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[Music] they're doing some aging stuff and gives
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me a dimple and a thing and then they uh slap me in the
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ass they give they give me they give me some french fries they give me a headlock and really drop kick me to the
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stage they're really strong they give you a shot of adrenaline like Pink Floyd get out there kid you're
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[Music] like let's get into it we're on Superfly
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with Dana and we're going to start with New York City and I am in New York city so if you hear a siren don't think it's
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some what Spade's location is um I do go to the Satur Night Live
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parties and I always go well I'll leave at 300 a.m. it's freaky that you get a
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second win you get up maybe at 8 or 9 and then you go all the way to 1:00 a.m.
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for the good nights fluffed and folded why you go are we going you know the death of of an episode of Saturday live
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is if people ask where is the party too early like it's 6 o'clock in the you
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know it's like 6 PM where is the party tonight means they're not focused oh but
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anyway I go and I eventually end up with Lauren and we're there together so
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basically I get into the bed at the hotel I look at my phone it says 5:30
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a.m. and then I turn the light out and I'm not a night outl I go to bed at
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9: a no you're a baller dude that's crazy because you know I uh we I used do
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the snel parties and now if something's at 11 I'm like how in God's green earth if it's not you know New Year's Eve how
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do you get up the gumption to stay up till 11 if there's nothing energetically happening and you're just sitting around
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it's hard but if there's something going on you're out then lot young people yeah the party would they're they're they're
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pretty intense there's a lot a lot of people there and I got to hang out with Stevie Nicks who couldn't have been more
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adorable um oh for sure you know uh sure Legend Ariana Grande was definitely
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relieved after the show the show was she did a great show she can kind of do
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anything she is hilarious she's great yeah I think I wanted to tell her if I ever saw her just the last time I saw on
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the show her impressions were great when she would sing a bunch of different people and then she's funny she did a
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Jennifer Lawrence last time that was funny so I didn't see all her sketches but the ones I saw she she is just she's
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a does a great job Powerhouse real pistol she's a pistol and then she's one of those people you go what can't she do
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she was there with a friend and I said she kind of does everything right I I go
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can can she dance and he goes oh yeah she can dance she can sing she can dance
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that's comedy impression so that was really fun and I was talking to a woman at the party you know you get whipped around by the way she she's twig too by
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the way in real life she weighs 66 she's tiny she's and it's so funny she's such
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a Powerhouse she wasn't tired I think people get on her about being thin she she didn't look tired she's energetic
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she gives it in every sketch there's absolutely no complaints no she's just the size person she is and it works for
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her she has really funny energy I saw her walking down the hallway in the costume for the cast castr there was a
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thing that she was playing a boy who was cast had like that one yeah and when I saw the costume just walking down
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casually you know funny I said okay this is going to work you know sometimes you have to so you met a woman I'm sorry you
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I interrupted you go ahead oh no I was talking to a woman you know you turn and then there's somebody oh hey you know
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and it was her mom and I go oh that's cool does the apple fall very far from the tree and she goes I'm an
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engineer okay so she just went off and did her own thing not a full nippo baby
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uh no she's just she's what can I say you know I mean good Lord that's why uh
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long story short I I put on lipstick and a dress and a wig in a sketch about
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Jennifer coolage they threw it at me Thursday night and I just thought in my
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age group I never really was in drag because church lady is whatever you think she is there's no lipstick there's
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no but then they explained to me that the character it was like a snow white thing or something that my Jennifer
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coolage has been trapped in the mirror for hundreds of years Chloe told me yeah and you look the closest to
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200 so when I came out but I think we have a this is La I had a lot of guests
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backstage and LoveIt was one of them so he took a video of me which I've posted but I think it's funny to talk about
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because oh he took that yeah and I'm just trying to get through the thing here we go I'm trying to rehearse it
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let's play mouth magic Wow so we going to
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have tonight yeah exactly just learning
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Contin Let's test it by eating some corn this is good hey Wow Let's test it by
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eating some car I love it this is solid BTS you got your down jacket rest but
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you're literally a sing in your head out loud kind of yeah I'm just trying to because the between dress and air for
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they had to remove about four beats one was we eat corn it was a lot Wilder but
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it was you know it was amazingly around it's just a non Seer
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hey wow let's eat some corn they suddenly have corn can I have your corn
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it was kind of an acidy esoteric sketch I still don't quite understand it um but
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that was fun do should I tell you a few things about living in New York or do you want to of respond you have any
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questions no I'm saying they could probably do that sketch again because it's sort of a good trick you've got a host mimicking
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the cast member which is a good fun thing for the host and then that side mirror kind of makes sense doesn't a th%
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but it's funny it makes enough sense to we get it yeah and then it's just three people now it's just funny three people
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trying to act the same and and lip sync to what they're saying and of course get it wrong it's funny and then I guess
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it's uh maybe other people are more aware but I I was casually aware that lipstick commercials do have long
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phrases maybelline's lip Lip lip color color lip special Lip lip so that was
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something that I think that our Heather would understand the day and night out in the town go with your first date
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lipstick yeah with a lip lip lippity Lip lip Lip lip color color color all right
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casual observation about New York City first of all it's like being in Midtown walking around is like being in
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Disneyland on a Saturday during a holiday MH I mean it's literally that packed and now they have people on bikes
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and bike Lanes called City Bank bikes and they're going 40 mil per hour so you're just looking for cars but there
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separate L on your right oh yeah on your left
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totally and then you know I go to the pharmacy and it's got all the stuff it's got a little grocery store and you go in
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and there's a 6'8 guy with a with a flack jacket and an Uzi just very
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serious with combat boots just over by the ATM looking around you know it's just not quite like uh good guy or bad
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guy he's a good guy good guy good guy a guy who just says good guy not here he's
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a guy who just says not not here not now not on my turf but you know if you live
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up in maybe Idaho or something you may not get as much of that so right I mean you see there's I mean I was just
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watching our local news and I'm like this should be a crime show because it should be the crime Channel every other story is like another smashing another
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ATM was ripped out through the [ __ ] fireplace of someone's house and another they're just showing people ripping out
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ATMs with trucks out of and everyone's like and they warn this 7-Eleven you should
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probably lock them down better it's never about don't steal it it's about how can we and hide it trick people in a
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totally oh yeah it's the shelves are bare really basically I mean and you know you have to get a key to get in to
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to get lotion and stuff and it's kind of like can I get some rubbers on i8 so embarrassing yeah and it's a little bit
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like my uh doctor nurse it's like oh you want to do what well I'd like to get
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some uh you know some vitamin C that's under locking key I'm going to have to
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get the manager let me call corporate but but by the way are you for sure
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going to buy it by the way and guess what yeah I know right they are paranoid
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so even the FL jacket guy is looking at me I've got a puffy jacket on you know baseball black baseball cap so he
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doesn't know so I'm walking toward him he's standing right next to the ATM and I kind of whip out my wallet and I the
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second time I did it I kind of did it very carefully like here's the wallet well my hands in my pocket and then
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there's a he's looking right there yeah you don't know if it's like stick them updd you don't want to get gunned down
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mm um I've been very busy up out here in
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I mean you I could have a boozy lunch or a boozy dinner with some friend every day oh I told I knew it I'm like New
00:09:36
York fun and you're on the show and there's a host there's cast there's friends that are visiting you saw LoveIt
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hello hello love it must been like I'm available for sketches oh he was there
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the whole time he's like I'm only going for the dress show because I have to do
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something tomorrow and then he says oh I'll stay for the air show then he stay
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for the air show I'm not going to the party I have something I have to do tomorrow next thing you know he's at the
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party it's 3:30 in the morning of course I should go but I'm not jealous I'm not
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gonna sit with you and Lauren scooch scooch away well I mean I like the fact
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that you're like at 3:00 a.m. going should I call it quits early but that's true I guess the show's at 1 you're
00:10:23
you're high on adrenaline the adrenaline kind of goes away though because you're like blah blah once you get in that elevator you go down you get in Limo
00:10:30
just on the way to the party you start to go oh [ __ ] like it's it's dissipating and then you get the
00:10:36
party and they come up what do you want to eat immediately like I know it's oh
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you get to eat too but you're starving I'm sure yeah you're kind of starving and then uh you know the next day you
00:10:48
pay for staying up till 5:30 you know you're like do do they move it every
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week like they used to do yeah every place is different this was at saak Fifth Avenue a restaurant oh I like that
00:10:59
one La Avenue I like that one I had my birthday there they're all beautiful um
00:11:05
another casual observation that people that know I'm not normally recognized anywhere but I have the Hat on the vest
00:11:11
around my neck I've got a phone up like this I'm looking down I'm going Full Tilt walking as fast I can another guy
00:11:18
comes same way does walking super fast goes hey Like You on SNL and then that's
00:11:23
it you yeah Dan Barney all they're seeing is this like on SNL and also
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finally it's very sweet dor in people work at the hotel if I give them 10
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seconds of Biden they laugh so hard for nothing come on I got to get out of here
00:11:41
and go find a taxi you get your facts straight Jack and guess what and by the way they're like hey thank you Mr CI
00:11:47
thank you thank you for that Mr CI so it's you do that service you do a service yeah we like laughing overate we
00:11:54
love what you're doing on that show you're doing over there with that guy did you you've been a castman now 58
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years no no I took a I went away oh yeah I don't see it too much hey I stopped
00:12:06
watching when Bill Murray left you know but yeah it's always like still doing land shark yeah am I still doing land
00:12:12
shark no that was someone else and that was 500 years ago you know the last really good season was Billy Crystal M
00:12:18
short Christopher you know everyone's last before it sucked and then you he
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had some bad years and stuff you know but you know your ER was I say I say a safe answer about as you go sucks now
00:12:33
that's just an easy one to start with then you go actually there's some fun stuff most the comments are the last
00:12:38
time Saturday Night Live was funny if I look at an article online yeah was uh
00:12:44
you know 81 or 86 or 90 but nothing in the last 20 years SNL hasn't been funny
00:12:50
in a I always say there's always a sketch or two that's funny
00:12:57
every week and it's kind of always been that way there's it's overall maybe it's has been better or worse but you hit a
00:13:04
few home runs and then a lot of them Clank but that's just the way it is yeah I go by Lauren Lauren's assessment which
00:13:10
is that whatever age you are that you find music you never forget it what age
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you are when you first see people act acting ridiculous at 11:30 at night then
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you never forget your cast you know that like seventh grade through high school is like a good chunk when you watch and
00:13:26
it's sort of you're getting away with something it's kind of dirty kind of nasty all right I'll tell you about my stupid weekend okay what happened what I
00:13:33
heard good things I'll just say that all right did the special that was in denber two two shows
00:13:42
Encore for the first show did you come back out what's up they did stand up I came out and took a photo I should show
00:13:48
you I don't think I'm allowed to I'll show it next week if I can standing up who cares but uh standing well whatever
00:13:54
some of but I think there's also it's like a f they're like we're on
00:14:00
camera I feel like this is the time we should stand up but it was a good set I will say Denver has good crowds and I
00:14:06
knew that because I always played Comedy Works there so two shows in one night is
00:14:11
tough uh gervitz of course our manager was like this on the couch in between he had a huge pretzel I should show picture
00:14:19
he has a pretzel the size of a of a steering wheel of a semi TR and and it's
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rotated on a platter and it's upright like a ferris wheel I might be able to put the clip into
00:14:31
YouTube but it's so funny they go we're having dinner he goes we're going to the Yard House ah someone's out of cash I go
00:14:39
uh no I just want to go to Yard House because it's it's connected basically to the theater I don't mind Yard House by
00:14:44
the way but I I fake hem and hod I go we got to go there meanwhile I love it you want you want it convenient and I'm sure
00:14:49
it's great yeah easy and it's like not like stuffy I can always tell on the road I don't want to go to place that
00:14:55
has like you know Squid and octopie you know you're just like I just want
00:15:01
something normal so I eat some stuff and he goes I'm just going to get a pretzel then they bring it it's like they think
00:15:07
he's seven they bring it like on a fishing line like here's your pretz like a huge and I'm like go that's not for
00:15:14
and he goes that's mine and I'm like you got a pretzel on a fishing rod and then they bring it over and he's
00:15:20
like I go God damn and then cuz he's carved out he's like a
00:15:26
little monkey person
00:15:31
he goes I'll eat it like a sandwich it's huge anyway I go Mark I don't know if you should have 10,000 carbs right now
00:15:38
so he we we talk about the special I go in I do it and then um between shows
00:15:44
Alex is back there we're just like redoing my set list and switching stuff
00:15:49
around just second show you get to do whatever you want but between like this I'm going to see Dana tomorrow I go oh
00:15:55
you're going to see Dana just Ratatat with the clients hop Stone to Stone don't get your feet wet I click all the
00:16:01
boxes then I get back to my Mansion I said I did it I saw your special I saw Dana back to the mansion look at my dog
00:16:09
he jumped in the pool I show you the video I'll get you a dog if you want you know as far as restaurants just for a
00:16:15
second I went to this steakhous with for a charity uh and we got like 10
00:16:22
compliments of the chef you ordered tons of food all your entree salmon and pasta
00:16:28
whatever and then compliment of the chef kept coming it's callar oh they give youbi oh yeah compliments of the chef so
00:16:34
then we ordered a dessert so everyone would get one spoonful compliments of the chef it was like some a village of
00:16:42
desserts it had platforms that were elevated it was a million calories compliments to the chef how do you how
00:16:47
do you go f you don't need to order anything yeah tell that Chef to go shove it up his ass yeah I I made a little C I
00:16:55
made a little card out of pencil it just said thanks but no thanks when they try to get was more compliments of the chef
00:17:00
compliments of the chef it's very nice but two people were hospitalized for stomach
00:17:06
problems yeah because of oversaturation I go there and they go uh
00:17:11
you can always tell they're going to send you something they go any allergies allergic to anything and I go no and
00:17:17
they bring me a big penicillin cake I go well I I don't love penicillin I'm not
00:17:22
allergic to it but I'll eat it so they give me that and then they also go they always have someone stop by your table
00:17:28
it's like a free card how's it going over here you guys good you anything I'm the Regional VP of the this quadrant of
00:17:35
the back of the daytime yeah oh yeah okay and but you never need anything and
00:17:40
it's like no and then if you ever do the guy goes I'm the CEO of all the yard houses in history just want to stop by
00:17:46
if you anything I go you got any A1 and they're like oh no we we were
00:17:52
interrupted so much that I nicknamed the restaurant interrup well welcome to interrup we're trying to conversation
00:17:59
these people me and Robert Smo were auctioned off as have a dinner date with us right in the middle of you know Wayne
00:18:06
oh and that's your auction dinner yeah and they're very super nice people it was really fun but interrup though
00:18:11
they're like uh is everything okay and then the order they go uh well we have the great fish I go is it the head and
00:18:17
the tail too oh yes it's the head and the tail but we filet it so they showed
00:18:22
the fish and it was wrapped up in a blanket was it like was that a morg or something I felt bad for it sickening I
00:18:30
know I don't like no we come to your table we smash the head with a mallet first we show you the head then we show
00:18:36
you with the tail and then we go back stage an interr upto and do the magic and then you get fet interr upto oh God
00:18:44
every time you you do a punch line you go and then the third guy says and someone goes you guys doing okay over here is everything all right can I get
00:18:50
you anything and so I met my wife and the reason we decideed to get married can we help you anything you need more
00:18:56
water hey [ __ ] you interrupt though your water's down a quarter inch I go I don't want to leave with a full water
00:19:02
how about that like I'll get it to the bottom and then we'll leave you don't have to go I go okay I go don't top me
00:19:09
it's okay anyway interrup but we sound like the biggest ingrates but the truth is you don't really need to order
00:19:14
anything you just get some potato skins and the rest they just bring out hey we understand I always say it's first world
00:19:20
problem but but it is funny because we were trying to talk and it was interrupts I won't say the name of the
00:19:26
restaurant because they were great I mean they were just hover I'd rather eat it interrupt those so then I go to
00:19:33
Kansas City the next night and I hung out with Mahomes all night that's cool yeah yeah Jackson
00:19:40
Mahomes anyway um Oh I thought it was Patrick Mahomes no it's it's his brother
00:19:46
can we get a rot and Kelsey Steve Kelce guy with oh I see yeah that's the joke
00:19:53
but Jackson Mahomes is yeah I was hanging out with Bill stran her younger
00:19:58
brother Bill Bill he was he was terrific what would you do Dana I'm in the middle of my ACT
00:20:05
I looked at I'm doing this thing about a dog I don't want to give it away it's so funny it's not really dirty but some of
00:20:11
my stuff is adult adults yes yeah and I'm in the middle of my act and I do
00:20:18
this thing where I kind of act it out I turn around front row I see this guy it looks like with really long hair like
00:20:24
this and an empty seat next to him I'm like Curious peaked my interest but you can't look at someone for more than a
00:20:31
second because you forget your act you know so yeah I go I got to go back to that guy so I start something else I look back and while they're laughing
00:20:38
uproariously for what 20 to 40 seconds minutes I look over and I he doesn't
00:20:44
have long hair he's with a girl I'm like is that his wife no it's a
00:20:50
seven-year-old girl with long hair it's his daughter and I'm like and it throws me and so I I kind of
00:20:57
pause and I think what was this guy a coyote from the border he's bringing kids in you know I just thought what's going on here so I go hey man is that a
00:21:05
coyote from the border you know Coyote's BR I understood it's kind of a dark thing in a comedy show he's sex TR
00:21:12
didn't know Dana I just didn't know I know but you're trying to do your act now you're thinking about sex trafficking it kind of unless you
00:21:19
there's a coyote here so I go uh Hey man oh who's that and he goes oh this is my
00:21:25
daughter nonchalant I go how old are you hun she goes seven you're in the front row I go you
00:21:32
got pretty good seats I go who's your daughter Megan Markle Jesus it's got some money well
00:21:38
wait a minute what happens I'm like I think that my show is for 16 or 18 and
00:21:44
under but I found out it doesn't say that up 18 and up yeah yeah but I found
00:21:50
out it's for all ages now that's Nate Bugatti's gig he's got a clean act like
00:21:55
you know totally clean it's sque squeaky but mine is a little rough on the edges
00:22:00
nothing too horrible but enough to where I don't want to say it to a seven-year-old so yeah I said oh and then I got her name then I kept
00:22:06
referring back to her and I even talk about porn at the end and I go hey I go something like uh it's getting are you
00:22:13
finding are you people finding it's hard it's getting harder to watch porn on an airplane and then I look over and I go
00:22:20
like hey maybe take her to get some popcorn guy's like couldn't care less and I'm like I can't change my act for
00:22:28
2,000 people when when there's one you know I don't know what to do what's what's the rawest thing that you had to
00:22:34
do in front of the seven-year-old girl I shouldn't say I don't know it not too
00:22:40
bad g g no I just there's some stuff I do I do talk about adult I do talk about
00:22:48
adult films but she was fine and then afterwards you know people wait by your
00:22:53
car to sign funkos and whatever so I go say hi to some people and I start to get
00:22:59
in the car can we get a picture and I'm already in the car I roll it down no I don't roll down I see the guy and the
00:23:04
daughter the guy and the down I get a picture with her because I thought this is just a funny St I don't know and I
00:23:12
thought I've had it and I make my whole show about the the kid it was a boy recently and he's in the front row with
00:23:19
his dad and he's like seven or eight and I just keep referring to him I get his name it becomes part of the show and it
00:23:26
is funny to do that but seven I thought if she was like 12 or 14 they think it was funny but the kid doesn't even know
00:23:32
she doesn't know I'm on stage kind of tricky was that your first or second show that was my no that was the next
00:23:39
night in Kansas City I and I oh you weren't taping okay all right no I didn't I and I and taping I don't know
00:23:46
if I would have gone on such a tangent you know uh but at Kansas City I said oh
00:23:52
she thinks I'm Taylor Swift anyway so she walked out of there going Taylor Swift was there um did did quickly I
00:23:59
have a question you have a goe and she thought so she might have been more like four Daddy he likes yeah she saw blonde
00:24:07
hair yeah he like Taylor Swift daddy um he got he got fuzzies fuzzies on face
00:24:13
Daddy Taylor Swift she's we went to Taylor Swift tonight how was she she was a little
00:24:18
dirty yeah she say she say naughty words me cry on way por a lot
00:24:26
[Music]
00:24:33
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to get started investing involves risk performance is not guaranteed here's my question flying home this is the last
00:25:30
question then we'll get to all the hot oh we got hot topics good Lord no but we'll say that but so all
00:25:37
right uh when I'm flying home I had three seats in coach all three of us
00:25:43
were in coach right so what are the man of the people so what are are the rules
00:25:50
of etiquette when you see people walk up to First Class to use the
00:25:56
bathroom now I know you're not to stop them but legally are you allowed to go up there and take a [ __ ] I sound it
00:26:03
sounds gross but I'm just thinking is that's pushing it wait did I get this right you have
00:26:09
three three seats in coach is that right did I get that wrong three of us yeah did I get that right I'm reading this
00:26:16
I'm reading this this your words you are your words not mine you are a very
00:26:22
successful International standup and yet you fly coach
00:26:28
um because of issues with your Orthopedic structure or for what reason
00:26:36
why why it doesn't make sense to the Amer also you like to sit straight up anyway you don't you don't need a
00:26:42
lounger well also I have people with me and sometimes I'd rather sit in coach
00:26:47
with my buddies than sit with someone next to me in first that I don't know and I just it doesn't matter know five
00:26:52
TVs on the back I just stare at the TV like a 2-year-old and so I'm happy so did you you did did you a did you and
00:27:00
yourself as a coach passenger your words not mine go to the first class bathroom
00:27:07
and unload a small horse into the latrine no a
00:27:14
latrine I there was a guy next to me coughing the whole time now not only
00:27:20
coughing but grotesquely sniffing up the bugs but every 30 seconds uncute and I
00:27:26
was like I couldn't deal with it he could not give a fat [ __ ] he's like this
00:27:31
he didn't look over and go he just goes couldn't care next to him is a college guy head on his laptop and the
00:27:38
girlfriend rubbing his back I think he's hung over he gets up and goes to the back I go pee later mostly just to stand
00:27:45
up he's in there minimum 15 minutes men Y and I'm like this and I asked flight
00:27:50
attend are always nice to me so I'm like what's going on she's like I think I go oh no so he's puking comes out I let
00:27:57
someone else go to soak the fumes into their clothes of the puke delightful he
00:28:02
goes in the front and I go I go to my buddy Bobby I go hey I think this dude that was sitting here is sick he goes
00:28:08
yeah now he went up to the front to puke to to puke up there to balance the plane
00:28:14
out yeah in first it's so much barf it would affect the trajectory of the jet
00:28:20
so the flight attendant said could you load it up front even it out just so the back there four up there then he goes
00:28:27
back to the back again I'm like we're going to have to land don't get on the plane if you're this [ __ ] out of it
00:28:32
like this guy's obviously got the flu or diptheria and then the guy next to him is a college kid barfing so not as fun
00:28:40
in coach as we all would have thought that's I get all kinds of things you ever got a throat clear guy a throat you
00:28:47
ever got a throat clearer every every 10 seconds for seven
00:28:54
hours and that was the pilot but my I go take
00:29:02
your throat back to the shop it's not working something's wrong get a lazing gargo backstage put put a pillow over
00:29:09
your head or shoot me in the [ __ ] head cuz I can't take one more clearing we're we're over
00:29:15
Topeka I'm such a dick about you tell oh by the way coffee sniffly is watching a
00:29:22
video and it's old old SNL not even not our era but just old SNL sketches I'm
00:29:30
like I just want him to know I'm mad at him and I used to be on
00:29:35
SNL you got to just start talking to your your your bandmates your two
00:29:40
friends really loud and just saying Chris Farley you know me me and Chris Farley Cary Dana
00:29:49
Carvey but I do when I go on SNL and they're very nice the audience when I come out I feel like a ghost coming out
00:29:55
of the Mist I mean if you don't listen to this podcast you're like where in the hell is this little babyfaced nutball
00:30:02
been all these years and I'm like here I come mug again come on now get get your facts Jack so
00:30:10
it's it's fun to do B and I'm just still winding into it I did it on this podcast
00:30:15
but not with the full regalia so I've got new hooks for this this show
00:30:20
Saturday brand new bidens who's the host this week Michael Keaton a man named Michael Keaton was he on our podcast
00:30:28
yeah he was I know super nice guy he's funny dude um and
00:30:33
funny how long does your hair and makeup take for what Biden yeah Heather has a question it used to be to get a bald cap
00:30:40
really on done well with latex and all this stuff would take basically an hour now they have a like a pit pit pit stop
00:30:49
like Indianapolis 500 they got five guys yeah because the G and it's 15 minutes
00:30:55
to put the ball cap on and then the makeup is not much you know I'm I'm in a
00:31:00
certain age group but I they're doing some aging stuff and gives me a dimple and a
00:31:06
thing and then they uh slap me in the ass they give they give me they give me
00:31:11
some french fries they give me a headlock and really drop kick me to the stage they're really strong they give
00:31:17
you a shot of adrenaline like Pink Floyd get out there kid you're like the two super star I mean the two heads are
00:31:23
Louie with uh the bald cap and makeup and then jod with her her bandmates over
00:31:29
in the other side they the wig is delicately placed on my head I tighten the tire put it on and I'm ready to go
00:31:37
come on and by the way and guess what the fact of the matter is let me be
00:31:42
clear I ran out of stuff to say so anyway I'm having fun what else do we got that's a half first story here we go
00:31:49
we got a show all right we got a we got a big show today you've had a big show you've had a Big Show and there's
00:31:55
another one going okay oh I like this read actually there's a follow up Kanye West allegedly told wife Bianca he
00:32:02
wanted to have sex with her mom while she watched this is a real no no if you're married this is a real no no for
00:32:08
girlfriend well I mean it's each his own and it happens a lot uh it does no no uh
00:32:20
cuckoo send after this happened a couple I'm like who's her mom like of course we
00:32:26
barely know this young lady other than she wears um she's quite literally
00:32:31
scantily clad I could I could safely say that right you seen her if your
00:32:37
boyfriend wants to put you in in some kind of Falcon hoodie with a g string
00:32:43
and parade you parade you down the streets of Rome there's one word for that
00:32:49
run yeah but I love Kanye got you and see oh like I know but I do oh it's too
00:32:59
late he's got he's walking going you like this [ __ ] huh CA she looks great
00:33:05
anyway a couple days later I'm reading the daily nailed or one of those places
00:33:11
Daily Mail crack cocaine for your brain freaking bian's mom Bianca's mom she's
00:33:17
out and about and she's strutting and peacocking like what of course she looks kind of cute I'm like oh that's her mom
00:33:23
like this is the one kind of is lusting over they hype it up a little bit and then she's like huh leaning over me
00:33:30
little old me why am I so great hilarious well just funny we have a picture of her try to pull one up if you
00:33:36
see one where does that end just in a marriage hey can I have sex with your
00:33:42
cousin um your brother's uh daughter could I've said I mean it's just like when when does somebody say shut the
00:33:48
[ __ ] up you sicko yeah anyone in your family tree technically available is
00:33:54
there any boundaries okay there she is look at her what's going on check me out
00:33:59
okay got the heels on the way to Ralph's so anyway that's a lot of work Kanye's into it attractive woman uh she's got
00:34:06
the Jackie Jackie O sunglasses long bone hair it's a lot of she's decked out a
00:34:11
bracelet you know it looks like she's ready for a photo shoot r on noon but fine so also um the the the rumor on the
00:34:21
story was he texted Bianca is that her name bian Bianca and said said hey I
00:34:28
want to have sex with your mom her answer could have been a myriad of things she could have started with
00:34:34
um but instead she said she's married you know what since I deep dived
00:34:41
on Daily Mail I got her response to that actually I want to have sex with your mom her response was
00:34:47
again oh yeah exclamation point we've talked about this no she doesn't get
00:34:52
offended she's married that's the reason why he can't h
00:34:59
M I think people do a lot of you know what's that song for the 1930s no one
00:35:04
knows what goes on behind closed doors no one knows what goes go on behind Clos
00:35:13
Charlie Pride maybe I think so one of my favorites was you're having my baby that
00:35:19
wouldn't fly now in 2024 you're having my baby is it at least her baby or our
00:35:25
baby you're having my baby oh actually he goes Frankie Valley it
00:35:31
says like no it's not Neil on it but my what
00:35:37
a lovely way of saying what you thinking of me and he goes God the seed inside
00:35:43
you the seed how sickening I see it growing oh my seed is growing yeah he
00:35:51
goes I'm happy in the you having my B but but then she sings I'm a woman in
00:35:57
love but the best part is he casually goes uh you didn't have to keep it and
00:36:06
you're listening going he goes I wouldn't put you through it you could have swept it from your life but you
00:36:13
wouldn't do it he didn't say you couldn't do it he but you wouldn't do it now you having my
00:36:20
baby that is that hearing this is that that sounds that's real oh wow I thought
00:36:25
it was the chorus was in case you forgot you're having my baby if you ever can't
00:36:33
remember you're having my baby I thought you were fat and getting
00:36:39
fatter but then you showed me the sonogram but it doesn't matter cuz
00:36:46
you're having my fa I know you're my I know you're might think that you're
00:36:52
having your baby maybe you think you're having our baby but none of those are
00:36:58
true cuz you're having my baby it's a little chauvinistic a little ego it's
00:37:03
interesting you're right I'm glad you brought it okay what's the next one that was a great run there's a clip Patrick's
00:37:08
going crazy that's a good run it's funny I guess so I guess so horine video
00:37:14
appears to show accus killer Sarah Boon laugh as boyfriend dies trapped in a
00:37:19
suitcase War feel good this is a story it's been around for a while Ed did you
00:37:25
hear about this a woman so I I'm probably wrong they get drunk
00:37:31
they're fighting she tells them to get in the suitcase mhm Zips it up leaves
00:37:37
about this much of the zipper so his finger can stick out and then laughs at him and films it while he's like hey
00:37:43
enough I can't it's hard to breathe in here right and stays in there and then
00:37:50
she goes to bed she laughs about it filming posts it goes to bed wakes up oh
00:37:56
right where's the boyfriend oh he's in the suitcase mhm okay Fun's over and
00:38:02
then he's like this so it came up again because I think it's been about four years of this
00:38:08
trial and she's like you guys aren't still mad about this they're like yes and you're going to jail did she have a
00:38:14
defense that she was drunk and didn't understand and fell asleep or is it what
00:38:20
what is it is La in well I I I was a practicing lawyer before I got asked I
00:38:25
was a practicing lawyer ah this is unfrozen caveman lawyer involuntary manslaughter code one uh 3 to five she
00:38:33
served three she's out in 6 months but the your lawyer Kim Kardashian yeah
00:38:39
so I don't know so it's just so crazy that they have a video of her like talking to a suitcase yeah and she's
00:38:47
drinking wine going what are you complaining about yeah what sure problem oh look at me I'm in a suitcase and I
00:38:54
can't breathe get the [ __ ] out of here those are that's her testimon are you
00:38:59
tired I'm tired I'm going to go you want to sleep here you sleeping okay you'll
00:39:05
sleep in the suitcase there more punishment and then it's just hard to get out of
00:39:10
that being guilty well also the whole industry rotated after that they know
00:39:16
that a lot of people were put in suitcases by loved ones and they couldn't get out so now there's a interlocking thing where zipped or the
00:39:24
thing you can get out of suitcases that was you know government I think Biden's got to be able to get out a suitcase
00:39:29
come on I took care of that you got a zipper on the inside it's Trump wants the zipper on the
00:39:37
outside Trump every single time on the outside I got Trump his
00:39:43
inside every every inside of suitcase sh have Swiss army
00:39:49
[Laughter] knife cut out
00:39:55
like oh yeah there's little yeah like the little Corkscrew things coming through the
00:40:03
suitcase must be the man in the suitcase all right I like that note to
00:40:09
sell if Paulo wants to put me in suitcase make sure you've got the bidy one you got to get the bidy one you got
00:40:15
to get the Biden one it's got a hatch you can get out of that hatch with no problem I don't like him as president
00:40:21
but I love him as a suitcase guy by the way when people guess what
00:40:27
we're doing like if they think we're political they always go you did a joke about Biden so you're for the other side
00:40:33
you did a joke about Trump you can't say anything the other day I said to someone I go oh I just don't like these stores
00:40:39
closing and that one closed because they had too many break-ins there's too much crime here and they go oh you got a oh
00:40:45
you a Trumper hey got a trumpy got a Trumper here I go I can't even be against Crime it's immediately whatever
00:40:52
you're saying they're waiting what side you what side yeah you gu and so you say they go oh
00:40:57
okay all right here's 7-Eleven this this is a sad story this is sad 71 is closing
00:41:04
yeah 400 more than 400 locations in uh here in I guess Canada sad I don't know
00:41:12
why because we talk oh it says due to slowing sales inflation declining trffic
00:41:19
traffic declining sales it's been selling the exact same for 200 years
00:41:24
every my whole life it's there's exactly the same amount of people in there there's about six everyone's buying
00:41:30
stuff I the question I have is the people who were going to 7-Eleven casually to get little things and stuff
00:41:37
at night or whenever I love it where are they going now for that stuff right what's the competitor and this this
00:41:44
Amazon instead of going to the store and door Dash Amazon H well well I mean when
00:41:52
you can order one paper towel on Amazon and it comes within an hour it's like it's it's
00:41:58
hard to compete with that but it's wasteful but I like to go to 7el it's kind of fun I don't I don't mind it
00:42:04
being white trash yeah it's kind of just all the grabby stuff you want to get want some chips get a snow cone get a
00:42:10
hot dog get water but I was around in the 60s at a business Symposium and the
00:42:15
guy was starting 7-Eleven and I said to him 7-Eleven eventually that's going to bite you in the ass I say 800 a.m. to 12
00:42:23
call it 8 to 12 and he didn't take my advice and now he's been I call it I said you should call it
00:42:30
8:30ish to sundown NOP didn't buy I didn't buy well
00:42:37
also where am I going to get Christmas presents on Christmas Eve when I'm going to a party and I haven't got anything
00:42:43
yet I know there's a little child section you get a little plastic pony
00:42:48
and you give it to a sad kid yeah it's it's a shame everything's closing the
00:42:54
kid's like oh thank you funions all right next one I guess it's all sad stories
00:43:02
Dan is it after Ariana Grande it's all uh there's another one here we go okay
00:43:08
here's a child this this is a kid when he gets told aari Cooper is on the
00:43:14
Browns the Cleveland Browns football and they tell this kid who can't know
00:43:19
anything about football they tell him he just got traded this is would be my reaction um so today Amari Cooper got
00:43:26
traded was traded it means that he's not on the Cleveland Browns anymore
00:43:38
what this is me in fantasy football this is someone wrot this is
00:43:43
child abuse letting your kid be a Browns fan God damn okay cut it off I didn't
00:43:50
know he's crying this hard wait it gets a little sad abusive I would have just
00:43:56
changed it out like uh I would have said no no he's yeah he's back he just has a different number does the kid know what
00:44:02
he looks like he doesn't know anything I'm if I play this kid in fantasy which I probably do because I
00:44:09
try to play people I could beat but uh it was a big shake up in fantasy it was
00:44:14
and you it's emotional this is kind of related to this I knew a I knew a couple
00:44:20
no names but they decided okay this marriage isn't working we're going to get divorce let's go in and tell the
00:44:27
kids and the kids are like six and eight or eight 10 or something like that so they go Mommy and Daddy we've decided so
00:44:33
before they really got through it the kids burst into tears violently and they
00:44:38
said no they backed it out no we're not getting divorced both of them said no no when they saw their reaction they said
00:44:45
no and then they stayed together isn't that funny in the middle of it we're thinking of maybe
00:44:51
no of course it's a worst nightmare for a kid yeah my parents got divorced I was
00:44:56
four but I read about in the paper anyway Dana you were no one
00:45:02
briefed me just where's Daddy um he went to the
00:45:08
store it's been four years you think he' be back by now no he's still looking
00:45:14
around he actually went away for a while we were in Michigan and then he didn't
00:45:21
come back for about a month or two and so my mom put the house for sale and then he came back what are you doing why
00:45:26
you being so dramatic it's like we don't know if you're alive we don't know what's going on so he goes I got a job
00:45:33
in Arizona and my mom's like Oh so we all move to Arizona and he gets there
00:45:39
and he goes surprise no job then he left and so now we're in
00:45:45
Arizona so now three kids boys not all [ __ ] but we weren't we
00:45:51
were a handful and then my mom's like wait what so that's the way to break it
00:45:57
it just it it's never even talked about you just start to go where was that one guy that used to pick me up a lot well
00:46:04
sad oh God I mean I used to do a bit I wouldn't do it anymore but trying to explain explain to three-year-olds about
00:46:11
Mommy and Daddy getting a divorce sometimes mommies like to go nigh night
00:46:16
time with a different daddy mommy had too much shardon and
00:46:22
that turned mommy into a [ __ ]
00:46:27
I think they should first get the kids in and tell them why mommy and daddy
00:46:33
just don't have sex a lot anymore just tell the six and eight-year-old D just to see how they handle that and they're like okay Mommy and Daddy used to just
00:46:41
really nail it 24 hours a day now it's down about once or twice a week and the kids like but no divorce they're like no
00:46:49
it's like a first step anything that starts with mommy and daddy daddy likes to go N Night time
00:46:57
with your preschool teacher she likes Daddy to she likes Daddy to spank her
00:47:02
even if she hasn't been naughty daddy texts mommy's
00:47:08
mommy sorry dark humor whatever Kanye tragedy and comedy or just like this no
00:47:15
more we can do more [Music]
00:47:27
this was something from Bath and Body Works Why did no one catch that this might look like the KKK wow that is
00:47:34
a yeah I mean just off the bat what is it supposed to be a a
00:47:41
snowflake yeah a snow right yeah okay I don't see there supposed to be
00:47:46
snowflakes snowflakes are well that's supposed to be a full circle of a snow
00:47:51
flake that's oh you only see half so it looks like five KKK guys that just pop
00:47:56
popped out of a dumpster or something it's a c
00:48:02
candle I I I didn't really see that um but but it
00:48:09
is crazy it says Bath and Body Works pulls winter candle after Shoppers
00:48:15
criticize the KKK Hood design it's putting it lightly uh we criticize that I hate when
00:48:22
those Mega Republicans start designing a scandle cans yeah exactly we got a
00:48:29
Trumper here also I don't want to know what the fragrance is let's just leave it at that all right that's going to get
00:48:35
pulled from the shelves let's move on good good I like we both go
00:48:42
M that's something I say all the time goat gets beg stuck on his head and the
00:48:48
rest is history okay here's know we read about this in history books but let's see okay where's the
00:48:54
goat oh yeah it's com music oh he oh he scares them all oh
00:49:01
everywhere he goes look at they all haul asso he's trying to make
00:49:09
friends oh I like that there's words to who there it is wow so the goat got a bag stuck on its head it made it look
00:49:15
kind of like a demonic goat or something you can't see its eyes and like 40 other
00:49:20
sheep are just running or goats are just sprinting away from it there's a lot of WTF going on with the other goats
00:49:27
they're like sounds I'll run and ask questions later sounds like date night with David
00:49:34
Spade has that joke doesn't make sense it just sounds like a joke maybe that
00:49:41
goat was a butterface you never know yeah goats are goats are goats we used
00:49:46
to ride a goat named Billy actually in Montana and we'd ride it
00:49:53
and the poop that came out of it was so organized and little round Pebbles the
00:49:59
poop that came look I'm 8 years old I noticed that the poop that came out of the goat this is like a look Mom yeah it
00:50:08
was like little Pebbles and uh as a child I noticed that but then I saddle
00:50:13
up and ride that thing hang on to the horns come on come on poop here it is I
00:50:20
know you like poop stuff so I don't this first time I brought up poop stuff in a long time I can't believe I said that
00:50:25
thing on first class I was saying I know the flight attends roll with it they go there's not much we can
00:50:31
do but if you go up there and take a deuce like you must they must be like you're really pushing it like you can't
00:50:38
come from coach uh lay down some cable [ __ ] pop down a huge giant king
00:50:45
kong finger and then run back how many euphemisms are there for Pooh King
00:50:51
Kong's finger you can't go up there lay down a
00:50:57
chainsaw shaped deuce in the middle of climbing from 32 to 36,000 ft dropping
00:51:04
the kids at the lake and then run back to 48C you know what I I miss about masks
00:51:10
is you just never had to smell anything you didn't want to smell you just always had a mask on because you know I'm I put
00:51:16
my mask on when that guy was coughing because Bobby did and I was like I don't
00:51:21
really I'm not even a full mask guy but I'm like it seems like some blockage from this guy
00:51:27
sick all right one more let's see what's going on let's see what's going on let's break I got a million things to Dana a million I actually kind of
00:51:34
do oh I don't know this is the dating game you know they show
00:51:40
clips and and there's famous people number one when I was younger I loved to play Doctor what was your
00:51:46
favor I was interested in Taxidermy no other childhood games
00:51:54
huh I don't know I went to Great Links okay like what preserving the bones of
00:52:00
dogs and things like that
00:52:08
okay it might be AI I think it's edited or something but yeah supposed to be
00:52:13
Jeffrey dmer on The Dating Game yeah it's definitely I believe it because you know like Tom celic was on like there's
00:52:18
famous people that are on old dating game shows and different Steve Martin I think yeah and so I go Jeffrey D I
00:52:26
believe that for a while and I go and then everyone's laughing and Jim Lang the host is
00:52:33
like let's let's bring it back let's you and I co-host The Dating Game let's just bring it
00:52:39
back what's the song no that's Hawaii
00:52:46
5 isn't it I got it [Laughter]
00:52:52
wrong that might be it
00:53:02
[Music] okay I'm comment yeah if that's if that's com real song about my horn
00:53:10
abilities yes do the horn that ends where things go
00:53:19
badly okay that's it when a podcast goes off the rails
00:53:28
run out of batteries okay so Dana watch Dana this weekend on SNL whatever he's
00:53:33
going GNA bring it we're GNA do things you ever seen before so come on and watch the show don't wait for YouTube so
00:53:39
watch the live I know how I know be on Satur Li anyone's ever been on Sat live I'm Joe
00:53:44
Biden and I and I I I I saw this message I prove this message come on
00:53:52
there Trump's the orange man he's the old guy now his hair is orange mine's white on white but you know the drill
00:53:59
come on folks white on white white on white versus orangey MC orange what is
00:54:04
it if you're a Trumper what's the opposite with Biden are you a bider are you a bite are you a Biden yeah I know
00:54:12
the Trumper sounds better easier trumpet Trump you trumpet Trump you uh Harris I
00:54:18
guess it has to be Harris wals wals is the weirdest one are you a waler am I talking to a [ __ ] waler
00:54:27
now what are you some sort of walzer what are you what are you a vancer are you a vancer is gaffan around this week
00:54:35
Gaffin is always around no oh we should have told him to come on today let's try to get on next week he's great he's he's
00:54:41
funny I'll tell you one last inside baseball so we're sitting like in silos Maya does her thing this is in the uh
00:54:48
Family Feud bit and then I'm seeing her cards and seeing how she's making choices which is great the way she
00:54:54
jumped on things and stuff and then it's Andy doing his bit and I'm reading his cards and seeing that choice oh he
00:55:00
paused there oh he hit that and then same thing we and then then I talk to Andy afterwards he goes I'm reading your
00:55:07
cards and your choices make no sense but I'm doing Biden you know but
00:55:14
they they like that you add a little bit they can't believe it they're like what what are you doing oh I want I want to
00:55:20
do more but the director lizes very nice and you got to get at that last line and sometimes the writers are kind of well
00:55:26
this is kind of what we have you know but I I definitely make up stuff on each one definitely sure but for people at
00:55:33
home sometimes the director will cut on your last line to the other camera to show someone if you keep going they cut
00:55:38
they're like oh wait we didn't you you have to do little ones in between and um you know Keenan who's a master of the
00:55:46
art form now of sketch comedy he does little things little tiny things that are different with every rehearsal dress
00:55:54
Show versus Air Show oh he's doing that he's doing that I think when you add and tag a little bit or do things different
00:55:59
just keeps you alive in the frame but everyone has their method you hit the jokes you try to hit the jokes and if
00:56:06
the jokes are WR sure by the writers you try to serve them as best you can well we're looking forward to that
00:56:14
I'll be in Atlantic City soon I'll be in Reno and I'll be in whatever it's on my website take
00:56:20
advantage until that's released get out there now it's not on till next year so we got a second to uh but I don't like
00:56:26
jokes sitting and rotting on you know they get stale after few months yeah true you got to get them
00:56:32
out okay that's it I don't hang up right thanks guys thanks thanks for listening
00:56:38
Watching God Bless America this has been a presentation of
00:56:44
Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna wife sperman of Odyssey Heather Santoro
00:56:51
and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
00:56:56
[Music]
