00:00:00
People on Earth will be really skinny
00:00:03
and unemployed. So, it'll just be
00:00:05
people,
00:00:09
>> no job, but look great.
00:00:12
>> Mid6 figures, like maybe a half million
00:00:14
to climb a skyscraper in Singapore.
00:00:17
>> That cat made more for that commercial
00:00:18
on the right.
00:00:19
>> I'm never excited. Like, you were like,
00:00:21
"Hey, cool. A wiener." You know, I'm
00:00:22
like, "Right,
00:00:23
>> don't don't just let's I mean,
00:00:26
>> jumped on my heated rivalry group check.
00:00:29
I'm not going to testify for nobody,
00:00:31
man. Hey, man. I'm out of here. Take a
00:00:35
jacuzzi. Sue me,
00:00:38
>> Duke. The world's going to hail in a
00:00:41
hand basket. Well, take her easy, Papy.
00:00:45
The world's always got troubles. We'll
00:00:47
be coming back. But Duke, I'm scared. I
00:00:50
don't want to hear it, Papy. Don't make
00:00:53
me do what I did last time. Okay, Duke.
00:00:56
I'll try to be brave. And here you are,
00:00:59
ladies and gentlemen, welcoming David
00:01:01
Spade on Flying to Wool.
00:01:06
>> First YouTube comment. Who are these
00:01:08
people?
00:01:09
>> Well, that's why it makes me laugh. Why
00:01:12
not? Those are oldtimey movie stars,
00:01:15
believe it or not. Walter Brennan and
00:01:18
John Wayne from Rio Bravo and other
00:01:20
movies.
00:01:20
>> John Wayne, an old school movie star.
00:01:23
>> The biggest star in the world. For 30
00:01:25
years straight, he was the number one
00:01:27
star in movies.
00:01:28
>> Yeah. Monster.
00:01:29
>> So, I brought
00:01:30
>> uh I saw the Cowboys at a drive-in when
00:01:32
I was a kid.
00:01:33
>> Also, let's discuss before we get to
00:01:35
your hair,
00:01:37
>> which people rag us about this, but this
00:01:38
one's we can't ignore.
00:01:40
>> No, it took a lot of effort. I have a
00:01:42
little um pneumatic pump in the back and
00:01:46
it's really flat.
00:01:48
Well, you do the sound effect.
00:01:52
>> That's how it gets higher. So, it's too
00:01:54
high. Now, I've had this forehead since
00:01:56
I was a little kid. Normally, I have
00:01:58
some hair falling down, but it is like a
00:02:00
I look like egg head on the old Batman
00:02:03
show. Okay, that's a big skull. All
00:02:05
right.
00:02:06
>> Brainiac.
00:02:06
>> But yeah, I just was lifted and I did it
00:02:09
for the fans. I did it for watch our
00:02:12
podcast and I knew it would make them
00:02:13
smile.
00:02:14
>> Okay, now my problem is, forget my hair.
00:02:17
My eyebrows look like they're connected
00:02:19
to my hat or something. Should I change
00:02:21
my hat?
00:02:21
>> This is what I'm saying. So the hat is a
00:02:23
shadow. Your eyebrows are here and
00:02:25
you've got the hat shadow.
00:02:26
>> What is that shadow doing? I
00:02:28
>> Well, it's it's it's in a the front
00:02:30
angle. It's extenduating. Pay attention
00:02:33
everybody. It's extenuating your
00:02:35
eyebrows. So you look like a Vulcan from
00:02:38
the Star Trek or a Cllingon. You look
00:02:40
like a Cllingon.
00:02:41
>> Very interesting. Captain,
00:02:44
>> I can't believe you look like a cling on
00:02:47
Bill Shatner.
00:02:49
We were just doing some simple dry
00:02:51
humping. There was no
00:02:53
>> Stewart. Mr. Lege M.
00:02:55
>> All right, I'm gonna switch hats. I'm
00:02:56
gonna go to white hat. Ready?
00:02:58
>> Okay. Magic abracadabra.
00:03:01
>> This might be better.
00:03:02
>> Yeah,
00:03:03
>> it pops out a little more cuz it's so
00:03:04
black. Bammy. Okay.
00:03:06
>> Okay. David just came off the 18th hole.
00:03:08
And he is.
00:03:09
>> Oh, I do look like I just finished. This
00:03:12
pullover is pretty cool cuz I like a
00:03:14
good Elvis collar.
00:03:16
>> That is cool.
00:03:17
>> It's cool. It's light blue, folks. for
00:03:19
those who aren't color blind, but I am
00:03:22
um it could be green. Okay, quickly
00:03:24
speaking of golf, quickly, I played with
00:03:26
Loveit
00:03:27
>> and Love it. Love it had a funny joke.
00:03:30
>> Okay,
00:03:30
>> you know how Love always sleeps and he's
00:03:32
always late, right?
00:03:34
>> So, and he knows it. So,
00:03:36
>> yeah, he knows it. You just go to the
00:03:37
restaurant and you see if he shows up
00:03:39
>> and the place is an hour away. So, I go,
00:03:41
"Well,
00:03:42
>> I just hope he's going to be there. Just
00:03:44
be a little late. Don't even be on time.
00:03:47
just be a little late because he gets
00:03:48
crazy with the lateness.
00:03:50
>> Yeah.
00:03:50
>> So he calls me. He's a caller. He calls
00:03:52
a lot.
00:03:53
>> We'll call. I'm sorry.
00:03:56
>> Old school. Uh so I I answer, "Hello."
00:04:00
And he goes, "Uh,
00:04:03
David, I have good news and bad news.
00:04:05
Which one do you want?"
00:04:07
I go, "Bad." He goes, "I just woke up."
00:04:12
And I go, "Oh my god." I go, "What's the
00:04:13
good news?" He goes, "I'm on the
00:04:15
freeway."
00:04:17
>> He just woke up on the freeway.
00:04:19
>> Yeah, he's nodding on.
00:04:20
>> That was the joke.
00:04:21
>> On the freeway,
00:04:23
>> Dana, I had to spoon feed you that one.
00:04:26
My god, it's funny.
00:04:27
>> Oh,
00:04:28
>> well, it is funny. That was good. I was
00:04:30
just thinking of John John, which I said
00:04:34
this to him. You know, he does the
00:04:35
oldtimey actor voice. Come on, boys.
00:04:38
What do you hear? That guy.
00:04:39
>> Yeah.
00:04:39
>> But he also sometimes goes a little May
00:04:42
West. Mhm.
00:04:44
>> What do you got? You know, so
00:04:47
>> come on up and see me sometime.
00:04:49
>> That one.
00:04:50
>> Yeah, he he does when he when he misses
00:04:52
a shot, he goes boulderdash.
00:04:56
>> Easy.
00:04:57
>> He's got the good opera e voice to get
00:04:59
these certain words out.
00:05:01
>> Fuzzman acting. Yeah.
00:05:03
>> Yeah. Tales of re.
00:05:06
>> Yes. He has one of the loudest. He can
00:05:09
just say, well, I had a there was
00:05:11
construction. And I had something that
00:05:13
that measured the sound at our house and
00:05:15
I I got up close to John and he was
00:05:18
louder than a 747
00:05:20
>> decel meter.
00:05:22
>> Yeah, it was like 125 world record.
00:05:25
>> Okay, I have a good story for you.
00:05:26
>> All right, here's a story.
00:05:27
>> Cuddle up. No, I don't cuddle, but
00:05:30
relax. Uh, so here I am, Dave Spade. I
00:05:33
go out this weekend.
00:05:34
>> Yeah.
00:05:36
>> Boop boop boop. Go to dinner.
00:05:38
my nights. I would say it's uneventful,
00:05:40
but I don't have to say they're all
00:05:41
uneventful. So, I come home. I think I
00:05:44
went to Tower Bar for a drink, right?
00:05:47
So, I come home. Good. So, there's a
00:05:50
slight amount of activ.
00:05:52
It's not much.
00:05:55
>> 12 midnight roughly, I get a voice text
00:05:58
from a young lady. Maybe young, maybe
00:06:01
not. I don't know.
00:06:04
It goes as follows. Hey, a little drunk.
00:06:08
Hey, are you Dave? I found your ID on
00:06:12
Sunset and uh we're leaving this bar,
00:06:16
but I have it. I don't know what to do
00:06:17
with it. If you want it, you might not.
00:06:19
So, I go, "Well, let me see." Well,
00:06:23
first I text back in the morning when I
00:06:24
get that. I go, "Hey," I don't want to
00:06:26
leave my voice, but I go, "Hey, was it
00:06:28
an ID or was it a credit card?"
00:06:32
And they go, "I can't tell." And I go,
00:06:34
"You can't tell?" H not a genius.
00:06:40
>> So I say, "Well, let me see." And then I
00:06:43
go and I go downstairs, my wallet, and I
00:06:46
do have my ID, but I was out. And I was
00:06:50
like, and I was on sunset.
00:06:53
So I go, "Oh, well, can you send a
00:06:55
picture?" They said, "Okay,
00:06:58
did you get it?" And I go, "No, now I
00:06:59
think it's a scam." I didn't get the
00:07:00
picture. So I said, "Well, I don't know
00:07:03
if this is a scam or what." And then I
00:07:06
walk over and I don't have my MX. And
00:07:08
now I'm like, "Oh, I maybe it's my MX."
00:07:10
I actually shockingly don't have one. I
00:07:12
only have two credit cards. So I says I
00:07:15
says I says to says,
00:07:17
"I have a question, but you can I know.
00:07:20
I know your question." Then I finally
00:07:22
have the question. Everyone's thinking,
00:07:24
"Wait, how do you have my number
00:07:27
exactly?"
00:07:28
And so
00:07:30
she writes back, uh,
00:07:33
oh, she doesn't say anything, so I go
00:07:35
scam. I drive off.
00:07:38
Anyway, photo comes through finally
00:07:40
twice. So, she did send it. Here's the
00:07:44
photo. Go.
00:07:48
>> It's a Miley Cyrus Miley World official
00:07:51
fan club ID. It's not even my picture.
00:07:54
It's Miley, but my name's on it. expires
00:07:57
in 2008.
00:07:59
>> So I write back
00:08:00
>> they found this and texted you.
00:08:03
>> So I don't know if it's you can tell
00:08:04
it's not you don't know if it's a credit
00:08:06
card for my you don't know. So I say
00:08:08
>> you know what
00:08:10
>> I could probably live the big emergency
00:08:13
isn't will I be able to get into Miley
00:08:16
world this weekend. The bigger one is
00:08:19
how do you have my number? Because she
00:08:21
didn't answer it.
00:08:21
>> Okay.
00:08:22
>> So she says
00:08:23
>> drum roll. She says, "This guy Mark
00:08:26
Hayes was following us around and
00:08:29
bugging us." And I know a Mark Hayes, a
00:08:32
comedian. So I go, "Oh, is he a
00:08:34
comedian?" She goes, "I don't know. He's
00:08:35
not funny."
00:08:37
So I So I go, "Well,
00:08:40
>> it's a big night in your house at
00:08:41
midnight." I go, "So he gave you
00:08:45
>> I was thinking he should have just taken
00:08:47
the card and called me, you know, like
00:08:49
cuz I don't know him that well, but
00:08:50
seems like a good guy." So,
00:08:53
>> yeah, she gives my number to her. So,
00:08:55
I'm like, but by the way, so I listen to
00:08:57
the message again and she's like, "It's
00:08:59
late. I'm" And we were so kind of
00:09:01
blocked anyway kind of hung over, but is
00:09:04
this yours? I'm like, "You're hung over,
00:09:07
but it's midnight. You're not haven't
00:09:09
woken up yet.
00:09:10
>> You should be drinking so you'll be hung
00:09:13
over later if that's the goal."
00:09:15
>> Yeah. And I'm [ __ ] I'm too I'm too
00:09:17
smart. People say that. I'm too smart.
00:09:20
You can't pull the wool over my eyes for
00:09:22
more than an hour 10, which was about an
00:09:24
hour 10. And so
00:09:27
Mark Hayes,
00:09:28
this is where it gets tricky.
00:09:30
>> Mark Hayes
00:09:31
>> sends a picture. I I have it. I didn't
00:09:33
send it in, but sends a picture of the
00:09:35
exact same Miley ID with his name on it.
00:09:37
>> He goes, I just got this from somebody.
00:09:40
>> It's a scam.
00:09:41
>> So it's a scam. But I think it's the
00:09:44
lesson here, Dana, because you're kind
00:09:45
of a rube.
00:09:46
>> I'm I'm writing it down.
00:09:48
>> Yeah. The lesson is if this is the new
00:09:50
AI of when people text you and go, "Are
00:09:54
we still playing pickle ball tomorrow?"
00:09:56
And you go, "No, I don't even play
00:09:57
pickle ball." And they go, "Thank you
00:09:59
for your info. Thank you for letting me
00:10:01
know it's a real phone and we'll be
00:10:03
draining your account."
00:10:06
>> I want to give you a hack. You may not
00:10:08
know this. You go to sleep at night.
00:10:10
David Spade is going to sleep.
00:10:12
>> Yes.
00:10:13
>> Can he be disconnected from the world
00:10:16
for eight hours? I don't know. Well,
00:10:17
that's a personal choice, but you may
00:10:18
not know on your phone right here. You
00:10:22
put it to silent.
00:10:24
>> I do.
00:10:24
>> And then when you go to sleep, you don't
00:10:26
hear anything and you sleep.
00:10:28
>> I do that. I do that.
00:10:30
>> Well, how'd you get the ping?
00:10:32
>> I got it in the morning.
00:10:34
>> Oh, this you already slept all night.
00:10:36
This wasn't
00:10:37
>> Yeah. Yeah. I was eating my frosted
00:10:38
flakes.
00:10:38
>> I missed the whole thing. That's why
00:10:41
when it I looked at this voice who calls
00:10:43
you anyway and and calling at midnight
00:10:46
and then it said when should I listen
00:10:48
back
00:10:50
play it back and then she's like and I'm
00:10:52
kind of hung over. I'm like hung over
00:10:55
murder she wrote doesn't add up.
00:10:58
>> Well then it's in the Oh midnight. Yeah.
00:11:02
>> I actually think the AI I think the girl
00:11:03
was AI. I think the voice was AI. I
00:11:05
think everything was AI and
00:11:08
>> why
00:11:08
>> Heather did chat GPT
00:11:11
>> and they said that
00:11:12
>> and they said yeah it's that a scam is
00:11:15
like a the first thing it's worth
00:11:17
something is if I answer if I answer and
00:11:19
write back
00:11:20
>> you're alive
00:11:21
>> now they know I'm a real person and they
00:11:22
will sell that
00:11:23
>> if the next thing she was going to do is
00:11:25
say is there any address your house I
00:11:28
can send it to y
00:11:29
>> then they'll have your address
00:11:32
>> and then they say
00:11:34
Um, can you in chat GPT go [ __ ]
00:11:37
yourself? So they say, uh, then they
00:11:40
want just maybe some money for FedEx to
00:11:43
send it.
00:11:44
>> I get little by lines like, uh, you
00:11:46
know, you get a text message. I don't
00:11:48
really recognize phone number. Should I
00:11:50
call you now or
00:11:53
>> Right. I'll be in town tomorrow.
00:11:56
>> Will you be working or not? You go, who
00:11:58
is this? It's all you have to say is who
00:12:00
is this?
00:12:00
>> Yeah. So then I clicked on it, reported
00:12:03
spam.
00:12:05
>> Yeah,
00:12:05
>> goodbye.
00:12:06
>> I to I teach them a lesson. I go, take
00:12:08
that. I reported spam.
00:12:09
>> Yeah, I did that. Take that,
00:12:12
[ __ ] And don't even contact me
00:12:14
again. Then I realized it was you
00:12:16
texting me.
00:12:17
>> Yeah,
00:12:17
>> but I apologize for that.
00:12:19
>> I remember when I got one and said,
00:12:20
"Hey, did I give you accidentally give
00:12:22
you scabies yesterday?" And I'm like, "I
00:12:25
think so." And they were like, "This is
00:12:27
a [ __ ] AI, dude. You're not supposed
00:12:29
to say yes. You have them.
00:12:32
>> Dana, it's time for a little 5hour
00:12:34
energy action. Um,
00:12:35
>> yes.
00:12:36
>> You know, I like correct.
00:12:38
>> I dabble in five energy to do a little
00:12:41
wakey wakey.
00:12:42
>> Uh, I don't mind a little energy in the
00:12:45
day and I uh don't want sugar.
00:12:48
>> Yeah.
00:12:48
>> And uh this is a little sippy sip. Fits
00:12:51
right in your sock if you need it to.
00:12:54
>> When you've seen them, they're this big.
00:12:56
Yeah,
00:12:57
>> absolutely. That's what's great about
00:12:58
them. Confetti craze is one of their new
00:13:01
flavors.
00:13:01
>> Yeah.
00:13:02
>> Tastes like birthday cake. I mean,
00:13:03
that's the thing that they're doing now
00:13:04
is all kinds of flavors uh with five
00:13:08
five hour energy. So, you can pick your
00:13:10
favorite. Vanilla and buttery.
00:13:13
>> It doesn't need to be your birthday.
00:13:15
>> Mhm.
00:13:16
>> Cuz Dana, when we're out, you're always
00:13:18
telling the restaurant your birthday to
00:13:19
get something free,
00:13:22
>> right? Yeah.
00:13:23
>> Yeah. And and it's my anniversary again.
00:13:26
>> Oh, yeah. You were milking that one last
00:13:27
week. You're like, "It's that again this
00:13:29
week."
00:13:29
>> Yeah.
00:13:30
>> Uh but 17 flavors.
00:13:33
>> When you're out, you always take off
00:13:34
your sweater and then you go, "It's kind
00:13:36
of cold in here. Can I get a down vest?"
00:13:38
>> I go, "It's kind of cold. Can I get a
00:13:40
free meal? I'm freezing."
00:13:42
>> Yeah. I mean, it's sort of weird. You're
00:13:44
You're kind of You have some
00:13:45
piccadillos.
00:13:46
>> Yeah.
00:13:47
>> But Confetti craze is great. Uh
00:13:50
>> it's a little buttery. It's a little
00:13:52
van. It's like,
00:13:53
>> you know, like birthday cake.
00:13:55
>> Yeah. Yeah. And now basically they're
00:13:57
giving you caffeine now. 5 hour energy
00:13:59
shots.
00:14:01
>> And get this.
00:14:02
>> Sounds like a lot to me. 17 flavors.
00:14:06
>> 17.
00:14:07
>> It It's not too many. It's a lot. But at
00:14:09
least it gives a big uh selection and
00:14:13
you don't get a sugar crash. You just
00:14:16
get a little
00:14:19
>> Yeah.
00:14:21
So I'm excited. They're on. You can get
00:14:24
these at, you know, obviously
00:14:26
5hourgy.com.
00:14:28
You can go to Amazon.
00:14:30
Uh they're stocking up. I'm stocking up.
00:14:33
I have to load up
00:14:35
>> because I kind of buzz through them
00:14:36
pretty quickly.
00:14:37
>> Mhm.
00:14:38
>> Cake on the brain confetti craze. It's
00:14:40
back.
00:14:42
>> Uh you can go fiveoury.com. Amazon.
00:14:44
>> The funfetti flavor is back on 5hour
00:14:47
energy.com or Amazon. Crack open
00:14:50
confetti craze. 5 hour energy shot
00:14:52
today. If you're like this and you got
00:14:56
to be like this, it's 5 hour energy.
00:15:00
>> Yeah.
00:15:01
>> Take that to the bank. Take it.
00:15:03
>> Speaking of speaking of AI.
00:15:06
>> Sure.
00:15:08
>> This is what I put together. This a
00:15:09
little alert maybe of future future
00:15:13
world. But
00:15:13
>> yeah, please.
00:15:14
>> GLPs. Ompic GLPs.
00:15:17
>> They're exploding. Micro dose this dose.
00:15:20
Get a dose. have a everyone's losing
00:15:22
losing weight. They get ompic face
00:15:25
AI today 16,000 laid off from some other
00:15:28
big company 20,000 here 40,000 in the
00:15:31
near future people on earth will be
00:15:34
really skinny and unemployed so it'll
00:15:37
just be people
00:15:42
no job but look great.
00:15:48
We're going back to the dinosaurs.
00:15:52
>> I guess they can talk, you know.
00:15:53
>> Yeah, they could still talk. I think I
00:15:55
like this extreme situation.
00:16:01
>> You want to go look for a job? No, I
00:16:03
don't.
00:16:04
>> Just eating off a hummingbird feeder.
00:16:07
That's my dinner.
00:16:11
I like people to say they're not one
00:16:13
person told me a famous person who's
00:16:16
skinny and looks great. I'm not doing
00:16:18
Osmpic anymore,
00:16:20
>> but I'm micro doing it.
00:16:23
>> Well,
00:16:23
>> right.
00:16:24
>> I think you're still doing it.
00:16:26
>> Yeah,
00:16:26
>> micro dose sounds like nothing. Like,
00:16:28
no, that's just No,
00:16:30
>> it might be good if it keeps the weight
00:16:32
off, but you don't have side effects.
00:16:34
Dosage matters. In the old days, they
00:16:37
would swallow
00:16:39
cotton balls, like little um caplets,
00:16:43
like for vitamins, filled with cotton,
00:16:45
and it would make your stomach full.
00:16:48
Well, we've had two revolutions. One is
00:16:50
the fast food revolutions, Kellogg,
00:16:52
Cornflakes in the 50s. If you look at
00:16:54
the movies in the 20s, 30s, and 40s,
00:16:56
there's a couple fat people. Humphrey
00:16:58
Bogart was 132 pounds. Spencer Tracy
00:17:01
148. He was the fat guy. Um,
00:17:04
>> then this revolution came in, the
00:17:06
obesity epidemic. Now we have the GLPs,
00:17:09
but we also have AI, so we won't be able
00:17:11
to work and we'll be skinny.
00:17:13
>> There was a page in the Guinness Book of
00:17:15
World Records when I was probably 15
00:17:17
that said,
00:17:17
>> I love that thing.
00:17:18
>> The fattest guy in the world was about
00:17:20
500 lb. And I'm like, that's three
00:17:22
people on my street. That's twothirds of
00:17:26
the grove when I go shopping.
00:17:28
>> So I don't think you'd get the world
00:17:30
record anymore for 500 lb. I think
00:17:32
Seinfeld, I don't think he could do this
00:17:35
now, but something about a thou a
00:17:37
thousand pound man. What if he lost a
00:17:40
100 pounds? What do you say to him? Bob,
00:17:42
you look great. You're a rail.
00:17:44
>> You're a rail.
00:17:46
>> I remember that one.
00:17:48
>> Yeah. I think it was the two guys on
00:17:50
motorcycles.
00:17:51
>> What a joke.
00:17:51
>> And they had like minibikes and they
00:17:53
showed them driving from the back and
00:17:55
they both weighed 500 lb. These twins
00:17:57
>> and they might have been in the Guinness
00:17:59
book and they were like the two Fatso
00:18:01
brothers. And then yeah, what if he
00:18:04
loses a hundred? You're a real
00:18:07
hilarious guy.
00:18:10
>> He's losing so much weight. What are the
00:18:11
big stories in your life?
00:18:13
>> Stories are observations. Here's an
00:18:16
observation. All these data processing
00:18:18
centers bill. We need so much energy to
00:18:21
power these generative intelligent AIs.
00:18:26
Bill 100 atomic bomb energy for an AI
00:18:30
>> for one AI. for one AI. One human being
00:18:33
that's fairly smart just needs a snicker
00:18:36
bar and they are rocking.
00:18:37
>> Yeah.
00:18:38
>> So
00:18:39
>> just an observation.
00:18:41
>> Yeah. AI just to just to write, hey, are
00:18:44
you playing pickle ball this weekend,
00:18:46
>> right,
00:18:47
>> on a spam is 100 kilotons of energy.
00:18:52
>> We're wasting energy.
00:18:54
>> Our brains are pretty good. That's all
00:18:55
I'm saying. Did you see the guy climbing
00:18:57
the this thing?
00:19:00
>> Alex Hanald
00:19:03
for mid mid
00:19:04
>> Holden.
00:19:05
>> Hold. Alex Han the human ai. Yeah. He
00:19:09
said his paycheck was embarrassing. Mid
00:19:12
six figures like maybe a half million to
00:19:14
climb a skyscraper in Singapore.
00:19:16
>> That cat made more for that commercial
00:19:18
on the right.
00:19:19
>> I'll just say this, I'll put it out
00:19:20
publicly. I would have taken the
00:19:22
elevator, did 20 minutes of stand up up
00:19:24
top for 250. I would have done elevator
00:19:27
no standup 190.
00:19:30
>> I would have put you in an elevator and
00:19:32
then and held the rope while I repelled
00:19:34
you down the building. 10,000 for you.
00:19:37
>> I would a selfie toward the top but on
00:19:40
the elevator
00:19:42
for 875.
00:19:44
>> I would have made a realistic looking
00:19:46
dummy that looks like you and hoisted up
00:19:49
from the other side of the building and
00:19:50
then we split 20 grand.
00:19:52
>> Okay. I would have hung off the first
00:19:55
rung of the first building of the first
00:19:57
floor and said eek a mouse and then let
00:20:00
them take an embarrassing paparazzi
00:20:02
picture for 155.
00:20:04
>> I would have got to the first place that
00:20:06
you climbed to and just started crying.
00:20:09
>> I would have started climbing and gone,
00:20:11
"Oh [ __ ] wrong shoes. Let's do this
00:20:13
tomorrow." And then walked away.
00:20:14
>> You know, it was hot with high winds and
00:20:17
it took him four hours. He thought it
00:20:18
would take two. So he said he it made it
00:20:21
interesting.
00:20:23
>> Dude, he should have gotten at least an
00:20:24
M. Give him one million for that. Two
00:20:26
four hours of grunting and groaning and
00:20:29
using your lats and your back.
00:20:30
Meanwhile, Jake Paul got 50 million.
00:20:34
It's everyone says a different number,
00:20:36
but between 20 and 100 million to go run
00:20:40
away from that guy,
00:20:41
>> get his job broke.
00:20:43
>> I mean, which one's more scary? I mean
00:20:45
>> I I actually went out to Singapore and
00:20:47
when he came down he's coming out the
00:20:49
building and everyone's like like that
00:20:51
and I said I like pretty good man but
00:20:54
ain't no El Capitan.
00:20:56
>> Nope.
00:20:56
>> And then his face just dropped like it's
00:20:59
embarrassing [ __ ] on him. You know
00:21:00
>> the worst is like it's live
00:21:03
and your kids watching going what
00:21:06
happens if he plummets.
00:21:08
>> I know.
00:21:10
He's not Superman. He can do one of
00:21:12
these.
00:21:16
you know, and so it is kind of
00:21:18
nerve-wracking to watch, even though
00:21:19
he's just hanging on. And I go, there's
00:21:22
nothing tying him to the building. What
00:21:24
the [ __ ]
00:21:25
>> And not to be morbid, but literally
00:21:27
every single person wants him to fall. I
00:21:29
mean, everybody's like, what if he
00:21:32
falls? I mean,
00:21:33
>> do I mean people are like, why is it
00:21:36
alive? Because he could fall. Well,
00:21:38
that's why in the in old timey days, the
00:21:40
lion tamer, you know, you kind of want
00:21:42
the lion to swallow. So,
00:21:46
because he's in there, he's got a chair,
00:21:48
>> you know. Remember on Ed Sullivan re
00:21:51
amazing Crystal Bongo is going to go in
00:21:54
and try to tame a lion.
00:21:56
>> Pretty good.
00:21:57
>> Right here in our shade. Here he is. The
00:22:00
magnificent Christristen Bongo, lion
00:22:02
tamer. Well, anyone could do Ed
00:22:04
Sullivan.
00:22:06
He's got a whip and he's got a like a
00:22:07
folding chair and he's like,
00:22:09
>> "Dude, why is he doing all these old
00:22:10
impressions?
00:22:12
Ain't no way they're going to get
00:22:13
ratings."
00:22:16
>> The first hundred comments are, "What's
00:22:18
going on? Who are these people?"
00:22:20
>> All right, we've uh
00:22:22
we've reached peak shriek. I call it
00:22:25
peak shriek where everyone's in a state
00:22:27
of hysteria. And I saw a guy the t-shirt
00:22:30
peak shriek. I don't like looking at
00:22:32
cantalopes. Uh, do you guys got any good
00:22:36
cantaloupes here?
00:22:39
>> Not a joke. Just chilling.
00:22:41
>> Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I thought he was
00:22:42
talking to Sydney Sweeney on the
00:22:45
>> and her new lingerie line which made its
00:22:47
way to my purview.
00:22:49
>> What's your purview mean,
00:22:51
>> Dana?
00:22:52
>> It made it to you, Heather.
00:22:53
>> Yeah, me too.
00:22:54
>> I mean, Heather makes sense.
00:22:56
>> I just admire
00:22:57
>> young pretty girl gets gets a story
00:23:00
about a young pretty girl. But go ahead.
00:23:02
What's your big hot take on Sydney
00:23:03
Sweeney?
00:23:04
>> Well, in the old timey days, there was
00:23:06
sadness. It was Marilyn Monroe, James
00:23:08
Mansfield, and these this type of woman
00:23:11
in the movies or in show business and
00:23:13
they didn't have control. The men
00:23:14
controlled them and they ended up really
00:23:16
not that rich. Now you got Sydney
00:23:18
Sweeney out of my out of my way. Boy,
00:23:20
she's doing Jean Kr. She's starting a
00:23:22
huge global business while she's in her
00:23:25
20s. She's taking back all the power
00:23:28
from other sort of whatever you would
00:23:30
call them. Uh, what do we call our
00:23:32
starlets? You know, our movie star
00:23:35
women, Heather,
00:23:37
>> starlets.
00:23:38
>> Starlets or
00:23:39
>> stars?
00:23:40
>> Sex. Sex symbols. Basically,
00:23:42
>> actors, stars, sex symbols.
00:23:43
>> Actors, sex symbols. So, anyway, Sydney
00:23:45
Sweeney is taking the power back. And I
00:23:47
like that. I like that.
00:23:48
>> Now, do you think in a movie
00:23:51
>> in the negotiations?
00:23:52
>> Yes.
00:23:53
>> More money to show boobs because I sound
00:23:55
crazy,
00:23:56
>> but that was a story on Halibar and
00:23:59
Swordfish. Did you hear that?
00:24:02
>> She'd get 500 grand.
00:24:04
>> Oh, where it was it was in the contract,
00:24:06
not sort of encouraged.
00:24:10
>> I mean, it would make sense. I don't
00:24:12
think Sydney cares either way because
00:24:14
she's done Euphoria and all these
00:24:16
movies, but maybe it's getting to that
00:24:18
point where she can say, "I don't want
00:24:20
to do it. Give me a bump."
00:24:21
>> Well, she's kind of she I feels like
00:24:23
she's in control. So, if she wants to
00:24:25
go, here's my boobs. You know, it's like
00:24:28
it's not like she's under duress. But
00:24:30
with men, you know, they'd want them
00:24:32
after Arnold came out and ruined it for
00:24:34
skinny men, skinny movie actors, you
00:24:37
know, you got to take your shirt off.
00:24:39
So, a lot of men, they'd be like, "We
00:24:41
want you to put on 30 pounds of muscle
00:24:43
and we want you to take your shirt off
00:24:45
in the movie." They did it to Henry
00:24:47
Winkler. He goes, "No, I don't I don't
00:24:49
think so." Hey.
00:24:50
>> He goes, "Hey, you know,
00:24:53
>> I will tell you I was flipping channels
00:24:55
last night."
00:24:56
>> Mhm.
00:24:57
>> And I went to HBO before I knew the
00:25:00
name.
00:25:01
>> I shouldn't even tell you this cuz I'm
00:25:03
going to fall right in your trap.
00:25:04
>> I'm ready, man.
00:25:05
>> I'm going to say a word that I've said
00:25:08
before
00:25:09
>> and I'm going to do the voice.
00:25:10
>> He walks out of like a hut. It's
00:25:13
obviously the 1600s. He just hooked up
00:25:16
with someone. He's older. He walks out,
00:25:19
everybody's naked, and then they pan
00:25:22
down
00:25:23
and he's got maybe a one foot long
00:25:25
wiener. It's so What is What movie is
00:25:28
this?
00:25:29
>> Infuriating. It's a It's something on
00:25:32
HBO.
00:25:33
>> I think it's hardcore porn, isn't it?
00:25:35
>> No, it's like The Magic of Merlin. One
00:25:37
of these weird shows.
00:25:38
>> Oh.
00:25:39
>> Anyway, he comes out.
00:25:40
>> Night of the Seven Kingdoms, we're being
00:25:42
told. Yes.
00:25:44
>> Oh. Oh, I'm sorry that Greg knows this
00:25:46
cuz it's a screen saver. Um, anyway,
00:25:49
that's the only thing I saw in the whole
00:25:51
movie and I go, "This is trash."
00:25:55
I was so angry. I I rarely write HBO. I
00:25:57
said, "This is insane. This is
00:25:59
impossible. No one is big of a winner.
00:26:01
Don't make
00:26:02
>> I'm not I'm not like you. Like if if I
00:26:05
don't really want to see a dick uh um
00:26:09
when I'm not warned that it's coming on
00:26:11
some
00:26:13
>> or a TV show, it's like I'm never
00:26:15
excited. Like you were like, "Hey, cool.
00:26:16
A wiener." You know, I'm like, "Right,
00:26:18
don't don't just let's I mean
00:26:21
>> jumped on my heated rivalry group chat."
00:26:25
>> Yeah. I like,
00:26:26
>> you know what that is? The hockey show.
00:26:28
>> Oh. Oh. It's about two hockey players
00:26:30
that are um
00:26:31
>> that are also naked
00:26:33
>> having a diance.
00:26:35
>> Yeah, I'm oldfashioned. Sorry about
00:26:38
that.
00:26:39
>> Anyway, so that was it. Weer
00:26:42
>> um
00:26:43
>> Oh, yeah. We can't pull it up
00:26:46
>> because it's a it's a work computer. But
00:26:48
let me tell you something.
00:26:51
>> Monstrous. And I said, is this a
00:26:54
>> a dragon from the other movie?
00:26:58
Is this Game of Thrones?
00:27:01
But the worst part was he came out to
00:27:04
pee, but he has to grab it like a
00:27:05
baseball bat. I go, "That's enough."
00:27:07
Then I watched 20 more minutes. All
00:27:10
right. So, there's that.
00:27:11
>> Why are you excited by that?
00:27:13
>> By the way, no, I'm like mad about it.
00:27:15
So,
00:27:16
>> also, someone said in the comments,
00:27:20
>> "Our fans,
00:27:22
>> great should be called
00:27:26
frequent flyers." That's not a bad name.
00:27:28
>> That's not a bad joke.
00:27:31
>> I can't believe it would put that in the
00:27:34
comments.
00:27:35
>> Heather, do you like it or not like it?
00:27:38
>> It's cute.
00:27:38
>> It's cute. I mean, it's too hard to say
00:27:40
flies. Fruit flies.
00:27:42
>> Flyers. No, I think it's a nice little
00:27:44
pun.
00:27:47
>> I like it.
00:27:49
>> Yeah, it's kind of out of the blue. I
00:27:50
wouldn't really predict that one.
00:27:52
>> I don't judge people. So, I mean, I've
00:27:54
realized recently how what what a blood
00:27:56
sport it is to judge other people about
00:27:58
their lives when you don't know
00:28:00
anything. Well, why is David Spade
00:28:03
wearing that white hat? Well, what the
00:28:05
hell does he THINK HE'S DOING? IF I HAD
00:28:08
his money, I'd have a blue hat.
00:28:10
>> Yeah, it's true. I have a blue shirt.
00:28:12
You know, I get worked up every day so
00:28:14
much. There's a cement truck blocking my
00:28:16
street the other day. And he just stands
00:28:18
there and I go like this. First, I wait.
00:28:21
I wait. I solid two minutes. Don't say a
00:28:23
word. Great guy. And I'm on a hill
00:28:24
killing my neck and I'm waiting. It's my
00:28:27
street. He's He's crooked so you can't
00:28:28
get around him.
00:28:29
>> He's not doing jack [ __ ] Then I wait.
00:28:32
Then a guy come and then I go meep. I
00:28:35
wish there was a beep under a beep. Just
00:28:37
like a little, you know, like like,
00:28:39
"Hey, somebody's here. We got to get by.
00:28:43
No one's saying anything." Then a dude
00:28:44
walks out and he goes like this. Back it
00:28:46
out to sunset. Back it out into sunset.
00:28:50
>> Get [ __ ] I stop before I take uh take
00:28:54
the road to your house and I stop I pull
00:28:57
over and say a little prayer
00:28:59
>> and then I go up your street because
00:29:01
it's like
00:29:04
>> ways and trucks and
00:29:07
gunshots
00:29:08
>> smoke fireworks
00:29:13
apocalypse now and then your gate opens
00:29:20
>> and you see where Theo and Sandler
00:29:22
scratched their doors and opened them
00:29:23
like a like a tuna can.
00:29:28
That was when I first moved in and then
00:29:29
I widened it because I was like, "Oh my
00:29:31
god."
00:29:31
>> I know. You really widened it.
00:29:33
>> Well, I did, but no one's paying
00:29:35
attention. They just pull in and they
00:29:36
go, "Well, I don't back down it. I don't
00:29:39
play that game. I don't, you know, I'm
00:29:42
just uh I'm going to turn and turn and
00:29:44
turn and then I go down."
00:29:45
>> Dana's like this. I'm a safe driver. You
00:29:49
know when George Seagull I said went on
00:29:51
Just Shoot Me,
00:29:52
>> I said, "George, I saw you. I pulled up
00:29:54
next to you on Holloway last night and
00:29:56
he goes,
00:29:57
>> "Oh no, was I like this?"
00:29:59
>> And he he leaned over like bent over on
00:30:02
the steering wheel. He goes, "They look
00:30:03
like an old man like this." I go, "No,
00:30:06
you sit up straight." And he goes, "Oh,
00:30:07
good." But he was like that.
00:30:09
>> Yeah, he was bent over
00:30:10
>> and so was I. Hey.
00:30:14
>> Um, all right. Should we start anything
00:30:15
or do you want to say my words?
00:30:17
My stocks are holding up today
00:30:20
>> and I real I realize the market the
00:30:23
stock market's not reacting as much like
00:30:26
we talked about Trump because he came
00:30:27
out earlier and he said we're going to
00:30:30
we're going to take out the moon. We're
00:30:32
going to bomb the moon. We're taking out
00:30:33
the moon. I never liked the moon. We're
00:30:36
going to take it out. We're going to
00:30:37
nuke the moon. That's what we're going
00:30:38
to do because we know how to nuke it.
00:30:40
And quite frankly, if you look at it,
00:30:43
if you look at it and you think about
00:30:44
it, we don't need the moon. You know,
00:30:46
the market's like going up.
00:30:48
>> They like the idea of it.
00:30:50
>> And earlier today, Biden came out. Why
00:30:53
is it What's What's his beef with the
00:30:54
moon?
00:30:56
>> Folks, let's get real. The fact of the
00:30:59
matter is the moon never hurt him.
00:31:01
>> I like the moon. And the people said,
00:31:03
"Well, the moon just said." Thanks you.
00:31:05
Thank you, Mr. President.
00:31:06
>> I agree with him on that.
00:31:08
>> Do people hate the puppets?
00:31:10
>> No.
00:31:11
>> I don't read the comments.
00:31:13
>> No. Uh, that's pretty much what I got.
00:31:17
>> All right, let's get to
00:31:17
>> I could do more, but let's get to this
00:31:19
hot takes.
00:31:21
>> What is this? Hold on before we do it.
00:31:22
>> Okay.
00:31:23
>> Oh, you remember Davos?
00:31:26
>> Of course.
00:31:27
>> Well, who goes to Davos?
00:31:29
>> Oh, boy. Uh, big world leaders, giant
00:31:34
billionaires, businesses. It's
00:31:36
>> just play like the first 10 seconds of
00:31:38
this.
00:31:38
>> Yeah. for paid adult companionship in a
00:31:40
little town called Davos, Switzerland,
00:31:42
has shot up by 4,000% in the last.
00:31:46
>> I wonder why. Every year the world
00:31:48
economic
00:31:50
>> Yes, everyone needs a little fun time.
00:31:53
>> Shark
00:31:59
my we Spanish lady. Men with money.
00:32:04
>> Yeah.
00:32:04
>> Escorts come in and want the money. Is
00:32:07
it legal or how can you be that shady?
00:32:10
It's probably hard to You're in a hotel
00:32:12
with all the other world leaders. You're
00:32:14
like, "Hey, introduce us to your
00:32:16
daughter."
00:32:16
>> I don't think it's ever my impression is
00:32:20
it's never written down or really even
00:32:23
spoke about, you know, hey, would you
00:32:25
like to have dinner? Okay. I don't think
00:32:28
it's They don't have pimps anymore, do
00:32:30
they? It's It's all It's all through
00:32:32
>> I don't think Huggy Bears walking around
00:32:34
the wall. I don't think I don't think
00:32:37
some guy's on the streets of Davos. Man,
00:32:39
you want to get a date? You know, so
00:32:42
>> yeah.
00:32:42
>> Mhm.
00:32:44
>> Beating beating up some girl in the
00:32:46
lobby.
00:32:48
>> In the water.
00:32:49
>> Oh yeah. Farewell.
00:32:53
>> Shark go to Davos.
00:32:57
Businessmen in Davos. Billion men got
00:32:59
the money
00:33:01
for $10,000.
00:33:03
You get the head, the tail.
00:33:05
>> 15,000 men went in. 2,000 came out.
00:33:11
>> For 2500, you get the lower body. For
00:33:14
3,000, you get the upper body. For the
00:33:16
whole damn thing, it's 25,000.
00:33:20
>> Dirty.
00:33:20
>> Why are we talking about this guy?
00:33:22
>> I don't know. We'll go to the next
00:33:23
story. That was
00:33:24
>> Let me just take a quick selfie of you
00:33:25
for my Instagram.
00:33:29
>> Oh, this story. This guy got busted cuz
00:33:33
reportedly selling his car on Facebook
00:33:35
Marketplace then stealing his car back
00:33:38
six times. Okay, now selling
00:33:41
>> this story is funny because it's not
00:33:43
funny, but when I first moved to LA, I I
00:33:48
said I could buy a Camaro. I I did a
00:33:51
movie and I go, "Oh my god, it's the
00:33:52
first time I have any money. I have
00:33:54
$6,000. So, I could buy a a Silica, a
00:33:59
Camaro, and try to be a pimp, but I
00:34:01
said, "Nope. I'm going to get a a cord.
00:34:04
I just want something that starts every
00:34:06
day."
00:34:07
>> The basic.
00:34:08
>> Can't go wrong.
00:34:09
>> Can't go wrong.
00:34:10
>> Maybe I'll splurge for a sunroof. I
00:34:12
found it was exactly 6,000.
00:34:15
>> Perfect. Good shape, good tires.
00:34:19
>> So, I thought that's all I need. Just
00:34:20
get me from A to B just so I can get my
00:34:22
life straight. So, I do a movie for 10
00:34:23
weeks. I clear 6,000. I go to this deli.
00:34:27
I meet this woman. Here's your money.
00:34:29
Here's the keys. I drive to the improv.
00:34:32
I go to show Tim Rose. We walk out. Was
00:34:34
it this street or was it this street?
00:34:36
No, I think it was on La Hoya. No, it
00:34:37
was on Kilkia. Stolen. Stolen within an
00:34:40
hour. And
00:34:41
>> stolen.
00:34:41
>> I had no insurance. It was just back to
00:34:43
zero. I had nothing. And
00:34:46
>> yeah,
00:34:46
>> when the cops finally talked to me, they
00:34:48
said I said, "You know what? It feels
00:34:51
like the guy like followed me and stole
00:34:52
it back." He goes, "Probably."
00:34:55
>> I go, "Oh,
00:34:56
>> let's go.
00:34:57
>> Everyone on deck. It's the Miami Mall
00:34:59
again. We need 100 cops." And they're
00:35:01
like, "Yeah, I mean, what are we what
00:35:03
are we going to do?" I'm like, "I don't
00:35:04
know. You You kind of know what
00:35:06
happened." He's like,
00:35:07
>> "Yeah,
00:35:08
>> what we're going to do, you and I, is
00:35:10
pitch this to Hulu on a brand new
00:35:13
Selling Steel. He sells a car and then
00:35:16
steals it back, starring your host,
00:35:18
David Spade, who comedy. I don't know if
00:35:22
it's comedy, but I'm just trying to I'm
00:35:24
just trying to get in the live streaming
00:35:26
world.
00:35:26
>> David Spade and Amelia Estz
00:35:30
with Kerat.
00:35:31
>> Not like Amelia. I think Amelio's coming
00:35:33
on.
00:35:34
>> I talked to him about coming on because
00:35:36
when Charlie Sheen was on, everyone
00:35:38
loved that Amelio.
00:35:39
>> Oh, they love the brother thing. They
00:35:41
love it's great. It was great. Really a
00:35:43
sweet moment,
00:35:45
>> you know.
00:35:46
>> Yeah.
00:35:47
Like when I see you and people think
00:35:49
it's a sweet moment.
00:35:51
>> I I had a Volkswagen Bug 67 that I was
00:35:55
driving to LA. I was driving back and
00:35:57
forth, San Francisco, LA. I drove to LA.
00:35:59
I was a block from my house and I look
00:36:02
in the rearview mirror and the engine's
00:36:04
on fire. So I pulled over and I walked
00:36:07
away.
00:36:08
>> Then I called people and said, "You want
00:36:10
a car? You can have it. It's it's rear
00:36:13
engine is burning right now." Who did
00:36:15
you call Mark Pitter or Kevin Pollock?
00:36:18
>> I called both of them, but Sllayton came
00:36:20
in. Bobby Sllayton, I got it. Hey, hey,
00:36:22
give me the car. Give me the car. Give
00:36:24
me the keys. Where's the keys?
00:36:26
>> I look in the front row, I see four
00:36:28
angry lesbians like there's any other
00:36:29
kind.
00:36:32
>> That's his act, not my act.
00:36:34
>> No, his words, not your
00:36:35
>> Did you have this this kind of window in
00:36:37
the back?
00:36:38
>> Yeah. And it was you could work on those
00:36:40
cars. They they got a lot of mileage.
00:36:42
They, you know, they were so light. Two
00:36:45
strong men could just lift them up, you
00:36:48
know.
00:36:49
>> My buddy Jody had one and it was like a
00:36:51
69 or 70 and he had to back lift a
00:36:53
little bit.
00:36:54
>> Yeah.
00:36:56
The heating system was just they would
00:36:58
let air in and it would go over the
00:37:00
engine and come in. So, it kind of was a
00:37:02
little oily smell, you know,
00:37:05
>> oily.
00:37:05
>> It was a force. It was such a toy. I
00:37:08
mean, you know, death trap. And so you
00:37:11
just left it and said, "I'll just start
00:37:12
over."
00:37:13
>> Yeah. And then I got on one of the boys
00:37:15
with Mickey Rooney and Scatman Kathers
00:37:18
and I made some money and I think I did
00:37:20
buy a Honda Accord.
00:37:22
>> See, you got to civic or accord is just
00:37:24
the way to go.
00:37:25
>> It's just easy. They start.
00:37:28
>> Yeah,
00:37:28
>> I just sold a truck at that Barrett
00:37:29
Jackson auction and it was kind of
00:37:31
funny.
00:37:32
>> Uh it's too big for me. All right, let's
00:37:35
go to the next story.
00:37:36
>> All right, let's see who it is.
00:37:38
Oh yeah,
00:37:38
>> this is this is artwork. Dana, now if
00:37:40
you were any sort of artist, which you
00:37:42
no offense, you're not.
00:37:43
>> If you had any creative bone in your
00:37:46
body, you would try to do this.
00:37:48
>> Okay, let's see it.
00:37:50
>> He's imitating things in nature.
00:37:55
>> It's pretty clever.
00:37:57
>> It is clever.
00:37:59
I don't know
00:38:01
how is it just Okay.
00:38:05
>> I like the noise. And then how do you
00:38:07
see it?
00:38:09
>> You just film it. Then you got to dress
00:38:11
like it. And
00:38:11
>> And then is it in a museum or anything
00:38:13
or
00:38:13
>> No, it's just on some guy's [ __ ] IG.
00:38:16
>> Okay. I think it's pretty pretty clever.
00:38:20
>> Right. What are you doing all day? You
00:38:21
could be doing this. This is what I
00:38:23
would do maybe during co, but if I had
00:38:25
literally anything else to do, I don't
00:38:26
think I would do it.
00:38:28
>> Okay, that's
00:38:29
>> Yeah,
00:38:30
you got it.
00:38:31
>> Everyone's got something, you know. I
00:38:33
mean, this is cool. I don't mind. Mhm.
00:38:36
>> That's That's more performance art. I
00:38:38
feel
00:38:38
>> I think it's more performance,
00:38:39
>> but I like it. I think it's it's it's
00:38:42
not it's a little off the beaten path of
00:38:44
what you see on TikTok.
00:38:45
>> There are no rules in the art world in
00:38:48
the last 25 years, you know. It could be
00:38:50
anything.
00:38:50
>> Yeah.
00:38:51
>> I mean, I you know, I mean, it could be
00:38:53
a red dot on a canvas. I mean, yeah.
00:38:55
>> Do you think it's money laundering or
00:38:56
No, what is that story?
00:39:00
Yeah, I think a part a part of it could
00:39:01
be, but I also think it's um I remember
00:39:06
Dennis Miller going at the end of the
00:39:08
day, Cary, it's all down to paintings
00:39:10
and planes. I mean, you can get a
00:39:11
mansion, you get wealth, you get a fleet
00:39:14
of cars, but if you can get a plane, a
00:39:17
Gulfream that's yours and original art
00:39:20
like a basot and whatever, that's the
00:39:24
final. So I think the scarcity of
00:39:27
certain artists, it's just the
00:39:29
exponentially going up.
00:39:30
>> More like one more the more rare. I've
00:39:32
got a Jack Pollock.
00:39:35
>> You have you you'd have a Jackson
00:39:37
Pollock. Jesus Christ.
00:39:38
>> Jack Pollock.
00:39:40
>> Jackie Pollock. Okay. He decided to put
00:39:44
down the brush and just kind of pour it
00:39:46
on the camera.
00:39:47
>> Just sneeze on the sneeze on the
00:39:50
>> I uh I don't know. I have a Peter Beer.
00:39:52
I don't I didn't remember I couldn't get
00:39:54
into that art. My brother uh Andy is
00:39:57
really into it and he's got the coolest
00:39:58
[ __ ]
00:39:59
>> and but I never and airplanes I would
00:40:01
love but you know not quite there yet.
00:40:05
>> While I play rib ticklers in Tulsa
00:40:08
>> that was a real comedy club in
00:40:10
Minneapolis.
00:40:11
>> Yeah.
00:40:12
>> Mhm.
00:40:12
>> There was Jokers in Tulsa I played and
00:40:15
uh I'm doing theaters now. Thank God.
00:40:18
But oh where am I going? That's a good
00:40:19
question. Uh my next
00:40:21
>> where were you? Are you going? Are you
00:40:22
touring? I mean the people want to know.
00:40:24
>> Well, I just got back in quotes from
00:40:27
>> I just got back
00:40:29
>> in Wisconsin, Chicago. And it was last I
00:40:31
checked it was minus 11 in Apple. So
00:40:34
I'll see what that's like. Bring the
00:40:36
long sleeve t-shirts. And
00:40:39
this next one is
00:40:42
Oklahoma. We're just talking about
00:40:45
as Heather put it on my site. Oklahoma,
00:40:49
Oklahoma. That's where I'm going.
00:40:52
>> Oklahoma. Okay.
00:40:54
>> It's Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
00:40:56
>> Right. It just said
00:40:57
>> generates it itself.
00:40:58
>> So, she put Oklahoma. Funny. Got a lot
00:41:01
of chatter, which is good.
00:41:03
>> You could drop in on my Oklahoma
00:41:07
Thunder.
00:41:07
>> Autogenerates it. I don't
00:41:11
>> Oklahoma. And then I'm playing Dallas.
00:41:13
Dallas. And then I'm playing San
00:41:15
Antonio.
00:41:19
No, it doesn't say that. But that's
00:41:20
where I'm playing. That's the next one.
00:41:21
Then I got Pittsburgh. I haven't been to
00:41:24
Pittsburgh. I don't think I've ever done
00:41:25
a full theater show in Pittsburgh.
00:41:29
>> Uh
00:41:32
>> I don't think I have either, but I've
00:41:33
been to Pittsburgh. I don't know why.
00:41:35
It's usually Philly, I guess.
00:41:38
>> Or it's in the in the east. What are
00:41:41
those towns? East Eastern Pennsylvania.
00:41:44
Hazelton.
00:41:46
>> No, not going to
00:41:47
>> Hershey. I've done casinos. We've all
00:41:50
done casinos and those are in the middle
00:41:52
of nowhere.
00:41:54
>> I love casinos in the middle of nowhere,
00:41:56
man.
00:41:57
>> And then it's like a nice casino and
00:41:59
you're like, how how is this happening?
00:42:01
>> Just all the money. Yeah. It's usually
00:42:02
shiny and bright. just got to got in the
00:42:05
middle of like a tough town that's been,
00:42:07
>> you know, through like I I did one near
00:42:09
in Ohio, one near Detroit where some
00:42:11
town was just hit with like
00:42:14
>> everyone in the town got hit by like the
00:42:16
car plant shut down or the coal mine and
00:42:19
here's some beautiful casino with some
00:42:22
joker like me showing up.
00:42:24
>> Yeah.
00:42:25
>> So crazy.
00:42:26
>> I know.
00:42:27
>> But I do I do a good job. Yada.
00:42:30
>> Uh everyone's talking about it. One of
00:42:32
the greats, David Spade. You should go
00:42:34
see the show.
00:42:35
>> One of one of the greats on the Mount
00:42:37
Rushmore of Standup comedians.
00:42:40
>> Yeah,
00:42:40
>> he brings it. Let's put it this way.
00:42:42
David Spade brings it. That's what I
00:42:44
>> That's what a lot of the reviews are.
00:42:45
Brings it.
00:42:46
>> He brings it. They don't say what he
00:42:47
brings, but he brings it.
00:42:49
>> One guy I said he commented that I
00:42:52
wouldn't see this show again. It looked
00:42:54
like he was making it all up. I'm like,
00:42:57
that's the whole point. That's what took
00:43:00
so long.
00:43:02
He refused to read his jokes off a piece
00:43:04
of paper and pre
00:43:07
and looked like he was spontaneously
00:43:10
just remembering these funnyities.
00:43:12
>> [ __ ] madness thing.
00:43:17
Okay, next one. Let's see. We got any
00:43:18
more? Are we done? Let's see.
00:43:21
I don't know what this is.
00:43:25
>> Oh, we'll see if Heather thinks this is
00:43:27
a good idea. So, every all the girls get
00:43:29
their nails done. And they spend so much
00:43:31
money. You can change the color of your
00:43:34
nails
00:43:34
>> that fast all day.
00:43:36
>> So, right now, I'll just go ahead and
00:43:37
set these glues.
00:43:39
>> Wait a minute. So, it takes the old nail
00:43:41
polish off and then puts
00:43:43
>> I don't know what it's doing,
00:43:44
>> Heather.
00:43:45
>> Then it'll shuffle right through to that
00:43:46
first glue that I
00:43:48
>> How is that?
00:43:52
>> It's the top coat. Yeah, it's I don't
00:43:55
know if you have to be plugged into this
00:43:56
thing or
00:43:57
>> or it's just showing you what it'll look
00:43:59
like
00:44:00
>> kind of
00:44:01
>> I don't know what that ring also may
00:44:03
have something to do with it.
00:44:05
>> It needs to be a conduit or something to
00:44:09
>> electronically do. I don't know. It
00:44:11
can't just
00:44:11
>> there's ways to brush nail polish and it
00:44:13
gets metallic. So, there are ways to do
00:44:15
different finishes.
00:44:17
>> Yeah, we're a little flumxed by this
00:44:18
one, but it's very that's the future.
00:44:21
Pop quiz for you and Heather and Greg.
00:44:23
Like what is from a male point of view,
00:44:27
what is considered the most attractive
00:44:30
color of nail polish on toes?
00:44:34
>> Toes. I'm going with sandals. Toes.
00:44:38
Red. Ruby red.
00:44:40
>> Red might be too easy. Too down the
00:44:42
middle.
00:44:43
>> Heather. Greg.
00:44:44
>> I've I've never done red ever in my
00:44:46
life.
00:44:47
>> Heather's never done her toes red.
00:44:49
>> Very harsh. Very.
00:44:51
>> This is a big game changer.
00:44:53
>> Any neutral.
00:44:54
>> Any neutral. Dana,
00:44:56
>> dummy. Okay. All right.
00:44:58
>> Pale nudes.
00:45:00
>> Any further? Mhm.
00:45:02
>> Oh, Greg says nude color. What is Greg
00:45:05
talking about?
00:45:05
>> Nasty Greg. I nude color.
00:45:07
>> Greg does his nails nude, guys. Like the
00:45:10
guy on
00:45:11
>> Knight of the Seven Kingdoms. I just
00:45:13
shot their ratings up.
00:45:14
>> I think it's kind of cool to have
00:45:16
>> Knight of the Night of the Hogwiners.
00:45:19
That thing traumatized you. You haven't
00:45:21
been the same since you saw that.
00:45:22
>> I haven't been.
00:45:23
>> That's what caused your eyebrows to go
00:45:25
up like that. It was just the show. It
00:45:27
wasn't the hat.
00:45:28
>> I can't really see me on this one, but I
00:45:29
don't think my eyebrows are going crazy.
00:45:31
>> I'm going to get my hair even taller
00:45:32
next week. My goal is to get it to here.
00:45:37
>> I'm going to give you my hair guy. His
00:45:38
name is Jimmy Neutron.
00:45:41
>> You don't want to have You don't want to
00:45:42
be able your lower face. You don't want
00:45:45
to have your hair it so far back that
00:45:47
you can fit your lower face up before
00:45:50
the hair starts.
00:45:51
>> You should It should It goes The
00:45:54
dimensions of your waist to your nose
00:45:56
should equal your nose to your hairline.
00:45:59
>> What?
00:46:00
>> That's forehead.
00:46:06
Now
00:46:06
>> you got good hair. So this is this is
00:46:08
the uh
00:46:09
>> quick quickhead
00:46:11
appertif.
00:46:13
I'm not going to testify for nobody,
00:46:15
man.
00:46:16
>> Hey, man. I'm out of here. I took a
00:46:19
jacuzzi. Sue me.
00:46:22
And then here's W. Bush. Just just the
00:46:25
look on his face. I couldn't believe the
00:46:27
press conference. All the stuff that's
00:46:28
going on in the world. They said, "What
00:46:29
do you think? What do you think of it?
00:46:33
How did you make that one?
00:46:36
That looks I don't know what to
00:46:39
>> That looks like the Chick-fil-A girl on
00:46:41
TikTok.
00:46:44
David Spade, Saul Weiner.
00:46:48
>> What about that one video where he's
00:46:49
golfing and he goes, "My heart goes out
00:46:52
to all the people in 911. You got that
00:46:54
guys." All right, watch this drive.
00:46:57
Then he does a drive to the press corps.
00:46:59
I go, "You shouldn't do that." You know,
00:47:01
they're still filming, dude.
00:47:02
>> He had kind of a, you know, love or hate
00:47:04
of a cheerful demeanor. He had that frat
00:47:07
boy kind of how's it going? You know,
00:47:10
kind of. Did you do George regular Bush
00:47:12
or only the her?
00:47:14
>> No, I did I did Bush Senior of course
00:47:16
did him on SNL did it in the best way I
00:47:20
knew how and then with W I just started
00:47:24
doing him because but Will Frell kind of
00:47:26
Will Frell was
00:47:28
>> Were you leaving when that happened?
00:47:30
>> Yeah, I was I was off the show but I I
00:47:32
do you know I did Obama I did CL I did
00:47:36
them all.
00:47:37
I'm not saying they're any good, but I
00:47:39
do them all.
00:47:40
>> We got another gig coming up. We're
00:47:41
going to
00:47:41
>> I'll do Jimmy Carter if you want.
00:47:44
I go way back.
00:47:46
>> All right, we'll do one more and then
00:47:48
we'll wrap up.
00:47:48
>> Let's wrap it up.
00:47:50
>> Let's do one more and let's
00:47:51
>> one more. This is called
00:47:52
>> the banger. Okay.
00:47:54
>> I don't know if it is.
00:47:56
>> I don't know what it is yet.
00:48:00
>> Oh, wow.
00:48:02
>> Oh, this is like CES. They show you how
00:48:05
to do things, I think. What am I
00:48:07
looking?
00:48:08
>> I thought they were measuring their foot
00:48:09
for a shoe, but they're making a shoe.
00:48:13
>> Oh, they're making it totally to fit
00:48:15
your foot.
00:48:16
>> See, that's pretty.
00:48:17
>> Is it only like
00:48:19
>> Oh, so it's like a little rubber.
00:48:20
>> Only barefoot shoes.
00:48:22
>> I see.
00:48:23
Now, let's see one more.
00:48:25
>> Look at that.
00:48:26
>> Would you do this?
00:48:31
>> I think it's kind of cool. I mean ask me
00:48:33
this.
00:48:35
>> Here's here's the deal. Can I finish one
00:48:38
time?
00:48:38
>> Can I finish?
00:48:40
>> Put on my podiatry hat.
00:48:42
>> Yes. Podiatrist here.
00:48:44
>> So
00:48:46
feet generally if they're neutral if
00:48:48
they go like this.
00:48:49
>> Okay.
00:48:50
>> If they supenate they go out like this
00:48:52
when you walk.
00:48:54
>> If they pronate they go in when you
00:48:56
walk. Now I have one foot uh that this
00:48:59
foot goes in a little bit.
00:49:00
>> Pronate. pronates. This one supenates.
00:49:04
>> Yeah.
00:49:04
>> And one of my feets is a half inch
00:49:08
bigger than the other one. So, customade
00:49:10
shoes. I think I'm sure Steph Curry,
00:49:12
they get custommade shoes for their
00:49:14
>> You go to Good Feet store.
00:49:17
>> Um I go to the Sears stores that are
00:49:20
still open and um
00:49:22
>> I get industrial shoes. No, where would
00:49:24
I go to get shoes? I don't One of mine
00:49:27
pro
00:49:31
>> pronates means lean
00:49:32
>> pronates and one does soup plantation
00:49:36
>> and it's funny.
00:49:38
>> Well, my my elbow if I raise my hand I
00:49:42
can't go straight up. It's called um
00:49:44
venicular venicular perpendicular elbow
00:49:48
uh constellation. So it goes like this
00:49:51
>> and then I go up. So in class when I was
00:49:54
a little kid I I have Farley one where
00:49:57
you go like this to raise your hand and
00:49:58
then you go
00:50:02
>> all down.
00:50:02
>> He did a sketch where it was Seinfeld as
00:50:04
a teacher and he goes,
00:50:06
"Where did World War II start
00:50:10
and don't say
00:50:14
um Africa?" And Farley goes then he goes
00:50:18
whatever the wrong answer was. That was
00:50:20
what he was going to say.
00:50:21
>> It's funny that it just
00:50:22
>> he goes down slowly.
00:50:24
>> Yeah. as opposed um you know
00:50:27
>> do you have frozen shoulder? You can
00:50:29
tell us.
00:50:30
>> No, I don't.
00:50:32
>> That guy on that show has frozen wiener.
00:50:36
>> God, you should
00:50:38
>> I wanted to end on a real like a real
00:50:41
summary of the whole episode. Like this
00:50:44
guy's got a French loaf.
00:50:48
French loaf. We heard from uh
00:50:50
>> Let's get him on next week. We'll ask
00:50:51
him all about it. I'm praying that it's
00:50:54
some sort of thing they put on there.
00:50:56
>> Um,
00:50:58
yes,
00:51:00
it could be a prostesis.
00:51:03
>> Yes.
00:51:04
>> And how do you put that on in your
00:51:05
trailer? How embarrassing.
00:51:07
>> I mean, I don't want to get into the
00:51:08
weeds with this, but in a
00:51:10
bioevolutionary way when the swords were
00:51:12
flying.
00:51:13
>> Yeah.
00:51:14
>> Those guys didn't last very long. You
00:51:16
know, that was their
00:51:18
>> relaxed state. You know,
00:51:20
>> they showed the girl on the way back of
00:51:22
the cave or whatever and she's like
00:51:24
this.
00:51:26
>> Do you remember the comedian John Fox?
00:51:29
He had this opening line.
00:51:31
>> Mhm.
00:51:33
>> It was so I don't want to go. The guy
00:51:36
was so hung like the human tripod. It
00:51:38
was like
00:51:40
>> applause. Yeah.
00:51:41
>> Yeah. He's the guy that went on Star
00:51:43
Search and sang a Diet Pepsi song to the
00:51:46
tune of
00:51:48
Oh, he changed words. He go cuz he's
00:51:50
heavy.
00:51:51
>> Mhm.
00:51:52
>> He goes,
00:51:53
he goes, "Oh god, candy section. I clear
00:51:56
the show." He wasn't drinking Diet Pepsi
00:51:58
and he did a song about it. It they used
00:52:00
to say, "I'm drinking
00:52:03
Pepsi and it shows." But he would say,
00:52:05
"I'm drinking I'm not drinking Diet
00:52:08
Pepsi and it shows." Because he was so
00:52:10
fat. I see.
00:52:12
>> God, I can't think of the words. Next
00:52:14
week, what a cliffhanger. I'll think of
00:52:15
the other two sentences.
00:52:17
>> Next week, we will be back locked and
00:52:18
loaded. Uh, if you have any requests for
00:52:21
puppets, I'm thinking in the near future
00:52:23
of bringing out a Pierce Morgan and
00:52:27
>> good
00:52:27
>> maybe an AOC. I try to a Tucker Carlson.
00:52:31
These are all in the hopper. So, I'll do
00:52:33
new people. I movie stars from the
00:52:36
1940s. mix it up and uh I'll think of
00:52:39
the end of that song and u
00:52:42
>> we're excited. Dana's going to go
00:52:43
shopping for those puppets, so get him
00:52:45
before he hits the store.
00:52:46
>> I have someone Mark Hershan who makes
00:52:48
them for me. I just got him a laser
00:52:50
printer. He's very good at it because it
00:52:53
has to be kind of a good size and then
00:52:56
these popsicle sticks
00:52:58
>> fit in like that. And
00:52:59
>> they're not as big as you think because
00:53:01
you push them to the camera so they can
00:53:02
be not as
00:53:03
>> right because that's how you here. I'm
00:53:05
just showing a photo and there I am
00:53:07
automating. Well, David, I really
00:53:08
enjoyed this show. I like the guy with
00:53:10
the wiener. I thought that was good. I
00:53:12
don't know. And the it was all kind of
00:53:14
entertaining. Hill and I enjoyed it. So,
00:53:17
>> but if he gets mad, it's like what the
00:53:19
[ __ ] are you talking about? Comes in.
00:53:21
So,
00:53:22
>> it's just fun.
00:53:23
>> Oh, yeah. People thought we were funny
00:53:24
on Bill Maher. I got a lot of comments
00:53:26
about that. Really? We did his podcast.
00:53:28
Yeah. That's nice.
00:53:29
>> Yeah.
00:53:30
>> Uh, okay. Have a nice time, Dana. And,
00:53:33
uh, we will see you next time.
00:53:34
>> We'll see you next time, everybody.
00:53:42
>> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:53:44
which you are, be sure to click follow
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00:53:55
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00:53:59
>> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:54:00
an executive produced by Danny Carvey
00:54:02
and David Spade, Heather Santoro and
00:54:04
Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and
00:54:08
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00:54:10
producer is Greg Holtzman and the show
00:54:12
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00:54:15
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00:54:17
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00:54:19
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00:54:24
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00:54:30
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