00:00:00
Just got back from Hershey, Pennsylvania. Oh, that must have been sweet. Boom.
00:00:06
Locked and loaded. Hey, what are we going to talk about today? Because we got to let let anyone who just punched
00:00:12
play or whatever you click on the little arrow. What's coming up? We're going to weigh in on the Nicole
00:00:18
Kidman. Yeah, we're going to weigh with her husband. We're gonna weigh in on stories a week
00:00:23
late. Um Keith Urban. What people don't realize is like the key the Jimmy Kimmel thing
00:00:28
we talked about the day after and then it doesn't air sometimes it gets stuck because I'm on the road you're on the
00:00:34
road and so yeah they're like now you're finally chirping in
00:00:40
and then they go by the way we hate whatever you'll say about it but you must talk about it. I'm like, "Okay,
00:00:47
okay, get I want to start commenting. I I gotta surf the web tonight and just you [ __ ] with a shitty [ __ ]
00:00:56
They almost explode. Some of these people." Uh, most are nice. But we we love them. I mean, you know, I'll do the Whitney Cumins thing. I
00:01:02
mean, what good news is bad news, bad news is good news. If people are engaged and getting angry, maybe it's a good
00:01:08
thing or happy. They go off on tangents and fight each other in the comments, which I'm all for. Uh,
00:01:15
yeah. I just got back from the road. Boring. Please don't explain it. Yeah.
00:01:20
What do you mean? You are you you're road warrior officially. That's your new nickname. I mean, you go out there. I
00:01:26
give you credit, man. I have to say when I was doing standup and doing like Just Shoot Me or Rules of
00:01:32
Engagement, I never even No one did really tours. Am I correct? No one did like Let's Go on a tour.
00:01:38
Um, well, you know, there's some comics. There's comedy clubs, which I was born and bred on for years. And
00:01:46
then you're there, you know, five nights, sometimes six nights in the comedian condo, and now there's one
00:01:51
nighters in theaters. Whoops. Someone made the leap. Sorry.
00:01:58
No, now they go, "You're in theaters. When are you going to do arenas?" I go, "No, no, no, no." So, on this one,
00:02:04
arenas, I'm doing um I just jumped on with Adam because he has he has a couple
00:02:11
Ha. Yeah, he's doing a He's halfway through a 50 city tour, I think.
00:02:16
Dude, the guy I talked to him six months ago, he goes, "Hey, you want to go down to the improv? I'm going to I have to start writing an act." And he grinds it
00:02:24
out. Even between shows at dinner, he's like, "What about this?" Talking to the
00:02:29
other guys and the one guy plays keyboard, Dan Bulah, who's great writer, and he's like, "What if I switch this
00:02:34
out for this?" And then they're just constantly tweaking. And I'm over there like this. got any scalp potatoes?
00:02:42
Cuz I'm more worried about dinner. It altered your voice. You were so worried. Well, look, you have you have
00:02:48
you you write verbal bits with a lot of jokes, throwaways,
00:02:54
and Adam, which I do a little bit of that, too. Uh, it's a it's it's like a
00:03:00
it's a big entertaining performance. He's got Chirons and and he's got and
00:03:06
guitar and he's shredding. He's playing bass. He's singing. He's doing patter. Um, so it's
00:03:12
it goes into the crowd. Got a spotlight. Anyway, everyone loves it. And he's got two literally two semi-truckss. It's
00:03:18
like a whole concert. Like there's monitors backstage. There's four TVs. Um, we went first I went out there
00:03:27
and met him at Moheaggan Sun, Connecticut. Uh, the fun part about that was one
00:03:32
night Letterman came. Sometimes people pop in to watch. Was Letterman just in the neighborhood?
00:03:38
I mean, I don't see this. Letterman came and he he did a quick interview with us after, but he was
00:03:44
mostly, I think, doing something with Adam for his uh new Jay Kelly movie
00:03:50
coming out. So, David Letterman has a new Jay Kelly movie coming out. No, Sandler does with George Clooney.
00:03:56
And then I think this is press and I think it they're going to do an interview with Letterman and
00:04:01
Oh, maybe his Netflix show for consideration. Yeah, that's possibly it. They probably want to just say hello ahead of time.
00:04:08
Really fun to see Letterman. And I shouldn't even say this because it's kind of pat on the back productions, but
00:04:14
guess what he brought up. If he came my dressing room, guess what he brought up? Uh, fly in the wall.
00:04:19
Something about the 50th. Oh, yeah. The thing about your I got the general gist. Whatever. Yeah,
00:04:25
that that's very much in his vernacular. That's very He came in and he goes, "There's been no
00:04:31
better use for a cast member than to have you do a throwaway line
00:04:37
from the audience." And he said, "Just tell me how it all came about." And then he also when we were with Adam, he
00:04:44
really loved the uh Sandler song, which everyone did. That's like an Emmy-winning performance,
00:04:50
right, of cast members that are here or gone. Yeah, that's Nicholson in the front row
00:04:57
and Jack. Yeah, it's it's it's it's great. Yeah, Dana back in LA at Benigans or
00:05:02
something. Not caring at all. Yeah, I was stewing in my juices. Stewing in my juices.
00:05:08
No, I saw it with my friends Bo Derek and John Corb. But you did? Yeah. Come on. I can name drop.
00:05:15
[ __ ] yeah. My my neighbors and friends. And so we watched it and we did it. We did. I knew
00:05:21
at the moment when you did the line. I go because that comedians know how hard it is to do like a throwaway line.
00:05:28
You're not yelling. You're not emoting. You're not actually just It's just was so heartfelt because it is exhausting
00:05:35
being there. Yeah. You're just like, I'm over it. Sorely missed was Dana even at this
00:05:40
thing. Uh cuz you know, obviously Adam says, "You're welcome on any of these shows if you ever text."
00:05:46
I just told him it's very far and it's just Dana's very brittle. Um but I said,
00:05:52
I'm a dandelion. I'm so fragile. I'm more fragile than you. You're out there running and doing stuff, but
00:05:59
I like to hike mountains. I'll be honest. Oh, okay. So, the sec the same night Taylor Swift's dad of all people. Isn't
00:06:04
that funny? He came to watch Taylor Swift's dad. Taylor Swift's dad.
00:06:10
Okay, that's that's one removed from the It's one remove the golden ring. But yeah,
00:06:15
but we took it and we did come back. Super cool. went backstage, gave me a
00:06:21
handful of Taylor Swift guitar picks. Isn't that nice? Could I have one? I will give you one when I see you.
00:06:27
Heather, I'm giving you one and I'll tell you why after. Wow. Yeah. I don't know why they keep
00:06:32
comparing, you know, there's guys online and it's YouTube shows. They're great, but they're like Taylor Swift versus the
00:06:38
Beatles, you know, and it's like, why put Taylor through that? She's amazing for 2025, but there's only one Beatles.
00:06:47
She would agree, I'm sure, but it's like Taylor Swift, she has she has so many stats that have never been achieved
00:06:53
before, but this is, you know, the the globalization and all social media. You know, when you look at a band or
00:07:00
even like they go, SNL, when you're on there, you guys are horrible. And then 10 years later, they go, "Oh, you guys are great." It just takes a long time to
00:07:07
look back at something, even movies, even things that they say. It just takes a long time to to see if someone holds
00:07:14
up for a long time. Taylor Swift, I'm sure, will hold up. The Beatles held up probably more than anyone ever.
00:07:19
Well, I I look at it like this. When the Beatles left in ' 69 and it was just seven years of of them and then like
00:07:26
nine albums done and it was too much to process even for the Beatles.
00:07:31
Too much. And then over time, it's like a wave hit and and it's cresting
00:07:37
and it's still cresting. Who sold the second most albums from 2000 to 2010?
00:07:44
Beatles. Not the Beatles. Beatles. 40 years later, Eminem was number one by a hair. I think they're
00:07:50
still sell a million albums here. So, they're a singular spaghetti. I'm not a grumpy old band. They're the
00:07:56
best cuz it was during my time, you know. Nope. The evidence is there. And but Taylor
00:08:02
Swift is amazing. So, what do I You know, if she'd come on this podcast, I don't I want to apologize to Travis
00:08:08
Kelce. You know what they call her? are fans now. Swiffers.
00:08:14
Swiffers? That's like a dust mop. But why would I want to apologize to Travis?
00:08:19
I'm Are you gonna apologize to Travis? Yeah, because for a long time I I just referred to it as Taylor Swift and the
00:08:25
football player. Uhhuh. That's not fair. That's like a movie of the week on
00:08:31
He does fine. It is a movie of the week on Hallmark. They did You know what they're all doing? And I don't mean them or it's just branding.
00:08:38
They're they they create a clothing line and then they intersect and they brand. I mean, the amount of money that entertainers
00:08:45
are making wasn't wasn't in our time. You know, you weren't supposed to be a
00:08:50
businessman. A businessman is an [ __ ] And now it's like I don't know this money stuff.
00:08:56
Ryan Reynolds is on TV there. I watched TV once for an hour and he wasn't on it.
00:09:02
And I actually called Comcast and they go, I haven't seen Ryan Reynolds on Yeah. Don't they have a Mint
00:09:08
commercial or something? They do have a Ryan Reynolds block you can put on if you have But good on good on him. I'm not
00:09:14
jealous. Uh, next day, this boring story is keeping going. Next day, Washington DC, the capital,
00:09:22
and we went to Next morning, Adam and I went to a coffee shop. And it was funny
00:09:29
because here's my big joke. It's It's like a long weaving line in there in a
00:09:34
small coffee shop. Yeah. And I go, "Oh, excuse me. Where's the front of the line?"
00:09:40
Like we were gonna instead of the back of the line, we were going to cut. That's a good one. Yeah. You get to cut
00:09:46
[ __ ] crickets. How does How do you How does David Spade and Adam Sandler wait in a coffee line
00:09:52
without people going, "Hey, could I get a picture?" I will say walking there, Adam had
00:09:58
nothing, no sunglasses on or anything. And uh it was a bit of a uh a unicorn sighting because people just walk by and
00:10:05
they go, "So, you know, listen, I'm an international presence. I'm not taking anything away from me. Adam is such a
00:10:12
gigantic star that the people that when I went for a walk first that stopped
00:10:17
me." Mhm. It could have been the same person. They don't see me that when they see Adam, they just go, "Uh" and then they yell
00:10:23
from cars, "Hey guys," or they go, "Can we take a just picture from the car?" or they go to Adam and don't even know I'm
00:10:29
there. They're just so lasered in like, "Are you in our town?" And then when they leave, they go,
00:10:35
"Oh, hey, this [ __ ] guy." So, um, it was fun to see that, you know, it was great just to go for a uh one-on-one
00:10:42
because we're always with everybody with everybody, and it was fun to just go laugh and [ __ ] Then we're in the back of the coffee shop.
00:10:48
I'm sitting next to this lawyer, Dominique, and her friend, and they are giving us the lay of the land. Adam's
00:10:55
next to a five, three-year-old kid and he's he finishes popsicle and then he starts poking Adam with it. He's Adam's
00:11:01
going and it took the kid a minute and then he started laughing hysterically.
00:11:07
This funny old man is like being Yeah, Adam went with it and the kid kept stabbing him and uh that was the
00:11:13
highlight of that kid's life. He doesn't know it yet and sweet. Then I I don't drink coffee but I we got
00:11:21
that. No super highlights there. Next day or that same day, we went to Hershey and we
00:11:28
got a huge Kit Kat bar. They gave us all this huge candy. I can't really eat candy, but I can't eat sugar.
00:11:35
Candy. You can't have co coffee or candy. That's No, I can have coffee. I don't like it.
00:11:40
My third grade teacher had coffee and cigarette breath and I swore off it. I That's a real
00:11:45
story. And scrambled eggs. But I It was such a sickening combo.
00:11:51
Yeah. She's like, "Are we doing fractions thing?" I'm like, "So, I
00:11:56
always remember that and it's it hurt me down deep." So, now I go, "No coffee." I don't want to girls don't like me
00:12:02
enough. I don't want to add something like, "Hey, I have this three tiered sickening breath." So, I did cave on the
00:12:09
scrambled eggs. Did not cave on the coffee or sigs. But, I don't mind either now. Like if a female or someone has
00:12:18
caught your cigarette, but that doesn't throw me as much as my fragility would tell you.
00:12:25
Look, I smoked in fourth grade for about a year. I'd steal Kent cigarettes from my mom's purse.
00:12:30
Candy cigarettes or real ones? No, real ones. She had Kent. Kent K E N.
00:12:36
Yes, she did. Oh, yeah. Menthol. And then my brothers and I would go smoke and then we would eat ice
00:12:41
plant to get it out of our breath. But here's my point. If cigarette smoking was not
00:12:46
harmful, I'd be I'd be smoking a cigarette right now cuz because nothing's a better emphasis than that.
00:12:52
Well, Spade, I mean, tell me more about the trip, you know? I mean, nothing's cooler than the business of a cigarette.
00:12:59
Also, the business, you're always looking for business, which is a term when you're acting. Do something with your hands, move things. It looks better
00:13:05
if you're doing real life. So, if you're like this, you're like, "Listen, you guys, are we going to wind up going to that show tonight or not?"
00:13:11
It just looks like you're doing a real life activity. Yeah, that's like Philip Seymour Hoffman. He's doing this while it's nothing to do with it.
00:13:18
He was so great. I want to ask you a question. Greatest movie. No, wait. Let me go quickly. Okay.
00:13:24
Here's a good smoking thing. When you talk or you go like this, you go my brother does this to me. He goes, "Okay. Uh, we're going to the movies,
00:13:31
right?" And I he goes, "What do we see together? You talk on the holding the in."
00:13:39
Yes. Okay. Here's my cigarette one. This cigarette smoker seems to only realize
00:13:44
that the smoke is annoying when they put it out. So they're like, "So anyway,
00:13:50
I feel really good."
00:13:58
A 30se second stream of smoke coming out when they put it out and then they close
00:14:03
their eyes and shake their head. Best onscreen television or movie smoker. I I know who
00:14:10
it is and it's a mutual friend of ours. Best [ __ ] Best ever.
00:14:16
God, go ahead. I mean, it's not Humphrey Bogart. Whatever. Nope. Not Sean Penn, but good guess. It is Mr. John Ham in a little
00:14:23
show I like to call admin. He was He made that thing so cool. It's
00:14:29
like I don't even know you. We should [ __ ] get him on just to
00:14:34
take his award. No, he he was fantastic in that. Oh, I love cigarettes. I'm so It is cool
00:14:40
and I hate to say it. I don't recommend it, but I hate Of course it I can't do it. It'll kill you, but it's just so cool.
00:14:45
Oh, wait. What's I got to look at my list. I got [ __ ] to tell you about. Oh, here's the last thing that's riveting. When I when I try This is a good trick
00:14:52
for people. If you're on the road like me, this is not a commercial. Everything else is we do.
00:14:58
Interesting. Uh, I'm all I said, I got to fly from DC. This is how much of a [ __ ] hard ass. fly it.
00:15:06
I wake up at DC coffee. I went out once, walked and then I went with Adam, walked
00:15:12
twice. That wasn't what I was planning. Busted my quads, hamstrings, came back.
00:15:19
We take off, fly near Hershey. Drive half hour to Hershey. Stay at this hotel. Nice enough. Looked like a dirty
00:15:25
dancing hotel. I think I played there. This is the one where they're like, you know, this is this hotel's a hundred
00:15:31
years old. Would you believe it? I go minimum minimum ghosts floating everywhere. So
00:15:38
that one then I we only have two hours there. Fortune is on the show there. Rob and Fortune. So we leave an hour later.
00:15:46
We take a little schneo to the gig. Then we hightail. I take a car to
00:15:54
Philadelphia. Two hours. And then I stay where? Because I have an early flight home in LA.
00:16:00
Marriott Airport. It's a It's genius. I've done this in Detroit. You stay at the airport.
00:16:07
Yeah. And you walk out and you're in the airport. Yep. They have one of those attached in
00:16:13
Denver. And I did that last time I was there. You just walk right from from baggage claim. You go across a gang way
00:16:19
and then you're in the hotel and same thing. You're starting to You're starting to get the road. This is the first time I
00:16:26
went this You're starting to get it. You're starting to get it. Yeah. I'm not saying you've got it, but
00:16:31
you're starting to get it. You You seem to get it, but you don't
00:16:36
have it. But now when you said that Denver thing, I said, "Oh, he saved an hour drive." Yeah. He's getting He's starting to get it.
00:16:42
When you start touring like this, this this maybe a couple years ago, I remember this is a quick impression of you two years ago about travel. What do
00:16:49
I do? Where do I go? How do I get to the gig? And I go, "David, calm down. You will figure it out. Should I stay at the
00:16:55
airport? Should I stay at the airport?" I go, "David, probably. Should I stay super far from the
00:17:02
airport? You go, "No, stay closer to it." Yeah. Okay. I used to
00:17:07
Is it light or dark out? I do that to John Loveitz. And he'd actually get kind of mad. John, you
00:17:13
quick impression of you. What's going on? How do I do a sketch? Where do I go? He goes, "Excuse me, I was Emmy
00:17:20
nominated." That's not how I do it. And I don't talk like May West.
00:17:27
Yeah. So I I stay. So here's the big [ __ ] fat story that I've been sitting on. Okay, come on. Give it.
00:17:33
I have the next day. Is this my story? Oh, I
00:17:39
have to order breakfast. Just don't have early onset dementia right now. I I go, I need breakfast. And they go,
00:17:44
there's a QR code. What? So in my hay haze of the morning, I can
00:17:51
you just take my shitty order? It's very basic. Wish we could. There's absolutely
00:17:56
no way. So, I do a QR camera phone. Mhm. Eggs. What do you mean by eggs? And
00:18:03
then, uh, what language do you want? I'm going down. Add, subtract this dog [ __ ]
00:18:09
And then it won't let it go through. And I go, why not, Dana? What's your email? Oh, they want your email and home
00:18:16
address, cell phone number. You don't get my goddamn precious email.
00:18:21
You could offer me a 500. I wouldn't. Cuz now you're going to spam me. I already got an email from him.
00:18:27
Hey, David, great news. We have a new sausage pancake at the Marriott at the [ __ ] airport. I know. I hate all that
00:18:35
information. I just give him a fake number, but I can top you. I was I was at a a place in Vegas.
00:18:42
So, they give us this two-bedroom suite. My wife's with me. It's just, you know, wall of windows and everything. First of
00:18:47
all, we're looking at a construction site. They're building the stadium.
00:18:53
Secondarily, there is a sewage smell throughout the suite. Both bad. So, the
00:19:00
guy comes in. I I spray. I don't know. I spray for you. I'm sorry. You You You
00:19:05
said you had sewage smell, you know. Yeah. So, that was that was not fun.
00:19:10
Different stinky in here. It's still going to smell like sewage. I'll be honest with you. We can't get
00:19:17
rid of it totally, but we're going to tamp it down. We're going to tamp it
00:19:23
down. You'll have sewage but perfume together. You're happy in the sweet. And that was Paula. That was Paula.
00:19:30
Your wife saying that. Yeah. She just got a funny accent. We sprayed it. Did you put perfume? No,
00:19:35
we use Raid and Roach. It just smells different.
00:19:40
But you know, it's uh it's one of those things like you'd go to I always say just give me a regular room. You know,
00:19:46
sometimes sweets I hit my elbow or I know sometimes they go here you are. It's like the sweet from the hangover
00:19:52
and you're like I don't need nine rooms trying to leave a comment. First world problems we
00:19:58
understand. It's first world. I don't know any other world. Sewage smell is all anyone can relate to
00:20:04
that you know. Yeah I remember stink. Okay I think that's all. Oh whenson went
00:20:10
on cuz you know Sandler we all it's just every night different people. Nick Schwarzen, that doofus. And he was on
00:20:17
and we were we always crack up the whole time, but when I follow him, I always go, "Oh, Nick Schwartz, everyone." And I
00:20:23
go, "Oh, why are all the five-year-olds piling out of the stadium?" "Oh, they just wanted to see Nick."
00:20:29
There's only there's only one Nick. Didn't he have an album called Who Farted or Did
00:20:35
And then he and then he w he he has follow-up album was Guess What? I farted.
00:20:40
I was the guy that farted the whole time. And and then he had a third one.
00:20:46
It's a farter at my house. No, he is one of World War Funniest guys.
00:20:53
Yeah. When on the group chat, you should not jump on this group chat unless you're ready because if you bomb, you
00:20:59
know my trick on the group chat. By the way, I have to say Schwarzman is pretty funny on I hate those things. When I get on, I write my joke and then
00:21:06
guess what I do, Dana? You press send. Yeah, I do that. But then
00:21:14
I give it about two seconds. Then I put a haha on it on my own. Oh, gets the party going.
00:21:20
So someone just looks down and goes, "Oh, someone laughed at this one. It must be good." I sent a text to someone
00:21:26
the other day. It was a heartfelt kind of thing. And then I was and they replied back and I I was going to do a
00:21:31
heart on the reply, but I put a heart on my statement. That's the best thing. That's some love.
00:21:39
You do it. You put a haha so everyone goes, "Oh, that's a funny joke." And you're like, they don't really takes them a second to go, "Wait, Spade, did
00:21:44
you laugh at your own joke?" I go, "Fuck yes, I did." Hey, anyone can try this. I was having a quas just uh, you know,
00:21:52
chat back and forth with prefuncter information. Yeah, we went there. We went there. And I just started putting
00:21:58
haha and everything they said. That's good. And it's just like, yeah, we took a car to the airport. Haha. And then the plane
00:22:05
was a little bit delayed. Haha. And finally they're like, "Why are you doing that? I'm scared."
00:22:10
Well, people do put LOL when they're nervous and they just go, "Okay, I'm on my way." LOL. Yep. I'll be there soon.
00:22:16
LOL. And you go or when you go ha and how many when do you stop? Yeah.
00:22:21
You know, you do like 10 of them.
00:22:28
Um, okay. So, anything else on your end before we get into the hot hot stories that will be old? Are we talking about
00:22:36
the Taylor Swift thing or or No, Nicole Taylor No, Nicole Kimman. Sorry. Get him
00:22:41
confused. Oh, Nicole Kidman got a divorce. I guess it was a couple days ago even though it just happened. I know. Now that Yeah. Keith Keith Urban
00:22:48
from Australia. Which one's Nicole? Ah. Uh, no. He's uh she's great on the right
00:22:54
and she's great on the left. No, that guy is uh um he's from Australia. I
00:23:02
don't like you making all those others movies with them fellas or bs me
00:23:09
take off your knickers in front of that fellas. Yeah. Is that offensive?
00:23:14
No. That's us right. They were together. They had a long run. So we got to applaud that. That's Hollywood. You know
00:23:21
average two years no joke in Hollywood. Two years one kid in Hollywood.
00:23:26
Sad but true. Oh. Oh. Let's look at these comments. Check out first comment. sent me at
00:23:31
Okay, there. Well, there's [ __ ] baby doll. There's baby girl, I think it's called.
00:23:37
So, this is Nicole is not the only one, but she's she's probably the queen of middle-aged
00:23:43
women, I'll say, that are in really good shape making highly sexualized movies.
00:23:49
And I just wonder if that bugged her husband. I'm just I can't help but be curious. That's a good angle. Yeah. know she's
00:23:56
that's an SNM thing when she's on all fours drinking milk and does she get any guy you've seen more
00:24:02
things than I have of her which I do like her great actress any BJ's in the shower
00:24:09
yes in scenes really yeah and so I have to say if oh I'm Kate Aban
00:24:16
and I'm like what's on the docket today at wick she's like just your basic we
00:24:21
got a couple of car scenes we got a couple overhead shots with a drone and the day with a goblin goo in the shower.
00:24:28
Come on. That that is hard even though you're faking it. I think it's very hard to watch.
00:24:34
Big little lies where the husband it was there in Monteray and you know I think
00:24:39
Reese Witherspoon was it was a really cool series but she had a a husband was
00:24:44
violent with her and then she would try to tame him down. So she was doing that activity in a shower and I don't
00:24:52
as long as you don't do a BJ scene from behind in a shower. Oh, I can take it.
00:24:58
Every script they sneak those in because bless her heart for being a good actress. She's sort of game for anything.
00:25:03
She's absolutely great. And it's kind of a well if you were in a
00:25:09
marriage that was possibly iffy. It's not cheating. It's the closest thing you
00:25:15
can do is like when you get you take a movie where it's just like highfest
00:25:21
sexual. Um the thing is I guess their net worth is 300 millions. You don't
00:25:27
have to do that to pay bills. So it is voluntary. He had said that oh I don't
00:25:34
mind watch you to have sex on or scream with a guy. Yeah. I just I know it's her art form. I look at it as a piece of art
00:25:42
not her. And um yeah, apparently that was the idea. Nick Schwarzson's fourth special is
00:25:48
called Fart Form. Maybe that's what he was going for. Art Form. Um Nick Schw Nick Schwarzen, I think he
00:25:55
and Sandler signed a deal. It's a sci-fi movie called Star Fart. And he's an
00:26:00
astronaut with a gas problem. He's an astronaut with a gas problem. Oh, there you go.
00:26:08
What? Also, by the way, don't worry. It could be a movie. Starfire could be.
00:26:13
He burns me on those group chats. And the group chats are funny because you get like Conan or someone that used to be on the the tour or they've been on a
00:26:20
couple days here and there and now everyone starts chirping in like a month later going, "Why am I hearing about where the car
00:26:27
pickup is? Go [ __ ] yourself, you guys." And then we're like, "Hey, look who it is." So
00:26:33
Oh, Tim Meadows couldn't get off either. And he's like, "Guys, get me off this goddamn thing." We're like, "No chance,
00:26:38
dude. You can't. You're going to hear every breakfast call, every stupid question.
00:26:45
It just like everyone's thinking. It becomes like a comedy competition. They're thinking and you're typing
00:26:50
really fast to get yours in there. And then you look at it like a minute later, there's already 10 more jokes and you
00:26:56
go, "My joke sucked." And then you start feeling bad, so I got out of it. Humiliation. Humiliation.
00:27:04
But what a blast. I don't go back out for a little while, but I'm going to try it again. Uh, okay. Send some more
00:27:09
stories our way. Let me see. Bad Bunny. Oh, this will be old, but he
00:27:15
is announced as the Super Bowl halftime show, which Oh, he was a happy Gilmore.
00:27:22
Um, I know his name. I'm not familiar with his music. Can somebody uh Greg or
00:27:28
Heather or you tell me? His real name is Bad Rabbit. Very very
00:27:34
Oh, listen. What is it? Is it hip-hop? Is it rap? Is it country? Is it pop? Is it
00:27:41
It's uh Yeah. What is it? Rap. What would you describe? I don't think it's rap. Is it like Mark
00:27:48
Anthony? Look at Greg just writes Latin music. What a [ __ ] Latin kind of.
00:28:00
Yeah. Now look, I did read this. I thought it was funny because a lot of people you want to have, you know,
00:28:05
Eminem or you want to have these names. Eminem from 20 five years ago, these funny names, Shabuzzi.
00:28:12
Bad Bunny was good, but I did read an article about names he was really seriously considering before he settled
00:28:19
on Bad Bunny. One was Cruel Rat, but it had no pop to it, you know. Mhm.
00:28:26
I heard one was uh Okay. Misbehaving Arvar.
00:28:33
Yeah. Uh there was another one. Well, Good Bunny was there for six months. He
00:28:38
was Good Bunny. Mhm. And um he didn't sell anything, you know. First he was just uh rabbit.
00:28:45
Rabbit man. Yeah. Was one of his rabbit then sort of shoulder shrugger rabbit. He didn't know which way to go.
00:28:52
Yeah. and then he went bad. Um he did say Dana though he was mad about
00:29:00
uh the ICE situation and he said I'm not doing my tour in
00:29:07
America at all this year. I will avoid America except for the Super Bowl.
00:29:12
No. And then he got offered the Super Bowl a week later. And so it's it's that was the only controversy is that he
00:29:17
accepted that. I don't know his status, but Trump Trump is is out there. He
00:29:24
might wait till he's in his second song. Wait. Okay. Go get him. You know, on the Super Bowl stage, 300 million. We'll see
00:29:32
him take it away. Yeah. Just go get the get get the backup dancers.
00:29:37
Uh yeah. So, does he come in here with a green card or where's it? Where's he from? I think he lives here. I think he lives
00:29:43
in Miami. He did Happy Gilmore. He played his caddy and uh so his buddies are Sam.
00:29:50
Henry's a nice guy. Yeah. Sandman. Sam Man. Bad man. Bad Bunny actually is a good name. It comes off that you remember it,
00:29:56
you know. Yeah. David Spade. It's kind of like what? By the way, I'll tell you these these
00:30:01
NFL games cuz I play fantasy and stuff. I don't love the I know that all businesses
00:30:08
want to be bigger, but now there's so many NFL games. Forget that they're going to every other
00:30:14
channel than the ones I paid for. Now they're going to every channel has their own game and you
00:30:19
got to join that. That already infuriates me, but I don't like international games because maybe
00:30:25
not everything has to be worldwide. I mean, a small thing is you go buy a razor and you go, "This place has a good
00:30:31
razor." And then you go, "Oh, that's great. Someone's calling me." And you go, "Oh, this is great." And then the
00:30:37
next time you see the place, they sell everything under the sun. You're like, just do the one thing you do right. But
00:30:43
every company has to grow. So football, Berlin, Brazil, Ireland, and they're
00:30:49
like at 6:00 a.m. in the morning and I don't know when they're on and you're like, "Oh, how can I I wonder if the coach when he gives a
00:30:55
pep talk, all right, good game, gentlemen. Next week we're in Dublin and
00:31:02
we got to kick some ass in Dublin." I mean, it doesn't seem like American
00:31:07
football. They're not. They go and they hand out like Steelers terrible towels and all these people like, "What team?" and they
00:31:13
don't know what's going half of them don't know. You don't have your fans there. It's not like a home game. So,
00:31:18
there's not like that. It's just people that they want just fill up the stadiums. It looks full. I know. Well,
00:31:23
at least and these guys got jet lag and they're like, I mean, come on. No, it wipes them out. And then I hear
00:31:28
eventually they've run out of cities with stadiums. And you guys, all right, next week we're going to play South of
00:31:35
France. We're going to play Provence. We're going to be out in a woodsy field. Let's go team.
00:31:42
They go on Bill Gates's boat, which does have a football field, luckily. Right. Yeah, I got a football field,
00:31:49
guys. You can get on my my boat if you want to. It's It's longer than Jeff Pesos's boat.
00:31:56
That would be big. They all have [ __ ] yachts, these billionaires, but I'm not mad.
00:32:01
All right, next. This one might get mad. Whatever it is. Let's see. Hopefully, it's a mad one.
00:32:07
Kanye West adds President
00:32:13
Kanye West adds President Trump, his ex-wife Kim, and others to his betrayal
00:32:18
list as he reveals he is in Oh, people who No.
00:32:24
Oh, his own kid is in there. No person can fix. LeBron James. Oh, these are the people that no person
00:32:30
can fix. Oh my god. Am I on this? Hold on. I'm fix Harriet Tubman. He went deeper. Harriet
00:32:36
Tubman. She's been in the stars for Curious George. Now that's what I
00:32:42
know. Who made this up? This is pretty cool. Is this AI? And it says just Adolf at the end.
00:32:48
I think I know who he means. Who's James Murray? How'd you like to be like a regular dude? They got on here.
00:32:53
This door man. Kid cuddy. King Vaughn. Uh Pusha. Is that Pusha T? Heather. I
00:33:00
don't Northwest is his daughter, right? Yeah. Tie dollar sign. Why isn't my name
00:33:06
David? If my name spade had a dollar sign instead of an S, I swear to God, I think it would help things.
00:33:12
Adolf. We We're definitely need nicknames. Adolf is what? Adolf. Just Adolf.
00:33:17
Yeah, Adolf. Just Adolf. We know. He goes like this. Adolf, you know what to do.
00:33:24
Uh oh. It's not Jason Stra him again, is it? No, that's Eric the [ __ ] on Stern. He
00:33:30
was trying to put a head out on someone once and he goes, they go, "What are you talking about? This guy backed out of a deal and he goes,
00:33:36
they record him going, "Take care of it." He goes, "Take care of what?" He goes, "You know what to do." And everyone goes, "Are you trying to kill
00:33:42
someone?" Jesus. Look at my hair is glowing from behind
00:33:48
again. Dana, do you see that [ __ ] I know. What is that? It's a touch. We got high marks on it last time. This
00:33:53
is Heather's concoction. They like this little feather thing back there cuz it looks like you have little like you're
00:33:58
like Yeah, because I was having orbs floating around and we're fixing the lighting here. I don't know. I like the black
00:34:04
background though. Oh, it's black. All right. Oh,
00:34:11
okay. Next story. Yeah, they're rushing us right along. Gaming giant EA Sports sold to Saudi based investment group 55
00:34:18
billion. What is it? Made of leather. the guy
00:34:24
wanted to buy it and then he had started hanging out with uh Kushner's
00:34:31
Jared Kushner's involvement that kind of put this together. That's I will say Saudi Arabia is sort of
00:34:37
running the table lately. They've got Tom Brady out of retirement.
00:34:43
They're just normalizing Saudi Arabia. He's playing flag football. They pay him up the [ __ ] ass. All the comics went
00:34:49
over there and it's hard to even get mad or go, "Oh, I have a pin." Because then there's another one two days later. Then
00:34:56
there's the boxing match I went to. I guess I'm guilty. And it's the same guy involved in all those. I don't know
00:35:02
about this one, but Saudi Arabia's public. They have unlimited money. I mean, that's the way.
00:35:07
Yeah, that's thing. You can always Yeah. No one can compete with them. Yeah. No one gives a [ __ ] They're like money.
00:35:14
Yeah. Luckily, I hate money. Gervitz wants you to love money. Dana likes money.
00:35:19
I guess you don't like money. You don't like work. I guess you don't want to work. You don't work there because I guess you
00:35:25
don't like money. These guys like it take you to go to Saudi Arabia to do stand up. You have 5
00:35:31
seconds. If Tom Brady says, "I'll run a few patterns with you before I just go there for free." They got Tom Brady's gonna play flag
00:35:38
football. Is that it? Is that what they got him to do? What do they think? It's tied in with fanatics and stuff, but uh I think they
00:35:46
don't say, but I'm sure whatever you say he'll go higher more than you think since we are global. I'm just going to
00:35:52
make a quick, you know, hey, Saudi Arabia, Dana Carvey from Saturday Night Live and stuff.
00:35:58
Will you go? I would love to go there with David's Bay. We co-headline in the desert. I'm
00:36:03
sure we could do 60,000 and um anyway, just call me Saudi
00:36:11
Arabia. The one I was going to do was a 4500 seater. I think they that's where they put a lot of people that come over there. But I don't think mine my thing
00:36:18
was as a part of the festival because it was about two months ago
00:36:24
just to get you to do a one nighter in Saudi Arabia. Yeah. Just to go to a gig. I don't It's a hall unless they pay you. I think
00:36:30
they're very nor it was more than I get it for sure, but I think it's more like um
00:36:37
they want to just normalize everyone going there and everyone doing business there. So, they're doing more and more
00:36:42
and more stuff and people will just just get numb to it of course. I mean, if you're have a problem with them or not,
00:36:48
it just sort of all washes away. Yeah. You get you're a fighter, you
00:36:53
might get 10 million America and there you get a hundred million and I don't know if they pay the tax. I think he
00:36:59
gave Canelo a hundred million to I did get a call and it wasn't for me. It was for you and what I heard on the
00:37:06
phone it was weird. It was like can you get David Spade for me? I would like to put him in small theater. And I go I
00:37:14
don't know how much money would it cost for David Spit to come to Saudi Arabia
00:37:20
and do the funny thing he does. I go I don't not sure. It's a lot of um not
00:37:28
sure what jokes would work over there. You know what I mean? Like I don't know if you just don't know. And also they do
00:37:34
for sure give you a list because someone posted the list the comics got at least
00:37:40
of what not to talk about. And the argument is a little bit like when you go somewhere you should talk about where
00:37:45
you are. Make fun of everything. Make fun of whatever. You can't make fun of a lot of things over there and you can't
00:37:51
drink and you know some basics. I wonder if there's any women in the audience. Is that a real question? Would that be a real question or not?
00:37:58
Um, yeah. May I don't know the culture of that country. It country to country
00:38:03
in terms of what women are able to do. I think they can kind of drive maybe during the day or something now.
00:38:10
I saw one where they have one eye, you know, they have maybe it's called a burka, but they have eyes, but they had
00:38:16
one eye because they were punishing them saying I like they you had two eyes for
00:38:22
a while and they go, "You had it too good." So I mean what what is it down to? I mean I don't know where if it's
00:38:28
everywhere there I don't know enough. I'm just saying wherever that is that's a drag.
00:38:34
The only upside and I'm I'm for freedom for women. And so the only upside is you
00:38:40
have a uniform you just wear it. You got the hhabib and the beam or whatever it's called
00:38:45
you know and that's it. So fashion it looks like a folded umbrella you know
00:38:51
like when they go like that. Yeah, it's a sort of slightly beekeeper motif, but yeah.
00:38:57
That's what you like. That's what you like. It's not for me. I don't like it. I like these light shirts.
00:39:02
Yeah. I got this. And that jean jacket and black t-shirts.
00:39:08
Mhm. Okay, let's do another one. We're doing all right. Let's Let's see where we're going here.
00:39:13
Um, Chinese-made bone glue fixes fractures in just three minutes with one
00:39:20
injection. Ooh. H. Oh, I can throw away my Viagra.
00:39:27
I figured there'd be some kind of sexual joke with bone glue. Well, bone glue. What I call Viagra.
00:39:34
Yeah. Yeah. Well, if they can do this, like let's say you go break your hand like they
00:39:40
show there. You go in and they just go and then it kind of like gorilla glues it. That's great.
00:39:45
I don't know. I I cracked my ankle once doing an Adam Sandler movie, actually.
00:39:51
Yeah. Where's your bone glue? Mhm. I had to wear a boot for a little
00:39:56
bit. Oh, yeah. Which one was it? Was it Ridiculous 6? Oh, no. No, it was before that. I think
00:40:03
it was uh I think it was probably Little Nikki. Little Nikki. Yeah, I think so.
00:40:10
Hey, I'm from the South. the deep south.
00:40:17
I p I did something on the Dana Carvey show that he liked and he asked me, "Can we use that?" And I played a ref who had
00:40:22
a high pitch voice. Come on, you guys. Get it in here, guys. You know that guy. It was funny.
00:40:30
It is funny. Look it up, kids. Oh, here's another story. It might not be in there. I was just looking.
00:40:35
Maybe you can look it up. They have an AI actor now, an actress who has an
00:40:41
Hilly Norwood, and they're trying to get her an agent. Her
00:40:46
and I know all of us actors, you included. No, you're not. I'm included.
00:40:54
Adding our um disgust, but just saying, "Hey, if an
00:41:02
agency signs an AI actress, it's pretty much over." Would Gervitz ever say to an
00:41:07
AI actress, "I guess you just don't like work." You know what I like about you? You like
00:41:13
money and you like to work. You don't complain about flights cuz you're on a computer. Yeah, exactly.
00:41:20
Meet Tilly Norwood, the AI actress. There she is drawing back. She is cute. I bet she's nice. By the
00:41:26
way, she looks like a lot of actresses. It's like, just get an actress that's a real person. I don't want to see a movie
00:41:32
that's a I don't care. I don't want to see it. It's not real people. You won't know it. You won't know it.
00:41:37
It'll just You'll hear I know. But know I will. How would you couldn't spot it because I know everything. Yeah.
00:41:43
Yeah. It's getting too good. It's really, you know, the main thing is they're not going to replace comedians
00:41:49
anytime soon. I don't think that's the toughest one. Not with jokes like Hershey. That sounds
00:41:55
pretty sweet. That was started the podcast. Yeah, that was one of my finest moments. You could sell that on the open comedy
00:42:02
market. I might have long CO now if my energy seems a little low. I'm totally past it, but I'm a little spacey.
00:42:08
How do you know when you have long CO? You sound fine and you you seem like you're acting fine.
00:42:14
No, I'm just energy. I was a little beat up last week after my uh I'll be back. Flight back from Chicago.
00:42:21
Uh I'm such a roadhog lately. I can't stand it. Well, you can't you can't you can't get
00:42:27
enough. Don't stop till you get enough. I do all this just so I can break even. That's the funniest part. It's like
00:42:34
you got to do a lot of dates. Yeah, I'm blowing money on is so dumb. But you can't fix me. I'm not fixable.
00:42:41
All right, let's do one more and then we'll get it. One more. This is it.
00:42:48
Oh, in more movie news, John Malovich movie was made in 2015, but they won't
00:42:53
show it until 215. 100red years. We got to wait for this
00:42:58
stupid [ __ ] Written by Malovich. Oh, it's Robert Rodriguez, who's a real
00:43:03
filmmaker. I mean, is it a waste of time? Dana, go.
00:43:08
No, I think it's a clever PR thing because now everyone's going to try to see it. We should really record a a special
00:43:15
podcast, just you and me, and say it won't be released until the year 2910. Yeah.
00:43:20
And see if people go, "What?" Like you bury it in a tree like we did. What was that called? Time capsule.
00:43:27
I did that in fifth grade. Yeah. I was in C Grand Arizona and I put my addition to it was
00:43:35
yo-yo or something something where where if you dug it up today this far later everyone would be like worthless
00:43:40
silly putty Duncan and they're like remember we used to have
00:43:46
pencils. Hey man I watched last night all the
00:43:51
president's men and you did. It's great. I mean I I watched a cool
00:43:57
one. What do you like better, that or Butch and Sundance for Redford Go? I think I think he was awfully freaking
00:44:04
good in uh All the President's Men. I mean, he must have loved it. They they you know, on the big screen, they had
00:44:10
him just full closeup and all these papers and and I really got into how at this time how much they had to play act
00:44:18
Dustin Hoffman's, you know, Woodward and Bernstein to to get people to talk. So,
00:44:24
say between each other. Yeah. Cuz people were so scared to talk about the uh the scandal with Nixon. So
00:44:31
they'd go, "Uh, what is P?" And they go, "I can't say." And then the reference character says,
00:44:37
"Okay, you say what is P?" And and I and I say, "Hey, we know that's Peterson or whatever." Yeah, we already know that.
00:44:43
Oh. So then that makes you know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And no word processors, just oldfashioned typewriters. It was very
00:44:50
cool. Which catch dad's kid was mostly Paul Newman's movie in a way. What about
00:44:56
good? Never was a super fan of it. I saw it.
00:45:01
I haven't revisited it. Have you? Whoa. Well, it was a little fanciful.
00:45:07
Can you hum the theme? Oh, don't whistle. People get mad. Do it over here.
00:45:13
No, you're doing it into the mic. Oh, people get mad. Yeah. Go in the other room.
00:45:23
Piano. Something like that. Okay. So, oh, I did see a movie. This is
00:45:30
the last thing I'll say. I saw a movie on the flight home, Black Bag. Did you see it? It was pretty good. Never heard of it.
00:45:36
Kind of a suspensey, not even thriller, just sort of mystery, intriguing spy
00:45:42
thing. Kate Blanchett, my celebrity crush was in it.
00:45:48
She's awfully good. Unreal. Weapons. Did we already talk about that? Did you see? No, but they were backstage. Everyone
00:45:54
liked it. I saw it a second time. I had little
00:46:00
different issues with it, but it still is a great great movie. Yeah. But I don't want the jump scares, but I want
00:46:06
to see it so I can talk to you about it. See it. See it and shut up.
00:46:12
Quit being shut up. Okay. Well, I think this was one of the best ever. And um
00:46:18
top hundred for sure. M we've done probably 200 of these. I don't want to
00:46:24
put in You know what? We'll read a few of your comments next week, but not only the mean ones. We read the good ones.
00:46:29
Yeah, we're gonna have what they call fan engagement. So, we love to read people have thoughtful things to say
00:46:35
about it. So, sometimes that's nice. Uh all right, Dana, I'm going to let you go. Just if you could just wait while I
00:46:40
leave and get on the freeway. Keep your keep your laptop open so it uploads properly.
00:46:46
That's what we really do. Uh okay. Thanks, guys. See you next week. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
00:46:52
Bye. Fly.
00:46:57
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:47:03
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00:47:08
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented
00:47:14
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00:47:20
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00:47:27
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00:47:33
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00:47:41
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00:47:46
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00:47:54
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