00:00:00
Okay, Dana, let's start with a freaking bang. Here we go. I got I can't believe this.
00:00:05
What's happening today? You he What is happening? Literally anything.
00:00:12
What's going on? It's raining. Maybe everything.
00:00:17
I want to say raining. That'll really get viewers. Um that's real clickable.
00:00:22
No. Uh, what can I tell you just quickly about Oh, we had a funny story about a a a
00:00:31
guest we had recently had a driver come to my house. We don't always do them in
00:00:37
the studio here. Mhm. But this unknown guest had a driver said, "Can I use your potty?"
00:00:45
And so we let him in and 28 minutes later he came out.
00:00:52
Wow. Maybe he's doing [ __ ] sodoku.
00:00:58
That's I mean, what do you do? Then he comes out like this. Anyway,
00:01:06
I was excuse me, but what were you doing in there?
00:01:11
Excuse me. I I do a I do a guarth. Excuse me. I'd like to get some information about what
00:01:17
you were doing in there. I saw something seeping out from under the door. I didn't know what it was. It was just smoke, I thought.
00:01:24
Mhm. You know, I Have you ever had this? Actually, when I'm on the road, we were talking about this.
00:01:30
When you go to a restaurant and if people know you're there, one of the challenges is they follow you to the
00:01:38
bathroom to get a picture and and then nicely they wait. But if
00:01:44
it's that one in a million when you're in there for 45 minutes, you come out and they're asleep on the wall. They
00:01:51
wake up. Oh, they get up off the carpet. Hey, yeah, I forgot. Wait, why was I here? Oh, um, I'm sorry. I'm so blurry.
00:01:57
I fell asleep. Um, oh, right. You were going to run into the bathroom. And I was going to take a picture. And I'm like, oh, I'm here. I don't get that kind of fan attention.
00:02:03
I mean, they follow you home. They follow you to the bathroom. Where aren't they following you? You're You're like
00:02:09
the Beatles coming off. in the back. I think in restaurants it it's it's
00:02:15
unusually common to follow you there and then just to be in there outside
00:02:20
or pee next to you and just go, I thought it was you. And I'm like, will you hold this while
00:02:26
we take a selfie? They're like, oh, your wiener. Okay, let me just try to Hang on.
00:02:33
Okay, let me just grab that. I don't know. Some people like to have a have uh heavy cool fun informative
00:02:41
conversations at a male urinal in a public restroom, but a lot for me it's
00:02:47
not like a I don't see it as a social situation like a time to make friends like you do. Time to get to know
00:02:54
that's how I meet people. Yeah. You hang out in the bathroom. There are people who just hang out. I
00:03:00
don't know if you ever been at a gym in the locker room there. Usually it was guys, older guys would
00:03:05
just strip naked and then just walk around. They had no one there was nowhere to go, nothing to do. You just
00:03:12
did not want to bump into them. Yeah. I mean, I've got a guy in the gym fully naked, leg up on the bench with a
00:03:19
blow dryer trying drying his nut sack going, "Any new movies?"
00:03:25
[Music] [Laughter] I do. The one I don't like is going to a
00:03:32
baseball game and there's the urinal trough.
00:03:37
I don't know what that is. That feels kind of like just a primitive gang. Like
00:03:42
you're in you're in some kind of club that urinates together. There's no
00:03:48
demarcation. There's no splash guard. There's no privacy. There's no door.
00:03:53
There's just 300 guys doing their business. And there's guys
00:04:00
on the other side of the troughs here all peeing into it sometimes. I've been in all kinds of troughs. I
00:04:06
used to design troughs and some people some they finish peeing and then they just stand there and hang
00:04:11
out and they go what's up? What's up? How do you think the game's going? This is usually sporting events. It's for
00:04:19
expediency. You can't go the individual. Guess what? This is kind of a fun fact. I was in
00:04:25
London once. Go ahead. went to a play in London. Oh, and I thought, you know, that that and
00:04:32
they're up there. It's a real British kind. Oh, I don't know about you. I was shoot you in the head if you say that
00:04:38
again. Anyway, during the intermission, go to the bathroom. They have lined up
00:04:44
on both sides of the wall 25 urinals on one side, 25 on the other.
00:04:51
What do you do? Just go to the one that has more guys? Well, most people drink alcohol and want to do that. I know this
00:04:57
is like our first biologic beginning. It's our first five minutes. So, they only have two stalls and 40
00:05:03
urinal because they know generally speaking, people have done the other thing before they going. So,
00:05:09
people don't like to do it in public. No one likes to do it in public. It's just a matter of emergency. And if you do like to do it publicly,
00:05:16
you have an issue. Yeah, there's a problem. Yeah, it's a problem. So, I'm glad we got this. I don't know how you got on this topic.
00:05:23
Uh, I will say since just in a in brief SNL news, uh, our friend Ego had left
00:05:30
and that was sort of that bomb dropped right after there was a wave of people leaving and she sort of waited a beat.
00:05:37
Probably sused out the situation and said, "You know what? There's new people. Maybe it's time for me to go."
00:05:43
She had a good run. She's very good on it. She's um really uh
00:05:50
just charismatic, a star, incredibly sweet. Yeah. Super talented. And you know, now that
00:05:56
I've had a few days after our hot take on the SNL shakeup,
00:06:01
um yeah, the it's okay to do seven or eight years because it's not like leaving in 89 or
00:06:08
90 or something. There are so many live streamings. There's so many do-it-yourself on YouTube. There's
00:06:13
films. I mean, yeah, there's so many ways to continue your career. And Heidi Gardner being an
00:06:18
example of one of them. And a lot of these cast members, it's it's okay. You know, there's a lot more going on. I mean, I
00:06:25
when we left, it was either a TV show or a movie. There wasn't much in between.
00:06:31
There was not much else that you could stay busy at. Even standup, a touring standup did not make the money that
00:06:38
people do now. Not even close. So, like that. Yeah, it was like to make a living, you could
00:06:44
go on the road a lot and just not break even. You'd make some beans. But I mean, probably the greatest example is
00:06:50
I think Ben Stiller did six months or something, I think. Yeah, he had a quick run. Yeah.
00:06:56
Yeah. And then he's Ben Stiller, so enough said. I And you know, Jim Carrey auditioned. Nah, I don't think so. You
00:07:04
know, Shane Gillis did approximately zero. Shane Gillis, you take your talent and
00:07:09
get out of here. No, the Lord didn't say that. He called him. Did you land? Did you get your hotel? Yes. Okay. Order some soup
00:07:16
and then you have to go. You have a heart out at noon. That that being said, the four people
00:07:23
coming in in such a different circumstance in 2025, I just I root for them. And uh I
00:07:31
Welcome to the jungle. Welcome to the jungle. You going to want to
00:07:36
It's like gladiator. Are you not entertained? I know. I've always said that. I mean,
00:07:42
there's three lanes of Saturday Night Live. One of the lanes is funny people doing sketches making you laugh.
00:07:49
The other lane is seeing a football player or a film star, actress or actor
00:07:56
try to do sketch comedy for hour. And the third lane is seeing someone you know that's brand new to sketch comedy,
00:08:02
brand new to Saturday Night Live attempting to go out there and land it and be relaxed when you've got 20 cast
00:08:09
members. So, it's quite a reality show. Um, and how long will Lauren stay? You
00:08:15
know, I wish they would do a show where they did behind the scenes of the week. And
00:08:20
so, like, you know, a reality show, Heidi would come off a sketch, go in a
00:08:26
room, do a testimonial, or at rehearsal, how'd it go? Where do you think your chances are with the sketch? You're
00:08:32
going to wigs. Which wig do you pick? How do you pick it? And do all that. And then you're going
00:08:38
to catch some some drama, some argument, some tension, and all the chaos that goes behind the
00:08:44
scenes. Even just during the week, right before the show, there's a lot going on. Have they ever done one show like that?
00:08:50
Sweating it out after read through waiting like everyone hanging out by the door like little bees going
00:08:55
not figured out yet. Can we go in there? The most highressured week of your life.
00:09:01
You've got a behindthe-scenes camera in your face all day. Make it harder, man. But then people
00:09:07
will start liking you based on that on top of sketches or they like different
00:09:12
people the way they handle the week. Like we would wait outside Lauren's door. Now, we do read through. They all
00:09:18
walk in there. Downey, Franken, Smiggle, host, Lauren. They're going to pick all
00:09:23
the sketches. We'd be hanging out talking to Alice or Aaron going, "So, what's going on?" Like, no reason
00:09:30
to be there. So, and then when the door cracks, you go like that because you can't see the wall with all the
00:09:35
cards of what they're picking. But they're like, "And what did you think about slam?" And you go, and then they'll say, "Um,
00:09:42
can you send the Turners in?" Which are writers. Can you send my Can you send this writer in and you go,
00:09:48
"Oh, they're talking about that sketch. Oh, they're considering it. That's a little nugget of information."
00:09:54
I know. Well, I would always go up there and um they'd say, "Lawrence," and I would just go in, you know, I go, "I'm
00:10:00
just going to go in." Never in a trillion years. So then Lauren and I would hang out and discuss the cast and the show and what
00:10:07
do you think of this person and that person? You take popcorn and go like this in the back of the room and then Lauren would put up this sketch and you
00:10:12
go, "I wouldn't." And they go, "Lorn, Lauren only did it in front of me."
00:10:19
Dana, I don't like to do this because of distraction. But he would take three or four kernels of popcorn and juggle them
00:10:25
and then eat them. Oh, watch Dana and I throw it up. And it's the way I do it when no one's looking. All you see,
00:10:33
he would take popcorn and put it in each cheek and go, I'm like Marlon Brando.
00:10:38
So, well, that's why he would turn around and then he would stick one kernel of on each tooth and he'd come
00:10:44
back and go, "Dana, I'm a scary monster." He doesn't do an impression. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm a scary monster. And he
00:10:50
had popcorn teeth. It was hysterical. Yeah. It's so funny. I would laugh every time.
00:10:57
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the fall collection now at pura.com. Oh, I also went to a fight this weekend.
00:11:23
I went to the Canelo. Kai, you get your life is so cool. I didn't get the memo. I don't know. You
00:11:29
could just go there. [ __ ] No. I stupidly was in Vegas with Nikki Glazer about a
00:11:36
week ago and I got an invite to go to it and I go, I don't think I can go because it's my only weekend off
00:11:42
and I was going to do some things and then I was like, oh my god, because I didn't want to come right back to Vegas and
00:11:48
then I got to go right back to Chicago. So I go, well, and then I go, oh, this is going to be such a big fight. And it
00:11:54
did a football stadium. I go, I got to try it. So, here I am scraping and
00:11:59
scratching my invite back, which was some tough texting. Oh. Oh, okay. Cuz then they they you
00:12:06
were so two days ago and they've already filled in the seats. Y So, cuz I didn't see you on the movie
00:12:11
star cam. Nope. I didn't see you. Were you in the nose beds or halfway down the nose? It wasn't nose beds. It was um I didn't
00:12:18
get an answer right when I said, "Hey, good news." And I put in parenthesis for you. I can go. And then I said, "So if
00:12:25
there's any," cuz Netflix was doing it. So I said, "If if there's any room, Sandos, your buddy,
00:12:31
there's any room, let me know." And then about 4 days later, I said, "Listen, if my uh seat got taken from someone from
00:12:39
the summer, I turned pretty. It's okay. I understand how it works over there." And then nothing. And then it was so
00:12:46
cringy. And then the Was it just you or you plus one? Just me saying I was just going to go. I
00:12:52
didn't know it was such a big event. I honestly thought it's like when a couple people go to a fight and they get four seats together and they go, "Hey." And
00:12:58
um so the night before they're like, "Hey, are you going or you can't go or
00:13:04
what's the latest?" I go, "I could. It's tomorrow. I just going to go watch it." "No, no, no. Get out here. Let's go." So
00:13:11
I went out late, 5:30. Go straight to the fight.
00:13:17
And it's like all these well-known people there. I mean, they really Netflix. It was
00:13:22
Netflix. I didn't realize that either before that. So, there it's 68,000 people. The most
00:13:28
people had a fight. I thought it was 71, but it broke the record. No, I counted.
00:13:35
I counted. I was at the top step stop chair. I got I got I got sources.
00:13:43
You do? Anyway, it was a huge fight because Canelo is a Mexican fighter with with red hair. He's cool. He's He's an
00:13:50
all-time great versus Crawford. Crawford came up 14 pounds. You didn't know.
00:13:56
Canelo's really got You didn't know. Canelo strong. You didn't know.
00:14:01
He he he had a good left and a bob and an inside. He could do the uh the shell thing, this defense, you know, the Ty.
00:14:08
He does combos. You didn't know. You didn't know. There's so much you don't know. You go to a sporting event.
00:14:13
Look at her. She's cute. Could I get some popcorn? Hey, I'm at a football game. Oh, wait. Why are people boxing?
00:14:20
Yeah, you you're not into the fight. You don't have a scorecard. I don't know what's going on. You don't know. You're just
00:14:26
What about Canelo only fights on Mexican holidays? Cinco de Mayo and this was a
00:14:32
holiday weekend and everybody came out because they would boo Crawford when they showed him in the
00:14:38
green room. I called the green room. I did I did not know that. I didn't know that. And so they uh so I
00:14:46
still had good seats, but I wasn't actually they walked me down and everyone I flew with out there has the
00:14:53
great seats and they're like I'm like oh that's right. I was a lastm minute add-on. So I had the end seat on a row
00:15:00
but who's next to me? He'll never guess. He has a big documentary out now and he's on the show in about two weeks.
00:15:06
Charlie Sheen. Charlie Sheen. Yeah. Chuck is next to you? Yeah. Aw. And the funniest part was, you
00:15:14
know, we're all jammed in like sardines and it's um Charlie Sheen, Michael Irvin
00:15:19
to keep it weird. He's great football player. I What an assortment pack.
00:15:24
Yeah. And then in front of me, Marge Sean Lynch, whose head is maybe this big
00:15:30
cuz I can't see. Yeah, he he Yeah, he was something else. Funny guy though. Uh
00:15:35
he's you know, bigger than average that way. You big me small can't see fight.
00:15:40
Yeah. Don't you like to be punched in the face? Maybe put the dreadlocks on
00:15:46
the top. I can see. Oh, you're a wonderful football player. I just
00:15:52
giant digits suppressing my office. Jeremy Rener. List goes on. Blah blah
00:15:57
blah. David Zazov of all people. You're kidding. Power power power broker. Big big big.
00:16:04
And then Ted, Chappelle, Charlie, just all the way down. Great time, great people, nowhere
00:16:09
near me. So I am sitting with Charlie and the first thing I see is Michael
00:16:15
Urban has got his legs over talking behind himself because there's people behind us, right? So he's talking and
00:16:22
Charlie's like this. So I walk up and they go, "Right here." And I go, "Sirley." Oh. And he goes,
00:16:28
"Hey, all right. Are you sitting here?" I go, "Yeah." and he stands up and he goes,
00:16:34
"This guy has no spatial awareness." What a funny thing to say. Right off the
00:16:40
bat, I go, "Oh, is that Michael Urban?" He goes, "Yeah, he's his legs are on my
00:16:45
legs." I'm like, "Well, I know he we'll figure it out." This fight hasn't even We're on the fight before the big fight.
00:16:50
Of course, I come a little late. So, here we go. Well, you're lucky. Say, "Hey, this
00:16:56
guy's in my space. Would you mind beating him up for me?
00:17:02
Say something. Yeah, you're you're witty. You could put him down. Then he goes, "Go ahead."
00:17:07
He goes, "I like it's me and you over here." I know Charlie in passing. Like I
00:17:13
You think maybe I know more. I don't know him. There was a time that my I worked on Rules of Engagement.
00:17:20
Oh my god. A couple people remember. Thank you. and Rules of Engagement, the head
00:17:26
writer, creator was Tom Herz. Good guy. He came off of two and a half F men to
00:17:31
do our show. So when Charlie's going through it, which you're we're both
00:17:37
going to see the documentary by the time he comes on, but when he's going through the craziness, which we know a lot of, not
00:17:43
all of just from reading the paper, right? So he's fighting with Les Moonveves at
00:17:48
CBS and it is bad $100 million lawsuit, whatever it was. He was Charlie was
00:17:53
making so much money, $2 million an episode. Sickening. And then he was not coming to
00:17:58
work and and I'm like, "Oh my god, is he going to lose this job?" So I think Les
00:18:03
just says, "I've had it with you. You're off." And everyone was like, "Wow, are they going to continue without him?" So I see Tom Herz and he goes, "Listen,
00:18:13
is there any way cuz our show had just finished. Would is
00:18:18
there a world where you would do a show with Charlie?" And I said, "Well," he said, "for CBS." I go, "Well, I I said,
00:18:26
'I like Charlie. I I I don't see Les Moonz loving this idea. I think this is a uh
00:18:34
dead end." And he goes, "No, I already talked to him." I was like, "Wow,
00:18:39
wow. Because less, he goes, Les knows what's going to get big ratings." I was like,
00:18:44
"That is crazy if Charlie came back." So, I see Charlie maybe a week later and
00:18:53
I walk by him at this hotel and I go, "Oh, hey man. How you doing?" He goes, "Hey." And he goes, "Hey, have you heard
00:18:59
a little secret rumor about us?" And I go, "I did." And he goes, "That could be
00:19:04
fun." And I go, "Yeah, I guess we're going to hear about it." He goes, "Okay." So that was it. 3 days later,
00:19:10
some health news comes out about Charlie and it sort of Oh. stopped it and it
00:19:16
took the wind out of everything. Took a little wind out of the sales. Yeah. And I hope that being said, I
00:19:22
think uh if it was HIV, I think there's way more people living with that right
00:19:28
now than before. So, it's you could treat it and obviously Magic Johnson was sort of the
00:19:34
poster child for all that. Like, yeah. And he's doing fine. So, I don't know. He's doing fine. He's out
00:19:40
there doing his life and Oh, no. They they can make the virus just essentially diminished
00:19:46
imperceptible. You're not contagious. You're not symptomatic. So, what happened? The
00:19:52
tragedy of before this, but Michael magic came out. Um, the technology was just there in a
00:19:59
medicinal way, was newer and here he is. But, you know, I think it's it sounds
00:20:04
scary to people. So, it's it's probably less there's probably way more going on. Well, you don't want to get it, but they
00:20:10
have vi antiviral, you know, medications that Sure. It's not a death sentence.
00:20:16
Now, if there was a medication to keep you away, that would be interesting. Um, well, I'm I'm remote right now. I wanted
00:20:23
to be in the studio and you have it in your contract. I got to have at least You can only do three a year.
00:20:28
At least I got to have two days away from that guy cuz he won't shut up about how big the church lady was. He will not
00:20:35
shut his mouth. I have to say Charlie was excited to come on and he know I'm
00:20:40
coming on soon on your show and he said I I don't think I met Dana and I said Dana's happy to have he's excited he was
00:20:47
he liked that everyone's a fan of you uh so we talked to people there Tyson was
00:20:53
there of course uh you just know those fights are jam-packed and there was a uh
00:20:59
the guy that put the money up for the fight the promoter was from Saudi Arabia
00:21:04
I think he's also doing this new fanatics like football. He is throwing money around. You know,
00:21:10
there's doing the comedy festival. I don't know if that's him, but they were telling me this guy and he had ringside like here's
00:21:17
us on this corner. Here's this ring and he's there with Jason Stathithm the
00:21:22
beekeeper. The beekeep [Music]
00:21:30
bees. So, I'm just doing you now. If I catch you, you're going to get stung.
00:21:35
Oh, isn't that a bee, though? Aren't you the keeper? If I sting you, you're going to die. Oh, that's a bee again. And then
00:21:42
the bee dies. The person doesn't die. So, are you the person that dies if you're the be in this situation?
00:21:48
Oh, wait a second. Wait a second. Only think about. So,
00:21:55
he's got a new movie out called The Working Man. Give me him and working man. Oh, I'm the Working Man.
00:22:03
And if you mess with me, I'm gonna work your face into a bloody pop.
00:22:08
You sound like Hans and Fron. I don't know what I sound like. I got too far into that one. I couldn't
00:22:13
get out. All right. You were You were just You David David disappeared only. I'm back, by the way.
00:22:19
Yeah. Thank you. Scary. Jason with Mr. Beast. What a random
00:22:25
assortment. Mr. Beast, Jason Zan, Dana White, and this Saudi, I think his name
00:22:31
is Muhammad Al Turkey, I think. So, he's there. Anyway, he's wandering around
00:22:37
saying hi to people. Uh, I don't know. But I think he gave Canelo a hundred
00:22:42
million to Oh my god. Whoa. That's nothing for you. For me,
00:22:49
for a working man, for working stiff. Um, so anyway, you know what I mean? He got punched in
00:22:55
the face pretty hard many many times. This Alvarez you're talking about? I mean um yeah, Canelo.
00:23:02
Canelo. You know, he he's he's he's tough as nails, but yeah, uh Crawford really
00:23:08
smacked him around a little bit. Yeah. You know, our ringside wasn't the UFC ringside or regular boxing. It's
00:23:14
pulled back. It was cameras. It was some other things, but it was really like it's the football stadium.
00:23:20
We were back about 50 feet. I was behind the front row. But even being that
00:23:25
close, you're still We were We were laughing about this. How many times you
00:23:31
go up to the big screen and look because it's just a little better and easier to see cuz I'm looking through ropes, you know?
00:23:36
It's a little different. There is a catch type thing where there's a certain point you're going to
00:23:43
pretty much watch the screen. Yeah. Unless you have a perfect kind of view. Yeah. But we were talking about this on
00:23:48
the way there like how far back at a concert how far back you want cuz
00:23:54
everyone agreed if you're going to blow money concerts sporting events are fun to blow
00:24:01
to sit closer because when you get to the point where you're only watching the screen my eyes aren't that good from far
00:24:08
away. So I do that and I'm like [ __ ] cuz I like obviously everybody wants to be up
00:24:14
close. If you can afford it, go up close, but I'm sure and the
00:24:20
inflationary aspect of America today and everything you you have to get used to
00:24:25
it. Well, a regular ticket is bazutis. There's to to just get in that
00:24:30
room was probably expensive. And uh also, but it really was, I think, a big hit for Netflix cuz the fight turned out
00:24:37
to be it started a little slow and then I started to see Canelo looking a little
00:24:42
beat up. His face is red. I'm like, "Wait a second." Cuz he was the favorite, I think. Oh, maybe early on his face was red
00:24:49
because a little star struck. He got a peek at you. He saw me and blushed. I know he got hit later,
00:24:54
but I think it was early on. He looked over in the first round. If I'm where if I'm thinking where you are, where I
00:25:00
think you are, I think he saw you. He's a huge fan of um Dicky Roberts. Dicky Roberts
00:25:07
and he blushed picked out Dicky Roberts. Oh, I know. I don't know why that's pro. I
00:25:14
should watch that movie again. Why does it get beat up by us? It's f great little comedy.
00:25:20
Chris Rock's favorite spade movie, Dicky Roberts. So he It's a great idea. I love that he says
00:25:25
that because I do like Dicky Roberts. I I think it was uh not to get off my
00:25:30
boring fight story, but uh No, it's it's it was a good idea. It was still funny, but just the idea is
00:25:37
almost bigger. You can't keep up with the idea of former child stars because I talked to a pretty big director early on
00:25:44
that wanted to do it and he said, "I would dismantle it after the first act
00:25:49
and make it really tragic." And I said, I just I don't think Paramount wants
00:25:55
that. I don't think that's the brand of you at the time or Happy Madison that you're
00:26:00
going to go for a tragedy. That's a whole different movie. I said that's a good movie and that's that's a movie that really makes sense.
00:26:06
We're trying to spin it and make it more fun. So, I mean, you could like you could mic drop in the end of the third act with
00:26:13
some paos or some emotion, but not dark. You know, it's funny because we had one scene where we all sang together for
00:26:19
some that Smiggle wrote a song. How funny. Fred Wolf of Smiggle. And we had them all in for one day
00:26:26
and it was Corey Hay and some Brady Bunch. And we really grabbed people. A
00:26:32
couple people said no, they don't want to be associated anymore. Like I think Gary Coleman wouldn't do it. But we had
00:26:38
Webster, we had a lot of fun people. And you get to see that some of them have have had a rough
00:26:46
time. So they were Dicky Roberts peers. Cory Hay.
00:26:51
Yeah. Remember him? He's Cory Felman's buddy. And yeah, super sweet. Walking to lunch from the sound stage of
00:26:59
singing and I'm in my outfit and he goes, "Hey, hey, thanks for having me.
00:27:05
Hey, u So we go to lunch now? We got an hour?" I go, "Yeah, this is roughly the
00:27:10
conversation." I said, 'Yeah. And he goes, "Uh, hey, I was going to go off campus and eat." I said, 'I think you
00:27:16
can. And he goes, "Do you do we get a pdeium for today?" And I go, "I I don't
00:27:23
know. Maybe." And he goes, "Do I get that? Can you give me that?" I go, "I don't think I'm the one that gives you
00:27:29
your pdeium." And he goes, "But I need some cuz I want to go get lunch." And he
00:27:35
goes, "You got a 100 bucks or something? I could just go get lunch?" And I [ __ ] did it. I felt so weird cuz now
00:27:41
we're at my trailer and he goes, "If you have anything just and I had some money,
00:27:46
so I gave him like 50 hundred bucks and said, "Yeah, okay." And and then later I
00:27:52
I swear at the time it didn't even hit me that he might go use or something. And he probably didn't, but I was like,
00:27:58
"Was that stupid? Was that [ __ ] dumb of me?" Well, in the end of the day, what are you going to do? I mean that it it the
00:28:05
premise would be besides a potential drug thing is that child actors sometimes get a lot of money when
00:28:11
they're young and then you know they go broke. Yeah. Is it, you know, whatever? I mean,
00:28:17
yeah. The parents a lot of the time, not all the time, a lot of times the parents are like spending the money obviously.
00:28:22
They're like, "Hey, it's you're my kid. It's my money." And then when they're 18, they're like, "Give me that back up that banks truck."
00:28:28
And they're like, "The thing is, there's not a ton left." And and at that point, he was older, but
00:28:36
he was still a star, you know, because Dicky Roberts was a while ago. Mhm. And he was a super nice kid. And, you
00:28:42
know, tough ending. So, and that's why Corey Corey Felman's out there going, "Hey," he's out there going, "We're have
00:28:49
we had a tough time like they they always treat Corey Felman, who we should have on sometime because he's a very interesting guy."
00:28:55
It's one of those ones you look back on one day and go, maybe he had something to say that we weren't listening to,
00:29:04
you know, cuz he had a Yeah, he said it was rough and the child star thing. So, anyway, long story short, Dicky Roberts could have been darker. It
00:29:11
had way a little piece of but it wasn't obviously. Um, one of the stories I saw this week
00:29:18
that I thought was funny um was just the idea of Trump in England with with King
00:29:25
Charles. Yeah, cuz Trump's bedside manner or bluntless blunt.
00:29:32
Are they used to his bluntness? And so are they used to it? King Charles, he's a king now. He was a prince. Now he's a
00:29:38
king with Camila Paka Bowls, you know. He he loved her very much. Camila Paka
00:29:44
Bowls. That's what they called her. Now she's a princess. She's a princess bowls. You know, he he said he was
00:29:49
talking to on the phone. He wanted to live in her pants. She wanted to live in her pants.
00:29:55
You remember that? And he's and King Charles is there and everyone's there. He's giving a little to this speech he's giving before dinner.
00:30:01
Yeah. And I saw the people I saw they call them the blackheaded red coats, you know, the big tall. They're 18 in high.
00:30:08
Those guys, they don't talk much. They don't have much to say, quite frankly. You look at them, they're hot. The hats
00:30:14
don't work. If a grenade goes toward them, it's not going to help them. I'm telling you that. And you look at it and you see it. And you see the red coats.
00:30:21
And you see the black hats and the fur. They're made from baskets. Canadian bears. They baskets. They put them on
00:30:28
the head. Whose idea was that? But Camila Parks and King Charles. You got to love London. You love it in Taliho.
00:30:35
I'm Donald Trump. [Laughter] I like tell
00:30:43
that was a [ __ ] great run. That's so funny. Ah, yeah.
00:30:48
The red coats. People make fun of them, but they can punch you. They fight back. You know, you got to laugh. Trump over
00:30:54
there. I just saw a picture and of course I was telling you I was hoping he
00:31:00
was looking for McDonald's because if he eats McDonald's every day he must be like jonesing a little bit on these
00:31:05
trips. He has assistance. He has massive people that Could you give me a Big Mac? Just
00:31:10
put it up. Put it near the salad. Put a napkin on it. You know I love
00:31:16
this. I love the fish and chips and the cheeseburger. Don't I love the cheeseburger? Is it a filt of fish and chips?
00:31:23
Yeah. He's He's not going to eat the British food. But he's going to sneak in stuff. What's this dog [ __ ] Yeah, he doesn't
00:31:29
want to offend him, though. Kate, very nice. Kate had a had a scare recently. She bounced right back.
00:31:35
And William, they got a trouble with Harry. The trouble with Harry. These guys don't like Harry. But now Harry
00:31:41
likes him. Harry. Harry's the brother. They call him the spare. They call him the spare because in case, you know,
00:31:47
whatever, the other guy gets killed. He's the spare. He doesn't like being a spare. So he moves to Moscito with Megan
00:31:54
Markas. Megan Markas and Harry Harry Flinkstead. They're making jellies and jams but it's
00:32:01
not clicking hair. I like he goes William losing I
00:32:07
from where I'm standing to give this toast. You are losing a lot of your hair. And uh you know we always wondered why that's an easy fix over in America.
00:32:14
You go to go to Turkey get it done. You get a lot of more troops up there and you're right back in the game.
00:32:21
never went jean. It's a genetic thing. It's leaving your head. It's leaving your head slowly. You're doing it
00:32:27
publicly. And quite frankly, it's not a good look. It's not a good move. What you got to do is grow one side really
00:32:33
long like I do. I'll be honest. And you swirl it around. You swirl it. You tape
00:32:38
it. You glue it. And there you are. You're glowing orange on your turf. You're glowing orange right on your turf
00:32:44
upstairs. And you look gorgeous. So [ __ ] funny. I don't know why I'm doing so. So,
00:32:50
because it's funny. I love it. All right, let's get to some stories. Unless you have any more stories of your
00:32:56
life. My life? My life's kind of boring compared to you. I wish I I watched the fight. That's how close I got.
00:33:02
I'm glad it worked out that I got to go. It was very nice of them to take me. Thank you, Netflix. Uh, a 23-year-old
00:33:07
woman is preparing to become the first human on Mars and she's never coming back. Whoa.
00:33:13
How's that? Did she decide that? I mean, what? It's a one-way ticket. What does Elon
00:33:19
Musk say about this? The pay is probably really good, but you don't get to come back and spend it. I
00:33:25
mean, she must be a real trooper to say, "I just want to go help Earth or something." I mean, that's a that's a
00:33:33
big ask for me. Well, I see the Well,
00:33:38
look, I I love science fiction and and and Elon Musk, you know, talks like
00:33:43
science fiction is is science reality. We we have to go to malls. Uh go to
00:33:49
Mars. Go to malls. We have to go to malls. And so they can terraform it.
00:33:55
They can just blast oxygen blast a oxygen canisters, whatever if
00:34:01
they find ice, but they can kind of make it into a an environment where you walk
00:34:07
around without without a spacuit. You know, I don't know if it'll be 75 and partly cloudy or what, but I'd rather
00:34:14
believe they can make it hospitable to humans. They said within one year they'll have a
00:34:20
Zara there and maybe a hickory farms. Here's what they have to do. You know
00:34:26
what? Go [ __ ] go back to the moon, fellas. It's not What's wrong with the moon? Go back to the moon and build a Howard
00:34:33
Johnson's on the moon. When I was a kid, 2001, there was a Howard Johnson's hotel on the moon. And we want some of 2001.
00:34:41
Now it's two 20. Yeah. Get us Give Go to the moon. [ __ ] just put some
00:34:48
condos. Put in a Banana Republic. Just make it like every city in America.
00:34:53
Yeah. And just take SpaceX. Don't take the Boeing Starlininer. Don't take the Jeff Bezos origin. Just get on SpaceX.
00:35:02
That's what I would take. Um Okay, next story. Mhm. Let's see. Let's see.
00:35:08
Mhm. Oh, this is about Vegas. What is this
00:35:13
civil war? Oh, hello. Hello. It's Vegas poly. I'm on top of the free parking garage here at the Sahara crossing from the Fontlau
00:35:19
in Las Vegas and Poly Market has posted a wager on its site as a civil war in
00:35:26
the United States. This is from Todd Shriber. Oh,
00:35:32
never want to shy away from offering controversial markets. Poly Market posted a still open bet on the
00:35:38
possibility of the US falling into another civil war by the end of the year. What counts as a civil war?
00:35:43
4,000 was bet on the civil war happening in the United States. 96% of the people who
00:35:50
are wagering say that it's not going to I love the video. Like what does it have to do just talking
00:35:58
that related to Okay, you can jump out. Um the idea of a civil war I mean people
00:36:05
talk about it a little heavy for our show. There's two kinds of civil wars. There's a cold civil war which we have
00:36:12
been in as a country and Europe in many ways too with within their countries for the last 20 years hashing it out
00:36:20
mostly nonviolently but a really hot hot civil war. Um but
00:36:27
what would that mean? I mean, there's people that are fighting or or does every state have to take a side? It
00:36:32
would take so much to put that together. Like, do we get uniforms on and start marching around part of one team or
00:36:38
do we each have they send everyone two uniforms you have to pick one to put on?
00:36:53
Maybe I'll be this guy. That That's what you could do in the war. You walk along with them.
00:36:59
Okay, got it. I just want to show off my whistling. God damn, you went for the whole song.
00:37:06
Okay, Heather's in and she's back out. Okay. Uh, okay. We're almost done here.
00:37:12
Let's do another one. Let's do another one. Why is Vietnam the testing ground for the new banking
00:37:17
order? See what this guy is. I need more information. Why is Vietnam the testing ground for
00:37:23
the new banking order? Well, recently Vietnam imposed a
00:37:29
requirement for a digital ID, including a biometric scan of everyone in order to
00:37:36
have a bank account. And what they did to enforce this is they closed 86
00:37:43
million bank accounts and seized all the assets in those
00:37:48
accounts. So the owners of those accounts have no ability to do banking or access their funds because they chose
00:37:57
not to sacrifice their privacy and submit to this biometric surveillance
00:38:05
hacking in your best interest to do. This is not something that is going to stay in Vietnam. This is a test because
00:38:12
if we look at for example what's going on with the European Central Bank and digital ID initiative comes this way
00:38:20
as well as the real ID and the CBD. A lot of letters. There's a lot of D's C's.
00:38:26
A B C D E FG. Yeah. Okay, you can jump out. Okay. Well,
00:38:33
that got three million views. I don't know. Um, yeah, you give up you, you
00:38:38
know, everything's a trade-off. Uh, Thomas Soul's famous quote, there are no solutions. There's only tradeoffs.
00:38:46
That's in politics. That's in government. There's no no utopian solution. You're always going to trade
00:38:51
off. So you get all that kind of security and ID identification and then
00:38:57
you give up privacy or potential privacy. So it's a tradeoff. David, what's your I mean already
00:39:05
if your bank doesn't agree with you, they could just stop you from getting in your bank. People can always seize your assets. You always hear that with
00:39:11
criminals. So they just cut off. I mean that's the scary thing. Do we even have money? We you talk about it. your joke
00:39:17
about you your money is like numbers on a thing every month and the next month the numbers change. Do I have it? If I
00:39:24
need it, can I get it? I don't know. It's it used to be cash. You you know, oh, I got this money right here.
00:39:29
So I know if they say one day, you know, they're doing these things where they say if you go in a store or if you have a
00:39:36
you're you get you get emissions where you can do this much driving in a day and this much gas you use in a day and
00:39:42
if you go over that it stops. You know, stuff like that is probably in the
00:39:48
future. I don't love it, but I think that's where we're headed. Well, you know, technology can be used
00:39:55
for good or evil and even now with when AI is ubiquitous, nefarious
00:40:03
forces, it's there's going to need more security in your bank accounts, even your digital bank accounts that are that
00:40:10
are backed up and backed up and underground bunker, you know. So, anyway, it is a it's a scary world. So,
00:40:16
it'd be very strange to literally wake up and just this hey, this is a good movie idea. Some billionaire wakes up
00:40:23
and and he's broke, right? Just it was all taken away. They can't find it. It's all gone. It's in crypto
00:40:29
or it's just gone. Yeah, crypto. They start over. Like say you went broke.
00:40:35
Okay. Could you, David Spade, pull up your pants after crying a little bit,
00:40:40
kind of go like this and walk out the door and go, I'm going to make it again.
00:40:46
Not pull up my bootstraps. That was probably a better way to put it. Pull yourself up by the bootstrap.
00:40:53
I don't know. I think you're I think you're discounting how much crying I would do first. It would that that would be a
00:40:58
while and then I would be like I have no skills. I don't know what I would do. I have no like visible skills. So
00:41:07
no, we would have been almost you know people say what was your biggest break? Well, being born in America when I did
00:41:14
when I was, you know, what if we were it was the ninth century and we were just farmers in south of
00:41:21
France and we were I would do impressions of the king and and you would do quips about the farming, you
00:41:28
know, two gesters. Ah, we should plant these acorns where they up your ass.
00:41:34
But we would just get paid in beans and with a and beatings. It's a lot of off with their head back
00:41:41
then. And I don't like that. That's it's like they throw that on too loosely. Well, we had court gestures throughout
00:41:46
the Middle Ages with the kings and stuff and they would get killed if they were too funny. I'd love to see
00:41:52
too funny. I I I'd be in danger or too sarcastic, you know. Oh, again,
00:41:57
but I it's hard to feel. You just have to have humility if you live in a time.
00:42:02
But your my and your particular skill set, we were able to convert it to some
00:42:08
money. And that's particular set of skills. I have a particular set of skills. I can sound
00:42:13
kind of like Donald Trump. Yeah, that's true. You got that down. All right, one more and then Dana, this
00:42:18
is going on. One more and then Yeah, cuz people don't need this [ __ ]
00:42:24
They don't understand it. China just unveiled what?
00:42:30
China just unveiled a spy drone that looks like a mosquito and it couldn't hate mosquitoes. Fully functional
00:42:37
surveillance device measuring just 0.6 6 cm. This tiny drone is packed with micro
00:42:42
cameras and microphones and it audio, capture video, and transmit everything. It ruins your picnic.
00:42:48
Developed by the National University of Defense Technology, it flaps its transparent wings. It looks exactly like
00:42:54
a mosquito. I'm just a mosquito. Don't mind me. And is nearly invisible to radar. Sure, it can only fly for a few minutes, but
00:43:00
that's enough to sneak into rooms, eaves drop on conversations, scan for threats, or gather intel. Right now, it's just
00:43:07
generally annoying. designed for covert military operations. So, next time you see a mosquito, you might
00:43:13
gross. Look at all those mosquitoes. Everything is getting tinier. You know,
00:43:18
these it's these tiny it used to be drones. There used to be like giant jets with bombs and now it's all about drones
00:43:25
coming in and it's going to be little tiny insects and eventually it'll just look like dust in the air. It'll be like
00:43:31
I saw this woman on the news yesterday. She's been robbed twice and in her backyard she saw some guys
00:43:38
down with a camera and they had a drone checking out her backyard for what she had to steal and it was going to each I
00:43:45
was like whoa a new version of like trouble. I know
00:43:52
sometimes you just want to kind of find a cabin up up in the woods somewhere,
00:43:57
you know, no Wi-Fi and just get a lot of cool snacks and just watch uh Laser Disc
00:44:04
or something. I'm not I'm not going to move in with you right away, but it's probably on the horizon.
00:44:10
Dana and Davey sitting in a tree. That's just Farming is a new show.
00:44:16
I'm out with the chickens.
00:44:24
Yeah, that'll be one. That'll be a preview. A preview of it. Oh, no. He's back. Well, give me a song. I can
00:44:30
whistle it. Give me any tune in the world. I can whistle it. Um, any tune, Heather.
00:44:37
[Music] She goes, that's not a tune.
00:44:42
Yeah, it is. She wants you to wrap it up. I want to start all over. She's just
00:44:49
showing his listen. Heather's sweet. Can you guys go to the beginning again?
00:44:54
Okay. Do taps. How's that go?
00:45:00
Oh, it's not that hard.
00:45:07
Dana acts like this the hardest thing anyone could ever do. No, I did the Wizard of Oz's Gart. They cut it out of
00:45:13
the movie. Okay, go ahead. What is that? [Music] [Applause]
00:45:20
Right into the mic. How did that escape the movie?
00:45:28
Oh, here we go. The whole thing.
00:45:35
Oh, I thought Kathern McY was going to kick in.
00:45:41
Okay. All right. I'm going to take No. Oh, there's some notes that are hard. You're like You're like,
00:45:50
we we did good. All right. We did good. I think I mean, you know, it's episode number 6,322.
00:45:58
We'll be back next week with a brand new Flying the Wall without a guest, but we could have a guest.
00:46:03
We might. We might soon. So, just keep some eccentric guests in here on this particular part of Flying Wall.
00:46:09
Mix it up. Mix it up. Mix it up. Squeeze it out. All right. Thanks, guys.
00:46:17
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:46:23
review, fivestar rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this
00:46:29
episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive
00:46:36
produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese
00:46:43
Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.
00:46:50
Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester,
00:46:59
Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtourtney,
00:47:06
and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out with us any questions be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at fly
00:47:12
onthewallsey.com. That's audacy.com.
