00:00:00
Okay. Hey guys, listen. Uh, we're starting the show. I We already taped the show, but we're adding a little
00:00:05
addendum because, right, it's a something just happened. We tape it a
00:00:10
few days before, but then this just happened. I want to tell you about it. It's not lifechanging, but it's very interesting
00:00:16
to Dana and I. Uh, it's Yeah, it's an emergency podcast.
00:00:22
Yes. Drop everything. It will. We just thought we'd do it, you know, Sunday afternoon. So, David, um,
00:00:29
tell us your story. So, what happened is, uh, like, you
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know, Dane and I talk about doing these corporate shows, uh, now and then for these big companies. It's usually a lot
00:00:40
of fun. Uh, Mhm. and pretty harmless and sometimes they're a little tough because not a
00:00:46
typical comedy setting. That's fair, right? And by the way, let me insert this. You
00:00:51
are a sideshow. You're not the show. the corporate party, the event, the
00:00:56
president speaks, the slides and awards, that's the show. You're you're kind of a secondary show. So, if there it's not
00:01:03
like a regular gig. Go ahead. Right. So, you're sometimes you're getting a burned out crowd or something. They've been in meetings all day.
00:01:08
Sometimes you're a surprise. They start to leave the meeting. They go, "Wait a second. Here's an hour with someone and they're
00:01:15
like," So, and usually not drunk. They're they're usually, you know, it's it's whatever. So, I get a call, quick story,
00:01:23
which we can never do anything quick, but hey, do you want to cover for someone to
00:01:29
do a corporate show in San Francisco? I go, it depends on what day I'm going into Arizona to see my brother Brian.
00:01:34
And they said, well, it was Monday night. It's Thursday morning you'd have to go. It's actually a daytime show,
00:01:40
which immediately rings slightly tougher, but I don't mind. And I said, okay. It's usually kind of a favor.
00:01:48
Someone got sick. We don't know why. Whatever happened. Yeah. Yeah. They don't tell me. So I said, "Let me see if
00:01:53
I can maneuver it." So by the end of Tuesday, yes, I can do it and then I'll go
00:01:58
straight to Arizona. Right. So it's Salesforce. I said, "Okay." I've actually done this before. I think Dana,
00:02:04
you might have, too. I've done a couple with with them. Mark uh is it Beni off is the CEO.
00:02:09
Mark Beni off. Yes. So unbeknownst to you, what's going on?
00:02:14
So unbeknownst to me, they say uh I think Heather finds out. Oh, I saw I think it was going to be Cam Nunani. Uh,
00:02:22
he should put in parentheses in his name. Did I say that right? Because I like the guy. I see him out. He's been on the
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show. Super nice guy. KJ, that's easier to say. So, uh, and Alana
00:02:34
Glazer. Yes. From Broad City. Another funny comic. Uh, I I don't know her well, but I think
00:02:41
she's very funny. So, two comics that are pretty potent. Going to go up there and do a thing. and they say, "She will still open. Uh, but
00:02:49
you're still going to do 45." I said, "That sounds great." Okay. I'd like to see her. It' be fun. So, I
00:02:55
get up there. I'm already in San Fran. I'm going there to the gig. And
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there's an article that gets sent to me. Hey, they fell out. They both fell out
00:03:07
now. They both cancel or fell out, let's say. Yeah. Fell out lingo because of uh possible political things.
00:03:15
Uh well, I heard the word Trump thrown around. Beni off initially um had sort of
00:03:22
welcomed the National Guard because he's had his big event every year. He has to hire extra uh protection and private
00:03:29
police because it's a huge event. So he kind of invited that saying I would
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support the National Guard kind of policing my event. And then what happened? People
00:03:41
some backlash. Now that's not why I was told. I was told nothing and then there
00:03:47
was a rumor Kumale had COVID. So I'm like, so I'm on the way going, wait, am
00:03:52
I supposed to not do that? You know, there's a weird feeling of like, oh, am I going into some situation?
00:03:57
Yeah. You were had no idea what you're stepping into. And by the way, by the time you hit the stage, uh, Mr. Ben off
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had kind of retracted what he said. He misspoke or whatever. So it wasn't the issue was sort of gone.
00:04:10
Right. I'm I'm getting trickled information. All I saw in the articles said these people
00:04:16
stepped out, but David Spade basically gladly did it. It was sort of like that. I'm like, that sounds It just sound a
00:04:22
little itchy. Anyway, I get I get there. I look at the room. It's in the round
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about 3,000 people. It's daytime. The lights are up like you're in Ralph's or something like a grocery store.
00:04:34
There's no focus on you. Everyone's lit. Big screens. Uh well done. They had Metallica the night
00:04:40
before. I mean, they they're not [ __ ] around. These places that do these corporate gigs, spend the money, they get people. Matthew McConna was reading
00:04:47
from his poetry book. Katie Kurrick was there. I think Maria. So, they're peppering through all these events. I'm another event.
00:04:54
Yeah. So, I said, "Okay." Uh and they said, "Uh, the other Okay. So, any long story
00:05:00
short, I go do it." It was pretty fun. Listen, it's not going to be my Netflix special, but it was pretty fun. moments
00:05:06
of glory and some good laughs and and some stuff that was sort of did okay. But
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that's kind of the drill in these things. So the thing is when I leave, all good high fives, I leave. Okay, we
00:05:20
got it done. We got it covered. The next day I see on Yahoo there's a
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there's a talk about it and they're kind of talking about the comedians that dropped out. Yes. and and and it was kind of an
00:05:31
indirect review from maybe not a reviewer though. I think he was a tech guy.
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No, I've looked him up. He usually reports on AI and tech businesses. He's
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new to SFGATE, which is sort of the big online newspaper. Okay. From in San Francisco. So, I believe and I can't
00:05:51
prove this that he decided he should review you and he used AI because it
00:05:58
sounds Oh, maybe he used a Oh my god. Wow. I think he he's an AI expert. By the way, we were looking for one if he wants
00:06:05
to come on, but I believe it was written kind of like a cliche review. So, it
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feels like a generic AI. I don't know if you want me to read it, but I'll read a little bit of it. Uh it said
00:06:18
he he's reading a few because it's sort of negative. Let's be honest. He's talking all about the dropping out of the comedians and the controversy
00:06:24
then and then he goes to a paragraph about well he's talking about actually the whole show. He's like and then this day
00:06:30
and this day we did this. So he's sort of reviewing or just talking about the whole week. I don't know if it's reviewing but he's
00:06:36
just sort of here's what happened in San Fran for our one of our biggest events of the year. And then he gets
00:06:41
the the part is uh two disappointing cancellations. So that's already uh
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there was a comedy show Thursday. It was an exciting prospect. Uh Nani and Glazer
00:06:54
are a pair with different comedic styles unafraid of punching up at techs
00:06:59
excesses and power structures. And then it goes but unforeseen
00:07:04
circumstances so they don't put a you know sharp head on it but yeah no one really knows why they both
00:07:10
dropped out. uh fellow comic uh David Spade replaced him. This part stings. I would have
00:07:17
loved to see the company's list of beeless talent backups. That's me, I guess. I was like, "Oh, I didn't think
00:07:23
of that." I go, "Well, look, I'll say two things. First of all, I do believe that's AI generated." I And
00:07:30
secondarily, this young man who doesn't do this for a
00:07:36
living. He used AI and the idea of a belist. I don't know the actual
00:07:41
definition, but let's just say, let's say he's 21. He hasn't seen Grown-Ups. He hasn't seen
00:07:47
Tommy Boy. He would have maybe no idea of this long career where you're selling
00:07:55
out theaters all over the country. So [ __ ] AI does. Silly. If you're a belist that I don't
00:08:02
know what I I I don't know where I would be on that.
00:08:07
Well, he's here. I'll continue. Yeah. So, he delivered David delivered 40 45 minutes of rambly
00:08:15
down home storytelling. Uh he made much use of his classic sarcasm but joked little about the
00:08:21
conference, its themes or San Francisco. And then he which is true. Uh
00:08:27
well and and he says because it feels like Spade had heard about the gig the day
00:08:33
before flew up there jotting down the occasional ideas. That's kind of true. Well, you did
00:08:39
[ __ ] You didn't have weeks to plan it or whatever. Yeah. Right. He talked about traffic, hotels,
00:08:46
planes no longer having TVs, dot dot dot. You get it. Ah, that's the biggest
00:08:52
burn of all. it's this type of dog [ __ ] You get it. And then he said, uh, blah
00:08:58
blah blah. But so what I think is that's about it. But just that was a little stingy because when you're doing these
00:09:04
gigs, first of all, they take the edges off your act. You sign a contract and they send it ahead. Hey,
00:09:11
we don't want you [ __ ] on the CEO. We don't want you going political. We don't want just keep it nice and fun.
00:09:18
Nice and fun and light. Airplanes, all that kind of stuff. Nothing controversial. You're just there. The
00:09:23
people are going all over to these symposiums. They're in class basically and they have a little reprieve of some
00:09:29
nice comedy, but you're not there to levitate the cow palace or, you know, make
00:09:35
I'm not there to punch up and get and make the focus me and have people go, "Holy shit." Do you think what he said?
00:09:40
No. If I'm doing a theater gig, you know, you're not going to take any bullets out of my gun. I might go after
00:09:45
San Francisco and the crime and the home. I might go after whatever because there's no real boss. people are coming
00:09:51
to see me. Uh, but I have to kind of if you're a worker B and and you've grown
00:09:57
up working and doing these things when they sort of stipulate this, they can
00:10:02
either not pay you and for two people to fall out in the old days that's a little tougher. Like corporations said, "We'll
00:10:09
sue you. You're not going anywhere." Yeah. Like we, you know, but nowadays they go, "Okay." And that and that's nice.
00:10:16
Yeah. But I I'd met these people before. I had a perfectly good time there. This time
00:10:21
crowd was friendly. Seemed to have a good time. We got out. Yeah. Very nice company. Mark Beni off. Very
00:10:27
nice guy. And you know there are jobs. Th this you playing a 2000 seat theater
00:10:33
David Spade. You're just you can do whatever you want. Anything. When you take these corporate
00:10:39
jobs, they just want it to be in a certain frequency. That's all I can do. Most of my active certain things I'm not
00:10:44
going to drop an Fbomb or something or things like that. and it's still fun and
00:10:50
it's no big deal. But this thing was written by AI. But anyway, we he can come on and robot us if he wants.
00:10:56
Yeah. I mean, I'm not really [ __ ] on the guy. I'm just saying it's all like I don't think I've gotten a corporate
00:11:01
review. It's sort of a hidden secret of the world. Have you I never have. You've done
00:11:06
I've done a thousand or more and I have never got the review. This is highly
00:11:12
unusual to get a review for because you there is no review. I've never got for corporate. I I thought it was a little
00:11:18
kick in the balls to me because if he doesn't like my act, that's okay, too. I mean, it's like, sure, but he felt like
00:11:24
he went a little out of his way to go, I would love to hear these people really go after the system and punch up, but I
00:11:30
don't know if that's what they were there to do either. No, I mean, you can throw in a couple
00:11:35
things, but you they want you to be David Spade into your standup. They hired you for a reason. This guy didn't
00:11:41
hire you because they know you're great. You know what you're doing. You have a great act. And you get laughs. So, but yeah, I mean
00:11:47
I I just think it was kind of funny that you're the only one that I've ever come
00:11:53
the history of these type of events that got reviewed in a snarky way when you're
00:11:59
kind of doing a favor last minute. You're on your way to Arizona to see your mom. I mean, it wasn't your thing
00:12:04
you were in the mode to do. So, anyway, that's that's much it. That's it. Now, listen. In my defense, I
00:12:10
made fun of the setting. It was a very sort of unique in the round, fully bright
00:12:16
uh with trees everywhere. Talk about that. Did a couple chat GPT bits,
00:12:22
you know, just let those tech guys really light up on those. But overall, yeah, there's no porn stuff. I don't put
00:12:27
my stuff that, you know, there's a couple things that work well. You go, nah, this isn't right. And you can, it isn't really a freedom of speech thing.
00:12:34
I could say whatever I want, but do I want to get hired back? Yeah. Do I want the word in the corporate world to go,
00:12:40
this guy is too much of a wild card. He's going to try to take your company down. Like, no. What's my job here?
00:12:45
It's a job. It's a different job, you know. I mean, so they um I don't know. I
00:12:51
I I still think the guy just did it was AI and we should send him uh Tommy boy do a
00:12:58
direct thing so he can Here's something I did 110 years ago. Take a look. Part of the cannon. You're building all
00:13:05
this stuff. You wrong Missy, the biggest comedy of the pandemic on Netflix. Like
00:13:11
a billion views. So it I know these I I got a review I played San Francisco after my first year of on Saturday Night
00:13:18
Live and the review from Mick Lowl and I think he was right. He goes he fell in
00:13:23
love with his own adorableness. I think I've done that. That's [ __ ]
00:13:30
And I was a lot younger. I was cute. Oh
00:13:36
but I got a shitty review there and he was kind. But this one is just AI and the guy's 21. That's all.
00:13:41
Yeah. Well, anyway, no hard feelings, but it was kind of funny to get a review and talk about it. Uh,
00:13:47
okay. So, we're back to our regular beginning, folks. So, here's where we started the podcast. Yeah. Different outfit.
00:13:54
Oh my god. We started. This is This is going to be a banger. Just don't, you know, don't go anywhere cuz
00:14:00
this is going to be Okay, that's good. Look at that. Look at my hair is getting a little lit up again. Just don't move your head too much.
00:14:07
Listen, I'll just state this unequivocally. the Beatles 65.
00:14:12
They had unquaff hair. It was just sort of messy. And so that's what I've always
00:14:19
been trying to get because I maybe said this before in the podcast, my dad was an army type guy and he would basically
00:14:25
give us crew cuts in the mid60s and you wanted to look like a beetle.
00:14:31
So he'd be like just just and if you look like you didn't like it, he'd cut it even shorter. Oh [ __ ]
00:14:38
We look like we look like Q balls by the end of it. My mom would come in and go
00:14:44
Dana in the side pocket. You know, Beatles Let It Be album with a
00:14:50
four with their beards. I thought that was the coolest look. Long hair and beards. Yeah, because it was unkempt. They never
00:14:57
had most of those rock stars in those days didn't have like stylistically combed hair except for Elvis had. But
00:15:04
that was Elvis or a stylist or a stylist was just unckempt. Dana and I just got back from a gig and
00:15:10
um it was a lot of fun. We were at Yamava. We did a gig together. It was very fun.
00:15:16
Dana crushed. I opened I had a problem with my set, but I'll tell you what it was in a
00:15:22
minute. Okay. Well, I'll tell you the How did your set go? Because I I I drove
00:15:28
out there from where I am, and it was like a four or five hour drive, so I was out on my feet. So then I just like I
00:15:34
saw the first few minutes sounded like it was going well and I toddled back to my room. Oh, me? Yeah. No, I wanted you to go
00:15:40
rest because you've put in a full day's work. I was just didn't want to come in a day early or I didn't want Well, anyway,
00:15:46
whatever. I was a little tired, but I heard on the grape vine that you crushed,
00:15:51
right? I heard from the audience you were killing because I was listening um and they were into it and then I got
00:15:56
nice comments after about you. Uh uh well, that's I will tell you this. Do you remember this? They gave us a box of our own
00:16:03
cookies. Oh. Oh, good. You brought those. This was an exceptionally nice place to play.
00:16:10
Yamova, I must say, this is Hold it way up. A marquee. David Spade and Dana Garvey.
00:16:16
That's a cookie, guys. They made cookie thematically about our minuscule careers.
00:16:23
Here's a a llama. What? But a llama. What is How does that is that from me?
00:16:29
Oh, from your cartoon. for his new groove. Okay, you got one for me. Slightly beat up isn't that special.
00:16:37
Everyone wants to eat the church lady. That's wrong. That window behind you.
00:16:42
I know. Glass pane, man. And here's a little Don't. That's from
00:16:48
Joe Dirt Fireworks. They put some thought into it. Somebody went into like real minutia
00:16:53
with our careers. They had one for the Dana Carvey show that only lasted seven episodes. They had one of me being born.
00:17:01
How many episodes did that last? I'm trying to riff. My riff skills are a
00:17:07
little off this morning. You can riff. Look, my only problem was
00:17:13
I got two into the Scarface and I didn't quite land it. I, you know, we were doing 40 minutes each. So I look down,
00:17:20
I'm at 35 and a half coming off of like Christopher Walk or somebody
00:17:26
coming off micro micro impressions stacked and I had a really good tailor guitar there
00:17:34
and I thought, "Oh, I could grab it now because it was all set. I grab it. It's electrified." I'd already done crowd
00:17:39
work with two people in the audience. So I sing a song about them. It's the most surefire killer. But it's
00:17:44
Scarface. I just went a little too long. And I thought later if I'm doing Tony
00:17:49
Montana at Thanksgiving dinner for people don't know every bit I've repeated sweet potatoes
00:17:55
all thing like that and then he gets mad at this grandma that we never grandma
00:18:04
look at. So he goes off in this minutia for like five minutes and I just thought
00:18:10
he should have said the ending. He goes, "What you got to say, grandma? What you got to say?" And then you come back
00:18:16
with, "Well, well, well, well. We like ourselves, don't we, Scarface?" And that
00:18:22
would have been [ __ ] tie it up. Tie it up. My god, the lady's back.
00:18:28
She's taking down Scarface. Talk about a mashup. No, it was it was it
00:18:35
you always crush. I like your casualness. You're not I I was actually walking behind the curtain. It was a
00:18:42
huge stage when Bobby was on Bobby Miiamoto killing himself just to get
00:18:47
physically used to moving. I go out there to Goomba Gamb style and I'm dancing around
00:18:54
and you kind of stroll out. What's up? Take it easy. You're kind of like what's and it's much cooler. Well, it's hard
00:19:01
because as anyone knows, Dana's known in the business is hard to follow. So, I just go, "Well, this is just a change
00:19:07
up, different style. They like us both. We could have flipped it either way." And it was fun. It worked out.
00:19:13
Yeah. Next time if you want and they were nice. I had people come in, Danny, you didn't know this, you know, high rollers. If you don't know
00:19:19
this, when you're in a casino, Caesars's uh next year and the first two rows,
00:19:26
these shows are all almost just built for high rollers. There's a lot of paper, even
00:19:32
want to bring people into gamble. Like that's why they have different acts. They have Tim McGra coming up, Carrie
00:19:38
Underwood, they have us. So what happens is you want to get every facet of the community to go, I need a reason to go
00:19:44
to this casino, right? and I've never been there, but I want to see these guys or I want to see. So, I've done that. I
00:19:50
go, you go there and now you're walking in. You're probably eating at a restaurant there. There's money.
00:19:55
You play a few slots, bet a few things, roulette, see the show. Basically, they
00:20:01
just want you to touch base in the show, and then go back out. They do not really want the show to
00:20:08
exceed 90 minutes. Yeah. If it was 2 minutes, they'd be happy because they just touch us and
00:20:14
then go back in the casino, gamble again, drink again, have fun, and then they have an experience like, "Oh,
00:20:20
Yamaba is a nice place." And then they remember that. So, they can go, "We could just go there on a non-show
00:20:25
night." Cuz like we ate at a nice restaurant, you know. Mhm. Well, very, very nice. I played a
00:20:31
hotel in Vegas for a number of years that was not as nice as that, you know? Just the carpet was nice, the rooms were
00:20:37
clean. I know which one you're talking about. You know what I mean? It's it was the theater was perfectly fine,
00:20:43
but it wasn't this this Yamab place was exceptionally uh nice and and easy to
00:20:50
work with. But yeah, I just um you know uh next time I'll go a second
00:20:56
if you want. By the way, it was it was so lucky of me that you didn't walk over and pick up that guitar cuz I said he's killing so
00:21:03
hard anyway. And me and Bobby were like, "Oh no, if he gets that guitar, I'm just gonna go home." Because it's too hard to follow. It's so
00:21:09
No, the guy Well, look, I don't know about follow or not follow because uh you're you're
00:21:15
the great uh standups.
00:21:20
I Sorry, I sneezed. I don't know what I said. Was I talking? Um but the guitar is a lethal weapon. I
00:21:27
started using it in honky tonk clubs in the 80s. You know, show us your dick. You know, Hell's Angels attacked me,
00:21:33
Beer, you know, the Comedy Underground, the second show on Friday when there's a
00:21:39
bar, they're coming right from the bar. Then I just start doing guitar stuff just to make noise and survive.
00:21:44
It also calms them like they It's hard to yell over that and and it just gets to listen. I only regret cuz they went to the they
00:21:51
got it for me. They tuned it tailor and the sound was big, but I'll get to it
00:21:56
next time. you know, at the very end you were in slumbering, but um I'm kidding.
00:22:03
It was, you know, it goes a little late, so they were a good crowd for being later. At the last five minutes, I kid
00:22:09
you not, two high rollers came in and sat in the front row like this. And I go, "You are not just getting here." And
00:22:15
they go, "Hm." I go, "You see Dana?" They gom, I go,
00:22:20
"You know, I go, you know, these are these people." Cuz I said, "Bow to the high rollers." because they basically
00:22:25
go, "We're coming into Gamble or Highros, front row to Spade and Carvey,
00:22:31
front row to any other show, best restaurant, best table. We might come to
00:22:36
the show. Have the tickets ready." And they go, "That's right. High roller, you get whatever you want."
00:22:42
And that's so that first time I heard the phrase paper, you know, we're going to paper it. What? What do you mean?
00:22:47
Well, they're going to have high rollers. They're not going to charge them for the show. And if you get 10020
00:22:53
of those, you're you're halfway there. I probably told you this once, but it's a story that it relates to this. And I'm
00:22:59
quoting it exactly. It was at the old the wind is there now, the desert in or
00:23:06
something like that. Anyway, I was doing a soundcheck, which I normally do, and this kind of like Dems and Doe's guys
00:23:12
was running the show. Dems and Doe's. So, I accidentally asked him, it's it
00:23:17
becomes an accident. I go, "How are the ticket sales?" He said, quote, "You know what? What do I give a [ __ ] I got
00:23:23
Indonesians dropping 16 Lodge upstairs. What do I give a [ __ ] I got Indonesians
00:23:29
dropping 16 Lodge upstairs. So the Indonesians who are wealthy get their own private suite with young ladies and
00:23:36
the whole thing and they bet a [ __ ] ton of money. So what do I give a [ __ ] I got Indonesians dropping 16 large
00:23:43
upstairs. It's so perfect. Kevin Nean I think it was said he did uh Vegas and he you know
00:23:49
he's supposed to headline do they go do like 45 he did 48 he got off and the guy goes
00:23:54
what the [ __ ] are you doing three minutes they could be out in the [ __ ] casino what are you doing you trying to
00:23:59
kill me he's like oh I didn't I thought it'd be better if I went long goes who the [ __ ] wants you to go long
00:24:05
get off yeah well Dennis is always he's somebody who uh has show business he knows show
00:24:13
business so when he played this hotel used to play. He would time it where he would leave his room full stride. I
00:24:20
don't know if he had someone hold the elevator or not. And then he's walking right onto the stage as they're
00:24:26
introducing him. He's not there's no small talk. There's no green room. He just walks right to the mic, destroys
00:24:33
for an hour because that's Dennis, right? And then there's a clock and as soon as
00:24:38
it hits 60, even if he's in the middle of a bit, thank you good night. and he just kills,
00:24:45
but he's just like, there's no settling in bits. Like I walk out, hey guys. Oh,
00:24:51
I used to come to San Bernardino all the time because I'm in a gang. Uh, so you
00:24:56
know what I mean? I know. So, and then they go, and then but Dennis walks out
00:25:02
and he just goes, Ronald Reagan will be 77. Everyone's like, oh, we're starting. Okay.
00:25:09
And that goes to, you know, what what's the one where I don't even let my grandfather a remote control.
00:25:15
Ronald Reagan is 77 at the end of his next term and he has access to the button.
00:25:21
What am I? Okay. To put it in perspective, my grandfather's 77. We don't let him use the remote control in the TV set.
00:25:29
So Dana, you have a massive house. Obviously, I have a little tiny shack
00:25:34
that, you know, it's just humble. is 2,000 square ft massive.
00:25:39
So, so when you need home security, which a lot of people do, it's not a bad
00:25:45
thing. I always watch something online that shows someone got and they always
00:25:50
have video out front, which is yeah, better to have video, but could a home security system call security itself to
00:25:59
respond if someone's already inside? That's the idea. Can we improve this? Can we make it better? And um now I
00:26:06
guess we're about to announce there is a new way to actually stop someone from
00:26:11
entering your home, right? Simply safe. This is a little different. You can stop it before it happens. The idea is AI
00:26:18
powered cameras detect threats while they're still outside your home and alert real security agents. And then uh
00:26:25
the game changer is the agents take action while the intruder is still outside. I like that. They confront the intruder.
00:26:32
They let them know they're being watched on camera and that the police is on the way and even sounding a siren allow or
00:26:40
triggering a spotlight if needed. This is how you stop a crime before it starts. You want to get them when
00:26:45
they're outside your house. That's real security. I mean, listen, now and then maybe it's someone on the sidewalk, but if
00:26:51
someone's getting in your grill of your house, you want to stop it before and you got to let them know you're already busted.
00:26:58
You really want to do this. And they're like, "Nope." Yep. And they're called monitoring agents. Simply safe monitoring agents.
00:27:04
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00:27:30
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simplysafe.com/fotw. That's simplysafe.com/fotw.
00:27:49
There's no safe like simply. You know how we always remember the quirkiest
00:27:54
bits. So Dennis had another one. You know, they're coming out with that craftmatic
00:28:00
bed these days. Have you seen that? You know, getting that V going. You know what? You wake up and you go, "Wait a
00:28:06
minute. Did I blow myself last night?" Yeah. You get that V going. It's decision time.
00:28:12
Yeah. Get that. Did I suck my own dick? Yeah. Oh, weird. He tagged it with that, I'm sure.
00:28:18
Yeah. the best the Lee Harvey Oswald. He goes, "I haven't seen choreography that smooth
00:28:24
since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer." Boom. Yeah. And he goes, "Jesus, hey." He
00:28:30
goes, "Uh, and he goes, "Look at that." They pull him in. They go, "Hey, boss. Jack Ruby's here. He owns a local strip
00:28:37
club. He's got a handgun. Should I let him in?" Yeah. Who the [ __ ] are they turning away?
00:28:43
He was probably the times where I had to follow Dennis because we used to me him
00:28:50
and Kevin went out a little bit and we'd flip a coin. You had to deal with that energy because that last 15 Pelosi out
00:28:57
there and it's like a wave of just the his rhythm and that sarcasm and all the
00:29:04
references and then the here comes Dana Garney. Isn't that special?
00:29:10
Take me a while, man, to deal with that [ __ ] I got something else to tell you. I'm going to read you something you didn't know.
00:29:15
Okay, this is very It's hard because I know a lot. Even Heather will like this. This is
00:29:20
This is just some fun facts about playing cards. I didn't know. I learned this. 52 cards. The traditional playing cards
00:29:28
thing. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I thought you already knew it. Yep. 52 cards in a deck.
00:29:33
Was that the question? No, there's more to it. Um 52 cards equals 52
00:29:39
weeks in a year. Yes. Four suits is the four seasons.
00:29:46
Yes. Black and red is day night. 13 cards because 13 weeks in a season in each
00:29:53
suit. No one's shocked yet. Are you shocked yet? I love this. I'm a little I'm just I'm c I'm really
00:29:58
curious if it's why why it's all tied into this one. Well, also who invented these traditional playing cards?
00:30:04
I don't know what the last the last one is. If you add the cards together and go ace ace 2 two two it's 364
00:30:14
and if you add them all and then 365 days is the joker for leap year.
00:30:22
It's pretty cool. Ain't that cool if it all fits? If it's not fullon [ __ ] Would you rather be able to [ __ ] AR?
00:30:30
I got a question for you not. Would you rather be able to juggle really well?
00:30:36
Or would you rather be able to one of those guys with playing cards, you know, the Lance Burton, and they're playing
00:30:41
them out and then they're gone. And I think the cards, it's too I would say the cards. I palming cards. I saw a guy the other day
00:30:48
palming. He goes, "There's your card." And he goes, "No cards, no cards. There's your card." And it's on his I go, I never know what's going on.
00:30:54
When they do the sleeve and they're like, "There's the card." And then there's no card. You know, it's like
00:30:59
unreal. I love it. Lance Burton was always, man, was he brilliant. Is brilliant. Lance
00:31:05
Burton. Remember him? Yeah. He He'd be like this. Hey folks, how you doing? Then he'd have a lit candle in
00:31:10
his hand. You know, what's up? He's in a tuxedo. And uh lit candle, you know,
00:31:16
it's like and then he goes like that and it's gone. Yeah, he's Gervis's guy. You seen Lance Bird? And he's pretty good. You got to
00:31:21
go see him. I'll get you in. Half off. What about What about Ger?
00:31:27
I'm doing a little trick to you. Watch. I know it looks good. that phone. I didn't know where it went.
00:31:32
[Laughter] Lance Burton. Yeah, he was one of Lance
00:31:38
Burton's guys. He go, "So, so just for the people at home that like to hear Gervid stories, you I guess Dana doesn't like money." He
00:31:43
goes, "I'm coming to your show. Lucky you." And I go, "Great." Brings his kid and Tommy from the office. And then they
00:31:49
go, "Nice boy. I got a booth for us. I know you like booths cuz you're a little baby. So, we got a booth. 5:15." I go,
00:31:56
"Get your high chair." 5:15. Are we going to get sunburned? I go there.
00:32:01
[Laughter] And we do have a quick meet and greet right before. But I go 5:15.
00:32:07
Uh I go, "What do we do? Do I go back to my room? That's a little smidge early." He goes, "Nope." You know, okay. It gets
00:32:13
crazy in there and there's a lot of people coming to the show. 3,000 people. I go, "All right. Well, let's maybe a
00:32:18
little later." And he goes, "Why later?" And I go, he goes, "We got to get on this." I go, "Well, I don't want to rot
00:32:25
for five. I don't go on cuz till 9:00. So we So at 458 he goes downstairs.
00:32:32
Everything six syllables with a chirping pause. Downstairs. Got your booth. Why
00:32:38
not? What do you want? Oh, I want a tuna sandwich. I can't eat it. My jaw hurts. Oh, my neck.
00:32:43
That's his impression of me. So I go, "Well, I'll order something, but I just got in. I think Dana is going to lay
00:32:49
around for a second." So I go, "I'll come down." But I feel guilty. He's already there.
00:32:55
And then I take a shower and get ready. And then I write my set list and I send
00:33:00
him an order just to buy some time. Okay, order's in. Within seconds, I go in. Now all I got to do is eat it.
00:33:07
Now what? I got some bread. I'll save you some. I got you a napkin. Napkin's all ready. I folded it.
00:33:14
I was smart about that because I did the math and said, I'm going to relax here.
00:33:19
I don't I'm gonna go over my standup notes and I'm gonna order room service because I know it'll be fast because
00:33:25
everyone's in the casino and then I'm gonna toddle in at 6:30, have a little water because
00:33:32
too much small talk and too much backstage chatter kind of takes a little
00:33:37
bit energy. So, every time you go on stage, you're like exhausted. So, I felt
00:33:42
sorry for you down there. I go, "Fuck, Spade's getting wiped out down there. I'm just relaxing up here with my
00:33:47
notes." I finally text you. I go, Dana, come. Because I was a desperate text
00:33:53
pretty much. Where where are you? Well, we were having fun actually. Gervitz is fun to hang out. And it's No, it is fun. It's just energy before
00:33:59
the show and it was like 6:30. I'm like, Dana, get down here and then we'll all just hang out there instead of the green room
00:34:04
because it was a nice place. And then his kid goes, "You don't understand. We got here at 2." And I go, "Why two?" And
00:34:11
he goes, "Ask him." And Mark goes, "Got to get here early. Got to set up. Got to make sure everything's okay. Got to
00:34:17
gamble a little bit." Jackson, here's $10. Walk around for five hours. Spend it with you. I know. It just Those guys were just
00:34:24
young strapping guys, like six foot uh handsome young men walking around the
00:34:29
casino. But anyway, this is what you said to me at 6:31. Are you coming down? Coming spelled COMG
00:34:38
denotes a bit of panic. Are you coming down? We finished just
00:34:44
hanging. Yeah. Yeah. meaning you don't have to order. You don't do anything like I said, "Yeah, I was about to leave the
00:34:50
room. What's your problem?" No. I said, "Where where are you? I don't want to go to the Pine Cone restaurant."
00:34:55
[ __ ] we went to the Pine Cone. You know what happened to me? I met a super fan. Oh, boy. Here's a super fan. Cuz I was fluffed and folded looking
00:35:02
like Dana. Oh, you brought them over. Well, then she goes, "Oh, oh, you're you're with David Spade. Can I give this
00:35:08
to him?" So, I said, "Just follow me." Because she seemed she didn't seem dangerous. So I walked in and then she
00:35:14
handed you something and that was it. Yeah. She goes, "I'm your biggest fan." Blam blam blam blam. I go, "Dana."
00:35:21
No, I mean she did get, you know, do a soft headlock which I thought was
00:35:27
you. It was legal in UFC. Yeah, she gave me a note because I did a
00:35:33
favor for her some That's right. That's what she said. She was a person. Uh I kept the note which was nice.
00:35:39
I can read the room, David. I knew she wasn't, you know. Yeah, I can read the room. I can read the the fan.
00:35:46
All right. What else did you do before we get the headlines? What else you got?
00:35:51
Well, it's just the the week of uh the week of Trump right now so far, obviously because of the
00:35:58
ceasefire and the hostages being released and it was really funny.
00:36:04
Yeah. Well, that I wanted to talk about. So,
00:36:11
I mean, obviously Time magazine and Trump are not best friends, but this piece thing,
00:36:17
this is a reluctant cover. So, somebody somebody at Time magazine
00:36:22
went up to the editor, go, "Okay, we're putting them on the cover. We have to. The hostages are back. There could be a
00:36:28
peace deal. What picture would you like?" Well, sir, um, we have one where
00:36:33
it's from below which shows kind of the folds in his neck look like he's
00:36:39
completely bald. How about and he has three wispy hairs or a cloud above his
00:36:45
head. That's so That is so funny that they're like, "We got to put him on, but what is
00:36:50
the absolute worst? Let's go right up his nose, right under his chin, and then
00:36:57
it's like I hate to use your term vagina neck, but he might have a little bit of It's unfair because
00:37:03
the shirt with a tie pulls your neck together like that." Yeah. Well, look at us. Yes. I mean,
00:37:09
basically a good f Trump does a lot. Like his mug shot, if they can find that, was straightforward. He took one
00:37:16
of the best mug shots during all those trials and it's straightforward. He juts his jaw.
00:37:21
And so this one was I thought it was just funny that they they must have been laughing at
00:37:26
Go back. Did they put his name on it? They don't put his name on it. No, it doesn't even say Trump on there. It
00:37:32
said this [ __ ] guy. This it said this [ __ ] guy. Yeah. I mean, come on. Could do you have any
00:37:37
other Time magazine things you can pull up, Greg, of a regular one like with, you know,
00:37:43
Clinton or Obama or something? Cuz that is just I thought it was pretty funny.
00:37:49
I wouldn't even put that on [ __ ] Instagram. Cry six, you know, he's got more folds
00:37:54
in his neck than the Ben folds five currently. Ben folds five. So, okay, there we go. Those are
00:38:01
Obama is that many. Oh my god, man. Look, look at Obama's straightforward like A couple repeats on
00:38:07
this third from the top right. Click on that. That is a great picture. And the one with Hope is everywhere.
00:38:13
That That was Or third from the left. It's just him face forward. Well, they're all great. That probably got him the election. That
00:38:19
Hope one. Yeah, that one with the three colors.
00:38:24
Trump's basically 80. And this is Obama became president at what 45.
00:38:30
Also, he didn't have any folds in his neck. That's the thing. thing I want to say which I did I did in my standup at
00:38:38
the casino you did Obama I was about how it's hard to compliment
00:38:43
Trump if you have a problem with him so they'd sort of I just want to say there was the peace deal was a great thing
00:38:49
releasing the hostage one of want to give a shout out to Senator Rub
00:38:54
Secretary Rubio and Jared Kushner and um and um
00:39:01
excuse Who's that? No, I said.
00:39:10
So, I mean, I did that. I did that and then I did it. I hatched it on our
00:39:15
podcast and then I did it at the casino and it killed. That's always fun. Mhm.
00:39:21
Um, okay. What next story? What else? Let's get into some stories. My fire alarm went off. I don't know if you want
00:39:26
to hear about that. I I would. Were you scared? So boring.
00:39:32
I scared shitless, dude. It was 2 a.m. Oh, it was 2 a.m. It's pouring rain.
00:39:38
2 a.m. And not just a not that one, which will drive you bonkers, but
00:39:44
like full sirens and fire. Fire. Not even questioning. It's a fire.
00:39:51
So, I pop out with no plan, but I'm scared. My heart's beating a million. And then it stops and I'm like,
00:39:58
I don't even know what to do. And here's how crazy. I think someone did something like put a match up to a smoke alarm to
00:40:05
flush me out of my bedroom like they're trying to rob the place. So I freaked
00:40:10
out. Well, latest thought it could be the hot air in the brains. Oh, really?
00:40:16
Maybe. That's been a while. You know the brains of a ho house where you have like Yeah,
00:40:21
they get hot. You know, all these it got too warm inside a room. Might be kicking it off. But it took
00:40:27
this long. I've been here three or four years. But anyway, it went off. I pooped my pants. Obviously freaked out. And
00:40:34
then it stopped, but I couldn't I was like, "Are firemen coming?" It was terrifying. Couldn't sleep for an hour.
00:40:39
Oh, terrible. And then and then um you know, just whacked off, went to bed, whatever I do normally. And just to calm down and then
00:40:45
um so I wake up then I'm scared all day. We look into it, we go, it'll never happen again that night again. Fire.
00:40:52
Fire at at the same time or just at night? after our gig when I got home
00:40:58
at five in the morning this time. Never in the day. Too convenient. AI will solve this. But that is You want
00:41:05
to know the weirdest thing I've ever seen at night or did you have finished your thoughts? No. Well, yesterday we fixed him and
00:41:10
Heather got electrocuted by by the way. Was it just a reboot kind of thing or
00:41:17
He doesn't care. No one cares. I'm telling you, you can try everyone. And no one bites on that. They go, "Oh,
00:41:23
cool. So, she's alive or dead." Anyway, um, so it's I got electrocuted Dana.
00:41:29
You did. You did. You like you fell away and got ladder. You Oh, you got a shock and fell down.
00:41:36
120 volts. 120 volts. Wow. What does that feel like? Your whole body.
00:41:41
Your whole body goes, jeez. Didn't you have But no one's giving her enough empathy.
00:41:46
Gloves on. Did you have gloves on that? We did not have [ __ ] because we were rag tag mission. Put the ladder up. Get up.
00:41:52
I tried it. She tried it. I tried it. Unscrew, unscrew, unplug, forget the batteries. You got to get the wires out.
00:41:59
And our guy goes, "It it won't shock you naturally." He's like, "Okay, it might
00:42:05
shock you a little bit." We're like, "So, he came over today. He's doing all of them. Redoing all of them because I'm too scared."
00:42:11
Mhm. I would pay money to not have that. All this stuff wears you down. I mean,
00:42:16
I go, Dana, I go, "I'll pay anything. I just want this to stop." He goes, "All right, we're gonna each one's going to
00:42:22
cost this much." I go, "Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa." I said, "I'll pay anything." And then he goes, "I'll pay."
00:42:27
They're 40 bucks for a new one. I go, "Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Well, we bought a new range. Brand new
00:42:35
superstar range range. And they put it in the kitchen. Had to take the old one out. It's 50 years old.
00:42:42
Man, it's gorgeous. But if you put it to 400, the oven heats to 350. So, you have
00:42:49
to put it to 450. So, it was just bugging us like what was wrong. So, a guy came out like, "Hey, I'll fix this."
00:42:54
You know, usually the customer is too stupid to understand. He's got the whole thing taken apart. He's on his knees in
00:43:00
the kitchen. He's on the phone. I don't know, man. I don't know, man. So, they're coming back.
00:43:06
Ah, but I want to tell you the scarest I've ever been in the night.
00:43:13
Go ahead. living in Enino didn't really understand
00:43:18
or wasn't I knew what a possum was but was not aware of possums in particular.
00:43:24
So there's the alarm goes off the front door. We believe that we're looking at
00:43:30
uh a rat the size border collie like it seemed like a seven rat.
00:43:37
Yeah. And we're both flipped out and then we had to go, "Oh [ __ ] it's going away." And the it's it's 2 am. Oh, it's
00:43:44
a possum. It's a possum. But that one blink of a rat that big stayed with me.
00:43:49
I thought the scaredest you had been is when you had pressure on your chest from a ghost when you're on a trip.
00:43:56
Well, that was more Well, that was an actual poltergeist pressing down on me.
00:44:01
It wasn't an illusion. It wasn't a mistake compos rat. It was just because it happened. Then I go, I must have been
00:44:08
in a waking dream state. Oh, I'll go back to sleep. Then it happened right again when I was awake as I am, you
00:44:13
know. Yeah. And then I remember when you had that illusion. Yeah. Yeah. No, that was this heavy weight,
00:44:18
you know, about 150 lbs on me. Terrifying. I realized it was you at Spade.
00:44:25
I woke up my wife. Don't we have a show tonight? Let's get on the pod.
00:44:31
You're like, "Hey, wake up. Go get off me. This is a
00:44:38
nice hotel. Get off me. I'm trying to do Chris Farley. Get off. I'm starving.
00:44:46
Lay off me. I'm starving. Uh, okay. Let's go to that story. This
00:44:52
is a story you gave you had about AI. Okay. I just want to set this up that this is real and this is the future and
00:44:59
you're seeing this at some port in America where everything is a robot controlled by AI
00:45:05
or China. Yeah. Or China. I think it's China. Yeah. Oh, really?
00:45:12
Oh, see they don't crash. Nope. There there's no road rage at all. No road rage. All
00:45:19
look at how close they come. Yep. Not a problem. Right in self-driving Tetris.
00:45:25
Yep. I can handle that. We We would usually in America have a guy like this with a flag and like this.
00:45:32
But everything Yeah. Everything comes off the boat. Everything is moved. Everything is moved to another a truck
00:45:38
or something without employees. And that's what I call a secular trend. Do
00:45:43
you know what a secular trend is? No, sir. It's just things that aren't political.
00:45:48
They're sort of like, you know, people are aging. They're living longer and now
00:45:53
we're seeing robotics, AI basically doing all these jobs. So fighting it every step of the way, I
00:46:00
and that's not what whoever is the president or the Congress. We're just we're just transitioning into this this
00:46:07
world. Well, it saves money and that's what's making it go. It's the job of the corporation is to be
00:46:14
more productive. people that have jobs have no jobs and it's universal basic income. How much do you
00:46:21
think it should be? When there's just no jobs, you got to give people money. Oh, uh, it'll probably No, 50,000.
00:46:31
I don't know. Is that it? Too high, too low? I don't know. I mean, every you I don't know what
00:46:38
you'll be doing. You need money for gas. Well, you need It will be like a microchip in your hand and you'll have to just go I get this. I have carbon but
00:46:45
not I have carbon points against me. I can't do anything. It takes money out of your bank. I mean
00:46:51
the future I think those things are sort of happening. Well, you know, this slow
00:46:56
transition to a lot of 4 day weeks and stuff with companies, you know, three-day weekends or work from home or
00:47:04
because of the uh AI and machinery and automation, you know, like a McDonald's
00:47:09
might have one or two employees instead of eight or nine, you know, because of automation. So,
00:47:14
that's the first thing that's planning jobs. But I think initially, you know, a,000 a month is a good
00:47:23
barrier for people who have some kind of job and have some income, but another thousand a month net keeps them.
00:47:30
Did I go too high? Well, I I don't know. It's depend how many how do we do it? I don't know. This
00:47:36
is, you know, Elon Musk is talking about we got to give we going to have to give uh uh uh money to people. Uh, we're
00:47:44
gonna give Buddy uh Gerice jokes. Gerbert's what? Heather, check in with him. See what he
00:47:50
wants. Losing his mind. Gervitz keeps calling and interrupting the podcast. He keeps track of our schedule. He knows
00:47:56
we're doing a podcast. No, I don't. I I talked to Stephen Marty. It's a nice little run. You start in
00:48:02
Toronto. That's all I'll say. He has so many comedians. He's like h
00:48:08
Steve Martin and Martin Short are his favorites to put on the road. I went and saw Steve and Marty.
00:48:14
Yeah, I know. They do a lot of dates. They're great. All right, next story. Next story. Let's see.
00:48:19
Next story. Keep it rolling. Keep moving. We're just rolling right along. Mhm. My glowing hair.
00:48:26
Where does that door go into? Where does the door go? Into the air.
00:48:32
Into the air. I don't biggest question I get is where do these doors go? Am I new place? Um, so you can
00:48:38
actually open these doors. We're not supposed to cuz they're health and safety stuff. But you can open them. Yeah. I don't really like heights, so I'm not opening it. But when you move
00:48:45
into a place like this high, basically you get given parachutes. So if anything happens, you have to open one of them
00:48:50
doors and just send it. Is that true? Is that true? He's got a parachute in
00:48:55
his closet and if there's something happens, he'll parachute out. Just Tom Cruz designed the building or
00:49:01
something. Well, if there was some sort of 911 situation, you're up there, you'd be like, if this is my only option and
00:49:07
you have a you're so high, I would never live in one of those buildings, but if you're so high, what do you got to do?
00:49:12
Get a Phillips and take the hinges off the door first. It doesn't What's the highest you've lived? The
00:49:18
highest building you've lived in? Oh, not much. I mean, even New York, it was probably like 12th floor. I don't
00:49:25
like when your ears pop on an elevator. I don't like that. I my first year there I was in a 44th floor
00:49:33
at the Brmley Columbus Circle. No, then eventually I went to the Brmley was like three floors you could jump if there was
00:49:39
a dumpster and be safe. You know who lived at the Brmley? You, Mike,
00:49:45
Barley for a while. Me first, then they all came in. Yeah, they did. They follow because they go, "Who do we know?" And someone says,
00:49:51
"Oh, the Brmley's nice." I was upper west side, but I never got to the Brmley. It was too rich for my blood.
00:49:56
But I think even Nean, maybe Dennis. Well, it was great. I mean, they had big big windows and that you're kind of on
00:50:04
top of a movie theater. You could leave for a movie starting at 2:00 at 1:59 and
00:50:09
still be early. So, you know, and it was Columbus Avenue was a block away and
00:50:15
it's Columbus Cafe and you know, it's like a really, really good place to live.
00:50:21
Um, yes. So, it was by Columbus Cafe that John went to a lot. Love it.
00:50:26
I went there a lot. Yeah, Columbus was cool. Okay, next one.
00:50:32
Mhm. Something about the rich
00:50:38
richest man in man in China just bought a facility in
00:50:43
New Hampshire. Now, what is he doing? He actually bought it for his beverage company for over $60 million. Way over
00:50:50
the asking price. And it's right next to what? The town's water supply. He's gathering 2 million gallons per day for
00:50:57
his beverage company. So now the Chinese have control of New Hampshire's water supply. I heard allow a whole another country to
00:51:05
buy up freeways cuz they bought highways in your hometown. Farmland highways.
00:51:11
So the the Chinese just bought the data. You know those fast lanes? What do they call them in in uh
00:51:16
uh the speed lanes? Yeah, speed lanes, right? They just bought a highway. That's it either. What? What can't they buy?
00:51:23
Well, I know that Chicago sold the rights to the parking meters in town to
00:51:29
Saudi Arabia. China, Saudi Arabia because they needed quick money and now
00:51:34
they're they're making a billion dollars more than they thought they would and so they really Saudi won that one, but all that
00:51:41
money goes to them now. So, I don't know. Could you buy things in China from America? Could you buy the same things?
00:51:48
I think that's the point of that whole thing is are we being dumb?
00:51:54
I don't um that is um that's the whole kind of issue I guess is like can they can buy
00:52:02
our stuff can we buy their stuff they can sell us their stuff can we sell our stuff that's that whole tariff thing
00:52:10
right which every president has tariffs but Trump went a little bigger we're going to go big to go big
00:52:18
and when the people get mad now he'll go I'm the hostage guy leave me alone Remember,
00:52:24
you just got to wait. It's going to be good. It's going to be good. I mean, it is interesting how much the stock market just goes crazy if Trump says something
00:52:31
or Jerome Pal. What happened with Bitcoin the other day? Took a [ __ ]
00:52:36
It took a mother. I don't know. Bitcoin dirtiest [ __ ] It was like at 124 and in
00:52:43
30 minutes it dropped to like 109. And then the RA I'm not going to say
00:52:48
which ones, but there was some apps that wouldn't let you buy low. They're like, "We're having difficulties." And I think
00:52:54
there's one dude that bought and then it went back up and he got 8 million.
00:52:59
Do you And I'm just going to say it's John Kennage Center. Now, David, you be honest here.
00:53:06
Do you understand Bitcoin? I do not. I've I've had people who are, you know,
00:53:13
this is the future and I've never I've never quite grasp it. I know because
00:53:19
gold is like 4,100 an ounce. So I could see a hedge alternative currency, but I
00:53:25
don't know why it goes up to a million dollar a coin in 20. I mean, someone could explain it to us,
00:53:31
but I all I know is in my dealings with it, I buy high, sell low.
00:53:40
You think you should buy low, sell high. I know. I think I heard it wrong because I definitely got out. I didn't really
00:53:47
lose money, but it went up and then it sort of came back down and then I got scared. I just have some which it's at a level
00:53:55
that it I can afford to lose it. It was just like in case it goes to 3 million a
00:54:01
coin. I don't want to be, you know, was chump change my dick in my hand.
00:54:07
In my hand, I agree. I don't have any left, but uh
00:54:12
I do have a Pokemon card. No, I don't have anything really. I understand the premise of a company
00:54:19
that makes goods or services that people really like and pay for those goods and
00:54:24
services and then the company gushers in all this money and has net earnings and
00:54:30
so forth. I understand that. But Bitcoin as an alternative currency, I can
00:54:35
understand it and the builtin um scarcity that they
00:54:40
have. So, so basically this is what I have a hard time wrap my mind around.
00:54:45
There's a seventh grader in 2009. Hey man, I'm going to buy some Bitcoin,
00:54:51
dude. I don't know how much is it. It's about 4 cents a bitcoin. I'm going to buy 500 of them. And then my 2016, that
00:54:57
guy's worth 50 billion and gets out. He's like a high school senior. That I don't understand.
00:55:04
I definitely would get out if I would never be the guy that keeps is all in
00:55:09
the whole time. I would be like, I'm going to trickle it out even if it goes up, but I'm going to get something out of this [ __ ] Because when FTX went
00:55:16
down, that's why I sold mine because I go, "Oh, I didn't know it could go to zero. I thought it could just go up and
00:55:22
down, but it everything went like this is FTF." FTX was when
00:55:28
Oh. Oh, that thing, you know, Tom Brady was tied into it and you're like, a cryptocurrency. Yeah.
00:55:34
Some crypto thing just flatten and I go, "Oh, I don't like this. Somebody could be just scamming, you know.
00:55:41
Well, do you understand this concept? The greater fool theory. The greater fool theory
00:55:48
is that you buy an asset, say Bitcoin, and eventually goes up and up and up. You bought it for like 3,000 a coin. Now
00:55:56
it's 100,000 a coin. So for you to make money, you got to sell it to someone who's not disturbed by getting in at
00:56:02
100,000 or 200,000. So all you need is a greater fool to sell it to get out,
00:56:09
convert it to cash, dollars, and then buy a mansion. But I I'm not against Bitcoin. I hope it
00:56:15
works out for friends of mine that are in it. I hope it thesis it already has,
00:56:21
you know, Bitcoin thousand. Anyway, okay, next one. Let's see. Then we'll
00:56:27
wrap up. We're getting We'll wrap up. We're getting in we're getting deep in the weeds. It's been a great episode. [ __ ] weeds.
00:56:32
Okay. Okay. Okay, this just says the word machine. Oh, I know what this is.
00:56:38
I thought it's like not heavy. It's not that big. I watch these every night.
00:56:44
How much time I need to do like same like waiting two years of training. Even within
00:56:49
I would say at least four. These guys are musclemen explaining to the guy in the We have to get anat.
00:56:55
Is it okay? I will just try with you. These guys are the hilarious looking.
00:57:01
Look how [ __ ] roided they are. And look at his little suit and his
00:57:06
beard. He just picks it up. They're like shock. He's a professional weightlifter, but
00:57:12
they don't know it. So great. Look at he looks at himself. I want these. Yeah.
00:57:17
He's one of the strongest men for his size in the world. We doing like usually like this one.
00:57:23
They use two hands. They can barely pick it up. Yeah. I'm just one of my mom. What do you think?
00:57:30
I'm naturally strong. Look at the rock knock [ __ ] on him. They
00:57:35
go, "Are you kidding, bro? You're going to hurt yourself." That guy's That guy's the knock off the
00:57:42
ball. I can't believe no one has seen it enough. He can still go into gyms and fool people. But Anatoli is a world
00:57:49
class weightlifter. Like he can bench like, you know, 500 lb
00:57:54
and deadlift 600 lb. He's incredibly strong for 510 170. And he goes in
00:58:00
there, he puts on a fake beard and he does have a bit of an accent, but he plays like the idiot. Hey guys, guys,
00:58:06
you mind if I get in there and they go, "Yeah, they think you're gonna They say, "Man, you're going to
00:58:12
hurt yourself, man." No, I just want to show you great technique. Great. And then he does it and then they go to
00:58:18
their all the time. My algorithm feeds that I probably watched 10 of them last night.
00:58:24
It's funny. I don't really like prank ones, but that one is good because nobody gets hurt. It's just funny. It's not really mean. It's just Yeah.
00:58:32
How do I do this? It's like, remember, we should go to a comedy club and just put on big beards and go, "Sorry, we
00:58:38
don't really know. We're first time. Could we please do comedy?" You know? I I don't know if it would be quite It's
00:58:45
like when Juel went in and did karaoke with a wig like she was just part of the girls from the office
00:58:51
and then everyone's like, "She's [ __ ] good." I don't know. We probably I'd probably bomb anyway by going too long with my
00:58:56
Scarface bit. [Music] [Laughter] Dana, we all loved it.
00:59:03
No, it's great to have a, you know, I I sort of think to myself, huh, here I am
00:59:09
50 years in kind of or 40 years in and I still really care,
00:59:15
you know, that I that I get a lot of laughs and I kind of wonder. I go, it's not going to change my life, but it's
00:59:21
the same vibe, same feel. You want to do good. Every time you get hired, you want them to
00:59:26
say, you're worth the money. We're glad we hired you. You did a good job. You were nice to people. You made everyone happy.
00:59:32
That's I'm glad I still have that, too. I don't like just walk in there and go, I don't give a [ __ ] Like, I was just Oh, no. I It's It's the exact same
00:59:39
thing. But when I do corporates, I know that a lot of great comedians have come before me over the years. And so I
00:59:45
always want them to say, "Well, you were the best." I just It's my 10-year-old boy of
00:59:51
competitiveness. You know, right? Sometimes they go, "Oh, you know, after your show, they walk you back. They go,
00:59:57
you know who really killed here was um" and I go, "That's all. I don't even need to hear the name. That's fine."
01:00:02
I know. You know who it probably was. Sinbad.
01:00:07
I thought it was you. I just did one where they go, "Dana's on our next one." I was like, "Yeah."
01:00:13
Uh, I go to the trouble of spending a half hour online looking at the company
01:00:20
and then I do stuff about them. That's my my little hat trick. That's smart. You know, I put in effort. I mean, I'm
01:00:27
in the hotel room. I'm waiting. They're paying me an ex, you know, very good money to do what I'm doing. So
01:00:34
you're like, "Is Dale Watkins here from uh the executive branch of sales division?" They're like,
01:00:40
"Dale, I heard you." I have all my shtick. I'll say to the minions that are there to guide me through. I go, "So, what do you I'm
01:00:46
sorry, but what do you want me to do again? Is it is it stand up or can I just play the guitar?" And they get they
01:00:52
take it seriously and sing songs. Can I just talk to the people? Yeah. Is it just sort of a
01:00:58
am I just answering questions about the company, right? mind like what
01:01:03
do you mind if I mean I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do here I was hired but um could I'd like to sing a little bit
01:01:10
first seriously you know so can we play duck duck goose have you ever had them go don't do literally
01:01:17
anything to about the CEO don't look at him don't say anything don't do anything they say no political statements yeah
01:01:25
that's why I always say I don't I don't do political statements I roll up the whatever flag of whatever country I go oh for real okay
01:01:30
oh okay So that go there goes my chunk. There goes my 20 minutes in the middle. Roll roll up.
01:01:37
Uh, but the way I do it, it's not political statements. It's just political comedy.
01:01:42
Different. All right. Well, I think everyone I think everyone's walking away a little dumber today. And
01:01:48
uh, we learned about the greater fool theory. We learned about automation. So, planning jobs. And we try to entertain.
01:01:55
But if we can educate, we're very happy to do that. I think everyone's like, "This is like college.
01:02:01
Yeah, some people have to lie down. They get they put a cold compress on their They have so much intellectual
01:02:08
stimulation. These two [ __ ] are talking about so many things I can't even God. Why didn't we call this podcast
01:02:14
these two [ __ ] It's such a good word. Yeah, it's a good word. Uh, okay. Well, Dana,
01:02:22
I'll see you next week probably. See you next week. Same bat time. Same bat channel.
01:02:28
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01:02:54
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01:03:00
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01:03:27
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