00:00:00
J Moore Dana was probably more from me
00:00:03
being on SNL, but did you overlap at
00:00:06
all?
00:00:08
>> He was there when I hosted. Oh,
00:00:10
>> but I he wasn't there when I was part of
00:00:11
the cast.
00:00:12
>> J Moore, who did uh he came on when I
00:00:15
was there.
00:00:16
>> He we got to be friends. I still see him
00:00:18
here and there. He has a funny podcast.
00:00:20
Uh talks a lot of old stories and throws
00:00:23
us in impressions. He does good
00:00:25
impressions, which
00:00:27
>> you probably remember. He does he does a
00:00:28
really good walk-in.
00:00:30
>> Um that was the last time I saw him do,
00:00:31
but he has a lot of people
00:00:33
>> and he can really imitate well, but he
00:00:35
is a funny dude. Um we sat down with him
00:00:37
and we had a blast. Uh the guy is funny.
00:00:40
He's always been funny. Uh he had sort
00:00:42
of an really up and down time on SNL
00:00:46
and he tells those stories. It's It's
00:00:48
always interesting, you know, but I
00:00:50
always tell people all everyone who's
00:00:52
ever been on SNL will spend a lot more
00:00:55
time being an e x ex
00:00:58
everybody except for Keenan, but that's
00:01:00
all right. So far,
00:01:01
>> Daryl Hammond, Keenan, they were most of
00:01:03
their life was on SNL.
00:01:06
>> Yeah, good for them.
00:01:07
>> But uh anyway, J Moore, this is
00:01:10
entertaining. Please listen.
00:01:18
When did you come on?
00:01:19
>> 91. 91. I was there till 93.
00:01:23
>> I wait. Do you know who Dana is?
00:01:27
>> Which one?
00:01:27
>> Are you a Church fan or are you more of
00:01:29
a guy?
00:01:30
>> Are you Coffee Machine?
00:01:31
>> You're Dana?
00:01:32
>> No.
00:01:34
>> I had to grow this so we look even
00:01:36
>> I was not on Saturday Night Live with
00:01:37
you. D
00:01:39
>> But we both were there in '92. So
00:01:41
there's a little bit of a problem. Do
00:01:43
you remember
00:01:43
>> when you and I were there? David, was
00:01:45
Dana there also?
00:01:46
>> No.
00:01:46
>> Well, let me ask you a question.
00:01:48
>> Sarah and Norm and David Tell.
00:01:50
>> Did you do it with Sarah and Norm
00:01:52
>> and David Tell?
00:01:53
>> No, that was later.
00:01:54
>> Okay.
00:01:55
>> So, you weren't there in '92? Cuz that's
00:01:56
when I was doing Was Wayne's World
00:01:58
happening all the time?
00:01:59
>> What is this? What's Wayne's World?
00:02:01
>> Okay, let's back up.
00:02:02
>> So, you missed it by
00:02:05
>> much. I used to just by a little bit. a
00:02:07
birdie told me. But I remember being
00:02:09
there once where
00:02:11
>> where Franken and and Chris Farley were
00:02:14
going to fight.
00:02:15
>> Franken and Chris Farley were going to
00:02:17
wrestle
00:02:18
>> and I remember you hanging around and I
00:02:20
remember oh Jay you know like you were
00:02:23
like I could take both of you guys kind
00:02:24
of like you were going to there was a
00:02:25
three. So I don't know if you ever
00:02:28
>> I do remember that now.
00:02:29
>> Yeah.
00:02:29
>> And uh I also remember far okay spa
00:02:33
David and um I still call you David.
00:02:36
David, you call me
00:02:37
>> and Fred Wolf were in the graphics room.
00:02:39
>> I knew Fred Wolf would come up
00:02:40
immediately.
00:02:41
>> He's the best. Fred Fred,
00:02:43
>> you're really funny. You're not so
00:02:44
funny. That's really good. Do that. I
00:02:46
just want to talk to you shooters up
00:02:48
here. Really good. You're really good.
00:02:50
>> I have to tell you a story, but I'm
00:02:51
going to talk to you for one second. I'm
00:02:52
going to talk to you. I have a question.
00:02:53
>> I just remember a waiter coming over
00:02:55
going, "Get the [ __ ] out of here." But
00:02:56
he's in the middle of a punch line and
00:02:57
the waiter would walk up. He goes, "Get
00:02:58
the [ __ ] out of here. Get the [ __ ] out
00:02:59
of here."
00:03:00
>> Cuz they always come on the punch line.
00:03:02
I wasn't as funny as you as that. But I
00:03:04
was pretty good, right? But I wasn't as
00:03:05
funny as you guys.
00:03:06
>> Uh, so Spade and Fred Wolf are in the
00:03:09
graphics room and I walk in to see what
00:03:11
they're doing. Then Farley walks in
00:03:13
>> and then Fred just Fred's like the
00:03:16
master manipulator like, "Hey Chris, you
00:03:18
know Jay wrestled. You wrestled. Jay,
00:03:20
you know, Jay says he could kick your
00:03:22
ass at wrestling." And I'm like, "Yeah,
00:03:23
I'm 23 years old." I'm like,
00:03:25
"Absolutely."
00:03:26
>> And Chris just
00:03:28
>> Chris is just like, "Yeah, all right."
00:03:30
So we square up to wrestle like he's not
00:03:33
even in his in the writer's room where
00:03:35
we
00:03:36
>> No, it was in the graphics room.
00:03:37
>> Oh, okay.
00:03:38
>> Like
00:03:40
in the writers on the way to Lauren's
00:03:41
office. Okay.
00:03:42
>> And uh it was just you and Fred were
00:03:43
just doing private time or something.
00:03:45
>> Graphics. What happened?
00:03:47
>> So I made the mistake of shooting in on
00:03:49
Chris's legs
00:03:50
>> and he just collapsed on top of me and
00:03:53
then I went to my stomach and I brought
00:03:56
my elbows in and Chris for the next six
00:03:59
minutes sat on my back going
00:04:04
Like like and I really
00:04:05
>> get out.
00:04:06
>> No, I thought I really thought my life
00:04:07
was going to end like you know Chris was
00:04:10
trying to say like Chris you're trying
00:04:13
my back and after 6 minutes David saved
00:04:16
me. He goes get the [ __ ] off.
00:04:18
>> Come on Chris.
00:04:21
>> First of all, it was all Fred's fault.
00:04:22
Oh yeah.
00:04:25
>> Okay. Jay is doing miming Chris Farley's
00:04:28
little running thing. this heart attack
00:04:30
thing where he always hits this he goes
00:04:31
>> son of a
00:04:32
>> I have uh are you supposed to have a
00:04:34
tingling feeling in your left arm it's
00:04:36
going numb
00:04:37
>> yeah he let yeah so what about when he
00:04:39
walked you to the elevator wasn't he mad
00:04:42
about that
00:04:42
>> I pinned him yeah so the rematch was it
00:04:45
was it was uh Dana Carvey Dana Carvey it
00:04:48
was the I was reading your name right
00:04:50
there it was uh it was Alec Baldwin I
00:04:52
get you guys confused all the time
00:04:54
>> me and Alec we we know it's just a thing
00:04:56
>> it was Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger
00:04:58
were So, uh, mingling.
00:05:01
>> Yeah. And, um,
00:05:03
>> my my followup to that was like it
00:05:05
really like bugged me cuz I was like, as
00:05:08
>> well,
00:05:08
>> can I ask for a second? How good were
00:05:09
you at wrestling? You're a good
00:05:11
wrestler. I'm much better as an adult
00:05:12
than I was.
00:05:13
>> What was the weight when you took on
00:05:14
Farley? What was your weight?
00:05:16
>> I was probably 160.
00:05:17
>> Okay. So, you lean. Okay. So, talk about
00:05:19
how you pinned him by the elevator.
00:05:21
>> How did you pin a 5'6, 270 lb man?
00:05:24
>> He was sitting on the couch.
00:05:26
>> That's about what I figured he was at
00:05:27
his prime. I'm glad you asked.
00:05:28
>> Yeah,
00:05:29
>> you get him right after he went to
00:05:30
Wall-E and Joseph's and he had shells.
00:05:32
>> Wall-ally and Joseph's taking a nap.
00:05:34
>> That was our go-to restaurant
00:05:36
>> in New York.
00:05:38
>> He was sitting on the couch right inside
00:05:39
the Right. I said, "Right inside the
00:05:41
writer's room."
00:05:42
>> Yes.
00:05:42
>> And I walked in. I said, "Hey." I said I
00:05:45
said something and he like, "Hey, fat
00:05:47
boy. You still want to go?"
00:05:49
>> And he went to get up and the everyone's
00:05:52
sitting at that giant table. Fat boy,
00:05:55
you still want to go? 40 people going,
00:05:57
"Why are you doing this?"
00:05:58
>> I think I was nuts.
00:06:00
>> Yeah.
00:06:00
>> Untreated alcoholism.
00:06:02
>> What are you doing? Untreated.
00:06:04
>> Totally. And he went to get up. His
00:06:06
mistake was it's like never get in a
00:06:08
fight getting out of your car. You're
00:06:09
dead. So he got caught in that limbo
00:06:11
between getting up
00:06:13
>> starting halfway. And then where'd you
00:06:14
go? So I went my right arm around his
00:06:18
head and I just went bodied into him and
00:06:20
then we just were falling forward and
00:06:23
then I clasp my hands under his
00:06:26
>> like back of his knee. So we did like a
00:06:28
somersault into the room
00:06:31
and I put my knee in his side and my
00:06:35
forehead on his temple and I just cuz I
00:06:38
knew if I let him go he'd kill me.
00:06:39
>> Yeah. No way.
00:06:40
>> So it's like you're fighting a bully.
00:06:42
>> You are brave. I don't want to let him
00:06:44
go because he'll beat me up in front of
00:06:46
Alec Paul and more importantly.
00:06:49
>> So I let him go and everyone's staring
00:06:52
at me like what the [ __ ] is this guy
00:06:54
doing? So then I slap Chris's ass. I go
00:06:58
now we're even.
00:06:59
>> And I get up and I'm walking to the
00:07:01
night elevators. I don't know why I turn
00:07:03
left instead of right. And I just hear
00:07:05
this like running of the bulls behind
00:07:08
me. And I turn and it's like the entire
00:07:12
room has emptied out and they're walking
00:07:14
towards me but in front of them Chris is
00:07:17
walking like a zombie like in a
00:07:19
Scooby-Doo like with the big leg and his
00:07:22
eyes are up in his head like and his
00:07:24
palms are out terrifying.
00:07:26
>> So I had that time to get to the
00:07:28
elevator and I'm hitting the button and
00:07:30
I'm hitting the button. The night
00:07:31
elevator opens and it's filled with
00:07:33
people from the rainbow room.
00:07:38
just a wall of black tie and gowns just
00:07:41
tapida and [ __ ] Ben Gay just all
00:07:43
these whole. So I wedge into the
00:07:45
elevator and then Chris is walking
00:07:47
towards the elevator now he's going to
00:07:49
kill me and there's going to be
00:07:50
collateral damage and I go look
00:07:52
everybody that's Chris Farley and the
00:07:53
whole elevator like on an episode of NEW
00:07:55
HART JUST GOES AND HE goes he just
00:07:59
turned around and walked away and the
00:08:01
elevator
00:08:01
>> you got so lucky
00:08:03
>> I got would have [ __ ] murdered me. Oh
00:08:06
my god. Did he get that temper going?
00:08:08
>> The only reason I lived is cuz he's just
00:08:10
he had to get the laugh. Even in that
00:08:13
>> even like instead of running at me and
00:08:15
grabbing me once everybody was mobile,
00:08:17
he was like
00:08:19
>> I remember I told Dana I said I remember
00:08:22
Chris and Jay
00:08:23
>> there was a wrestling situation and then
00:08:25
Jay got the best of him and went into
00:08:28
the elevator. I just went into the
00:08:29
elevator.
00:08:29
>> I made him turn purple.
00:08:30
>> Oh got the best of him almost killed
00:08:32
him. So you had skill,
00:08:34
>> you had a lot of confidence.
00:08:35
>> Well, I watch a lot of UFC, so I you
00:08:37
know,
00:08:37
>> you've seen me on that.
00:08:38
>> Well, I've seen guys that look like you.
00:08:40
I don't know. But but leverage a smaller
00:08:43
person.
00:08:44
>> He just if it was he was the way he was
00:08:46
getting up off the couch was just a
00:08:47
godsend that I got really lucky and he
00:08:50
just took my shots.
00:08:51
>> Well, he was just obviously ready. Man
00:08:54
was he was quick.
00:08:55
>> Oh, he was just like, "Hey, he always
00:08:57
went like punch line first." He's like,
00:08:59
"All right, young ballot."
00:09:00
>> Yeah.
00:09:03
Hey, how are you?
00:09:07
>> Sorry.
00:09:08
>> I remember when David Tell and I were in
00:09:09
the office and Farley walked in at like
00:09:12
1:00 a.m. on a Thursday. It was just
00:09:14
like whoa. And he's like, "What are you
00:09:16
guys doing?" And at the same time, like
00:09:18
creepy twins. We said, "We'll pay you
00:09:19
$100 to [ __ ] out the window."
00:09:21
>> Oh, you you initiated that infamous and
00:09:24
he just went, "Oh, give me the money
00:09:26
first.
00:09:28
>> Give me the money first." And so he did
00:09:31
this more than once.
00:09:32
>> 17th floor.
00:09:33
>> No, that's We had to fill out a police
00:09:34
report because I thought he was a
00:09:35
jumper.
00:09:37
>> So he opens the window. Does he take
00:09:40
down his p I mean And then he puts his
00:09:43
ass out. So
00:09:44
>> yeah. And it was obvious right away he
00:09:46
didn't have to [ __ ] at all
00:09:47
>> cuz he was just he turned like purple
00:09:49
from effort. HE WAS JUST LIKE
00:09:52
>> SO nothing happened.
00:09:54
>> No. Like a one little thing. one hairy
00:09:57
milk dud
00:09:58
>> and hit Lauren Michaels who was back
00:10:00
coming back for more.
00:10:03
>> Excuse me, Paul. Do you have a napkin?
00:10:07
>> She's on you.
00:10:08
>> One of the feature players [ __ ] up.
00:10:10
>> It fell in the window onto my desk.
00:10:13
>> Oh, what? So, you initiate it and you
00:10:17
become the victim.
00:10:18
>> Yeah. And then um he there was nothing
00:10:21
to wipe his ass with. Well,
00:10:24
>> so we wipe I always leave this part of
00:10:26
the story out out of respect, but you
00:10:27
guys know how much how love we we can't
00:10:30
love anyone more.
00:10:31
>> No.
00:10:32
>> So he wiped his hands with his hand.
00:10:37
>> For people listening who don't who think
00:10:38
being on Saturday Night Live is a barrel
00:10:40
of monkeys, you're right. And this isn't
00:10:42
exact because when he how much fun it
00:10:44
is,
00:10:44
>> he would come in my office and go,
00:10:46
>> "Yeah, I have got a greasy trail," which
00:10:50
I figured out later what it was. Then
00:10:51
he'd take a my USA Today and go give me
00:10:54
a piece of that and you know you can do
00:10:56
the rest of that.
00:10:57
>> So after he wiped his ass with his hand
00:10:59
he went back to that mummy walk and he
00:11:01
[ __ ] chased us on the 17th floor with
00:11:05
the [ __ ] on his face.
00:11:06
>> What's the mommy walk and [ __ ] on
00:11:07
>> and I'm running down the hallway past
00:11:10
like research
00:11:11
>> and there's those bookshelves in the
00:11:14
hallway and me and David are running
00:11:16
side by side and I'm like we're not
00:11:18
going to make this side by side. We got
00:11:21
to go single file, but I don't want to
00:11:22
be in in the back. and Dave like I I'm
00:11:26
like two years removed from competitive
00:11:28
wrestling and Dave tell a chain smoking
00:11:30
miserable guy just passes me like he's
00:11:33
on a jet ski
00:11:35
>> and I hit my I hit the bookcase my
00:11:39
shoulder like pops out and I'm just
00:11:41
laying on my back and Chris for like
00:11:43
minutes is standing over me going
00:11:45
>> oh with that didn't you have the
00:11:47
broomstick though or was that a we don't
00:11:49
talk
00:11:49
>> yeah that was
00:11:50
>> we don't talk about
00:11:51
>> oh that's even more okay Yeah. Well, the
00:11:53
writer room, the writer's room was a
00:11:55
very fun uh late night chaotic place and
00:11:59
and we're even Downey, everyone's
00:12:00
looking for any reason not to write.
00:12:07
The first sketch I ever handed Downey, I
00:12:09
didn't know like he slept there. He was
00:12:11
going through some [ __ ]
00:12:12
>> Yeah.
00:12:12
>> And he just wanted us around like in the
00:12:14
loneliest hours between 3:00 and 6:00
00:12:16
a.m.
00:12:17
>> So, remember he'd make us watch like
00:12:19
Juliet high school basketball. Like,
00:12:21
look at this. Look, look at the ball
00:12:22
movement. Oh, you were out by then.
00:12:24
>> He did like to talk about like if I ever
00:12:25
got in that Downy's office, which all we
00:12:28
wanted to do is get Downy's expertise.
00:12:30
And he was burn, you know, he's been
00:12:31
there for 20 years. So, when we get in
00:12:33
there, he goes, "Spade, what is going on
00:12:35
in Arizona?" And then I would go through
00:12:37
all that, but I'm trying to go through
00:12:39
my progression so I can get to my
00:12:40
horrible sketch that he's not going to
00:12:42
like. And uh I would talk and talk and
00:12:44
just talk and we would just talk. And
00:12:46
Schneider, let me in. I'm next. Too much
00:12:50
time. So 2 in the morning you leave and
00:12:52
then Schneider goes in and then but poor
00:12:54
Jim that's what he had to do is just
00:12:56
take okay ideas. One time he did say
00:12:58
something smart. He goes well he always
00:13:00
said something smart but he said
00:13:01
something that I remembered where he
00:13:03
goes there's times when you're going to
00:13:05
give me an idea and I'm just going to
00:13:07
say I don't think you should write it
00:13:09
and I can't really tell you why.
00:13:11
>> I just know it probably won't get on and
00:13:13
I can't even articulate it's just not
00:13:15
right. And I said okay fair enough. And
00:13:17
sometimes I would do it and he goes, "I
00:13:20
don't think that's the one." And I'd be
00:13:21
like, "This is one of the guys that
00:13:23
decides, so why go through the motions
00:13:25
of writing unless it's going to be so
00:13:27
primo he has to overturn his opinion,
00:13:29
but he just goes," and that's hard to
00:13:32
do. It's hard to tell someone not to
00:13:33
write something.
00:13:33
>> The first sketch I ever handed him was
00:13:35
the Christopher Walkin Psychic Friends
00:13:37
Network.
00:13:38
>> That that had to have gotten on, didn't
00:13:39
he get on
00:13:40
>> eventually? And um but I was, you know,
00:13:43
I didn't see him till like 900 a.m.
00:13:45
>> Oh. And I finished it at like midnight.
00:13:48
>> So you stayed the whole night.
00:13:49
>> Slept on the couch and this. And then he
00:13:51
they go, "Oh, you can go." I think it
00:13:53
was Lori Jo, but you can go see him. And
00:13:55
then he's sitting on his [ __ ] little
00:13:57
couch brushing his teeth. It's like a
00:13:59
face of foam.
00:14:00
>> Yeah.
00:14:00
>> And he goes, "Let me see it." And I go,
00:14:02
"Hey." And I hand it to him. And he puts
00:14:04
his palm out like this. And I put the
00:14:05
sketch in his palm and he goes, "Yeah,
00:14:07
it feels a little long."
00:14:09
>> He just weighed it out and then handed
00:14:11
it back to you.
00:14:12
>> He was right though.
00:14:13
>> Oh my god. Feelsavy. It was a heavy
00:14:15
sketch. It was long.
00:14:16
>> I'd get there and sometimes there was a
00:14:18
Franken or maybe was it Rosie
00:14:20
Schustster? They would be like Rosie
00:14:21
Schustster 18 pages and read through.
00:14:24
>> Now, uh, read it. Who is that? Which
00:14:27
one's Franken?
00:14:28
>> Oh, Franken. Okay.
00:14:29
>> I remember I had Franken somehow in like
00:14:33
some sketch that was going to get on. I
00:14:36
think it was like Good Morning Brooklyn
00:14:37
or something. It was going to get on.
00:14:38
Like it was just the vibe was there.
00:14:40
>> And I had Franken and No, Psychic
00:14:43
Friends. It was the walk-in sketch and
00:14:44
and Schneider goes you got to you got to
00:14:46
switch out no you got to switch out
00:14:48
Franken you can't and I go no this is
00:14:51
funny cuz he's like the guy and he goes
00:14:53
no don't put Franken in your sketch and
00:14:55
I go why not he goes follow me and we
00:14:58
walked out of the office around the
00:15:00
corner down the hallway and there's that
00:15:02
you know the framed photos and it's when
00:15:04
they were having the white sale with
00:15:06
slaves with Belushi
00:15:08
>> and I guess and uh Bill Murray and then
00:15:11
the third one is Franken and they're
00:15:13
just standing in there like whatever.
00:15:14
And Franken's like,
00:15:15
>> "Oh, yeah."
00:15:16
>> Like all puffed up chest. He goes,
00:15:17
"That's why."
00:15:19
>> Cuz he's overacting.
00:15:20
>> That's why.
00:15:20
>> Schneider's an old soul.
00:15:22
>> Schneider is Schneider will tell you.
00:15:25
Oh, you're a [ __ ] rookie. What do you
00:15:27
know?
00:15:27
>> You don't know what you're doing.
00:15:28
They're poison water.
00:15:30
>> Well, he can also note you in your own
00:15:32
sketch, you know.
00:15:33
>> No, he's great
00:15:34
>> cuz he was one of the ones that got the
00:15:35
P sketches. So he that was I mean I'm
00:15:37
I'm talking Frank and like he would
00:15:39
>> oh man right
00:15:39
>> he would uh you know if he's in it he's
00:15:42
also a writer and he's also one of the
00:15:43
producers that picks sketches so
00:15:45
>> he has a lot of control of your own
00:15:46
sketch which might that rub you wrong
00:15:49
>> is the game of thrones of SNL partnering
00:15:52
with someone even if you you go into the
00:15:55
room and you go I kind of have an idea
00:15:56
be like your psychic walk and and then
00:15:59
let them start the ball rolling ah
00:16:01
that's great that's great so they get
00:16:03
proprietary so when Lauren is there
00:16:05
anyone
00:16:06
walking psychic. They're involved. They
00:16:09
>> Yeah. See, I didn't know any of that.
00:16:11
>> Oh,
00:16:12
>> yeah. I think when Jay started, I don't
00:16:14
know if I knew you ahead. Did I know you
00:16:15
ahead of time or I just knew you there?
00:16:16
>> No.
00:16:17
>> Okay. So, I think uh we all had trouble
00:16:20
when we got there. Me, everybody. I had
00:16:22
a lot because I couldn't quite this dope
00:16:25
that was better than me. This guy Dana.
00:16:27
So, when I got there,
00:16:27
>> David's always there.
00:16:29
>> When when I got there,
00:16:30
>> he was like my protege.
00:16:31
>> I was the longest feature player. Rob
00:16:34
went first, Sandler went first, Farley,
00:16:36
they all they all went to cast and so I
00:16:39
stayed an extra year in the uh on the
00:16:42
bench kind of and I remember when I
00:16:44
think you came on it was like kind of
00:16:45
tough and maybe I tried to tell you and
00:16:48
at the beginning in my recollection you
00:16:51
were like you know I know it's hard I
00:16:52
know how it is
00:16:54
but the truth was you can't even be
00:16:56
prepared. It's like you know it and you
00:16:58
get there and you go
00:16:59
>> well my sketch was funny what's going on
00:17:01
and then it just that's exactly what
00:17:02
happened to me. How did you
00:17:03
>> you start to go how do you and then
00:17:04
after three weeks that like I gave my
00:17:06
best sketch the first week and it almost
00:17:08
got on and then after that it was a lot
00:17:10
tougher because that was the one I
00:17:12
worked on. I go this this has to work
00:17:14
and then another week comes by another
00:17:16
week and if you're not getting stuff on
00:17:17
you start to lose your mind.
00:17:18
>> Let me ask both of you guys a question.
00:17:20
I mean the first year I kind of
00:17:21
harvested or adapted stuff that I worked
00:17:24
for me in clubs a lot of the time you
00:17:27
know. So, I'm wondering what what were
00:17:29
your killer bits when you got it? And
00:17:31
you too, Jay, like how you got the show.
00:17:33
I mean, your walking is right up there.
00:17:35
>> I'm more of a mimic, so I didn't have
00:17:37
like You have the You're really great,
00:17:40
Dana, at um like your original
00:17:42
characters. And I
00:17:42
>> But I'm just doing an impression of a
00:17:44
person I met kind of. It's a It's a
00:17:46
close, but it's still an original thing.
00:17:48
Like, I'm just mimicking. And I remember
00:17:50
when um Jim Downey said, you know, go to
00:17:53
the guy's uh you know, go around to the
00:17:55
other guy's offices and just do
00:17:57
impressions. Let them know what you And
00:17:58
I was like so offended. Like I'm not
00:18:00
going to be a door to door sales,
00:18:02
>> but that's exactly what I should have
00:18:03
done. If I could have done it over
00:18:04
again, I would have just walked into
00:18:06
your office and been like
00:18:07
>> I wrote a list out of everyone that I
00:18:09
did really
00:18:10
>> and just passed it all around.
00:18:12
>> Yeah. My nar What did you Who were you
00:18:15
doing at that point? This mid come in
00:18:17
with
00:18:18
>> you've been in clubs for a few years.
00:18:20
>> Hacky like Peshyes.
00:18:24
Andrew McCarthy was that heard that one
00:18:28
movie too.
00:18:29
>> We did it. Uh
00:18:31
>> I love her man.
00:18:32
>> Oh yeah,
00:18:33
>> it was we did it with Phil on Sassy when
00:18:36
he had that talk.
00:18:37
>> Sassy.
00:18:38
>> We were just talking about Sassy.
00:18:39
>> Oh yeah, that was Phil Harin.
00:18:41
>> See that's funny. Like if if people if
00:18:43
it's not accurate for me like that's
00:18:45
just funny. I love her so much. You
00:18:46
know,
00:18:46
>> I love her, man.
00:18:47
>> It's just a funny attitude. And then you
00:18:51
just say, "That's Andrew McCarthy."
00:18:52
>> Yeah. And it works because if you have
00:18:53
one move, the eyes, the voice close
00:18:55
enough there, you get your laugh. That's
00:18:57
all you need really in those sketches.
00:18:58
>> And I did our I did a bunch of black car
00:19:01
like Arenio and um Tracy, but he wasn't
00:19:04
famous yet.
00:19:06
>> 1995.
00:19:08
>> Crippled [ __ ] Stay wet.
00:19:10
>> So you crippled [ __ ]
00:19:12
>> Yeah. That's why I GOT THESE WHEELCHAIR
00:19:14
GLOVES. FAMOUS.
00:19:16
>> And this was seeing him in the club. So
00:19:17
he wasn't on SNL.
00:19:18
>> Yeah. I went to go see him at the I went
00:19:20
to go see him at the improv.
00:19:23
>> And I walk in the improv and he's fist
00:19:25
fighting the audience in the hallway
00:19:26
before they redid it.
00:19:28
>> And uh
00:19:29
>> I go to help him. It was like 80 against
00:19:31
one. And he's just like, "Yeah, I MISSED
00:19:33
MY DAUGHTER. Goddamn it."
00:19:35
And then I go to help him in the fight
00:19:37
and he turns to punch me in the face and
00:19:39
his fist stops like right at my face and
00:19:41
he stops and he goes, "I'M NOT GOING TO
00:19:43
[ __ ] WITH YOU, JOROS. YOU LEGENDARY."
00:19:48
>> That was his way of That was his way of
00:19:49
saying, "I almost just punched you in
00:19:51
the face.
00:19:52
>> I put a baby in you, J."
00:19:53
>> Yeah, Jmore got me boy pregnant.
00:19:56
>> I like when Tracy does observational
00:19:58
humor, but it's it's only observational
00:20:01
to Tracy. He's on stage and like Oxnard.
00:20:03
Who else remembers finger [ __ ]
00:20:05
Portuguese girls on their anvil courts?
00:20:09
>> You know what I'm talking
00:20:10
>> You know what I'm talking about. Old
00:20:12
white people with turquoise. They all
00:20:14
have like turquoise jewelry on. They're
00:20:15
all like earthy on his went down to
00:20:19
Austin.
00:20:19
>> You know them Portuguese girls been
00:20:21
giving up the [ __ ]
00:20:23
>> on the handbook cards.
00:20:24
>> Well, Jason, we're not going to have you
00:20:26
back.
00:20:26
>> Oh, okay.
00:20:30
>> God damn. That's so funny.
00:20:33
That's so [ __ ] good.
00:20:35
>> Uh Daryl Hammond tells me tells a story
00:20:38
of
00:20:39
>> Tracy like was Daryl's savior like Daryl
00:20:42
was struggling and Tracy goes we got to
00:20:44
go give respect to the man like this is
00:20:46
the streets Daryl Daryl.
00:20:49
>> So he's got to go like we have to have
00:20:51
like our meeting with Lauren just let
00:20:53
him know we're soldiers.
00:20:55
>> Oh okay. And so they wait and they wait
00:20:57
for like two hours and they finally get
00:21:00
in and Lord's like, "Have a seat, guys.
00:21:02
Hold on a second. Hello, Mick." It's
00:21:04
like MC Jacks.
00:21:07
>> They're sitting in those big [ __ ]
00:21:08
chair waiting. And he's like, "One
00:21:10
second. Hello Mick. How's the tour
00:21:13
going?" And then they start talking and
00:21:15
Dick Cheny's office called
00:21:21
Cheney.
00:21:21
>> They're just getting more emasculated.
00:21:24
So, it's like 8 minutes total. And then
00:21:26
he goes, "All right, thanks." And they
00:21:27
go outside the office and Tracy looks at
00:21:29
Daryl and goes, "There ain't no eye
00:21:31
rolling in that [ __ ] D."
00:21:36
And that meant like, "But like we're in
00:21:39
the big leagues. There ain't no eye
00:21:41
rolling in that motherfucker." D.
00:21:43
>> Yeah.
00:21:44
>> So, did you did you uh partner up with
00:21:48
with Daryl a little bit, Bob? Two
00:21:49
impressionists.
00:21:50
>> We've been doing shows
00:21:52
>> Oh, really? now, right?
00:21:53
>> Yeah. Oh, good. Uh like just a night of
00:21:55
impressions. Like he does 20 minutes, I
00:21:57
do 20 minutes.
00:21:57
>> Do you have any over Q&A? Is this the
00:21:59
two of you?
00:22:00
>> We shut down the Q&A last year cuz it's
00:22:02
like do uh the Q&A is like do
00:22:05
Schwarzenegger.
00:22:06
>> Yeah.
00:22:06
>> It's like I don't do
00:22:07
>> Q&A are tough.
00:22:08
>> Yeah. We like to take all the variables
00:22:10
out and but we have a guy Greg Baldwin
00:22:13
who's like the moderator. He's like the
00:22:15
James Lipton.
00:22:16
>> And then we do, you know, we just go
00:22:18
back and forth, back and forth. We tell
00:22:20
a couple stories and then we'll do like
00:22:22
speed round which is mostly cartoons.
00:22:25
>> That sounds a great that sounds like a
00:22:26
great show.
00:22:27
>> Cartoons. You like cartoons?
00:22:29
>> Yeah.
00:22:29
>> Who's your favorite muppet?
00:22:32
>> Kermit.
00:22:32
>> Yeah. Yeah. I just
00:22:34
>> I Kermit Defrog.
00:22:35
>> No, I like some other ones. Uh Cookie
00:22:37
Moss. Who's a homeless guy?
00:22:38
>> Are you guessing or like who is your
00:22:39
favorite muppet?
00:22:40
>> No, you're guessing. I'm not a muppet
00:22:42
guy. I'd be I'd be
00:22:43
>> shimp.
00:22:44
>> I'm not a muppet guy.
00:22:45
>> Beaker.
00:22:46
>> Beaker's tight.
00:22:47
>> See? and his boss, uh, Professor
00:22:50
>> Professor Honey, Dude,
00:22:51
>> a bald guy.
00:22:52
>> Yeah, he had no eyes, but he had
00:22:53
glasses.
00:22:55
>> Muppets are killing it.
00:22:57
>> I'm a Muppet guy.
00:22:58
>> I'm I'm old school. I like Bert.
00:23:00
>> Oh, yeah. Bert and Ernie. What was the
00:23:01
story with them?
00:23:03
>> Everybody.
00:23:04
>> Yeah. One came out, right?
00:23:06
>> Bert. Everybody thinks Bert's an
00:23:08
[ __ ] but Ernie just wore him down
00:23:10
until he snapped.
00:23:12
>> Berts just runs a tight ship.
00:23:13
>> Yeah.
00:23:14
>> And Ernie military guy. Ernie was a navy
00:23:15
guy.
00:23:16
>> Yeah. Her name was kind of a fuckound
00:23:18
>> for a total Navy guy. Make the bed nice
00:23:20
and early.
00:23:21
>> They have to be a little opposite to
00:23:23
make it work. I think
00:23:23
>> so. Going back to Dana's question.
00:23:25
>> Yes. Yeah.
00:23:26
>> I didn't really bring anything other
00:23:27
than impressions in uh with me. But then
00:23:31
I kept my impressions like a secret and
00:23:35
then I had resentments that nobody was
00:23:37
writing. Dumb thing ever.
00:23:38
>> Yeah. Which is again untreated
00:23:40
>> because I mean you did all these movies
00:23:42
and I see you like I got a question for
00:23:44
you. I'm jumping around. I'm sorry. I
00:23:46
was
00:23:46
>> talking to
00:23:48
>> my co-host was asking you something.
00:23:49
>> I was just saying you're more than an
00:23:50
impressionist in your career. You know,
00:23:52
sports commentator. You're
00:23:53
>> That's not what I was going to say.
00:23:54
>> Well, that's the thing with impressions,
00:23:55
too. When people go, "How come you don't
00:23:57
do impressions when you're on stage?"
00:23:59
It's It's not to me. It's not standup.
00:24:01
It's a whole different toolbox.
00:24:03
>> Yeah.
00:24:04
>> I feel like I'm kind of cheating. Like,
00:24:06
this isn't standup. I'm just doing these
00:24:07
[ __ ] voices.
00:24:08
>> Well, I used to be I would get teased a
00:24:09
lot in San Francisco like Bobby Slate.
00:24:11
Yeah. Yeah. Do a funny voice. Do a funny
00:24:12
voice. You know, that's all you do. And
00:24:14
then I walked into the holy cities this
00:24:16
little club one night and he's doing one
00:24:18
of the Bowery Boys. That's like his big
00:24:20
closing.
00:24:20
>> The Bowery Boys.
00:24:21
>> Yeah, the Bowery Boys. Sorry. Going
00:24:23
back.
00:24:24
>> Um,
00:24:26
>> hang on.
00:24:26
>> Yeah, it seems like it's a big advantage
00:24:28
just to have impressions to go to, maybe
00:24:30
not depend on, but to go to on that show
00:24:32
>> only if people know that you have them.
00:24:35
>> Didn't you just go around office go,
00:24:37
"Hey, how about this? You guys
00:24:40
>> they literally never found out. You got
00:24:42
this secret." Well, they found out like,
00:24:43
you know, it would be like whatever
00:24:45
movie was playing,
00:24:47
>> right?
00:24:47
>> I would start quoting the movie cuz I
00:24:49
just talk in movie quotes all the time
00:24:51
anyway. So, that's how I got Kaitel on.
00:24:54
And um
00:24:55
>> Keitel,
00:24:56
>> look, I understand he's super [ __ ]
00:24:58
pissed.
00:25:00
Uh
00:25:02
Joe
00:25:02
>> Harvey Kitel,
00:25:03
>> I don't know what you think you know,
00:25:04
but you're wrong. He's a good kid.
00:25:08
>> Kaitel, I never hear anyone do. Well,
00:25:10
nice thing you paid attention to the
00:25:11
broadcast.
00:25:13
>> We did it. You were in the sketch.
00:25:14
>> No, I know.
00:25:16
>> We did.
00:25:18
>> Wow. SNL secrets.
00:25:19
>> Well, when was it?
00:25:20
>> Where do you guys hide the cameras?
00:25:22
>> We're not filming this stupid thing.
00:25:23
That's why
00:25:24
>> we couldn't afford what you're doing cuz
00:25:26
we're stupid. No, my eye is [ __ ] up. I
00:25:29
I was going to tell you when you came
00:25:30
in.
00:25:31
>> Um
00:25:32
>> I don't know. I just I woke up. My eye
00:25:33
was red on the side. So, it looks like
00:25:35
[ __ ]
00:25:36
>> But I think it's
00:25:37
>> Did you not threatening? Did you have
00:25:39
characters when you came in or
00:25:40
>> you know we we did the thing where you
00:25:43
like what you guys were saying about
00:25:44
your standup. Mine was just stories and
00:25:46
and stand up and punch lines and just
00:25:47
talking. So I really wasn't loaded to go
00:25:50
in there to go I think it's a good idea
00:25:52
to go into the offices and say hey guys
00:25:54
I can do this or hey if you ever need
00:25:56
some but they you have to I'm wondering
00:25:59
why does no one write for me but no one
00:26:00
even knows who I am and they don't give
00:26:02
a [ __ ] And they've got
00:26:04
>> 10 guys that are great right there to
00:26:05
pick from. So you almost have to go sell
00:26:08
yourself, which is what we both didn't
00:26:09
do. And I didn't have as much to offer.
00:26:12
Like I was just like sort of sarcastic.
00:26:15
That might have been what they picked up
00:26:16
just around the office or talking at the
00:26:18
readrough table or at uh rewrites. But
00:26:20
you had some things that were useful
00:26:22
like impressions and attitudes. So I
00:26:25
guess it would have been good for you to
00:26:26
go to the Smiggle, go to Conan, go to
00:26:29
those guys, whoever was still around.
00:26:31
Jack Andy probably wouldn't have written
00:26:32
that much for either of us because he
00:26:34
was writing his own stuff that was
00:26:36
almost didn't need people.
00:26:38
>> Well, you want to have a reason to do
00:26:40
the impression that's kind of organic.
00:26:42
>> Those guys make a good
00:26:45
>> cavalcade of you know.
00:26:46
>> It was funny like the things that don't
00:26:48
get on like when you're just swinging
00:26:50
for the fences cuz you've had no
00:26:51
sketches on for so long. I remember me
00:26:53
and Steve Lner had Christopher Walkin as
00:26:55
a waiter at Fridays and that was the
00:26:57
whole sketch.
00:26:57
>> Oh, it is that you
00:26:58
>> like you should have a dessert. It's
00:27:00
Mount Fudgeopoulos.
00:27:04
And we would laugh. We would laugh like
00:27:07
this. [ __ ] hilarious. It goes to the
00:27:08
table and it just takes a dump. Really?
00:27:12
>> That's such a funny
00:27:13
>> It was funny, but it's just like what's
00:27:15
what's the sketch? The sketch is like,
00:27:17
"Hey, I work here." Right.
00:27:24
>> I remember Andy Robin had a sketch. He
00:27:26
he wound up going on Seinfeld as a
00:27:28
writer, but when he was on a snow, he
00:27:29
had a sketch where people walk by each
00:27:31
other in an office and they go, "How you
00:27:33
doing?" He goes, "Uh, this week or so."
00:27:34
They they kept missing what they were
00:27:36
saying and that they'd say the wrong
00:27:38
answer. You know what I mean? Like he
00:27:39
misheard him or something or something
00:27:41
dumb. But it was just walkbys the whole
00:27:43
sketch, I think. And then he submitted
00:27:45
it probably five times. And that that is
00:27:46
the hardest thing to do is if you're not
00:27:48
getting on and the second time you put a
00:27:50
sketch in, I've done it. It's got a
00:27:52
stink on it. No matter why it didn't get
00:27:54
on the first time, even if the host it
00:27:56
got cut after dress or it killed, but
00:27:58
then it bumped with something, the
00:28:00
second time just isn't as good and it's
00:28:03
just harder and harder to get something
00:28:04
on. Did you re resubmit things? You were
00:28:06
saying you did
00:28:08
>> Friends Network cuz it got it got Why
00:28:11
did it get cut?
00:28:12
>> How did it get cut?
00:28:13
>> The first it was first week with Charles
00:28:16
Barkley and Nirvana when I did Barkley
00:28:19
versus Barney.
00:28:20
>> Oh, that's great. as the cold open which
00:28:22
was just I panicked. I was like Barkley
00:28:24
but like I didn't know what the [ __ ] I
00:28:25
was doing and then I had to write it
00:28:27
>> and then um
00:28:28
>> and you were Barney the dinosaur or
00:28:29
something.
00:28:30
>> No, no, it was just cuz there was
00:28:31
commercials of Charles Barkley playing
00:28:33
basketball against Godzilla for night at
00:28:35
the time.
00:28:37
>> So I was like
00:28:39
I was like oh this is great. Okay, I I'm
00:28:42
in.
00:28:42
>> And then uh we shot it at Hunter
00:28:44
College. It's like the next mo at like
00:28:47
8:00 a.m. Thursday morning. And then
00:28:49
when I get there, like Al Franken's just
00:28:52
got like video village and he's like,
00:28:54
"All right." He's got a shot list.
00:28:57
>> Which in hindsight, thank God, cuz what
00:28:59
am I? I was like, "You guys play
00:29:00
basketball. You beat up the guy in the
00:29:01
Barney suit." They had a stunt man in a
00:29:03
Barney suit.
00:29:04
>> Yeah.
00:29:04
>> And uh I was It was like It's a very
00:29:08
unfair tugofwar guy that's been there
00:29:10
eight days. Al Franken, the guy that's
00:29:13
going to be a senator. And um
00:29:16
>> and the new guy. Yeah. Yeah. And the big
00:29:17
argument was he would he's he didn't
00:29:20
>> At one point I had Barkley kneing just
00:29:23
basketball's out the window and he just
00:29:25
knees Barney in the nuts and uh Franken
00:29:28
goes no we're not doing that. He go you
00:29:30
can't have Barney kneing you can't have
00:29:32
Charles Barkley knee and Barney in the
00:29:34
nuts.
00:29:35
>> You can't.
00:29:35
>> And that was like my only like thing
00:29:37
where I dug in and I was like this has
00:29:39
to be and we wound up doing it but it
00:29:41
was it was really bizarre.
00:29:42
>> Was it in it?
00:29:43
>> Yeah.
00:29:43
>> Yeah. Got a lot more. Yeah. So, the
00:29:45
Psychic Friends Network, it was uh
00:29:47
Nirvana and uh Barkley. No, sorry. It
00:29:51
was the second week with the Shannon
00:29:52
Doority.
00:29:53
>> Yeah.
00:29:53
>> O and Cypress Hill.
00:29:55
>> What do you mean? O
00:29:56
>> well, I'll tell you. So, I had uh so the
00:30:00
the the conceit of the sketch is
00:30:02
Christopher Walkkins, the last guy you
00:30:04
want getting inside your head and
00:30:06
helping you with psychic issues. It's
00:30:07
like, you know, I can help you with
00:30:09
romance. I could be in your garage
00:30:11
waiting for you when you get home.
00:30:14
saturity and so
00:30:16
>> that's a really good tone you have.
00:30:17
>> And then we had other like David was um
00:30:20
>> Chris you were Chris Glover
00:30:22
>> like hey I want to help you. There's all
00:30:26
these celebrities that you don't want,
00:30:28
you know, and then we got away to a
00:30:30
phone and the phone doesn't ring cuz
00:30:31
everybody's freaked out and and he keeps
00:30:33
going, "Why aren't you calling?"
00:30:35
>> And I had Shannon Doerty as Shawn Young
00:30:37
in the catsuit cuz the story at the time
00:30:39
was that she showed up to Warner
00:30:40
Brothers dressed as Catwoman cuz she
00:30:42
wanted to party and she freaked
00:30:43
everybody out. And then Shannon Doerty
00:30:46
like on Friday says, "I'm not
00:30:48
comfortable making fun of Shawn Young
00:30:50
>> and was like
00:30:52
this Pac-Man noise." Exactly. That's
00:30:54
what I was saying. A a sketch loses
00:30:57
momentum for that and now you have to
00:30:58
resubmit it.
00:30:59
>> Oh, I was [ __ ] heated.
00:31:01
>> And then so I was well not on that show.
00:31:03
I thought my life was over. And then it
00:31:05
was week three, Errol Smith and Jeff
00:31:07
Goldblum. And uh I was in the writer
00:31:11
room just just sulking, just being a
00:31:14
[ __ ] baby. And Lauren comes in and
00:31:15
goes, "How's uh
00:31:17
>> how's the Christopher Walkan sketch
00:31:19
coming?" And I said, "I'm not going to
00:31:20
do it this week." And he goes, "I think
00:31:22
you have guilt and momentum on your
00:31:24
side."
00:31:25
>> Ooh.
00:31:26
>> And I was like,
00:31:28
>> [ __ ] have a computer. I was
00:31:30
>> Oh, yeah.
00:31:31
>> I was writing on yellow legal pad
00:31:33
looking where I didn't know where to
00:31:34
hand it in. Like, I don't know where to
00:31:35
hand in sketch.
00:31:36
>> Yeah. Claire Claire went home at [ __ ]
00:31:38
10:00. It's 3:00 a.m.
00:31:40
>> And she trying to hand it to somebody.
00:31:42
>> All the guys are hitting a button on
00:31:44
their computer and the sketch goes to
00:31:45
the magic sketch place. Um, I didn't.
00:31:48
>> No, it sucked because you go in there,
00:31:49
you first of all, you write on legal
00:31:50
pad. I go home at 3:00 in the morning,
00:31:52
finish writing it, I have to take a cab
00:31:54
back from the upper west side to hand it
00:31:55
in to Claire and the madmen girls that
00:31:57
are typing it.
00:31:58
>> And then I go back home and then I come
00:32:00
back for read through. So, it wasn't
00:32:02
like attachment send. There was no
00:32:05
laptop. So, it was [ __ ] horrible.
00:32:08
>> Remember that's how it was for you,
00:32:09
right?
00:32:09
>> Yeah. And I didn't know I knew nothing
00:32:11
about writing a sketch. I didn't know if
00:32:14
you're in the sketch. I don't know if I
00:32:15
write David or do I write Crisen.
00:32:18
>> Yeah.
00:32:19
>> Like I just basic low the lowest common
00:32:23
denominator. That's a good question. I'm
00:32:24
not sure I know at this point.
00:32:27
>> And back then did we put
00:32:31
>> um
00:32:32
>> I just [ __ ]
00:32:33
>> Did we put names of us? No, you put the
00:32:36
name of the character.
00:32:37
>> No, you put character.
00:32:38
>> Yeah.
00:32:39
>> Yeah. I remember, you know, I saw
00:32:40
yesterday Ian Maxton.
00:32:42
>> Remember when
00:32:43
>> Remember when
00:32:45
Norm knocked him out cold?
00:32:47
>> Oh,
00:32:48
>> you remember that?
00:32:48
>> I think he scored.
00:32:49
>> I don't ever see Norm being whatever
00:32:52
you're about to say.
00:32:52
>> Dave was Why not?
00:32:54
>> I don't know.
00:32:55
>> Norm violent. I never saw I was always I
00:32:58
don't want to say I was violent.
00:32:59
>> He squirted it with water by chance, you
00:33:01
know.
00:33:02
>> But uh
00:33:02
>> it was a cigarette thing. So Norm would
00:33:04
smoke after the no smoking. Like this is
00:33:06
people don't understand like it used to
00:33:08
be like you could smoke in buildings. It
00:33:09
was like whatever.
00:33:10
>> And then all of a sudden it was like by
00:33:12
the way like you're not allowed to smoke
00:33:13
in buildings anymore. So there was a
00:33:14
grace period of people like oh that's
00:33:16
right. I forgot or they didn't care. So
00:33:18
Norm was on the same where Farley got
00:33:20
>> where I tackled Farley. He was on that
00:33:22
couch smoking and Ian Max Graham all six
00:33:25
10 of them walks in with his little
00:33:27
[ __ ] yogurt. You always had like
00:33:28
>> Excuse me.
00:33:29
>> You mean you mean gay?
00:33:31
>> Uh a festive yogurt.
00:33:33
>> Happy. That was the name of it. Was
00:33:34
happy gay yogurt. And um
00:33:37
>> and he walked in with his yogurt and
00:33:38
oats and uh Norm smoking and he had a
00:33:42
glass a plastic cup of water and he just
00:33:44
looked at Norm and he threw the water on
00:33:46
Norm and Norm just stood up one punch
00:33:49
out.
00:33:51
>> Norm was deceptively a big guy. You
00:33:53
don't really think of it. I mean, he was
00:33:55
sort of a bean pole in a way in the '9s.
00:33:57
Thicker,
00:33:58
>> big.
00:33:59
>> Do you remember when you guys did the uh
00:34:01
the Crystal Meth Sketch? Like you were
00:34:03
like Tony Robbins, the weight loss guy.
00:34:05
I It was I think it was you and Fred and
00:34:07
it was Ride the Snake.
00:34:08
>> Oh, yeah. Ride the Snake.
00:34:10
>> You know, they show uh basically you get
00:34:11
people hooked on meth to lose weight
00:34:14
>> and and uh on those commercials where
00:34:16
they'll show like an outline of a fat
00:34:18
body and it says like after 6 weeks and
00:34:20
it goes in a little bit. This one was
00:34:21
like six hours and it was like a
00:34:22
skeleton.
00:34:23
>> Yeah. And so he's getting so they have
00:34:25
this thing of Farley at a drive-through
00:34:27
window, a pre-f filmed piece, and he's
00:34:29
like, "Let me have 14 cheeseburgers, 14
00:34:31
apple pies, 22 French fries, and three
00:34:34
chocolate milkshakes." And the guy in
00:34:36
the box goes, "Will that be all?" And he
00:34:39
goes, "No, I'll also have." So we argued
00:34:43
for two hours over what the back end of
00:34:45
that order should be. Like he should
00:34:47
just repeat the exact same order or
00:34:48
like, "No, make that diet coke." Or,
00:34:51
"No, give me three apple pies." And for
00:34:53
two hours, you know, it just goes around
00:34:55
and around and Norm was in the corner
00:34:58
>> of the room like we it was I think it
00:35:00
was 3:30 in the morning at this point.
00:35:01
Norm goes, "Hey, you know, you guys have
00:35:03
Chris at that drivethru window, you
00:35:06
know, go and give me all these burgers,
00:35:07
you know." And uh the guy in the box
00:35:10
goes, "Hey, will that be all?" And how
00:35:12
about Chris says, "Yes,
00:35:17
>> it's a great norm."
00:35:20
>> That's an incredible norm. When they
00:35:21
filmed it, Chris had like this look of
00:35:24
incredible pride.
00:35:27
The guy goes, "Will that be all?" I
00:35:28
remember his arms. He goes,
00:35:31
>> "Yes."
00:35:33
>> He was already working for him. Like, he
00:35:35
had different habits at this point in
00:35:37
his crystal meth.
00:35:38
>> I mean, I think
00:35:41
Norm with one syllable, we were just a
00:35:43
pack of dogs hunting in the wrong
00:35:45
direction. And Norm's like, "Hey, yes."
00:35:47
>> Simplified it.
00:35:49
>> Yeah. We would go back and forth over
00:35:51
many jokes like that. Like how do you
00:35:52
get out of a sketch?
00:35:54
>> And you if you're the writer of the
00:35:55
sketch or if it's your sketch, you do
00:35:57
get to pick like you get a Downey
00:35:59
throwing a joke in a smile, a Frank and
00:36:01
it's great and you get to add you like
00:36:03
when Rob did Copy Machine and everyone's
00:36:06
like sting stinging, you know, everyone
00:36:09
throw in any thing and he you get the
00:36:11
benefit of a room. Every sketch does,
00:36:13
not just Rob's everyone. That's fun.
00:36:16
down here. I remember once was like week
00:36:17
three and he goes, "You know, I got um I
00:36:20
want to talk to you about comedy writing
00:36:21
at some point." And I was like, "Oh,
00:36:23
yeah."
00:36:23
>> About what? Comedy writing.
00:36:24
>> Comedy writing. I was like, "Great."
00:36:26
>> And so I was like, "Hey, you got time?"
00:36:27
And he's like, "No, not today. It'll be
00:36:29
like down the line. Me and you are going
00:36:30
to sit down. I want to talk to you about
00:36:31
comedy writing." So it's my like week, I
00:36:35
don't know, 17.
00:36:36
>> Yeah.
00:36:37
>> And he goes, "Jay, what are you doing?"
00:36:39
Like he goes, "When when are we going to
00:36:41
have that talk about comedy right?" And
00:36:43
I was like, "I'm ready." And he goes,
00:36:44
"Come on in."
00:36:45
I go in his office and he goes, "You
00:36:47
know what the three funniest words in
00:36:49
comedy are?" I go, "No." He goes,
00:36:50
"Full-blown aids."
00:36:52
>> Fullblown AIDS.
00:36:54
>> And I go, "Yeah." He goes, "Yeah." All
00:36:56
right.
00:36:57
>> Thanks for coming by.
00:36:58
>> And that was it.
00:36:59
>> He set me up for four months. Set you
00:37:01
up.
00:37:01
>> Four months. And he says,
00:37:02
>> "When are we going to have that talk?"
00:37:04
>> Full-blown.
00:37:05
>> We saw Downey this week.
00:37:06
>> Really?
00:37:07
>> And I haven't seen
00:37:07
>> I had dinner with him last night.
00:37:08
>> Yeah. He talked about the Indian British
00:37:12
war uh in 1740 for like an hour.
00:37:15
Unbelievable.
00:37:17
This just in Oh, yeah. It's so fun to
00:37:19
listen to him talk about American
00:37:20
history. He'll go into a college library
00:37:23
for hours in Yale or something. He's
00:37:25
just
00:37:26
>> I love when he turn up on sketches or
00:37:27
like when Smiggle would turn up on a
00:37:29
sketch. I always feel like
00:37:31
>> somebody from the other side c cracked
00:37:33
through.
00:37:33
>> He cracked through. It's hard being a
00:37:36
feature player. I think Odenkirk and
00:37:37
Conan were feature players and they
00:37:39
never got a fair shake to be in
00:37:41
especially when I was there. It was
00:37:42
>> the only time I saw Conan on camera was
00:37:43
that get handsome sketch when Mike Myers
00:37:45
was doing Get Handsome Handsome or
00:37:47
whatever.
00:37:48
>> One of the guys in the audience like I
00:37:49
got handsome.
00:37:50
>> Oh yeah, that was probably for a Alec
00:37:53
Baldwin type host too.
00:37:54
>> How about the amount of rewrites when
00:37:56
they're not needed? Like Mike Myers
00:37:58
would just hand in these perfect
00:37:59
sketches and you just sit in a room for
00:38:01
eight hours and guys would just dissect
00:38:03
his sketch.
00:38:05
Bro, it's it's just it's why are we
00:38:07
doing it?
00:38:07
>> It's perfect.
00:38:08
>> If people at home don't know that the
00:38:10
rewrite rewrite table, what it start at
00:38:12
1 on Thursday after read through read
00:38:14
through Wednesday.
00:38:15
>> I mean, ideally
00:38:16
>> it starts around 1
00:38:18
>> roughly and it goes till about 4 a.m. So
00:38:20
you're there. That's a long haul. And uh
00:38:23
every sketch gets about two hours or
00:38:25
something. It's just gets my
00:38:26
>> What was the name of the restaurant you
00:38:27
mentioned? You
00:38:28
>> Wally and Joseph.
00:38:28
>> I remember I went there. I felt like a a
00:38:30
big shot when you were like, "Come on,
00:38:32
we're going."
00:38:32
>> Oh, yeah. It's fun. Wally and Josephs
00:38:34
and I but I always felt because you came
00:38:36
in with like Timmy and like you said
00:38:38
like Adam and Rob and so you guys were
00:38:40
kind of a group and then when I came in
00:38:42
anytime I was with you guys I felt like
00:38:43
a freshman hanging out with seniors.
00:38:46
>> You're in the conversation but you're
00:38:47
not really
00:38:48
>> but you weren't part of like the next
00:38:50
group. You were sort of a tweener kind
00:38:51
of right.
00:38:52
>> Yeah, totally. It was me, Sarah,
00:38:55
Norm, and all the Harvard guys like
00:38:58
Steve Lner, Lou Morton, Dave Mandel,
00:39:01
>> and then uh David Tells
00:39:04
>> There's so many Ivy League writers on
00:39:06
SNL.
00:39:07
>> I know.
00:39:07
>> I know. Where'd you go to Did you go to
00:39:09
college?
00:39:09
>> You know, no one's ever asked me that in
00:39:11
my life.
00:39:11
>> Really?
00:39:13
>> And ever. That's the first I used to
00:39:15
joke about it. Nobody's ever asked me
00:39:17
where'd you go to college. It's just
00:39:18
implied.
00:39:19
>> Only because they're Harvard, guys. This
00:39:21
is this is New Jersey public school
00:39:23
>> state, baby. 95 bucks a semester.
00:39:26
>> Yeah.
00:39:26
>> Oh, it's just a joke
00:39:29
student cuz there's no curriculum for
00:39:30
standup comedy,
00:39:31
>> right?
00:39:32
>> And so it's just like what is this?
00:39:34
We're adding letters. Like what the [ __ ]
00:39:35
are we talking about?
00:39:37
>> Yeah. Then you go but like
00:39:39
>> she just got in the clubs right out of
00:39:41
high school then.
00:39:41
>> Yeah. I started at 16. Same as you.
00:39:44
>> 16? I didn't start at 16.
00:39:45
>> Oh, what did I say?
00:39:47
>> You didn't let me finish.
00:39:48
>> You said 20.
00:39:49
>> I said 60.
00:39:50
>> Said 20.
00:39:50
>> Yeah. Hey, you didn't let me finish.
00:39:51
>> I have another question for you.
00:39:53
>> Ready?
00:39:55
>> By the way, when you look up research on
00:39:57
you, it says what Jay's favorite songs
00:39:59
are.
00:40:00
>> Really?
00:40:00
>> Why?
00:40:01
>> I think that was a Don Imus question.
00:40:02
You got to give him your top five.
00:40:04
>> All right. Here, cuz it's out in the
00:40:05
ether. What's the difference between
00:40:07
what you could talk about your first
00:40:08
marriage versus your recent marriage?
00:40:11
>> I mean, being a mature
00:40:13
later in life, being a mature adult
00:40:15
being getting married as opposed to
00:40:17
being young. Lauren said
00:40:20
>> something wise.
00:40:21
>> Every man should have three marriages.
00:40:24
>> One in his 20s and 30s, one in his 40s,
00:40:27
and the third in his 50s when he knows
00:40:29
what he really wants.
00:40:31
>> And that's exactly how it went with me.
00:40:34
>> Oh, three.
00:40:36
>> Three.
00:40:36
>> Okay.
00:40:37
>> And Jeanie's the first
00:40:39
>> I'm not going to say marriage cuz I
00:40:41
don't want to put anybody on blast, but
00:40:43
like the first woman I've ever been with
00:40:44
that just wasn't like depressed.
00:40:46
>> So, it's like interesting.
00:40:49
and like her own like, "Oh, I'm going to
00:40:50
go look at I'm going to go." What' you
00:40:51
say?
00:40:52
>> I said, "There's some blast."
00:40:54
>> No, but you're younger. I think that the
00:40:58
one I knew was an actress seemed like a
00:41:00
great girl and that I think everyone
00:41:02
just changes in life. So, you change,
00:41:05
maybe she changes, maybe it's a great
00:41:07
run and then it it just turns into
00:41:09
something else where it doesn't work
00:41:10
out.
00:41:11
>> I was never the first one I just was
00:41:12
never like in love. It
00:41:14
>> just sort of that's how it goes. That's
00:41:16
the progression of a relationship.
00:41:17
somebody, you know, when you're dating
00:41:19
somebody and you're young and they go,
00:41:20
"Why don't why don't we go steady?" And
00:41:21
you're like, "You know, cuz I'm from the
00:41:23
50s." Yeah.
00:41:24
>> When are you going to wear my sweater,
00:41:25
my pin?
00:41:26
>> When are you going to do this? When are
00:41:27
we going to live together? And you're
00:41:28
like, "All right, [ __ ] you know,
00:41:29
we'll live together." Turn into Colin
00:41:31
Quinn. All right, we'll live together.
00:41:33
>> Yeah, let's not, you know, cohabitate
00:41:35
too long.
00:41:36
>> I digress.
00:41:37
>> And that is a great callin to call these
00:41:40
out. He just did a brilliant call.
00:41:42
>> When are we going to get engaged? When
00:41:43
are when are you going to get married?
00:41:44
And the proposal was like, "There's your
00:41:47
ring. Are you happy? Like that's
00:41:48
actually how it went. So that's not a
00:41:50
good
00:41:50
>> So that how long did that last?
00:41:52
>> Six years.
00:41:53
>> But I was on the show and she was in LA.
00:41:55
So I was
00:41:56
>> Let me insert this. Did you ever hear
00:41:58
Lauren say this? Um there's something
00:42:00
about a man in his 40s and a woman in
00:42:02
her 20s. They're both at the peak of
00:42:04
their power.
00:42:06
>> Did he say that?
00:42:06
>> It's almost Dr. Evil.
00:42:07
>> That was almost Jimmy Stewart.
00:42:09
>> Yeah. They're both at the peak of their
00:42:10
power.
00:42:13
>> And the other quote, have you heard this
00:42:14
one? I said it on the podcast. Lauren
00:42:16
again, marriage is a prison that
00:42:18
everyone's trying to escape into.
00:42:21
>> You know who said that? Chris Jenner.
00:42:23
>> Anyway,
00:42:26
so the second marriage,
00:42:28
>> but I don't even know what you said cuz
00:42:29
I was I'm embarrassed how I was all
00:42:31
fired up. I had Colin holsters.
00:42:33
>> Well, I wanted to call out that you're
00:42:35
just he's Jay is throwing in these
00:42:37
subtle impressions. So, give us a little
00:42:38
quote. I'll give you
00:42:40
>> What was the quote, though?
00:42:40
>> Oh, yeah. Marriage. Marriage is a prison
00:42:43
that everyone's trying to escape into. H
00:42:46
well I don't I don't feel that way this
00:42:48
time because I'm you gota understand.
00:42:50
Okay. All right. Let's break it down.
00:42:52
>> I've been as of today I've been sober
00:42:55
two years and 6 months.
00:42:56
>> Oh that's it.
00:42:57
>> So I met Jeanie after my divorce where
00:43:00
that a divorce is the biggest
00:43:05
hole in your soul because you get
00:43:07
married because you're certain it's an
00:43:09
impossibility that you're going to get
00:43:10
divor. That's why you get married like
00:43:12
oh this is it. This is great. And then
00:43:14
when that starts when the panels kind of
00:43:16
start coming off the space shuttle, it's
00:43:19
it gets it you get nuts.
00:43:21
>> Christy McAlliff said the same thing.
00:43:23
>> And it it feels to me like a marriage
00:43:25
the one thing a marriage can't can't
00:43:27
survive is contempt.
00:43:30
>> Yeah.
00:43:30
>> Either from either side.
00:43:33
>> And you were not if you were if you were
00:43:35
drink or whatever.
00:43:36
>> Well, what was your drug of choice? Were
00:43:38
you alcohol?
00:43:38
>> This time it was aderall. I went I went
00:43:41
down. Oh, it helped me focus on getting
00:43:44
>> I think more people do that. So then you
00:43:46
started taking it just to feel okay
00:43:48
after the divorce. It was like well [ __ ]
00:43:49
like I want to I just wanted to like
00:43:51
feel something. I' I've always been a
00:43:53
drug addict and an alcoholic. It wasn't
00:43:54
like this one event made me this thing.
00:43:57
Like I was an alcoholic and drug addict
00:43:59
when I was born and long before I ever
00:44:01
picked up a drink. I I've always needed
00:44:03
more than anybody else in every
00:44:05
capacity.
00:44:06
>> And yeah, it's just a genetic brain.
00:44:07
Everybody else has this like plan for
00:44:09
living that I'm not aware of and I'm I
00:44:10
always felt like on the outside looking
00:44:12
in.
00:44:12
>> Like if you and I were kids
00:44:14
>> and uh I was at your house and we were
00:44:16
on your couch watching TV, I would spend
00:44:18
that entire time trying to convince you
00:44:20
that we were having a good time on your
00:44:21
couch watching TV.
00:44:22
>> Like I was just needy. Desperation's got
00:44:25
a very distinct scent and I stunk.
00:44:27
>> Well, yeah. That's Well, we all are
00:44:30
having a fist fight in our head either a
00:44:32
lot or a little. Yeah. You know. So I I
00:44:34
quit drinking 1998 and then I used drugs
00:44:38
alcoholically. I'm a big pill guy. I
00:44:40
love pills. So it was like Viking and
00:44:42
Norcco and then when I stopped that a
00:44:43
couple times and then Adderall is the
00:44:45
one that brought down the beast and um
00:44:48
>> so that the divorce didn't make me use I
00:44:51
chose to go back to using drugs. Like I
00:44:53
felt like I was I like having a secret
00:44:54
like I'm getting away with something
00:44:56
like Yeah.
00:44:56
>> So this is right when the pandemic was
00:44:58
starting kind of
00:44:59
>> before in the middle of the pandemic was
00:45:00
fantastic. Oh, I was just snorting
00:45:02
aderall and I was paddle boarding and
00:45:04
fishing for my paddle board. I was just
00:45:05
insane. I lived in Malibu on the water
00:45:08
and I would just snort rails of
00:45:10
>> Did it make you lose a tremendous amount
00:45:11
of weight?
00:45:11
>> Oh, yeah. I went into treatment at like
00:45:13
160.
00:45:14
>> I just was all I'll show you my before.
00:45:16
>> You know, aderal is big. I was having
00:45:17
lunch with people about only like a year
00:45:19
ago and a guy goes, "I wish I had my
00:45:21
aderal with me. I don't have one." And
00:45:23
the waitress came out. He goes, "Do you
00:45:24
have an Adder?" She goes, "Yeah,
00:45:25
>> yeah, it's
00:45:26
>> And I was like, does everyone have?"
00:45:27
Like, yeah, I know people just take a a
00:45:29
decent amount to and then write or do a
00:45:32
project.
00:45:33
>> Yeah.
00:45:33
>> But but then add addiction is a whole
00:45:35
another
00:45:35
>> Well, it's hard to keep it in check, I'm
00:45:36
sure.
00:45:37
>> So, I met Jeanie at the very beginning
00:45:40
where it was like manage. It's fun fun
00:45:42
with problems then it's problems. So,
00:45:44
she met me at the fun and then it was
00:45:45
fun with problems. She was I had a radio
00:45:47
show and I interviewed her over the
00:45:49
phone
00:45:50
>> and I imagined that there was like a
00:45:52
vibe there over the phone. I like, "All
00:45:54
right, joining us now is Genie Bus on
00:45:56
the on the hotline." And then I went to
00:45:59
the Twitter DM. I asked her to do my
00:46:01
podcast and then I had left my house. I
00:46:05
was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel
00:46:07
and when I went to the elevators to go
00:46:10
get her. When she walked out of the
00:46:11
elevator, it was just
00:46:13
>> I was done. Like it was slow motion. It
00:46:15
was it was actually for me it was love.
00:46:17
>> You talk to her on the phone or over in
00:46:19
the radio and then you see her in
00:46:20
person. So the vibe is so strong, just
00:46:23
instant.
00:46:24
>> I mean, I think it was one-sided, like,
00:46:25
you know, she was she I don't think she
00:46:27
had love at first sight, but I like I
00:46:29
remember it was slow motion. I remember
00:46:30
like there was a green elevator door and
00:46:32
that palm tree carpet. I was like, whoa.
00:46:34
And I just wanted to be with her all the
00:46:36
time.
00:46:38
>> And then
00:46:38
>> cool, she's a happy person is kind of
00:46:40
what you allude to. Like a that's that's
00:46:43
very
00:46:43
>> Well, I'm a happy person, too. Like
00:46:45
that's
00:46:45
>> But you were coming right off the
00:46:47
addiction at that point.
00:46:48
>> Yeah. And it was like this person like I
00:46:50
I I don't know. It was just like I it
00:46:52
was a puzzle piece that had been missing
00:46:54
>> from my big jigsaw puzzle my whole life
00:46:57
I felt. And um then my drug addiction
00:47:00
got really bad and she was at my
00:47:02
intervention
00:47:03
>> which was at my an intervention being
00:47:05
the worst surprise party you'll ever go
00:47:07
to. You walk in like everybody you love
00:47:10
is there and you're like hey oh no
00:47:13
>> and I thought she did the intervention.
00:47:15
So, you know when you angry pack, you
00:47:17
either never take your eyes off, you
00:47:19
either don't look at them at all.
00:47:21
>> Yeah.
00:47:21
>> Or you never take your eyes off them.
00:47:23
>> Angry packing.
00:47:24
>> Yeah. So, I was like I was just angry
00:47:26
packing for rehab and I never took my
00:47:28
eyes off a genie and then I got to rehab
00:47:30
and all I had was socks.
00:47:34
>> Yeah.
00:47:35
>> And then, you know, so she stuck with
00:47:37
me.
00:47:37
>> She stuck with you. That's a big deal.
00:47:38
>> The like I was a mess. Like I was a
00:47:41
mess. There's If the world was fair,
00:47:43
like we definitely wouldn't be together.
00:47:44
I I would have lost that that prize. And
00:47:48
we got married last week. It's 8 days
00:47:50
today. We've been married.
00:47:51
>> Any SNL people?
00:47:53
>> No.
00:47:54
>> They're gross.
00:47:55
>> There's only 20 people.
00:47:57
>> Yeah. I guess the odds are all
00:47:58
>> David, I need you to pick the energy up
00:48:00
a little bit.
00:48:02
>> This J
00:48:04
NPR over here.
00:48:06
>> No, you're talking about something nice.
00:48:07
I'm trying to shut the [ __ ] up for a
00:48:09
second. It's hard. It's very hard.
00:48:15
So now this marriage is like none other
00:48:18
like the not nothing against the first
00:48:20
two wives.
00:48:21
>> No, I think it's like it's also like you
00:48:23
know it's your last.
00:48:24
>> Yeah.
00:48:25
>> It's like I'm 53.
00:48:26
>> Mhm. And it's um when you've when you've
00:48:31
been so
00:48:33
humbled and demoralized
00:48:36
and you've come completely undone
00:48:40
and then you've brick by brick and stone
00:48:42
by stone built yourself back up into a
00:48:44
human being that you've been meant to be
00:48:46
the whole time and that person's waiting
00:48:49
for you at the end of that journey.
00:48:50
>> Mhm.
00:48:51
>> I mean that's who else would you want to
00:48:53
spend the rest of your life? What what's
00:48:55
your coping mechanisms when you feel bad
00:48:57
if it's not at all or whatever?
00:48:59
>> I'm a weird guy. Like I don't really
00:49:00
>> Do you meditate? Do you take a
00:49:01
>> Yeah, every day? I don't really feel bad
00:49:03
though. I'm one of those weird I'm wired
00:49:04
weird like I'm
00:49:05
>> for an addict. Usually it's
00:49:07
>> a comic even like I just wake up kind of
00:49:09
fired up.
00:49:10
>> I always known you to be upbeat.
00:49:12
>> Yeah, I'm a happy dude. Yeah, like I've
00:49:13
always been that way. I don't know. It's
00:49:14
just sometimes it's just the way your
00:49:16
hard drive is installed.
00:49:17
>> I think so. It feels like it's a
00:49:18
thermostat that you get at first. Even
00:49:20
if I was on the color cover of Rolling
00:49:22
Stone or something, I felt I was always
00:49:24
in this certain range
00:49:26
>> on a 1 to 10, maybe maybe six or a
00:49:28
seven. Not happy golucky, but it stayed
00:49:31
kind of consistent.
00:49:33
>> It's Yeah. And in in addiction, it goes
00:49:35
the other way where it's just becomes
00:49:38
this mania
00:49:39
>> like also
00:49:40
>> when I was in my addiction, I was
00:49:42
diagnosed manic depressive. I was
00:49:44
diagnosed bipolar. And then I work a
00:49:46
program and I go through 12 steps for a
00:49:48
program that might be anonymous. And
00:49:51
then
00:49:52
that became I now I have like this
00:49:55
monotheism for all of my problems. Like
00:49:58
every single problem in my life, it can
00:50:01
be remedied by the program. So they're
00:50:07
not no one suggesting medication or
00:50:09
anything for
00:50:10
>> No, I actually got off that was the end
00:50:11
of the story that I forgot to put in is
00:50:13
I at about a year and a half sober. I
00:50:15
got off all my medication and it was
00:50:18
just it was a direct result of my drug
00:50:20
addiction cuz you it's like the old
00:50:22
equalizers on a car stereo where you get
00:50:24
them just right and when you snort
00:50:26
aderall you just b you just blast them
00:50:28
all up to 10 across treble bass fader
00:50:31
this and then when you come off them
00:50:33
boom they come crashing back down and
00:50:34
then you just keep jamming them back and
00:50:36
forth back and forth and it's just not
00:50:38
an accurate it's just not an accurate
00:50:40
gauge of how you're actually feeling cuz
00:50:42
you're either in mania or you're just
00:50:44
completely panicked cuz you're going to
00:50:45
run out of drugs.
00:50:46
>> Damn.
00:50:47
>> So, Saturday Night Live is an
00:50:49
emotionally violent uh place for anyone
00:50:52
with mental health stuff or
00:50:54
>> Yeah. But I was I'm
00:50:56
one of the best things I learned in
00:50:58
recovery was that I'm I am the reason
00:51:00
for all of my suffering, which thrilled
00:51:03
me because if I'm the reason for my
00:51:05
suffering, then I always have a
00:51:07
solution. I can change how I'm looking
00:51:09
at something or I can go be of service
00:51:11
and help somebody else. And then just
00:51:13
because if I'm pissed off, it's it's
00:51:15
really just a perverse
00:51:17
>> selfishness because if I'm pissed off,
00:51:18
I'm only thinking about me.
00:51:20
>> So, as an alcohol, an active alcoholic
00:51:22
on Saturday Night Live, it's you know,
00:51:24
woe is me. Poor me, poor me, pour me a
00:51:26
drink. So, it's like I didn't get my I
00:51:29
didn't get my sketch on like, oh, this
00:51:31
[ __ ] bl
00:51:32
>> and that's if I if I could do it again,
00:51:35
if I to be I guess it's like the classic
00:51:38
SNL lament. Oh, if I could be 53 in that
00:51:42
23 year old body and just be like,
00:51:45
>> "Okay,
00:51:46
>> I can deal with it."
00:51:46
>> I get to watch Nirvana rehearse. All
00:51:48
right.
00:51:48
>> I know. You didn't even think of how
00:51:50
great we had like see Nirvana in the
00:51:52
cafeteria eating.
00:51:53
>> I never felt like they owed me anything.
00:51:55
Or even in standup. I remember I would
00:51:57
talk to young comedians like they get
00:51:59
all into the drama. Yeah. I was friends
00:52:02
>> into the drama of standup. I'm getting
00:52:04
[ __ ] man. I should be middling by
00:52:06
now. They put that guy getting all wound
00:52:08
up in that.
00:52:09
>> But I think guys like you and me had a
00:52:11
lot of success quickly.
00:52:14
>> Like it was sort of Yeah. Don't you
00:52:16
think so? Like you're I'm like
00:52:18
>> I had a lot of stage fright. Well, there
00:52:21
were no comedy clubs when I started.
00:52:22
Literally, I open the key to enjoying
00:52:24
the benefits of the program.
00:52:26
>> Yeah.
00:52:27
>> That'll set you back.
00:52:28
>> Yeah. Just opening for bands and getting
00:52:31
annihilated stuff. Normal stuff. But
00:52:33
once I got into a club, a real club, not
00:52:35
a not a honky tonk bar like the other
00:52:37
cafe and the hate, I started to progress
00:52:40
just because of the environment.
00:52:41
>> Yeah. Well, your talent though, it's you
00:52:43
you can't it's you can't deny it. I
00:52:46
think it's Would you say that you rose
00:52:49
quickly once you got into the right
00:52:51
environment of clubs? I would say that
00:52:53
as quickly as I can that I never was
00:52:56
able to wrap my mind around like I'm one
00:52:59
of those guys like I'm going to be on TV
00:53:02
like like Jerry Lewis or Jackie Lisa or
00:53:04
something. And so I was I did a lot of
00:53:07
shitty television.
00:53:08
>> Yeah.
00:53:09
>> Because I had no they offered me Blue
00:53:11
Thunder and I was in a helicopter James
00:53:13
Fentino who was coked out and drinking
00:53:15
straight vodka. Fantastic
00:53:16
>> by the way. And u
00:53:18
>> what else do you do in
00:53:20
>> So it it it In retrospect, it seems like
00:53:24
>> I had I played Morango Casino and they
00:53:28
>> they sent a helicopter for me.
00:53:30
>> [ __ ] yeah.
00:53:30
>> And my pilot was Lorenzo Llamas.
00:53:32
>> Shut the fudge up actor.
00:53:34
>> Yeah. At at Vanise airport. They're
00:53:36
like, "This is your pilot. We call him
00:53:38
Lorenzo Llamas." And I was like, "H
00:53:40
yeah, he looks like him." And then we're
00:53:41
like somewhere over like Ontario and
00:53:43
it's I look at him, it says Llamas on
00:53:45
his headset
00:53:45
>> to make to grind it into you.
00:53:47
>> Yeah. I was like
00:53:48
>> to make sure you ask him.
00:53:50
>> Yeah. only on my side.
00:53:53
>> I was only on my side.
00:53:54
>> Switch it
00:53:57
>> and I wanted to ask him like, "Are you
00:53:59
Lorenzo Llamas?" But I didn't want to be
00:54:01
that obvious. So I was like, "Hm." So I
00:54:02
was like, "How much money do you think
00:54:05
you've left on the table doing this?"
00:54:06
That was pretty smooth to ask him that,
00:54:08
right?
00:54:08
>> Is that what you said?
00:54:09
>> Instead of saying like, "Are you" and he
00:54:11
goes, "Oh, of 95% of it." I'm like,
00:54:13
"Okay, that's Lorenzo Llamas."
00:54:15
>> Yeah. He's a helicopter pilot.
00:54:19
He just digs it. And then he stayed I
00:54:21
said, "Come to the show." And he's like,
00:54:22
"I'm not supposed to." I'm like, "Come
00:54:24
on." So he stayed he stayed for the show
00:54:26
and then we flew home and somewhere over
00:54:29
like the desert he goes, "Do you mind if
00:54:30
we stop for gas?"
00:54:32
>> A helicopter.
00:54:33
>> Who says no to that
00:54:35
>> in the helicop?
00:54:40
>> What do you want? E.
00:54:41
>> Before Jay goes, I have to tell him one
00:54:43
more thing. was I
00:54:46
I auditioned for Jerry Magcguire.
00:54:48
>> You did?
00:54:49
>> Yeah. For your part.
00:54:51
>> Really?
00:54:51
>> Yeah. Bob Sugar.
00:54:52
>> Interesting.
00:54:53
>> So, who got it?
00:54:54
>> Anyway, um No, I remember
00:54:57
>> you had it when I when we were
00:54:58
auditioning.
00:54:59
>> Is that Cameron Crow?
00:55:00
>> Yes. There was already an offer to Owen
00:55:03
Wilson because
00:55:04
>> they had done Jim Brooks and Owen Wilson
00:55:06
had already done Bottle Rocket together.
00:55:08
So by the time that I don't know about
00:55:10
you, but but hey, when I do
00:55:13
this part,
00:55:14
>> when I do Wilson, it sounds like
00:55:16
Jennifer Coolage.
00:55:18
>> I mean, I I I try to do it,
00:55:21
>> but my mouth gets too tight. And I like
00:55:23
I say, we take it up, but
00:55:25
>> I do him telling a toddler, you can't
00:55:27
have any more candy.
00:55:28
>> Please let me
00:55:29
>> I don't think you should have any more
00:55:31
candy.
00:55:33
>> I'm just doing Melissa. I love that guy.
00:55:35
>> I do a Haunted Mansion. And I'm like,
00:55:37
"Oh, he was on the screen." I'm like,
00:55:38
>> "Owen Wilson,
00:55:39
>> I love this guy."
00:55:40
>> Woody Harrelson, Matthew McConna. Yeah.
00:55:42
>> Three Texas eccentrics. Put them in some
00:55:46
movie. Hollywood.
00:55:47
>> I love those guys.
00:55:48
>> Here's my Colin Quinn. When I said his
00:55:50
friend just moved in with his
00:55:51
girlfriend, I go,
00:55:53
>> "Does he did he like moving in with his
00:55:55
girlfriend?" He goes, "What do you
00:55:56
think?"
00:55:56
>> What do you think?
00:55:59
>> Anyway,
00:56:00
>> I got before we leave, I don't know.
00:56:01
This is a quick podcast. I got to tell
00:56:03
you two spade stories that are
00:56:05
fantastic.
00:56:05
>> Oh, I love it. We're uh I was doing I
00:56:08
went back to see the show and I was
00:56:10
filming Picture Perfect with Jennifer
00:56:12
Anderson and I see Davey in the hallway
00:56:15
and he goes, "How do you like working
00:56:17
with Jenny?"
00:56:18
>> And I go, "I'm such a dick." I go, "I
00:56:21
don't know. She smokes cigarettes." And
00:56:23
he goes, "Let her down easy.
00:56:26
Is that the most David joke ever?"
00:56:28
>> That is exactly how it went.
00:56:30
>> Let her down easy. And he did that David
00:56:32
thing when he goes
00:56:34
>> and then uh we we were at a strip club
00:56:38
>> and um the dancer I'm being generous the
00:56:42
dancer the artist
00:56:44
>> you know like when male bodybuilders
00:56:46
they can flex their pecs.
00:56:47
>> Arnold used to do that. Yeah.
00:56:49
>> So this girl would do it and so she's
00:56:52
dancing for David and she's going like
00:56:54
doing the bodybuilder boob flex and it's
00:56:56
like and like two songs go by and she
00:56:59
circles back around and she does it
00:57:02
again and David goes seen it.
00:57:07
>> She just she was like like she going to
00:57:11
be she just got humiliated like that.
00:57:15
>> You were like seen it
00:57:16
>> seen it. That's very David. Yes. God, it
00:57:20
reminds me. We went over We got a
00:57:22
picture with Oh, what? Who cares? Uh,
00:57:24
okay. Thank you, Jay. We We You have the
00:57:26
best [ __ ] stories. This is great.
00:57:28
Thank you for coming on, buddy.
00:57:29
>> Amazing.
00:57:30
>> This is great. It's easy, right? Easy.
00:57:31
>> Like, you could do it on Zoom. I'm like,
00:57:33
"Oh, I want to hang out."
00:57:34
>> No, it's fun to come in here. We like
00:57:35
when people come in.
00:57:36
>> We We do a lot of Zooms. Trust me.
00:57:38
>> A lot of Zooms.
00:57:39
>> A lot of Zooms. But we uh
00:57:41
>> Carcenio.
00:57:42
>> Oh, yeah.
00:57:42
>> Um, yeah. I I understand that a uh a
00:57:45
crib is uh your house and your a bed. I
00:57:49
know. I can't
00:57:52
long fingers.
00:57:52
>> Got to love a [ __ ] wig.
00:57:56
>> Cario.
00:57:58
>> I Yeah, I'll show you something when
00:58:00
we're done here.
00:58:01
>> Oh, yeah.
00:58:01
>> Because it's it's it's Farley and and
00:58:04
Hartman on on a Carson episode.
00:58:07
>> Was it Were they Dom Deloise and uh
00:58:09
>> Domo Reynolds
00:58:11
>> where they flip out? Did you ever see
00:58:12
that? Yes. So [ __ ] funny.
00:58:15
>> Do you remember when Far on the Scared
00:58:16
Straight motivational speaker, we we
00:58:19
made an arrangement like when Farley
00:58:20
falls through the wall of the prison, we
00:58:23
were all going to run out. We're then we
00:58:24
all run out.
00:58:26
>> We're all going to fall on top of Chris
00:58:28
>> as a joke.
00:58:29
>> So he can't come back in and say live
00:58:30
from New York.
00:58:31
>> Oh, that's funny.
00:58:32
>> So Chris goes through the wall. Me, you,
00:58:34
Sandler, Schneider, and Timmy fall on
00:58:37
top of Chris and he just lifts us up
00:58:39
like leave bags.
00:58:41
like he didn't the peak
00:58:45
>> not even one second was was it didn't
00:58:48
just from New York
00:58:51
>> and he had he had the line where him and
00:58:54
Martin Lawrence are selling us back and
00:58:55
forth for cigarettes cuz that's the
00:58:57
prison thing and Harley was supposed to
00:59:00
go sold seven [ __ ] to the homie in
00:59:03
the cornrows and it said so you're the
00:59:05
camera he goes sold seven [ __ ] to the
00:59:08
corny in the homie Rose oops
00:59:12
He just looks
00:59:13
>> looks in the camera.
00:59:17
>> Oh, I love you, Chris.
00:59:18
>> All right.
00:59:19
>> All right. Thanks, boys.
00:59:25
>> Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast,
00:59:27
which you are, be sure to click follow
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00:59:31
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00:59:37
episode on YouTube, please subscribe.
00:59:39
We're on video now.
00:59:41
>> Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey,
00:59:43
an executive produced by Dana Carvey and
00:59:45
David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg
00:59:47
Holtzman, Mattie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah
00:59:50
Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior
00:59:52
producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show
00:59:54
is produced and edited by Phil Sweet
00:59:57
Tech. Booking by Cultivated
00:59:59
Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick
01:00:01
Fogerty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa
01:00:06
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01:00:10
Colin Gainner, Shan Cherry, Kurt
01:00:12
Courtourtney, and Lauren Vieiraa. Reach
01:00:15
out with us any questions to be asked
01:00:17
and answered on the show. You can email
01:00:19
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01:00:22
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