00:00:00
you you got on the Zoom and I thought, "Wow, this is the best David has looked since the beginning of
00:00:07
the podcast." And this is the first time you're going full Dana. You have a black
00:00:13
t-shirt, Noah. And it works for you. I threw this on
00:00:18
last minute cuz it's kind of cold today. Otherwise, we would have been black on black.
00:00:24
No, you know what the the riveting story is? And this is an emergency podcast to tell you this. This is green.
00:00:31
Oh, really? Dark? Okay. Yeah, dark green because I go We have black, so it's dark green. Can you tell, Heather?
00:00:36
No. No. Well, I want to say that the It looks like navy gray.
00:00:42
It looks navy gray. I thought it was uh It looks Well, I could see a gray, green, black.
00:00:47
I'm going to give it all three. A lot of people got stimulated. I heard it anecdotally the idea of an emergency
00:00:54
podcast. Um, and it was an emergency. Um, and it was good that we got it out
00:01:02
there, but it was an emergency. It wasn't a level 12 emergency. Yeah.
00:01:08
You know what's funny is that some people in the comments are like, "What the [ __ ] Why is an emergency?" I'm like, "It just sounded funny." Like, it
00:01:15
was kind of a trivial story, but it's like Dana. But we did talk about it because there were articles about it, so
00:01:21
why not? And u, you know, we learned a lot. We laughed. We cried.
00:01:26
Well, look, this is what I my take away from it besides all the different machinations, politics and stuff. It's
00:01:34
very hard. Like I said, okay, David's feelings were a little bit hurt. Okay,
00:01:39
so then I went in and said, "Worst reviews Dana Carvey ever got." And I got
00:01:44
a collage. Was he ever funny? Whatever happened to him? What a hack catalog. And I was like, off get out of here. I
00:01:53
know it's hard because some of it stings. Yeah. One of the one of the then someone
00:01:59
saw what we said and said David Spade pleads ignorance of the
00:02:04
situation. Like I like it was some actual huge controversy. I'm like I
00:02:10
don't see I see nothing. I'm like I heard a an article in the car going hey
00:02:16
this is what's going on. I'm like well I don't know all the facts. Like unlike everyone else you got to get a few facts. like I'm gonna pull out of a gig
00:02:23
because and they're like, "Oh, they already fixed that. He's calling you a liar." But it did trend fast and wide. My doctor's
00:02:30
assistant, you know, I was talking to her and she goes, "Oh, David Spade, he
00:02:36
he went to the comedy show, but he said he didn't know about the controversy.
00:02:43
I'm going to have to tell doctor." She told the doctor that I pleaded ignorance.
00:02:49
Yeah, pleaded ignorance. That's calling you a liar. That's the greatest phrase. I love that too. There the greatest phrase Rose was
00:02:56
that. But number one is he talked about traffic flying dot dot dot. You get it.
00:03:05
The guy like he's a comedy connoisseur. I know this is it's just I just want to
00:03:10
insert something here so because I have it now. Uh Halloween is coming up, right? And that's right. We have a lot of
00:03:18
trick-or-treaters and a lot of times I'm giving out the candy. Sometimes I'll just buy a mask, right? But this year
00:03:24
I'm having one custom made and I'm basing it on on someone. And so here's
00:03:30
the picture and then I'm going to make a mask for when I give out the Halloween candy.
00:03:36
That's cute. I thought that was high school. That's SNL. Is it kind of scary? I mean, is it or is
00:03:43
it terrifying? But it is scary that I turn into this [ __ ] monster. Hey, who wants some candy? Shabash,
00:03:50
want a Zagnut or an Aba Zaba now? Hey, buddy. Uh, let's put on Tommy Boy. All
00:03:59
right, I was about to say I don't have to change my voice. Well, the joke was it's not a scary picture was my joke.
00:04:05
No, I don't. That was it. Okay, we got that out of the way. That was it. Is there anything else we
00:04:10
have to talk about? Because we just did the good stuff. Actually, I'll tell you this, Dana. What was your I'm loaded.
00:04:15
What was your laziest costume growing up? Because I'll give you one example, two examples. One, I was going to a
00:04:22
party in college and I I'm like, I'm not going to Hollywood Halloween parties. Of course, I cave in because I pleaded
00:04:30
ignorance like I wasn't going to go. And then I went. So, I had a white sweatshirt with a
00:04:36
black bat on it like the Batman bat. Just a bat. No circle around it. just a black.
00:04:41
I wore that with jeans and I was Batman. [ __ ] got horrible reviews then.
00:04:48
Well, this is in college. You're in your early 20s doing this stuff. Doing this stuff. Yes. Don't play
00:04:54
ignorance. Well, when was the last time, let me ask you a question. And this is an emergency part of this emergency podcast.
00:05:02
Yeah. When's the last time you seriously went out, made a costume,
00:05:08
made a costume, got I we would get pillow cases
00:05:13
information and run around the neighborhood. This was probably ended at
00:05:19
11 or 12 or maybe 13 where you were actually seriously going
00:05:25
trick-or-treating to get candy. Yeah. And you're doing it in your late
00:05:31
20s with a funny costume. Come on. Come on, dude. Here's my worst costume. That was the
00:05:36
worst. But in my 40s, no.
00:05:41
Very recently, I went as I had a uh I had no costume, so I went I had a a
00:05:49
suede like bomber jacket, you know, like brown. Yeah. And you're like a military guy or something
00:05:54
that No, I went just that. And I was David Suede. And that one went over a
00:06:00
little better, but no, no real work put into it. But then
00:06:05
my buddy had a shark costume from something he did where he puts on. I go, "What could we be?" I go, "Oh,
00:06:12
so I greased my hair back and had a jump jacket and I was fine."
00:06:18
Have you heard this story? Sorry. Sorry to jump your idea. You jumped the shark.
00:06:24
I was in a state of emergency. I'm going to de deep calm down. I have to say when this podcast is in a
00:06:30
state of emergency, everything moves quicker. We just jump around. Okay, I'll give you two Halloween stories that I probably
00:06:36
done have done the last few years. One is my brother in New York I thought was pretty interesting. So, he gets mirrors,
00:06:44
little mirrors. I guess some of them he was an artist, maybe they were cut in different shapes and he put them all
00:06:49
together and then he put it around and it was just mirrors all around him. And
00:06:55
so people would say, "What's your costume?" And he said, "I'm going as you." Because they would look in the mirror.
00:07:01
Kind of clever, right? Now, this is one I probably to I'm
00:07:07
trying to raise a family. I moved I moved to Mil Valley. I've got a fireplace. It's a little cool little uh
00:07:13
gingerbread house, you know. And I go, "She enough with Hollywood. I'm with the real people. I'm hiking in the woods.
00:07:20
Everything's great. My past is behind me. That's no big deal. And I was looked
00:07:25
up and framing the the door was open and framing it was a tall kid dressed
00:07:31
exactly like G. I mean it was the wig the whole thing
00:07:36
and then I I can't you know.
00:07:42
But then you got slightly excited. You're like I feel tingles in my underpants or
00:07:47
whatever. Oh. Uh, I feel funny like when I used to climb the rope in gym class.
00:07:54
I did like you didn't rush that. You gave it the real reason. I gave it the real thing because you know people
00:08:00
even during this emergency podcast, you didn't rush it. I like G. I want to be G or I want G as
00:08:07
a friend. I'll just put it out there. And you're the same you're the same way with um
00:08:12
Dicky Roberts. Dicky Roberts. I heard some Dicky Roberts praise on the road this time.
00:08:19
The It was the most mentioned on the road, shockingly.
00:08:25
What do you mean on the road? What do you mean? Like a security guard backstage and a woman that was friends with Vessie.
00:08:31
Oh, that's funny. Yeah, it was nice to hear. Um, but Oh, I have here's my best Halloween costume. Ready, Dana? Are you ready? By
00:08:39
the way, could we change the name of the whole podcast to Emergency Podcast? because people would click on that. It
00:08:45
would be fun. Well, they'll be I we will do more of those cuz now that we know sometimes
00:08:51
something happens late and whatever and our producer was kind enough to go in, you know, on the Sunday and just do that
00:08:59
emergency. Heather was very and Heather Heather Sant was there too
00:09:06
on her one not really day off. Um okay, so here's the costume.
00:09:12
It was back at those fun Kate Hudson parties, which probably still does. I don't get invited. So, I You know why?
00:09:19
Because I stole all the attention. That's what it is. I crushed so hard.
00:09:25
All right, let's hear it. Me,
00:09:31
I don't know what I wore. Then I had the babies that were little. What were they?
00:09:38
They We had a a blowup doll full size and then three little Oh, yeah. little like
00:09:44
Oh, yeah. Blowup size full on biting on my butt and taped me with a diaper on and then three little babysiz
00:09:52
blowup dolls kind of like adolescent adolescents or little people's eyes and they were taped to each other and I went
00:09:58
as the human centipede. Oh, it killed. It's a It's a really
00:10:04
filthy movie. offensive scary movie where everyone, you know what it is? You'll gross out.
00:10:12
They kidnap all these teenagers naturally in an old like house naturally. End of a road,
00:10:18
dark out. They seem nice at first. Anyway, it's a fate worse than death.
00:10:26
They line you up and they sew the mouth to the next guy's
00:10:33
anal region, his anus. Of course, it sounds fun, but I don't
00:10:38
want No, it sounds fun for a little bit. Then they go, "This is a fun game, like a frat game. We literally sew with the
00:10:44
doctor. Your mouth to their butthole." And then they do it to the next one. And then they have to poop and then the next
00:10:51
person has to get it and pooping. By the way, one day of that, it's not
00:10:56
fun. Hey, hey, I think I'm gonna hurl. I know you're gonna hurl. G would
00:11:02
freaking hurl. Oh my god. And that was a hit movie. Like a small hit. Like a But everyone
00:11:08
knew about it because it was so gross. Well, guys said, "Hey, you got to go to Burning Man, man. Go to Burning Man. I
00:11:14
go to Burning Man all the time. Why don't you come next year to Burning Man?" I go, "What do you see up there?"
00:11:19
Oh, one time I was just hanging out in the desert and I saw five naked guys walking along and they had a rope taped
00:11:25
or something t uh their wieners tied around and then to the next guy, the next guy and the next guy. So, it was
00:11:32
like a wiener chain, man. You got to go to Bernie, man. Yeah. Where were you? Yeah. Go to Bernie, man. They got wiener
00:11:39
chains, man. And you blew it. You could have been there. You could have your iPhone.
00:11:46
I went to smoldering, man. It's like three miles down and there's a Denny's there and a Motel 6 and much nicer.
00:11:54
I went to still trying to light it, man.
00:11:59
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www.5ourenergy.com. Number fiveenergy.com
00:13:01
or Amazon today. Okay. I have an emergency podcast moment. Okay.
00:13:07
My favorite dire well I don't I have there's Kubri there's Kubri there's Tarantino
00:13:13
Tarantino Francis Ford Copala the Godfather one and two in the conversation of the best
00:13:18
movies ever made he lost 120 million on Metatropolis because he's an artist he
00:13:23
put his own money into it didn't do man boys but it hasn't come
00:13:29
out yet but I I didn't see melopolis but I heard that uh it didn't go perfectly
00:13:36
anyway Anyway, this is part of the emergency podcast is that he's had to start selling his watch collection. So,
00:13:42
I'm announcing a GoFundMe for Francis Ford Copala.
00:13:49
I knew him because he could be sitting on his lawn with all those watches out in a signed picture of Michael Corleion.
00:13:54
Let me let me try it. Just sometimes I just try to It's almost like a spali thing. I try to get a voice. Francis
00:14:01
Forcopola. What does he talk like? What does he talk like? I'm Francis Ford Copela. How are you?
00:14:09
I don't know if it's any good, but I got it. Now see here, Shia Labou.
00:14:15
You're acting crazy on a set. Well, I tell you, I tell you, Shabboth,
00:14:21
that's why I'm metropolis and that didn't make a lot of money. I'm Francis Ford Copela. You got to announce who
00:14:27
you're doing. Yeah, that helps. After the fact. Now you see here, Al
00:14:32
Patino. The studio wants you out of here, but I want to bat for you. I'm Francis Ford Copela.
00:14:39
I tell you, boy. Now listen, boy. For catering, we got five Triscuits in a slim gym. And that's because we ran out
00:14:46
of money. Keep talking. Hey, good guy. What a good guy.
00:14:52
What's that, young guy? I know. That's why life in me. SNL hadn't beaten the [ __ ]
00:14:58
out of me yet. This was my alternative choice. It's funny. That's my uh high
00:15:04
school senior year. That's where I look so different because I got my haircut so short. I didn't know it was me. And I
00:15:10
look through the pictures and I go, "Where's mine?" And they go, "This one." I go, "That's not me." Hey, hey, my name say David Spade. Would
00:15:17
you like to go to the Satie Hawkins dance with me? I'm David Spade.
00:15:25
Look, it says under almost interesting. That was the name of a book. Okay, you voice you voice what you're
00:15:31
thinking. I'll just move it. Okay. Oh, it's picture day. Luckily, I wore a suit. Um, I didn't know, but I
00:15:38
pleaded ignorance and my hair is nicely blondish. And I was probably thinking of
00:15:43
if I was going to the football game that weekend and who I would ask to the prom that would try to get out of it.
00:15:49
Yeah, I know what you'd be thinking right then. Well, it's not my best pitcher, but I'm begging. I'm begging
00:15:57
ignorance. I'm pleading. Oh, pleading. [ __ ] me with a [ __ ]
00:16:03
brick. I'm pleading. I hate when a joke [ __ ] up. Okay, I got one more topic for
00:16:10
you and then I have one topic before we get into the real topics. Sports betting scandal. This is the big story, guys.
00:16:16
This is big. Set the table. Oh, I will. Oh, me? Uh, you're closer to
00:16:23
gambling. You're No, you're closer to basketball. But yesterday a story blew up and I was flying back from Minneapolis and I was
00:16:29
like, "Oh, wow." I mean, it was pretty big. It was on everywhere
00:16:35
and it was about sports betting. You know, more a lot of players involved, some coaches go. Um, yes, there's Terry
00:16:44
Rosier, Chance, Chancy Bilips are kind of Chanty Bilips. Chanty Chanty the coach and and all NBA
00:16:51
player. Apparently, again, innocent till proven guilty. Apparently, one of the things they would
00:16:59
do is they got him with the mafia. Hey, you know what? Hey, Jany, guess what? We got some high rollers here from
00:17:05
Indonesia and they like they like playing poker with a celebrity. So, why don't you call me in? So apparently the
00:17:11
mob got to them. They set up these special tables with listening devices,
00:17:17
cameras, all kinds of high tech stuff, cheater stuff. Yes. So that our our guy would win.
00:17:24
That's one. And then some one player potentially if innocent proven
00:17:29
would also in games bet on games and then fake an injury so he'd go out of
00:17:34
the game. He could sort of turn the game for points and stuff. And that guy was making 26 million a season at the time.
00:17:43
So you ask yourself, oh, you know why? Why? Why? But here's the thing. You know, and I
00:17:49
know that you can bet on anything in Las Vegas. It's hysterical. You can bet on
00:17:55
anything. Bets. Yes. I'll be just totally transparent, but we can say to each other now that we've
00:18:01
never spoken about this. It's completely on the up and up. But you can take the high and the low on standup sets in
00:18:08
Vegas. Now with you, it was an over and under. Like I bet if if David would in a
00:18:15
in his set would get more than 60 laughs and I bet that then I win two to one or
00:18:21
less than 60. So I've made a small fortune. Normally I'll just be totally
00:18:26
honest taking the under that you would get less than 60 laps per set and I made
00:18:32
a fortune. Well, what if they say, "Okay, me and Nikki Glading ignorance. We're at We're at Caesar's Palace and we
00:18:39
and they could bet on if Nikki's wearing a skirt or pants, right? You can make a bet on that. I I've I've
00:18:44
made money on that." You could say, "What's the over under on how long Spade will do, will he do an hour, under an hour, 40, 48? Bet the
00:18:52
exact number." Um, starts when he walks out when you see him.
00:18:57
I Those are bets. I I once well I think it
00:19:02
was a hundred grand that you would say uh [ __ ] be smoking hot during your set
00:19:12
and you did. I did. I said it too much that show.
00:19:17
No, I said uh I bet Dana that he would
00:19:23
say he would look off to the side of the stage and say, "How much time do I have
00:19:30
left with these idiots?" And then someone would yell 25 and you go, "Fword."
00:19:37
Well, what I I heard on the down low that you and Tim Meadows got a little couple pops in you.
00:19:43
Yeah. and bet that I wouldn't say, "Well, isn't that special during my
00:19:49
set?" And you lost your bet. Well, isn't that special?
00:19:56
We thought you would accidentally say, "Well, isn't that interesting?" Because,
00:20:01
have you ever done a bit like I did this weekend and there was one word in it and I couldn't remember it
00:20:07
and I just skimmed over it. I'm like, "What is going on? I don't there's the
00:20:12
one word that was a key word and I skimmed it and I'm like it just doesn't pop in your head. It's so weird. It's so
00:20:18
stressful. Oh, it's it's just a sinking feeling when you realize you got a five minute
00:20:24
bit. Like I have this thing about flying on Irish Airways and if I skip this one
00:20:30
piece early on, you go, do I go doesn't make sense. Can I go back and pick it up? it's not
00:20:36
making sense or do I confess to the audience I got confused which normally the route I take
00:20:42
you know I go I [ __ ] that up you know God I I said the wrong punchline and
00:20:48
then I backed up and said the right one and they were like oh and it was so I didn't even say I go ah
00:20:54
I did that wrong god dang it they were like [ __ ] what an amateur hour
00:21:00
that's I love the audience You know, and one time
00:21:06
I get the punchlines that you're doing, right? Hey, one time I was up there and I got a
00:21:12
little confused and I'm going guards and Hans and fr all of a sudden I'm doing this bit that is killing about watching
00:21:18
porn on airplanes and I'm going and it's killing and roars of laughter and I go,
00:21:24
"Oh my [ __ ] god, I'm doing Spain's bit." So I waited till I killed the whole
00:21:30
thing. And I said, "I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I just That was a complete mental." No,
00:21:36
I remember cuz you pled ignorance. Pled what did I say? Are you think about
00:21:43
uh pleading ignorance? That's your thing. Also on the basketball scandal,
00:21:49
Shanty Phillips is in the Hall of Fame. I heard today they're saying, "Could they take that away from him
00:21:54
if they find him guilty?" Right now it's apparently. And also
00:22:00
uh Rosier, is that his name? Terry. Terry. Terry Rosier, I believe. Okay. R O Z I E R.
00:22:06
They said he was cuz coaches can take a guy out and say he'll play less. Rosier, maybe. I don't know.
00:22:12
So the coaches can fix it by saying he'll play less. Bet the under of how long he plays or something.
00:22:18
And this is the this is Terry saying he fixed games. Watch how funny this is. Okay, let me just
00:22:24
So what number is he? So there he is accidentally dropping it.
00:22:29
Gives it to the other team. Here's a shitty pass. Let me see. Oops. To that guy.
00:22:34
He makes a basket. So he's in the black. Now next pass. Oops. To the other guy.
00:22:39
Oh. Oh. Oh. Okay. He keeps throwing it. Bad to the other team.
00:22:45
Yeah. Air ball to the other team. I mean, you could watch a game and go,
00:22:51
"God, he's having an off night." or well before the coach would take you out
00:22:56
if it's crunch time right at the end and the over and under is three. Look at that over the basket.
00:23:02
You know look all I can say is I don't understand.
00:23:08
I mean you don't understand when you're making 26 million what do you why he would do this if it's true. Yes.
00:23:14
I I mean I think there's a feeling that it's so competitive.
00:23:20
Someone says are you addicting to gambling? They're like, "I'm addicted to competing." So, they want to gamble so
00:23:27
they can beat someone, right? Well, Michael Jordan's famous for that. Charles Barkley. Um, they would
00:23:33
they would a terrible. I disagree with everything those guys are doing. Um,
00:23:39
Charles Barkley, it's terrible. They're terrible. That's that's all you have to say.
00:23:44
That's all I have. Uh, but yeah, innocent to prove guilty. But it's an amazingly it looks like a
00:23:50
very big scandal. Big story for sure. Okay, here's a smaller story. We don't have to have an
00:23:56
emergency. Not an emergency, but friend of the show Aniston, Jennifer
00:24:02
Aniston said, Jen, I saw a couple of these interviews this week. So, she turned down SNL when she
00:24:08
before landing friends. And she has a funny way to explain it. She felt the sketch at the sketch show was very
00:24:15
male-dominated. And when she auditioned before Friends, she met with Lauren. She said this on
00:24:22
Dax's uh podcast, she thought she goes, "I always thought I was such hot shit." Which is
00:24:28
funny to say. Uh and she said uh she would love to ask Lauren how it went
00:24:35
because she said she ran into me and Sandler in the room right outside
00:24:42
and uh I knew her briefly because she her mom lived in my apartment complex next to me. So she
00:24:49
goes, "My daughter's an actress. My your mom was sweet." And then I'd see Jennifer and I was like, "Oh, that is your daughter." So now she had a
00:24:57
self-righteous attitude and she didn't like the way women were treated on the show. She said if it was back when it
00:25:02
was the Guild or Radner days, it would be better, you know. So she said she was sort of like
00:25:08
just passing, by the way, without friends. Kind of ballsy of her to say. I think she's admitting it was ballsy to
00:25:14
say she she wouldn't do it. Like why would you pass on SNL? Ah, that's cool. I like someone who has
00:25:22
confidence in themselves before they But what had she done? Here's my two questions. Did you What Who were the
00:25:29
women on the show at that time? Was it 95? Was it Julius? 911. It was probably
00:25:35
91. So I was there then. Maybe Jan. Maybe because she got friends
00:25:40
right around then. Well, let's look. Let's Hey, can we find out when she got on Friends? Yeah.
00:25:45
I would guess Friends was about 92 because she blew up so fast.
00:25:51
But her father was a soap opera actor and they said she was a Nepo baby. But 94.
00:25:58
So it was like maybe you were gone. Maybe I left in 93 because I think I would have got up in her grill a little
00:26:04
bit. You know, just my nature. Go. Listen, man. You got this. Don't you wa Don't you walk away, woman. Don't you
00:26:11
walk away from me. I I would have schooled her a little bit. Yeah, I think she admitted it was weird.
00:26:17
I mean, luckily she landed on her feet, but it was it's it's a tough situation
00:26:22
for all these people that are trying to get on SNL, especially then. It was a big deal. But she had done Ferris Buer's Day Off
00:26:29
the TV show because she did it with Yeah. And she she had a she had a pop. I
00:26:34
mean, obviously we saw it on French. She was very gonna make it because uh
00:26:41
just charismatic charismatic. But look at this. I mean, I'll tell you, I I tell you this right
00:26:46
now. Um SNL's great. It's just generally for most people a launching pad. You She
00:26:54
couldn't have gotten anything more spectacular than what she did in history. Yeah.
00:26:59
Except unless you didn't want to be that famous. But it was uh it was with Seinfeld they were the 90s and that was
00:27:06
you know so not much bigger sitcoms as far as
00:27:11
moneymaking Seinfeld Friends Cheers maybe.
00:27:17
I don't know if they got to that level but I remember hearing I I heard it at some point that everyone knows this the
00:27:24
friends those six people were going to be favored nations. No one was going to negotiate separately. Yeah. So they
00:27:30
eventually started going, "Give us each a million dollars, a million dollars an episode for each of us." And they got
00:27:37
it. When they got a hundred,000 episode, everyone freaked out. Also, who were the
00:27:42
three that they wanted to pay and who were the three that they said they weren't going to pay? And that's why they banded together.
00:27:48
Oh, you got me. I had heard this question and someone just g
00:27:53
All right, I'm going to call it right now. 26 minutes in. We have We are just in the emergency podcast.
00:28:01
This is the part of the show we would have come in to give you this answer. You've just entered the emergency
00:28:08
podcast zone. Zone. Oh, I think Aniston.
00:28:14
I think Courtney because she was the biggest star at the time when they started. She was the biggest star in the world.
00:28:19
And I think Schwimmer because Schwimmer was in like a love story with Aniston on the show and he was very valuable. And
00:28:25
it was a Ross and Rachel was peing. I think that makes sense to me. They all
00:28:32
did a great job. So, I don't know. But here's a question I have for you, please, because it popped into my head.
00:28:40
So, you're going in those 90s and there's still syndication. You get all your money, million dollars an episode.
00:28:46
Yay. And that's your contract. And you fulfill it. And then live streaming comes in and the office and other ones.
00:28:53
So did did they get a piece of that the actors when when they sold Friends
00:28:58
Friends is on live streaming there goes to Netflix dollars
00:29:04
cuz reruns I think they say they averaged 20 million a year shockingly that's about
00:29:09
the most you anyone could ever get. And this is in the '9s late 90s I think I think up until a couple years
00:29:15
ago like they said oh just from all the live stream just from all the horseshit. Yeah, they're rerun.
00:29:22
TBS and HBO buys it or Netflix buys. Can I be a little envious? Is it okay?
00:29:27
It's just bad. Well, I'm sickened by it. It's hard to get out of bed. It's like what? I wish I got a funny
00:29:34
voice on the Simpsons. I know. You know, hi, I'm mail. You know, I got
00:29:39
one voice. Mailbox Manny. Hey everybody, I'm your local treasure
00:29:46
secretary and you're in the uh secret life of pets.
00:29:51
Um, you were weren't you? One and two. And then I am on the ride. The rides
00:29:59
make more than the movies, but I don't get a piece of the ride. Yeah. Over time,
00:30:05
the ride I'm the dog yelling at you when you're coming in in the little cart of that secret. I'm going don't go in here.
00:30:12
You know, it's the grumpy old man who's a dog with no with wheels for hind legs.
00:30:17
All right, let's look at a few stories unless you have any more. No, I just have answers, but I was I was grateful for that
00:30:24
question. Okay. Okay. Oh, this is the US announces seventh
00:30:30
generational fighter jets have seventh generation fighter jets have been begun
00:30:35
their operational testing. Let's take a look at the new plan. United States of America officially admitted that the seventh generation
00:30:43
fighter jet has entered the real world verification phase. They didn't disclose
00:30:48
the model number. They didn't show the exterior only one sentence. It can end a
00:30:54
war without opening the weapons bay. What does that mean? A fully AI controlled combat platform can strike,
00:31:01
leave the battle zone, and even change the enemy's data chain before the other side realizes it's there. Not only is it
00:31:07
stealthy, can even fool enemy radar and satellites, creating false target images
00:31:13
and disrupting the entire airspace. This is not an air superiority fighter, nor is it a bomber, but an intelligent that
00:31:20
integrates command jamming and surveillance. It doesn't even need human pilots. The
00:31:27
we're not going to need human pilot. The only thing that makes me feel a little strange about this, cuz I'm a blade at
00:31:32
night, and uh the president of China, Yei, and of course Putin are huge fans
00:31:39
of this podcast. So, didn't they just get the whole enchilada laid out? So, we should be careful what you're sharing.
00:31:45
I know what they comment on. I know their fake name when they leave comments all the time on the YouTube.
00:31:52
I know which one's Xi She and which one's Pang.
00:31:59
Tang, listen to me. Listen to me. Oh, one thing I wanted to mention how funny it is that Trump just demolished half
00:32:06
the White House. Like, we got to take it down. We're taking it down. We're taking it down. It's going to It's nice to take
00:32:12
things down, isn't it? It's a good thing with people like it when you take things down. We're taking it down. We're chopping it in two and have a bonfire
00:32:20
that noep
00:32:27
dumping garbage. Yeah, I guess they're fixing the White House all the time. If I was him, I just
00:32:33
wouldn't bother. Like, how long are you going to be there? Well, he he and some friends paid for it. It's like a rental.
00:32:38
It's 300. He wants to say the Donald J. Trump ballroom forever. It's going to have my name in gold. My name and gold.
00:32:45
It's going to be It's kind of like one of those monkeys with the symbols.
00:32:51
He's like when they have the when people come into Walts, it's like who's in a ballroom anymore?
00:32:57
I like monkey with symbols. Clank clank clank. I got to take it
00:33:02
down. We're taking it down. It's a good thing we're taking it down. People like to take things down. We're gonna take it
00:33:07
down. Is he going to have any parties there or is it all like just Oh, it's going to be like gone with the
00:33:13
wind. Why, Miss Scarlet, may I have this dance with you? It's going to be Let's do the minuette.
00:33:21
It's an old dance. Uh, the menu. Well, you know, back to our story as people
00:33:27
are hang with us, folks. No one knows what we're talking about. Go ahead. There won't be pilots very soon. Of course, it's going to all be AI. They
00:33:34
can react and we're going to jam things. Look, we spend a trillion on defense. A
00:33:41
trill. That's 18 war department. Okay. A trillion down
00:33:47
there. What kind of aircraft you get for that much money?
00:33:52
You know, my Southwest flight plane costs at least a hundred grand for the whole thing. All
00:33:57
in. Yeah. I had a corporate date and I thought, well, maybe I'll try to lease a
00:34:03
private jet, but it was uh I would I would have to take out a loan against my
00:34:09
house to pay for the check. No joke. It's crazy that we have a shortage of private jets
00:34:14
in America. There's so many rich people now that they can't make them fast
00:34:19
enough. Yeah. I mean, that's the one thing where if you ever use it,
00:34:26
it's not an investment. You don't get that money back. So, that's when you land, you feel sick. It's like blowing
00:34:32
money on cocaine or something. You're like, "So, I got here. It's over. The ride is over
00:34:37
and I spent all that money." I know. When you come off Southwest and you go, geez, 88 bucks. 88,000. You're
00:34:46
like, and I'm in the same place and it's like, now I can get an extra shrimp cocktail
00:34:51
tonight cuz I saved money. I'm going to the sphere pretty soon. Hopefully.
00:34:57
What are you talking about? For what? Well, I'm going in Vegas and I have an afternoon off. There's a 5:00 matinea
00:35:02
and they're playing the Wizard of Oz. Are you going to do that one? Oh, I want to hear the whole review. I guess I guess you're inside the Wizard
00:35:08
of Oz. You're inside Judy Garland's dress. Yeah, I know. No, I'm riding in the
00:35:13
basket with Toto. You get on the witch's broom.
00:35:19
We represent the lollipop. I'm one of those guys. Mhm.
00:35:25
I haven't seen that movie since I was four. But ter terrified. I want to hear it. Get out of me. The the sphere is a big question. They
00:35:31
they're having no doubt coming up and people are like is no doubt big enough
00:35:37
or is the sphere the story? Is that 70% of why you go?
00:35:43
I think if a monkeykey's uh fake band went in there, you'd sell it out. I
00:35:50
believe it's like an audio visual a fourdimensional. there's rain coming down and wind and you're in seats and
00:35:57
you kind of feel like you're going to fall and every seat has they're already building more of them. They're building,
00:36:02
you know, one in China and one I think there's one in Dubai too, I heard. But I agree. I went to once and
00:36:09
um you threw up during during YouTube. There were no monkeys and I was sad. There was no witches, there was no nothing. I'm like,
00:36:15
what are we doing? I think movies getting immersed. I like to see 2001 in there, you know?
00:36:22
Hi, Dana. This is your favorite movie. Open the open open the bathroom door,
00:36:28
Spade. Open the bathroom door. I can't do it, Dana. You know the drill.
00:36:34
I'm pleading ignorance. As a kid, we used to do that. As a young man with my friends when they were
00:36:39
stoned, I would do open the bathroom door, pal. How? What's he supposed to say? Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that,
00:36:48
Dave. Cuz Hal turns on him, right? Is it AI? Open the bathroom door. Sorry, Dave. All
00:36:54
right, raise your voice at me. All right, I'll go through the urinal. That'll be very difficult. Dave,
00:37:02
you could pee your pants. Dana, have you seen the movie? I don't think so.
00:37:08
Think I'm getting it wrong. No, it's actually fine. It's actually pretty good. I just can't imagine you
00:37:14
sitting for a 4-hour movie with no real plot. I mean I mean there's a plot but
00:37:19
it's a it's a spirit show.
00:37:24
Next story. Here we go. Clip before we wrap up. Man was discovered to be unknowingly
00:37:31
missing 90% of his brain yet lived a normal life. Wow. Do we need our brains?
00:37:37
Is this a big scam? We don't I think we'd have to look it up. I think we use
00:37:43
maybe 10% of it. Really? And this looks like this guy nailed the 10%. There's a
00:37:49
condition known as what the [ __ ] is going on? Uh, no, that's not the real one. It's called a hydro syphalis.
00:37:58
Sounds dirty. Well, they interviewed this guy um you know perfectly and um I thought it was
00:38:06
really interesting because how did you do this with 90% of your brain missing? And the guy was quot saying I was normal
00:38:15
life I Jesus doesn't sound that smart
00:38:24
and but um he was he led a normal life. He rattles his head like a paint can
00:38:29
when he moves around. Yeah. Wouldn't part of your brain be so light without the brain in it? Your
00:38:35
skull would just be tilted over. That's what Ozmpic does. that it erases 90% of your your brain
00:38:40
apparently. Allegedly. Now I understand that you have only 10%
00:38:47
of your brain. Your words, not mine. Uhoh. And that makes for what we call a stupid
00:38:54
person. That make sense to you? Make sense? Did I get that right?
00:39:03
I'm just punchy. I can't. I love it. Okay, one more and then we'll go. Punchy. Give me something good.
00:39:08
Give me a good one. Don't Come on. Give it to me. Good and hard. All right. I don't know if this is gonna
00:39:13
be it, but Okay. Let's see. It's people. Oh, this girl's juggling
00:39:21
plastic bags you get from like Ralph's. I bet I could do that. I could do that.
00:39:27
I think so. Oh, she's got her buddy. I couldn't do that. We couldn't do that. Dana, it's getting more sophisticated now.
00:39:33
Maybe next week I'll try to do that. Let's see a razzledazzle though. Give me give me a closer. Okay.
00:39:40
What are they doing? Oh, he's got them. It's a smart thing because these things kind of float. So, they stay where you
00:39:46
can grab them in a you have a space to grab them with a tennis hard though. But they're bigger than a
00:39:51
tennis ball. Yeah, they kind of float, but they get really hard to move. So, if you grab it
00:39:57
wrong, it's over, right? You got to space them and separate them. You got to keep them full of air. So, you can't grab them too hard or you
00:40:03
squish all the air out. Now you have what I like to call too much time on
00:40:09
your hands when you're taking plastic wrappers and juggling them all day long.
00:40:17
Heather, let's get some multicolored plastic bags so I can show the world how good I am. I can do this trick.
00:40:22
Mhm. On it. On it. David shocks the world.
00:40:27
I can juggle though, Dana. Don't. I kid you not. Yeah, I'm sure you can. Have you Have you ever been seen juggling? No. Would
00:40:34
you ever do it on a TV show? No. Have you done it on this podcast? No. But I'm sure you can juggle. Just no one's ever
00:40:40
seen you juggle. Have you been accused of recently pleading ignorance? Yes. I'll say you do juggle like this. You go
00:40:47
to a stand-up date. You do the podcast. You go to koi. You go back to the plane. You get You juggle your life.
00:40:55
Yeah, I juggle my schedule. Uh, okay. I will film myself juggling and we'll play it next week. We might
00:41:01
have to have an emergency one though. If you if you can do that, well,
00:41:09
I'm gonna give you multiple $100 bills. Did you ever give anything what's in the box behind you?
00:41:16
That's still That's for That's for the end of the season. There is something in that box. A big se during sweeps.
00:41:21
If anyone can guess it, do you want I mean, I think it's in there, but no, let's just leave it for next week.
00:41:26
That's That's cliffhanger. That'll be an emergency one when we reveal that.
00:41:32
Okay. Okay. Well, I thought we did a really good job. I'm very proud of us. Um, we we covered a lot of ground.
00:41:37
Copala, the bedding. We did a little Trump Halloween. Um, I thought we brought it today.
00:41:44
You really did good. Will it translate into smash that subscribe button or
00:41:49
Yeah, break your [ __ ] finger on this on the like button. Subscribe. I don't
00:41:55
even know what they're supposed to do. They do comment. You don't have to tell them to say that. Oh, boy. But uh we got
00:42:01
a lot of nice comments on Isla Fischer last week. Really? Oh, she was fun. She was fun. Definitely fun.
00:42:07
She was fun. I don't look at the metrics because then I just cry myself to sleep. Metrics, they're good. Why?
00:42:13
Uh okay, Dana, if if I can, I'll have you on again next week. Uh
00:42:18
thank you. Should I go black t-shirt or gray? Green black t-shirt? I will not wear another dark green black
00:42:25
gray t-shirt. I'm gonna shock the world. And but don't our t-shirts look like slightly different color? Mine not is
00:42:31
not as black as yours. Okay, here we go. Here we go. I didn't want to get I didn't want to get to this. Here we go.
00:42:37
Whoops. Heather, can you see any difference in our t-shirts? His does look darker.
00:42:42
Well, I do have a lighter I have a black chair, but I have more, you know, you can see. Is this an optical illusion?
00:42:49
Whoops. Oh, Jesus. Not only tigers get out of their cages.
00:42:54
Oh my god, that's a tiger. Got his skin. Whoops. All right, we'll come back with a big
00:42:59
banger show next week just like this. And we're going to look like this. We're going to talk like this. And I'm going
00:43:05
to do this kind of things. We're going to demolish the place. Goodbye everybody. Goodbye.
00:43:11
Goodbye.
00:43:17
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:43:23
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00:43:28
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Walls presented by Odyssey,
00:43:35
an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:43:42
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:43:49
Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:43:58
Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Sean Cherry, Kurt
00:44:05
Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email
00:44:11
us at fly onthewallsey.com. That's audacy.com.
