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RE-RELEASE - John Mulaney

December 25, 2025 / 01:22:59

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John Malany, one of the top standups out

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there, plays some big rooms. Uh, writer

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on SNL, really moved up the ranks, went

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on to host about five times.

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>> Yeah.

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>> Very smart, well-liked, has a crazy

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past, great story. Uh, and we go through

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pretty much all of it.

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>> Yep. we go through it because I when I

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was hosting SNL, I guess it was 2010 or

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something, he was just uh him and Bill

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her were like writing partners and they

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did all their stuff together. So, I

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didn't even know him as a performer, you

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know, and then all of a sudden

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>> uh couple years later he's got this

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great standup special and he's gone on

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from there. Um, and we talk about, you

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know, he started to leap to big rooms,

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you know, so it's it's it's kind of a

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cool story. He's a very nice guy, very

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humble guy, and and extremely bright, as

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you would think, to talk to about comedy

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and all things show business.

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>> And I got to hang out with him at the

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50th.

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All right. Well, here he is,

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>> John Melany.

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By the way, I love the show. I've

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listened to every episode. Um, even

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Juds.

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>> Even Juds. Interesting.

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He wasn't even on SNL, but it was fine.

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>> But he's discovered so many movie stars

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from it.

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>> Uh, yes, he is somebody who just gets

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stuff done. Like if you call him with an

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idea, he does have that engine.

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Let's just make it. Let's do it. you

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know, I don't know if you you don't need

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to get anything from him, right?

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>> Um, so we reached a point in our

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friendship where I didn't it was kind of

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clear I wasn't going to try to write a

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movie for him. You know, there's like

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everyone my generation was in a stable

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where he just kind of I think without

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even holding deals or money. He just had

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so many people like myself, Ken Peele,

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the Lucas Brothers, all Bill her, Simon

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Rich, all these people had a movie deal

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with Jud.

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>> And I would kind of watch it and be

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like, "Wow, everyone from SNL on their

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summer break writes a hundred drafts of

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a Jud movie. and he doesn't make them.

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He he makes one movie every two three

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years. So if he's making train wreck,

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that means it's like all these people I

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know whose like you know thing has

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passed over. So as soon as I as soon as

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he and I had some weird unsaid

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understanding that I was never going to

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write a movie for him, we became a lot

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closer because then we could just talk

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about standup. We're talking about Jud

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Appatile, David. Yeah, I um he does seem

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to whenever there's a shiny object that

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that emerges on the scene, it seems like

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Jud is is there. He's recognizing it

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early.

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>> It's always It's funny to me when he

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like

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people go like Jud has an eye for

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talent. It's like, well, they're on SNL,

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you know?

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>> It's not It's not rocket science.

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>> It is a bit not it is kind of not rocket

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science. I had a spectacular accidental

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set at the improv once and Carol Leafer

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I think contacted

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Jud and saying it's different now. So

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then we he started emailing me and

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stuff. I go I'm almost dead. I mean

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there's nothing there's nothing left

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here. But anyway, but uh I he's affable,

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you know. I we we did the podcast in

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person with him. It was kind of nice

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actually.

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>> That is nice. Yeah.

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>> Yeah. Now, I saw I saw John uh just so

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the people know. I don't know John very

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well at all, but I I uh obviously think

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you're funny. And so, here's my

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microphone.

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>> Said so said so business-like.

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>> I would say that your your standup is

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really starting to come into its own.

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You were very you you've got that thing

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figured out

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>> in the last week.

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>> Yeah.

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>> Over the weekend.

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>> I was eat I was eating it. I was bombing

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so hard till last week finally.

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>> Can I can I just say the first time I

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met John because they really made me

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laugh. So I go I'm hosting the show. Uh

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I go in a little room. It's Bill her and

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John and I didn't know them. They didn't

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know me. Like what do you want to do?

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You know, and I didn't know. I thought

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people might say a Wayne's World thing

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or something like that or and you guys

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both said uh our favorite thing you've

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ever done

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is Mickey Rooney.

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>> Yeah.

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And like that was your Mickey Rooney

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was,

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you know, we were talking about how we

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were going to ask you to do it before

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you came in the room. It was it was sort

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of like, okay, the the week is here.

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He's here.

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>> I immediately

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>> And by the way,

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>> Dana, you then told us we knew the

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impression from

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>> um Theater Stories, the sketch you did

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on the show. Mhm.

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>> I had never heard the unused anecdotes

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of Mickey Rooney until that day and I

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think it's the hardest I've ever

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laughed.

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>> Um

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>> was the uh was the Juan Corona story

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which you now have to tell.

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>> Oh

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>> yeah.

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>> Um Mickey Rooney, he was a down point in

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his career and he had a 38 revolver with

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him at all times. We were, you know, and

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he would wave it around.

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>> He was he had

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>> he was at one of the rare down points.

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Yeah. And he had the gun and he walk

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around and New York had a crime spree

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going then in like 1981. He would said

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he would walk around with his hand on

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the 38 and they're not going to get me,

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you know. But he he said he told a story

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where he his idea

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>> at this time Dana at this time Dana you

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you were doing a multicam with him.

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>> Yes.

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>> In 30 Rockefeller

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>> with Meg Ryan, Nathan Lane, Scatman Cars

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uh in where Letterman and then Conan did

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their thing. though. But he did at one

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point said he wanted to go meet Juan

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Corona, the serial killer or whatever

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murderer.

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>> And he he says I was going to walk in

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there and say, "Do you know my name?"

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And he say, "I'm Mickey Rooney." And

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then I was going to plug him.

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>> If I do Mickey Rooney stories, every

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time I start to talk about them with

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people, there's new tributaries and

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things that I forgot to mention. But

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maybe that Mickey stories do that as a

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sub podcast like a 20 minute a week.

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>> I think about I think about the Mickey

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story a lot because

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>> I like that he thought he could walk

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into a maximum security prison.

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>> Like he he what he had worked out in his

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mind was what he was going to say.

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>> Yeah.

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>> Not not any of the logistics of walking

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in. I believe Juan Corona was probably

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a commuted death row sentence, but he

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would have not been just in an open

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prison sitch where Mickey Rooney could

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walk in

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land land a great in quotes line and

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then shoot him.

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>> I never went that far of the logistics

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of his mindset like how would he get in

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there? How you know?

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>> He Yeah, he but he worked out. He goes,

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"Listen, I don't know how to get a gun

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into a jail. I I don't know what'll

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happen the moment after I fire it, but

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I've got I've know what I'm going to

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say, which is, "Do you know who I am?"

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>> John, I've been in a lot of gunfights

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out in the street and you you think

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you'll have a lot of time to do

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oneliners, but it just moves too

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quickly.

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>> That's true. A lot of people only plan

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the logistics and then they don't

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>> when they land on their mark, they don't

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have a great line.

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>> That's right. Or you miss it and you go,

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"Ah, the one chance I had and I kind of

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fluffered my line." What I would have

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liked is if Mickey Rooney entered the

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prison,

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>> uh, looked at Juan Corona and said, "Do

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you know who I am?" And if Juan Corona

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said, "You're Mickey Rooney." Then

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Mickey Rooney wouldn't be able to go

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Mickey Rooney. And then I that could

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have saved Juan's life

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>> cuz they would have had he had to

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explain what he was in. Oh yeah. He

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goes, "Oh, you are Mickey." No, no. Or

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if he said, "You're Don Knots." And then

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he goes, "Wait,

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>> Don Knots.

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I was throwing the whole vibe off.

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>> Yeah. Yeah.

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>> You know, uh, John is wearing a hoodie,

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Dana. And, um, I feel like

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>> most people see don't see you out and

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about. So, is it sort of hoodie, suit,

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suit, hoodie? What is it? Is there any

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in between?

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>> Um, since having a baby, it is.

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>> Congratulations.

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>> The same pair. Thank you. the same pair

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of

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>> elastic drawstring khakis

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>> and a free t-shirt.

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>> That is what I wear.

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>> Merch or something.

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>> Yeah, like a a Jimmy Kimmel t-shirt. Uh

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>> I have a um I have one from the Robin

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Hood Foundation from a charity thing I

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did. I have one for every venue. I ask

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for a free t-shirt. Uh, I have a Houston

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Astros one, a team and a city I have no

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affiliation with. I wear that very

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>> often. But John, doesn't that invite

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conversation? Like I just wear black

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t-shirts. If I wear anything with

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something on it invites conversation and

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I'm an introvert at like an airport or

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something,

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>> also known as an [ __ ]

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>> Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Yeah, that's

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that's true. Especially in a black

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t-shirt.

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>> You can't be introverted and wear a

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black t-shirt. It's very standoffish.

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>> Yes. Yes. They say, "Hey, how about

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those Astros?" And John's in the airport

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going, "Oh, fuck."

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>> Then John later that night,

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>> yeah, I go, "Yeah, they've got a full

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team this year." And I

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>> looks like they got a roster.

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>> But maybe John's the kind of

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>> full roster this year.

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>> You're the type of comedian that if

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someone said, "How about those Astros at

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the airport?" It seems to me that you

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might have 10 minutes on it within a day

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or two. the way you write things out uh

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from a

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>> hell I know I'm a bit of a I'm a bit of

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a story seeker. So, um

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>> David is too.

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>> Yeah, I think I'd be delighted if that

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happened.

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>> Me, too.

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>> You know what I saw on your uh when I

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was looking up stuff about you? Oh, I

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have a couple questions. One, when you

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started uh I mean, this is SNL stuff. We

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can go backwards.

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>> It's like I do with comedy notes. It's

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just

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>> Yeah, you're you're [ __ ] You're going

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to get from all sides.

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>> No, we we just go wherever. We've We're

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already halfway through.

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>> I start I when I started, Lauren, um I

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saw a couple things you did uh talking

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about SNL and we're just going to really

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regurgitate them for a slightly bigger

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audience. We don't know.

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>> And I hope we'll have a chance to go

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through what the week is like.

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>> Yeah. We're going to talk about No one's

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ever been covered in any media. Yeah.

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>> And what your relationship is with

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Lauren Michaels. We're going to break

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break the seal on that,

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>> dude. The the code of Amuerta that

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surrounds that office.

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I like that the code of them where

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>> when you started did you do Here's my

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question because I was assigned promos.

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Did you do promos?

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>> Right.

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>> Um so all writers wrote a promo. You're

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talking about the Thursday standing on

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the stage promo.

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>> Yep.

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>> All writers had to submit promos.

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I was I I wasn't uniquely bad at it, but

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that's kind that's not a skill I have.

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>> That's a very special skill.

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>> I always wanted promos to be really

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minimal and weird and I would try to

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engineer that to happen. Um, and of

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course, uh, I was wrong. I just I don't

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have a knack for that. I was very

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jealous to hear that you were on the

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floor every week when you were writer

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doing promo.

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>> Did you hear that? Oh, that is true.

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Yeah. Um,

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>> yeah. Where you were said that on this

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podcast. Yeah.

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>> Yeah. What happened was I was an okay

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writer and I was new and it was sort of

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jury duty. Like Downey would be like,

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"Who can we lose for the the couple

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hours during the rewrites?" And none of

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the writers wanted to do it cuz your

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your nose is in the rewrites. And so we

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go send Spade down and Lauren Lauren and

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I got along. But you know, there's not

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much getting along there. It's just

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promos. But you do get to see the host

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in the music, which that's fun. But the

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pressure

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>> that that Thursday that Thursday

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afternoon mess of like uh you know Tom

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Petty and the Heartbreakers uh doing

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soundcheck and then

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>> Mhm.

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>> trying to corral a host and a cast

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member for promos was a lot of fun.

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>> Oh that is true. They like to have a

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cast member in and you could write them

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in. And it was kind of a little power

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trip, but you have to say for people

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listening, there's like I don't know 10

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seconds and then you have to put hi, I'm

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blank with musical guest blank and then

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there's like 4 seconds left for a joke

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and they've already done 10 million

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promos. You're trying to think of

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anything weird or different. And I would

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personally have to write about 20, give

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them to Marcy Klein, she would hand them

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in to Lauren or whoever were the host.

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And they would kill a lot of them, you

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know, like the host would kill a couple.

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>> They kill them now having hosted, they

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kill them with prejudice. They even go

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like, "We hate this one. We hate that.

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We hate this one. We know you won't like

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it. It's mean. It's mean about you. This

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writer's an [ __ ] you know, read it."

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And I go, "Oh, okay."

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>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This writer is trying

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to [ __ ] you over. I remember I just saw

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a clip of someone

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>> on Instagram and it was a live shot of

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promos and it was Eddie Veter was music.

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Amelia West is the host and it's me and

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Lauren just milling around in the black

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back and I'm pointing pointing and

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showing Eddie Vet or something and then

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Lauren nods his head like do that one do

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the one then we step back and they go

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three two. So they had like a three

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minute chunk of promos which was I

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didn't know they're filming. It's so

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weird that that would get out somewhere.

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And wouldn't Lauren, if you finally got

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it, wouldn't he put his hands in his

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pocket and then turn and walk away? I

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don't know. It seemed like

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>> I liked it.

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>> Hands in the pocket and he would pivot.

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>> But I like You like it? Yeah.

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>> I like say something cryptic like,

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"Well, less is less."

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>> Yeah.

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>> Um, some people think it's funny.

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See you on See you at the party.

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>> Are we trying to repel viewers?

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>> You know, we're on in all 50 states. I

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feel like was a note I got a lot on

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monologue jokes as if I was I was so as

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if I was writing like for the crowd at

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CBGB's in New York.

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>> Sort of like he goes I know below 14th

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Street that works. He said

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>> I love that he literally just thinks of

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America as just New York.

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>> Uh especially right before there's going

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to be a vacation or a break. It'd be

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this our last show before the break and

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it would be like nice if it was like

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really really funny.

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>> You're gonna see a lot of people over

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the break and wouldn't you like it if

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they said, "Hey, that last show was

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really good."

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>> No, we're not nervous enough.

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>> And also I was like, "Are you seeing a

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bunch of people during break?" Cuz I'm

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laying on my couch watching DVDs with

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like a sty in my eye. Only Lauren was

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doing heavy socializing during the

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break.

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>> His endurance to work that. Yeah. No one

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like him. A lot of people will tell you

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you're the funniest one in the show.

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You're not.

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>> Wow.

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>> That's what I got a lot

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>> really.

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>> And I go, "Oh." And he goes, "It just

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happens. It's okay." And I go, "Well, it

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stings a little to hear that.

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I did I didn't knock on his door and

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say, Lauren, I'm hearing a lot of people

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say I'm the funniest person."

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It could be actually it be now kind of

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being now being out of it for many years

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and and having a wonderful

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>> I mean I always love Lauren but having a

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really nice relationship with him. It

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would be fun to go back and do those

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things.

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>> Do you think I went I don't mean to

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interrupt you. You're with Chris Dodd

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but do you think I'm the funniest

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writer?

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>> Senator Senator

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>> because a lot of people in my family in

00:16:01

my high school say I should be on more.

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Thoughts on that?

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I have family in Milwaukee that think I

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should be on. They're [ __ ] you, man.

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>> Well, you weren't as stressed, were you?

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Because you were just writing and then

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they would pop you an update, which is

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like more of a gift and it wasn't

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expected. Total gift.

00:16:21

>> It's probably better.

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>> I had the absolute best situation

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um that you could ask for.

00:16:29

Uh, honestly, like I look back on it and

00:16:32

I was I had a there were a few gifts.

00:16:35

Um, it looked like you were getting up

00:16:37

and leaving, David.

00:16:37

>> No, no, I I haven't even

00:16:39

>> No, I like the idea that like as a

00:16:40

listener that sometimes when someone's

00:16:42

about to go into a long story, David

00:16:44

always just does a quick errand.

00:16:46

>> Yeah, I go I just got to go wash my car.

00:16:49

>> Um, so I writing there means producing

00:16:53

there like as you know. So you got to

00:16:56

produce live television. you work with

00:16:58

every department and you're really you

00:17:00

really own your piece. You you do

00:17:02

everything for it and you're given

00:17:04

you're given a nice amount of credit

00:17:06

behind the scenes for it. Um I'd already

00:17:09

been doing standup and continued doing

00:17:11

it and do you know what made the biggest

00:17:13

difference though? I got to pop up on

00:17:15

update and honestly Bill her when when

00:17:19

he would do press about the sh you know

00:17:22

about about something and they'd talk to

00:17:24

him about sketches on the show

00:17:26

>> it means a lot to me the more the more

00:17:29

over the years I think about it like he

00:17:31

would always name me and give me credit

00:17:32

for it.

00:17:33

>> Yeah.

00:17:33

>> Um which

00:17:36

was not done a lot before that and

00:17:39

>> um just

00:17:40

>> I try not to do it.

00:17:42

>> Yeah. No, I try not to do it now that

00:17:44

I'm more of an on camera guy,

00:17:47

>> but um no, I uh that seems it really

00:17:50

meant a lot because it was sort of like,

00:17:52

oh, there uh I I I felt like I had a bit

00:17:55

of a um reputation in comedy as oh there

00:17:58

he's a writer there and we sometimes

00:18:00

hear about what he's written,

00:18:02

>> right? And at the same time, I got to

00:18:03

pop up on Update a couple times, which

00:18:06

like, yeah, that's just that's just 10

00:18:10

million people. I've been on VH1

00:18:13

uh VH1's Best Week ever a 100,000 times

00:18:17

at that point. So, I was like, I've been

00:18:19

on TV, but

00:18:19

>> how what was your what was your nerve

00:18:21

level?

00:18:22

>> That's one of my questions about best

00:18:23

week ever,

00:18:24

>> being a writer and then doing Update.

00:18:26

Where was your because you're not

00:18:27

acclimated to performing. you're writing

00:18:29

and all of a sudden you're in that chair

00:18:31

and they throw you out.

00:18:32

>> That Saturday, that Saturday was like,

00:18:34

"Oh, not only am I

00:18:36

>> Yeah.

00:18:37

>> terrified as not only am I under a lot

00:18:39

of stress as a writer, but I like I have

00:18:43

to go out there tonight." Yeah. Those

00:18:45

were those were out of body.

00:18:47

>> Do you remember what you did? What what

00:18:49

what your first one was? Like here comes

00:18:51

John Melany saying a word. Yeah, I had a

00:18:54

it was Girl Scout cookie season and I

00:18:56

did an editorial about how like the Girl

00:18:58

Scout business model is completely

00:19:00

flawed because they have a like

00:19:02

tremendously popular product that they

00:19:04

sell once a year in front of like a

00:19:07

Gson's, you know, from a little lunch

00:19:09

table. Um, I can't remember specific

00:19:12

jokes about it, but uh that was that.

00:19:16

Uh, so it was like I remember thinking

00:19:18

before I did it, I was like, "This isn't

00:19:20

really I I this is sort of like a uh

00:19:23

I've got a complaint about the Girl

00:19:25

Scout cookies, you know, like hey, Girl

00:19:28

Scouts." But I was sort of like I I I'm

00:19:30

so inexperienced at this. I'd rather

00:19:32

play an attitude. So like,

00:19:35

>> you know, I'd rather pretend to be the

00:19:36

guy actually mad about this, right, than

00:19:39

not have

00:19:40

>> Matt Matt is not a bad angle on Update.

00:19:42

No. When you need a when you need

00:19:44

something and you're have nothing. It's

00:19:47

it's good to act like you are

00:19:48

exasperated by

00:19:50

>> Did you pound the table and get animated

00:19:52

or did you kind of push it?

00:19:54

>> I remember at one point I go, "Have you

00:19:55

ever put Thin Mints in the freezer?

00:19:57

They're delicious. Like sell them year

00:19:59

round." It was just it was a real like

00:20:01

uh when in doubt, act extremely

00:20:04

exasperated. Which I've followed my

00:20:06

whole career. But I remember before I

00:20:08

went out on the update desk, Lauren

00:20:09

looked at me and he said, um, he goes,

00:20:12

"Relax your face." He goes, "When you

00:20:14

get out there, take a beat. Relax your

00:20:16

face."

00:20:18

>> Oh, funny.

00:20:18

>> And look directly into the camera like

00:20:20

you're talking to someone, you know. But

00:20:22

I remember relax your face was a good

00:20:24

note because I was going to come out

00:20:27

>> like this

00:20:27

>> looking extremely highrung.

00:20:33

>> John, let me add Dana. I just have seven

00:20:36

in a row. I have seven in a row for

00:20:37

John.

00:20:38

>> Questions.

00:20:39

>> Uh John, when you go out there and it's

00:20:42

Saturday and you're doing update,

00:20:44

>> I think when you're writer, the one

00:20:46

extra love uh layer you don't think of

00:20:49

is how you look. And it sounds

00:20:51

egotistical, but all day you're like,

00:20:53

"Oh, wait. I got to get hair, makeup.

00:20:55

What am I wearing?"

00:20:56

>> And and then sometimes they'll go, "I

00:20:59

wouldn't wear that."

00:21:01

>> And you go, "For an update? What do I

00:21:03

wear?" And they won't tell you what to

00:21:04

wear. But

00:21:05

>> yeah, not that.

00:21:06

>> Yeah.

00:21:07

>> Not that. Yeah. No, I remember I brought

00:21:09

my little shirt and sport coat from home

00:21:13

>> and it was like a blue shirt and a navy

00:21:15

blue jacket. It was the, you know,

00:21:16

safest

00:21:19

>> safest possible choice. I

00:21:21

>> tested safest. Yeah.

00:21:23

>> I remember showing it to Tom Broker in

00:21:25

costumes and being like I go I go I was

00:21:28

thinking of this and he goes he g he

00:21:30

went Yeah. as if like to say like,

00:21:33

"Look, we couldn't we have an entire

00:21:35

show to design. We couldn't possibly

00:21:37

care what you wear on on your cut it

00:21:39

dress update."

00:21:41

>> Well, that's honest. That's That's

00:21:43

>> You think we're getting on? Oh. Oh, you

00:21:45

think you're going all the way to the

00:21:46

show? Oh,

00:21:46

>> I know. Yeah, it was that. And I think I

00:21:48

said to him like, "This this shirt

00:21:50

doesn't uh it don't worry. It doesn't

00:21:52

like moray on camera." You know, the

00:21:55

dance on camera.

00:21:56

>> Yeah. It doesn't dance on. Don't worry,

00:21:58

Tom. my shirt will be fine on air.

00:22:01

>> He goes, "You'll cross my mind at 11

00:22:03

when I realize you're on the show."

00:22:05

>> Yeah. And then we'll ask you to maybe do

00:22:07

something about the adult acne.

00:22:09

>> So I go, "Hey, Tom, I brought a shirt.

00:22:11

It doesn't wrinkle. I got one of those

00:22:13

kinds. It doesn't wrinkle." He's like,

00:22:14

"I don't give a [ __ ] dude." And I'm

00:22:15

like, "Okay."

00:22:18

>> As if as if as if like uh Emmy and Tony

00:22:22

award-winning costume designers would be

00:22:24

impressed by a wrinkle-free shirt.

00:22:25

>> Yeah, I know. That's the funniest part.

00:22:27

>> How did you get that, man? They're like,

00:22:28

"Well, we're all worried about what

00:22:29

you're doing on the show. We don't

00:22:31

care."

00:22:32

>> Did anyone ever call any old-timer ever

00:22:34

call you kid? Because any you used that

00:22:36

in your specials.

00:22:37

>> Hey kid, it ain't going to work out for

00:22:39

you, kid. I'll be honest with you, kid.

00:22:42

>> I will say what was nice was that even

00:22:44

people like Philheims.

00:22:46

>> Yeah. Lighting director.

00:22:48

>> They learn they like the everyone in the

00:22:50

booth and they learn your name, which

00:22:52

means, you know. So, I didn't get kid,

00:22:54

but I uh uh I once had a sketch on that

00:23:00

was like an it was an impression parade.

00:23:02

It was just every cast member doing an

00:23:04

impression and I changed it a great deal

00:23:07

>> in between dress and air. So, on air I

00:23:09

watched in the booth and it didn't go

00:23:12

great.

00:23:14

>> It was a little clunky and I'm walking

00:23:15

out of the booth and Phil I walk past

00:23:18

Phil. I'm pretty, you know, it's at a

00:23:20

low point in the season, like it's like

00:23:22

February doldrums or something. I'm

00:23:24

walking past Phil and he goes, "Not your

00:23:26

best work." And I and I was like getting

00:23:29

this I was getting this like I've been

00:23:31

here four years kind of edge. So I was

00:23:34

like, "What Phil?" You know, like what

00:23:36

>> you got up in his grill.

00:23:38

>> And he went and he went, "You know why

00:23:39

that wasn't good?"

00:23:42

>> And I go I go, "Why?" And he goes, "None

00:23:44

of the people sounded like the people."

00:23:47

And that's not your fault.

00:23:49

>> But Phil,

00:23:50

>> I know. But I like that that review of

00:23:52

an impression piece. None of the people

00:23:54

sounded like

00:23:55

>> Yeah, that's a really what you don't

00:23:57

want to hear.

00:23:57

>> Just so listeners know, Philheims was he

00:24:00

seemed old the entire time I was there.

00:24:02

And he he had this cranky exterior, but

00:24:04

then he was an incredible heart of gold

00:24:07

underneath and incredibly sweet,

00:24:09

>> but he was kind of intimidating in the

00:24:11

early days. What do you want? What do

00:24:13

you want? You want a light there? We

00:24:14

can't get it there. you know, but then

00:24:15

he was do then he would put the light

00:24:17

there. I got it for you, kid.

00:24:19

>> And then Yeah.

00:24:19

>> Yeah.

00:24:20

>> And uh we we were once doing um I think

00:24:23

Fred as Obama.

00:24:26

>> I didn't write it. Colin Jo wrote it. It

00:24:28

was like a Christmas time Oval Office

00:24:31

piece and we wanted um Fred to look out

00:24:34

the um uh windows behind the desk in the

00:24:38

Oval Office and see like snow falling

00:24:41

like a kind of a cheesy Christmas

00:24:43

moment. So, we were I remember I was for

00:24:45

some reason on the floor with Colin and

00:24:47

Seth. We were telling Phil how

00:24:53

we thought it should look.

00:24:55

>> Oh, boy.

00:24:56

>> And he looked at us and he went, "I lit

00:24:58

John Kennedy in the White House." He

00:24:59

walked away.

00:25:00

>> Oh, wow.

00:25:02

>> Yeah.

00:25:03

>> That's so

00:25:03

>> David, I heard a story that you you and

00:25:06

Phil had like a close relationship. Is

00:25:07

that right,

00:25:08

>> Phils?

00:25:09

>> Yeah. Uh, I did think I mean other than

00:25:12

having sex, we were just sort of like

00:25:14

buddy buddy. Uh, no, we um he would just

00:25:17

always bust my balls when I'd walk

00:25:18

around there. So, I thought it was

00:25:20

funny.

00:25:20

>> Well, I heard when you were hosting he

00:25:21

came out and said, "Oh, god, he's back."

00:25:25

>> Yeah, of course.

00:25:26

>> That's very funny.

00:25:27

>> And I heard you said And I heard you

00:25:28

said, "Phil, I I heard you died you."

00:25:33

>> Well, he is old.

00:25:34

>> Well, but he was 60 for 50 years. I

00:25:37

mean, he was Yeah. You No,

00:25:39

>> he was a hard 90 when I met him. It was

00:25:42

like that. I think one of the first

00:25:43

things I learned at SNL was that Don

00:25:45

Partardo and Philheims, two extremely

00:25:48

integral people here, are solidly north

00:25:51

of

00:25:51

>> 90. Mid to late 90s and spry.

00:25:56

>> Yeah. Like one of the most a couple of

00:25:57

the most important people here are north

00:26:00

of 90 and like

00:26:02

>> you got to give them a wide birth at the

00:26:04

pudding table. I I heard you say

00:26:06

something about asking about how people

00:26:09

date the host now and I thought it was

00:26:12

so funny because I think you were saying

00:26:14

that it sound for us it it sounds a

00:26:17

little dicey like back in our day the

00:26:20

hosts were so off limits as far as just

00:26:22

it mentally you know you don't do

00:26:24

anything and I I remember we had and you

00:26:27

have beautiful hosts we have talented I

00:26:29

think Marissa Toé was there after my

00:26:31

cousin Vinnie and there's so many that

00:26:33

were great But I would be so scared if

00:26:36

if you even flirted with a host and it

00:26:39

got back to you, you know, like they

00:26:41

complained like HR and then Lauren

00:26:44

David, uh, were you asking out Susan

00:26:47

Day? You're making her uncomfortable.

00:26:51

Like if it came back that you were

00:26:52

making a host uncomfortable, wouldn't

00:26:54

that be It's obviously worked every time

00:26:56

so far, but it seems like if you asked

00:26:59

that host and they didn't like it, then

00:27:00

it would be so you'd be in so much

00:27:02

trouble. I I can't I literally I didn't

00:27:05

even know we could

00:27:08

like

00:27:09

>> hang out.

00:27:10

>> Yeah. I would have never been like, you

00:27:12

know, I I would always be like, I'll

00:27:13

have I'll have the I'll have a page call

00:27:16

your manager's assistant, you know, the

00:27:18

idea of even like reaching out

00:27:20

personally and I wrote a lot

00:27:22

>> outside the show. I wrote a lot of mon

00:27:24

no during the week I mean like I wrote a

00:27:25

lot of monologues and occasionally

00:27:27

there'd be this like hey Thursday night

00:27:30

2 am

00:27:32

>> or Friday night 2 am the host wants the

00:27:35

host suddenly has a thought about the

00:27:36

monologue and that that that was fine

00:27:38

that's what the schedule was. Um but

00:27:41

like yeah to even be to even be in um

00:27:46

contact with a host let alone ask them

00:27:49

out the

00:27:49

>> and without having a script in your hand

00:27:51

to walk up to him for what reason? You

00:27:53

know what I mean? I know.

00:27:54

>> Hey, what's up?

00:27:56

>> I I always felt like when Simon Rich and

00:27:58

I in most weeks we wrote a monologue for

00:28:01

the host. Um I always I didn't even

00:28:04

sense if they thought we were writers.

00:28:06

Like I think they thought we were just

00:28:07

like two children with pieces of paper

00:28:12

>> who kept asking them like not personal

00:28:14

questions but like Wikipedia level

00:28:16

questions be like

00:28:17

>> we would just be like so um maybe

00:28:19

something about I I think your family

00:28:21

has a lot of dogs and they'd be like why

00:28:24

why are you telling me about that? Be

00:28:26

like we're just trying to think of any

00:28:27

angle for you. Yeah, it is hard because

00:28:29

no one introduced you like as the

00:28:30

writers you just walk up and they go

00:28:32

ask, you know, and you have to go up to

00:28:34

some huge star and say, "Hey,

00:28:36

>> I I always liked Tuesday night when they

00:28:41

bring the host around to each office

00:28:43

because they could be the biggest star

00:28:45

in the world, but they had to sit on my

00:28:47

couch." Like, they had to sit

00:28:50

>> on my fil like with me and Bobby Moahan

00:28:54

>> smoking inside.

00:28:56

>> Wow. Wow. with the window cracked

00:28:59

>> as if that's at all acceptable. And like

00:29:02

you just had to sit there, Mcjagger.

00:29:05

>> Sit there. And now you're going to hear

00:29:06

a crummy idea.

00:29:07

>> Now you're going to Now you're going to

00:29:09

hear an idea that kind of makes fun of

00:29:10

you that you won't like.

00:29:12

>> Now you're going to hear a fake idea.

00:29:14

And then if you like it, it's a real

00:29:16

idea. I I I make fake questions. I go,

00:29:19

"Uh, Mick, uh, can you do a Russian

00:29:22

accent?"

00:29:25

And he goes, "Uh, probably." And I go,

00:29:28

"No, this one's out."

00:29:30

>> I crumple it up.

00:29:31

>> That's very

00:29:32

>> I go, I'll save this for uh next week.

00:29:34

>> I remember pitching an idea in my office

00:29:36

to Josh Brolan

00:29:39

and he went, "I mean, well, it's not

00:29:41

funny."

00:29:42

>> Yeah.

00:29:42

>> And I thought I was like, "Okay, that's

00:29:44

the then that's the litmus test. I like

00:29:48

I'm not gonna Oh, he was sort of like I

00:29:50

mean and he I I didn't mean to make it

00:29:53

sound like he was really harsh. It was

00:29:55

more like well you can write it. It's

00:29:57

not funny. And I was like well then and

00:29:59

you've just saved me a couple hours.

00:30:01

>> You could spend the rest of the night

00:30:03

writing it. I'll I'll pull it from read

00:30:05

through.

00:30:06

>> Yeah. And I'll have it pulled and I'll

00:30:07

make and I'll let them know I told you I

00:30:09

didn't like it. So you'll you'll be in

00:30:11

trouble with Marcy. Dude, when a when a

00:30:13

host is reading a sketch and if it's

00:30:15

your sketch and they and they quietly

00:30:17

give up in the middle, it's so sickening

00:30:20

just to watch them take a dive and like

00:30:22

they don't really get it.

00:30:23

>> I've seen I've seen hosts suddenly put

00:30:26

like the the celery in their mouths,

00:30:28

like truly be like, I'm going to eat

00:30:30

during the rest of this.

00:30:32

>> Just a signal. Yeah.

00:30:33

>> Or they're whispering if they can get an

00:30:35

order of food sent in during your

00:30:36

sketch, like hey, is there any way they

00:30:38

can?

00:30:39

>> You always try to discern a little bit.

00:30:41

I know we've talked about this before,

00:30:43

like Lauren reading the stage

00:30:45

directions. Does he stay involved? Does

00:30:48

he kind of think he's hooking something

00:30:50

great or is he sort of middle of the

00:30:52

road or is he done with it? There's a

00:30:55

whole energy thing. It's hard to tell

00:30:56

sometimes.

00:30:57

>> Yeah, cuz Lauren reads the stage

00:30:59

directions and he starts out pretty high

00:31:02

energy like CNN bumper.

00:31:04

>> Yeah.

00:31:05

>> Uh and then

00:31:08

>> that's at 3. I like I like when he kind

00:31:10

of summarizes it towards the end. Like

00:31:14

he'll start to summarize it like uh uh

00:31:17

Christian has a hat and walks in and

00:31:20

it's there like he'll read a whole

00:31:22

paragraph and boil it down to

00:31:25

uh Kristen Kristen enters

00:31:29

uh as McIntyre

00:31:35

five hours.

00:31:35

>> It really takes the energy out of it and

00:31:37

you're like oh he's he gave up. Uh,

00:31:39

David inter when people write long stage

00:31:42

directions to describe some farcical

00:31:45

like slamming doors come like you know

00:31:48

who's going to read that, don't you?

00:31:50

Like you know how that'll get presented

00:31:51

at read to don't you homie?

00:31:52

>> Yeah. Or they write like a Schneider

00:31:54

used to write or he would call you out

00:31:57

like if you go uh and then the uh Dorman

00:32:01

played by Phils and everyone laughs and

00:32:03

Rob goes trick not a real laugh don't

00:32:05

count it. He would yell that out during

00:32:08

reboot.

00:32:08

>> Yeah, he would say trick. Trick because

00:32:11

he didn't want yelling that out.

00:32:12

>> Schneider.

00:32:13

>> Oh, Schneider. It's a trick. It's a

00:32:16

total trick. That's

00:32:17

>> Yeah, because you're not going to get

00:32:18

you're not going to get that laugh on

00:32:19

the real show. That's just funny.

00:32:21

>> Read through laugh. Read through laugh

00:32:23

flag,

00:32:25

>> man. How How is that graded? That seems

00:32:28

uh

00:32:28

>> Well, that's a little harsh.

00:32:31

>> No, Schneider was funny because uh he

00:32:33

would do things to almost intentionally

00:32:35

rub you wrong. just to go, "Ah, it's

00:32:37

fine."

00:32:38

>> Yeah, he was just

00:32:39

>> he he'd say about three years in,

00:32:40

"You're coming along."

00:32:42

Uh anyway,

00:32:44

by the way,

00:32:45

>> copy machine guy.

00:32:47

>> I watched your I think it was your last

00:32:49

monologue on there.

00:32:50

>> Uh any differences hosting along the way

00:32:52

other than you're just getting better at

00:32:53

it or you maybe you're not getting

00:32:54

better at it? It's

00:32:55

>> I mean five times in like with a co year

00:32:58

in between. So like in three years, five

00:33:00

or something very

00:33:01

>> that's a lot. Yeah. Two in 2020.

00:33:04

So, what's that all about?

00:33:06

>> Um, two two I'd like to do two in a

00:33:09

pandemic.

00:33:10

>> Yeah.

00:33:10

>> Uh,

00:33:11

>> that was the request.

00:33:12

>> That was um

00:33:14

>> that was a really Well, wait, what's the

00:33:17

question?

00:33:18

>> I don't know.

00:33:19

>> It was It It's been so cool. It's been

00:33:21

so fun. Um,

00:33:24

I definitely have had thoughts like I'm

00:33:27

like, "Oh, maybe the second time I

00:33:29

hosted was I I I I

00:33:33

believe when Lauren says, "You're

00:33:35

getting better each time." Because that

00:33:38

makes sense. There's moments where I go,

00:33:39

"Oh, but on the second time I hosted, I

00:33:42

had this laugh here and whatever." Um,

00:33:44

but I've had more and more fun each

00:33:46

time. The first time I hosted, I was

00:33:49

deeply in my head about um

00:33:51

>> yeah, normal.

00:33:52

>> This wasn't gonna be good. And this

00:33:54

wasn't only not going to be good, but

00:33:56

everyone was going to go see, we told

00:33:59

you to stay behind the camera. We've

00:34:01

been clear with you

00:34:03

>> where you belong in this show.

00:34:06

>> The audacity of you to show up and try

00:34:08

to do this. Like I really thought like

00:34:11

uh I had a very weird kind of uh I was

00:34:16

like I remember the Friday night before

00:34:17

I was like miserable. I was like I'm so

00:34:20

bad at SNL and that's the thing I

00:34:22

thought I knew the best and then I had a

00:34:24

really fun show and I realized that I

00:34:26

was just trying to make myself miserable

00:34:29

>> because if I'm miserable the night

00:34:30

before then it will be a good show. Like

00:34:33

that's a good trick. this trick I used

00:34:34

to do, but I try not to do it anymore

00:34:37

because it's too excruciating throughout

00:34:39

the day and like mental healthwise to

00:34:42

stretch myself to sorry to tie myself

00:34:44

into knots so that I quote unquote, you

00:34:47

know, deserve a good show because I'm so

00:34:50

miserable. Uh, by the second time I

00:34:52

hosted, I I made an active choice. I was

00:34:54

like, I'm gonna be happy all week. I'm

00:34:56

going to have fun all week. and if it's

00:34:58

a bad show, then I'll know

00:35:02

>> that it was wrong to have fun, but at

00:35:04

least I will have had fun.

00:35:06

>> And it was a very good show. So, since

00:35:07

then, I've been like, you have to enjoy

00:35:09

these weeks, otherwise

00:35:12

um otherwise what's the point?

00:35:14

>> It is it is funny to take such a beating

00:35:17

of over yourself when you host. Dana

00:35:20

probably feels the same way. You're just

00:35:21

so stressed and then at the end you're

00:35:23

like, why do I even do this? Like right

00:35:25

before the show, you're like, I feel so

00:35:26

sick and tied up and twisted and then

00:35:29

you go, I did it. You're like, so I did

00:35:31

it now. Now the fun starts and with the

00:35:33

rap party is the only time I'm starting

00:35:34

to have fun. It's over and you realize

00:35:37

could I just

00:35:39

>> get to the point or have fun the whole

00:35:40

time?

00:35:40

>> I had a little bit of uh I couldn't

00:35:43

really live up to what the lucky crazy

00:35:47

fortunate three or four years I had on

00:35:49

the show with Wayne's World and all this

00:35:50

stuff. So, you know, it was always

00:35:52

you'll do Church Lady and then it was

00:35:54

you'll do George Bush uh senior and it's

00:35:58

like 18 years later. So, there I the the

00:36:01

thing in my head was like how do I

00:36:03

compete with that across the board and

00:36:06

that was a very that was kind of

00:36:07

difficult for my I thought and

00:36:09

especially I think what's nice the way

00:36:11

you're it's happening for you John is

00:36:13

that it's kind of condensed. It's not

00:36:15

like you hosted it in 2013 and then

00:36:18

you're coming back eight years later. I

00:36:20

think it's kind of nice that you've done

00:36:22

five already in a short period of time

00:36:24

just to acclimate to that.

00:36:27

>> Yeah. Yeah. That no one's expecting a

00:36:29

lot of growth.

00:36:31

>> Well, but you have those crazy those

00:36:33

standup specials and then your monologue

00:36:35

is always great pretty much right. I

00:36:38

mean, that's that's your superpower.

00:36:40

>> And so that that sets a great,

00:36:42

>> but also like I remember saying to

00:36:44

Gerard Carmichael, who had an amazing

00:36:46

episode as a host this year, who's a

00:36:48

brilliant comedian and a brilliant many

00:36:51

things. I remember um I was like, it was

00:36:55

when I was talking to him I realized I

00:36:57

was like, "Oh, you know what? It's it's

00:36:59

eight minutes of standup

00:37:03

uh in front of 10 million people.

00:37:07

Um and you're the only thing

00:37:11

I realize it's like you're the only

00:37:13

thing on NBC for 10 minutes. Like you're

00:37:16

the your standup is the only thing

00:37:19

happening on Saturday night.

00:37:20

>> Also very relaxing.

00:37:22

>> I I find that kind of uh emboldening.

00:37:25

It's like wow.

00:37:26

>> You got to go out with an attitude.

00:37:28

Dude, I mean, how do you do your

00:37:29

specials? I mean, how many times do you

00:37:31

shoot a special like say Kid Gorgeous?

00:37:34

>> Just two two shows. That's two in one

00:37:36

night.

00:37:37

>> Two shows. Um, I think it was one night.

00:37:40

>> Yeah. And so, how do you deal with that

00:37:42

pressure if the first show in your mind

00:37:44

is like a C++? Just in your mind.

00:37:47

>> The first show of Kid Gorgeous was a C++

00:37:49

in my mind.

00:37:51

>> I was so disappointed. I couldn't

00:37:53

believe it. I'd been on tour for so long

00:37:55

and now this special was bad. It was

00:37:57

going to be so bad that everyone would

00:37:59

be mad at me uh or disappointed in me

00:38:02

and say, "You used to be good and you're

00:38:04

bad and we don't like you and all of

00:38:06

that stuff." And

00:38:07

>> have you had therapy?

00:38:09

>> Um, we'll talk about that.

00:38:10

>> No, it's it's it's funny.

00:38:12

>> I've had a ton of it, so go ahead.

00:38:14

>> Well, John, also the the cameras are

00:38:16

there. It it I've done a few, but the

00:38:18

the cameras are there. It just throws it

00:38:20

off somehow. It's just not a normal club

00:38:22

or theater night when there's cameras.

00:38:25

Everyone, the audience is stressed.

00:38:26

Everyone's different. It's just not the

00:38:28

way it normally is.

00:38:29

>> I The thing is like I remembered that

00:38:32

it's

00:38:34

um I I thought one the second show felt

00:38:38

better. So that so when I when I say I

00:38:41

came to some epiphany, I didn't. Just

00:38:43

the second show felt better. But were I

00:38:45

to pretend I had an epiphany that night,

00:38:47

I'd say no one else has done every show

00:38:51

with me, so they're not comparing them.

00:38:53

Yeah.

00:38:53

>> And this is the film of the material

00:38:56

like

00:38:57

>> um a special I a special is for the

00:39:00

cameras. And I I think it was um Whitney

00:39:03

Cummings

00:39:05

gave me that advice after she had done

00:39:07

her sitcom Whitney and then she did her

00:39:09

first special after that. And I remember

00:39:10

she said to me, "We play so big because

00:39:13

we're trying to play it at the back of

00:39:14

the room." But um she I I think it had

00:39:18

been something she learned doing a you

00:39:19

know three camera sitcom like it's for

00:39:21

the camera. And I've thought about that

00:39:23

each time since that it's for the

00:39:25

camera. The size of the performance is

00:39:27

for the camera. Um,

00:39:28

>> and also you I mean where where the area

00:39:31

where you could maybe have a good night

00:39:33

or a bad night because the material is

00:39:34

immaculate and it's really really it's

00:39:36

like a magic trick. It's so fun to watch

00:39:38

your standup.

00:39:39

>> Oh, thank

00:39:41

organically.

00:39:42

>> He's talking to me.

00:39:43

>> Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah.

00:39:44

>> I said that to David before the show.

00:39:47

But then you're also doing a lot of uh

00:39:49

sneakily physical comedy and you're

00:39:51

throwing your voice and you're moving.

00:39:53

So you're you're performing it as well.

00:39:55

So I would I would assume on some nights

00:39:58

with a hot crowd you may take a rhythm

00:40:00

slightly further or the bit you did

00:40:02

about Jagger. Not funny. You'd throw one

00:40:04

more in. Is that the where there's a

00:40:06

little bit of improv when when you're on

00:40:08

and the crowd is with you? You go to

00:40:10

that other level, right?

00:40:11

>> Oh my god. when I have when the crowd is

00:40:14

with me

00:40:16

sometimes when the crowd's not with me

00:40:18

I'm like do I even have skills be like

00:40:21

can I even can I even perform to a

00:40:24

slightly indifferent audience like I

00:40:25

should be able to do this like I should

00:40:27

be able to still do the 90 minutes

00:40:29

>> but if they're not like if you don't

00:40:32

feel like they're you know carrying your

00:40:35

chair in the

00:40:37

>> um at the Jewish wedding like you know

00:40:39

if you don't feel that like bounce

00:40:41

I'll suddenly be like, "How the hell do

00:40:43

I do this? What do I give it? Like,

00:40:45

>> what am I doing? I'm giving a speech."

00:40:48

>> Well, you think like you're horrible.

00:40:50

You're like, "Am I doing standup?"

00:40:51

Because nothing's working. It's almost

00:40:53

like, "Did this turn into a corporate

00:40:54

gig? Why am I bothering?"

00:40:55

>> Yeah. Did this turn into a corporate

00:40:57

gig? And then I always want to ask the

00:40:58

audience I want to be like, "Hey, are

00:41:00

you embarrassed for me? Is that

00:41:02

happening? Is that happening now, too?

00:41:05

>> Are you feel the discomfort in the

00:41:08

room?" And then the elephant in the room

00:41:09

that no one is saying and you can't hear

00:41:11

it is is like this realization on their

00:41:13

side. Not as good as I thought he would

00:41:16

be. I guess it's this is kind of a rough

00:41:19

night. And then sometimes it takes a lot

00:41:22

of guts and a lot of determination to go

00:41:24

[ __ ] it. And you try to win them and you

00:41:27

normally can't but you just really the

00:41:29

last

00:41:29

>> sickening. Yeah. 15 minutes.

00:41:31

>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I think

00:41:32

that's a that is the right move. I

00:41:35

remember when Nick Croll and I were

00:41:36

doing Oh Hello on Broadway, our

00:41:38

director, Alex Timbers, said to us,

00:41:40

because

00:41:41

>> doing um eight shows a week

00:41:44

>> for 16, 18 weeks, whatever it was,

00:41:47

>> brutal.

00:41:48

>> Well, we'd have crowds that were just

00:41:50

Broadway ticket holders who heard, "Oh,

00:41:52

there's a comedy." And didn't know it

00:41:53

was me and Nick screaming in turtlenecks

00:41:56

and being insane. And uh Alex Timbers

00:42:01

said to us, "Hey, um I noticed that some

00:42:04

nights when the crowds aren't great, you

00:42:06

guys decide to pull way back and just

00:42:09

amuse each other and you do the show

00:42:11

poorly." And we were like, "Yeah, cuz

00:42:13

[ __ ] them, right?"

00:42:15

>> It's only $300 a

00:42:17

>> I remember. I remember he goes, "Here's

00:42:18

an idea. When they're not good, you guys

00:42:22

try to be twice as good." And we were

00:42:25

like, "Oh." as if it was like another

00:42:27

way to show them we don't care. But it

00:42:29

was a good trick he

00:42:31

>> put in our heads because now when it's

00:42:34

bad, I think, well, I'm going to pretend

00:42:36

this is on film.

00:42:38

>> Sure.

00:42:39

>> And people will study it. Uh

00:42:42

in terms of how how good you can be even

00:42:44

when a crowd is bad,

00:42:46

>> I think people, you know, when you're

00:42:47

not doing well and people later say,

00:42:49

"No, it was good." There are some people

00:42:50

that smile and the vibe of the crowd

00:42:52

isn't to be too noisy. So they don't

00:42:55

want to be too loud. So they're just

00:42:56

kind of liking it and smiling and they

00:42:58

don't know it's a bad show. And later

00:42:59

they go,

00:43:00

>> "Oh, they don't.

00:43:01

>> I thought it was great." And you're

00:43:02

like, and you're telling them how bad it

00:43:04

was, and they're like, "No, it wasn't

00:43:05

that bad."

00:43:06

>> Yeah. And you go like, "That part that

00:43:08

part normally gets that part normally

00:43:11

goes to applause." And normally

00:43:15

>> normally Yeah.

00:43:16

>> They're like, "That was my favorite

00:43:17

part." And I'm like, "A lot of times

00:43:18

there's someone in the front row that

00:43:20

looks like my dad." So I go, "Oh, there

00:43:22

he is now." And Evan, that normally goes

00:43:24

to applause, but that didn't happen

00:43:25

tonight.

00:43:26

>> And they're like, "Oh, so it was bad."

00:43:28

You know,

00:43:28

>> what is it about be when we were when I

00:43:31

was coming up, like Steve Martin was

00:43:33

God, he was huge, and he would play

00:43:34

stadiums or arenas, and now there's so

00:43:37

many comedians, I'll bring it back

00:43:39

around to you, that just are playing

00:43:41

20,000 seaters. And I don't know when

00:43:43

this started for you, but now you're

00:43:45

playing Madison Square Garden for four

00:43:47

nights, if I read it right, or three

00:43:48

nights.

00:43:49

>> Three nights. Three nights.

00:43:50

>> So, what does that do to your brain? How

00:43:52

do you think about yourself? Like cuz

00:43:55

that is so much love of your fans. I

00:43:58

mean, it's just like insane, right? How

00:44:00

do you wrap your mind around that?

00:44:02

>> One should not get used to it. Um I just

00:44:06

keep thinking that like

00:44:09

it's pretty

00:44:11

it's pretty funny, man. It's pretty

00:44:14

>> Yeah, it's just a big room. It's a big

00:44:17

room.

00:44:17

>> Well, it's it's so I mean, I just want

00:44:19

to give you a compliment. It's so hard

00:44:20

to get to those big venues. And I was

00:44:22

looking, you're on a tour right now, and

00:44:24

if you look at the venues, I'm like,

00:44:25

"Holy [ __ ] this guy is hitting the

00:44:27

biggest spots." And Hollywood Bowl is

00:44:29

huge. Who would ever get to play that as

00:44:31

a standup? You don't even think of that

00:44:32

when you're standing.

00:44:33

>> Yeah, he's playing Northern California.

00:44:35

There's a stadium in the Sierra Neadas,

00:44:37

and it's an open air thing. And John is

00:44:40

>> playing Yellowstone.

00:44:41

>> He's playing,

00:44:43

>> but what what do you do with

00:44:46

>> like when you go out? It feels um it's

00:44:49

like it's it's um

00:44:52

it's a kind of I wouldn't say okay

00:44:57

um I wouldn't say it's impostor syndrome

00:45:00

which might sound really arrogant. I

00:45:01

don't mean like I I'm up there and I'm

00:45:03

like yeah I belong here but I do

00:45:05

recognize that the crowds have grown and

00:45:07

grown and now we're in a now we're in a

00:45:10

basketball court

00:45:13

>> and that's home base. Yeah.

00:45:15

>> Yeah. Yeah. So, there's sort of a like,

00:45:18

okay, this is where it's at now. Um, and

00:45:22

I'm so l There's a few things happening

00:45:24

at once. It's only been this year that

00:45:25

I've played arenas. It's the first tour

00:45:28

I've had since a couple trips to rehab

00:45:31

institutions. So,

00:45:33

>> what what what what do you mean rehab? I

00:45:35

haven't heard this story. What's

00:45:38

>> Well, listen, no one knows about this.

00:45:39

Well, that that I want to ask you only

00:45:41

about that how it pertains to your

00:45:43

standup just because

00:45:44

>> Well, it pertains to like um I think if

00:45:46

I um

00:45:49

Oh, man. Thank god cocaine and arenas

00:45:52

didn't overlap. Oh, dear God. I'm just

00:45:54

realizing now that would have been a

00:45:56

disaster. There is something extremely

00:45:59

fun. There's an energy about playing an

00:46:01

arena that's very like holy [ __ ] If

00:46:05

ever a person took this for granted,

00:46:08

they might become rather intolerable. Uh

00:46:12

that's what I think. And so I'm really

00:46:14

lucky to do it. I know it won't it will

00:46:17

it will just it it can't sustain. It

00:46:19

won't be this forever. So at the moment

00:46:21

I'm just kind of like enjoy it because

00:46:24

>> this is literally

00:46:26

>> you know like this won't this won't last

00:46:28

and that's okay. Um, so I wouldn't say

00:46:31

it's imposttor syndrome so much as I'm

00:46:33

acutely aware that this is just a moment

00:46:35

in time.

00:46:40

>> Well, did you think uh John right uh did

00:46:43

you think I'm doing David now? Uh so you

00:46:46

know you have those specials that

00:46:48

explode on Netflix and then you do the

00:46:50

five hosting and and then there's the

00:46:52

pandemic and then you have this rehab

00:46:54

issue. Did you ever think that that

00:46:56

would

00:46:57

>> I had didn't have an issue with rehab.

00:46:59

It was more drugs.

00:47:01

>> Oh. Oh, okay. So, the led to the rehab,

00:47:03

but

00:47:04

>> yeah, rehabs were quite healthy.

00:47:05

>> It feels to me like there was a your fan

00:47:08

base just saw you more human and it it

00:47:11

it there do you feel a bigger connection

00:47:14

in a way? Maybe it's like a Oprah

00:47:15

question or something, but with your

00:47:17

fans after

00:47:18

>> I'm really um

00:47:21

>> Yeah, I

00:47:22

>> because they're your friend, you know

00:47:24

what I they relate and everybody's got

00:47:26

>> I can't like there's no I'll just be

00:47:29

kind of sappy for a second. I

00:47:31

>> we love that here.

00:47:32

>> It means like I didn't know if I'd be on

00:47:36

a stage again. Like I didn't know what

00:47:40

um I was at a point where it wasn't just

00:47:42

that like today was miserable. It was

00:47:45

that I could absolutely guarantee you

00:47:48

tomorrow was miserable. So to be doing

00:47:51

shows and to

00:47:55

um

00:47:56

you know look I it's

00:48:01

uh I'm aware that uh someone's persona

00:48:07

and

00:48:08

you know I'm aware that it might have

00:48:11

thrown I'm aware that it was a new

00:48:14

information to people. I've been I've

00:48:16

been upfront that I'd used drugs in the

00:48:18

past, but I I understand it was new

00:48:21

information to people. I I'm I think I'm

00:48:23

humble enough to know that like,

00:48:26

you know, fans can s, you know, I'm very

00:48:30

grateful people come to the shows. Like,

00:48:33

>> yeah,

00:48:33

>> it's not that I think that that, you

00:48:35

know, revelation about me would make

00:48:38

people not come. I don't mean mean that.

00:48:40

I just mean that. I I also like I want

00:48:42

to be a realist about entertainment and

00:48:45

um to to maybe have one kind of image

00:48:48

and then have it be made clear I was

00:48:51

dealing with a lot more stuff

00:48:54

>> and then have people still come that uh

00:48:58

sort of I feel very lucky to physically

00:49:00

be there on stage and I feel it is so

00:49:04

nice. I feel

00:49:05

>> John if you don't mind talking about it

00:49:07

like when do when you said you made

00:49:09

maybe didn't think you'd ever do it

00:49:10

again was that your what what kind of

00:49:13

bottom was that? I mean did were you

00:49:16

seriously thinking I may never become do

00:49:18

standup anymore?

00:49:20

>> It was like

00:49:24

>> you don't have to answer this. It was

00:49:25

kind of it was it was almost like being

00:49:26

in it was like kind of like

00:49:30

>> um that's a good question exactly how to

00:49:34

articulate it was a bit like a horror

00:49:36

movie where I was like how did I

00:49:39

like um

00:49:43

I don't trust this sounds this sounds a

00:49:46

little dark but it is it's not a super

00:49:50

happy topic so that's fine. Um, I was

00:49:53

sort of like, I don't trust being alone

00:49:58

with me. I mean, I'm the person that did

00:50:00

all this damage to myself. You're with

00:50:02

when you're a drug addict, you're with

00:50:03

the person that has tried to destroy you

00:50:06

all the time. So, I just didn't have a

00:50:10

sense of

00:50:12

I was like,

00:50:15

uh, wow. I don't know if the person in

00:50:17

charge of this life

00:50:20

has any clue what they're doing. It

00:50:23

wasn't so much, oh, I can't do standup

00:50:25

without drugs. Cuz I wasn't I didn't use

00:50:27

and do standup. That wasn't really what

00:50:28

was happening. Um it was more like I

00:50:33

might have absolutely no idea how to

00:50:35

manage my life.

00:50:36

>> Yeah.

00:50:37

>> Because it was the second episode was

00:50:39

maybe harder in a way, the relapse.

00:50:41

>> Yeah. I'd had a lot of problems when I

00:50:43

was in my early 20s and I'd stopped by

00:50:46

um age 23

00:50:48

and had a long bout of sobriety but um

00:50:53

yeah through prescription drugs and

00:50:54

other things started to slip and then

00:50:57

slipped hard.

00:50:58

>> And do you think that you're you're it's

00:51:01

a genetic predisposition like the way

00:51:03

your brain is situated and the way the

00:51:05

drugs hit your brain? Can you specify

00:51:07

why it appealed to you at that level? Or

00:51:09

because it seems like addicts sometimes

00:51:11

have they can be hyper sensitive or

00:51:14

redundant thinkers or whatever kind of

00:51:16

mental health predis would predispose

00:51:19

them to want.

00:51:20

>> So yeah, it's a good question cuz like I

00:51:24

I do love life. Like I have a lot of

00:51:28

fun. I always I always have laughed very

00:51:31

hard multiple times a week with like

00:51:34

really funny friends and like

00:51:36

>> I I'm lucky to be in this life as a

00:51:39

comedian where

00:51:41

>> it's pretty fun. Uh I have my own I have

00:51:45

my own demons, but um it's pretty it's

00:51:48

pretty [ __ ] fun. I wouldn't trade it

00:51:50

for anything. So I was also like I I had

00:51:53

a very I have wonderful parents. I I I

00:51:57

had a lot of green lights. It's it's

00:51:59

hard to say um that I had some uh

00:52:03

inclination to

00:52:06

uh

00:52:08

to uh to mess up my life. I a couple

00:52:12

things in my case. I think I've had a

00:52:14

lot of anxiety in life. So, some of the

00:52:18

um chemicals that help that

00:52:22

I certainly are very addictive. And then

00:52:24

I think I I think um I mean I do think

00:52:29

addiction is a disease and I think I

00:52:31

have this, you know, oh, let's do more.

00:52:34

Oh, let's do more. I mean, there's

00:52:35

something in my brain that uh does that.

00:52:38

It wasn't always um

00:52:42

you know, it it wasn't uh

00:52:47

it wasn't a story of someone who uh was

00:52:51

always going to self-destruct. the life

00:52:53

just life just became hard

00:52:56

>> and and now you're out the other side

00:52:58

and you're have a have a a son, you

00:53:01

know, so it's such a

00:53:02

>> Yeah. So then so then Yeah.

00:53:04

>> Yeah. So So then that's like okay that's

00:53:07

real grownup stuff, right?

00:53:10

>> When I heard you had

00:53:11

>> It's the greatest.

00:53:12

>> It is.

00:53:12

>> When you're in rehab, I was like I don't

00:53:14

think so. That guy wears a suit on

00:53:17

stage.

00:53:17

>> Yeah. People in I mean it's been proven

00:53:19

people in ties don't have those. I mean,

00:53:22

it threw me.

00:53:24

And did did we have dinner at Koi one

00:53:26

night? Was it me, you, Dana, and hater?

00:53:28

Was it? And Jud.

00:53:29

>> And Jud. Yep. Mhm.

00:53:30

>> Yeah. That's like one of the few times

00:53:32

we've gotten to even That was a fun

00:53:33

night. We took a picture.

00:53:35

>> Yeah, we did take a picture. You guys

00:53:36

came and did my Largo show.

00:53:38

>> Yeah, it was great.

00:53:41

>> Uh

00:53:42

uh Dana, you and Bill read.

00:53:45

>> Yeah. Sketches.

00:53:47

>> Oh, that's right.

00:53:48

>> Yeah. A sketch that I wrote. um with

00:53:51

Bill

00:53:52

>> when Dana hosted

00:53:54

>> the same the same hosting stint when we

00:53:58

>> uh bombarded you with Mickey Rooney

00:54:01

request

00:54:02

>> but I I I was regrettable at the time

00:54:04

the only thing about Mickey Rooney was

00:54:06

the first time I had some prosthetics

00:54:09

that created the illusion

00:54:11

>> and and it helped me too doing Mickey

00:54:14

Rooney and then that time whatever quick

00:54:16

change for whatever reason it kind of

00:54:17

looked like me and it just didn't you

00:54:20

know and then Casey Kasem bombed but

00:54:22

>> did you have little

00:54:25

>> um the first time you did I did the

00:54:27

first time?

00:54:28

>> Yeah,

00:54:28

>> for some reason something it the look

00:54:30

wasn't the same and then Casey it wasn't

00:54:32

my best hosting effort but uh I love

00:54:36

>> I think I'm in large part I'm in large

00:54:37

part to blame for that if uh

00:54:41

>> wedding was bad that week. Now that I

00:54:44

remember that you remember that the

00:54:45

Mickey Rooney and Casey Kasem that we

00:54:48

begged you to do.

00:54:50

>> We're not at the moment. Uh

00:54:53

>> but I love the passion how much you guys

00:54:55

loved it and Casey Kasem killed a 300

00:54:58

seat theater. Bill and I read it again

00:55:00

in front of you. We explained it a

00:55:02

little better. It just it's sketch 101.

00:55:05

They just didn't hook it. It was over in

00:55:07

the corner and once the audience

00:55:08

>> too big of a set too. It too big of a

00:55:11

set. I

00:55:11

>> giant set. They didn't want

00:55:13

>> I always want I always want sketches

00:55:15

like that to just look like a Garfield

00:55:18

cartoon like I like a a single square

00:55:21

animation cell like you just

00:55:22

>> it was massive. Yeah.

00:55:23

>> And it was a massive backyard. The

00:55:26

sketch was Casey Kasem and his son JC

00:55:30

Kasem

00:55:32

>> JC

00:55:33

>> are having a fight and they both talk

00:55:35

like Casey Kasem and uh

00:55:40

>> you know it was like son I know you've

00:55:42

son I know you've been borrowing money

00:55:44

to buy crystal meth and how do you know

00:55:46

that dad here's a like it was it was

00:55:49

that it was just them both there was a

00:55:51

letter

00:55:51

>> son I know that you've been borrowing

00:55:53

money to buy crystal meth And here is a

00:55:56

letter.

00:55:56

>> It's that classic Casey case for people

00:55:59

who have ever heard of rhythm. And then

00:56:00

you know checking in at number five, the

00:56:03

boss.

00:56:04

>> My favorite line was, "Well, Dad, you

00:56:06

were alwaysounding me with questions.

00:56:08

When are you going to stop hanging out

00:56:09

with those dead beats? When are you

00:56:11

going to do something to get your life?"

00:56:13

And which female vocalist had more

00:56:14

number one hits than any other?

00:56:16

>> And then Dana says, "The answer, Mariah

00:56:19

Carey." Shimmer.

00:56:20

>> So why do you think for young people

00:56:22

listening,

00:56:23

>> why would that bomb? Well, I thought it

00:56:25

was because

00:56:25

>> too big of a set. We've already

00:56:26

explained it wasn't the right it wasn't

00:56:28

the performance.

00:56:29

>> I was washing my car, John.

00:56:31

>> It was a quiet They're kind of quiet

00:56:33

voices. They don't really project that

00:56:35

much. And I think if you're in the

00:56:36

audience and a camera's going by or

00:56:38

they're re leading a horse across the

00:56:39

studio, they don't hit hook at the first

00:56:42

>> leading a horse across, you know, just

00:56:43

noise distractions.

00:56:45

>> If it was cold opening in the center

00:56:47

with a simple

00:56:48

>> You weren't home base where you one of

00:56:50

those secret sets. D used to go never be

00:56:53

in the [ __ ] dead zone over there.

00:56:55

>> I would go I would go where they they

00:56:56

were writing up the planning where the

00:56:58

sketches would be.

00:57:00

>> You'd go tell her to put your

00:57:01

>> Why is my sketch not there? Yeah. Go

00:57:03

ahead.

00:57:04

>> Yeah. I remember watching I think it was

00:57:05

at Wayne's World. I was talking to Steve

00:57:07

Higgins and I was like it why is this I

00:57:10

mean besides the fact that it was so

00:57:12

popular I was like what is the why is

00:57:15

does this feel like they're just yelling

00:57:17

directly at an adoring audience? And he

00:57:19

was like, cuz those were at home base,

00:57:20

like everything everything

00:57:23

that seems like why is this like right

00:57:26

in the lens right down the barrel right

00:57:27

to the audience? So then all of us would

00:57:29

go up to Don Roy King during the

00:57:32

production meeting Wednesday night. All

00:57:34

the writers would go like, we think this

00:57:36

could play at home base.

00:57:37

>> We think it could play at home. I

00:57:39

remember one time he had cuz they write

00:57:41

in they basically they pencil in

00:57:43

everything that will go in one section

00:57:46

and there were like six sketches that

00:57:48

were trying to play at home base.

00:57:50

>> Well, they would say to me, "Well, you

00:57:51

can't have it at home base because you

00:57:53

have an entrance." And I go, "What if I

00:57:55

get rid of the entrance?" And they go,

00:57:56

"Well, then you can have it at home

00:57:57

base."

00:57:58

>> Oh, wow. What a scandal.

00:57:59

>> Then I go to Victoria Jackson and go,

00:58:01

"You got to just be in the set the whole

00:58:02

time." I was gonna I don't know how much

00:58:04

longer we have, but I was going to just

00:58:05

ask you your latest thoughts about your

00:58:08

son and how old is he because I I don't

00:58:10

follow.

00:58:11

>> Okay. Um my son Malcolm is 6 months old.

00:58:14

>> Okay. So, you're you and um your

00:58:17

significant Olivia are racing for that

00:58:19

first smile in the morning when he's in

00:58:21

his crib

00:58:22

>> and he racing for that first what did

00:58:24

you say?

00:58:24

>> First smile. The first smile. He's

00:58:26

smiling now, right? It's

00:58:27

>> the first smile. I thought you said the

00:58:29

first smile.

00:58:29

>> I'm a little bit drunk. No, but anyway.

00:58:31

No, we that's very funny you mentioned

00:58:33

that. We both love to wake him up

00:58:36

together and he he'll be kind of like

00:58:39

what I love about Malcolm one, he's my

00:58:42

son. That's so that's what I love about

00:58:44

>> That's good. It's good you love it.

00:58:45

That's good as your son.

00:58:46

>> No, but but also um he's so independent.

00:58:49

Like I listen to him on the on the Miku

00:58:52

on the baby monitor and he's just

00:58:55

babbling to himself like as he's trying

00:58:57

to fall asleep. He's just talking like

00:59:02

He kind of sounds like Jiminy Glick like

00:59:03

he's like

00:59:06

or Adam Sandler

00:59:08

like Adam

00:59:10

>> Yeah, there's a lot of low register LIKE

00:59:16

>> he's doing characters.

00:59:18

>> He's doing character work. And also, I

00:59:20

think he enjoys the reverberation of his

00:59:22

voice in this uh

00:59:25

>> when he he was sleeping in this pack and

00:59:26

play the other night and

00:59:27

>> I was like, you really just

00:59:29

>> pack and play.

00:59:30

>> You love your you love the sound um that

00:59:33

it's making in in your little crib

00:59:34

there. So, we love to come in and he's

00:59:36

just I don't know. He's so independent.

00:59:38

He's just chatting with his like stuffed

00:59:41

elephant in the crib with him. Well,

00:59:43

that moment where they wake up and

00:59:45

they're

00:59:46

>> then we then So, right now when we're

00:59:48

traveling Yeah. And he sees

00:59:50

>> we have a pack and play. So, we unzip

00:59:52

top of it this cover and he he's sitting

00:59:54

on there and goes like flashes big face

00:59:57

goes

00:59:57

>> and that pack and play is like a duffel

01:00:00

bag you carry him in or something.

01:00:01

>> Well, it does kind of fold up into what

01:00:05

looks like those bags they carry machine

01:00:07

guns in.

01:00:08

>> Yeah. It's like a It's a long black bag

01:00:12

that becomes a crib

01:00:13

>> because at the beginning it's just a

01:00:15

shoe box you have to carry them in and

01:00:16

then as they get older. I don't know how

01:00:17

it works.

01:00:18

>> Yeah. When a baby's born they tell you

01:00:19

to put it in a shoe box with shredded

01:00:21

newspapers

01:00:22

>> and you got to keep them stimulated.

01:00:24

There's a lot of focus on kids. It even

01:00:26

started when I was

01:00:27

>> Oh, more now. My god. You must be

01:00:29

getting a while and keep them mentally

01:00:30

stimulated. You'll make a genius. You

01:00:32

feed them this way. It's like

01:00:34

>> Yeah. God damn. A lot of everyone's got

01:00:35

an opinion.

01:00:36

>> Yeah. He um uh he likes songs by he

01:00:42

likes songs that the Wrecking Crew

01:00:44

worked on

01:00:45

>> the the famous studio musicians.

01:00:47

>> He kind of likes like um there's

01:00:49

something about that.

01:00:51

>> Yeah. The Righteous Brothers and those

01:00:52

Phil Spector Wall of Sound. I think

01:00:55

there's something sonically to a baby,

01:00:57

you know? Like I've always said, babies

01:00:58

love Phil Spectre.

01:00:59

>> Well, the baby when he's three, if he

01:01:01

picks up a rock, people will go, he's

01:01:02

going to be an archaeologist. I mean,

01:01:04

everyone's gonna want to project. I

01:01:07

think he's funny like you. You know,

01:01:09

I've seen it. Anyway,

01:01:10

>> there's nothing like Instagram when they

01:01:13

say in Instagram they're always there's

01:01:15

always someone in trouble for doing

01:01:16

something wrong with their kids and then

01:01:18

everyone writes in a million comments.

01:01:20

You should not do that. It's like no one

01:01:22

Why do you give a [ __ ] about my kid?

01:01:23

Like, oh yeah, are you going to come

01:01:25

babysit?

01:01:25

>> I've always wanted to put as a caption,

01:01:27

if anyone has any parenting thoughts,

01:01:30

please please leave them in the

01:01:32

comments. Yeah, please.

01:01:34

>> I'm about to give my I'm about to give

01:01:36

my six-month-old uh a bunch of pork

01:01:38

sausage and dairy. If anyone has any

01:01:41

thoughts,

01:01:43

>> what's a good toaster I should put in

01:01:45

the tub with him?

01:01:47

>> Yeah. Uh but John, I would say we have

01:01:50

to let you go, but first of all, great

01:01:52

chatting. I saw you at Largo. I saw

01:01:54

Olivia uh the other night. It was a lot

01:01:56

of fun to see you.

01:01:57

>> You were hilarious. It was great to see

01:01:58

you. You were David. We were talking for

01:02:00

a while that just just you backstage

01:02:03

talking about trying to sell your house

01:02:05

was the funniest 5 minutes.

01:02:08

>> Thank you.

01:02:08

>> I've heard in so long.

01:02:10

>> You know, it's funny. My special just

01:02:11

came out. I was You guys were talking

01:02:13

about specials and it came out on it

01:02:15

came out on the dirt.com, right? On the

01:02:17

real estate website.

01:02:18

>> That's where my special came out, which

01:02:20

was so stupid.

01:02:21

>> It was released on dirt.com,

01:02:23

>> but everyone knows about your house.

01:02:27

>> Special, David. Let's do some

01:02:28

housekeeping.

01:02:28

>> Oh, it's called Nothing Personal

01:02:30

Personal. I wanted to say to to John

01:02:34

that and Danny, you might feel this when

01:02:36

you get to bigger. I don't tour as much.

01:02:39

>> I actually this first time I was sort of

01:02:41

doing some theaters and they're not as

01:02:42

big as yours, but even if it's 2 3,000

01:02:45

seats, I sometimes feel like I'm not

01:02:47

enough. It's almost like more pressure

01:02:49

to go. I can picture a band here like

01:02:51

whailing away to fill this big energy.

01:02:54

So much more energy than a club. and

01:02:56

people are paying more and and it's a

01:02:58

big deal. There's a line outside and you

01:02:59

go, I'm just here talking a little bit.

01:03:01

It feels like it's not enough for them.

01:03:03

And I had a weird thing about that where

01:03:05

I go, I want to be extra good or do a

01:03:08

little something more razledazzle. I

01:03:11

don't know. Yeah. I mean, that's why I

01:03:13

really like uh I mean, I remember

01:03:16

hearing I remember hearing an interview

01:03:19

with Chris Rock when Bring the Pain came

01:03:22

out about how why he paces so much.

01:03:24

She's like, I got to fill the stage. And

01:03:26

I've I've never forgotten that. I mean,

01:03:28

I like I like a lot of mic cord and a

01:03:31

lot of walking.

01:03:32

>> Yeah.

01:03:32

>> Yeah.

01:03:33

>> And I I've never saw I always think

01:03:36

that. I'm like, this is just me.

01:03:38

>> This is like a random person talking

01:03:40

about,

01:03:42

>> right,

01:03:42

>> very specific topics. What is this?

01:03:46

>> Quietly listening. Yeah.

01:03:47

>> Yeah. Maybe I'll just

01:03:49

>> I and mine they they I they I got off

01:03:50

stage talk about having a tough set like

01:03:52

my first taping you know mo most comics

01:03:55

for your listeners pick a place and they

01:03:58

do two shows in one night mostly. Yeah,

01:04:01

>> Adam Adam got to do a little more, but

01:04:03

uh you know, you do that, then you pick

01:04:05

the best out of the two, whatever. And I

01:04:08

got off stage, my opener wasn't doing as

01:04:10

well as he usually does. And I'm like,

01:04:11

oh, please don't be a [ __ ] tough

01:04:13

crowd,

01:04:14

>> you know? And then I get on it and and

01:04:16

they were tough for the first five. And

01:04:18

I'm like, these people are coming to see

01:04:20

me and they're my fans and this is

01:04:22

tough. And I get off and I go, [ __ ]

01:04:25

well, the second one will be a little

01:04:26

better. And they go, you know, they have

01:04:27

N95s on. I go, no they don't. And no one

01:04:30

told me they had those masks on that

01:04:32

weren't

01:04:33

>> didn't know they were all all in the

01:04:35

N95s.

01:04:36

>> I didn't even think because we moved it

01:04:39

there because it was during CO and they

01:04:40

go you do get a crowd they might have to

01:04:42

wear mask but I think of the blue ones

01:04:45

but I heard they walked in everyone had

01:04:46

to take theirs off and they were given

01:04:48

the worst kind of like drywall mask.

01:04:51

>> What state was this in?

01:04:53

>> It was in it was Minnesota and I have to

01:04:55

say they were a good crowd. It just when

01:04:58

50% of it's gone and you can't hear it

01:05:01

as because they're they even look like a

01:05:03

good crowd. They're moving. They're

01:05:04

bending, overlapping, overlapping. And

01:05:05

I'm like, and you know, I just see the

01:05:07

front rows, but I go, "Oh, what's going

01:05:08

on?" Cuz it's so bright. When I taped,

01:05:11

>> I couldn't really see what I can waited

01:05:14

six weeks to do it when they didn't have

01:05:16

to have the mask.

01:05:16

>> Well, it wasn't to to bore the [ __ ] out

01:05:18

of you. It was in Austin

01:05:20

>> and because Netflix there's some rules

01:05:22

you have to

01:05:23

>> for COVID blah blah. and Austin said,

01:05:25

"No, we won't abide by it." So, I had

01:05:27

either wait 6 months or the next weekend

01:05:30

I was doing.

01:05:31

>> Well, when you guys go out now, they're

01:05:32

not wearing masks or right.

01:05:34

>> No, there's still there's still a

01:05:36

couple. But,

01:05:37

>> I think it's I think it's dealer's

01:05:38

choice. I think you

01:05:40

>> Yeah, cuz I see people with them, but

01:05:41

those are for a while there was show

01:05:44

your vax card

01:05:46

>> or um if you don't have it, you get

01:05:51

sorry, if you showed your vax card, you

01:05:52

got a wristband. If you didn't have a

01:05:54

wristband, you had to have the mask on.

01:05:56

There's been, but crowds have been

01:05:57

really understanding about it, which is

01:05:59

nice.

01:05:59

>> At least they're still coming, which is

01:06:00

nice. And that that's that's

01:06:02

>> whenever there's a surge, too. Whenever

01:06:05

there's a surge on tour, it's sort of

01:06:07

like, okay, you know, some stuff might

01:06:08

get cancelled and like what's whatever

01:06:10

is best for the health and safety of the

01:06:12

crowd is the best choice. But I'll

01:06:14

sometimes look at the map and my

01:06:16

calendar and be like, well, I got

01:06:17

luckily luckily like my Florida and

01:06:20

Arizona won't be cancelled.

01:06:22

>> Yeah.

01:06:23

states where you're like they're

01:06:24

>> they're never going to cancel.

01:06:26

>> They're never going to cancel. Yeah.

01:06:27

>> Well, they say some people for a while

01:06:30

there during uh when there's a last

01:06:31

surge, they go just expect about 20 to

01:06:34

30% don't show. They buy the tickets,

01:06:36

it's sold out, but they don't come and

01:06:38

you go, "Oh, cuz they get scared." So,

01:06:40

it's sort of a bummer because you want

01:06:42

the people whoever gets ticket to come.

01:06:44

Sometimes it's tricky. You know,

01:06:46

>> I found that um like people in Los

01:06:50

Angeles have been more careful than

01:06:51

anyone else I I know. Like I I was in

01:06:54

New York for a lot of the early

01:06:56

pandemic.

01:06:57

>> People were obviously extremely

01:06:59

sheltering in place then. However, there

01:07:01

still was a bit more of a a sometimes a

01:07:04

bit of a cavalier attitude like look, we

01:07:06

we're going to go out, we're going to

01:07:08

try to do this. LA seemed more locked

01:07:11

down for longer. But

01:07:12

>> yeah,

01:07:12

>> then this Netflix is a joke festival

01:07:14

came and like everyone I knew who used

01:07:17

to lecture

01:07:18

>> about like spray down your groceries

01:07:20

with, you know, like all those people

01:07:23

are suddenly

01:07:25

>> like at a huge brunch with Kevin Hart,

01:07:27

you know, everyone everyone went out.

01:07:31

Everyone went out.

01:07:33

>> Yeah.

01:07:38

>> Well, John, uh, thank you. And you know,

01:07:41

I always thought you'd make a good D.

01:07:42

Wouldn't he make a good talk show host?

01:07:44

Great monologue.

01:07:45

>> If he ever wants to articulate a good

01:07:47

gig going, I mean, as as Malcolm gets

01:07:50

older, you you'll be financially so

01:07:52

secure, you'll be able to pick your

01:07:53

dates and and and pick how you want to

01:07:56

work. You know, I go now. It's you're he

01:07:59

won't miss you now, but you're going to

01:08:01

want to be around when he's, you know,

01:08:03

seven and 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Those are

01:08:05

the those

01:08:07

my friend Dan Levy and I um a wonderful

01:08:10

comedian and a good friend of mine Dan

01:08:12

Levy and I talk often Dana about how uh

01:08:17

you know how you specifically

01:08:20

uh we were like that might be the best

01:08:22

life ever to um name a corporate rate

01:08:25

that is so high but have so many people

01:08:29

meet it and you can edit this out if

01:08:31

you're uncomfortable. Sorry.

01:08:31

>> No, not at all. when you just kept doing

01:08:34

I was like man what an amazing we talked

01:08:38

so greedily about like man

01:08:41

>> to hear describe all those corporates

01:08:43

>> I truly wanted to get out I wanted to

01:08:46

get out of them they kept saying yes I

01:08:48

kept going up and up and up and hoping

01:08:49

I'd get out of them but it was very

01:08:52

>> I know it's the it's the greatest

01:08:53

problem I've ever heard anyone having

01:08:56

>> and were so envious of it

01:08:58

>> well it's a nice adaptive way when the

01:09:01

kids are in you were You were off SNL.

01:09:03

You were living in Northern California

01:09:06

>> and you were naming the highest rates

01:09:08

possible.

01:09:09

>> Yes, it was a it was it was very very

01:09:11

good. I I was get I was hiding in plain

01:09:14

sight, making more money than maybe

01:09:16

almost anyone but like big movie stars,

01:09:18

but no one knew, so they just figured I

01:09:20

was broke. So that was good. But it's

01:09:22

it's a pretty good schedule for a dad

01:09:25

because you could take two months at

01:09:26

Christmas, take summers off and have

01:09:28

your just adapt your schedule to when

01:09:31

you want to be with them. So anyway,

01:09:34

>> it is great.

01:09:34

>> Are you guys on the Are you guys going

01:09:36

out on Are you guys on the road now,

01:09:38

too?

01:09:38

>> David is. I'm I'm doing a scripted

01:09:41

podcast finishing up, which is hard.

01:09:43

It's like making the White Album. It

01:09:44

really has taken a year to do it with my

01:09:47

two sons.

01:09:48

>> Oh, right. Right. Yeah, I've heard on

01:09:50

this I've heard on this podcast.

01:09:52

>> Yeah. So, I'm working on that, but I'm

01:09:53

kind of itching to do stand up again. I

01:09:55

don't know what I would say or what I

01:09:57

would do though at this age, you know,

01:09:59

cuz it's like you don't want to be

01:10:01

boring. That's that's the worst sin of a

01:10:03

stand up. I think

01:10:04

>> it's hard.

01:10:04

>> Boring.

01:10:05

>> You don't want to be cancelceled, but

01:10:06

you don't want to be

01:10:06

>> You don't want to be cancelled. You want

01:10:07

to be honest. You want to be real. You

01:10:09

want to be funny. But for me, doing

01:10:11

small clubs with my sons, I I figured

01:10:13

out for me personally, being a sketch

01:10:15

player at heart, it I was so much better

01:10:18

in small rooms. I mean, because I'm

01:10:21

doing these little intricate little

01:10:22

characters and stuff. So, I love small

01:10:24

rooms, but big rooms play different. You

01:10:27

know, if they have screens, it's very

01:10:28

nice. I'm sure Madison Square Garden,

01:10:30

you're going to have big screens

01:10:32

>> of Yeah.

01:10:33

>> There's there's sort of these like

01:10:34

portrait length screens. They really do.

01:10:37

I was very when this tour started, I was

01:10:40

like, "Okay, this is gonna be cool, but

01:10:43

is this gonna just be like yelling in a

01:10:45

hockey arena?" And everyone's like,

01:10:46

"What?" But um

01:10:47

>> I got to see the faces and stuff.

01:10:49

>> Yeah. The production the production and

01:10:51

my tour manager, Beth, um like it's been

01:10:55

it's been made into a really good show,

01:10:56

I think.

01:10:57

>> Yeah. He's like, I have Kid Rock's

01:10:59

trucker guy that runs the 18-wheeler

01:11:01

with all my stuff.

01:11:01

>> My favorite thing about touring arenas

01:11:03

is that is like talking to bus drivers.

01:11:08

Uh,

01:11:09

>> who they just had here?

01:11:10

>> Yeah. Who were you just with like, well,

01:11:12

Rob, Robert Plant, Robert Plant, Steve

01:11:15

Harvey, then you. And I'm like, I love

01:11:17

it. I love that. Have you ever gotten

01:11:20

right before you went on dinged like

01:11:22

that from some well-meaning crew guy?

01:11:24

Last week, Sinbad came in here. I got to

01:11:26

tell you, he took every local reference.

01:11:29

He destroyed now Dana Fluro. I mean, do

01:11:31

you ever get dinged like that where it's

01:11:33

like Chris Rock levitated this arena?

01:11:35

>> I don't think I don't think he was

01:11:36

trying to ding me, but I still

01:11:38

>> No, not intentional.

01:11:39

>> No, no, but uh No, Brian Dorfman, a

01:11:42

Booker um a promoter. Excuse me, Brian.

01:11:45

I apologize. You're a producer and a

01:11:48

promoter and whatever other things you

01:11:49

do. But I was in I was backstage at

01:11:51

Nashville Zies

01:11:54

and uh

01:11:56

we're standing there and I'm really

01:11:59

about to walk out and he just goes I

01:12:02

remember

01:12:03

promoting Paulie Shore

01:12:06

and when the door opened and the shadow

01:12:10

of his profile hit the stage. I've never

01:12:13

heard a crowd go crazier for it's like

01:12:15

as I'm about to walk out. Never heard a

01:12:17

crowd go crazier for someone. And it was

01:12:20

the greatest standup show I'd ever seen.

01:12:22

>> I know. They go on and on, don't they?

01:12:24

>> It was.

01:12:25

>> No one has ever done anything like this.

01:12:27

But you'll do fine. You Yeah.

01:12:29

>> Then he pauses and go, "Hey, got any new

01:12:30

stuff?"

01:12:31

>> I remember um someone else uh at Zy's

01:12:35

Nashville.

01:12:37

I was like

01:12:39

at that same weekend, I was like, "Who

01:12:42

are your favorite comics?" Um and uh

01:12:46

this woman Ruth Anne who uh was managing

01:12:50

the club. Um I go, "Who are your

01:12:53

favorite comics?" You know, and like a

01:12:54

lot of people, this was like 2004,

01:12:57

2000, you know, people would go like,

01:12:58

"Oh, Adele Hedber," you know, people

01:12:59

just list the same names.

01:13:01

>> And she goes, "Okay,

01:13:04

here we go."

01:13:06

>> I was like, "Uhhuh." Uh

01:13:08

>> oh. And I and I can't remember exactly

01:13:10

the three, but the first was Tony Rock.

01:13:13

>> She goes, "Tony Rock." I go, "Okay."

01:13:15

>> She goes, "Funnier than Chris." I go,

01:13:17

>> "Okay,

01:13:18

>> okay.

01:13:18

>> Okay.

01:13:19

>> Uhhuh." Um, she goes, "Funnier than

01:13:22

Chris."

01:13:23

>> Uh,

01:13:25

Chick McGee, I think, maybe it was a But

01:13:28

the last one was Killer Bees, who's a

01:13:31

>> Killer Bees. Wow. Killer Bees is a road

01:13:33

is a is a

01:13:35

>> is an American comedian not known to

01:13:36

everyone, but she goes, "Killer Bees is

01:13:38

the best comic

01:13:39

>> I've ever funnier than Chris.

01:13:41

>> You know, you need new material. You

01:13:42

know, you need new material when they

01:13:44

someone says to you, no matter how many

01:13:46

times I hear your stuff, I I still

01:13:49

laugh. You know, you know, you need a

01:13:50

new

01:13:51

>> Yeah. Yeah. I uh I the the the sound

01:13:55

guys, the the lighting uh technicians,

01:13:57

everyone I'm on this tour with is

01:13:59

amazing and they are very sweet about

01:14:02

it, but they're like, "We as we're

01:14:04

setting up, we just recite your jokes."

01:14:06

And I was like, "Man, that's such a

01:14:09

compliment, but it makes me feel like,

01:14:11

so you're saying I don't have enough new

01:14:13

stuff."

01:14:13

>> Yeah.

01:14:15

>> All right, John, get out of here. I like

01:14:18

that. I like that you guys are acting

01:14:19

like I have somewhere to be, but I

01:14:21

don't.

01:14:22

>> I keep

01:14:23

>> I keep making the interview longer.

01:14:27

>> I

01:14:27

>> know. But it is fun because people like

01:14:29

to hear from you.

01:14:30

>> Oh, one little SNL memory I have of just

01:14:32

how big and inescapable the show felt

01:14:35

was I was hired August 7th, 2008.

01:14:39

And then we have the commercial writing

01:14:42

weeks. Um, we start we start

01:14:45

pre-production for the show. Not

01:14:47

pre-production, we start uh everyone's

01:14:50

kind of back and we're going to shoot

01:14:52

commercial parodies. Um, then we have

01:14:54

the first show week and the first show

01:14:57

that I was ever a part of, Michael

01:14:59

Phelps hosted and it was the first time

01:15:01

Tina Fay did Sarah Palin.

01:15:03

>> So, all right.

01:15:04

>> Whoa. that fall.

01:15:06

>> SNL is like

01:15:09

back kind of like to being when you guys

01:15:13

were on like it felt like

01:15:15

>> felt like the 92 election again. Um

01:15:18

>> it was like

01:15:19

>> huge and it was on every magazine cover

01:15:21

and Seth and Amy are on every magazine

01:15:24

cover and Tina's on every magazine

01:15:25

cover.

01:15:26

>> It was so big and we did these Thursday

01:15:28

prime time update shows. So, we did 12

01:15:32

we total we did 12 shows in eight weeks

01:15:36

and I just remember I was sitting in a

01:15:38

taxi cab going home and my eye was all

01:15:41

infected from from being awake so long

01:15:44

and uh a bus pulls up next to me and

01:15:48

it's a gap ad with Forte Sudakus

01:15:53

>> Andy Seth and Fred. Yeah. like they did

01:15:56

like a winter clothes like scarves and

01:15:58

hats, but I just remember being like I

01:16:00

can't [ __ ] escape this show and still

01:16:03

haven't.

01:16:04

>> You never It's a seminal moment in your

01:16:07

life being in Rockefeller Center doing

01:16:09

that thing with all the characters.

01:16:10

>> Well, yeah. It's like saying, "Hey, I

01:16:12

used to play for the Yankees. Um, now I

01:16:16

have a sports marketing company. Which

01:16:18

would you rather talk about?"

01:16:22

>> Yeah, that's true. There's nothing

01:16:24

experientially or tactically like that

01:16:26

show. It's tactical.

01:16:27

>> People always have a question about it.

01:16:29

Something about it.

01:16:29

>> That's why we're doing the podcast and

01:16:31

to hang out with people like

01:16:33

>> Yeah, you.

01:16:34

>> I love the podcast. I've listened to

01:16:35

every episode. I was very flattered to

01:16:37

be asking.

01:16:38

>> You must have a lot of free time or

01:16:39

that's when you're on the bus or the

01:16:41

plane or you know

01:16:42

>> lot of driving and uh a lot of driving.

01:16:44

Lot of bus. Yeah.

01:16:46

>> He's used to that we talk over each

01:16:48

other. Dana

01:16:48

>> John. Yeah. You Well, we have Well,

01:16:50

yeah. Smartless has three guys. Did you

01:16:53

like doing the live one with Sandler?

01:16:55

>> Yeah.

01:16:56

>> Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was um it

01:16:58

>> I should have filmed it. It's [ __ ]

01:16:59

great. It was so fun.

01:17:01

>> Different sport, but uh

01:17:03

>> different sport, but it's a I'm Whenever

01:17:05

there's a live episode of a podcast I

01:17:08

love, I'm like, this is like

01:17:10

>> no one's uh

01:17:11

>> everyone's bringing out the big guns on

01:17:13

this.

01:17:14

>> Oh, yeah.

01:17:14

>> Well, yeah. you just you tend to perform

01:17:16

a little more. But yeah, I just I if I

01:17:19

put myself in the shoes of the I'm there

01:17:20

with Adam Sandler and David Spade, so

01:17:23

there's a sense of like I'd like to just

01:17:26

hear what Adam Sandler had for

01:17:28

breakfast, you know? Uh they want to

01:17:30

they want to know he's a person. The one

01:17:31

thing we haven't done with you, we don't

01:17:33

have to because I always like to put

01:17:35

think of 10-year-old John Melany because

01:17:38

I like that favorite toy as a kid or a

01:17:42

toy that you remember that you really

01:17:43

was important to you or you liked.

01:17:46

>> Oh, that's a good question. Um,

01:17:50

>> cocaine.

01:17:52

>> Uh, yeah, but little bags of cocaine and

01:17:54

rolled up dollar bills.

01:17:55

>> David had Stretch Armstrong, didn't you

01:17:57

think?

01:17:58

and evil. Can you sh Armstrong was a

01:18:00

[ __ ] scam.

01:18:02

>> I liked anything I liked anything um

01:18:05

with Ernie. I kind of with Ernie from

01:18:07

Burton Ernie. I sort of realized later

01:18:10

in life that Ernie was like

01:18:13

>> I thought Ernie was so funny. Ernie is

01:18:15

really funny. He doesn't give a [ __ ] and

01:18:17

his roommate's uptight.

01:18:18

>> Yeah. Which one's gay? Bird or Oh, I

01:18:21

think Bird is.

01:18:22

>> The rumor was that they were both gay.

01:18:24

>> Oh, I guess that's how it would work.

01:18:26

>> Okay. Did you have a bike that was

01:18:28

special to you like in fourth, fifth,

01:18:30

sixth grade?

01:18:31

>> I had a bike which growing up in Chicago

01:18:34

like it's an easy city to bike around

01:18:35

and that that was like

01:18:36

>> Mhm.

01:18:38

>> we already had a lot of freedom like we

01:18:40

were a little feral.

01:18:42

>> Um I just walked around the city of

01:18:43

Chicago as a like 10 nyear-old. Like we

01:18:47

really could just go. I remember having

01:18:48

a bike and riding it along um the lake

01:18:52

from my home to like the middle of

01:18:55

downtown Chicago and I was like this is

01:18:58

so much freedom. It's crazy.

01:19:00

>> It won't be like that with your kid.

01:19:02

Huh.

01:19:03

>> No, I mean that's an interesting it's an

01:19:07

interesting thing cuz Olivia

01:19:10

we want it to be but then we obviously

01:19:12

I'm like do I have the stomach for just

01:19:15

being like all right see you. Do you

01:19:17

have the Instagram followers? Can you

01:19:19

handle what they're going to say about

01:19:20

that?

01:19:21

>> Yeah. Hey, leaving Malcolm alone on

01:19:24

Michigan Avenue.

01:19:25

>> Yeah, he'll be home by when it gets dark

01:19:28

like I did. Is this a good idea? Arrow

01:19:31

to comments

01:19:32

>> and you and Sound off below.

01:19:35

>> Sound off. Let me know.

01:19:36

>> Do you have ideas of where you would

01:19:37

like to settle with the time school

01:19:39

years start or is it just completely

01:19:41

wide open? You don't have to mention a

01:19:43

town or anything, but do you think uh

01:19:45

it's either Southern California, New

01:19:47

York, or out there somewhere?

01:19:49

>> Yeah, we're very open to

01:19:52

uh to different places, you know? I

01:19:54

mean, I feel like also the me and Olivia

01:19:57

and Malcolm have been on the road so

01:19:59

much that we kind of, you know, we're in

01:20:01

this place of like home is wherever

01:20:03

we're together, you know? So,

01:20:04

>> yeah. Yeah. That they're just so

01:20:05

portable now. And you had told me once

01:20:07

that you thought a flying too much might

01:20:11

age people. So do you take more buses

01:20:13

and cars than I said people?

01:20:16

>> I thought you said that to me always.

01:20:18

>> You thought flying too much was

01:20:20

>> sounds a little uh speedy coke dark.

01:20:25

>> Oh some go go go juice.

01:20:28

>> Flying.

01:20:29

>> We were jamming. We were jamming on the

01:20:31

Mickey Rooney sketch when you said that.

01:20:32

So I didn't know you were No, but I

01:20:35

thought you said that. But

01:20:36

>> you know, I do think that No, there's

01:20:38

something like you know how you feel

01:20:39

when you get off a plane and your feet

01:20:40

are all swollen and like your stomach's

01:20:42

weird. I was like this is not

01:20:45

>> you shouldn't do this constantly

01:20:48

>> like like bring a bring a um you know

01:20:50

you bring like a half empty 20 oz bottle

01:20:54

of soda on a plane, put it in your

01:20:56

backpack and then see what the

01:20:57

pressure's done to it.

01:20:59

>> Yeah.

01:21:00

>> It's not it's not normal what what what

01:21:02

it does to your body. Hey, I get done

01:21:03

with

01:21:03

>> I'm at that phase of celebrity now where

01:21:05

I weigh in on health theories. So, I'm

01:21:08

going to go out ahead and say that

01:21:09

planes

01:21:10

>> no one should be flying. John Mel this

01:21:12

we we got our trans week drug addict

01:21:15

John Melany said no drug addict John

01:21:18

>> flying is dangerous and not because

01:21:20

you're going to crash but your body

01:21:23

>> Neil Brennan said when I got first got

01:21:25

back to doing standup he said you should

01:21:27

be introduced Neil Brennan said this he

01:21:29

goes you should be introduced as you

01:21:30

know him from TMZ please welcome drug

01:21:33

addict John

01:21:34

>> Mane drug addict is funny

01:21:39

let's end on that one that's funny

01:21:41

>> all right Guys, John, hope we run into

01:21:43

you at some point. Miss you, John.

01:21:45

>> Pleasure. Love you.

01:21:46

>> See you somewhere. Bye, guys. See you on

01:21:48

campus.

01:21:53

>> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,

01:21:55

which you are, be sure to click follow

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review, fivestar rating, and maybe even

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>> If you're watching this episode on

01:22:06

YouTube, please subscribe. We're on

01:22:08

video now. Fly on the Wall is presented

01:22:10

by Odyssey, an executive produced by

01:22:12

Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather

01:22:14

Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung

01:22:17

Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of

01:22:19

Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg

01:22:21

Holtzman, and the show is produced and

01:22:23

edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by

01:22:27

Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks

01:22:29

to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora

01:22:33

Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff,

01:22:37

Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Sean

01:22:40

Cherry, Kurt Courtourtney, and Lauren

01:22:42

Vieiraa. Reach out with us any questions

01:22:45

to be asked and answered on the show.

01:22:47

You can email us at fly

01:22:48

onthewallsey.com.

01:22:51

That's audacy.com.

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