00:00:00
So, I do my set crush kill other
00:00:02
people's words. Levitate the room.
00:00:04
>> I heard it. I saw it. It trended. Bill
00:00:06
Bill Burr texted me.
00:00:08
>> Look at me. Well, the thing about me
00:00:10
that's interesting.
00:00:11
>> Looks cool.
00:00:12
>> Well, the thing about me that's neat.
00:00:14
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Hi.
00:00:16
Did you guys see my Espire interview
00:00:17
yet? [laughter]
00:00:19
>> Guess what? And by the way, it's the
00:00:22
fact of the matter. Don't you know you
00:00:24
got to go? No joke.
00:00:27
>> I've been to Magic Mountain. Let me tell
00:00:28
you something. off the record,
00:00:30
>> not so much.
00:00:31
>> More mountain than magic, and it's not.
00:00:35
>> All right, before we get started on this
00:00:37
very special episode, seriously, we do
00:00:40
have some breaking news on a gentleman
00:00:43
who
00:00:44
>> who claims to know where Jeffrey Epstein
00:00:48
is um at this time. Um
00:00:53
and uh it's kind of shocking and we're
00:00:56
going to get to it in a second. That
00:00:58
sounds pretty serious.
00:00:59
>> We're going to get to our guests. Our
00:01:00
guests will be here in just a few
00:01:02
minutes.
00:01:02
>> Okay, let's talk about our weekend
00:01:04
first. [laughter]
00:01:05
>> Okay, that's more important. But it's
00:01:08
coming up and it's coming up. Stick
00:01:10
around.
00:01:11
>> You'll be happy when you stick around.
00:01:12
You're not going to You're not going to
00:01:14
see this coming.
00:01:15
>> No.
00:01:16
>> Yeah. So, Dana, um
00:01:18
>> Yeah.
00:01:19
>> What?
00:01:19
>> Selfie.
00:01:21
>> A selfie [clears throat] of yourself.
00:01:22
>> No, of you. I took your side.
00:01:24
>> Oh, your hair looks pretty cool today.
00:01:25
Well, I was trying to I want people ask
00:01:28
me about my hair a lot, you know.
00:01:30
>> What's your hair story? What's your
00:01:32
>> My hair story is that Well, two things.
00:01:35
One is there's a lot of noise in my
00:01:37
brain. I mean, you're kind of quiet in
00:01:39
there, right? You're not you're not
00:01:40
neurotic like I am.
00:01:42
>> Uh or you are. I'm not sure. But, um so
00:01:46
I want my hair to represent if it's
00:01:48
super combed, it feels like it doesn't
00:01:50
represent what's going on inside my bra.
00:01:52
>> Oh, I get it. Yeah, I agree with you. I
00:01:54
like people that have their hair a
00:01:55
little messy.
00:01:56
>> Plus, when I was 10 years old, I'd see
00:01:58
the Beatles during the hard days, night,
00:02:00
or whatever, and they always had
00:02:02
deconstructed hair. They never had
00:02:03
severe parts. And look at my hair. So,
00:02:06
those are the two things I got.
00:02:07
>> Sometimes they had those bangs at the
00:02:09
beginning that were pretty
00:02:11
>> That was kind of revolutionary in a way
00:02:13
to to do the bold cut, the bangs
00:02:15
forward. I know. It's so weird, right?
00:02:17
>> I know. But now I do it all the time.
00:02:20
[laughter]
00:02:21
>> You've got your look down. No, I like my
00:02:24
hair today because we did it yesterday.
00:02:25
I did a uh interview for uh Esquire. I
00:02:29
don't When is that coming out, Heather?
00:02:30
I don't know.
00:02:32
>> I don't learn most of it here.
00:02:34
>> Are you making making a move? I mean, I
00:02:37
hear
00:02:38
>> Am I making money moves?
00:02:39
>> Well, are you just making a move? Are in
00:02:41
the latter of show business? Are you
00:02:42
making moves? Are you shaking the tree?
00:02:44
I mean, what's this Esquire magazine
00:02:46
profile?
00:02:47
>> It was actually good. This is the editor
00:02:49
of Esquire. He sat down. He knew he read
00:02:51
my book. He saw the last special and
00:02:53
he's like,
00:02:54
>> "Let's get into it." But it got a little
00:02:55
deeper than normal.
00:02:57
>> Well, what would be the by line? What's
00:02:59
going to be the thing? David, you know,
00:03:01
what is it going to be? You think?
00:03:04
>> I mean, we I'm sort of an open book
00:03:07
anyway. We know all my dumb stories. So,
00:03:11
uh, he did dig into the dad a little
00:03:13
bit.
00:03:13
>> What I've learned.
00:03:14
>> Oh, the whole thing is called What I've
00:03:16
Learned. So, I don't know. I didn't know
00:03:17
that ahead of time because I didn't tell
00:03:18
anything.
00:03:19
>> Oh, that's kind of Yeah. Yeah. A little
00:03:21
more profound or something.
00:03:23
>> Yeah.
00:03:24
>> Yeah.
00:03:24
>> He did ask me what would I have
00:03:27
>> tell your younger
00:03:28
>> what's the first line of my obituary? I
00:03:31
don't like death stuff like that, but I
00:03:34
>> uh Well, MV Griffins was the greatest.
00:03:37
The talk show host from the 70s.
00:03:39
>> I won't be right back. That's on his
00:03:42
tombstone. I know that
00:03:43
>> because he always says we'll be right
00:03:45
back.
00:03:46
>> Exactly. [laughter]
00:03:48
>> Yeah. He asked me what I would tell my
00:03:50
twerpy self.
00:03:52
>> Oh, go back in time.
00:03:56
>> Sounds kind of interesting. Did they
00:03:57
record you and then they're going to
00:03:58
print what you said or is it going to be
00:04:00
interpreted?
00:04:01
>> No, it was a live interview with And it
00:04:03
was in black and white even though I
00:04:04
wore a sweater that really popped.
00:04:07
>> That's kind of hip.
00:04:08
>> Yeah.
00:04:09
>> And so I Oh, yeah. What's Oh, I guess
00:04:12
you'll have to see what my big line was.
00:04:14
I had to make up for my
00:04:17
>> Well, have you got a banger? as I call
00:04:18
him, or a trender. Or is it going to be
00:04:21
noisy? Is it Are we going to see some
00:04:23
Daily Mail? I [laughter] mean,
00:04:26
>> that was Bert Reynolds thing. The worst
00:04:28
sin in show business is to be boring.
00:04:31
>> No matter what.
00:04:33
>> I think we didn't get that memo. Did we
00:04:35
>> falling into that? Yeah. Uh, [laughter]
00:04:37
well, it's also you see these people
00:04:39
that want to be famous and they get on
00:04:41
like a reality show and they'll do
00:04:43
anything and then they regret it for the
00:04:44
next 20 years. It just follows you and
00:04:46
they don't realize at the time. Don't be
00:04:49
saying everything on your mind at all
00:04:50
times. Don't be filming it. Don't be
00:04:55
>> keep a little mystery about yourself.
00:04:57
>> Yes. It's good to have a little Not
00:04:58
everyone needs to know every god dang
00:05:00
thing about you.
00:05:01
>> God dang it. Yeah. Dab nab it. I
00:05:04
>> I hate to sound I hate to use those
00:05:06
words.
00:05:06
>> Your heart hate to sound like a a TV
00:05:09
cowboy from 1958.
00:05:12
>> Dang it. Come on now, Duke.
00:05:15
Dagnabbit is a good one.
00:05:16
>> Dagnabbit. Yeah, that's uh Bugs Bunny,
00:05:20
>> I think.
00:05:20
>> Oh, you can send Oh, send a picture.
00:05:22
Maybe Heather will send Greg a picture.
00:05:24
We'll put it up of the interview,
00:05:26
>> even though it's not that exciting. But
00:05:28
anyway, the guy was super cool. I liked
00:05:30
him. And um
00:05:31
>> I will tell you about I wiped out last
00:05:32
night at the comedy store.
00:05:34
>> These count as stories that are
00:05:35
unremarkable, but I have my neck issues.
00:05:39
I'm feeling good. I'm heading on the
00:05:41
road today. So, I do my set crush kill
00:05:44
other people's words. Levitate the room.
00:05:47
>> I heard it. I saw it. It trended. Bill
00:05:49
Bill Burr texted me. Oh, dude. I was
00:05:52
walking out and Bill Burr was walking
00:05:53
in.
00:05:54
>> Oh, really? [clears throat]
00:05:55
>> The thing about pickles. [laughter]
00:05:59
>> You know what drives me absolutely nuts?
00:06:02
Microphones. What do you need a [ __ ]
00:06:04
microphone? Get a megaphone. Just talk.
00:06:07
>> Talk loud. How about that?
00:06:09
>> [laughter]
00:06:11
>> We're such [ __ ] We need a
00:06:13
microphone. There's [ __ ] 30 people
00:06:14
here. What do you need?
00:06:15
>> You know what drives me out of my
00:06:17
[ __ ] mind? Or doves. What's the
00:06:19
[ __ ]
00:06:20
>> What? You know what? I don't like how
00:06:22
they [ __ ] spell it. You got
00:06:23
apostrophe in there and some [ __ ]
00:06:25
>> Oh. Oh, no.
00:06:26
>> Oh, stop the riff is here. Okay.
00:06:30
>> Look at me. Well, the thing about me
00:06:32
that's interesting
00:06:34
>> looks cool. Well, the thing about me
00:06:35
that's neat. Blah blah blah blah blah
00:06:37
blah blah.
00:06:38
>> Well, the fact it's black and white now.
00:06:40
Did they buy you the clothes or were
00:06:42
those your own clothes that happened to
00:06:43
be
00:06:44
>> my clothes? It looks like a t- neck. It
00:06:46
is not.
00:06:47
>> Oh, it's not a mock t- neck, obviously.
00:06:50
But is it What's the real color of that
00:06:53
sweater?
00:06:53
>> Blue, of course.
00:06:55
>> Oh,
00:06:56
>> most of my shit's blue. Well, you look
00:06:58
it makes you look kind of
00:07:01
uh like uh classic like sort of iconic.
00:07:04
I think it's very
00:07:05
>> Clooney. They say a lot of a lot of
00:07:08
people are saying it.
00:07:09
>> Many people are saying they're talking
00:07:11
about Clooney. George Clooney. George
00:07:13
Clooney. He's a very He's not very good
00:07:16
actor. You know, you know how your
00:07:18
trumpet took off. [laughter]
00:07:18
>> I know. I like doing Bill Burr is funny
00:07:21
because it's so funny. He was on the
00:07:23
set. We had a lot of people there last
00:07:24
night. Bobby Lee was there acting nuts.
00:07:27
Bobby Lee is very likable and fun to
00:07:29
hang out with.
00:07:30
>> Oh, yeah. He's uh human. He's a Xanax in
00:07:34
human form. I mean, you're going to get
00:07:36
very happy and relaxed, I guess. So, I
00:07:38
don't take that.
00:07:38
>> It was such a disheveled night when I
00:07:40
got off. So, Annie Letterman is there.
00:07:43
She goes, "You either bring up me or
00:07:44
Bobby Lee." And I'm like, "I don't like
00:07:45
this because then I got to finish and
00:07:47
and I got to be the MC." And go, "All
00:07:48
right, your next deck. Fine."
00:07:50
>> You don't know.
00:07:51
>> And I don't know. So, I go, "All right."
00:07:53
Then I'm finished. instead of like I
00:07:55
gave him my big razledazzle ending
00:07:57
[laughter]
00:07:58
and then I go, "All right." And then I
00:08:00
go, "Wait, who's next?" And then I go,
00:08:02
"Who am I bringing up? Stick your head
00:08:03
out of the curtain so I could see. No
00:08:05
one's there."
00:08:07
>> All right. One of those show. Is the
00:08:09
show going to keep going or no? And no
00:08:10
one's there. I go, "This show is such a
00:08:12
disaster." So then I go encore. So I
00:08:16
walk back and do more. And then Oh,
00:08:18
yeah. Then I hear Bobby go, "All right,
00:08:20
it's me. I'm here now." And I go, "So
00:08:22
>> I've got to get out of here. What are
00:08:23
you talking about? An encore? I
00:08:25
couldn't.
00:08:25
>> I know. I made my own encore.
00:08:27
>> Oh my goodness. [clears throat] Why are
00:08:28
we standing? Please.
00:08:29
>> I know. It wasn't really an encore, but
00:08:31
I had to keep going. So then I went to
00:08:34
leave and I walked around and I have to
00:08:36
cut through the side of the crowd and
00:08:39
this pudgy fat guy had his table stuck
00:08:41
out.
00:08:41
>> Isn't that redundant? There's a type of
00:08:43
fat guy. [laughter] Okay.
00:08:45
>> This sort of overweight fat guy.
00:08:47
>> Yeah, I got you.
00:08:48
>> And so I'm walking straight down to the
00:08:51
exit. It's along the edge, but you don't
00:08:52
want to steal from the show, you know.
00:08:54
So, I go down and his he's like this and
00:08:57
he's got his table, these little square
00:08:59
tables, and it's pitch black. You know,
00:09:01
the comedy store, black tables, black
00:09:03
room. You can't see.
00:09:04
>> Oh, I know. It's weird.
00:09:05
>> And I'm hustling through and I [snorts]
00:09:07
crack in full sprint my knee into a
00:09:11
table.
00:09:12
>> And that was the biggest pain. It spun
00:09:13
me around and snapped my neck
00:09:15
>> and everyone goes, "Whoa!" Like, it was
00:09:18
so painful.
00:09:18
>> Oh, was that hard? And I was audience,
00:09:21
"Oh my god, my neck." And then I was
00:09:22
like,
00:09:23
>> couldn't care less about my legs because
00:09:25
they're tough as [ __ ] But the neck was
00:09:27
like, "Oh, fragile glass. [laughter]
00:09:31
>> I'd like to see you hit." And then do a
00:09:33
full 360 on the comedy store floor.
00:09:37
>> And then the guy was like, "Hey
00:09:38
[laughter] buddy,
00:09:39
>> what are you laughing at? You caused
00:09:41
this accident."
00:09:42
>> Yeah. Yeah, I went
00:09:45
>> I don't know if pe folks at home know
00:09:47
that uh you know I mean you say it's
00:09:50
kind of a an effeminite sport me have
00:09:52
microphone to say funny things but you
00:09:55
can get wounded you can really I had a
00:09:57
brain scan once after falling off the
00:10:00
stage at the laboratory the little
00:10:03
improv room
00:10:04
>> the lab at the improv
00:10:05
>> well because it was a one- foot thing
00:10:07
and they had a piano over there and it's
00:10:09
pitch black
00:10:10
>> and so I went down and there
00:10:12
hard surfaces. So, I was in a killing
00:10:14
cage. I was doing the church like,
00:10:16
"Well, isn't that special?" And then I
00:10:18
was in a killing cage.
00:10:20
[laughter]
00:10:21
So, I I went outside into the driveway,
00:10:24
whatever, out there. And the guy came
00:10:25
out and I go, "Am I okay?" Like, "Do I
00:10:27
look okay?" Like, was I bleeding? But I
00:10:30
had a migraine. Next day, brain scan
00:10:32
came back negative.
00:10:35
>> What a puss. He went to get a
00:10:38
MRI.
00:10:39
>> I like I like brain scans. I mean, call
00:10:41
me crazy, but they get you in that
00:10:43
machine.
00:10:45
[panting]
00:10:47
>> Yeah. So, you know, sometimes after this
00:10:49
podcast, I get a brain scan at the local
00:10:52
hospital just because you drive me nuts.
00:10:55
>> Yeah, it's true. I heard the bouncer
00:10:57
say, I was there when that happened to
00:10:59
Dana. We went outside. His hair was a
00:11:01
little down on final net, but other than
00:11:02
that, it was fine. [laughter]
00:11:08
>> That is Yeah. Isn't that a spray? net
00:11:10
hairspray.
00:11:11
>> There you go.
00:11:12
>> Well, I you know I I drenched my
00:11:16
hairspray. Anyway, I got out of there
00:11:18
somehow. Of course, I stole focus from
00:11:20
the show. I was like, "Oh, is he okay?"
00:11:22
>> Scared. Um
00:11:23
>> I walk out and it starts pissing pouring
00:11:25
rain on me on my beautiful hair. I was
00:11:27
like, "Oh, okay.
00:11:28
>> It can't get worse." It can. But I
00:11:31
walked in the rain like a tough guy.
00:11:33
>> Um
00:11:34
>> hold on. My $28.
00:11:35
>> Hold on a second. Uh get David umbrella
00:11:38
for his birthday. Oh yeah. I'm not only
00:11:41
to carry umbrellas. Who needs an
00:11:43
umbrella?
00:11:44
>> You know what?
00:11:45
>> You're a guy. You're wet.
00:11:47
>> Yeah. Get a rain jacket with a hood.
00:11:49
What? You need a [ __ ] Mary Poppins
00:11:51
stick on your [ __ ] [laughter] hand.
00:11:52
What? You going to fly around the comedy
00:11:54
store?
00:11:54
>> What a chim chimarie. What are you
00:11:56
[ __ ] [ __ ] [laughter]
00:11:57
Get a [ __ ] raincoat with a hood on a
00:11:59
top.
00:12:00
>> Drives me a [ __ ] man. Go work on your
00:12:02
car. Don't you [ __ ]
00:12:04
>> [ __ ] nuts.
00:12:05
>> Everything's driving me up a [ __ ]
00:12:07
wall. [laughter] And speaking of walls,
00:12:10
what the [ __ ] IS WITH WALLS?
00:12:12
>> Why do you need one?
00:12:13
>> Yeah. [laughter] Well, I think it
00:12:16
creates a room. Get the [ __ ] out of my
00:12:18
face with the room.
00:12:20
>> Just stay on your side. Who needs a
00:12:22
wall?
00:12:22
>> Yeah, walls.
00:12:24
>> It's [ __ ] great.
00:12:25
>> He did come in drenched. He was super
00:12:27
wet.
00:12:29
>> You know, every year, David, I think we
00:12:32
can unequivocally say this. We make
00:12:34
resolutions
00:12:35
>> that somehow never stick.
00:12:38
>> But this year,
00:12:40
>> I found the one resolution that actually
00:12:43
works.
00:12:44
>> Gruns is the simple daily habit that
00:12:48
succeeds where extreme resolutions fail.
00:12:50
Delivering real benefits with minimal
00:12:52
effort. If you haven't heard me talk
00:12:54
about grooms before, they're a
00:12:56
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00:12:58
into a daily snack pack of gummies. This
00:13:02
isn't just a multivitamin, a greens
00:13:04
gummy, or a prebiotic. It's all those
00:13:06
things and then some at a fraction of
00:13:08
the price.
00:13:10
>> Plus, uh I don't know if you know this
00:13:12
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00:13:16
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00:13:19
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00:13:20
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00:13:22
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00:13:25
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00:13:27
ingredients, and six grams of prebiotic
00:13:30
fiber. That's more fiber than two cups
00:13:32
of broccoli.
00:13:33
>> Grun does the heavy lifting while it
00:13:35
feels like doing the least.
00:13:38
>> There's even [laughter] Grun's kids
00:13:41
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00:13:44
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00:13:46
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00:13:49
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00:13:52
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00:13:52
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00:13:54
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00:13:58
That's fo twg ru ns.co.
00:14:03
>> I won't be as funny as your story, but
00:14:07
um midnight two nights ago, something
00:14:10
like that, right?
00:14:11
>> Asleep. This comes on. You know, you
00:14:14
know when it's it's an emergency alert.
00:14:16
>> I had the ringer off.
00:14:19
Emergency alert. Tornado. Tornado in
00:14:22
your vicinity. Tornado. Tornado.
00:14:24
>> Tornado.
00:14:25
>> Tornado in your vicinity. Please,
00:14:27
please, you know, get in a small room in
00:14:29
your house.
00:14:33
>> Scarier than anything.
00:14:35
>> Well, the idea Yeah. tornadoes landed
00:14:38
maybe 10 miles away. It's heading our
00:14:40
way
00:14:41
>> and there's lightning and noise and rain
00:14:44
and then I'm just checking every second
00:14:46
for because I love I love the math of
00:14:49
it. The radar where it's heading. It's
00:14:50
going east. It's sliding down
00:14:53
>> and then the sky just lights up just
00:14:55
like it's like there's reporters out in
00:14:57
front of the door. I open it up and like
00:15:00
just blinding light. Yeah.
00:15:03
>> And just rumbling rumbling, you know,
00:15:05
and I thought, "Wow, spades so relaxed
00:15:08
down there in Logan."
00:15:10
>> Yeah. Juicy. I'm like this [ __ ]
00:15:13
>> But I could hear it pounding on the
00:15:14
ceiling. And it does wake me. It's so
00:15:16
loud. The rain lately has been so loud.
00:15:18
Well, it's not even a I we watched uh
00:15:20
Hannah and your sisters earlier in the
00:15:22
evening, my wife and I, with Woody
00:15:24
Allen.
00:15:25
>> So then as this was happening, just to
00:15:27
calm everyone down, I was like, "Yeah,
00:15:28
sure. Great." You know, that's all I
00:15:31
need is a tornado. You know, I got to
00:15:33
be, you know, Dorothy going to see the
00:15:35
Munchkin. And you know,
00:15:37
>> no, it was a wonderful tornado. Oh, it's
00:15:40
just like I I like to be terrif, you
00:15:42
know, and don't mean to be didactic or
00:15:45
facitious, [laughter] but it's a bit of
00:15:47
a breeze.
00:15:48
>> Don't we mean to be [laughter]
00:15:50
irrediculous, but
00:15:54
Xeek Cali alidocious. Hey, it's our
00:15:57
second Mary Poppins.
00:15:59
>> Oh my god. In one.
00:16:00
>> If we do three, then we have lottery
00:16:02
winners on our show.
00:16:03
>> I'm going to make Bill Burr listen to
00:16:04
this just to see what he's missing and
00:16:06
he'll go
00:16:07
>> talk like that. Well, remind him that it
00:16:09
was I it was a character I did before I
00:16:12
knew Bill. It was from the 90s flatter
00:16:14
no matter what.
00:16:15
>> It was about East Coast comedians who
00:16:18
who u harbor like gre anger comedy which
00:16:22
they're hysterical throughout history
00:16:24
>> and then they get rich and famous and
00:16:26
they have to kind of think of something
00:16:28
that would make them.
00:16:29
>> It's funny he's so calm and normal
00:16:31
backstage.
00:16:32
>> Oh yeah. And Bill Burr, if you ever run
00:16:34
into him, folks, no matter what, if you
00:16:37
start talking about it, just say, "Who
00:16:39
is your favorite drummer?" It's over.
00:16:42
>> Yeah. 20 minutes.
00:16:44
>> Drums. He likes
00:16:45
>> drums. Drums. Yeah. So,
00:16:48
>> uh, he's the coolest.
00:16:49
>> Oh, yeah. Should we check in with that
00:16:50
breaking news yet or not?
00:16:52
>> Yeah. Our guest has actually arrived.
00:16:54
He's in the green room. Is that right,
00:16:55
Craig?
00:16:56
>> Yeah.
00:16:57
>> Guest in the green room. Okay, let's
00:16:59
see. Oh, here he's coming in sort of a
00:17:01
back way. Um, I know something about
00:17:03
Epstein.
00:17:04
>> Yeah.
00:17:04
>> Oh boy. Okay.
00:17:06
>> Hello. Hello everybody. I'm so glad to
00:17:09
be on your show. Well, uh, hi. What? Um,
00:17:11
so you you claim to know something about
00:17:14
where Jeffrey Epstein was.
00:17:16
>> Uh,
00:17:20
>> does anyone Does he look like Jeffrey
00:17:21
Epste to you?
00:17:22
>> No, he looks a little bit like It feels
00:17:24
like it's Jeffrey Epste with a mustache
00:17:25
or something.
00:17:26
>> You're ridiculous.
00:17:28
Jeffrey Epstein does not have a
00:17:30
mustache. Last I checked. Idiot. You
00:17:33
[ __ ] [ __ ]
00:17:34
>> Oh, that's a little harsh. I'm the host.
00:17:36
Come on. [laughter]
00:17:37
>> I know. Hey, come on now. What is your
00:17:39
name? What is your name?
00:17:40
>> Yeah. What's your name?
00:17:41
>> Steve.
00:17:42
>> Steve. So, why why should we listen to
00:17:45
you? Why would you have any idea where
00:17:47
Jeffrey Epstein is?
00:17:48
>> Uh, I don't know.
00:17:52
You have any money on you?
00:17:54
>> Oh, boy.
00:17:54
>> You want money?
00:17:55
>> Well, I thought he had so much money.
00:17:57
>> I want some money. Wait a minute. Who is
00:17:58
this? David Speed.
00:18:01
>> Yeah.
00:18:02
>> Ah, I heard about the Esquire cover. You
00:18:04
look like
00:18:05
>> You did already.
00:18:06
>> Yes, it's out everywhere.
00:18:08
>> Oh, it was a pretty fun interview.
00:18:10
>> At least Dan Agarno is an idiot, but you
00:18:13
know I don't look like Jeffrey Epstein.
00:18:16
>> No, you don't. Now that I think you
00:18:18
don't. He was He was
00:18:19
>> He DOES NOT HAVE A MUSTACHE.
00:18:21
>> NO, HE DOESN'T. THIS IS INSANITY. SO WHY
00:18:23
WOULD ANYBODY THINK THAT I AM JEFFREY
00:18:27
EPSTEIN? But I do know where he is.
00:18:29
>> Well, where is he and why what is he up
00:18:31
to?
00:18:32
>> Well, it was a long night at the jail
00:18:34
and some people woke me up and said,
00:18:36
"Hey, you want to go for a ride? Jeffrey
00:18:40
Epste?"
00:18:40
>> Oh, a lot of people think that
00:18:41
>> Oh, wait a minute. That wasn't me.
00:18:43
JEFFREY EPSTE DOESN'T HAVE A MUSTACHE,
00:18:46
David Spade. WHY ARE YOU CRAZY THINKING
00:18:48
OF JEFFREY EPSTEIN WHEN HE NEVER HAD A
00:18:52
MUSTACHE?
00:18:53
>> I UNDERSTAND. Should we come back to
00:18:54
this or should we [laughter]
00:18:56
>> I just want one more question.
00:18:57
>> Okay.
00:18:58
>> Are you Are you in witness protection?
00:19:01
Is that what you are? Witness
00:19:03
protection. [laughter]
00:19:05
I GOT A GOAL.
00:19:07
SO ANYWAY, THAT was our guest today.
00:19:10
[laughter]
00:19:10
>> Oh, he said he's got a goal. I thought
00:19:11
he said he had a goal in soccer. Goal.
00:19:15
[laughter]
00:19:16
I want to remind the audience that David
00:19:18
and I do not rehearse these bits.
00:19:20
>> Yeah, there's not possible. [laughter]
00:19:22
>> I just had my friend Marker Sean make me
00:19:25
a Jeffrey Epstein and with black magic
00:19:28
marker I made a mustache.
00:19:30
>> We should have a a a crawl at the bottom
00:19:32
that says there were there was no
00:19:35
thought put into any of these bits
00:19:36
today.
00:19:37
>> There's no effort or thought.
00:19:39
>> No, it is there's effort. We did a good
00:19:40
job.
00:19:41
>> No, no, absolutely. Yeah, I like that.
00:19:42
>> Now, if you're in your car, if you don't
00:19:44
see it, it's a little trickier.
00:19:45
>> But it was a gentleman who looked like
00:19:47
Jeffrey Epstein, identical twin, but had
00:19:50
a mustache and was very upset that we
00:19:53
even suggested he could be Jeffrey
00:19:55
Epstein.
00:19:55
>> Mhm.
00:19:56
>> Yeah. Um, so we do you have any other
00:19:59
stories in the weekend or should we get
00:20:00
to some news or what do you got?
00:20:02
>> Really just the storms and um, you know,
00:20:05
I mean I just stuff I was in Helanggeles
00:20:10
for a few days. Oh yeah. Do you want to
00:20:12
do Buzzing Around?
00:20:14
>> Oh yeah. Wow.
00:20:16
>> Do you have Do you have it in you to do
00:20:17
Buzzing Around?
00:20:18
>> Absolutely. I've always I've always got
00:20:20
to do [laughter]
00:20:23
I keep doing that voice now. I can't get
00:20:25
out of it.
00:20:26
>> Okay. We're going to do Buzzing Around.
00:20:28
>> Buzzing Around.
00:20:29
>> I'm This is uh It's sponsored by Five
00:20:31
Hour Energy as we know and is the return
00:20:35
of their confetti craze flavor. Bring
00:20:37
big birthday energy wherever you go with
00:20:39
this. Plan your confetti craze party at
00:20:42
www. fiveour energy.com
00:20:45
or Amazon available now. Okay. So, what
00:20:48
I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you
00:20:50
[sighs]
00:20:51
>> a scenario.
00:20:52
>> A scenario. It can go wherever it wants.
00:20:55
>> Yeah. And then you just make up a bunch
00:20:56
of stupid stuff.
00:20:58
>> Um it's it's got impressions. This is
00:21:00
going to be Joe Biden as a um highway
00:21:04
patrol and uh
00:21:06
>> Okay. Trump.
00:21:08
>> Yeah. So, he's going to pull over
00:21:10
uh Paul McCartney and there will be
00:21:13
Michael Kane in the car. There will be
00:21:15
Bad Bunny fresh off the Super Bowl in
00:21:17
the car.
00:21:19
>> And
00:21:19
>> I'll work on my Bad Bunny
00:21:21
>> and anyone else that can fit in the car.
00:21:22
If there is anyone else, it doesn't
00:21:24
matter. [laughter]
00:21:25
>> I'll see where I go. Some thoughts.
00:21:28
>> Go.
00:21:34
How'd it go?
00:21:36
Just roll out the window.
00:21:39
Oh, you do the window effect. Roll down
00:21:41
the window.
00:21:46
[laughter]
00:21:48
>> Well, I love that you just go right into
00:21:50
it and don't even think.
00:21:52
>> That's okay.
00:21:54
>> Hello, officer. This is Paul McConey
00:21:57
[laughter]
00:21:59
registration.
00:22:01
Wait, wait a minute. What are you doing
00:22:02
as a highway patrolman? You know, I
00:22:04
thought you you're the ex-president of
00:22:07
the United States of America.
00:22:09
>> Yeah, that's shocking.
00:22:10
>> Thought I should get out. She thought I
00:22:12
should get out and have a job. No joke.
00:22:14
I'm not getting around here. Come on,
00:22:16
folks. Well, I don't, you know, I'm just
00:22:19
here here with my friend uh Michael Kane
00:22:23
and Bad Bunnies in the back. So, I I
00:22:27
back I don't really have license and
00:22:30
registration. and it's in Liverpool. But
00:22:32
I do have um
00:22:34
>> I have an Arby's takeout menu with that
00:22:37
too. A take out at Arby's. Come on,
00:22:40
that'll do good. They got the beef.
00:22:44
>> They We've got
00:22:44
>> I'm not kidding around [laughter] here.
00:22:47
>> I can't believe Biden knows they've got
00:22:49
the beef.
00:22:50
>> They got the beef. No joke.
00:22:53
>> I'm being serious. Come on.
00:22:55
>> Okay.
00:22:55
>> Hey, Michael Kaine. Oh, Michael Kane.
00:22:58
And I don't know what I'm doing here.
00:23:00
And I've got a bloody driver's license,
00:23:03
but Paul McCartney wouldn't let me
00:23:05
drive. Right. Bad bunny. Uh
00:23:10
star is
00:23:11
>> careful.
00:23:15
Hey, I speak hola. I speak Spanish.
00:23:18
>> I speak.
00:23:19
>> I like you people.
00:23:24
Uh, senorasa.
00:23:29
Kasa. Yeah. Jill and I got married in
00:23:32
Kasa. Come on. I mean, I don't speak all
00:23:35
this stuff, but you seem like a good
00:23:36
man. Who's the Where's the bad bunny? I
00:23:39
am the bad bunny. Come on. There was a
00:23:42
bad bunny. I am the bad bunny. Right,
00:23:45
Bob Dylan.
00:23:46
>> Hey. Hey. Policeman.
00:23:50
Policeman. Talking talking strange.
00:23:53
Yeah, kind of crazy policeman. What? No.
00:23:56
Come on. Guess what? And by the way, the
00:24:00
fact of the matter is everybody. And
00:24:02
guess what? And by the way, the fact of
00:24:04
the matter is, guess what? And by the
00:24:07
way, the fact of the matter is Good job.
00:24:14
Oh, wait. Here comes a motorcycle
00:24:17
policeman, Dennis Miller. Christ's
00:24:20
sakes, you got a cavalcade of stars on
00:24:22
here. Or what are the odds that
00:24:24
McCartney would be uh gallivanting
00:24:26
across the world in an Oldmobile with
00:24:29
that kind of mly crew back there? Right.
00:24:32
David Spade.
00:24:34
>> Hi. Did you guys see my Esquire
00:24:36
interview yet? [laughter]
00:24:40
>> And scene.
00:24:41
>> Okay, good. [laughter]
00:24:44
I didn't know I was going to be in it.
00:24:46
>> That's five hour energy, man. That's a
00:24:47
lot of energy. By the way,
00:24:49
>> that was buzzing.
00:24:50
>> You see how my things are all brightly?
00:24:52
>> Oh, yeah.
00:24:52
>> My five. That's unbelievable. Look at
00:24:54
that.
00:24:55
>> Looks like a professional.
00:24:57
That was buzzing around with Dana KBY.
00:25:00
Sponsored by five energy's confetti
00:25:02
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energy shots are tiny and receable, it's
00:25:12
easy to take to a birthday anywhere you
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00:25:15
>> Sweet. It is.
00:25:16
>> Plan your confetti. Crazy at www.5hour
00:25:20
energy.com
00:25:21
or Amazon. It's available now.
00:25:25
That was good. I like that. Uh Biden
00:25:28
knows a lot of stuff.
00:25:29
>> I know. And it's interesting in his post
00:25:32
presidency that he would go through the
00:25:35
academy and become a highway patrolman
00:25:37
and
00:25:38
>> have the focus to do it. And also that
00:25:40
Paul McCartney probably could write a
00:25:42
song about that about his little
00:25:44
catchphrases. And by the way,
00:25:46
>> guess what? And by the way, it's the
00:25:49
fact of the matter. Don't you know you
00:25:52
got to go? No jokey joke.
00:25:55
>> I see.
00:25:56
>> Yeah, that was like for no one kind of
00:25:59
rippy rip.
00:26:00
>> Yeah. So, we did that and uh we'll get
00:26:03
to some um
00:26:04
>> we're clicking them off.
00:26:05
>> The story is going great. That was
00:26:07
funny. I liked it. Um
00:26:09
>> I enjoyed it because I like the idea of
00:26:11
those people in one little scene
00:26:13
together.
00:26:14
>> I like just hearing what you're going to
00:26:15
say.
00:26:16
Uh, I my Bad Bunny I'm going to work on
00:26:20
it.
00:26:21
>> No, [laughter]
00:26:23
I like K Pasa. We got married there.
00:26:27
Yeah. Uh, improv is the funnest, I gotta
00:26:30
say.
00:26:31
>> Uh, okay. What else? Let's see. What's
00:26:33
Give me a new story and we'll jump right
00:26:35
into these big stories.
00:26:37
>> These nonsensical stories.
00:26:39
>> We had our storm
00:26:40
>> turns out are usually never true, but
00:26:42
that's fine.
00:26:43
>> Okay, here we go.
00:26:45
>> Oh, shocking. a Chinese female
00:26:49
>> oh streamer reportedly lost a bunch of
00:26:52
followers. Oh, her her filter on her
00:26:55
>> kept popping off.
00:26:57
>> Oh, she had a filter and the filter
00:26:59
popped off and she she looked like eight
00:27:01
years old or something.
00:27:04
>> Oh. Oh, she has a face filter like Yeah.
00:27:07
[music]
00:27:10
>> Wow, that's intense. So, I could put on
00:27:12
a David Spade face of potentially. She
00:27:15
looks still pretty, just different.
00:27:18
>> Yeah, just different. Just looks
00:27:19
>> the tan.
00:27:20
>> Yeah, she looks fine in both. But I
00:27:22
guess
00:27:22
>> But you can put on filters, I guess. You
00:27:24
just don't know. I mean, I I feel like
00:27:28
if you're on Instagram and you're making
00:27:30
money and people are clicking on, you
00:27:32
could just be like, "Oh, this is a
00:27:34
character. It's a
00:27:36
>> Yeah.
00:27:36
>> super pretty character that will make
00:27:39
money." Because what are the chance
00:27:40
you're ever going to meet the actual
00:27:41
person or find out for real what anyone
00:27:43
looks like? So, who knows?
00:27:45
>> Could I do an AI face that looked like
00:27:47
every character I just did? Like
00:27:49
identical like Paul McCartney's talking.
00:27:51
>> You might be able to put that. Yeah,
00:27:52
Kyle Donigan does stuff like that. He's
00:27:53
got swap thing.
00:27:55
>> He does it, but it's probably more
00:27:56
sophisticated now.
00:27:58
>> Yeah. Uh it it probably gets better
00:28:00
every week. Um
00:28:01
>> every hour.
00:28:02
>> AI's taking over.
00:28:04
>> But yeah, so um thoughts and prayers go
00:28:08
out to her for losing 140 followers.
00:28:10
Okay.
00:28:11
>> 40,000.
00:28:12
>> 140,000. That's a lot. Actually, if I
00:28:15
did that, I don't know if I'd come to
00:28:16
work.
00:28:18
>> If you lost followers, I would crawl up
00:28:22
into a ball.
00:28:23
>> Oh, yeah. You know what? You'd feel so
00:28:25
bad. You'd probably finally follow me.
00:28:27
[laughter]
00:28:28
>> Don't Do I follow you? I can't remember.
00:28:30
>> You're like, "We're not there yet.
00:28:32
>> Let's take it slow."
00:28:34
>> Yeah. Um I'm just sort of uh
00:28:37
unintentionally mysterious, but that's
00:28:39
all right. When you meet people, Dana,
00:28:41
you've never run into this because
00:28:43
you're out there in the tornadoes, but
00:28:45
when you're like backstage
00:28:47
>> tornado alley, [laughter] we bought the
00:28:49
house
00:28:51
>> in Dorothy country.
00:28:53
>> Yeah. Why is this house so cheap? Well,
00:28:56
I don't know. It just is. It's not in
00:28:58
tornado alley, is it? Oh, don't be
00:29:01
ridiculous.
00:29:02
Um, if you move to a place called
00:29:07
Twister Meadows,
00:29:09
there might be a tornado. [laughter]
00:29:12
>> If you move to a town called Flying
00:29:16
Furniture Dakota, you just might meet a
00:29:20
tornado.
00:29:21
>> If you move to a town called Temporary
00:29:24
Town, there might be in a tornado alley.
00:29:28
If you move to a town called oozing
00:29:33
sore, Minnesota, you might have people
00:29:37
with ambulatory injuries on a consistent
00:29:40
face.
00:29:40
>> Oh, we switched it.
00:29:42
>> I [laughter] know. I switched it from to
00:29:43
to oozing sore.
00:29:45
>> I like it. [laughter] Um,
00:29:47
>> no, that's an old uh Larry King bit I
00:29:50
used to do that when he would talk, you
00:29:52
know, Ron Oak, Virginia, the towns, they
00:29:54
would sound like diseases. Creeping rash
00:29:57
Minnesota, you're on, you know, oozing
00:29:59
sore, Nebraska. [laughter]
00:30:02
>> Postu, Nevada.
00:30:05
>> Postual's good. Postual. That's
00:30:08
>> That's a gross one because one time
00:30:09
someone said to me, three in a row, I
00:30:11
have a boil on my arm. I go, sick. They
00:30:13
go, no, it's a goiter. I go sworse. They
00:30:17
go, no, like a postule. I go, [groaning]
00:30:20
>> geez, when did they make their way to
00:30:22
the word hunchback? from Apostial Goer
00:30:25
into a hunchback. That's
00:30:27
>> Hi, Gary Goiter.
00:30:29
>> How are you? That's a That's a bad last
00:30:31
name.
00:30:31
>> I would change my name if that may was
00:30:34
Gary go. [laughter]
00:30:35
>> Remember what happened to Gary Glitter?
00:30:37
Who was Gary Glitter?
00:30:38
>> Gary Glitter was in the band The
00:30:41
Glitteronis in the [laughter]
00:30:43
>> Yeah.
00:30:44
>> That's a spin-off of Spaghettiio. No, he
00:30:47
was
00:30:49
[laughter]
00:30:50
>> Oh, that guy
00:30:53
We was
00:30:54
>> at every game.
00:30:56
>> Oh, man. Does he get a piece of that for
00:30:58
every game?
00:30:59
>> Yeah, but he got involved in some stuff.
00:31:02
>> Okay,
00:31:03
>> we'll leave it at that. So, he got in
00:31:05
trouble.
00:31:06
>> Ethereum.
00:31:07
>> We'll leave it to the comment section to
00:31:10
figure [laughter] it out.
00:31:12
>> I love where these arenas are named
00:31:14
after crypto
00:31:16
>> and crypto drops way down on the arena.
00:31:19
They have to actually try to shrink it.
00:31:21
That's really complicated to make it
00:31:23
look not so important. You know
00:31:25
>> what the crypto or the arena?
00:31:27
>> Well, if it's like crypto arena and then
00:31:29
crypto goes away, they have to like turn
00:31:31
crypto to a different word. So, the crew
00:31:34
goes up there and they rearrange the
00:31:35
letters and it spells
00:31:37
>> toe kripe and it's just not the same.
00:31:40
>> No, I think I don't need assist here.
00:31:42
I'm drowning in this.
00:31:43
>> I don't like naming arenas. I'm helping.
00:31:45
Um [laughter] because I like, you know,
00:31:49
I like Dodger Stadium. Am I like, you
00:31:51
know, when they say like Tigers,
00:31:52
>> name of the team,
00:31:53
>> Soldier Field,
00:31:55
>> just cool and then they turn it into
00:31:58
like Target Center and you go
00:32:00
>> Bill's sanitation center.
00:32:02
>> Arizona has that waste management.
00:32:05
>> I know. I know. Waste management arena.
00:32:08
>> Well, it used to be called like the
00:32:09
garbage can. It was something like you
00:32:11
go, come on, guys. But
00:32:13
>> I think the one that was the worst is
00:32:15
the constipated stadium. It's in East
00:32:18
Texas. It's like a 70,000. Yeah. Welcome
00:32:21
to Constipated Stadium. And today's
00:32:23
game,
00:32:24
>> it's ironically in diarrhea, Texas.
00:32:27
[laughter]
00:32:29
>> If you live in Diarrhea, Texas,
00:32:33
you just might have to stay close to an
00:32:37
outhouse. Capiche?
00:32:39
>> If you Jeff Foxy, I did Jeff Foxy on SNL
00:32:43
and I was
00:32:46
I was the Ebola virus. Oh, that's right.
00:32:48
You did do them. Go ahead,
00:32:50
>> people.
00:32:51
If you are And then I I don't know. I
00:32:54
can't remember it. But
00:32:56
>> if you dab, you just might be the daba
00:33:02
>> the Ebola virus. Yeah, that's how I was
00:33:04
doing.
00:33:04
>> That was a weekend update bit. Um, all
00:33:06
right. One more story and then we'll do
00:33:08
two more after. Okay.
00:33:13
>> Oh, this is Colin
00:33:16
Jo from SNL. He's at the Olympics. Oh,
00:33:19
that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's
00:33:21
see what he see.
00:33:23
>> Oh, he did the bob sled.
00:33:24
>> Was a very gifted driver, thankfully,
00:33:26
Brian Burkeorn. And
00:33:29
>> Oh,
00:33:29
>> I was not prepared for the level of
00:33:32
terror [laughter] of this bobsled. I
00:33:34
swear.
00:33:35
>> Look at how fast they go. Oh, yeah.
00:33:39
[laughter]
00:33:40
>> And they mike you, too, which is
00:33:42
horrible.
00:33:42
>> That's wild.
00:33:43
>> Going to snap in half. I thought my
00:33:45
bones were going to fly off my body and
00:33:47
be littered all up.
00:33:49
>> He was not ready. He was literally
00:33:51
>> He thought it'd be like Disneyland or
00:33:53
something.
00:33:53
>> But look at how rough it is.
00:33:54
>> Well, they're going 8 miles an hour,
00:33:56
right?
00:33:58
>> I would be balling my head off.
00:34:01
>> How did he not know though?
00:34:03
>> Well,
00:34:03
>> I guess until you're in the sled and
00:34:05
going, you know,
00:34:06
>> Well, because he's in a production
00:34:07
meeting. They're like, "It'd be fun.
00:34:08
Jump on the bobled. Woo. Go down like a
00:34:10
toboga." And he's like, "All right, I
00:34:11
can probably do that."
00:34:13
>> Okay. They sign these waivers,
00:34:15
>> these death waivers.
00:34:16
>> I don't know if I'm much of a thrill
00:34:18
seeker. I was once at the doing this
00:34:20
corporate date and there was a uh
00:34:22
>> in West Virginia or something and
00:34:25
>> there was a gigantic brand new roller
00:34:28
coaster, but it was like triple triple
00:34:30
upside down. It was bigger than
00:34:32
Godzilla. It was just huge. And local
00:34:35
news like and Dana Carvey, the church
00:34:37
lady, is going to take a ride on this
00:34:39
beauty. And I wasn't looking forward to
00:34:40
it, you know. I was,
00:34:41
>> "Oh, you said you would do it."
00:34:43
>> It was the maiden voyage, you know. They
00:34:45
had hadn't been test out. So, I'm going
00:34:48
going, "All right, I'll do it. What the
00:34:49
fuck?" You know, and then they go up.
00:34:52
The temperature is too low. We We can't
00:34:56
go because it might stick.
00:34:57
>> It was so cold.
00:34:58
>> It was cold, but it it it dropped
00:35:00
suddenly to like whatever 42 or 30
00:35:04
something. It dropped and we couldn't
00:35:05
go. And I had to pretend
00:35:07
>> the Lord
00:35:08
>> pretend that I was disappointed.
00:35:10
>> Oh.
00:35:11
[ __ ] I WANTED TO GO, MAN.
00:35:14
>> DUDE, all you need like I did the round
00:35:15
up when I was a kid where you stick to
00:35:17
the walls
00:35:18
>> and then the floor drops out and you're
00:35:19
spinning and I'm like just trying to be
00:35:21
cool with everyone. I go, "Nope, no
00:35:23
more." Like it is. So I don't need that
00:35:26
amount of scare in my body.
00:35:28
>> It's like you're almost getting in a
00:35:29
crash. That fear but for like four
00:35:32
minutes.
00:35:32
>> Why don't people know? Because I did
00:35:33
that with my sister-in-law when she was
00:35:36
like 10 years old at Magic Mountain. And
00:35:38
you you go in a room and there's a floor
00:35:41
and you're all like up against the wall.
00:35:43
It's circular if people know about this.
00:35:46
And it starts it starts going round and
00:35:48
round and around to the point where
00:35:50
>> you're pinned against the wall cuz the
00:35:52
centrifugal force is so extreme. You're
00:35:55
you're already nauseous and have a
00:35:56
headache and then the floor slowly goes
00:35:59
away. So you're just on the wall going
00:36:02
it's like
00:36:03
>> No. Then it goes like this. D it starts
00:36:05
tilting. Now you're going like this. Oh,
00:36:07
I don't know [laughter] if mine did
00:36:08
that.
00:36:08
>> Like I'm in a [ __ ] dryer. I'm like,
00:36:10
you're joking. This cannot be legal.
00:36:13
>> But the 10-year-old was with me the
00:36:14
time. Ne, she bounced out of there like
00:36:17
happy and I was really sick for like at
00:36:20
least an hour. Like
00:36:21
>> people that tell you I've been to Magic
00:36:22
Mountain, let me tell you something. Off
00:36:24
the record,
00:36:24
>> not so magic.
00:36:25
>> More mountain than magic. And it's not
00:36:27
even close.
00:36:28
>> It's 98% mountain. Very little magic.
00:36:32
I'm just if I go to Pirates of the
00:36:34
Caribbean and has that little teeny
00:36:36
thing in the but everything is
00:36:38
environmental and there's puppets
00:36:39
talking at me. I'm happy but I have
00:36:41
enough stress to I don't want to go
00:36:43
upside down or be dropped a thousand
00:36:45
feet.
00:36:45
>> I even did the [ __ ] teacups.
00:36:48
>> The teacups.
00:36:50
>> Heather showed it to me.
00:36:51
>> This is terrifying.
00:36:53
>> That's it. It's terrifying. She just
00:36:54
found it. Looks like you're in a air
00:36:56
filter.
00:36:57
>> Okay. Is there a picture we can show?
00:36:59
[laughter]
00:36:59
>> She can send it. No,
00:37:01
>> it'll it'll like interrupt the next
00:37:02
story.
00:37:02
>> No, but it was
00:37:04
>> we'll come back and show everyone how
00:37:05
sick it is.
00:37:07
>> People know when they go on these rides,
00:37:08
you don't need it and if you hurt
00:37:10
yourself. Well, I always show on my
00:37:12
Instagram. I'm on some algo where it's
00:37:14
like ride fails. And I'm like, that's a
00:37:16
little light of a term to show 300
00:37:19
people dying. Like they do one of these
00:37:21
things and they just unhooks and they
00:37:22
all fly in the air and smash and
00:37:24
everyone's like,
00:37:25
>> but when it does get stuck and it's 400
00:37:29
feet in the air and everyone has to get
00:37:30
out of the little teacup and go down
00:37:32
>> stuck upside downside
00:37:35
down. It's just when it gets stuck, a
00:37:37
mechanical thing. But as a kid, it was
00:37:39
the county fair where the carnese and
00:37:41
the gypsies would come in and set up the
00:37:43
thing the day before. So, a lot of the
00:37:45
rides would just fall apart in real
00:37:47
time. Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.
00:37:51
>> No chance.
00:37:52
>> No chance. Okay.
00:37:55
>> I got the teacups.
00:37:57
>> Got the teacups.
00:37:58
>> Let's put those decups in the teacups.
00:38:01
>> What's the next thing you to go on Tom
00:38:02
Sawyer's Island? Is that what it is? Go
00:38:05
one of those cakes. Okay.
00:38:06
>> I like how Dennis goes very quiet.
00:38:08
Sounds good.
00:38:08
>> Dennis is cry. Okay, Karpy. That sounds
00:38:10
like fun. You take a little ride and go
00:38:13
Tom Sawyer's Island with the uh the
00:38:16
drawbridge where you see Winnie the uh
00:38:19
the the mute greet you. [laughter]
00:38:24
>> Hey, here's [ __ ] uh Gleeo. He lives
00:38:26
under the sink. Survey says Thorzine.
00:38:30
All right, let's see.
00:38:31
>> We should have Dennis on.
00:38:32
>> I know. We got to get him on again.
00:38:33
>> We got to get him on.
00:38:34
>> It's hard to make him live up to what he
00:38:36
sounds like all the time.
00:38:38
This year, get back to an athome routine
00:38:41
that you love and elevate your space
00:38:43
with Wayfair.
00:38:45
>> Wayfair.
00:38:46
>> From bedding to mattresses to storage
00:38:48
solutions for every room in the house.
00:38:50
>> Wayfair is your one-stop shop. You can
00:38:53
pop your living room with accent
00:38:55
pillows.
00:38:56
>> Mirrors.
00:38:56
>> Mirrors. I have a lot of mirrors. Um
00:38:59
>> faux faux plants.
00:39:01
>> Oh, yeah. You have a faux plant. That's
00:39:03
right.
00:39:03
>> Is it? Is it?
00:39:05
>> Is it or is it? We don't know. It's so
00:39:07
real looking. Look.
00:39:09
>> Yeah. You guys should actually uh
00:39:11
everybody here check out Wayfair. You
00:39:13
know, go to their site because I've been
00:39:14
looking around and
00:39:16
>> it's really good stuff. It's I know I
00:39:18
sound like I'm doing a different pitch,
00:39:20
but it's not that expensive, but it's
00:39:23
really cool. Yeah,
00:39:23
>> I'm looking at a sort of a chase lounge
00:39:26
or a little clo a little couch.
00:39:29
bedding and bath basics, bedding,
00:39:31
mattresses, and for you, David, towels
00:39:33
because I know you you have one of those
00:39:35
like you have in a public restroom, a
00:39:37
air dryer. You don't have towels.
00:39:39
>> Um,
00:39:40
>> so I put my hair in a towel like this
00:39:41
and I walk around the house like I'm in
00:39:43
a 60s movie like Doris Day.
00:39:45
>> I did that in opportunity knocks.
00:39:48
[laughter]
00:39:48
>> Everything was in Opportunity Knox.
00:39:50
>> Everything was
00:39:52
>> So yeah, you can uh get stuff for your
00:39:54
kids' room, you know, get them get them
00:39:56
on track this year. You got you got
00:39:58
storage for every space. You got storing
00:40:00
for outdoor furniture, bathroom, getting
00:40:02
organized.
00:40:03
>> Kitchen.
00:40:03
>> Kitchen is kitchen stuff. Yeah.
00:40:06
>> A lot of people work from home, so you
00:40:07
got those setups. You get desks, chairs,
00:40:10
bookcases, fake backdrops.
00:40:13
>> Mhm.
00:40:13
>> Get a nice Get a nice bookcase.
00:40:15
>> And for you and for you, accent pillows,
00:40:17
cuz I know those are big in your life.
00:40:18
>> I take the accent pillow and I karate
00:40:20
chop it to make it look like that.
00:40:23
>> I know. And they think you're joking,
00:40:24
but you're not.
00:40:25
>> I'm serious. Uh, it's very convenient.
00:40:27
They have everything you want. They got
00:40:28
a huge selection of home decor items.
00:40:31
>> It's easy to find what's right for you.
00:40:33
>> Yeah. You were looking What are you
00:40:34
looking for? Cha cha lounges.
00:40:36
>> Well, I was looking for just a little a
00:40:38
little couch or a chase lounge. And then
00:40:41
I I just saw like 20 different options.
00:40:44
>> So, I'm going to order one probably
00:40:46
today.
00:40:47
>> So, you look, you see it's easy to find.
00:40:49
>> You see?
00:40:50
>> Yeah. Anything you want. You can
00:40:52
navigate their site very easily. And
00:40:54
like I said, it's it seems like high
00:40:56
quality stuff for a very reasonable
00:40:58
price. So check out
00:40:59
>> I always hear about it
00:41:01
>> and uh now I know more about it, but
00:41:04
>> it's the place to go. Listen, get
00:41:06
organized, get refreshed, get back on
00:41:07
track this year for way less. Uh head to
00:41:10
wayfair.com right now to shop all things
00:41:13
home. That's w afir.com.
00:41:17
>> Wayfair,
00:41:19
every style, every home, every home.
00:41:22
Okay. What is this? I can't read it.
00:41:24
What does it say?
00:41:25
>> Uh, let's see. I can get it. Uh, Cala is
00:41:28
a trained detect
00:41:31
>> dog can detect cancer by scent.
00:41:37
No cancer. Oh, cancer. Cancer. Cancer.
00:41:39
Little too excited about cancer that.
00:41:42
What a cute dog, though. So,
00:41:47
>> aside from not liking dogs walking on
00:41:50
like hardwood with their nails, I like
00:41:52
this video
00:41:53
>> because they put all these things out
00:41:56
and the dog goes right
00:41:58
>> to like a little
00:41:59
>> Yeah. It's It's traditionally sort of a
00:42:02
little bit sad or dark, a story about
00:42:04
cancer, but then the dog lifted it into
00:42:07
>> Yeah.
00:42:08
>> joy, you know. They should have that dog
00:42:10
just walk around a airport or just walk
00:42:12
around, you know, anywhere, a mall, go
00:42:14
to the grove and then the dog walks up
00:42:16
to you and points and you're like, "Oh,
00:42:17
[ __ ] Is this the cancer dog?"
00:42:18
>> Christ sank. Whoever thought of the the
00:42:21
phrase man's best friend had it going,
00:42:24
you know, [laughter] starting to sniff
00:42:26
out things that are negative and uh will
00:42:30
kind of guard you at night.
00:42:32
>> They go, "Does this guy have cancer?"
00:42:33
No, no, our just cocaine.
00:42:36
>> Well, they do. They do. They smell
00:42:39
everything. Yeah.
00:42:41
>> And each other. Okay. Another idea.
00:42:44
>> Yeah. They like to smell butts. That's
00:42:46
where they lost me.
00:42:46
>> And they cannot lie.
00:42:48
>> I like smelling butts and I cannot lie.
00:42:51
These other brothers can't.
00:42:52
>> And I'm sprung and I get home.
00:42:54
[laughter]
00:42:55
>> Oh, I like that you know that. That's
00:42:56
get sprung.
00:42:57
>> Oh no. I mean that is might be the
00:43:01
greatest hip-hop song ever. It's the
00:43:03
catchiest song. One of the catchiest
00:43:05
songs ever.
00:43:06
>> Okay. What's next? so beat up for my big
00:43:10
incident.
00:43:11
>> Yeah, I just was running and gunning for
00:43:13
the last six days.
00:43:14
>> I'm doing good though.
00:43:16
>> Um I don't even know what this is. Let's
00:43:18
just see.
00:43:19
>> Okay,
00:43:19
>> let's let it play.
00:43:21
>> She'd be willing to do this.
00:43:22
>> They'll pay you $2.3 million and all you
00:43:25
have to do is live alone in this cabin
00:43:26
near Lake Superior house.
00:43:29
>> The cabin is located right on the lake,
00:43:30
[laughter] surrounded by endless water
00:43:32
and trees. [music] Inside it's
00:43:35
a living room, a small kitchen, a
00:43:37
bedroom, and a bathroom with a large
00:43:39
window facing the lake. The rules are
00:43:41
simple. You can't leave the cabin beyond
00:43:43
1,000 life. No phone, no computer will
00:43:47
be delivered once a week. At first, it
00:43:49
feels like paradise. The calm water, the
00:43:51
breeze, and the silence. But by day 10,
00:43:54
you'll realize that the quiet and
00:43:55
vastness become overwhelming. In the
00:43:57
last challenge, someone lasted 11 days.
00:44:00
D has lasted three years.
00:44:01
>> Not with 2.3 million.
00:44:03
>> The hardest part wasn't the silence
00:44:05
itself. It was hearing only the water in
00:44:07
my own breathing.
00:44:08
>> They filmed this thing at my house. To
00:44:10
your point, [laughter]
00:44:12
the entire
00:44:13
>> I do. I leased it out.
00:44:16
So here's the question.
00:44:16
>> Could you do it?
00:44:18
>> Well, what's the overriding? Well,
00:44:20
you're not starving. You're not hungry.
00:44:23
>> You're just in an isolated. You can't
00:44:25
dumb days. You see the guy that lived in
00:44:28
the rock last week on the show?
00:44:30
>> Yeah. I mean, yeah.
00:44:30
>> Sitting in a [ __ ] rock.
00:44:31
>> That'd be a chip shot for him to just
00:44:34
sit in a mansion.
00:44:35
>> I could almost do that.
00:44:36
>> I thought it was going to be that there
00:44:37
was tides or something. The water would
00:44:39
come up and you have to swim and save
00:44:40
yourself.
00:44:41
>> Tread water. I mean, for that much
00:44:42
money. I mean, if I couldn't have like
00:44:46
if I could only bring a couple things,
00:44:47
I'd bring a couple of my movies, couple
00:44:49
of my magazine articles, [laughter]
00:44:51
>> and some of your 8 by10s to look at.
00:44:54
Yeah. Some of the
00:44:55
>> those are in my earthquake kit. I have
00:44:56
eight by10s for some reason
00:44:58
>> of yourself
00:45:00
>> just so the fireman will get me sooner.
00:45:03
>> I would just say to the people with the
00:45:04
2.3 if that's after tax call us.
00:45:09
>> Call us. We'll go we'll podcast from
00:45:11
there.
00:45:12
>> I'll do it. I actually You would last
00:45:14
longer than me on on actually any of
00:45:16
these shows. You could do Survivor
00:45:18
probably.
00:45:19
>> Um if I had a stack of books or I could
00:45:22
watch TV or something. I mean watch some
00:45:23
old movies and read books. Tell me if
00:45:26
you remember this
00:45:28
Twilight Zone.
00:45:31
A guy stuck
00:45:34
in an island, but it's covered in books.
00:45:38
And what happens right at the end of the
00:45:39
episode? He drops his glasses and they
00:45:42
break.
00:45:43
>> Well,
00:45:44
are you
00:45:45
>> And he do you know the actual episode?
00:45:48
>> That's the one I kind of remembered.
00:45:50
>> Okay. Real quick, just for the Twilight
00:45:52
Zone,
00:45:52
>> do you know what it is?
00:45:53
>> Yeah. Yeah. Burgess Meredith. Yeah.
00:45:56
was going to your appointment.
00:45:58
[laughter]
00:46:00
>> God, we got to do that on the buzzing
00:46:02
around having
00:46:04
>> reminders.
00:46:06
He's just says it's Burgess Meredith,
00:46:08
but he just does that.
00:46:09
>> So, Burgess Meredith does a Twilight
00:46:11
Zone where he's kind of a nerd that
00:46:13
reads all the time at the bank. What are
00:46:15
you reading for, Jensen? Put the book
00:46:17
down. He never can read. His wife yells
00:46:19
at him. All you want to do is read. So
00:46:21
then for some reason he has to go check
00:46:23
the vault downstairs in the bank, you
00:46:25
know, he gets inside there. There's an
00:46:27
apoc nuclear apocalypse.
00:46:30
>> Oh.
00:46:30
>> So he comes up. Oh. He comes up and it's
00:46:33
just nobody's around and it's just he's
00:46:36
isolated, nothing. And he's really
00:46:38
disturbed. But then they kind of cut to
00:46:40
him a little while later. He's got a
00:46:42
stack of books like 10 feet high next to
00:46:44
him and he's saying, "I I have time now.
00:46:47
Time to read." So he becomes kind of
00:46:50
euphoric. time. And he reaches for the
00:46:52
book and the glasses fall off
00:46:54
>> and break
00:46:55
>> and break. But I had time.
00:46:58
I had time. And then it cuts Rod picture
00:47:02
if you will.
00:47:03
>> A guy who will eventually play the
00:47:05
trainer of Rocky in hit movies here in
00:47:08
this shitbox show we like to call the
00:47:11
Twilight. [laughter]
00:47:13
>> The great show. He [snorts] has to walk
00:47:16
over to Pearl Vision Center which has
00:47:19
been destroyed.
00:47:20
>> Well, I think the sequel would be he
00:47:23
crawls along the broken glass but by
00:47:26
feeling he gets into Lens Crafters. He
00:47:28
feels around and tries on 300 glasses
00:47:31
and eventually hits the jackpot and the
00:47:34
reading begins again. I'm Rud Serling.
00:47:37
>> You know my mom's Japanese and my dad's
00:47:39
optometrist and every December 7th they
00:47:42
attack Pearl Vision Center. [laughter]
00:47:43
>> Okay. Whose joke is that?
00:47:46
>> That's Mike Sterner from Arizona when I
00:47:49
started. [laughter]
00:47:52
>> I like kind of just basic jokes like
00:47:54
that. You know what I mean?
00:47:56
>> Just like
00:47:56
>> Mike Sterner. Where is Mike Sterner?
00:47:58
Call in.
00:48:00
>> He was so funny. He had great song
00:48:01
parodies.
00:48:02
>> Let's have him on. [clears throat]
00:48:03
>> You could always get me with a song
00:48:05
parody. I don't care where you're from.
00:48:07
I would love
00:48:08
>> Well, we're going to be playing Let's do
00:48:09
a Plug City. Uh, next weekend we're
00:48:12
going to be playing Thunder Valley in
00:48:14
Lincoln, California. [laughter]
00:48:16
>> Yeah, we are. It's going to be
00:48:18
>> right outside of Sacramento. And
00:48:20
>> I don't know. I'm trying to I'm thinking
00:48:21
I might start with guitar. I'm trying to
00:48:23
shake up my act. I might I might come
00:48:25
out.
00:48:27
Got a black magic marker.
00:48:31
But I have a might have some surprises.
00:48:33
>> Oh, by the way, by the time this is on,
00:48:36
we will have aired Eddie Veter. That was
00:48:38
fun.
00:48:39
Eddie Veter. Yeah, just this uh uh
00:48:43
thoughtful, sweet person. Uh
00:48:46
>> yeah, fun fun to talk to. That guy is
00:48:49
>> Yeah, I could you know, he and I went
00:48:50
down the rabbit hole for a sec.
00:48:52
>> Yeah,
00:48:53
>> just just we could have talked about
00:48:55
Revolver and the White Album [laughter]
00:48:56
for like an hour.
00:48:58
>> The Beatles.
00:48:59
>> That was good time though.
00:49:00
>> It was fun.
00:49:01
>> Okay, let's do another story and then
00:49:02
we'll get we'll get ready.
00:49:03
>> Let's wrap them up and then let's get to
00:49:05
our
00:49:06
>> banger. Yes. Get a banger.
00:49:11
>> Okay. Oh, this story. X UFC fighter.
00:49:16
>> Seriously. Look at that.
00:49:20
>> Wait, wait, wait.
00:49:21
>> You know who I am. I don't know why you
00:49:22
lying, but don't act like you don't know
00:49:24
me.
00:49:24
>> I don't know.
00:49:25
>> You definitely know me. Nice to meet
00:49:26
you, though.
00:49:26
>> Yeah. I just don't don't be lying
00:49:28
because girls around and [ __ ]
00:49:29
>> You definitely know me, bro.
00:49:31
>> Not even know some disrespectful [ __ ]
00:49:32
but
00:49:33
>> don't like your attitude. Don't like
00:49:34
your [ __ ]
00:49:35
>> I don't like you at all, though. Yeah,
00:49:38
>> this [snorts] is a little rough.
00:49:39
>> Is he trying to get punched? I mean,
00:49:42
>> you've definitely never been punched if
00:49:43
you're doing stuff like this.
00:49:44
>> Are you the guy that got slapped on
00:49:46
video?
00:49:46
>> I did, but I'll slap the [ __ ] OUT, YOU
00:49:47
KNOW.
00:49:49
>> I'm going to show you the inside of
00:49:51
>> Wow, this kid can't win. He's done this
00:49:53
before.
00:49:54
>> Don't do that.
00:49:55
>> Oh, he does this to trend.
00:49:57
>> Oh, man.
00:49:59
>> Oh my god. An elbow.
00:50:00
>> Can he get up from that? Come on.
00:50:03
>> Wow.
00:50:06
It's not even the guy who's yelling at.
00:50:08
It's another guy.
00:50:10
>> What's going on now?
00:50:16
>> These are streamers. I don't know what's
00:50:18
going on.
00:50:20
>> Okay, jump out.
00:50:22
>> Well, this is a feelgood video to end
00:50:24
on. I'm glad you guys picked this today.
00:50:27
>> I think we'll skip that one because I
00:50:29
don't even know where it's [laughter]
00:50:30
from.
00:50:31
the film.
00:50:32
>> I feel like it was me accidentally
00:50:34
because I saw that guy on a different
00:50:38
one and he was talking so much. I was
00:50:40
thinking in my head, sometimes young
00:50:42
people just do not know that you can get
00:50:44
in a fight and get beat up if you just
00:50:46
keep talking and you've got to know when
00:50:48
you're around dudes or dudes that are
00:50:49
bigger. People have a short fuse and
00:50:51
they'll just hit you.
00:50:53
>> Well,
00:50:53
>> that was I think but that wasn't I
00:50:55
didn't see that one.
00:50:55
>> He kept ratcheting it on the guy. It
00:50:58
doesn't, you know, the guy could have,
00:51:00
the giant guy could have uh like in
00:51:03
Master Disguise, you remember the movie?
00:51:05
>> Sure. [snorts]
00:51:08
>> He learns that you you always hit a man
00:51:10
with an open hand. You know, you make
00:51:12
your point, but you keep dignity. So, I
00:51:15
think the guy should have slapped him.
00:51:17
>> Well, the guy that got hit, the one I
00:51:19
actually saw.
00:51:20
>> Yeah.
00:51:20
>> He The problem is first, you're on live
00:51:22
stream, which means it's live while
00:51:24
you're doing it. So,
00:51:26
>> oh,
00:51:26
>> the person you're making fun of feels
00:51:28
even worse cuz it's live. You're not
00:51:30
going to cut this part out. So, he's
00:51:31
being humiliated. And he started
00:51:33
flirting
00:51:34
>> with this dude's wife. And so,
00:51:36
>> the the punky kid was doing that and
00:51:38
you're like, and the other guy was
00:51:40
going,
00:51:41
>> "You're going to get hit, dude. You
00:51:42
better stop." And he goes,
00:51:43
>> "No, man. You don't scare me. Your
00:51:45
wife's really pretty and maybe, you
00:51:46
know, she can always walk away." And
00:51:48
then, but it was an open hand like you
00:51:50
said.
00:51:51
>> And he was like, "Cuck." Oh, I thought
00:51:53
he it was not open hand.
00:51:55
>> But now this one is another one I hadn't
00:51:58
seen. But he's back and getting punched
00:52:00
again. If that's his hook, I wouldn't
00:52:02
keep doing that.
00:52:03
>> It looked like a really flush.
00:52:05
>> Yeah, that looked like a real either
00:52:06
that or was it on the elbow. Either way,
00:52:09
he was like
00:52:10
>> it looked like a short right cross with
00:52:13
a lot of quick power to it. And his face
00:52:15
just went
00:52:17
>> he went
00:52:18
>> guten.
00:52:20
Guten. That's our new tradition here on
00:52:23
Flying the Wall. We're going to have
00:52:25
some kind of violent clip. It went
00:52:28
violent
00:52:29
>> and our joyfest.
00:52:30
>> Remember last week we had one of the
00:52:32
>> be happening, but he's asking you want
00:52:35
really.
00:52:36
>> Hello everybody. I don't know why you
00:52:39
end with a violent clip all the time. I
00:52:41
mean, you want to send people home with
00:52:43
a good feeling, right?
00:52:45
>> Yeah. We want to fake Epstein. That that
00:52:47
uplifts everyone.
00:52:49
>> I'M NOT EPSTEIN. LOOK at my stash.
00:52:54
[laughter]
00:52:54
>> Sorry.
00:52:55
>> Thank you, fake.
00:52:56
>> I I guarantee everyone that I'll have a
00:52:59
different puppet for next week's
00:53:02
episode.
00:53:03
>> All right. Well, thank you for hanging
00:53:04
in there if anyone stayed with us and uh
00:53:07
we'll see you next time.
00:53:08
>> Thank you. We appreciate it.
00:53:14
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:53:16
which you are, be sure to click follow
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on your favorite podcast [music] app.
00:53:20
Give us a review, fivestar rating, and
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maybe even share an episode that you've
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loved with a friend. If you're watching
00:53:26
this episode on YouTube, [music] please
00:53:28
subscribe. We're on video now.
00:53:30
>> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:53:32
an executive produced by Danny Carvey
00:53:34
and David Spade, [music] Heather
00:53:35
Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Mattie
00:53:38
Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of
00:53:41
Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg
00:53:43
Holtzman and the show is produced and
00:53:44
edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by
00:53:48
Cultivated Entertainment.
00:53:49
>> Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan
00:53:52
Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester,
00:53:56
Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin
00:54:00
Gainner, Shawn Cherry, Kurt Kourtney,
00:54:03
and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out with us
00:54:05
any questions to be asked and answered
00:54:07
on the show. You can email us [music] at
00:54:09
fly onthewallsey.com.
00:54:12
That's audacy.com.
