00:00:00
Ezra,
00:00:01
>> they cut out the part where she goes,
00:00:03
"Am I talking to the turtle?"
00:00:05
>> The consciousness of life and what
00:00:07
beauty of love and spank me with a
00:00:10
spoon, you But anyway,
00:00:14
>> consciousness.
00:00:16
>> So, we just come out as Joe Dirt and Gar
00:00:19
take
00:00:20
>> questions as them.
00:00:22
>> Yeah. Make the crowd happy. And of
00:00:24
course, my um Bohemian rap city. Whoops.
00:00:28
Oh boy.
00:00:30
>> How do we get to this? Oh my god, it's
00:00:33
Wayne's World. Oh my god. How do I
00:00:34
forget?
00:00:35
>> Sorry. I apologize.
00:00:39
>> Don't be nervous.
00:00:42
>> We have ads to read, but just don't get
00:00:44
a Don't be a motor mouth. We've got ads
00:00:47
to read later.
00:00:50
>> You know what, Dane? I was asking some
00:00:51
people. I go, if you had one word to
00:00:54
describe Dana Garvey, and they're like
00:00:56
motormouth.
00:00:59
I think one word I stole your burn and
00:01:01
used it against you.
00:01:02
>> One word to describe me probably is what
00:01:05
or why.
00:01:07
>> One word to describe you is confusing.
00:01:10
>> Yeah. One word to describe you is um
00:01:13
silver endrails by the neck. That's kind
00:01:17
of long.
00:01:17
>> Is that me?
00:01:18
>> No, that's cuz the light hits it.
00:01:20
>> Look, I comb my hair, but I pushed it. I
00:01:22
love that we talk about hair and
00:01:23
everyone just can't stand it. But I
00:01:24
can't stand not doing it. Well, we could
00:01:26
talk about my abs if they want. I mean,
00:01:29
whatever they want.
00:01:29
>> If we have to talk about Does anyone
00:01:32
need some laundry done? Because we'll do
00:01:33
them.
00:01:35
>> Hey, I have a I have a fitness tip for
00:01:38
everybody.
00:01:39
>> Okay.
00:01:41
>> When you go to the gym twice a week and
00:01:44
then you just sit around in between,
00:01:46
there is something to signaling your
00:01:49
muscles. Like I'm just saying to people
00:01:51
if you can do two push-ups
00:01:55
every hour, just two. Yeah. So you you
00:01:58
got
00:01:58
>> two total in the week.
00:02:00
>> No, but then you get an hour rest, you
00:02:02
do two more. It's a signal to your
00:02:04
muscles. If you want to go out there and
00:02:06
you know,
00:02:07
>> my mus my muscles are like this.
00:02:12
My muscles my muscles are jealous of
00:02:14
your muscles. Why can't you be buffed
00:02:16
like him?
00:02:18
I have no muscle. You know, I look like
00:02:21
a bit of a pipsqueak, but I'm more of a
00:02:23
[ __ ] puss.
00:02:25
>> How important this a just a quick
00:02:27
question.
00:02:28
>> Yeah,
00:02:28
>> cuz I was in this with someone said,
00:02:31
>> how much do women like not like really
00:02:35
big muscles on a man?
00:02:37
>> I think Heather's giving a thumbs down.
00:02:40
I think what she's going to say, and I'm
00:02:41
guessing
00:02:43
is too big a muscles are kind of
00:02:46
pointless. And from all the data I've
00:02:48
gotten, it's too much time at the gym is
00:02:52
too egotistical. Like work on other
00:02:54
parts of your life. Don't just be gym
00:02:56
rat.
00:02:58
>> There's a word that
00:03:00
>> is good.
00:03:01
>> Yeah, that's fair.
00:03:01
>> Reason a word that my wife and I use
00:03:04
that we're not fit, but we're fitish.
00:03:08
>> No, you're you're both
00:03:10
>> when I've seen Paula my whole life, she
00:03:12
always great shape.
00:03:14
>> Whoops. I know you listen, Paul is
00:03:17
gorgeous. People need to know.
00:03:19
>> And she's a sweetheart. And you um you
00:03:22
might
00:03:22
>> You're a sweetheart.
00:03:24
>> I like when people say Beauty and the
00:03:25
Beast. I'm like, you can't say that.
00:03:28
>> Beauty and the Beast. Am I the beast or
00:03:30
the beauty?
00:03:31
>> No, you're the beast. But you're not
00:03:32
bad. But when I used to date anyone that
00:03:34
was over a three, people be like, "What
00:03:37
is the deal?
00:03:38
>> How How did he land that?"
00:03:42
I'm like, I'm fun at parties. I'm fun.
00:03:45
I'm There's about a twohour window at
00:03:47
night when I'm fun. Usually at dinner
00:03:48
and then [ __ ]
00:03:50
>> Well, you're like me, which is kind of
00:03:51
lucky. Hey, want to have dinner? What
00:03:53
time? 3:30. Yeah, they serve.
00:03:56
>> You're the only one in the world that
00:03:57
beats me to dinner.
00:03:58
>> I know. I don't get the idea of I want
00:04:01
to GET ME A BIG CHEESE pizza at 10:05
00:04:06
and get in bed and pull the covers up at
00:04:09
10:22. I don't get Come on, count me
00:04:12
out. I don't like to go to sleep.
00:04:14
>> That's Miami. They go, we'll go to
00:04:16
dinner at like 11. We'll start. I'm
00:04:18
like, literally, not one person has a
00:04:20
job. They're just all doing bumps and
00:04:21
taking Instagram pictures. Okay. I got a
00:04:24
few hot takes.
00:04:26
>> Getting right to my week.
00:04:27
>> All right. I I got a few, too. But I
00:04:30
want to hear yours first.
00:04:31
>> Mine are Mine are more boring, so I get
00:04:33
to go first.
00:04:34
>> Yours are usually better.
00:04:35
>> Okay. I will say cuz I was on the road
00:04:38
by the time I do this I'll be going to
00:04:41
Casinoama
00:04:42
in Toronto and also
00:04:45
>> Oceans
00:04:46
>> is that near Niagara Falls.
00:04:49
>> Casino Toronto Toronto's done three
00:04:52
movies and Toronto is the most requested
00:04:54
city. But the Canada tax thing I hate it
00:04:57
has nothing to do with the people.
00:04:59
Canada's great.
00:05:00
>> Nothing to do with the people just the
00:05:01
government. The government
00:05:02
>> they really put that it's like the
00:05:04
reason why we don't shoot movies in
00:05:05
America. They always go it's tax here.
00:05:07
If we go there different when you do
00:05:09
stand up it's tax. Anyway, I get taxed
00:05:11
twice. So, but I'm still going because I
00:05:14
want to go see the Toronto people. It's
00:05:16
a little on the outskirts.
00:05:19
>> Toronto people are nice.
00:05:22
>> My my experience being in Toronto, but I
00:05:25
would say that Canada just chased me for
00:05:28
15 years. I did a movie there trapped in
00:05:30
paradise with Nicholas Cage and John
00:05:32
Love.
00:05:35
Christmas classic maybe. But then they
00:05:38
call they would call me at home.
00:05:40
>> Hey, you know it's some Texas, right?
00:05:42
You know, same thing with New York.
00:05:44
>> Some Texas.
00:05:45
>> You know some Texas. What's that a boot?
00:05:47
You're not paying them.
00:05:49
>> Same thing with New York. New York would
00:05:51
call me at home after I moved out of New
00:05:53
York.
00:05:54
>> Oh.
00:05:54
>> And harass me. So finally in my passive
00:05:57
aggressive way, it's like this New York
00:05:58
IRS and we we understand we've got news
00:06:01
clippings here and it seems like you
00:06:03
they saw me on like Letterman seems like
00:06:05
you live in New York and I just started
00:06:07
going well how do I know you are you?
00:06:10
>> Yeah, you're AI.
00:06:11
>> You're just a voice on the phone. How do
00:06:13
I know? And they like never no one ever
00:06:14
said that. Well, what do you what do you
00:06:16
mean? So
00:06:17
>> once they realize you got a few beans in
00:06:19
your jeans, they come looking for it. Uh
00:06:21
when I was in
00:06:22
>> you got a few squashes in your moshes. I
00:06:25
mean, just because it rhymes. You can't
00:06:27
associate Levis with beans.
00:06:29
>> I stole that from my brother Andy. He
00:06:31
says that it's so funny. Um,
00:06:33
>> Heather, turn that one down. I realize I
00:06:35
squint on this eye like Tom Cruz. I
00:06:37
don't know why.
00:06:38
>> I don't want to be like that. He kind of
00:06:40
has one eye that's always kind of
00:06:41
closed. Have you noticed that?
00:06:44
>> Pull it up, Jamie. Um, no, that's what
00:06:46
Joe
00:06:48
in your dreams. Hey, Jamie.
00:06:50
>> But what about this, Dana? Mhm.
00:06:52
>> Barbarians is a place we used to go eat
00:06:55
>> cuz Rob Low always tells that joke where
00:06:57
Farley would cut it like a 2 by 2 in
00:06:59
piece of steak and then he'd peel the
00:07:01
butter pat back
00:07:03
>> and put that on one piece of steak and
00:07:06
then eat the whole thing every bite.
00:07:08
>> Fantastic.
00:07:09
>> And then he goes, "It needs a hat." And
00:07:11
then you can't argue with that. But then
00:07:12
Rachel McAdams was talking about I think
00:07:14
The Notebook was filmed up there and
00:07:16
she's like, "We used to go to this place
00:07:18
called Barbarians." I was like, "Oh my
00:07:20
god.
00:07:21
>> Oh my god. I have talked about that. We
00:07:22
have so much to talk about.
00:07:24
>> And use the butter, the pat butter and
00:07:26
the little thing as a hat.
00:07:28
>> I will tell you, I went to the notebook
00:07:31
>> premiere.
00:07:31
>> Oh, I told you it's a premier premier
00:07:33
[ __ ] in the past. I didn't I went to
00:07:36
see James Garner at the party after just
00:07:38
to say,
00:07:40
you know, good job. Like I saw it.
00:07:42
>> Jimmy Garner. The James Garner.
00:07:44
>> Yeah, he's my boy. Yeah.
00:07:46
>> Damn.
00:07:46
>> I was doing a show with him. Uh I love
00:07:49
that guy. He was a great guy. What a
00:07:51
stud. They're redoing Rockford Files and
00:07:53
I'm like, I don't know.
00:07:56
>> I know. It's really hard. No, he was he
00:07:59
was amazing. And uh
00:08:00
>> and and it's with me and I'm still
00:08:02
critical.
00:08:05
>> Hey, hey, you got a lot of trending for
00:08:07
your uh your Burgess Meredith
00:08:10
impression. And I realized the key was
00:08:13
to say instead of murder, say mua.
00:08:17
>> That's he always goes.
00:08:20
your appointment rock this time and you
00:08:23
got
00:08:27
>> that guy was a brilliant movie star. He
00:08:29
did of mice and men and then his career
00:08:32
mic drop though was uh whatever the
00:08:35
character's name was.
00:08:36
>> I like Oh, did he play the penguin?
00:08:39
>> Oh my god. Yes, you're right.
00:08:42
>> He played the penguin on the Batman
00:08:43
series in 1968. Thanks for tuning in,
00:08:46
boomers. Yeah, Rocky didn't have a good
00:08:48
team about him because his team was
00:08:50
Burgess Meredith saying he's gonna
00:08:52
appointment and then his wife going,
00:08:54
"You can't win." I'm like, "Godamn, I
00:08:57
need a better crew."
00:08:59
>> They cut the scene where he kind of
00:09:00
confesses to his his girlfriend and the
00:09:03
coach. He goes, "Hey, my strategy is to
00:09:05
take about 55 punches to my face, right?
00:09:09
And I'll be so beat up. He'll get tired.
00:09:11
He'll get punched out." Cuz no one ever
00:09:13
got hit in their face more than Rocky.
00:09:14
And Rocky won.
00:09:15
>> Yeah. Yeah. And he's like,
00:09:18
>> they cut out the part where she goes, am
00:09:20
I talking to the turtle?
00:09:23
>> Am I talking to Buttkiss? Because
00:09:25
>> Well, that's where I got the idea for
00:09:26
the turtle guy and I'm asking.
00:09:28
>> Oh, yeah. Ah, because of Buttkiss.
00:09:32
>> Okay, here's a quick story. I was on the
00:09:35
road San Antonio, great crowd, bat in
00:09:39
the theater. So, I'm backstage with
00:09:41
Bobby and Patrick and uh
00:09:42
>> Mhm. the [ __ ] I go I'm about to go
00:09:46
on. I go, "Is that a bird in here?" They
00:09:48
go, "I think there's a bird in here." It
00:09:50
lands. It's a full bat.
00:09:53
>> Oh,
00:09:53
>> vampire bat.
00:09:54
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:09:56
>> So, I says to the people, I says to him,
00:09:58
I says to him, I says, I first of all, I
00:10:00
go, it's going to fly out during the
00:10:02
show and I got to talk. I don't want to
00:10:04
say anything. I don't want to take
00:10:04
anything away from my precious act. But
00:10:07
I get out there and within seconds bat
00:10:10
follows me, Heather, and comes swooping
00:10:12
on the crowd.
00:10:14
>> And I said, "Guys, is that a bat?" And
00:10:16
they all go, "Yes." They all yell and
00:10:18
then they laugh and I go, "So you know
00:10:20
there you know about bats in here and
00:10:23
you're not scared cuz I just got a
00:10:24
rabies shot coincidentally this
00:10:26
afternoon." And uh they said, "Yeah."
00:10:29
They didn't care at all. And I go, "We
00:10:30
were going to say we should cancel the
00:10:32
show." They're like, "Nobody cares about
00:10:34
the bad."
00:10:35
>> Oh, we used to have them. We'd have a
00:10:36
Montana. What town was this in again?
00:10:39
>> San Antonio.
00:10:40
>> Oh, yeah. About dust, right? As early
00:10:43
evening, just a thousand bats would go
00:10:45
and circle around the lake. And
00:10:47
>> Oh, they do that in Austin, too. I've
00:10:48
heard. Yeah, there's a cave. But
00:10:50
>> Mhm.
00:10:50
>> I don't love them.
00:10:51
>> Bats are not cute. If you see them up
00:10:54
close hanging upside down,
00:10:57
>> I'm doing
00:10:58
>> Okay, here's another That's a good
00:10:59
That's a good noise, actually. I don't
00:11:00
even know what bats sound like.
00:11:02
>> I've never heard them make too much
00:11:04
noise, but
00:11:04
>> they do make noise. kind of gross
00:11:06
looking. They're rats with wings. So,
00:11:09
two things I don't like.
00:11:13
>> Oh, so I'm going through TSA.
00:11:15
>> I ate at the Waterburger, I think, in
00:11:17
Dallas
00:11:18
>> on the way to uh
00:11:20
>> God, Waterburger really nails it. If
00:11:22
you're white trash, it's [ __ ]
00:11:24
>> Oh, is that a nationwide chain?
00:11:28
>> I think it's mostly Arizona, Texas. I
00:11:30
don't
00:11:30
>> You know what? I think I had one. I was
00:11:33
driving to Phoenix for some gig and I
00:11:34
think I had one out outskirts and it was
00:11:37
incredible. I'll co-sign it. It's not a
00:11:39
sponsor. We're just saying this. It'll
00:11:41
be a sponsor next week.
00:11:43
>> I remember when I was with you and you
00:11:44
picked your nose and you go, "What a
00:11:46
booger."
00:11:48
>> I remember when you saw me pick my nose
00:11:49
and say, "Aren't you going to share?"
00:11:52
I'll say, "I learned how to share in
00:11:54
school.
00:11:56
>> I give me some of that bug."
00:12:00
One time he said, "I think I'm hot [ __ ]
00:12:03
on a silver platter." And I said, "No,
00:12:05
you're cold boogers on a paper plate."
00:12:08
>> Do you rehearse this stuff with Heather
00:12:10
for you?
00:12:10
>> Heather goes, "Fourth grade. That's what
00:12:13
I used to rifle off."
00:12:14
>> I say second grade. She's being
00:12:16
generous.
00:12:16
>> Yeah, that is generous. Uh oh, here's my
00:12:19
line in Dallas.
00:12:21
>> I say, "I see a lot of hot girls out
00:12:23
there from Big D." And then they applaud
00:12:25
and I go, "And a couple rough ones from
00:12:27
Mosquite."
00:12:29
Well, anything this is funny. You
00:12:31
probably got a big laugh.
00:12:33
>> It sounds mean, but it was.
00:12:34
>> You probably got a big big laugh.
00:12:36
>> Okay, here's the last thing I'll say
00:12:38
about the tour. I go
00:12:39
>> to TSA and we hire a greeter cuz I've
00:12:43
never been to this airport and they kind
00:12:45
of whisk you through. There was no
00:12:46
whisking. It was everything took longer.
00:12:49
And then she we gets in the TSA line. I
00:12:51
go, "This is pretty long." She I don't
00:12:52
know. Isn't it supposed to be shorter?
00:12:54
She literally knows not one thing. And
00:12:55
then we get up to the buckets and she
00:12:57
goes, "Do I got to take off my shoes?"
00:12:59
I'm like, "We hired you for
00:13:02
information." I said, "I don't think
00:13:04
so." I was nice. I go, "It's TSA." So,
00:13:06
we get up there and they always pull one
00:13:08
of my bags out and they rifle through
00:13:11
and you have to wait. Honestly, it was
00:13:14
probably 15 minutes. We're like,
00:13:16
>> "And do they do they find it what you're
00:13:18
trying to smuggle on?"
00:13:19
>> I I go I know what it is.
00:13:21
>> Yeah. It's always like some food thing I
00:13:24
bring that looks like, but they told us
00:13:26
how to do it
00:13:28
>> where, by the way, can we just get rid
00:13:30
of TSA? There's It's fine.
00:13:32
>> You know what I mean? We're fine now.
00:13:34
>> The rigomearroll we go through
00:13:37
>> to just listen. If a few planes fall
00:13:40
out, no, I'm kidding.
00:13:43
>> People voted. They said, "What are the
00:13:44
chances?" Anyway, I get there and she
00:13:47
goes, "This yours?" Just like I used to
00:13:50
talk about my act. Full knife, Heather.
00:13:53
Bull knife.
00:13:55
And I'm like, "Holy shit."
00:13:56
>> You put what?
00:13:59
>> It wasn't that big.
00:14:00
>> Yeah. But
00:14:00
>> it wasn't a butter knife.
00:14:02
>> You tried to get through security with a
00:14:04
knife with a lethal.
00:14:05
>> I think it's that one we cut boxes with,
00:14:07
>> oh, okay.
00:14:08
>> Not your little carrot one, but like the
00:14:09
big
00:14:10
>> No, like a real
00:14:11
>> Yeah. And I I um I said
00:14:16
Yeah. Yeah. just uh you know it's for my
00:14:19
toenails. It's necessary. My nail this
00:14:24
just in case my arm gets stuck in a
00:14:26
rock. No, no, you perfectly you can
00:14:29
frisk with the best of them. I mean, you
00:14:31
know, I think the X-ray, you know, I I
00:14:33
noticed that I was slightly wrecked and
00:14:35
I uh maybe the excitement set off the
00:14:37
alarm, you know. Did it go off because
00:14:40
I'm slouching? Let me know if my posture
00:14:42
is off. No, I you know you know I like
00:14:44
being frisked in the morning, you know,
00:14:46
especially underneath, you know, with
00:14:49
onlookers uh taking notes. It's a a
00:14:52
wonderful part of my existence. I'm I'm
00:14:55
I'm sorry. I just saw Annie.
00:14:57
>> What are you talking about? You're a
00:14:58
beautiful intelligent woman.
00:14:59
>> Oh, you're a beautiful intelligent
00:15:02
woman. I just saw Hannah Hanner.
00:15:04
>> Hannah and her sister Hannah and her
00:15:06
sister just rewatched it.
00:15:07
>> Yeah. So, he's
00:15:09
>> by the way. Anyway, they let me go, of
00:15:11
course. They go, "We're going to keep
00:15:12
the knife." I go, "Please." So, I didn't
00:15:15
have to go to the clink. They were just
00:15:17
laughing about it. That's so funny.
00:15:18
They're just like, "Yeah, you're fine."
00:15:20
Um,
00:15:20
>> I'm frisked and this is no no joke. I'm
00:15:23
not getting around here. Every single
00:15:25
time I don't know what sets off and I
00:15:27
get frisked and I'm like this and then
00:15:29
if people recognize me, they're like,
00:15:31
"Dude, what's going on, man?" Because
00:15:34
usually the TSA guy is like 22.
00:15:38
I say, "Ever see in Wayne's world. Don't
00:15:41
talk when I frisk
00:15:47
>> tooth.
00:15:48
>> By the way, to that I have a couple
00:15:50
things just comments on. I thought it
00:15:52
was interesting in the Epstein files
00:15:54
unless you have more of your story.
00:15:56
>> On turn to page 2,800,000.
00:16:00
>> Well, there's things that came out. So,
00:16:02
so I give him credit. Bill Gates said
00:16:04
that he did have an affair with two
00:16:08
different Russian women. and one was a
00:16:10
physicist and one was a bridge player
00:16:12
but nothing with Ebstein Island or
00:16:14
underage. So that kind of, you know,
00:16:17
>> so because of this pressure mounting of
00:16:20
like he's always he's his like uh
00:16:24
>> BF, right? Yeah.
00:16:26
>> Buddy system.
00:16:27
>> He's like, well, okay. But then when you
00:16:30
start to see cracks like that, you get
00:16:31
all nervous because he's like,
00:16:33
>> "Okay, a couple
00:16:36
>> I just can't imagine because Bill, you
00:16:38
know, he's he's Microsoft, so he's
00:16:40
obviously incredibly smart guy and he
00:16:43
has these Russian women and he's worth a
00:16:45
hundred billion, you know, so he's
00:16:47
playing bridge." And then she's like,
00:16:49
"Hey, Mr. Bill Gates, I like the way
00:16:51
your style is on the bridge table. Would
00:16:55
you like to go upstairs and make lovey
00:16:57
lovey time after we finish the bridge
00:17:00
game?
00:17:01
>> Yeah.
00:17:01
>> He says, "Uh, I don't know. I just have
00:17:04
one question." What's that? Are you
00:17:06
borat?
00:17:09
>> In a wig.
00:17:10
>> I like They go, "I like the way you
00:17:12
dress. You work at Best Buy."
00:17:14
>> Yeah. You have nerdy glasses, nerdy
00:17:17
clothes, and nerdy demeanor, but you got
00:17:20
a hundred billion dollars. So to me,
00:17:22
you're super handsome. And Bill's like,
00:17:25
"Well, okay. I'm kind of shy most of the
00:17:27
time, but all right, if you want to."
00:17:29
>> I like those double plated pleated
00:17:31
khakis.
00:17:32
>> I think I did G as Bill Gates.
00:17:35
>> Yeah.
00:17:35
>> I feel funny when I
00:17:39
>> uh the other one.
00:17:41
>> Go ahead.
00:17:42
>> Go ahead.
00:17:42
>> No, the other one that was I thought was
00:17:44
really big was Deepo Chopra.
00:17:47
>> Oh, yeah. the guru really had some
00:17:50
pretty uh intense uh email exchanges
00:17:53
with Jeffrey. You know,
00:17:54
>> when you hit a thousand emails, there's
00:17:57
some smoke.
00:17:58
>> Yeah, some smoke there. So, I thought
00:18:01
it, you know, I because I don't see
00:18:02
Deepo Chopra that way. Normally, it's
00:18:04
like he talk like this and with
00:18:07
consciousness. He has to say that every
00:18:09
five consciousness and of course the
00:18:12
spirit of time. And I thought, what if
00:18:14
he got Tourette's and then the real guy
00:18:17
would come out, you know, be like the
00:18:20
consciousness of life and what beauty of
00:18:22
love and spank me with a spoon, you
00:18:25
[ __ ] But anyway, consciousness like
00:18:30
[ __ ]
00:18:32
>> Exactly. And I think that we can reach
00:18:35
consciousness this time. I wear the
00:18:37
golden panties. But anyway,
00:18:41
you can jump in. I'm trying
00:18:44
consciousness you what's pegging
00:18:49
>> I am and life is love and the planets
00:18:52
and universe and god and consciousness
00:18:55
my name is deep doggy doo and I got a
00:19:00
laugh out of you
00:19:01
>> throat jokebook
00:19:03
>> so anyway you can't write it you can't
00:19:05
think it nothing against deepo I don't
00:19:07
know what he did but it is it's a funny
00:19:09
thing as it unfolds we have we're
00:19:12
comedians We have to be
00:19:13
>> there was a Tourette's situation, the
00:19:16
BAFTAs, but it's probably too much to
00:19:18
get into.
00:19:18
>> Oh, we can't say it, but
00:19:20
>> it was an unfortunate situation.
00:19:22
>> Well, this Tourette's person kept saying
00:19:24
the n-word
00:19:26
and um I think it was some kind of award
00:19:30
show or I don't know.
00:19:31
>> I think it was the BAFTAs.
00:19:32
>> The BAFTAs. And he offended some people.
00:19:35
But I guess if you have Tourette's, you
00:19:38
just it comes out. You can't help it,
00:19:40
right? It's just you don't even know. I
00:19:42
don't know. I mean, that's what I've
00:19:43
heard. They had the girl, Bailey,
00:19:45
Heather's favorite, uh, she came out and
00:19:47
spoke upon it.
00:19:48
>> It's involuntary and when they suppress
00:19:50
it, it it does phys it hurts physically
00:19:52
inside, too. It's hard. It's a hard
00:19:54
thing.
00:19:54
>> I mean, yeah.
00:19:55
>> The only thing weird is that he had a
00:19:57
whole Kux Clan outfit on with the hood
00:20:00
and everything.
00:20:00
>> He said that's part of Tourette's.
00:20:02
>> Part of Tourette's. He just dresses in
00:20:04
that and and he burned it. I it's just
00:20:08
he must be horrified because he can't
00:20:10
even overexlain it away. Everyone's just
00:20:12
like ah it just
00:20:15
>> was a rough
00:20:16
>> but you can't I mean it is it's just
00:20:18
it's uh how did that happen? You know
00:20:21
what were the steps that took place that
00:20:22
this gentleman would be on the stage
00:20:25
yelling that word? I mean did they have
00:20:27
any idea?
00:20:28
>> The guy was in the audience but but I
00:20:30
will say that
00:20:31
>> Oh, he's in the audience. Okay. Yeah, he
00:20:33
just yelled out, but
00:20:36
>> in his defense, of course, I'll get this
00:20:38
wrong, but he was saying,
00:20:40
"I've done three documentaries with, you
00:20:44
know, BBC, so they know kind of how I am
00:20:49
and I'm sitting 40 rows back, but they
00:20:51
put a microphone near me."
00:20:53
>> Well, okay.
00:20:54
>> He said, "Why would you put a microphone
00:20:55
near a guy that does that has
00:20:57
outbursts?"
00:20:59
So he's starting to he's not
00:21:03
>> he's sort of spreading the blame around.
00:21:04
He's like, "Listen, I shouldn't be near
00:21:06
microphone."
00:21:07
>> Well, and also he was touretting for
00:21:09
quite a while, you know. Yeah.
00:21:11
>> He was like, "I hate Dutch people." You
00:21:14
know, there were a lot of stuff that
00:21:15
was, you know,
00:21:16
>> poopy pants.
00:21:17
>> I don't like Swedish people.
00:21:20
>> Yeah. I don't even know. You know,
00:21:22
things just come out very fast. And uh
00:21:25
but yeah, I don't know.
00:21:28
My favorite line of the last 10 minutes
00:21:29
was Deepo saying, "My name is Deep Doggy
00:21:33
Doodoo." It makes no sense.
00:21:35
>> I just ran right over it.
00:21:38
You have to listen back and we laugh.
00:21:40
>> You laughed hard at No, it's good. You
00:21:42
can get a comedian to laugh because
00:21:43
usually when we're bantering, what
00:21:45
happens in a comedian's brain is it's
00:21:47
like ping pong's like, "Oh, that was
00:21:49
funny." And then your brain goes to,
00:21:50
"How do I join in on the party?"
00:21:53
>> Yeah. While you're talking, I go, "I
00:21:54
have to say something stupid now." But I
00:21:56
do like it. It makes me laugh when I
00:21:58
listen to it or I see a clip and I'm
00:21:59
like that's funny. We both say stupid.
00:22:01
>> I just want, you know, the politics are
00:22:03
a really hot oven these days. But um a
00:22:06
few days ago Trump did his State of the
00:22:08
Union and he went for two hours. No, we
00:22:11
do public. We do our sets.
00:22:14
70
00:22:15
>> an hour. I'm burnout. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:22:17
You do 70 80. Yeah.
00:22:19
>> By myself. Yeah. I won't I play the
00:22:21
guitar and then it just fills 20
00:22:23
minutes. But even Trump by the end got a
00:22:25
little slower and a he got softer
00:22:28
because in the beginning we're going to
00:22:29
do things in the country and our economy
00:22:33
has never been better. And then two
00:22:35
hours later many people are saying it's
00:22:37
like he lose a little bit of the
00:22:40
bubbles.
00:22:40
>> You look at it and you believe it and if
00:22:42
you believe it, you understand it. And
00:22:44
we're going very very well.
00:22:45
>> He's slowly almost asleep.
00:22:47
>> He's almost asleep.
00:22:48
>> I'm like they gave him the light. I'd be
00:22:50
giving him the light going, "All right,
00:22:51
wrap it up. It's just
00:22:52
>> how much can you say?
00:22:53
>> I mean, is he 80 or 79? I mean, he's up
00:22:56
there. His ankles are swelling and it's
00:22:57
two hours in. He already was did two
00:23:00
speeches. He flew in right before it
00:23:02
started. I mean, should we all just eat
00:23:04
file fish for breakfast or something?
00:23:06
>> I mean, I know what is the key to just
00:23:09
bloiating is a great word.
00:23:12
>> We're going to do a lot of things and if
00:23:14
you look at it, you see it and believe
00:23:15
me, it's going to be great. And we're
00:23:17
going to do it many times. I have to say
00:23:19
he could say one sentence with what he
00:23:21
wants to say, but he really builds it up
00:23:23
and dances around it and fattens it up
00:23:25
and you're like, "Go, go, go."
00:23:28
>> Never.
00:23:28
>> But that's just the way he is. He's
00:23:29
always kind of sideways, too.
00:23:31
>> I think cuz he's looking at that
00:23:32
prompter. They have glass prompters,
00:23:34
right?
00:23:35
>> Yeah. And he has that you can't see.
00:23:36
Yeah. But he likes to take a phrase, go
00:23:39
to center, and mix and repeat it like
00:23:42
three or four times, you know.
00:23:44
>> The state of the union. The state of the
00:23:46
union. The state of the union. And if
00:23:48
you look at the state of the unit is
00:23:49
good. It's good. It's good. It's good.
00:23:52
You know, and and it's a it's just a an
00:23:54
eccentric way of speaking.
00:23:56
>> Chris Rock used to do that and I would
00:23:57
make fun of him. I say, "Your act is
00:23:58
only 30 minutes,
00:24:01
but you put out an hour special because
00:24:02
you go, Obama." Then everyone laughs and
00:24:05
he goes, "Barack Obama." And they laugh
00:24:09
and he goes, "President Barack O." And
00:24:12
then they waiting for the funny part.
00:24:14
>> That's all he says. There's no
00:24:15
>> Yeah. He sets it up and then he does his
00:24:17
joke, but I go, you just repeat
00:24:18
everything.
00:24:19
>> I know. Well, I'm friends with Barack
00:24:20
Obama. He says Chris Rock is his
00:24:22
favorite comedian.
00:24:24
>> Michelle and I laugh so hard when he
00:24:25
says Barack Obama over and over again
00:24:27
and there's no punchline. Just my name.
00:24:29
We laugh all the time. It
00:24:30
>> is funny.
00:24:31
>> Right, Michelle?
00:24:33
>> It's better than Barry.
00:24:36
>> What's his other name?
00:24:37
>> Oh, Barry is a nickname or
00:24:39
>> Sarrento.
00:24:41
>> Barry Sarrento. Isn't that his real name
00:24:43
or
00:24:44
>> I don't think so. I don't none of I
00:24:45
don't think so.
00:24:47
>> Okay. Also on on race, let me just say
00:24:50
at any of these award shows, I saw a
00:24:52
clip the other day saying, "And this
00:24:55
this gentleman won
00:24:57
>> and he's the first black director to win
00:24:59
for this document." I wish they would
00:25:01
quit saying that because I think
00:25:03
everyone,
00:25:04
>> we can't all be equal to you. Just stop
00:25:06
separating like that. Oh, the first in
00:25:08
30 years to have a black actor win this.
00:25:12
If you just say we're all actors, we're
00:25:14
all I think now this is my point of view
00:25:17
that it just makes it more even and not
00:25:20
we're all just the same. We're all
00:25:21
acting.
00:25:22
>> When I won my Emmy Whoops, dude.
00:25:25
>> Oh boy.
00:25:26
>> Flashback. They said they announced it
00:25:28
and this is the 198th straight white
00:25:31
male that has won this award. And I was
00:25:34
like, why?
00:25:34
>> First pipsqueak.
00:25:36
>> I don't want to I just But can I be a
00:25:38
person? Do I have to be?
00:25:38
>> No. Because when I was even doing Just
00:25:40
Shoot Me, they go, "You have a female
00:25:41
director this week." I go, "That's fine.
00:25:44
Just is it a director?" Yeah. Okay, we
00:25:46
got it.
00:25:47
>> Mhm.
00:25:47
>> Like, you don't even have to say that.
00:25:49
Female director. It feels like a little
00:25:52
not condescending, but a little
00:25:53
diminishing. That's a good word. It's a
00:25:55
little 5% instead of going, "We don't
00:25:58
have a regular director."
00:26:00
You know what I mean? So, I was a big
00:26:04
proponent of fighting.
00:26:04
>> I remember hearing that. That is a funny
00:26:07
thing to say. We have a female director.
00:26:09
Um, what color eyes? Got blue eyes. Um,
00:26:13
>> and then you're back in. Okay.
00:26:14
>> Yeah. And has
00:26:16
>> long hair or short hair?
00:26:18
>> Long hair.
00:26:18
>> Anything to judge?
00:26:20
>> Yeah.
00:26:20
>> Okay.
00:26:21
>> Mhm. And then if it's a director, we got
00:26:24
Clint Eastwood. That's it.
00:26:26
>> Oh, I I did get thrown around my car
00:26:27
when we were driving on the road.
00:26:30
>> In more boring news. We should have a
00:26:31
big crawl.
00:26:32
>> How do you get more boring news?
00:26:35
Well, they were driving like a new
00:26:37
Escalade or something and I was sitting
00:26:38
on the way back and I was not strapped
00:26:42
in
00:26:44
>> and when and they touched the brakes,
00:26:46
but the newer cars that have you ever
00:26:48
seen automatic kind of locking brakes?
00:26:50
>> Yeah.
00:26:50
>> I was like, you're not used to them.
00:26:51
>> I went up to the dash. All the way to
00:26:53
the dash.
00:26:53
>> You went over the front seats and right?
00:26:56
>> Well, they were separate. Separate. So,
00:26:57
I'm in the middle and I kind of went Oh.
00:26:59
And then but like three different times
00:27:01
they were hitting hard
00:27:02
>> and I'm holding on the back seat. I'm
00:27:04
like, "You can't just go a normal speed
00:27:06
or do something."
00:27:07
>> I always strap in if I can cuz I go
00:27:17
>> I'm trying to do you. I can't do you.
00:27:19
You do the seat belt with sound effects.
00:27:21
>> No, the seat belt. I I don't have any
00:27:23
good ones.
00:27:24
>> I like tighter.
00:27:27
>> You always do. And then you go like
00:27:28
that. Yeah.
00:27:29
>> Well, I have airplane stick and it's
00:27:31
never not made the flight attendants
00:27:32
laugh. Right. as we're starting to go.
00:27:34
You can do this. Loosen it. Loosen up
00:27:36
your seat belt. If you're in the front
00:27:38
row, which I was, loosen your seat belt
00:27:40
to like 4t long. And then right as you
00:27:43
start taking off, you just go like this,
00:27:45
like as if you're a rodeo.
00:27:46
>> You wrap it. Yeah. Like they go crazy.
00:27:50
>> Yeah. She was doing her her seat belt
00:27:53
stick right next to me and she's looking
00:27:56
at me and I'm like this.
00:27:57
>> Mean it was comedic or just
00:27:59
>> No, she's doing her real one. I'm paying
00:28:00
attention. I go, "I'm looking cuz no
00:28:03
one's looking. Not one person is
00:28:04
listening."
00:28:06
>> And she goes, "This is the horrible
00:28:08
doing it right in front of you."
00:28:09
>> I'm like, "Well, you're not doing bits."
00:28:11
I
00:28:11
>> There's that scene in Tommy Boy where
00:28:13
Chris does a whole bit about
00:28:15
>> about that doing the
00:28:16
>> Yeah. He puts on the Yeah.
00:28:19
>> Puffs up.
00:28:20
>> Uh I had a really nice flight attendant
00:28:22
once. Sometimes they break the rules
00:28:24
because I said I'm kind of a nervous
00:28:25
flyer. So she goes, "Oh, okay. So we're
00:28:28
taking off. We're up like maybe 20
00:28:30
seconds in the air. Steep climb out.
00:28:32
>> And I know she kind of sneaks around and
00:28:35
just hands me a beer. She gets out of
00:28:36
her seat.
00:28:37
>> Oh, I like that.
00:28:38
>> You know what this one is? Reel me. I
00:28:41
like that cuz they like you. I said to
00:28:43
this one, she came back later and it was
00:28:45
just quick hop from I like that term,
00:28:48
quick hop from Dallas to San Antonio for
00:28:50
the next show. And she goes, "Hey, can I
00:28:53
get you anything?" And I go, "Oh." She
00:28:55
goes, "We don't have service, so what do
00:28:56
you want?" And I go, "Maybe just a
00:28:58
little thing of water."
00:29:00
>> She comes back and casually drops it
00:29:01
like it's a,
00:29:03
>> you know, like a pass off, right?
00:29:04
>> And it's a big bottle of water like
00:29:06
this.
00:29:07
>> Oh, yeah.
00:29:08
>> And then I'm like this nice. And then
00:29:11
everyone else is looking at me and I'm
00:29:12
like this. And they're like waiting for
00:29:14
water. They want that little Dixie cup.
00:29:16
Meanwhile, I'm like this. I'm water
00:29:18
logged. I can't finish this thing. I
00:29:20
have too much water. I was on an
00:29:23
overseas flight and they they I just got
00:29:26
one of those like 45 ounces
00:29:28
>> and I just chugged it because I go,
00:29:30
"Okay, I'm at altitude. I've had a few
00:29:32
adult beverages because of my
00:29:33
nervousness. I'm going to dehydrated and
00:29:36
then you have to go to the bathroom the
00:29:37
rest of the flight."
00:29:39
>> All right, let's get to some hot takes.
00:29:42
>> Hot takes. Okay.
00:29:44
>> Hot news. I wish we had beep beep boring
00:29:47
stories.
00:29:48
>> Not this one. What happened to that?
00:29:50
>> What? Boring story.
00:29:51
>> We tried to do that.
00:29:52
>> Oh, we didn't do this. Is a really
00:29:55
boring story. Love is Blind Star sparks
00:29:58
outrage for dumping his fiance because I
00:30:01
saw this clip. I don't even know the
00:30:03
show at all, but he prefers women. He's
00:30:05
delicately trying to say she's out of
00:30:07
shape.
00:30:08
>> And it's so horrible because A,
00:30:10
>> if we have a picture, if you can look
00:30:11
her up, she's really pretty. B, I think
00:30:13
she's a doctor. And so he could do a lot
00:30:18
worse is an understatement. And she's
00:30:20
going, "What's going on?" He's like, "I
00:30:23
just
00:30:24
>> I work out a lot." And she's like,
00:30:25
"Uhhuh." And he's like, "I just kind of
00:30:27
like a girl that might want to
00:30:30
>> say something about a Pilates
00:30:31
>> cruise by the gym." Yeah. And she he
00:30:34
finally after he dances around, he goes,
00:30:36
"Looking for more of a Pilates by a girl
00:30:38
that rocks out Pilates like twice a
00:30:40
day."
00:30:42
>> And it was just not going well.
00:30:43
Everyone's cringing going, "Do not
00:30:45
finish this." And she's like, "Uh-huh,
00:30:47
no, keep going." And he was just hanging
00:30:49
himself. And then he finally goes, "You
00:30:51
get it, right?" And she's like, "Yeah,
00:30:52
take it easy." And I was like, "Oh, I
00:30:54
don't even want to see the comments.
00:30:55
Everyone's going to be like, you have a
00:30:57
beautiful doctor and you're worried
00:31:00
about and she I I've seen pictures. She
00:31:02
doesn't look like any sort of out of
00:31:04
shape anything."
00:31:04
>> Well, what I would her best comeback was
00:31:07
said, "Look, okay, I I appreciate it,
00:31:09
man, but I think you're looking for a
00:31:11
dude.
00:31:13
You might need a gym rat.
00:31:15
>> Can't women be soft and curvy? I mean,
00:31:17
Arnold, that was his thing. If a woman
00:31:18
has better abs than me, I kick her out
00:31:21
of the bed.
00:31:22
>> Yeah, I need to date You should maybe
00:31:26
date the situation.
00:31:28
>> You remember him?
00:31:29
>> Yeah, of course. Do you remember his uh
00:31:31
that the guy who was also on that show
00:31:33
called The Predicament?
00:31:34
>> I remember the uh conundrum.
00:31:37
>> Okay, I'll see your conundrum and raise
00:31:40
you.
00:31:40
>> I like predicament. You know, I did that
00:31:42
on as a joke on talk the because the
00:31:45
predicament is kind of forboding. It's a
00:31:47
little bit like what what do I do?
00:31:48
>> We're in a bit of a predicament. Yeah.
00:31:50
>> But most men are not worried about a,
00:31:53
you know, a musly woman, you know.
00:31:56
>> No, it's just, you know, it's a young
00:31:57
guy. He's doesn't really
00:31:59
>> And he's just talking. Yeah.
00:32:00
>> Yeah. He steps in [ __ ] Because when you
00:32:02
say that and she's just leaning there
00:32:03
going, Mhm. Like, ladies, listen to this
00:32:07
[ __ ] And he's like, he should have
00:32:10
said just listen, you're great and
00:32:11
you're hot and why don't you get me some
00:32:13
free coding cough syrup.
00:32:15
>> Use your connection.
00:32:17
>> Oh, Greg, he she's got it if you want to
00:32:19
put it up.
00:32:20
>> Yeah, I'll give you a prescription.
00:32:22
>> I like there goes. He looks like a
00:32:24
doofus and she's gorgeous. Yeah.
00:32:26
>> Hey, honey,
00:32:28
>> write me a prescription for love.
00:32:31
>> Yeah, leave your uh prescription pad
00:32:34
out. I want to write you love notes
00:32:35
every day. And she's like, "Um, I didn't
00:32:37
see any love notes, but I do see that
00:32:38
you have a 100 extra Vicodins."
00:32:42
>> He's like, "Oh, well, one prescription
00:32:44
for me and then one love."
00:32:46
>> All right.
00:32:48
>> Okay. This is the guy.
00:32:49
>> See, she's pretty already.
00:32:51
>> Yeah.
00:32:52
>> She looks like Demi Lovato.
00:32:54
>> Uh,
00:32:56
and he's like, "So, anyway, I'm on the
00:32:59
AB cruncher
00:33:01
and I'd like to see you on the
00:33:02
Gravitron.
00:33:04
I mean, maybe um should I keep talking?
00:33:07
And she's like, "Yeah, keep talking."
00:33:09
>> There's so many people in the gym now. I
00:33:11
mean, it must be a good business. I
00:33:12
don't know. It seems like they're packed
00:33:14
with people trying to be strong.
00:33:16
>> I like a girl that knows her way around
00:33:17
a kettle bell. That's what he was
00:33:19
saying.
00:33:21
Uh yeah, I have no comeback. I'm
00:33:24
speechless.
00:33:25
>> All right, next story. That's good.
00:33:27
>> That was a dumb one, but it's fine.
00:33:28
They're all dumb.
00:33:29
>> No, it was great.
00:33:31
>> It was fantastic.
00:33:33
I know a lot of people are on Rya and
00:33:35
Tinder, but this is one that just pops
00:33:37
up my feed called It's Prison
00:33:40
Connections.
00:33:42
>> Okay,
00:33:43
>> my name is Amy Jackson. I'm currently
00:33:45
incarcerated at Pocutello Women's
00:33:47
Correctional Center in Idaho. My IDC is
00:33:50
129009 and you can reach me on the
00:33:52
Getting Out app. I'm tall, articulate,
00:33:55
tattooed, and a total baddy. I'm also
00:33:57
into some pretty freaky [ __ ] so if you
00:33:59
have a taste for the taboo, hit
00:34:00
>> taste for the taboo. Oh, she's into some
00:34:02
weird [ __ ]
00:34:03
>> Well, yeah. Freaky [ __ ] No, no, we we
00:34:06
>> like later losers.
00:34:07
>> You had me at a low.
00:34:10
>> You had me. I'm a baddie. And I'm like,
00:34:12
no [ __ ] you're a baddie. You're doing
00:34:13
seven years for something.
00:34:15
>> What a dandy.
00:34:17
>> She's a real dandy. I mean,
00:34:18
>> it Yeah.
00:34:19
>> I You know, someone might want to court
00:34:21
her,
00:34:23
>> right?
00:34:24
>> Yeah. I mean, if you're into sort of um
00:34:28
you know, the monsters, vampirey kind
00:34:31
of, you know.
00:34:32
>> Yeah. She's a little decorated.
00:34:35
>> A little bit scary kind of thing.
00:34:37
>> Yeah.
00:34:37
>> Cuz where does it go? What's where does
00:34:39
the kink go?
00:34:41
>> Well, first of all, to date them, I
00:34:44
don't know how I didn't scribble down
00:34:45
all that info, but they're in jail. I I
00:34:48
guess the first order of business, if
00:34:50
you have some sort of love connection,
00:34:52
>> right?
00:34:52
>> What are you in for?
00:34:55
If it's, you know, right? It could be
00:34:57
something harmless. It could. So, if you
00:34:59
can live with that, it's not that bad.
00:35:02
>> Well, now I will court you, visit you,
00:35:05
write your letters until you get out,
00:35:07
and then you can come stab me.
00:35:08
>> Okay. I have a question for this kind of
00:35:11
stuff for you, Heather and Greg.
00:35:15
Why is it that women seem to love
00:35:19
murderers on Murders Row? They fall in
00:35:22
love
00:35:23
with the murder on Murders Row. I I
00:35:26
guess
00:35:26
>> I mean they like bad guys that are in
00:35:28
trouble.
00:35:29
>> Yeah.
00:35:31
>> They know where they are at all times.
00:35:33
Oh, yeah. Not out with other women.
00:35:34
>> They're not out with other women.
00:35:35
They're stuck in jail. So, they're not
00:35:38
>> they're killers, but they're
00:35:40
controllable and they're at your, you
00:35:41
know, I brought you some Twinkies. Hey,
00:35:44
thank you, baby.
00:35:45
>> But the problem is once they get out,
00:35:47
now they're free. So, they borrow your
00:35:50
car and they stay at your house, but
00:35:51
then you don't know what they're doing.
00:35:52
That's where it starts. They start to
00:35:54
have some hiccups. Do they ever get
00:35:57
suspicious where they come in with the
00:35:58
police report? Like, I I love you,
00:36:00
Danny, but it says here there's a photo
00:36:02
of you stabbing this guy. Oh, that's all
00:36:05
Photoshop.
00:36:05
>> I know. Are they still talking about
00:36:07
that? I mean, it's one day.
00:36:09
>> Crazy.
00:36:10
>> You throw up my best day and my worst
00:36:12
day. It's
00:36:13
>> I hate killing people. Look at me. Come
00:36:16
on.
00:36:17
But a jury,
00:36:19
>> if I got that girl in prison, I'd be
00:36:21
like, "Are you taking Pilates in there?"
00:36:25
>> Cuz I'm looking for a Pilates fit
00:36:29
from the last from the last story. I I
00:36:31
understood. I was just trying to come
00:36:33
back like ping pong. I was just thinking
00:36:34
of Mike Tyson,
00:36:36
>> his six years in prison, and he was just
00:36:38
he said, "I had a great time in prison.
00:36:40
I had the best time in prison. I got I
00:36:42
ate like a king." You know, he was
00:36:44
[ __ ] All the T-bone steaks
00:36:46
will come in for me. I have a glass of
00:36:48
red wine. Everything. I mean, he had it
00:36:50
so wired and he was so beloved.
00:36:52
>> Oh, he Oh, they love him. I'm sure.
00:36:54
>> Yeah. You know,
00:36:55
>> the guards are like, "Mike, what can I
00:36:57
get you?"
00:36:58
>> Mike, what do you want tonight? A thong.
00:37:00
Yeah. And he had like a ribeye steak,
00:37:02
you know, and could I get a VHS TV thing
00:37:05
in here? I want to watch uh I want to
00:37:07
watch
00:37:08
>> No, I was going to go for Dicky Robbins,
00:37:11
you know, David. I was going to go for
00:37:13
one of your movies.
00:37:14
>> Oh, good. Yeah, we can get you that.
00:37:16
Okay, champ. Let's see if we can get you
00:37:18
a laser disc or something.
00:37:19
>> But I just did cross my mind just to
00:37:22
make people very very happy is that we
00:37:24
do our because we we play we're playing
00:37:27
a few dates. So, we're coming on.
00:37:28
>> Yeah.
00:37:29
>> And then we come out at the end and you
00:37:31
do because you can get into Joe Dirt
00:37:33
like that and I can get into G like
00:37:36
that. So, we just come out as Joe Dirt
00:37:38
and G and take questions. Take
00:37:41
questions, ask them.
00:37:42
>> Yeah, make the crowd happy.
00:37:44
>> I have no adlib skills. I've written
00:37:48
>> Qard.
00:37:50
>> Well, but you use Q card, so it's just,
00:37:53
you know, just a thought.
00:37:54
>> It's a possibility. We we will we just
00:37:58
did a gig together.
00:38:00
>> I know. And u you uh you crushed as
00:38:03
usual.
00:38:04
>> It was great. You were so funny. Um
00:38:06
>> Oh my gosh.
00:38:10
All right, next one. Let's see. Let's
00:38:11
see.
00:38:13
We're really now we're cooking with gas.
00:38:15
>> We are on fire. All right.
00:38:19
Influencer faces $1 million lawsuit. Oh,
00:38:23
I heard about this story.
00:38:24
>> Okay. What is this?
00:38:25
>> Oh, she is giving tips on being in a
00:38:30
hotel room. And if you don't have a
00:38:32
washer and dryer, you can wash your
00:38:35
underpants in the coffee machine.
00:38:36
Heather, you've heard
00:38:37
>> top creator is facing a lawsuit.
00:38:39
>> Oh, she's facing a lawsuit online.
00:38:41
>> Tara Woodcock, who describes herself as
00:38:43
a health and nutrition blogger, shared a
00:38:45
video showing people how to wash
00:38:47
underwear using a hotel coffee maker
00:38:49
while traveling. In the video, Tara, if
00:38:51
you run out of clean underwear, you can
00:38:53
place it inside the coffee filter
00:38:54
compartment, close the lid, and press
00:38:57
the brew button. The machine then sprays
00:38:59
hot water over the fabric. She suggests
00:39:01
drying the underwear with a bathroom
00:39:03
hair dryer before wearing it again. The
00:39:05
video quickly went viral. Many viewers
00:39:08
said this avoid using hotel coffee
00:39:10
machines. Days later, several guests
00:39:13
realized they had stayed at the same
00:39:15
hotel as Terra and had already used the
00:39:17
in room coffee makers. And who makes
00:39:20
coffee? Who's the next person making?
00:39:21
>> To calm the situation, the hotel
00:39:23
reportedly offered refunds to recent
00:39:25
guests and replaced all coffee machines
00:39:27
on the property. The hotel has now filed
00:39:29
a lawsuit against Tara Woodcock seeking
00:39:31
about $11
00:39:33
million
00:39:35
>> million in damages for financial loss
00:39:36
and reputational harm. The story has
00:39:38
sparked debate over the name of the
00:39:40
hotel and hygiene while traveling.
00:39:42
>> No, they should. But people are figuring
00:39:43
it out.
00:39:44
>> Would you still use a hotel coffee
00:39:45
machine?
00:39:46
>> Yeah, that's
00:39:48
>> Huh. Well,
00:39:50
>> I'm so glad she went viral. No, when I
00:39:53
was I was a while back was in Europe
00:39:56
with my wife and uh
00:39:58
>> Oh,
00:39:59
>> it's pretty easy to use the basin of the
00:40:04
sink
00:40:05
>> and you have you you just there's very
00:40:07
hot water there and you put tie a little
00:40:10
package of soap and you just then you
00:40:12
rinse it
00:40:13
>> and then you hang the underwear or
00:40:16
t-shirt or socks over a thing and it
00:40:18
dries overnight or maybe a little haird
00:40:20
dryer.
00:40:22
And then you rinse out the freaking
00:40:24
basin. You're not in there seeing all
00:40:26
this stuff coming out of from the
00:40:28
armpits and out of the crotch area. All
00:40:30
you see is clear fresh water when you
00:40:33
rinse out and run the WATER ON THE
00:40:36
[ __ ] BASIN.
00:40:38
>> Oh boy. I just I got a lot outpants
00:40:41
away. You did? Yeah. I let you go.
00:40:44
I wanted to kind of get some some
00:40:48
>> So, people are sickened by this.
00:40:51
>> Um, people with small lives can get just
00:40:54
crazy about stuff, you know? You got to
00:40:56
have a kind of a lowfi existence. Like,
00:40:58
you just you go to the supermarket,
00:41:01
you're feeling the avocados. [ __ ]
00:41:03
avocados, man. They're all gushy.
00:41:05
>> [ __ ] thousand avocados. God damn it.
00:41:07
>> That's me, mad old. Uh, okay. We'll go
00:41:10
to the next one. Underpants in the cough
00:41:12
machine. we all agree is possibly gross
00:41:15
>> that it went viral and then our clip
00:41:16
will go viral.
00:41:17
>> Yeah.
00:41:19
>> Oh, this is sad. I'm I'm sure Heather
00:41:21
knows about this story. Punch the baby
00:41:23
monkey.
00:41:25
His name is Punch.
00:41:26
>> Okay.
00:41:27
>> Right.
00:41:27
>> Oh, Punch.
00:41:28
>> I think he's in China.
00:41:30
>> I'm not going to show it, but he's been
00:41:32
bullied.
00:41:34
>> Okay.
00:41:36
>> Has he been bullied or not?
00:41:38
>> Meet Punch. The six-month-old Japanese
00:41:40
monkey was abandoned by his
00:41:42
>> Oh, I thought you were going to correct
00:41:43
it. I abandoned caring for him day and
00:41:46
night.
00:41:46
>> No, he's sad. We shouldn't even show it.
00:41:48
>> And his surrogate mom, a plushy
00:41:50
orangutan that is now his safe place.
00:41:52
>> He hangs out with his little stuffed
00:41:53
doll. So cute.
00:41:54
>> Punch's story went viral with many both
00:41:57
on and offline cheering him on. Now he
00:42:00
is slowly joining the
00:42:01
>> Does he think it's real?
00:42:03
>> No. He gets sad and scared so he hugs
00:42:05
his little squishy dog,
00:42:06
>> but he knows it's a fake. But he knows
00:42:08
it's enough. It looks enough like an
00:42:10
animal, but he knows it's
00:42:11
>> his only friend, Dana.
00:42:13
>> Maybe he thinks it's actually real. What
00:42:14
I What is the IQ of a little monkey?
00:42:17
>> What if he thinks it's like weekend at
00:42:19
Bernie and he's just dragging around? He
00:42:20
thinks it's
00:42:21
>> What if he thinks and I don't think this
00:42:22
would happen that he thinks it's David
00:42:24
Spade?
00:42:25
>> What if he thinks
00:42:28
that's all we do?
00:42:30
>> What if he thinks it's a G doll cuz his
00:42:32
eyes are bad?
00:42:36
>> What if I don't know what else.
00:42:40
>> No, but everyone's bullying him.
00:42:42
>> I love it. I mean, look, I mean, you
00:42:44
sleep with a special pillow and you you
00:42:46
do suck your thumb at night. I mean,
00:42:48
everyone needs comfort.
00:42:50
>> That's true. I I think the world feels
00:42:52
bad for him. People online are like, I
00:42:54
will fly over to [ __ ] China and I
00:42:56
will save this guy. I'll beat the [ __ ]
00:42:57
out of every one of those other monkeys.
00:42:59
People get really worried, you know,
00:43:00
they get worked up because animals mean
00:43:02
a lot.
00:43:04
Well, it's like you're around a one and
00:43:06
a halfyear-old and no one can take their
00:43:08
eyes off the toddler. All the you're
00:43:10
just staring at the innocence and the
00:43:12
lack of awareness. And so the little
00:43:15
monkey doesn't know how ridiculous he
00:43:17
looks. If you could speak monkey sound,
00:43:19
you tell him it looks stupid.
00:43:21
And the little monkey be like,
00:43:24
>> "Yeah, he has no friends.
00:43:26
>> You look
00:43:28
dumb."
00:43:30
>> That's what they chat about there. Oh,
00:43:33
I'm intermining.
00:43:35
Don't be stupid and drag around that
00:43:37
stuffed animal.
00:43:40
No, it's not real.
00:43:42
>> You'll be happy to know that that stupid
00:43:44
animal sold out immediately online.
00:43:47
Immediately
00:43:48
>> and is opening for us
00:43:51
>> at our next
00:43:52
>> in October, our next big casino.
00:43:54
>> Do we have a gig in next year? No, we
00:43:56
have one.
00:43:57
>> Yeah, we we have one that's up around
00:43:58
the same area we just played, but
00:44:00
further north. Okay.
00:44:02
>> Yeah. Mhm.
00:44:03
>> Those are fun gigs.
00:44:04
>> And Lincoln. We had a great time in
00:44:05
Lincoln. Great big great big great crowd
00:44:07
>> in California. Thunder Valley.
00:44:08
>> Thunder Valley. Incredible audience.
00:44:11
>> Okay, next one. I got to wake up.
00:44:13
>> Yeah, I know. It's just this, you know,
00:44:15
these late afternoon. It's really
00:44:18
normally my nap time. Okay, here we go.
00:44:23
>> What is this? Oh, underground noises.
00:44:25
Let's see what these are.
00:44:27
A farmer in Kentucky decides to dig a
00:44:30
huge hole on his property after hearing
00:44:33
this loud construction noise coming from
00:44:36
deep underneath his farm. His farm is in
00:44:39
the middle of nowhere.
00:44:41
>> All right, guys.
00:44:42
>> Well, 6 foot dog here
00:44:46
>> and we've hit rock. But listen to this.
00:44:48
>> Okay, I'm listening.
00:44:52
Ah,
00:44:53
someone trying to get out.
00:44:55
terrifying.
00:44:59
>> I don't know.
00:45:00
>> Is he hitting rock or is he hitting
00:45:02
concrete? Is this some type of
00:45:04
underground construction
00:45:07
>> or is some mob guy was hit by
00:45:10
>> aliens live under there?
00:45:13
>> Yeah. Or it's just a funny sound effect
00:45:15
the guy's making.
00:45:16
>> It's me under there going
00:45:20
I'm going this. That's called doing a
00:45:22
panting dog.
00:45:25
This video was taken from another
00:45:27
section of his property.
00:45:32
>> So, it just sounds
00:45:33
>> What's that noise?
00:45:34
>> This sound has been going on for months
00:45:36
now.
00:45:37
>> Still with no answers.
00:45:38
>> Freak me out.
00:45:39
>> It almost feels like there's some kind
00:45:41
of construction going on
00:45:43
>> underneath his farm.
00:45:45
>> Too easy to fake though, right?
00:45:47
>> I don't know. I mean, to dig at He dug
00:45:49
six feet.
00:45:50
>> The farmer says he can feel the ground
00:45:52
fiber. Oh, see
00:45:53
>> there's definitely something going on
00:45:55
underneath.
00:45:56
>> I don't like this voice over. We're on
00:45:58
an AI voiceover. It's kind of scary.
00:46:00
>> At least it doesn't have that scary
00:46:02
music outside of
00:46:04
>> there's something being built underneath
00:46:06
his farm.
00:46:08
>> There's probably
00:46:08
>> Well, they don't What they don't put in
00:46:11
here is
00:46:12
>> okay
00:46:13
>> is the guy put his house up for sale for
00:46:16
$89
00:46:18
and he finally got a finally got a
00:46:19
buyer. Who wants to buy a property?
00:46:22
Yeah, I wouldn't tell anybody.
00:46:26
>> Do you have to disclose if you have
00:46:27
aliens underneath your house in a secret
00:46:30
tunnel?
00:46:30
>> We probably talked about this. Have you
00:46:32
heard a noise at night that scared you
00:46:34
in your house?
00:46:35
>> Of course.
00:46:36
>> And what did it sound like?
00:46:38
>> I'm the biggest puss. Yeah. I have a
00:46:40
locked door and I
00:46:42
>> What did it sound like?
00:46:46
>> Spade.
00:46:47
What's up, guy?
00:46:50
I go, "Nothing.
00:46:54
I'm going to bed. If I keep hearing
00:46:56
this, I'm coming out." No, I have I'll
00:46:59
go out there. I'll start some [ __ ]
00:47:00
[ __ ]
00:47:00
>> I got the same thing.
00:47:02
>> What do you got?
00:47:03
>> You don't need spade.
00:47:08
>> That's what they say.
00:47:10
>> I made it up.
00:47:10
>> Who is it? Gerbit.
00:47:13
I actually talked to our mutual uh
00:47:16
manager and he uh loves our impression
00:47:18
of him.
00:47:20
>> No way.
00:47:21
>> He said, "I love it." Yeah, it's a nice
00:47:24
little hop.
00:47:25
>> Yeah. Open your shirt, your heart will
00:47:27
fall out.
00:47:29
>> You like money?
00:47:32
>> Who's funnier than you?
00:47:34
>> Yeah. I go, I guess Danny just told him
00:47:36
the same thing.
00:47:40
He's got Zack. He's got so many funny
00:47:42
people. I you know it's quite a little
00:47:44
cavalcade. That's
00:47:46
>> cavalcade of comedians.
00:47:48
>> Yeah.
00:47:49
>> Uh oh, another one.
00:47:53
>> Oh, where's that one about? Is that one?
00:47:57
>> Okay. Mom dami blasted for requiring
00:48:00
five forms of ID to shovel.
00:48:03
>> Five. What the [ __ ]
00:48:04
>> Right. Well, DSA opposes the uh voter
00:48:07
ID. Yeah. Yeah. I Trump brought that up.
00:48:10
>> Is that true? I mean, he's he says, "If
00:48:14
you want to
00:48:15
>> shovel snow as a regular citizen,
00:48:18
because it's not going fast enough,
00:48:20
>> come down and we will."
00:48:22
>> He goes, "Bring a shovel. We'll get
00:48:23
you."
00:48:23
>> They Well, you'll they'll pay like 29
00:48:26
bucks an hour, but you need an a for
00:48:28
five forms of ID.
00:48:30
>> I thought it was two, but yeah.
00:48:32
>> Well, just if it's even one. Yeah.
00:48:34
>> You know,
00:48:35
>> I think people are saying if you if you
00:48:37
don't need one to vote, why would you
00:48:39
need one to shovel snow?
00:48:42
These are the stresses of being a mayor.
00:48:44
>> I don't know why you'd have to identify
00:48:46
who you are as an American citizen to
00:48:48
vote. That sounds a little weird. I
00:48:51
mean,
00:48:52
>> yeah, I don't break my personal space.
00:48:54
>> I saw a three-year-old purchasing a
00:48:56
court of vodka. And I said, "Aren't you
00:48:57
going to ID him?" And the guy was like,
00:48:59
"I don't know, man. I mean, you know,
00:49:01
does he really need an ID? He comes in
00:49:03
every day. He's my Sammy friend." And
00:49:06
the three-year-old's like, "Thanks,
00:49:08
mister." You know, I got carded at
00:49:10
Chili's my last trip.
00:49:13
Card.
00:49:14
>> You did?
00:49:15
>> Card. I didn't tell you, Heather.
00:49:18
Carded. Cuz I ordered Titos with my Diet
00:49:21
Coke on the side. And they were like,
00:49:23
"Can we get some ID?" And I go, "Well,
00:49:27
>> I don't know if I have it." And they go,
00:49:29
"Sorry, we just got to give them
00:49:30
everybody to get their ID." And I go,
00:49:33
"Okay, can I just have
00:49:36
And then I go, Bobby, why don't you get
00:49:38
some Titos?" And he goes, "Okay." And
00:49:39
then he showed his ID. And then I just
00:49:43
Then the guy just put it down with me.
00:49:45
He goes, "Sorry, we just got to get ID."
00:49:47
I go, "I get it." And how old I look?
00:49:51
I know they say, "Oh, we have to do
00:49:53
this." But there was a guy, I swore he
00:49:55
was probably 88 or something. They were
00:49:57
carding. I He was like,
00:50:00
>> that was me. Tale of the Crips, you
00:50:01
know, like
00:50:04
you honestly, but they they kind of have
00:50:06
to, but that three-year-old, I don't
00:50:08
know, maybe it was, you know, maybe I
00:50:10
misread that, but he
00:50:11
>> Who did The Voice of the [ __ ] Keeper?
00:50:14
>> Uh Bob Gowweight,
00:50:16
>> comedier.
00:50:19
>> Okay. And what did it sound?
00:50:20
>> You remember John Casier? Comedian. He
00:50:22
was on Star Search.
00:50:23
>> Sure. What did he sound like as the
00:50:25
Cripke keeper?
00:50:29
Welcome to the
00:50:30
>> Let me tell you something. If you're
00:50:33
if any comedians ask other comedians
00:50:36
about comedians, they always know the
00:50:38
other guy. It's so funny.
00:50:41
>> It's still true.
00:50:42
>> It's so funny.
00:50:42
>> Everybody's worked with everyone
00:50:44
somewhere along the line like, "Oh yeah,
00:50:45
we did Rooster Tea Feathers." you know,
00:50:48
so it's
00:50:48
>> there's always it's a it's still kind of
00:50:50
a small group of people that are stupid
00:50:53
enough to pursue a career and standup
00:50:56
comedy with all the pain and all the
00:50:58
especially the first three years. If you
00:51:00
can get past three years,
00:51:02
>> maybe you can settle in. But man, some
00:51:04
of those early bombs, woo,
00:51:06
>> they just start hearing like Nate make,
00:51:08
everyone makes so much money, Shane, and
00:51:10
you just go, A, that's lightning in a
00:51:12
bottle, and B, you have to be really
00:51:14
good and and also it's taken them
00:51:16
forever to get there.
00:51:19
>> Um, yeah. I mean, if if someone wants to
00:51:22
be a a Nate or or or a uh Shane or or a
00:51:27
or a Spade, then they they've got to put
00:51:29
in uh
00:51:30
>> you got to grind. You got to do your
00:51:32
10,000 hours of just all those clubs and
00:51:34
everything. But yeah.
00:51:36
>> Yeah.
00:51:37
>> Um well, we'll end on that. Um
00:51:40
>> that upbeat note.
00:51:42
>> Yeah.
00:51:47
>> I don't have my sound effects. Remember
00:51:48
I used to have
00:51:49
>> I know what happened to that.
00:51:51
>> I'll get them down here.
00:51:52
>> I have a new new character that has a
00:51:55
little prop that I'll do next week.
00:51:57
>> Oh, cliffhanger. Cliffhanger
00:52:01
bump.
00:52:02
>> A lot of good feedback on Eddie Veter
00:52:04
last week on the other pod. And uh
00:52:06
>> I could have gone on for another hour
00:52:08
with him once you start getting into the
00:52:10
uh you know classic rock bands and and
00:52:12
and the people he's played with and
00:52:14
stuff, you know.
00:52:15
>> Yeah, he's a stud.
00:52:16
>> That's
00:52:17
>> Remember when I was telling who the
00:52:18
greatest rock voices were? I said,
00:52:20
Eddie, if you're not on it, don't get
00:52:21
mad. Don't get mad. This is my list.
00:52:23
Can't get mad.
00:52:24
>> I'm upset you didn't do Freddy Mercury.
00:52:26
>> I know. I would have gotten a Freddy
00:52:27
Mercury. Well, we were kind of we were
00:52:30
kind of thinking '9s in a way, weren't
00:52:32
we? Or
00:52:32
>> It's hard because if you think rock or
00:52:34
if you think
00:52:35
>> there's so many different kind of
00:52:36
voices. I wanted to get to the female
00:52:38
rockers, but we didn't get we we ran out
00:52:40
of time.
00:52:42
>> We uh we we kind of um we forgot a few
00:52:45
people, so we want to clear that up.
00:52:46
Freddy Mercury has had quite the pipes.
00:52:48
What a tremendous talent that was.
00:52:50
Quite. And of course, Carly Simon could
00:52:53
sing her, you know, sing her pants off
00:52:56
or in Ed's case,
00:52:57
>> you Did you remember Live Aid and and
00:52:59
how big, you know, they talked about
00:53:01
Queen at Live Aid? I just saw on
00:53:04
Instagram that um who went after Queen,
00:53:09
who would have to follow Queen and they
00:53:11
said people wanted to move their spot
00:53:13
and David Bowie said, "I'll go
00:53:16
>> and killed
00:53:17
>> and did great."
00:53:18
>> Well, the thing about Queen, which is
00:53:22
>> um just for a few seconds here,
00:53:24
>> is the range of what they did. Even
00:53:26
though it it has its own sensibility,
00:53:28
that's a Queen song, but you remember I
00:53:30
mean we are the champions. Just that
00:53:33
song, not that it's ubiquitous, but the
00:53:35
way it started, we the chorus of we are
00:53:39
is so brilliant. And of course, my um
00:53:42
Bohemian Rap City Whoops. Oh boy.
00:53:46
>> How do we get to this? Oh my god,
00:53:49
Wayne's World. Oh my god, how did I
00:53:51
forget?
00:53:52
>> Sorry, I apologize.
00:53:56
Mama miago. Uh,
00:53:58
>> I still hurt. You would have not liked
00:54:00
that scene.
00:54:01
>> Penel was your director. We did it in
00:54:04
black.
00:54:04
>> Oh, you did it right.
00:54:06
>> And no, I and I wasn't doing it hard
00:54:07
enough cuz I got a bad neck and she's
00:54:09
like,
00:54:10
>> spade, go hard.
00:54:11
>> You got to kind of just do your whole
00:54:12
body. Oh, they were telling you to go
00:54:13
harder.
00:54:14
>> Yeah, cuz I can't keep up with Farley.
00:54:16
He's like no bones in his neck.
00:54:18
>> He's always amorphous.
00:54:21
>> I'm like, meet me in the middle. I can't
00:54:24
keep up with that.
00:54:26
>> Anyway, it was nice meeting you and uh
00:54:29
>> pleasure. Same bat time next week.
00:54:31
>> We'll see you next time. Yeah. Thank you
00:54:32
very much.
00:54:32
>> Peace out everybody.
00:54:38
>> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:54:40
which you are, be sure to click follow
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00:54:50
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00:54:52
We're on video now.
00:54:54
>> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:54:56
an executive produced by Danny Carvey
00:54:58
and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and
00:55:00
Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and
00:55:03
Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior
00:55:06
producer is Greg Holtzman. And the show
00:55:07
is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:55:11
Tech. Booking by Cultivated
00:55:12
Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick
00:55:15
Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:55:20
Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly,
00:55:23
Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt
00:55:26
Kourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out
00:55:29
with us any questions to be asked and
00:55:31
answered on the show. You can email us
00:55:32
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00:55:36
That's audacy.com.
