to the story. I Oh,
00:50:20
there's her with her regular butthole.
00:50:23
That's just her.
00:50:24
Where do we in the press line? I don't
00:50:28
even know what this movie is about.
00:50:31
>> Why do you need a
00:50:32
>> That would that would denote there's
00:50:35
some uh filmography around that
00:50:38
particular part of her anatomy and yet
00:50:41
she wanted a fake one. What does it say
00:50:44
right there where it says is this People
00:50:46
magazine? Oh, it's page six. Amanda had
00:50:49
a cool and exciting time using the
00:50:51
prosthetic butthole filming. Read more.
00:50:54
Yeah, we need more to this story,
00:50:56
>> right? Well, this may have to be a
00:50:58
cliffhanger for next week's podcast.
00:51:00
>> Well, if you're showing your BH, you
00:51:03
might be showing your P also. Let's be
00:51:05
honest. I don't want
00:51:06
>> I don't know. This is a wiener heavy
00:51:07
show. It's I think we've jumped the
00:51:09
>> This show is the disaster.
00:51:11
>> Can I just say something about that
00:51:12
actress from my favorite film this year,
00:51:15
Housemade?
00:51:16
>> Housemaid.
00:51:17
>> Did she get an award nomination at least
00:51:19
for that?
00:51:21
>> She was good in The House Made. Yeah.
00:51:22
Could we give She could have She was
00:51:24
kind of a co-star. She could have got a
00:51:26
supporting actress.
00:51:28
>> She did get best butthole.
00:51:30
She got most realistic butthole.
00:51:33
>> All right, we've passed
00:51:35
what we have now officially done. I know
00:51:37
we're in a weird butthole 20 times.
00:51:47
>> Oh, no. Don't.
00:51:48
>> Next week was happening.
00:51:50
>> I know. We didn't know what was
00:51:51
happening. A lot of people ran.
00:51:55
>> I'm sorry.
00:51:56
>> Larry's like, "That's not how you do it.
00:51:58
That's not You're ruining it."
00:51:59
>> Well, this is just my new toy. We'll be
00:52:01
back next week. How you can get it and
00:52:03
you have it out in the kitchen.
00:52:04
>> I like that we're plugging other
00:52:06
people's merch. We don't even have our
00:52:07
own
00:52:07
>> We don't have our own merch.
00:52:08
>> Where's our fly on the wall sweatshirts?
00:52:10
Those sold out fast. We got to get new
00:52:12
ones.
00:52:12
>> I want I like the the sweatpants. I wear
00:52:15
them to the gym because they're more
00:52:16
comfortable and no one notices that they
00:52:18
say fly.
00:52:20
>> No, they're cool. So, that's kind of
00:52:21
cool, right?
00:52:22
>> Yeah. Uh, okay. Well, thanks for coming
00:52:24
on, Dana. I know you're a busy boy.
00:52:26
>> I love being on the David Spade show.
00:52:29
>> And my uh I hopefully by next week I'll
00:52:32
be all right.
00:52:32
>> I'm wearing sunglasses next week. I'm
00:52:34
just going to pre pre-order that.
00:52:37
>> Come see me in Durham or Charlotte
00:52:40
coming up or Nashville or Pittsburgh
00:52:45
or
00:52:47
>> He Spade is a killer. I was going on
00:52:51
second that night and I was in the wings
00:52:53
and I just said to the sound guy, "Is
00:52:54
there any way we can give her a light or
00:52:57
>> cuz you were you were levitating the
00:52:59
room and I was like fire."
00:53:01
>> You know what we did that was good after
00:53:03
Dana crushed and then we went out
00:53:05
together
00:53:07
>> to go, "Hey everybody." And then we saw
00:53:09
two sweet young women dressed as guards
00:53:13
and one is Joe Dur.
00:53:15
>> Joe Dur. And they were together standing
00:53:17
together. That was hysterical in the
00:53:19
front row.
00:53:19
>> I can't even. That's a psych.
00:53:21
>> That was a picture.
00:53:23
>> That was great. We should have gotten a
00:53:24
picture with him. But uh
00:53:25
>> next time we do something that big, we
00:53:27
should get a picture. I've had it come
00:53:28
out so we're like in the audience behind
00:53:30
us cuz a lot of people don't believe it
00:53:33
was 45.
00:53:34
>> We'll post it.
00:53:35
>> And we will post it. Yeah.
00:53:37
>> Uh okay, let's do it. And I will see you
00:53:39
guys soon. We'll see you next week.
00:53:41
Thank you for coming.
00:53:42
>> Thank you for being Thank you for being
00:53:44
here.
00:53:49
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:53:51
which you are, be sure to click follow
00:53:53
on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:53:56
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00:54:01
episode on YouTube, please subscribe.
00:54:03
We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is
00:54:06
presented by Odyssey, an executive
00:54:08
produced by Danny Carvey and David
00:54:10
Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg
00:54:12
Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:54:15
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior
00:54:17
producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show
00:54:18
is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:54:22
Tech. Booking by Cultivated
00:54:23
Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick
00:54:26
Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:54:31
Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly,
00:54:34
Colin Gainner, Sean Cherry, Kurt
00:54:37
Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach
00:54:40
out with us any questions be asked and
00:54:42
answered on the show. You can email us
00:54:44
at fly onthealla.com.
00:54:47
That's audacy.com.