00:00:00
In the meantime, Marcelo comes back. I
00:00:02
think he didn't even have a shirt on,
00:00:04
>> which you do when you're 28. You just
00:00:06
What? What happened?
00:00:07
>> My dream to [laughter] see him without a
00:00:09
shirt on.
00:00:10
>> I love the way you don't You're already
00:00:12
thinking of the next joke. [laughter]
00:00:14
>> You accept anything I say.
00:00:16
>> I like to roll with it. Sometimes they
00:00:17
talk fast.
00:00:18
>> Yeah, but you can get a sense.
00:00:19
>> There's no It's going to be about
00:00:22
>> I have the most janky setup, Dana.
00:00:26
>> Okay. Uh Webster dictionary. What's
00:00:29
janky?
00:00:30
>> Jenke is like sketchy. Like uh
00:00:32
>> is it
00:00:33
>> screwed up? Like
00:00:34
>> is that what it means?
00:00:35
>> When you see a guy like the guy that
00:00:37
kind of walked by me and uh Yeah.
00:00:39
>> started and told me, "I don't think you
00:00:41
should be here." on the street when I
00:00:43
was walking and he just goes,
00:00:45
>> "I don't think you should be here." I
00:00:46
go, "Cool."
00:00:48
>> He was somewhere between fully homeless
00:00:50
and like a normal guy. And I'm like
00:00:52
normal [snorts]
00:00:53
like a dressed up businessman. But I'm
00:00:55
like something's janky about this guy.
00:00:57
He's first of all,
00:00:58
>> I've always I've always said this wisdom
00:01:00
flash.
00:01:02
>> Yeah. You get like a gut feeling. I go
00:01:04
something's up. And plus, who walks up
00:01:05
to me out of the blue in the middle of
00:01:07
the street and just goes, I don't think
00:01:08
you should be here.
00:01:10
>> I'm like, great, gotta go.
00:01:12
>> I say, we got to help the homeless, but
00:01:14
what are we going to do with the
00:01:15
clueless?
00:01:16
>> Yeah.
00:01:17
>> Yeah. That was my wisdom flash.
00:01:20
>> I'm giving myself
00:01:21
>> I apologize that my c- quarter zip
00:01:25
carter zip. Yeah, it's fine. You
00:01:28
>> You look like a professional golfer.
00:01:31
>> I look like a professor or a golfer.
00:01:34
>> Can I get you a jean jacket? It's kind
00:01:36
of army. Everyone needs a jean jacket.
00:01:38
It's badass.
00:01:39
>> That's not the stolen one, though, is
00:01:41
it?
00:01:42
>> No. Wait,
00:01:44
no. Oh, yeah, it is stolen. [laughter]
00:01:49
>> Yeah,
00:01:49
>> we laugh.
00:01:50
>> I stole it. So that's when Marcelo, one
00:01:53
of my new best friends, um he got my gab
00:01:57
sweater and he's
00:01:58
>> Oh, sweatergate. We didn't even clear it
00:02:00
up with him.
00:02:02
>> So I can't I can't I know because I I
00:02:04
have to remember that I I but I didn't
00:02:06
steal it. I said because I saw the price
00:02:08
tag. It was like $100. Can I pay you for
00:02:12
it? They said I'll be right back. And
00:02:13
then I guess it was like two and a half
00:02:16
hours later they said, "All right, you
00:02:19
can take it." M.
00:02:21
>> Oh, that was for the New York magazine.
00:02:23
>> New York magazine. Sorry. On the cover
00:02:25
with Molly Shannon. It's not illegal, is
00:02:27
it? Whoops.
00:02:28
>> I think we were all on the cover.
00:02:29
[laughter]
00:02:30
>> No, it was a fold out six covers, but I
00:02:33
think we were number one.
00:02:35
>> Oh god.
00:02:36
>> That's just because of the uh the
00:02:38
artistic, you know, we had a foam booth
00:02:40
or something. It was nothing to do with
00:02:42
me.
00:02:43
>> I was looking at it going, who has the
00:02:45
most super famous people that would be
00:02:48
on the cover? And it was they try to
00:02:49
even it out. They'd go someone from the
00:02:52
really old school SNL middle. They try
00:02:55
to mix it all up.
00:02:57
>> Yeah, it was it was quite quite a thing.
00:02:59
Harry wants mug. What is it? Can you
00:03:01
read it?
00:03:02
>> I love you like I love Montana.
00:03:05
>> Okay. Okay. Billy Bob the
00:03:08
>> Yeah, I'm a native Montana. You know,
00:03:10
there's no one from Montana. Car Archie
00:03:13
Bunker, Carol O' Conor was from Montana.
00:03:16
Um, couple of your stepbros were from,
00:03:19
you know, Swampy Steve, your cousin was
00:03:22
from Montana,
00:03:23
>> Jod's family.
00:03:26
>> I guess you didn't get the fly on the
00:03:27
wall mug.
00:03:30
>> Uh, I guess I did. Well, Montana gets
00:03:34
its day. Come on, man. But
00:03:36
>> listen, no one's hating on Montana. It's
00:03:39
other than being cold, I think I would
00:03:41
go up there. So, in summary, we never
00:03:44
figured out this Marcelo thing.
00:03:46
>> You You lend him a sweater.
00:03:50
>> He thought it was He thought it was
00:03:52
trash because it was old, but it was old
00:03:53
and cool. No, quite the opposite. You
00:03:57
were perfectly opposite.
00:03:59
>> Okay.
00:03:59
>> I I bought the sweater at a Gap in New
00:04:02
York City. This Gap $20 sweater is just
00:04:06
fits perfect. Not too tight the thing,
00:04:08
you know. So, I brought it to the place
00:04:12
and I I uh for the photo shoot with
00:04:15
Molly Shannon, okay, and others.
00:04:19
[snorts]
00:04:19
Um,
00:04:22
and um then I had my eye on this because
00:04:26
they had me wear this in the shot and I
00:04:28
went, you know, I've tried jean jackets
00:04:30
on before. This one just fits nice and
00:04:32
the color. So, in the meantime, Marcelo
00:04:35
comes back. I think he didn't even have
00:04:37
a shirt on,
00:04:38
>> which you do when you're 28. You just
00:04:40
what? What happened with his shirt?
00:04:41
>> My dream to see him without a shirt on.
00:04:44
[laughter]
00:04:44
>> So, uh, being the charming young man he
00:04:47
is, he goes, "Hey, do you have anything
00:04:48
I could wear or anything?" I go, "Well,
00:04:50
I hadn't put the sweater on." He said,
00:04:52
"Well, you could take that sweater, $20
00:04:54
sweater." So, he put it on, fit. He
00:04:56
loved it. Last I saw of it.
00:04:59
>> No, but listen to this. I was at that
00:05:01
shoot in a cool [ __ ] jacket.
00:05:04
And after 2 hours of photos on the
00:05:07
scaffolding, he goes, "Spade, let's try
00:05:10
one without the coat." I go, "I just
00:05:12
have a white t-shirt. I don't like
00:05:13
wearing a white t-shirt.
00:05:14
>> Too pale. I don't I never wear one." He
00:05:16
goes,
00:05:17
>> "Wear it?" Oh, you'll wear it and roll
00:05:20
up the sleeves like you're [ __ ]
00:05:21
kicki.
00:05:23
>> That's right. And you what? Now, you had
00:05:26
a pose on the cover of New Yorker
00:05:27
magazine last fall, 50th anniversary of
00:05:30
SNL. Could you duplicate your
00:05:33
>> Do you remember what it was? I don't Was
00:05:34
I going like this?
00:05:35
>> Yeah.
00:05:36
>> Oh my god. Worstcase scenario with a
00:05:39
goddamn photographer. And who was it?
00:05:41
David Lashappelle. Somebody big.
00:05:43
>> I'm like, "This is how you get girls to
00:05:45
take their tops off. This is how it is.
00:05:46
I did whatever he said. I get it.
00:05:48
Photographers have the power." I'm like,
00:05:50
he's like, "Lose the top." I'm like,
00:05:52
"What? I'm mesmerizing."
00:05:54
>> But then you made a muscle. And Chris
00:05:56
Rios, the woman who cuts my hair, uh,
00:05:59
she looked at her, go, "Oh, I didn't
00:06:01
know I I've never seen David in that
00:06:04
kind of thing." She She was
00:06:05
>> listen, he goes, "We'll never in a
00:06:08
trillion years use it."
00:06:10
And I go, "Okay, so it'll for sure be
00:06:12
used."
00:06:14
>> Anyway,
00:06:15
>> but I have to say I was I was dubious as
00:06:18
well.
00:06:19
>> Like, who is this dude Chappelle? Isn't
00:06:21
that Dave Chappelle? No, it's not
00:06:23
somebody else. But when I saw what he
00:06:25
did, I kind of went, "Okay, he's great.
00:06:27
He's brilliant. He knows what he's
00:06:28
doing. He's good.
00:06:30
>> Brilliant."
00:06:30
>> Uh I just like to put up a little stink.
00:06:33
>> Yeah. You kind of um
00:06:36
you you when you walk into a set, you
00:06:38
know, people walk in a set, when you
00:06:40
walk in, you just a lot of energy is
00:06:41
around you. You know, people start to
00:06:44
look. People were hammering the set and
00:06:46
when you walked in, the whole place went
00:06:48
quiet. [laughter]
00:06:55
I love the way you don't you're already
00:06:56
thinking of the next joke. [laughter]
00:06:58
>> You accept anything I say.
00:07:01
>> I like to roll with it.
00:07:02
>> Yeah. Okay.
00:07:03
>> I don't stop the pod. I keep going with
00:07:05
it.
00:07:06
>> I have a funny test for you before we
00:07:08
get into your weekend.
00:07:09
>> All right.
00:07:10
>> Here's a test for you, too. Go ahead.
00:07:12
>> Heather can do it in her head to see if
00:07:15
it makes sense.
00:07:16
>> Okay. You say the letters R and
00:07:20
>> another letter R and you say and in
00:07:24
between. So say it kind of casually.
00:07:28
>> R.
00:07:30
R. No, you say and in the middle.
00:07:33
>> Oh, R and R.
00:07:36
>> Yeah, I'll say it. R and R.
00:07:39
>> Right.
00:07:40
>> And they say if you say it like that,
00:07:42
it's it's like saying oh no in
00:07:44
Australian. R.
00:07:46
>> I thought you said you say in between. I
00:07:48
thought I was supposed to say R in
00:07:50
between. [laughter] R.
00:07:51
>> No, you say R and R.
00:07:53
>> R and R. O and O. And that becomes
00:07:56
Australian.
00:07:57
>> Yeah. It sounds like Oh, no. You go R
00:07:59
and R.
00:08:00
>> Yeah. Instead of Oh no.
00:08:02
>> Can you hear it?
00:08:03
>> Yeah. R. R.
00:08:07
R.
00:08:08
>> Instead of Oh no. I got you.
00:08:10
>> Yeah. That's how it sounds in Australia.
00:08:11
It sounds like oh no in Australia.
00:08:13
>> Oh, I see. Or I know
00:08:18
or
00:08:19
>> or
00:08:23
shrimp on it, baby. Um,
00:08:25
>> can I do creative math for you?
00:08:28
>> Sure.
00:08:28
>> This is artistic math
00:08:31
for for creatives.
00:08:34
One and one couldn't be two.
00:08:36
>> I'll fail. Go ahead.
00:08:38
>> It might be three
00:08:40
and it could be five.
00:08:45
Okay,
00:08:46
>> there's no answer to it.
00:08:48
>> One and one could be two. It might be
00:08:50
three.
00:08:51
>> No, one and one is two, but it could be
00:08:54
three and it might be five.
00:08:56
>> I don't get it.
00:08:57
>> You don't get it? All right, let me
00:08:59
Let's uh
00:08:59
>> You get it, Heather?
00:09:00
>> I don't know.
00:09:01
>> No, we're both lost.
00:09:03
>> It's not a math thing and it's not a
00:09:05
puzzle. It's just in if you're in a
00:09:08
creative mode, anybody,
00:09:10
you kind of jump outside the logical
00:09:12
lines.
00:09:14
>> I see. So,
00:09:15
>> artistically, you look at it from
00:09:17
different outside the box. It's not a
00:09:19
hard answer, you have to say.
00:09:21
>> Yeah. That's why it'll be the last thing
00:09:23
for AI will be a killer AI standup. But
00:09:27
when you thought of that bit, watching
00:09:29
porn on airplanes,
00:09:31
>> yeah,
00:09:31
>> you were in a creative thing. You
00:09:33
weren't just, hey, funny porn people on
00:09:35
airplane. You took it out
00:09:37
>> when I was saying RNR. [laughter]
00:09:43
>> RNR is what soldiers would say when
00:09:46
they're let off the base. Take a bit of
00:09:48
R&R. It's relax and rest.
00:09:51
>> Relax and relaxation for sure.
00:09:53
>> I'm talking Australian guy to how shout
00:09:57
[clears throat]
00:09:57
>> Australian is tough.
00:09:59
>> Is it?
00:10:00
>> And there's different like versions of
00:10:01
it. Like some are very super hard
00:10:03
Australian, some are
00:10:05
>> some are almost uh un understand. When I
00:10:08
watch a TV show and there's English like
00:10:11
from England and there's
00:10:13
>> especially Irish or Scottish or even
00:10:17
Australian, I have to watch the
00:10:19
subtitle. I can't keep up.
00:10:22
I like subtitles anyway because a lot of
00:10:24
these shows and a lot of these live
00:10:26
streaming shows and I I've had my ears
00:10:28
checked. They kind of garble the lines
00:10:30
and what they say, you know. Y
00:10:32
>> and we gonna go John's man. What? That's
00:10:35
like we're gonna go to the store, you
00:10:36
know.
00:10:37
>> You know, people liked in the comments
00:10:38
that you said, you and Marcela were
00:10:40
talking about the importance of not
00:10:44
yelling your lines, but just the fact if
00:10:46
you swallow the beginning of a sentence
00:10:48
on SNL or somewhere where it's live or
00:10:50
in a movie, they're just they don't
00:10:53
totally get it. You miss kind of a laugh
00:10:55
right then and then it throws the whole
00:10:57
thing off a little bit and it's so easy
00:10:59
to do. I come down at the end of my
00:11:00
sentences so much it's criminal.
00:11:04
I don't know. I would say there's
00:11:06
probably like 10 metrics that would go
00:11:08
into a performance in a sketch on
00:11:10
Saturday Night Live. I remember one of
00:11:12
the notes that Lauren gave between the
00:11:14
dress and air show last fall. He goes,
00:11:16
um, because they were in a couch or
00:11:18
something, we're kind of looking at each
00:11:20
other. We're in each other. I needed you
00:11:22
you wanted to have a sense the audience
00:11:24
knows what you're doing, you know, so
00:11:26
you sort of cheat out slightly, you
00:11:29
know. Um there's a lot of tricks to it
00:11:32
signaling that you're having fun and you
00:11:34
know, but articulation.
00:11:37
Well, isn't that special? What if she
00:11:40
said, "Well, why isn't Oh, yeah.
00:11:43
>> Whole thing.
00:11:44
>> Wasn't that special?"
00:11:45
>> Yeah. And if you said, "Um, what's what
00:11:48
was your catchphrase on there?" And you
00:11:50
are [laughter]
00:11:51
>> and you are and this is regarding
00:11:56
he would know you because and
00:11:59
>> sorry it's so crazy to know
00:12:00
>> you areiculated.
00:12:02
>> Um I'd like to insert a short sketch
00:12:07
>> right now.
00:12:08
>> Yeah. For fun [laughter]
00:12:09
just keep people on their toes. It'll be
00:12:12
very short. I've done a Japanese man in
00:12:14
an earthquake. He's totally safe. Now
00:12:16
I'm doing a British gentleman having a
00:12:18
conversation when an earthquake hits.
00:12:21
>> Okay.
00:12:21
>> Well, I don't know. I mean, may go to
00:12:23
the farm. We may go to the lake. I don't
00:12:25
know where we going, but it just some
00:12:31
see we're having a bit of a tumbler
00:12:33
[laughter]
00:12:35
and I like tumblers. So, it's getting a
00:12:38
little more aggressive, isn't it? Yes.
00:12:40
Well, cho [laughter]
00:12:43
shim on the barbie. Oh, that's
00:12:44
Australian. AH, WHAT THE [ __ ] IS GOING
00:12:48
ON HERE?
00:12:50
>> He lost his score.
00:12:54
>> Whoops. I tapped out of my ch [laughter]
00:12:57
I went blank my back.
00:12:59
>> I lost.
00:13:01
>> Am I back?
00:13:02
>> No, not yet.
00:13:04
>> You know, every year, David, I think we
00:13:07
can unequivocally say this, we make
00:13:09
resolutions
00:13:11
>> that somehow never stick, right? But
00:13:14
this year, I found the one resolution
00:13:17
that actually works.
00:13:20
>> Gruns is the simple daily habit that
00:13:23
succeeds where extreme resolutions fail.
00:13:26
Delivering real benefits with minimal
00:13:28
effort. If you haven't heard me talk
00:13:30
about groans before, they're a
00:13:32
convenient, comprehensive formula packed
00:13:34
into a daily snack pack of gummies. This
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isn't just a multivitamin, a greens
00:13:40
gummy, or prebiotic. gets all those
00:13:42
things and then some at a fraction of
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the price.
00:13:46
>> Plus, uh I don't know if you know this
00:13:48
bonus, it takes amazing. Each pack is
00:13:52
vegan, nut-ree, gluten-free, dairy free,
00:13:55
and free from artificial colors and
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00:13:58
minerals, 60 ingredients, including
00:14:01
nutrient-dense and whole food
00:14:02
ingredients, and six grams of prebiotic
00:14:06
fiber. That's more fiber than two cups
00:14:08
of broccoli.
00:14:09
>> Grun does the heavy lifting. while it
00:14:11
feels like doing the least.
00:14:14
>> There's even Grun's kids with, get this,
00:14:18
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00:14:22
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00:14:25
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00:14:27
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00:14:28
>> Kick off your new year right and save up
00:14:30
to 52% off with code fotwins.co.
00:14:34
That's fo wg
00:14:37
ns.co.
00:14:39
Dana, it's time for a little five hour
00:14:41
energy action. Um,
00:14:42
>> yes.
00:14:43
>> You know, I like
00:14:44
>> correct stuff.
00:14:45
>> I dabble in fivehour energy to do a
00:14:48
little wakey wakey.
00:14:49
>> Uh, I don't mind a little energy in the
00:14:52
day and I uh don't want sugar.
00:14:54
>> Yeah.
00:14:55
>> And uh this is a little sippy sip. Fits
00:14:58
right in your sock if you need it to.
00:15:00
[laughter]
00:15:01
>> When you seen them, they're this big.
00:15:03
Yeah,
00:15:03
>> absolutely. That's what's great about
00:15:05
them. Confetti craze is one of their new
00:15:08
flavors. Yeah.
00:15:09
>> Tastes like birthday cake. I mean,
00:15:10
that's the thing that they're doing now
00:15:11
is all kinds of flavors.
00:15:13
>> Uh with five five hour energy, so you
00:15:16
can pick your favorite. Vanilla
00:15:18
[clears throat]
00:15:18
and buttery.
00:15:20
>> It doesn't need to be your birthday.
00:15:22
>> Mhm.
00:15:23
>> Cuz Dana, when we're out, you're always
00:15:24
telling the restaurants your birthday to
00:15:26
get something free,
00:15:29
>> right? Yeah.
00:15:29
>> Yeah. And And it's my anniversary again.
00:15:32
>> Oh, yeah. You were milking that one last
00:15:34
week. You're like, "It's that again this
00:15:36
week."
00:15:36
>> Yeah. Uh, but 17 [laughter] flavors.
00:15:40
>> When you're out, you always take off
00:15:41
your sweater and then you go, "It's kind
00:15:43
of cold in here. Could I get a down
00:15:44
vest?"
00:15:45
>> I go, "It's kind of cold. Can I get a
00:15:47
free meal?
00:15:48
>> I'm freezing."
00:15:49
>> Yeah. I mean, it's sort of weird. You're
00:15:51
You're kind of You have some
00:15:52
piccadillos.
00:15:53
>> Yeah.
00:15:53
>> Mhm.
00:15:54
>> But Confetti craze is great. Uh,
00:15:57
>> it's a little buttery. It's a little
00:15:59
vanilla. It's like,
00:16:00
>> you know, like birthday cake.
00:16:02
>> Yeah. And now basically they're giving
00:16:04
you caffeine now. 5 hour energy shots.
00:16:07
>> Yeah.
00:16:07
>> And get this,
00:16:09
>> sounds like a lot to me. 17 flavors.
00:16:13
>> 17.
00:16:14
>> It It's not too many. It's a lot, but at
00:16:16
least it gives a big uh selection and
00:16:20
you don't get a sugar crash. You just
00:16:23
get a little
00:16:26
Yeah.
00:16:28
So, I'm excited. They're on. You can get
00:16:31
these at, you know, obviously 5hour
00:16:34
energy.com. You can go to Amazon.
00:16:37
Uh they're stocking up. I'm stocking up.
00:16:40
I have to load up
00:16:42
>> because I kind of buzz through them
00:16:43
pretty quickly.
00:16:44
>> Mhm.
00:16:45
>> Cake on the brain. Confetti craze. It's
00:16:47
back.
00:16:48
>> Uh you can go fiveoury.com. Amazon.
00:16:51
>> The funfetti flavor is back on 5hour
00:16:54
energy.com or Amazon. Crack open
00:16:57
confetti craze. 5 hour energy shot
00:16:59
today. If you're like this and you got
00:17:03
to be like this, [laughter] it's 5 hour
00:17:06
energy.
00:17:07
>> Yeah.
00:17:08
>> Take that to the bank. Take it.
00:17:10
>> Okay. So, you're good. Okay. Here's my
00:17:12
question.
00:17:13
>> Yeah.
00:17:13
>> One, all the Super Bowl stuff, even
00:17:15
though it's so we're the last people to
00:17:18
talk about it. Last
00:17:19
>> fine, but with with the best take.
00:17:22
>> Okay. Give me a take because I have two
00:17:23
different things to talk about
00:17:24
>> of the Super Bowl. Well, we can talk
00:17:26
about Bad Bunny. One interesting thing
00:17:28
was that the bushes were people. I did
00:17:31
not know that. I was fooled.
00:17:35
>> Uh, well,
00:17:36
>> we have a video of it. I think
00:17:37
>> you thought they the bushes were people.
00:17:39
>> I did not think they were people.
00:17:41
>> Oh. Oh,
00:17:42
>> they were just people were in there
00:17:43
holding things. I saw it up.
00:17:45
>> No, they show them walking out after at
00:17:47
the end.
00:17:48
>> Got it. Okay. Well, that's
00:17:50
>> crazy. Didn't even cross my mind because
00:17:52
they had to get them out there fast.
00:17:53
They all ran out and pllopped down.
00:17:56
That's kind of cool.
00:17:57
>> That is kind of cool. Look, um, what do
00:18:00
you want to talk about first about the
00:18:01
Super Bowl? Um,
00:18:02
>> halftime or the game?
00:18:04
>> I've got a bunch of stuff. Talk about
00:18:05
halftime first, then I have other stuff.
00:18:07
>> Okay.
00:18:08
I would just say
00:18:11
that it was like a short film. It was
00:18:14
brilliantly filmed. They didn't have any
00:18:16
glitches. They got him running around,
00:18:19
you know.
00:18:20
>> Oh, yeah. Unlike Kendrick Lamar, which
00:18:22
is the wide shot and all the craziness
00:18:24
from this way, he was contained almost
00:18:27
like a steady cam.
00:18:28
>> Yeah. and and um he's going through and
00:18:31
then there's all these sort of Easter
00:18:33
eggs about this like that there's power
00:18:35
outages a lot in Puerto Rico so he
00:18:37
climbed up the thing there
00:18:39
>> and then he always I mean if I went out
00:18:41
there um I can't sing or dance but I
00:18:44
would love to have a hundred people with
00:18:47
me following me everywhere I went
00:18:49
because there was so much energy I mean
00:18:52
Bad Bunny was rarely isolated he was
00:18:55
just like it was a massive energy flow
00:18:57
so that's You know, I I I give credit
00:19:01
for the effort that
00:19:03
>> I wonder where they practice that
00:19:05
because you have to
00:19:07
>> it's like a it's like a in one shot
00:19:09
you're doing the whole song kind of
00:19:11
moving and
00:19:12
>> everyone has to come into frame. The
00:19:14
marriage proposal they said was real.
00:19:16
I'm like I could go to that wedding if
00:19:18
it's one second long. [laughter]
00:19:21
>> And they did there wasn't one thing
00:19:22
where someone's looking off wrong. I
00:19:24
mean they kind of
00:19:25
>> Yeah, I will give I'll give them that.
00:19:27
They were really
00:19:28
>> goes by the taco stand. He goes under
00:19:30
the
00:19:31
>> Oh, boxers
00:19:33
>> and then he comes up here. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:35
Yeah. I mean that that part you had to
00:19:37
go in a studio or somewhere
00:19:39
>> map it out
00:19:40
>> to scale. Exactly.
00:19:42
>> My only problem with it was I felt like
00:19:45
at times, not always, but at times he
00:19:48
was singing in Spanish.
00:19:49
>> No, that was your your set
00:19:53
grade school.
00:19:55
No, it could have been French. I mean, I
00:19:57
I I it mean it was a different language.
00:20:00
Fine. Um
00:20:02
>> I think that here's a way for the people
00:20:06
that were mad that it was in Spanish.
00:20:08
Here's a good happy medium. You do a
00:20:11
song like
00:20:15
bomba. You got to meet us in the middle.
00:20:17
Give me one word. Then I know one word.
00:20:19
Then I wait and then I pounce on it. I
00:20:21
get ready. I get ready. D
00:20:24
Kayla, there was a lot of
00:20:26
>> Hey, I know [laughter] that. All I got
00:20:28
was one word and that's all I need.
00:20:30
>> There was a lot of uh stuff that you
00:20:33
didn't really have to know the lyrics
00:20:34
when he'd have a wide stance and he
00:20:36
would grab his crotch and thrust
00:20:38
forward. I kind of got a sense that the
00:20:41
song what it was about,
00:20:43
>> right? Like even rap, I don't know all
00:20:45
the words. Sometimes they talk fast.
00:20:48
>> Yeah, but you can get a sense.
00:20:49
>> There's no Yeah, it's going to be about
00:20:50
[ __ ] But Dana, I feel
00:20:53
[laughter]
00:20:54
Hey, oh, look how happy he is.
00:20:57
>> So [clears throat] funny. I was waiting
00:20:58
on that one. You're just sitting on a
00:21:00
gold mine. I heard and now this is sort
00:21:04
of a thing. We're going to have more
00:21:05
countries
00:21:07
uh artists from other countries come in
00:21:09
and do the Super Bowl in their own
00:21:11
language without subtitles. So, next
00:21:13
year is Claude Claude vona.
00:21:16
>> Go ahead. huge and he's I' I've gotten
00:21:19
one of the I can't really sing BUT
00:21:24
I NEVER and here for the Super Bowl half
00:21:27
my time.
00:21:33
>> Yeah, he'll be writing a take.
00:21:38
So I think great
00:21:44
[laughter]
00:21:45
>> that's German.
00:21:47
1 through 10.
00:21:48
>> Okay. Here's another thing.
00:21:49
>> Okay.
00:21:51
>> Oh, by the way, the one over on Fox with
00:21:53
Kid Rock or whatever it was on. It was
00:21:55
on
00:21:56
>> Yeah.
00:21:56
>> TP.
00:21:57
>> No. No.
00:21:58
>> Turning Point, what's it called? Yeah. I
00:22:00
think they needed bigger stars. If they
00:22:01
want a competitive
00:22:03
>> something. Kid Rock has great songs. He
00:22:06
People know some of the songs.
00:22:07
>> Absolutely.
00:22:08
>> They had other people on there. I didn't
00:22:09
know. You have to bring out bangers. You
00:22:12
know what I mean? There were three
00:22:14
country guys I never heard of in Kid
00:22:16
Rock. I read their names. I'm like, I
00:22:18
don't know who that is.
00:22:19
>> I know. So, if you're gonna have a
00:22:21
competition like, "Hey, we're going to
00:22:23
pull you over here." And Living Color
00:22:24
did that. I think that's how it started.
00:22:26
They did a a 16minute sketch show or
00:22:31
15-minute sketch show exactly at
00:22:33
halftime
00:22:35
and it was live
00:22:36
>> and a lot of people went over there.
00:22:39
>> All right. That's
00:22:39
>> because they were just doing marching
00:22:41
bands and stuff and they're like,
00:22:42
>> "Yeah,
00:22:42
>> oh no, we have to have a we have to keep
00:22:44
them."
00:22:45
>> I think that started the whole thing.
00:22:47
So,
00:22:48
>> they just needed a better
00:22:50
>> better product. Bunny is a global
00:22:52
superstar. He gets like a billion views,
00:22:55
a Spotify, whatever. He's the world's
00:22:58
coming on to him as an artist. And there
00:23:01
also was energy around the whole ice
00:23:04
controversy and what's going to go on.
00:23:06
So it was sort of like you felt like you
00:23:08
just wanted to see it and you're hearing
00:23:09
that he might wear a dress. He's going
00:23:11
to do it only in Spanish. So it was
00:23:13
mustsee TV over on the thing was like
00:23:16
I'm kid rock who I like but you know
00:23:18
>> I mean it's that you have to do
00:23:20
something that's a little more exciting
00:23:22
>> like
00:23:23
>> sure
00:23:24
>> but also it was just like so in the
00:23:26
moment of what's going on in the world.
00:23:28
But I have to admit, when they play
00:23:29
football games, when I'm watching the
00:23:31
Jaguars every two weeks and they're in
00:23:33
like Berlin and Spain, it's not as
00:23:36
exciting to get up an hour or two
00:23:39
earlier to watch them with crowds that
00:23:42
don't really know exactly our football
00:23:44
games. You know what I mean? So that
00:23:45
part I know they want to go global. I
00:23:47
know NFL wants games in every country.
00:23:50
>> They are. They were in Berlin. They're
00:23:52
all
00:23:52
>> right. They're adding games every year.
00:23:53
Adding games and then that one's like on
00:23:55
Peacock and then the other one's on
00:23:57
>> HBO Max and you're like just what
00:23:59
happened? Let's just
00:24:01
>> We want to see all the games.
00:24:03
>> Give me a pay package. I can see them
00:24:05
all,
00:24:06
>> but we're not going to fix that today.
00:24:08
Oh, here's a good thing. Sam Arnold.
00:24:11
>> Oh, yeah.
00:24:12
>> Sam Arnold. What did I just say?
00:24:13
>> That was the story of the Super Bowl. a
00:24:15
guy who came out third in the draft, uh,
00:24:17
you know, on his way to be an all-star
00:24:19
NFL quarterback, got in the wrong team
00:24:21
or the wrong system. Long story short,
00:24:23
it's like he was with the Niners for a
00:24:25
bit, the Jets.
00:24:26
>> It's eight years later, and by the way,
00:24:29
this is inside football.
00:24:32
>> Don't lose me. Not
00:24:32
>> that inside. No, this was just
00:24:34
interesting that Russell Wilson, this
00:24:36
all-star uh MVP quarterback. Seattle
00:24:39
decided to trade him and what they got
00:24:43
was massive first round picks and that's
00:24:46
why their defense like four or five guys
00:24:48
you could point to that are superstars
00:24:50
and that's
00:24:51
>> they traded for him from Minnesota and
00:24:53
he was doing great at Minnesota. That
00:24:55
was a
00:24:55
>> Yeah, he was. Yeah, he's he's an
00:24:57
all-time great quarterback, you know.
00:24:59
>> Anyway, he really sealed it. The funny
00:25:01
part was he they give you extra money
00:25:04
for the Super Bowl
00:25:06
>> on top of your salary.
00:25:07
>> Yeah. Yeah, they do.
00:25:08
>> 278,000
00:25:11
>> and I think he
00:25:14
walked with either 71,000 or he owes
00:25:16
71,000. [laughter]
00:25:17
>> Could I because you have to they get
00:25:20
they get involved in the California
00:25:21
situation
00:25:22
>> and there's a sports tax
00:25:24
>> if you're playing
00:25:25
>> on top of tax.
00:25:26
>> Yes. Yeah. You actually you get the
00:25:28
270,000, you give it back to the
00:25:30
government and then 10,000 on top of
00:25:33
that.
00:25:34
>> Yeah, we can look it up. I sent in
00:25:36
something about
00:25:36
>> I want to say two two things. One is the
00:25:39
Super Bowl for a lot of people the
00:25:41
football game is beside the point. If
00:25:43
you've ever gone to a loud chatty
00:25:46
football party for the for the Super
00:25:49
Bowl, there's a lot of people getting
00:25:51
cocktails and talking, oh, you know, the
00:25:54
game is beside the point. the
00:25:55
commercials, the pageantry, all the jets
00:25:58
and B2 bombers going overboard.
00:26:00
>> Beginning is fun.
00:26:01
>> It's a big advertisement for free market
00:26:05
American capitalism. And I just want to
00:26:07
throw this out. And I'm not kidding.
00:26:09
NFL, you've had a music act for 40 years
00:26:13
in a row. And these two dandelions will
00:26:16
come out. Oh, Stephen. We'll do we'll do
00:26:21
[laughter]
00:26:22
David Spade and Dana Carvey will do 15
00:26:25
I'm going to announce this now. We'll do
00:26:27
12 minutes each of standup. We'll bring
00:26:30
out Nikki Glazer at the end.
00:26:33
[laughter] They could have everybody out
00:26:35
there. It' be great.
00:26:36
>> Well, what they should get some standups
00:26:38
out there. That's all.
00:26:38
>> I know. We're We're just so looked down
00:26:42
upon. No, we are. Uh here's my last
00:26:44
Super Bowl thing. The streaker.
00:26:46
>> Mhm. Now I'm taking a shocking stance. I
00:26:49
didn't like the streaker. I don't like
00:26:51
the streaker. I don't like the fun of
00:26:53
the streaker of the 70s was kind of
00:26:55
funny. Now it's
00:26:57
>> right.
00:26:57
>> He's got brands on his back, Brands on
00:27:00
the front.
00:27:01
>> Yeah.
00:27:01
>> He bets on himself. He bets there will
00:27:04
be a streaker. This is what they all do.
00:27:07
And then he tell all their friends, "Bet
00:27:09
on one of those predictive markets in
00:27:11
Vegas."
00:27:12
>> Yeah.
00:27:12
>> There will be a streaker. Now, if you're
00:27:14
betting on it and then you streak, you
00:27:17
win, they win.
00:27:18
>> Guys stupidly bet with their own money,
00:27:22
which they can trace back. But I don't
00:27:24
think they should give him a payout cuz
00:27:25
he wore pants. That's the first thing I
00:27:27
would say if I was a casino.
00:27:28
>> Well, that's not a streaker. A streaker
00:27:30
has to be naked. That's
00:27:31
>> nothing. That's Marcelo at the photo
00:27:33
shoot. That's like, who cares?
00:27:35
>> Before I gave him my sweater, but I'm
00:27:37
not bitter.
00:27:38
>> So, that's a problem. And then they
00:27:40
don't tackle them hard enough. I do want
00:27:42
them to hurt the guy. That's part of the
00:27:44
fun. Watch the guy clown everyone. Clown
00:27:47
everyone. [ __ ] you everybody. And then
00:27:49
one of the footballs players ran at him
00:27:51
and he slid like a puss. Oh boy, did he
00:27:54
slide.
00:27:54
>> Oh, the slider.
00:27:56
>> Oh yeah, cuz of course you can beat that
00:27:58
250 lb security guy. Make him look dumb.
00:28:01
So all these all these guys get y. He
00:28:04
also did a decoy. That was the only
00:28:05
smart thing he did. He had a guy jump
00:28:07
down and right when that guy jumped
00:28:08
down, he jumped down. So everyone turned
00:28:10
to get that guy. He went around the back
00:28:14
and he won all this money and got all
00:28:15
this brand money. So I would say they
00:28:18
got to check him way harder.
00:28:20
>> Do you know his name?
00:28:22
>> No.
00:28:22
>> Oh well, let me just look him up. Super
00:28:24
Bowl.
00:28:25
>> But the Super Bowl was so boring. I
00:28:27
guess that was like a car chase. The
00:28:28
problem is they won't show it on TV
00:28:30
because
00:28:30
>> they don't want to encourage it. But
00:28:33
>> yeah,
00:28:34
>> obviously you're going to see it on
00:28:35
clips after. He has 29 million followers
00:28:39
on Tik Tok.
00:28:40
>> No, he doesn't.
00:28:41
>> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. I just looked it
00:28:43
up.
00:28:44
>> That jackass.
00:28:45
>> Hey, man. I don't You know, there was uh
00:28:48
this is old timey alert.
00:28:51
The Oscars was as big as the Super Bowl.
00:28:53
Now it gets 2,800 people and the Super
00:28:55
Bowl gets 140 million. Something
00:28:57
happened,
00:28:58
>> but it was huge. It was 80 million when
00:29:00
you you never saw movie stars except at
00:29:03
the Oscars. Yeah. So David Nan is this
00:29:06
guy with a mustache. He's British. He
00:29:07
was in tons of movies. He's very arroad.
00:29:09
I like my earthquake character. So he's
00:29:12
out there live and there's a streaker
00:29:15
behind him. Went right by him. The crowd
00:29:16
was going like that. So he's thinking
00:29:18
for the adlib. He said something
00:29:20
effective. Never has a man gotten so
00:29:22
much attention for the shortcomings like
00:29:25
a dick joke.
00:29:27
>> I remember that clip.
00:29:28
>> Check it out. Check it out.
00:29:30
>> Clip it. Send it. Ship it.
00:29:32
>> Shine it. Wax it. Pluck it.
00:29:35
>> Tag it.
00:29:36
>> Squeeze it. Tag it. Rip it.
00:29:40
>> Hold it.
00:29:41
>> On the bing bong. So Dana, for the um
00:29:44
buzzing around, this is the segment we
00:29:46
always do sponsored by 5our Energy and
00:29:48
the return of their confetti craze
00:29:51
flavor.
00:29:53
>> Bring big birthday energy wherever you
00:29:55
go with this. Plan your confetti craze
00:29:57
party at www. 5hour energy.com or
00:30:01
Amazon. Available now. So
00:30:03
>> the concept is I give you
00:30:06
[clears throat]
00:30:07
>> three people and a scenario.
00:30:10
>> Mhm.
00:30:10
>> And you do three impressions, but you
00:30:12
have to make it all up.
00:30:13
>> Okay.
00:30:13
>> So
00:30:15
>> I'm going to make it a little harder for
00:30:16
you. I'm going to give you
00:30:20
uh because Trump sometimes names things
00:30:22
like Gulf of Trump or Gulf of America.
00:30:24
>> He's been naming a lot of stuff like
00:30:26
that. That's true.
00:30:27
>> Be Trump naming things. And if you can
00:30:29
work other people in, just work other
00:30:31
people in. [laughter]
00:30:32
I can't think of anyone else. Okay,
00:30:35
we're gonna we're going to rename
00:30:36
Greenland. We're going to call it Drump
00:30:38
Land. Trump Land. And if you look at it,
00:30:40
you think about it, quite frankly, it's
00:30:42
the better one. The better name you
00:30:43
could think of. [gasps] We're going to
00:30:45
call McDonald's. We're taking out Mac.
00:30:47
We're taking out Mac. It's going to be
00:30:49
Donald's. A billion sold. A billion
00:30:51
sold. We're taking out the MacBot. We're
00:30:53
just going with McDonald's. We're going
00:30:55
to do it with McDonald's. [laughter]
00:30:57
>> I thought it'd be Trump Donald's, but
00:30:59
Chris Donald is better. He takes. Okay.
00:31:02
[laughter]
00:31:03
[gasps]
00:31:04
>> Christopher Christopher Walkan. He's
00:31:06
gonna I'm going to rename him. He's
00:31:08
going to be Christopher Trump. Trump
00:31:11
awok, right, Chris? No. You're going to
00:31:14
be Trump Trump. Oh, no. Don't want to be
00:31:19
names walking. Not anymore. You trump
00:31:23
Trumpy Christopher. Trumpy crunchy
00:31:25
crunchy chewy walk-athon.
00:31:29
>> [laughter]
00:31:30
>> Timothy Shalomé. Everybody loves him.
00:31:32
He's a tremendous actor. Timothy
00:31:34
Charlemagne. From now on, his name is
00:31:37
Trump. I can do it. I have the power to
00:31:39
rename him. Right. Timothy, you agree?
00:31:42
Amen. Can you Can you do that? I can do
00:31:46
that and more. [laughter]
00:31:48
Ah, Jimmy Kimmel. I'm renaming him
00:31:51
Triple. Jimmy Triple. You got to love
00:31:53
it. Jimmy Triple. Stephen Coberry.
00:31:56
Steven Cole Trump. This is good stuff.
00:31:58
Everybody's talking about it. And quite
00:32:00
frankly, if you look at it, they've
00:32:02
never seen anything better than this.
00:32:04
Rob Schneider is going to be trope
00:32:06
trader. Rob Schneider is trope trader.
00:32:09
There's your name. Trope.
00:32:11
>> I think he already changed it.
00:32:12
>> Oh, I don't get it. What are you talking
00:32:15
about? Your name is Rob Schneider, but
00:32:17
you're going to be trope. Trope China.
00:32:21
It's a name you got to get you. I don't
00:32:22
like it. I don't get it. Come on. NO.
00:32:26
NO. NO.
00:32:28
>> [laughter]
00:32:30
>> BAD BUNNY. Bad Bunny. We're going to
00:32:32
rename him. I thought, you know, we had
00:32:34
a couple of rows there, but he did a
00:32:35
tremendous job at the Super Bowl. He
00:32:37
sang in Spanish. We're going to rename
00:32:40
Bad Bunny. Tad Tr. He's Tad Tr. It's
00:32:42
going to be a stage name for the rest of
00:32:44
his life. And many people are talking
00:32:46
about it. They're talking about it like
00:32:47
you wouldn't believe. Right. Right. Bad
00:32:49
Buddy. Chad Ty.
00:32:56
>> What? what you said. What you said. And
00:32:58
David Spade, David Spade's going to have
00:33:00
a new name. David Spade is going to
00:33:03
Excuse me. [gasps]
00:33:04
>> The tremendous David Spade is now his
00:33:06
stage name is going to be Donald Trump
00:33:08
part two. He's Donald Trump part two.
00:33:10
That's his name. He'll answer to it.
00:33:13
He'll have headlines. He'll be mar
00:33:15
Donald Trump part two. You can't get
00:33:16
better than that. And finally, Jimmy
00:33:18
Fallon's going to be Jimmy Talon. Jimmy
00:33:20
Tally Trump. Jimmy Tally Water Trump.
00:33:23
That's his name. Jimmy tell Trump
00:33:26
instead of
00:33:26
>> water Trump
00:33:28
>> telly it's like poly water cracker Jimmy
00:33:31
>> excuse me Trump
00:33:33
>> excuse me everybody's talking about
00:33:35
Jimmy Fallon is Jimmy tellana Trump
00:33:37
telly won Trump is his name what do you
00:33:39
think about that Jimmy Fallon
00:33:43
crazy
00:33:46
and
00:33:47
>> this has been buzzing around [laughter]
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or Amazon available now. Now, you did a
00:34:18
lot of people in that one. There's a lot
00:34:19
going on.
00:34:20
>> Well, I broke my Timothy Shalamé. I
00:34:22
don't think it's very good.
00:34:23
>> You broke it. He looked like he had a
00:34:24
sun in his eyes.
00:34:26
>> Well, I was kind of doing [laughter]
00:34:27
your
00:34:28
>> Michael J. Fox.
00:34:29
>> Well, anybody who has sun in their eyes
00:34:31
looks cool, you know.
00:34:32
>> Yeah.
00:34:32
>> Yeah.
00:34:33
>> Sarge.
00:34:34
>> Sarge. Hey, man. I was just you I'd seen
00:34:38
Timothy show. I mean, a few things,
00:34:39
especially Marty Supreme.
00:34:42
>> How about Sean Penn out back at the
00:34:44
Golden Globes while it's still sunny
00:34:46
out?
00:34:49
>> What did Nikki say about
00:34:51
>> [laughter]
00:34:59
>> Okay, let's go to the stories. Here we
00:35:01
go. Let's go.
00:35:02
>> Drop us the news and we're going to
00:35:04
really dissect.
00:35:05
>> Stop spreading the news.
00:35:07
>> Okay,
00:35:08
>> this is I can't even read it.
00:35:10
>> All right, for the people at home, I
00:35:13
just want you to know that though. I
00:35:16
don't know what he means. Okay, let's
00:35:18
>> All right, for the people at home, I
00:35:19
just want you to know that
00:35:22
those those grasses,
00:35:25
>> look at this.
00:35:26
>> The grass was real. The bushes.
00:35:29
>> There it is.
00:35:30
>> Look at that. They're all walking off
00:35:32
the
00:35:32
>> You see it? They're wrapped.
00:35:33
>> No, it totally makes sense.
00:35:35
>> That's a wrap. Oh, good.
00:35:38
>> Totally makes sense now because that how
00:35:40
would they get them off? They need a
00:35:41
crew of a hundred. They got to walk off.
00:35:43
That was kind of a brilliant idea, but
00:35:45
they should have interviewed one of the
00:35:47
grass people at the end. That's not a
00:35:49
bad job.
00:35:51
>> I am I am a grass person and that's how
00:35:55
I got off the field.
00:35:58
>> They were really good because they were
00:35:59
grass-fed. [laughter]
00:36:00
>> I do the craziest thing ever.
00:36:02
>> Let's keep going.
00:36:05
[laughter]
00:36:06
I
00:36:07
>> I'm not an animal. I am grass.
00:36:09
>> I know. I was a bit elephant manny.
00:36:11
>> Yeah. Oh boy. I'm not
00:36:13
>> Okay, there's the proof that the bushes
00:36:15
were people.
00:36:16
>> Yeah, right. Some people thought that
00:36:19
about George Senior and W. They didn't
00:36:21
think they were people, but bush the
00:36:22
bushes were people.
00:36:24
>> Listen, Soilent Green was people. That's
00:36:26
a lot of things are people.
00:36:27
>> Mhm.
00:36:28
>> Okay, next one.
00:36:29
>> People are people.
00:36:32
>> You know, one of the halftime shows was
00:36:33
Up with People.
00:36:36
>> Remember that from the 70s? Up with
00:36:38
people. up up with people like a
00:36:41
feelgood group.
00:36:42
>> Mhm.
00:36:43
>> Oh, this is sad. James Vanderbreak
00:36:45
passed away. Let's see what he says. See
00:36:47
if it's
00:36:48
>> time to give myself my younger self a
00:36:50
piece of advice.
00:36:51
>> I would say just have more fun. Just
00:36:53
relax. Don't take it so seriously. Don't
00:36:55
take [snorts] yourself so seriously.
00:36:57
Just have fun.
00:36:58
>> You know, I have to say James Vanderbeek
00:37:01
seemed like a great dude. passed away
00:37:03
this week and
00:37:06
>> already a million dollars in his
00:37:07
family's GoFundMe, which is nice.
00:37:09
>> Um,
00:37:10
>> because he can't stay rich forever. I
00:37:12
mean, when you're working actor and
00:37:13
you're trying out there, it doesn't you
00:37:15
have to keep producing because it goes
00:37:18
away quick. So, I think that's nice.
00:37:20
Also, we never got to say our respects
00:37:23
and love for Kathern O'Hara um last week
00:37:27
and we both can safely say aside from
00:37:31
huge fans. I did not barely know her,
00:37:33
but you know, just obviously had a crush
00:37:37
on her growing up. So funny, so cute.
00:37:41
>> She hosted SNL twice and I ran into her
00:37:44
a couple times after that. But yeah, inc
00:37:47
uh just just Canadian nice and so
00:37:50
brilliant like just
00:37:52
>> one of those gifted funny people. I mean
00:37:56
in all those Christopher Walk uh
00:37:57
Christopher uh
00:37:59
>> uh guest sorry I was just doing walk all
00:38:03
those movies and uh she was so funny. Oh
00:38:08
man, I'm just so I I just cancer makes
00:38:11
me [ __ ] angry and how random it is
00:38:15
>> and just I'm hoping of all the fear of
00:38:18
AI, I hope AI can solve.
00:38:20
>> Do [ __ ] something AI. Now is your
00:38:23
time to shine.
00:38:24
>> Show us something and that would be
00:38:26
worth all the weirdness if
00:38:28
>> Yeah, enough of memes of you know cats
00:38:31
driving cars. Uh
00:38:33
>> quit wasting your time, AI. Uh get to
00:38:35
work. Uh but yes, uh lost two and um
00:38:40
it's quite sad. We're going to keep keep
00:38:42
going on, but we had to give a nod to
00:38:43
them. Uh let's see what
00:38:45
>> that was great advice actually. Just
00:38:47
>> Yeah. From Vanderbeek. Yeah.
00:38:49
>> Too seriously.
00:38:49
>> Yeah. I mean, when when you're looking
00:38:51
at you feel like it's toward the end,
00:38:53
you start listening to those people.
00:38:54
What would you do if it's toward the
00:38:56
end? What are you telling us? Because
00:38:58
now you know when people at the end of
00:39:00
their life you go give us some advice
00:39:03
because looking back they say
00:39:07
take it this is what you should focus
00:39:09
that kind of stuff. So
00:39:10
>> well nothing really matters. It's fun to
00:39:12
care about the football game or whatever
00:39:15
is bothering you or what do you want
00:39:16
care about but you know nothing nothing
00:39:19
really matters. We're just hybrid apes
00:39:21
on a dirt cloud in space. We're not
00:39:23
quite sure how we got here. We can have
00:39:25
theories and religion and think about
00:39:27
it, but it's sort of like what I mean.
00:39:30
>> Yeah, you care about the wrong things. I
00:39:32
care about really important things. Uh,
00:39:35
okay. Uh, what's the next? [laughter]
00:39:38
I just slam you at the end.
00:39:40
>> Just change the subject.
00:39:41
>> You care about why isn't there
00:39:42
McDonald's out where I live? You know,
00:39:44
this is these are your worries.
00:39:46
>> Uh, it's it's nearby.
00:39:49
>> All right, back to the show.
00:39:50
>> I go to I go to Sloang.
00:39:52
No, that's just cupcakes and donuts and
00:39:55
Danish people.
00:39:58
>> All right. Hey, Dana, this is I'm going
00:39:59
to hit you with some information right
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now.
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January. Yeah.
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>> And I by your hair, I can tell you're
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excited. [laughter]
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>> This Do you know how much product it
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took to get this cake baked? But now
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I've got a forehead the size of Rhode
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right. I alert. What does that mean?
00:43:53
>> Yeah.
00:43:54
>> In expressway. What is IE? Oh, internal.
00:43:58
God, I know what the IE is. Oh, and the
00:44:01
freeway, whatever it is in LA, they can
00:44:04
see the inside of your car. Is this good
00:44:05
or bad, Dana? I don't know. The new
00:44:08
>> cameras. It's seems a little invasive. I
00:44:11
mean, every time you go in the airport,
00:44:13
you go through the thing, you put your
00:44:14
hands up, you
00:44:15
>> You're just driving through it now.
00:44:16
[laughter]
00:44:17
>> Yeah. I mean, we're we're we're
00:44:20
Look, it's kind of like trying to commit
00:44:22
a crime if you're trying to get away in
00:44:24
today's world with the amount of
00:44:26
cameras.
00:44:27
>> Yeah.
00:44:28
>> Whenever there's a crime, they see him
00:44:29
at the grocery store, then they're at
00:44:30
the bank like they're coming out of the
00:44:32
house. Except with this latest
00:44:33
kidnapping, somebody if by the time this
00:44:36
airs, we haven't found the guy, then
00:44:39
that's a genius to commit that crime and
00:44:42
have nobody find you.
00:44:43
>> It's very hard to get away with
00:44:44
anything.
00:44:45
this. I don't know the idea of it, but I
00:44:47
I don't love it.
00:44:48
>> Why do they need to see inside of your
00:44:51
car?
00:44:51
>> I I would rather them not.
00:44:53
>> Usually that's a highway patrol. Get out
00:44:55
of the car and open the trunk, you know.
00:44:57
Now it's, you know,
00:44:58
>> Oh, Inland Empire. I know. I know this
00:45:01
because of traffic reports.
00:45:03
>> So, it's Inland from LA.
00:45:05
>> Oh, yeah.
00:45:06
>> Huge population.
00:45:07
>> Um, okay. Well, that's just We're not
00:45:10
going to be able to fix that. That's
00:45:12
happening all over.
00:45:13
>> Okay. Next one. [laughter]
00:45:17
>> That was a banger. And next one.
00:45:20
>> I have to do looping today for Bus Boys.
00:45:22
Dana,
00:45:23
>> don't get loopy. Good night.
00:45:24
>> It's getting closer. It's getting
00:45:26
closer.
00:45:27
>> Oh, I can't wait for uh
00:45:28
>> the end. We're doing final touches.
00:45:31
>> Is it still called Bus Boys?
00:45:32
>> I feel like Michelangelo in a way going,
00:45:35
you know, the Cyine Chapel is almost
00:45:36
done.
00:45:38
>> You know what? This is me being honest.
00:45:40
If it's stupid enough in the best sense
00:45:43
of the word.
00:45:44
>> Yeah.
00:45:44
>> It'll be a hit.
00:45:45
>> It is. It's a little dumb and dumber in
00:45:47
there. Yeah.
00:45:48
>> But yeah, just
00:45:50
[laughter] like
00:45:51
>> I'm the smart dumb guy and he's the dumb
00:45:53
dumb guy.
00:45:54
>> Yeah. And you guys are perfectly cast.
00:45:56
>> Yeah.
00:45:57
>> Playing.
00:45:58
>> Okay. Let's say this man was being
00:46:00
watched by robot
00:46:03
>> pigeon. Oh at
00:46:05
>> Okay. You're in your You're in your
00:46:06
mansion and here this this what happens?
00:46:09
Go ahead.
00:46:10
Just imagine you chilling looking out
00:46:11
the window. Then this happened
00:46:14
some crazy [ __ ] like you don't know what
00:46:17
to do. Spine or trying to attack you,
00:46:20
but on [ __ ] no grave. [ __ ] is crazy,
00:46:22
y'all.
00:46:23
>> [ __ ] is crazy, man. This guy says it
00:46:25
best. Look at that. So, it's not a
00:46:27
robot. I've seen that flies or
00:46:30
mosquitoes, they can do little tiny
00:46:31
drones. I haven't seen him personally,
00:46:33
but that pigeon a lot of birds they say
00:46:37
could just It's such an easy way to hide
00:46:39
a drone or something. I don't know what
00:46:41
the benefit is.
00:46:41
>> Well, you could make a a drone that
00:46:43
looks like a pigeon. Absolutely.
00:46:45
>> For sure. That's what that looked like.
00:46:46
Unless that was AI, but um
00:46:48
>> I could see that happening. I would just
00:46:51
say up here, you know, you get bird
00:46:53
there a bird sometimes Sunday morning
00:46:55
will see it see its reflection in a
00:46:58
window that's on on a door and launch
00:47:02
itself at at it for like two hours and
00:47:04
then go
00:47:06
kind of knocked out. Birds will come and
00:47:08
hit. You ever see a bird hit and then
00:47:11
it's knocked out, you think it died.
00:47:14
>> Yeah.
00:47:14
>> And you come back 10, 12 minutes later,
00:47:16
it's like, yeah, I [snorts] got this. I
00:47:18
mean the recovery
00:47:19
>> by you know Seinfeld says
00:47:23
>> you ever
00:47:25
see a parakeet fly at a mirror
00:47:29
and then they hit it knock themselves
00:47:31
out. He goes
00:47:33
even if it was another parakeet. Don't
00:47:35
you think he'd try to avoid the other
00:47:37
parakeet? [laughter]
00:47:40
He flies straight at it. Oh, there's
00:47:42
another bird here. Instead of going over
00:47:45
here, I'm going right at him. But it is
00:47:47
it the first time it's ever Yeah. I
00:47:49
guess it's no sense that it's it's
00:47:51
there's a reflective device. It's brain
00:47:54
cannot
00:47:54
>> comp. I'm not saying they're dumb, but I
00:47:56
don't know if they know about mirrors.
00:47:57
They're not in nature. Actually, water
00:48:01
>> is a reflection
00:48:02
>> and they do that
00:48:04
observation space.
00:48:05
>> Just like humans, some birds are really
00:48:09
dumb.
00:48:10
>> Yeah, I've met a few.
00:48:12
>> Mhm. Yeah. voids. We shake the bird.
00:48:16
>> Great. I had a great bit about a bird
00:48:19
getting in my old house and I had the
00:48:20
doors open
00:48:22
>> and he comes in
00:48:24
>> and I'm like, "Oh." And I because I I
00:48:27
heard it scared me first cuz I thought,
00:48:28
you know, it was a bird glare. [snorts]
00:48:31
>> It gets funnier after that.
00:48:32
>> All right, I want to give you an image.
00:48:35
So, we're in we're in Italy. I've only
00:48:37
been there twice. We rent a villa. It
00:48:39
was pretty cool. Out in the middle of
00:48:40
nowhere, kind of haunted in a way. and
00:48:42
one of and it was a heat wave or
00:48:44
something. So in the bedroom downstairs,
00:48:45
all of a sudden you walk in, a bat
00:48:48
>> is hanging upside down.
00:48:51
>> I can't even describe how offputting it
00:48:54
was in a small bedroom and it's just
00:48:55
like
00:48:56
>> terrifying.
00:48:57
>> And so eating a malister with a towel
00:49:01
and you just go just to annoy it and it
00:49:04
still wouldn't go. It took us like three
00:49:06
days to get it out.
00:49:07
>> I don't like
00:49:08
>> And you slept in there?
00:49:09
>> No, we just we just
00:49:11
>> No. We duct tape that section off.
00:49:13
>> We had a good bat scene in Black Sheep.
00:49:15
Let's look at a clip. No, we don't have
00:49:18
it.
00:49:19
>> Bats are funny.
00:49:22
Bears as well.
00:49:25
>> All right. What's our
00:49:26
>> next one? One more. We got to get going.
00:49:27
Even though we have so many. We have so
00:49:29
many.
00:49:29
>> Yeah.
00:49:30
>> This is what
00:49:32
>> this man
00:49:36
>> inside a rock as an experiment.
00:49:38
>> Here. Let's just see what this
00:49:40
>> Oh, in a Paris art gallery has been
00:49:43
where a French artist has spent a week
00:49:45
of his life.
00:49:49
>> Yeah.
00:49:49
>> Abraham Povel made a victory sign as he
00:49:52
was helped from the 12ton limestone
00:49:54
boulder where he has been entombed since
00:49:57
the 22nd of February.
00:49:59
>> His next performance would involve
00:50:01
sitting on eggs in an attempt to hatch
00:50:04
them.
00:50:05
>> Well, I I'll watch that one. That's what
00:50:08
a guy used to call another guy from New
00:50:10
York. He goes, you know, there's a lot
00:50:11
of like fake art out there, you know, a
00:50:14
lot of these fake art. So that is called
00:50:16
performative art.
00:50:20
>> David David Blaine meets the the what's
00:50:23
the guy with the painting, [laughter]
00:50:25
you know, I can't remember. Um
00:50:29
with the big fro, but yeah, it's
00:50:31
basically
00:50:32
>> Bob Ross.
00:50:33
>> Bob Ross meets David Blaine. Thank you.
00:50:36
I don't know if that guy's as good as
00:50:38
Bob Ross.
00:50:40
>> For a million dollars?
00:50:42
>> Nope.
00:50:42
>> For a million dollars, would you sit in
00:50:44
that chair? Assume it's a porta potty as
00:50:46
well.
00:50:46
>> Five minutes. I don't know.
00:50:48
>> No. For a week,
00:50:50
>> Dana, there's not a chance on God's
00:50:52
green earth. I would sit in there for
00:50:54
more than
00:50:56
>> It's like getting an MRI. I mean, it's
00:50:58
like when you're in that close of a
00:51:00
space. I doubt he did that. I doubt it.
00:51:03
It's too insane.
00:51:05
If you're hungry for fame and maybe he's
00:51:08
been painting stuff like Van Gogh or or
00:51:10
Matise and he's frustrated he's got a
00:51:13
family to feed. I don't know what can I
00:51:15
do. You got to get let's get a big rock
00:51:18
and put you inside it for a week. Are
00:51:20
you kidding me? [ __ ] you, man. I'm not
00:51:23
doing that. Flash to
00:51:25
>> I couldn't spend 20 minutes in a bop
00:51:27
house. Look it up. All right. Uh let's
00:51:30
do one more and then we'll get out of
00:51:32
>> bop house. I'm sorry.
00:51:34
>> Yeah, it's funny. Bob House.
00:51:36
>> Um,
00:51:37
>> easily one of the most impressive things
00:51:40
I've seen. Okay.
00:51:41
>> Okay. Let's end this one. Hopefully it's
00:51:42
impressive.
00:51:43
>> Stuff
00:51:45
like,
00:51:45
>> oh, this guy's roller skating and he
00:51:47
pops one off
00:51:48
>> from the other angle. [crying]
00:51:54
>> That's fly, dude. I don't use the word
00:51:56
fly.
00:51:58
>> I don't throw fly around, but that's
00:52:00
pretty fly.
00:52:01
>> I I I use the oldfashioned word is cool.
00:52:04
It's cool as [ __ ] dude.
00:52:05
>> Yeah, it's cool.
00:52:06
>> I mean, you got to bend your ankle a bit
00:52:08
to make sure it hits that little
00:52:09
crescent perfectly. That's the hardest
00:52:11
part.
00:52:12
>> I got I got I mean, I have to I'm
00:52:14
guilty. I got into curling last night.
00:52:17
[snorts] You've taken it up for half a
00:52:19
day.
00:52:19
>> Well, I just You know, they go and
00:52:21
they're on the ice and it's someone goes
00:52:23
just releases it so gently and and the
00:52:25
other person just grooming the ice to
00:52:27
steer it and they're really frantic. I
00:52:29
was It was a lot more kind of intense
00:52:32
besides the kid who can jump do back
00:52:34
flips on ice. That freaky American
00:52:37
superstar.
00:52:37
>> That kid is good. He looks like Spade a
00:52:39
little bit, doesn't he?
00:52:41
>> Yeah. Yeah. He's weighs about 113
00:52:43
pounds. [laughter]
00:52:45
>> You know what's bad in curling? They
00:52:46
don't let you use a Dustbuster anymore.
00:52:50
[laughter]
00:52:51
>> You know what's bad at curling? You have
00:52:53
to have straight hair to do it. It's
00:52:55
part of the rules.
00:52:56
>> You can't use a curling iron.
00:52:58
>> No, you can't. You have to have straight
00:52:59
hair to be You can't even notice that
00:53:01
it's really in the tiny print of curling
00:53:04
rules.
00:53:05
>> Yeah, dude.
00:53:07
>> What about crimping?
00:53:08
>> You know, this has been an Olympic
00:53:11
moment.
00:53:13
>> I want to finish with a very delicate,
00:53:16
>> please.
00:53:16
>> Delicate British uppercross man in a
00:53:19
small earthquake. Yes, very good. Couple
00:53:22
drinks and fellas and you know be
00:53:24
delicate time. Wait a minute. There's no
00:53:25
earthquakes in London. What the freak?
00:53:29
[laughter]
00:53:30
I laugh at you. It's getting a little
00:53:32
more rumbly tumbly, isn't it? In the
00:53:34
bumbly umbly. Oh, I don't think I like
00:53:37
this shaker at all. [laughter]
00:53:43
>> And I didn't want to cut off the mic and
00:53:46
destroy all
00:53:47
>> I know. You broke it last time.
00:53:50
>> Well, Dana, it was a joy.
00:53:53
Yeah, I put it in the top 200 of our
00:53:56
podcasts that we've done. [laughter]
00:53:59
>> Oh, we have a gig coming up soon. Should
00:54:02
we? Yeah, in Lincoln, California. The um
00:54:06
Thunder Valley. Just Heather.
00:54:09
>> Thunder Valley Mountain.
00:54:10
>> Thunder Valley Mountain.
00:54:12
>> It's also a ride at Disneyland where
00:54:15
they're playing. Okay. Thunder Valley.
00:54:17
>> I got some North Carolina coming up. I
00:54:19
got Charlotte. [snorts]
00:54:19
I got Virginia. I got Nashville.
00:54:23
I've got Pittsburgh.
00:54:26
Right.
00:54:26
>> What's the time frame of these?
00:54:29
>> Resort in Lincoln.
00:54:31
>> Say it again, Heather.
00:54:32
>> Thunder Valley.
00:54:33
>> No. No. Thunder Valley Resort and Casino
00:54:35
in Lincoln. That's me and you.
00:54:37
>> Right. And I My plan is I don't know if
00:54:40
it happened, but my plan is to bring it.
00:54:43
>> Are you gonna bring it?
00:54:45
>> I'm going to try to bring it.
00:54:47
>> We don't phone it in. We don't like no I
00:54:51
I go apeshit. I'm going to have local
00:54:53
references. I'm going to do at least 300
00:54:55
voices impressions. Church lady Hans and
00:54:58
France. Sorry, I don't want to go on.
00:55:00
>> And David's going to do um
00:55:03
a really wellcrafted
00:55:06
um
00:55:06
>> I'm I'm laying out my quarter zips to
00:55:09
see which one is perfect for this
00:55:12
particular gig.
00:55:13
>> And then I'm off to Durham, North. I'm
00:55:16
going to place I don't go a lot. So
00:55:17
>> Oh, there it is. Good. Okay, don't be
00:55:20
shy. Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Oh, the
00:55:22
Criterion in Oklahoma City. Come on,
00:55:24
folks. The Majestic Theater. I've played
00:55:27
that. Dallas, Texas. Two nights.
00:55:30
>> Look at this. Look at this.
00:55:32
>> Wow. What are you
00:55:34
>> Tyson's? There's Norfolk.
00:55:36
>> Mhm. Chrysler Hall. I've been
00:55:38
everywhere.
00:55:39
>> Is the Ryman.
00:55:41
>> Oh, you Oh, I played the Ryman. I go to
00:55:44
Casino.
00:55:47
Unbelievable. Fly in the wall podcast
00:55:49
doesn't seem to be a high priority.
00:55:51
>> City, Atlantic City. All right, that's
00:55:53
>> Colosseum.
00:55:54
>> We should do this at the beginning. Oh,
00:55:56
yeah. Then I'm back with Nikki in May uh
00:55:58
in Vegas. All right. Thank you, Dana.
00:56:01
>> Thank you.
00:56:01
>> I'll see you soon.
00:56:02
>> Thank you. Thank y'all. I'll see you on
00:56:04
the Zoom.
00:56:09
>> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:56:11
[music] which you are, be sure to click
00:56:13
follow on your favorite podcast app.
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Give us a review, fivestar rating, and
00:56:17
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loved with a friend.
00:56:21
>> If you're watching this episode on
00:56:22
YouTube, please subscribe. We're on
00:56:24
video now.
00:56:25
>> Fly on the Walls presented by Odyssey
00:56:27
and executive produced by Danny Carvey
00:56:29
and [music] David Spade, Heather
00:56:30
Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Mattie
00:56:33
Sprung Kaiser, and Leah [music] Reese
00:56:35
Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer
00:56:37
is Greg Holtzman, and the show is
00:56:38
produced and edited by Phil [music]
00:56:41
Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated
00:56:43
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00:56:46
Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:56:50
Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly,
00:56:54
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00:56:57
Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach
00:56:59
out with us any questions be asked and
00:57:02
answered on the show. You can email us
00:57:03
at fly onthewallsey.com.
00:57:07
That's audacy.com.
