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this is an adc warning the crimes you're
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about to see are true
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only the names were changed to protect
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the ignorant
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[Music]
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do
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[Music]
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tonight you'll meet a dumb criminal with
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really bad luck
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surveillance cam footage of a man
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pilvering pork chops and a dumb criminal
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who was just faking it
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all this and more on america's dumbest
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criminal
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[Music]
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welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler our constant study of
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the criminal mind has led us to
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formulate several truisms regarding the
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criminal mind such as the buses don't go
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out that far and the lights are on but
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nobody's home
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join us now in scraping the poop from
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the shoes of justice as we open the
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files on america's dumbest criminals
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first up retired captain don parker
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starts a trilogy on a dipstick bad luck
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brown
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we called him bad luck brown which of
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course was a made-up name but i'm
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telling you it was one of the most
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accurate descriptions that you could
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find for someone because the guy had
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terrible luck most of it self-created
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the first time that i had any occasion
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to deal with him came when he decided he
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was going to knock over a liquor store
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it's going to rob a liquor store he
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walks into the liquor store place is
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really busy doesn't want to create a
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commotion so he takes out an envelope
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and writes a hold up note give me all
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your money this is a stick up i've got a
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gun slides the note across the counter
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to the clerk who reads it her eyes get
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wide she takes all the money out of the
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cash register stuffs it in a paper sack
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hands it across the counter he takes the
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money feeling very proud of himself runs
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out of the store
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the problem was that he wrote the hold
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up note on the back of an envelope he
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had just received the day before from
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his probation officer so he had his name
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address and zip code
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a relatively simple matter to run over
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to his house and pick him up within a
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half hour of that robbery a major
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setback for some but bad luck brown
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doesn't give up easily i was an
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investigator in those days we got some
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information that some people were going
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to knock off a motel gonna rob the motel
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so we had the place staked out we had
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deputies inside the motel we had people
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at either end of the parking lot myself
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and three or four others were lined up
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in the woods facing the front of the
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motel right in the middle of the
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stakeout comes this raggedy old station
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wagon driving across the parking lot and
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stops we wonder if this is our guys he
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gets out walks over under a street light
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we recognize him it's the guy that we
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call bad luck brown what is he doing he
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walks over to an unattended lawnmower
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that some maintenance guy had left out
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on the side of the building grabs the
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lawnmower takes it back to the station
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wagon lowers the tailgate throws the
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lawnmower it's stealing a lawnmower in
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front of about 18 cops jumps back in the
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car and of course the supervisor said we
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you know we can't let them drop off with
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a lawnmower so the other two deputies
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pull up we're chasing him as we're
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running we can't catch him i decide
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enough is enough i'm going to fire that
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proverbial warning shot to slow him down
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i pull my gun out pow i fire a shot into
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the ground
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it didn't exactly do what i hoped it
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would do because it scared all the other
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cops all the deputies hit the ground but
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it did work because badlock tripped over
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one of the deputies sprains his ankle
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and that's how he caught him some people
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learn from their mistakes bad luck brown
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learns to make dumber mistakes
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by far his most successful
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way of earning his title came some years
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after that he decided to break into an
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auto parts store and steal a bunch of
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batteries car batteries this is the
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middle of the summer time down here in
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florida it gets warm i mean it's
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probably 90 degrees even though it's
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nighttime car batteries are not the
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lightest things in the world they weigh
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what 20 30 pounds each the guy is
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absolutely drained loads the whole back
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seat of his car up by time he gets
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finished he's exhausted collapses in the
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front seat car won't start he's got a
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dead battery
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and the guy is about half drunk he goes
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nuts he's out there screaming and
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cursing and pounding on the hood of the
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car we'll guess what the lady hears all
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this young calls the cops i'm the first
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one on the scene and i see this drunk
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out there screaming pounding and cursing
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trying to get his car to start
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with batteries with a back seat load of
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car batteries that's bad luck brown
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[Music]
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adc quiz number 382
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two shoplifters in a florida bridal shop
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attracted so much attention they were
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easily caught
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how were they noticed
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were they
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a
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loud and obnoxious
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b clumsy and awkward or c
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large men dressed as women the correct
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answer was c
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here they modeled the fall look for two
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large guys
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paul recalls how a crackhead made a
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fashion statement in zip it
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it's dumb but used and quite frequently
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to search a suspect
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and uh
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pull several pieces of crack cocaine out
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of his pocket
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first words out of their mouth is
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these ain't my britches
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they don't even fit
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i don't know whose these are you mean
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tell me those aren't your britches
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you're wearing i found them
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whose riches are they
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they're my cousins
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so whose jacket are you
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does this belong to you no no man i
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don't care that look this isn't even my
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jack that's my brother's jacket
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he let me borrow it this is not my
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jacket it's not my britches it's not my
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underwear
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wherever it's found it's not mine
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i don't care it's not my back
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now from the adc security cam vaults a
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story we call
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dipstick the woman posing as a
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prostitute is an undercover officer the
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man in the truck well he's a dumb
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criminal
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after he propositions the undercover
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officer he realizes he doesn't have any
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money
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then he gives his best excuse
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my mechanics
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yes this dumb criminal just said he
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can't go with the woman right now
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because he has to get his oil changed
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at least his priorities are in order
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you know i'd always heard that there was
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something women like about a pickup man
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now we know
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he had to get his oil changed
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clean oil
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daryl price of charlotte recounts the
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story of a knothead who was faking it
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we had a guy file a police report that
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he had been beaten up and robbed
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and when we did the interviews his
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robbery that he was describing to us at
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that time didn't match what he had
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described in the report
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and
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you know as
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we catch on to those things pretty quick
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because there's a lot of fake robbery
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reports out there i started questioning
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him harder and harder basically becoming
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an interrogation and finally he broke
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down and admitted that he was off with a
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girl another girl other than his wife
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when her husband had caught him and
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given him quite a bump
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that wasn't the problem problem was how
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was he going to explain to his wife how
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he had been beaten to you know
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practically to death
00:07:54
so he made up this whole robbery thing
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just to
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appease his wife
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[Music]
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later on tonight's show a dumb criminal
00:08:06
who was sucking more than air
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[Music]
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[Music]
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next up drunk driver with his brain out
00:08:18
of gear gets tested in one for the road
00:08:22
david shepler in tampa florida responded
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to a routine traffic call he found a car
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smashed against a guardrail shepler
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found the driver still sitting behind
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the wheel apparently unfazed our officer
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suspected the man had been drinking
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that's not it i need to see your license
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please huh oh
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it's my boy
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you like baseball
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can you step out of the car from me
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please
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are you intoxicated sir
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no
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no i'm not
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have you had anything to drink tonight
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no
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not a drop off oh yeah sure huh yeah
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i think you have been drinking and i'm
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going to administer a field sobriety
00:09:17
test to you
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uh okay jones is this your correct
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address on here
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what are you
00:09:30
i just told you i'm going to administer
00:09:32
phil somebody to what are you doing i
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heard you
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what are you doing
00:09:38
i do much better on tests if i've had
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a little something to drink
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are you ready now are you sure test me
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baby are you ready
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take me home okay let's go
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[Music]
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in new york it used to be against the
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law for a man to flirt with a woman but
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it was okay for men in uniform to harass
00:10:05
cameramen
00:10:07
now two guys with a wet nap for a brain
00:10:09
lose their pants and swing shift
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i was working the midnight shift
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up in the north nashville area
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and we received a
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silent robbery alarm and i proceeded to
00:10:23
the scene and when i pulled into the
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parking lot
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i noticed this subject come out the door
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and with a cash drawer in his hand and
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he fell in the parking lot
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and his pants were down around his
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ankles
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so i
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i approached the man and arrested him
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and i went in to ask him what happened
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and there was cash drawers and money
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laying all over inside and they said
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that these two subjects came in
00:10:49
the one man that i had
00:10:52
his pants kept falling off and he kept
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pulling them back up
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and he got the cash drawers
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and when they went to go out the door
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the one with the gun went through the
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door first and as the door came to it
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hit the cash drawers and all the money
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went everywhere in his pants he let go
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of him and they fell down around his
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ankles and he fell in the parking lot
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and he was arrested for armed robbery
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when i arrested him he said i guess i
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should have bought a belt before i came
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over here
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[Music]
00:11:28
now we take you inside the courtroom for
00:11:30
trial and error
00:11:32
from actual courtroom transcripts a dumb
00:11:34
criminal participates in the shortest
00:11:36
trial in the history of the world
00:11:38
mr smith you've been charged with grand
00:11:41
theft auto how do you plead guilty or
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not guilty
00:11:47
um
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first judge um
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let me tell you
00:11:52
why i stole that car you see stay with
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this live grenade
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[Music]
00:12:00
later tonight an encounter with an
00:12:02
actual fire breathing dumb criminal
00:12:05
on america's dumbest criminal
00:12:11
[Music]
00:12:15
next up a car thief with a short supply
00:12:17
of synapses gets restrained and always
00:12:19
wear your seatbelt
00:12:21
like any safety conscious motorist
00:12:23
dwight ketchum put on his seat belt
00:12:25
before driving off unlike most motorists
00:12:28
however the car he was in
00:12:30
didn't belong to him
00:12:32
a passing patrol car witnessed the theft
00:12:34
and gave chase
00:12:36
[Music]
00:12:40
[Applause]
00:12:48
after a few minutes of weaving through
00:12:50
traffic at high speeds and still not
00:12:52
being able to shake the squad car
00:12:53
ketchum decided to abandon the stolen
00:12:55
vehicle
00:12:57
but dwight couldn't leave the car our
00:12:59
dumb criminal was apprehended while he
00:13:01
was still struggling to get out of the
00:13:03
stubborn
00:13:05
stop seatbelt i said stop
00:13:08
stop
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from the abc security cam vaults
00:13:19
pilfering pork chops
00:13:22
here's a man closely inspecting a
00:13:24
package of pork chops
00:13:26
notice the date and time
00:13:28
that's right it's new year's day at 4 14
00:13:30
a.m
00:13:31
but now it's your job to catch this guy
00:13:35
where'd he go oh no he's not over here
00:13:38
he's
00:13:39
no he's not in seafood he's not down
00:13:42
here come on he's the only guy in the
00:13:43
supermarket the boss is gonna have my
00:13:45
job if i don't find this guy i know he's
00:13:47
got the pork chops now
00:13:49
maybe i shouldn't have gone to that new
00:13:51
year's eve party on the loading dock no
00:13:53
do it there he is well either he just
00:13:55
ate all the pork chops like sushi or
00:13:57
he's got him down his pants or under his
00:13:59
jacket i've got to get him this guy
00:14:02
should have made a new year's resolution
00:14:04
i won't steal pork chops today
00:14:07
next up paul muller gives us the naked
00:14:09
truth about the men who were gone in a
00:14:12
flash well this uh tale goes back to the
00:14:15
early 70s when streaking was in vogue a
00:14:18
lot of college kids were
00:14:20
involved in that sort of thing
00:14:23
and one night i was working
00:14:26
plain clothes
00:14:27
and i went to a restaurant downtown and
00:14:31
i was sitting there eating
00:14:33
and there was quite a few people in the
00:14:35
restaurant
00:14:36
and all of a sudden some people were
00:14:39
i could see they were jumping and
00:14:41
hollering about something that was going
00:14:42
on when i looked up from my
00:14:44
food
00:14:45
and the two guys ran right past my table
00:14:49
the only thing they had on were their
00:14:50
shoes and their underwear over their
00:14:52
head and i was shocked
00:14:54
i hadn't seen anything like this before
00:14:56
of course i heard i'd heard about it
00:14:58
well they had a getaway car in the
00:15:00
parking lot the first guy got to the car
00:15:03
and was able to open the door
00:15:05
he put his foot in the door and hollered
00:15:07
go so
00:15:09
she floored it
00:15:10
the guy the second guy
00:15:12
hadn't made it to the car yet and he's
00:15:14
running this fella just ran on across
00:15:17
the street up into the bushes
00:15:19
and uh luckily we had a police car
00:15:21
several blocks away
00:15:23
the uh the car was stopped and
00:15:26
we we made the arrest on that particular
00:15:29
individual the other one had made it up
00:15:31
in the block and although we did look
00:15:33
for him for a while
00:15:35
we never did find him but the first guy
00:15:38
was able to tell us who it was with him
00:15:41
and the man that got away walked along
00:15:44
all night long with just his underwear
00:15:46
and his shoes
00:15:49
he made it home about six o'clock in the
00:15:51
morning
00:15:52
it was scratched all up and uh the
00:15:54
police were waiting on him to arrest him
00:15:56
at that time for that
00:16:00
nice hats
00:16:01
[Music]
00:16:05
in oregon it used to be against the law
00:16:07
for a man and a woman to ride in a car
00:16:09
alone
00:16:10
because the men would never ask for
00:16:12
direction
00:16:13
[Music]
00:16:16
next up roy williams has an encounter
00:16:18
with a fire-breathing dumb criminal
00:16:21
i had a walking beat years ago in one of
00:16:23
our
00:16:24
uh club areas i guess you would say
00:16:27
and as i was walking down i saw this boy
00:16:29
sitting in a car
00:16:31
and he was smoking a joint of marijuana
00:16:34
and as i walked up to the car i said hey
00:16:38
what are you doing
00:16:40
nothing man
00:16:41
i asked your question what are you doing
00:16:47
can't you talk to me what are you doing
00:16:49
waiting for my girlfriend
00:16:56
and it got to burning so bad
00:16:59
that he had to spit it out
00:17:01
and i put him in jail for marijuana with
00:17:03
a burnt tongue and everything
00:17:10
that's hey and one week just
00:17:13
and it was gone ah this is his birth and
00:17:16
it stuck on his tongue and lit it up
00:17:18
[Music]
00:17:29
next up a bank robber takes a short ride
00:17:31
to the big house in the robber with a
00:17:34
lemon the staff of the greenback bank
00:17:36
was surprised when a man came in and
00:17:37
demanded money
00:17:41
the tellers complied the man had thought
00:17:43
not to take his own car but to take his
00:17:45
work car on his lunch break
00:17:47
but he was surprised at how quickly he
00:17:49
was apprehended but no one else was as
00:17:51
the arresting officer said how often do
00:17:53
you see a big chicken going down the
00:17:55
road
00:17:58
back a doodle dumb
00:18:00
[Music]
00:18:04
it used to be against the law to appear
00:18:06
in public with loose shoelaces but as
00:18:08
they say in maine better to be nude than
00:18:10
unchewed
00:18:12
well that's all the time we have for
00:18:14
this show we'd like to thank the men and
00:18:15
women of law enforcement throughout the
00:18:17
country for their dedication and their
00:18:19
stories i'm daniel butler saying don't
00:18:22
be dumb don't break the law or we'll
00:18:24
catch you next time on america's dumbest
00:18:27
criminals
00:18:28
[Music]
00:18:54
[Music]
00:19:04
hmm
00:19:08
[Music]
00:19:13
so
00:19:20
[Music]
00:19:41
so
00:19:44
[Music]
00:20:11
you
