00:00:00
I like stories. Oh, look who it is. Hey,
00:00:03
man. I'm a witness protection right now,
00:00:05
but I'm sorry I created all this.
00:00:10
>> What a Nick's having a gas. What? She's
00:00:14
having egg.
00:00:15
>> Cuz he's like, "Well, when you come home
00:00:16
to me, you're like a dial tone. Is that
00:00:19
why they said put a turkey wiener on
00:00:21
you?" And he goes, "No, I want to do it
00:00:22
in trigger." Ah, okay.
00:00:26
>> That's Does that make sense?
00:00:28
>> That's his wiener. Just a couple.
00:00:32
>> I try to go festive sometimes. That's
00:00:34
what this is about.
00:00:35
>> Oh, your your um
00:00:37
>> cheerful.
00:00:38
>> That shirt?
00:00:39
>> My shirt? Yeah.
00:00:40
>> Is that Is that what it's reading?
00:00:42
>> I think so. I got a blue one and that's
00:00:45
exact same size. Put it through the
00:00:47
dryer. It's twice as big. What the [ __ ]
00:00:51
You know,
00:00:51
>> I I got clowned last night. night I went
00:00:53
to the comedy store and all the comics,
00:00:55
especially the female ones, like you
00:00:57
have the worst shoe game.
00:00:59
>> It was really embarrassing. They all
00:01:00
were like trashing my shoes.
00:01:02
>> Your shoes?
00:01:03
>> Yeah.
00:01:04
>> So, they're looking down at your shoes.
00:01:06
>> The worst part is it's true. And they
00:01:07
go, "And those army pants are from the
00:01:09
Gap." And I was like, "No, they're not."
00:01:11
And of course they are because Dana had
00:01:14
them on and I said they were cool and I
00:01:15
went and got them.
00:01:16
>> They're khakis. But let me tell you
00:01:18
this, like I, you know, our podcast with
00:01:22
Marcelo that's out now.
00:01:25
>> Oh, yeah. The one with Marcelo. Yeah.
00:01:27
>> I posted a thing of the three of us and
00:01:29
then I saw you guys and I said, "It's
00:01:31
me. Me and the my van or the Vanilla
00:01:34
Boys because you guys look like you're
00:01:36
in a singing group with your sweats."
00:01:38
>> Oh, me and Marcelo.
00:01:39
>> Yellow and white. The Vanilla Boys.
00:01:41
>> Oh, we were?
00:01:42
>> Yeah.
00:01:43
>> Yeah. We He did a set last night. He
00:01:46
stayed in town a day and so we went to
00:01:49
dinner last night and then I went and
00:01:51
got trounced by everyone about my shoes.
00:01:53
It was real shoe gate. I walked out of
00:01:55
there like this. I was driving home like
00:01:57
this.
00:01:58
>> Did you go on stage with a little bit of
00:02:00
edge to you or they ridiculed you?
00:02:03
Ridiculed you after
00:02:06
>> it was I saw Whitney backstage. Whitney
00:02:09
looks great by the way. I saw Whitney.
00:02:11
She had
00:02:11
>> Why does Whitney not look great? I know
00:02:13
Whitney is looks just a great
00:02:14
>> she looks like a model.
00:02:16
>> I Well, Marcelo came with us over there
00:02:18
and then
00:02:19
>> I said let they'll just let him jump on
00:02:21
and
00:02:23
>> and he felt where he didn't want to
00:02:24
bump. So it was Whitney, it was Jim
00:02:27
Norton,
00:02:29
>> I think Santino,
00:02:31
>> and then I think he went on Robbie
00:02:33
Hoffman.
00:02:34
>> Andy Andy Santino.
00:02:37
>> Andy who's who's a friend of the show.
00:02:40
friend of the
00:02:43
>> Yeah, we will say say that Marcelo was
00:02:45
funny on the show on the podcast up now.
00:02:48
>> Yeah, he's got he's got the goods, man.
00:02:50
I He's got a likability,
00:02:52
you know, and I've talked to two people
00:02:55
say whenever you see him, I saw him at
00:02:56
the Grammys, you can't take your eyes
00:02:58
off of him.
00:02:59
>> Yeah.
00:03:00
>> It's like that Frankie uh Avalon song.
00:03:03
Who was that?
00:03:04
>> Yeah. The Four Seasons.
00:03:05
>> Four Seasons. Can't take my No, but he's
00:03:08
cool. Uh, I root for him. He was very
00:03:10
sweet with us at the end of the show,
00:03:12
you know, but Oh, he's very nice.
00:03:14
>> Well, it's it's the idea. I did meet
00:03:17
along the way bitter comedians, even
00:03:20
successful ones that kind of you could
00:03:22
tell had an edge and didn't want mad at
00:03:25
you just for being young, you know? It's
00:03:27
like so stupid. So, he's surprised. We
00:03:31
root for him.
00:03:32
>> Yeah, he was he was fun on the show. He
00:03:34
also brought it. He was fun and did
00:03:36
jokes. He kept doing Sebastian which was
00:03:38
hysterical.
00:03:40
>> Yes. He had a gear I hadn't seen that
00:03:42
swallowing words. And as someone who
00:03:45
does voices I love those little tiny
00:03:48
addendums that little escalation.
00:03:50
>> Sebastian's usually like my Uber drivers
00:03:54
here. Are you gak but but Marcelo is
00:03:57
doing the other way going I dinner.
00:04:01
>> Yeah.
00:04:01
>> My wife comes in.
00:04:03
>> He does that wind up before it goes big.
00:04:06
It's funny.
00:04:07
>> So, everybody's
00:04:09
honking now.
00:04:11
>> Like you barely can hear what he says.
00:04:13
>> I like when you go, I'm clipping my
00:04:16
toail.
00:04:18
>> That clipping the to nails. See,
00:04:21
toenails is a great word for Sebastian.
00:04:24
>> And he such a compliment to Sebastian.
00:04:27
>> Yeah.
00:04:27
>> That he's got this rhythm that is so
00:04:31
freaking infectious. I mean, the only
00:04:34
guy that's a bigger fan than us is
00:04:35
Sebastian is this guy.
00:04:40
Oh, that was good.
00:04:42
That matches you. Here's my uninspiring
00:04:46
delivery. Dogs are funny.
00:04:50
>> Your thing. I know. Isn't it kind of
00:04:51
like, "Hey, buddy." I mean, what is Do
00:04:53
you have a catchphrase?
00:04:54
>> No one knows what it is. Rack them. I
00:04:56
did say rackom the other night
00:04:58
>> on stage
00:04:59
>> and all the fly the wall people were
00:05:01
like
00:05:04
>> you should do a character that says
00:05:06
rackom after every joke
00:05:09
>> with a little sound of the biller ball
00:05:11
going
00:05:12
>> I said one last night I said uh I said
00:05:15
the Epstein vials came out three million
00:05:17
emails it was so much to go through I
00:05:20
said that was a busy boy like he's got
00:05:22
some 16-year-old girl laying on the
00:05:24
hammock going come on and he's Hang on.
00:05:26
I got to fire off another 15,000 emails
00:05:28
before midnight.
00:05:29
>> I know.
00:05:30
>> I'm on a schedule. I'm pacing out.
00:05:32
Rackom.
00:05:33
>> That was pretty good. Rackom. I uh I
00:05:36
have And I was judging the 3 million and
00:05:38
then I looked at my Gmail account. I
00:05:42
have 54,000
00:05:44
emails.
00:05:45
>> Oh, I bet.
00:05:46
>> Because I never go through and erase
00:05:48
anything just in case. There's a little
00:05:50
court case. But I did have a friend
00:05:52
check did AI with the Epstein files and
00:05:55
he he said you're not in it.
00:05:57
>> You can go on Jmail or some weird Oh,
00:06:00
I'm not in it or you?
00:06:01
>> I'm not in it. I'll I'll check for you
00:06:03
if you want.
00:06:03
>> Oh no, you don't have to.
00:06:05
>> But even if someone mentioned me, you
00:06:07
could be in it. You know,
00:06:08
>> they were watching your special on the
00:06:10
plane. Guilty.
00:06:13
>> What if there we were all on the plane
00:06:16
to Epstein's Island watching Dana
00:06:18
Carvey's special?
00:06:20
That's how you get mentioned.
00:06:21
>> I don't know. I mean,
00:06:23
>> I have another story from the road
00:06:27
story.
00:06:28
>> I like stories.
00:06:30
>> Oh, look who it is. Hey, man. I'm a
00:06:32
witness protection right now, but I'm
00:06:34
sorry I created all this [ __ ] And
00:06:39
>> am I really dead? Who knows?
00:06:41
>> I know. They say they hustled him out.
00:06:43
The whole thing is going to metriculate
00:06:44
for a while, but I want to hear what's
00:06:47
new in David's world. Let's brand this
00:06:49
story.
00:06:49
>> Okay.
00:06:50
>> What's new David's World?
00:06:53
>> The only story about when I went to
00:06:56
Milwaukee, Appleton, and Chicago, other
00:06:59
than the great crowds, I have to say,
00:07:01
uh, minus three when I got to Apple.
00:07:06
>> I I've heard more people doing that
00:07:08
Michael Keaton joke where when it's
00:07:10
three degrees out, you go, "Why be any?"
00:07:13
Um, and uh I did. And then they were all
00:07:18
I said I put the walk in Milwaukee. That
00:07:20
was my big opener when I was there. But
00:07:22
I only walked on the hotel room. And
00:07:24
here's the only story that jumped out to
00:07:27
me. I'm leaving. I'm at the airport.
00:07:31
You know the guys that make you sign? I
00:07:33
always [ __ ] about John Mackenro's got a
00:07:35
video out right now where he's doing it
00:07:36
and he's got one guy that's chasing him
00:07:38
and just keeps going just a picture.
00:07:40
Just sign this. Just pick. And he keeps
00:07:42
going no. Any airport people's like,
00:07:44
"Dude, get him out of here." And he
00:07:45
keeps following him and I'm like, he's
00:07:47
going to knock him out.
00:07:49
>> If Marro goes, he goes, "So what
00:07:51
happened?"
00:07:52
>> The guy doesn't know he's I wasn't
00:07:53
there. I just saw this video and I go,
00:07:55
99% of the people are going, "Just take
00:07:58
the picture." I was the only one going,
00:08:00
"Don't. That kid is such a He's been
00:08:02
walking with him for a mile in the
00:08:03
airport just getting in his face.
00:08:05
>> Won't stop. Won't stop."
00:08:07
>> Anyway, I get to this. That's not the
00:08:09
story. The story is
00:08:11
a woman is sitting down where you put
00:08:13
your shoes on after the you go through
00:08:15
the shoe thing at TSA.
00:08:17
>> So I go, "Can I sit with you?" And she
00:08:19
goes, "Yeah." And she has a baby. And so
00:08:21
she says, "Oh my god, will you take a
00:08:23
picture with my baby,
00:08:25
>> but I don't like to hold the baby." So I
00:08:26
said, "Yeah, you do. I don't want to
00:08:28
break it." You know, have they done that
00:08:29
to you where they go, "Oh yeah,
00:08:31
>> no. I've never No,
00:08:33
>> but they've asked you to
00:08:35
>> to hold their baby. I have to say no.
00:08:37
And now I'm feeling like I've been left
00:08:38
out.
00:08:40
>> They don't trust me. No, it's okay. We
00:08:43
just want the picture. We did it with
00:08:44
David Spade cuz he loves kids.
00:08:46
>> I'm like this. Anyway, I go, "You hold
00:08:49
I'll just get in." So, we do some goofy
00:08:50
picture. So, this guy goes, "I I want I
00:08:54
go I look up like he's just standing
00:08:55
there. He's like a big Wisconsin guy."
00:08:57
Goes, "I'm I'm going to wait. I have a I
00:08:59
don't want to interrupt. I have a great
00:09:00
Chris Farley story for you." I go,
00:09:02
"Okay." And then I'm taking pictures and
00:09:04
then
00:09:05
>> she wants me to leave a message for her
00:09:07
husband. So we're doing all this and
00:09:08
he's still there. He goes,
00:09:10
>> "It's a doozy." And I'm like, "Okay." So
00:09:13
anyway, she's finished. I get up. I go,
00:09:16
"Hey buddy, what's going on?" He goes,
00:09:18
"Okay,
00:09:20
Chris Farley, you know, he went to
00:09:21
Marquette." I go, "Yep."
00:09:23
>> And he goes, "He
00:09:25
his older brother is friends with my
00:09:29
brother.
00:09:31
And when he stayed there, Chris spent
00:09:33
the night. And I go, "Right." And he
00:09:35
goes, "It's crazy, man. It's a crazy
00:09:38
world." And I go, "That's one for the
00:09:41
books." I mean, that was the whole
00:09:43
story.
00:09:43
>> That was it.
00:09:44
>> Yeah.
00:09:46
>> Wow.
00:09:47
>> I go and then he did something crazy and
00:09:50
he's like, "Just the fact like they're
00:09:52
all in the same room and they're all
00:09:54
hanging out." I'm like,
00:09:55
>> "Did you get did you go? You're killing
00:09:57
me, man. Come on. I I CAN'T STOP ENOUGH.
00:10:00
I go, "Hey, uh, I I go, I'm doing a book
00:10:04
on boring stories. Can I use that one?"
00:10:06
No. I said I said, "Oh my god, there's a
00:10:08
movie there that's got a beginning,
00:10:11
but not a middle and not an end." So,
00:10:13
forget
00:10:13
>> not an end.
00:10:15
>> Well,
00:10:16
>> you go up to a celebrity, you got to
00:10:18
make sure you got a story to say. Just
00:10:20
saying Chris Farley slept over ain't
00:10:23
gonna hack.
00:10:25
>> Yeah. Me and my mustache are going to
00:10:27
ski daddle. I like how you incorporated
00:10:30
the recent story. That's how I'm going
00:10:33
to do it now. So it won't be ad hoc.
00:10:36
>> No, that's good because I say that once
00:10:39
again, we're talking about professional
00:10:42
people who get bobbleheads and stuff and
00:10:44
sell them, which is fine, but they they
00:10:46
compete and they'll chase you around and
00:10:48
stuff. It's not like in the olden days
00:10:50
it' be like, "Gee, mister, I was hoping
00:10:52
maybe one day I'd be on TV and tell
00:10:54
jokes like you, you know, and you sign
00:10:56
an autograph. This is very different.
00:10:58
And
00:10:59
>> they don't even like you. They just
00:11:00
they're just like, "Sign this and get
00:11:02
out of my way." And
00:11:03
>> they don't like each other either
00:11:04
because it's
00:11:05
>> Yeah. And the second you don't sign,
00:11:06
they hate your guts. But anyway, uh that
00:11:08
was John McEnroe. This this time they
00:11:11
were fine. But they were uh in Chicago,
00:11:13
they were they just line up and they
00:11:15
wait and if you don't talk to them, they
00:11:17
f they walk with you. It's just there's
00:11:19
no winning.
00:11:21
>> You know, every year, David, I think we
00:11:24
can unequivocally say this. We make
00:11:26
resolutions
00:11:27
>> that somehow never stick.
00:11:31
>> But this year,
00:11:32
>> I found the one resolution that actually
00:11:35
works.
00:11:37
>> Gruns is the simple daily habit that
00:11:40
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00:11:42
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00:11:45
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00:11:47
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00:11:49
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00:11:56
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00:11:59
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00:12:03
>> Plus, uh I don't know if you know this
00:12:05
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00:12:08
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00:12:11
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00:12:13
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00:12:15
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00:12:17
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00:12:19
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00:12:22
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00:12:24
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00:12:26
>> Grun does the heavy lifting while it
00:12:28
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00:12:30
>> There's even Grun's kids with, get this,
00:12:35
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00:12:38
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00:12:44
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00:12:51
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00:12:56
All right. Hey, Dana, this is I'm going
00:12:58
to hit you with some information right
00:12:59
now.
00:12:59
>> Okay. Ready?
00:13:01
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>> of a website or domain. Okay, so we
00:14:42
covered I have horrible shoes. We
00:14:44
covered the [ __ ] unbelievable Chris
00:14:46
Farley story. One for the books.
00:14:49
>> That was I mean I was riveted. I
00:14:51
laughed. I teared up a little bit. And
00:14:54
um
00:14:55
>> we laughed. We walked away cuz we were
00:14:57
all like
00:14:58
>> did he skip something or
00:15:00
>> was that it? He was just excited to say
00:15:03
his brother met him.
00:15:04
>> Well, it's it's Chris Farley. It is a
00:15:06
big deal. And so, but but you'd think
00:15:09
that the setup felt like Chris did
00:15:11
something very Chris like, you know, ate
00:15:14
a whole pie or did somersaults or
00:15:16
something, you know,
00:15:18
>> or chewed up a baked potato and the skin
00:15:20
was on it,
00:15:21
>> pretended a pillow was a marshmallow and
00:15:23
roasted it, you know, all the kind of
00:15:25
stuff that Chris would do, you know,
00:15:26
better than me.
00:15:27
>> Anything. Anything, you know,
00:15:29
>> anything but what the story was.
00:15:33
>> I said, "Wow, that was a real roller
00:15:34
coaster."
00:15:36
Yeah. Slow down, partner. I mean, you
00:15:38
know, you're going to take my job away
00:15:40
from me the way you're going. You know,
00:15:42
I'll be opening for you someday.
00:15:44
>> That's what you say to him.
00:15:48
>> What's that?
00:15:48
>> It's just anything to connect.
00:15:50
>> No, they were nice. I mean, I would have
00:15:51
said hi to the guy anyway. He was nice.
00:15:53
Everyone in Chris told me once, you're
00:15:56
going to go to Wisconsin. That's where
00:15:58
they all look like me.
00:16:01
And I went and I go,
00:16:03
>> Chris told me this and he was right.
00:16:06
>> They're husky. Let me ask you a question
00:16:08
about Milwaukee. Did you play Milwaukee?
00:16:10
>> Please. Yes.
00:16:11
>> Okay. Here's my story. It's not not a
00:16:13
big story. I just want your opinion.
00:16:15
>> So I go out there, Larry Bubbles Brown's
00:16:17
opening and I I can't remember the
00:16:19
theater. It was all, you know,
00:16:21
incredibly nice people
00:16:23
>> and it's really quiet out there. You
00:16:25
know, when your opener is like, "Holy
00:16:26
tomatoes, what what is this?"
00:16:29
So, I go out, I do my set, and they were
00:16:31
incredibly nice, but really, really
00:16:35
quiet. So, I came off a little shook up.
00:16:37
I was like, because I always want to try
00:16:39
to kill, you know?
00:16:40
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:40
>> And then the guy who's booking it goes,
00:16:42
oh, you did great. No one gets laughs in
00:16:44
this room. Oh, yeah. It's totally
00:16:45
normal. I go, maybe you should have told
00:16:47
me before I went out that it's
00:16:49
impossible.
00:16:50
>> Yeah.
00:16:52
>> Or pick a different theater.
00:16:54
>> I don't know. Maybe they're, you know,
00:16:55
Minneapolis. Nice. I don't know.
00:16:58
You remember at Nor were you at Norm's
00:17:00
funeral? Yeah. Don't say that.
00:17:03
Do you remember Norm's funeral when
00:17:06
>> uh I went to killed
00:17:09
>> and Yeah, it's all it's 100% was
00:17:11
>> 100% competition
00:17:13
>> and I fell on the stairs walking up.
00:17:15
>> Yes, I remember you saying this
00:17:16
>> stage hand and then Conan fell.
00:17:20
>> Yeah,
00:17:20
>> first he caught me and then when he went
00:17:22
up he fell and the stage hand I go, "God
00:17:24
damn, there's a there's something on
00:17:26
that top step. catches your foot and he
00:17:27
goes, "Oh, yeah. Everybody falls."
00:17:31
>> Yeah. You think
00:17:32
>> couldn't give a fat buck. Yeah.
00:17:33
>> Tell somebody that you might fall.
00:17:35
>> Fix it.
00:17:36
>> Cuz Conan Conan's very agile, you know.
00:17:39
I mean, the idea if Conan can't get up
00:17:41
the stairs with his kind of fast Fred.
00:17:44
>> Yeah. Me, too. Yeah.
00:17:45
>> Then, and you with What shoes were you
00:17:48
wearing?
00:17:48
>> My shitty ones.
00:17:50
>> They're all shitty still. my shitty ones
00:17:53
>> where there's a little tongue that comes
00:17:54
out and curls around like a little
00:17:56
clown. They're sort of red with green
00:17:58
stripes.
00:17:58
>> Yeah.
00:17:59
>> Was that it?
00:17:59
>> They're from the McDonald collection.
00:18:02
Ronald McDonald.
00:18:02
>> Now, what made you think that you could
00:18:06
get away with shoes that ugly? Your
00:18:08
words, not mine.
00:18:10
>> I have to say Marcelo and Robbie Hoffman
00:18:13
were so concerned of my shoes, they sent
00:18:16
me links of where I can get other ones
00:18:18
just to just get my act. They go, "This
00:18:20
is one tweak. It'll change your life. I
00:18:22
go,
00:18:22
>> "Well, what what's a cool shoe for a
00:18:24
standup comedian?"
00:18:25
>> Oh, you'd be destroyed. No offense, but
00:18:28
>> my my A6 were were
00:18:31
>> Oh,
00:18:31
>> they look like old skateboard shoes.
00:18:33
They're just bad. And I I agree. That's
00:18:35
the worst part. I get it, but I'm like,
00:18:37
I'm doing a set, guys. I'm not on the
00:18:39
runway. I'm not on the red carpet.
00:18:42
>> Well, the thing that people get dressed
00:18:43
up for is in Dandelion, which is
00:18:46
available now on Amazon, wherever you
00:18:48
get your
00:18:49
>> comedy shows. What was on your feet?
00:18:53
>> Dandelions. Bad ones. I mean, even in
00:18:56
movies when they put me, I go, most of
00:18:58
the time it just kills my back. So, she
00:19:01
told me to wear Kswiss
00:19:04
>> or Stan Smith and I go,
00:19:06
>> "Hey, don't put me out there in flats."
00:19:10
>> They got about a, you know what I mean?
00:19:11
They're like a millimeter. I'm like,
00:19:14
>> "Well, I did a movie.
00:19:15
>> See some hocas. I'll be like,
00:19:17
>> I did a movie. Hocas are great, man. I
00:19:19
did a movie once and uh the the leading
00:19:23
lady was great, super nice, but I think
00:19:25
the director really liked her and I
00:19:27
think she's like 5'11
00:19:29
>> and had heels on. So, and I'm like,
00:19:31
well, that's fine. You know, I'm not
00:19:33
that tall, so it's cool. But every day
00:19:35
I'd go into my trailer and I'd see the
00:19:38
shoes that I was wearing and they were
00:19:40
adding like a half inch a day, but not
00:19:43
telling me. They didn't tell me. They
00:19:45
just start, what? These aren't the same
00:19:47
as Yes. You can just put me on stilts. I
00:19:50
don't give a [ __ ]
00:19:51
>> Tom Cruz collection shoes. Yeah, he's
00:19:54
got like 4 in buried and there's some
00:19:56
sort of like AI machine and when he gets
00:19:58
in, they go,
00:20:00
>> well, they have an inflatable thing. And
00:20:01
so if he's in a scene going, I don't
00:20:03
know. I don't know what you're doing
00:20:04
here. He actually goes
00:20:08
and he can get himself taller while
00:20:10
they're shooting a take.
00:20:11
>> Who was the actress? Olivia Diabo.
00:20:13
>> Nope.
00:20:14
>> No, she was in something. What was she
00:20:16
in? She was in um World Two.
00:20:20
>> Oh,
00:20:21
>> yeah. She was She is brilliant. I mean,
00:20:24
yeah.
00:20:25
>> Incredible talent.
00:20:27
>> Was she off the Wondery years? Possibly.
00:20:29
Or am I crazy?
00:20:30
>> I don't know. Um
00:20:32
>> Let's look at a clip.
00:20:34
>> Let's Let's We don't have one.
00:20:35
>> Let's become a clip. Let's let
00:20:37
>> I'm going to show you a picture of
00:20:38
something.
00:20:39
>> Okay.
00:20:39
>> This is
00:20:40
>> Oh, yeah. So, I I have a I have a part
00:20:43
in a movie that comes out.
00:20:44
>> You're kidding. April.
00:20:46
>> Wait, wait, wait, hold on. You're Wait,
00:20:49
you
00:20:50
>> Yeah, I know.
00:20:50
>> You David F. You got a part in a movie.
00:20:52
>> You go. Are you still acting?
00:20:54
>> So, and by the way, I think Bus Boys
00:20:57
might be creeping out, but I got more to
00:21:01
come.
00:21:01
>> When can I see a rough
00:21:04
way around confusing, bad, silly
00:21:06
comedies that need need a little
00:21:08
trimming?
00:21:09
>> Confusing, bad, silly. That's our
00:21:11
poster. I've done a few of those that
00:21:13
are confusing, but but
00:21:16
it's got you and Theo. So, he's got two
00:21:18
superpowers that if they're harnessed be
00:21:21
funny
00:21:21
>> cuz we're Buzz Boys that want to be
00:21:23
waiters. And I said in the trailer,
00:21:24
she'd say two losers
00:21:27
with the wispiest dreams possible.
00:21:30
They're bus boys that want to be
00:21:32
waiters.
00:21:33
>> To be two losers. I'm not even kidding.
00:21:36
I mean, really, these are two losers.
00:21:39
Even the actors are losers.
00:21:42
It should be called Losers, but these
00:21:45
two losers wanted to call it Bus Boys.
00:21:48
That'll light up the marquee. Good luck
00:21:50
being on Amazon Prime two days before
00:21:52
you come out.
00:21:53
>> Yeah, it's not in theaters. You can only
00:21:56
find it on a kaleidoscope.
00:22:00
>> Check YouTube first before you spend any
00:22:03
money.
00:22:04
>> No, it's great. I It's great. It's
00:22:06
pretty much done. And
00:22:08
>> so I did this this movie and they they
00:22:11
said here's a picture to release
00:22:13
>> and they said just throw it up and we'll
00:22:16
show the picture. Did they you send
00:22:17
that? There it is.
00:22:18
>> Throw it up.
00:22:19
>> I'll show you a picture of the one they
00:22:21
sent me. This is going to be a
00:22:22
>> This is Ke Reeves. It's called Outcome.
00:22:26
And all these people go, "You shaved
00:22:28
your head for this?" So I go, "Wait, I
00:22:31
guess they think I'm That's Jonah Hill.
00:22:34
>> That's Jonah Hill."
00:22:35
>> Yeah. And so I say at the bottom, hey, I
00:22:38
have a part in this. Like I'm part of
00:22:40
this movie. Keanu, uh, Cameron Diaz,
00:22:43
Jonah Hill, but this is a picture and
00:22:45
then next time I'll have one with me in
00:22:47
it. But this is how they stagger.
00:22:48
>> What What's the movie about? Let's just
00:22:50
cuz you're
00:22:50
>> the movie outcome is Keanu plays like a
00:22:55
Robert Downey superstar who
00:22:59
is a huge star but ruins his career with
00:23:02
drinking and drugs. So, he finally goes
00:23:05
clean and after a year, no, a couple
00:23:08
months of being clean, he's got his new
00:23:11
big movie comeback coming out and the
00:23:13
week it comes out, he gets blackmailed
00:23:16
and he's on a race to say, "I can't let
00:23:19
this video out
00:23:22
because it'll ruin me." And how and the
00:23:23
guy's like, "How much is it worth to you
00:23:26
to have your comeback?" And you have to
00:23:28
pay, you know, whatever. I'm just his
00:23:30
neighbor, of course. Hey,
00:23:32
>> are you playing David Spade?
00:23:34
>> No.
00:23:35
>> Oh, are you playing a guy?
00:23:36
>> I play a layered character.
00:23:40
>> No, I play I'll No, I won't even give
00:23:44
this one.
00:23:44
>> It sounds I mean it really honestly
00:23:46
>> that's a cool idea.
00:23:48
>> Sounds like a
00:23:50
>> You [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:23:51
>> A really cool movie. I mean
00:23:52
>> No, it's great.
00:23:53
>> You got me at like his career. Wait a
00:23:56
minute. He did. He drank too much or
00:23:58
something in there.
00:23:59
>> Oh my god, Danny. You're really the way
00:24:01
you say it back to me is not as good as
00:24:03
it is. It's Cameron Diaz is his best
00:24:06
friend. Matt Bulmer, is that his name?
00:24:10
Bulmer.
00:24:12
And they are the three of them and I'm
00:24:15
his neighbor when he lives in Malibu. So
00:24:17
I'm kind of a Malibu guy. Look, and it
00:24:21
people might go, why is Dana doing that?
00:24:23
It's just it's all about how the movie's
00:24:26
done. The by line is great. I mean, it's
00:24:28
it can be a it could be a brilliant
00:24:29
movie. I think Jonah Hill is incredibly
00:24:32
bright.
00:24:33
>> He wrote it. He directs it.
00:24:34
>> I bet it's really good because I
00:24:36
>> It's super fun. I was a little starruck
00:24:38
around Keano, I have to say. And uh he's
00:24:41
a super Yeah, obviously he's a cool
00:24:43
dude.
00:24:43
>> Kano is he he has his own lane. I mean,
00:24:46
he's so I don't even know how you
00:24:49
describe him, but he is uh kind of the
00:24:52
coolest of the cool. Like, there's no
00:24:54
sense he's really in traditional show
00:24:56
business. It's like he doesn't really
00:24:58
>> he's on his motorcycle. There was a
00:25:00
plane that had to emergency land from
00:25:02
Santa Rosa in
00:25:04
>> in um Modesto or Bakersfield and he was
00:25:08
super chill about emergency landing. He
00:25:11
didn't get a car to take him back to LA.
00:25:13
He took the bus with everyone, make sure
00:25:15
that the driver knew to drop every I
00:25:17
mean, so
00:25:19
>> he let the plane land on his back. He
00:25:21
does so many things. I'm like, Keanu, do
00:25:23
I have to give everyone I said it's hard
00:25:24
to keep up with you? I've been on this
00:25:26
movie four days. Do I have to buy
00:25:27
everyone a [ __ ] motorcycle on the
00:25:29
cast?
00:25:30
>> Well, the only thing that gets him, and
00:25:31
this is the only the only thing never
00:25:34
say to him, and I did it by mistake
00:25:36
once. I just walked up to piano. I said,
00:25:38
"Hey, wait a minute, man. Uh, were you
00:25:41
Bill or Ted?"
00:25:42
>> Oh boy.
00:25:42
>> And then it was like I ducked it. I
00:25:45
>> No, he was doing I think a play for Bill
00:25:48
and Ted this year. So, he's still full
00:25:51
into that. Uh, and anyway, obviously fun
00:25:56
to see him
00:25:58
and he was very chill. Like he had a lot
00:26:01
of dialogue. I remember reading the
00:26:03
script going, "Oh my god, this guy's got
00:26:05
a lot to carry." And he was just like
00:26:07
super mellow,
00:26:10
>> unflustered, unstressed,
00:26:13
>> beautiful wife hanging out.
00:26:15
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's married now. Sorry,
00:26:18
ladies. Whoops. He's off the market.
00:26:21
Yeah, he really is. He's literally like
00:26:25
one of the number one hot guys they
00:26:27
like.
00:26:29
>> Uh yeah, I think so. Uh right.
00:26:33
>> Whoa.
00:26:36
There was
00:26:36
>> You should have a Keanu want to go.
00:26:38
Whoa.
00:26:40
Whoa.
00:26:44
>> Uh
00:26:44
>> oh. It's not going to be Keanu. Somebody
00:26:47
tell me when the [ __ ] show starts. Oh
00:26:50
yeah. Hey, applause.
00:26:52
I did see some positive reaction to the
00:26:55
paddles.
00:26:57
>> Look, I don't have to do them. I just do
00:26:58
them.
00:26:59
>> No, I saw a positive.
00:27:00
>> I'm not going to do them too much.
00:27:02
>> No, a lot of people like it.
00:27:03
>> Um, but it's a visual aid. I have new
00:27:06
ones, too, because you know what it does
00:27:08
is it makes me work on the impression. Y
00:27:11
got this guy. I've never really
00:27:13
>> tried this guy. Now, why was there never
00:27:18
an Emperor's New Brel?
00:27:22
>> I haven't got the impression.
00:27:24
>> It's hard to just make up. You got to
00:27:26
get your hooks first and then you can
00:27:28
branch out.
00:27:30
>> Well, [ __ ] you, David.
00:27:31
>> Well, how about we do Buzzing Around and
00:27:34
then we'll um
00:27:36
>> Yeah, let's do Buzzing Around.
00:27:38
>> Okay,
00:27:39
>> so buzzing around for for those of you
00:27:41
at home.
00:27:42
>> Let's do the intro. I'm giving Dana a
00:27:45
madeup scenario. Right. Okay. Buzzing
00:27:48
Around is sponsored by Five Hour Energy.
00:27:52
And the return of their confetti craze
00:27:56
flavor. Bring big birthday energy
00:27:59
wherever you go with this. Plan your
00:28:00
confetti craze party at www.5ourgy.com
00:28:05
or Amazon. There you go. Available now.
00:28:08
So, I'm going to give you
00:28:12
>> I'll give you three impressions.
00:28:16
Okay. And then you have to make up a
00:28:18
scenario.
00:28:19
Trump because
00:28:21
>> always funny.
00:28:22
>> You know Trump. Yeah. I mean, you know
00:28:24
how to do him.
00:28:24
>> Yeah.
00:28:25
>> Uh, do you want Carson?
00:28:29
>> Why not?
00:28:30
>> Okay. And then you get dealer's choice.
00:28:32
>> Carson
00:28:33
>> for the last one.
00:28:34
>> All right.
00:28:36
>> You pick one. Um,
00:28:39
Trump, Carson,
00:28:42
uh, Cuba.
00:28:45
How about Tony? Tony Montana.
00:28:47
>> Oh, Tony Montana. While you're thinking,
00:28:50
I'm going to give a
00:28:51
>> shout out.
00:28:53
>> Carac joke.
00:28:55
>> Oh, good.
00:28:58
>> Swing. Yeah.
00:28:59
>> Okay.
00:29:00
UCLA
00:29:03
AFL
00:29:05
CIO.
00:29:07
And then Ed goes, "UCLA
00:29:09
AFL CIO." And he goes,
00:29:13
"How do you spell Uclaflickio?
00:29:19
>> That's a real thing going that if if it
00:29:22
was funny, it was funny. If it was it
00:29:24
was horrible, he could make it into the
00:29:26
>> He would just stare at the camera.
00:29:28
>> Yeah. It'd be fantastic." And Ed would
00:29:30
laugh. Great.
00:29:32
>> Simpler time. Simpler time.
00:29:34
>> The best straight man in history. Ed at
00:29:35
McMahon.
00:29:36
>> Okay, let's see what you got. What's the
00:29:38
scenario gonna be?
00:29:39
>> Sure. Okay. Johnny Carson. Let's have
00:29:41
him doing his monologue. Uh have Trump
00:29:44
be his Ed McMahon.
00:29:46
>> Okay.
00:29:47
>> And have Tony Montana be What was the
00:29:49
band leader?
00:29:50
>> Yes. Oh, that's Doc.
00:29:51
>> He's He's his band leader.
00:29:53
>> Okay.
00:29:53
>> Should I have him call him Trump? Yeah.
00:29:56
And And Tony Tony and Donnie.
00:29:58
>> Okay. Right.
00:29:59
>> Wait, which one's cars that he's
00:30:00
hosting?
00:30:01
>> Yeah, he's doing his monologue.
00:30:02
>> He's doing himself. Okay.
00:30:04
>> So, um there's been some interesting
00:30:07
news out there. Uh U Donnie, interesting
00:30:10
news is always news. And if you look at
00:30:13
it, you look at the news, you could
00:30:15
always get more news. I couldn't have
00:30:17
said it better myself. I mean, Jeffrey
00:30:19
Epstein was all over the news and
00:30:21
apparently he had a lot of parties. Oh,
00:30:23
yeah. Oh, sorry. That was a
00:30:26
>> lot of parties. A lot of parties.
00:30:29
And um apparently he um a lot of people
00:30:32
made whoopy at his party.
00:30:35
What do you mean? What are you talking
00:30:37
about?
00:30:38
>> Well, Tony, that whoopy is just sort of
00:30:40
like people having adult type fun.
00:30:43
>> I don't understand, man. You're talking
00:30:45
about a whoopy. What do you think, Tony?
00:30:47
>> He doesn't know.
00:30:49
>> We're looking at things like this.
00:30:50
People call whoopy. They do it. They do
00:30:52
it a lot.
00:30:54
These parties, they did a lot of things
00:30:56
and they know how to do it. And quite
00:30:57
frankly, if you look at it, many people
00:30:59
are talking about it. You you I have the
00:31:02
biggest economy.
00:31:04
I don't think this is the time, don't
00:31:06
you? The biggest economy, the best
00:31:07
economy is a beautiful economy. The try
00:31:10
to ruin it.
00:31:12
I don't know if I'm still in Trump. Can
00:31:14
you jump in there, somebody?
00:31:15
>> Um,
00:31:16
>> look, David Spade is my guest. David.
00:31:18
>> Oh, hey guys. I was just wondering, uh,
00:31:21
Tony Montana. Um,
00:31:23
>> why
00:31:25
>> do you understand what Whoopi is? Do you
00:31:26
know what sex is? Have you ever had sex?
00:31:28
>> I know about
00:31:32
you. You don't whoopy. You do aaros.
00:31:35
Then you come.
00:31:38
You don't know what aes
00:31:41
whoopy. That's like a kid show. That's
00:31:43
like little kids and fiveyear-olds at a
00:31:45
little birthday party. But when you do,
00:31:49
>> everything goes,
00:31:51
>> you know. You know what? I think we got
00:31:54
to deport them. We got to deport him. We
00:31:56
got to get him out of here.
00:31:57
>> Tony Montana.
00:31:59
>> Yes.
00:31:59
>> Oh my god. It came full swing. Ice came
00:32:01
into this.
00:32:04
>> [ __ ]
00:32:05
>> Sorry, I wasn't. This is too incendiary.
00:32:07
>> Listen, that was buzzing around.
00:32:09
>> Go to a commercial.
00:32:10
>> No, it was good. That was buzzing
00:32:12
around. Sponsored by Fiverr energies.
00:32:14
Confetti crazy flavor. Hold it up.
00:32:17
Backed by popular demand. Confetti crazy
00:32:20
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00:32:23
like the best birthday cake ever with
00:32:25
its rich, buttery, and vanilla eve
00:32:27
flavors. Since Five Energy's shots are
00:32:30
tiny and realable, it's easy to take
00:32:32
that birthday flavor wherever you go. I
00:32:35
see it.
00:32:36
>> Okay,
00:32:38
it's good.
00:32:39
>> I'm trying to make
00:32:40
>> plan your confetti craze party at
00:32:42
www.5hour energy.com
00:32:45
or Amazon. Available now.
00:32:49
>> Good job. Nice.
00:32:50
>> That's good. You know, we really threw
00:32:53
people back to the old Carson show,
00:32:56
>> right?
00:32:57
>> Right.
00:32:58
>> We It was a little bit different. Maybe
00:33:01
we should trim out the ice.
00:33:02
>> You didn't birthday cake one. All of
00:33:04
them.
00:33:06
>> Oh,
00:33:06
>> this this one's the birthday cake one.
00:33:09
You can tell by the confetti.
00:33:12
>> Uh, listen, I have to ask a question if
00:33:15
we get into the news stories.
00:33:16
>> Let's go stories. I saw I saw a couple
00:33:19
press junket interviews for Weathering
00:33:21
Heights. Now, I did not see Weathering
00:33:24
Heights. I don't really even know what
00:33:25
it is. It's Emily Bronte or something.
00:33:26
Correct.
00:33:27
>> Unrequited Love. I think it was first in
00:33:30
the 1940s. They've done different
00:33:32
incarnations of this story.
00:33:34
>> Okay. I have to say it's got two of the
00:33:36
best looking people in it. Marggo
00:33:39
Robbie, arguably one of the prettiest
00:33:41
out there. Jacob Allerty, who every
00:33:44
woman's in love with cuz he's 612.
00:33:47
He weighs 99 pounds. So
00:33:50
>> he's ripped.
00:33:51
>> He's ripped. Shredded. And um but she
00:33:54
was doing a press chunk and stuff and
00:33:56
you know they like to be like, "Oh, we
00:33:58
had such a great time." And it's just a
00:34:00
fine line between she's married and the
00:34:03
stuff she says is like too affusive for
00:34:05
me.
00:34:06
>> Okay.
00:34:07
>> Okay. If you have the o Okay. Here's
00:34:09
him. If you have the opportunity to
00:34:10
share a film set with Margot Robbie,
00:34:13
make sure you're within 10 five to 10
00:34:16
meters at all times.
00:34:17
>> Oh yeah. Watching how she drinks tea,
00:34:19
how she eats.
00:34:20
>> That's not that great. But but he was
00:34:22
she was saying like I can't be breathing
00:34:24
the same air as him.
00:34:26
>> I'm lost without him. I feel like a
00:34:28
little kid without Jacob. He's my
00:34:30
blanket. Uh and then there were rings
00:34:32
made on the set for them to wear
00:34:33
together when the movie is over. She's
00:34:36
so codependent.
00:34:38
I developed that quite quickly with
00:34:40
Jacob. We didn't like to be apart from
00:34:43
each other ever. And he's so hard. He's
00:34:47
so beautiful to look. She was just It
00:34:49
went on and on. And at one point I was
00:34:51
reading it going, "If I'm the husband,
00:34:54
what do you do? There's a it it it's too
00:34:56
far at a certain point in my opinion."
00:34:59
>> Yeah. I think that I don't know anything
00:35:01
about the Nicole Kidman Keith Urban
00:35:04
situation,
00:35:05
>> but I remember her press junk
00:35:08
>> on Baby Daddy.
00:35:09
>> Oh, baby girl.
00:35:10
>> Oh, baby girl.
00:35:11
>> And she said, "I just had I couldn't
00:35:13
have an orgasm anymore. I just had so
00:35:15
many orgasms. I just was exhausted. I
00:35:17
couldn't have any more orgasms."
00:35:19
>> Whoa.
00:35:20
>> And Keith Urban's in Nashville, this
00:35:22
guitar, watching a tag. What a Nick.
00:35:25
>> What a Nick's having.
00:35:28
What? She's having orgasms
00:35:30
>> because he's like, "Well, when you come
00:35:31
home to me, you're like a dial tone." Is
00:35:34
that why? Because there's no orgasm
00:35:35
going on.
00:35:36
>> It's probably not really natural. Uh it
00:35:39
it for a spouse to
00:35:42
have no response to that would just be
00:35:45
interesting.
00:35:46
>> Of course, it's bad enough they have to
00:35:47
make make out an Fuku. The whole
00:35:50
>> Yeah.
00:35:51
>> But then the blast it to the world
00:35:54
privately.
00:35:55
>> And I would be jealous of him anyway.
00:35:57
and he's dating Olivia Jade. So, he's
00:35:59
he's dating someone but not married.
00:36:01
It's just all I think
00:36:05
it it just it's just something to debate
00:36:08
and we we tackle the issues,
00:36:10
>> right?
00:36:11
>> We're never right. We tackle
00:36:12
>> the really positive take about that.
00:36:14
Like they're just really artists and
00:36:16
this is just their spiritual thing and
00:36:18
their spouse is Well, Jacob's not
00:36:20
married. He's like 19, right?
00:36:22
>> He's between 19 and 40. I have no idea.
00:36:24
But he
00:36:25
>> but he was also was he on Euphoria I
00:36:27
think.
00:36:29
>> Yeah.
00:36:29
>> Girls girls love this dude.
00:36:31
>> So I think they're taking a page out of
00:36:34
most movies but most recently is the one
00:36:37
with Sydney Sweeney and Glenn Pal where
00:36:39
they were saying, "Oh my god, are they
00:36:41
dating? Oh, they're kissing. Oh, they're
00:36:42
hanging out after the set. Oh, they were
00:36:44
just canoodling in a booth."
00:36:46
>> Yeah. This is them. This is
00:36:49
>> And that's what they're trying to
00:36:50
recreate that because that movie
00:36:52
>> Yeah.
00:36:53
>> All about you. something. I forgot the
00:36:54
name of it, but
00:36:56
>> junket person comes into Margot Robbie's
00:36:59
trailer and it was a good film. We're
00:37:00
going to get ready to get some press
00:37:02
going and um do you have anything to say
00:37:04
about Jacob? She's like, oh, he's
00:37:06
terrific. He's a great actor. We had a
00:37:08
good time. He's fun and I think he's a
00:37:10
great actor. Hopefully, we really
00:37:11
delivered a performance. Um does
00:37:14
anything else?
00:37:15
>> Yeah. Did you think of anything like
00:37:18
something like you find him irresistibly
00:37:21
attractive? Could we start there a
00:37:23
little bit?
00:37:23
>> You need his oxygen. He's unbelievably
00:37:26
sexy. And
00:37:27
>> how do I live without him after being
00:37:29
with him? Would that be
00:37:30
>> Why do I dream about him every second of
00:37:32
every day?
00:37:33
>> Yeah. Why do I scream out his name when
00:37:35
I have an orgasm with my husband? I
00:37:37
mean, anything you can give me would be
00:37:39
great. And then Jacob Eldy. Um, I don't
00:37:44
>> Eld Dhorty. That's the farthest.
00:37:47
>> Dorky. I like to shimmy up his long legs
00:37:50
like a native boy looking for a coconut.
00:37:52
>> Oh,
00:37:54
the great Phil Harman. Is
00:37:56
>> that what he says?
00:37:57
>> Chick Hazard.
00:37:58
>> Tell I like to shave up a
00:38:01
coconut tree like looking for a coconut.
00:38:04
I can't remember. Something like that.
00:38:06
Was Chick Hazard. Yeah. Great.
00:38:08
>> Anyway, okay. Next story. But that's a
00:38:10
real
00:38:11
>> That's a good story.
00:38:12
>> That's interesting. Yeah,
00:38:15
>> interesting is a strong word, but it's
00:38:16
something.
00:38:17
>> I'm I'm putting it out there.
00:38:18
>> Okay. Billionaire dies in penis
00:38:21
enlargement surgery.
00:38:23
>> Oh, it's real.
00:38:25
>> Surgeons have been banned from
00:38:27
performing plastic surgery after this
00:38:31
>> diamond dealer. Yeah,
00:38:33
>> diamond dealer. Oh, he died of a heart
00:38:36
attack.
00:38:37
>> What happens during Why do people die of
00:38:39
heart attacks during surgery, Dana? Is
00:38:40
it something with
00:38:41
>> the anesthesiologist is doing too much
00:38:44
or something, you know?
00:38:46
>> Well, first of all, but if you go into
00:38:48
surgery, any kind of surgery,
00:38:51
um you should have a cardiac checkup or
00:38:54
you should make sure the edge. He may
00:38:57
have had some plaque in his arteries and
00:39:01
and it just so happens I don't know if
00:39:03
there's association
00:39:05
>> with penis enlargement and heart
00:39:08
attacks, but
00:39:09
>> I don't know. Oh, yeah. I mean, I do
00:39:10
know, but I'm not going to tell you.
00:39:11
But, uh, doing some light research on
00:39:15
this over the last seven years, I think
00:39:18
it's too risky.
00:39:20
>> Well, the weird part was that they the
00:39:22
wife insisted they complete the
00:39:24
operation even though he'd passed away.
00:39:27
>> Really?
00:39:28
>> Yeah. I was like, what is that about?
00:39:30
>> Yeah. A lot of these you find out were
00:39:32
like unacredited doctors or they went to
00:39:36
a different country that wasn't quite
00:39:39
standard.
00:39:39
>> I know. I guess Turkey is a big place.
00:39:42
Syria, you know,
00:39:44
>> they said, "Put a turkey wiener on you."
00:39:46
And he goes, "No, I want to do it in
00:39:47
Turkey." Oh, okay.
00:39:51
That doesn't make sense. That's his
00:39:54
wiener.
00:39:54
>> The couple it talks.
00:39:57
>> Yeah, it's a turkey one. Is that even
00:39:59
>> from a turkey?
00:40:00
>> We shouldn't do these late in the day.
00:40:02
We're too
00:40:03
>> I don't know. I don't know when that's
00:40:04
going to make sense. Never.
00:40:08
My shirt is so wrinkly. It's just It's
00:40:10
kind of silky golf shirt. And what
00:40:12
happens is
00:40:12
>> you can't sit up straight in these
00:40:14
chairs. Oh, Mandami and AOC.
00:40:16
>> Oh, David, don't worry. That's That's a
00:40:18
scary story. We just have a lot of rules
00:40:21
here.
00:40:21
>> Okay.
00:40:22
>> I I'm Manny. That's it. Everything's
00:40:26
going to be okay. Yeah. What's ours is
00:40:30
yours, okay? Because we're we're we want
00:40:32
to make sure that everybody shares.
00:40:35
>> Okay.
00:40:35
>> Yeah. Yeah. You I'll give anything to
00:40:38
you and you give it to me. Do you like
00:40:41
me now?
00:40:42
>> Oh, it sounds funny.
00:40:43
>> Oh my god, you're so cute.
00:40:46
>> Whoa. Starting rumors.
00:40:49
>> Oh boy, that's a press junken moment
00:40:51
right there. I love your your by line
00:40:54
talking to them. What I like just I
00:40:57
think it's real so I have to react in
00:40:59
real time.
00:41:00
>> Well, I don't know what to do with him.
00:41:01
He's got a kind of a cool voice. It's a
00:41:03
little more softspoken.
00:41:05
>> He's very smiley. I'll give
00:41:06
>> We will get away from the darkness of
00:41:09
capitalism to the warm embrace of
00:41:12
collectivism. Right, Lauren Michaels?
00:41:14
Not a [ __ ] chance.
00:41:18
>> Lauren turns into the predator.
00:41:25
Marcelo was doing Lauren, wasn't he? A
00:41:28
little bit.
00:41:29
>> Wouldn't do it.
00:41:30
>> Hey, we wouldn't do it. He kept saying,
00:41:31
"I do a good Lauren."
00:41:34
>> Yeah. And then he did Bastion.
00:41:36
>> Uh, okay. What's the next story? No, he
00:41:39
didn't come.
00:41:41
>> That's all right.
00:41:42
>> He did make us talk in Spanish.
00:41:45
>> Uh, like two idiots.
00:41:48
>> I know. Well, yeah.
00:41:53
>> You know when Valentine's Day is
00:41:54
sneaking up and you realize you need a
00:41:57
gift that actually lands? If you've ever
00:42:00
thought, "I hope she likes this." I got
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a shortcut for you. It's Jenny Bird. The
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jewelry isn't just beautiful, it's
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00:42:36
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00:42:37
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00:42:39
gift that says, "I put thought into this
00:42:42
without spending hours searching."
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>> You can get 20% off your first order
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and using code fo at checkout.
00:42:54
Seriously, it's that easy to make her
00:42:56
day. House cleaner goes viral after
00:43:00
sharing the note her clients left her.
00:43:04
to our cleaner. We hit a hundred mini
00:43:07
ducks around the apartment. We do this
00:43:10
to ensure a job well done. Please leave
00:43:14
all 100 ducks in this jar. Oh my god.
00:43:17
>> So, she's got to go find them all.
00:43:20
>> So, that's Is that a trap?
00:43:22
>> Yeah, it's to make sure she's cleaning
00:43:24
every corner. Look, there's there's a
00:43:26
picture. Here's one behind the couch.
00:43:30
>> Oh, I see. So, you basic
00:43:31
>> Here's one by the pipes.
00:43:33
>> Yeah. My housekeeper would find four
00:43:36
out of a hundred. Uh, it's rude. Here's
00:43:40
one in the tree. Hi. Water me.
00:43:44
I had it too much to drink.
00:43:48
>> Do they talk? Do they walk? They do
00:43:50
anything.
00:43:51
>> Dude, is that a duck? It looks like a
00:43:53
mouse. That's an Toy.
00:43:56
>> I'm on a sponge.
00:43:59
>> Anyway, that was uh I would be offended.
00:44:03
Uh,
00:44:04
>> you should.
00:44:06
>> Oh, the rumor that Sandler there was an
00:44:09
Instagram that I swear all my friends
00:44:11
saw were I think it's an AI one where it
00:44:13
goes Adam Sandler's daughter was
00:44:17
uh rejected by Chanel when she it shows
00:44:20
pictures of everyone but it's not from
00:44:22
this story. You know what I mean? So it
00:44:23
looks like it is Chanel's store. I think
00:44:25
it was Chanel. And then she went to buy
00:44:27
a purse and like Pretty Woman, they
00:44:29
said, "Dear, I don't know if you can
00:44:31
afford this." His daughter Sadie, who's
00:44:34
lovely. And so they go, she called her
00:44:37
dad and he came down and he said, "Don't
00:44:40
you do this to my daughter." And he
00:44:41
bought every purse on the shelf.
00:44:43
>> It's absolutely million million% made
00:44:46
up.
00:44:47
>> Million%.
00:44:48
>> Like every single moment of it is made
00:44:50
up.
00:44:50
>> Every moment. And everyone that called
00:44:53
me goes, "Did you hear what happened,
00:44:54
Adam?" I go, "I you saw this, too?" I
00:44:57
go, "That couldn't have happened."
00:45:00
>> And they were like, "But I didn't ask."
00:45:03
They go, "Did you ask him?" And then
00:45:04
everyone's telling me to ask him. I go,
00:45:06
"I don't want to waste my question with
00:45:08
this embarrassing
00:45:10
>> just to call him and say this." So I
00:45:12
talked to Jackie.
00:45:14
>> No, you went for Jackie.
00:45:16
>> Well, Jackie asked me something wife
00:45:19
>> and I said, "Jackie, I'm fielding all
00:45:21
the people hitting me about this stupid
00:45:24
story." story and she goes, "I know.
00:45:25
Isn't that ridiculous?" But I I was
00:45:27
thinking
00:45:29
he is protective of his daughters. He
00:45:32
But he's not that um showy where he'd
00:45:35
go, "Watch this. I'll buy everything."
00:45:38
And and you'll all get a big commission.
00:45:40
I mean, it's like it doesn't show them.
00:45:43
They see him and they already feel
00:45:45
stupid. They're like,
00:45:45
>> "Well, there's a flaw in the story."
00:45:48
>> Yeah. What is it?
00:45:49
>> Well, when they said you can't afford
00:45:50
this, what was she dressed like a
00:45:52
homeless person? I mean, what do you
00:45:53
mean?
00:45:54
>> There's like a little mini handler.
00:45:55
>> Did she have a credit card or a debit
00:45:58
card?
00:45:58
>> Well, it's a flaw because
00:45:59
>> I asked you a question.
00:46:01
>> Oh [ __ ] Um, he she had
00:46:05
>> she tried to put it on her Miley Cyrus
00:46:07
[ __ ] membership card for Miley World
00:46:10
from last week's show. If you know, you
00:46:12
know. Um, no, she uh was wearing a
00:46:16
hoodie. By the way, every kid wears like
00:46:17
a hoodie that matches some sweats and
00:46:20
they're all red.
00:46:20
>> You can't tell who's got money.
00:46:22
>> Yeah. and Beverly Hill. So,
00:46:23
>> it didn't happen, but if it did, she'd
00:46:24
be like, "Daddy, they won't let me buy a
00:46:26
purse down here at the store." And and
00:46:29
Adam goes, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"
00:46:33
>> YEAH. I can't think of a good
00:46:34
>> There's no way Adam would What are you
00:46:37
doing would do that?
00:46:38
>> He walks up to Lady and goes, "You blew
00:46:40
it." That's a good gift I send to
00:46:43
people. It's Sandler going, "You blew
00:46:45
it."
00:46:48
Uh, so now that everyone's cleaned up
00:46:51
and also me and you didn't ski down that
00:46:53
mountain. That's the other one.
00:46:55
>> Uh, people talk
00:46:56
>> where they go, Dan Carney and David
00:46:58
Spade are professional skiers in their
00:47:00
spare time. Everyone's like, "You ski
00:47:02
good." I'm like, "This guy isn't even
00:47:05
trying to sound like it's real."
00:47:06
>> I know. I had a Uber driver like that. I
00:47:09
guess I don't know where he's from. You
00:47:12
ski good, Mr. B. I see you fly down ice
00:47:17
many time.
00:47:19
>> I saw clickbait.
00:47:20
>> Where are you from? Me. Born in Tarzana.
00:47:23
>> Oh, you sound like that. I thought you
00:47:25
were Tarzan.
00:47:27
Me, Jane.
00:47:30
Are you gak? That's a That's a Sebastian
00:47:32
joke. He goes, I walk out the street
00:47:34
with my Uber. Are you gak?
00:47:39
Because it's all like 19 consonants in a
00:47:42
row.
00:47:42
>> Yeah. It's always like a funny name.
00:47:44
>> Yeah.
00:47:48
I Okay, let's do another story. We're
00:47:51
really Oh, we'll wrap it up soon. Hold
00:47:52
on.
00:47:53
>> I'm getting punchy.
00:47:54
>> We're doing too good. So, we should pull
00:47:55
back a little.
00:47:55
>> Yeah, let's pull back cuz it then we
00:47:57
want to match the other episodes.
00:47:58
>> I thought you'd be interested in this
00:48:00
story.
00:48:00
>> I am already.
00:48:02
>> Okay, click.
00:48:02
>> Can I see it? Okay.
00:48:06
>> 70-year-old racing.
00:48:11
>> That is me going to air.
00:48:14
When I heard shakes are only $72.
00:48:19
>> That is 70.
00:48:22
>> You don't even look 70. That's a lie.
00:48:24
>> 47.
00:48:26
>> Look, I mean, here's the thing. I mean,
00:48:28
the main thing when I would watch guys
00:48:30
at 70 race when I was a kid at indoor
00:48:33
track meets, they'd be in the blocks.
00:48:34
It' be ready, set, and they'd get up and
00:48:37
they'd be like stiff like like just no
00:48:40
mobility, you know, the hip and no. So,
00:48:43
for a guy to stride out like that with
00:48:46
turnover like that at 70,
00:48:48
>> he's maybe getting a little extra
00:48:50
something in his Cheerios.
00:48:53
>> I don't know. Oh, he's got five hour
00:48:55
energy. Okay, there we go.
00:48:58
>> No, you know what?
00:49:01
No, but I sent you one to yourself. I
00:49:05
your text about like a high school kid
00:49:06
that broke the mile record. Remember
00:49:08
that?
00:49:08
>> It's getting ridiculous. Literally,
00:49:10
ladies and gentlemen,
00:49:13
>> the 1500 onem race is being dominated by
00:49:17
teenagers. There's 19 year olds running
00:49:20
345.
00:49:22
There's now a 16y old
00:49:24
>> who ran who rent. It's really fast.
00:49:27
These would be world records.
00:49:29
>> Yes.
00:49:30
>> You know,
00:49:30
>> in any other
00:49:31
>> not too long ago. So,
00:49:34
>> let me tell you,
00:49:36
>> I thought when they were saying Lindsey
00:49:38
Vaughn wiped out, Lindsay Vaughn's a
00:49:39
friend of the show
00:49:41
>> when they were Oh, we should have her on
00:49:42
during the Olympics. When they when they
00:49:44
said she wiped out and hurt her knee, I
00:49:46
said they didn't say what it was, but I
00:49:48
thought
00:49:48
>> Mhm.
00:49:49
>> my first thought was,
00:49:51
is it already the Olympics? What What do
00:49:54
they keep saying 2028? Why?
00:49:56
>> Well, the winter one throws us off.
00:49:58
>> Why are they two years ahead? That's
00:49:59
That's not
00:50:00
>> They try to alternate it.
00:50:02
>> So don't But yeah, I don't like it. I've
00:50:04
never liked it
00:50:05
>> because there's no hype right now. It's
00:50:07
just like, oh, the Olympics run in 10
00:50:08
minutes.
00:50:10
>> What?
00:50:11
>> Oh, it's the one where they shoot a gun
00:50:13
and ice fish or whatever that one's
00:50:15
called.
00:50:16
>> Well, I don't know how many events they
00:50:18
have compared to track and field. The
00:50:21
summer games have swimming. They It's so
00:50:24
comprehensive. It's easier to promote
00:50:26
it.
00:50:27
>> Yeah. But I guess they have crosscountry
00:50:29
skiing. Come on, Hans. Let's go shoot
00:50:32
around. You know, they have all that.
00:50:34
>> That's what's that one called? They ski
00:50:36
and then shoot a gun.
00:50:37
>> Yeah. Pentathlon.
00:50:39
>> Ski and shoot.
00:50:40
>> Ski shoot. One other thing. Let's go
00:50:43
faster.
00:50:46
>> My name is Carter. We win the gold
00:50:49
medal. Guess what? Question. Who has the
00:50:53
highest recorded V2 max? That's heart,
00:50:56
lungs, power for endurance.
00:50:58
>> Uh, Michael Phelps.
00:51:00
>> Nationality.
00:51:02
>> It's not Michael Phelps.
00:51:04
>> Nope.
00:51:05
>> Uganda.
00:51:06
>> Norwegian crosscountry skier.
00:51:09
>> 94.
00:51:13
>> Scared.
00:51:15
>> Should we do Are you afraid of
00:51:17
>> Why are you frightened?
00:51:19
>> Why are you frightened by facts?
00:51:21
>> Don't make me do another puppet, man.
00:51:23
>> No, don't. Don't
00:51:25
>> Don't even start.
00:51:26
>> Do you remember Greg Lucanis?
00:51:29
>> Uh,
00:51:31
what was his name? Greg Luganis. Yeah.
00:51:33
>> Yeah. Yeah, I got you.
00:51:33
>> He was a diver.
00:51:34
>> Okay. I didn't.
00:51:35
>> Okay. Let's uh go one more story, then I
00:51:37
got to let you go.
00:51:38
>> Yeah. I gota Yeah, I got to get some 5h
00:51:40
hour energy.
00:51:41
>> Got to You got to water that fake plant.
00:51:44
>> Okay, let's see what this is. I don't
00:51:45
even know what this is.
00:51:46
>> Look at the monitor and give the full
00:51:48
name of this person.
00:51:52
>> No, wait. Calm down.
00:51:57
>> Oh my god.
00:51:58
>> Are they serious?
00:52:00
>> Or is that AI?
00:52:02
>> We shouldn't end on that one. I don't
00:52:04
know. Maybe they just think it's looks
00:52:06
like him. I don't know.
00:52:07
>> No, it doesn't look I
00:52:08
>> end on another one.
00:52:09
>> I think it's AI. All right, let's go
00:52:11
back to the tape.
00:52:12
>> You don't know anything about AI. I know
00:52:14
AI.
00:52:14
>> I am AI, believe me.
00:52:16
>> Well, I don't like this as horror
00:52:18
displays. Let's just play. We'll get rid
00:52:20
of it if we
00:52:24
Oh, this person says
00:52:26
they have to hold things because they
00:52:28
have no gravity in their body. In their
00:52:32
not it might not work. It's so [ __ ]
00:52:36
dumb. If they let go, she's just going
00:52:39
to float up. She has to carry a bag of
00:52:43
>> Oh, and what's what do they what do they
00:52:46
pick it up? She removes the bag, she
00:52:48
floats.
00:52:50
READY?
00:52:51
OH, SHE floated up. You have to hold
00:52:54
her.
00:52:59
>> This person claims they need a bag. I
00:53:02
think it's funny.
00:53:03
>> It's like a plane kind of thing.
00:53:07
>> See, look. She's floating.
00:53:10
It's Peter Pan.
00:53:15
Hold her down. She's floating away.
00:53:17
She's floating away.
00:53:19
All right, that's enough. Well,
00:53:22
>> it's so dumb. But she really
00:53:24
>> fly her like a kite. Just strap
00:53:25
something to her ankle and fly her up.
00:53:28
>> God, that was too loud, too. Anyway,
00:53:30
we'll we'll end on that banger.
00:53:32
>> Someone was almost gonna float away. You
00:53:35
float away.
00:53:35
>> They say the thing is they're like, I
00:53:39
gravity doesn't affect me, so I have to
00:53:40
carry this sandbag with me. And then
00:53:42
one's like, prove it. And then she
00:53:44
proves it. And I think people give her
00:53:45
money. I don't know.
00:53:46
>> I think off camera.
00:53:47
>> She goes, oh. And then everyone kind of
00:53:48
lifts her up and goes, "Oh, there she
00:53:50
goes."
00:53:51
>> David Blaine's got to be involved.
00:53:53
>> That's their David Blaine. And it's not
00:53:54
that good.
00:53:55
>> Yeah. Come on, man. There's
00:53:57
>> David Blaine's in Vegas. That's a show
00:53:59
I'd go see.
00:54:00
>> Oh, that guy's the greatest. I mean,
00:54:03
>> you know, because magicians know how
00:54:06
they do it, but the way he does it in
00:54:08
his pattern and everything.
00:54:10
>> Yeah. like pick a card and now let's
00:54:13
let's walk over to this department store
00:54:15
and go and the exact card you marked is
00:54:17
in a shoe department.
00:54:20
>> We were leaving a charity gig and and I
00:54:23
was with Rosie and he came up and he
00:54:26
meets her and then he goes, "Will you
00:54:28
sign a card?"
00:54:30
>> Yeah.
00:54:30
>> And then he talked to us for a while and
00:54:32
then he
00:54:34
and he said, "Look in your purse and her
00:54:36
card was it was so crazy. Everyone's
00:54:38
like, we're just like, I have no idea
00:54:39
what's going on.
00:54:40
>> The one that I is online, it's Harrison
00:54:43
Ford. He's in Harrison Ford's house in
00:54:45
the kitchen.
00:54:46
>> Yeah.
00:54:47
>> And he's very authentic.
00:54:48
>> And he's doing cutting the deck. Cutting
00:54:50
the deck. Harrison Ford gets the card,
00:54:52
marks it, puts it back in the deck. Just
00:54:54
there. He's He's not even next to
00:54:56
Harrison Ford. And he goes, "Your card's
00:54:58
not in the deck anymore." He goes, "What
00:55:00
do you mean?" "Hey, get off my airplane.
00:55:04
Get off my airplane." So he goes through
00:55:06
the deck and the card's not there. And
00:55:08
then he goes like four feet away.
00:55:10
There's a there's a tray of fruit
00:55:13
>> and he says, "Just pick a fruit."
00:55:16
>> Oh my god.
00:55:16
>> And he picks a fruit. And Harrison Ford,
00:55:18
what is this?
00:55:20
>> I want to tell George Lucas
00:55:22
>> sorcery. Like now open the coconut.
00:55:25
>> Go cut it and and then open it up. And
00:55:28
then and then he sees his card with his
00:55:30
weird little signature. And then
00:55:31
Harrison Ford pauses. Doesn't say
00:55:33
anything. It just says, "Get out of my
00:55:36
house."
00:55:36
>> That's a great ending.
00:55:38
>> Get out of my house.
00:55:38
>> [ __ ] That's a good clip.
00:55:40
>> Yeah, cuz like
00:55:41
>> Yeah, that's great.
00:55:42
>> Yeah, we should have David Blaine on our
00:55:45
show and have him make us disappear or
00:55:47
something.
00:55:48
>> I like David Bla. There's also
00:55:49
Mentalist, but you know, I get scared of
00:55:51
that stuff. Um, okay. Well, that was a
00:55:53
good show. Good hair story. Lot of good
00:55:56
stuff.
00:55:56
>> We'll see you next week. Thanks for
00:55:58
coming on another edition of Fly on the
00:56:00
Wall without a guest.
00:56:07
Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:56:09
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00:56:21
We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is
00:56:24
presented by Odyssey, an executive
00:56:26
produced by Danny Carvey and David
00:56:27
Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg
00:56:29
Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:56:32
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior
00:56:34
producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show
00:56:36
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00:56:39
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00:56:44
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00:56:48
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