00:00:00
[Music]
00:00:04
is it true there's a bowl of vicadin in
00:00:06
the wait room by the door no there used
00:00:08
to be they crack down on that oh that's
00:00:10
a good I might have to come
00:00:13
over we have them here in a little
00:00:16
bowl we can't
00:00:21
[Music]
00:00:24
get okay guys we're already laughing
00:00:26
it's spade and uh Carvey and we're
00:00:28
starting Superfly yeah we're always in a
00:00:31
good mood on Superfly always chuckling
00:00:34
away look at me I got a green background
00:00:37
my hair is really like too it's like a
00:00:40
helmet well it actually looks kind of
00:00:43
movie movie star ready I would say you
00:00:46
know you could play kind of a badass
00:00:48
with that hair like you know with a gun
00:00:50
and stuff like threat oh actually
00:00:51
working on a new impression I'm going to
00:00:52
do it for you at the end okay so what uh
00:00:56
now usually we haven't seen each other
00:00:57
in a few days so what what's been going
00:00:59
on with you what year you always weekend
00:01:01
some weird thing happened I'm still
00:01:04
doing my tour I so I was in Spokan this
00:01:06
weekend beautiful crowd uh I stayed at
00:01:09
the hotel right next to it and so every
00:01:13
single person in that hotel was at the
00:01:14
show I'm walking around oh my God your
00:01:17
show is unbelievable blah blah blah blah
00:01:19
you're genius blah blah best show better
00:01:23
than anyone
00:01:24
else no no you're the best blah blah
00:01:27
everyone else is horrible blah blah so
00:01:29
whatever I don't even remember uh but I
00:01:31
remember that part uh so anyway someone
00:01:36
goes you from Spokan big star Sydney
00:01:40
Sweeney I go oh yeah she is big star oh
00:01:41
she's from here she isn't really
00:01:43
shocking everyone's from somewhere and
00:01:44
you know that girl she's an Euphoria
00:01:47
okay she's a big deal she's in um in two
00:01:50
movies out right now so I said oh great
00:01:52
and then uh and then Bobby's downstairs
00:01:55
with some guys they're like we were we
00:01:57
yeah my opener Bobby mimoda and they
00:01:59
said oh uh we love soccer you talk about
00:02:03
in youra by the way his sister's a big
00:02:04
star here and he goes oh and then he
00:02:08
kept saying it so he finally goes who
00:02:10
Sydney Sweeney how do you like them
00:02:12
apples and he's like she is a big star
00:02:14
so I go to the airport and I go to the
00:02:17
driver Lally said how do you like them
00:02:18
apples yeah and that's a good way to you
00:02:21
know let them know like I wasn't
00:02:23
bullshitting okay and I say to the
00:02:25
driver uh I heard his [ __ ] about
00:02:27
Sydney Sween goes oh yeah I did a play
00:02:29
with her I'm like by the way I'm sure
00:02:32
the the play uh business is Big up in
00:02:35
you know Spokan Washington Spokan
00:02:37
outskirts yeah so I said oh great so I
00:02:41
get on my flight and the uh and the lady
00:02:44
from
00:02:45
United it's like you know blah blah I
00:02:47
heard the show is great blah blah
00:02:48
whatever and then she goes oh you know
00:02:51
who's on your flight Sydney Sweeney I go
00:02:53
I I can't hear more about this girl so I
00:02:56
get
00:02:57
on and lo and behold how about them
00:03:00
apples she's sitting right behind
00:03:02
me wait a minute Sydney Sweeney is in
00:03:06
Spokane after all this and she's sitting
00:03:08
behind you yeah there she is see that
00:03:10
gorgeous so she's sitting behind me with
00:03:12
like your boyfriend or or something and
00:03:14
uh actually she she was in in coach but
00:03:17
her boobs were in first anyway can you
00:03:20
say that uh oh canell I mean I mean I
00:03:23
have to throw in one boob joke she's
00:03:25
very lovely I mean she's displaying them
00:03:28
if we don't notice them that would be
00:03:29
kind of odd I mean you know yeah I think
00:03:31
they were uh buried in the hoodie in
00:03:33
this trip but uh she had her hat down so
00:03:37
the stupid story is my I lose I don't
00:03:40
say anything to her I don't know what to
00:03:41
say you know what's her to say hey are
00:03:42
we both in ch is big fan big fan I could
00:03:46
have said that yeah that's a that's a
00:03:47
good one Everyone likes that that's
00:03:49
fine uh but it was just awkward I don't
00:03:51
know what to say so I lose my Five Hour
00:03:53
Energy you know the one of those little
00:03:55
things yeah and it's a big Panic for me
00:03:57
so I'm on the ground looking and so I
00:03:59
crawl around and I go hey you guys see
00:04:01
if I energy on these parts and then uh
00:04:04
she's like you're on all fours crawling
00:04:06
down the aisle before before takeoff
00:04:09
yeah no during the flight during the
00:04:11
flight you're on all four okay yeah and
00:04:13
everyone's like quit looking for
00:04:14
attention and I was but I was looking
00:04:17
really for this right and then she goes
00:04:19
no and then she goes do you do a show
00:04:21
here and I go yeah and everyone's like
00:04:22
you from s
00:04:25
sweetie and she goes oh I know and I go
00:04:28
I actually met your brother uh I guess
00:04:30
does he live here and she goes well he's
00:04:32
in the Army and I go is he not here and
00:04:35
she goes no and I'm like well guy some
00:04:40
guy that's his claim to fame is he's
00:04:43
lying about that the funniest thing to
00:04:45
lie
00:04:46
about did the whole plane break out into
00:04:50
Sydney Sweeney
00:04:53
swey but she's from Spokan Washington I
00:04:56
was thought from Spokan British I
00:04:57
thought we land no she's a she's a
00:05:01
British All
00:05:03
American all right and we land and I've
00:05:06
got the whole plane involved now cuz
00:05:07
some lady in the back goes found
00:05:09
it found my [ __ ] stupid 5 Hour hands
00:05:14
it down pass Sydney I get it everyone's
00:05:18
touching it everyone's touching
00:05:20
smothered in Co and omnicron and I shake
00:05:22
and I go it's a little light I guess you
00:05:25
took a few gulps that's your
00:05:28
reward [ __ ] crickets then what a
00:05:32
flight no one laughs and then I I I
00:05:34
we're about to leave and uh anyway the
00:05:37
the point of this whole story which is
00:05:39
absolutely
00:05:40
none is that okay we're both on dog [ __ ]
00:05:44
Delta you know whatever fine we're on
00:05:46
some P jumper but the the point of the
00:05:48
story is she is hosting SNL this week I
00:05:51
didn't know that and she didn't say it
00:05:53
huh and and I have a feeling she didn't
00:05:55
either want to brag or does not know I
00:05:57
was on SNL which is very like lik she's
00:06:01
she's maybe 24 she's probably 20 yeah
00:06:04
four we'll look it up but it doesn't
00:06:06
matter uh and uh in those situations I
00:06:11
don't really introduce myself sometimes
00:06:13
I say hey I'm David but when you meet
00:06:15
other people do you say your name Dana
00:06:18
go uh no no because I'm I'm I've always
00:06:22
been at the like if I walked around
00:06:23
dress as G I get a lot more attention
00:06:26
you don't I can change my like what in
00:06:29
my face right now and then and then asse
00:06:33
I have sunglasses on like who's this
00:06:36
right you can't tell I can hide myself
00:06:38
in plain sight but I'll get people
00:06:40
sometimes on a flight they'll be are you
00:06:42
uh are you uh who I think you are are
00:06:44
you that are you that guy or you are I
00:06:47
go what Jesus they go no are you a are
00:06:52
you the main guy Jesus but I I don't
00:06:54
judge I once if they take me and it's
00:06:57
like hey uh you know it's a 7-hour
00:07:00
flight elbow to Elbow hey uh how do you
00:07:03
guys uh come up with those those
00:07:06
sketches you do on that on that Saturday
00:07:08
Night Live there show you know so I I I
00:07:11
I give into it we have drinks we talk
00:07:13
and we go over the history of SNL then I
00:07:15
said I left 49 years
00:07:17
ago they ask if you're still on the guy
00:07:20
says well that's not so fun the funniest
00:07:23
one I had was first class on Virgin
00:07:25
America years ago big club seats giant
00:07:28
seats but Paul bun sat next to me I'm
00:07:30
not saying anybody fat I'm saying a
00:07:33
triple-sized man with shorts calves this
00:07:37
big he took the whole thing they came
00:07:39
around for ordering and he said I I one
00:07:43
of each so he he got every entree I'll
00:07:46
have them all I'll have them all had the
00:07:48
sandwich the lasagna the thing so if you
00:07:51
get stuck next to Paul bunion Just Go
00:07:54
With It you go and he goes you going to
00:07:56
eat that cookie you eat that cookie you
00:07:59
going to eat that
00:08:01
cookie Sling Blade Sling Blade some
00:08:04
folks call it a sling blade how much you
00:08:07
want for
00:08:08
them I'll take the ters I'll always I'll
00:08:12
always do Billy Bob thoron if I'm ass I
00:08:14
was pushing you to do sling light uh by
00:08:16
the way Dana talk about tough guy I know
00:08:19
I'm not that tough and on TV I come off
00:08:21
like a hard ass tough guy athlete
00:08:23
definely but in real life we're not
00:08:26
showing enough for my sweater looks like
00:08:28
it's from the [ __ ] Gap but uh the
00:08:31
Happy Days called and wants their
00:08:33
wardrobe back that's this show from
00:08:38
1978 old reference lost on younger
00:08:41
viewers okay I'm driving my 95 Land
00:08:44
Cruiser which I don't want to say how
00:08:46
old I am but I bought it new I bought it
00:08:49
new I wasn't old but I bought it new so
00:08:51
95 had this whole time I'm driving down
00:08:55
the street the other night when it's
00:08:57
starting to rain it Con out on me at a
00:09:00
light on Sunset now there's two lanes so
00:09:02
I'm in the left lane which is the faster
00:09:04
Lane you know conks out H I can't get it
00:09:07
going I'm like now it's raining I I get
00:09:11
out of the car I look around and I go
00:09:13
back to my uh crummy days and I was like
00:09:16
a bus boy and I have old cars you know
00:09:18
from 16 years old like
00:09:20
25 and I always had had to push start
00:09:23
them or jump them or so this would
00:09:26
happen a lot so I open the door and
00:09:29
and I and and car's like skidding and
00:09:31
now it's raining and I don't want to get
00:09:33
hit I can't leave it with the
00:09:35
hazards in the middle of the
00:09:38
lane so I start rocking it I put it
00:09:40
neutral and I start yanking you know you
00:09:42
don't have power steering in this
00:09:43
situation so I yank it so L Cruiser
00:09:46
you're trying to push yes with my pin
00:09:49
arms stick legs I do have Carry
00:09:51
Underwood calves we know that but I'm
00:09:53
pushing come from the calves and I start
00:09:55
to go I got a green light I'm going to
00:09:57
go and try to take an illegal left cuz
00:09:59
it was slightly more downhill to go to
00:10:01
the left than the right but slightly
00:10:02
like this barely and I go there's no way
00:10:05
I can push it up even if it's one inch
00:10:08
so I rock it and it moves and I start to
00:10:11
push it like a [ __ ] monster I'm
00:10:13
pushing no one gives a fat [ __ ] they're
00:10:15
all just like beeping and get out of the
00:10:17
way and I'm like no one's helping I'm in
00:10:18
grownups help
00:10:20
me no one cares just shoot me guy I'm
00:10:24
bench for so I I get in the middle then
00:10:30
wrong
00:10:31
[Music]
00:10:32
Miss
00:10:34
llama and they don't help me and now I'm
00:10:37
in the middle of light and I'm resting
00:10:39
and now no one can go and so I hold up
00:10:42
my hand International sign of don't run
00:10:44
me over whatever I start rocking it
00:10:46
again I turn on my car andwood Cals and
00:10:49
I start to go left with no one's helping
00:10:52
none and I help people I've actually
00:10:54
jumped out and help people and I start
00:10:56
to turn and then I crank I get in and
00:10:58
crank rank the wheel get out again again
00:11:01
everyone's like what's going on that guy
00:11:04
looks like he's in a they go who is that
00:11:06
girl so
00:11:08
anyway why are you letting even if you
00:11:10
think of a girl Thomas why are you
00:11:12
letting a girl push it they're like Meg
00:11:15
Ryan's in trouble so because I have a
00:11:17
hat on I'm like so anyway I finally get
00:11:19
it over somewhere and I just get out of
00:11:23
the [ __ ] now they go Sydney Sweeney's
00:11:25
in trouble she got a
00:11:27
bob
00:11:30
well you know I'm glad you made it safe
00:11:32
I've had you know we've had a lot of
00:11:34
rain in California and uh it's just a
00:11:38
mess I mean I'm I'm going out in the
00:11:40
rain I'm walking to my car and the grass
00:11:42
is like soaked so it's
00:11:45
like you know and then the I open the
00:11:47
door I don't know if it's the rust and
00:11:49
the rain like you know so I get in the
00:11:52
seat it's
00:11:53
leather so you know I I'm a safe driver
00:11:56
so I check the rearview mirror
00:11:59
you know yeah and I put the windoe
00:12:01
wipers on because it's pouring
00:12:06
rain you know what I mean I mean and
00:12:08
then I went to a shop and they had a guy
00:12:11
with a drill what would he sound
00:12:13
like that tire gun Tire gun then I went
00:12:18
over to the
00:12:21
band this is a character I used to do
00:12:23
called sound Effy and sometimes you use
00:12:25
the same effect for different things so
00:12:27
I turn on the radio right
00:12:30
you only got four I switch
00:12:33
gears you know what's a good one is Win
00:12:36
wipers when they go it's like so loud
00:12:39
but when it's dry they
00:12:43
go they come back they're like [ __ ] dude
00:12:46
it's not raining you're stressing me out
00:12:49
justy put the seat
00:12:51
[Music]
00:12:53
back when I get in my car I have like I
00:12:55
have like 18 seat adjustments I'm like
00:12:58
this
00:13:00
[Music]
00:13:02
you don't have it all preset you're
00:13:05
[Music]
00:13:06
just oh boy well oh boy um give me in a
00:13:10
news story and I'll I'll do
00:13:13
this me to do that any Story one story
00:13:17
came up is a a pregnant
00:13:19
Stingray I don't know if we have a
00:13:21
picture there's a stingray that got
00:13:22
pregnant named
00:13:24
Charlotte in North Carolina okay let me
00:13:27
see and they don't know how oh it's the
00:13:30
Virgin Stingray yeah okay well okay here
00:13:36
solved no I are you gonna play it or no
00:13:39
I don't think so it's just a sray that's
00:13:42
very cute it was in an aquarium full of
00:13:45
sharks so they didn't know how there's
00:13:47
no other stingrays in it that's the
00:13:49
story so it's like a Immaculate
00:13:52
Conception so as a beetle would say it
00:13:54
well you know there was a little you
00:13:56
know a little Aqua creature you know
00:13:58
know that has a stinger they call the
00:14:00
sting race you she's a lady but she's
00:14:03
with shocks and they don't they don't
00:14:05
ever get together you know the Shar
00:14:07
doesn't go how would you be my
00:14:08
girlfriend never happens but all of a
00:14:11
sudden she's preg is going to give her
00:14:13
babies right and they don't know
00:14:16
how know
00:14:18
how they don't know how see the key if
00:14:21
anyone's listening the key to doing a
00:14:23
beetle accent is always sound like
00:14:25
you're ask asking a question hey hey
00:14:28
Paul did you go to the store I told you
00:14:31
I went to the store did you go or not I
00:14:35
just told you I went to the store oh
00:14:39
thing you did or cut it out oh I like
00:14:42
it I just told you these are three
00:14:46
comments that I thought were funny on
00:14:47
the uh Story one
00:14:49
said oh uh has anyone uh checked if it's
00:14:54
one of Nick Cannon's kids it's kind of
00:14:56
funny right that's good yeah and uh
00:15:00
maybe a bad one maybe it it comes back
00:15:03
as Steve Irwin or maybe he's the dad
00:15:05
remember Steve
00:15:06
Irwin oh my God yes that's a little dark
00:15:09
I I was on The Tonight Show with him
00:15:11
great guy Australian guy it's always
00:15:14
good to bring a tragedy into a joke
00:15:16
comment and then uh the last one was oh
00:15:20
it's the sturgeon
00:15:22
Mary sturge and Mary that's not bad H
00:15:25
they yeah there's better I here's my new
00:15:28
story and I don't know if it's true but
00:15:30
when Biden is given a speech and stuff
00:15:32
he's got his staff backstage and
00:15:34
sometimes President Biden will go off
00:15:37
the teleprompter and Mand her about and
00:15:39
his staff gets very emotional about it
00:15:41
you know like oh my he's off the
00:15:42
teleprompter he's off the teleprompter
00:15:43
so I don't know if this is true but some
00:15:45
one of them knew Nicholas Cage so they
00:15:47
bring in Nicholas Cage backstage and he
00:15:50
expresses how emotionally they are he's
00:15:53
like sort of a therapy guest so Biden's
00:15:56
out there and then I you know the dog
00:15:57
and we went out the river and then the
00:15:59
staff's going no no and Nicholas Cage
00:16:01
goes all right and he drops to his knees
00:16:03
and goes why God
00:16:07
why that was a long way to
00:16:10
go I like
00:16:12
it how do you know where we went but we
00:16:16
I don't know it's just something funny
00:16:17
if you're ever upset about anything you
00:16:19
get audited by the IRS you just call
00:16:21
Nicholas Cage why the mother of
00:16:24
God that's he probably says that in
00:16:26
every movie let's look at this JLo came
00:16:29
out with something this isn't even a big
00:16:30
story it's just JLo came out with
00:16:33
a else
00:16:36
godamn this is me it's a it's an album
00:16:39
in a movie yeah right
00:16:42
hybrid uh runs on electricity it's a
00:16:46
hybrid something and it's a movie Doc
00:16:48
album and she was in the donuts
00:16:51
commercial I wish I think she's in so
00:16:54
much she just needs to take off like
00:16:55
just disappear for like a whole day if I
00:16:58
didn't see her for a whole day I would
00:17:00
be like oh okay now I miss her but she
00:17:03
is really but that in your grill and
00:17:06
she's
00:17:07
good she's good she's very good uh she's
00:17:11
gorgeous so somebody decided to use her
00:17:14
husband's Duncan donut commercial
00:17:17
against her in in a review it's just
00:17:20
water did yeah her her album is as
00:17:24
watery as the Dunkin Donuts thing where
00:17:27
Matt d
00:17:29
really funny says how do you like them
00:17:30
Donuts because he said I like them
00:17:33
apples in Goodwill Hunting oh i k did a
00:17:38
standup bit about it yeah so I so
00:17:41
there's they're going out of their way
00:17:42
to kick her in the balls about the
00:17:43
donuts commercial on oh my God it's a
00:17:48
it's it's a mashup they they take a dig
00:17:50
at Ben and her Jennifer by mashing the
00:17:53
Dunkin Donuts versus The Thing I like
00:17:56
you know for people not in Show Business
00:17:57
it's really hard I mean Jennifer Lopez
00:18:00
is just incredibly to stay that fit just
00:18:04
that and you got to be camera ready
00:18:06
every time you leave your house and then
00:18:07
she does albums she's jumping singing
00:18:09
she does movies you know what are you
00:18:11
gonna do her skin is like pretend I
00:18:13
don't know there's no wrinkles there's
00:18:15
nothing she's gorgeous yeah all right
00:18:18
right now we have a surprise guest on
00:18:21
Superfly o
00:18:23
Jason Jason Kelsey uhuh oh and we're
00:18:28
gonna after Jason we're going to go look
00:18:32
at some fan Impressions and do a little
00:18:34
critique and give some notes and things
00:18:36
oh great let's do it that's our
00:18:37
[Music]
00:18:46
show so because it's a new year and
00:18:49
everyone has their resolutions
00:18:52
I I was going to try working out then I
00:18:55
didn't even try that one but I am going
00:18:56
to eat better and I think that's the key
00:18:58
eating what you want and also I'm into
00:19:02
the new world of having stuff delivered
00:19:05
and if it's really good there's a place
00:19:07
called good chop where they have really
00:19:09
good meats they also have
00:19:13
seafood and it comes right to your door
00:19:15
and that's kind of what I'm looking for
00:19:18
yeah year because I I thought of this
00:19:20
phrase a while back that energy is the
00:19:22
new high so energy is a great feeling
00:19:26
and when you eat um high protein meals
00:19:31
like steaks free range organic chicken
00:19:34
breast this is all you get with good
00:19:36
chop plus sustainable and wild CAU
00:19:40
Seafood salmon which I eat a lot of
00:19:42
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a shrimps guy I like shrimps and I like
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00:20:13
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00:20:17
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00:20:19
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00:20:21
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00:20:29
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00:21:48
[Music]
00:21:54
120 ladies and gentlemen our next guest
00:21:57
is our first first and only guest on
00:21:59
Superfly considered one of the national
00:22:01
football league's greatest centers of
00:22:03
all time six time first team All Pro
00:22:06
seven time Pro Bowl Super Bowl champion
00:22:10
Mr
00:22:10
[Music]
00:22:15
J
00:22:18
Kel thanks for having me guys that's a
00:22:20
hell of an intro right there you kidding
00:22:22
all all comedians love athletes we love
00:22:25
people who are actually Brave and bump
00:22:27
into things and we're just this is a
00:22:29
feminine job let's face it look at our
00:22:31
hair D we like little
00:22:34
girls I think uh I think all athletes
00:22:38
wish they were performers of some kind
00:22:40
whether it was you know musical artists
00:22:42
or comedians you know we grew up
00:22:43
watching you guys and um you know I
00:22:45
think comedians are you know I I for me
00:22:49
going out there and bashing my brain
00:22:50
into somebody seems relatively um normal
00:22:54
uh getting up on stage and talking in
00:22:56
front of mil in front of a bunch of
00:22:58
people and letting your soul out there
00:22:59
is a whole another level of uh of uh I
00:23:02
don't know putting yourself out there so
00:23:04
anyway
00:23:05
me it terrifies me stand up I had years
00:23:08
of stage fright David was a natural just
00:23:10
came out and blasted it but I was I was
00:23:13
just panicked all day I was gonna ask
00:23:15
you like did you ever line up against a
00:23:16
nose tackle where you went holy [ __ ]
00:23:19
this is the biggest guy I've ever faced
00:23:21
because they go 350 is anyone ever more
00:23:23
than 350 lbs trying to kill you sure
00:23:26
really yeah I mean so usually they'll be
00:23:29
listed still about 350 but I know like V
00:23:32
I've played him a bunch and I know from
00:23:35
talking to guys in Tampa Bay he'll
00:23:36
regularly be pushing 400 lb on the
00:23:39
scales and yeah there's there's there's
00:23:41
games where I'm giving up 100 pounds to
00:23:43
the guy across from me um and what's
00:23:45
your strategy yeah well hopefully they
00:23:48
call plays where I get to utilize my
00:23:49
Speed and Agility against guys like that
00:23:51
but some of those guys are really good
00:23:53
you know I think um for me my um I guess
00:23:58
strength was definitely second level
00:23:59
blocking so blocking linebackers safey
00:24:02
down the field so um you know Jeff
00:24:04
Stalin our offensive line coach uh
00:24:07
really would try and get me up there he
00:24:09
knew that you know it was not a good
00:24:12
proposition for a game plan to have me
00:24:13
manned up on a 400 pound guy all game
00:24:16
long so he would design plays with the
00:24:20
uh emphasis of trying to get me up to
00:24:21
the second level so I I got to
00:24:23
appreciate my coach for not putting me
00:24:26
in too many bad situations after 400b
00:24:28
Comedians and it's
00:24:30
hard I know I mean because then you go
00:24:32
to The Green Room you go where's my
00:24:34
dinner and they go it's gone I I just
00:24:36
want to bring this up based on what you
00:24:37
just said Jason yeah I looked at the
00:24:40
combine because I know how brothers are
00:24:41
I've got three older brothers and
00:24:43
there's competition there but in one key
00:24:46
metric which I thought was interesting
00:24:48
and goes to your ability on the football
00:24:51
field the 20 yard shuttle you were 414
00:24:55
your brother Travis was four
00:24:58
042 so that's the ability to go five
00:25:01
yards this way five yards that way which
00:25:04
is kind of was your super Talent as a as
00:25:07
a speed yeah yeah you hit it you hit it
00:25:11
the nail in the head right there I mean
00:25:13
my brother was probably better than his
00:25:14
time that drill is as much about Speed
00:25:17
and Agility as it is kind of your
00:25:19
preparation for it if you hit the steps
00:25:21
and the turns properly you're going to
00:25:24
have a better time Travis knowing him he
00:25:26
just went out there and ran fast as he
00:25:28
could still a good time but he could
00:25:30
have been better I'm guaranteeing that
00:25:32
but my yeah my that was defin and that's
00:25:35
been one of the metrics to gauge
00:25:37
especially um your centers or your more
00:25:40
agility driven lineman that you want to
00:25:42
have on your team the 20- yard shuttle
00:25:44
is a great metric to determine which
00:25:46
guys are going to be good at
00:25:48
thatc that's the only metric Dana I
00:25:50
would talk about at the dinner table if
00:25:52
I was chasing that's all I got BR he's
00:25:55
bringing up super bowls and Pro yeah no
00:25:58
it's uh I'll I'll I'll it's it's
00:26:00
something nice to have at least I got
00:26:02
one thing and you know and I I watched a
00:26:04
lot of your highlights last night and
00:26:05
you're like the wide sweep you're out
00:26:07
there sprinting like really fast you got
00:26:09
wait a minute that guy's the center he's
00:26:12
like 20 yards over that way so it's very
00:26:14
interesting for me to figure that out
00:26:16
but it always seemed like a tough a
00:26:19
tough position especially the pressure
00:26:20
of hiking the ball to the punter you
00:26:23
know or a field goal I mean and those
00:26:25
are like 20 yards how far and you're
00:26:27
yeah so I mean you have to have nerves
00:26:30
of steel or how do you calm yourself
00:26:32
down at that moment is it just reps yeah
00:26:36
I mean like everything the more practice
00:26:37
you get your the nerves are always the
00:26:39
highest whenever it's the first time
00:26:41
you're doing something right like the
00:26:42
first NFL start you're going to be like
00:26:44
man what is this going to feel like I've
00:26:46
never done this before your first time
00:26:47
playing a premier player you're like I
00:26:50
don't know how this is going to go your
00:26:51
first time run a play that you've never
00:26:52
run right those are kind of always where
00:26:54
the nerves are the most heightened so
00:26:57
whether it's practi practice or game
00:26:58
reps the more repetitions you get the
00:27:00
more those nerves subside um yeah I mean
00:27:03
Center is a position I think a lot of
00:27:05
guys want to play until they have a bad
00:27:08
snap like we had a buddy of mine play
00:27:10
guard and he's like man Center you you
00:27:13
guys are double teaming a lot you know
00:27:15
you're not manned up as much and you
00:27:17
know I wish I played a little bit of
00:27:18
that and then he got pushed in at Center
00:27:19
and had a couple bad snaps he's like man
00:27:21
I never want to play center again like
00:27:23
it is dude you have two jobs you you you
00:27:26
like and then you got to look up and go
00:27:27
oh wait now the guy bashes my brains in
00:27:29
I forgot about that I know you have just
00:27:31
one hand down so everyone else is like a
00:27:33
gorilla like and you got one down and
00:27:36
one's concentrated on that and then here
00:27:38
the field goal for the win and here it
00:27:40
is it's over his head what a [ __ ] show
00:27:43
the game is over the [ __ ] it up the
00:27:46
CER
00:27:47
Center the center of Universal Pain this
00:27:52
yeah and it's a it's a it's a the snap
00:27:53
is like a foregone conclusion
00:27:56
everybody's expectation is that the snap
00:27:58
is going to be perfect every time the
00:28:00
reality is it's not and um the uh
00:28:03
unfortunate thing is when it does happen
00:28:04
in a crucial situation or a game online
00:28:07
I mean it's there's no getting away from
00:28:09
that one now you're also such a you're
00:28:12
in the the chain of command like nothing
00:28:14
happens till you do that and the the
00:28:16
quarterback is up there A lot of times
00:28:18
all the teams in the NFL it seems very
00:28:20
sophisticated as a casual fan and
00:28:22
they're calling audibles and I remember
00:28:24
there going thinking really he's going
00:28:26
to do that does he know what doing do
00:28:28
you have a question in your head what
00:28:30
the audible is you just audible him and
00:28:32
say I'm calling an audible over your
00:28:34
Audible and I'm not hiking it yet we
00:28:37
well it's it it has happened before
00:28:39
there's some so there's some audibles
00:28:41
that are more Geared for the back end of
00:28:44
the defense for the quarterback and
00:28:45
there's some audibles that are more
00:28:47
Geared for the front which is more what
00:28:49
I'm seeing so there are there have been
00:28:51
times with every quarterback I've played
00:28:53
where I've been like no no no this isn't
00:28:55
the look that we want to kill this play
00:28:56
t the the look we want to run this run
00:28:58
too uh but in passing game um he's taken
00:29:01
full control um and there's times where
00:29:04
you know the quarterback at all times
00:29:06
has final say you can't have two guys up
00:29:09
there like no no we should do this no we
00:29:11
should do that no we should so you give
00:29:13
that to the quarterback everybody if the
00:29:15
quarterback wants to do something that's
00:29:16
what we're doing and there's times where
00:29:18
especially in like a blitz pickup where
00:29:20
he'll send the protection in a specific
00:29:22
Direction and you're like H I'm pretty
00:29:24
positive it's coming from over here and
00:29:27
you might relay that if he uh at the end
00:29:29
of the day though if he wants to go over
00:29:31
here the most important thing is that
00:29:32
the quarterback knows where he's hop
00:29:34
from where he wants to deliver the ball
00:29:35
to so yeah that does happen from time to
00:29:38
time you okay go ahead David I just want
00:29:41
to know we're just so excited Jason
00:29:43
we're very excited the huddles
00:29:46
must because when I see a huddle and I I
00:29:49
could imagine being it's like 22 zipper
00:29:51
drive and then they just go if I was the
00:29:54
receiver I'm like wait what happened am
00:29:55
I the zipper in this because yeah
00:29:57
everyone just gets it right every single
00:29:59
time and I think how well they don't
00:30:01
they do not unfortunately that's what it
00:30:02
seems like okay caterpillar one yeah and
00:30:06
you go what's happening they go booty
00:30:08
Liquor on five and you go is this a play
00:30:10
or is he talking to me so I don't know
00:30:13
because what do you listen for in the
00:30:14
play do you have to get any instructions
00:30:16
or is it absolutely yeah you you you get
00:30:19
used to listening to the portion of the
00:30:21
play that pertains to you and for the
00:30:24
center really the whole thing other than
00:30:26
the route concept C is important to you
00:30:28
like you need to know the formation you
00:30:30
need to know the snap count you need to
00:30:31
know what the play is that we're running
00:30:33
if it's a run play or a pass play in the
00:30:36
protection or run concept um everybody
00:30:40
gets in tune to listening to the things
00:30:42
that are important for their job right
00:30:44
um the quarterback obviously having the
00:30:46
ultimate uh and tight ends to a certain
00:30:48
extent of needing to listen to
00:30:50
everything and that's why those guys
00:30:52
tend to be the most knowledgeable
00:30:53
throughout the entire offense they Jam
00:30:56
their head in farther in that huddle
00:30:57
some just kind of kick back on the side
00:31:00
yeah the tackles are like just give me
00:31:02
what the uh 62 got it you know they
00:31:05
don't care about the half of the Stu has
00:31:06
the has it gotten more sophisticated
00:31:08
because I'm from the 60s you know John
00:31:10
Brody and the 49ers I swear they would
00:31:12
go Hut one Hut two but nowadays it seems
00:31:15
like Brock pie says what's up what's up
00:31:18
what's up but what is he saying is he
00:31:20
saying what's up yeah I don't know Brock
00:31:23
P specific one I know uh Dak Prescott
00:31:25
does um oh my gosh it's uh we were
00:31:29
joking about this all season I camp soup
00:31:31
Campell soup Campell soup yeah there's I
00:31:34
I would say in some ways it's gotten
00:31:35
less convoluted because to to David your
00:31:39
point the more words you have in the
00:31:42
play call Yeah the more chance
00:31:43
somebody's going to miss something so
00:31:46
now so now there's kind of been a move
00:31:49
back to like how can we simplify these
00:31:51
things with code words or words that we
00:31:53
use all the time so that players the
00:31:57
moment they hear that they know okay got
00:31:58
it I know what this concept is and you
00:32:00
can shrink it down into one two-word
00:32:03
phrases so at the line of scrimmage
00:32:05
though the snap count it's so specific
00:32:07
to each team most of the time you want a
00:32:09
lead in right so whatever it is if it's
00:32:13
yeah a hut hut hike right for us it's
00:32:15
color numberb say white 80 white 80 sit
00:32:17
Hut the reason you don't just go up
00:32:18
there and say sit Hut is because
00:32:20
everybody be jumping off sides you got
00:32:22
that little lead in like Hey we're
00:32:23
getting ready we're getting ready here
00:32:25
it comes bow right is it
00:32:28
or is every play he says what it's going
00:32:31
on and then you don't want them to hear
00:32:34
correct yeah it's either in the Huddle
00:32:35
or at the line of scrimmage there'll be
00:32:36
code words to let you know like if for
00:32:38
no huddle he'll say you know whatever
00:32:40
the code word is when I was with uh
00:32:42
Howard mud it was like pink and then a
00:32:45
two-digit number and the first digit was
00:32:47
always what it was on so it was like you
00:32:48
know pink 15 it was on one you know pink
00:32:51
32 it was on three so you you kind of
00:32:54
would try and think at any time you
00:32:57
could say you didn't know you hey pink
00:32:58
pink and somebody he 32 and then you
00:33:00
knew it was on three right so there's
00:33:03
all sorts of codes and different ways to
00:33:05
figure out at the line of scrimmage or
00:33:07
in the Huddle there's just on three hey
00:33:11
on one on Three so that's that's why I
00:33:14
got out of the game uh I played flag
00:33:18
football and I loved it we had plays we
00:33:21
had ready break I in fifth sixth grade I
00:33:23
was the halfback um and then tackle
00:33:26
football came in at 5'1 91 lbs freshman
00:33:30
in high school I look like a fetus with
00:33:32
shoes so I they said there's a cross
00:33:35
country team no one will hit you so I
00:33:37
went out that way but there's a question
00:33:38
I have for you like and yeah
00:33:40
professional athletes in general so you
00:33:42
finished the game and you've gotten your
00:33:45
ass kicked I think the sound has gotten
00:33:47
better I don't know what it is but I
00:33:48
feel the violence or maybe the TVs are
00:33:51
better I really feel the violence or
00:33:53
hear it bone cracking mcaffry is going
00:33:56
up and he just so what what is your
00:33:59
protocol to to get healed do you have a
00:34:02
team do you get a massage you go in the
00:34:03
sauna I mean what is there a whole
00:34:05
metric that you go through to see if
00:34:07
you're hurt first of all and whatever
00:34:09
like what do you what's your what do you
00:34:11
do yeah if if you have an acute injury
00:34:13
you're seeing the trainer to see if you
00:34:15
need treatment on it or how bad it is
00:34:17
you might need an MRI or an x-ray to
00:34:19
determine whether you're
00:34:20
okay anything outside of that a bruise
00:34:23
or just general soreness you have kind
00:34:26
of anything your disposal that some
00:34:28
every guy likes different things um I
00:34:31
was big into sauna I was big into
00:34:33
massage um lifting weights always made
00:34:36
me feel better because it naturally kind
00:34:37
of pumps the blood in there uh some guys
00:34:40
love acupuncture some guys love
00:34:43
Chiropractic uh stuff some guys love uh
00:34:45
is it true there's a bowl of Vicodins in
00:34:47
the weight room by the door no there
00:34:49
used to be there is they crack down on
00:34:51
that oh that's a good I might have to
00:34:53
come
00:34:55
over we have them here a little
00:34:58
bowl can't get to you but they always
00:35:01
say that this time of year everyone's
00:35:03
beaten up this is when the playoffs
00:35:05
start everyone's beaten up so everyone's
00:35:07
nurturing something and it just feels uh
00:35:11
I just want to duvail into what I mean
00:35:13
we all know you have a decision to make
00:35:15
whether you're going to retire or and so
00:35:18
and also what I've read about is that
00:35:21
the adrenal Rush of being a professional
00:35:23
football player and the camaraderie is
00:35:26
such an intense life that then people go
00:35:30
outside of that and where are they going
00:35:32
to get that rush so we would vote for
00:35:35
Show Business of any way you want to be
00:35:37
in it because we think it's an
00:35:39
emotionally violent sport like if I get
00:35:42
off this podcast I'll be thinking ah I
00:35:44
talk too much or I should ask that
00:35:46
question so are you what do you think
00:35:48
are you going to be in the booth you're
00:35:49
G to go on movies maybe or or you going
00:35:51
to go back and play for the Eagles you
00:35:53
have 10 seconds yeah okay here we go um
00:35:56
we need a I don't know yeah think that's
00:36:00
a good that's what I'm I'm trying to
00:36:01
figure it out right now there's right
00:36:03
now exploring different opportunities if
00:36:05
I end up retiring uh still working out
00:36:07
and staying in shape if I end up playing
00:36:09
again um but that's what I've heard from
00:36:12
all the former players is you know when
00:36:13
you're playing it's like this every week
00:36:15
right it's oh we just won oh we just got
00:36:17
our ass kicked oh we just we're in the
00:36:19
playoffs oh we're out like it's it's
00:36:21
very much that's the life you're in and
00:36:23
it's play byplay like that as well and
00:36:25
um all these guys when they get done
00:36:27
it's like man you're just kind of here
00:36:29
man you you very rarely get these Peaks
00:36:32
and you got to find a way to kind of get
00:36:34
that as much man yeah hey I mean some
00:36:38
guys get into it for real into
00:36:41
it well maybe this is a good time uh I
00:36:43
don't want to keep you too long but you
00:36:46
have shown um capability as a performer
00:36:50
uh I think the the underdog
00:36:53
speech uh as you know you must been told
00:36:56
about I mean it it was like not like a
00:36:59
football player given a speech it had
00:37:01
Rhythm it had timing I don't know if you
00:37:03
wrote it but the list of it and then the
00:37:06
what underdogs are I mean it's it's very
00:37:08
show busy so I could see you very
00:37:11
organically when you want to retire I
00:37:13
mean we you want to can we take a look
00:37:15
at it we just have a little of it let's
00:37:17
do
00:37:19
it can't block Bill too
00:37:23
old gry gr was drafted too high
00:37:27
z c got it oh can't fit
00:37:32
thee can't fit
00:37:34
the catch are you doing Aladdin on
00:37:37
Broadway after
00:37:41
this aadd in the Philadelphia Edition
00:37:44
here we
00:37:47
[Applause]
00:37:49
go that's like to me Chris Farley as
00:37:53
close as I've seen to Chris Farley and
00:37:56
it's such a great Rhythm um well I'm
00:37:58
going to do one as a comedian David
00:38:00
Spade ain't funny Adam sand couldn't be
00:38:03
a movie
00:38:04
star uh how did you think of that and
00:38:07
also what the hell are you wearing
00:38:09
because it looks like a Wizard of Oz
00:38:10
outfit or something sure um I guess I'll
00:38:13
start with what I'm wearing that's a in
00:38:15
Philadelphia There's a parade MERS
00:38:17
parade and it's been done for a very
00:38:19
long time and everybody dresses up in
00:38:21
these ornate ridiculous costumes and
00:38:25
it's uh I think it has roots all the way
00:38:28
back to Europe at some point but that's
00:38:30
something that happens every uh New
00:38:32
Year's Day in Philadelphia and I figured
00:38:35
if if we're doing a Philadelphia parade
00:38:37
I'll do a Philadelphia style and
00:38:39
fortunately there was a just perfect
00:38:41
green Eagle colored version of that
00:38:45
outfit available in my size but um and
00:38:48
then the speech um I couldn't after you
00:38:52
win a Super Bowl you're you're it's such
00:38:54
a high right you're you're you're it's
00:38:56
the Pinnacle of your career and you
00:38:57
start thinking about all the things you
00:38:59
had to do to get there selfishly and
00:39:02
then you start thinking about everything
00:39:04
your teammates had to do and your
00:39:05
coaches and the city so it all really
00:39:08
just came together very organically I
00:39:10
remember I would be up till 2 or three
00:39:12
in the morning after the game and I
00:39:15
didn't even know if I was going to get a
00:39:16
chance to make a speech to be honest
00:39:17
with you but I just can't these
00:39:19
narratives are floating around in my
00:39:21
head and I'm like waking my wife up and
00:39:23
like hey what do you think about this
00:39:25
like what if I said something like that
00:39:26
and she's like will you go to sleep like
00:39:29
why are you bothering me with this and
00:39:32
um I I think I probably I I didn't
00:39:35
really have a full thing written down
00:39:36
but I remember I was keeping track of
00:39:39
different things and different guys and
00:39:41
and what they had to do to overcome to
00:39:43
get to that moment uh that was the theme
00:39:45
of the the team so there were just a lot
00:39:47
of things that came together organically
00:39:49
for that to happen um but yeah it was it
00:39:52
was something that flowed out I mean I
00:39:54
somehow managed to still get it together
00:39:58
after an entire I don't know 40 blocks
00:40:01
of drinking beers and celebrating with
00:40:04
fans and like it wasn't like I just
00:40:06
walked up there there was like that was
00:40:07
like three hours in voice was a little
00:40:09
uh thres exactly we were we had done
00:40:12
enough uh spelling chants for the Eagles
00:40:14
I don't know the Eagles chant is e a g l
00:40:17
e s Eagles I mean you don't get much
00:40:19
more like rudimentary than just spelling
00:40:21
the word but gut over and spelling it
00:40:27
so many sorry I have a question for Dana
00:40:31
no before we get to how many beers
00:40:33
you've had which the over under is 40 um
00:40:37
when when you this is a quick question
00:40:39
about this year's Super Bowl uh do you
00:40:42
would you have known what to do in that
00:40:44
coin toss or did you know something was
00:40:45
up with that coin toss or not uh you're
00:40:49
talking about the overtime decision yeah
00:40:51
I mean we as a team have always talked
00:40:54
about um for playoff over time meaning
00:40:57
the second team or the other team is
00:41:00
guaranteed a possession yeah of kicking
00:41:02
you want to have knowledge of what
00:41:04
you're trying to get that second
00:41:06
possession um I have never I had never
00:41:08
even heard of it uh described until Kyle
00:41:11
Shanahan went over it in his postgame
00:41:13
press conference at the time I was like
00:41:15
what are they doing why would they this
00:41:18
doesn't make sense to receive yeah uh
00:41:21
but I think after Kyle saying that I
00:41:23
mean there's there's logic behind it and
00:41:25
nobody was getting The End Zone if it
00:41:27
goes field goal field goal you want to
00:41:29
have the ball third um oh he's thinking
00:41:33
one more than that he's thinking one
00:41:34
exactly they
00:41:36
have the the reality is I think just
00:41:40
personally you would rather have you
00:41:42
want to be the first team with the
00:41:43
ability to end the game first because
00:41:46
you're in the driver seat as to be
00:41:49
aggressive passive you have more I don't
00:41:52
know there's more just on the line with
00:41:54
that second possession um I don't know
00:41:57
that it would have taken a lot probably
00:41:59
for Kansas City to kick a field goal it
00:42:00
would had to have been like a fourth and
00:42:02
like five plus I bet for them to
00:42:05
relinquish the ball back to San
00:42:06
Francisco after that I would bet yeah
00:42:09
but either way I think um you know I
00:42:12
don't know what the analytics say I
00:42:14
think you can kind of get those numbers
00:42:16
to say whatever you want I feel like
00:42:18
like if you if if you want to uh you
00:42:21
know be the team with the ball third you
00:42:23
find a way to skew them to say that if
00:42:25
you want to be the time
00:42:27
the team with the ball second you can
00:42:28
find a way to get him to say that um but
00:42:31
uh I think that that was the first time
00:42:33
I'd really seen somebody with the
00:42:35
mindset that they were going to receive
00:42:37
first with these new overtime rules
00:42:39
being what they are and also the Niners
00:42:42
would have to do prevent defense in a
00:42:43
sense don't give them a touchdown and so
00:42:46
then you give that opening to Patrick
00:42:49
and your and your brother and uh I I was
00:42:52
watching it just as a Niner fan although
00:42:54
I'm a huge Kansas City fan and the
00:42:56
Eagles as well and eag there we go but I
00:43:00
uh I was like oh no and I told my wife I
00:43:02
go it's over you know Patrick and in
00:43:06
that time frame four downs go go go they
00:43:09
were going so fast down the field too
00:43:10
you're like God damn and San Francisco
00:43:12
is so slow inching and then they're just
00:43:15
doing chunks and you go oh boy this is
00:43:17
it the moment they uh kicked the field
00:43:20
goal I felt really confident that the
00:43:22
Chiefs are going to go down and win it
00:43:24
uh just Patrick is so good in those
00:43:25
situations
00:43:26
yeah you know he gets more uh you know
00:43:29
everybody's talked about you know he
00:43:30
gets four he gets four downs instead of
00:43:32
three to try and get a first down right
00:43:34
and huge difference um so I think it was
00:43:37
you know and Sam Fran was gassed at that
00:43:39
point I mean they' already put up a lot
00:43:41
and you know done a great job all game
00:43:43
long uh but the the later in the game it
00:43:46
gets the harder it gets for the defenses
00:43:49
to defend what's happening you know
00:43:51
Jason I heard a rumor about Travis was
00:43:54
yelling at Andy Reid during the game
00:43:56
game and I heard what he said the audio
00:43:58
is off but someone came out he said why
00:44:01
did you tell me to get out of Bitcoin is
00:44:04
that
00:44:05
true um I don't know is Bitcoin up now I
00:44:09
I feel like Andy
00:44:10
probably 50 all a
00:44:13
again it's going money gosh dang it yeah
00:44:17
he's an old school coach he wouldn't be
00:44:19
into the Bitcoin
00:44:20
I well let's we we do an impression
00:44:23
thing on here before we let you go first
00:44:24
of all go ahead this this came about
00:44:27
because I ran into Jason just so people
00:44:29
know that are listening it's a little
00:44:31
random but I saw him at the YouTube
00:44:33
concert and uh Sandler wanted to say hi
00:44:35
to him and uh I did too but we didn't
00:44:37
want to be weirdos so but we went over
00:44:39
and we talked to him by the way Jason do
00:44:42
you remember oh I sent you these could
00:44:44
say anything this is us this was awesome
00:44:47
yeah and then uh and then I said I'll
00:44:49
take a picture of you and Adam with my
00:44:50
phone and here's the two pictures I took
00:44:52
Dana do you have those Craig that's the
00:44:55
one that's okay so that's the one that
00:44:57
worked we got another one so we we
00:44:59
talked to him for a minute with how
00:45:01
long's in there with there he's got the
00:45:02
athletes we have all the goofy comedians
00:45:04
on our side uh and so Jason was very
00:45:08
nice and uh we had a great time and then
00:45:11
uh the show was great Bono you know it
00:45:14
there's so many 60th birthdays he's
00:45:16
giving shout outs for about 29 minutes
00:45:18
because there was 300 people's because
00:45:21
everyone's old that goes to YouTube am I
00:45:24
yeah he's going ah Rock happy birthday
00:45:28
as a p of beer you got someone up in the
00:45:30
bleachers is 47 years of age in I booing
00:45:34
you I didn't mean to boo you oh there we
00:45:36
go that's there go that's that's Spade's
00:45:38
first shot at these two Jason's like
00:45:41
knock one out that's Sandler with a bad
00:45:43
faft and then I go no I got it now I
00:45:45
fixed my camera here's the second
00:45:47
one a completely blurry one uh I took
00:45:51
one that was a total disaster anyway
00:45:53
Jason you were cool thank you and we're
00:45:55
going to end this by um wasting your
00:45:58
time more because we have people submit
00:46:00
Impressions yes and I don't think this
00:46:02
is you but I think it reminded us they
00:46:05
said we should look at this one you went
00:46:07
to the level of this character in your
00:46:09
speech so I haven't we haven't seen this
00:46:11
but here's an impression of it we
00:46:12
haven't seen it I'm motivational speaker
00:46:16
couple things about myself I'm 35 years
00:46:20
old recently divorced and I live in a
00:46:23
van down by the river okay dud that was
00:46:26
spot on that was good that's impressive
00:46:29
he really I got a few I have a few notes
00:46:31
Jason um okay he was Thrice
00:46:35
divorced ah not recently divorced uh but
00:46:38
I did like the movement I like the
00:46:40
horseness of the voice which uh you had
00:46:43
sort of down the tone was great tone was
00:46:46
great uh I think he rushed a little bit
00:46:49
yeah yeah it just you want to say in a
00:46:51
van down by the river take that little
00:46:55
pause really milk it and maybe when you
00:46:57
get close to me bump your head into me
00:46:58
that was a
00:46:59
nice I mean I guess uh Jason someone
00:47:02
like you really can squat like like
00:47:05
Farley could really he was a football
00:47:07
player in college right or high school
00:47:10
but also the guy could if he could do a
00:47:11
deeper Squat and do that move that Chris
00:47:14
does but it's really good uh What was
00:47:17
the name of that guy I want to mention
00:47:19
him Craig we'll give him a shout out
00:47:22
later in post his name is uh Dr Phil
00:47:25
fine more doctor Dr Phil fine more did
00:47:29
someone just write stupid on my
00:47:32
forehead sorry I'm late for your heart
00:47:34
surgery I was working on my Christopher
00:47:36
walking
00:47:37
impression and why ready now so Jason
00:47:43
well uh it's been a pleasure I think the
00:47:45
world of uh professional athletes and
00:47:47
the way you handle yourself you and your
00:47:49
brother have a great podcast uh and um I
00:47:53
wish you all the best I think you can
00:47:55
when you want to be either in the movies
00:47:58
television or being in the booth uh
00:47:59
calling games or whatever you want to do
00:48:01
I think you'll do great but I I know
00:48:03
what it's like we could leave like
00:48:05
Daniel D Lewis could come back this year
00:48:06
and make a movie and we go oh where was
00:48:08
he right five years once you're out you
00:48:10
can't go back in basically it's a little
00:48:12
trickier exact unless you're Tom Brady
00:48:13
he's still there's there's a room yeah
00:48:16
yeah he he will be welcome back at any
00:48:18
time if he wants so did we help you
00:48:20
inform your decision at all or will
00:48:22
you'll talk to your wife about Dana and
00:48:23
D I have I've not thought too much of
00:48:26
Show Business I've thought a little bit
00:48:27
about the booth and football stuff but
00:48:30
um I I appreciate you guys having me on
00:48:32
uh this is such an honor to just talk to
00:48:34
both of you as I was telling David at
00:48:36
the show I mean it was such a special
00:48:38
moment to meet you guys uh and like the
00:48:41
the pedestal of uh Comedians and just uh
00:48:46
just the peak of that craft it's it's
00:48:48
such an honor to even be on here and
00:48:50
talk to you guys so thank you very much
00:48:52
Dana thank you David thanks for having
00:48:53
me thank you all right we'll talk to you
00:48:55
soon bud out in the real world sounds
00:48:58
[Music]
00:49:05
good well that was fun Dana I love
00:49:07
talking to him um awesome and he's very
00:49:11
informative and he's funny dude he's got
00:49:14
his [ __ ] together it seems yeah I mean
00:49:16
it's just fun to talk to athletes it's
00:49:18
such a Highwire lifestyle and to be a
00:49:20
center he's pretty funny just about
00:49:22
lining up against giant people who want
00:49:24
to kill him
00:49:26
it's so violent you know I actually was
00:49:28
watching The Puppy Bowl a little bit
00:49:29
this year and I bet on one of them and
00:49:34
it's always a bummer when they get hurt
00:49:36
they go into the blue tent you know pull
00:49:39
a hammy and then they're out and that's
00:49:40
it there's all my money down the drain
00:49:43
so real I have to ask just in case puy
00:49:46
is real sounds like it is real okay
00:49:49
that's a good that's F it's literally
00:49:50
the hard to bet on because literally
00:49:52
they just put all these cute puppies on
00:49:53
like something looks like a football
00:49:54
field they just run around and poop and
00:49:57
bark and it's adorable well I know there
00:50:00
is I don't think I I don't know if it's
00:50:02
in every state but the toddler bowl and
00:50:04
they they just have a a diaper changing
00:50:07
tent uh in the toddler they going coming
00:50:11
out number 31 is coming out he has to he
00:50:13
just dropped the load in his diaper he's
00:50:15
got to get changed he's going to the
00:50:16
blue tent we put a thousand babies on
00:50:19
the football field see which one walks
00:50:22
to the goal line yeah which one looks
00:50:24
the most like Sydney Sweeney she's our
00:50:27
theme guest today I know she's our
00:50:29
themed because she's on SNL this week so
00:50:32
okay so let's uh let's look at some more
00:50:34
Impressions we just saw a motivational
00:50:36
speaker was pretty good and we will go
00:50:39
to the next one let's see what we think
00:50:41
all right this is Jonathan
00:50:45
Emerling seen Dan and David three quick
00:50:48
impressions for you impression number
00:50:50
one Jordan Peterson at the birth of his
00:50:52
daughter I know
00:50:54
three this is the the happiest I've ever
00:50:56
been in my
00:50:57
life number two uh Nick Offerman
00:51:00
relaying some disappointing news okay he
00:51:03
said
00:51:05
no and impression number three is seus
00:51:08
Snape sexually harassing Harry Potter Mr
00:51:12
Potter if you wish to pass this class I
00:51:15
suggest you remove your blouse and
00:51:18
underclothes
00:51:20
immediately thanks
00:51:22
guys okay actually okay well first of
00:51:26
all yeah offbeat Impressions you don't
00:51:30
hear a lot of Nick Offerman and what was
00:51:32
the first one
00:51:35
um I like the third one then the second
00:51:37
one then the first one so the first one
00:51:39
was was Jordan Peterson oh okay that's
00:51:42
offbeat
00:51:43
too that's that's definitely offbeat
00:51:46
Jordan Peterson sort of has a high kind
00:51:48
of Canadian voice women don't like men
00:51:52
that are too uh weak or baby them mine's
00:51:56
bad his was actually
00:51:58
accurate it's good to do it it's sort of
00:52:00
a a good way to do it you do you don't
00:52:03
go too long and you just get a hook in
00:52:06
there that sounds kind of like him Nick
00:52:07
Offman was like quick sounded like him
00:52:10
before you can tear it apart and you get
00:52:12
worse you sounded like them you know
00:52:15
yeah they're nice quick what I would
00:52:17
call Micro Impressions just right to the
00:52:20
point so good job Jonathan uh the Hat
00:52:23
was interesting gave you kind of a fve
00:52:26
Vibe necessary but it it makes I thought
00:52:30
it was going to do or something maybe
00:52:32
yeah yeah what I something with the hat
00:52:34
but uh it did I did like it okay let's
00:52:36
see another one oh it's we've got a
00:52:38
young lady here this is Allison Mary
00:52:40
Allison we haven't seen
00:52:43
these hi Dana and David my name is Ally
00:52:46
and this is my impression of Jennifer
00:52:48
kulage from Legally
00:52:52
Blonde I'm taking the dog
00:53:00
dumbass you look like the Fourth of
00:53:03
July that makes me want to have a hot
00:53:06
dog real bad dumbass and this is my
00:53:10
impression of Jennifer kage from A
00:53:12
Cinderella
00:53:14
Story oh
00:53:16
Sam you're not very pretty and you're
00:53:19
not very bright I'm so glad we had that
00:53:23
talk thank you those the real lines
00:53:26
funny yeah I thought that was good yeah
00:53:29
that that she nailed it I mean I thought
00:53:31
that was a great Jennifer coolage tone
00:53:33
was pretty good it kind of if you close
00:53:35
your eyes I thought she'd do a White
00:53:36
Lotus one because that's kind of her
00:53:37
latest greatest hit I think you know but
00:53:40
I'm stuck with she has a character that
00:53:42
she play Yeah remember she's on the
00:53:44
boat yeah no she was incredible in that
00:53:47
show yeah White Lotus Jennifer kage I'd
00:53:50
love to have her on the podcast either
00:53:53
our Flagship or this one yeah Jennifer
00:53:56
mhm Jennifer she's listening everyone's
00:53:59
listening um but that was a very uh just
00:54:02
I had not heard a I had not heard a
00:54:05
Jennifer coolage impression so that was
00:54:08
all right let's go to another one and
00:54:10
then I got one for Dana okay let's go
00:54:11
this guy we don't know who he is say his
00:54:12
name this is Dante Carter what's up guys
00:54:15
my name is Dante Carter I'm a comedian
00:54:17
from South Carolina uh I'm going to
00:54:19
pause here so David can make fun of
00:54:21
me oh David okay here in your car my
00:54:25
impression of Barack Obama ordering Taco
00:54:29
Bell uh can I get a chalupa uh with
00:54:38
uh extra Pico uh sour cream uh no beans
00:54:44
uh Barry can't do beans uh no beans
00:54:48
Barry gets the boo boo belly oh thank
00:54:52
you he get a boo boo belly
00:54:56
okay first of all Dante I like that he
00:54:59
he made it funny like he took that one
00:55:03
hook uh and took it so far so it's
00:55:06
actually just funny even if you know
00:55:07
didn't know who Obama was I thought the
00:55:09
impression was pretty good it was um
00:55:11
nice nice job I don't uh you can make a
00:55:14
choice to go down to this this more
00:55:16
often you know just that type of thing
00:55:19
but he does kind of uh he will do that
00:55:22
he took it he SE Obama with that vocal
00:55:24
fry I
00:55:26
think mhm yeah that was that's that's
00:55:29
what people do that's what people do um
00:55:33
but yeah it's not not a lot of people do
00:55:36
a Barack Obama I like that he took time
00:55:38
to go into the car inste and knock it
00:55:39
out instead of just doing his house he's
00:55:41
like I'll just do it now gives a I
00:55:43
thought he was gonna do Theo Von with
00:55:44
that accent bet
00:55:48
someone okay here we are all right this
00:55:50
is we got another one then I got one
00:55:52
after Nathan Nathan okay well hi Dana hi
00:55:57
David this is Morgan
00:55:59
Freeman little birdie told me that
00:56:02
you're now taking an impressions for
00:56:04
your podcast I think that's a mighty
00:56:06
fine
00:56:07
idea I also understand that you're
00:56:10
accepting red red necky jokes as well
00:56:13
well I thought why not kill two birds
00:56:16
with one stone oh he's doing one or as
00:56:18
red might say two squirrels with one can
00:56:22
so here we go I'm red red necki the
00:56:26
redneck comedian last week my girlfriend
00:56:29
broke up with me but told me we could
00:56:32
still be cousins come and get
00:56:35
some well this is Nathan from Dallas
00:56:38
Texas I just want to say thank you guys
00:56:41
so much for the Decades of laughter you
00:56:44
guys have given us and me personally
00:56:46
it's been a thrill love the podcast keep
00:56:49
up the great
00:56:50
work I like that part the best I like
00:56:54
the ending part about the great work
00:56:57
yeah Nathan Beasley um it was a really
00:57:01
really good uh Morgan Freeman it was
00:57:03
very subtle and very real um and the red
00:57:07
red necki was actually pretty uh clever
00:57:10
maybe maybe too clever I don't know but
00:57:12
it was actually a good um diversion joke
00:57:16
like it they were cousins all the whole
00:57:18
time right yeah yeah I like that red red
00:57:20
Nicki one too and I like it as Morgan
00:57:22
Freeman I was trying to look I was
00:57:23
looking away because
00:57:25
I just want to hear if it just sounds
00:57:27
like his tone but he has rhythms down as
00:57:30
Morgan Freeman white guy is hard it must
00:57:33
be harder to do it but it's pretty good
00:57:34
I thought it was good mhm okay is there
00:57:37
one
00:57:38
more I just have some R necky jokes oh
00:57:42
let me do my impression let's do the
00:57:43
impression yeah here it is Dana so this
00:57:47
is uh this is in the shower this morning
00:57:49
I thought of this because I watched The
00:57:51
Beekeeper this weekend with Jason STM
00:57:53
and any movie he's in he's always first
00:57:56
of all he doesn't talk a lot he always
00:57:58
has a lot on his mind all these guys
00:58:00
have a lot on their mind they don't want
00:58:01
to be
00:58:02
bothered and he's always thinking like
00:58:05
this when other people are talking and
00:58:08
and and and they like to be left
00:58:10
alone and he's
00:58:12
like I'm The
00:58:15
Beekeeper I keep the
00:58:18
bees I like to be left
00:58:21
alone and if you come at me I might
00:58:24
stting you if you cross me and they're
00:58:27
like well are you a bee or are you a
00:58:29
beekeeper he's like don't let that
00:58:31
concern you you don't want to find
00:58:34
out I
00:58:36
take the honey to the queen and they're
00:58:39
like well I don't get what your job is
00:58:41
you're actually a beekeep or you just
00:58:42
are you here to kill
00:58:44
me just oh go I just want to be left
00:58:47
alone all of them want to be left alone
00:58:49
all those type of guys he was also in
00:58:51
Meg I saw two movies of the Meg the
00:58:53
shark movie where it's a diabolical
00:58:56
shark where it gets so bananas you know
00:58:59
it's you know it's not um a well-written
00:59:03
movie when at the end he
00:59:05
goes careful the shark has a gun the
00:59:09
shark
00:59:10
does it's getting very human toward the
00:59:13
end it's it's got a gun in his right
00:59:17
fin it's actually a good
00:59:20
impression it's good you know if you
00:59:22
don't try too hard it's a decent
00:59:24
impression because
00:59:25
he doesn't really do a lot he's just
00:59:26
thinking a
00:59:28
lot and he was a beekeeper full
00:59:30
beekeeper outfit that was the movie Bea
00:59:34
it's also just a funny take on a a kind
00:59:36
of a badass guy in a movie where he's
00:59:39
talking and metaphors or something I'm
00:59:42
the Beeper and you're you know it's just
00:59:44
a funny character anyway which is then
00:59:47
it's Jason after I sting you I die and
00:59:51
they're like wait we die or you die and
00:59:54
also so you're actually a bee in this
00:59:56
scenario and he's
00:59:57
like hang on no wait go back one
01:00:03
I'm yes I'm The Beekeeper we we we we
01:00:08
everyone we understood that part that
01:00:09
part we got but that's really most of
01:00:11
his lines in the movie because it turns
01:00:13
out a beekeeper other than he tends to
01:00:16
actual bees in the movie all this then
01:00:20
if you're a super badass FBI guy you're
01:00:23
a beekeeper they don't really say what
01:00:25
that means that means that's just the
01:00:27
best the best oh it actually a thing a
01:00:30
thing I'm a be I'm a but then he goes
01:00:32
leaves and is and he hides and retires
01:00:35
but he kind of likes the attention
01:00:37
because he's actually a beekeeper so
01:00:38
they're like wait you're not a The
01:00:40
Beekeeper from the FBI is like why would
01:00:41
you think that well you're dressed like
01:00:43
AB you could do anything else work at a
01:00:45
bowling
01:00:47
alley I don't know I'm keeper yeah I
01:00:51
keep
01:00:52
bees I keep be bees in a keeping Place
01:00:57
yeah a keeping place what do you mean
01:00:59
where bees live you don't know that much
01:01:01
about being a Beek keeper because you
01:01:03
already don't know really where you keep
01:01:06
them he just likes be that guy going to
01:01:11
call for restaurant we'd like a
01:01:14
reservation we' like four seats and I
01:01:17
know how to get them okay what's the
01:01:20
name The Beekeeper and i' like a play of
01:01:24
fresh bees fried bees I don't know where
01:01:28
you're this is Tower bar we don't have a
01:01:31
okay well we can find something we have
01:01:33
honey packets we'll find something for
01:01:36
you yes I like honey packets yeah
01:01:39
that'll be fun beer all right our final
01:01:44
today is yeah red red
01:01:47
necki red red necki we're gonna watch a
01:01:50
few of these I guess we'll read them oh
01:01:52
you're GNA read them and if you can read
01:01:53
those Dana I already see it's almost too
01:01:55
long but go ahead I can read them yeah
01:01:58
well this is a this is from Spence Camp
01:02:00
thanks for submitting here and I was
01:02:02
start I'm red rednecky the redneck
01:02:04
comedor I'm reading this C preacher told
01:02:06
me folks is talking cuz I'm married to a
01:02:08
minor I said hell she come down with the
01:02:11
black lung when she was eight she ain't
01:02:13
set foot in the mine in three years
01:02:14
comeing gets
01:02:17
home oh a
01:02:19
minor that one will want to trunk down a
01:02:22
little bit but I get the the joke it I
01:02:24
didn't even get it I had to read it
01:02:25
twice yeah okay here Philip
01:02:30
hirs let's
01:02:34
see okay I'm red red necky the redneck
01:02:38
comedian when I kiss mama she said I
01:02:40
kiss like Papa I told her that's what
01:02:42
sister said Come and get
01:02:44
some well as an incestral thing that's
01:02:47
not bad it's pretty tight sounds like a
01:02:49
porn I just watched
01:02:51
okay come H some can go either way
01:02:55
Jay dubs is the name for our NE sub
01:02:57
midle I'm red red necki the redneck
01:02:59
comedian last night there was a knock on
01:03:01
my door I said who that they said yo
01:03:04
mama I said which one come and get
01:03:07
some He's Got Two Moms wh why was it
01:03:10
which one he has two masas I don't get
01:03:12
it okay actually they're
01:03:16
fun keep them coming here's two to show
01:03:19
how hard it is here's two quick ones
01:03:20
that I wrote Mom this is red this is red
01:03:24
red neckie the redneck comedian my mama
01:03:26
wrote a cookbook how to eat like a swamp
01:03:28
rat come and get
01:03:32
some to eat like a
01:03:35
SW so you eat like
01:03:39
a well this it should I should have
01:03:41
started this one that's too long I'm red
01:03:43
rednecky the redneck comedian I asked my
01:03:46
mama what's for dinner she said hot
01:03:47
sizzling Mud Bugs top with a dozen live
01:03:50
Crow dads and smed in swamp sauce come
01:03:52
and get home say what you should say
01:03:55
what is it my birthday come and get
01:04:00
some well the whole thing is come get
01:04:02
some and you can elongate that okay my
01:04:05
dentist I'm red redneck redneck comedian
01:04:07
my dentist told me my teeth were green
01:04:09
and brown I said great just like my
01:04:11
daddy come and get
01:04:12
[Music]
01:04:14
home they're
01:04:16
hard today the the were better than the
01:04:22
they all get laughs because they just
01:04:23
everything about sounds funny I know but
01:04:26
how do I top the language of this one I
01:04:28
met my sister only because mama turned
01:04:31
me down come on gets home you know
01:04:33
that's
01:04:34
like it's hard hard to do the short ones
01:04:37
but um incest funny you guys are getting
01:04:40
close we haven't crowned a red rednecky
01:04:42
champ yet but you guys are get close and
01:04:46
send some more
01:04:47
Impressions and uh I guess we'll see you
01:04:49
next week is that all we got or not here
01:04:51
to sign us off today is Jason St
01:04:55
you thought we were gone but I've always
01:04:57
been
01:04:59
here I don't know if you read the papers
01:05:01
but I'm The
01:05:03
Beekeeper don't cross me you get honey
01:05:06
in your grill you I'll spray you with
01:05:09
honey in your grill it
01:05:11
sounds
01:05:13
sexual no maybe I think of a new way
01:05:17
anyway bye for
01:05:21
now this has been a presentation of
01:05:23
odyssey Superfly is executive produced
01:05:26
by Dana Carvey and David Spade Charlie
01:05:28
finan of bril entertainment Jenna Weiss
01:05:31
Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro and
01:05:33
Greg Holtzman hope you liked
01:05:35
[Music]
01:05:41
it
