00:00:00
Dana, you'll never believe what happened to me on the road. Okay. Uh, a lot of stuff happens to you.
00:00:06
So, what what are you talking about? I mean, you just you just won't believe it. It's too much.
00:00:11
So, okay. Well, then my brain goes to was this something dire, something fantastic,
00:00:18
something gig giggy, uh, great audience? You know, what's the list of what it could be? Cold, cold, cold.
00:00:29
Well, welcome. You're not getting any warmer, fella. Give me something. Yeah. Oh, Dana, you you know you know I'm out there and I'm
00:00:41
No, no. I I flew a coach. That was it. No, I flew coach. Actually, Heather, will you send that picture? I'm going to explain this.
00:00:54
I You have to wait for this picture. Anyway, I flew Coach. Have you ever flown? You know what coach is, Dana? I was born in Coach. That should be a That's like a country
00:01:06
song. I was, you know, and by the way, in a minute I'm going to um show you um a
00:01:14
billboard. I'm going to show the audience which kind of a sort of about our friendship.
00:01:20
Oh, and I'll I'll show it in one I'll show it in one minute. I'll hang in there for that.
00:01:26
So, but but first, now that we're at three, we're at 3:15. What do you got? You flew Coach. I flew Coach, but they have a way of showing you it's not Coach. Look at
00:01:38
this. So, here here I am in coach roughing the [ __ ] out of No, Coach is fine. I don't mind it. I I got a neck thing, so if I sit up straight, I'm fine with it. Anyway, they put this little 4
00:01:50
inch thing. I go, this cannot be what you have to separate. It used to be a curtain. remember they go,
00:01:56
"Oh, yeah." Yeah. They go, "Hey, sorry. This is first class." Don't try to Don't try. You're not coming up here, are you? And you know, every once in a while
00:02:07
you're up there and someone wanders through the curtain and it's like a major deed. No, you must not be.
00:02:14
Oh, no. No, no, no. And they have a baby and they're trying to use the first class bathroom. I go, "Let him in. Let it in." And like, no. I
00:02:20
know someone that says, "I always fly coach. I walk up to first to take a dump. I'm like, "No, you cannot.
00:02:27
No, you cannot. You cannot." But I went up there just to uh Anyway, the flight was okay. What I'm getting at is my precious neck. I get to New York.
00:02:40
I It's fun in New York. Oh, I'll show you a video I took. I'm a bit of a street influencer
00:02:45
and I feel like I'm part of the audience right now. It's just got videos, you got stories. Are you
00:02:52
going to shut the [ __ ] up? Okay. Well, I was doing a boner for those of you at home. A boner is when you call in at a gig. You usually have You have to do it for
00:03:04
most gigs just to make the city aware you're there before you. So, I said, I'll do a phone for Jacksonville. It was
00:03:10
sort of a fundraiser. It was a gayla for the Jacksonville Hall of Fame. Okay. They had Jim Furick. They had That's a golfer. They had some people there. Super super fun little show. So, I'm
00:03:22
doing this phoner to the local zoo crew of, you know, Jacksonville. And then I have these
00:03:29
stupid things on that I hate their guts. These things that stick in your ears. Yeah. And with my precious. So, I wake up neck
00:03:36
trouble already. Boop. But I don't have a show that night. I just have this phononer. I'm going to go do a set at
00:03:42
the stand later in New York. So, the story is [ __ ] riveting. It's riveting, right? So far, don't go
00:03:50
anywhere. No one at home. Pull over, skip work. So, I have head, if you can't watch me, I have headset in on the phone. It quietly there's a drawer in my desk. I'm
00:04:02
sitting there. It's under hooking under the drawer like this. You know what's coming. My neck hurts so bad. In my middle of my hysterical interview, I get up to walk somewhere else.
00:04:15
Yanks on the drawer. yanks me down, snaps me. Oh, I fall. I land on the ground. I've fallen. And I pretty sure I can't get up. And these are popped out.
00:04:28
My neck C4 through 12 is like And now I'm on the ground like this. And I hear, "It's a Zuku. Are you still there?" And I'm like this flatlining [ __ ] horrible passed out.
00:04:42
Yeah. And I'm like this. And they hear me like this. just noises. Then I go then I get my
00:04:50
bearings and I'm like this plug in plug in phone stand up and I'm like hello and
00:04:57
they're like David will be at the Jacksonville Igloo tonight. He still are still talking and I'm like so this is
00:05:04
Tommy Labool in with Joe Dirt himself. David, hey partner, you you blacked out for a second. You all right there? You need a little I like that. Yeah. And I'm literally full concussion. Just like neck snap.
00:05:18
Now my headache's worse. And I'm like and and uh anyway, that was pretty much the long and short of it. But uh I
00:05:25
didn't like it. And then I got home and I got my PT, Dr. Jenna, who ripped me apart yesterday. My neck. I'm like And
00:05:33
I'm like, I have to work tomorrow, which is this whatever we do. I have to work tomorrow. She's like, what your stupid
00:05:40
podcast? I'm like, "What did you say?" I know. Well, I had similar problems. Like
00:05:47
the remote wasn't working. I was trying to watch it. I was like I was going to I was like
00:05:54
and it wasn't working at all. So then I shook it. Maybe the battery. I opened up
00:05:59
the thing to see if the batteries needed battery. Then I put in two new batteries. Yeah. And I was watching the show and I
00:06:12
was in a rocker and I went, "Yeah." Did you get hurt? I'm still in the act out. That's rocking. Going backward. Hello darkness. My old rocker.
00:06:26
Yeah. Then I grabbed the headphones and I wheeled myself in like this. [ __ ] I'm just inspired by your sound. Jurassic Park. I'm inspired that your
00:06:40
whole life has this soundtrack. I know. It just helps the story move along. I know. I mean, there's It's funny. Random sound effects like, "Hey, how are you?"
00:06:51
I'll tell you one more thing. I went to dinner and here's You might not get this
00:06:56
because you go to all I go to dinner. You go to fancy restaurants all the time. Dinner. Go ahead.
00:07:02
You eat dinty more beef stew out of your doomsday shelter. Well, there is a bit of doomsday shelterness around my environment. Dude, there's a story we're going to get to that involves you. I'm going to bring
00:07:15
you up. Okay. And I I still have this. So, the quick story is the waiter's like this. So, I get to the nice dinner. I go
00:07:22
to take a bite and the waiter goes, "Is everything tasting deliciously over here?" And then I got to go, "Oh,
00:07:33
yep. The Yep. So far." And then they come back three seconds later, they say something funny. She goes, "Oh yeah." See, I think is everything scrumptious after the first bite. They have new ways
00:07:45
of positioning it. I haven't heard that one. Yeah, that's a little pushy. It's a little pushy. Three bites of a
00:07:51
tuna tartar later, he's like, "That's one of our favorite things here. Are your taste buds [ __ ] all over your
00:07:58
mouth yet?" And I go, "That one, that one feels like that seems a bit I haven't heard that one." I know. Have you ever had this one? Like they're like, "Oh, open up the mouth.
00:08:11
Open up your mouth. Here comes Mr. Caboose." And they have a spoon and they start spoon feeding you Napoleon ice
00:08:17
cream. And then what? I go like this. He goes, "You're almost there." And then he pulls his wiener out. Dana, I have to say
00:08:24
wiener because someone made a pie chart of our podcast and it says the chunk where David says wiener and it's like 44% of the pie chart. You get a wiener and I I'm surprised
00:08:36
it's that low. I think I think you you you get a wiener and you don't pull it out but you get
00:08:41
the vernacular in the podcast. I'd say more like 76%. But what do I say all the time like hey
00:08:48
buddy I must say what is it on his chart? What does he say? I don't have it. I don't say in the
00:08:53
comments really like to go no I would say 97% positive in the comments which is very nice I'll tell people who um first of all
00:09:04
watch us and like us thank you first of all but we you know you do this for long
00:09:10
enough you're kind of like and there all of a sudden a story comes into your head and halfway through it you realize you
00:09:16
told that same story 60 episodes ago you told that between Tom Hanks and Cheryl Crow and your brain is going.
00:09:30
Just say it anywhere. This was doing this was doing fireworks. Oh yeah. Let me see if I can get half hour ago. What the freak? Wait, we get our screen to make
00:09:42
fireworks. It doesn't [ __ ] We did it by accident and then I did it. Damn it. Life is disappointing
00:09:48
sometimes. So, we'll get to Well, the last thing I'll tell you, this relates to you, but it's really about me, is
00:09:53
good. I position it like it's about you, is that I like it. You're You're very excited because
00:10:00
they're doing a spin-off to one of your favorite movies. Oh, 200. No, we already in 2010.
00:10:08
Mean Happy Gilmore. Oh. Oh, no. Not Hal. Not Hal. No, no, no. That's my friend Tony
00:10:14
Hopkins, right? Nope. Nope. It's this. Well, I'm gonna have to fight you, Bruce Lee. However you do that. Okay. They're doing like the character of Brad Pitt, Cliff Booth, I think.
00:10:28
Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a good plan. I like it. Mhm. Yeah. Beats up Bruce Lee. Remember that? Or a time in Hollywood.
00:10:39
You're kind of pretty for a stunt man. So, here's a They have a picture. He's shooting it right now.
00:10:45
Oh, that's him. So retro. They got a retro wig on him on this one. Yeah. Is he playing me?
00:10:51
That's not you. And that's not Heather. That's They're doing Joe Dirt, too. Starring Bren Pit. That's He's kind of got sideburns, too. Look, I got No, I guess in the show they're trying
00:11:04
to deage him back to the Well, in the show it was the 60s, so I don't really understand.
00:11:10
Well, did he have this look in the in the movie? No. No, he didn't have long hair. Not long as his hair like this.
00:11:16
Can we show a picture of him? And once upon a time he's a Gonzalez with him, but it probably isn't. That might be early 70s. People like my
00:11:24
dad hated the goddamn long hairs, you know, and he would shave our head. These goddamn long hairs and then by 75 he had
00:11:33
hair over his ears. They adapt later. So maybe that's pit in the 70s. Do you think I think he's playing a
00:11:40
Hollywood fixer? Yeah. See there he's kind of Steve McQueen. Steve McQueen and it's you see
00:11:45
his ear. He's not doing the buffon. So I guess he has to have a little different but I think he's got a wig
00:11:51
because from this thing I saw in this story about he's playing Hollywood kind of a
00:11:56
Hollywood fixer uh back in the day. That makes sense with his skill set which is interesting.
00:12:01
Yeah, I think I think it's a good idea. Probably to make money. You're a stunt man. It's like what do you do? And uh maybe he got old too old to do stunts.
00:12:08
He's out there beating people up and [ __ ] Well, well, in the other movie, he got he wasn't getting stunt work because
00:12:13
he's too much of a hothead. You know, he beat up Bruce Lee. So, then he was just he was the gopher. Hey, man, I'm your
00:12:19
gopher. And I like when you're out of town, out of housesitting up there in the Hollywood Hills. Let's face it, I
00:12:25
haven't worked as a stunt man in a long time. The way I look at it is a lot of things worse than going to Italy and
00:12:31
making some spaghetti westerns. I don't want to go do goddamn spaghetti western. How many you seen? One, two. Come on,
00:12:39
man. Yeah. Sorry. I like the movie. Saw it 11 times. He's great. And the only thing is the director's really
00:12:46
good, but I don't think it's Quinton. It's David Fincher, right? But but Quinton, Quinton, we're
00:12:52
on firstname basis. He is a great director. We should have Quinton on. I don't know
00:12:58
why we don't. Why don't we Why don't you want him? Um I when I hosted for Jimmy Kimmel, he
00:13:06
I said they said, "Who do you want?" I said, "Can I get Quinton Tarantino?" And they said, "Yes."
00:13:11
But I was I was I wanted to talk to him like on a podcast. Yeah. You know, it's all these
00:13:18
commercial breaks and I I was doing impressions of people in the movie. I I don't know. But yeah, I'm I'm I am a
00:13:24
huge fan of We'll put out some feelers. Uh yeah, we'll talk to his team. Your team talk to your team first. Speaking of movies, this is this is a
00:13:36
Tombstone with Val Kilmer. Can Can you read that? I love it. If I thought you weren't my
00:13:42
friend, I just don't think I could bear it. So, he plays Doc Holiday in this movie so brilliantly,
00:13:49
you know. Wow. You be my hucklebat. If Whoa. If I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bail
00:13:55
it. I love that movie. It's almost Jimmy Stewart. But this movie is incredible. Is that with Kurt Russell?
00:14:01
Yeah. Because there's two Kurt Russell, I think he does two, but Tombstone had Kurt Russell and it had um
00:14:10
Billy Bob Thornton play when he was kind of chubby plays a guy who Kurt Russell threatens
00:14:15
in a bar. It's it's just great western and Val Kilmer is brilliant in it. His famous line I had wrong. Did you
00:14:22
know this? His famous line I had wrong. I'll be your hucklebearer. Oh, really? I thought it was I'll be your huckle bear. Huckleberry. Wow. Wow. If I was if I if I thought we
00:14:35
weren't friends, I don't think I'll go bed. I haven't seen the movie lately. My impression is a little wobbly.
00:14:40
Well, I used to say I'll be your huckleberry because he says it to a guy in kind of a flirty like crazy person.
00:14:46
They're going to go in a gunfight and try to kill each other and it's all kind of feminine and like a like a high school dance. I'll be all huckle bear.
00:14:54
But what it is is it's huckle bearer because that's what they called the pawbears to carry the
00:15:01
guy's coffin. God, that's amazing. I've seen the movie at least five times. And so he it's so cool cuz he goes I'll be
00:15:07
your huckleberry. Like I'll be one of the guys that'll carry your coffin when I kill you. I'll be a huckle bear.
00:15:12
Like I'll do you a favor when I kill you. I'll be one of the guys that carries your coffin. That's inside baseball, man. That's
00:15:18
cool. Isn't that cool? Cuz I did not know that. Cuz he his accent was so dense that you just couldn't tell. Oh, he he looked
00:15:24
like a stud. Cool, cool, cool. But um you know, really good. And I'm looking forward to that Cliff Booth one
00:15:30
that a quick Hollywood story. Kind of fun. So I'm doing a movie with Nicholas Cage and John Loveitz Trapped in
00:15:36
Paradise. It's a it's a holiday treat. No, it was it was But anyway, this movie Tombstone is out at that time, you know, and Kurt Russell is threatening Billy
00:15:48
Bob Thornton like I just mentioned the bar scene and he says and Kirk Russell goes, you know, instead of saying you're
00:15:54
going to draw a gun on me, you're going to throw down, boy, you're going to throw down. So that became a big running
00:16:02
phrase between me and Nicholas Cage. If he thought I did good in a scene, he goes, "Ah, you threw down, man."
00:16:10
That was That was that uh I like it. Um and when does that come out? Uh 2081, Trapped in Paradise.
00:16:22
Uh it had a lot of potential. John Loveitz, Nicholas Cage, and I But it's that's a whole podcast. We'll bring in
00:16:28
Nicholas Cage and talk and John and bring talk about the movie. Eight podcast series. Were you ever in a
00:16:35
stinker? Yeah, of course. I mean, you don't plan to be, but sometimes Well, movies are hard to make. They're so They're the worst part is it's hard to make the bad ones. It's
00:16:46
still the long hours. You still have hope. You just don't know. Sometimes when you're shooting, you go,
00:16:52
"This isn't coming out like we thought." I mean, you can just tell and you go, but maybe with editing and you add some
00:16:58
funny noises and some sound and some songs. There's only so much you can gussy up a pig, you know, you can't
00:17:04
really put Well, let me do a little bit of inside baseball. That's twice I've mentioned on
00:17:10
this podcast and it's not baseball. Is that in the early 90s and 80s, some of those big classic comedies, we did
00:17:16
not have digital film. So to make an edit, you would go and the film would be like this giant size of a tire and you'd
00:17:22
spool it, go like that. To make an edit was a big deal. Then it was like, so I did a scene in Trapped in Paradise. I'm playing kind of a Mickey Roor kid who's not too bright, you know, and he's
00:17:35
up in front of the parole officers and he gets a jawbreaker in his mouth right as they ask him a question. Yeah. Well, cuz so I took like I made a meal out of it, but it was hysterical in a held
00:17:47
shot, but then I saw the edit. I was like, "Put the jawbreaker in and then I spit it out." It's like boom boom.
00:17:53
Yeah. Editing is big in movies. I could take a comedy scene and make it unfunny.
00:17:58
Mhm. Um Oh, let me see. A movie that I did that thought it was okay but ended up doing great. Well, you know, there's movies like PCU where we shot that. You might not
00:18:11
remember this one, but it was politically correct university. I remember it. Yeah. I don't know if I saw it, but I remember the title.
00:18:17
I think about it a lot now and it comes up like on Twitter because PCU in the in in this day and age is almost the same
00:18:24
movie. It it holds up as far as there's different factions. There's people that are offended by everything. There's this
00:18:30
and that. So, of course, I play the bad guy. That one was the the funny thing about
00:18:36
that one is it didn't do Blockbuster, but it was pretty good and it hung in there over time, but Jeremy Pivven, me,
00:18:44
John Favro, there's a lot of fun people in it. But when we did it, it was an R-rated movie, and I've never had that
00:18:51
happen. So, I think that's the one where I go, "Open the door, [ __ ] when I when I'm looking in the door for something." Mhm. And then they go when you go in
00:19:02
there and do the takes on the set the last take they say let's do one for the airplanes basically for cable when they
00:19:11
can't air an R-rated movie. Yeah. So what did you say? So no one even cares about this. So I go open up Steak Head,
00:19:18
right? Whatever. That's funny cuz it's stupid and funny and like whatever. So you always do a PG airline
00:19:25
version and if you swear and it sort of waters down but it's they need it for whatever
00:19:32
to sell it. So anyway the movie is a great director. I mean didn't he he was not the director. He was in the
00:19:38
movie but he's a great actor too. Elf I think. But anyway for me it's it's you know the the shocking thing was
00:19:44
Wayne's world for even m both Mike and I that it became this global smash. I mean, I just thought we thought it'd be
00:19:51
pretty good. You know, it's kind of funny. You know, I had no expectations it would take off.
00:19:56
So, yeah, PCU didn't really quite take off like that. Was PCU? It was probably my third year of SNL, something like that. And, uh, so
00:20:08
I only did like three weeks on it. Yeah, it was probably the end of the 90s. And, uh, you know, they released it when I
00:20:13
saw it on the poster. I think that's the one. Maybe it was Senseless, but they released it as a PG-13. So they kind of
00:20:20
rat [ __ ] us. They used every airplane version of every take. And so I'm like, you didn't even try on those t. Yeah. So it's okay. But when you go from an R-rated movie to really watering, you
00:20:32
go, "Oh, this is a different go." I had Animal House. We had those movies were trying to be like, and then you tamp it down. It's like
00:20:40
it's, you know, it's tough, you know, consistency of tone. I mean, it it if there's four or five directors kind of
00:20:48
It can get a little messy like each one want we should do this we should do that when you watch a movie you know we watch
00:20:53
movie everyone does Amazon Prime or Netflix and you're watching a movie it's three minutes you go what am I what am I
00:21:01
watching here I mean what's and the good ones just grab you I don't know it's storytelling I guess
00:21:06
it's storytelling by committee and sometimes there's not a clear vision and it sort of gets turns into everybody's
00:21:12
movie that's how movies get kind of ruined um I mean anyway uh let's get to When I heard the
00:21:18
box office gross from Wayne's World one, what is it? The opening weekend. [Laughter] Let me see if I can find one for you, too.
00:21:32
This will take too long. [Music] You're still going. No, you inspired me. I like it. I got one for you. Okay, here's when it came out. You went like
00:21:43
this. It's too much. Let me hear that. That was you. Oh, you got a boner. Okay. Oh, I got another one. This is funny. Here's me if and when it didn't do as
00:21:57
good as Wayne's World. [Music] Here's Oh, wait. I already did that one. Here's um No, I'm not doing that one.
00:22:12
I'm not going to be left out of this game. I've got an iPhone. I could say so. Here's Here's Dana after I
00:22:17
accidentally squeak out a toot. No, wait, hang on. Wrong. No, hang on. Here's me when I toot.
00:22:27
Dana likes it. Why are you breathing in my tooth? Dana, don't try to find a soundboard and pipe.
00:22:41
Here's Dane when Range World worked. That was pretty good. Hold on. Challenge. Watch the full hour and post it. What does that mean?
00:22:52
This is This is when Joe Dirt came out with the audience. That's Everyone brought their baby. That's after Joe Dirt. The audience just ran out. They ran out crying and everyone and
00:23:08
their baby was crying. All right, that's fair. I don't like this game anymore. It turned on me now.
00:23:14
Well, well, now I've got a new toy. I love it's so fun. I'll send you this thing and you can fight back. All right, but the baby thing is All right, let's play a clip of something of
00:23:25
this clip because we got a we got a big day ahead of us. A million things going. Yeah. Okay. Oh, this is interesting. A Chinese
00:23:32
company piled 11 million in cash on a table and employees could take as much as they wanted. Is a video. See that cash?
00:23:44
Well, that's going to create violence. I mean, we'll see how polite they are. Beep beep beep beep.
00:23:53
Oh, they never pull the trigger. Okay. So, a I'd like to have a I'd like to be more toward the front if not. You think there's more money in the front? Because I'm grubby. No, I'm staying in
00:24:06
the front row so I can grab. But how much would you take? Well, it depends. I mean, we're not
00:24:12
going to see the melee that's going to happen. Are they going to Is there a number system? I wanted them to show. They don't show
00:24:17
it, I guess. But Well, then you you What would I take? Is I If it's free, don't say 11 million. Do not
00:24:24
No, I would take as much as I could. Now, what what would I take? And if I counted it and it wasn't what I hoped it was, you know, I would just be
00:24:36
Oh my god, he does it again. Sorry, but a quick one. Okay. Oh, there's footage of them taking it. Let's go back to that. All right, let's We need to see the footage to have an opinion.
00:24:48
Um, I don't know if it's right there. Let's try it. Comment that. The comment says I like the US would
00:24:53
give everyone a slice of pizza and a 15 cent raise. Show these guys fight. Um, in the comments it says that they all grabbed and put Oh, I would think like I think in Japan
00:25:09
there's so disciplined that people would be embarrassed to take more than a little.
00:25:14
There is a culture in [ __ ] Japain. So that was Japan. Yeah. No, that was China. So I don't know that.
00:25:26
No, I think I'm saying I think Japanese are sort of very like honorable like I wouldn't I'd be embarrassed to take too much. Yes. Right.
00:25:36
Yeah. I maybe Chinese impression. I have not been to Tokyo. I have not been there in so long.
00:25:42
In so long. But I do know I knew someone who lived there and yeah, it's very very polite until it's not polite. Oh,
00:25:51
because that one it would if that was at like the Mall of America that would be a melee. How? Just picture that. You just
00:25:58
go to your work. What do you guys think you deserve? Everyone's like [Music] I like movies where the bad guys are getting away and they've got all the
00:26:10
cash in the suitcase and then it breaks and then it just flies right at the end all in the street. Everyone's like
00:26:16
drops out of a helicopter and everyone's like These are the people. Yeah. Oinking it up. Have you said wiener? Yeah, you have said wiener when you I have too much.
00:26:30
Now I want to make sure it's every episode. Okay. All right. I remember this story. Is this about this guy's ears? Okay.
00:26:37
Accused serial booty sniffer. Oh, he's back again in Burbank. That's close to us.
00:26:42
That guy was on Star Trek Deep Space 9, I think, as as Colonel Bachno. All right. Are they playing this? Is there any video? It's just a Oh, just
00:26:56
Oh, look. There he is in action or do anything to me. But I definitely didn't expect him to do like what the actual
00:27:04
he's digging in there. I'm fine because he hasn't said anything or touched me or anything. But then you notice that he goes over and does the
00:27:10
same thing to this girl and he'll crouch down low and pretend like he's doing something. And then
00:27:15
I think this is I don't know. But he got popped. Well, who's on camera? Who's on camera? She's filming herself. Cuz she's This has happened moments
00:27:26
before. Either that or she's just like everyone else just filming yourself doing nothing. Yeah. Well, first of all, what's weird
00:27:33
about it? It's my first question. Secondary, what's weird about it? Yeah. I like he
00:27:38
goes for two. Her and the other girl. Men and their hormones and their sex drive. I don't know why women put up with this. It It is really embarrassing. It's part of the male species.
00:27:49
Hey, where's that Shakespeare book? No, it's not over here. What sound effect can't you do? Well, that's just sniffing. Well, no. You have
00:28:00
That's for amateurs. Here's a dog sniffing you and then they get tired of it. Here's a Here's a cat looking at a picture of you.
00:28:16
and then decides to eat the photo and then is really happy and full and goes, "There you go." And then they throw up a furball. [Laughter]
00:28:29
I give you cues. You're directing me now into But I have that character sound effecty that I do
00:28:36
in my standup sometimes. That's the first 40 minutes of your standup now. Uh it's a funny character because every
00:28:42
effect is the same thing. and he just calls out what he's doing, you know. Mhm. Mhm. All right, let's go. Next story. Big
00:28:48
stories out there. Okay, let's read it. Breaking news. $100 million fire aid funds never reach
00:28:55
victims. 12 nonprofits got the cash instead. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
00:29:00
This is such a drag. They do this big benefit for fire aid, you know, because of all the fires in Aladena Pal.
00:29:07
Really? Is this real? They stole the money from Well, they didn't steal it. They gave it to NOS's which I don't even know what
00:29:14
they are and uh non-governmental organizations organizations. Yeah. So they give it to those saying it says on the fire rate
00:29:21
this goes directly to the victims but they give it to all these and say you guys give it or do what you feel and
00:29:28
some of those were sketch. You can go online and look at any charity you want to give money to and you can find out what they take in and what actually reaches the people you're trying to
00:29:39
help. And sometimes the expenses, the differential is enormous. So yeah, sometimes 7% gets to the people and that's when you go when you go because they have all this overhead and
00:29:50
stuff. And yeah, it's too bad around here because no one's getting um I don't think anyone's got anything yet. Yeah. And they're they're divvying it out. It's like one for you, one for me.
00:30:03
Yeah. What? Two for you, five for me, three for you, 10 for me. Hey, wait a minute.
00:30:09
Seems like you're getting more. What do you want me to do? Write you a [ __ ] check. Yeah. 11 for me, S for you.
00:30:16
It's We'll We'll monitor that story, Dana. That's the cool thing about that. We're
00:30:21
turning into action news. Yeah, we're action news. Spade KBY. Action News. Oh, wait. Dog moves sec. Oh, this is Dog moves a security camera so he can
00:30:36
eat food off the table. If this is real, it's too smart. Dog sees food. Oh, I like this music. That's the camera.
00:30:50
He moves it over. You can turn the music down a little bit. So, the cat sees that he's getting away with it. This [ __ ] cat is unreal. Cat comes up.
00:31:02
Well, this can't be real. So, the cat is fixing the camera so the dog will get in trouble. Yeah, that's just it's a funny
00:31:08
bit, but it's not true. But it is a very funny bit. That's funny, Heather. Can cats do that?
00:31:15
I don't look at my cat. Oh, she's looking at her cat cam. That just reminded me. She's taking care of a
00:31:21
cat. She's going to check. Cats are very smart. Cats are very smart. They And they don't
00:31:26
they don't always do these tricks, but they I heard they don't like dogs. I see it in cartoons.
00:31:32
Well, sometimes they meow. But now with AI, we can slow down their meows and it actually sounds like English. So, hey
00:31:38
Frisky, did you move the camera? Yes, I moved it so Bisco would get in trouble. But all you before AI, all you heard was meow meow meow
00:31:50
meow meow. There's something to say to a cat to make them come over. Yeah, I got to try the m a.
00:31:56
You go m to a cat and they stop what they're doing and walk over. No, we'll video it and then we'll play it on the next show. Here's another story. Here's a logger.
00:32:08
Okay. Oh, they have to cut this and try to smash a can. So, see that log? Now, look
00:32:14
at the end of it. That can missed it. What did they do wrong? Oh, they're cutting it in a way that it'll fall the way they want. It'll fall and they want it to nail it. See that can in the bottom right?
00:32:26
Yeah. That the ver first guy, I guess, missed it. He's using his felling sights, whatever
00:32:33
that means. Falling sights, right? No, they they said felling. Okay, so he's so far from my point of view, he's doing good.
00:32:45
Oh, it's going to go too too far this way. Nope. Get it right, Jack. Come on. He's got a little helper, Jack. Get it right, Jack. Taking a lot of time, Jack. These
00:32:59
usually hit houses in these scenarios. No. Oh, he's got to do a little be careful.
00:33:04
[Music] Okay, that's what he's trying to hit. Yeah, there's a little circle. Okay,
00:33:10
good luck. Anytime. Come on, buddy. Come on. Yeah, we're ready, guy. Yeah, that's good. We got an hour show.
00:33:16
Yeah. Okay. Oh, he got it. Oh, it's like a longer competition. That's going to be a Marvel movie. Where was that filmed? At a quarter mile
00:33:31
from your house. Welcome to logger league. We got there's there's we we got buzz saws up here. We got all kinds of stuff.
00:33:38
Yeah, I know. Dan, are you a bit of a logger? Are you? I am. I can't I came from logging
00:33:44
country up in Big Timber, Montana. Um Oh, yeah. You're from Montana. Okay, let's do one more. We got to get out of
00:33:50
here. This one more. We got We got We got to get a question, too. Got a life to lead. This is frustrating. This is not my
00:33:57
video from New York. We'll show next week. But this is only New York. A whole video. Okay. Um, a whole garbage truck blocked by one
00:34:10
guy. Well, this guy's in the bike lane so he can be there. Mhm. But he's blocking everyone.
00:34:17
Just don't understand why people do this. This is not the first time I see this in New York. Garbage truck is
00:34:24
trying to do its job. pick up the garbage. But this guy on the bicycle is so selfish. He's
00:34:29
crazy. I'd freak out. They're just trying to do their job. Like move out of the way. That would have been so frustrating for me if I
00:34:34
would have been doing this job. Like you could just go on the sidewalk or just move along. Why do you stand there?
00:34:40
Fly on the wall. It seems like he's doing it on purpose. Maybe he's looking at my Jod Morgan wall.
00:34:46
Yeah, he's he's he's strolling through our clips for this podcast, so he's a little absorbed. Does he move? The guy told him.
00:34:57
Does he move now? Come on, guy. The guy told him. Nope. Guy just got so He's still not moving.
00:35:04
Why is he being so defiant? We got to get him on this podcast cuz that's bad manners.
00:35:09
And you know what? This would be a bad manners corner. I mean, yeah. What did Dick or that behavior
00:35:15
Miss Rachel say? Mhm. Oh boy. you know, he was scrolling and here's David Spade and Joe Dirt and here's David Spade on Fly on the Wall and here. So, you know, he was a little
00:35:26
absorbed. Here's Dana's Only Fans. All right. Okay. So, let's do Well, let's do a question. Yeah, a question.
00:35:38
Okay. You read it, David. No, you go ahead. Let me come in for my closeup. My question is for both of you.
00:35:45
Obviously, you both had much success in the entertainment industry. Thank you. Yes. Was there ever a time where you
00:35:52
were ready to give up? You're ready to throw in the towel and say, "I don't want to do this anymore." As for me, I'm
00:35:58
an airline pilot. Whoa. Got my props. And I know I've had that thought at times. Happy that I stuck it out as I now fly widebody jets around the world.
00:36:11
Huh. Right. I think any any job You have to remember there is an element of work whether it's a lot of the element or not because our job seems fun in the outside which it's pretty fun but
00:36:24
sometimes it gets tough where you want to quit now we've done okay at the beginning in the first five 10 year sure
00:36:33
every day it would cross my mind I mean you're in a you're in a sketchy job I mean in our particular case standup is
00:36:40
not where you're making money today it's almost a viable, you know, uh, career to go into. But
00:36:48
back then it was like no scene, no one making cash. Very hard to It's like officer and
00:36:56
gentleman. You're like, I got nowhere else to go. You go, I this is all I can do. Yeah. I bombed a lot. I bombed a lot the
00:37:03
first three years. You know, I had some good sets and then a lot of bombs. I quit several times standup. And then I
00:37:09
did a lot of TV shows and pilots. Blue Thunder bombed and um I did a movie with Kirk Doug Bert Lancaster. It bombed. So everything bombed till SNL and then afterwards it hasn't been pretty either.
00:37:20
So I would just say at this point if you do your job well then people don't think
00:37:28
you're working even though you and I know there's behind the scenes. You come out at David Spade and 3,000 people, you
00:37:34
know, you've been checking your notes. You're flying in. You've been doing this for years. You're honing trying to fit in new stuff. You got to be up and tight
00:37:42
for an hour. And if you do your job right, they're like, "David just showed up. I get the general gym."
00:37:47
Looks easy. Yeah. But you don't want a pilot to be sweaty. You don't want to go visit the cockpit and he's got a he's sweat coming down.
00:37:54
Let's see if we can do this, man. So, I'm glad that he loves his job now. I don't want an angry disappointed pilot
00:38:01
up there. But my question for this guy, you secretly, because a lot of people tell me this, I wanted to go into show
00:38:08
business. I always wanted to be an actor. I mean, if your job is like a real job,
00:38:15
tough. Most jobs are very hard. Um, it's nice. They always say you should love your job. It's It's almost impossible
00:38:21
because it's very rare that jobs are so hard these days to make any money. You're going to love it. But if you can just get through it because it is tough out there. I think, you know, obviously we're we
00:38:32
don't we're not in a chain gang, but a lot of the emotional violence goes on in your head. So if you're in a movie and
00:38:37
it sucks and the whole world's saying you suck, it's mentally I call it an emotionally violent sport and then
00:38:44
there's also incredibly great things about it because sometimes you're going I get paid to do this. What? So it's
00:38:50
everything. Yeah. You don't want your pilot to go to the co-pilot. You know what? I was thinking about calling it quits, you
00:38:56
know? So, uh, you don't want that from your pilot, but this guy seems like he got straightened out. jobs in general. I don't know if he means showbiz, but jobs in general are it's tough every day. Of
00:39:08
course, I have a very talented brother and he was a musician but decided the lifestyle wasn't for him and heard that he wanted a brain deadad shitbox job.
00:39:21
So, he wanted it's like the Peter principle they call he wanted a job that was really easy for him and then he would have his weekends. So there are,
00:39:28
you know, there's the money and then there's also the how you fit it into your brain and your lifestyle. When I
00:39:34
see someone on a lawn boy mowing their lawn, a gardener, and then they finish the lawn and it's truly finished,
00:39:41
I I like the envy that the metric of the clarity of that. But with show business, I'll just say it's
00:39:49
always kind of there. It's weird. I don't know how to describe it. You go months, then you do something,
00:39:54
and then you don't do anything. It's just very odd. Yeah. You're getting calls and that you're plays with your emotions, then you're cold, then you're cold, then
00:40:01
you're hot. And you were I mean, just to be honest, man, you were cold for a long time. I mean,
00:40:07
20 year chunk, but you've been hot the last 15, man. I don't like I would never go to
00:40:13
Disneyland with you. I would never go to Thank you. mobbed. Well, I hope that answers some of the question and you can put your questions in. What is the question thing, Dana?
00:40:24
You got to email it in. Um, fly onthe-wall at odyssey.com. It is. Yeah. Fly onthe-wall at odyssey, which is spelled a u da c y.com.
00:40:37
Yeah. And um so send us that. We'll read a question. Keep the keep the questions kind of
00:40:43
short but kind of snug. We're narcissists by nature, so it gives us a chance to discuss our life and our
00:40:49
feelings. So we really we really appreciate it. But to that pilot, you may have driven me in the sky
00:40:56
and didn't even know it. But hopefully I gave you a couple laughs, but some pilots drive me crazy.
00:41:03
There you go. Good wrap-up, you guys. Thank you, Dana. Thanks for coming on. And uh
00:41:08
thank you for coming on and welcome to and thank you for watching another edition of Can You Say Wier?
00:41:18
[Music] Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, fivestar rating, and maybe even
00:41:31
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00:41:37
We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David
00:41:43
Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:41:55
Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:42:04
Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out with us any questions be asked and answered on the show. You can email us
00:42:17
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