00:00:00
Come here. You little You little Come
00:00:02
on. You want some of this? Who does that
00:00:04
to Jack Reacher?
00:00:05
>> Who goes up to him and goes, "You think
00:00:06
you're tough?"
00:00:07
>> There goes the right elbow. The kidney
00:00:09
is ruptured. His knees are shot.
00:00:12
>> The femur is snapped. They're saying
00:00:15
Bust Boys is a lot like Kasablanca. Just
00:00:17
as far as like longevity and how
00:00:20
important it is to
00:00:21
>> between you and Theo, which one's
00:00:23
Bogart, Humphrey Bogart, which one's
00:00:26
>> which one's Inger B? Did you see a porn
00:00:29
called The Longest Wii?
00:00:31
>> We weren made it in the chat. Boom.
00:00:35
>> So, this is episode 941 and you are have
00:00:40
taken a page from me. I've swapped out.
00:00:42
But you have a short sleeve black
00:00:44
t-shirt on. My last check I've worn a
00:00:47
short sleeve black t-shirt
00:00:49
>> 78% of the time.
00:00:51
>> 1,200 episodes. Look at I got a cool hat
00:00:53
too, but I didn't wear it because it was
00:00:54
black. And I'm like, you know what? I'm
00:00:55
gonna rough it with my hair. And uh
00:00:58
>> these people don't deserve another hat.
00:01:00
I'm just going to rough it. But the
00:01:01
black t-shirt is very rare for me.
00:01:03
>> What happened?
00:01:05
>> Well, I do like them, but I always feel
00:01:08
like you've cornered that market, so I
00:01:10
said I got to
00:01:11
>> fluff it up with green, blue, indigo,
00:01:14
violet, royab,
00:01:18
that is light blue and orange mixed
00:01:20
together to make a hazy.
00:01:23
>> Don't ever ask an what? It's the colors
00:01:25
of the rainbow.
00:01:27
>> Usually you have Well, usually you have
00:01:28
a robe. You have kind of a little golf
00:01:31
shirt and I'm just saying it's cute. I'm
00:01:33
not saying it's feminine. That's
00:01:35
ridiculous. But it has a little collar
00:01:38
>> and it has a little puffed out sleeves.
00:01:41
>> Yeah. I mean, um, it's adorable. This is
00:01:44
a man. This is Steve McQueen. This is
00:01:46
Brad Pitt in Once Upon a Time in
00:01:50
Hollywood.
00:01:51
>> I'm obviously going to change my
00:01:53
carburetor. I tried to change my
00:01:55
alternator on my 70, no 62 Volvo when I
00:02:00
was starting out. I had to go to pick a
00:02:02
part.
00:02:03
>> You know what that is? That's a
00:02:04
>> absolutely
00:02:05
>> that's a place in Arizona where they
00:02:07
have all these old trash cars and you
00:02:09
give them like uh five bucks to go in
00:02:12
and then you bring your old your own
00:02:14
tools and you go find an alternator. You
00:02:16
go and you take it out and then you walk
00:02:20
up and put it on the scale like and then
00:02:22
they go,
00:02:23
>> "She's worth about 25."
00:02:27
And so you can find some good [ __ ] My
00:02:29
gas cap was so cool on my old Volvo that
00:02:33
everyone kept stealing it. And my uh
00:02:35
stick shift had a knob on it that was
00:02:38
chrome and it got stolen within minutes.
00:02:41
>> That's a lovely story. You know what?
00:02:43
Let's save that, you [ __ ] God dang
00:02:47
it. I should have saved that for sweeps,
00:02:51
you prick.
00:02:59
>> Wake up, Dana.
00:03:00
>> You can't beat the snoozeer.
00:03:02
I'm getting your alarm clock.
00:03:04
>> $1.99 on Amazon. Uh anyway, you'll we'll
00:03:08
revisit this. We don't make the whole
00:03:10
episode about this, but
00:03:11
>> No, no. We had um mixed reviews on the
00:03:14
YouTube comments.
00:03:15
>> Maybe a bit too much.
00:03:18
>> Um here's a here's a character I
00:03:20
auditioned for in a movie, but I didn't
00:03:22
get it
00:03:23
>> because I did I did different breathing
00:03:25
than this. Tell me who it is.
00:03:30
>> Oh, it's uh the astronaut Bowman in the
00:03:33
movie 2001 trying to get the how to open
00:03:36
the bathroom door or the p door.
00:03:38
>> Close.
00:03:39
>> Darth Vader. Oh, Darth Vader. Here's you
00:03:43
having having a sandwich.
00:03:48
That's a good one.
00:03:53
I I've downloaded I what I did I used AI
00:03:57
to
00:03:58
>> you and your [ __ ] AI
00:03:59
>> all your sound effects and I downloaded
00:04:02
this little machine. So now your sound
00:04:03
effects are my sound effects.
00:04:06
>> Did you see what I was doing? I was fake
00:04:08
chewing and that was the noise you were
00:04:10
doing. It was good. It was a good
00:04:11
matchup.
00:04:11
>> Yeah, that's one of your one of your
00:04:12
little hooks, which was really funny the
00:04:16
first 900 times. No, it was not. It was
00:04:20
pretty funny the second 3,000.
00:04:24
>> No, but listen, I my little noises are
00:04:27
going to be replaced by AI, and I'm
00:04:29
really scared.
00:04:29
>> Everything's going to be replaced by AI.
00:04:33
I went I went yesterday. I actually I I
00:04:36
keep a diary and I went a minute and a
00:04:40
half not saying the word AI or the
00:04:43
phrase AI yesterday.
00:04:44
>> Is that Oh, is that how you say it a lot
00:04:46
around the house?
00:04:47
>> AI. Well, AI is going to supplant that.
00:04:49
AI will do your dishes. AI. Robots will
00:04:52
be AI driven and they'll steal. They'll
00:04:55
find his Volvo, David's Volvo, and some
00:04:58
junk heap. They'll redo it and a robot
00:05:01
will drive up and deliver it to you.
00:05:03
Poor Paula.
00:05:05
That's all you heard? Finally.
00:05:08
[ __ ] I gotta get a good one.
00:05:14
Emergency. Emergency podcast
00:05:16
notification.
00:05:17
>> Oh, that's good.
00:05:18
>> Emergency.
00:05:19
>> Breaking news. Here's one. It sounds
00:05:21
like Sandler.
00:05:23
>> Why you No has friends.
00:05:27
>> Doesn't that sound like Sandler?
00:05:28
>> It's It's right It's right close. It's
00:05:30
very close. Why you know has friends?
00:05:33
>> Why you know I have friends?
00:05:37
>> Wait, speaking of tough
00:05:39
>> did you see that this dude that plays
00:05:41
Jack Reacher who is a freaking monster?
00:05:44
>> I know he
00:05:45
>> knocked out his neighbor. I'm like who
00:05:47
is fighting Jack Reacher?
00:05:50
>> Who on God's green earth
00:05:52
>> who gets in front of Jack Reacher's
00:05:54
little motorcycle. He's having fun on a
00:05:56
culdeac and goes, "Stop it,
00:05:58
motherfucker." here. I mean, who does
00:06:00
that to Jack Reacher?
00:06:02
>> Who goes up to Jack Reacher and goes,
00:06:04
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:06:08
>> Who does this to Jack Reacher? Come
00:06:09
here, you little you little [ __ ] Come
00:06:12
on. You want some of this?" Who does
00:06:13
that to Jack Reacher?
00:06:14
>> Who goes up to him and goes, "You think
00:06:16
you're tough just cuz you're 69? You
00:06:18
think you're tough? Cuz you play the
00:06:20
toughest [ __ ] guy in the world.
00:06:21
>> 69 320. You don't want any piece of
00:06:23
this. Trust me.
00:06:24
>> You think you're tough? I'll snap your
00:06:25
neck. I don't care if you're 734.
00:06:29
I'll make it so you can't reach for
00:06:30
anything. Reacher, you reach her. I
00:06:33
break her.
00:06:36
>> And what? And Tom Cruz played the
00:06:39
character of Reacher in a movie.
00:06:41
>> I know that was a big
00:06:45
discussion.
00:06:47
>> Tom Cruz is always good though because
00:06:50
his commitment is harder than any human
00:06:52
in acting. He's just he commits. If he
00:06:55
wants to be 69, he is. And because Jack
00:06:57
Reacher, I guess it was a comic book.
00:06:59
He's just some bigger than-l life guy.
00:07:01
And then when Tom Cruz did it, they had
00:07:03
to adjust the dialogue. Like this huge
00:07:06
dude came in here. He must have been
00:07:08
5'4. He was knocking everybody out.
00:07:11
>> He's not 54. Let's at least be honest.
00:07:15
>> He's throwing out numbers. I don't know.
00:07:17
>> Yeah. No, he's Tom Cruz, man. I mean, I
00:07:21
I'm just such a fan because he truly
00:07:23
risks his life to entertain me. And so
00:07:26
if someone's going to do that, he's like
00:07:27
Evil Conval who took an acting class.
00:07:30
You know,
00:07:31
>> Evil Conval had no plan.
00:07:34
>> They said that when he came in the booth
00:07:36
before Wild of Sports and he's like he's
00:07:38
got a dart in his mouth and like a you
00:07:41
know Miller Light. He's like, "What are
00:07:43
we doing today, man? I'm hung over."
00:07:44
Like you're jumping like 15 buses. He's
00:07:46
like, "I know.
00:07:47
>> All right. Keep the camera on me when I
00:07:49
[ __ ] wreck."
00:07:50
>> I know. And what about the branding of
00:07:52
the name Evil Conievil? That was his
00:07:55
ninth choice. And some of the back
00:07:57
circus things he was known as Cruel Ken
00:08:00
and it never took off. Cruel Ken is now
00:08:03
going to climb over a Volkswagen bug.
00:08:05
And eventually it was evil conne
00:08:16
I know
00:08:16
>> the comedian
00:08:17
>> evil conneal was uh looked cool sort of
00:08:21
took a page out of Elvis's big collar
00:08:24
>> sort of
00:08:25
>> the colonel sued him blue
00:08:27
>> oh did they sue him for that
00:08:29
>> I made that up
00:08:30
>> oh it sounds like it could happen cuz
00:08:32
>> yeah but it was that white jumpsuit
00:08:34
>> it looks so cool Yeah. Red, white, and
00:08:36
blue. And then
00:08:43
Yeah. In front of the uh Caesar's Palace
00:08:45
or something with a ramp. He's going to
00:08:47
jump 20 school buses. And a lot of times
00:08:49
he'd fall and break like nine bones and
00:08:52
empath.
00:08:52
>> That's what everyone wanted.
00:08:53
>> I know. He's okay. He'd wave, you know,
00:08:56
on his poor.
00:08:57
>> He wiped out so bad at seizures and it
00:08:59
was a slow motion and it was literally
00:09:02
like my Zabbruter tape. Zapter because
00:09:05
he hit and he's like then he like flies
00:09:08
up and then the handlebars twist and
00:09:10
he's like what? Because he had to land
00:09:12
on like a dime. He had to land and then
00:09:14
stop before there's some big, you know,
00:09:16
pillars and cinder blocks.
00:09:18
>> Yeah. They had Jim Mccay or Howard
00:09:20
Cosell commentating it. Here he comes.
00:09:24
Zul conval going to drum 49. And Howard
00:09:27
Coell used to he was an emergency room
00:09:30
doctor before he was an announcer. So
00:09:32
when he went down in slow motion and
00:09:34
there goes the clavicle, there goes the
00:09:36
right elbow, the kidney is ruptured, his
00:09:40
knees are shot,
00:09:41
>> the femur is snapped,
00:09:45
>> ankle twisted, ego bruised,
00:09:49
>> and I don't know if people know from our
00:09:52
generation, Howard Coell, sports
00:09:54
announcer, was the greatest because he
00:09:55
would burst forward and down goes
00:09:58
Fraasia. Down goes Frazzia. And then he
00:10:01
was incredibly sophisticated. The
00:10:03
penacifications of the index of flops be
00:10:07
the be the you know the champ.
00:10:10
>> They do know because our average age of
00:10:12
our viewers is 100 which helps.
00:10:15
>> I found out yesterday I was reading I
00:10:17
asked AI and they said um 99.2%
00:10:22
listen to this podcast and yet we're out
00:10:25
here dancing with our dogs.
00:10:26
>> We jump. We have a very wide ranging fan
00:10:30
base. Let me tell you one other story.
00:10:32
It's a growing fan base.
00:10:34
>> I saw on Instagram, everyone tagged me,
00:10:36
of course. And no offense to this dude.
00:10:39
I don't want people to say I look like
00:10:41
people. And it's never like, you know,
00:10:46
Tom Cruz. It's always like, "Hey, you
00:10:47
look like this guy that's, you know, a
00:10:49
junkie down at the junkyard." So this
00:10:52
guy, and I hate to say I kind of agree
00:10:55
with this one. Wait a minute. The junkie
00:10:57
at the junkyard. Was that a set article?
00:10:59
>> That should be a show.
00:11:00
>> Junkie at the junkyard.
00:11:03
>> I'm the junkie at the junkard. Michael
00:11:05
writes a song.
00:11:07
>> So, here's a picture if they have it.
00:11:10
Kelly Osborne breaks up with her fiance.
00:11:12
I couldn't care less about that story.
00:11:13
All I could have my eyes on was the guy
00:11:16
that looks like me as a [ __ ]
00:11:17
magician. Do you have that in there? If
00:11:21
not, we'll find it.
00:11:24
Oh, I'll wait.
00:11:26
Uh, I had a weird photo thing too,
00:11:29
>> actually. Just Google it. Kelly Osborne
00:11:32
breakup with spade looking dude with the
00:11:36
flat top.
00:11:37
>> The guy who started Only Fans passed
00:11:39
away and then Daily Mail. There's a big
00:11:41
picture of us together.
00:11:44
>> No, with you.
00:11:45
>> Yeah, with me and him. Look it up.
00:11:48
>> Look at this [ __ ] spade guy.
00:11:51
>> Wait a minute. That
00:11:55
Are people saying that?
00:11:57
>> Yeah, but
00:11:57
>> they're saying that
00:11:58
>> people sent it to me.
00:12:00
>> Well, it's the mullet.
00:12:03
>> What do you think, Heather?
00:12:08
>> A little bit.
00:12:09
>> A little bit.
00:12:11
The crickets agree. Listen, also they're
00:12:15
saying you look exactly like Kelly Osma.
00:12:17
Now, that's the part that
00:12:21
Oh, I don't have a dress like that.
00:12:23
That's the tell.
00:12:25
>> She's got your exact skinny shoulders.
00:12:28
>> Uh, they're getting a little more built
00:12:30
up lately. I'll just put news flash.
00:12:32
>> All right, forget this story. Let's talk
00:12:34
about Dana and the Only Fans guy.
00:12:36
>> Can we get that picture? Is that true?
00:12:39
>> It was in Daily Mail. The the gentleman
00:12:41
who passed away. I don't remember
00:12:43
meeting him, but he started
00:12:44
>> the gentleman from Kentucky.
00:12:47
>> And here is the gentleman from Only
00:12:50
Fans. And here come the women who make
00:12:52
money on Only Fans.
00:12:54
>> I know they were all giving their sad
00:12:55
quotes like without this I couldn't be
00:12:57
naked.
00:12:58
>> You got jealous of my stripes last week.
00:13:00
Remember you look
00:13:02
>> vaguely familiar to last week's show.
00:13:05
Somebody did the wash.
00:13:06
>> Look, don't be mad of my boxy gap long
00:13:11
sleeve t-shirt with sleeve elements.
00:13:14
>> You look like Doc O when you stick your
00:13:16
arms out like that.
00:13:17
>> Whoops. Sorry. Not only tigers get out
00:13:21
of their cages.
00:13:26
>> So,
00:13:27
>> well, you look tough. You don't look
00:13:28
like Jack Reacher. You should fight Jack
00:13:30
Reacher. Hey,
00:13:33
>> keep it down, Pipsqueak. I do understand
00:13:35
the guy was trying to tell him, "Don't
00:13:37
rev the motorcycles in the neighborhood,
00:13:39
but you just don't say it to him."
00:13:41
>> Well, he got there was no charges. Um,
00:13:44
they just sort of shook hands. They're
00:13:45
still neighbors. And I think the guy
00:13:47
kind of I took a punch of Jack Reacher.
00:13:50
I think it's a flex at every poker game,
00:13:52
you know. Tell us that story about how
00:13:54
you took on that Jack Reacher guy who by
00:13:56
the way does have an actual name. We
00:13:58
should say and we should have him on on
00:14:00
this show.
00:14:01
>> Let's I want to hear how he knocked that
00:14:03
dude out because the guy's like, "Oh,
00:14:04
you're the guy that took the punch in
00:14:06
one second, went down in a millisecond."
00:14:09
>> Why? I just It looks scary. I bet it
00:14:11
>> Yeah, I think they didn't press charges
00:14:13
cuz
00:14:15
>> it was just out of embarrassment, too.
00:14:16
They were like
00:14:20
>> Oh, yeah. Did you keep up with um
00:14:24
SNL has a UK
00:14:27
show?
00:14:28
>> Yeah.
00:14:28
>> I just watched the monologue. Our friend
00:14:31
was an American
00:14:33
>> Tina Fey
00:14:35
>> from America.
00:14:36
>> Um I saw some some sketches. I thought
00:14:39
they were good. I don't know.
00:14:40
>> Oh, you saw sketches. Okay, good.
00:14:42
>> Yeah, there was clips. Yeah. Um,
00:14:45
>> we didn't really talk about this when it
00:14:46
came out, but when it was announced, but
00:14:49
I was thinking it is interesting. SNL
00:14:52
over there and they can swear. That was
00:14:53
one new thing.
00:14:57
>> Yes. I just said they can swear. Tina
00:14:59
Fay dropped an Fbomb up front.
00:15:02
>> Funny to hear Tina say it.
00:15:04
>> I know cuz I don't see her using that in
00:15:06
real life much.
00:15:07
>> She doesn't She's not upset. She doesn't
00:15:09
have a She Tina does not have a potty
00:15:12
mouth.
00:15:12
>> It's enough.
00:15:13
>> Oh, here she is.
00:15:15
>> Oh, here she is. Oh, she's with the
00:15:16
cast, too. It's funny. This could be
00:15:20
Metallica. This I don't, you know,
00:15:22
there's a cast where since I'm not from
00:15:24
there, I don't know one person. It's
00:15:27
just random. It's just like so random
00:15:29
until you start to get to know them. But
00:15:32
I saw her mono
00:15:34
>> and it was good. And they had Graham
00:15:36
Norton come up. They were smart. They
00:15:37
frontloaded it with some uh because
00:15:40
everyone knows the ratings go down over
00:15:42
the length of the show. So the monologue
00:15:44
and the cold open of the scene by the
00:15:46
most and after update there's a big drop
00:15:49
off. But uh I I think they had an
00:15:51
update. Did they have did they have that
00:15:52
or
00:15:54
>> do you know?
00:15:55
>> Um yes they did. Uh, you know, I think
00:15:58
that you kind of when you're doing
00:16:01
comedy in America and and London, New
00:16:03
York, London, you want to be able to
00:16:05
work across the pond. Um, so when you go
00:16:09
across the pond, you call it the
00:16:11
Atlantic Ocean. I call it the pond.
00:16:14
>> You go across the pond, your joke will
00:16:16
work across the pond and work in reverse
00:16:18
the other way. But what's interesting,
00:16:20
it's all over the world. Lauren wants to
00:16:22
have an SNL in every country.
00:16:24
>> Bulgaria next. Yeah,
00:16:28
IT'S
00:16:32
HOST
00:16:37
from Berlin.
00:16:38
>> Germany.
00:16:40
Yeah, I
00:16:43
Oh, I might go to Europe this summer.
00:16:45
I'll tell you why later. But I And I
00:16:47
don't really travel a lot.
00:16:51
I used to I like
00:16:55
>> This is Timothy Shalamé's house. We I
00:16:57
visit I recorded us playing ping pong.
00:17:00
>> Oh, I thought that was a drop of water.
00:17:02
>> No, it is a drop of water.
00:17:04
>> It is. Yeah, it's not that I ping pong
00:17:06
better.
00:17:07
>> Here's how some of your stories come
00:17:09
across.
00:17:15
>> That's your Wi-Fi where you live. All
00:17:16
right. Here is um
00:17:18
>> Oh, no. Here's during your act the
00:17:21
audience.
00:17:26
>> Sonar.
00:17:28
>> Here's what you They can't get you off
00:17:30
the stage. They use this. Just stand up.
00:17:33
Don't Don't Oh, yeah. People said it's
00:17:36
too loud when you do those.
00:17:38
>> Oh, too loud. Really? Oh,
00:17:40
>> yeah.
00:17:41
>> Well, this is this weighs like 2 ounces.
00:17:44
>> I know, but it packs an AI punch. Ah,
00:17:48
>> pack of Jack Reacher.
00:17:50
>> Did you know Oh, you don't know much
00:17:52
about this Bachelorette. It's kind of
00:17:54
played out by this point, but it
00:17:55
happened right after our last taping.
00:17:59
>> Let me hear.
00:17:59
>> There's so much to to catch you up on.
00:18:04
>> And if I do it on Stay on top of the
00:18:06
Zygeist, you've got your finger on the
00:18:08
pulse.
00:18:09
>> Well, you are on Daily Meal and that's
00:18:12
usually where these things pop up. It's
00:18:14
a
00:18:15
a a lady
00:18:17
Frankie Paul Thomas Anderson. No, Frank.
00:18:20
>> Taylor.
00:18:22
>> Taylor Frankie Paul. Three first names
00:18:24
of dudes.
00:18:26
>> No. Taylor's a girl's name. So she was
00:18:29
on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, right?
00:18:32
>> Yes.
00:18:32
>> Yes.
00:18:33
>> Where their big story was they had some
00:18:37
soft swinging.
00:18:40
The number one show in the world by some
00:18:42
metrics is the off the res Mormon wives
00:18:46
going at it.
00:18:47
>> Well, it's huge,
00:18:49
>> you know, because there's so much
00:18:51
>> my uh the girl that goes on the road
00:18:52
with me and opens Elena Hershey.
00:18:57
>> She uh she was Mormon till she was I
00:19:00
think 30. She's probably 33 now. Anyway,
00:19:02
she has great stories and I said, "Do
00:19:04
more of that in your act because that's
00:19:05
what's riveting about that show. the
00:19:07
soaking, all these terminologies they
00:19:09
use. Uh, also that they soft swing and
00:19:13
they soft swing means
00:19:15
>> what does that mean?
00:19:16
>> shenanigans. It means they can swap
00:19:18
>> wives.
00:19:20
>> Don't they have a thing or is it the
00:19:21
Amish where they let the young people at
00:19:24
18 or 19 go out into society for two or
00:19:27
the Amish go out in society for two
00:19:30
years, get drunk, suck, and bop dope do
00:19:33
whatever. Do everything. Yeah. go crazy
00:19:36
for two years and then come back. Is it
00:19:38
the Amish or the Amish or is that the
00:19:40
warm
00:19:41
>> Amish that do rum spring I think and it
00:19:44
I don't know what they can do but I
00:19:45
don't think they let them do all that.
00:19:46
They can they can get on an iPhone for
00:19:49
10 minutes because they don't have
00:19:50
electricity. So that's
00:19:51
>> No, I think they get to go nutty. It
00:19:54
sounds like
00:19:54
>> maybe
00:19:56
well the Mormon wives. So this this
00:19:58
woman was like one of the standouts. So
00:20:00
because it's in collusion with ABC and
00:20:04
all the
00:20:05
They said, "Why don't you be the next
00:20:06
Bachelorette?" But it's the first time
00:20:08
they had a bachelorette that had a
00:20:11
>> kids, I think, cuz she had two baby
00:20:14
daddies and three kids.
00:20:16
>> Huh. So, she comes over there. Now,
00:20:18
these guys come on to fight for her. And
00:20:21
they had a preliminary episode where she
00:20:23
met with old bacheloretses. They all
00:20:25
gave her advice. And then the season was
00:20:28
starting
00:20:30
and an old tape of her fighting with one
00:20:32
of her baby daddies popped up and they
00:20:34
yanked the whole bachelor. They just
00:20:37
yanked it off the air. The whole
00:20:39
bachelorette and I and I think that's
00:20:41
the first time. But in the video, the
00:20:43
real incriminating part was the guy's
00:20:45
holding his camera. By the way, stop
00:20:47
fighting with them when they're filming
00:20:48
you. But he's holding it like this and
00:20:51
she's like choking him and then she runs
00:20:53
over there and grabs a chair. That was
00:20:55
the big problem. and he said, "Don't
00:20:56
throw it. Your daughter's over here."
00:20:58
She throws it anyway. So, what happens
00:21:01
is people say, "You can't do that when
00:21:03
your kids right there." And I think the
00:21:06
chair
00:21:06
>> Have you ever watched the companion
00:21:08
series behind the scenes at the
00:21:10
Bachelorette?
00:21:11
>> No. Go ahead.
00:21:12
>> Yeah, cuz you see some of the producers
00:21:13
come up between takes. Okay. Um, could
00:21:16
you be a little more angry? Um, you
00:21:19
really give it to him. You know,
00:21:20
>> it's not reading.
00:21:21
>> And then the girls like, I'm just not
00:21:22
really mad at him. I really like him.
00:21:24
Yeah, that's good. That's not what we
00:21:26
need right now. You've got you you got
00:21:28
to be mad. He's just And pick up a chair
00:21:30
and we're going to have We're going to
00:21:32
try it. Bring in the stunt guy. We're
00:21:34
going to So, we're going to throw it so
00:21:35
it won't really hit him, but we're going
00:21:36
to get a lot of drama. Have you seen
00:21:37
those shows?
00:21:38
>> I have. And also,
00:21:41
but and the chair is made of Lego. Lego.
00:21:43
It's made of Legos. No one's getting
00:21:44
hurt.
00:21:45
>> It's made of sponges.
00:21:46
>> There's a bigger issue with it. I'm sure
00:21:48
you know
00:21:49
>> what's up
00:21:51
>> that they immediately pull her show, but
00:21:53
then there's a lot of like there's so
00:21:56
many other big platforms that people are
00:21:58
on that have charges of domestic
00:22:00
violence and everything, but they're
00:22:01
still allowed to
00:22:02
>> Oh, play football, do this, do that, but
00:22:05
>> Oh, right. The domestic violence. That's
00:22:08
probably they mean the NFL where they
00:22:09
don't get
00:22:10
>> Right.
00:22:10
>> Yeah. I I mean, I think they stopped the
00:22:12
Bachelorette
00:22:15
for right now. They're probably deciding
00:22:17
and having these discussions going, "Is
00:22:18
it gone for good?"
00:22:20
>> Because they're like, "What do we do?
00:22:21
We're going to get in trouble either way
00:22:23
because there's arguments to say, well,
00:22:25
that, by the way, the tape is from three
00:22:27
years ago." So, they're like, "Well, did
00:22:29
they already see that tape? They must
00:22:31
have seen it if it's this easy to
00:22:33
surface."
00:22:36
>> So, what's the takeaway?
00:22:38
>> I don't know. I know. I sometimes it's
00:22:41
too hard to tell the whole story.
00:22:43
>> It's just a big story. It's so big.
00:22:46
>> No, it's
00:22:47
>> it's a stupid story that everyone goes,
00:22:49
"Oh, but something to do to distract
00:22:51
themselves from real life."
00:22:52
>> That's all life is, basically. Just
00:22:54
trying to distract yourself. I watched
00:22:57
uh a documentary with my wife last
00:23:00
night. Um
00:23:02
Ingred Bergman, the actress who was in
00:23:04
Casablanca and so forth and so on.
00:23:06
>> Okay.
00:23:07
>> Her life story is very interesting. Mhm.
00:23:09
>> Ingred Bergman. They're saying Bus Boys
00:23:11
is a lot like Casablanca just as far as
00:23:14
like longevity and how pe how important
00:23:17
it is to
00:23:17
>> between you and Theo. Which one's
00:23:19
Bogart? Humphrey Bogart. Which one's
00:23:22
>> which one's Ingred Bergman?
00:23:24
>> Is there a Spencer Tracy in that movie
00:23:26
or no?
00:23:26
>> No.
00:23:27
>> But he was a Dr. Jackekal and Mr. Hyde
00:23:30
with Ingred B. Ingred.
00:23:32
>> There is.
00:23:34
>> Yeah.
00:23:35
>> What if I told you I didn't see
00:23:36
Kasablanca?
00:23:39
I'd say I'd say you're you're drawing
00:23:43
Casablancas right now.
00:23:44
>> I'm drawn a Casablanc. I am. What if I
00:23:48
said I didn't see What's an important
00:23:49
movie you didn't see? I didn't see Gone
00:23:51
with the Wind.
00:23:52
>> I mean, we're going way back, but
00:23:54
>> uh Gone with the Wind is interesting
00:23:55
because now on if you see it on Amazon,
00:23:57
I think if you rent it or whatever,
00:23:59
there's like a um a whole warning.
00:24:03
There's a warning that says these are
00:24:05
actors pretending it's not actual
00:24:08
slavery.
00:24:08
>> Tell you that much.
00:24:09
>> Yeah. And it goes on and on and you may
00:24:12
be you may be triggered. It's it's 90
00:24:14
years ago about 90 years earlier but
00:24:17
they just but anyway. Yeah. I think
00:24:19
that's a it depends if you're a
00:24:22
filmophile. I mean you're more of a hit
00:24:24
and run. You're like a Goomer pile you
00:24:27
know. You're like more of I dream of
00:24:28
genie
00:24:29
>> a hay seed.
00:24:30
>> Yeah. We're in the modern era. You're a
00:24:32
bachelorette. This and that, but have
00:24:34
you seen All the President's Men? I'll
00:24:36
give you a pop quiz. All the President's
00:24:38
Men.
00:24:39
>> Love it.
00:24:40
>> Oh, good. Three Days. The Condor.
00:24:42
>> Uh, Fay Dunaway, maybe.
00:24:44
>> Yeah.
00:24:44
>> It I I remember in the movie theaters in
00:24:47
Arizona and I was like, I want to see
00:24:49
it. I knew I wouldn't understand it and
00:24:51
I didn't. My dad took me one of the
00:24:54
three movies of my life he took me to
00:24:56
was [ __ ] Goodbye Mr. Chips. And I
00:24:59
love movies and I was like
00:25:01
>> 1970s on this one.
00:25:03
>> Yeah. As as a little kid. Yeah.
00:25:06
>> Did you ever see The Longest Day?
00:25:08
>> I saw The Longest Yard.
00:25:11
>> Longest day is about deed day. That's
00:25:14
pretty cool.
00:25:15
>> Did you see a porn called The Longest
00:25:16
Wii?
00:25:17
>> Um
00:25:18
>> Weiner made it in the chat. Boom.
00:25:20
>> I only saw it, but the sound went out.
00:25:22
We had to read subtitles, so it just
00:25:23
wasn't as good.
00:25:25
>> What's the longest day? That's not the
00:25:28
UFO one.
00:25:30
>> No, that's a black and white movie with
00:25:31
every movie star at the time, 1962. And
00:25:34
the whole fun of it as a little kid was
00:25:37
like the Germans are got binoculars and
00:25:39
they're looking out. When are the allies
00:25:40
going to attack?
00:25:44
And the subtitles are like, "They'll
00:25:46
never attack today. No big deal." Yeah.
00:25:50
And then he goes like this, and there's
00:25:52
like a billion ships right there.
00:25:55
Oh, he went back to it.
00:25:56
>> He went back to it and all of a sudden
00:25:58
they emerged. So that's kind of stuff.
00:26:00
Did you ever see Jason the Argonauts? I
00:26:02
asked I asked Tom Hanks this.
00:26:05
>> Yeah. Is that the one that looked kind
00:26:06
of fake but they were like
00:26:07
>> Yeah, but it's great.
00:26:08
>> I liked it. Very cool. I saw that on
00:26:10
Saturday morning.
00:26:10
>> Now let's go to 2025.
00:26:16
Do you know they're speaking of of
00:26:18
looking they're putting 125 speeding
00:26:22
cameras in LA now. So careful when you
00:26:26
come into town Dana I know how you like
00:26:29
that lead foot. Uh yeah. You know what
00:26:32
is kind of one of the perks of being a
00:26:35
saw Liberty. The last three times and
00:26:38
it's only happened over a period of many
00:26:40
years. I'm gonna get mad. The last time
00:26:43
I was going up this highway supposed to
00:26:45
go I was probably, you know, I've got a
00:26:48
car with a pretty big engine. You got
00:26:49
those pips sweet cars.
00:26:51
>> And I got I just was leadfooted and I
00:26:54
whoop whoop whoop,
00:26:55
>> you know, and I
00:26:56
>> I just come running around and one time
00:26:58
I got a guy looked at me and I'm not
00:27:00
that recognizable unless I'm dressed as
00:27:02
Gar, which I do go to malls sometimes.
00:27:04
>> You have it in the uh glove compartment.
00:27:07
You have the glasses and wig.
00:27:08
>> Yeah.
00:27:10
But anyway, he just wanted a picture and
00:27:12
an autograph.
00:27:13
>> Hell yeah.
00:27:14
>> And I didn't get a ticket. It's It's
00:27:15
unfair. He should have ticketed me cuz I
00:27:17
was pretty drunk. But the god,
00:27:23
>> good golly edge to him. I like it. Yeah,
00:27:25
I've be gotten off and I've also gotten
00:27:27
tickets.
00:27:28
But I don't like the kind like that
00:27:30
because I get they're trying to it's an
00:27:32
easy money grab. But it is it's supposed
00:27:34
to make things safer which I understand.
00:27:36
But if they're going like it should say
00:27:38
over like 15 miles an hour over or 20
00:27:41
because that that's the dangerous ones.
00:27:43
But I think every single person is going
00:27:44
a little over but they just take it and
00:27:47
send it to you. You don't even know.
00:27:48
None's the wiser.
00:27:50
>> Yeah. You kind of know if it's if the
00:27:52
speed limit's 65 you can go 74 safely.
00:27:56
>> Yeah. and they're not
00:27:57
>> in town. So if it's 25, you're going 35,
00:28:01
>> I would say in and I've driven to New
00:28:04
York and I've driven everywhere, man.
00:28:06
>> And when you're in West Hollywood,
00:28:08
Hollywood area, and you're at these
00:28:11
giant intersections, let's say Santa
00:28:13
Monica and Loiaga.
00:28:14
>> Yeah.
00:28:15
>> And people hit 70 and you know, you know
00:28:17
they're coming. You're going to make a
00:28:18
left and you know, now it's orange,
00:28:23
now it's red.
00:28:25
If you try to jump it that those
00:28:28
intersections are death traps. I'm just
00:28:30
saying it.
00:28:30
>> Sure. Plowed.
00:28:32
>> You got you got t-boned.
00:28:34
>> I got t-boned bad at one red light
00:28:37
runner.
00:28:38
>> Mhm.
00:28:38
>> Um when they floor it is that's when
00:28:40
it's dangerous. You don't floor it
00:28:42
through a yellow or a red,
00:28:43
>> right? Just to get through it. And then
00:28:45
and then you add in a homeless guy who's
00:28:48
just wandering in the out in the
00:28:49
intersection and you're looking he's
00:28:51
going to get hit. He's going to get hit.
00:28:53
you know. Oh, I just missed him. It's
00:28:55
exciting down there. You should come to
00:28:56
my farm.
00:28:58
>> Oh, no. There's a chicken. He's going to
00:28:59
get hit. There's a new term they're not
00:29:02
using anymore called I didn't think they
00:29:05
still use this. Geriatric pregnancies.
00:29:08
That was in the news today.
00:29:11
>> Oh, okay. Define that for me.
00:29:14
>> I think
00:29:14
>> that you can you can a woman can have a
00:29:16
baby now at 70 or something.
00:29:18
>> I think it's lower than that. And that's
00:29:20
why they said, "Why are we call Why
00:29:21
would anyone ever call pregnancy Jerry?
00:29:24
I didn't know there was even a term. How
00:29:27
about, oh, that's lucky you got pregnant
00:29:30
when you were 44 or whatever." Like
00:29:32
that's instead of, "Are you doing okay
00:29:36
with your cherry?" Geriatric sounds 80.
00:29:41
I know. Well, it's interesting how men
00:29:43
can can be in their 80s and and have
00:29:46
babies with women in their 20s. Just
00:29:48
something uh really fun about it and
00:29:50
interesting.
00:29:52
>> It's something very jizzy.
00:29:54
>> What's that? What? Heather,
00:29:56
>> it's a fun thing.
00:29:57
>> Fun.
00:29:58
>> That was me being sarcastic. You know
00:30:00
what you always do? Let me ask you this
00:30:03
question.
00:30:04
>> When someone
00:30:07
older guy has a baby with somebody,
00:30:10
>> you always I immediately think, how old
00:30:13
will the guy be when the baby's a senior
00:30:16
in high school? Am I the only one who
00:30:18
does that? See,
00:30:19
>> I think everyone does. I think
00:30:20
definitely the mom does it.
00:30:22
>> Yeah. So, you think of an 83y old being
00:30:25
a new dad. 93. So, when the kids, it'll
00:30:29
it'll be 98 when the kids
00:30:31
>> I think Pacino just had a kid probably a
00:30:34
couple years ago.
00:30:35
>> Oh, yeah.
00:30:36
>> Oh, yeah. Maybe two years ago.
00:30:38
>> What a baby.
00:30:40
>> Oh, yeah. I perfectly like a baby. Oh.
00:30:44
Oh, what you got to do? Look at this.
00:30:47
Look at a kid. I swear to God, I'm gonna
00:30:50
babysit him once a year. Once a year.
00:30:53
>> Okay. He's probably a dumb dad.
00:30:54
>> That's a good
00:30:55
>> I love Alfino. Can we have him on the
00:30:57
podcast?
00:30:58
>> I would love it.
00:31:00
>> About him
00:31:02
>> two weeks ago.
00:31:03
>> I see him sometimes out and about. How?
00:31:06
I don't know.
00:31:07
>> I saw him at some kind of restaurant
00:31:10
once.
00:31:11
>> Yeah.
00:31:11
>> We locked eyes, then he looked away.
00:31:15
Um, all right. Let's if if that's enough
00:31:17
about your week, we will talk about the
00:31:19
stories in the news, but I might you
00:31:20
might have more week stuff.
00:31:22
>> Well, we have some news coming up, but
00:31:24
it'll really happen in July. One of our
00:31:27
horses is going to have a baby.
00:31:30
>> How old's the dad horse? Too old.
00:31:33
>> Well, it's different in the horse world.
00:31:36
They have the stud and there's the stud
00:31:38
is just in the valley and the stud has
00:31:42
sex with 200 mayors and then the more
00:31:46
dopey normal horses just look around and
00:31:49
go
00:31:51
>> can I get some of that [ __ ] share the
00:31:53
wealth.
00:31:53
>> Yeah. So it's kind of like just it's you
00:31:56
know
00:31:56
>> we got one one horse named DiCaprio
00:32:00
and he gets all the girls.
00:32:02
>> Well it would be more like the reacher
00:32:04
guy and we got to get his name. This is
00:32:06
rude. I can't just call him the reacher
00:32:07
guy.
00:32:08
>> Allan something.
00:32:09
>> Alaner. Richer.
00:32:11
>> Is it Rickman? That's another actor.
00:32:15
>> He's probably coming on. So, we better
00:32:17
get it right.
00:32:20
>> Jack Reacher who plays him. We're so
00:32:23
stupid.
00:32:25
>> We're the lamest,
00:32:27
slowest,
00:32:28
>> or the best and the fastest.
00:32:30
>> No, we're the best. [ __ ]
00:32:33
do you have any
00:32:34
>> Alan? How do you say it? Richson.
00:32:38
>> Oh boy.
00:32:38
>> R C H S O N.
00:32:41
>> Oh, Alan Richson. She's saying I don't
00:32:43
buy it. Oh, I got a feelood story. I'll
00:32:45
tell you real quick.
00:32:46
>> And then I then we'll do the stories.
00:32:48
This was from this morning. I'm not
00:32:50
doing one of your dumb sound effects.
00:32:51
I'm doing a real
00:32:52
>> I've laid off of it for a while.
00:32:54
>> This dude I got to say his name. Okay.
00:32:58
Lucas Toby's down at a This is in LA.
00:33:02
He's a He's a surf teacher, I think.
00:33:05
Anyway,
00:33:06
>> feel good story. Dana on the beach.
00:33:08
>> Excited.
00:33:09
>> Yeah.
00:33:09
>> He's on the pier like watching some
00:33:11
students, whatever.
00:33:12
>> Mhm.
00:33:13
>> Little girl screaming in a rip tide. The
00:33:16
dad's going out to get her.
00:33:18
>> The dad can't really handle the riptide.
00:33:20
>> Immediately goes in in his clothes.
00:33:22
Heavy clothes. You know, riptides, you
00:33:25
know the story, you're supposed to swim
00:33:26
sideways. It's hard. You can't. Yeah,
00:33:29
you can't do it. You can't fight it.
00:33:31
>> And you can't try to come in. You'll get
00:33:33
too tired and it'll pull the ocean. This
00:33:36
is one of the reasons honestly I don't
00:33:37
go in the ocean. When I hear riptide,
00:33:39
>> couldn't be scarier. So you you swim
00:33:42
sideways along the shore. Sounds easy.
00:33:44
You're probably getting pulled out
00:33:45
quietly
00:33:47
>> and then you get to where you can swim
00:33:48
in because the rip tides are
00:33:50
>> It happened to me once. Yeah. LA Beach.
00:33:53
Santa Monica Beach.
00:33:54
>> Me and my brother. Well, we're both in a
00:33:56
ripper and we're trying to go in and the
00:33:58
lifeguard was just like this,
00:34:01
>> you know, go
00:34:03
>> touch,
00:34:03
>> go horizontal, go to the right. Yeah.
00:34:05
So, we did it. We survived
00:34:07
>> and it worked. That's that's
00:34:09
>> Yeah.
00:34:10
>> But yeah, you get kind of tired because
00:34:11
you're sort of adrenalized, you know.
00:34:14
>> Oh, for sure.
00:34:16
>> I used to go body surfing San Diego. All
00:34:19
the idiots from Arizona went out there
00:34:21
for two weeks. We'd stay in Lucadia and
00:34:23
they hated us. the locals did. But, you
00:34:26
know, we put some money in the economy.
00:34:28
We'd stand by the motel and buy shrooms
00:34:30
off people.
00:34:31
>> So, we were helping uh buy some locom
00:34:34
>> and then but but we go out there and I
00:34:38
could just body surf without thinking
00:34:40
about it and tread water for 45 minutes
00:34:42
and surf.
00:34:44
>> I could not do it.
00:34:47
>> I got to build
00:34:47
>> float on your back.
00:34:49
>> I got to build it up again. I got to
00:34:50
start I think cuz my neck I could tread
00:34:52
water in a pool and then just build the
00:34:54
strength up
00:34:55
>> but if you can float on your back you
00:34:58
can last a long time.
00:34:59
>> I don't think I can float but uh anyway
00:35:02
the guy grabbed the daughter then then
00:35:05
but you know people start fighting when
00:35:06
they're panicking
00:35:09
so they weren't panicking too bad. He's
00:35:11
like just don't panic as he goes I was
00:35:12
panicking. He goes I'm in my clothes the
00:35:15
water's freezing. I'm like this wasn't
00:35:17
the plan. Anyway takes him to the side.
00:35:19
Not all the way in to the side. Little
00:35:21
jetty.
00:35:22
>> Mhm.
00:35:22
>> Look it up. Educate yourself.
00:35:24
>> Toward the jetty.
00:35:25
>> And then um that's from Tina's monologue
00:35:27
on SNL.
00:35:29
>> They kept saying educate yourself. Uh so
00:35:33
brought them in. Everything's fine.
00:35:38
>> Okay.
00:35:38
>> That that's the whole story.
00:35:41
>> I love your aquatic uh tales.
00:35:44
>> That's a good story because it's a
00:35:45
feelood, Dan. Even though you don't feel
00:35:46
good right now, but you should because
00:35:47
you should be like, you know what?
00:35:48
There's some good out there, you know.
00:35:52
Push come to shove. Give me a flat
00:35:56
kind of temperate mountain lake in
00:35:58
Montana, Lake Whitefish. Smooth as
00:36:01
glass,
00:36:03
>> right?
00:36:03
>> There's no creatures in there. There's
00:36:06
no riptides. It's you either fish or you
00:36:09
can or you can get a waveunner and if it
00:36:12
looks like you're going to wipe out,
00:36:13
it's not like a motorcycle. You just
00:36:15
throw yourself off the back. Are you
00:36:17
with me on this? Right. Yeah.
00:36:19
>> Yeah. Sometimes. Do you say, "Cowan,
00:36:21
take me away."
00:36:22
>> I said it this morning.
00:36:25
>> When you in your ice bath
00:36:27
>> when I took my ice bath cuz I got some
00:36:29
nice compliments.
00:36:30
>> Do you know what Cowan do? Do you
00:36:31
remember that commercial?
00:36:32
>> Cowgon. Yeah. It's like a powder or
00:36:33
something.
00:36:34
>> It's some poisonous powder. I'm sure now
00:36:36
we probably figure out, but you put in
00:36:38
your bath and you take a nice bath and
00:36:41
you go, "Kowon, take me away."
00:36:42
>> Calon. Oh, that's
00:36:43
>> I use that my act which no one knows.
00:36:45
And I also use um you're soaking in it
00:36:49
match. What's that from?
00:36:52
>> Well, that that's um a sort of Palm
00:36:55
Olive or
00:36:56
>> Palm Olive.
00:36:57
>> The dishwashing.
00:36:58
>> They put their nails Yeah.
00:37:00
>> They put their hands in the dishwashing
00:37:01
liquid.
00:37:02
>> I got that right. Did I get that right?
00:37:05
Palm Olive. Is that it?
00:37:07
>> Yeah. We need more of him.
00:37:09
>> I see clips of him.
00:37:11
>> He's in there. I I don't have much time.
00:37:14
time. I only have five minutes. Can I
00:37:16
just uh
00:37:16
>> now
00:37:17
>> ask you a couple things. You get a
00:37:19
simple yes or no answer.
00:37:21
>> You were coed
00:37:26
>> on Twitter
00:37:28
that you hate people with red hair. Your
00:37:33
words, not mine.
00:37:35
>> You stand by that statement. Sound
00:37:37
familiar?
00:37:38
>> Am I standing by?
00:37:39
>> Am I reading that right?
00:37:40
>> Am I reading that right now? I did not
00:37:44
just fall off. I I mean his colloquial
00:37:48
he's like the new Ross Barrell. Let's
00:37:49
face it.
00:37:50
>> It's right there. Biggest Texas.
00:37:52
>> Yeah. Or he's like Dr. Phil. Did someone
00:37:55
ratch stupid on my forehead? That was
00:37:57
one of Dr. Phil's. He probably got it
00:37:58
from Senator John.
00:37:59
>> Someone rat stupid on my for Oh no.
00:38:03
Kennedy says it's right there. Big as
00:38:05
Dallas. Not Texas. Dallas.
00:38:08
>> Dallas.
00:38:09
>> It's big as Dallas.
00:38:10
>> Big as Dallas. Now, your state is 19
00:38:15
trillion dollar in debt. Did I get that
00:38:18
right? Now, do where where do you think
00:38:21
this will end up? Do you think you're
00:38:23
going to be like the guy got pushed out
00:38:26
of the spaceship in uh 2000?
00:38:31
That's outtake. Sorry. Can I can I get a
00:38:34
a minute? Come back to my analogy.
00:38:36
>> N trillion. That's that's 18 zeros. Am I
00:38:39
right?
00:38:40
Listen, that's Dennis Miller's act when
00:38:43
he goes the deficit is the $17 trillion.
00:38:49
>> That means there's that's there's
00:38:51
country still insisting on lending us
00:38:54
money. I'd be a little tighter. Hey,
00:38:56
you're already into us for a couple
00:38:58
trill. I mean, come on. That's 18 zeros,
00:39:01
babe. I mean,
00:39:02
>> I mean, now what are we? Yeah, pretty
00:39:05
>> I'll go to the wall with a pal, but come
00:39:06
on.
00:39:07
>> Jesus.
00:39:07
>> I need to see a [ __ ] Finn something.
00:39:09
40 trillion in a fin.
00:39:20
>> All right, let's go to stories. We have
00:39:22
no time.
00:39:23
>> We have no time now.
00:39:24
>> We wasted so much time story. All right.
00:39:26
>> Oh, here's a fun story.
00:39:27
>> That Wow, that's awesome.
00:39:29
>> 20 cities with the highest STD rates.
00:39:31
>> Wow. Well, San Francisco is number one.
00:39:35
>> Oh, who's from San Francisco?
00:39:38
What?
00:39:39
>> Damn.
00:39:39
>> [ __ ] I got I got to call a doctor.
00:39:42
>> Okay. Where is Scottsdale?
00:39:44
>> Let me see. Oh my god. Scottsdale's
00:39:47
nowhere near.
00:39:49
>> No, but
00:39:50
>> where's LA? LA's 10.
00:39:52
>> You'd think New York would be high or
00:39:54
something. Or LA.
00:39:56
>> Wow.
00:39:56
>> St. Louis is two.
00:39:59
>> What is happening? Nikki. Let's call
00:40:02
Nikki Glazer.
00:40:04
>> She's got 20 minutes on this. I saw
00:40:07
Nikki last night at dinner. We She's
00:40:09
been doing spots now that her movie's
00:40:10
done.
00:40:11
>> I've seen a lot of fun people doing
00:40:13
spots. We had a great time. I I went on
00:40:14
twice this week.
00:40:17
>> And who cares?
00:40:18
>> Bobby Bobby Lee, Bill Burr,
00:40:21
>> you know, I didn't see Bobby Lee. I saw
00:40:22
Santino. I saw Nikki. I saw
00:40:24
>> Santino,
00:40:25
>> Whitney, Ali Wong, uh,
00:40:29
>> a lot of fun. Haron Williams last night.
00:40:31
>> Williams. Yeah,
00:40:32
>> I did the classic and I forgot that
00:40:35
there wasn't an MC in the main room.
00:40:38
>> So, I did my joke. Crush levitated the
00:40:41
room. Uh, no. I finished and I
00:40:45
>> like that phrase
00:40:46
>> and I turn around and then he's not
00:40:48
there.
00:40:49
>> I don't know who's there. I'm looking
00:40:50
for the host. I go, "Who brought me up?"
00:40:52
And then I yell back there and there's a
00:40:54
photographer, Liz. I go, "Is anybody
00:40:56
back there?" She goes, "Yeah, they're
00:40:58
behind the curtain." I go, "Tell them to
00:41:00
get out here. It's time." Then I go,
00:41:01
"Fuck it." I go, "All right, no one's
00:41:03
here. I'll do another encore." Gave
00:41:05
myself an encore.
00:41:06
>> Gave yourself an encore. What? I You
00:41:08
want me to do more?
00:41:09
>> Well, because no one's on stage. I can't
00:41:11
leave. I'm a professional.
00:41:12
>> I didn't like when I would have the
00:41:14
middle act when I was coming up in the
00:41:16
clubs and they do pretty well. And
00:41:18
they're like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't
00:41:21
have any more time." They're more. It's
00:41:23
like,
00:41:23
>> "I'm sorry. This [ __ ] hog Dana wants
00:41:26
to do an hour."
00:41:27
>> I mean, he he'll pipe the lash on me,
00:41:29
man. He'll kick my ass.
00:41:31
>> Too bad. I could [ __ ] keep killing or
00:41:33
you could watch him do. Okay.
00:41:35
>> I can't hear you. You want what?
00:41:39
>> Maybe after Dane I can come back.
00:41:41
>> Yeah.
00:41:43
Yeah. That's like you got a thumbs up.
00:41:46
>> Did I do a thumbs up?
00:41:47
>> Yeah. You got a heart earlier. Watch.
00:41:50
[ __ ] You see Dana got a heart. Don't do
00:41:52
a heart.
00:41:53
>> Well, why does it Why is it inter is it
00:41:55
the
00:41:55
>> You were doing the binoculars and you
00:41:57
got a heart. Mhm. God, it doesn't work
00:41:59
for mine. There it is. Look, you got it
00:42:01
again. Look at that, Heather.
00:42:02
>> Wow.
00:42:02
>> He's so lovable.
00:42:04
>> So lovable.
00:42:06
>> Oh,
00:42:07
it's like a child now with a collection.
00:42:10
>> I I can't believe this. This is
00:42:12
>> Look what I did.
00:42:13
>> I'm sending this out to all the fans.
00:42:17
>> All the fans.
00:42:18
>> All the fans. Look what you get. Fans.
00:42:21
>> Empty. All right. How about another
00:42:22
story while you do that?
00:42:24
>> No. I got magic.
00:42:26
>> I like it. Do you?
00:42:29
>> This is actually insane. My guess is it
00:42:31
won't be insane at all, but go ahead.
00:42:33
>> Okay.
00:42:35
>> Sorry, we're having trouble.
00:42:37
>> Was that planned?
00:42:39
>> Maybe it disappeared.
00:42:40
>> Oh, okay. Here we go.
00:42:42
>> V.
00:42:42
>> Bit of glasses because you won't ever
00:42:44
need them again. It's insane. But
00:42:46
seriously, what the hell? These new eye
00:42:49
drops have actually been in the
00:42:50
headlines a lot recently, but the FDA
00:42:52
have now approved them. Now, I don't
00:42:54
think you understand quite how big this
00:42:55
is, but let me put it into context. Now,
00:42:57
these eye drops essentially correct your
00:42:59
eyes, removing the need for glasses in
00:43:01
less than 30 minutes. It's a once a day
00:43:04
eye drop that you basically put into the
00:43:06
way they've described this and how it
00:43:08
actually works. The eye drop creates a
00:43:11
by constricting your pupil almost like
00:43:12
when you change a camera lens around.
00:43:14
And from the tests they've been doing,
00:43:15
it's helped people see things a lot
00:43:17
clearer up close
00:43:19
and increased patient visibility by over
00:43:21
70% of someone who barely had any. It's
00:43:24
absolutely insane that it worked within
00:43:26
30 minutes.
00:43:28
It doesn't work
00:43:31
your eyes.
00:43:33
>> It may work for 30 minutes, but it
00:43:36
doesn't start working in 30 minutes.
00:43:40
>> It's insane, but not true. But it is
00:43:43
insane and you can please keep watching.
00:43:45
>> Absolutely insane. You put these eye
00:43:47
drops in your eyes and you never need
00:43:50
glasses again.
00:43:52
>> It's It's Cle's Yeah, I don't know if
00:43:55
that's true. If it is, I'll buy some.
00:43:56
But
00:43:57
>> I call [ __ ]
00:43:58
>> It's too big of a story.
00:44:01
Okay, we're really [ __ ] calling these
00:44:04
people out. All right,
00:44:11
look at my acting. I know. I'm watching
00:44:13
fly on the wall.
00:44:15
>> Oh, it does.
00:44:16
>> Okay, now now it goes away. Now it's Now
00:44:19
it's coming back.
00:44:21
>> Well, we can continue this. There it is.
00:44:23
Heather, do something.
00:44:26
Next week, another scene from the movie
00:44:28
Bus Boys due April tween.
00:44:34
That isn't that in Buzz Boys that you
00:44:36
get attacked by
00:44:37
>> Yeah, we took that from Tommy Boy. Just
00:44:39
put it in Buzz Boys.
00:44:41
You should
00:44:43
>> Tommy boy. Tommy boy. Bus boy. You're
00:44:46
only one word off.
00:44:46
>> Jimmy Fallon.
00:44:48
>> I had Jimmy Fallon. It was is insane.
00:44:51
Davis F. Crazy. The bus boy is amazing.
00:44:55
>> I was going to go on Jimmy Fallon for
00:44:57
Bus Boys and then uh he's freaking dark.
00:44:59
I'm going out to do the um premiere of
00:45:03
that Keanu movie uh Outcome.
00:45:05
>> So when I'm out there, that's one week
00:45:07
for Bus Boys. So I'm like, "Oh, I'll
00:45:08
just go out there and do both.
00:45:11
I think I'm going to do Stern again. I
00:45:12
haven't done Stern in years.
00:45:14
>> Oh, you're going to go back to Howie.
00:45:17
>> Oh, you're going to be on a screen in
00:45:18
Manhattan. He's in his house in Long
00:45:20
Island.
00:45:21
>> You know what's funny is that I said,
00:45:23
"Can I do it in LA?" Like me and Dana
00:45:24
did once. It looks like a studio. I
00:45:27
think that's what Kate Hudson did.
00:45:28
>> Yeah.
00:45:29
>> And they said, "No, you got to be in
00:45:30
LA." They don't do that. I was like, so
00:45:32
I go, "Well, I will be in New York. If I
00:45:33
can come the next morning and then fly
00:45:35
home." So, we worked it out and then
00:45:37
they go, "Howard will be home." I go,
00:45:40
"And what am I? I'm going to the
00:45:42
studio."
00:45:42
>> Yeah. But he'll be
00:45:43
>> Isn't that crazy? So, I'm driving in to
00:45:46
the studio mid.
00:45:47
>> Mhm.
00:45:49
>> I think that's cool that hopefully
00:45:52
there.
00:45:52
>> They do it really well. When we did it
00:45:54
with on his show, it's like it looks
00:45:56
like we're with him and his his he's on
00:45:58
a gigantic screen and the sound very
00:46:01
immediate. I mean, you don't really miss
00:46:03
>> I do kind of want to see him. I haven't
00:46:05
seen him since me and you.
00:46:06
>> You don't really want to see him.
00:46:08
>> No, but Dana.
00:46:10
>> No, but
00:46:11
>> I'd like to be in studio.
00:46:14
>> By the way, you can buy tickets. We're
00:46:15
adding screens to Bus Boys. We got to
00:46:17
call Canada want some screens and we got
00:46:20
to call Scottdale.
00:46:23
>> Yeah.
00:46:23
>> So, you put it out there and was going
00:46:25
to be 50und screens and now
00:46:29
>> uh movie theater chains or whatever
00:46:31
saying, "Can we have it?"
00:46:32
>> Yeah. because the trailer did well and
00:46:34
it got by seen by like 15 million
00:46:36
people. So they're like, "Oh,
00:46:37
something's going on here." So I asked
00:46:39
for some Harkkins in Scottsdale.
00:46:42
Uh and so Harkkins said, "Yeah,
00:46:44
>> you had me at 15 million. 15 million
00:46:47
have seen
00:46:48
>> people watch the trailer." Yeah.
00:46:50
>> But the uh So anyway, so they go, "Oh,
00:46:53
maybe people." But so we wanted to go
00:46:55
with the lowest amount of screens, which
00:46:57
is like 50
00:46:58
>> just for a taster
00:46:59
>> with Regal and Cineark. and they came
00:47:02
that was happened early. They said if
00:47:03
you need screens we'll do it. We're like
00:47:05
I don't know if we're going to even go
00:47:06
to theaters. You might just put it out
00:47:07
online just say here just buy it and uh
00:47:10
>> played with that for a while
00:47:11
>> but it is you get kind of horny to be in
00:47:13
a theater but it is a gamble because
00:47:16
theaters are tough especially these days
00:47:17
it's very tough to get people out
00:47:19
>> and so
00:47:21
>> uh we're going to be uh in we're in
00:47:24
about a hundred right now. I think it's
00:47:25
another hundred are coming. So, we're
00:47:27
trying to keep it down because I don't
00:47:29
want to go like a full wide. It's just
00:47:31
too hard. It's just to get people out.
00:47:32
We I think we think people will come and
00:47:35
check out some of it. It'll have a
00:47:37
little run in the theaters and then
00:47:38
we'll
00:47:38
>> and video on demand. I think you put it
00:47:41
and people just buy it home on Apple.
00:47:44
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It is a big leap now
00:47:47
with all this stuff you can watch to get
00:47:50
in your car, go to the place, but
00:47:52
>> I think you guys your super fan base
00:47:54
will show up and it'll it'll
00:47:56
overperform. It'll be a surprise.
00:47:59
>> I think it's the the the idea that we
00:48:02
didn't do it the regular way and it's a
00:48:04
little more nonPC that people said it
00:48:07
seems like 90s movies or 2000s when like
00:48:11
>> it was back when you kind of just do
00:48:12
whatever you want.
00:48:13
>> Harder jokes, put it that way.
00:48:15
>> Stuff like that. Yeah. And uh
00:48:18
>> so we'll see. Um but that's all I'll say
00:48:21
about that until next week. Then I'll
00:48:22
say more, of course. Uh, all right.
00:48:24
We're running out of time, but let's do
00:48:26
one more story. We'll end with a real
00:48:28
>> banger.
00:48:28
>> We need a banger to bring this home.
00:48:29
>> It won't be.
00:48:31
>> I got a good feeling.
00:48:34
>> Wait. Okay, it says something. A
00:48:36
thousand-y old mummy. Let's see if this
00:48:38
is This might be UFO related.
00:48:43
>> Oh, I know what this is from.
00:48:46
>> He looks like he's not doing well at
00:48:47
all.
00:48:48
>> Supposedly Yeah, that needs NY.
00:48:50
>> Is that it?
00:48:52
I saw a whole thing. You can stop it. I
00:48:55
saw a whole thing where they were in a
00:48:57
forest somewhere. Of course, this sounds
00:49:00
like a lie and I'll try to find this
00:49:01
clip. In the forest, they were cutting
00:49:03
down the trees and they found little
00:49:05
smaller like
00:49:07
>> pyramids, you know, because they were so
00:49:09
dense. The trees are so high. Yeah.
00:49:12
>> No. So, they're like, you know,
00:49:14
>> let's say 50 100 feet high,
00:49:16
>> but the trees are so big in like some
00:49:18
jungle. They get it down and they get
00:49:20
inside and then they see all the
00:49:22
hieroglyphics and there's
00:49:24
>> spaceships and arrows and things and
00:49:26
like people looking up and you always go
00:49:28
what is going on if these are from
00:49:30
thousands of years ago
00:49:31
>> and they found that thing.
00:49:34
>> Well, the main thing if if like somehow
00:49:36
you fall in a glacier or in the jungle
00:49:38
and you're like, "Okay, I'm not going to
00:49:40
be found. I'm probably going to be
00:49:42
mummified." Just try to really close
00:49:45
your mouth. Just just just whatever you
00:49:47
do. That guy looks so stupid. Even if
00:49:49
he's an alien, he looks dumb.
00:49:50
>> He dislocated his jaw. You want
00:49:53
>> sleep like this? Ready? One, two, three,
00:49:55
go to sleep.
00:49:56
>> Yeah, I know. Well, if you think you're
00:49:58
going to be mummified and you're like,
00:49:59
"Okay, [ __ ] it. I'm going to be a
00:50:00
mummy." Just have a little impatient
00:50:02
kind of Mona Lisa grin. Just as you're
00:50:04
becoming mummy.
00:50:06
>> No. If they say, "Okay, stay in here.
00:50:09
Unfortunately, you'll be mummified, but
00:50:10
then people will see you later." I go,
00:50:11
"Okay." I go, "Ready? Close it." And I
00:50:13
go,
00:50:15
>> I try to look more cute.
00:50:16
>> Right. you're about to go mummified. You
00:50:18
just write, you just kind of put your
00:50:19
hands up like this and go.
00:50:22
>> You do fonswood.
00:50:24
>> So they find you and it's kind of
00:50:25
positive as opposed to I don't want to.
00:50:28
By the way, I'll end you with this while
00:50:30
we're on conspiracy theories
00:50:32
>> that there was some chatter that the
00:50:35
unfortunate incident with the plane that
00:50:39
hit the fire truck
00:50:42
>> and smashed up the plane, which first of
00:50:45
all, in my eyes, if I had to guess, I
00:50:48
would think the fire truck is here and
00:50:50
the plane's up here and it would hit the
00:50:52
wheels and stuff, but it was like a
00:50:54
head-on. So,
00:50:54
>> too much speed, too much energy.
00:50:56
>> Smash.
00:50:57
>> Yeah. the plane. It peeled back. Anyway,
00:50:59
now people are saying, "What happened on
00:51:01
911?" Because the planes look like they
00:51:03
went through the building. None of the
00:51:06
debris fell. This shows even a fire
00:51:08
truck. It smashes everything back.
00:51:11
H anything there or nothing?
00:51:13
>> Well, they were going a lot faster.
00:51:16
Well, I know that they were going a lot
00:51:17
faster. 150 miles an hour.
00:51:20
>> They're probably going 500 miles an
00:51:22
hour.
00:51:23
>> Uh but probably those were fake planes.
00:51:26
I think I'm convinced now that
00:51:30
I saw the one where they say they're
00:51:31
holograms and I can't quite get my head
00:51:33
around like how can we all see it then?
00:51:37
How can we all see it? Not just video.
00:51:39
You see everyone on the ground saw
00:51:41
planes coming.
00:51:43
>> Can that be a hologram? If they can,
00:51:44
they're way advanced. That's way ahead
00:51:46
of mine. I can't get that. But they do
00:51:48
go like this and they show it poking out
00:51:50
the other side the nose and you're like,
00:51:52
"So the plane went through and the nose
00:51:54
was unbroken." They call it the
00:51:56
Pinocchio effect. Look it up.
00:52:00
>> But again, I have to say I'm not an
00:52:03
expert on this. I have to keep saying,
00:52:05
>> "Well, you sound like one. I'll be
00:52:06
honest."
00:52:07
>> Anyone thinks I know what I'm talking
00:52:08
>> I'll be I mean you you um weren't you a
00:52:12
physics major?
00:52:13
>> I go to the university.
00:52:15
>> You're a degree in electrical
00:52:16
engineering. I thought
00:52:18
>> I got a degree in stupidity.
00:52:21
>> No, I didn't graduate.
00:52:23
>> Shocker.
00:52:24
>> Shocker.
00:52:25
>> Guess who else didn't graduate?
00:52:27
>> Um, Albert Einstein.
00:52:30
>> I'm not Bill Gates,
00:52:32
>> Elon Musk. Uh, the Russian guys who
00:52:35
started Google, they all they're there
00:52:37
sophomores in college at Harvard and
00:52:40
going this this [ __ ] dunce doesn't
00:52:42
know anything. I'm out of here. I'm
00:52:43
gonna go invent something. Did Eric
00:52:45
Schmidt, is that the guy that co-founded
00:52:46
Google?
00:52:47
>> Yep. Well, they brought him in, you
00:52:49
know, to kind of help them with
00:52:51
oldfashioned management type stuff.
00:52:53
>> Cuz I ran into him the other night. I
00:52:54
was eating next to him when I chatted
00:52:57
him up.
00:52:58
>> He was a nice guy. I ran into him.
00:53:00
>> Feels like he's smarter than
00:53:02
>> I never say this. He felt 1% smarter
00:53:05
than me.
00:53:07
>> I would never admit that.
00:53:09
>> Time means everything. If you're in the
00:53:11
world
00:53:12
>> No, everyone's smarter. in the world of
00:53:15
um the 90s early knots whatever in that
00:53:19
world that digital world that was
00:53:21
emerging you know there were sudden
00:53:23
micro systemystems and Cisco and all
00:53:25
these companies
00:53:26
>> and I did corporate dates for them if
00:53:29
I'd said don't give me a check just give
00:53:32
me shares like with Apple
00:53:35
>> dummy
00:53:36
>> see I said to you I remember in 98 we
00:53:38
were you just after SNL I said buy Apple
00:53:42
buy Amazon on and then just hold it.
00:53:45
Don't sell. And you said, "Nice try.
00:53:47
Nice try, dude.
00:53:49
>> I'm going to buy Toys R Us
00:53:52
>> stock."
00:53:54
>> I said, "I'm going to buy I can't think
00:53:57
of something that went out of business.
00:53:58
I'm going to buy Blockbuster." Oh, look.
00:54:00
You got rain. What? Look at this.
00:54:04
>> Maybe we end on that. That was special
00:54:07
business.
00:54:07
>> Well, I don't know why it's
00:54:08
interstitial. I do the exact same thing.
00:54:10
I don't get
00:54:11
>> what a big budget we have
00:54:14
>> for you listeners. It's pretty amazing.
00:54:16
Um,
00:54:16
>> we are we are tearing it up here with
00:54:18
>> We did it again. Episode 6,481.
00:54:24
>> Yep. And I think by the time this airs,
00:54:28
I'll be coming to Nashville,
00:54:32
Pittsburgh, Charlotte. Get out there,
00:54:34
Charlotte.
00:54:37
Last time I was there, Christian
00:54:38
McCaffrey came. That was my excitement.
00:54:40
And that was when he was on the
00:54:42
Panthers.
00:54:43
You should do that for every story I
00:54:45
tell. It's over there all boring.
00:54:47
>> No, my It's just a joke, but I I can't
00:54:50
get it to stop. And I'm not kidding.
00:54:52
>> Jesus. I'm trying to read my dates.
00:54:55
>> Sorry. Oh, zoom again. It's Charlotte.
00:54:58
>> You're like, it's Charlotte.
00:54:59
>> San Antonio.
00:55:01
>> Pittsburgh.
00:55:02
>> Pittsburgh.
00:55:03
>> Pittsburgh.
00:55:05
>> Yes.
00:55:05
>> And that's it. Oh, Pittsburgh and
00:55:07
Nashville. The the Ryman.
00:55:11
>> Oh, the Ryman. I played that.
00:55:13
>> I love that.
00:55:14
>> That's kind of a classic.
00:55:15
>> Oh, yeah. The old theater.
00:55:19
>> Have you got new material from the
00:55:20
special? I mean, new You got new stuff,
00:55:22
right?
00:55:23
>> Pretty much new.
00:55:25
>> That'll be That's the day Bus Boys
00:55:27
opens, so maybe we'll go run around,
00:55:29
find a theater.
00:55:30
>> Well, you got my ticket. Paul and I are
00:55:33
both going to buy a ticket.
00:55:34
>> I can't wait till you and Paul see it.
00:55:35
And then you have a discussion of like
00:55:37
what do we say?
00:55:41
I just have one question.
00:55:43
>> Just think of one joke that was funny we
00:55:45
could repeat and just say like just
00:55:46
that. We'll just say that.
00:55:49
>> Yeah. We'll just we'll just be like so
00:55:52
uh so you had fun doing it, right?
00:55:55
>> And look like fun.
00:55:56
>> Look like fun, you know. And um
00:55:59
>> you guys were really out there.
00:56:01
>> Yeah. You
00:56:02
>> you're taking swings. You did what you
00:56:05
wanted to do.
00:56:06
>> Exactly. Yeah.
00:56:08
>> You know, these compliments.
00:56:09
>> Yeah. I like that. And I take them as
00:56:11
compliments. Oh, that's nice. Thank you.
00:56:13
>> Well, look, it's hard to make a movie.
00:56:16
>> It's very hard.
00:56:17
>> Here's the first review. This worthless
00:56:21
juvenile
00:56:22
offensive piece of [ __ ]
00:56:26
Every reviewer is like typing out the
00:56:27
review now and go,
00:56:30
"Well, maybe I'll see it, maybe I
00:56:31
won't." But this is a good one.
00:56:34
>> Well, I mean, they say reviewer now.
00:56:36
It's kind of fancy. But first of all,
00:56:38
they in the oldie times they call them
00:56:40
critics. So, hey critic, why are you
00:56:42
writing such critical stuff? Check my
00:56:45
name out, dude. But the other thing is
00:56:47
is that Instagram, Facebook, all the
00:56:50
worldwide web decides about the critics
00:56:54
don't mean dick.
00:56:56
>> People that want to see it'll see it.
00:56:58
Um, all right. It's nice seeing you, D.
00:57:00
I'm going to have some gum now.
00:57:03
>> Okay. Um I'm going to have lunch,
00:57:06
>> but stay on the line.
00:57:09
>> You stay in the line. Don't get
00:57:10
>> we fade out.
00:57:20
>> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:57:22
which you are, be sure to click follow
00:57:24
on your favorite podcast app. Give us a
00:57:26
review, fivestar rating, and maybe even
00:57:29
share an episode that you've loved with
00:57:31
a friend.
00:57:31
>> If you're watching this episode on
00:57:33
YouTube, please subscribe. We're on
00:57:35
video now.
00:57:36
>> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey
00:57:38
and executive produced by Danny Carvey
00:57:40
and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and
00:57:42
Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and
00:57:45
Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior
00:57:48
producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show
00:57:49
is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:57:52
Tech. Booking by Cultivated
00:57:54
Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick
00:57:56
Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
00:58:01
Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly,
00:58:05
Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt
00:58:08
Kourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach out
00:58:10
with us any questions to be asked and
00:58:12
answered on the show. You can email us
00:58:14
at fly onthewallsey.com.
00:58:18
That's audacy.com.
