00:00:00
eventually she'll have kids and she's gonna have to tuck her into her socks and that is just true david loves
00:00:06
marriage
and he has a long history
i need 5 minutes we got Who did I have
00:00:13
call you on your birthday do you remember this
are you kidding me
okay stevie Nick
you had Stevie Nicks call me
00:00:18
and seen Landslide into my answering machine in New York he dumped me on the same answering machine
okay
00:00:29
hey David can I ask you a question
yeah weekend what happened
yeah uh I was I
00:00:36
went on the road this is the new sort of format thing
so here we are we're doing
00:00:41
this and it's looks very similar we look the same my hair's
Yeah everything's kind of got the helmet uh but
00:00:48
uh the weekend for me just right off the bat while we settle in here I went three
00:00:54
tour dates two in Arizona so by the way one was 113
00:01:02
Tucson 113
the BO is such a different level people don't talk about it enough
00:01:08
when you get in the elevator with someone who's that sweaty yeah after 110 the BO it reformulates and it's
00:01:14
sickening it's off the charts that's one thing uh Arizona uh when I went to
00:01:20
Phoenix that was a blast my mom came some friends came um had such a good
00:01:25
time and oh also every I forgot everywhere in Scottsdale someone's got a truck so it's like Raptor you know you
00:01:33
pull up next to someone and they're this high and they're like good gad
00:01:39
lift kit so it was a game show yeah everyone every guy is trying to be cool
00:01:44
but girls don't like Hummers so they go right back to Raptor
can I tell you what my what I thought about when a guy has
00:01:50
no muffler and he has a truck and he starts the car what what the car is really saying is "All right I'll see you
00:01:56
later
i'm a man i'm a man i'm a man i'm a man i'm a man i'm a man i'm a man."
00:02:01
That's kind of how it is they got lifted up trucks big tires
hey honey I think I've got Bo you know where my tank top
00:02:08
is cuz I like to go out in a tank top when I'm fully loaded under
yeah dude it
00:02:13
was 117 in Scots before I got there
it's so sickening anyway
the the trip was fun
00:02:21
turns out I didn't need to wear a sweater i wore a sweater on stage i just brought it i got on stage I was like cuz
00:02:27
you know when you're in Arizona if it's 117 out they put the air conditioner on
00:02:32
stun so when you walk into a store or a mall it's 41 and you need a defibrillator it's like
de
00:02:40
you know what I mean it's so cold you're like "This isn't good for the human body."
00:02:45
The store that we have is like there's a beer source says don't go in there i It's a grocery store but they you open
00:02:50
up and it's a freezer full of beer you walk into it
oh just a freezer
just Yeah just like 33 degrees and you're in there
00:02:56
i mean I must be a little bit above freezing i want to ask you if this happens to you because it's kind of funny to me so you go to a grocery store
00:03:02
for a while and you're at the deli or whatever and you you go on the road you're not there for a while do you get
00:03:07
this a lot hey where you been we haven't seen you around
well kind of traveling
00:03:13
and working and doing Yeah but we hadn't seen you here for a while what's going on where you been
where you been
huh you
00:03:20
ever get that where you been
i get it uh hey I'm see you oh here's I get the
00:03:26
opposite you used to come into my bar all the time i've been there once or twice
same thing
you were always here
00:03:33
every second
yeah god damn is that what you tell people i was never here
and you would drink and drink and drink you were
00:03:41
a boy
you were always [ __ ] up
yeah and you got the floor moped with you by a
00:03:47
couple guys one night i think they were always pooping dirt you always [ __ ] your
00:03:53
pants and wore an adult diaper and were registered independent always you remember that
that's the thing this
00:03:59
happens to anyone it's not cuz we've been on TV occasionally where you meet some of your high school days and they
00:04:05
can photographically tell you what you said in the 70s i said to you I like a
00:04:11
Buick and you said I'll never forget it you like Fords
i told this story for 30
00:04:17
years you're like this isn't even true so you have to agree that's what you said you saw a bird and said well
00:04:23
pnicity doodle remember that they go "You were uh you used to watch golf carts at the Phoenician," which I did
00:04:30
and they go "You were always cracking jokes." I go "No I wasn't you didn't know any jokes."
Has the audience
00:04:35
noticed that I'm I'm using this voice for every company bit today i don't know why
it kind of works
it's just kind of
00:04:41
kind of funny where you been
where you been
v-neck going today
you look like
00:04:46
you're going to sing in a choir
no because it looks like Maverick
it's a new setup it's a new day and so I said I
00:04:54
gotta I gotta dress up like at least the beginning and then I'll go back to looking like [ __ ]
but
00:05:00
I know what I'm going Your hair looks incredible by the way for the new show it's new hair
you know what I'm going to get you for your birthday
please
it's
00:05:07
going to go with this you can wear it underneath
a dicky
do they know a dick is a mock turtleneck for the people out
00:05:14
in in TV Wonder podcast i bet even this shirt like if it only came down to here
00:05:21
but as long as you put it on and then you see this part it's all you really need so someone invented a little
00:05:28
do you pull the turn like on and then it's just like a half circle
yeah it's a little half thing so if you didn't have anything else you just wear the dicky
00:05:34
and then you're all bare i mean this is what you do to make this cool and we could do it after the show
i get your
00:05:41
sweater i take a scissor i just cut it short sleeve both sides it's kind of regot that is the look today
yeah when
00:05:48
girls I used to wear them they go that is that a dicky i go no this is and they go okay sir that's
usually say wiener
00:05:55
now dicky may be your new dicky may be the way you refer to your penis it used
00:06:00
to be weini for four years
no wiener i get a little wiener heavy some of these shows I say it too much but it is funny
00:06:07
to me and it's very PG
uh it's very second third grade yeah it's goofy so
00:06:13
it's not so offensive no it's very it's very benign
good for corporate gigs uh well let's bring her out we got Julie
00:06:19
Bowen here today very excited to talk to her
we've had her on
and she was such a
00:06:25
hit with good feedback that we're having her on our first show
00:06:30
ladies and gentlemen David Spade
oh I'm so sorry did we keep
00:06:35
you waiting they're hugging
what
they're hugging
00:06:41
deep hug
this looks good why because it's a little bit of like a
00:06:46
like a what do you call that a rascal no it's like a what do you call that like the high photo thing
it's a I think it's
00:06:54
a mullet
yeah it's kind of like a mullet but it's it's hipper
00:07:00
yeah Julie
that's really not my job um David first of all
I think that but I
00:07:06
never say it out loud
this is for you god damn
two years ago you got mad at me
00:07:12
you get mad at me every year for forgetting your birthday so I got you birthday presents two years ago that I haven't given to you
these aren't books
00:07:18
are they because you don't read
no
no
i do have a book you gave me a long time ago though
00:07:24
he reads one one tweet at a time right i like how books look
yeah well you know
00:07:29
what then you'll like these
mhm
am I opening them
no you don't have to open them you don't have to open them
is this
00:07:35
for his birthday
it was for I I always forget his birthday cuz it's like some type of down you forget it cuz you're
00:07:42
married
i'm not married i am divorced
oh you were but then you can forget it when you're
You were divorced last time you
00:07:47
were here
divorced divorced
i keep getting divorced over and over again
did
00:07:53
you get married again and divorced
no no I did not
who got more him or her
more divorced
who got the money him or her
um
00:08:01
how you doing Dana how you doing Dana
i will announce it you don't have to answer any of my questions
how is uh
one of you were on
00:08:09
Modern Family at the time one one of us was okay this is true
there's your answer all right
there you go
um go
00:08:15
ahead ask Ask Dana questions
i was gonna ask Dana what it was like being um the most relevant person ever in the last
00:08:21
year on SNL that was fun right
i like that word relevant well you were It was interesting it was
00:08:27
interesting
it was interesting
that's your shortest answer
relevant was part of that no I'm I'm gathering
00:08:33
intellectually let's see it was surreal it was bizarre it was uh at times a lot
00:08:39
of fun
do you now now that you know that Biden is like severely um diminished do
00:08:45
you feel any guilt or
Yeah do you D
or insight into your portrayal
00:08:53
jesus
well this is really good and we're going to re reframe the this podcast the
00:08:58
Julie Bone podcast we can flip it no those are great questions um
she's better at it than we
00:09:04
are i knew that he was compromised mentally i mean it was obvious
but it
00:09:09
was a delicate thing in the comedy world there were a lot of people
did not want to do anything that would kind of ding
00:09:18
him in like an awkward way or
but it's comedy
that's that's it that's the key
00:09:23
if I can do Biden that's the idea but
if I can make Biden funny
to everybody then
00:09:29
then I am where I want to be and to make it funny it had to be recognizable and so there's certain things I did not
00:09:35
include in my package uh sorry you would do a sexual pun on that package
package
00:09:41
means wiener
okay so I'm trying to set him up it's a little early
wiener
00:09:47
the biggest one the biggest one was this i'm not getting around here i'm being serious so that was the biggest one for
00:09:54
me
but that was it was fantastic i think it's easier to make fun of him if he's president if it's just a
90
00:10:02
whatever year old man just go look at this [ __ ] so once he's president then he's more fair game to say but no one
00:10:08
made fun of him forever
no well he's sort of neutral there wasn't a whole lot to until he started doing like no for
00:10:14
real
well they but they but no one did yeah no and guess what and by the way
00:10:20
the fact of the matter is I'm not kidding around here come on folks this isn't rocket science and then the whole
00:10:26
I wrote the bill cuz I know how to write bills you can write a bill faster than he's ever writen a bill wild Bill Hock
00:10:33
Alfred Hitchcock three times charm ladies and gentlemen the leader of the
00:10:39
free world
that is um
I'm sorry having watched SNL since I was a wee child and
00:10:46
yes David you know I love you but that it is so crazy when you do that so fun
i
00:10:52
fell in love with it it took me two years to kind of get it and get all the different toys I call them on the carpet
00:10:57
and pick them up one at a time
two years well because I he kept stacking but for look the first six months it was just
00:11:04
sweet Joe
you know
yeah just
my dad lost his job right in this not getting around
00:11:11
because number one the one part number two what the guy said number three you know the drill come on folks it isn't
00:11:17
right so it was just that and I thought well it doesn't have the pop or energy of Trump or or even Obama or W and then
00:11:24
I heard him whisper and yell and I thought "Oh here we go."
And then the defiant 50s guy there's no crisis at the
00:11:30
border yeah but you said "Yeah I can get your facts right Jack i'll beat the hell out of you you want to do some push-ups
00:11:36
you're a dogfaced pony soldier." You know the 50s guy threatening so Biden
00:11:42
eventually was my favorite because I he had like 10 hooks did he acknowledge it
00:11:47
his staff came to one of the parties middle of the night hey we just got to say I think I still have the cards i we
00:11:53
love we love your Biden why don't Joe probably love it too why don't you come down the White House and have lunch it
00:11:59
never happened but you know cuz they he said "What's lunch is that the thing you do before dinner?"
00:12:05
Just watch him eat a paper bag and you got to go "Hey no one says anything." No one says anything
so anyway I loved it
00:12:11
it was entering and exiting but it it was um a real challenge to make it
00:12:16
acceptable and I read comments "Hey man i I I hate Trump but whatever but this is really [ __ ] funny." It was funny
00:12:23
so that's the main thing it was funny let's start the podcast
so let's go i have other stuff to you David
yes now
00:12:29
when I first got an SNL the church lady wasn't really for a clock no Joe Dirt
00:12:39
they'll never take that away from you julie I have a lot of really hard-hitting questions enough of this you should like literally pull out
we
00:12:46
have to have you real cliff notes
help it says
00:12:52
help help
it says help
how will AI be stopped sexualized women in their 50s
00:12:58
and
why are all these movies with women in their 50s being incredibly horny
00:13:04
julie Bowen dash Sydney Sweeney
what the son your son thought Sydney forgot that
00:13:12
was going to play the ex-wife
yeah it was like "No no it was going to be the uh Happy Gilmore's new hookup." And the
00:13:19
He said "I heard Sydney Sweeny's the Cart Girl can I come to see
Cart Girl is a good idea?"
Cart girl
so then you knew
00:13:24
you were
Is she the cart girl or
I didn't know I didn't know anything about the movie
are you still allowed to read the script yet
00:13:30
uh there's so many things on that piece of paper it's terrifying
i know you're not supposed to we want to get to half
00:13:37
let's start with stupid happy Gilmore did you i'm kidding that should have been him right behind you
he's not here
00:13:44
bold he call you up and be that very whispery gentle
00:13:49
here direct
00:13:55
and he and he and he calling me actually he texted me and I thought it was the second ad from some project I just said
00:14:01
because it just comes up as Adam
and and I was like "Hey [ __ ] face." And I was like "Yeah." He's like "Uh what's going
00:14:10
on?" I was like "Do you have something you need to say?" And he was like "Whoa rude." And I picked up the phone and
00:14:15
called him i was like "I thought you were the second ad from some project you three years later you know I'm going to
00:14:22
make a happy we're doing it buddy." And uh and we want you to be part and I said "Adam I
00:14:28
don't care if I'm part of it or not." Good like I felt like he was calling to tell me that I wasn't in it
when did you
00:14:33
realize during the phone call holy [ __ ] i'm in Happy Gilmore too
uh
30 seconds
00:14:40
did you negotiate at all i mean what would I approximately get paid
i didn't negotiate
you didn't even hint at what
00:14:46
it would be possibly
no no i just I mean you've both worked with Adam i'm like
we
00:14:54
know him like a little he's my little brother from another mother
do you text your list of demands after when you think about it a little bit
i did not
00:15:00
have a list of demands that was the craziest most elaborate production though I've ever seen their you know when you have a village um like uh like
00:15:07
the video
not video village like the like the circus you know where they put all the all the trailers and stuff all
00:15:13
the time
it was like a literal like now you go to K Street it reminded me of your bit about trying to get out of the
00:15:19
uh
MGM
the MGM Grand and you're like you go to the second wheel and you go around twice with
the town
it was mess Adam
00:15:27
Town did they Did they have any cameos in the film
no did they
Did they I think
00:15:33
there's
We don't get Yahoo News we don't know
i don't really look at news much i'm reading War in Peace right now
i
00:15:38
don't I don't I don't read about that but yeah it it's an extravaganza 135 people I think are in this movie
00:15:44
shut the [ __ ] up that's
Eminem
i don't know
they did get Eminem
they Is that
00:15:50
true
eminem is in the Because I I did my homework
how do you know post Malone Eminem and Bad Bunny are doing cameos in
00:15:57
the movie
does Post Malone play your son my son
his son plays basketball it's called Post Malone
wait are you and Adam
00:16:04
are you and Adam married did you get married in the first one at the end
we ended the movie just together
right and
00:16:10
so now
I think I'm only allowed to say what's in the trailer so
just say what's in the trailer
yeah i mean we're we're
00:16:16
married we have kids
okay
we're married with kids
nice
that's like all I'm
The kids better be famous people now do you
00:16:22
have a make out sesh as David would say with with with your husband Adam
first day of shooting we had a little No way
00:16:29
kissy kissy was it on camera or off camera
it was It was definitely on camera definitely on camera
i'm not
00:16:34
trying to stir the pot here
no i mean no except for that you totally ar
00:16:40
He said if I didn't make out with him he was going to replace me with Sydney Sweeney
yeah well you said Sydney
00:16:46
Sweeny's in it sydney Sweeney is in it as Cartgirl
is she yeah she is she is
00:16:52
She so your kid was right
my kid was right
your kid was right cuz that is a good idea cart girl is always supposed
00:16:57
to be some cute girl
they never They had like the whole cast list was coded and like even in the hair makeup trailer
00:17:03
they'd be like
I mean it was like "Oh Caddy oh the Caddy's in." And that was
00:17:08
all it was on the entire on the call sheet and everything
big C girl works today
what
big boob cart girl i heard I
00:17:15
heard that Julie sweeny where's her name sweeney she had one uh golf cart for her breast and one
00:17:22
for her body it was so large
yeah and this and on the piece of paper was women being sexualized now what was that
no no
00:17:29
women i mean Nicole came in the queen of women in their 50s that are still
00:17:34
incredibly horny it's a genre she was great in Baby Girl is that what
Do you think she is though is she incredibly
00:17:41
horny or is she just playing horny that is one of the best questions that has
00:17:46
ever been asked on this podcast literally that is so we our next half hour is going to unpack that
i have
00:17:52
never met Nicole i have no known nothing about her she's a great actress but I
00:17:59
like to imagine that she goes home and she's like "Yeah don't touch me." You know she just like sleeps in like
00:18:05
sexualized because she's so beautiful and so perfect and porcelain
what about
00:18:10
Keith Heb doesn't he have a right to get some
sexual activity i'm doing JFK as
00:18:15
Keith Urban sorry my Australian
is he Aussie too
he's Aussies too
i don't
he
00:18:21
calls him Nick hey Nick how is it today i got beat up in a shower and fist [ __ ] a guy
00:18:27
well that's baby girl did you see baby girl
sorry we might have to cut it i guess
that's for the crew one
is that
00:18:34
not um that is probably not YouTube approved
we can we have editing capability you can go as blue as you
00:18:39
want greg's already cutting it right now i do I do think that um first of all if I look like Sydney Sweeney I would be
00:18:45
naked 24/7
sure
and cuz like eventually she'll have kids and she's going to have
00:18:51
to tuck her tits into her socks and that is just true because it's really it
00:18:57
that's gonna trend tits into her socks that's great but that's only after she
00:19:02
has kids so while she's young and gorgeous and she is and a really good actress I I I don't know why everybody
00:19:09
gives her heat because she's got the greatest boobs that were ever made and she doesn't mind
she's good i just saw
00:19:16
Euphoria i don't even watch Euphoria but it was on when I was on the road
and uh
00:19:21
David wants to talk about his tour
no we'll plug it on the commercial he'll be
00:19:26
in teal you have to do a testimonial for Morango
00:19:33
we're going to Yamaba good job Julie yeah
are you going to Yamova
yeah see if we can We'll see if
00:19:39
we can get you in
yamaba what is this
i don't know if I got any comps we'll check
is this Jewish yamaba
i I don't
00:19:44
know what Yamaba is
sounded a little Is it a casino out in your Palm Desert
00:19:51
further you playing that
yeah that's
Oh we're playing a casino the two of you
00:19:56
together
together
how does that go
well he tries to follow me
00:20:02
that is true
no no i don't want to follow him that wasn't pretty i followed
00:20:07
you in Indianapolis i said to the sound guy "Look I know it's
he's going a little over could we just like slowly
00:20:13
bring the mic down if you were doing extra
and got him off before he did his porn chunk on an airplane?"
What
it
00:20:21
works
i don't know the porn chunk on an airplane she's got it very funny
i actually got a little dirty when I was at uh I just played Judy was in the
00:20:27
crowd my mom and when I was in Arizona Oh sweet Judy doesn't want to hear about the sweetest woman that ever lived
yeah
00:20:35
she she I said "Mom if you're there I I I will take some stuff out but I got to fill an hour and I just did a special i
00:20:40
got to do some new stuff."
Oh I don't care i don't know if you need it though and then afterwards she goes "It was
00:20:47
great i should have just walked out for the last 20."
Mom oh because of the horn
00:20:53
thing
of our 30 minute set and she's like that last 20 was just
Well there's another there's a couple oh
you know
00:21:00
who's funny nate she likes Nate for
Nate is funny
he is funny and he's clean it's a very tough
00:21:07
great not because it rhymes nate is great
nate is really That's another one for
got it made not
00:21:13
because it rhymes is going to fooly you no not because it
00:21:18
rhymes wait I I'm kind of punchy if you haven't noticed
so I don't know who was in this movie it's a short answer
00:21:25
because half because you never know Travis Kelsey right they're not in all the
You would see the people when you
00:21:30
Did you ever get on Travis Kelce's shoulders and watch
why would I get on his shoulder
because he's a man that you
00:21:35
could get on his shoulders
you could get on his shoulders how no
and he wouldn't notice
wouldn't you didn't notice i
00:21:41
could just climb right up his back
you weigh 88
yeah and he is he I could like tuck myself in his shirt he wouldn't
00:21:47
notice it's like a refrigerator with a head attached
he's a very large
we're just weighing real fast i don't want to change the topic are they getting
00:21:53
married
tay Tay tay- Tay and C trap trap i don't
Are they getting married you
00:22:00
have five seconds
no
are they Oh you pushed her
00:22:05
are they That was your her secretly married
no
okay
no way
why would they do
00:22:11
anything in secret yeah
why no no no i I mean like you know David loves marriage
00:22:17
and he has a long history
go to I need five minutes can we cut Can we cut tape
00:22:23
david loves commitment and he's very serious about his faith
julie Louise
00:22:30
Bowen
and he would like to stand in front of God and his family and make a lifelong commitment to one woman and um
00:22:37
that's why he's so fascinated with this issue with Tay-Tay and uh Tay and and Trav
um but I've been married
i I get
00:22:47
along great with my ex-husband we're totally solid marriage is raw is hard be
00:22:53
personal just say generally yeah
what what was what was the cause of the breakup
um
or or what causes marriages
00:23:00
to break up not yours you don't want to be personal well
I have some ideas
some of us are not as good at being married
00:23:07
and I'm one of those people my husband was great and I and I was just like
uh I
00:23:13
was difficult and uh I was working all the time and I I was suffered the like
00:23:19
underappreciation syndrome and I'm doing all this and
you know and then you start
00:23:24
going in different directions and
the only thing a marriage can't survive is contempt
00:23:31
is that true i thought
well I I just I I heard a I heard that of some analysis on the radio
00:23:38
you heard that contempt
you heard that in your coup's therapy
no this is what I heard it i heard about women let me see
00:23:43
if you think this is true let's hear it um no men want to be admired
okay
and
00:23:49
women want to be loved by a man they admire you have five seconds
what the
00:23:55
[ __ ] that's like It takes me five seconds even men want to be admired women want to be loved by the man they
00:24:01
admire uh okay
yeah did you admire yourself that's quite groundbreaking
i
00:24:06
mean admire i don't really I loved him okay
yeah i I loved I don't know admire
00:24:12
that sounds weird like
I mean not everyone can be admired the way you two are admired
there's I admire David and
00:24:20
he admires me
i admired your ability to bring other people along on our dates julie this isn't why you're here wait a
00:24:27
minute what is when you go to teach you want to bring a bunch of would always
00:24:33
bring somebody and then and then we'd be in the middle of conversation and he go save it save it save it for next time he
00:24:39
was always worried we'd have run out of things to talk about i was like I've never had anything so true that he does
00:24:45
save it save it
save it for when we have dinner save it i don't know you're
00:24:50
always worried we're not going to have anything to talk about
guess what we ran out
we did not we never ran out of [ __ ]
00:24:58
to talk about
see it was good we haven't talked for a year cuz now we have all this stuff we haven't
See we saved it
no
00:25:03
give me this [ __ ]
Save it save it save it
if you can understand it it's yours
save it for our next dinner at
00:25:08
Nibblers dane I'm a little bit of a a spendy
00:25:14
Suzie if you know what I mean
a boozy Suzie and a spendy Suzie
i'm more of a boozy Susie but yeah
yeah you are you
00:25:20
are a spendy spender yeah and a lot of our uh listeners are nice enough to write in and say "You look like you
00:25:26
drank a lot and slept on your face." But that's just constructive criticism
well it's very concise and uh you don't
00:25:33
really drink very much i'll tell the fans but
just puffy uh this is where Clara comes in clara is your everyday
00:25:41
smarter spending partner which is what a lot of people need a lot of my friends definitely need it
it allows you to make
00:25:47
smarter decisions with your money and it's sometimes good to have a partner like that and
I'll say it again clara
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which I I assume is Swedish cla is your smarter everyday spending partner
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conditions apply i'm just going to do I'm just going to say it it's a CLA
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summer nibblers nibblers isn't that right next to Pirates of the Caribbean
nibblers was
00:27:02
down on uh Nibblers was on had an early bird special i don't remember if we ever
00:27:08
I think
Did we ever go to Residuals that's a real one
did they have a 5:00 p.m dinner
do you know Residuals
yes
00:27:14
okay
it's a bar that people should know about in LA in the valley where if you bring your residual check if it's under
00:27:20
a dollar you get a free drink
i thought he had
I got tons of them
and they put it on the wall
but since all of mine are
00:27:26
under a dollar now I could really clean up i got one
there are no more residuals oh really
i mean the strike worked it
00:27:34
seemed like the whole business went
Yeah no I I don't I don't feel that it worked is that Is it a hot take
i feel like
00:27:41
it's just proven
well they were like it was I mean this it's so inside baseball and probably your viewers listeners
00:27:49
co strike yeah all that stuff did not help
sometimes you lose for winning you know
it was it was I guess we made
00:27:56
strides in AI
but I don't know i don't know i think AI is the genie in the B i
00:28:02
think there was no way to stuff it back well you know they did they did they managed to take every single like uh
00:28:08
show like every network show ever that now goes streaming they there's you get a like there's a very complicated math
00:28:14
formula that adds up to one cent so if they all it's all gone
if they
00:28:20
took a show like Just Shoot Me
let's just say
I'm not going to say Modern
00:28:26
Family it's too easy
where you were nominated me a classic
or Golden Globe 2
00:28:31
Em
okay i let you I need you
did you win uh you know I don't even know
i don't
00:28:36
remember because it's all about being nominated let's talk about this soon save it for next
don't use her ammo
00:28:42
against me
i thought it was a good one
a good a good observation
the problem is everything she can say is going to be
00:28:48
funny about it so I And I stay quiet that's when we met we met at the Golden Globes
oh we did meet at the Golden
00:28:54
Globes
she has a photographic memory when it comes to you well I I remember meeting him because he was like "Ah hey
00:29:01
I know you."
Oh boy everything has to be a disaster
and I think I kicked you in the butt and I
00:29:07
said "What's up loser?"
No you asked me you're like "Ah why do I I know you." And I said "No you don't."
Yeah from
00:29:12
your Neutrogena commercial
no
no you were on Ed
i was on Ed
i don't even know what I was on at the time it was a long
00:29:19
time ago
but you're actually also very pretty so
you didn't really have to be on TV
i told you I was a dog walker
00:29:26
oh and you believed me and then you went away he's like then you like faded
00:29:32
quickly into the background
that was a true side gig while until you made he was like trying to go like uh you
00:29:38
know that thing where people like how do I know you and you're like that's not on me to tell you so I was like I don't
00:29:44
know maybe I've walked your dog he goes I don't have a dog and I said well I'm a dog walker
and she walked away
oh okay
00:29:50
i'm a dog i'm a dog walker it's it's a little seductive
she's a dog walker i can make a doggy go roll around no
I can
00:29:57
make a doggy sit up and beg i mean there's a lot there to
I didn't go for I was super nice um and then I tracked you
00:30:04
down somehow right
through your publicist
well we didn't have How else
00:30:09
any other way
you live in New York i lived in LA
uhhuh
okay i remember the night you met her and you said "I met
00:30:15
this really cool chick and her name is Jan Beaman where did you meet me?"
I go
00:30:21
"Jan Beaman?" You you guys probably met at
I know where I met you and guess Well I shouldn't even give it away no we
00:30:26
don't have to give the address away eric Idol is now renting that house in Beachwood Canyon where I met David
well
00:30:32
who was who was living there at the time uh Kevin Nean was living there i was living there david lived there after I
00:30:39
got SNL kevin got SNL and then David got SNL
no I ran into his house while they
00:30:45
were on SNL
it had I lived in the garage to save money with my wife we had a hot
00:30:50
plate and no kitchen
in the garage actually
no on the top of the garage
300 ft but in this house for some reason I
00:30:57
got lucky enough to get SNL they said they needed they wanted a tall guy i said you know Kevin he's like 6'5 so
00:31:03
Kevin got on david tall guy
it was a throwaway but I don't
00:31:08
think that's exactly why Kevin got it
i mean exactly kill yourself when you don't get it
00:31:14
you're like they they were just trying to round the cast out with tall guys i think Lauren is and at his core it is
00:31:21
kind of like a sitcom like he didn't you don't even Jim Car's a genius but you don't want five Jim Carries right
you
00:31:27
want this balance of stuff that's the way he does it so it filled in nicely but then David got sized
no I rented
00:31:33
Kevin's room he saw me in the improv in the hallway and I go I'm getting kicked out of John Maloney's house he goes
okay
00:31:39
oh you know what I'm going to SNL do you want to rent a room there's two other comedians and I said yeah so I rented it
00:31:45
when he came home with Dana they would tell me about SNL Kevin was sleeping on the couch and that's how I met Dana and
00:31:51
then but it didn't cross my mind ever to go on snow ever
wait let's back up to you were living at John
Mol Rooney
oh
00:31:57
Mal Rooney
he's a comedian you don't know
i thought you said Mulaney
was Bob Dub still there was Paula still over the
00:32:03
garage when you were there
oh so my wife lived over the garage
because I was in
00:32:08
New York three Dana because your wife has blonde hair
we all were very very blonde
and you were all named Dana
you
00:32:14
could have Dana
i could have uh so I stayed there and then they came back and then eventually they Dennis Miller
00:32:21
helped recommend me they helped and then just I was using standup so then I when I got on
that's why it took me a while
00:32:27
to get going because I just knew how to kind of write but not write sketches
he wrote Yeah he used to be my writer for
00:32:32
Yeah and they go write for Dana and I'm like
Yeah it was kind of weird though you wrote for him
well they would ask
00:32:38
him to write for me but Lauren also said to me if anything happens to you David's always there like he was there
like he
00:32:44
was another version of you
yes and he would sit behind me and read through and sometimes he'd pull back on my chair a
00:32:50
little bit cut out man
when are you leaving
but also we toured i he was my opener we did stand up and he would give
00:32:55
me some jokes and stuff he's a great writer
isn't that funny we go out beep beep
wait you got I cannot imag
00:33:02
like he was literally waiting for you to like take a sick day
yeah yeah he was
00:33:07
just sort of being groomed yeah yeah i mean I I had caught and Churchill was my character and then I left it at that
00:33:14
place in Beachwood Canyon when I went back to SL when I came back I couldn't find it i looked through the window where David was staying and he was
00:33:20
sitting there looking in the mirror dressed as a church lady not in the shower but just at a chair
you were dressed as church lady
just vacuuming
00:33:28
and I go "Oh Dana you're home a day early."
Oh Satan
00:33:38
you have early day i was curious about two things i'm going to unpack it one is just you as a little girl and then you
00:33:45
ending up being a huge TV star
and a movie star and whatever star you became
00:33:51
a star you're famous and you were just a little girl
what started it
and so what did Julie see what did you watch what
00:33:58
toy did you have did you have a doll who were you who were you because it's so freaky to become famous
in acting or
00:34:07
comedy
it is it is it is the odds are vastly stacked against you especially
00:34:12
when I didn't watch TV as a child
what much
were you in Baltimore
i was in
00:34:18
Baltimore when we didn't have
cable or any I mean it was like
and we we weren't
00:34:23
really allowed to watch TV except for specials do you guys remember that it was a special
00:34:31
sort of disco and if it was a special we could watch it and then we could record it and so I
00:34:38
had three movies
recorded probably on Betamax that we watched
okay
endlessly i
00:34:44
knew every word it was Sound of Music
oh god i I want to
00:34:50
talk about that go ahead
gone with the Wind
never saw never saw
bugsy Malone
00:34:55
bugsy Malone
bugsy Malone was my the formative like I was obsessed with Bugsy
00:35:01
Malone
jodie Foster Jodie Foster as a child but like a prostituty kind of like
00:35:08
she was Tula and it was so inappropriate and oh I was like there's everything is
00:35:14
wrong with this and I know every word to them
and how old were you when you're watching
oh my god probably like
00:35:20
between 10 like nine and 12
so how big a family how many kids there's three girls
00:35:25
and so during the week you just did your homework you weren't watching like Little House in the Prairie or Batman or
00:35:30
I mean
I would watch Mash um in the kitchen TV when my if my mom was out cuz
00:35:36
she would be going to pick up my other sisters from somewhere and I would be like I would watch MAS but I'd turn it off really fast cuz we weren't supposed
00:35:42
to watch TV on school
you're so disciplined did you ever give any guff to your parents like no I was shut up
00:35:49
really really like the perfect child this is bad cuz then you get that makes you crazy later
here you be my my my mom
00:35:56
ask me what are you going to do today and I'll be me
okay what are you doing today David
whatever I want
00:36:02
jesus
all right so Napoleon Dynamite
you did not do that
i was trying to do Napoleon Dynamite
i'll be Napoleon what
00:36:08
are you doing today whatever I want god get away from me get away from me god
00:36:14
no I did i like
So you were just a goody chores then my homework
i did and then
00:36:20
you became a backseat Patty when he got to Hollywood
what's a backseat Patty
a is that like a an Irish
promiscuous
00:36:28
woman i heard this figure speech based on some other famous person i always
00:36:33
thought it was so funny oh she was a backseat Patty
i don't know what that is sounds a little [ __ ]
i don't know no I
00:36:39
was not i was told when I got out to LA and I had friends out here who were starting to they were backseat pattying
00:36:47
okay
and someone said "Don't do that you can only sleep your way to the middle and I was like okay
you pulled your
00:36:53
Penelopey Prud act on LA right
yeah that's right
prud backseat Patty i don't know
backseat Patty penelopey Prud yeah
00:37:00
i would I I just
the thing that we would do you asked like what we were doing
00:37:06
instead of watching TV we did plays
we put on plays in the backyard and we did
00:37:11
plays and plays and
the three of you with neighborhood kids or just neighborhood kids everybody we did a
00:37:16
little stage no one get the bug as hard as you
did you get the bug for acne but
00:37:22
they didn't as much
no no molly my older sister you know Molly you call her Trolley
which I don't know
molly the
00:37:27
trolley
but Molly Molly's actually a much better actress than I am
always has been but she didn't have the ability to
00:37:33
like
hear like no and go on auditions and and people be like grind thank you
00:37:39
and I was I I was tougher in that regard [ __ ] brutal game
yeah that's the thing that people miss because they I
00:37:45
mean it's not anyone's fault but they'll see on TV being loose and funnier on a talk show and they don't realize the
00:37:50
percentage of just suffering that goes on maybe there's exceptions Bob Dylan or the Beatles but for most of us it's a
00:37:57
slog of disappointment
the Beatles played in a strip club for years
you mean in Hamburg
00:38:03
we sat for a plunk Julie you know we sat for a plunk and John look at me i look at him it's like looking at a mirror i
00:38:09
can't not do it i'm not see my cold reading when I'm behind Okie Dog giving
00:38:15
a BJ behind a glory hall going did I get it
yeah exact but there's because there's no joy
there's no joy only
00:38:22
relief like you're like they're like well we're going to have to get you you're going to have to audition and
00:38:28
then well we want you to audition again then we're going to do chemistry reads and by the time you actually get a job you're like really you still want
you're
00:38:35
so beaten down
yeah you are beaten down what was your low point did you like I'm going to try to go I'm going to
00:38:40
Hollywood everybody and try to make it and you maybe have some little something point where you're like maybe this isn't
00:38:46
gonna happen
well
a horrible audition you walk out had I put I was super
00:38:52
pregnant when I auditioned for Modern Family
with twins
and I'd been working
00:38:57
but I knew this was going to be a good show and they just kept calling me in and looking at my stomach going like
00:39:04
and I was like what they I guess by law they weren't allowed to ask me like
when are you due and they kept sort of
00:39:10
looking me I was like I'm never getting this job they keep bringing everybody in the entire world has auditioned for this
00:39:15
and there was another project going at the same time same network that and the
00:39:22
character was pregnant and they were like they wanted me to test for that they wanted me to test for Modern Family but I had to pick you've got to pick
00:39:28
which one's going to be in first position
oh
so I picked the other show smart
because it wasn't the better show
00:39:35
but I needed a job
better chance
and I wanted I wanted a job not to like I
got
00:39:40
mouths to feed
yeah i I and I was making two more at the time
and uh God bless
00:39:46
Steve Levitan found out and actually emailed me and was like "What are you doing what are you doing we we really
00:39:52
want you." And I was like "You just stand around and look at my stomach all day." They go he goes "When when is that
00:39:58
baby due?" I said "No there's two of them there's a lot longer to go."
That's what they were trying to figure out
no
00:40:05
so you are pregnant Fatso they thought they shot it the way I we shot it and I hid behind things
and then then you had
00:40:11
a break to have him while they picked it up or something
i I had him the day we got picked up
is Oh okay
steve Levine
00:40:19
called me in May 7th cuz I was in labor and I was hanging out being in labor it sounds like it's really intense but it's
00:40:25
kind of boring
and I was like you know hanging out and my phone rings and I answered it and he's like "The show got
00:40:30
picked up and they're going to show the whole pilot." And I was like "That's awesome." He's like "Any chance you can make it to upfronts in New York?" I was
00:40:37
like "I don't think so." And he's like "What are you doing?" And I'm like
"Shoot me up
i'm having a
00:40:44
baby."
Yeah
he was like "Or two." And he was like "I'm Leo now."
So yeah
did you
00:40:50
ever ask him that one that it got around like someone else really wants Julie
00:40:55
there's nothing more powerful than that in life than she's actually got a thing over here they wonder
you know I don't
00:41:01
know if they would have picked you anyway but that is double your power
it probably it pro I'm sure it helped yeah
00:41:07
and but it was I went I went home and I sobbed because then I tried to get put Modern Family in first position
and they
00:41:15
wouldn't let me
they're like can't be done just can't be done i'm like it's the same network
you just if they What
00:41:22
do you mean it can't
they just hire you without Is this a rumor that your two boys are named Ed O'Neal yeah that is
00:41:29
definitely
No I have a quick story about Jennifer Anderson
just want to clarify jennifer's mom lived by in my condos and
00:41:35
then I met Jennifer when she was kind of newer but auditioning so she had auditioned for Friends and then she got
00:41:42
another thing i think it was called Muddling Through or something
it was with Paul Rudd
okay it was with Paul
00:41:47
Rudd okay and then she goes I hope now she hoped it the Friends one went but I
00:41:54
think one got What happened did it get picked up and then
it got p I I don't remember i just remember that they were
00:42:00
like "Oh my and then friends got picked up and and she was like "Oh [ __ ] what am I going to do?" And then
it turned out
00:42:07
to be the right thing obviously
it turn it was a big hit
did you ever turn down something that was a hit or miss it
00:42:13
barely
i didn't I didn't audition for some stuff that I didn't on the page i
00:42:19
wasn't You didn't
no um I didn't audition for 40-year-old Virgin but that
00:42:24
it was Liz Banks anyhow so you know whenever it's if it's going to be Liz Banks it's gonna be Liz Banks she is great
but I didn't I had
I think I had
00:42:32
little kids and I was really busy and I was tired and I was reading i was just like
I don't I'm not sure I'm getting it
00:42:38
and then you see it and you go "Fuck you're an alien you're an 80 funn." And
00:42:43
then drove and had to blow breath
that what was that
is that what her part was i don't remember
yeah she asked if she
00:42:51
hits on girl she she blows in both eyes to start the car and then she starts hitting all the cars
was that Lesie
no
00:42:57
that was Leslie that was in That was in um
That was in Knocked Up
knocked Up it
00:43:02
was Leslie Man seth Rogan
she's great too yeah
um Yeah
elizabeth Banks is
00:43:09
nonse just so we can cut it out
she called me once uh the 90s or something she she had an idea of a script where
00:43:16
she didn't know who her dad was and it was me and you were like "Wait what
what about
00:43:23
that?"
I could do the church for you what about that Brian Cranston idea where
was the Brian Cran where they were
00:43:29
like trying to kill Dana Car the whole thing was
Oh yeah no that was um someone
00:43:35
writing a No season two of um are they Australian guy we just had on
oh who oh
00:43:42
Jim Jeff jim Jeff had a sitcom on and then the third season was going to be I
00:43:47
was going to be his dad or he's I was going to get killed or something i don't know
he was going to kidnap you for the whole season
but did you ever really
00:43:53
struggle did you eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and like struggle to get an agent you know that phase
uh yeah
00:43:58
no I lived in New York um after college and I waited a lot of tables okay a lot
00:44:05
of tables and I Yes and I I uh I did every random job you could i was a
00:44:11
reader at HBO mhm
um I labeled teacups
00:44:16
some random woman i I do anything I got hired for
teacup label
other than backseat patty it
backseat patty back
00:44:23
seat patty we got the name of the episode i did not backseat no no not at all
but yeah no I definitely
And did you
00:44:29
ever get discouraged like sort of go [ __ ] this isn't going to happen for me that's what I was trying to get to did you have doubts
yes okay
oh a thousand
00:44:36
yeah
all right
yeah especially when I was auditioning in New York and I was just getting commercials and TV shows i
00:44:43
know sorry i was getting commercials and like episodic and all I wanted to be was theater actor i wanted like serious
00:44:48
theater
and never was never hired not even
Sound of Music your favorite movie
00:44:55
um uh I mean it's it's a tightal it's a tight three-way race you know i mean what's the other two for musicals
oh for
00:45:02
musicals i can't say I've never seen it i've never seen it
00:45:07
wicked
is that bad i mean we're gonna have to go with Bugs
i never saw Sound of Music obviously it's wicked smart
you
00:45:13
You can sing
i don't think so
i can sing as Neil Young that's the only way I can
00:45:20
sing
you can sing as Neil Young can you sing as anybody else
i think that's probably my best way to sing
as
00:45:26
Dana
i don't have a voice i don't have a face i don't have a personality you got to stick a nose on me or give me some voice i'm a completely neutral invisible
00:45:33
person but you know who I all struck by was Ariana Grande on SNL50 doing that
00:45:39
[ __ ] had she every single singer ever she's amazing
and I don't think she's
00:45:44
had like she looks like a waif
she looks like a tiny little little waif and my
00:45:50
lord can sing
wait was it is the sketch where she comes in and sings everybody she does impressions she's so she's
00:45:56
funny as [ __ ]
she's amazing
she does great
i did Jennifer Koolage with her on that show
that's right that was great oh
00:46:03
my god that was so good
coming through a mirror or something
there were three Jennifer Koolages yeah cuz it was Chloe
00:46:11
oh
what am I doing
but she's kind of shy and then by the time we rehearsed it
00:46:17
Yeah standoffish and then by the time we did it on she
have to cut that out
no I
00:46:22
mean she then she cut then on she knows you're not going to murder
no she's a little shy and then when she gets out
00:46:29
there it's like power you know she's incredible
you know but she's not on every second but adorable person we want
00:46:36
to have her on the podcast after Wicked Two
come on up
after Wicked Do [ __ ] after Wicked Two so the first time you
00:46:42
got something where you said "Holy [ __ ] I may have a career."
Is it Modern Family
was it that
no no
happy Gilmore
00:46:50
you did in 90
happy Gilmore was my first movie
oh okay
that was a classic um but
00:46:56
I didn't think at the time it was like
I mean it was made for barely any money up
00:47:01
in Canada we had black it was so fun but I didn't ever think anybody was going to see it
i didn't I thought it was just
00:47:08
like a little I thought it was like a fun weird little movie
you don't never know you never
00:47:14
know
and then you Yeah you really never know
you never know it was Sandler's second one i think it was a Tim movie
00:47:20
you did
oh
when you came here for the premiere joe Somebody is the name of it
joe
00:47:26
Somebody why you Why did you just bring that up
cuz I was thinking of movies i was like "You came in."
I have not been in very many movies
i'm not like people
00:47:34
don't they like me in the in the kitchen next to the refrigerator waving my fingers
00:47:42
would you ever do a highly sexualized woman um
I mean that's the question right
with a younger man
like
you think
00:47:50
you would you want to i want to but then you go
oh people get they can't they
00:47:55
don't want Claire Dumpy doing that you know
but
Oh yeah you do have that
i know i But I'm trying to figure out how you
00:48:01
shake that without being disrespectful would you be embarrassed shooting like this super horny girl getting ramrod it
00:48:07
just I watched Nicole Kid i was like "God dang
Nicole
you saw it too you watched 10 times." The question is "Is
00:48:13
she horny or pretending to be horny?" Huh
did you watch it with pillows
no no one's there they can see my rod oh you
00:48:19
know like boys when they watch
i wouldn't find it the sexual you mean you mean baby girl
baby girl
i didn't find it sexy when she
I thought it she's just
00:48:26
a great actress
she's a phenomenal actress but yeah I imagine she goes home it's like you know you guys know
00:48:32
comedians where you probably both go home you're like "Shut the [ __ ] up." Like you're like you know they don't
00:48:38
want to watch comedy i don't want to watch a sitcom i want to watch drama or Hitler trying to take over Europe or
00:48:43
something i don't want you know
you watch the Hitler channel
i I'm fascinated with World War II yes I
00:48:49
guilty
is it Don't we know everything there is to know now like is there really more
i have a friend
it's like
00:48:55
the John Benet case it's a new
You can read five books just on D-Day you can write 10 books on the the battle of
00:49:02
Britain you can read 12 coming from all different angles because it was the last time we had really analog secrecy in a
00:49:08
war you know fake dummy parachuters and cardboard tanks and even
00:49:16
Yes what that was Yeah yeah so it's fascinating
and and Code Breakers
yeah
00:49:21
that the movie with Bender Dick Cumberbatch benderick
wind Talkers bender Dick Cumberbatch
bender Nick is
00:49:27
his porn name
where am I
bender Nick [ __ ] you know
okay wait we got That's a mic drop right there bender
00:49:34
Dick is his porn name bender dick
bender dick no he's he's tick tock i don't
00:49:41
think during World War I in World War II no they had tic tac toe that's They did not they had Yeah that's true
the only good thing about wars is when they show
00:49:48
like this new one when they show on the map the only positive thing is then I find out where that country is
oh my god
00:49:56
i go "Oh [ __ ] it's right there."
Oh really
what I mean this coverage every second Trump maybe going in he's
00:50:02
thinking every second we're hearing about it we didn't hear anything during World War II dwight D eisenhower for the
00:50:08
second day looked at the sky and said "No he'll decide in seven minutes." You know everything was secret
and now and I
00:50:14
call [ __ ] on
I call [ __ ] i call [ __ ] on the breaking news yesterday
00:50:20
mhm right
breaking news 5 hours ago
you can't say breaking news you've got to stop the breaking news it's too You
00:50:27
can't breaking news trump uh made a decision 12 hours ago that
00:50:33
everyone's talked about for 12 hours yeah we need enough just in yeah
two
00:50:38
weeks ago recently in I'm not This is fairly true news before we go uh oh wow
00:50:46
so much I thought I mean Jul
what
did you say you fell down you look exactly
00:50:52
perfect
no don't look I didn't fall down I was trimming my trees and
00:50:57
I I got all beat up
you look great okay I'm going to ask you when is the premiere
00:51:03
the actual premiere is the 21st but when does it premiere
on Netflix
on the 24th
00:51:11
right
24th of what I thought it was so uninvolved July It's one of the other 24
00:51:18
we should all know this
we should know this but you know what's crazy that I found out
this is how what a baller uh
00:51:26
move this is netflix got the rights to Happy Gilmore one and is airing it for
00:51:33
the whole month ahead of time
oh
like right now probably right now
so the they're going to air two and then one
00:51:39
they're going to air one
oh air one is on now not the grocery store air one air one they're gonna Happy Gilmore OG happy
00:51:47
Gilmore they're airing okay
even though they
Yeah cuz the countries they didn't see one in in Thailand and stuff
that's
00:51:54
right i won't do that i think they're buying grown-ups too
or grown-ups also
i think they can that it expires or
00:52:01
something i heard it's number one in India
oh my goodness that Adam Sandler he is a kick
00:52:07
in the pants
wait I'm asking about the premiere cuz I want to go when is it it's uh the 21st molly was just as David
00:52:16
going i go that's her first question she said "Are you going to the premiere?" And I said "I'm trying to."
Where is New
00:52:23
York
new York
it's in New York
what theater
[ __ ] Lincoln Center
lincoln Center
it was It was originally going to
00:52:29
be at Madison Square Garden or something cuckoo but now it's at Lincoln Center really that would be a plus
that's
00:52:35
That's a lot of confidence welcome that's amazing i I mean people love that
00:52:40
people are excited for this god if you ever want to laugh or not go look at the '9s i was such a premiere [ __ ] i was at
00:52:46
so many premieres it was so embarrassing well there you still like a party
no Julie
you still I'll still walk into
00:52:53
occasionally when I leave my house which is very unusual cuz I'm not much of a party girl i'll walk and there's Spade
00:52:59
just sort of
Not true i haven't I don't go out past 9 anymore
that's not true
00:53:05
you don't know
when he's not doing standup
i do know i've got a Google alert you can yeah he's pretty
do you have an air tag on my bumper
we're lock
00:53:12
stink we when we lock stink no we're lock step when we eat to eat it's like
00:53:18
5:30 or 6
we're done by 8:30 and I don't know
yeah but then he gets his little like got to wander no
the rat's got to
00:53:26
wander and then he's
You're the rat too isn't Theo the rat
yeah Theo's the rat
00:53:31
theo's the rat
you know calls himself the rat you don't know Theo
i Theavvon you've ever heard of Joe Rogan
single uh
00:53:38
my son listens to Theo Theon all day long okay as a matter of fact he sleeps
00:53:43
to it
we should have had you in our movie oh my god
oh my god did I I did I
00:53:49
forget to give you a job
i forget to give you a job for no money where you
00:53:55
would have to pay us a little bit because it's super low budget
what is this movie go on and plug your movie
so
00:54:01
stupid how old is your kid
uh one's That one's 18
that would be good for us
how old are the twins they just turned 60
00:54:07
it's an R-rated comedy
it's right up yeah it's right up their alley
r-rated comedy
yeah um but actually he said no
00:54:13
he didn't want big stars in it not even joking
but he let you in it
i let me in it
oh you're the producer
all right we
00:54:20
wrote it yeah
did you pay for it but we didn't try to get it made we just
00:54:27
said "Let's
I don't want any movie style cameo."
We almost made him to do it but we spared him because
that would have
00:54:33
been negative
so who's in your movie uh most people you wouldn't know tim
00:54:38
beautiful and talented
tim Dylan
tim Dylan
i knew it
marshall Dylan ask your
00:54:44
kid my kids they will know they'll know
they will know they will know
they'll know
00:54:49
Theo and Tim Dylan and maybe uh Nate Diaz from UFC
oh my they definitely know
00:54:55
Nate Diaz
there's a lot of UFC in my house
well maybe I'll go to that premiere but there's a problem i know
00:55:00
right now when you say it out loud
what that I have a conflict what you're playing
a gig
the the
No I'm go I'm
00:55:10
going out uh for a uh golf trip with who
you shut up Julie i know don't
00:55:16
you get like this don't ask
stop tape no I'm trading all those guys for
00:55:21
celebrities all my
Is this going to be Tiger again
again exactly
last time you
00:55:27
played What happened
you played He crashed he crashed his car like 10
00:55:34
minutes
my fault when we left your fault i said "Are you going to uh you want to go have dinner after this?" He goes "No
00:55:39
I'm going to crash." I mean that's not funny it's a funny
00:55:44
joke
he crashed we It was getting dark he finished and then didn't even have the balls as his number i never asked a
00:55:50
guy for their number so he went home and I was like "That was super fun."
Slid into his DMs immediately
i did not
she
00:55:57
did
the next day I saw the car upside down i was like "Oh." And I go I didn't think there's any way he could survive
00:56:03
that and when you see a picture of the car and I go "Oh." And I was like DMing like "Are you okay just say hi just let
00:56:09
me know."
Cuz just cuz I was with you i'm just worried
i am I am trauma adjacent and it's really important
00:56:15
attachment
he'll never go out for a walk again then 3 days later he's already better than David Spade again i'm like "God damn he's already better than the
00:56:21
quote was."
Yeah he was
well wait a minute did you say the quote on one of our podcasts it was so I I was jealous
00:56:26
of it it was so awesome you were t you and Tiger are golfing yeah
and he's talking to you about your
00:56:32
shot yeah
you do your swing yeah and Tiger says to
Oh we have we have two drones 80 people behind us i think Peter
00:56:40
Berg might have been directing directing a little show
yeah peter Berg about giving me lessons
the Friday Night
00:56:46
Lights guy
that guy
i think it was him okay okay
and then so it's so much
00:56:51
pressure and he goes "Well let's try you out let's just go to the practice range just why don't you try to chip one 150
00:56:58
out there to that flag and I'm like this 80 oh and then cuz he's just stand there
00:57:03
and I go chip and it hits about 5t away and he goes
oh [ __ ] are you good
isn't
00:57:09
that great t-shirt Tiger Woods about [ __ ] are you good
and I've heard which I
00:57:14
guess we talked about on superfly which is now definitely
00:57:20
good golfer
which I didn't know he never told me
no I'm a little bit on love it but love it started list this two years
00:57:26
ago julie I know your limo is waiting outside
no my limo is not waiting tell me what love
00:57:32
are you going to the golf tournament no love it is in the movie he's going to be at the premiere
hello
he is i see him in
00:57:39
the last month
where do you run into him he was at a he was a Clipper game
he
00:57:45
goes to Clipper games a Well he goes with uh with Gervy yeah
and and and but
00:57:51
according to Loveitz he doesn't actually know what's going on he just goes
he doesn't or Gervitz doesn't
uh I think
00:57:58
Love it doesn't doesn't care
are you a basketball kind of
love obsessed with a game
we did you took me and by the way
00:58:05
nicest thing you ever did thank you it was nice it was a Knicks playoff game
it was good seats
it was Knicks
we did it
00:58:12
was a playoff game
yeah it was a playoff game
it was not front row it was courtside
no
you don't want to be on the
00:58:18
court can't see as well
yes it was and it was way down at the end where it was sort of with the cameraman like it was
00:58:23
sort of buried
but Julie you swear you say it yes and then we'll figure it out later
okay no it wasn't you We got free
00:58:31
tickets once to go i probably sat courtside because it was like an agent thing or something but But you actually
00:58:38
you actually went into your tiny arms went into the very deep pockets oh
I bought something the short arms went into the deepest and and you bought and
00:58:45
they were great seats but you were like how embarrassing
i remember you sitting there going "Fuck they were expensive i
00:58:50
thought we'd be closer." I was like "This is close this is amazing."
They were 5,000 each i remember that cuz I They were incredible i I
I was like
00:58:57
"Where are we anyway?" Now what about who did I have call you on your birthday do you remember this
are you kidding me
00:59:02
okay
stevie Nicks okay
you had Stevie Nicks call me and see Landslide into my answering machine in New York he dumped
00:59:09
me on the same answering machine
okay okay well let's white so you know potatoing
00:59:16
machine I know from Modern Family you know she held my hand from Joe Somebody
she did
00:59:23
yeah just casually like this and talk
i would It was It was crazy it was That
00:59:29
was a That was a baller move
okay that was That was better than our ninth row seats
great female rock voices in
00:59:36
history
yeah we went over this
stevie Nicks she's up there there was one that I didn't get that I think was also
00:59:44
Ann and Nancy Wilson
janice Joplin
janet Joplin was more hard rock
but we never
00:59:50
had a voice
but Janice was never and and that was going to be it was going to be a shortlived but we we do have we
00:59:56
haven't recorded what she was
but Stevie Nicks is kind of the voice
she's the greatest and still can sing
she can
01:00:03
still [ __ ] sing it's amazing it's not like you feel bad sometimes they trot
01:00:08
people out and they everybody's clapping you're like "Oh my god why are you doing now?" Here you go again you watch your freedom sing it right now
no way
as
01:00:14
Stevie did
no I can't I cannot sing
in case I just in case
David will I
01:00:22
sing was my hero i remember seeing her in behind the music remember those horrible
01:00:28
behind the music
she talked about how much blow she did and how she had to get crew members to to blow it up her her
01:00:34
butt and I was just like that is complete
01:00:39
no her doctor said if you do any more blow you're going to go it's going to like the membrane between your nose and
01:00:45
your brain or something it'll bust and so she's like "All right it's up the pooper." And I thought
"Wow she I always
01:00:51
just thought she was sort of airy fairy."
That's kind of clever in a way that was off limits where else can I put it
i thought when I didn't know enough
01:00:58
that it would go up her butt I go "How far does it have to get to get to her nose
01:01:05
oh my god David that's so long
but it's if it gets there
01:01:10
it's worth it but [ __ ]
your curiosity cuz that is like Well
01:01:17
those are called booty bumps aren't they they were when I did them uh all right
01:01:23
let's go
we got to go
all right fine
all right thank you though Julia
dane has got his whole paper and everything else
01:01:29
no you're great we're gonna have to have you on again because that's the trick we'll talk we didn't I can't talk stuff
01:01:34
we could never run out of stuff to talk about no
we save stuff cuz you're
Save it save it hey
David should have a talk
01:01:41
show called Save It
don't record this but what about you with a little daytime talk show
yeah you should do it
why
01:01:46
don't you take over for Kelly
kelly Clarkson
take over for Kelly Clarkson you could do it and then who
if you
01:01:52
wanted to do it you will come on your You know what i I hosted for Kimmel once and I had dinner with you after i was
01:01:59
never been so like
I was shaking and you were like "Yeah yeah I've I'm doing two next week and uh I did two last week and
01:02:06
I was like I did one and I was
No it's terrifying."
I had to lie down on the in the dressing room floor and there's hair
01:02:13
and makeup and people and I just I lay on the ground someone took a picture people just walking over me they're like "Leave her." I was like "I can't go out
01:02:19
there i can't do it." Because now you can do it it's easier cuz you did one but they throw so much
01:02:25
[ __ ] it's like hosting us now they throw so much at you once you do once you go "Okay now I know when to be nervous and
01:02:31
when to get I got to pace it out cuz pace out my nerves."
It was a nightmare cuz the first night I did it I didn't
01:02:37
really practice before Quinton Tarantino was coming out the guests that I wanted and they got them i had to do like 10
01:02:43
minutes of coming attractions and it and it's and being Fleco will be playing no
01:02:48
you got one thing wrong i had to do it over again so it's over and over the person who was coaching me had headphones and took them off the
01:02:55
audiences get very tense timl Kimmel
you know what i'm hosting Tarantino's in the
01:03:00
wings and it's just unraveling
you go like this hey Bob and Ginger in Portland we're going to
Wait don't they do those
01:03:06
after
julie Ba no they do them during but if you miss one one pronunciation and they got do the whole thing over
01:03:12
again
i would was not very good at my job hosting um I did drop to my knees
01:03:18
scoot across and kiss Jacob Lordy in the middle of our interview he told me he had a crush on me
well that's good oh he
01:03:23
did
it was his first talk show that guy's a
I was [ __ ] hot and uh I the
01:03:30
only thing I got right they they were like you're done and no retakes and I
01:03:35
was like that means I was boring
no
yeah it does like if I didn't I did
01:03:41
everything like the whole show
most talk shows it's hard to be just hysterical
01:03:47
and he [ __ ] stiffed me
what do you mean he just went like
Yeah
he looked at you i go "So you're uh this new movie?"
01:03:55
And then well it was it was sort of my fault but he he like on purpose did it
01:04:00
and afterwards he goes "That's funny right?"
What did you What happened
like he didn't want to answer anything
01:04:06
oh he he played doing it as a bit
he really laid into the whole
Yeah he's like "I don't know you're from England
01:04:11
where in England now?" I went over there once are you and he's like "Yeah that whole area." They look away and I'm like
01:04:17
And then I go like this to the audience i go I go "Hey why don't you ask me something?" because I was getting nowhere and then Kimmel later said
01:04:24
"That's about as hard as it's ever been if I had him I would not know what to do."
Oh my god wait Kimmel watches the
01:04:29
ones that we
Jesus
yeah they showed him this disaster tape
oh no
i said "Was I supposed to make out with GMO before the
01:04:36
show?" And they go "No that's just like a hazing thing."
I love GMO gmo's my comfort animal when I'm there i swear to
01:04:42
God he's sweet
all right you can open your presents Stevie i know
oh now it's over okay i feel like this podcast place
01:04:49
in Nevada i hope we can stay on for this one
okay
we're we're still recording or we are
open the big one
kettle bells
01:04:56
yeah I got you i You're soft and weak hey those have been wrapped for two
01:05:01
That's all you man years
it's breaking my quads so so dumb
is it an X-rated gift like
No
01:05:09
it's like an actual just gift
oh it's got to be a picture Frank
a picture
i want a picture
it's a picture
it's a
01:05:16
picture i'm from Montana oh all right so we just walked Julie out
01:05:22
she was uh always always funny always very articulate we You were right i
01:05:29
think she should have a talk show
i did think she's like made out of a factory you know i I wonder if she's
that's in
01:05:36
her future she seems perfect in that demographic photogenic funny can be very smart
were
01:05:43
you shocked i mean I'll just ask the audience was it a little shocking at times when we just let it go where it went yeah and uh but um she had a great
01:05:51
laugh
well I couldn't open my presents i'm the worst present getter too i'm like this i just throw one down at time
01:05:57
there's no thank yous in the middle it's just like and I'm like "All right thanks."
And the
01:06:03
stuff that you don't see is there was a lot more chatter and all kinds of stuff going on upstairs
01:06:10
oh yeah we just shoved her off but she
I thought she was talking
that's a reason she's a good guest i'm glad we started
01:06:16
with her a lot of fun and uh
Mhm
i think everyone liked it i learned a lot
i learned a lot too
and I also forgot a
01:06:22
lot of stuff
i got dumber that's kind of sad
uh oh and I'm excited
01:06:29
about Happy Gilmore so Happy Gilmore 2 comes out
July 25th july 25th if you
01:06:37
guys have ever ever heard of Netflix that's where you get it
yeah so uh we'll
01:06:43
see you uh next time and uh if you want to email us a question you can do it
01:06:49
anything in the world cuz we are blabbermouth from
the address is
01:06:55
odyssey.com fly on the wall
fly on the wall
01:07:01
odyssey.com fly on the wall at odyssey.com fly on the wall one word
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lowercase
yep fly on the wall one word lowercase at that little thing
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01:07:13
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01:07:20
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01:07:29
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01:07:46
Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman Mattie Sprung Kaiser
01:07:54
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01:08:01
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01:08:17
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