00:00:00
[Music] was that intentional like a Michael
00:00:05
Jackson thing D it it's called The Future and I was the Kanye of that
00:00:11
Premiere and I have work boots which were cool I had those my coat doesn't
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[Music] fit do you have a starter joke three two
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1 no I will start this off by showing you a video little energy you're going
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to show a video I'm going to try cuz we're on video we're on video so I want to show it I have my first SNL audition
00:00:35
and I don't think you saw it and I said let's start this with something to talk about so I tried to watch it in Lauren's
00:00:42
office and then he goes uh there's better things to talk about he clicked it off so I never saw it this is it
00:00:55
ready okay cuz I want to show that I can sing and I'm not onedimensional
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you look a I added that fake plan at the end good
00:01:09
I didn't know you could do that the surprise is I'm going to be in my Arsenal next week your actual audition
00:01:15
what was your first joke my first oh when I did I think my old joke uh when I
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used to do my ACT which I think is still in it it's um I bought a new car uh well
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it's not really new it's an old UPS truck I got it so I can park wherever I want want that's not bad I I think I
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remember that when you were my Oprah by the way a Dandy little opener when we
00:01:39
toured the Northeast we in a r car I remember that line yeah that was that was uh one of my big ones I looked young
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back then not this Haggard [ __ ] Nick no after the dryer cycle that you see I
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talk to Betty Davis's granddaughter lighting is everything we're going to talk later you're going to have to you
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look great what do you I just want to PR and PR every time I walk by a uh me or my
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dad used to go see anybody you like oh we also have professional
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laughers on the set we should introduce us oh yeah we brought them in they're the professional laughers Union the
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president Heather Santoro Soro and Chris Rios who's also a beauty consultant to
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the stars and other things and so they are going to be laughing when we point okay so I'm going
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to start off you can't see them but they're they've been laughing their ass off the whole time audience can't see I
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think we talk because we talk all the Hot Topics let's talk about this Johnny Depp trial let's just let's do for hot
00:02:45
topics no we're going no I'm just kidding we're going back ways no I'm gonna tell you quickly what do you got
00:02:52
because this podcast would do better if it was a Taylor Swift chat room so I think we're going to open with Super
00:02:58
Bowl stuff because couple things I have to say about it before we get to Taylor because she is Taylor the whole Super
00:03:05
Bowl Taylor Taylor Swift so T Swift one thing I think that no one's talking about enough is that why is the Super
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Bowl still having Roman numerals after it you think kids are dumb when you have
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regular numbers in front of who what kid is isn't going VXX they don't know what that is no that's a really good point
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and it always has driven me nuts I think like outrage over things that don't really matters great like what the [ __ ]
00:03:32
is with the numeral [ __ ] numbers in the Super Bowl just to get really angry it's a controversial stance but that's
00:03:39
what we're here for Taylor Swift I'm feeding the algorithm right now I don't think the algorithm picks up audio
00:03:44
though how about this one new nickname for the super couple Tay Tay and Kell
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Kel uh oh we're pulling them up also I don't
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like any Instagram puberty I don't like sounds like pubes and I also don't like everything is all caps with them is this
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the [ __ ] Kanye Instagram because it's like Taylor Swift I read it with all that excitement and I'm like I don't I
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do care well you know you could be doing pretty well in America you you could
00:04:14
make a pretty good amount of money and then no matter what you're just shrunken down she made2 billion dollar that just
00:04:20
said she generates $331 million for Kanas City if she just goes to the city
00:04:26
how was that what it meant how many times can she go to the subway there or whatever they have the [ __ ] Jimmy John's I mean come on tay 33 million how
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many times can she code no 333 million of generated cuz people just hear she's
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in Kansas City and get in their car and start flooring fromis Kansas City just
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money they're like they just money Swift put 10 people in a Crazy Eight
00:04:53
Hotel each room has 10 people they're drinking and partying I have another big uh controversial stance let's say first
00:05:01
of all did you know at the Super Bowl at halftime Taylor Swift is going to decide the election she walks out and picks a
00:05:08
candidate and then they just win because why I bother voting she pointed and they win so that's good yeah and then and
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then her boyfriend picks her up and goes hip hip paray because 65250 5111 125 do the math what is their
00:05:23
kid going to look like David cuz they're going to have a kid 65 250 that's dad
00:05:30
dad what if she does like a Beyonce and when they win the Super Bowl they pan over to her and everyone gives her a
00:05:36
little room and then she rubs her stomach like I'm pregnant everyone goes holy [ __ ] [ __ ] and then they jizz all
00:05:41
over the screen all of America well your screen looks like it has some on it so I don't
00:05:48
know if that was lital a figurative there there's a a vague Sheen over his
00:05:54
camera ladies and gentlemen I know it's twice a day I got to come out there for the porn
00:06:00
I was going to tackle the other big story of the week Brad Pit facelift oh yeah and I do
00:06:09
this news I'm gonna do it as as a beetle because it's called Beetle
00:06:15
news got you got to have a name for your hello everybody this is Beast news and we're talking about things here we're
00:06:21
talking about some people think that Brad Pit got a got a sucker upper got a
00:06:26
sucker upper you know you take the turkey neck you know and you clinch it up and you s it off you Chim the little
00:06:34
extras you wrap it around the ears you know and you go walking about onbread
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[Music]
00:06:48
pit you look great now yeah what happened why is it working we're going to look back at this
00:06:55
and not laugh but go remember when they only gave us one and then they canceled it remember we shot the pilot and it was
00:07:02
unusable oh oh here's another thing Dana when you're when the kids hate
00:07:08
billionaires this is heavy you can step out of this one if you want when kids are so mad at billionaires and then you
00:07:14
go oh Taylor Swift is a billionaire now do you have to automatically hate her
00:07:21
go well you can adjust like as you know Bernie Sanders used to go the problem
00:07:27
with America is the million and the billionaires and then he found out and
00:07:32
this is true Al Franken told me this he found out he was a millionaire so the next stump speech it's the billionaires
00:07:39
you idiots the [ __ ] billionaires what about the millionaires they're great
00:07:45
they're they're good guys bed into a little bit of fouchy oh yeah that was a little scratchy fouchy they're about the same they're both 90 no I do him as a
00:07:54
crosswalk guard that's how I get into the voice Bernie Sanders is a crosswalk guard it's don't proed don't proceed the
00:08:02
system's rigged don't proceed it's the don't that gets me into that I like it
00:08:08
it's like me it's like me was a bit off for a bit I'm coming back sorry I can do
00:08:14
voices now and not no one can stop me we don't have some guest we have the easy laugh crowd
00:08:22
back there but you're really nailing it so who are who are you taking in the Super Bowl can I just ask um who are you
00:08:29
taking you know I do I think the the it's not a three
00:08:34
minute thought here it's it's one team or the other uh
00:08:40
uh I I can't say because we have so many fans and they'll get mad but well you're GNA take s FR I know this well I want to
00:08:48
insert two two comedians that have talked about football who hate Sports it
00:08:53
just they make me laugh so Jay Leno talking about football he'd come into the game and everyone's in in there with
00:08:59
their beer and watching the game and screaming and he would always say man who's the head the red or the yellows
00:09:04
it's kind of it he just thought it was just colors and then Jerry Seinfeld said the players move around so much
00:09:11
eventually you're just rooting for clothes yeah laundry yeah the N yeah like because
00:09:18
they they switch teams I would say that I I have another analogy not to go into this whole Taylor Swift algo because I
00:09:24
do like Taylor Swift you mean tay tay tay and Kel k k k so she so it I I I
00:09:31
sort of try to make this analogy and then it doesn't make any sense but let's say the reason why guys get somewhat
00:09:37
annoyed let's say we went to a Taylor Swift concert and talked about football Whispering the whole time uh and that
00:09:43
would bother them but Taylor Swift fans are probably nicer but when you go to a
00:09:48
guy's game of football you forget that 90% of them are degenerate gamblers so
00:09:54
and that doesn't just mean which a common man would think or woman oh there we have to be cuz they're betting on the
00:10:00
winner of the game oh no they bet on every goddamn play is it going to be a sweep is it going to be a a button hook
00:10:07
is it going to be a sucker trap and you bet every G every play Everything who's going to hold the football who's it
00:10:13
going to kick it to how many catches they get so you have to be so riveted at that game you can't be uh distracted and
00:10:20
that's why I think people get a little itchy about the Taylor talk but other
00:10:26
than that I welcome it I you know what see how I came back
00:10:32
around and I'm like she's great she's great we met her at the SNL 4th she was super sweet very pretty oh yeah how does it
00:10:40
feel to be backpedaling I'm not really backpedaling I've always said she did she was in byby she had one line and she
00:10:47
came over she's she's great and I don't have any problem with her there's so many things going on in the world the
00:10:52
idea of just [ __ ] Taylor Swift man drives me nuts I mean and they're like
00:10:58
what about Iran and you're like who cares this Taylor thing drives me out I mean come on
00:11:04
lighten up I mean let's unpack this where's this outrage coming all right I have I'm jumping over to the golden
00:11:09
Bachelor I have one thing to say about it since it's already been over for a while okay I'll take five minutes off no
00:11:16
it's only it's only one thing I watch The History Channel okay I like to be
00:11:22
educated no I didn't even see it I only watched 11 episodes of it but you've hosted it so relax you got Craig go
00:11:28
ahead the golden Bachelor and everyone was really pulling for this guy this is the last week I can do this joke cuz now
00:11:35
it's only seven weeks late but Bachelor and he's like however old which isn't
00:11:41
that old in real life and he looks better than me and he's about you know 880 so he's out there and and his big he
00:11:46
does look good he does look good and his big sob story is my wife passed away sad
00:11:52
I'll give him that and then he said I haven't dated since and I wanted to kind
00:11:57
of come back into the scene and you know plow 30 chicks so uh it was like oh great this is such a cute story so he
00:12:04
comes back and he's going to he's going to ramrod his way through all these poor women who I didn't even make fun of that
00:12:11
because everyone at that age like just trying to find a nice person it's hard to crap on them they're not 22 and
00:12:18
desperate they're just like nice people they're they're they're not carnal in the same way they were in their 20s yeah
00:12:24
not like you just anyway so um what so they so word the word got so the word
00:12:29
got out they go oh he's such a great guy and then right toward the end they go hey some woman came out and said oh
00:12:36
after his wife died I dated him for nine months and they asked him and he's like oh yeah that sker like he doesn't even
00:12:42
give a [ __ ] he's like oh oh yeah no but that was nothing that was just like a hit it and quitt it situation dine and
00:12:48
dash and they're like oh so you're just a regular guy got it you're not quite
00:12:55
the Ang wait a minute David let me unpack this you're saying television
00:13:00
presented something that wasn't quite real are you going to go on record with that I am because are you going to
00:13:06
commit so sometimes reality show I'm easily tricked because I watch these shows and I want it to be real I want
00:13:13
them to find romance well because you're a good person you would never trick people like that and the Monsters of the
00:13:20
[Music]
00:13:27
no all right here's a here's a quick one cuz everyone does Trump here's my angle
00:13:32
on Trump he's out in the stump and he starts listing the people he's going to go after you it's really funny to me
00:13:39
we're going to go and then we're going to go after the Communists the Marxist the neo-marxists the Socialists the far
00:13:45
left fake news media the Deep State and the state behind the Deep State the deepest state of all we we call it the
00:13:51
Deep six you imagine that we call it the Deep six we're going to take out the Vagabond the Pirates and the witches the
00:13:57
terites and the olites the Amish have got to go I'm telling you that they got to go and we're taking out Poland I
00:14:03
never liked it it's a creepy place we're taking out Deep Purple the
00:14:10
band sorry I can listen to Trump forever it's so [ __ ] funny to hear you just talk about Trump we're doing things she
00:14:17
always goes in the pill and this he reads the tele Proms and goes can you imagine that you imagine that you've heard of that right they're going to
00:14:23
build a wall we're going to build a second wall you can do a second wall I didn't know it but but they can
00:14:30
good in the breathing oh let's go to a video bit ready cuz there's really no
00:14:36
rules here I'm just going to show you I first of all the setup is I was such a premier [ __ ] back during SNL you didn't
00:14:43
do this as much but I was so Juiced with Fame that I was like I got a little smidge of Fame and I was like oh God I'm
00:14:49
getting invited to premieres hey do you want to see Mission Impossible with Tom Cruz a week ahead bring your friend or
00:14:55
bring someone from the cast cool super fun but I went to way too many cuz there's
00:15:00
Instagrams where they go hey remember this Premiere and here's everyone that was there and it always I'm [ __ ] in
00:15:06
there and I don't even remember and I have some rope belt I look like [ __ ] every time so let's go down memory lane
00:15:12
I pulled a few of these and uh let's pull up just random ones and I'll tell
00:15:18
you what I was thinking they're not all bad it's just okay this one is [ __ ]
00:15:24
great I don't even know if we should start with it's so good okay that this
00:15:29
one is for I have a key here this is speed you look great this is speed with
00:15:35
Keanu that might be behind me either Apatow no it looks like Jud Nelson maybe is that a summer premere it doesn't
00:15:42
matter to me when I have a look I lock it in and it could be you've got the G any weather so I've got cargo shorts
00:15:50
I've got one blue sock which is actually pretty cool was that intentional like a Michael
00:15:57
Jackson thing D it it's called the future and I was the Kanye of that
00:16:02
Premiere and I have work boots which were cool I had those for my coat doesn't fit that would maybe work now
00:16:11
did not work then I thought it' fit I think it's totally him and it has a it has a cordury color thought it fit
00:16:17
didn't fit the glasses I [ __ ] hate I can't stand I have my speed Premiere ticket in my hand but you can't really
00:16:23
see it and I'm holding a hat all stupid all right next one well wait a minute you're
00:16:31
you're wearing the sunglasses indoor no it was the lights Dan I'm getting I'm like I can't take it no I was thinking
00:16:37
very cool I wouldn't have the guts to do that at that age okay which one's this is farles this is same
00:16:43
sunglasses maybe I think so look at we both went to the tinted sunglass store I guess tinted
00:16:51
was in I don't know Farley always looked pretty cool this is uh True Lies and I'm
00:16:59
doing duck clips and I'm not even joking I did them forever I don't even think they were around I don't it's a little
00:17:05
bit of a jagger no one was sick of him yet I don't know why I did it I think it was just nervousness that was a leather
00:17:12
jacket I thought was so badass and it was nothing fit me not one thing fit me everything was big and I didn't know it
00:17:18
I thought they were all fitting and you couldn't see it I couldn't see it look at him giving P sign like straight ahead
00:17:24
and kind of grossly far's like
00:17:30
you know what he used to do you guys got a back off the mic they're too good they're they're too good of laughers
00:17:36
they don't even need a no they don't need a joke they just show these two idiots but Dana here's a Farley do
00:17:42
remember this at premieres they take his picture and he goes not now and then he'd say take my picture so
00:17:49
dumb show show another one right yeah that was I can't believe there's no dane in
00:17:54
any of these because you didn't you were like I didn't oh this is a great one shot I love this this is now
00:18:03
yeah now you I'm just I look cool well he's well he's kind of like doing a
00:18:10
character too in a way with those glasses and the hair slicked that's when he got cool there was a point when he
00:18:16
combed it back because Christian Slater did when he hosted and so farl's next week and I go you're so gross that's cuz
00:18:23
he goes christm Slater did it and I go yeah so he was always greasing it back
00:18:28
and look behind is J Moore wow that but wait a minute this is
00:18:35
after Tommy Boy so you are a star at this point uh this is 95 Tommy Boy came out in 95 so it's around the same time
00:18:42
cuz to have the guts to where that hat with no irony and just was you have to be a star that hat is I still have it's
00:18:50
so [ __ ] cool and the strings are hanging off and I have a turtleneck turtlenecks were illegal for
00:18:56
a couple years hat fits well I'm just going to say the clothes seem to work fine I mean you got some got a couple
00:19:03
Shillings in your pocket Spain starting to put the whole Motif together of the
00:19:08
junior Superstar yeah when we went to uh the premiere of Tommy Boy in London we
00:19:15
thought we were famous it was so sickening he's like dud it what if everybody knows us and we get hounded
00:19:22
I'm like well it's not exactly Beetle Mania no one even knows who we are at all and they don't even get the show
00:19:28
over there so we go over on the Concord no less I did it and it's like
00:19:35
this land so it took 90 minutes we get there he brings a [ __ ] chal cuz he
00:19:42
stopped by Ireland he goes it's lucky so we bring this shalele out we go out with
00:19:49
hats and sunglasses no one knows who we are it's so embarrassing Shay Shay
00:19:54
shalele is like an Irish stick oh yeah for and then and then no one knew so we
00:20:01
took off the hat and sunglasses then we went to Planet Hollywood so someone would know us
00:20:07
sickening we went to get noticed and no one did and we're like what the [ __ ] all
00:20:12
right next picture I just want I have one question while you were in that hat did you ever do Wy wabbit or do any
00:20:20
own I want to get a wue web I mean did you use that at all uh I don't think so because I thought it was cool and so I
00:20:26
didn't even want to joke about it you really okay here now we're getting into makeover time this is this 1999 this big
00:20:34
daddy yeah yeah you're yeah this is Big Daddy the TV show what was it called Big Daddy I was
00:20:41
on just shoot me yeah I was on just shoot me I was doing good it was up on
00:20:47
the same night as like Frasier and Seinfeld so we were in the mix yeah coat fits a little better still does not fit
00:20:54
like let's not get crazy it doesn't fit well I think the leaves uh well no the sleeve the shirt go underneath that
00:20:59
shirt was a guest shirt can we ask Chris or Heather do you guys think our our hidden team of laughers what do you
00:21:07
think of that outfit he looks a little more styled in this one much more styled the hair is
00:21:13
longer um obviously your teeth you got your teeth done quote unquote they look
00:21:18
great I wish they would they look good there and I don't know what happened since and look at I've got those are a bit of mom jeans in a
00:21:25
way but my my shoes are cool my shoes cuz I got a bad neck they would always kill me I could only wear them to the
00:21:32
premiere and then I'd have to go back to uh Sketchers or whatever that was back then would mom jeans would be higher
00:21:38
wasted than that wouldn't they yeah a little bit but these weren't a little higher
00:21:43
yeah yeah that's a point but okay at least I'm getting somewhere okay next one these are all like flash cards I
00:21:50
don't know what's next because I'm it you don't even know it's going oh okay okay now we're David
00:21:56
2.0 Johnny this is a brand new guy this is Jesus someone's been watching too
00:22:03
many Kirk oain videos in this one I have a fog hat shirt on uh mhm um that was punch drunk
00:22:12
love that's Julie bow she looks great she was great oh right she was sort of
00:22:19
you dated for a while is that they call it you dat and you know what I've learned from wearing guyliner
00:22:26
is ites it your eyes look too skinny like I can't even
00:22:31
see I don't know why I have it on Cory Fel I mean I don't know what I saw I I
00:22:36
have faded purple cords on I thought those were cool right but do you have eyeliner on
00:22:44
yeah mean like a mascara I say it with no embarrassment yep do you have
00:22:50
lipstick on are you wearing a bra I just have Rouge lipstick a bra a training bra
00:22:57
and a [ __ ] thumb a g and a g string yes well it's good that we get to know
00:23:02
what's behind CL doors now H um how old are you there well I
00:23:08
don't no by the way poor Julie she went there with me and I serly took one look
00:23:13
and was like we're not doing the [ __ ] press line are we I'm like oh yeah oh yes we are okay keep going I think
00:23:19
there's just a couple more we can get rid of some of these if they they're boming these are funny they're kind of funny just talk about oh who's this
00:23:26
[ __ ] oh now you're going man that is that is still kirco Bay a
00:23:34
little bit right wouldn't he wear those I mean he'd be spinning in his grave if he by the way is this the first
00:23:41
time the Scruff showed up oh yeah I got a little scruffy and I had a I never wear a beanie gives me a headache I
00:23:47
actually don't like them but I wore a beanie cuz it was tough hair day zipped up leather jacket a flannel shirt I used
00:23:53
to love that flannel shirt of course my jeans are not tucked trash
00:23:58
and they're not trash from doing too much you know hiking and lifting Boulders it's like I bought them for
00:24:06
$9,000 and they were already all distressed would you have possibly had a
00:24:12
38 revolver in your lower back does that guy carry a gun or a knife no he carries a buck knife and he stabs you then he
00:24:19
[ __ ] puts you in an armhole cuz it look it looks like kind of a tough guy ready to fight I was I was kind of like
00:24:26
mad that are taking a picture but I go I go into the Press line and then I'm like what the [ __ ] do you guys want they're
00:24:32
like well you're in a stepping repeat so I think you know hey you know what
00:24:38
that guy is saying to everybody what are you looking at what what are you looking at that's what you're saying right there
00:24:44
what the [ __ ] are you looking at I'm like Rambo all right we'll get off this that's that's Alpha that's Alpha right
00:24:50
there okay we're halfway through the photos and now we have a current Spades a premier whor
00:24:58
[Music]
00:25:06
I will tell you what I did recently and then I'll let you go Dana but um I'm not letting you go anywhere I have nowhere
00:25:12
to go I I remember when you heard that I gave this Burger King guy some money do you remember this
00:25:18
story yes so my new started a whole yeah thing my new thoughts on it so the thing
00:25:24
is Burger King iy worked there 27 years I saw him on [ __ ] Tick Tock and so I
00:25:30
said he was opening a present he goes I worked here 27 years never missed a day I was like holy [ __ ] he goes and they
00:25:37
gave me a gift from Burger King and it was like a yo-yo and a Pokemon card and
00:25:43
like $10 at Starbucks so I go that's it and he was so happy that he got that and
00:25:50
he goes I'll see you guys tomorrow back at work and he W I was like is he being sarcastic and he wasn't so that his
00:25:56
daughter made it gofund me say get this guy a vacation he's busting his [ __ ] ass so he needed like it was like 15
00:26:03
grand so I I it was close something like that oh yeah so I put up five grand got
00:26:08
him over the hump to 15 whatever so they tell TMZ well wait a minute it says over
00:26:14
underwhelming five grand wait oh his his was God thank you Jesus
00:26:21
okay um I was thinking that's that's yeah that was back then okay so I I gave
00:26:27
him so he gets to his 15 and then his daughter tells TMZ so then they do a
00:26:33
story about him and then the next week he's up to like 40 Grand I'm like holy [ __ ] and then he goes on the Today's
00:26:40
Show and they're like so David Spade helped then he's dming me and I'm like hey you did a great job he's like is
00:26:45
that really you that gave it to me I go yeah man you nobody works hard anymore so blah blah then he keeps going then he
00:26:52
comes to my show in Vegas and then it's been a year Dana and they go Burger King
00:26:57
guy just bought a house with his 450,000 he's up to and I and then I hit him up and I go I think after 300K we split it
00:27:05
guy I mean what are the rules I mean I feel like the house has to win a little
00:27:11
bit so how do I approach this this is probably awkward and I
00:27:16
shouldn't even say this but you seem to have the mightest touch and I'm just gonna say this as a soft ask could you
00:27:22
start a Kickstarter for me for you just saying you're just if it's going to go into seven figures I could just ask it's
00:27:29
going to quadrillion zup yeah you may have the mightest touch you know the thing is you you you your new nickname
00:27:37
is Kickstarter no it's great guy syndrome and I have it I have a really bad case of it and so well I'd never
00:27:44
heard this story before but I'm glad to hear is it good you know that you're working with a good guy so here we go he
00:27:50
gets to 50 Grand then they go get him to 100 Grand they raise it cuz it's still pouring in Get Him to 100 and get this
00:27:56
guy like an electric bike you know poor [ __ ] guy so they get to that then she's like hm let's put it to 200,000 so
00:28:03
they just keep raising it and the last I saw they want to get it to a million oh
00:28:09
it's at 457 he wants a million so he can get four tickets to Taylor Swift I like
00:28:14
the paid [ __ ] laughers give me a micro chal on that that's the
00:28:20
closer I need I didn't get picked up anywhere for my charitable work it'll be
00:28:26
quiet you know what you got to hire I just stumbled in that because I don't nobody knows what what I do I like when
00:28:31
they say look at George Clooney gave this bum $100 and I go well if there's seven pop Razzi guys walking by he's
00:28:38
like here you go can you get the 100 can you get me and the 100 in the shot can you get the guy's hand and me and the
00:28:43
bum okay of course there's a camera there not saying he's not a good guy but
00:28:49
there's a camera there I'm giving a guy I'm like here's my coat get it did you get it come back a little later can I
00:28:54
get that coat back it was kind of a bit I was doing I remember yeah Paul McCartney when I first met him he said
00:29:01
you know I could I could go all over the world all I have to do is go down to Fifth Avenue and drop me trousers oh
00:29:08
what does that mean he go all over the world and unpress I go all over the world so well if you want to Trend if
00:29:15
you want to start Trend yeah then we can figure that out for you okay I got one more thing to ask
00:29:22
you okay I keep saying one more I was out of stuff 45 minutes are you out of stuff okay my last thing that I'll say I
00:29:29
just saw oh no I I have stuff I can do yeah well first of all go ahead I wanted to hear a red red
00:29:36
necki do you have any loaded well I I can do a few red red neys I was
00:29:45
thinking because people I did this on a podcast I used to do with Chris re fantastic but I haven't done it on this
00:29:52
podcast much have I well this one's new but the other one fly in the wall you've done it once or twice but it's a hit and
00:29:59
people say it on this one I'm red rednecky the redneck comedian you ever
00:30:04
fart so loud dog two stayed away go what that come and get some that was the
00:30:12
beginning go [ __ ] you ever fought so loud dog to stayed away go what that
00:30:17
come g i foret my own catchphrase I know I you go ahead this just to get in the
00:30:23
Rhythm because what I want to do I'm going to do three of them and then I'm going to ask people to send in red necky jokes and I will read their red red
00:30:30
necky joke and I'll do one that I was sent in to Chris and you have your crap
00:30:35
so big you don't know going to get down that turet come get home so that's laying the ground
00:30:42
workor sort of the level working yet you ever crap so big you don't know if it's going to get down the turlet get down
00:30:49
that turlet go ahead come and get some come and get some for people just hearing this for
00:30:55
the first time it's intentionally supposed toly the worst comedian in the world that is kind of the idea but he's
00:31:00
got a catchphrase and he's super famous well things bad happen or things
00:31:06
that don't seem so great and then come and get some is the ultimate Defiance come and get some this is one that someone set in and I did I did a rewrite
00:31:13
on it but I asked my mama to worsh my taty Wy she said sure thing I said how'd
00:31:19
it go she said great I haven't seen skid mods like that since the Daytona 500 come get
00:31:25
home that's the longest one we got that that's a pretty good one a good one
00:31:31
I I asked my mama what's for for dinner she said roadkill I said what kind she
00:31:37
said I got to take a drive come and get some look some of these I think there's
00:31:43
safety and knowing you're eventually going to say come and get home right the two the most off-putting ones are the
00:31:49
fart and the Pooh one but the rest are just basic basic kind of stuff you see if you get this one uh my grandpappy
00:31:57
invented the phrase dollars to Donuts every time he got a dollar he bought a doughnut he died at 27 come and get
00:32:06
some heart attack I don't know what guess what guys people can write in Superfly odyssey.com if they want you to
00:32:13
do more Impressions or more from come and get some oh okay
00:32:19
Superfly odyssey.com yeah is that an email yes and send an in so rednecky and
00:32:26
also I'm going to do a run of Johnny Carson getting pulled over for drunk driving and you can send in jokes for
00:32:32
that oh sorry offic sorry officer I didn't know I was
00:32:39
swerving I had a tangerine torpedo at the cranky
00:32:44
pigeon sorry officer I didn't know I was swerving I had a dirty double banana deer at the boozy glow the boozy
00:32:52
glow yeah I like when they rhyme the [ __ ] purple nurple it's the drinks
00:32:57
here's one well the the original ones I'm sorry officer I didn't know I was swerving I had two slippery monkeys at
00:33:03
the hook and crook see I like that like when they rhyme and here's one that's on double sorry officer I didn't know I was
00:33:09
swerving I had five whiskey sours at the whiskey sour Hut that's a different way to go with it
00:33:16
it's a little little different but if you if you anyone anyone wants to send some in I got one one sorry officer
00:33:24
great I I uh I had a few I had a banana D at the stinky
00:33:31
Pinky that's sort of like it right that's almost like red R I know I can't
00:33:37
do it to you you're too good this I'm back to the Super Bowl but not Taylor Swift nuh-uh that's what you think
00:33:42
nuh-uh there's also a football game okay so here's what I'm saying is I saw a few Super Bowl commercials
00:33:50
today which is very odd the new thing they show them to you this far ahead oh
00:33:56
yeah and so they have one and they go they have all the stars you know who the
00:34:03
stars were the cast of Suits folks I'm sorry um now I this is
00:34:11
one Megan Markle was on Megan marle in the hunt and so she went away and now
00:34:17
suits is it wasn't a big show but now it is and so it's on Netflix it's doing well are you really doing a suits Pary
00:34:23
let me tell you something when Prince Harry came over here he said I got got myself a he wanted to have a celebrity a
00:34:30
superstar girlfriend so everyone over there somehow believed that suits was
00:34:36
some [ __ ] hit show with Julie Roberts on it but I'm like isn't that on
00:34:42
TBS I mean is it really she wasn't even the most famous person on
00:34:48
suits okay so and no one even knows what suits is so when they we're throwing
00:34:55
around the word Superstar little Loosely that's what I was saying now she's a superstar now but even she will admit
00:35:02
when you're on a show that's on like you know after reruns of uh Barney
00:35:08
Miller too far back too far back um well that's he called Prince and now King
00:35:15
Charles after he met Megan margle his daddy I've met the most wonderful woman in the world she's a superstar an
00:35:22
American actress what you say what who that the older one
00:35:28
that's the King Charles Charles what
00:35:34
say sorry I just coughed up a Dalmation anyway what's her name taddy
00:35:41
name is Megan mares she's the biggest star of the world goodbye Daddy I love
00:35:46
you I'll never leave the royal family very good now if you don't mind we have to cough up or half a
00:35:53
cow son I just go I just Googled her she's not in the top 100 famous people
00:35:59
in the world I just do do him like this and I do Megan when he first met Megan she's like hello what's your name my
00:36:06
name's Prince Harry and I'm from the royal family yes I'm Megan marle from a
00:36:12
show called the suits have you ever seen it Harry that's how they sound like
00:36:19
Cosby when you did Prince uh Bill
00:36:25
Cosby he's he basically Joe B and Bill Cosby have merg in
00:36:31
way and go Bill the lady I like the
00:36:38
stiffness I'll get looser with the show I need I need a better chair no I like that you're you you
00:36:45
actually no one even mentions your full bed behind you this is video we do have
00:36:50
a we do have a studio coming guys this has been a presentation of
00:36:56
Odyssey Super Fly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Charlie
00:37:01
finan of bril entertainment Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
