00:00:00
all right let's do it three two one go D Super Fly this is probably it's right up
00:00:08
there with the most discombobulated I've been starting the most superly tired and
00:00:14
beat up discombobulated because I've not not not a complaint just
00:00:19
observations from doing the Friday night uh last Friday the run through for uh
00:00:27
the cold opening on SNL goes to like 1: a.m. so forth and so on and then
00:00:33
long yeah they do things late and they go all night a lot they're young they do a lot of I mean yeah we didn't go after
00:00:41
like 11 I don't think no we went yeah Dennis was well anyway was had a Broadway show at seven but um because he
00:00:48
had he was update but um just rehearsals I mean Andy Samberg did a video and it
00:00:54
was an 18 hour day the day before but that was his primary thing it was really funny God dang so then you want to stay
00:01:01
it's Lauren's 8th there's a birthday cake a crazy party um oh yeah so you sort of turn out
00:01:08
the light at four or five and you get up maybe five hours later then you find your way to the airport and then it's a
00:01:15
six hour six and a half hour we uh we have to announce some headwinds and then you know it might be
00:01:24
longer it could be longer so here I am now but I'm I'm very vulnerable I could
00:01:29
say anything I might say something crazy cuz I'm so so burnt out but you know
00:01:35
anyway uh I'm full of joy and life and happiness and bounce on the other hand
00:01:41
you should uh you are literally fresh as a daisy person literally look at this so
00:01:48
I have a sweater on and what I was thinking of telling you just to give you premium content and our listeners I it's
00:01:56
cold in LA in the morning so I put a sweater on and then it quietly gets hot
00:02:02
and now I'm getting mad I ref I don't want to take the sweater off so I refuse so today I'm going as long as I can
00:02:08
without taking it off and Heather's taking off her sweater as we say
00:02:13
this hoodie I called an audible right before I saw you on the zoom I had a cool hoodie I looked amazing but I was
00:02:20
starting to heat up and I love a t-shirt like the collar is like this the day you
00:02:27
buy it and then it's [ __ ] you know oh it's getting little Flash Dance over the
00:02:32
shoulder I hate that so much Dana when you go to hotel now rich man's problems
00:02:38
of course this we call them what do you call world we call them first world problem I go hey this is my old
00:02:44
skateboarder magazine t-shirt my favorite in the world fits tight it's all good they go great just wash it
00:02:50
delicately fold it sure they give it back to you they pull it over a a a
00:02:56
hanger and now it's a scoop neck this big from shoulder to shoulder yeah and
00:03:01
they go oh that'll pop back I'm like not a chance never will it's hasn't for 30
00:03:06
years you just stretched it out so now I'm rat [ __ ] um but other than that I
00:03:12
the sweater is still on I'm fighting it but I don't want the heat to win I'm
00:03:18
like I don't care it's hot I'm like oh as long as you don't get sweaty but basically yeah with they bring back if
00:03:25
you put a t-shirts in into laundry and they bring them back on the hanger you I just throw them right in the garbage cuz
00:03:31
you're done yeah that's [ __ ] garbage I look like I'm wearing sort of a low cut halter top that and then it's it
00:03:38
hangs low like a skirt you just belt it we wear mini shorts under it
00:03:43
yeah I'm I'm just you you sweater you sweater you sweat that's what I'm doing today that's my whole that's an old who
00:03:50
song remember that mhm here's here's an insert on this I had a $2,000 suit this
00:03:57
is in the 90s I had to have one good suit suit I don't know what it was Armani or something the Russian
00:04:03
housekeeper just happened to be Russian I wash good for you she put it in a
00:04:08
regular wash and dryer it came out that hervey vill would have fitted perfectly
00:04:15
it was justu I have a good name for a bar ready
00:04:21
it's German bar they serve liver worst and all that
00:04:26
stuff to make wor it's called the worst with the w right and then you go
00:04:34
let's go that place is the worst trademark hello sharks I'll give you 5%
00:04:43
for a million dollars let's go
00:04:54
to I love the accents I hear in the elevator in New York just
00:05:03
[ __ ] excuse me could you talk in a regular language that's scaring me I
00:05:09
said a lot of people have accents they sound like John Rocker all of a sudden uh okay also we talked about my sweater
00:05:16
we got that out of the way that was good uh you butt you butt dialed someone here
00:05:21
at the show at the party and it made me laugh when I heard that because yeah you if you if you pick
00:05:28
up a cell phone yeah um then you can dial any anyone in the world I once I once had Putin on the
00:05:35
other line I mean I don't even know how I Touch Myself touch the phone it goes to that's why you got to edges I hate it
00:05:42
it's like don't touch the front something's happening yeah I didn't even tell Kevin
00:05:47
nean this but he was doing a movie once apparently and he butt died me and I listened for 37 minutes and it was just
00:05:54
like do another take let's do another take no I didn't listen that long but uh yeah did butt dial and I don't know if
00:06:01
they heard much but it was just at a loud party man all they heard was like
00:06:06
oh Dana's coming out to sing Happy Birthday to Lauren and Marilyn monrose
00:06:11
dress yeah does he have the dress no he has the stretched stretched out kind of
00:06:16
silver t-shirt so it looks like a dress I could barely hear you saying Lauren do
00:06:22
we get paid here at the party or how do I get the money for the show what do I
00:06:27
do he goes after that cake I'll be honest he's not shy about cake oh really
00:06:33
oh no he's not a heavy gentleman but uh he's you know I actually had a sliver
00:06:39
and then uh you know I had a cholesterol test yesterday and I just got the
00:06:44
results okay you want to read them live in the air like myy Povich no it just said too much cake at the top I don't
00:06:51
know how they know that they should have a cake cutter [ __ ] Shark Tank again
00:06:57
they should have a sh a cake cutter that just cuts it slivers because everybody doesn't want a full piece just give me a
00:07:02
little sliver yeah well they they have a thing called a knife and it pretty much does
00:07:08
that so no no no I can't your knife come back with the okay you have 10 seconds
00:07:14
try to think of something you could monetize in your life I'm saying a cake sliver cutter it's just a sharp knife
00:07:21
you call a sliver cutter okay I have well I don't have any good ideas that's it uh that's all right um I've got pie
00:07:30
scooper so you're able to put ice cream on top of the Cherry Pie and then you can scoop it up and my scooper design it
00:07:37
away it keeps the ice cream in the in the it's not work oh by the way other news uh bus
00:07:45
boys is happening now Dana you're kidding bus boys is a gopr yeah wow can you tell me what it is
00:07:54
about what do you mean bus boys I think it's a movie I think it's a movie the
00:07:59
boys are start the promotion right here yes uh spade and theovon are two losers
00:08:08
of course it's kind of like you know dumb and dum or something we're just two guys that are bus boys and think that
00:08:16
becoming a waiter is the ultimate goal and will really straighten out our loser lives I won't say it why are you bus
00:08:23
boys well uh my girlfriend leaves me and uh we have nothing or no one in our town
00:08:29
likes us we're we're driving to see my girl I find out she's cheating and I said dude let's just go to Mexico all
00:08:36
good things happen in Mexico and he goes I've heard that and then we kick it to Mexico and
00:08:43
then we see a sign that says because she left me for a waiter so I want to be a waiter so basically you're you're uh
00:08:51
senior bus boys because normally you think of bus boys late teens the oldest bus Boys in America yeah yeah and then
00:08:58
you everything goes aai and you just head to Mexico for an adventure a bad
00:09:03
idea yeah we and does Mayhem in Sue not right away but yeah but I think uh
00:09:11
Theo's really funny he's got that really quirky way of talking and then jux
00:09:16
suppose with you count me in I'm sure pluto.com is Gonna Love Premier I'll be
00:09:23
is it the it's the Penny Saver magazine is doing a new streaming service so it's a first for them so yeah I thought
00:09:31
brought to you by Newman's Own Italian dressing no Italian dressing has a
00:09:36
streaming service now yeah yeah you know just we just put on their
00:09:42
website yeah uh Theo's interesting dude and uh I'm I think I'm the smarter of
00:09:48
the two dumb asses sounds like you've got kind of a southerner uh not quite as big Chris
00:09:56
Farley on your hands so L Cannon well I think if you have I'm always sort of
00:10:03
grounded a little bit in reality in movies um just because my disposition
00:10:09
and demeanor I guess but I would I'm never the crazy over the toop so if I do
00:10:15
a movie with Jim Carrey I would let him handle that part even though it is fun to do that stuff but even wrong Missy I
00:10:21
was the Ben still or in you know something about Mary or Meet the Parents
00:10:27
where everything's crazy and you're just trying to hold it together but I mean there has to be a movie where you're not the straight man you're funny no this
00:10:34
isn't really the straight man this is two guys are funny and yeah so it's really us you know you know I heard that
00:10:40
was a funny joke on Weekend Update I think you were there um about Mike Tyson fight which was
00:10:46
uh it wound up being Mike Tyson and Jake Paul against the
00:10:53
audience uh defeat the world or something I don't know what it was yeah because it was such a and listen we love
00:11:00
Ted and uh Netflix did a great job I mean that's they got what they want a
00:11:05
big showy thing that everyone would watch we got that part it's the most
00:11:10
watched boxing match in the history of the world go ahead I didn't know that is million 60
00:11:17
million yeah oh yeah but is that more than like The Rumble in the Jungle or thrill and Manilla I think so yeah the
00:11:24
tangle in the weeds that was Frasier and Norton you got have Skirmish and the
00:11:30
burmish but I like this bus boy movie I want this to be the beginning of the uh
00:11:35
people having awareness you know I would say it's a trilogy but it's actually 15
00:11:41
so whatever could we just for a second I'm going to work on the trailer
00:11:46
SP vaugh bus
00:11:52
boys I'll get your uh server for you hey buddy let's go and it goes coming soon
00:11:58
that's all they get and then cut you with senior readers you got
00:12:07
some yeah c yeah cat dressed as something crazy going did I ever tell
00:12:12
I've told you on this podcast about love it and I billionaire bus boys billionaire bus boys yeah love it
00:12:19
talks about that sometimes you know that's my idea I go well I I think it
00:12:25
was both of our ideas but billionaire bus boys that have to be employed as bus boys um to keep their their inheritance
00:12:33
I guess Lis and I were brothers is it like Brewsters millions or something well it's kind of like then
00:12:40
they would be just super obnoxious to people they would sit they a guy sitting eating they would just sit down eat
00:12:45
their food they're trying to get fired because then they get 24 hours of fun before they so they're just the most
00:12:50
obnoxious bus boys in the world and then we had a theme song do you guys have a
00:12:56
song like Ghostbusters no I'm trying to connect oh yeah who are you going to
00:13:03
call bus boys when you need more water who are
00:13:09
you gonna call so when might this film be completed and edited January we start
00:13:17
okay so so you'll be uh early 26 or you're going to get it out by next summer if you what's next year 2025 I
00:13:25
guess it will be in 2025 202 can't let comedy rot I don't like
00:13:31
when it sits I don't like a special sitting I don't like any joke sitting someone else doesn't like it uh
00:13:38
especially if you you and John Rush billionaire bus boys and Greenlight it you might that might come out first we
00:13:44
couldn't even get it on as a sketch of sat Night Live um bus boy the bus boys right off
00:13:50
into the sunset right okay yeah we we are it's gonna be called the oldest bus
00:13:56
boys in the world that's just the first idea but we are anyway it came out pretty funny we wrote it together and uh
00:14:02
he's a very funny dude but we can move on to more
00:14:09
[Music]
00:14:16
topical well uh Christmas is coming and you know for a gift that's always on
00:14:23
time and lasts a lifetime you can't do better than Master Class if you want to be kind of unique kind of different
00:14:29
right you're giving some someone something that may change their life forever right I mean it's never too late
00:14:36
to learn everyone's looking to learn hopefully and uh you know Master Class
00:14:41
the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over 200 more than 200 the world's best wow
00:14:50
whatever yeah this is why wire cutter which you don't know what that is I do
00:14:55
calls it an invaluable gift it used to be something you get after like uh you know Bob wire that's what we call that's
00:15:02
what we call shot I had a couple shots of wire cutter last night but um but it
00:15:07
yeah I don't need wire cutter to tell me this is a good gift it's a it's a gift of unlimited learning put it this way
00:15:14
you're going to learn from any Master Class instructor anywhere on a smartphone computer Smart TV or even for
00:15:21
you David in audio mode for me I don't know you can
00:15:26
overcome your fears with Amy poer who uh I just ran into Amy Poler so funny and if you could get her on just one-on-one
00:15:33
teaching you stuff I think it's definitely worth I just ran into Amy polar too is she okay we both ran into
00:15:39
ran into really hard I ran into her and Tina Fay it's a long story but they're adorable brilliant people yeah Amy po
00:15:46
take a class from her that's going to be charming and funny stand up stand up with our boy Jud appow Jud appow he's a
00:15:54
director he's a standup he's another Pro or David for you you could turn fions
00:15:59
into achievements with cultural icon wait for it Martha Stewart okay
00:16:07
okay wow now they got big names on here these classes make a difference 88% of the members feel that Master Class made
00:16:13
a very positive impact on their lives so um I mean this is probably the way to go
00:16:19
I mean what to gift this to someone I think is a good idea no risk new
00:16:24
memberships come with a 30-day money back guarantee um God I would I would
00:16:30
probably take I always say Steve Martin would be an interesting one scor SE if you care about movies like there's great
00:16:37
people and you can learn anything on masterclass you know there's so many so
00:16:42
many categories masterclass always has great offers during the holidays sometimes as much as 50% off head over
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to masterclass.com fly for their current offer that's up to
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50% off at masterclass.com fly masterclass.com
00:17:02
sfly I will say lastly the last thing and I've been hear one more word about
00:17:08
the Jake Paul fight is the Jake Paul fight when all the dust
00:17:13
settles I feel like they did it and they the way out of being a good fight was
00:17:20
this wasn't it was for entertainment purposes like a exhibition entertainment
00:17:25
match but the problem is there was no entertainment so now I'm suing over
00:17:33
[Music] that let's take some um it was that's a
00:17:39
big statement what I just made someone said that Logan Paul who uh probably is
00:17:45
a very normal sweet guy but he knows how to stir the pot how you start with that
00:17:50
every time a normal s great guy in the world yeah I love this guy but he learned that he could play the bad guy
00:17:57
and then his clicks and views and money and fights and ex you know is really
00:18:03
good for him and so it was a show um well did you know this part what
00:18:11
um just to interrupt your thought thoughts I think you said Jake I
00:18:16
think you said Jake or Logan but oh which one is it at the be at the beginning of at the beginning of the fight Jake was one fighting I think you
00:18:22
meant but Logan is not twin but looking the same brother was behind him spraying
00:18:27
him and I guess that was his deodorant line it's just
00:18:34
all he knocked his hat off I think he did that on purpose Heather so I got that wrong so Jake Paul I would have
00:18:41
been [ __ ] pissed I was Jake right at my moment and he sprays that [ __ ] and
00:18:46
plus That Gets In Your Eyes then he knocks his hat off to get more attention back there yeah that's just like can you
00:18:52
can you stop promoting you would have you could punch you in the face you hold up anti swelling Brave you know
00:19:00
available now but I got his name wrong I thought it was Logan Paul so it was Jake Paul and it was Eddie Eddie Tyson I
00:19:07
thought it was Mike Tyson but it was Eddie Tyson right you got it right yeah okay and Jake Paul has a you know I'm
00:19:14
sure they have their own biof freeze that you rub on where you got punched
00:19:19
and deodorants and things like that it's all like hey buy our [ __ ] and act dumber
00:19:24
than you did that you bought the fight it would be even dumber if you bought this stuff too uh other than that I
00:19:30
thought the fight was free if you have Netflix the fight was free I'll give it that yeah I'll give it that I'll give it
00:19:39
that that's Netflix when you hear that that's why it does better than the other fights it's free you don't have to pay
00:19:45
100 bucks yeah has 280 million subscribers yeah they got billions
00:19:52
listen if I have to get a crowbar in my wallet it's a different story yes I'm
00:19:58
you next one I'm so excited who's he who's he
00:20:04
fighting hey come on let's fight come on I I yeah Biden should get in there and
00:20:09
fight Biden should Twitter him and say Hey [ __ ] face come on you want some of
00:20:15
this [ __ ] I'm not kidding around I'm being serious here here's the deal come on and by the way and guess what the
00:20:22
fact of the matter is you don't want to know what I did to Corn Pop yeah I popped him in the corn
00:20:29
I know how to popcorn I had a thing where I was going to go Bed Bath and Beyond but then there was a rewrite and
00:20:34
they kind of did something else they [ __ ] you it was kind of funny what about a picture I saw Biden like in the Amazon rainforest what is he doing
00:20:41
what's going on the G20 I mean 20 countries got together and said hey you
00:20:46
want to be part of the G20 sure Count Me In G20 do it let where can we meet let's
00:20:51
meet in the rainforce of Argentina or something so Biden was down there that's
00:20:57
where he should be wandering around that's not a great idea well he was at the podium then they thought he wanded off in the jungle he just said that's
00:21:03
the way people do it all the time and he walked out of his frame into the into the jungle it's like I like walked out
00:21:09
of frame M show is he walked out of frame he had a really nice single on him
00:21:15
he had a PA with him going I think uh number one in the call sheet is going
00:21:22
10200 that means oh I number one is walking or whatever that yeah when they
00:21:27
say that's Steve Martin yeah number one in the call sheet they go number one is walking the other thing they say is uh
00:21:34
we're going to U go 10 100 which sounds like a nice way of saying go PE but if
00:21:40
you hear 102 200 everyone goes like [Laughter]
00:21:45
this Steve Martin has go drop a King Kong finger that's like a cart meme of
00:21:53
like how much joy can you derive from I know what they mean by that
00:21:59
yeah he means poop yeah I'm gonna laugh a little
00:22:06
more yes entertainment all right anything else before we get to uh some
00:22:12
stories and headlines try to keep the balls in the air for that yeah you're tired from the
00:22:18
party you flew back from SNL I'm down a court I want to use the word tired
00:22:24
that's kind of negative I have a stretched out t-shirt there we have seven hair dryers between my wife and I
00:22:30
my wife has my wife she story just got better seven hair dryers and her hair is
00:22:36
so thick that she goes I'm gonna go dry my hair it's wet hair I go I'll see
00:22:42
tomorrow I'll see you tomorrow no it's literally an
00:22:48
hour so because we're moving in so many metrics La San Francisco up in the
00:22:55
undisclosed Farm New York all the hair got in different locations so I washed
00:23:01
my hair disaster and I was like so I said good yeah yeah right like that's
00:23:07
gonna win an Emmy so anyway I had no hair dryer so I put the hat on and that is the end of the
00:23:15
[ __ ] girls I don't know they got the hair D it's got three
00:23:21
speeds then they got a upside down and throws out your clavicle one time this
00:23:27
is embarrass ing Michael Keaton show on SNL I went down to 9 where they
00:23:33
rehearsing on eight I went up to 9 and I took a shower and some sketchy wherever and I brought my trusty blow dryer down
00:23:41
mhm why did I need to blow dry my hair I you were with a blow dryer I walked
00:23:47
around think herb Sergeant was in there naked I just walked right past him anyway I take a shower I get out I go
00:23:55
upside down like sometimes you see in movies where they blow dry their hair
00:24:00
and I flipped my hair up and I passed out on the ground I hadn't eaten I love Vero and just went and also my neck
00:24:08
was so tight CU I was Su stress that this holding this thing was tightening it it was like I couldn't even turn to the side but I obviously you got to push
00:24:14
through to get the fluff and bounce in the hair how long were you out you think
00:24:20
what a [ __ ] disaster I'm ah am I in the cold opening
00:24:25
is that where I am and everyone's like no you're not in the show I have a hair dryer story and don't be
00:24:31
alarm but it tops yours so you know have no way sometimes hair dryers do things
00:24:37
sometimes they wear out sometimes whatever there's coils in there and there's heat Co I'm drying my
00:24:44
hair guess what comes out warm hot air and then
00:24:51
Flames no yeah [ __ ] I throw it down coil related yeah coil related shorted or
00:24:59
something Flames came out and I thought I don't want a [ __ ] blowtorch I want
00:25:04
a hair dryer with cool warm air and yet I had a blowtorch for a minute Lauren
00:25:11
walked in it was the same shower you ready for the SK he got he got cinged
00:25:16
it's a long story there was a police and Elon Musk you pull back he's sitting there going this is a good idea I'll
00:25:22
make a flamethrower hey right I got my hat I'm do Mega do me do Mega I can't do Elon Musk
00:25:31
very well but I can do something that sounds not like anything he has a incredible accent where is his accent
00:25:38
from South Africa via Canada via Pennsylvania South Africa it's almost
00:25:45
like uh it's a little bit of um Australian in there a little bit of
00:25:51
British engagement with South African South African a deer and uh Char does
00:25:58
sound Charlies let's just admit she took the beautiful cutaway award at the God
00:26:05
dang Tyson fight you see that Heather you see her oh my God stunner Charlie yeah she's
00:26:13
she's very tall oh I mentioned her in my special too s Charlie your just men I saw her
00:26:20
her and Chris Rock at a party standing next to each other and I just looked up and I just started singing Ebony and
00:26:27
Ivory cuz she's such aall blonde yeah I don't
00:26:34
know which was which but I like that song sh she's great uh oh you said you
00:26:40
you I we were talking to the do not destroy guys who are going to be on fly in the wall soon and uh they you had
00:26:47
Charlie X KX XX CC what are the X's stand for what are the what's going on I
00:26:54
don't know but she was game for anything and I I loved her I didn't really know please don't destroy I really don't know
00:27:02
I didn't know much about her because I you know I listened to Franks and arra and stff but she's really cool she and
00:27:09
she came out and she goes I I'll be honest with you she's practicing her monologue I smoke I drink and I can't
00:27:18
sing without autotune I thought this is the coolest you know because everything's about authenticity and I think she was great I smoke I drink and
00:27:26
I can't sing without autotune so that that she had is it turned into brat fall
00:27:32
or are we into brat winter yet because it was brat song you're a brat brat am I
00:27:37
a brat yes well you know what it is what is it a lot of people think it might mean
00:27:45
kiss Charlie oh kiss Charlie kiss but she just thought it sounded oh it sounds
00:27:50
catchy it's definitely hard to say I don't know how C she is I didn't need to repeat that you
00:27:56
didn't repeat that well oh she's people thought it meant you know for you know
00:28:01
yeah because kiss is an ex but she really just picked it it sound she picked it because it sounds cool but I'm
00:28:06
saying it doesn't sound that catchy it's hard to say Charlie X
00:28:12
CX Charlie XCX I don't know if that's cat she's
00:28:18
it's working so I'm not gonna say that working um I'm gonna
00:28:25
be Dana oh no
00:28:30
l s LLC D5 no I'm just like a I'm a automated
00:28:37
robot or something oh boy well let's throw up some headlines let's see what's going on
00:28:43
I think so rescue the [Music]
00:28:53
podcast now this is footage from the Jake Paul fight let's see a couple shots okay
00:29:01
I like the music yeah why is it so
00:29:07
[Music] funny cuz cats are happy and acting like cats are funny and they're barely
00:29:13
touching and they're squishy and they didn't hit each other that hard so [ __ ] funny to me Absolut uh I'm gonna
00:29:19
throw you a curveball Dana because I just read this in the weigh in maybe you can pull this up I don't know it'll Greg
00:29:25
this wasn't the plan but the voice of Milhouse on The Simpsons is quitting and
00:29:32
it's an interesting I'm wondering why because they've done milh house for 25 years and
00:29:37
it is a female I think I think that's what I read I get
00:29:44
apparently I get all these stories wrong everyone on YouTube like you didn't even [ __ ] know what you're talking about it's all right but uh if we can pull it
00:29:51
up here we're GNA go down again Heather oh this isn't bad right here this is what Heather deals with all day I just
00:29:57
go up down I think there's oh yeah Simpsons voice actor Pamela Hayden retiring so she's
00:30:03
retiring from maybe the easiest job in the history of the world I don't know
00:30:10
those people who got on Simpsons wow you could do this Danny you should audition for this this is a great job hey billh
00:30:17
house how does he sound is that I don't know how it sounds do have Bill house does Jimbo Jones too go ahead sorry geez
00:30:26
there was a while where Harry Shear was thinking of not continuing and they they reached out to me I go I can't do Harry
00:30:33
Shear stuff or or could I whoops hey there hey there I'm
00:30:41
Mr I'm yeah did you just do a voice and have it I'm any character hello my my
00:30:49
name is Milhouse I like chocolate no I go like this I'm milhous I'm I'm grown
00:30:57
up now how are you I'm Jimbo Jones oh yeah Jimbo Jones sounds like a
00:31:03
funny character like your eyes I'm Jimbo Jones how are you
00:31:09
today I'm your new neighbor I just was saying I'm available for some kind of
00:31:15
35y year animation gig where I come in once a month and and go to a window and
00:31:20
collect actual cash [ __ ] we need another Hotel Transylvania that's if anybody has any Deets on that hit me up I need a
00:31:26
secret life of pets three yeah welcome to the Hotel Transylvania is such a gift
00:31:33
that keeps giving and they're funny I have to say they are great for the fam yeah okay next
00:31:44
story oh married man fakes his own death to meet woman across the seas I I read
00:31:50
about this you know what's funny about this that I thought if this is right his name is Hogwarts no it's bog
00:31:58
wart he was he was missing after a kayak trip I think what he did was like flip
00:32:04
the kayak upside down that's a good touch wow you know maybe I drown who knows left clothes or some kind of what
00:32:12
just nearby there's keys and he he called her and left a
00:32:18
uh okay oh so what happened is he's asking
00:32:24
for advice somewhere and someone goes hey that's the guy so he gets on a Tik
00:32:30
Tok like almost accidentally and they go that's the guy that disappeared and that's how they find him that's why it's
00:32:36
interesting really oh my God even she's excited so he shows up in this
00:32:44
thing in what town I think it says San Diego he didn't go that far
00:32:50
then but he fakes his death and then he goes to he said should I go to usbekistan to meet with a woman despite
00:32:56
being married and they're like oh that's the guy and so they go did he go there and and get married to someone else so
00:33:04
that's how they Crack the Case God that's uh that's what they
00:33:09
think oh maybe it's just think so that guy's been arrested what is the crime for faking your own death it's not as
00:33:15
bad as killing someone no I think it's more it's you get you get uh accused of
00:33:22
being a coward for not divorcing your wife so in the Public Square people shun you and say
00:33:28
card Shame Shame Shame liar FIB you can fake your own
00:33:37
death but can anyone fake their own birth let's look at a clip I don't know
00:33:43
just sounded funny I don't know faked his own funny it makes no logical sense we
00:33:51
talked about butt babies last week we didn't put that clip did we but babies
00:33:56
yeah yeah I don't I sent it to you like I don't know if this is a real clip I'm not calling that real next
00:34:02
one okay don't say anything yet hold on she has This brilliant Talent okay this girl does okay I don't think it's that
00:34:10
groundbreaking but the length of it is funny she does we will quickly comment
00:34:15
as she goes okay she has impressions of animals wow okay
00:34:21
good easyer Robin American robin of all things
00:34:26
pretty good Too Fast Too Fast anyone could do it
00:34:35
anyone easy easy making her tongue weird is the key oh that's
00:34:44
nothing I'll give her that they're too
00:34:50
fast stupid sheep two out of 10
00:34:58
eight out of 10 I like that yeah I like her
00:35:06
face depending on what part of the country what what who is this
00:35:13
person they pull the camera back and she the [ __ ] knows what a claba
00:35:20
sounds like every child can do that in school
00:35:28
wow that's pretty cool Grandma's a lesbian with the little whisper I
00:35:34
mean she might be the fastest I'll tell you what and I'll just
00:35:40
hope Lauren saw that the the book's apens if you think about the bio evolutionary advantage to
00:35:48
have someone who can do these sounds and ancient man on the Prairie or hiding out in rocks trying to sleep they can scare
00:35:56
off or you know so there is a reason I just figured out why certain sounds talk
00:36:03
like other people talk like so if we go across the plains in a in a uh covered
00:36:08
wagon she might be the one to bring with us you're the sound effect
00:36:18
guy oh the coyote walks up in the middle of the desert and I go oh there's a sprinkler
00:36:29
Co like here's a here's a cocka
00:36:34
Poo's like here's a Kaka bird kaka kaka kaka
00:36:40
kaka I mean after about three of them I don't know what the I did get a
00:36:47
headache okay here it is ready morning
00:36:53
birds birds bird flying away
00:37:00
that's the best one oldfashioned rodeo R rotary phone how do we get into
00:37:06
this operator get me lion or 5
00:37:12
47532 I like when it's a short one you just do the one no one knows the
00:37:20
joy of that Heather's too young okay uh next one let's see
00:37:28
we're really boot scooting along Columbia bans marriage after 7 17year
00:37:35
campaign oh they banned child marriage you have to be 18 now to get married
00:37:40
let's go Colombia good job how young could you be in Colombia and still in
00:37:45
Iraq it's nine nine I think they just said it's nine I everything I say I
00:37:54
think I think I just saw that that it was nine and everyone's like I think that still feels low uh so so 17 years
00:38:03
it took them to get it to be like 18 years old so that's good progress yeah
00:38:11
progress thank you you know I mean in caveman times when you you were an old man by 30 you get married at 12 you know
00:38:20
we do have to adjust it a little bit yeah yeah but you got to speed up life a little bit when you're I think when when
00:38:26
people are like at a party and I'm like how old's that guy they're like 85 I go Jesus so people are hanging in there no
00:38:33
ancient tribe you see a guy with gray shagly hair and JS he's like I am chief
00:38:39
of this tribe I live for
00:38:45
28 Summers they used to go people quickly calculate and go so he's 28
00:38:52
yeah why did they not just have make a mark on a tree I
00:38:58
I live 31 Winters the oldest guy's like oh okay
00:39:05
next one really these are worldwide stories we're breaking it's great it's
00:39:10
International okay this is a basketball player Hansel Manuel oh and he has one arm and he's a
00:39:19
is this college yeah right L will drive all the way the only question still lingering is
00:39:26
that if Tennessee a large Hill to climb for that so he's really
00:39:32
good look at that Manuel's got it here look out
00:39:37
Emmanuel that was with a right hand wow L that's pry that is extraordinary one
00:39:45
crazy Superstar basketball player I can't do that well with
00:39:53
two well a lot of you know when you look at Steph Curry and stuff he he's kind of balancing I mean depend he must have
00:40:00
pretty big hands but you need to kind of you know when I the way I shoot everybody when when you're doing those
00:40:07
pickup games when I'm doing fadeaways I uh this this hand does help left hand
00:40:12
helps me no no I mean obviously two hands is better but you know but that means that guy he's got
00:40:20
guts he's got tenacity he's he's adaptive and uh he's good he's really
00:40:26
good he's walking shots lot is just one arm he probably has a good vertical he's
00:40:32
stuning the ball so you know he's stunk it's
00:40:37
fantastic good for him good job Manuel that that was our feel good story story I I gonna say that yeah go ahead read
00:40:45
this one this store in China uses real people instead of mannequins to sell
00:40:51
clothes okay um oh and they are little treadmills
00:40:57
[Music] ah looks like they're doing Tik toks so they're just talking they're walking on
00:41:03
a treadmill in a store window so people can see what it would look like not on a
00:41:09
a still mannequin but on a moving human right I like the idea how long you think your job's hard how long could you walk
00:41:15
in that treadmill without drenching and sweat well the way I saw it because it was a really short treadmill there was
00:41:22
scarier not a lot of room for error so I think they last until they fall off you
00:41:27
know God dang you got to go hey time out like because you have to let them know before you jump
00:41:33
off you can't get too tired and get swept back like uh George Jetson or whatever yeah treadmills can be scary if
00:41:40
you're really going fast you fly off yeah they really make they really make it to like the the Instagram fail videos
00:41:46
there's a lot of treadmills in America's Funniest Home Videos yeah I don't know if it's you I just do this but at the airport where there there's a really
00:41:53
long people mover moving along and people get on that I like to go not on
00:41:58
the People Mover but go so fast that I go way past all of them but you go on the regular sidewalk I go on the regular
00:42:04
stuff I don't have nothing helping me but I want to beat them yeah sometimes I do that just out of
00:42:10
sheer uh I'm so cramped up for the six hours I want to walk I want to move yeah yeah I know I've sat more in the last
00:42:17
four days than I have in the last 4 and I'm sitting now yeah it's embarrassing
00:42:22
all right one more let's see no we do a couple more oh I just thought this is a crazy photo
00:42:30
this is a Miami strip club look at the floor uh after the weekend what wet
00:42:35
cement and mud or something mud that's money is it oh money oh wow and that's a
00:42:42
strip club they're just almost drowning in money it's like ankle deep in a in a
00:42:47
I think they kicked everybody out they flip the lights on they go okay GS grab what you can but who on gods green are
00:42:53
just spending that much that's one of those things I never got into if I had a cple beans in my jeans I don't throw my
00:42:59
money I don't try to waste it this fast and this hard I have been to strip clubs in the
00:43:05
old days but it's such a clown show where they just you know they don't like
00:43:11
you as much as you think oh this this really got my goat it almost burned my
00:43:16
onion a little bit mhm uh if I could think of any so when you go to Vegas and
00:43:21
take out 20 bucks you have to pay $1.99 fee at the
00:43:28
ATM well hello hello hello it's vasc and I'm going to take $20 out of the ATM machine in Las Vegas $20 and the fee now
00:43:37
here at MGM properties $.99 so I'm hoping to make more than $1
00:43:43
from this video please watch it come on and we will see whether or not we can get any views but $12 to take
00:43:52
outy Farley would have hated that yeah well Farley take out $20 a day
00:43:58
and then uh you know what strippers like is when you give them 20 and then you go
00:44:03
can I get 18 back they go I'm sorry what they don't
00:44:08
like to give change 18 back I'm just thinking of the Goombas you know These Guys these these Vegas
00:44:15
guys upstairs you know all right we're gonna have the ATM meeting all right
00:44:21
opening what do you think what's the most we can charge doll people tell us to go [ __ ] ourselves what do $5 I got $5
00:44:28
here could we go high and still have them use the ATM boss I'm down there I'm telling you they need money bad I think
00:44:34
we go 850 850 okay we got 850 got anybody 10 we have 10 $10 so that they
00:44:41
can pull their own [ __ ] money out of the only [ __ ] machine you know boss I've been thinking I had a dream last
00:44:46
night we go 1199 11.99 once 1192 twice 99 folks do
00:44:54
you understand so to to get when I I heard if you told me because I don't use
00:45:00
an ATM anymore cuz I don't like getting shot stabbed it's really the most
00:45:05
vulnerable like people behind like I only do it in a grocery store I don't do
00:45:10
it out on the street not in La I only do it my doctor's office yeah so you get the money to pay him
00:45:17
cash who's your doctor Dr Bingo by the way I haven't I haven't been to a doctor that uses Insurance in about 10 years no
00:45:23
one they're always like actually we don't use Insurance here you pay us and then or they go you pay us then you
00:45:29
figure it out with your insurance oh yeah yeah and you figure it out and then Insurance never sends anything yeah then
00:45:34
they go you could pay us right now and then after that you can go [ __ ] yourself I don't care at all what you do go [ __ ] yourself is always the best way to end
00:45:41
any conversation okay so that one I will say if you told me what's too high at an
00:45:48
ATM I would [Music] say 199 is about as high as they could
00:45:55
ever go I think there was an ATM in the hotel and I think it was
00:46:02
450 [ __ ] that's un that's sickening that's such but in the moment you're
00:46:07
like you're like a monkey with a little must have money I'll pay anything
00:46:13
just yeah yeah yeah yeah you're just rip up ripping up $100 bills at that point when you're in Vegas or you're at the strip club you're like you you know
00:46:21
exactly that's what they want they want all right let's do one more and then Dana I got to get you to bed I know I will go right to sleep as
00:46:28
soon as oh we're going to end on this one this one might be too long I just thought it's all right we did something like this oh I I like how far is a
00:46:35
kilometer is that like a mile a kilometer is like two and a half laps around the track okay we'll just turn it
00:46:41
on so basically you can have no sound doesn't matter Yeah so basically what's
00:46:47
the fastest animal on earth now okay so obviously cheetah gets to 500 for 100
00:46:53
100K 100 kilometers cheetah yeah so here's one kilometers the horse starts
00:46:58
beating the to beat and the cheetah here comes a [ __ ] ostrich guys who had
00:47:03
money on the ostrich so now it's just down to the horse and the ostrich wow three miles three miles the ostrich
00:47:12
beats the horse right they destroy everyone else okay the camel comes in that's three miles in the a camel and
00:47:19
then the camel's catching up to the horse and the ostrich is hanging in with all three now it's catching up to the
00:47:25
ostrich around 12 miles looking at 12 miles look at these babies Coyote's back
00:47:30
oh here's a human that's human we go far enough the human will win I do know that
00:47:36
okay you wish you know that I guess you haven't seen this 20 no 13 miles oh where is it going to end we 22 miles
00:47:43
we're ending at 100 I guess that seems a little 100 miles no one's running a 100 well no they have 100 mile runs yeah
00:47:50
okay so the human is gaining Kil is it close to a mile well 100 kilometers
00:47:56
would be um 60 miles okay the human is passing the camel folks it's just in and
00:48:02
the horse the human is in the lead the horse too at one camel second wait horse or thir
00:48:11
ostrich beat the [ __ ] horse at the last second oh at the last second the off came in but photo finish 60 miles
00:48:18
humans dominate ye take that is that how much is 60 um 10 uh 100 kilometers should be 62
00:48:28
mil 100 L is a kilome well 10 kilm is 6.2 miles an oun is so 100 miles can you
00:48:37
count 6.2 time 10 52 Dumbo
00:48:42
62 and guess who got in last the elephant fourth year in a row so if you
00:48:47
try to run away from an ostrich just try to get away within the first 100 meters cuz it will H hunt you claw you and kill
00:48:56
you by the way the ostrich is like why am I running 100 me what are we doing why did I do this 60 miles without water
00:49:03
or food yeah get [ __ ] I could tell by the little the animation that the guy
00:49:09
had he had a a Power Aid and ay in his pocket the running I pictured you I was
00:49:15
like look at Dana running Dana is a good runner oh I was
00:49:21
back in the day well I tell you we didn't run we hopped we were running
00:49:28
from a lion I'll tell you a fun fact that okay I was coming you when you leave the good nights at SNL sometimes
00:49:35
you do it with the host yeah you go into the sort of under the bleachers and you come out so I think it was John meany he
00:49:42
just went right before me and I think he was going and then he started skipping and I started skipping too and
00:49:50
skipping feels really good compared to walking or even running it's kind of mus
00:49:55
so now if you ever seen on SL I'm going back in December you see me come off the stage just remember within seconds I
00:50:02
will be skipping for quite a while okay that's kind of inside baseball well we
00:50:07
learned something new about Dana lik day yeah well Dana it's been a great time
00:50:13
with you uh thank you for having me David oh next week we have two
00:50:19
guests oh we do oh should we I'll tell I'll tell you later oh interesting okay
00:50:25
you're you're full of surprises sck around talk to us on YouTube smash the button beat the [ __ ] out of button yeah
00:50:31
we're our contract's coming up pretty soon so just [ __ ] annihilate the button like it your comment I know what
00:50:39
help pretend to be other people and hit it again yeah yeah yeah uh all right thanks Dana all right we'll uh we'll
00:50:46
catch you on the Fly this has been a presentation of
00:50:51
Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna white SPM of Odyssey Heather Santoro and
00:50:58
Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
00:51:03
[Music]
