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[Music] if it's outrageous it's contagious you
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can monetize your sexuality and uh in your case my tasteful dickpics on only
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pans some not so tasteful there's a pay wall it's worth [Music]
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it commence [ __ ] show that's AIG good beginning yeah
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yeah what's up Shades aren't bad though what do you mean I mean I didn't know there was a
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Shell station by your house Shell station I got him at
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xon sometimes sometimes you miss it spudling okay there is a Shell station
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across from this place I eat in Malibu and I went in there and they're sh they're selling shirts there's like five
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flannel shirts just I'm like who's buying the oh this one's not bad I bought one I like those super super
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stations you know travel and there's all the trucks and there's like a store and you get knicknacks I love it yeah when
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you're driving you pull over and you just wander around in there aimlessly almost bought Heather a puka shell
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necklace at one of I I thought it was a birthday it was a little late it was a
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buck 99 truth be told you should have done it it was your birthday this week I know
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you blew it what's it like to be 26 yeah she gave it a little slower one
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it's on a need to know basis MH Dana this weekend uh this week of
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course I did gigs but of course can we hear about them well I I I'm looking
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forward to I got two in Florida next week which is uh Clear
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Water great town and scor Lando beautiful town I like when people talk
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about ma bit major cities as Town beautiful Town Chicago is a great town that's a great little town Rome is a
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terrific little suburb Rome yeah I just went for Rome you know so you're out on
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the road you're going to Clear Water yeah I am going but last week I did Houston that was a private then I came
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home oh I did I did my three days on that uh movie movies for apple plus a
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secret movie it's not you know it's not really secret it because it was already in deadline uh that I'm doing it but it
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was I'm not the star of it it that's uh Cameron Diaz and K Reeves but I love
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them I think they're both cooler than [ __ ] absolutely Cameron di back in the hunt I thought back in the hunt good for
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her she's awesome uh she's one of my favorites and Jonah Hill wrote it with
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his buddy and he uh directed it and he's in it so uh I think yeah so I think what
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I could I mean I just probably should not say a lot because they don't but I'm
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I'm not a big part but I uh I'm one of keanu's neighbors who's kind of an
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idiot but Keanu by the way could not be cooler as advertised it's almost like
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nerve-wracking to be around that he's the most unassuming Superstar I did this event with him at Tom Hanks at a small
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theater where we all read Shakespeare and goof Julia Roberts was there so
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there's a lunch break and we're all around a table so I did my old trick of is anyone ever experienced anything
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Supernatural besides me that's the joke part but everyone has a ghost story right right everyone goes around I saw
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this light I saw this thing and keano is like 50 feet away at a table by himself
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facing away and they're like come over here you know it's just it's too cool he
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walks cool he's got kind of a stiff walk from being in 15 Matrix movies he's like
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and I'm like I remember I got a little speed up on Dicky Roberts I did some of my own stuff and he's like yeah great
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well I put down I put down my weapons I mean there was a whole rivalry between
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Bill and Ted and Wayne and gar and it trended for a while and you know part of me one oh was there yeah and I just
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wanted to go at those guys man dress as gar who do you think you are you Bill or
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you Ted but yeah there's there was a a slight comparison but I think everybody's fine I think Buddy movies
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comedies and he's done cool stuff uh and also we're sort of around the same time
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those movies you know uh yeah so but he was very uh generous and sweet and when
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we do scenes with him I just it's so funny I couldn't get my lines in this one thing they were stuck in a course it
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made me sick because I see him going who's this [ __ ] clown is this Jonah
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Hill the director looking at the monitor no Jonah couldn't be more of a
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rate high high energy positive and he wrote it and it's very cool movie so
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it's about it's set in La it's about LA and uh I had a good time I was a little
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nervous being on someone else's set instead of my own stuff I usually do you
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know well you're kind of sort of yeah doing your own thing a little bit or doing something with friends or so yeah
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you know yeah or something I maybe co-wrote or something I have a big say in but just to walk on a set those are
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those are a little more Tricky by the way do do you did I interrupt you because I I only get five per podcast I
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don't want that's it that's that's the whole did you hear about that this is very quick but going one more time to
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keano Reeves who's such an enigma in a great way but he's taking a commuter fight flight at night one of those
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smaller Airlines to LA from I think Santa Rosa or Northern California engine
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trouble you know they got emergency land in Bakersfield so he doesn't have a car
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meet him he just hangs out with everybody else a bus arrives to pick up all the passengers this is the middle of the night and he he he gets drinks and
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brings people water and stuff sits with all of them on on the bus all the way into LA from Bakersfield and made sure
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everyone was home safe it was like yeah well that sounds about right he didn't he didn't seem overly cool at all overly
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for being he's such a monster star and he always gets good press I'm like everything I read about you is like
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Keana Reeves gave everyone he ever met a motorcycle this week I'm like godd damn what do you do when the lights
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aren't on or you do cool things when nobody's looking right put an extra quarter into the parking meter just
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taxes that goes somewhere someone's benefiting and I go you know what that one's on me all right now let's go on to
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our Cameron Das appraise Fest now this person now we'll just say that she's uh
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I I've always liked her and everyone does she's great so I was really lucky to just be part of that one so I'm happy
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about that now we can continue I just wanted to say a plug for an Apple TV movie that I don't know when it'll be
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out it'll be out probably doesn't matter it's going to sit on the Shelf movies that go on live streaming are in a kind
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of a bookstore so it'll just be on Apple for decades you'll hear about it soon so
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it doesn't matter what comes out now what do we got other than that what are our topics
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today well I can start I can start with anything I'm always ask you know this is
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a quick one Arnold asked see remember we remember when we at Arnold's place was interviewing we were interviewing him
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and at the end he goes let me ask you fellas a question you know how do you how do you stay so thin you know because
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thin is in and the little dogs are living longer than the big dogs that you
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know and you kind of again well we try to do this we try to do that but I never explain my five minute thing that I tell
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people if they're curious about H how to never worry about their weight again without thing probably be three minutes
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okay go ahead first of all weigh every day step on a digital scale just stop weighing with no judgment it doesn't
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matter what the number is just stand on it go okay that's going to hypnotize your brain a little bit what you want to
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do don't ever try to get to a bottom number and then you just bounce off of it try to slowly merge into a range you
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want to live um like you would be like 110 to
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120 but you find a paradigm and that's where you live in your Paradigm so you slowly Trend into that so say it's
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between 140 and 150 which is kind of where I'm at so then you you are really
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cuz I'm close I'm like the high end I'm like 149 yeah
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that's that's me right now yeah I I don't really worry about it I just try to but I just tell people just weigh
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every day and it'll hypnotize the part of your brain where you'll sort of go oh I'm 160 if I kind of have a light lunch
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I'll be 159 so that's the key to it but most people stop weighing because they're gaining when you're gaining is
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when you want to weigh and then you give yourself a a brownie point for like no one would have three Banana Splits
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yesterday and four hot dogs and get on the scale so the main thing is to keep weighing hypnotize your brain get into
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an area you want to live and just keep weighing and I call a thousand mini diets you never want to wake up and go
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[ __ ] I got to lose 20 pounds you want to wake up and go I could use I could lose a half pound that's it I did that sorry
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took me so good no that's a good lesson and uh I did that on the first grown-ups
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I'd always weighed 145 no 140 and uh when I such a [ __ ]
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pipsqueak and then I get on grown-ups and you have to go to the doctor first and I had the old scale you know oh that
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thing clanks and yeah and you put like the clanker on there and then you got the one pounder yeah and he puts it on
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he goes I'll put this one on 100 and then he goes and I go put that on 140
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I'll give you cuz I go he goes what do you we I go 140 he goes 140 I yeah he
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goes why is he upset and I go cuz he's not's not believing me and I go why you
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so curious and he goes and he goes he go I go just write it down he goes why
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don't you jump on the scale while you're here and I go what if I said Adam's not going to like this I told him Adam
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Sandler doesn't like when you try to bully me you know so I get I go okay so I put the big Square on 100 you know how
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they do that right yeah but then it gets you to 120 and then I put the little one on I put that on 145 I go I'm a fat Ox
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then I get on it goes K you know and I'm like God damn so yeah you have to move
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it so I got to put on 150 and then I go back to zero and then you go back yeah so I'm 150 and then he starts
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going forever until it gets a cramp I'm like this 165 and when was this this is
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during grown-ups so that was 10 years ago that's like every day's a party okay we've got a picture of you okay no we're
00:11:02
talking about this is a good way to lose weight Delta Burke says she tried Crystal mes that'll do it this is must
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have been before OIC well let me just say about that I mean that's obviously funny I'm happy
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for but crash diets don't work all they do is slow your metabolism down and you don't it's not what you weigh it's What
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You're Made Of how much lean muscle do you have compared to Fat so people go
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man I'm my weight's really down you go yeah but you look at your legs you're you're standing on
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sticks you lost oh you're saying your your your body's fat up here and your little stick legs don't well that that's
00:11:41
called a a golf tea That's guys in the gym who just work their arms and chest but not their calves and like yeah
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little tiny legs little tiny ankles and tiny feet and huge shoulder in the packs
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are grown out and you look like a golf tea
00:12:00
play through play through yeah how do you guys stay so tiny you know because
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you could live a long time if you're tiny I know he goes it's so great you're
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microscopic I'm like we're not really so rude let me tell you how is it with the ladies when you get into the bed and
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she's twice as big as you are we're like Arnold we're here to interview you yeah then he picks me up like Stuart Little
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you little mouse well remember I said count my push-ups and then it says that's very good now you do them and I
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ride your back so Arnold gets on my back and I'm trying to do push-ups the guy's like 220 lb I'm a giant yeah I'm riding
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you now give me 10 you are tal people didn't hear that episode of going is he
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serious that Arn everything was serious until Arnold writing me that was that's on the fly in the wall yeah which is
00:12:55
available everywhere you get your podcast available on podcast so is this [Music]
00:13:08
one so you know when I don't know if you you're fiddling with your phone I I had
00:13:14
a credit card get sto the other day which happens sometimes you know and they say it doesn't work anymore so
00:13:19
they're saying these subscriptions I have God forbid go away and they're like
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oh you didn't pay these 89 Subs I'm like I don't that's how I know I have too many so they say oh and then I get my credit
00:13:32
card fixed and they're like oh you you you know you're back as a member at the
00:13:37
trampoline center I'm like well some of these I don't really want anymore you know so I I need I need rocket I need
00:13:43
rocket money because these guys go in there and they sift through it because I don't want to do it they find out what
00:13:50
you have and what you do and don't need and then they do it for you yeah but it
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is true Bing gab bong uh is just charged you $25 for the last 84 months yeah
00:14:03
every month and in that moment do you want to go down that rabbit hole and it's just fighting for it and it's
00:14:09
running from you and you're trying to cancel it but you go Ah hell it's 25 bucks or it's 12 bucks but rocket bunny
00:14:16
goes in does a deep dive does all this stuff for you clears it out lists all
00:14:22
the things that it got rid of and just streamlines your life and saves you
00:14:27
money I'm not even reading copy I'm just I know it by heart you just know this it's a personal finance app for those
00:14:33
you don't know that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills
00:14:40
so you know obviously you can grow your savings uh I have full control over my
00:14:45
subscriptions and it's a clear view of me I'm I'm running the show but they just do all the work for you abs and uh
00:14:52
that just that's just how they do they they try to negotiate a lower bill for you they go in there and they average
00:14:58
you know they try to get about 20% of a haircut in there all you do is submit a picture of your bill rocket money takes
00:15:04
care of the rest they'll deal with the customer service which I know you like to deal with I don't like to call
00:15:09
customer service I love to wait on the phone and listen to musac I'm sort of a fan of it and I I clean I vacuum and I
00:15:16
wait but believe me this you know what compounding means like if you have 10
00:15:21
things charging you 10 bucks a month you know over 10 years hello that's over $10
00:15:28
that's over it doesn't it's a lot of money they saving rocket money saves you money it has over five get this David
00:15:34
rocket money has over five million users has saved oh wow a total of 500 million
00:15:41
in cancelled subscription that is subscriptions yeah members are getting about if if I do it my head around
00:15:48
$740 a year in savings yeah wow uh I'm
00:15:54
gonna call I don't do this with all of our sponsors I'm gonna say it Nob brainer yeah I'm going to do something which I
00:16:01
don't do I'm going to tell you to stop wasting your money on things you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions
00:16:07
by going to Rocket money.com Superfly that's what rocket
00:16:13
money.com Superfly and this is something I don't normally do when we read ads but what he said rocket money.com Superfly
00:16:22
nice just this woman really stepped in [ __ ] it's the greatest
00:16:27
term it finally fits someone perfectly why she says Sydney Sweeney isn't pretty
00:16:33
and can't act you couldn't have a worse quote out there for someone who's really at the top for a game right now and
00:16:39
doing well and uh well like it says jealous incredibly
00:16:45
I'll read it for the drivers this is a a picture of a a normal attractive
00:16:50
50-year-old woman or or average looking not not bad but and then and then a
00:16:56
picture of um young lovely uh Sydney Sweeney the headline is incredibly
00:17:02
jealous and probably flatchested this is not us producer carab bomb slams Sydney
00:17:08
Sweeney quote she isn't pretty and can't act the part that's real is that she did
00:17:15
say that now we don't have to tear her down on the way and that I don't know who whose articles this is funny though
00:17:21
it's probably some parody one but Sydney Sweeney this woman did say that and I'm
00:17:26
sure she's regrets it because you can't you're just asking for trouble yeah look
00:17:32
woman here's what here's what I would say the acting is overrated I I don't
00:17:39
I'm not even saying whether she's good or bad what what what are you feeling when you see her like Elvis Presley or
00:17:46
Marilyn Monroe were they as good as Brando but they were electric on the screen I'd say John Wayne as well I
00:17:53
don't know I don't know what it is but what I've seen of Sydney she has it and
00:18:00
that means um she you're attracted to her Aura her spirit and her physicality
00:18:06
yeah and so but I understand these human
00:18:12
emotions you kind of have to spiritually with yourself go oh you're jealous you
00:18:17
know make them your little buddy oh hi jealous oh you don't have to put down that person you're just that you're just
00:18:23
kind of jealous right now it's okay you had your youth I never wanted to be a grumpy old man and angry I don't like
00:18:30
young people I want to go back I want more life for me and I give it to me
00:18:37
you've met a grumpy old man and when you were when we were really young and they're just pissed at you just cuz you're young never going to be that guy
00:18:45
oh here's one because I went to UFC pull this one up this is a this is a sport that's real and I thought you'd laugh at
00:18:50
it even though I have nothing to say about it there's a pillow fighting league and dudes not females males get
00:18:57
up in there and beat the [ __ ] out of each other with pillows here do they give a clip try
00:19:04
to I mean are they
00:19:11
really they throw that one in there are people watching that I I saw the crowds
00:19:18
little sparse but you know it's definitely I like PE there was there was
00:19:23
like uh you know people sponsoring it on every pillow and there's Dr pepp over
00:19:29
I'm like this is real is the day UFC was on I had the channel on I'm just watching before UFC came on and I'm like
00:19:36
oh my God there's a pillow fight and it's real and unless they're full of like uh Coke cans like in a mie bad boys
00:19:43
like that's interesting but just feather pillows like kidding each other I don't
00:19:49
I don't know I don't see the strategy the one that's adjacent to this that's related to your friend Dana White is um
00:19:57
the slapping thing people have seen this but two dudes sit across from each other their hands are down and they take turns
00:20:05
slapping the [ __ ] out of each other but they're really big strong guys it's it's it is extremely compelling to to look at
00:20:12
someone take it because you know you've shooken Mike Tyson's hand if he slapped you it's lethal I shooken it I saw him
00:20:19
at the fight by the way look at this you saw him at the fight here's what they do so they even the worst thing cuz in a
00:20:25
UFC fight you don't really know what's coming you know you're getting in a fight which is already terrifying but on SLAP fight they go like this you stand
00:20:31
there Dana and the guy goes like this right next your face and he goes
00:20:36
one two and then you go God damn he's this is the one I think I get it on then he goes yeah he's doing it w there we
00:20:45
are yeah but usually every clip I see the guy just
00:20:50
blacks out yeah the guy actually uh he gets kind of knocked out he blacks out he's sem fall and just are like cooo
00:20:58
bird but uh I I don't know I it's appealing Dana said it's doing great and the clips
00:21:03
do well on YouTube there's one I think it's an East Asia and I don't know if it's real but it's called Sledgehammer
00:21:09
so you stand there and a guy has a sledgehammer and he just like hits you in the head with it I'm trying to think
00:21:15
what is worse than there's a porn where the girl kicks you in the balls let's look at a clip no I don't think we have
00:21:21
there's called grape choke where a guy just shoves grapes in your mouth until you start choking that one's big and uh
00:21:27
I don't know AUST I think wait what's this one let's see what this is let's see what this is oh this is the one I told you they pull each other by the
00:21:35
ears wow with rubber bands Heather look at how horrible this is now keep going here's the one see the guy on the right
00:21:41
his ears they're so casual look at him what doesn't bother me don't bother me none
00:21:48
huh oh look at his ear bending sick this is oh my gross wow
00:21:56
guy's face on the right I don't like it wow look at Grandpa I'm scared got to
00:22:04
be straight yeah okay and it's going to snap too just a snap I'd hate he got a pole
00:22:11
he can't just sit there you can't just oh who's his coach oh all right for our
00:22:17
drivers just watching two guys somewhere with rubber bands around their ears attached to the other guy's ears and
00:22:22
they're pulling on each other till someone would give up when I look at that I go we are wellfed on this Earth
00:22:28
we have we used to hunt and gather all day and then sleep all night now it's like what are we going to do I you can't
00:22:35
even parody that I thought my sledgehammer or grape choke was good but gez that's real yeah these guys are real
00:22:41
and you just don't want your kid coming to you one day going I found what I want to do and you're like oh is it ear
00:22:46
rubber band fighting you're like yep oh boy yeah all right I could I put a pillow in each guy's hand and do pillow
00:22:53
pillow rubber band ear why don't they have girls pillow I mean if you're going to do pillow fight I I don't understand
00:22:59
they we don't need either of them forget it yeah okay let's go to the next one what's next what's next good stuff good stuff good stuff good good stuff
00:23:05
storable this is these are some weird oh this is this is Kim K who we all like I
00:23:10
think Kim K is nice I saw at this thing the other night I didn't talk to her I did The Tonight Show I didn't talk to I
00:23:16
did The Tonight Show with her once with Jay Leno and she was she was incredibly nice and she she goes well what what do
00:23:22
you guys do for skincare and Jay said yeah I just put water on my face I don't wash it I mean with h I wash my hair
00:23:29
with soap I Splat no he does mean do soap I Splat you into water that's fine so I like Kim Kardashian she's a
00:23:37
Harding business woman people go what do the Kardashians do I go they work their ass don't show the comments already the
00:23:46
joke is she's doing a dive on her Instagram but she's in one foot of water
00:23:52
so she goes look at it looks like a dolphin a little bit right there but she's diving and people clowned her
00:23:57
because sh you're sort of doing a belly flop you have to or you're going to get paralyzed
00:24:03
right uh not with a soft sand no and I think when I'm in the ocean I try to get
00:24:09
to the place as soon as I can I want to get my head under the water David listen to this you can write it down or hope
00:24:14
you remember it everybody grab a pen if you're in cold water that doesn't look cold but it's kind of cold you got to
00:24:20
get you got to bite the bullet go under the water all the way under and swim really hard for a bit that's the only
00:24:27
way to uh reduce freezing warm your body that's all Kim's doing see how I defend her haters be hating lovers be loving
00:24:35
you know what I heard I heard that Haters Gonna Hate is that true and what do lovers do lovers gonna love I don't
00:24:42
are you drinking haterade okay uh let's go to uh I
00:24:48
Michael J fox all right you know Michael J fox he of course from Saturday live when he hosted
00:24:55
there it was awesome so he says being famous was tougher in the 80s you had to be
00:25:01
talented shots fired um this is a common theme I think
00:25:07
with anyone that everybody knows isn't an influencer everyone thinks they're so
00:25:14
talented well and uh you know go ahead give me your opinion because mine's probably too long- winded on
00:25:20
this um I think it doesn't matter really whatever brings an audience that
00:25:27
different people are bring a different audience for different reasons right yes and because of digital technology
00:25:34
someone can go on oie fans and Reach people all around the world the aggregate audience digitally is on
00:25:39
YouTube is five billion people so now you have all these Lanes it used to be
00:25:45
like really weird to be remember the first time you were on camera and stuff because you may have known someone in
00:25:50
the neighborhood with a super eight camera so everyone's a TV star everyone has a voice and I asked some Talent
00:25:56
managers maybe six seven years ago out of curiosity I go does Talent matter
00:26:02
anymore they immediately all said no Jesus um if you're there was a kid
00:26:08
there's who was kind of nicelooking and he he blasted for a while just because he became a surrogate
00:26:15
boyfriend on on YouTube Hey Hey gang how you all doing you know he made a few million so it's very dispiriting but
00:26:22
yeah you don't have to be talented in the same way you used to cuz there were so few lanes you just make your own
00:26:28
little world and if it's outrageous it's contagious you can monetize your sexuality and uh in your case um and
00:26:37
uh my tasteful dick piics on only fans um some not so tasteful there's a
00:26:43
pay wall it's worth well I want to be an influencer I'd love to do that I'd love
00:26:49
to hold up a watch and get a million dollars I know I want to do all this Michael J fox is talented so we can't
00:26:55
take that away from him uh you know I think we've all I think I said this the beginning and then I just gave up
00:27:01
because was no one's listening I did a couple of sitcoms in the 80s and yeah
00:27:07
that was terrible I mean Michael J fox on Family Ties was like incredible
00:27:13
timing and then famously on the back to the future movies it's hard to play the innocent sincere guy reacting all day
00:27:21
long yeah and also he's got that you know he had that that kind of raspy
00:27:26
voice yes call what's the movie we haven't done it a while casualties of War ladies and gentlemen this is one of
00:27:33
my favorite impressions of David this is Michael J fox in the Vietnam War movie casualties of War I think they he's the
00:27:40
new guy with all these jaded uh soldiers and they go and they grab this Korean
00:27:46
girl or whatever yeah sea Penn is like the badass and John C Riley and they take her to another room to sort of fool
00:27:52
around with her and he goes hey sarch hey what are we doing here exactly
00:27:58
you gotta give me a minute on this here oh Christ it's mallerie
00:28:04
Mal uh that's a combination of a impression from a movie from 500 years ago and a TV show from 400 years ago
00:28:11
well someone sent me yesterday I can't remember they sent me Partridge Family
00:28:16
versus the the sketch on SNL you were on the drums I was David Cass front and
00:28:22
center dude yeah I I was David Cassie Sandler was in it and of course uh
00:28:27
pretty much everybody KN the whole cast is it Chris Rock the end yeah yeah yeah that was in my top maybe 20 sketches
00:28:35
ever I I mean I would probably take that back but that's up there with very very
00:28:40
memorable well I think for Our Generation which Bill Simmons the famous podcaster said is that there it was such
00:28:47
a touchstone because of going back to the last thing there wasn't that much television I grew up with three channels
00:28:54
so everyone knew Brady Bunch and p uh Partridge Family in our generation so when we did the Rave off it landed so
00:29:01
good and it it's I would say it it's probably one of the happiest sketches I
00:29:06
can watch like I watch it and I'm just happy and here's who's in it when you go back in time me you Sandler Chris Rock
00:29:15
Rob Schneider Kevin nean Mike Meyers Julius Sweeny
00:29:20
sioban and the the architect of the entire thing Melanie hudle Melanie hudle
00:29:28
Melanie hot soul that was her baby um you know I sent it to Sandler about a month ago cuz it popped up on my feet
00:29:35
yeah and we both laughed at how Farley plays Ruben caned yeah I know that was Farley good sound showing another he had
00:29:43
that gear when he wanted to he's playing kind of the sort of straight lace manager and sort of very matter of fact
00:29:50
just any cut to him gets a laugh he's just like this yeah cuz he looks different he's got a big sport Co on hey
00:29:56
but he's playing kind of small and stuff yeah he's SL it small which is even funnier really makes me laugh cuz everyone knows how explosive he is but
00:30:03
yeah everybody in that thing makes me laugh everybody all right next one next one what else is up that's a good sketch
00:30:09
though you can look it up [Music]
00:30:18
easily millionaire became hom Pro that he could become a millionaire again without anything in 2020 in the middle
00:30:25
of the pandemic Mike black wanted to show that you can go from nothing to something with a bit of hard work to
00:30:30
inspire people he started with a cell pH one pair of clothes no place to
00:30:35
live0 cut himself off from his Network and had to make this happen first he used a couch surfing app and was able to
00:30:42
get a spot in a nice gentleman's RV for free he got free stuff from Craigslist and sold them on
00:30:48
Marketplace he eventually got a job as a telemarketer paying about $335,000 a year but still had a long way to go
00:30:56
eventually he got enough to Leisa and then sublet the rooms but throughout this whole experience he never once
00:31:01
slept on the streets and even with that he had to end the project 2 months early because his mental and physical health
00:31:07
was crumbling he ended up being $935,000 short of his $1 million goal and
00:31:13
admitted the worst time of his life that's pretty good I don't know is that was that Mark Zuckerberg's
00:31:20
Story I mean that I wish Zuckerberg would try that like it's so funny cuz I thought oh my God he's going to make it
00:31:25
and it's like he totally quit and went bananas it is [ __ ] brutal what is he doing
00:31:32
Cuts himself off from all his money and just goes out there with a pogo
00:31:37
stick and a $5 cash app I tell you what guess what it didn't work you know in
00:31:44
today's world you're just looking at it if and I got a couple dollars in my pocket you know I love when people say
00:31:50
you got some beans in your jeans Al Baldwin once said I got a couple bucks in my pocket and it seems like everybody
00:31:56
just on social media and mail and all the nonsense is Rich everybody is incredibly rich now and so the pressure
00:32:03
of thinking there's this other Magic World to go live in billionaires we they were quiet we didn't see them on their
00:32:09
Yachts so it's another modern thing that's Jack and Juiced if I get I was rooting for that guy when I was watching
00:32:16
it I was too I'm like he's going to make it and he's like then he was dry humping a railroad tie and got splinters in his
00:32:22
dick you know it's like he went a little crazy I understand it's a hard thing I wouldn't try to do it myself I just CL L
00:32:28
on to any money I have at night and kiss it like this I'm the exact opposite yeah I mean
00:32:34
you know how would you deal with it you know if if somehow you got a hold of that
00:32:40
type of money it's like I was broke all growing up cut to a shot of me living in a mansion uh I was broke growing up and
00:32:48
so I never want to go back that's what scares me to be totally broke but like to wonder like oh we don't have rent oh
00:32:53
we don't have this you know as a kid and my mom working the two jobs sounds fake
00:32:58
but it was three boys were all [ __ ] you know growing up you don't know you're brokes you're like why don't we
00:33:04
have more stuff I you know how things stick out from your childhood just things that were said to you so there
00:33:10
was five kids in a track home I about maybe 15 to six 1,700 square feet and so
00:33:17
to you know to we never had a new car and all this and but I didn't wasn't really thinking we did have a used TV
00:33:22
and all that but I didn't think about being poor and then a kid in the neighborhood somehow I was like fourth
00:33:28
grade kind of vulnerable and I go he was talking about someone I go were they're poor and he goes yeah yeah kind of like
00:33:35
you and I remember going I'm poor [ __ ] didn't know dude I got the same [ __ ] a
00:33:41
guy kickball told me goes hey Spade I heard your family's poor and being poor wasn't a real panty dropper even in
00:33:47
fourth grade because girls are like wait what's going on and everyone got quiet and I go no you I think he got some bad
00:33:52
Intel guy I don't know but I don't know if I'm poor but I don't want to I'm like no and he goes say no you're poor that's
00:34:00
the word I'm like what a [ __ ] blocker and I know and then I argued him I go would our
00:34:05
car would we have two tires on our front yard if we were poor and he's like yeah and I go no no we have a car and then we
00:34:12
have two extra ones laying on the grass if you're really poor he's like your
00:34:18
your your car is on blocks and your house is on Wheels
00:34:24
ah but suffice to say so people don't play violins we had food on the table it
00:34:30
was you know my dad would buy a sight of beef and it was mostly gristle D oh Jesus Christ get the gristle yeah the
00:34:35
gristle is the best part it's just juicy fat and Bone everything's the best part when it's gr oh Jesus Christ and then we
00:34:41
had Carol syrup because like anchamima syrup was more expensive and that was like the liquid clear syrup car motor
00:34:50
oil isn't it I wanted to play saxophone in fifth grade but it was $7 to rent $7
00:34:56
a month or something to rent a saxophone what do you think of Nelson J Rockefeller no but every day I go I'll
00:35:01
get it tomorrow and finally I ask my parent they go we can't afford that so I had to go in and go actually so where's your saxophone it ain't coming there is
00:35:09
no saxophone do you wanty teacher goes you can blow me for free if you want to practice you're like
00:35:15
well where did it go to that no it's a great and scene yeah uh
00:35:24
okay any what what do we do to wrap up do we have any uh anybody write uh put a video in I I had a funny thing today you
00:35:30
a funny thing okay let's hear it well I saw Biden got up there and gave a speech oh that's right Biden gave a speech and
00:35:35
he so go ahead yeah well what did he say before that because sometimes you okay let we we'll we'll make it so it's
00:35:41
nonpartisan we'll we'll [ __ ] on Trump in a second but Biden actually he
00:35:47
said he says something and then there's clearly this other word that's more of a
00:35:52
direction to him but he I think he said it's going to be four more years yeah
00:35:58
that's it I'm looking at yeah so he says yeah so it's like yeah it's going to be four more
00:36:04
years pause pause yeah and then the crowd kept
00:36:13
screaming but he did have a good joke I'll give credit he had a good joke he said something like yeah Trump you ever
00:36:19
a guy have a guy in high school you want to just hit him with a left hook yeah I shouldn't say that I shouldn't say that
00:36:26
I want to hit him with the left hook you know Trump said that you got to put hydrogen peroxide during Co you got
00:36:31
injected in your arm but instead he put it on his hair and they went bananas did
00:36:37
he say that a pretty good joke who wrote that joke you now Jes I I I saw him go hey
00:36:46
can't do by and he goes he goes yeah yeah you want to you want to wind up four more years of that guy question
00:36:52
mark question mark dot dot Michael J fox hey
00:36:58
sge sge am I too old to be president sge hey sge you want that
00:37:04
guy that guy tell I don't know I just do it if you want to go back to the court
00:37:10
what happens when Obama's listening to this at home with Clinton no just Michelle I'm watching Joe hold on a
00:37:17
second holy [ __ ] he said pause no it was
00:37:22
just it was in the direction he said four more years there was direction to him to stop talking so the crowd can go
00:37:29
crazy instead Joe went four more years pause that he said
00:37:36
pause he said pause Michelle he said pause [ __ ] up let me call Bill
00:37:41
Clinton hey what's up I are you are you asking about Joe I saw I saw it oh he
00:37:47
said pause he said pause I go no you cannot do that that means to stop talking he kept going I can't believe it
00:37:54
hello hello Michelle I hung up on him Michelle Michelle do you still get it he
00:38:00
said the word pause no he said out loud yeah yeah yeah no one can get it they're like you're joking well I think it's
00:38:07
funny and he does get laughs at that if he's doing that on purpose it's funny no he had a good that's that's fine and
00:38:12
Trump's just uh I don't know I assume the next movie is gonna they're going to jail him for being contempt of court or
00:38:19
something I saw him doing doing one of his after after after court briefings
00:38:25
but he seemed like he was in like a folders can he's like I'm in this room right now I'm like
00:38:31
they're not it's obviously not miked up it's not professional no he's in some partial garage underground garage or
00:38:36
some over put in Janitor's Closet okay do it quick quick no one the fixes in
00:38:41
it's a hit job it's a hit job and the fixes in this whole thing is corrupt
00:38:46
it's election interference you know that you know that word election interference so they're the ones that are interfering
00:38:53
and they shouldn't be they shouldn't be and you know they shouldn't be
00:38:58
I wonder since his hair is orange if he gets a jumpsuit they'll make it lighter brown or black or something yeah that
00:39:04
should unless he wants to be all orange that's not a good palette for him I think he should have a different color you're right I'll just I'll just say the
00:39:11
the world's a little crazy right now that's I'm just going to go out I'm going to talk about it more next next week but do we have any people that
00:39:17
wrote in for advice or no is that it no okay you can you can video yourself
00:39:26
giving advice and we give the best advice no offense it's unbelievable we gave a lot of advice on this one
00:39:32
straighten out a lot of people okay well thank you Dana and it was really fun my pleasure and and we might have a guest
00:39:38
next week oh a see maybe a secret guest who knows don't give it away somebody
00:39:45
familiar to us um well thanks guys thanks for listening and thanks for listening we'll see you next time
00:39:53
bye-bye this has been a presentation of Odyssey super fly is executive produced
00:39:58
by Dana Carvey and David Spade Charlie finan of brilon entertainment Jenna Weiss Burman of Odyssey Heather Santoro
00:40:05
and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it
