00:00:00
ah I like it so far Dana I nothing really bothers me there no one's expecting I mean I'm in a hotel room NOP
00:00:06
they're both going back c yeah that's fine this is a good
00:00:12
beginning yeah this is the beauty of uh remote podcasting I'm I'm in different hotels
00:00:20
you know now do you now do you want your mirror in the background because it shows like that square oh that's why
00:00:26
maybe we should open it this is funny yeah we [Music]
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yank his head off Jes God I almost yanked my earphones off today and I almost killed someone it got caught on a
00:00:39
tree and I was like Snap yeah well we got a few minutes left Dana so what should we talk about H well
00:00:48
okay I got a lot of stuff I want to talk about we'll go back and forth but oh
00:00:53
yeah I'm doing the tour so people exciting go to Davids bay.com I'm coming to your town probably not but I'm coming
00:00:59
to couple Town coming to some you know what was I announced the tour the first leg of it
00:01:07
and then everyone goes why are you coming to Pensacola that's all the comments are where I'm not going so uh I
00:01:13
will be adding and adding but uh that's all on that but it's you can buy tickets now
00:01:19
finally I just saw David we worked together at this event and I watch from
00:01:24
the wings and um he's uh in very sharp form very fun I tried to cut him off I tried
00:01:32
to get get the mic get him out of my hands I said hasn't he done his time I kept going to
00:01:38
the crew and they go he's on a roll let him go let him finish I go yeah and first corporate gig together it was a
00:01:45
great idea because we went all the way to Indiana and in the daytime I walked
00:01:51
across the street and went to the NFL combine it was right across from the hotel everyone in our hotel was either a
00:01:57
coach assistant coach weightlifting coach coach QB coach it was kind of
00:02:02
funny all dudes not great it looked like a pirate ship and then I walked over there and got on with Rich Eisen and did
00:02:09
some goofy stuff and then walked around and saw the combine which I watch on TV every year just fun to walk
00:02:15
around uh you went to the combine how long did it take you to get there from the hotel did you sprint or anything or
00:02:23
yeah when I did this 40 over there I go I'm already tired cuz I sprinted here but I was I felt like I might be
00:02:30
imagination I was being scouted while I was walking around like people were like what about this guy he could be a good
00:02:35
Rover back yeah I mean I always saw you as Scrappy as a fighter and I see you as um
00:02:43
kind of Speedy quick quick um yeah so you know I mean the zero to 20 yards you
00:02:51
probably be Make Some Noise yeah um and then I did some of the sled I did some sled work where you knock it back you
00:02:58
know push it back flip the tires a little bit like that just just let them know it's pretty easy if I seem a little
00:03:05
tired it's cuz we had there was a party last night at the hotel my wife was here oh and good night
00:03:13
sweetheart and then it just can you do the effect yeah and just people talking what up man so this went on for hours
00:03:21
going to the front desk and they're like I don't know we told them many times they they were had the balcony open it's
00:03:27
just blowing bongs pounded beard and they they kept knocking and they
00:03:32
were like your walls should be thicker man we're not that loud it's your fault yeah so we're like we got all our [ __ ]
00:03:40
in the other room we know we won't sleep and they can't stop them so we could can you just give us a room to walk to so we
00:03:47
can sleep is where I am now oh you did that oh my God just so we could sleep
00:03:52
because you drag your blankets and pillows down the hallway it kind of blur ey all blur ey so yeah
00:04:00
and then I went to the dermatologist today just for a classic skin check oh
00:04:06
oh do your [ __ ] one that I wish I had in my ACT it's so funny age related he's got a little
00:04:12
eyeglasses going around age related this time this time the guy is really nice but this time I get I didn't realize I
00:04:19
was wearing powder blue underwear I just grab them right they go please get down
00:04:24
so I'm sitting on the paper just nothing but the powder blue boxers sitting for like 5 seven minutes waiting
00:04:32
it's like he comes in so this time when he checked me he goes there's a red dots
00:04:38
that's normal you're going to be getting a lot more of those these dark ones back here you're going to be getting a lot
00:04:44
more of those so your balls hang to here it's going to be getting a lot lower yeah and
00:04:50
then he said on my wrist he goes uh let me um H is I go is it cancer goes it's
00:04:56
pre-cancer don't worry about it's pre-cancer so we're going to freeze it so is everything sort of just pre-cancer
00:05:03
until it's cancer I guess uh I don't know yesterday cuz I'm in town and I live in the country
00:05:10
uh
00:05:20
country I keep thinking of Patrick trying he's thinking live real time I
00:05:25
might be able to salvage that something
00:05:33
the coyotes the coyotes when they work in packs and you hear them coordinating out
00:05:39
in the field behind our house like coordinating oh yeah they definitely they attack and then they're they're like hyenas they're high
00:05:46
pitch they get horny it's you're killing but anyway I was in the big city
00:05:53
yesterday I got the eye thing better now or better now better now better now
00:06:00
better now better now for about 45 minutes and then the opthalmologist came in that was that was
00:06:08
just someone that was just me by myself better now you're practicing better now better now now the left eye is kind of
00:06:15
weak but the right ey is pretty good so what I used to do and this is possibly
00:06:21
considered cheating was I'm waiting for my turn I try to memorize each line and then I go up and they go okay I go GF
00:06:28
pf43 to one they go well there's no numbers in there I'm like that means I couldn't even see it when I was cheating
00:06:34
I was well let me ask you a question this is just straight up why didn't you
00:06:39
when you go to the pharmacy and you get the you know 1.5 1.25 1.75 they're up in
00:06:45
Meed two why getting assistance in your eyesight is called cheaters oh you need
00:06:51
some cheaters get some cheaters why is it cheating you can't see it's cheating
00:06:57
David David is wearing I'm wearing cheaters right now you'd be a total blur if I didn't wear these no I actually can
00:07:03
sort of see which is crazy so you have a lot of good gentics in the next
00:07:08
grown-ups we should do this where we all sit down at the diner the next grown
00:07:13
five of us yeah in one of the next grown-ups that we all sit down and
00:07:19
everybody puts their four the four out of the Five Guys put the menus like this you know way back here uhhuh and then
00:07:26
there because they all can't see and then I go you guys that's so lame and then I go like
00:07:32
this instead of growing UPS the next ones we call grow old growing it's not
00:07:38
it's not growing up anymore it's kind of like it's going to be g r o a n grown it's not going be be good so I got the
00:07:45
eyes I got the skin I finally slept it's been a big weekend I don't know liver
00:07:51
bad kidney bad what's that from is that from your act uh yeah I think so they go check you
00:08:00
Oriental medicine they go liver bad kidney bad sple well no that was when I used to go to a HomePath there was sort
00:08:06
of acupuncture doctor and I was on SNL at the time it was in the valley and I would go and they would take your pulse
00:08:13
and go oh you the LI band kidney bad everything bad right from your pulse
00:08:19
you're tired you're tired you're so tired now and they give me these bottle of red pills now what they would do is
00:08:26
Caffe you do all the acupuncture stuff put here for you I'll go that I'm doing a Norwegian accent just a bad one okay
00:08:34
for you sure and go there so they also would put it in your head so one time and this is not a bit and not a joke I
00:08:41
drove away and I noticed I still had one of the acupuncture things come top of my head like an anten yeah so I was getting
00:08:50
this is FM radio kog from the San Fernando Valley um but anyway life you
00:08:57
know is what it is picking up a radio in Iceland Christ sakes cvey I think next
00:09:03
time you should comb through the turf before you exit the Ure hey how much if
00:09:09
you pluck them out let let me ask you a question because I like to do that um have you ever done acupuncture oh yeah
00:09:16
with this neck are you kidding me you know what was a bummer the other night we flew home we did pretty good on the
00:09:21
flight that turbulence at the end kind of tightened me up and from then on I went to the I went to this Oscar thing
00:09:30
and I went with Chris and we and then I couldn't go out late because it was killing me so bad I started getting such
00:09:36
a bad headache such a bummer what a fun night but we did put a lot in it we did flew all day me andu we came from 18
00:09:42
degrees everything about it was just a beating and so it's kind of interesting um we I I like to kind of just let the
00:09:51
turbulence exist on its own so I just flop like I I just go with it and I saw
00:09:57
you tensing and tightening I thought well most of the time you're
00:10:03
sitting on the floor of the airpl which is kind of hip like a kind of a hippie
00:10:08
thing like I my knees give him a bongo he's down there it bothers the other customers actually I think when I was
00:10:15
biting on the pilon's collar bone just because I was so nervous like on the way down um yeah I know well
00:10:22
we we had a we had a fun time and uh here's a funny thing so I go I don't see
00:10:27
the Oscars at all um and our boy Conan was on them so I see little Clips here
00:10:33
and there but then I go to this shindig this Vanity Fair one with Chris so it's so when you get there it's going to be a
00:10:41
little bedum inside but there's a press line so that's kind of stuff they don't really want guys there because guys you
00:10:48
know I'm wearing a black suit so is Chris he looks good and um they don't want guys there they want a guy well
00:10:54
they just want to take the pictures of the girls gowns basically got it the guy who cares you know and so when you get
00:11:00
the Press line you know SNL The Press line it was like Log Jam I was standing there for 20 minutes waiting to go
00:11:06
through four degrees I mean was it outside or no no this VY fair this one
00:11:11
SNL oh you weren't there yeah it was inside but it for some reason it David I
00:11:17
know I just keep bringing up that you missed it uh but this one was there's a
00:11:23
few people waiting and we're behind Jeff Bezos and Lauren right so oh so you just never
00:11:30
know where you're going to be in line you know cuz whoever gets there like last year I was a slew of these models
00:11:37
came in like Gigi Hadid Mada they all were in line and so they all I said you
00:11:43
guys go first because that's all they care about is this this stuff you know fine so I'm waiting and then they say
00:11:50
there's three circles this is this is inside baseball as we always grow someone El I love it I know don't be mad
00:11:56
don't be mad I want to I'm I'm getting information right now even though I've been to the Oscars a few you've done a
00:12:01
million of these so this is just the after party okay and there's a there's a wall of
00:12:07
photographers and so we're waiting and so Bezos who I don't really know I don't
00:12:13
I don't think I know him at all I know Lauren a little bit so they go first so they get on their little circle a few
00:12:20
clicks you know Jeff Jeff Lauren La over here over here oh yeah you know they're doing they're doing action it's a couple you know so they go to the next one so
00:12:27
Chris Rock comes up there go Chris Rock Chris so he's in the next one okay and then and then when they move forward they go
00:12:33
Spade so now I'm on me it's a few clicks but you know we get it I'm wearing a suit I look around got it and then I
00:12:39
look at Chris and I go go like let's get out of here you know go to the next Circle let's get out of here yeah and
00:12:45
then Bezos is there but he's like hey hey you know he's he's kind of peacocking he looks good Lauren's very
00:12:52
pretty like hey did he have a sleeveless tuxedo with his biceps bulging out yeah I mean his skin brought a solo Flex with
00:12:58
him and he was on he jacked yeah he's ripped yeah and so oh there's a picture of us oh Heather will send a picture
00:13:05
maybe we can put okay I never saw that I didn't see any pictures from that night so that oh you should look for another one because so then they're still taking
00:13:14
long so we're not we're not getting off our circles and I'm just dying out there even and now the photographers are like
00:13:20
down they kind of shoot from the hip like now they're going across me and Chris trying to get Jeff you know Lauren
00:13:27
that way and then they're looking at their film checking their phones I'm like Chris go he go I'm waiting for them
00:13:33
so then then they finally move off so we go to that Circle then we Cruise no then we get a couple together I guess so then
00:13:40
we go off and now they stopped for something and now we run smack dab once
00:13:45
we're off the carpet into Jeff and Lauren and Chris is with his daughter too and they say uh oh let's get a
00:13:52
picture of all you guys like we're all together and I'm like so I say hi to them and then they picture now we're all
00:13:59
like all the party together but they he was very nice and she was always been
00:14:04
sweet so then if you're the woman you're very I'm sure very conscious of like oh
00:14:10
it's everything she I'm looking at my gown my makeup and then every every woman there is stunning and yeah so we
00:14:16
go in and then uh I run in of course to some comedians I see melany and I see Nick croll and uh uh a few others so we
00:14:25
just sit with them and [ __ ] and then you know you get acclimated then you start going
00:14:30
I'm gonna take a lap first of all Sasha Baron comes on now you know Sasha Baron
00:14:35
you know he played Borat played Borat he pretended to be sort of a middle Easter
00:14:40
man that oh there they are oh there we are okay that's not bad right look at my
00:14:45
hair shaving I don't know if it's your best picture I don't really thank you I
00:14:51
mean but that's not your fault you're incredibly handsome yeah I mean listen Maybe I had it was it was a bad pitch it
00:14:59
didn't didn't look like you to me can we see it again it's let's have no don't make me horrify let me see I've never
00:15:04
seen it looks perfectly fine but it doesn't well I think it's weird my sides are shaved so it looks a little
00:15:10
different right but look how Stern you are and look at Chris with the big spile yeah that doesn't look like your
00:15:16
personality I think I looked too smiley one time and from then on it was oh and then you're like Howard sterning it up
00:15:22
mhm yeah I just I'm like listen let's just get oh so here's this isn't Okay so
00:15:29
just this is it good Lord stern look at how funny so this the other funny part
00:15:35
is Chris's it's Chris's daughter is with him who's obviously very pry how old is
00:15:41
his daughter I think she's 21 we all came together so we stopped and grabbed them
00:15:47
lovely daughter lovely and her friend and so then we're walking up I'm like oh Chris people think we're double dating
00:15:54
here this is a this is a problem so I kind of hang behind then we get there
00:16:00
and then uh Lola gets there there's Lola and Zara his daughters but I go let's
00:16:07
have no confusion like we're all together you know so anyway anyway funny picture of all of us right that's funny
00:16:13
oh it was funny I just you know this I don't know if I'm liberated or not
00:16:18
liberated but it's just interesting that men are covered in their Tuxedos and
00:16:23
women have to have their collar bones and their shoulders well no they they oh
00:16:29
look at me oh my shirt's unbutton that looks like you have a mullet but it's not your hair in the back it look no but
00:16:35
it's really coming out U Chris Rock is leading the way he looks like he's about
00:16:40
to do a standup bit Sasha he goes now the thing is he always says but Sasha is
00:16:46
Too Tall so I don't want to hang out with him all night this is true so he's always funny and I do like him he's very fun so
00:16:53
you know friendly so they go to the bar and I go I'm going to walk around yeah yeah he's brilliant so
00:16:59
anyway I run into a few people and uh obviously every other person
00:17:04
is a celebrity because people don't really get plus ones not many do obviously Bezos and Lauren come together
00:17:12
and uh so I just see a lot of interesting people you don't see a lot but I was not feeling great obviously
00:17:17
with my horrible pictures and uh my shirt was too unbuttoned really good there's so many oh there's good ones no
00:17:24
I'm sure there's great ones a photo can be you catch someone in yeah oh there is oh [ __ ] show that was with rock too
00:17:32
right oh you'll like this one this is picture important to me I don't even know why I care it's important to me I
00:17:38
really want to see your big pH I want to find a good picture that's what I want to do I don't know I don't know if this is it I want to see it but you know they
00:17:46
walk around they kind of ruin it because Kim K was just on SNL and they're building a skims right by my house and I
00:17:51
wanted to grill her about it but it's hard to go up to because they always have someone sort of floating to nail some they get a picture with her yeah
00:17:59
and if you say hi and get a picture it looks like you're trying to get a picture so too sweaty out of
00:18:06
respect I said hi for two seconds but it was in between when the guy I don't think the only negative about the VY
00:18:12
Fair party and there there's really none is there's probably two floating photographers and so in a ballroom of
00:18:20
300 people yeah maybe 200 yeah and it's small so it's small it's like a yeah
00:18:27
yeah okay here oh oh oh here's a bad shot of me well
00:18:33
but it is when MC Jagger was came over so that's good that's you guys you guys are kind of there's this I don't know
00:18:39
something like you're kind of is This what I look like from the side let me just go real quick I want to throw myself to a plate no you you do not look
00:18:47
like oh that one's better I got a smiley one yeah that looks more I know who that looks like but I can't think of his name
00:18:53
Star Wars you know C3PO no that's a oh
00:18:59
Mark Hamill yeah from the side a little bit God anybody
00:19:05
better that was just a photo no I know I I kind of a gray beard I mean a blonde
00:19:11
one so it's uh no I I'm fine with how I look uh but listen this woman came up I
00:19:19
was gonna ask you Heather do you know who Dr K is from Instagram or something
00:19:24
anyway she's a plastic surgeon but she wanted a picture and then of course I do the classic Dan I she goes oh I do
00:19:30
plasic I go hey can you give me the the Brad Pit I don't even know if he's done anything just make me look like him she
00:19:36
wases oh I see what we could do and she starts touching my face I go I'm kind of
00:19:41
kidding you don't have to LEAP into action already with your professional opinion but she's very sweet here's what
00:19:48
happened to me when I went to the Oscars so I was invited to the Vanity Fair party this will be quick I was invited
00:19:55
with a big white envelope Vanity Fair inv you they invited me for 25 years
00:20:02
straight and I just never went and I never responded but I kept getting
00:20:07
invited so then they stopped inviting me the year before I was invited to the
00:20:12
2018 one because Mike Myers was there for um the queen movie and so we went to
00:20:19
the Oscars got all dressed up I went to I go okay this probably my last Oscar so
00:20:26
I think we went to one of the Marcus or one of those okay I got to get a tuxedo
00:20:31
right so I said to the guy I just want George Clooney I just want exactly what George Clooney so he started pointing
00:20:37
we'll put this we're gonna put this I go is this George Clooney goes oh No George do that I go no no no I mean literally I
00:20:45
want a George Clooney the shoes simple everything because George Clooney always looks the best in a tuxedo looks great
00:20:52
The Tuxedo cost money and um I looked a lot like George Clooney but anyway so we
00:20:59
we go there and then we're in some kind of Afterparty talking to Mike who is uh
00:21:06
generous enough to invite us to go there um and his wife and we okay they're
00:21:13
going from there to the Vanity Fair party right so I go well we're not
00:21:18
invited to the Vanity Fair party we don't have any invite they're like Oh Come Along we'll get you in but I I
00:21:24
couldn't I couldn't be the the third wheel with my wife like we don't really have an invite but we know famous people
00:21:31
could we go in so we decided to go we left and we went to catch I was in a
00:21:37
tuxedo and she was in to eat to eat and not a bad move they are so ourselves
00:21:43
first of all you're as famous as anyone in there or more stop it and when you
00:21:50
and people would love to see you people ask me about you all the time so but the problem I'm a recluse except for this
00:21:56
pod yeah it's good you have a little bit of to you I have none so I go there also I know my angle isn't this from now on
00:22:03
Heather when I'm taking photographs that's not listen those photographs nothing to do with reality they know I'm
00:22:10
personality driven so well you don't look you didn't look like yourself in that shot it couldn't have recognized
00:22:16
You Look At Me Now do I I'm angry to be at this party yeah okay so when you pull
00:22:23
up to Vanity Fair you see this woman and the and there's like a guard gate and they have police everywhere
00:22:29
because there's too many people in there that they don't want anything to happen to I guess there's dignitaries or
00:22:34
whoever like Bezos he himself is they're probably keeping an eye on him alone along with everyone else so you have a
00:22:40
stop you have to show something in the window of your car and then you have a hard
00:22:46
plastic David Spade Vanity Fair thing so you have to show that then even if they know you they would go ahead next one
00:22:53
stop get out show that again shake down I saw I saw a guy go literally hey David
00:23:00
do you know this guy whatever I go yeah and he goes can you tell him I'm stuck out here I'm supposed to be with him and
00:23:06
I'm like oh the chances I would run into this guy inside which I never did uh but he was stuck too sorry we just don't
00:23:13
have the thing and you have to have the thing so it might have been I'm saying it might have been a slight problem just
00:23:19
because I saw how rough they were on everyone they weren't even yeah and screwing around anytime you're in that
00:23:24
party and if you pivot left or right or look up or make a sudden move you will be tackled you were in danger of being
00:23:32
tackled for two hours at the Van Vanity Fair party just taken down guy with his
00:23:38
knee in your back what are you doing you know so it's not why are you shaking Jeff bezos's hand yeah I know so uh and
00:23:46
then I pushed out on the guos Siri party because that goes all night and it's
00:23:52
super fun but I felt such like [ __ ] pie I go I can't do it and then of course I
00:23:57
feel better now I'm like oh but of course I can anyway well I got a lot out of it and we got age related and we got
00:24:05
um [Music]
00:24:14
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00:25:10
out to our friend Conan did a great job yeah great jokes he had his serious Moments Funny Moments he kept it light
00:25:17
and I thought it was a home run for Conan and he's I bet I bet he's already been invited to do it next year and uh
00:25:25
Adrien Brody all the highlights I heard were he did a long speech which fine I
00:25:31
mean I do love it when a guy goes stop the music I've been here before you know
00:25:36
he told him no no no stop stop please turn off the music I've done this before this not my first rodeo this is not my
00:25:43
first can I just I like the go ahead the gum one go ahead no not my first rodeo
00:25:50
is such a funny figure of speech like apparently first rodeos are complete [ __ ] shows but the second Rodeo is
00:25:57
really nice but the first one you get messed up but uh I saw a girl with a hat
00:26:02
on honestly about a week ago that said this is my first rodeo please excuse me this is my first
00:26:09
here's the cool thing about this that he talked about so this guy gets the Oscar 20 years ago he's a great actor right
00:26:16
and then he's kind of in the wilderness years it's not he's not getting as many a parts and he really talks to that like
00:26:23
I'm still here Hollywood it was very uh open and emotional but um
00:26:28
after about 26 minutes of that I thought okay he said everything
00:26:35
he needs to say how funny yeah his pin was her
00:26:40
second earring his so she took an earring off oh she took his her earring
00:26:46
off and and he wore it as a brooch yes what is brooches out there this early in
00:26:51
a relationship is this romance like is it isn't in the first six months of all
00:26:57
right I'll I'll ask you about romance and Heather can chime in all right the clip I saw is he won he got up he
00:27:03
started walking got about 20 feet away took his gum out and threw it back to her to catch and uh I don't see that in lot of
00:27:10
Hallmark movies but you know maybe that's the new romantic gesture right
00:27:16
take this [ __ ] and hope it sticks in your Oscar hair that you had done for two and a half hours I had a Hostess
00:27:23
snowball in my pocket one of those Hostess snowballs when I won the Emmy whoops how'd that get out so I walk into
00:27:30
the stage I look back at Paula she was sitting next to like I don't know Eddie Van Halen I just
00:27:36
went she had a catcher mask just romantic yeah it's very it's cute if I
00:27:42
was her I'd be like hey next Oscars maybe not throw your gum at me maybe not
00:27:47
yeah well did he bring up Weinstein that's hard too that's a tough subject at the Oscars well I mentioned that
00:27:54
before and it has nothing to do with wiin scene or anyone it's just such a a turn to go from the Weinstein type
00:28:00
Harvey Weinstein to Adrien Brody who has um just this gravitas about him or
00:28:07
sadness or he just has this seem like very cool guy incredibly um genuine
00:28:13
person based on what I like him obviously talented if he doesn't get an Oscar for 20 years it means nothing
00:28:18
about his acting it's just there's so many there's only x amount of good movies and so many actors that are good
00:28:24
that it's just it's sort of you get luck so if it's about he works all the time
00:28:29
but if it's about the Holocaust you know there there's always a chance it's going to be taken very seriously and it might
00:28:36
get pushed to the front of the pile it's something I'm I'm sure it's brilliant it's just a place I can't go to anymore
00:28:44
but you know he Adrien Brody what do you I'm eating a banana I didn't know what
00:28:51
time it was I Dana I still don't I just know I was like I I'm I spent the weekend with
00:28:57
you we were doing our own thing going around there but every time I turned around you peeling a freaking banana I
00:29:04
go is this guy got a potassium deficiency banana is my new go-to it's easy but anything on the podcast I can't
00:29:10
really eat I have [ __ ] around here but I can't eat remember when I handed you an orange you said what am I going to do with this and you threw it down I was
00:29:16
like give me goddamn banana you you're like a monkey you need a [ __ ] banana
00:29:21
I don't want people to think I eat food oh by the way before we get into the stories there was a there was a quake
00:29:27
here the other day did you feel it what are they talking 39
00:29:33
it was a chumpy 36 embarrassing no that's nothing that's that's like is the
00:29:38
mattress moving I didn't really feel it um the there was a big one in San Jose I
00:29:44
flew over it while the earthquake was happening I think I was on Southwest and the pilot came on and said earthquake
00:29:51
down and San Jose right now now we're over San Jose now we're not now we're over San Jose now we're not I mean whole
00:29:58
city was moving I was shocked that's very shocking I was surprised I mean
00:30:03
that's a big earthquake s slides out from under the plane and comes back now we're not
00:30:10
shakers Tremors I had a friend you know people are telling me they're like it was a 36 but felt like a
00:30:17
41 um we know our earthquakes out here so I'm like you get into the fives I'll
00:30:23
start to listen six I'm scared and it's also dep the depth of it h and the way
00:30:30
it shakes and was it a roller was it a sideways one was it up and down liquify I have a good friend who during the yeah
00:30:37
I'll tell you more later about that it's not for the podcast uh Northridge Earthquake which which was a six
00:30:42
something but more like created action like an 8.0 by the friend was like one it was hitting was going this is the big
00:30:49
one this a big one uh we got to get out it was the bigest it was like 66 right
00:30:55
well look look list listen the ring of fire in Japan and stuff Tokyo can take a
00:31:03
9.2 and they're on ball bearing so they just kind of go like that we um in
00:31:09
California with San Andreas we're kind of tapped out I hope I'm right at maybe
00:31:14
a 72 um because our you know um things our tonic
00:31:23
plates are moving this way you don't want them to move this way off the coast of Oregon they're going going to move this way and that'll be a 12.4 the
00:31:31
plates the plates if they're moving this way there's a certain you know but if they're moving tonic plates
00:31:38
yeah doesn't always have to be funny it can educate no I like it I'm rivet it do
00:31:46
but do you get it but can you keep up yeah all right let's go to look at some
00:31:52
stories we've covered everything we didn't cover the Oscars at all but it's funny
00:31:58
kudos to Conan this is such a well-run machine I don't even know what this one
00:32:04
is oh oh this Dana you have to explain to people at home I wouldn't do this for a million dollars two doofuses mhm are
00:32:14
throwing they they're blindfolded basically and look what they do what' you do
00:32:19
this this is full of water they don't know it's
00:32:24
coming oh in the head would you take that'll break your
00:32:31
neck I I mean are you oh my God and you're continuing to do it so
00:32:38
they have like a gallon filled with some water Dana could you take this hit to
00:32:46
the head I can see uh understand the last part two
00:32:53
observations alcohol was involved obviously they're giggling they're numb number two is what in God's name will we
00:33:00
do for for clicks and Views and I want you to think about this you're a smart guy you're a tough guy you're a good guy
00:33:07
yeah um just tremendous think of a stunt we can do so we get you know three what
00:33:13
they get two million likes I doubt it that looks like a low Liker and they put in all that effort oh no I thought it
00:33:20
was 1.9 was there millions on that Heather I see 1.7 I mean honestly if you dropped a
00:33:27
feather to hit my head I would start crying cuz I cannot take a something filled with water no no and you're not
00:33:34
ready for it oh my God there that was not safe and and not good yeah welcome
00:33:40
to the internet okay what's the next one don't try this at home don't try
00:33:46
this podcast at home either okay here's this yeah be be careful all right here we are what is this oh this is called
00:33:52
this is kind of interesting science okay this is sp phenomenon is called spontaneous synchronization
00:33:58
so they're taking like what are those things called melodrome or something melod
00:34:03
dromes yeah five melod dromes on and they're
00:34:09
off spontaneous synchronization is a phenomenon where independent oscillating
00:34:14
systems like metronomes or fireflies they naturally fall into sink
00:34:20
without any external coordination look they're getting closer to being the same for
00:34:26
what reason wow it it is observed in nature physics
00:34:34
and even biological processes like heart cells little toy metronomes were all
00:34:41
discombobulated and then achieve synchronicity without any outside help
00:34:46
see very cool okay you can stop it and you think that Universe was just
00:34:53
random yeah good luck but they say sometimes girls all have their like you know what's together so that's is that
00:35:00
is that sort of the same I don't want yeah I'm not involved in this bit I'm
00:35:06
not saying a bit I'm saying that's I've heard that that happens when girls like live together in like a dorm they all
00:35:12
kind of sink it up somehow I'll just put it out there you're being quiet do you know this story have you heard of this
00:35:17
yeah periods get in s oh periods get in syn oh she just nailed it ham there's a
00:35:23
lot we don't know about the Universe I was dancing around a little bit but yeah yeah you sums it up by saying there's a
00:35:29
lot we don't know about the universe it's fine eventually I mean we have a telescope out there that's a million
00:35:35
miles from Earth now and we're going to be able to see and I always have a hard time with this there's light the big
00:35:41
bang big bang big bang all the matter of the universe ahead of a pencil and then
00:35:47
it explodes and all this light comes out we're thrown out here we'll be able to see back to the beginning of the big big
00:35:53
bang and I Big Bang sorry and I think they just did it all these saw was a giant eyeball
00:36:00
blinking first I thought you said we have a telescope a million miles away and I'm like that's too far they should
00:36:05
have the telescope here that they could see a million miles away well it was cute when it was on a mountain in Hawaii
00:36:11
but then you get out in outer space you're going to see a lot better dude I don't want to know what's out there cuz I see stuff from the space station and
00:36:17
there's clearly UFOs flying around and everyone's like I'm like mhm oh it's real Dina there's a lot of
00:36:25
people got itchy last week when I said I believe and uh what was it cloud seating I don't know yeah Chemtrails and
00:36:33
everyone's like what what do you mean Chemtrails that was I there for that
00:36:39
well they spray and they put stuff in the air and you oh oh that one yeah yeah I remember I think they really do it
00:36:45
everyone just says what can I do about it there's nothing you can do you just have to slurp up that parite poison or
00:36:52
whatever the [ __ ] it is I hope it's not bad that's what I was saying I said someone's going to MC somebody if it's
00:36:57
real because nobody likes to be slowly poisoned to death I don't no I'm crazy
00:37:03
that way yesterday the I doctor said to me you eat a lot of vegetables I go yeah
00:37:09
yeah spinach this and that he says spinach is out and he he said no it's
00:37:14
too many toxins when they make it too many chemicals spinach is out what is in
00:37:21
he goes well saw a picture of salmon with maggots salmon with a bunch of parasites in it parasites are the new
00:37:27
thing like they're probably in everyone to some degree even they're microscopic
00:37:32
or they're the kind they pull out of people literally it's like this it's like I've only known kind of human
00:37:38
parasites that sort of try to use like plus
00:37:44
ones I'm more worried human beings are the scariest thing on planet Earth I'll put it yeah we're worse we're wor we're
00:37:50
scary all right next great riveting story yeah let's do this let's dig in oh
00:37:55
Daniel like this this is like a sign if thing Heather won't be able to [ __ ] the stairwell illusion is one of the hardest
00:38:01
to understand so here's a guy coming down here's a guy just stand he's going upstairs right loated Bu you're not going to like
00:38:08
it Heather I'm telling you right now I don't even understand it and you're going to think
00:38:14
it'swell hate it can't stand
00:38:20
it brain is flipping like a pancake I like they give you a graphic like you can show like see how easy it is to
00:38:26
figure out it's a jump cut on the camera that's all I don't think it I think it's a real thing well it's a it's called an
00:38:33
aeran stairwell is a visual Paradox inspired by impossible a normal
00:38:39
stairwell that just it creates an optical [Music] illusion I need
00:38:46
more I'm feeling sick from watching this s yeah I don't I don't understand it no
00:38:53
I don't um it's a documentary about how weird that is there's a docent
00:38:59
so the basic idea is you're looking someone go up a stairwell they continue to go up then it looks to you like
00:39:05
they've gone down and are coming up a lower stairwell something like that something like that I call
00:39:12
[ __ ] oh you think it's a camera trick little yeah so funny well
00:39:19
otherwise let's go to some building stairwell with a get he with an iPhone
00:39:24
and make history you'll be the guinea pig no offense or nothing I'll stay back with the iPhone let's build an isian
00:39:31
staircase and just do it that should be our big YouTube bit this we have a lot of mysteries and then they'll say it's
00:39:36
camera tricks though you know there be a bunch of Dana out there let's give them something to
00:39:42
talk about let's give him some who song is that Bonnie R yep what about you were
00:39:51
just saying the Big Big Bang the reason I'm that's a song on my iPod iPod old
00:39:58
man okay next why the raspberries I don't know
00:40:05
[Music]
00:40:11
okay did you know I saw that Chile you're saying it wrong Chile Chile
00:40:20
mhm is it a country yeah they had 19 million people without power out of 21
00:40:27
million went without power that's what scares me those things seem so easy to happen
00:40:33
in this world that just a couple problems in the grid go you know that just scar no power they couldn't go in
00:40:40
elevators they're stuck here they're stuck in the street they're we yeah I mean I would not I would freak then
00:40:46
everything rots in your just too much too scary there was Dick Cheney uh love
00:40:51
him or hate him but he had one of these quotes everyone's a republican when the lights go out oh oh I don't even know
00:40:58
what it means really well sounds like a good one it's kind of the environmentalist is the last person to
00:41:05
build the cabin on the mountain but um we're so dependent on power we take it for granted and um I don't know
00:41:12
sometimes we have brown outs I don't all I need is
00:41:18
a k it first nope how many how many play by your rules how many bananas do you do
00:41:25
a day five it always looks like it has like a high collar on it hello it looks like an ice cream bar for I I don't know
00:41:31
I can't anyway it's a little [ __ ] on the ancient side did you ever have a
00:41:36
frozen chocolate banana dipped oh [ __ ] yes I did okay that's a whole other kettle of banana oh that's so I don't
00:41:43
know if they have those anymore who invented those GP it's a good
00:41:49
invention yeah I used to go a Dairy Queen and light it up with a Dilly
00:41:54
bar um I think as a kid a a banana split from Foster freezer
00:42:01
like a banana split was a magic thing it had the vanilla the chocolate and the strawberry
00:42:07
neopolitan the banana and then chocolate syrup on top so it's like such an indulgent thing what you do dude I got a
00:42:13
banana split man oh they're unreal full monty yeah I wonder if people are still listening but I think they are this is
00:42:20
this is so in I like this kind of talk because it throws me back to when I I used to eat more sugar I [ __ ] loved
00:42:26
it I look good in this light let's do this at the God dang Vanity Fair party I
00:42:32
looked at the metric and most people fast forward to minute 45 on super play
00:42:38
oh you hear anything about they just joined us for those of you just join all we'll show story okay
00:42:46
okay I don't know what this is okay paint smash ass onto a jean jacket and W
00:42:55
it's a baba [ __ ] this girl just just rates people's fashion
00:43:02
pants that doesn't seem like a five minute craft to me craft all right take
00:43:08
your [ __ ] shoelaces out of your shoes and do some early 2000s [ __ ] all her underpanties are going
00:43:15
to show that looks like [ __ ] she's a tough CRI well what am I
00:43:23
watching please well people get on like a Tik Tok or something on one side they
00:43:29
show one like we do and then they just critique it from the other side like they'll have a cook and he'll watch
00:43:34
someone cooking something go okay you put the stuff in there you're good so far why are you adding that and then
00:43:39
they just CR criticize I like that woman just like trashing someone's yeah dreams
00:43:46
she was just uh she's a funny character you look like [ __ ] yeah um okay next one
00:43:53
that's good though I don't do that with you I like your outfits I have a uniform I just wear that Dana
00:43:59
look good at the corporate gig hether he had a little suit on did I little jacket yeah I'm never I'm never going to go do
00:44:06
standup again with a tucked in shirt because I'm fighting it the whole time it's riding up the buttons just oh it's
00:44:11
tough to do standup you're going to moving around you want I need an untucked sh remember the company untucked did they go bankrupt CU call us
00:44:20
untuck it no they're all there there's too many of them yeah oh I they still exist though because it closed yeah okay
00:44:27
call us we'll sponsor you okay can you do this Dana okay I didn't mean to cut you off there but not at all that was
00:44:33
all could you get out of this I always think could I do these things I think I could do this and I'm so delusional I
00:44:39
think I could do
00:44:45
this you think you could do this I think you could Dan I I don't know that's pretty that's like a a guy sprinting in
00:44:52
this snow cone tunnel and just going up and up I would have to TR it I don't
00:44:57
know I would that's a little par do it I would hope I could you're strong you
00:45:02
have strong quads and you have endurance that's a tough one but if you're in here's the one I think I can do in
00:45:07
parkour you this is one if I was stuck and it was life or death they jump off a building onto a pole and slide down it's
00:45:15
the only way down if it's the only way you just do it you clamp so hard but you got to grab it exactly perfectly on the
00:45:21
way down and grab and then you slide it slows you down a little bit I couldn't do it as good as they do but
00:45:27
I've seen those yeah I won't do it unless I have to so don't ask me to do it did you were you were you kind of a
00:45:35
daredevil as a kid a little bit sometimes because skateboard or what was your yeah skateboarding and then went
00:45:42
out for every sport I had three older brothers right stacked and so we're living in SEL California and there's
00:45:49
these old mattress mattresses you find at the dump oh yeah and they were jumping out of the Second Story window
00:45:55
on them and I was the I was years old so I was afraid but the next day they all
00:46:00
went to school and I decided to climb out on the ledge no way and then I sort of panic so I'm hanging from the window
00:46:07
and the neighbor calls my mom and says I think your son Dana is hanging from the
00:46:14
window oh my gosh what are you doing out here what are you doing what in goodness
00:46:20
name the other time God's green earth are you doing I crawled into the dryer and somehow I got clothed behind me so
00:46:28
she said she came in I was just I'm 4 years old I weigh like 30 lbs and I'm just like going like this on the glass
00:46:34
again the glass from the inside choking on lint
00:46:39
lint aun blabby all right let's do another we don't have to do too many more we can keep going we're we're
00:46:45
looking good we're killing it actually mhm what's this joke oh my daughter met
00:46:50
poop and pee at the city wastewater treatment exhibit and cried when we had
00:46:56
to leave so they have mascots for poop and pee I guess and what is the point of
00:47:02
that to to educate little kids about okay about toilets and how what goes down them okay look at the comment goes
00:47:10
and they say never meet your Heroes that's a good one that's a good one how do I land that
00:47:17
gig that's funny dude I would do that part time to make money oh yeah of course dress up in a
00:47:24
thing I would do rock paper scissors P I'd rather be PE I think did you ever as
00:47:30
a youngster stand outside like a ice cream store or something and just hold a sign and turn it and stuff like hey come
00:47:36
over here oh no that thing I can't do yeah I'm not a great Stander I can't stand for hours on end anymore not not
00:47:43
as much fun as I it used to be standing's good for us it's the sitting compresses oh standing keeps your body
00:47:49
moving yeah yeah we already walked Heather your spine Heather do we walk
00:47:54
you walk the crowd we have a crowd of one here in same old same old okay so anything
00:48:03
final thoughts I'll say there's an AI Tommy Boy thing that people keep sending me on
00:48:10
a I think the Bell Brothers or someone put out uh AI Tommy Boy M will play it
00:48:15
next week it's a scene or a movie or yeah they it has us going on Shark
00:48:22
Tank within three to five years you will be able to say Tommy Boy 3 they're in
00:48:30
the Army and then within one second you'll have a perfect feature film and
00:48:35
you'll have a film done I could say and I'll still complain that it was hard to do Wayne and G in
00:48:41
the wild west boom and then the movie be done so all those people out there the
00:48:47
grips the lighting people the makeup AR I don't know what to the ACT what about Wayne's World three they go to Uranus
00:48:56
that feel like good way world one and then they would giggle they they say
00:49:01
yeah let's go to Uranus and then they would laugh for like 90 minutes sounds like your butt I always
00:49:09
said people ask me what's with Wayne's World I said the two biggest losers in town are the happiest people in town
00:49:16
because they ritualize every single moment they're in a good mood they like people like to see people that having
00:49:21
fun yeah let's go to Stam makitas man get some donuts by the way I think there's an
00:49:27
assembly of bus boys so far an assembly I haven't seen it we're letting the director Jonah is going to do stuff well
00:49:33
like Spielberg you have assemblies just constantly updated you're seeing all every day you have a you have the scene
00:49:40
cut on some so you should have a rough cut by now I've only seen a couple scenes cut which I liked so but I think
00:49:46
the trick is what's everything in a Rog people don't know you shoot a movie out of sequence some people don't so you don't really have any continuity you're
00:49:53
like you shoot your last scene first and middle one then one of the first one then you go so it's very hard to get it
00:50:00
to feel how it's going as a story what's the heart
00:50:07
Tugger they're Buzz boys they struggle yeah yeah his dad's in jail okay and you
00:50:13
get him out he gets hit by a car early on like he's a little off and
00:50:18
uh and then we he doesn't really have a dad and his mom doesn't really like him so I take him in geez it's like Joe dur
00:50:25
or something it's like any any movie where people are like have stacked against them well if
00:50:33
this is a classic comedy are rated maybe 75 minutes and then you have the
00:50:40
you know the closing credits and that's only an hour 15 well then closing credits will pad you to 85 so we'll
00:50:47
definitely do a gag reel if it's if it's got these tent pole funny scenes that's all people really live for they you know
00:50:54
like five or six really big funny moments yeah that's all you need I I I I
00:51:00
think we're going to get it down to about an hour 40 and then have Jud look at it and make it 220 it's weird but
00:51:05
Theo hit me up and um this is kind of I shouldn't even say this but um I'm editing I'm editing bus boys you are I'm
00:51:13
I'm the editor and I think it's I wouldn't mind that I would trust you I think it's going to be
00:51:19
great you come off great the I don't know the editor but I've seen a few things so I and you know the the
00:51:25
director gets per the union he gets the first cut so I don't mind that that's the way it's always been so he's going
00:51:30
to get it he's going to report while he's doing it and then um we'll all go in there and take a look so I'm excited yeah anyway oh we did it we still it an
00:51:37
hour look at us Dana I know we're just it's [ __ ] I don't know how we do it no
00:51:43
people are eating dinner and doing stuff yeah they're riveted this shit's great we should be called the backgrounders
00:51:49
this is what you listen to when you're doing while you're doing something important Superfly happens while you're
00:51:54
busy making other plans you know what yeah that's that's what
00:51:59
life is too life wait what is the phrase but yeah life is what happens to you
00:52:06
while you're busy making other plans John lennin beautiful boy Double Fantasy album 1980 all right people quote the
00:52:13
line but they don't remember where it came from no uh okay that's it so we'll see you next time and we'll see you next
00:52:19
time on oh yeah you can buy tickets for the tour now on my David space and also we're at the Fantasy Springs oh yeah
00:52:26
we're going to we're going by the time this happens we'll be there the next day right so then you get a two for one no
00:52:32
it's not oh it's in a week oh yeah okay okay not the next we do our funny stuff and then we're going to come out and
00:52:37
it's uh it's going to be Mayhem we're going to take questions I don't want to use the term razzled Dazzle but you'll
00:52:43
be razzled and Dazz let's put it this way it's called nothing's off the table tour we only we only have two dates in
00:52:50
the tour we've already done one we've done one we're halfway done yeah but uh
00:52:55
should be a Banger it's mostly because I don't think Dana wants to go around the world and do this I don't it's it's
00:53:02
getting late in the game to just go hey you guys want to do a world tour we're like oh my God I don't know there a podcast is seen everywhere she like you
00:53:08
want to go to Australia you want to go to England I'm like I love those places I just don't
00:53:14
know Heather wants to go of course you want to tour like the Rolling Stones they do a date and then they take four
00:53:22
days off they pack Mick and Ice they do a thing he's extraordinary but not my friend yeah your friend your buddy your
00:53:29
dopping or you guys are like twins or something but you're much younger but he's an incredible shape but they do
00:53:35
take four days off then they do another one so they tour and it's six weeks and they're in a 7:47 and they stay at the
00:53:41
Taj it's Aras but yeah you don't there's ways to do like little mini you know but
00:53:48
World which started three years ago and they're going round and round I mean it's just like I don't know that's it
00:53:54
wears people out I get it all right we're going to end okay I'll see you later Dana bye
00:54:00
guys this has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced
00:54:05
by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna we sperman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
00:54:15
[Music]
