00:00:00
okay Runners only with dime Harley
00:00:03
's only with dom Harvey and why am I so
00:00:07
nervous
00:00:08
JJ JJ Feeney hello this is the weirdest
00:00:13
podcast I've ever done in my life
00:00:17
well you're interviewing me that's just
00:00:19
strange well I haven't done each other
00:00:21
too well it's like
00:00:23
it's like someone you know so
00:00:25
I haven't I haven't got any questions or
00:00:27
written any nights I started doing it
00:00:29
then I thought well you were just gonna
00:00:30
like you're just gonna take over and
00:00:33
overrun things so why bother
00:00:36
okay who pulled out Duncan Garner what
00:00:40
did he
00:00:42
yeah not me so you're a last minute
00:00:45
ringing but to be fair
00:00:47
um I get messages
00:00:48
every week without fail people saying
00:00:51
when is JJ going to be on the podcast
00:00:52
serious every week without fail but I'm
00:00:54
not a runner
00:00:56
okay well we will okay so for anyone
00:01:00
that um isn't aware of um the dynamic of
00:01:03
our relationship
00:01:05
um JJ and I
00:01:10
we are still legally married and I would
00:01:13
say welcome to my podcast Studio but
00:01:15
it's half your podcast Studio as well
00:01:17
with a very
00:01:19
strange relationship to other people
00:01:20
yeah we are still like business partners
00:01:23
really yeah yeah he's still married
00:01:25
legally and own half of everything
00:01:27
together yeah but that's fine yeah and
00:01:30
whatever whatever it is for you yeah and
00:01:32
the dog's my favorite favorite I mean
00:01:35
let's see how long he lasts there
00:01:38
so um the podcast is called Runners only
00:01:41
so there is like a running thread that I
00:01:43
need to explain this to you because I
00:01:44
reckon you've you listen to the first
00:01:46
couple of episodes and that's it be
00:01:47
honest I haven't cuddly listened to any
00:01:48
of it yeah rude I support you from the
00:01:50
outside
00:01:52
um but you do have a running history you
00:01:54
you identify as a non-exerciser uh JJ's
00:01:58
been getting obsessed lately with um
00:02:00
ancestry.com and she did a like a gene
00:02:03
test thing and what you're a
00:02:04
non-exerciser
00:02:13
they know I've got blue eyes and I've
00:02:15
got blonde here they know I'm not a
00:02:17
morning person they also say I don't
00:02:20
have the Sprinter Gene but you've got
00:02:22
the Sprinter Jean and it makes perfect
00:02:25
sense because nobody in my family
00:02:28
that I know of none of my siblings on
00:02:31
either side my mum or dad none of them
00:02:33
have ever exercised but you can just you
00:02:35
can change it I wasn't brought up on
00:02:38
exercise it was never a family where it
00:02:39
was like go for a run let's go for a
00:02:41
bike ride together go play sport it was
00:02:43
like none of that so it's just not in
00:02:46
the family I just don't have the gene
00:02:48
yeah but obviously science says and
00:02:50
saying that
00:02:51
um you have done a couple of half
00:02:53
marathons which is no mean feat to a lot
00:02:55
of like running 21ks is no joke and
00:02:58
you've done a couple what was your best
00:02:59
time two hours 17. which is that's fine
00:03:02
that's [ __ ] great that's good going
00:03:05
2018 was my first one and then I kind of
00:03:08
chopped a minute off because I didn't
00:03:10
want to exhaust myself I ran the whole
00:03:12
way but I just jogged like in the even
00:03:14
Pace just so I could keep so I didn't
00:03:16
get uh exhausted and run out of breath
00:03:18
I'm gonna first cross the finish line
00:03:20
after the first half marathon I just
00:03:22
burst into tears because you felt so
00:03:25
like full of Pride yeah I can't believe
00:03:28
I did that I still can't believe to this
00:03:30
day it wasn't actually too hard to train
00:03:32
for I remember
00:03:34
but I don't know
00:03:35
you you have to you have to want to do
00:03:39
it and at that time I guess I wanted to
00:03:41
do it but at the moment I don't want to
00:03:44
do it and but the older you get the
00:03:47
harder it is to begin
00:03:48
yes I know so why don't you
00:03:51
look at the moment you're on Jenny Craig
00:03:54
you're trying to lose weight yeah I've
00:03:55
lost five kilos and five
00:04:00
running not so fun so yeah but the the
00:04:03
like the way that you've lost by having
00:04:04
these ridiculous tiny expensive little
00:04:06
portions they're not
00:04:09
they are they are tiny though aren't
00:04:11
they
00:04:15
um but you would lose weight so much
00:04:16
faster and you would feel so much better
00:04:18
mentally if you combined a bit of
00:04:19
exercise as well
00:04:25
through my whole marriage from Dom he's
00:04:27
an exercise bully he's being on this day
00:04:30
trying to convince me to exercise and
00:04:34
this is the speech he gives me every
00:04:36
time and I my eyes just glaze over oh
00:04:39
God I I am yeah you're you're very
00:04:42
tolerant I don't know how you lastly
00:04:44
with me for so long like I I was looking
00:04:46
back at some photos the other day
00:04:47
there's um there's a show on Apple Plus
00:04:49
called The Reluctant traveler with
00:04:51
Eugene Levy and so good and one of the
00:04:53
episodes he goes to Venus and
00:04:55
um I I got about um
00:04:57
I suppose nostalgic thinking about I've
00:05:00
been to Venice once and we went at the
00:05:01
same time like about 10 years ago we
00:05:03
went together yeah so I I went back over
00:05:05
my phone looking at some old photos of
00:05:07
that trip to Venus and there's photos of
00:05:09
me like up at six in the morning running
00:05:10
around the canals of Vena so we're on
00:05:12
holiday and we'd go out for dinner and
00:05:13
stuff then I'd get up the next morning
00:05:14
and go for a run that must have um that
00:05:16
must have been awful traveling with me
00:05:19
the time we go to a new
00:05:27
plant that's great for you but
00:05:30
not for me I mean I get to sing the city
00:05:34
thing that would be good but I don't
00:05:36
know Runners just have that thing and I
00:05:38
don't have it so I'd rather just
00:05:42
Meander around the city yeah oh that's
00:05:45
fair enough
00:05:46
um that's fair enough God I am
00:05:50
this is the I'm getting hot I don't know
00:05:53
I don't know where to start with this
00:05:55
it's like it's hard to know how much we
00:05:58
focus on the dynamic of our relationship
00:06:00
which there's a lot of curiosity about
00:06:01
and how much we just focus on the JJ
00:06:04
story well maybe ask you to have me on
00:06:07
your podcast why do they say why they
00:06:09
never specify all I suppose they just
00:06:12
like hearing us together
00:06:14
because we did we did that's geez I was
00:06:17
thinking about this overnight
00:06:19
um I woke up and I was just thinking
00:06:20
about how how we structure this podcast
00:06:22
and and how I do it and it just filled
00:06:25
me out with guilt and shame just
00:06:28
there's so so much stuff that I feel bad
00:06:29
about like we worked together for so
00:06:32
many years and um I I took it so
00:06:35
seriously and uh and you were yeah I
00:06:39
looked back now and you're the best
00:06:40
person I've worked with and the easiest
00:06:42
person to work with and I was so hard to
00:06:44
work with I took it so seriously
00:06:48
are you crying maybe getting a little
00:06:51
I'm getting tearing you have to leave a
00:06:54
cried it took like 11 years yeah yeah
00:06:56
you're emotional now
00:07:00
why no I I I just wanted to be
00:07:05
successful
00:07:06
so badly I think I prioritized work at
00:07:09
the expense of everything else
00:07:12
you did
00:07:14
you did but
00:07:16
it was your chance to say no no no but I
00:07:21
get it because
00:07:23
I know how much how important work is
00:07:26
and how how it how important radio is
00:07:30
and was you know to you because it was
00:07:33
radios not like you know it's not like a
00:07:36
normal job it's like you live it it does
00:07:38
consume you and you know you live your
00:07:40
life on the radio and all that stuff so
00:07:43
I understand that but
00:07:45
you the thing about you is you want to
00:07:48
win you're passionate and you're very
00:07:50
good at what you do and you want to win
00:07:52
but you want to win so badly that
00:07:55
sometimes you weren't
00:07:58
willing to
00:08:00
make let people make mistakes to get
00:08:03
there I was a control freak so yeah
00:08:05
you're a little bit hard on other people
00:08:07
which I found not me because I would
00:08:10
just tell you to [ __ ] off
00:08:12
oh thank you can we get some tissues on
00:08:14
here please
00:08:20
it's totally fine like I enjoyed working
00:08:23
with you because I felt I found
00:08:27
honest with everybody that you work with
00:08:29
yeah the only other co-host I've had
00:08:31
where I can be their illness is flenny
00:08:32
who I have now and we're pretty honest
00:08:34
with each other
00:08:36
um I mean obviously not 100 but
00:08:39
um with you
00:08:47
no we're good we're good yeah
00:08:56
yeah and you
00:08:59
are you're genius your mind is genius
00:09:01
you're so creative
00:09:04
you're so clever I just admire that you
00:09:06
could come up with an idea like this and
00:09:07
it's outside the box and you know you're
00:09:10
you're a massive reason why the edge
00:09:12
succeeded
00:09:14
um and you know it's
00:09:16
without you know after after you leave
00:09:19
after you left you know it's not it's
00:09:22
not the same no it's not but no but then
00:09:24
you you you take a break from this um
00:09:26
this industry that you love and then you
00:09:28
realize
00:09:30
I put everything I had into this thing
00:09:31
which no one gives a [ __ ] about
00:09:33
like when you take a step back from it
00:09:35
you realize when you're in there it
00:09:37
feels like you're like part of the All
00:09:39
Blacks or something and everyone cares
00:09:40
and then you take a break I don't I
00:09:43
can't tell you when the ratings come out
00:09:44
oh I used to like have sleepless nights
00:09:46
before the radio ratings came out anyway
00:09:48
this is not this is not um this is your
00:09:51
podcast not mine yes
00:09:53
yeah okay so um well okay yeah what
00:09:58
no I just think you beat yourself up
00:10:00
yeah as well and you shouldn't and this
00:10:02
is the thing about you as you do you
00:10:04
beat yourself up so much that I think it
00:10:06
think it sometimes can stop you
00:10:08
because you're you're so much better
00:10:11
than you think you are you you
00:10:14
and that's it's it's not a bad thing
00:10:16
like you
00:10:18
you are so passionate and want to want
00:10:22
to do so well and you do do well but I
00:10:24
feel like sometimes you just need to
00:10:26
relax a little bit and let let things
00:10:29
take a natural course and Trust other
00:10:31
people and Trust what other people say
00:10:33
and you know yeah yeah yeah I mean look
00:10:37
at you doing fine you're doing
00:10:38
absolutely fine you one of the top
00:10:40
bloody broadcasters in New Zealand
00:10:42
without a doubt and I'm not just because
00:10:44
I'm married to you people go or you just
00:10:46
saying that because you know you're
00:10:48
biased but I mean the reason why I was
00:10:50
attracted to you in the first place as
00:10:52
well was because you were very uh
00:10:54
successful way back then in the 90s
00:10:57
and I love that about you I love that
00:11:00
that you were um so determined
00:11:03
passionate ambitious uh successful I
00:11:06
love that that was that's the sort of
00:11:07
thing that I'm attracted to and
00:11:10
you know that's always been you that is
00:11:12
you yeah oh thank you that's very cool
00:11:14
your podcast is doing amazing even
00:11:16
though I don't listen to Everything
00:11:18
I know it's doing so well I see the rank
00:11:21
guard you work I know how much you care
00:11:23
about it and I'm just a you know you
00:11:25
have some amazing guests and they open
00:11:27
up to you
00:11:28
yeah yeah well sometimes they cry in the
00:11:31
sleep but today that's the highest
00:11:33
um all right so let's talk about the JJ
00:11:36
Phoenix story there's probably a lot of
00:11:37
people that don't know about you but um
00:11:39
like how much do you want to talk about
00:11:41
about your early years and your
00:11:43
upbringing oh
00:11:44
you're um
00:11:46
it feels kind of strange doing this
00:11:48
interview because I know you so well I
00:11:50
know you know you intimately and I know
00:11:52
how successful you've been and just how
00:11:54
how you know rough a start you had in
00:11:56
life
00:11:57
um but to me like you're a shining
00:11:59
Beacon of Hope for people that are going
00:12:01
through [ __ ] that you can pull yourself
00:12:03
out of it granted like you are the black
00:12:05
sheep of your family and the respect
00:12:07
that you know everyone else has like
00:12:09
repeated the cycle there's been teen
00:12:11
pregnancy there's been crime there's
00:12:12
been all that
00:12:14
um but you you're the most like honest
00:12:16
and I think hard-working person that I
00:12:20
know and it's like
00:12:22
uh we talked about the gene thing
00:12:24
earlier about it you're like a throwback
00:12:26
in some way how how did you do it why
00:12:29
did you choose to take the right path
00:12:31
instead of the wrong path when all of
00:12:33
your other siblings kind of took the
00:12:35
wrong path or let their past hold them
00:12:37
back
00:12:46
for I feel like some of my siblings fell
00:12:49
victim to the cycle and they would just
00:12:53
they just gave up early on
00:12:55
no this is my life the what was me and
00:13:00
they just continued it and they felt
00:13:01
like victims rather than having any
00:13:04
control over their own destiny whereas
00:13:06
me I was opposite I thought when I grow
00:13:09
up I don't want this life I need to get
00:13:11
out of this life I need to
00:13:13
I don't want to be like this I need to
00:13:15
help my mom I need to be you know work
00:13:19
hard get a good job
00:13:21
so I guess there was that
00:13:23
me wanting to fight against
00:13:26
the cycle so when I grow up my mum was
00:13:30
um
00:13:31
that's just backstory for years watching
00:13:33
I hate talking about it my mum was a
00:13:35
teenage Martin so she was 15 when she
00:13:37
got pregnant with me and it was
00:13:40
shoot my mum would hate this but it was
00:13:42
to a one-night stand and I only found
00:13:45
out who this guy was like 11 years ago
00:13:47
by the way so
00:13:49
um mum met this guy Gary Feeney and he
00:13:52
um when she was pregnant with me and he
00:13:54
his name's on my birth certificate and
00:13:56
then they had another two kids
00:13:58
Michael and Michelle
00:14:00
um and then they split up and mum's only
00:14:03
like eight 19 or 20 at this point
00:14:07
um
00:14:08
and she's a single mom with three kids
00:14:11
at 20. and so there was never any money
00:14:16
she was on the benefit there was never
00:14:18
any money and then she met another guy
00:14:21
and
00:14:23
he was like horrifically abusive
00:14:26
and um
00:14:29
yeah he he was violent like really
00:14:32
terrible like would even harm animals
00:14:35
and just a horrible person and he was he
00:14:38
sexually abused me which I only told mum
00:14:41
about
00:14:42
about
00:14:43
10 years ago yeah how old were you when
00:14:45
they started
00:14:46
six
00:14:49
and he's never he's never paid for a day
00:14:52
I mean Karma's got him in a lot of ways
00:14:54
but in some ways he's an episode
00:14:58
[ __ ] loser
00:14:59
loser
00:15:00
loser I I I I know knowing you the way I
00:15:03
do like I know the impact it's had and
00:15:05
and other areas of your life that people
00:15:07
would just like scratch their head and
00:15:08
not understand for example like the
00:15:10
smell of weak bags
00:15:12
and um things that remind
00:15:14
them meet life's music yeah
00:15:17
things that remind me of him make me
00:15:19
just absolutely Shadow like I hate
00:15:21
people whistling around me
00:15:23
oh God but anyway regardless oh do you
00:15:27
need tattoos now yeah he's a horrible
00:15:28
person and um
00:15:31
my mum he beat my mum so much and we
00:15:35
went we ran to women's refuges and we
00:15:38
standing with real herons refugees quite
00:15:40
a lot
00:15:41
um there was this one time
00:15:44
so mum had a baby to him so she had four
00:15:46
kids by the age 22. there was one time
00:15:48
he beat her and
00:15:50
mum went to go to a friend's house and
00:15:52
she said I can take you but I can't take
00:15:54
all four of your children
00:15:56
and so I was at school and my and my
00:15:59
sister Jamie was a baby and Mum said
00:16:02
um to my dad one of my birthday
00:16:05
um can you take the two middle ones
00:16:08
because I you know I need to go and stay
00:16:11
with a friend and he's
00:16:12
supposedly this is the story I know
00:16:14
anyway uh supposedly he said he couldn't
00:16:16
have them so mum had no choice but to
00:16:19
put them in a home overnight like a
00:16:22
kid's home and my dad lost the plot and
00:16:26
he went and picked them up the next
00:16:27
morning but from there he told them and
00:16:30
they're only three two and four years
00:16:31
old he told them that their mum
00:16:33
abandoned them and
00:16:35
so they grew up thinking
00:16:37
oh mum abandoned us and didn't care
00:16:39
about us even though they'd still come
00:16:41
and stay in the school holidays and
00:16:42
stuff like that yeah
00:16:44
um and even though they both lived with
00:16:46
mum later like before teenage years so I
00:16:50
don't know but they had this in their
00:16:51
head so as young kids they felt already
00:16:55
abandoned and then loved or whatever and
00:16:57
grew up with this sort of mentality
00:17:00
and meanwhile me and my sister we were
00:17:02
just
00:17:03
well my sister probably doesn't remember
00:17:04
much mum mum left my the guy who beat us
00:17:07
when I was about 11 thank God
00:17:11
thank God but the damage was already
00:17:13
done with me but I had thought
00:17:15
um I'm never gonna live I'm never gonna
00:17:18
let anyone treat me like that because I
00:17:20
was always saying to mum I'm only a
00:17:21
little kid but I'm saying mum mum don't
00:17:24
go back don't go back but he would beg
00:17:26
her and he even tried it with us he made
00:17:28
me cry he would he would beg me and he'd
00:17:31
give us presents and he'd say please
00:17:33
please you know he was just
00:17:35
manipulating Theory very manipulating
00:17:39
um anyway so
00:17:42
he it's never I've never like
00:17:44
I've never gone to court or anything
00:17:45
like that this it's just too hard to
00:17:47
prove so there's no way I would bother
00:17:51
he's lucky he's got away with it but
00:17:53
apparently he's done it to other kids
00:17:54
which is typical because I think
00:17:56
pedophile you're a pedophile aren't you
00:17:58
didn't get a hiding with a baseball bat
00:17:59
after he was a Peeping Tom over yeah he
00:18:01
was looking in some kids windows and
00:18:03
some this is his story he was looking in
00:18:05
the window
00:18:07
but him there must be more to it because
00:18:09
the father of the kids who was looking
00:18:10
at came out beat him with a baseball bat
00:18:12
but he he that's calmer in a way isn't
00:18:15
it he lives in the Caravan park
00:18:16
somewhere yeah probably enlisting other
00:18:18
kids which is really unfortunate but
00:18:22
um why did you never tell your mum at
00:18:25
the time or uh because
00:18:28
I nearly nearly told my teacher when I
00:18:31
was about seven I nearly did but I
00:18:33
didn't know what to say and I thought
00:18:35
that I'd get in trouble and they said
00:18:37
that's that that's the thinking of a
00:18:39
little kid like I remember it now so
00:18:41
clearly but at the time I didn't have
00:18:43
the mental the mental maturity that I
00:18:45
have now so you feel guilty like you've
00:18:47
done something wrong yeah you brought it
00:18:49
on yourself yeah your fault or because
00:18:51
you don't understand really what's
00:18:52
happening and you think if I if I say
00:18:55
anything he's going to hurt my mum and
00:18:57
that was what I really thought he's
00:18:58
going to hurt my mum and so I never said
00:19:01
anything and I just kept it quiet and
00:19:03
then the longer I left it the more I
00:19:04
thought I can't tell anyone now because
00:19:06
I've left it too long I've left it too
00:19:07
long I've left it too long anyway it
00:19:09
started really affecting me
00:19:11
um
00:19:12
as late late teens when when you start
00:19:15
having relationships with people it
00:19:17
started affecting me because I realized
00:19:19
how uh
00:19:21
the just the impact it had on you that
00:19:23
you're going to wear off yeah like just
00:19:25
scared to um
00:19:29
learns much and I can be
00:19:32
uh
00:19:34
it's weird I'm not like I'm quite
00:19:37
can be quite awkward when it comes to
00:19:39
sex right and so why are you asking me
00:19:45
Jesse I just feel really
00:19:47
um I feel dirty a lot
00:19:50
anyway so
00:19:52
I don't really I've never really talked
00:19:54
about that anywho
00:19:56
um what I was saying is we had a bit of
00:19:57
a rough childhood
00:19:59
and I always feel like that's not going
00:20:01
to be me but unfortunately my brother
00:20:02
and sister
00:20:04
uh they
00:20:07
you know my brother got into trouble
00:20:09
he's been in and out of prison his whole
00:20:10
life he thinks no one cares about um we
00:20:13
did care we don't know because he's so
00:20:16
method so forget that and he just causes
00:20:19
too much trouble and he's always in and
00:20:20
out
00:20:21
of prison my sister she's tried really
00:20:23
hard but she hangs out with a bad crowd
00:20:25
and she's had four kids by the time she
00:20:27
was 22 as well and all to different
00:20:30
people and
00:20:31
never had any money and you know it's
00:20:34
just
00:20:35
in a couple of my other siblings
00:20:38
similar similar similar but not not
00:20:40
entirely the same it's just it's just I
00:20:42
don't know
00:20:44
I could probably eat a lot of that out
00:20:46
the point is
00:20:48
I just did not want to live that life so
00:20:51
I know something in me decided to give
00:20:54
me that ambition and determination to
00:20:57
live a better life when I grow up and so
00:21:00
yeah I worked hard to get a job and
00:21:03
and what I always want to do is look
00:21:04
after my mum
00:21:06
and so I did buy an apartment with you
00:21:09
that um she lives in rink free which has
00:21:13
really been like a life goal of mine I'm
00:21:15
really lucky to have been able to do it
00:21:17
thank you
00:21:19
um yeah it's the nicest thing isn't it
00:21:20
and she um and she's very very she's a
00:21:23
very proud woman so she doesn't she you
00:21:26
get the feeling she like she loves it
00:21:27
she loves learning we're in Freedom
00:21:29
Central City Apartment
00:21:31
not two she's on the pinch and it's
00:21:32
bloody ridiculous yeah yeah but she's um
00:21:35
she's not expecting if anything's
00:21:36
probably a bit embarrassed about it so
00:21:38
she tries to like compensate in other
00:21:39
ways by adding value to your life my
00:21:42
nothing I can't give her anything or pay
00:21:45
for anything I lie to her sometimes I'll
00:21:48
go mama that's for free
00:21:51
because she won't connect to do it
00:21:52
otherwise sometimes
00:21:55
and I feel like what you've talked about
00:21:57
the last 10 minutes this is you
00:22:00
um
00:22:01
at the core as a person and
00:22:04
um I feel like you get a hard rap online
00:22:06
like whenever there's a story about you
00:22:07
on New Zealand Herald or staff or
00:22:10
Instagram there's comments usually from
00:22:11
other women saying I can't stand that
00:22:14
woman
00:22:15
we're just like just completely unfair
00:22:17
because like the JJ I know like the real
00:22:20
person it's completely not true and if
00:22:22
any anyone that knows you like actually
00:22:24
knows you likes you and knows you're the
00:22:27
most honest and hard-working and caring
00:22:29
and compassionate person there is I know
00:22:31
because I have a cynical I have a
00:22:33
cynical and sort of sarcastic sense of
00:22:35
humor and not everyone gets it is it a
00:22:38
consequence from just putting yourself
00:22:39
out there as well I think so it's to
00:22:41
protect kicked myself I think yeah so um
00:22:44
I think I can come across as sassy to
00:22:47
people who don't know me because they
00:22:50
know people that know me know that's my
00:22:52
sense of humor yeah people who don't
00:22:53
know me might take it a bit literally so
00:22:55
um I mean when you're in the public eye
00:22:57
everyone gets everyone gets a negative
00:22:59
comments I don't even really hear I
00:23:01
don't care it's like well you don't know
00:23:02
me so
00:23:03
I'm not your friend you're not my friend
00:23:05
whatever you can say what you want about
00:23:06
me it doesn't matter I I know who I am I
00:23:09
know um you can't please everybody and
00:23:14
um
00:23:15
you know
00:23:17
it literally means nothing to me
00:23:20
yeah that's a good way to be because
00:23:22
they're not people that know you don't
00:23:24
know them they don't know you so why
00:23:26
would you put so much weight on their
00:23:27
opinion but it's hard not to do it is
00:23:29
hard to get to that point where you
00:23:30
don't do that
00:23:32
to someone oh my God that girl she's had
00:23:36
so much plastic surgery yeah no she
00:23:39
doesn't
00:23:39
because
00:23:41
she she doesn't she doesn't know me and
00:23:42
I don't even know her she might be the
00:23:44
coolest person ever you know like we all
00:23:46
judge people that we don't know
00:23:48
yeah that's the thing like you you don't
00:23:50
like everyone yourself so why would you
00:23:52
expect everyone to like you I don't need
00:23:54
people to like me to feel good about
00:23:56
myself yeah but you need and I think
00:23:58
this is the Trap I found fell into for
00:24:00
from doing radio for years and years and
00:24:01
years like it's important to be liked so
00:24:03
you almost become obsessed with being
00:24:05
like your whole value your whole
00:24:08
employment status is based on you being
00:24:10
liked that's the thing
00:24:18
follow you and you need more and more
00:24:19
people to do that so yes that is true
00:24:22
so I would never want
00:24:25
but I would never want a listener or
00:24:27
someone to say those bad things about me
00:24:29
but these these strangers that are
00:24:30
saying [ __ ] about me on social media if
00:24:32
they're not even listening so I'm not
00:24:34
losing anything
00:24:36
if you're not making them listen to me
00:24:43
it's enough for me to sustain my career
00:24:45
yeah if you've got like a seven percent
00:24:47
market share in radio that's enough so
00:24:49
you can have 93 out of 100 people ahead
00:24:51
of your guts as low as the seven percent
00:24:52
like you so why why radio why did you
00:24:55
gravitate towards radio was this a high
00:24:57
school thing I think when I was a kid
00:24:59
I've always been like quite a performer
00:25:01
and you know when Mum would have a
00:25:03
little friends around and I'd always
00:25:04
come out and tell them jokes and stuff
00:25:06
and I always just loved getting a kick
00:25:08
out of them laughing at my jokes looking
00:25:10
back I was probably a real pesty little
00:25:11
kid but
00:25:13
um everyone drives away oh kids should
00:25:15
be seen and not heard that JJ
00:25:18
it was a real show Pony you know had so
00:25:21
much confidence and I always thought I
00:25:24
want to be an entertainer of some kind
00:25:25
but because I couldn't sing
00:25:28
I thought ah um I wasn't like I was I
00:25:30
used to listen to the radio when I was
00:25:31
about five or six and think I don't like
00:25:34
how do I get inside there like I had no
00:25:37
idea so I always thought maybe the radio
00:25:39
but
00:25:41
um
00:25:42
in rip days weekly top 40.
00:25:44
that sounds fun I want to do that I'd
00:25:47
interview my friends on my little tape
00:25:49
recorder yes it wasn't until I was at
00:25:51
high school and I got an opportunity to
00:25:52
do some work experience at the local
00:25:54
radio station then I thought yeah this
00:25:56
is definitely me yeah so I was just
00:25:58
lucky to have that opportunity because
00:26:00
otherwise I don't think I would have
00:26:01
known where to go or what to do it's
00:26:04
quite funny that you've got that show
00:26:05
off Gene that way because
00:26:06
um like you
00:26:08
I don't know I don't know if you've
00:26:10
always been this way or if it's just
00:26:11
something that's happened as you've got
00:26:12
older and got less energy but you're
00:26:16
quite um you're quite and not
00:26:17
introverted but quite happy just to stay
00:26:19
at home and according to my DNA I'm an
00:26:21
introvert yeah yeah no but
00:26:27
as you get older
00:26:30
I don't know I I have become less
00:26:33
at least need to be the center of
00:26:35
attention maybe
00:26:44
maybe so but as a kid and growing up I
00:26:46
guess but that's just youth I don't know
00:26:48
there's something in the I think most
00:26:50
young people like to be the center of
00:26:51
attention because you're trying to find
00:26:52
your place in the world so you're kind
00:26:54
of like hey hey hey I'm over here I'm
00:26:56
over here
00:26:57
um now I found my place in the world I
00:26:59
don't need the attention I think that's
00:27:00
what it is and I do and I am I'm 49. I
00:27:04
like I'm sick of I'm sick of that like I
00:27:06
don't need to impress anyone anymore I
00:27:08
can just be like
00:27:10
a little homebody and watch TV or uh do
00:27:13
jigs or puzzles or whatever but I'm
00:27:15
happiest when I'm sleeping
00:27:17
I'm happiest when I'm just um drinking
00:27:20
one with my friends or when I'm
00:27:21
traveling
00:27:23
um I just don't like to exert too much
00:27:25
energy nowadays I get tired when I get
00:27:27
home at seven o'clock from talking all
00:27:28
afternoon the last thing I want to do is
00:27:30
talk
00:27:32
so when did when did you realize you
00:27:34
were good at right you were good good
00:27:35
like quite sort of straight away weren't
00:27:37
you I remember I always you and you and
00:27:39
I started about the same time yeah I was
00:27:41
in Palmerston North you're in New
00:27:42
Plymouth and I just felt like there was
00:27:44
a buzz about you but JJ you were always
00:27:46
going to be the next big thing
00:27:48
um gotta be my
00:27:57
my
00:27:58
um
00:27:59
yeah I don't know
00:28:01
I guess everyone was so back then
00:28:04
everyone was so kind of boring on the
00:28:06
radio they would just read the liners
00:28:08
which you know coming up this weekend
00:28:10
we've got a great fear on at the local
00:28:12
park and coming up next is
00:28:16
moving pictures what about me and I
00:28:19
always thought
00:28:21
people have a bit of fun why don't they
00:28:23
say some fun things
00:28:27
I think I don't know if I was any good
00:28:29
at first
00:28:30
no you were up for awards immediately
00:28:32
and stuff like that yeah I know weird I
00:28:35
don't know
00:28:37
I thought about it the other day because
00:28:38
I've been a
00:28:39
I've won a radio award nearly every year
00:28:41
of my career I've got far out that's
00:28:44
amazing but
00:28:47
I don't know sometimes I think I'm just
00:28:49
lucky am I lucky
00:28:51
well if I work out for it I don't know I
00:28:53
remember oh you do you have you've
00:28:55
worked bloody hard for it um I remember
00:28:56
one of the first times I met you was at
00:28:58
um one of the New Zealand Radio awards
00:28:59
and we would have both been I don't know
00:29:02
18 19 20 maybe and you won an award and
00:29:06
you were in the same category as um one
00:29:08
of my best friends Robert Scott and
00:29:10
Robert had been doing radio a long time
00:29:12
and you you went up to Universal I'm
00:29:15
like oh my God I can't believe I beat
00:29:18
you I beat you you've been doing this
00:29:21
for years and I've only just started and
00:29:23
I beat you and he was he was heartbroken
00:29:30
I was just being my funny witty annoying
00:29:33
self
00:29:35
it was young but I still I didn't I
00:29:37
could not believe I beat Robert Scott oh
00:29:39
my God I know I came from a good place
00:29:41
it's like you weren't [ __ ] on him
00:29:42
but uh
00:29:51
yeah so so that was at a station in um
00:29:54
New Plymouth that you started called
00:29:55
Energy FM which is now one of the more
00:29:57
FM stations and then from there you you
00:29:59
launch the edge
00:30:01
yes so Stephen Joyce who used to be the
00:30:04
Minister of Finance or whatever it was
00:30:06
like John Key's right-hand man yeah he
00:30:09
uh the one that had the dildo thrown in
00:30:10
US yeah
00:30:12
even started energy FM in New Plymouth
00:30:14
it's a summer radio station when he was
00:30:16
at Mesa University
00:30:17
um he and his mates Jeremy Corbett they
00:30:21
um and a couple of others that he was
00:30:22
studying to be a zoologist or something
00:30:25
um or a vet or whatever he they started
00:30:28
the summer radio station at Massey
00:30:29
University and it went off so they
00:30:30
started one in New Plymouth and it got a
00:30:33
full-time license and that's where
00:30:34
energy FM began and he ended up buying
00:30:38
uh The Rock in Hamilton and this other
00:30:41
station called the Buzzard which was not
00:30:43
doing very well and it was a pretty [ __ ]
00:30:44
station and so he's he started he turned
00:30:47
the Buzzard into a news station at cool
00:30:50
hip youth station and called it the edge
00:30:52
and he asked me to
00:30:54
um do the drive show on there afternoons
00:30:57
and so
00:30:59
sorry I'm burping because
00:31:01
you're very relaxed so uh would you do
00:31:04
this on the year on more FM no why do it
00:31:07
on my podcast sorry I forgot where I was
00:31:16
right and then I really as I was too old
00:31:18
for the age now what were what were
00:31:21
those days like the early days so it's
00:31:22
like a nationwide station now and it's
00:31:24
hard to imagine it's hard to imagine a
00:31:27
New Zealand radio landscape without the
00:31:28
edge but it was just like a one-off
00:31:29
station in Hamilton then it started
00:31:31
popping up in other cities right so it
00:31:32
was in Hamilton only for about maybe two
00:31:36
or three years I can't remember and then
00:31:38
it started like broadcasting to Tauranga
00:31:40
and then Hawke's Bay and and
00:31:44
um
00:31:45
somewhere else and then it just it's it
00:31:48
was so popular that it just they decided
00:31:50
to keep putting it in other cities until
00:31:52
it became Nationwide but the edge was
00:31:55
like what made it so popular because
00:31:56
zidium was already going at the time Zid
00:31:58
had been around forever and I suppose
00:32:03
like the similar stations they're both
00:32:04
playing the same music top 40 music so
00:32:07
what what made the edge so different
00:32:08
well actually ZM
00:32:11
is the itch because the city was called
00:32:15
The Breeze in Hamilton
00:32:17
so the breeze in Hamilton was sounds not
00:32:20
does not sound like the breeze now it
00:32:21
sounded like zidium because I worked on
00:32:23
there for about four months this sounds
00:32:25
like an April Fool's Day Stone were you
00:32:27
a switch format yeah I know so the
00:32:30
breeze was like a top 40 station yeah
00:32:32
right and then and then
00:32:40
around the same time as uh the edge
00:32:43
um but
00:32:45
it was top 40s but they were just you
00:32:47
know the top 40 music and all and radio
00:32:49
wacky radio contest The Edge was
00:32:52
different because
00:32:54
we did stuff no one had done before and
00:32:58
people were afraid to do and we did
00:33:00
things that were outside the box to try
00:33:03
and get attention to try and get the
00:33:05
ratings up and it worked obviously so
00:33:08
what the edge was really Innovative
00:33:10
because the things we started doing were
00:33:13
working so well that all the other radio
00:33:15
stations particularly ZM started copying
00:33:17
and doing their own versions of so
00:33:19
before you knew it
00:33:21
they were doing the same stuff as us and
00:33:23
the agency of them were starting to
00:33:24
sound the same and that's because they
00:33:26
knew we were onto a good thing so they
00:33:28
wanted to get a get a piece of that and
00:33:31
uh yeah that's a that's the hard thing
00:33:32
about I suppose not just radio but any
00:33:34
industry like um if you're the innovator
00:33:37
and it's successful other people are
00:33:38
always going to copy and you have to
00:33:39
keep re-innovating and keep coming up
00:33:41
with something new don't you yeah oh God
00:33:44
did I oh yeah I had something to eat
00:33:45
before and it's on my face
00:33:47
no it's not you didn't notice it no
00:33:52
um
00:33:53
Dougie don't need it there but out
00:33:55
that's funny
00:33:56
um was it really obvious Dougie
00:34:01
yeah so I think it was in these early
00:34:02
days of the year that um I was still at
00:34:04
a station in Palmerston North and you
00:34:07
the edge was just at Hamilton station
00:34:08
and you you were doing what's known now
00:34:10
as Married at First Sight like 20 some
00:34:13
25 years later but this was at the time
00:34:16
like groundbreaking radio it was called
00:34:18
two strangers in a wedding yeah
00:34:21
station actually came to us TV3 uh was
00:34:25
that John Aiken someone came to us to
00:34:27
ask us how we did it so they could turn
00:34:29
it into the TV show yes we we actually
00:34:32
weren't the first to do two strangers in
00:34:34
a wedding I saw that a radio station in
00:34:38
um Denmark or somewhere had done
00:34:41
something kind of like it and so I said
00:34:44
to my boss Leon oh my God we should we
00:34:47
should marry two strangers and that's
00:34:50
sort of where it all sort of started and
00:34:51
we and he was on board with it because
00:34:53
Leon Leon rat who was the boss at the
00:34:56
age for years and now he's sort of like
00:34:58
the boss of radio in our company he was
00:35:01
he was so um
00:35:04
open to anything and and he was so
00:35:08
supportive and um creative and he was he
00:35:12
was on board with yeah let's do it let's
00:35:14
do this and he'd have crazy ideas about
00:35:16
how to put a Twist on it we did a lot of
00:35:18
things that we shouldn't have done uh
00:35:20
and again we got in trouble for and uh
00:35:22
things that we should have got in
00:35:24
trouble for in today's landscape whoa
00:35:26
whoa whoa you'd be canceled
00:35:29
um but at the time it was like
00:35:30
Innovative Innovative stuff but you're
00:35:33
marrying the two strangers was so
00:35:35
successful and we did it four times and
00:35:38
still today over 20 years later all four
00:35:41
couples are together with their kids
00:35:42
still and I just put there's there's a
00:35:46
lot of there's a lot of research and
00:35:47
hard work going into making sure there
00:35:49
were actual matches and not just drama
00:35:51
for TV oh yeah whenever whenever I go on
00:35:53
podcasts and that gets bored out because
00:35:55
I wasn't there for the first one uh I
00:35:57
was still in Palmer's North then but I
00:35:58
was there for the um the the three that
00:36:00
came after that yeah I I say to anybody
00:36:02
that asks
00:36:04
um the success of all those couples
00:36:06
entirely came down to you and the work
00:36:09
that you put into it because you you you
00:36:11
like every single time we did it it was
00:36:14
the same thing um like these people
00:36:15
would apply then their appearance would
00:36:18
be outraged by it or mortified because
00:36:21
this isn't the future they saw for their
00:36:22
son or their daughter and you would sit
00:36:24
down with the families and lock them in
00:36:26
and say trust me I'm I'm not going to
00:36:28
stitch up your son and your daughter I'm
00:36:29
gonna find them
00:36:30
um their soulmate and then you know
00:36:35
um Leon who you're talking about before
00:36:36
or other people would say oh let's throw
00:36:38
on a Twist let's do this you'd be like
00:36:40
no [ __ ] off you know it's real people
00:36:42
we're dealing with here Leon did get his
00:36:44
wife
00:36:50
yes there are three strangers you two
00:36:52
groups standing at the at the altar and
00:36:54
the bride had to wandered down the
00:36:56
island turn left or right before seeing
00:36:58
their faces
00:37:00
yeah I wasn't on board with that but I
00:37:03
had control over making sure the matches
00:37:05
were going to be okay
00:37:07
um and then the fourth one
00:37:09
oh I think Leon just wanted it to not
00:37:12
work out because
00:37:13
um
00:37:14
that other three had but I still didn't
00:37:17
want to [ __ ] with those people's lives
00:37:19
and also I feel like it's better if they
00:37:21
if they do succeed I see what Leon's
00:37:24
saying he wants the drama like on TV but
00:37:27
you can have a bit of the drama as long
00:37:28
as you still want you know you're still
00:37:30
going to think these are real people
00:37:32
here that you're dealing with and um you
00:37:35
know I wouldn't want to I I always care
00:37:37
about the people first and foremost yeah
00:37:39
I think that's commendable and it's um
00:37:41
that's like part of the 60s of those
00:37:42
couples being together I maintained that
00:37:44
and you did so much work on those things
00:37:46
a lot of it was unnecessary like the the
00:37:48
astrological stuff
00:37:50
[Laughter]
00:38:01
regardless of what you think about
00:38:03
astrology
00:38:04
there is something in there and the
00:38:06
compatibility you're an aquarius I'm at
00:38:08
Aries
00:38:09
yeah we tested to fail destined to fail
00:38:14
um so do you want to talk yeah
00:38:16
absolutely the best friends
00:38:18
um did you want to talk I don't know how
00:38:20
much or and how little detail you want
00:38:21
to talk about this but um in those early
00:38:23
days of the age
00:38:25
um you had a co-host called Brian Reed
00:38:27
who I went with in Palmerston North um I
00:38:30
was on the breakfast show he was the
00:38:31
overnight guy
00:38:33
um crazy unusual dude I remember going
00:38:35
around to his flat one day and had had a
00:38:37
motorbike accident on the way home and
00:38:39
he had like a like a massive cat and his
00:38:42
jeans and a mess of gash and I was like
00:38:44
bro you you we should go to the hospital
00:38:45
you need stitches and he's like oh no I
00:38:47
have some Panadol and I'm sleeping off
00:38:49
and then next thing you know he's
00:38:50
working with you in in Hamilton and he
00:38:52
got the nickname uh butt ugly Bob
00:38:55
terrible nickname well hey
00:38:59
yeah like a Wandering eye yeah
00:39:01
but ugly Bob so he um he was the ugly
00:39:04
Bob oh my gosh he's part he's died now
00:39:06
he passed away
00:39:08
um
00:39:10
but
00:39:11
um he
00:39:13
he would be a massive star if he was
00:39:16
alive today that guy is a creative
00:39:20
genius he really is he was and um but
00:39:23
anyway at the time he the Miss waikato
00:39:25
contest was on now this is in the late
00:39:28
90s okay there's no diversity and [ __ ]
00:39:31
like that back then there's Miss waikato
00:39:33
it's a beauty pageant for women he
00:39:36
wanted to enter the Miss waikato contest
00:39:38
and he managed to secure us he managed
00:39:42
to get in there he managed to convince
00:39:44
the organizers to let him into the miss
00:39:46
my cataconte's and he said if he did not
00:39:49
win he would rename himself but ugly Bob
00:39:52
and of course he did not win
00:39:54
the writing was on the wall he won Miss
00:39:57
personality almost Congeniality or some
00:39:59
[ __ ] and um so he from then he started
00:40:02
calling himself by ugly Bob and that
00:40:03
name just really caught on with people
00:40:05
and people would meet him and they go oh
00:40:07
you're not that ugly you know
00:40:09
um so that was kind of good for him but
00:40:11
he was he was a very funny creative guy
00:40:13
yeah yeah so no I mean no one listened
00:40:16
to this word there might be a few people
00:40:18
that were in Hamilton at the time they
00:40:19
would remember him but um this is
00:40:21
pre-internet pre any social media so
00:40:24
there's no sort of footprint of them
00:40:25
online so um what happened on the end so
00:40:28
you worked with him on a Friday morning
00:40:31
so this is I think it was about 1998.
00:40:34
yeah I think it was
00:40:36
um
00:40:37
I'd work with them for a couple of years
00:40:38
and we were supposed to do a promotion
00:40:40
on a Saturday where we were supposed to
00:40:42
go to some
00:40:43
I don't know McDonald's or somewhere and
00:40:46
handout stickers or whatever I don't
00:40:48
know we had a promotion and um
00:40:50
he didn't show up and it was getting to
00:40:52
about one o'clock or two o'clock and I
00:40:54
was just so annoyed because I thought
00:40:56
where the hell is he like I'm having to
00:40:58
do all this by myself and I was just
00:41:01
really pissed off because I'd seen him
00:41:03
the night before and we were at the pub
00:41:04
and he was like he'd been drinking a lot
00:41:07
and he was like I love you I [ __ ]
00:41:10
love you and it's just going around
00:41:11
saying I love you and I just thought oh
00:41:14
he's so drunk he's got a hangover and he
00:41:17
hasn't showed up and I was so annoyed
00:41:18
anyway did the promo went home
00:41:21
in about four o'clock that afternoon the
00:41:24
police came to my door and they were
00:41:27
like
00:41:28
um I thought oh what's my brother done
00:41:30
again and they said uh um
00:41:36
can we come in
00:41:39
and I was like uh okay
00:41:42
and they said do you know Brian Reed
00:41:45
and I was like yeah and I thought oh no
00:41:47
he said a car accident because he had a
00:41:49
left-hand Drive BMW
00:41:51
and he's like bung eye so whenever I was
00:41:54
in the car with him and I had a crack in
00:41:56
the windscreen so I was like oh my God
00:41:58
he's had a character so whenever he
00:42:00
would overtake a cat I'd freak out he
00:42:02
was a terrible driver I thought oh no
00:42:04
he's had a car accident and they said
00:42:07
he's dead
00:42:10
you know I just thought what
00:42:13
what
00:42:15
no what the hell that's so
00:42:18
that's not true that's weird and they
00:42:22
told me what happened to him and that
00:42:24
he'd taken his own life
00:42:26
oh my God
00:42:29
yeah it was just
00:42:31
I just couldn't believe it
00:42:33
I just couldn't believe it like I'd seen
00:42:35
him the night before and he was so happy
00:42:37
and he was really happy the night before
00:42:40
actually and I think that was him he
00:42:41
knew he was going to do it he was saying
00:42:43
goodbye to people I think maybe because
00:42:45
he was really like pissed with his
00:42:48
decision yeah and he was really all over
00:42:49
me like if I could love you may you're
00:42:51
the best you know like and I'm just like
00:42:53
wow you're so drunk so they were there
00:42:56
were no there were no signs I mean you
00:42:57
were doing a show with them like in the
00:42:59
in the weeks before that was he was he
00:43:01
like you know showing any signs of um
00:43:03
yeah mental health issues or depression
00:43:04
well he did suffer from by bipolar but
00:43:07
um
00:43:08
he was he was depressed because his
00:43:11
girlfriend had broken up with him and he
00:43:14
really was not having a good week
00:43:17
you know he wasn't coping very well with
00:43:19
that but
00:43:21
I think that's
00:43:23
I think that's what
00:43:25
um pushed him over the edge
00:43:27
yeah this is so sad I don't know
00:43:30
so I I I'm annoyed that he never talked
00:43:33
to me about it like I had no I would
00:43:35
never have suspected he was that upset
00:43:37
about it or
00:43:39
he was ever that he would ever take his
00:43:41
own life like I never thought that would
00:43:42
happen uh so when when it does happen
00:43:45
and anyone would know this who's had
00:43:47
someone kill themselves you you blame
00:43:50
yourself in some way you think what
00:43:51
could I have done
00:43:53
to stop this from happening or did I do
00:43:55
something to make this happen you think
00:43:57
that too
00:43:58
um and the problem is you're never going
00:44:01
to get the answer to that and that's
00:44:02
annoying and it makes it really hard to
00:44:04
deal with and hard to get over yeah yeah
00:44:07
so I think about Bob still to this day
00:44:11
often like so much it used to be every
00:44:14
day it's not every day now but it's a
00:44:16
lot and I think about him and I think
00:44:18
you know what would he be doing now and
00:44:20
what would he have said or done or you
00:44:23
know do you like how often like weekly
00:44:24
monthly
00:44:26
probably every couple of weeks now
00:44:28
really yeah but up until only a couple
00:44:30
of years ago it was nearly every day
00:44:32
yeah I think about them a lot I think
00:44:34
that's it that's um I mean
00:44:37
when you when you're gone you're gone I
00:44:39
think I I I I'm I'm an atheist I don't
00:44:41
think there's any afterlife or anything
00:44:43
but I think that's uh if there was some
00:44:45
sort of an afterlife
00:44:46
um that's all you could hope for right
00:44:47
that that people that you left Behind
00:44:49
still think about you from time to time
00:44:51
yeah I think that's the biggest
00:44:52
compliment it's gonna be a time when no
00:44:54
one's thinking about you at all I'm
00:44:55
doing my my DNA on Ancestry and I'm
00:44:57
going back to my great-grandparents and
00:45:00
before that who's remembering any of
00:45:02
those people they're just names on a
00:45:03
page and if you don't know the person
00:45:04
you have no feeling or no real
00:45:06
connection to it there's people going
00:45:07
around symmetries and they take photos
00:45:08
of the grapes and upload them so you can
00:45:10
find the grave of your dead descendant
00:45:12
but it's like no one's visiting that
00:45:14
grave anymore
00:45:15
yeah it's quite sad it's not what you
00:45:17
think of it like that yeah it is and
00:45:18
it's quite morbid so I think that's
00:45:19
that's where you're gonna make the most
00:45:21
of the life while you're here yeah but
00:45:22
then
00:45:31
on another guy was a
00:45:34
um represented Us in the Commonwealth
00:45:35
Games for high jump so when you read
00:45:37
about them you're like oh that's cool
00:45:38
good good for you great great Granddad
00:45:41
Gary yeah
00:45:46
unfortunately Bob died before the
00:45:48
internet yeah
00:45:50
oh I will still be on the internet for
00:45:52
years to come what um yeah JJ's current
00:45:54
obsession is uh we attached upon this
00:45:56
earlier ancestry.com like you spend
00:45:58
every spare minute on this thing well
00:46:01
because you will never get it finished
00:46:03
it's it's like it's so time consuming
00:46:06
and it's just fascinating but the reason
00:46:08
why I'm doing it is I want to find out
00:46:10
because my biological father
00:46:12
who had sex with my mum when she was 15
00:46:14
at a party and then that was it and I
00:46:16
never saw never found out who he was
00:46:18
until about 11 years ago he he's had
00:46:21
four
00:46:25
of us four four one night stand kids
00:46:29
okay he's got two others that he had in
00:46:31
a marriage I just met and the last
00:46:34
three years I've met two sisters who
00:46:37
have just discovered him one's in
00:46:39
England she did her DNA and found it
00:46:40
she's
00:46:41
like Dad is her dad another one just
00:46:44
last year did not even know her father
00:46:47
wasn't her father and he didn't know
00:46:49
either her mum had kept it a secret
00:46:51
their whole life and she did a DNA test
00:46:54
just for fun and came up that my dad as
00:46:58
her dad
00:46:59
and she's like there's a mistake here
00:47:01
she had no idea so that's really torn
00:47:04
her apart and then I've got this other
00:47:05
brother Roman so I want to make sure
00:47:07
there's no other siblings out there oh
00:47:10
my God and that's why I'm obsessed with
00:47:12
DNA I need to know where did I come from
00:47:15
and who else am I related to because
00:47:17
this guy at my work who did the day show
00:47:19
or more FM he sent me a message going oh
00:47:21
my god I've just done my DNA and you
00:47:23
have come up as a cousin and I'm like oh
00:47:25
my God I'm related to a guy at work how
00:47:27
many
00:47:28
not related to that I know really yeah
00:47:30
but if you go far enough back aren't you
00:47:32
related to everyone what if you go all
00:47:34
the way back to Adam
00:47:39
anyway but
00:47:41
um you have an issue it's like like we
00:47:43
we were still married and living
00:47:45
together when um you track down your
00:47:47
biological dad yeah and I think I
00:47:49
remember being a bit cautionary at the
00:47:51
time saying I'll be careful what you
00:47:53
wish for you're opening Pandora's box or
00:47:55
whatever now all of a sudden you've got
00:47:57
a whole other family of like adults that
00:47:59
you've never met that you're going to
00:48:00
their Christmases and birthdays and an
00:48:02
extra 30 prisons to buy every year but
00:48:05
you what is why um why was that
00:48:07
Curiosity there did it just feel like
00:48:09
there was like a Missing Link in your
00:48:10
life my whole life I felt like I knew
00:48:13
that I knew that my mum told me when I
00:48:15
was six that my dad my Feeney Dad wasn't
00:48:18
my dad and this is Gary yeah she told me
00:48:21
to keep it a secret
00:48:23
and also when I'm sick so I went through
00:48:25
a lot when I was six years old
00:48:27
um so I kept a secret I never told my
00:48:29
siblings I don't want them to be upset
00:48:31
but my whole life I just felt like I
00:48:33
need to know who this person is because
00:48:35
I didn't look like my siblings I needed
00:48:38
to know who do I look like uh where do I
00:48:40
get this sense of humor from where do I
00:48:42
get this where do I get the fat jeans
00:48:44
from because my Instagram
00:48:49
anyway so I wanted I needed to know just
00:48:53
where where did I belong that's it I
00:48:56
just wanted to meet him and that was all
00:48:58
but then once I met him you know I find
00:49:00
out he's got all these other kids he's
00:49:02
got a sister and I've got cousins and
00:49:04
all this here in Auckland so
00:49:07
I it's been it's been good meeting them
00:49:09
because I get some questions answered
00:49:11
but you know now I've met them I've sort
00:49:13
of got a you know they're in my life now
00:49:16
it's just time management Hi-Fi I
00:49:18
struggle with like I don't mind having
00:49:19
the family I just don't have time to
00:49:22
hang out
00:49:23
you can hang out with family and work on
00:49:25
your family tree at the same time
00:49:28
yeah and what about radio you still like
00:49:31
radio
00:49:32
um I do like radio you've been doing it
00:49:34
a long time now like 30 something years
00:49:36
yes I'm finding it
00:49:38
well having
00:49:40
it's
00:49:44
it's changed people are so politically
00:49:46
correct that's nobody you're supposed to
00:49:49
end radio you're you're supposed to be
00:49:51
hired for having a strong opinion nobody
00:49:54
wants to hear your opinion anymore
00:49:55
because if people don't agree with your
00:49:57
opinion they instantly hate you so I
00:50:00
just find that so bizarre and it's like
00:50:02
everyone has a microphone now because
00:50:04
everyone has a platform to say what they
00:50:06
feel like saying so it's like in the old
00:50:10
days was like I'm the one with the
00:50:11
microphone
00:50:14
everyone else has got a microphone so
00:50:16
it's like
00:50:18
so much noise so it's hard to
00:50:23
I don't know radios kind of simplified
00:50:25
again it's simplified it's just basic
00:50:28
light entertainment with music
00:50:30
non-offensive yeah because when we were
00:50:32
when we were at the um the edge and it
00:50:34
was in the uh I suppose it's funny
00:50:37
because um when we did a show with Mike
00:50:39
Peru the uh JJ Mike and Dom show
00:50:42
um
00:50:42
when when you're when you're in a golden
00:50:44
patch you don't necessarily realize it's
00:50:46
a golden patch but then you look back
00:50:47
and you go [ __ ] that was that was the
00:50:50
peak but you don't realize it's the peak
00:50:51
when you when you're there but back then
00:50:53
we were encouraged to poke the beer
00:50:55
where there was a sort of a mentality
00:50:56
that um if people are complaining it's
00:50:59
good they're talking about it but now
00:51:01
with social media if people complain
00:51:03
they're like well I'm gonna listen to
00:51:04
the next ad break see who's advertising
00:51:06
on the station and let these advertisers
00:51:08
know so the thing now is to basically
00:51:11
not get is basically be under the radar
00:51:13
right not get any attention at all
00:51:19
mean they're nasty they're vindictive
00:51:22
it's like if you are anyone who said
00:51:24
anything negative on social media to
00:51:27
anyone personally or about anyone or
00:51:30
Donna's gone as far as contacted an
00:51:32
Advertiser you're a piece of piece of
00:51:34
[ __ ] actually you are look take a
00:51:37
[ __ ] look at yourself
00:51:41
calm down stick to your lane and just
00:51:44
because your offender doesn't mean it's
00:51:47
offensive it pisses me so much
00:51:51
she's so offended by something even on
00:51:53
behalf of someone else it's like it's
00:51:55
got nothing to do with you
00:52:03
yeah I just don't I just want to get
00:52:05
through life simply these days and not
00:52:07
just get annoyed it's like yeah why does
00:52:11
everyone have to try and ruin everyone
00:52:12
else's Day
00:52:16
come on man just lighten up and have
00:52:18
some fun in life and if you don't like
00:52:20
something then you don't like it just
00:52:21
ignore it if I don't like something I'm
00:52:23
not [ __ ] if I don't like what Hillary
00:52:25
Barry's wearing on TV I'm not writing in
00:52:27
about it yeah that's a good point I'll
00:52:29
be like okay
00:52:34
if you're the person that writes
00:52:36
something about that you [ __ ] you
00:52:37
need a life so that pisses me off I've
00:52:40
Got a Theory theory about it I reckon
00:52:42
it's because
00:52:42
um everyone everyone [ __ ] up in their
00:52:45
own life and everyone's everyone's
00:52:46
dealing with um their own [ __ ]
00:52:48
everyone's dealing with some guilt with
00:52:49
some shame or some regret or some
00:52:51
remorse about something that's something
00:52:52
I've learned from this podcast so by
00:52:54
diverting the attention away from
00:52:55
yourself and pointing at someone else
00:52:57
that's [ __ ] up it just gives you a
00:52:59
sense of relief for a second I guess I
00:53:01
don't know
00:53:02
stop isn't it yeah it's just
00:53:04
stupid um and how's your mental health
00:53:06
these days are you still on the um
00:53:07
you're still on antidepressants yes I am
00:53:10
yeah so you'll be on them for life you
00:53:11
think yeah but I'm not on a big dose or
00:53:14
anything yeah I'm pretty good at the
00:53:16
moment the last time I was really
00:53:18
depressed was
00:53:19
um
00:53:20
when I was assaulted by the taxi driver
00:53:24
I went through a very very very hard
00:53:26
time then
00:53:27
um especially when people don't believe
00:53:29
you which is [ __ ] up which is another
00:53:30
reason why I don't want to talk about my
00:53:32
mom's ex-boyfriend releasing me because
00:53:34
yeah people think you're a liar which is
00:53:36
[ __ ] stupid yeah
00:53:38
um
00:53:39
I was yeah I went through a really bad
00:53:40
patch after that yeah that was that was
00:53:42
rough I um I went to court with you and
00:53:44
I I I I was nervous about um just having
00:53:47
to
00:53:48
um testify and it was only a couple of
00:53:49
questions but this was your whole life
00:53:52
revolving around this and it's like
00:53:54
um the defense lawyer it was like just
00:53:56
doing her job by the definition of the
00:53:57
law she basically accused you of being
00:53:59
an attention seeker and making it up to
00:54:02
try and win me back or something and
00:54:03
when when when oh okay don't laugh but
00:54:07
when when you know you it's like JJ's
00:54:10
the most like honest and trustworthy
00:54:11
person you could ever meet like my
00:54:14
nickname when we were together was rules
00:54:15
because yeah you know you you would just
00:54:18
an absolute stickler for the rules so
00:54:20
you're never going to make anything up
00:54:22
like it's just not in your DNA so to be
00:54:24
accused of that yeah I'm not a liar and
00:54:27
I would never ever do anything to hurt
00:54:29
someone that
00:54:30
yeah I just don't hurt people
00:54:32
why would I do that innocent people
00:54:34
that's just not me but anyway
00:54:36
uh the system is the system but anywho I
00:54:39
was depressed but that's the last time
00:54:41
I'm try I try really hard now to just
00:54:45
um avoid situations
00:54:47
that I know can trigger me so what are
00:54:51
they well just
00:54:56
joking
00:55:00
um
00:55:01
I think
00:55:03
I try and keep people who stress me out
00:55:06
at arm's limb yeah and that includes
00:55:08
some family members uh I try not to get
00:55:11
caught up in the dramas
00:55:13
um
00:55:14
just there's a few things that set me
00:55:15
off but
00:55:17
I just try really hard
00:55:20
to just keep everything around me
00:55:22
even and peaceful and if things start
00:55:25
getting really stressed like sometimes
00:55:27
it's work I gotta sort it out because I
00:55:30
don't want to be depressed again but if
00:55:32
I stop taking my meds I'll get depressed
00:55:34
but they keep me like I hardly cry
00:55:36
that's how good they are so sort of
00:55:40
suppresses some of your emotions it
00:55:41
makes it hard for me to get too
00:55:43
emotional it keeps me level it's really
00:55:44
hard to explain yeah because we were we
00:55:47
were still living together and working
00:55:48
together when you had um one of your
00:55:50
worst breakdowns and um Mike Peru and I
00:55:52
uh you you disappeared to go to the
00:55:54
bathroom and uh the song finished and we
00:55:57
started a voice break and you went there
00:55:58
and then we played another song and you
00:56:01
still weren't there so we sent some of
00:56:03
the girls out looking for you and you
00:56:05
were you know like um and one of the
00:56:06
toilet cubicles just like you just
00:56:08
snapped at that moment what was that
00:56:10
about was that one of the um was that
00:56:12
one of the failed
00:56:14
IVF rounds
00:56:16
was that around that time no it was
00:56:19
the biggest mental breakdown I had was
00:56:21
then when I had a whole month where I
00:56:23
literally couldn't get out of bed I was
00:56:25
so depressed yeah I've never seen
00:56:27
anything like that there was a slapping
00:56:29
point
00:56:36
it was
00:56:37
hard to handle and you know we you're
00:56:40
getting up at four in the morning you're
00:56:42
just constantly tired and there's people
00:56:43
always wanting a piece of you and I'd
00:56:45
sort of seen an email asking me to be
00:56:47
somewhere for something and I just
00:56:49
couldn't deal with it anymore I don't
00:56:51
know it was so weird it was like
00:56:53
something as simple as that it just
00:56:55
broke me I just thought I can't cope
00:56:57
with any of this and I lost it
00:57:01
um
00:57:01
and I honestly thought about checking
00:57:04
into a mentor hospital that's how bad it
00:57:06
was
00:57:07
I just but I didn't want my name to be
00:57:09
in the news for doing so oh so [ __ ]
00:57:12
weird
00:57:13
um
00:57:14
yeah that was rough and but I I look
00:57:16
back upon that time now and I feel um
00:57:19
bad that I didn't handle it maybe as
00:57:21
well as what I should and it came from a
00:57:23
good place but I I was working through
00:57:25
and you're just like as you said staying
00:57:27
in bed and you were like beard written
00:57:29
for almost a month and I'd come home
00:57:30
open the blinds Come On The Sun Shines
00:57:33
out let's get out on the deck and get
00:57:36
some vitamin D on your face we'll go for
00:57:38
a walk yeah and I'm sorry about that
00:57:41
okay I've got more of a I don't know an
00:57:45
empathy streak now or more of an
00:57:46
understanding about
00:57:48
um your mental unwellness now but at the
00:57:50
time it came from a good place but I
00:57:51
handled it completely the wrong way and
00:57:52
I feel bad about that you did
00:57:54
was a choice
00:58:00
as well because
00:58:01
like you try to bully me into exercise
00:58:03
it was like no but I can't just smile
00:58:06
and you can't just tell me a joke and
00:58:08
I'm gonna feel better but it was hard to
00:58:10
explain that to you
00:58:12
you know what depression feels like now
00:58:14
I'm sure I think you've had it
00:58:16
and I think until you've had it or you
00:58:19
you really can't understand what it is
00:58:22
it must be easy to think oh surely you
00:58:24
can snap out of it and that's that's the
00:58:26
attitude you had which was very hard for
00:58:28
me because I felt like I was a real
00:58:30
burden
00:58:32
because you didn't understand and that I
00:58:34
was really bringing the party down which
00:58:36
is the reason why I wanted to move out
00:58:37
for a while
00:58:39
was because I didn't want you to see me
00:58:40
like that and I didn't want to be
00:58:42
bringing you down
00:58:44
yeah depressionists it's [ __ ] actually
00:58:46
it's destructive it's really hard and so
00:58:49
many of us are going through it I'm just
00:58:51
happy that I'm at a place now where I
00:58:53
feel good about things I feel okay I can
00:58:57
I can manage everything and I don't want
00:59:00
to go back to that place again I'm not
00:59:02
saying it won't happen but I'm trying
00:59:04
really hard to
00:59:07
just keep in control of everything in my
00:59:09
life because when things get out of
00:59:11
control and I can't control it I think
00:59:12
that's when
00:59:14
yeah well that's fair enough we went
00:59:17
through a lot of stuff
00:59:18
there was a lot of stuff like the um
00:59:20
fertility stuff was massive
00:59:24
I know more than anything you wanted to
00:59:27
be a dad like for me I could take it or
00:59:29
leave it I know I feel so bad about that
00:59:32
now but I really wanted it at the time I
00:59:35
did really want it at the time and it
00:59:37
was devastating when it didn't work out
00:59:38
each time but for you I felt more for
00:59:41
you because as your wife I wanted to
00:59:43
give you that I wanted you to have that
00:59:45
uh but it didn't work out so I'm really
00:59:48
sorry oh no I see I feel so guilty about
00:59:51
their next we
00:59:53
um I can't even remember how many I need
00:59:55
to reread your 10 years
00:59:57
misconception by JJ a true story of life
01:00:01
love and infertility you can't get
01:00:04
that book right
01:00:06
but I've sort of like I suppose like
01:00:09
compartmentalized and like shut that box
01:00:11
in my brain somewhere so I can't even
01:00:13
remember what we how many rounds we went
01:00:15
through five rounds of
01:00:17
yep and
01:00:19
and right and then um and that was
01:00:22
pretty much I feel like I was the
01:00:23
Catalyst for that and um after each
01:00:25
family you had a tumor yeah no no okay
01:00:28
so yeah male male infertility issue so I
01:00:32
mean that was that was not my fault but
01:00:33
it's um age sort of failed around you'd
01:00:36
you'd cry and you'd want to make for a
01:00:37
couple of days and I'd sort of be like
01:00:38
all right come on all right what's next
01:00:40
on woods and upwards and in the end um
01:00:43
I'm paraphrasing here Dr Richard Fisher
01:00:46
who's um like New Zealand's top
01:00:47
embryologist he basically sat us down
01:00:49
and this is paraphrasing and basically
01:00:50
said it's not going to happen for you
01:00:52
guys give it up
01:00:53
and I wasn't ready to give it up at that
01:00:56
stage and we had um
01:00:58
um a very good friend of mine uh who uh
01:01:02
was a Spam donor and um he's married
01:01:06
with his own kids and I I asked him to
01:01:08
do it you know it was a very meticulous
01:01:10
decision and he agreed and he and his
01:01:12
wife had to go through counseling
01:01:13
sessions and then go through the I don't
01:01:16
know I suppose reasonably sort of
01:01:18
humility humiliating I don't know if
01:01:20
that's a word um you know procedure of
01:01:22
like donating sperm
01:01:25
yeah it's embarrassing it's embarrassing
01:01:27
but it's a big thing that he did for us
01:01:29
but by then
01:01:30
um even though uh getting pregnant
01:01:33
through donor sperm is easier than IVF
01:01:35
and I see I see XC icsi whatever that
01:01:39
stands for and by then you'd sort of
01:01:40
checked out I was ready to keep going
01:01:42
but and I look back now and I feel
01:01:43
terrible about that because I didn't
01:01:45
have to do any of the work you were
01:01:47
doing it
01:01:50
you do
01:01:53
[ __ ] happens
01:01:55
yes
01:01:57
and I'm sorry because it feels
01:02:00
it feels yeah
01:02:03
you don't have to feel responsible
01:02:05
because you're not responsible yeah and
01:02:07
things don't always go our way in life
01:02:10
and everyone has that where you know
01:02:13
we're faced with
01:02:15
things that don't go our way and
01:02:18
we just have to
01:02:20
pick up and move on yeah oh no that is
01:02:22
one thing I've learned in this podcast
01:02:24
um I had bloody Susie Cato on a while
01:02:26
ago and um she went through she had like
01:02:29
um two miscarriages and then was made
01:02:30
redundant from TV3 at the same time and
01:02:32
it just goes to show
01:02:34
um yeah [ __ ] happens to everyone and
01:02:36
[ __ ] happens to good people
01:02:38
but anyway I do I do feel bad about that
01:02:40
because I look back now and I'm I think
01:02:42
I'm um more involved now and more
01:02:45
empathetic now and
01:02:46
um you know I should have handled things
01:02:48
differently in the second
01:02:51
yeah yeah
01:02:54
um and look I I don't think I don't hold
01:02:57
any grudges against you
01:02:59
at all like we we split up on good terms
01:03:02
you know with the Spiker disappeared and
01:03:06
I still love you like yeah yeah you're
01:03:09
my best mate oh same but I feel like I
01:03:11
was a terrible husband at the time I was
01:03:14
just so so did I'm work you don't you
01:03:16
don't even have to answer that that's me
01:03:18
making a statement it's not fishing for
01:03:19
compliments
01:03:20
[Laughter]
01:03:24
yeah yeah
01:03:27
um
01:03:28
how much um do you want to talk about um
01:03:31
the uh
01:03:33
um the adoption not at all or not really
01:03:37
um oh my yeah
01:03:42
okay so well it was bedtime
01:03:45
can I just like touch upon this
01:03:48
no not really so JJ's brother who you
01:03:52
mentioned earlier the one that's um in
01:03:54
and out of incarceration uh he had a son
01:03:56
and uh he was like four years and 11
01:03:59
months old and um his his dad your
01:04:03
brother uh had to go back to jail so it
01:04:05
was either basically everyone in the
01:04:07
family had turned their back on on your
01:04:09
brother so this kid four years and 11
01:04:12
months old was either going to go to a
01:04:13
like a a sith's home at the time
01:04:16
um or we had this massive house we had
01:04:18
spare bedrooms and we couldn't have our
01:04:20
own kids so it seemed like an absolute
01:04:22
no-brainer to me so we we took him in
01:04:25
and I just want to give you like flowers
01:04:27
right now for doing
01:04:29
um
01:04:30
such a good job with him
01:04:33
so I'm getting emotional talking about
01:04:35
it
01:04:36
um
01:04:37
you did a better job than I did no I
01:04:39
listen I know that ended badly but you
01:04:40
you did so much for that kid
01:04:43
and he's um he's a man now like he's
01:04:46
what is he 18 19. he's 20. 20 years old
01:04:50
[ __ ]
01:04:51
um yeah we're still untouching messages
01:04:52
DMS me on Instagram from time to time
01:04:54
because asking for money uh no nobody he
01:04:57
has started writing nice comments on
01:04:58
posts so people people say to me all the
01:05:01
time oh one day he's going to come back
01:05:02
and thank you guys but it's that's not
01:05:03
the reason you do it um and it did end
01:05:05
up sour
01:05:07
um but you did a phenomenal job and and
01:05:09
that kid doesn't know how how lucky he
01:05:11
is I mean you I remember you doing
01:05:13
parenting classes you and I had to go to
01:05:17
they had ring binders of notes and it
01:05:21
was all very I don't know it's probably
01:05:23
all good stuff well-meaning stuff but
01:05:25
you and you and I we end up having like
01:05:28
um therapy on his behalf because he was
01:05:29
too young to have therapy and every week
01:05:31
would be driving to these you know um
01:05:34
government-funded therapy and I'll be
01:05:36
like why the [ __ ] am I going to therapy
01:05:37
like he's the one that's [ __ ] up
01:05:40
um yes I was a pain in the ass but yeah
01:05:43
um yeah you deserve so much prayer days
01:05:45
and credit I think from not from your
01:05:48
own family or from me but from him as
01:05:50
well in society in general because I've
01:05:53
got absolutely no doubt that um that
01:05:56
that man's life would be completely
01:05:58
different now had it not been for you
01:06:00
and the work that you did and you yeah
01:06:03
and you
01:06:06
anyway
01:06:07
I'm I'm
01:06:10
I'm heartbroken and traumatized
01:06:14
at the way things ended with him
01:06:16
we're not going to talk about that but
01:06:20
yeah that's hard to talk about when
01:06:22
there's someone else involved isn't it
01:06:23
yeah is that the reason you don't like
01:06:26
talking about it
01:06:37
uh yeah I wanted to
01:06:40
change
01:06:41
him into a tournament he'd come from a
01:06:44
bad place
01:06:45
and I wanted to turn that around
01:06:49
but these are nature versus nurture
01:06:51
thing and unfortunately you know he
01:06:53
already was pre-programmed and there
01:06:56
wasn't much we could do but just look
01:06:58
after him
01:06:59
and I feel like I failed not being able
01:07:02
to help them
01:07:03
turn into a better person
01:07:05
yeah we learned so much over that time
01:07:07
uh who wants to set something like 80 of
01:07:09
a human's brain development starting on
01:07:11
the first thousand days which is like
01:07:12
three years so by four years and 11
01:07:14
months old when he came to live with us
01:07:17
um the damage had already been done but
01:07:19
I've seen some bad things but I not from
01:07:21
just
01:07:24
um
01:07:28
anyway let's talk about it anyway surely
01:07:31
it's time to wrap this up no we're just
01:07:34
getting started
01:07:36
it's been an hour and eight minutes
01:07:43
what else do we need to touch upon
01:07:45
[Music]
01:07:52
um I've become you know what you know
01:07:54
what I've I've had time
01:07:56
um to pause and reflect on things and
01:07:59
I I think um
01:08:02
for me it was almost a strategy to avoid
01:08:04
dealing with any emotions just to keep
01:08:06
busy and keep moving forward and then
01:08:08
you realize this is not a way to that I
01:08:11
can live the rest of my life like it's
01:08:12
not good so you need to sort of unpack
01:08:14
things and think about things and
01:08:16
address things it's okay to talk about
01:08:18
your feelings Dom it's okay to tell
01:08:20
people when you're hurting it's okay to
01:08:22
show emotion
01:08:24
it is but I think for me I always got
01:08:26
sort of um like validation from being a
01:08:29
person that had the answers or you know
01:08:32
it was a reliable and dependable person
01:08:34
not being the person that needed help
01:08:35
but you are
01:08:37
okay
01:08:40
yeah yeah yeah this is huge this is the
01:08:43
thing about we're all human
01:08:45
and nobody is nobody's got it right no
01:08:48
one's 100 happy no one's life is perfect
01:08:51
even if it does look someone look like
01:08:53
it on Instagram
01:08:54
we all have [ __ ] to deal with we all
01:08:58
have [ __ ] going on you're upset because
01:09:01
you care and that's a good thing you
01:09:04
care
01:09:05
no I don't like seeing you upstairs
01:09:07
that's why that's why I never cried on
01:09:09
all those years together
01:09:12
no no no it's actually it's actually not
01:09:15
sitting on Saturdays it's probably happy
01:09:16
tears in a way in a way if that makes
01:09:19
sense because it's like um I look back
01:09:20
now and um yeah you were just so good to
01:09:24
me and you still are
01:09:27
I think I think there's been moments
01:09:28
where had it not been for your support I
01:09:31
probably would have no there's a couple
01:09:32
of times where and I'm not saying this
01:09:34
flippantly this isn't just like a shock
01:09:35
Factor thing but there are times where I
01:09:37
probably would have you know like oh I
01:09:39
you know I contemplated taking my own
01:09:40
life
01:09:41
and there's the you know one of the
01:09:43
reasons I've done this because my dog
01:09:45
like my dog wouldn't that wouldn't
01:09:46
understand
01:09:47
and then this
01:09:53
I I didn't have some counseling sessions
01:09:55
and this is why I feel okay to talk
01:09:57
about this the the counselor asked me if
01:09:58
I'd ever felt like suicidal and I said
01:10:00
oh yeah I've had thoughts she's like but
01:10:03
you never planned it or anything and I'm
01:10:04
like no just sort of thoughts like just
01:10:06
leaving thoughts but with those thoughts
01:10:07
thoughts are quite alarming when when
01:10:09
you have them
01:10:10
um but she the therapist just sort of
01:10:12
shrugged her shoulders and she was like
01:10:13
yeah it's an option that's open to all
01:10:14
of us she goes there's a there's a big
01:10:16
step between having those thoughts and
01:10:18
actually planning it and that was a huge
01:10:20
um you know weight off my shoulders but
01:10:22
at the time I was thinking um
01:10:24
you know you think about other people I
01:10:27
think oh well JJ I'll be upstairs and my
01:10:29
mum will be upset
01:10:30
um but then then you think
01:10:32
well once once I'm gone they'll they'll
01:10:35
realize that you know the void I leave
01:10:37
isn't that great
01:10:41
to your life
01:10:43
yeah yeah
01:10:47
when you're that depressed and you're
01:10:49
thinking that your life's not worth
01:10:51
living you always think that you think
01:10:52
you're not good enough you think No
01:10:54
One's Gonna Miss You that's rubbish
01:10:56
that's rubbish every single person who
01:10:59
has taken their own life has been like
01:11:01
why did you do that because you've hurt
01:11:03
so many people you've left a huge void
01:11:05
you life was worth living why did you do
01:11:09
that like
01:11:10
what
01:11:13
yeah that's of course of course it's
01:11:15
gonna be a void
01:11:16
a huge void
01:11:18
if you had you
01:11:22
you know 110 people came there's 110
01:11:25
people that care about you 140 if you
01:11:27
cantonesian Mystic yeah that's true who
01:11:30
played live
01:11:31
yeah look you've got a lot of people
01:11:33
that care about you you know when
01:11:34
something bad happens like you know
01:11:37
maybe a close family member dies or you
01:11:39
get cancer or something really awful
01:11:41
like that
01:11:43
people come out of the woodwork that you
01:11:45
haven't heard from in ages and they're
01:11:46
like hey are you okay and you're like
01:11:47
whoa I heard from you because those
01:11:49
people don't necessarily check in every
01:11:51
now regularly because you know life goes
01:11:54
on but they're there for you yeah when
01:11:56
you need them so when you're at that
01:11:58
point where you think life's not worth
01:12:01
living there are actually so many more
01:12:03
people that care about you than you
01:12:04
think there are
01:12:06
there are so many people so please I
01:12:09
know I understand that that's why I feel
01:12:11
comfortable talking about this now
01:12:12
because I'm not on that stage anymore
01:12:14
and and everything you're saying is 100
01:12:16
True like uh and we talked about your
01:12:18
you know your co-host Bob Reed before
01:12:20
who took his own life and there's
01:12:21
another friend that we worked with Daryl
01:12:23
who took his own life as well and it's
01:12:24
like you just think of all the moments
01:12:26
that these people have missed since then
01:12:27
and how this cloudy period they were
01:12:30
going through would have passed I know
01:12:32
yeah it's hard when you run it but but
01:12:35
anyway since then like I've I've made an
01:12:37
effort to add more value to your life
01:12:39
where I can that's why if you mentioned
01:12:41
you've got you've you've got got a to-do
01:12:44
list and going to Bunnings is on there
01:12:46
I'll offer to go there for you or I'll
01:12:47
always ask you if you want a coffee when
01:12:49
I come around I'm just trying to add
01:12:51
value to your life every day Don comes
01:12:52
around with the dog and coffee and he
01:12:54
brings
01:12:55
yeah
01:12:56
so sweet yeah and you know it was cool
01:12:58
we went on holiday at Christmas to Bali
01:13:00
with your girlfriend Ash and that's the
01:13:03
best thing about
01:13:05
like we have this relationship which
01:13:06
people don't understand except for the
01:13:08
people that know us your girlfriend and
01:13:11
my boyfriend are both totally fine with
01:13:13
that and that just goes to show uh
01:13:17
how or they obviously understand the
01:13:20
relationship and they're not they're not
01:13:22
threatened by it and
01:13:25
um it's so good because I love your
01:13:27
girlfriend she's so fun and you know I
01:13:30
love the relationship that you have and
01:13:32
I love hanging out with you you guys and
01:13:34
it's cool that you accept my boyfriend
01:13:36
too and yeah he's great there's a lot I
01:13:39
think about
01:13:41
um the type of people have in our life
01:13:44
and the type of people we are yeah and
01:13:46
the type of people you attract as well
01:13:47
because it's definitely they they have
01:13:49
to put up with a certain amount of
01:13:50
scrutiny I guess from their friends and
01:13:52
family oh yeah asking questions my
01:13:54
boyfriend doesn't like being in the
01:13:55
public eye but after the first year I
01:13:58
wouldn't I couldn't put them on
01:13:59
Instagram or anything now he's embracing
01:14:01
it where a woman's day next week
01:14:04
he just had to suck it up in the end I
01:14:07
said this doesn't make you gonna be with
01:14:09
me you have to deal with this [ __ ] yeah
01:14:10
yeah okay
01:14:12
um trip to Bali at the start of the year
01:14:13
the um the more I think about that it's
01:14:15
I say to people it was a it was a recipe
01:14:19
for disaster like it could have been
01:14:20
disastrous like we're in Bali you know
01:14:23
there was drinking every other night
01:14:25
like it was yeah it could have been a
01:14:27
volatile situation but it wasn't
01:14:28
everything was great well I knew it was
01:14:30
going to be everything's great actually
01:14:33
um Ash my girlfriend she's been like
01:14:34
pushing for this podcast for ages it's
01:14:37
like you and JJ need to do a podcast
01:14:39
together she goes she goes [ __ ] all the
01:14:41
runners you have on like people want to
01:14:42
hear you and JJ I don't think so
01:14:44
has she seen you cry yet
01:14:47
I don't know if she here I don't think
01:14:49
so
01:14:50
[Laughter]
01:14:54
I don't cry very often I think yeah yeah
01:14:56
yeah yeah anyway all right well and
01:14:59
ripping are you wrapping it up
01:15:01
yeah
01:15:02
okay well uh
01:15:05
no no I'm I'm good it's more emotional
01:15:08
than what I expected I'm
01:15:10
all of you Dom yeah I'll always support
01:15:12
you
01:15:13
I like like oh don't you're gonna make
01:15:15
me start again
01:15:16
no no no
01:15:18
um well I I people ask me um often yeah
01:15:22
do you want to do radio again would you
01:15:24
do radio again
01:15:25
and I say it would have to be like the
01:15:28
right team and I would jump at the
01:15:30
chance to work with you again or do some
01:15:33
sort of work with you again you're the
01:15:34
easiest person to work with and I'd like
01:15:35
to think um I'd be better now than what
01:15:37
I was a bit more perspective take things
01:15:40
less seriously are you are you you yeah
01:15:42
you were you are by far
01:15:45
um the best person I've worked with
01:15:47
yeah well I I look back now and it's
01:15:50
like um when we're working with Mike
01:15:52
Perdue like he must have been like just
01:15:56
so awkward sitting there well here we go
01:15:57
having arguments like
01:16:03
then we'd be in the car on the drive
01:16:05
home and it wasn't even brought up
01:16:08
works I was like Dom stop being an
01:16:10
[ __ ] I'm not being an [ __ ] this is
01:16:13
a great this is how he's doing I'm right
01:16:14
you're wrong
01:16:20
yeah yeah I'll just go along with it
01:16:22
yeah he wasn't he wasn't allowed to have
01:16:24
a say anyway while he went with you
01:16:27
anyway this has been fabulous today
01:16:29
anything you want to end with anything
01:16:30
you want to close with anything you want
01:16:32
to bring up
01:16:33
look if you don't like running it's
01:16:35
because it's probably not in your DNA
01:16:37
okay you can get a DNA test to see if
01:16:39
you've got the uh the Sprinter Gene from
01:16:42
ancestry.com or my Heritage look I I
01:16:45
just know that
01:16:46
um
01:16:47
some exercise in your life would be so
01:16:50
good for your mental health yeah and
01:16:51
your physical health it'll make you feel
01:16:53
better sometimes
01:16:58
stop with the exercise bullying okay
01:17:01
okay
01:17:02
um no but it's like I'd be lost without
01:17:04
you I I can't have you dying before me I
01:17:07
need you here
01:17:08
you're still my emergency contact when
01:17:12
things happen like um the printer in the
01:17:14
corner of this room if if if that needs
01:17:17
a cartridge replaced who do I call
01:17:19
yeah exactly so I need you around for a
01:17:22
while yeah it's all right I'll do it
01:17:25
a nice tradies and
01:17:26
[Laughter]
01:17:30
oh you're the best well I thought you've
01:17:33
done an amazing job in your podcast I'm
01:17:34
actually really proud of you I know it's
01:17:36
been hard work but I think it's paying
01:17:40
off like
01:17:42
people are you know really into it I've
01:17:44
been I wonder if anyone would pay a
01:17:46
subscription so you could earn some
01:17:47
money though yeah so money would be good
01:17:50
yeah
01:17:51
highest subscription
01:17:56
your feedback well let's start at the
01:17:58
patreon
01:18:00
all right hey JJ Feeney thank you so
01:18:04
much for coming over and being a guest
01:18:05
on Runners only with dom Harvey your
01:18:08
husband legally
01:18:10
should we talk about that divorce at
01:18:12
some point
01:18:15
[Music]
