00:00:00
[Music]
00:00:04
[ __ ] you dad what if he C what if LeBron
00:00:07
grounds him during the game they would
00:00:08
never do that
00:00:10
already he can't get off the bench he
00:00:12
goes coach I grounded him he's got
00:00:13
another few minutes you know I think
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maybe they call him uh instead of bronny
00:00:18
just
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scrawny just to differentiate it it's
00:00:21
not
00:00:22
[Music]
00:00:25
negative okay ready you want to start
00:00:27
Superfly in are we starting is it
00:00:29
starting
00:00:30
yeah I'm so excited yeah can you tell
00:00:34
excited yeah we had you know we had love
00:00:36
itss last week I don't know if anyone
00:00:37
knows who love but yep people like them
00:00:41
I look at the YouTube comments you
00:00:42
wouldn't think it you would never think
00:00:45
it but people like him you know it's not
00:00:48
even fair it's not a fair fight for John
00:00:51
when he is looking at a picture of
00:00:54
himself he can hardly focus on the the
00:00:58
podcast because he kept turning his chin
00:01:01
up and it's very funny but it's fun to
00:01:03
give John props he did he actually did
00:01:06
look good I said what have you been
00:01:07
doing it made him so happy but I learned
00:01:09
his rhythm of like you be happy whatever
00:01:11
he says you come back with you you don't
00:01:14
seem to be liking our podcast you don't
00:01:16
like your podcast that's his great trick
00:01:18
I love yes when he leaves me at dinner
00:01:20
he goes David I'm sorry about your
00:01:24
attitude yeah that's one of his Classics
00:01:27
his Classics so anyway he did something
00:01:30
for People magazine it's so ridiculous
00:01:32
and I just saw it a an article that said
00:01:35
John Lov and David Spade how they became
00:01:38
friends I'm like more like why did they
00:01:42
um so uh funny a't that funny and so I
00:01:45
think it was the article about you know
00:01:48
Phil Hartman passed away who's one of
00:01:50
his best friends and then I had had
00:01:53
Chris pass away who we all loved and um
00:01:56
and then he said we sort of bonded over
00:01:59
that which true but I think we were
00:02:01
friendly way before that but it was kind
00:02:03
of like that's I think it was more he
00:02:05
lived in LA and we started hanging out
00:02:07
and stuff but here's a picture from that
00:02:08
article look at this oh
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funny that is it look at that backdrop
00:02:14
anger management that was that
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Premiere [ __ ] the premiere wh is
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back jeez look at my skateboard shoes my
00:02:23
beat up if you were gonna if you were
00:02:25
going to put a name on that like say
00:02:27
that shot of you two as a movie
00:02:30
what would be the name of the movie
00:02:31
because it kind of looks like you're in
00:02:33
a movie together like this is you know
00:02:36
it's Vinnie and JoJo or something it
00:02:39
would be my son's a
00:02:41
skater and then he would be my dad no it
00:02:44
would be how about batter boys how about
00:02:48
is it a bad boys how about B boys how
00:02:51
about Kirk Cobain and his manager I sure
00:02:54
you did have a little bit of that John
00:02:56
litz and Kirk Cobain's manager so I have
00:03:00
another story that you didn't hear Dana
00:03:01
which I freaking forgot to say when love
00:03:03
it was here oh so so when I moved in
00:03:06
this uh Mansion or what whatever house
00:03:09
other people's words you know it's a
00:03:10
mansion 15 windows four pantries I mean
00:03:13
whatever it's called I don't know yeah
00:03:15
it doesn't matter seven bedrooms that
00:03:17
have never had a human being inside them
00:03:19
but all but all need Furniture um so I
00:03:23
move in and for some reason the opulence
00:03:26
the guy who built it it was a new house
00:03:29
he had stuff I didn't really like and so
00:03:31
one of them was a toyy I don't like to
00:03:33
say the word toilet but fine so he had
00:03:35
like one of these super new fangled ones
00:03:38
so of course litz comes over one of day
00:03:40
one day in one of his pricey cars and he
00:03:43
goes what's going on over here and I go
00:03:46
what I'm in the garage I go is there a
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rat no there's toilet he Lov it's
00:03:52
beautiful and I go oh yeah I don't know
00:03:55
and he goes why is it in the garage and
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I go well I have
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oh my God it's blowing my mind yeah he
00:04:02
can't believe it he goes I go I it was
00:04:05
in my room I didn't really want it so I
00:04:06
just got a regular one he
00:04:08
goes why would you do such a thing he
00:04:10
goes I'm looking for one like this I go
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no you're not he goes I am he goes I'm
00:04:17
about to buy one do you know how much
00:04:19
they are I go no and he goes
00:04:22
$6,000 I go shut the [ __ ] up foro this
00:04:26
and he goes oh you got the seat warmer
00:04:28
oh You' got all the Jets and all the
00:04:30
massaging part I'm like oh my God yeah
00:04:33
he goes this one's from Japan he goes
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I'll buy it off you right now CU I have
00:04:37
to order mine I go well John you don't
00:04:40
have to goes I insist on paying you and
00:04:43
I said how about you give me half is
00:04:45
that a ripoff if you have to pay me and
00:04:47
he goes That's the great deal because I
00:04:49
was about to pay 6,000 right now and so
00:04:52
I keep haming and haing goes I'm
00:04:53
bringing you the money I need this
00:04:55
toilet I said sure So he goes I'm going
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to
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p such a long story but he has a good he
00:05:00
has a good ending no no I I so he goes
00:05:04
I'm coming tomorrow with a truck with a
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friend poor friend so he comes over I
00:05:10
guess he takes it I wasn't even here he
00:05:12
goes I'll leave you the money and I go
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all right and then I go uh I didn't see
00:05:16
it and he goes well let's go to dinner
00:05:19
Friday and I go uh and I'll give it to
00:05:21
you and I go all right so Friday I go
00:05:24
hey are we still going to dinner and he
00:05:26
goes oh somebody wants his toilet
00:05:32
money I like the closeup he told me the
00:05:35
exact same story about your toilet I'm
00:05:39
telling you it's amazing it's in his
00:05:41
garage he doesn't know what he has and I
00:05:43
got it for
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$3,000 let me ask you a question tell
00:05:47
him I ripped him off this is this
00:05:50
happens I don't know if I've mentioned
00:05:51
this but you can be talking to John on
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the phone for 20
00:05:56
minutes and then he say I know what
00:05:58
you're gonna say I know you're gonna
00:06:00
I'm on the L yep I go damn it again I
00:06:05
don't want to talk to someone I know
00:06:07
it's gross you should have to announce
00:06:09
it or just don't make the call I can't
00:06:11
it's too much but that's so funny he
00:06:13
told me the exact same story about he so
00:06:16
at David's house it's from Japan it had
00:06:18
everything well when you spend half your
00:06:20
life on the toilet you want a nice one
00:06:22
good night you no funny it's so great he
00:06:24
can't defend himself why are you talking
00:06:27
about me again so funny so funny it's
00:06:31
like he's always saying and just it's
00:06:33
he's like the Mr pillow guy half off
00:06:36
today dude that clip we have up on
00:06:38
YouTube shorts is killing it because
00:06:41
he's he's going I hear you guys and
00:06:44
we're like we can't hear you and he's
00:06:45
like I you we're like and they put the
00:06:50
aquarium in front
00:06:53
of oh we should have a whole side
00:06:56
podcast technical issues with John love
00:06:58
yeah exactly watch these three idiots
00:07:01
try to get on a zoom okay so let's talk
00:07:03
a little bit about the the the debate
00:07:05
happened while we were gone good Lord
00:07:07
we're not political but we have to talk
00:07:09
about what's going on in the world this
00:07:11
was a big one this is the Super Bowl of
00:07:14
disaster debates well for people who
00:07:16
live under a rock I love that figure of
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speech as I eat my summer watermelon
00:07:22
yeah Jesus Take A B right it's like a
00:07:25
great prop in a
00:07:26
movie there was a debate David did you
00:07:29
watch it I was on stage in one of my
00:07:32
[ __ ] Southern tour shows but go ahead
00:07:36
highlights everyone knows it was a odd
00:07:40
debate and H there's a lot going on it's
00:07:43
going to be huge it's gonna be huge it's
00:07:46
gonna be big so Biden I mean one thing I
00:07:51
learned for people who saw it is that he
00:07:53
and his wife have a very close
00:07:55
relationship and they are it's you know
00:07:57
Nancy Reagan Ronald interesting they are
00:07:59
a team
00:08:02
so Biden has a rough debate he wanted to
00:08:06
talk like this we're going to do things
00:08:08
a lot of people know about we know what
00:08:09
to do instead he talked like say the
00:08:11
people and the pancakes and we got to
00:08:14
find Robert
00:08:15
Mitchum so I thought my impression was
00:08:19
kind of some people thought it was a
00:08:21
little too much come on he doesn't talk
00:08:23
like that you know can't believe it's
00:08:24
not better than the one you gave me yeah
00:08:26
which killed when I was playing last
00:08:28
week bed bath and beond
00:08:31
but he does some stuff some linguistic
00:08:34
gymnastics there that made everyone
00:08:36
think okay can this guy go for four more
00:08:39
years yeah Trump jumps off the stage
00:08:42
basically all 300 lbs I'm going now boom
00:08:46
she helps him down like he's a
00:08:48
5-year-old come on and and then she's in
00:08:51
front of this little crowd with him and
00:08:52
go you did great
00:08:54
Joey Joey you answered every question oh
00:08:58
you're all around yeah high
00:09:01
fives and you know it made me think that
00:09:04
he's not going to step down if he hasn't
00:09:06
right before we started doing this
00:09:08
podcast because she's like we're gonna
00:09:10
go Joe we're gonna go what if he kind of
00:09:14
in a moment said well maybe maybe I
00:09:17
should maybe I should should uh should
00:09:20
step down and then she would go that's
00:09:23
not going to
00:09:24
happen not on my watch you little [ __ ]
00:09:29
not with Vogue coming out you know
00:09:31
what's funny is uh she's a doctor but
00:09:34
people are like it's kind of like how Dr
00:09:36
Pepper is a doctor where you don't
00:09:37
really know what kind of
00:09:41
doctor you well she's not a medical
00:09:44
doctor okay cuts that up I don't know if
00:09:49
he's going to step
00:09:50
down I mean he couldn't step down from
00:09:53
the one step down after the
00:09:55
debate first makes
00:09:58
sense then debate were they surprised
00:10:01
was it Dev con one what was Obama saying
00:10:04
when he watched it because it was it was
00:10:06
really was Obama in his ear Oh you mean
00:10:09
like a little earpiece I think people
00:10:10
said he might had an earpiece yeah yeah
00:10:13
Joe slow down Joe if it was he was in
00:10:15
Joe Z be Joe slow down that's the first
00:10:17
thing I thought he's going China we're
00:10:19
gonna do this slow down Joe slow down
00:10:22
Joe yeah but it didn't work there was
00:10:25
one person because there's been
00:10:27
thousands of articles in the last few
00:10:28
days about this from left and right that
00:10:31
said I thought he had a great day one of
00:10:36
the best I've seen him if that's the
00:10:38
best you've seen President Biden what
00:10:41
does a bad day look
00:10:46
like just sounds and barking I sound
00:10:49
like I I feel like I hear him when I'm
00:10:51
behind someone at McDonald's in the
00:10:52
drivethru I
00:10:55
hear Mr
00:10:57
President yeah no but who's going to
00:11:00
take over if if anyone takes over is it
00:11:02
Dr
00:11:05
Jill no well it that would I mean they
00:11:08
floated they would love love Michelle
00:11:11
Obama they love Michelle Obama they
00:11:13
would take Oprah and then you go down to
00:11:16
the classics um Nome Governor Newsome of
00:11:19
California you're looking at Governor
00:11:21
Whitmore Whitmer and I think Camala
00:11:24
Harris she will go not go gently into
00:11:27
that good night oh come that's right
00:11:30
they don't even consider her that's so
00:11:32
[ __ ] rude it's kind of yeah and I
00:11:35
don't think so right now they're in
00:11:37
panic mode they're reading the tea
00:11:39
leaves do we replace him and would would
00:11:42
he step down I don't think I don't think
00:11:44
he's going to step down I I mean that's
00:11:48
hard so he just politically because I'm
00:11:50
so stupid he doesn't
00:11:53
um they have to ask him and he has say
00:11:55
yes but don't they just tell
00:11:57
him um they would like it like with
00:12:00
Harry S Truman in 52 and LBJ in 68 the
00:12:04
president gave a speech and said I will
00:12:06
not seek the nomination he's got all the
00:12:08
delegates so he would release them
00:12:11
release the delegates release the deleg
00:12:14
and release the Kraken while you're at
00:12:15
it yeah exactly in what order sir well
00:12:18
the Kraken first then the delegates um
00:12:21
so then they got to decide by uh August
00:12:25
7th because there's a certification
00:12:27
thing the the actual so I got CER the
00:12:29
Democratic National C that's not a good
00:12:32
word for is
00:12:35
not cerification thing put in a hiding
00:12:38
place the bun The Bun the bun cake
00:12:41
better better butter in bunson burner
00:12:46
bunson
00:12:47
burner uh Magnum PI I like when people
00:12:51
look at him and then they look at his
00:12:52
telepromter and go what is he trying to
00:12:55
this one's not that hard but who knew my
00:12:57
impression was that accurate so good
00:13:00
everyone loves it the non seers so
00:13:03
basically then they'll have a they'll
00:13:05
have people come up give speeches every
00:13:07
all the conventioneers and the
00:13:08
superdelegates they'll have they can
00:13:10
vote forever they want it's how Lincoln
00:13:12
got on there he was the fifth Choice
00:13:13
they'll go through ballot ballot after
00:13:15
ballot some it's a winning majority
00:13:17
voting a new person if they had to be
00:13:19
new person it's an open convention they
00:13:21
call it so you could actually go in
00:13:24
there and give a
00:13:25
speech your best T I could do it I'll
00:13:29
throw my hat in you know let's see what
00:13:32
happens I don't know policy but you'll
00:13:34
laugh a lot I've got Nome hair look at
00:13:36
this guy Tink Tink Tink Tink Tink nome's
00:13:40
got the hair and the teeth they would be
00:13:43
in the good looking wins I I'll go by my
00:13:45
whole life good-looking people will
00:13:46
always win they it's well he's yeah he's
00:13:50
youthful and so I don't know what's
00:13:52
going to happen but I do know that um
00:13:55
something's going to happen all right
00:13:56
let's look at some other headlines
00:13:58
what's going on out there what else is
00:13:59
going on any little videos I brought for
00:14:01
you let's see M I like to get your
00:14:04
opinions okay here's one they had the
00:14:06
draft recently um which is um NBA draft
00:14:12
uh your boy bronnie was in there got
00:14:13
second round you know basketball more
00:14:15
than I do uh well it's kind of cool
00:14:18
LeBron's gonna play with his son I I I
00:14:21
that's that's really
00:14:23
interesting before maybe yeah I'm not
00:14:26
sure I think Ken griffy in b played with
00:14:29
his son Ken griffy okay son was better
00:14:32
than him I
00:14:33
think I don't think that's the case here
00:14:36
I don't think but bronny might get
00:14:38
better and uh might get better than
00:14:39
LeBron you don't know you don't [ __ ]
00:14:41
know LeBron's arguably the greatest of
00:14:43
all time um bronny could be an Allstar
00:14:45
and have a great career you know there's
00:14:47
lots of levels to this one problem is
00:14:49
what do you call him does he go hey Dad
00:14:51
throw me the ball you know what is what
00:14:52
do they say you know what I mean what if
00:14:55
he still has kind of a normal you know
00:14:58
he tried who admonish him [ __ ] you dad
00:15:02
what if he C what if LeBron grounds him
00:15:04
during the game they would never do that
00:15:06
would
00:15:07
he he can't get off the bench he goes
00:15:09
coach I grounded him he's got another
00:15:11
few minutes you know I think maybe they
00:15:13
call him uh instead of bronny just
00:15:16
scrawny just to differentiate it it's
00:15:19
not negative well I don't know scrawny
00:15:21
but yeah he he has a already you know
00:15:23
they jump on things bronny paper towels
00:15:25
he already has some he already has a
00:15:27
deal brny for bronny yeah so bronny
00:15:31
paper tows so lot of ways to me this
00:15:34
this stupid story is about an NBA
00:15:35
Prospect he's the tall guy in the right
00:15:37
he's got a girlfriend or or but
00:15:41
apparently the the the swirling hubub
00:15:43
was this was his
00:15:45
babysitter when he grew up now they're
00:15:48
together sounds Story coming out of the
00:15:51
NBA draft involving Kyle filipowski the
00:15:53
seven-footer from duke who plummeted in
00:15:55
the NBA draft after people found out
00:15:58
that he was Gro groomed by his Mormon
00:16:00
girlfriend groomed is who used to be his
00:16:04
babysitter T it NBA team they had
00:16:08
question marks about uh his girlfriend
00:16:10
being so much older than him why why do
00:16:13
they care about his girlfriend when
00:16:15
playing when they asked him about this
00:16:17
situation answ got weren't satis now
00:16:19
Kyle is 20 years old his girlfriend is
00:16:21
26 years old certainly not the craziest
00:16:23
age Gap I've ever heard hello Bill Bell
00:16:25
but it started to get weird with an
00:16:27
account named Becky filipowski say
00:16:28
saying that she was Kyle Philip's mother
00:16:31
says that the girlfriend had a
00:16:32
three-year endgame and was grooming him
00:16:34
when he was still in high school that's
00:16:36
when Kyle's older brother Daniel chimed
00:16:38
in saying that the story's been pushed
00:16:39
under the rug for nearly two years and
00:16:41
that it's Mormon grooming and
00:16:42
brainwashing now again 20 and 26 not the
00:16:45
craziest AG Gap you ever heard the
00:16:47
problem is that they are
00:16:48
on we can jump off you can yeah I just
00:16:52
thought the story was funny so uh
00:16:56
basically I know it's too long
00:16:59
well I just thought I thought we were on
00:17:01
that guy well the story is I just
00:17:03
thought the story was funny I got it I
00:17:04
got it I mean grooming is an interesting
00:17:06
word there's but they cut off the family
00:17:09
that's the part that they don't like oh
00:17:10
the family didn't like it and they cut
00:17:12
them off yeah the no the kid cut off his
00:17:15
family when he when he announced I'm
00:17:17
going the babysitter six years older she
00:17:20
said with the family well if he's s feet
00:17:24
tall if he can put the
00:17:26
coconut in the basket they're not going
00:17:29
to care about no babysitter groomman I
00:17:32
can't believe they even cared he dropped
00:17:33
in the draft why there's there's guys
00:17:35
with worse things than that going on
00:17:37
nobody cares if he's if he's a 20 tener
00:17:40
which means 20 points T rebounds and he
00:17:43
could put the coconut in the basket BK
00:17:46
the babysitter story goes away I say
00:17:48
hold out and I think they should um
00:17:50
consult with Joe Biden should we should
00:17:53
we just just told yeah none ever just
00:17:55
surrender to go down if you put the
00:17:56
coconut in the basket you could get paid
00:17:58
a lot
00:18:00
F
00:18:01
Cavaliers bunson
00:18:04
burner bunson burner I Can't Believe
00:18:07
It's Not bunson
00:18:08
burner keep pushing that how do yeah I'm
00:18:12
yeah and also bed bath bath beond sounds
00:18:15
like [ __ ] Toy Story guy all right
00:18:18
um uh let's go next one
00:18:23
[Music]
00:18:31
oh okay how about this the look at all
00:18:33
these Joe dirts the first the first oh
00:18:36
yeah the common is Jo dir J dirt Jo yeah
00:18:39
this is a jod dirt and I put a comment
00:18:41
oh we need these guys back at the office
00:18:44
LOL is it a rodeo or who are these guys
00:18:48
I don't know it's not a jod dirt thing
00:18:50
these are just guys it's not a club but
00:18:51
yeah it looks like they could all be in
00:18:53
J yeah I don't know they're all they're
00:18:55
all looking the same I've seen a lot of
00:18:57
guys at these cons there's a famous guy
00:19:01
that's a jod dirt dresses exact same and
00:19:03
he and he has a wagon with the meteor in
00:19:04
it I don't give the whole movie way so
00:19:07
maybe that is a Joe Joe Dirt kind of
00:19:10
Club I mean or it's the Hair Club for
00:19:12
Men there's a couple things that could
00:19:14
be happening um it's a club woman the
00:19:17
way you look at it yeah it's got to be a
00:19:19
club and I did uh this week Dana there's
00:19:22
a part in the real Jo DT movie where I
00:19:24
go bu fireworks you know from a
00:19:26
firecracker stand and then and I read
00:19:29
off all these kind of fireworks and so I
00:19:33
did a Tik Tock so embarrassing but I I
00:19:36
went there so I film myself going there
00:19:38
and I just went in and talked to the
00:19:40
lady and goofed around in there and then
00:19:42
we split screened it with um the real
00:19:45
movie so I put on Tik Tok and it's doing
00:19:49
quite
00:19:50
well people are really enjoying Jo Joe
00:19:53
Dirt is getting brighter brighter bigger
00:19:57
as it goes BG it's bigger now than when
00:19:59
it came out that's for sure bigger now
00:20:01
for sure yeah it really lends itself to
00:20:04
memes and I think uh people like Joe dir
00:20:09
the character he's looking for his
00:20:11
parents it's got kind of a sweetness ni
00:20:13
guy I mean when I when I wrote it for
00:20:15
you I just thought this is going to be a
00:20:18
winner it's gonna win for decades that's
00:20:19
true that was nice you slid it under my
00:20:21
desk and I was like oh this is nice uh
00:20:23
all right Fred Wolf in case he's
00:20:25
listening yeah me and Fred Wolf wrote
00:20:27
that and uh I love it it's actually
00:20:28
about a guy people can relate even
00:20:31
though it's a goofy movie but down in
00:20:33
his luck always getting picked on always
00:20:35
getting beat up never gives up is in
00:20:37
love can't misses his parents doesn't
00:20:40
know where to fit in in the world broke
00:20:42
hungry all that going on um okay this is
00:20:47
stupid because in one of
00:20:49
the people go how do you think of all
00:20:51
these firecrackers I name I just made
00:20:53
them up half of them you know and one of
00:20:55
them I go who's SC do who's SC don'ts
00:20:58
and I just told my buddy the other day I
00:21:00
go remember there was a game growing up
00:21:01
called huser do and it was German and it
00:21:03
meant can you remember it was a memory
00:21:05
game and so just thinking of something
00:21:08
stupid I'd say hker do and then I go
00:21:10
hooker don't but it's not even do it's
00:21:12
du which I remember it's got a little
00:21:14
Hoops SL over it so I guess H yes right
00:21:19
hu which translates in English to I
00:21:23
think it means can you remember can you
00:21:25
remember it was a [ __ ] commercial on
00:21:27
TV it always stuck my head yeah whoer do
00:21:30
and so when I was thinking of St stupid
00:21:31
names I'm writing it I'm like whoer do
00:21:33
and then don't sounds funny and so
00:21:36
that's just a little BTS of that name of
00:21:40
the
00:21:41
firecracker not riveting Notting way to
00:21:44
go but I'm gonna just put this out there
00:21:47
your next
00:21:49
special has got to be called hookero H
00:21:52
because I won't forget that I won't
00:21:54
forget that oh yeah because it's about
00:21:56
memory God damn that's right that's why
00:21:58
you remember the name that's so smart
00:22:01
sounds more Scandinavian
00:22:05
huar all right oh yeah men are raw
00:22:07
dogging it on flights by Giving Up all
00:22:10
In Flight one stare at the real-time
00:22:13
flight map why do that every single
00:22:16
flight you been ra dog dog because you
00:22:19
ra dogging you don't use anything
00:22:21
because when I I raw dogged it because
00:22:23
when I was on tour I got on a flight and
00:22:25
they go we have TVs and then you get on
00:22:28
and go go oh it's in your hand it's your
00:22:30
phone I go oh get [ __ ] I there's
00:22:33
nothing on my seat that's what I want a
00:22:34
TV and I just want to stare watch ESPN
00:22:37
or something so I can't do it so I just
00:22:39
stared at nothing phone didn't work uh
00:22:42
Wi-Fi doesn't work no one has a magazine
00:22:44
like the old days so you're just staring
00:22:46
so I raw doed it for three hours and a
00:22:50
lot of people are doing it for longer
00:22:52
but that means no no water no earphones
00:22:55
no music well there's also adult
00:22:58
beverage you could get a couple of beers
00:23:00
if you're afraid of flying I know and
00:23:02
now you're not raw
00:23:03
dogging that oh it has to be pure raw
00:23:06
dog okay here's what I do try it at home
00:23:08
and I've shocked you know seat mates
00:23:11
with my information shock on my mini
00:23:14
iPad I get on turbulence USA then I put
00:23:19
on the flight map I have a map on my um
00:23:23
on my iPad that tells me when and where
00:23:25
the turbulence is and for how long so
00:23:28
I'll say to someone who little afraid of
00:23:29
flying I go we're going to hit
00:23:30
turbulence in about 10 minutes and it'll
00:23:32
last for about 20 and they're like how
00:23:34
do you know this my God and I said I say
00:23:38
Taylor Swift take it easy just sit back
00:23:41
and relax I got you oh and then you but
00:23:44
you give everyone tips because you're on
00:23:45
the only one in the world on a
00:23:47
turbulence app well yeah I just I like
00:23:49
the science of you know 300 people on a
00:23:52
metal tube eight miles up and how we've
00:23:54
gotten down to like so what yeah can you
00:23:57
believe it float in the air we're
00:23:59
sitting like this kind of with our knees
00:24:01
up like in a chair just floating in the
00:24:03
air so weird I know I know but um I
00:24:07
don't like it when I think about it when
00:24:08
it works it's it's great I I feel like
00:24:10
when you come off a plane everybody's a
00:24:13
little cocky when they come through the
00:24:14
T yeah we did it and we're here nailed
00:24:17
it yeah all right next
00:24:21
one oh this is funny do you do meet and
00:24:24
greets Dana oh yeah you have in the past
00:24:28
so
00:24:28
a meet and greet with Chris Brown the
00:24:31
girls like jump on him and he squeezes
00:24:32
their ass they do all the [ __ ] so this
00:24:34
guy's calling up his engagement because
00:24:36
this is the girl's meet and greet photo
00:24:38
she came home with isn't that so
00:24:42
awesome
00:24:44
uh yeah I feel sorry for the guy yeah of
00:24:50
course you know um what is this is this
00:24:55
a sense I'm letting you know that this
00:24:58
woman is letting this person know I will
00:25:01
have sex with you immediately if you
00:25:03
pretty much yeah I mean this is sort of
00:25:05
it he turns into everyone's hall pass
00:25:07
because if your girlfriend is they had a
00:25:09
guy waiting in line and his girlfriend
00:25:11
did one of these unreal I mean Chris
00:25:14
Brown and is no offense donkey dick um I
00:25:17
wouldn't want to see that monster
00:25:19
anaconda and then she's like rubbing up
00:25:21
against him going let's get a few more
00:25:22
shots let's get up on his lap and I'm
00:25:24
like you have an active imagination
00:25:26
honey I told you we'd get out of here
00:25:28
and go at Chili's if you behaved but you
00:25:30
know you're blowing
00:25:32
it I've been groped many a time at
00:25:36
greets by boozed up boozed up sauce
00:25:39
monkey women around 60 M and they'll
00:25:42
grope and grab and grip and I don't care
00:25:45
I stopped that because of that I did
00:25:47
that the Venetian and it was butt grabs
00:25:50
take a picture on three then they kiss
00:25:52
you on three grab your butt on three I
00:25:54
get handed CDs scripts demo tapes God I
00:25:58
guess were kind of like sex symbols or
00:26:00
something yeah or they're just
00:26:03
drunk now one girl goes uh first of all
00:26:07
they shocked they hear I've got this rep
00:26:09
and so they're like they can't believe I
00:26:10
don't want to have sex with everyone in
00:26:11
the world they go uh hey guess what
00:26:14
you're my free pass and I go oh that's
00:26:17
nice and they go no you're my free
00:26:20
pass and I go uhhuh and I go you know
00:26:23
what that means I go yeah do I get a
00:26:25
vote because I'm a hard pass on my side
00:26:27
so or do I I thought I got a I thought I
00:26:29
got a 50% vote in this because they
00:26:32
think you're grabbing everybody and I'm
00:26:34
like but I'm just
00:26:36
like it's all rep it's all fake it's all
00:26:39
smoking mirrors plus I'm an old man my
00:26:42
my mom told me today she goes she's
00:26:44
visiting she goes oh I like your beard
00:26:46
like that you know who you look like and
00:26:48
she can't think of it she goes he's a
00:26:49
little older but he's very good-look and
00:26:51
I go right right and I'm like Clooney
00:26:53
Brad Pit she goes and then in the other
00:26:55
room she goes Clint Eastwood I go she
00:26:58
goes he's older now but he just doesn't
00:27:00
care he's got his hair he's got his
00:27:02
beard I go what the [ __ ] he's 97 yeah I
00:27:06
go that's me that's me oh he's handsome
00:27:10
he's a famous I
00:27:12
go sure okay Paul used to say that to me
00:27:16
when I did was doing stand up the early
00:27:18
goes you're cute like George
00:27:22
Burns George Burns he's 98 no she yeah
00:27:25
no one's [ __ ] George Burns don't give
00:27:27
me that
00:27:29
George
00:27:30
burs but I'll take men entertainers in
00:27:33
their 90s for no you look I she could
00:27:36
say maybe Pierce Bronson yeah or you
00:27:38
look like Pierce Bronson I don't mind
00:27:40
being thrown together when my hair gets
00:27:41
all screwed up and I got this white
00:27:43
beard but you know I got bigger fish to
00:27:46
fry right now actually I don't I look
00:27:48
like [ __ ] okay next
00:27:50
one any you like how I just move it
00:27:52
along oh this thing is sickening don't
00:27:54
play it yet this if you saw this out in
00:27:57
the world I would
00:27:59
uh uh crap me diapers let's see this is
00:28:02
a not a snake
00:28:04
folks whoa It's a
00:28:07
caterpillar and it's that huge 8 feet
00:28:11
effing
00:28:12
long wow no chance would I not throw
00:28:17
up that would you let would you let it
00:28:19
walk on you in bed at night you put the
00:28:21
covers back in honey there's a
00:28:23
caterpillar in the room can you come
00:28:24
kill
00:28:25
it Jesus yeah but he's he's choking me
00:28:29
and holding me up in the air youd I
00:28:32
picture this big for a caterpillar three
00:28:34
inches two inches well does a
00:28:38
caterpillar I'm just trying to remember
00:28:40
fifth grade Science Biology does it turn
00:28:43
into a butterfly or no that thing's
00:28:45
turning into a pterodactyl I I mean it
00:28:46
can't turn into anything except death
00:28:48
it's like a death machine what was the
00:28:51
evolutionary advantage of having 7,000
00:28:56
ft as a caterpillar
00:28:58
yeah I mean it's like Evolution's going
00:29:00
no more more feet yeah God got carried
00:29:03
away I don't know it doesn't seem like
00:29:05
it's helping a high yeah I feel like it
00:29:08
you're right because having 7,000 feet
00:29:12
is it sounds fun but I'm sure like it's
00:29:15
just a drag what if one of them what if
00:29:18
one of your little legs breaks and the
00:29:19
rest of them got to kind of do double
00:29:21
time in nature looks at that and goes
00:29:24
yummy yeah a grizzly bear it looked a
00:29:27
little
00:29:28
[Music]
00:29:30
what has the hard shell arbark looks a
00:29:32
little bit like that all right Dana
00:29:33
before uh we move on to the next we have
00:29:35
a guest but guess what look what I got
00:29:37
in the
00:29:39
mail SN my head around
00:29:42
oh this is a PL from YouTube because we
00:29:45
just started but YouTube wow we got
00:29:49
100,000 um
00:29:51
subscribers over there leaving nice
00:29:53
comment only nice ones please that's
00:29:55
nice only compliments yeah so we're up
00:29:58
to 125 by the time they sent this so I
00:30:00
don't know if that's a lot but it sounds
00:30:01
really good it sounds exciting cuz we're
00:30:03
new and we're plowing through and then a
00:30:06
lot of people leave comments which is
00:30:08
good so sometimes I go in there and
00:30:09
check them or uh and we don't push we
00:30:12
don't push I see a lot of them like hey
00:30:14
hey everybody out there You' be doing
00:30:16
doing us a great favor in the podcast
00:30:18
subscribe smash that subscribe button
00:30:21
[ __ ] smash that button smash that
00:30:23
button so let's just make it a thing
00:30:26
we've got 125 we get it if we can get to
00:30:29
250 by Labor Day because of Smashing
00:30:33
smash buttoning yeah we'll do we'll take
00:30:35
a requests all right also uh so thank
00:30:39
you for that everybody and thanks for
00:30:41
just listen listening to it also uh so
00:30:43
we've got a guest right now and we'll
00:30:45
bring her on um you can introduce her
00:30:47
but she's going to talk about what she
00:30:48
does too Evie P pomus she explains how
00:30:53
to say her name I hope Evie pum purus
00:30:55
and she's uh her parents were immigrants
00:30:59
uh former secret service agent who will
00:31:01
tell us all about what it what it
00:31:03
entails she did a lot of interrogations
00:31:05
with people with lie detector test she
00:31:08
she did carry gun and protect presidents
00:31:10
and things like that so it's a very
00:31:12
interesting AMA Clinton and was it Bush
00:31:15
senior Bush yeah because former
00:31:18
president she would guard yeah oh yeah
00:31:20
also Bush senior almost all of them
00:31:21
really she did it actively and then
00:31:24
after they you know she she explains the
00:31:26
whole situation anyway STI here she is
00:31:28
right now and U here's
00:31:30
[Music]
00:31:39
Evie I had a good side before this
00:31:41
started now it's gone David's checking
00:31:44
out his hair I think it looks pretty I'm
00:31:46
checking out everything um sorry Hi Evie
00:31:49
nice to see you hey guys good to meet
00:31:51
you hi Evie um I just want to know how
00:31:55
you pronounce your last name because I
00:31:56
didn't want to pronounce it wrong it's
00:31:58
Greek I'm sorry it's uh if you say pom
00:32:01
purus it's it's fine yes close enough
00:32:04
it's close enough thank you guys Evie
00:32:07
pomus there you go that's we got it we
00:32:10
got it you're you're 100% Greek and
00:32:14
we're happy to have you here thanks for
00:32:15
coming on happy to be on too huge fans
00:32:18
of both of you by the way thank you
00:32:21
thank you well we're fascinated by you
00:32:24
you're I guess you would call a a a
00:32:27
super achieve
00:32:29
based on your resume goet degree
00:32:32
go-getter books Ted talk so uh I don't
00:32:35
know where to start um so I guess for
00:32:39
people we're this this guest today which
00:32:42
we'll we'll do an intro but she uh was
00:32:45
in the Secret Service yeah it's cool to
00:32:47
have a job the first word of your job is
00:32:50
secret it's just already creates kind of
00:32:52
a Vibe can we ask you so we we'll try to
00:32:55
ask you questions about your 12 years as
00:32:57
secret service agent but if it if it's
00:33:00
not Declassified if it upsets the world
00:33:04
order you can say I'm not I had a friend
00:33:07
in the NSA and I'd ask him questions and
00:33:10
he'd always say I'm not at Liberty to
00:33:13
say that was his stock answer so you
00:33:16
know Abby I know a girl that dated a CIA
00:33:19
agent and he said he could never call
00:33:21
her she couldn't call him he has to call
00:33:24
her and then after about a year she
00:33:26
found out he was just married so yeah
00:33:29
had a moment I'm like I've never think
00:33:31
that can have that's a good scam Dana
00:33:34
that they just say hey you can't sh you
00:33:36
can't ever call me you can't text me
00:33:38
there's a lot of folks who do that
00:33:40
actually
00:33:44
ohud because when we were growing up
00:33:46
watching yeah because you were this was
00:33:49
a little while you started in 2000 I
00:33:51
think and so you were probably what
00:33:53
percentage of the Secret Service was
00:33:55
women and was that a thing you had to
00:33:57
deal with a little bit like or was it
00:33:59
pretty liberalized by then it was not I
00:34:03
think of all the agencies agencies out
00:34:05
there it's probably the one that's the
00:34:07
slowest to let women in and not to let
00:34:10
them in but to have a lot of women I
00:34:12
think a couple of things one most women
00:34:14
don't put in for that job it's a very a
00:34:18
lot of it is protection you're jumping
00:34:19
in front of bullets for people it's kind
00:34:21
of not something I think that most women
00:34:24
can connect to so I think that's one
00:34:27
thing and then the other part is just I
00:34:30
because it's so physical right because
00:34:33
you have to physically not be able to
00:34:34
just jump in front of a bullet but you
00:34:35
have to carry people protect people so I
00:34:38
think those two things together kind of
00:34:40
deter people from putting in so I'd say
00:34:42
when I got in maybe n 98% male but I'll
00:34:48
be honest like when I went in I didn't
00:34:50
really sit and do the math in my head I
00:34:52
was like this is amazing if I can get in
00:34:55
who's better than me so really that's
00:34:57
kind of the Mind that I went in with and
00:34:59
the physical requirements what what
00:35:01
level was it at did you have to get in
00:35:03
trained for that um to be able to jump
00:35:08
in front of bullets and that you know
00:35:09
because I know we'll get to it a minute
00:35:11
but you became an interrogator as well
00:35:14
which is fascinating yeah so the
00:35:17
interrogation part came later in my
00:35:18
career but when you go through training
00:35:21
now I had actually gone into the NYPD
00:35:23
right before so they they managed to
00:35:26
kick the crap out of me it was actually
00:35:28
really tough I was surprised I was
00:35:29
thinking New York City Cop anybody can
00:35:32
do it I was really wrong I was extremely
00:35:35
wrong they like demolished me and so I
00:35:39
think I had been prepared somewhat
00:35:41
before I went into the service training
00:35:43
you have to think of service training as
00:35:44
a bit more they get into the minutia you
00:35:48
have to not just be a great shot you
00:35:50
have to be like a truly excellent shot
00:35:52
your driving has to be really you know
00:35:55
they finesse everything and they also
00:35:56
handpick you
00:35:58
so by the time you get in like they
00:36:01
really put a lot of money into you so
00:36:03
they want to see you pass yeah I compare
00:36:06
it like this NYPD was 1,500 recruits Us
00:36:10
Secret Service was 54 recruits so really
00:36:15
different beast but the one thing that
00:36:18
they do which I think works really well
00:36:20
to get people to perform you do
00:36:23
everything in front of each other so if
00:36:25
you suck every body sees you suck and I
00:36:29
think
00:36:30
that mentality even when you shoot our
00:36:33
our uh when we shoot our our targets are
00:36:36
put up they're put up so close so you
00:36:38
can really see how the other person
00:36:40
shoots and then when they score it and
00:36:43
really big black Magic Marker they put
00:36:45
your score so I think that part of
00:36:47
itself keeps people kind of in line like
00:36:50
I better do a good job because not only
00:36:53
may I get booted but everybody sees that
00:36:55
I'm not performing true well what was
00:36:58
the first time you you got scared so you
00:37:00
get in you get in there and you've got
00:37:02
your your uh secret clothes on I don't
00:37:04
know what Secret Service agents have
00:37:06
besides their gun but I don't know you
00:37:08
hide other things you know we don't know
00:37:10
spray to make people tell the truth so
00:37:13
the first time you felt a little scared
00:37:16
were you're in a situation or you're you
00:37:18
were adrenalized you may be potentially
00:37:20
had to use your weapon or did you not
00:37:22
ever get in that kind of situation no we
00:37:25
we you know in law in the Secret Service
00:37:28
they do criminal investigations that's
00:37:29
actually why they were founded it was
00:37:31
for counterfeit money April 14 1865 the
00:37:35
day President Lincoln was assassinated
00:37:37
he created the US Secret Service and it
00:37:39
was actually to combat counterfeit
00:37:40
currency because at that time a third of
00:37:43
the money in the US was fake they called
00:37:45
it funny money well we called it funny
00:37:47
money but it was all fake so it was
00:37:49
completely destroying the economy so he
00:37:52
created the service for that so they
00:37:54
started as an investigative a agency
00:37:57
then protection came later so you would
00:37:59
do search warrants arrest warrants we
00:38:02
did all of that stuff in fact in the
00:38:04
beginning that's really mostly what you
00:38:05
do so I think the first time I was
00:38:08
afraid and I guess there's so many types
00:38:10
of fears I mean I was afraid in training
00:38:12
I don't want to get cut I don't want to
00:38:13
humiliate myself there's that fear yeah
00:38:16
but in terms of other fear I think the
00:38:18
first time probably I pulled out my
00:38:19
weapon and pointed it at another human
00:38:21
being although you practice practice
00:38:23
practice there's this part of you that's
00:38:26
thinking if he does this am I willing to
00:38:29
pull the trigger and then deal with the
00:38:32
consequences of that cuz it's not like
00:38:35
it really isn't like the movies you are
00:38:36
taking another human being's life and
00:38:38
then everybody's going to Monday Morning
00:38:40
Quarterback it and you better hope you
00:38:42
made the right call so that part this
00:38:44
was in the lunch
00:38:46
line the lunch line the first time she
00:38:49
pulled her gun out was at the buffet
00:38:52
it's like I I'm sorry but do you do you
00:38:54
yell something different cuz
00:38:55
traditionally police officers would say
00:38:57
say freeze it's freeze around would you
00:39:01
say freeze when you pulled your weapon
00:39:02
you did you say hey mister or what do
00:39:04
you say or is it just the we you have to
00:39:07
that's a really good question so you
00:39:09
don't say freeze anymore and it's a good
00:39:13
question because legally it's a it's
00:39:15
actually a really complicated thing
00:39:16
because if you say the wrong thing and
00:39:19
then you shoot the other person could
00:39:20
say I didn't know was police so you must
00:39:23
say identify you have to say police cuz
00:39:25
you could argue be like I don't know who
00:39:27
that is MH so you have to say police
00:39:30
stop or I will shoot you have to say
00:39:33
something where you actually say police
00:39:34
so you can't say freeze or anything like
00:39:37
that because legally later on they could
00:39:39
come back and say they didn't identify
00:39:41
themselves properly so it's typically
00:39:43
been police stop police stop or I will
00:39:46
shoot you have to verbalize to them and
00:39:49
it's actually you verbalize the threat
00:39:51
the first line
00:39:53
of defense so to speak or when you use
00:39:58
um physical any type of physical um
00:40:02
weapon non-lethal non-lethal weapons
00:40:04
right is your verbal command stop or I
00:40:07
will shoot that's the first thing you
00:40:09
must do so David said that to me a
00:40:12
couple weeks ago and I didn't really
00:40:13
know what it meant but um sorry these
00:40:17
are jokes so
00:40:20
um you go from that into protecting
00:40:22
presidents and that's a whole because
00:40:24
you did what Bush Clinton Obama
00:40:28
so I started under Clinton was President
00:40:31
when I started and so I had as a sitting
00:40:34
president I had Clinton then Bush Jr and
00:40:39
then um President Barack Obama but when
00:40:42
you come in like everybody thinks you're
00:40:45
going to get the president which you
00:40:46
don't it's actually really hard to get a
00:40:48
sitting president to protect I had to
00:40:50
wait seven years before I was allowed to
00:40:53
even put my name in for that you
00:40:55
typically don't it's just what people
00:40:58
see um and then you do former presidents
00:41:00
so all the presidents they get it for
00:41:03
life and their wives they get it until
00:41:05
they passed away so I've actually is
00:41:08
that a fun gig or not good so he
00:41:10
probably protected George senior yes who
00:41:13
I was
00:41:15
with yes because he'd be they get it for
00:41:18
life and I did a lot of events with him
00:41:20
and I was with them in Houston and on
00:41:22
this patio once Barbara and George and
00:41:24
there were four guys it happened to be
00:41:26
four men and it in men and black kind of
00:41:28
Black Tie suits and there four of them
00:41:31
just near us and then at a given moment
00:41:33
they walked off and then four more came
00:41:35
in and they go well well the next the
00:41:38
next wave next so there was it's
00:41:41
247 uh guarding of President did what
00:41:45
did what's the funniest thing did George
00:41:47
W bush ever go you would you like some
00:41:50
gum I mean I'm just did you have
00:41:52
interactions like that when you're
00:41:53
hanging out with these people for such a
00:41:55
long time yes it's interesting because
00:41:57
you have this when when you have the
00:41:59
forers when they become a former the
00:42:01
circle gets smaller so you have a closer
00:42:04
relationship with them he becomes more
00:42:06
family when somebody's a sitting
00:42:08
president you have to think about the
00:42:10
layers and layers and layers it's almost
00:42:12
like the celebrity like who's the
00:42:13
biggest celebrity and the Entourage of
00:42:15
people that they have around them so
00:42:17
when it's a sitting president there's a
00:42:19
lot more layers there's less dialogue
00:42:22
when it's a former like GW I used to go
00:42:24
to Texas all the time the ranch and he
00:42:26
was very even when he was PR he was very
00:42:29
real I actually had his daughter 247
00:42:32
Barbara peush his daughter and so I
00:42:35
would be around him a lot so he would
00:42:39
drive around the ranch he would mountain
00:42:40
bike and he was very uh in genuine like
00:42:44
the way you describe him like that's how
00:42:45
you would talk to you'd be like do you
00:42:46
want this do you want gum I mean yeah
00:42:49
he's got kind of I call it frat boy
00:42:51
energy like he's got kind of a bouncy
00:42:54
friendly vibe to him you know like
00:42:56
what's what going on how yall doing
00:42:58
Texas casualness you know um he did and
00:43:03
Obama would have been a little more
00:43:05
little bit different Evie how you
00:43:08
doing I'm just doing the president EV
00:43:10
Evie how you doing what's up that's
00:43:13
pretty good what's going on
00:43:15
good what's going
00:43:17
on when you when there's a president
00:43:20
what how many people in your department
00:43:23
are covering him at all times we see
00:43:25
people right next to him
00:43:27
uh but they're they're probably there's
00:43:29
lead people right and then there's
00:43:30
people behind so what is the total
00:43:32
number do you think it varies who it is
00:43:35
and their Threat Level and if if they're
00:43:38
current president that they current
00:43:40
presidents just get everything like you
00:43:41
just have to think like they get it all
00:43:43
if you're looking at a former it's well
00:43:46
who is it where are they too so
00:43:48
protecting somebody a former president
00:43:50
think of it this way a former president
00:43:53
GW and then protecting former president
00:43:55
Trump so right that's going to entail a
00:43:59
very different uh lineup of people and
00:44:02
resources so protecting GW on The Ranch
00:44:05
in Texas and he's pretty low-key now not
00:44:08
too much going on protecting a president
00:44:10
Trump even if he wasn't running for
00:44:12
office let's say but just in general
00:44:14
with his Persona and being in New York
00:44:16
and going to Florida that takes like a
00:44:19
whole other Entourage of people so a lot
00:44:22
of it is blending in if if the president
00:44:25
United States whoever is given a speech
00:44:27
and so there's security um if it's a big
00:44:30
outdoor speech and we don't really know
00:44:33
how many how many agencies are there how
00:44:35
many people are protecting the President
00:44:38
50 60 100 I don't know I mean it must be
00:44:42
quite a little more I mean that's the
00:44:44
most or more so that because that's the
00:44:46
Ultimate Nightmare for our security
00:44:48
agencies is to have a president harmed
00:44:51
don't want to jinx anything out a Podium
00:44:53
giving a speech I mean so the redundancy
00:44:56
of protection must be
00:44:59
massive the real protection you see like
00:45:02
the guys in the suits that's called the
00:45:04
shift you have to think of it they're
00:45:06
the last line of defense so if something
00:45:08
gets to them that means the everything
00:45:11
else that was put into place just
00:45:16
completely when rean when Reagan got
00:45:19
shot that was some shifties were there
00:45:22
right yeah I know the lingo there was
00:45:24
Shifty shifties that's a good term so
00:45:27
the if you look at the footage actually
00:45:28
the guy who actually jumped in front of
00:45:30
Reagan you'll see this agent who got big
00:45:33
almost jumped that was part of his his
00:45:35
shift and he took the bullet and they do
00:45:37
train you not only do you have to jump
00:45:39
in front but they make sure that you
00:45:41
make yourself big enough to make sure
00:45:44
the bullet actually hits you and doesn't
00:45:46
doesn't accidentally miss you how do you
00:45:48
practice that move I mean do you have
00:45:50
like bullets and you have things I know
00:45:52
how to do it well he gets a lot of
00:45:53
hecklers he has a big security detail
00:45:56
cuz people cheeks blown up but they they
00:45:59
get do you have a lot of hecklers stuff
00:46:02
kid heck we have hecklers and we have
00:46:04
you know there's been a few uh Comics
00:46:07
that have been when people Rush the
00:46:09
stage you don't again you don't know
00:46:11
what they're doing 90% are fans just
00:46:14
like in a concert music concert but I
00:46:16
think we had Chappelle had a guy one guy
00:46:18
had a knife you just don't know they're
00:46:20
like hey I'm your biggest fan blam blam
00:46:22
blam so you don't know what people are
00:46:25
thinking so I think the the idea is
00:46:27
don't get up on stage and if they do I
00:46:28
think the new normal is you have to
00:46:32
strike first if you're the comic that's
00:46:34
what I would do I think if someone comes
00:46:36
up I don't wait anymore it's like not oh
00:46:38
let's see how this goes um I think they
00:46:41
know in this day and age you're not
00:46:43
going to wait to see if it's good or bad
00:46:45
news you're just G to try to keep them
00:46:48
aake well I just I just run I just run
00:46:50
off the stage I don't Stand My Ground if
00:46:53
I look at the edge of the stage and
00:46:55
there's a drunk guy who's bigger than me
00:46:57
and he's approaching the microphone I
00:46:59
don't St my ground I let other people de
00:47:02
you don't want play out but if I had to
00:47:04
i' take the mic stand as a weapon I'm
00:47:06
not exactly an imposing physical figure
00:47:09
but is when you're world is that the
00:47:12
right thing are we doing do you have a
00:47:13
sock do you have a so a knife in your
00:47:15
sock like I
00:47:17
do so now because I'm a former the rules
00:47:21
change I used to carry what we called a
00:47:22
buck knife and honestly I had it for
00:47:25
things like cutting off a seat seat belt
00:47:27
cutting somebody out of you know some
00:47:29
kind of you know thread or wire like I
00:47:32
had it for all that little stuff I live
00:47:34
in New York and now there's rules
00:47:36
there's like laws I think it's more than
00:47:38
three inches you can't carry it but
00:47:41
frankly if I had to I don't really carry
00:47:44
it on me per se because your also will
00:47:49
have to be comfortable with fighting
00:47:50
somebody close quarters I was
00:47:52
interesting as you guys were talking
00:47:53
about being on stage I wonder if they
00:47:56
should be this is my secret service hack
00:47:58
going on they should be putting people
00:47:59
through magnetometers like when I think
00:48:01
of that like that way they pick up any
00:48:04
weapons or devices on them because
00:48:06
you're right people are coming in and so
00:48:08
you don't know what they have on them
00:48:10
and a lot of the folks that would come
00:48:13
like on a daily basis people would come
00:48:14
to the White House and they would come
00:48:17
in and the majority of people have we
00:48:19
call them they have special interest in
00:48:21
someone were protecting and it would
00:48:23
range across the board and you would see
00:48:25
it a lot with celebrity
00:48:27
or people who are just of you know uh
00:48:30
status out there and it draws a lot of
00:48:34
folks with mental health issues too so
00:48:36
you don't know also what you're dealing
00:48:38
with what the capability is and Dana
00:48:40
you're right if you see something I
00:48:42
would do the same I would go let the let
00:48:44
the guys who know what to do deal with
00:48:46
it don't you guys are right I would not
00:48:48
sit and wait because you really and and
00:48:51
in today's world if you someone cut you
00:48:53
off in traffic and you want to get in a
00:48:56
physical well not physical but argue
00:48:58
with them too many people have weapons
00:49:00
today Bam Bam Bam you I don't care if
00:49:03
you're 68 whatever that's the great
00:49:05
equalizer you know um one thing I want
00:49:07
to ask you because I found it
00:49:09
fascinating that you kind of Applied
00:49:11
your expertise or you're learning to be
00:49:14
an
00:49:15
interrogator and that's a whole other
00:49:17
fascinating thing and you've written
00:49:18
books about um your uh let's say
00:49:22
becoming bulletproof so it all dovetails
00:49:24
into how to read the room how to present
00:49:26
yourself in a corporate setting it's a
00:49:28
sort of a whole thing but just what
00:49:31
makes a great inte interrogator because
00:49:33
we've all seen that in the movies you
00:49:35
know good cop bad cop or whatever tactic
00:49:37
but you had to learn how to read body
00:49:39
language and all that what was that
00:49:41
experience like I didn't want to do it
00:49:43
actually when they asked me to become a
00:49:45
it's a polygraph examiner so we had a
00:49:46
polygraph unit was about 30 agents and
00:49:49
it was like really the elite of the
00:49:51
elite when it came to interviewing and
00:49:53
your job was when all else failed you
00:49:55
had to go in and try to get information
00:49:57
when everybody else tried and they
00:49:59
couldn't and those was all it's a lot of
00:50:01
responsibility and then Everyone's
00:50:03
Watching You Through the Glass so
00:50:05
everyone's kind of so you have to you're
00:50:08
worried about you know your colleagues
00:50:09
and am I doing this right then you have
00:50:10
the person in the room
00:50:13
um it's it's the stuff you see in TV
00:50:16
does not work so when you get in
00:50:18
people's faces and look if you talk to
00:50:20
people like garbage you get garbage it
00:50:22
just in general so if I sit there and I
00:50:24
tell you you did this and you did that
00:50:26
and um you're going to go to jail and
00:50:28
you're going to go to prison if you
00:50:30
don't tell me what you did how just
00:50:33
think of it from just a a common sense
00:50:35
standpoint why is that person going to
00:50:37
tell me if I just told them all the
00:50:39
reasons all the things that are going to
00:50:40
happen to them if they tell me and the
00:50:42
way you get real confessions is you
00:50:45
actually get something called admissions
00:50:46
so I'm not going to come at you and say
00:50:48
did you do this and this works for
00:50:50
anything I mean I use this stuff on my
00:50:52
agent and manager I have one of those
00:50:53
today so I use all these techniques but
00:50:56
if you want to get to the truth you get
00:50:58
people to give you admissions to to
00:51:01
little things so for example if let's
00:51:03
just take it back to the criminal level
00:51:05
if you want to know if somebody
00:51:06
committed a murder you're not going to
00:51:08
say did you kill her you're going to
00:51:10
pull back well you you know and you're
00:51:12
going to try to get them to admit
00:51:13
admission if maybe they knew her had
00:51:17
they met before then I'm going to try to
00:51:19
get you to admit were you in the area
00:51:21
when it happened then I'm going to try
00:51:22
to get you admit did you ever talk to
00:51:24
her on the phone and so what you do you
00:51:26
get that person incrementally to be
00:51:29
comfortable to give you a little bit a
00:51:31
little bit a little bit and then as they
00:51:34
do that you have all these Admissions
00:51:36
and that's what puts the picture
00:51:37
together and it also helps you see like
00:51:40
it's a very good chance it's either
00:51:41
going to escalate whether they did it or
00:51:43
not or it's gonna help you see that I
00:51:46
don't think so so you charm them what
00:51:48
I'm curious about the polygraph you
00:51:50
charm them basically and you're charming
00:51:52
uh you're not what they would charm and
00:51:54
disarm charm and disarm arm that you
00:51:58
you're looking at the polygraph test
00:51:59
have you ever seen the needle move so
00:52:01
big that you thought yourself holy [ __ ]
00:52:03
this guy is fullish he's lying his ass
00:52:06
off it's just and how can you beat a
00:52:08
polygraph to ask two questions so it's
00:52:11
hard to beat one I'll start with the
00:52:13
latter one I would have people it's
00:52:14
called they do countermeasures so a lot
00:52:17
of folks would try to prepare for
00:52:18
polygraph you know what's interesting
00:52:20
you know who would do the most counter
00:52:21
measures it was people who wanted to be
00:52:23
Secret Service agents because we used to
00:52:26
had to take one to pass one or multiple
00:52:29
ones to be an agent so I used to do all
00:52:32
those too so the guys would come in they
00:52:33
would put some tacks in their shoes they
00:52:36
go online and research stuff so they put
00:52:38
a tack in their shoe so when you ask
00:52:40
them a question they hit the tack and so
00:52:43
it would spike on questions that they
00:52:45
thought it shouldn't spike on it's just
00:52:47
the whole thing or I mean they old tack
00:52:50
in the shoe trick when when I asked Dana
00:52:53
if he does a good set and it spikes and
00:52:56
then I cuz I know he's lying and then uh
00:52:58
he starts stomping on a thumbtack this
00:53:00
has played out many times with me and
00:53:04
Dana they also that's pretty funny they
00:53:06
also do I mean this one's funny but
00:53:08
people do it they also um they'll clench
00:53:11
their their butt cheeks they'll tighten
00:53:14
their butt streaks to cause their body
00:53:16
to have some type of reaction so that so
00:53:18
we actually I had a mat that I would put
00:53:21
on the seat and the job of the mat was
00:53:23
to see whether somebody was clenching
00:53:25
their clenching the old clenching The Bu
00:53:30
that old all these tricks of the trade
00:53:32
has anyone ever ripped the thing off and
00:53:34
just started screaming I did it I did it
00:53:38
wish I wish does someone go in first and
00:53:42
say uh listen you might as well tell me
00:53:45
because if I bring Evie in here it's not
00:53:46
going to be pretty she's the bad cop I'm
00:53:48
the good guy do not let Evie come in
00:53:50
here it doesn't work bad cop good
00:53:53
doesn't doesn't work only in the movies
00:53:55
it's great on Vision doesn't work yeah
00:53:57
that's a good one no I mean we would
00:53:59
keep it neutral and to be fair when I
00:54:01
would come in I really had to like leave
00:54:04
the like a case agent would come and I
00:54:06
would actually travel the country and
00:54:07
help even local police departments in
00:54:10
the US and sometimes I'd go overseas if
00:54:12
they had like a big case in the US we
00:54:14
have about we have thousands of police
00:54:17
departments and they all have their own
00:54:19
commissioner um they have their own
00:54:21
resources their training and if you look
00:54:23
at the data actually uh about half the
00:54:26
police departments have 10 officers or
00:54:28
less so they don't have they don't have
00:54:31
the resources so they would ask for help
00:54:33
which I think was very smart of them
00:54:34
they say can you come in so but they
00:54:36
didn't know often who they were going to
00:54:38
get and when you would come in I didn't
00:54:40
want them to know anything about me not
00:54:41
even my name nothing you'd come in you'd
00:54:43
be an objective seeker of the truth but
00:54:46
also keep in mind too I had to come in
00:54:48
because sometimes the police would say
00:54:50
the my colleagues would say this guy did
00:54:52
it we we're looking at this guy or gal
00:54:55
and I would come in I'd say you know
00:54:57
what it's actually not them cuz
00:54:59
sometimes I'd have people pass and then
00:55:01
I would do my assessment and I would say
00:55:03
this person cleared everything you're
00:55:05
looking at the wrong person how'd that
00:55:07
go
00:55:08
over with the NYPD what do you mean
00:55:11
we're looking the wrong person listen Mr
00:55:14
eie Papados whatever your name is this
00:55:16
the NYPD when I read a polygraph test I
00:55:19
know what it says okay Kish anyone ever
00:55:21
say that to you you are 100% right with
00:55:24
the NYPD because I was one
00:55:28
actually how um did you ever ever go
00:55:32
yeah we we I get what you saying hey uh
00:55:36
would you like to get maybe sometime get
00:55:37
a cup of coffee I mean were you ever
00:55:39
asked out by a
00:55:41
cop sure I mean you play like most of
00:55:44
the
00:55:45
time the way the way you do it is you
00:55:48
disengage it or I I would use humor like
00:55:50
you know humor is great to disengage
00:55:53
people and to let people down nicely I
00:55:56
a lot of humor I became very funny as an
00:55:59
agent what was your comeback langu hey
00:56:01
like maybe go out for you know a glass
00:56:03
of beer sometime or some you know our
00:56:05
Shu you know if I could get your number
00:56:07
it' be even easier and then you would
00:56:09
say a thanks I appreciate it I played
00:56:12
Dum and um I appreciate it I'm like
00:56:15
actually tomorrow President Bush is blah
00:56:16
blah blah blah blah or I actually have
00:56:18
to fly
00:56:19
out that wins I'm guarding the president
00:56:23
I'd love to have coffee with you s need
00:56:27
me yeah I have to stay home and uh
00:56:29
practice jumping in front of a bullet in
00:56:30
the mirror so um I have to get it right
00:56:33
I got to make sure I'm really big so
00:56:35
when you did your Ted talk I'm just
00:56:37
curious about this it was called your
00:56:39
most powerful
00:56:40
weapon words words your most powerful
00:56:42
weapon yes words you mean what our stock
00:56:44
and trade is the most powerful weapon
00:56:46
thank you yeah you know when I became uh
00:56:49
when first when I first went into the
00:56:50
NYPD Sergeant Coran he got up there and
00:56:54
did Sergeant Coran exactly he's like
00:56:56
everybody I'm going to tell you that you
00:57:00
know if you go through your entire
00:57:02
career and you never use your weapon he
00:57:04
said by my account you've had a great
00:57:06
career because this is your most
00:57:08
powerful weapon not this and he would
00:57:11
Point his sidearm and it's true most law
00:57:13
enforcement don't use I think 99 point
00:57:16
something per never use their weapon um
00:57:19
they get crucified
00:57:21
after you do yeah it's so hard to be a
00:57:24
cop is so tough oh my God and the body
00:57:26
cams I mean they can get beat up but
00:57:29
they can't fight back there's like a
00:57:30
million things going on out there that
00:57:32
you just see and you go it just and
00:57:34
people go the cops aren't in as good of
00:57:36
shape as they used to be I'm like well
00:57:38
who's signing up to be a cop low money
00:57:40
get screamed at and beat up every day
00:57:42
and then but they're the first ones you
00:57:44
call it's tough out there it's true
00:57:48
you're going to have less people
00:57:49
especially there's talks about whereas
00:57:52
so if I get if I would get into a
00:57:53
shootout I actually had insurance I had
00:57:56
Insurance the way doctors have I had
00:57:57
insurance that way if something happened
00:58:00
and I got sued I would be covered I paid
00:58:02
that diligently every year good old
00:58:05
shootout Insurance yeah okay if if I did
00:58:09
something or it didn't even have to
00:58:10
shoot someone I could arrest someone if
00:58:12
they said I use too much for of course
00:58:15
like that yeah it's hard and even with
00:58:18
the body cams I want you to think about
00:58:20
what job out there makes you wear body
00:58:23
cam like your the whole time you're
00:58:25
working there's no job out there that
00:58:28
that does that to you so even just
00:58:29
psychologically like you can't ever oh
00:58:32
yeah a video of a report card live in
00:58:35
real time of how your job is going that
00:58:37
can blast all over the worldwide media
00:58:40
if there's anything
00:58:42
irregular yeah always get S yeah but you
00:58:45
have this career now where you're
00:58:46
talking just about how to apply this to
00:58:49
life basically so words is a big big
00:58:52
part of it and then also just how to
00:58:54
read the room how how to own your power
00:58:56
is that kind of um the thesis of your
00:58:59
book um yeah so becoming bulletproof you
00:59:03
know what happened is people would write
00:59:04
into me like how do I this how do I that
00:59:06
and you know it's hard to answer
00:59:08
somebody in a text or a message and I
00:59:12
found also using all the stuff that I
00:59:13
learned in my day-to-day even after I
00:59:15
left I use this stuff with my students I
00:59:17
use it when you know I'm doing a news uh
00:59:22
deal with a network or something and so
00:59:25
it helped me so much and it really helps
00:59:27
I don't want to say steady me but it
00:59:29
kind of did I I grew up in the service
00:59:31
and I had you go through this training
00:59:34
and it really helps Elevate the way you
00:59:37
think and the way you problem solve and
00:59:39
so I broke it down in the book first
00:59:40
part of the book's protection protection
00:59:42
101 it's everything you need physical
00:59:44
protection mental protection even
00:59:46
shielding yourself from people and I
00:59:49
would think you know what's interesting
00:59:51
a lot of folks like celebrity folks um
00:59:54
that's probably something you probably
00:59:56
had to master from the very beginning
00:59:58
because as you start your your name
01:00:00
starts to get more relevance your image
01:00:03
people start coming at you and you have
01:00:04
to do what you have to start buffering
01:00:07
who has access to you what they're
01:00:09
taking from you right there's a you have
01:00:13
how to read them who's genuine who's not
01:00:16
so you're doing all this these mental
01:00:18
gymnastics and that's really important I
01:00:20
think for a lot of folks so there's that
01:00:22
part of it part two is just reading
01:00:24
people body language verbal language
01:00:26
I don't know if people are lying to you
01:00:28
just giving people the best tools they
01:00:30
can because I think one of thing what
01:00:33
also help me is with confidence at least
01:00:36
when I'm looking at someone and I know
01:00:39
what I'm looking at that boosts up my
01:00:41
confidence in that if I know what I'm
01:00:42
looking at then I know how to behave or
01:00:45
handle that person what's hard is like I
01:00:47
don't know what this guy's about I can't
01:00:49
read them well and then you don't know
01:00:50
what to do and that's that's really hard
01:00:53
and then the last part of the book was
01:00:55
influence how do you get people to be
01:00:58
less combative to uh to be more in
01:01:02
alignment with what you want them to do
01:01:04
and truly you you can use this across
01:01:06
the board I use it on
01:01:08
everyone but it's genuine though it's
01:01:10
it's a way for you to really understand
01:01:12
human nature human psychology read
01:01:15
people and then also protect yourself
01:01:17
and look I want to I'm a champion of
01:01:20
humanity but also not everybody means
01:01:23
you well and it's it's our
01:01:25
responsibility
01:01:26
to know that like to pay attention
01:01:29
Dana's black shirt is a power move this
01:01:32
is all this is all I wear black is black
01:01:36
is actually if you look at agents they
01:01:38
all wear if you look at their suits when
01:01:40
they're in suits it's black dark gray or
01:01:43
navy nothing else you're not allowed to
01:01:45
wear anything else and a white shirt
01:01:47
dark tie white shirt or light blue shirt
01:01:50
like yours light blue David like David
01:01:52
yeah okay because the dark colors zoed
01:01:56
um strength Authority I wore purple for
01:02:00
you guys because you guys are a little a
01:02:01
bit more in a different space I thought
01:02:04
I could be a little bit more festive
01:02:05
purple pops anyway well it's been so
01:02:08
much fun talking with you and we wish
01:02:10
you I hope that um this was part of your
01:02:14
day of doing what you want to
01:02:16
do today you spent this time with us so
01:02:19
thank you David thank you Abie and I
01:02:22
think I learned a lot and I didn't know
01:02:24
a lot but it's fun to talk to you and
01:02:26
hear about that whole world that we
01:02:28
never hear about yes well thank you guys
01:02:31
you guys were a blast too I appreciate
01:02:33
you guys having me on our pleasure right
01:02:36
well byee thank you thank you take care
01:02:39
guys this has been a presentation of
01:02:41
Odyssey Superfly is executive produced
01:02:44
by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna
01:02:47
Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro
01:02:49
and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
01:02:53
[Music]
