00:00:00
All right, we got Chelsea Handler.
00:00:02
Chelsea Handler, old friend. Old friend
00:00:04
of the show. I see her out and about a
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lot. Always funny. Just did the
00:00:08
Critics's Choice Awards. We talked to
00:00:10
her. Uh
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>> and she was of course on fire getting
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laughs.
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>> Yeah, she's a She's a pistol. She's got
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a lot of energy. She says what's on her
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mind. Very funny.
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>> Um she's
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>> never been shy.
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>> Never been shy.
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>> Yeah.
00:00:26
>> Um
00:00:28
>> we covered a lot. We talk about dating.
00:00:31
Uh we talk about standup tours, who's
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filling arenas at these days. All the
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ins and outs of her life. Uh had a lot
00:00:40
of laughs. Anytime you have a just
00:00:42
straight up comedian on, we have a lot
00:00:43
of laughs.
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>> Yeah, we started laughing the minute we
00:00:46
started and it went all the way through.
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So, here she is. Chelsea Handler.
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>> Chelsea Handler.
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Hi, my two penis face buddies.
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>> I don't know what's
00:01:04
>> I saw Chelsea recently, Dana, at a
00:01:06
little backyard get together.
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>> Oh, remember I came over on the couch. I
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said hi.
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>> Uh, was it at Ted's house?
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>> It was at Gervitz's, our manager.
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>> Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. That was a
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really fun party. Apparently, I left
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that party too early. I heard it went
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all night long and that you got on stage
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and sang.
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>> No, you know what? That was the idea.
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There was It was going to be people
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would sing. But by the way, I got there
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at seven because everyone was a little
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older. So, I got there at 7:00 going,
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"Oh, no, no one's going to be there
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yet." And then people are leaving. I go,
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"Wait guys, this is I'm the old guy, but
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I wasn't the oldest guy there for once."
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And uh and then Dana, I don't think you
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went to that one, but after about nine,
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it was kind of slowing down and then I
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goes, "Are they going to sing?" And
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they're like, "No, they did a birthday
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cake." And then they go, "And then his
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daughter sang." Remember that, Chelsea?
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>> Yeah. Yeah.
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>> Lovely song. And then I said, "I guess
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that's it." And they go, "No, Eddie's
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not going to sing." And I go, "Oh, I
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thought we were going to all going to
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sing." Okay. So I leave and then about
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two hours later,
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>> Sandler's like, "You're up." But I'm
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like, I'm up. I'm in bed. I don't Are we
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doing this?
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>> And did you go back?
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>> No, he's too far away. It was an hour.
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>> Right. Exactly. There was a lull in that
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party after about two hours. And that's
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when a group of people left. I didn't
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know that we were supposed to stay and
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things were going to, you know, there
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was going to be an act too. So, I also I
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was we may as well have left together.
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David David like we've done so many
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nights of our lives
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>> so many times. And I liked it because
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the party was fun, but it felt like a
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long party and it felt like there was a
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cake and we weren't really bailing out.
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It was just like I thought they were
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trying to say scoot, you know, because
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there's probably 30 people left.
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>> Also, I feel like Gazentite, if that was
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a sneeze, Dana, I I also feel like
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>> I feel like LA is so lame. You know what
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I mean? Like no one is out at till 9. I
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mean, that's what time everyone goes to
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bed. Every party ends earlier. It's just
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there. It's almost like it's so hard to
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even go out because the scene is kind of
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just so subdued. So many people are
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sober. It's it's just not what it used
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to be. I'm going to just throw that out
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there.
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>> I was going to throw that out there to
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talk.
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>> Explain to me as a fellow human being
00:03:27
why anybody
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>> in their right mind would go to a
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Hollywood party.
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>> No.
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>> Isn't it the most hideous? I mean, I I
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give me I like four people at your house
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for dinner. I'm not going to book it.
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That would be nice. Five. One
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conversation's happening. But the small
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talk uh derby, what's up with Chelsea?
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What's going on? Oh, yeah. You know,
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God, I don't know how you guys deal with
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it.
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>> Well, when it's hours of that and you
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keep walking to the same people all
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night, you don't know what to say the
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eighth time you see them. Yeah. And it's
00:04:02
also like you have to question why
00:04:03
you're at parties. Like what what's your
00:04:04
motivation? Why are you why am I here?
00:04:07
Like am I promoting anything? Like am I
00:04:09
why am I going to an Oscar party? I'm
00:04:11
not nominated for an Oscar. Why am I at
00:04:13
the party? Like I always I'm like no,
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it's like you know, you got to show up
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once in a while to like refresh people's
00:04:19
memories. But um I find LA to be I wish
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I I want to I want to have that place in
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New York. That's going to be my my goal.
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I think that's a little bit it's too
00:04:29
unhealthy. Like I'm becoming almost
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elderly in this lifestyle. Whenever I'm
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here, which isn't frequently, I come
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back home and like last night I was
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supposed to go over for friends for
00:04:38
dinner, which the kind of event you're
00:04:40
describing or dinner you're describing,
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Dana, which is actually sounded really
00:04:44
nice. But even getting in my car and and
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and I am in a compromised situation
00:04:48
because I I just had some surgery, so
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you know, it's not fun. I can't drink. I
00:04:52
can't really do anything. But I was
00:04:54
going to get in my car and go over there
00:04:56
and I was like, I don't think so. I
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don't think I would rather just sit here
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and watch mindless television and sleep
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as much as I can. I think I overheard
00:05:04
one of you lesbians is saying that you
00:05:07
slept for 11 hours last night.
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>> I did. Yeah.
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>> Wow. Wow. Did you masturbate to get
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yourself to sleep?
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>> No, but I I I woke up and I had
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completed the task and it was like, what
00:05:21
the [ __ ] was I dreaming?
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>> Yeah, you can do it in your sleep.
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>> Oh, yeah. So, who started that? What I
00:05:27
meant was the movement from in the
00:05:30
stand-up world with women, females,
00:05:33
whatever you prefer. And it seems to me
00:05:35
that Joan Rivers made a turn where she
00:05:38
really was more incendiary than the 60s
00:05:41
Joan. And then there's this continuum of
00:05:44
female standups just saying what they
00:05:48
want. And I put you uh in that, you
00:05:52
know, you're like the leader kind of in
00:05:54
a way. There's younger ones coming back.
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I don't know. I mean, when did standup
00:05:59
turn for women where squirting jokes and
00:06:01
stuff like that could come out, you
00:06:02
know? Who who
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>> just anything goes.
00:06:05
>> Yeah. I don't know. I think it's like a
00:06:07
rush of It's like a wave, if you will.
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No pun intended. A wave of squirters
00:06:12
talking about squirting and women, you
00:06:14
know, the more Listen, we're all talking
00:06:16
about the same stuff. When you break
00:06:18
down standup comedy, you're talking
00:06:19
about your personal life, your
00:06:20
relationships, your relationship to
00:06:22
drugs and alcohol. you know, it's all
00:06:24
the same pitter patter of idea ideas and
00:06:28
it's just like how does your execution
00:06:30
vary? So, I guess if you it's you know,
00:06:32
the more women that are up talking about
00:06:34
this, the more accepted it becomes by
00:06:36
nature and there are more female comics
00:06:38
than they've ever been, but I don't know
00:06:40
when it started. I mean, Joan certainly
00:06:42
paved the way for all of us. I can say
00:06:45
that. Um, I didn't really realize that
00:06:47
until she was dead, you know, like I I I
00:06:50
was like, "No, I paved the way for
00:06:52
myself." I had an arrogance about my own
00:06:54
success. Like Joan Rivers wasn't
00:06:55
somebody I had looked up to. And then
00:06:57
you know when I did my homework and grew
00:06:59
up a little bit I realized how how what
00:07:02
she went through and like you know going
00:07:04
to the comedy clubs like women didn't
00:07:06
even get on stage without being like you
00:07:08
know they would get on stage as
00:07:09
characters like housekeepers or you know
00:07:12
maids or or like you know just like
00:07:15
>> Deler was kind of a character.
00:07:16
>> Yeah. Right. And Joan was like being
00:07:19
herself and dressing up and going to
00:07:21
these gross comedy clubs. I mean, we all
00:07:23
know how gross comedy clubs are. They
00:07:26
are. That's where all disease begins.
00:07:28
And I that's where the disease in my
00:07:31
shoulder probably began.
00:07:33
>> It's just it's just presenting now. Um,
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but yeah, she was a trailblazer, of
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course, which is an annoying word for
00:07:41
some reason. I find that annoying. I
00:07:42
don't like when people call me a trail
00:07:43
blazer either because I'm not out there
00:07:46
with, you know, blazing trails, but I I
00:07:49
think that uh it's just good to see
00:07:51
women succeed. It's good to see women
00:07:53
being taken seriously. And it's like the
00:07:56
idea that women aren't funny is just so
00:07:58
dumb. And I know both of you know that,
00:08:00
but like, you know, for so many men out
00:08:02
there who really think that men that
00:08:04
comedy is just a men's game, it's it's
00:08:06
it's been so insulting for so long that
00:08:08
you just kind of turn off that noise.
00:08:10
Like, you know, when I was doing, for
00:08:12
instance, my first talk show, Chelsea
00:08:13
Lately, I didn't pay attention to any of
00:08:16
that because it didn't I didn't go home
00:08:17
at night thinking, what was it like to
00:08:19
be the only woman in late night? Those
00:08:20
were just comparisons that everybody
00:08:22
else made. And I feel like if you spend
00:08:24
too much time thinking about that aspect
00:08:28
of it, you're it's taking away from your
00:08:30
creative outlet anyway. You know what I
00:08:32
mean? You should be creating. You should
00:08:33
be doing your thing and not looking
00:08:34
around to see what your your competition
00:08:37
is doing. because I certainly didn't
00:08:38
look at David Letterman and think I was
00:08:39
in competition with him. You know what I
00:08:41
mean? I wasn't. I was on the E network,
00:08:43
you know.
00:08:44
>> Um, so I that's what I think I have to
00:08:47
say about that.
00:08:48
>> Making making a buzz on the E network
00:08:50
even though he's making he's on network,
00:08:52
but E, you're helping E get wider and
00:08:55
more looked at, which is interesting.
00:08:58
Also, when I go to the comedy store,
00:09:00
every you don't even blink. Every other
00:09:03
comic is a female. I mean, everywhere
00:09:05
you go, it's not even like, "Oh, you're
00:09:08
not one of the comedians."
00:09:11
You know how it used to be. You'd be
00:09:12
like, "Wait, there's a female comic on
00:09:15
the show tonight." It would be like Rita
00:09:17
Rudder or something. When I, you know,
00:09:18
Paula Poundstone and uh
00:09:20
>> but now there's so many. So, it's great.
00:09:22
I mean, listen, it's all if you got some
00:09:24
game
00:09:25
>> and there's they don't mention there's
00:09:27
also bad male comedians. So, it's not
00:09:30
like all the lots of them. guy ones are
00:09:32
good and the females are bad. It's like
00:09:35
if you're good, you're good. And so you
00:09:37
see a nice mix. Um I've seen some on
00:09:40
Instagram that are funny. Just pop in my
00:09:41
feed. So,
00:09:42
>> you know, I would when I was growing up,
00:09:44
yeah, it was like the female comedian
00:09:47
was referred to as they wouldn't say
00:09:49
David Letterman the guy
00:09:51
>> and that was more prevalent this woman
00:09:53
comedian and woman woman. I I see less
00:09:55
of that more than just comedian. And one
00:09:58
thing that's kind of cool about you is
00:10:00
you produced a show for Whitney, right?
00:10:02
I mean, you you do a lot of producing of
00:10:05
things and for other people. So,
00:10:08
>> yeah, I did at that time. Well, yeah,
00:10:10
Whitney's show didn't really last too
00:10:12
long, but we tried. And then we produced
00:10:14
a show for Ross Matthews. He wasn't
00:10:16
really a production powerhouse at the
00:10:19
time I was there, so it was really hard
00:10:21
to get. We did after lately. David, you
00:10:23
were on that show with us which was like
00:10:25
a satire of Chelsea lately where I was
00:10:27
just like in a really exaggerated
00:10:29
version of you know the [ __ ] the [ __ ]
00:10:31
that I am. But we we did we did so much
00:10:36
like uh what was I what was I where was
00:10:39
I going with this? We did so much
00:10:41
producing Whitney.
00:10:42
>> Oh yeah. It was really hard to get
00:10:43
anything done in at E with them being
00:10:46
behind anything. Like they were just
00:10:47
trying to assuage me because we had a
00:10:49
hit show. So they'd be like oh you want
00:10:50
to produce this? Great. go ahead and
00:10:52
then they'd be like, "Oh, it's not
00:10:53
getting the numbers or whatever." But,
00:10:55
you know, it was hard to get anything
00:10:57
going on Eve. I mean, the Kardashians in
00:11:00
my show were like, you know, and I don't
00:11:02
know, Saving Sunset or whatever it's
00:11:03
selling Sunset. Saving Sunset.
00:11:06
>> I think that was later. You were really,
00:11:09
>> you paved the way for shitty uh flip.
00:11:12
>> Yes. Yeah. He really took a hit after I
00:11:16
left and the Kardashians left. Like, and
00:11:18
actually, I know this is probably coming
00:11:20
out later, but I'm about to host the
00:11:22
Critic's Choice Awards, which brings me
00:11:24
back to Eid this next Friday night,
00:11:26
which is a full circle. I'm going back
00:11:28
to my birthplace.
00:11:29
>> I love that show. When I first saw that
00:11:31
show uh with you and the comedian stuff,
00:11:33
it was one of the first like lowfi shows
00:11:35
cuz cable was still coming up and stuff.
00:11:38
And so it there are shows that do do
00:11:42
that now, but you know, usually it was
00:11:44
the band and the you know, so it was
00:11:46
very cool how lowfi it was and casual.
00:11:50
>> It was very casual.
00:11:52
>> If you're just funny, you don't need
00:11:54
much. You need a camera and then you got
00:11:57
and then people like, "Oh, you don't
00:11:58
need all this other noise." Because some
00:11:59
of those shows there's only just this
00:12:01
much comedy and there's little pieces,
00:12:03
but those are harder what you're doing
00:12:05
because it's just like, "Turn the
00:12:06
cameras on. Let's just talk and we'll
00:12:09
find things to talk about and and it
00:12:11
just blew up." And that's why I I agree
00:12:13
when you left it was a big hit on there.
00:12:15
But also, you know, like it it was so
00:12:17
much fun because you guys are from SNL,
00:12:19
so you know about like Ensemble. But
00:12:21
what was so much fun about that show was
00:12:23
that the the c the casualness of it
00:12:25
allowed us to like just book my friends
00:12:28
on the round table. You know, so many
00:12:30
comics that I didn't even know that I
00:12:32
discovered on my own show whose careers
00:12:33
have blown up like you know, Fortune
00:12:35
Famster or Joe Koy, like Kevin Hart used
00:12:38
to be on the round table, like all these
00:12:40
people. So that and it was so unique in
00:12:43
the fact that like at the time anyway
00:12:44
because everyone's ripped off that show
00:12:46
now too. I mean David you've even ripped
00:12:48
it off but like you and I don't believe
00:12:50
ideas can be ripped off so I don't care
00:12:52
anyway. But like putting comics together
00:12:55
when you know you become a comedian
00:12:58
>> essentially to stand on a stage with a
00:13:01
microphone alone like it's the most
00:13:03
probably narcissistic you can be. And so
00:13:06
to put to have comics to have four
00:13:08
comedians on a round table at the same
00:13:11
time sharing space and actually having
00:13:14
to listen to each other and riff off of
00:13:16
each other was a joy and also kind of
00:13:19
unexpected because you don't see
00:13:22
comedians interacting that much.
00:13:24
>> No. Carson would in the early days he'd
00:13:27
have people stay out there. So you might
00:13:29
see Bob Hope and Don Rickles get in a
00:13:32
fight or something, you know, but that
00:13:33
went away and it was one guest one out
00:13:35
and then highly highly organized with an
00:13:39
outline of what you're supposed to get
00:13:40
to in the commercial breaks. And so
00:13:42
since your thing was I hate this one of
00:13:45
my least favorite words was just
00:13:47
authentic that when the comedians were
00:13:48
riffing, you knew it was happening real
00:13:50
time. There wasn't a rehearsal. It's not
00:13:52
a set up. It's just pingpong which made
00:13:56
it really pop. So I see why it went on.
00:13:59
>> You can also do when I was doing David
00:14:01
lately um which was not a ripoff when I
00:14:04
was doing
00:14:06
>> David Davey lately they um
00:14:09
>> the part of the fun hosting is kind of
00:14:11
hard but if you're dishing off you're
00:14:14
not doing all the lifting anymore. So
00:14:15
you give someone a subject and now
00:14:18
you're just tagging what they say on
00:14:21
their jokes and then someone else jumps
00:14:23
in. Now you're like, "Oh [ __ ] these if
00:14:24
you get good people in there that can
00:14:26
just [ __ ] like that, then people
00:14:28
just like to see like they're at dinner
00:14:30
and just you're just bullshitting
00:14:31
basically."
00:14:32
>> Yeah. And that's what's you know, you
00:14:34
hang out with comics all the time. Like
00:14:36
the best things that happen are never
00:14:38
being filmed. So you're like, "Oh,
00:14:39
wouldn't it be great if we could film
00:14:40
these conversations?" Which is
00:14:42
essentially what that show became,
00:14:44
>> right? The green room basically, you
00:14:46
know, bring it out bring it out front.
00:14:49
So, what um I guess we should mention
00:14:53
before we get showing away is you have a
00:14:55
you have a book, right, coming out.
00:14:57
>> I have a book a book is called I'll Have
00:14:59
What She's Having. That comes out
00:15:01
February 25th on my 50th birthday. And
00:15:04
then my special is called The Feeling
00:15:06
and that comes out on Netflix on March
00:15:07
25th, which is a month after my
00:15:10
birthday. So, I don't know when this
00:15:11
airs, but you can just piece it together
00:15:13
however you'd like.
00:15:14
>> We'll
00:15:16
Yeah. So, The Feeling is Netflix. So
00:15:18
which
00:15:20
because I remember I came to see is it
00:15:22
possible I came to see you at Caesar's
00:15:24
Palace once years and years and years
00:15:25
ago. Did you ever play Caesar?
00:15:28
>> Yeah, I do. I actually Yes, I used to
00:15:30
play Caesar's Palace. Now I do a
00:15:32
residency at Vegas where I perform once
00:15:34
a month which is how much time I'm
00:15:35
willing to spend in Vegas. I perform
00:15:37
once a month at the Cosmopolitan at the
00:15:40
Chelsea Theater. So I I perform inside
00:15:42
myself. But I was at Caesars's many
00:15:45
years ago,
00:15:46
>> years and years. Cuz I think it was
00:15:48
during maybe your show and I think Brad
00:15:50
Wallock, those guys were there. I think
00:15:52
I think I think uh how many specials
00:15:54
have you done? Which one is this?
00:15:58
>> I don't know actually. Four. Four or
00:16:01
five. Four or five. Probably five.
00:16:03
>> How did this one feel? Because I think
00:16:05
it's very hard. I did a couple. They
00:16:07
suck because I just I when you know you
00:16:11
have one there was a technical issue and
00:16:13
you have one shot and you've kind of
00:16:15
worked on this stuff in little clubs and
00:16:17
now you're in a barn with 1,400 seats
00:16:19
and three balconies.
00:16:21
>> So how did this one feel? Like your
00:16:23
experience of the other ones what you
00:16:24
want to land is like a feeling basically
00:16:28
of how you're authentically your best
00:16:30
self on stage, right? Not shooting a
00:16:32
special in a
00:16:34
>> Well, you're Well, no. I think you do
00:16:36
treat it like you're shooting a special,
00:16:37
but you're supposed to not You're
00:16:38
supposed to shoot two in a in a row. Da
00:16:41
d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d
00:16:41
d uh D D D D D D D D D D D D D D D D D D
00:16:42
D Dana, sorry, David.
00:16:44
I'm too I'm too weak and old to do two
00:16:46
in a row.
00:16:47
>> Well, I mean, I guess so because that's
00:16:49
how you don't screw it up. If you don't
00:16:51
get what you want in the first set, then
00:16:53
you know to get it in the second set.
00:16:55
>> So, um, somebody should have definitely
00:16:57
told you that.
00:16:58
>> No, it's it's all
00:17:00
>> or you can do two shows in two nights.
00:17:02
More expensive, but you can do
00:17:03
>> Yes. Right. Of course you could do that.
00:17:05
>> Okay. Then topic-wise or material-wise,
00:17:07
is there is there something that is a
00:17:09
little surprising for your fans? This is
00:17:11
just me asking off the top of my head.
00:17:12
Like are you stretching the envelope
00:17:15
further in terms of honesty because it's
00:17:17
sort of your brand of like
00:17:19
>> Oh, I'm always honest. I'm always, you
00:17:20
know,
00:17:21
>> you're even more honest.
00:17:22
>> Well, yeah. I mean, these are some
00:17:24
personal stories. I have some I have a
00:17:26
really great Andrew Cuomo story in this
00:17:28
special. a personal Andrew Cuomo story
00:17:30
because I was trying to get penetrated
00:17:32
by him during the pandemic.
00:17:34
>> I remember that trending that you were
00:17:36
gonna try to [ __ ] Andrew.
00:17:37
>> I remember I was hoping it was going to
00:17:38
be a live stream.
00:17:40
>> I know. I wanted to to also live stream
00:17:43
it and I wanted to do it for my country
00:17:44
because he just fel felt so um like we
00:17:48
had leadership in a time where we were
00:17:50
so dehydrated for it. But I have a
00:17:52
really good story in there about that. I
00:17:54
have a great George W. Bush story going
00:17:56
to Kenny Bunkport compound like on 40
00:17:59
milligrams of THC and having to interact
00:18:01
with the president on a pickle ball
00:18:03
court, the former president,
00:18:05
>> right?
00:18:06
>> So there's a little um there's a lot of
00:18:08
sharing. The feeling is actually a
00:18:10
reference to something I did as a child
00:18:13
to like at the jungle gym at school to
00:18:16
get a certain feeling around my Pikachu
00:18:18
area that a lot of nine-year-old girls
00:18:20
did.
00:18:21
>> And so that's a reference to that. I
00:18:23
take you from my youth into my adulthood
00:18:26
and kind of telegraph the fact that I've
00:18:28
always been this way. But yes, the
00:18:30
special felt great. You know, I'm at a
00:18:32
point where I've done this for so long.
00:18:35
I'm very capable and confident in what
00:18:37
I'm doing. I don't have um I don't I'm
00:18:40
not worried, you know, about it. I I I
00:18:43
I'm like you get to a certain point, I
00:18:45
think, in your career as I hopefully the
00:18:47
two of you can also attest. You know
00:18:49
what you're you got you're still here
00:18:51
because you got yourself this far. So,
00:18:53
like you know what you're doing. You
00:18:54
don't have to be in your head about it
00:18:56
anymore. At a certain point, you realize
00:18:58
that's just such a wasted energy and
00:19:01
that you're successful because of you.
00:19:03
So, just keep doing you.
00:19:10
>> No, I agree. I I just I'm a little I
00:19:12
have a self-critical side of my brain
00:19:15
and I have if I do stand up in a club
00:19:19
one night from the other can be
00:19:20
completely different if I get into a
00:19:22
character or some idea. I like I like it
00:19:24
to be kind of riffing part material
00:19:27
riffing.
00:19:28
>> Right.
00:19:29
>> But very hard with like 19 cameras. I
00:19:31
don't know why they need that many. Um
00:19:34
and then I get locked into doing my
00:19:37
outline like okay I've got to get to
00:19:39
this next bit. But if I was live, I go,
00:19:42
"Oh, I'm gonna go over here and do
00:19:44
Anthony Fouchy for 10 minutes." So,
00:19:46
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. You can't do that during
00:19:47
a special riffing. It would be very
00:19:49
difficult to capture because you don't
00:19:51
know, right?
00:19:52
>> Unless you did 10 nights, unless you did
00:19:54
a lowfi crew and did 10 nights. But, um,
00:19:57
so
00:19:58
>> or crowd work, that's tough on the
00:20:00
special.
00:20:00
>> Well, yeah. One thing I was just curious
00:20:02
about your take on this hot take that
00:20:05
this era of Netflix special and
00:20:07
comedians playing stadiums and arenas
00:20:10
and multiple nights of Madison Square
00:20:12
Garden. I don't know exactly when it
00:20:14
started, but it's a phenomena. And I
00:20:17
don't know if one of our great female
00:20:20
comics, sorry to put it in that box, has
00:20:22
made that leap
00:20:24
>> to arenas or Madison Square Garden or or
00:20:27
has someone done that because that
00:20:29
>> Yeah, Amy. Well, I played Madison Square
00:20:32
Garden, but not the I think I did the
00:20:34
theater at Madison Square Garden. I've
00:20:35
definitely done Radio City for multiple
00:20:37
nights. Amy Schumer played Madison
00:20:40
Garden, I believe. 20,000 18,000. Yeah,
00:20:44
it's a big one.
00:20:45
>> I mean that's going to happen. I mean I
00:20:46
Amy did arenas. I did an arena tour, you
00:20:49
know, at some point in my career. I
00:20:50
don't do arenas now. I do like usually
00:20:53
three to 4,000 seaters, but like I mean
00:20:55
it I think it's going to happen. You
00:20:57
know, there's so many people coming up.
00:20:58
Taylor Tomlinson, you know, she sells
00:21:01
tons of tickets. Atscu
00:21:04
um I mean there's a ton. So yeah, I
00:21:06
think it's also a choice. You know, some
00:21:08
comics don't want to move to that level.
00:21:11
like it's there's a there's a level of
00:21:13
intimacy.
00:21:14
>> I remember dating Joe Koy and Joe Koy
00:21:16
does um arenas
00:21:18
>> and I would go and do guest sets at his
00:21:20
shows and I'd be like this is too many
00:21:22
people like how can you I I have so many
00:21:24
facial expressions and like subtleties I
00:21:27
how can that be captured in such a big
00:21:30
stadium or arena and I remember getting
00:21:32
off stage being like oh easily. So, like
00:21:35
you kind of have this attitude like,
00:21:36
"Oh, I gotta keep it intimate." But then
00:21:38
when you're exposed to that kind of
00:21:39
audience, you're like, "Whoa, this is
00:21:40
[ __ ] awesome."
00:21:43
>> It's okay. Yeah, you need screens, I
00:21:45
would say.
00:21:46
>> Yeah, there's always large screens.
00:21:47
>> Okay, that works. Yeah,
00:21:48
>> a lot of my jokes are very small.
00:21:50
They're not even jokes. Actually, it's
00:21:51
not funny. None of my stuff is funny.
00:21:54
And so, it's harder to play any room.
00:21:56
>> That is difficult for for you, David, as
00:21:58
a comedian to not have funny material
00:22:01
andor be funny yourself. It's a deficit.
00:22:04
You do. so well under with all that um
00:22:08
those those problems of not being funny
00:22:10
and not having funny material. I've been
00:22:12
sometimes I do actually not on my own
00:22:14
but when I play the bigger rooms with uh
00:22:16
Adam or something same thing it's it's
00:22:19
harder because you see guys like in the
00:22:21
in the hallways where you like it's like
00:22:22
at a concert where you see those guys
00:22:24
there's guys selling beer over here
00:22:26
there's always someone talking there's
00:22:27
always people drifting off not
00:22:29
everyone's ever focused at once but if
00:22:31
they're locked into you like if it's
00:22:33
your crowd
00:22:34
>> I see I always say Nate Batsi his crowd
00:22:36
he plays big places and they're just
00:22:38
waiting for like throwaway jokes setup
00:22:40
jokes They're laughing at setups and
00:22:42
they're just like so intently listening.
00:22:43
I go, "That's the dream." Just get
00:22:45
people like waiting for every [ __ ]
00:22:47
thing you say instead of the big swings.
00:22:50
You're like, "Yeah, but daboo." You
00:22:52
know, you got to really Sometimes to get
00:22:54
everybody at once, you go bigger. I
00:22:56
don't know.
00:22:58
>> Yeah. No, I don't think you do now,
00:23:00
David. I don't think you do.
00:23:01
>> I don't even know what's going on right
00:23:02
now.
00:23:03
>> So, what you're a busy uh human being.
00:23:06
>> Entrepreneur. I'd like the word
00:23:08
entrepreneur even though I have no
00:23:11
I have no business.
00:23:12
>> We have a correction.
00:23:12
>> I have five books now.
00:23:15
Books do really well.
00:23:16
>> Why should people go buy this book? I'll
00:23:19
do a good great question.
00:23:21
>> Um I you know what? If you're into me
00:23:23
and you're into my stories and you're
00:23:25
into my humor, go buy the book. If
00:23:26
you're not, skip it. Like uh this is my
00:23:30
seventh book I t and my fifth or fourth
00:23:33
stand of special to be determined. We
00:23:34
still haven't figured that out. And um I
00:23:37
don't know. I'm I'm uh I like to be I
00:23:40
like to hustle, you know what I mean? I
00:23:42
like to do my own thing and I don't
00:23:43
really like direction from uh people.
00:23:47
>> So, as long as I
00:23:48
>> You are an entrepreneur. You're in
00:23:49
charge of your career. You're not a
00:23:51
you're not someone for hire. You do the
00:23:53
hiring.
00:23:53
>> Right. Right. Like I don't like to be I
00:23:56
I have been hired for jobs. But, you
00:23:58
know, historically I work best when I'm
00:24:00
my own boss. So, I do my podcasts, I do
00:24:03
my specials, I do my books, I do my
00:24:05
like, you know, TV stuff, but I try not
00:24:07
to have a long-term position where
00:24:09
anyone is giving me notes on anything.
00:24:11
>> I would say the only time I've really
00:24:13
not enjoyed show business and when I was
00:24:15
working with people with different
00:24:16
sensibilities and they had power over
00:24:18
me.
00:24:18
>> Yeah,
00:24:18
>> that's the worst feeling.
00:24:20
>> Um, you know, they're offering Oh, I
00:24:23
just want some advice for a sec. Like,
00:24:24
they're they're asking me, can I write a
00:24:26
book? just you don't have to answer this
00:24:29
in long form, but what's your advice
00:24:32
someone writing a book? I mean, did you
00:24:34
talk to a tape recorder? Did you have a
00:24:36
a writer's assist then? Do you just
00:24:38
start throwing stuff at the wall or how
00:24:40
how do you do it?
00:24:41
>> Didn't you you have a book, Dana? I
00:24:43
think I have your book, don't you?
00:24:46
>> I don't think.
00:24:46
>> No, I didn't.
00:24:48
>> Oh, maybe I'm thinking of your book,
00:24:49
David.
00:24:50
>> My book would be too dark. I mean, no
00:24:51
one would believe it as the problem, you
00:24:53
know, because I I, you know, don't have
00:24:56
that image. But yeah.
00:24:57
>> Yeah. Well,
00:24:59
>> I think it's pretty. I mean, listen, I
00:25:00
think as long as you're honest for me, I
00:25:03
just think honesty is a commodity.
00:25:05
There's a lack of it. People are a
00:25:06
little bit scared of honesty and like
00:25:09
conflict and uncomfortable things. So, I
00:25:12
like to like kind of go like
00:25:14
>> head first into that stuff. And that's
00:25:17
works for me. And it's like whatever
00:25:18
your point of view is, I think anyone
00:25:20
can write a [ __ ] book, especially
00:25:22
like in our industry, everybody does. So
00:25:26
that should be your first, you know,
00:25:27
barometer that you you can do it. And
00:25:30
your stories, the reason why they're
00:25:32
yours is because they're not believable.
00:25:34
Like everyone's stories, you could say
00:25:35
that about. So I would say I don't use a
00:25:38
No, I don't use a writer's assistant.
00:25:39
When I write my books, I do it all by
00:25:41
myself and I just start writing. I sit
00:25:43
down.
00:25:44
>> Yeah. I type everything on a computer
00:25:46
>> and then I have an editor look at it and
00:25:48
then when it's like shaped and it's in
00:25:50
some sort of form, I'll start sharing it
00:25:53
with people. But usually I don't I don't
00:25:55
like too much feedback. Like I have like
00:25:57
three or four people whose opinions I
00:25:59
respect and then based on on that I'll
00:26:01
be like okay like I'll go to them from
00:26:03
the cover or the title or um you know
00:26:06
like my editor named this book. I'll
00:26:08
have what she's having. I was like I'm
00:26:09
not naming a book. I'll have what she's
00:26:11
having about myself. That's so stupid.
00:26:13
And she's like no that's how you feel
00:26:14
after reading the book. I'm telling you
00:26:16
you want what you're having. And I was
00:26:18
like okay. And then I had to think about
00:26:20
it because usually I was like that's a
00:26:22
little but then I was like yeah you're
00:26:24
right I want people that's what I want
00:26:25
to inject people with. It's like a
00:26:27
little bit of optimism and in in sad
00:26:30
dark times.
00:26:31
>> What about when Harry met Sally where
00:26:33
she says I'll have what she's having.
00:26:35
Was there any conversation of maybe not
00:26:37
referring to a famous romantic
00:26:40
>> that's part of the famous
00:26:41
>> No that's part of the reference. Yeah.
00:26:43
So this is what you have to learn about
00:26:45
books. It's kind of like you know we
00:26:48
have a lot to learn. Dava. Dava.
00:26:50
>> Yeah. Yeah. We're we're that we're that
00:26:52
tight. We we go by one name, Dava. But,
00:26:55
uh, thank you. The only thing I'd be
00:26:57
interested for you is like you're very
00:26:59
honest,
00:27:01
>> but then you'll get to a chapter or a
00:27:02
point or a story where you you're going
00:27:06
to hurt somebody maybe um, and you like
00:27:09
them or you don't like them. Do how do
00:27:12
you navigate that or you just,
00:27:14
>> you know, do you just navigate that a
00:27:17
little bit? It's a judgment call. Should
00:27:18
I bury this person at the party where
00:27:20
they were drunk or keep it in? Stuff
00:27:22
like that.
00:27:23
>> Well, you have to legally shroud
00:27:26
people's identity unless they're a
00:27:27
public figure. So, like if I have my
00:27:29
story about Andrew Cuomo, which happens
00:27:30
to be in my standup special and in my
00:27:33
book, there's a crossover. It's two kind
00:27:36
of different like there's way more room
00:27:38
for detail and everything in the book,
00:27:39
but he's a public figure. So I tell like
00:27:42
one version of that story in the book
00:27:44
and I tell I mean it's the same version
00:27:45
but you know different storytelling
00:27:47
styles for standup for books
00:27:49
>> but like for him I don't have to ask
00:27:51
permission because everything I'm
00:27:52
telling is true for a friend of mine
00:27:54
that I'm writing about who I
00:27:57
>> like who isn't a public figure that I'm
00:28:00
saying something embarrassing or bad
00:28:02
about like I have to shroud her identity
00:28:05
so that no one will read it and
00:28:07
recognize who you're talking about. So
00:28:09
sometimes it's like I I'll make up a
00:28:11
character. I'll make a guy a girl or
00:28:13
make a you know you make them a
00:28:15
different age, a different part of the
00:28:16
world they live in and blah blah blah
00:28:18
just to kind of shroud their identity.
00:28:20
But that's what you have to do when you
00:28:21
write books. Also,
00:28:22
>> I've gotten all I need today. Thank you.
00:28:25
>> I have a question.
00:28:26
>> This is your motivational This is your
00:28:27
motivational talk for you guys this
00:28:29
morning for both of you. Dava,
00:28:31
>> I have a question about your um you
00:28:35
don't like bosses at work, but do you
00:28:37
like when you date someone, do you like
00:28:38
to be bossed around?
00:28:40
>> A boss in the bedroom? I mean, I would I
00:28:43
like being sexually bossed around. I
00:28:45
mean, no one's really going to boss me
00:28:47
around because that's just not going to
00:28:48
happen. You know what I mean? I don't
00:28:50
have time for that. But I do like
00:28:52
sexually when somebody kind of tosses me
00:28:53
around and tells me to shut up or like
00:28:55
pushes my head down, you know, like
00:28:57
playful sex. I like that.
00:29:00
>> Into the wall.
00:29:01
>> Did Joe Koy do that?
00:29:04
>> Um, probably when I asked him to. You
00:29:07
know, you got to kind of tell guys
00:29:08
luckily these days that you want that
00:29:11
and that you want to get like, you know,
00:29:13
so yeah, I'm sure Joe Koy was a little
00:29:15
bit, you know, trying to throw me
00:29:17
around. I'm sure
00:29:20
Yeah. You go, "Hey, Joe Koy."
00:29:22
>> During sex all the time, I would go, "Oh
00:29:24
my god, Joe Koy. Joy.
00:29:27
Oh my god, Joe Koy. Are you in? What's
00:29:29
happening?
00:29:30
>> I've never heard anyone just call him
00:29:31
Joe. I think it's always Joe.
00:29:33
>> I didn't know that he didn't know how to
00:29:35
spell Joe Koy. I thought Joe Koi. I
00:29:38
thought J O K O Y was like his birth
00:29:42
name and his name is actually Joe and
00:29:46
then Koi is a madeup name. So, and then
00:29:48
he combined Joe Koi. Joe Koy.
00:29:51
>> So, I don't know.
00:29:52
>> It worked. Yeah.
00:29:53
>> Yeah. So that was actually difficult
00:29:55
when I was writing the book because
00:29:56
there's a chapter about I talk about my
00:29:58
relationship with Joe Koy and I I I'm a
00:30:01
real big on spelling and grammar like I
00:30:04
find it to be a turn on when also people
00:30:07
pay attention to spelling and grammar
00:30:09
>> and so
00:30:10
>> I he spells his name J O K O Y and I had
00:30:14
to spell it J O E and then K O Y and a
00:30:17
space. I did. I couldn't spell it that
00:30:20
way that he wants people to spell it
00:30:22
just out of respect for myself.
00:30:25
>> It's not an actual
00:30:28
name in the English language. Joate
00:30:31
with a female.
00:30:32
>> Well, that's right. Women are who are
00:30:34
named Joe. It's J. And he's spelling his
00:30:38
name like a woman. So, I had to respect
00:30:40
him because I know he doesn't present.
00:30:42
He doesn't identify as a woman. So, I
00:30:44
wanted to spell his name correctly just
00:30:46
by chance he might see it and learn how
00:30:49
to spell his own name.
00:30:50
>> Yeah.
00:30:52
>> Well, Joe, yeah, it has it's whimsical a
00:30:55
little bit, you know. I don't know. Joe,
00:30:57
you know, Joe's like a Joe guy, you
00:30:59
know. Joe Joe, artistic
00:31:02
>> Joe. I wouldn't do it just because it's
00:31:05
a female name. Like I would change.
00:31:07
Maybe he doesn't maybe didn't know that.
00:31:09
>> Joe from Little Women you're talking.
00:31:11
>> Yeah. There's not that many musician
00:31:14
like you. Who's the better standup on
00:31:16
their best night? You or Joe Koy.
00:31:18
>> Oh, I would Well, Joe's a great standup.
00:31:20
I would never say that I'm a better He's
00:31:22
great. I mean, he is very good at what
00:31:25
he does. So,
00:31:26
>> it would help if you said you were
00:31:27
better.
00:31:28
>> I would never say that about any comic.
00:31:31
I don't need to say that.
00:31:32
>> He's powerful. Definitely. He's
00:31:34
physical. Uh he does a lot of uh voices
00:31:38
of other
00:31:39
>> Yes.
00:31:41
people around
00:31:42
>> different comics. She'll say that that's
00:31:44
>> best completely opposite ends of the
00:31:46
spectrum. Exactly. It would like it be
00:31:48
like comparing an apple to a pineapple
00:31:52
>> to a type Thank you. Yeah.
00:31:54
>> to a typewriter to
00:31:57
to a Dyson. It would like be comparing a
00:32:00
a clean air what is this called? An air
00:32:02
doctor. We all have to get air doctors
00:32:04
right after the fires. It would be like
00:32:06
comparing an apple to an air doctor. I
00:32:09
think uh
00:32:09
>> it would be like comparing a frontal to
00:32:12
the lunar module.
00:32:14
>> Yeah.
00:32:14
>> Yes, that's right.
00:32:16
>> David,
00:32:17
>> it would be like Oh. Um I don't have any
00:32:20
good ones of that, but I was saying that
00:32:22
maybe Chelsea,
00:32:23
>> the chemistry between the two of you is
00:32:25
palpable.
00:32:27
>> We
00:32:27
>> and I think the chemistry between the
00:32:29
three of us is very intriguing as well.
00:32:32
>> So pal palpable is good.
00:32:35
>> Palpable is Yeah. something you can
00:32:37
almost you can feel it and you can touch
00:32:39
it almost.
00:32:41
>> When you date a guy, do you feel like
00:32:43
you're a little intimidating or guys
00:32:45
scared to ask you out? Do you think?
00:32:46
>> Yeah, I think men are very disturbed by
00:32:49
me. Yes, I think that they is not what I
00:32:52
said.
00:32:52
>> I think they find me off-putting and um
00:32:55
some men really love me and that's nice.
00:32:58
But I think as men in general, straight
00:33:00
guys above a certain age are a little
00:33:03
bit put off by me. I'm not trying to be
00:33:05
intimidating or to turn people off. I
00:33:08
just have that essence about myself and
00:33:11
>> you don't seem like you're out trying to
00:33:12
turn them on either. You're not like
00:33:13
thirstily going after guys. You're just
00:33:15
doing
00:33:15
>> When was the last time you had sex?
00:33:18
>> Oh, uh, just a few weeks ago. I have a I
00:33:22
have a mountain I have a mountain lover.
00:33:24
I have a I have a mountain man that I
00:33:26
have sex with in my mountain house in
00:33:28
Whistler, Canada, where I ski. So, right
00:33:31
now I'm in LA and usually in the winter
00:33:34
time I have sex with a mountain man.
00:33:36
>> And does the mountain man have a big
00:33:38
burly beard and really husky? What is
00:33:41
it?
00:33:42
>> What are you getting at?
00:33:42
>> Yeah,
00:33:43
>> he he has a big He has a beard. It's not
00:33:45
burly like what you're envisioning, but
00:33:47
he has a beard. He definitely looks like
00:33:49
he's from the mountain.
00:33:51
>> You know what I mean?
00:33:51
>> Is it Burke Chryser?
00:33:53
>> It is not Bert Chryser. No. No. He has
00:33:56
never been on top of me inside of me. I
00:33:58
don't think he's been on top of anyone
00:33:59
except for his own wife. So, that's
00:34:00
probably for the best.
00:34:02
>> That's sweet.
00:34:03
>> Yeah,
00:34:04
>> that is We're gonna spin that sweet.
00:34:06
>> Well, you have a mountain man in a
00:34:07
cabin. You've got a bestselling book
00:34:09
about to happen.
00:34:10
>> Dial it in.
00:34:11
>> You got a You got a special. I mean,
00:34:13
what don't you have right now?
00:34:15
>> A baby. I don't have a baby. Thank God.
00:34:18
So, that's there's that, you know. Okay.
00:34:20
>> I think about all the things that I
00:34:21
don't have that I'm grateful that I
00:34:23
don't have, like a husband. I never
00:34:24
wanted to be married. I just find that
00:34:26
idea. I can't believe you've never
00:34:28
gotten married. David, did you get
00:34:29
married one time?
00:34:30
>> I don't think so.
00:34:32
>> Good for you. Like, for making that
00:34:33
decision, Dana, what about you? Have you
00:34:35
been married?
00:34:35
>> It's hard to make that decision to be
00:34:36
honest. Weird. Born to be married. I've
00:34:39
been married for 42 years.
00:34:41
>> Oh, wow. Congrats on that. That's nice.
00:34:44
>> I guess so.
00:34:45
>> That's why Dana and I have all the
00:34:47
sexual tension between us.
00:34:48
>> I just had a really weird childhood. And
00:34:50
I just uh I would get the walls would
00:34:53
close in on me over time uh if I was
00:34:56
just alone too too much, you know. So,
00:34:59
>> right. Right.
00:35:00
>> If you when you when you've had a great
00:35:02
boyfriend and he's not you're not
00:35:04
married to him and you're watching TV
00:35:06
and you're having fun and you have your
00:35:07
separate career in life, that's fun,
00:35:09
right? Because it's you get to share
00:35:11
stuff. It's fun, right?
00:35:13
>> You don't have to get married though.
00:35:15
Marriage is
00:35:15
>> No. Yeah.
00:35:17
>> No, I'm with David. And I mean, David
00:35:18
and I probably have some similar um
00:35:20
dating habits. I like just to have an
00:35:22
open field and even if I am dating
00:35:24
someone, it's it's very clear like this
00:35:27
is not, you know, this is nice and
00:35:29
everything, but there's not going to be
00:35:30
any sort of long-term commitment made
00:35:32
ever. And that's not the way I roll.
00:35:36
>> I don't think I've ever had that
00:35:37
conversation
00:35:40
or guys that look like me.
00:35:42
>> Bill Maher always says to me, "Everyone
00:35:44
wants me to get married." I go, "No one
00:35:45
wants you to get married. You don't
00:35:47
cares. We don't I married people don't
00:35:49
think that you've all got to be married.
00:35:51
So um
00:35:52
>> especially Bill Maher like who's worried
00:35:54
about Bill Maher getting married? Who?
00:35:56
Who? No one.
00:35:58
>> He says he says
00:35:59
>> exactly.
00:36:02
>> Dude, I go to Chelsea at things just to
00:36:04
go laugh because she's always going to
00:36:05
say something snipy and funny about
00:36:07
somebody. It's [ __ ] always funny. Um
00:36:11
you're always good to uh I think I've
00:36:13
even been to your house. I don't know if
00:36:14
it's that house.
00:36:15
>> No, this is a new house. You know whose
00:36:17
house I [ __ ] bought? RFK. RFK Jr.'s
00:36:20
house is the house and he and Cheryl
00:36:22
Hines. I bought this house. I didn't
00:36:24
know that they owned the house when I
00:36:25
bought it, which would have been a huge
00:36:27
>> take out the weight room.
00:36:29
>> Why do you I mean I have an I have had
00:36:31
an infection ever since I moved into
00:36:32
this house and I believe it's from him.
00:36:34
>> He's supposed to be health guy and he
00:36:35
got in from his
00:36:39
>> Look at this is from Look at this
00:36:40
bruise. It's from my IV. I have to have
00:36:42
a daily introvenous. Yeah. like from a
00:36:45
rough obsession with mountain man
00:36:47
>> with Joe right now. Yeah.
00:36:51
>> Congratulations. Me too.
00:36:58
I did a benefit for the cardiovascular
00:37:02
whatever and I think Ryan Street Crest
00:37:04
was on it but it was a horrible
00:37:06
environment and I went out there and it
00:37:08
was pulling a tractor and I bombed and I
00:37:11
came outside and I think you might have
00:37:13
been smoking a cigarette. I don't even
00:37:14
know if you smoke but you seem like
00:37:16
incredibly cool and confident and you
00:37:19
sort of you sort of went how many of
00:37:20
these do you do? like you basically in
00:37:23
my mind you were saying to me why would
00:37:25
you do this you know and I had the
00:37:28
disease to please and say yes and so
00:37:30
that's how I remember you and I thought
00:37:32
you were very cool.
00:37:33
>> Oh well that's cute.
00:37:35
>> Yeah I'm just cute.
00:37:36
>> Yeah. Chelsea part of her her attraction
00:37:38
is she's
00:37:39
>> she's not very pretty but she's very
00:37:41
like kind of a tough chick that you have
00:37:43
to you everyone feels like they have to
00:37:45
win over because she's not easily like
00:37:47
>> she doesn't she we're referring to you
00:37:49
now Ch. She doesn't suffer fools. She
00:37:52
doesn't suffer fools. I would not say
00:37:55
>> you got to throw something at her that's
00:37:56
decent because she's not going to she's
00:37:57
going to see right now.
00:37:58
>> There's a hurt little girl in there
00:37:59
somewhere and a vulnerable person behind
00:38:02
that Dennis.
00:38:05
>> There's a gooey sentimental
00:38:09
>> um cries real softy.
00:38:11
>> I think everyone has
00:38:12
>> By the way, I like that she's texting
00:38:13
during this. Anyway, we're giving you
00:38:14
all these compliments and you're like,
00:38:15
>> I'm just texting the I'm texting the
00:38:17
police. You're going you're going Can we
00:38:19
wrap this up? I have two question is
00:38:21
going to be on the podcast.
00:38:23
>> I have to say here's two names for your
00:38:26
next specials. Ready?
00:38:27
>> Okay.
00:38:28
>> Okay.
00:38:29
>> One is
00:38:31
more honest. That's not bad.
00:38:33
>> Oh, that's not bad. I like that
00:38:35
actually. More honest.
00:38:37
>> You're always because you're always
00:38:38
honest. But you have another special.
00:38:40
You're like,
00:38:40
>> I've got one.
00:38:41
>> Okay.
00:38:41
>> I've got the balls.
00:38:44
>> Okay.
00:38:45
>> Okay. And here's one more. Those are two
00:38:47
suggestions and one of them I like
00:38:50
>> I don't have a baby. Thank god.
00:38:53
>> That's right.
00:38:54
>> That's not a bad one cuz people are
00:38:55
like, "Oh, I want to hear what that's
00:38:56
shit's all about." You can never
00:38:58
>> I feel like
00:38:59
>> Yeah, I feel like I've said that so many
00:39:00
times that I like more honest though.
00:39:03
That's a good one. I'm actually going to
00:39:04
put that in my notes section. David,
00:39:06
>> two words. Yeah,
00:39:08
>> three two words, three syllables.
00:39:11
>> Mine was intentionally going for the
00:39:13
worst title ever, so his is actually
00:39:15
good. thinking of how about just Chelsea
00:39:19
with an exclamation point.
00:39:23
>> How about Oh, she's already done that.
00:39:26
Oh, she's already done that.
00:39:27
>> I've done it. Everything is named on
00:39:29
that name.
00:39:30
>> I've used that name up. I need a new
00:39:32
[ __ ] name.
00:39:33
>> You know what's funny? Whitney and
00:39:35
Chelsea, like there's Eliza. A lot of
00:39:37
the female comics, you know them by one
00:39:40
name. You don't know me by date. You
00:39:42
know what I mean?
00:39:44
>> You all you everyone knows you by spade.
00:39:46
Everyone goes by, you guys go by last
00:39:48
names. Well, some of the girls go by
00:39:50
last Yeah, it's true.
00:39:52
>> Sandler, Rock, Spade. We even call each
00:39:55
other that.
00:39:57
>> Yeah. Yeah, you do. That's right.
00:39:59
>> Speaking of Hollywood parties, are you
00:40:01
going to um GIO series house tomorrow
00:40:03
night, David?
00:40:05
>> Oh, I'm not because I have a [ __ ]
00:40:07
casino gig.
00:40:08
>> Oh, dear.
00:40:09
>> Well, I would love it. That's fun. I
00:40:11
would like to see you there.
00:40:12
>> I know. I was just going to see if you
00:40:13
wanted to go with me on my plus as my my
00:40:16
plus one. But you're I can't believe I
00:40:18
or as your you know if you were going
00:40:21
but um
00:40:22
>> well those are fun because he never says
00:40:24
who's going and I never ask. I just go
00:40:25
I'll just go and see what's going on.
00:40:27
But I I were shoot I'm shooting this
00:40:29
independent right now film and this is
00:40:33
my first day off in a while and I
00:40:35
definitely wanted to do this with you
00:40:36
because we it's been hard to sort of
00:40:38
organize but then tomorrow I have to go
00:40:41
do a m a show I had booked before I did
00:40:43
this so I am going to miss it. I would
00:40:45
like to do that. It's a fun night.
00:40:47
>> Well, I hope you have a great time at
00:40:49
your casino gig. What what what city is
00:40:52
that in?
00:40:53
>> No one knows. It's um
00:40:55
>> Exactly. You go.
00:40:56
>> Casinos are pretty tricky.
00:40:58
>> They're fun though. And when you get
00:40:59
there, they're not bad. Is it with
00:41:01
Nikki?
00:41:02
>> With Nikki Glazer. No.
00:41:03
>> Mhm. No.
00:41:04
>> No. We do a Vegas thing sort of like
00:41:06
Chelsea sometimes. And um those are fun
00:41:08
too. At least Vegas you can stay up
00:41:11
late. Chelsea.
00:41:12
>> Yeah. I like to gamble. I like to play
00:41:14
with like lots of money and gamble. I So
00:41:16
I I do my show. Usually I have a bunch
00:41:18
of friends or family or whomever. Like
00:41:20
they come and they get a block of rooms,
00:41:22
you know, we hook them up. They come
00:41:23
out, fly out with me and then we gamble
00:41:26
and I, you know, I love gambling. I love
00:41:29
blackjack. I love supplying everyone
00:41:31
with money to gamble for people who
00:41:33
don't have money to throw around and I
00:41:36
always start with a certain number and I
00:41:38
always leave and I always always walk
00:41:40
out with more money. Like I am so lucky
00:41:43
with gambling and I have made that
00:41:45
casino I believe luckier.
00:41:47
>> What What do you play? Blackjack. What
00:41:49
are you playing?
00:41:50
>> Yeah, Miracle Ear. I just [ __ ] said
00:41:51
it. a blackout.
00:41:52
>> I know. Well, I I have a fever.
00:41:56
>> I'm on antibiotics.
00:41:57
>> I'm also on antibiotics with a fever.
00:42:00
Just FYI, okay? So, stop your
00:42:01
complaining.
00:42:02
>> I apologize. I'm perfect.
00:42:03
>> You're on antibiotics?
00:42:05
>> Yeah. Intravenous. Look at this, you
00:42:07
guys. I have a pickline in my arm. [ __ ]
00:42:10
>> I have like a massive infection.
00:42:12
>> Amy Winehouse.
00:42:13
>> I know. I know. It's embarrassing. I'm
00:42:16
like falling apart at the seams. But, I
00:42:19
mean, I'll be okay. Just like you'll be
00:42:20
okay Dana Carvey once you get
00:42:22
>> Carvey the whole name.
00:42:24
>> Listen
00:42:26
Miz Handler.
00:42:27
>> I have a question.
00:42:28
>> You'll be okay. Miz Handler is the
00:42:31
toughest one.
00:42:32
>> Chelsea Handler. That's the special.
00:42:35
>> That's what George Bush called me when
00:42:36
we met at his Kenny Bunk board. He kept
00:42:39
calling me Miz Handler. Like to really
00:42:42
annunciate the like for my to represent
00:42:44
my like loose lifestyle. Miz handler.
00:42:47
like this this unmarried Helian
00:42:52
guy w
00:42:53
>> harlot. Yeah,
00:42:54
>> he makes Jezebel laugh.
00:42:56
>> Yeah. Well, you would know, Dana. I
00:42:58
mean, you played him for so many years.
00:42:59
That's your guy.
00:43:00
>> I'm talking You mean Bush Senior?
00:43:03
>> Oh, right. Didn't you play him, too? No,
00:43:05
I'm talking about Bush Jr.
00:43:06
>> You play Junior just in my standup, but
00:43:09
Will Frell did him on SNL, but I played
00:43:11
him. Everybody does W. He's a funny
00:43:14
funny character.
00:43:20
My podcast is called Dear Chelsea.
00:43:22
People call in for real life advice. And
00:43:24
it's
00:43:25
>> Yeah. So it's not like anything you guys
00:43:27
would ever listen to.
00:43:30
>> You take phone calls from fans and
00:43:32
>> from real people. No, not fans. People
00:43:34
who have [ __ ] problems and they call
00:43:35
in and I consider myself like a medical
00:43:38
doctor. Yeah. I'm I'm pretty smart about
00:43:41
giving advice to people. I'm really good
00:43:43
at it and I'm really a good like
00:43:45
motivator. like go get your [ __ ]
00:43:46
together and get, you know, make a good
00:43:48
life decision. So yeah, I I have a
00:43:50
podcast called Dear Chelsea and I'm
00:43:52
really excited actually, guys, to be
00:43:54
spending this. It feels like a Saturday
00:43:56
morning today, doesn't it? It's Friday,
00:43:58
but it feels like a Saturday morning.
00:43:59
>> I swear I thought it was Saturday.
00:44:01
>> This is the earliest we've done one. I
00:44:03
don't think we've ever in history gone
00:44:05
earlier.
00:44:05
>> Y Okay. Well, maybe that I get up early,
00:44:09
so I like this.
00:44:10
>> So do So do I. I always get up early
00:44:12
wherever I am in the world. They said,
00:44:13
"You have to be at the Beverly Center at
00:44:15
10, so we'll let you go." I guess you
00:44:17
>> Beverly Center. I [ __ ] hope not. My
00:44:19
god.
00:44:19
>> That's what they told us. They go,
00:44:21
>> "I [ __ ] hate malls." I grew up in New
00:44:24
Jersey, as you know, Livingston, New
00:44:25
Jersey, which you mentioned previously,
00:44:27
and I have had my run and fill of
00:44:30
shopping malls. So, please don't mention
00:44:32
any shopping mall to me again because
00:44:34
I'm I'm wrapped.
00:44:35
>> Well, where are you going to go to Lady
00:44:36
Foot Locker? They just have them on the
00:44:38
street. Well, don't you love food court?
00:44:40
>> Don't you love a good food court,
00:44:42
though?
00:44:43
>> You mean Sabarro? Yes, I do. A&W.
00:44:46
>> Panda Express.
00:44:47
>> A&W. Now, now we're talking. Finally.
00:44:49
>> No. Panda Express. I do not like Panda
00:44:51
Express. I would like to put that out
00:44:53
there on the record.
00:44:54
>> Put it out there for future dates.
00:44:56
Spade's going to get a Wendy's hamburger
00:44:58
at some point today.
00:45:01
>> I do still eat that once in a while.
00:45:02
Yeah.
00:45:03
>> Yeah. I I used to like Wendy's chicken
00:45:05
nuggets, but you know those that's not
00:45:07
chicken. And I had to come to terms with
00:45:09
that. Even though they're like my
00:45:10
favorite [ __ ] snack, I just had to
00:45:13
eventually just be like, "What
00:45:15
>> am I putting in my body?" You know, I
00:45:17
put so many chemicals in it already.
00:45:19
Does it really need these chicken
00:45:20
nuggets to put me over the top?
00:45:22
>> Yeah.
00:45:23
>> Yeah. Yeah. That doesn't appear.
00:45:25
>> Chelsea, I think we'll let you go. You
00:45:27
did a great job. And uh I just want to
00:45:28
say lastly, you did use the word ass. Is
00:45:31
that what you said earlier?
00:45:32
>> Assuge. As great. I wrote it down. Good
00:45:35
job. I learned I learned
00:45:38
>> I think you learned a few words today
00:45:40
quite frankly.
00:45:41
>> By the way, when I text, I gota if I
00:45:43
ever text you, I have to be less like yo
00:45:45
yo yo cuz I talk like a rapper. So I
00:45:47
have to probably I'll do all the
00:45:49
spelling stuff for you.
00:45:50
>> Okay. Well, don't worry. I don't think
00:45:51
anyone's confusing you with a rapper.
00:45:54
>> Make sure you change that wrap after we
00:45:56
hang up asap.
00:45:58
>> Yeah, change your wrap on your arm.
00:46:00
>> Oh yeah, Chelsea, let's get you
00:46:01
choppered out of there. Things aren't
00:46:03
going well.
00:46:04
>> Yeah, it does. It's been like this, you
00:46:06
guys. I'm I'm This is my life for the
00:46:09
next week, so it's okay. Don't worry.
00:46:12
>> You're perfectly charming on here. Thank
00:46:14
you for doing it.
00:46:14
>> Thank you. Nice hanging out. And uh I
00:46:17
don't know who said this to me, but
00:46:18
we'll see you around campus, which mean
00:46:21
>> Okay, great.
00:46:26
>> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:46:28
which you are, be sure to click follow
00:46:31
on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:46:33
review, fivestar rating, and maybe even
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>> If you're watching this episode on
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>> Fly on the Walls presented by Odyssey,
00:46:45
an executive produced by Dana Carvey and
00:46:47
David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg
00:46:49
Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:46:52
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior
00:46:54
producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show
00:46:56
is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:46:59
Tech. Booking by Cultivated
00:47:01
Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick
00:47:03
Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:47:08
Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly,
00:47:11
Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt
00:47:14
Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach
00:47:17
out with us any questions to be asked
00:47:19
and answered on the show. You can email
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us at fly onthealla.com.
00:47:24
That's audacy.com.
